weirdcatperson1

[weirdcatperson1]

Why did you include neopronouns in your linguistic course? If you did, I hope you specified that neopronouns are neologisms (at least in English) and that pronouns are a pretty closed class category of words in English.

i really hope you didn't intend this to seem as condescending as it turned out <3

[weirdcatperson1]

I got too excited while playing chess and told my opponent that I was going to slit his throat and slaughter him like a hog. something to work on for next time

[weirdcatperson1]

[weirdcatperson1]

i’m gay but i’m always gonna choose the well developed straight ship over the 2 bland and incompatible white dudes that have 500,000 fanfics written about them. you guys just hate women.

[weirdcatperson1]

Jay has had enough of the pacifistic garbage

[weirdcatperson1]

Caves are weirder and more varied than you think

[weirdcatperson1]

We have Bruce doing Good Dad™ things but what about Neutral Dad™ things

Mowing the lawn while drinking a cup of coffee

Standing outside and staring at an oncoming storm

Sneezes that get louder with each kid he adopts

"Hold this light while I fix this"

"Do NOT touch the thermostat"

Falling asleep on the recliner while watching a show that he'll pretend to hate when the kids ask about it

Matching cargo shorts, socks, and sandals with Clark every time they're in Smallville

[weirdcatperson1]

“dick grayson is the favorite child”

let’s be real here, the eldest child is never the favorite. they’re just the one saddled with the most responsibility.

[weirdcatperson1]

This thread is hysterical.

[weirdcatperson1]

CREATURE????

[weirdcatperson1]

whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision

[weirdcatperson1]

Worms discover the fresh food section 

#❤️

[weirdcatperson1]

[weirdcatperson1]

petition to bring back saying "huzzah!" when something goes your way and "alas." when it doesn't

[weirdcatperson1]

I will be 70 years old and I still will never have gotten over the time the Mythbusters used a rocket powered steel wall to - and I use this word as literally as possible - vaporize an entire car into red mist

[weirdcatperson1]

Imagine showing up to work one day and people are like "jesus fucking christ there's a corpse in here", herd you to the back room and everyone who sees you also agrees that there is now a dead body where you are sitting, with the appropriate amount of shock and disgust about it. You figure it's some kind of a prank that they're pulling, but also the people that you know aren't into pranks, or aren't very good actors, are treating you like a corpse. They go weirdly back and forth between talking about you as if you're not there, and politely asking you to stay still while they figure out who you're supposed to call in case of a dead body randomly appearing.

Paramedics show up, study you thoroughly and agree that while they can't see any apparent sign of death, you are, indeed, dead, and ask you to climb aboard the ambulance. You're taken to the temporary corpse storage that hospitals have.

On the way there you ask them whether this kind of shit happens often, and while they won't look at you, the paramedics agree that they've never had a talking corpse before, though they won't question the fact that you're moving on your own.

You're eventually led to a morgue, where you're shown a slab to lay on, and at this point you don't really even question it, you just climb onto the Corpse Shelf and lay down, maybe have a little nap, with no idea what's going to happen next.

Then you wake up to someone walking into the morgue, who has the shit scared out of them when you move, and they're like "dude what the fuck, you're not supposed to be here, this place is for storing dead bodies" and when you're like "aw man sorry I thought I was a dead body" they have no idea whether you're joking and they don't care, you're just chased out of there.

And you just kinda go home and take a shower, show up to work normally the next day and nobody questions it.

And basically that's probably how those ants feel when scientists spray them with the Pheromone That Dead Ants Smell Like, and just hang out at the dead-ant-pile until the smell wears off.

[weirdcatperson1]