xxlelaxx

[xxlelaxx]

Anxiety makes enjoying good things so hard

#ignore me #my life has been too good lately and I'm starring to go insane from everything working #i hate myself so much #I've been trying ao be more social and be a good mom and be someone that my daughter can look up to and my husband can love #but it always ends up with me hating myself so fucking much #I've been eating too many sweets which already is setting a bad example qhen it comes to a healthy diet and my media consumption has been #worse lately and my anxiety is now making me unabke to sleep and I've stopped going on daily walks cause the pain is back #it was so nice not having it around for a while and it is makibg everything so much harder #the sleep makes me more irritable and i feel like all i do is fail my baby #my husbans said he doesnt feel loved by me anymore and I've been trying so hard to manage household baby and everything else but its not #enough i always feel like I'm never enough #I've been a horrible friend like always so i guess that is a constant thing in my life #as if that isnt the worst when my mental health gets worse i start getting flashbacks to remind me of everything that went wrong with me #and that just fuels my anxiety around my daughter living through everything i did as a child and i just cant do this #i just wish i could sleeo again #i think all of this is sleep deprivation but i don't know how to do everything without losing sleep or something #i just wanna rest and sleep for more then four hours without veing woken up #god what i would give for eight hours of continuous sleep #but my husbands shifts are so shit that i cant do that to him... also now that I'm at home he's the only one working and I'm terrified of #loosing him so i dont want him to be at work without sleeping well cause it could actually kill him #worst of all I'm just too stupid to ask for help or bother anyone with my stupid problems #and every time I'm away from her she just screams and i just can't take her screams anyo #anymore #i just want to pee and ahit and eat in peace

[xxlelaxx]

#get boxed

[xxlelaxx]

taylor swift’s work wouldn’t be nearly as insufferable if she wasn’t constantly trying to present herself as some sort of tortured underdog. like, okay, she has endured hardships, and a lot of people, especially white men, are shitty towards her for purely misogynistic reasons. that sucks, i agree. but she’s never been an underdog before. she was born to well-off parents who did everything they could to start her music career when she was barely even a teenager, an opportunity that lots of people would kill for. now she’s extremely famous and wealthy, and everything she releases is destined to sell millions of copies and receive glowing reviews in nearly every publication. she is not an underdog, and i have trouble believing she’s particularly “tortured.” she’s not even an alcoholic, despite claiming to be one on the opening track of her new album! people like to defend her lyrics by saying she’s just playing a character, which i don’t believe for a second, but even if she was, i don’t think i want to listen to someone like swift play the character of a tortured underdog, not when there’s so many musicians out there who are actually tortured underdogs. it comes across as hollow. “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me,” sung by one of the wealthiest, most famous, most critically acclaimed musicians in the world, who was born to loving parents who personally helped her start her career, who once said she’d never been to therapy because she “just feels very sane.” if you’re going to play a character, maybe pick one who we’re not supposed to pity.

#honestly if she would stick to a character for a while i would enjoy it more or use it to bring awareness #but she doesn't #i also really get all the complaints about the new album #its okay to be basic just stop trying to be special cause in this album it just seems pretentious

[xxlelaxx]

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

[xxlelaxx]

[xxlelaxx]

already can't pretend to care about the male loneliness epidemic because it isn't real but listening to the way men actually talk about their friends/what they think friendship entails makes me care even less sorry

#my brother told me how he took his ex girlfriend home (who was terrible to him) just because she was scared and drunk and none of her #male friends would... including his best friend who dumped him for staying in touch with her #but he still went out of his way to get her home at night because he knew the situation was unsafe #like this is how guys were thaught to treat others and they ostracize the ones who aren't like that #my brother has better friends now (thank god) but I'll never forget about this ever cause it taught me that the men outside the people i #know are fucking insane #they wouldnt even take her to the train station or stay on the phone with her???? #men are a 100% at fault for their loneliness cause they refuse to behave in basic friendship ways just cause that wouldn't be manly #there is a reason my husband keeps getting insulted by other men but (queer) women flock to him and keep befriending him #they don't do the most basic things and expect others to do them for them #i genuinely dont get how they do not make the connection between not investing time into others and being lonely #and this isn't just with friends. like they dont even care about their romantic partner either. my husband had someone straight up telling #him to stop doing housework and use tricks to just make me do everything cause I'm staying at home with the child #the amount of men i know who whine about how they are not allowed to be dads to their children but then just straight up don't put in any #effort is terrifying. they do not care about any relationship they have in their life #i cannot imagine living that way #my sisters current boyfriend is also a culture shock. he will tell her she's overreacting over stuff others would've broken up over #they have no self awareness at all and their empathy is only used when they want something #they will rather gaslight someone than be a bit uncomfortable for two seconds because of respecting the other person

[xxlelaxx]

*open mouth kissing little Caesar with my hand up his toga*

[xxlelaxx]

i'm afraid the character limit in the former bird app is destroying my potential

[xxlelaxx]

the cast of derry girls deserves euphoria actors type of fame

[xxlelaxx]

#memes that will die soon cause of global warming :( #it was so cold today

[xxlelaxx]

happy thursday everyone

[xxlelaxx]

O povo é quem mais ordena ❤️ Feliz 25 de abril! Viva a liberdade!

[xxlelaxx]

why should i care about taylor swift when the killer remains at large

[xxlelaxx]

[xxlelaxx]

#arms #just big arms #have you watched a msn work and their arms move??? that shit does it for me #love the ones where you don't see the strength immediately the most

[xxlelaxx]

oh hey btw, apparently tumblr mobile now has an option to report ads for having flashing lights, if you click the three dots in the top right corner it should show up. not sure how long thats been there but i dont remember it being there at least a few months back, i would venture to guess it came with the recent update but shrug. fucking ridiculous that they cant just not put flashing ads in our faces in the first place, but at least this is an option.

people who dont have issues with flashing lights are allowed and encouraged to reblog

[xxlelaxx]

You can still criticize Watcher and all three of the guys without being absolute freaks about Steven Lim. Btw