youhearstatic

[youhearstatic]

a few more prompts

This crime is going almost too well?

Can you play with my hair? 

Of all the people to body swap with. Of all the days. 

This is no time for cute cat pictures and heart emojis!!!

And ANOTHER THING. Zombies-

Hey. Honestly? [deep breath] [SCREAMS]

Nothing like yard sale drama and intrigue! 

I did not see your text. Actually I can't read. It's very sad. Sudden onset adult illiteracy is very real-

Do not put it in your mouth! 

I know I got in trouble for buying them a very cool toy last time, but hear me out. 

Bite me. You gotta.

I am not eating this raw, actually. Nope.

How long did it take you to make that for me? NO I am not crying 

You drive me insane. Obviously I would go to hell for you 

What does this button do? I gotta know

Sword fighting is even more charged than I expected and I was not prepared 

I know you grew up in a wet cardboard box all alone but I cannot believe you have not experienced this. I think we have to, right now,  immediately 

We both showed up alone to the couples cake decorating class, so obviously-

Oops! Run

It hurts, but it rules

After a bad day, what we really need is some chocolate and violence.

Meow? Are you kidding me? 

Oh don't even get me STARTED on monsters- 

Pick your battles. As in let go of some of them please I swear you cannot fight it all

You know that object from the thrift store we thought was haunted? Haha so guess what,

Good chances we all die. Counterpoint, everyone who lives gets ice cream with sprinkles, so gear up!

I think I pretty explicitly said not to get it on the carpet.

So your mic wasn't off,

Please dress up with me? Please please please?

It isn't my blood. Don't get it twisted 

Can we kiss behind the mini golf windmill one more time? 

Magic is real, it just looks fake. 

Quick! Propose to me! Also, what's your name? 

We have to get you a new super costume.

You're enchanting. You're resplendent. You're a little bit on fire,

I gotta be honest. I have no idea what's going on and I think I waited too long to say so. Sorry?

Why do they have cat ears? They're supposed to be DEAD

I have normal feelings about this. And regular opinions. And I'm vibrating a reasonable amount.

Help, help, I'm not supposed to be in this universe!! 

I will help you ruin your hair, obviously, but you have to tell me what's going on. 

You wore that to the funeral?? 

Baking is science. Wizardry is science. You know what isn't science? 

Tired, angry, and covered in spaghetti sauce, and here I am at your door. But I can explain?

Bear. Seriously 

gonna destroy you and end your legacy forever xoxo <3

Nothing could possibly make me laugh right now. Don't you dare start doing silly voices at me. 

You know what this giant fancy crystal is good for? Blunt force head trauma 

I know it's super dangerous but when your eyes glow like that I can't focus on the battle at all…

Life finds a way?

Fighting? No, no, we're having a great time arguing about this. 

[youhearstatic]

Tres Horny Boys

#taz balance #merle highchurch #taako #magnus burnsides #tres horny boys #that's a particularly fun taako!

[youhearstatic]

Welcome to the family! Here’s your new uniform, family dinners are on Thursdays, they’re always a disaster, BYO ibuprofen.

anyway now the squad matches. uou

Commissions | Ko-Fi | Twitter

[youhearstatic]

blupjeans round 3

#blupjeans #taz balance

[youhearstatic]

barry is that person who loves hunting for sequence breaks and rng manips, and lup is the one who actually executes on them in speedruns. i would have lead off this post with a line like "blupjeans modern gamer AU" but honestly, i wholeheartedly believe they'd introduce speedrunning into faerun in canon

#actually wrote an AU where barry was a streamer who did speed runs among other things #(lup was - i think! - an english doctorate student living in the uk) #(it was a sort of blending of o henry's the gift of the magi with the movie cameron diaz and kate winslet movie the holiday) #but yes i agree with this #all parts

[youhearstatic]

phantasmal and resplendent

TAZ has made me cry 2 times: the end of Petals to the Metal, and this moment

#taz balance #lup #my favorite lups #this is my phone lock screen #and has been for six or so years! #phantasmal and resplendent #my favorite taz arts

[youhearstatic]

“And when the light fades the column and the shadowy beings who climbed out of it are gone, and hovering where it once stood is Lup, phantasmal and resplendent. Her outstretched palms still coated in flame, and as this lich turns towards you Taako, you hear your sister’s voice say “You’re dating the grim reaper?”

[youhearstatic]

ID[ A glowing, spectral elven woman floats in front of a man who gazes up at her. The woman has tan skin and dark wavy hair, and wears a red glowing robe. The tips of her hands and ears glow orange and bright white, as it she’s not fully corporeal. She gazes lovingly down at the man, her spectral form wrapping around him, and cradles his head in her hands. The man is chubby with pale skin and dark, messy hair. He wears ripped jeans and a half untucked shirt, and is all scraped up,  like he’s in the midst of a fight. He stands with his back to the viewer and looks up at the woman, clutching her hands as is she might disappear. They stand against a smoky red back ground, with black columns shot through with red, blue, and green behind them.] END ID 

Lup’s Back!

