3000-beesinatrenchcoat

[3000-beesinatrenchcoat]

Men I would feel safe alone in an elevator with:

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ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN

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Yeh

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rip Aragorn, you would've loved carabiners

#How oddly specific and yet accurate

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If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will. You have my sword.

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I don't want to age

Please let me be this old for just a bit longer

Please

Please please please

Just another month

Maybe two

Please

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While I'm talking about social stuff I had to learn as an autistic person

There's a LOT of social interactions between human beings whose purpose really boils down to being like that thing dogs do where they go "omg YOU'RE a dog??? I'M a dog!!!!!" And that's not a bad thing. Highly ritualized "meaningless" displays of human connection like friendly greetings and talking about things like weather actually do serve a purpose which is like idk ritualized displays birds do. YOU'RE a human? Omg I'M a human!!!! Wow!!!

And they don't have to be your favorite flavor of interaction. You can even think they're silly. But they DO serve a purpose or else they wouldn't be a thing.

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MY STUFFED MOON PAL JUST BITCHSLAPED MY MEDINCINE BOTTLE. it is 3AM and I'm dying of laughter

#funny #idk #shitpost

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MYHIdeas:

#1-Jesus and Zeus skit

H: "Dear Jesus,"

(Zeus shows up and scares the man)

Z: "Hello human! I wish.."

(Jesus also pops in a second later)

J: "Hello chil..? What are you doing here?"

Z: "He summoned me, He called out 'Hey, Zeus!'"

J: "Nah, this one is mine buddy."

Z: *Sad Zeus noices*

H: *Confused human noises*

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Censorship Georg

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Hotch *starting his day at work*: Good morning Dave and all my disappointments.

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Reid: Hey, dad

Hotch: Yeah?

JJ: Did Spence just call Hotch dad?

Emily: Did Hotch just answer to it?

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* in a team review *

hotch: theory is when you know everything, but nothing works

hotch: practice is when everything works, but you don't know why

hotch: when it comes to getting this team to do what i tell them, theory and practice are combined. nothing works, and no one knows why

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hotch: become the unit chief they said

* in the bullpen *

morgan: put it put it out put it out

reid: get the fire extinguisher!

jj: evacuate now!

* back to hotch's office *

hotch, taking a swig from one of rossi's whiskey bottles: it'll be fun they said

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strauss: how many children do you have, aaron?

hotch: biologically, legally or emotionally? because there is a difference.

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hotch: come on, no one thinks reid is my son

rossi: everyone who thought reid was actually hotch's son, put your hand up

* the entire team puts their hand up *

hotch: reid, put your hand down

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unsub: we have your son

hotch: no, my son is literally right next to me

unsub: then who just blabbed our heads off with some talk about chess strategies

hotch: fuck you have spencer

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reid, sitting down with hotch and rossi: hey dads

hotch: don’t you mean “hey dudes”?

reid: did i stutter?

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hotch: i protect the people who are weaker than me

* looks out the window of his office to see reid crying over a papercut, prentiss with her hand glued to a coffee mug, rossi frantically explaining something to a sleeping morgan, penelope throwing things around to find a first-aid kit, and jj crying over a children’s book *

hotch: which happens to be everyone