#taz balance #lup #barry bluejeans #blupjeans

[youhearstatic]

The best quality a fictional man can have is being deeply, pathetically, wretchedly in love with someone, I think

#barry bluejeans

[youhearstatic]

pspspsps :0

if anyone is interested, here's the google doc of my unfinished vampire fic "It's Rotten Work." All of the sections after 3 are just scenes born from ideas, meandering and rough. but I think there's enough to piece together what I was thinking back in ye old 2019.

I hate completely abandoning projects and I feel like the snippets are more cathartic than nothing. idk if i will ever wrap it up proper. my writing has changed so much that I'm wondering if I should edit the first few chapters before attempting, or just go fuck it we ball

The first three chapters are on Ao3

[youhearstatic]

one of my (many) favorite things about Barry being a dick when he’s first introduced is that like. He is totally a fridged wife guy. He’s a fighter and a bodyguard for hire. He’s brooding and shitty and traumatized and ~too damaged to make friends~ (and then dies horribly oops). HIS WIFE IS LITERALLY DEAD. but like he also. Isn’t that. He’s literally called The Lover. He blushes when he drops his glasses and the woman he likes gives them back to him. He’s lactose intolerant. He doesn’t know how to swim until Taako teaches him. He makes hot chocolate for Lup while she schemes. His wife is also not dead !!!! (I mean, she is but how much does death rly mean in taz? plus they’re not even technically married but how much does marriage rly mean in taz?) He’s basically that one post about an angsty dude and everybody assumes his wife died tragically but then u find out she’s actually fine and he just rly missed her and is actually pretty normal when she’s around. I know I’m not saying anything about him that has not been said before but sometimes I just. I’m struck by him

#taz balance #barry bluejeans #i will never be normal about the barold

[youhearstatic]

Barry's car breaks down outside the spooky castle and he has to knock on the door for help. Lup is the sexy vampire in a silk gown who's been waiting for this opportunity for millennia so she invites him in. Barry gets a grand banquet and he's like "woah this is cool can I call AAA though" and Lup says "no the phones are out, you'll just have to... Stay the night....." So he does.

Jump-cut to Lup like "taako shit he's too cute to bite I can't do it" and Taako says :/ the first human to knock on your door in a thousand years and you fall in love with the dude

#taz balance #lup #barry bluejeans #blupjeans #taako i can't bite him he needs that blood for his brain #and he didn't finish explaining how salmon use arcane energy to return to where they spawned

[youhearstatic]

punk’s not dead, she’s actually a lich

#taz balance #lup #always a big fan of a lup with freckles

[youhearstatic]

you can tell a lot about someone based on their phone background. it shows what’s most important to them

#i'll give you a hint: #she's phantasmal and resplendent #(that's the lock screen. my home screen is my niece) #(with all the icons arranged so she's not covered up)

[youhearstatic]

Id like you all to know that in economics class we’re doing this stock market challenge thing, and I set my username to Barry Bluejeans as a joke. Somehow im both in second place and completely anonymous, which has resulted in several people asking, outloud, with complete oblivious sincerity, “who the fuck is barry bluejeans” and it makes my day every single goddamn time

[youhearstatic]

taakitz v2 for the kiss meme..if ur down to cl*wn 😳

clownin’ is my middle name

[ID: a drawing of taako giving kravitz a kiss on his head and holding him to his chest. both of them are blushing and smiling with their eyes closed. the background is pink with red hearts.]

#taakitz #taz balance #taako #kravitz #i love krav's expression :D

[youhearstatic]

[ID: Digital art of Taako and Kravitz, two young adult men, leaning over a bar countertop in what appears to be a warmly lit pub. Taako has long, blonde hair, tied in a braid, tan, freckled skin, green eyes, and a slight build. He is wearing a purple sweater and is seated on the customer’s side with his chin resting on one hand. He appears to be talking. Kravitz has dark skin, long, dark locs, pulled back neatly, facial hair and a slightly more toned build. He is wearing a blue button up shirt rolled up at the sleeves. There is a white towel over one shoulder. He is smiling and looking intently at Taako during their conversation. End ID]

POV: You are trapped in the English Countryside and the local bartender is an extremely handsome man. Inspired by O. Henry Never Had Santa on a Jet Ski by @youhearstatic and Bitsy on Ao3. Is 10/10 a good fic :0

#taakitz #taz balance #o henry never had santa on a jetski