I’m so sick of being this weight, of not being able to do the things I want to do. I want back my old life. I want to be able to be proud of myself. I want to not have fear when I go into public spaces. I don’t want my kids to get made fun of because I’m roughly the size of full grown healthy adults. I want to be able to wear what I want and not just stuff that kinda fits…. I’m just done.
So here I am yet again doing 75 Hard. Day one complete.
Trying to lose weight out of love instead of spite and hatred, is hard.
Trying to remember that I’m battling two medications that promote weight gain, is hard.
Trying to find the motivation to work out with a set of twins, is hard.
Trying to remember that being morbidly obese is harder. Constantly worrying about breaking chairs, not giving my children adequate space in the car, and struggling to physically get off the couch; it’s insane I let myself get this far, let myself go so much.
I miss my pre pregnancy body so much. I miss the hard work and effort I had put into her. I miss the drive to be better. I miss being an average size. I miss being able to shop at my favorite stores. I miss people’s praise when they hadn’t seen me in a while and I was thinner than before.
I’ve been going through it lately, yo-yo’ing the last 15 pounds. It’s been hard not to lose hope about it but I know I’ve done it before so I can do it again. Here’s to seeing myself lighter again!
the pregnancy was extremely hard on me from start to finish, not only physical but mental as well. by the second trimester i had basically given up and fallen back into my bad eating habits and sedentary lifestyle.
i gave myself excuses for the slack but there was honestly no reason for me to relapse the way i had. i started this journey to be my best self and i honestly had just given up on that.
it sucks so much to restart, further from my first beginning point, but i know it’s worth it. im worth it. i also know that i’ve done it once so i can do it again.
with that being said, i know myself and my situation at the moment and im not where i can do the full 75 Hard routine so i am giving myself some grace in that regard. i am however keeping my name the same since that’s what i’m basing my new routine after.
new sw: 321
october gw: 305
here’s my new challenge:
- 100 days
- following paleo diet with calorie restrictions
- 1, 30 minute workout a day
- drink 1/2 gallon of water
- read 10 pages of a non fiction improvement book
- progress picture weekly, saturday
if i fail to comply to my rules, i start over.
even though it sucks to start over, im excited to have expectations for myself again- to be working for something worth while. to invest in myself is a ten fold reward that im looking forward to reaping.
so after some consideration i’ve decided to go again. i feel like during this time i need more structure and a feeling of accomplishing goals; so i’m going for round 2 of 75 hard.
the first picture is the set of rules to follow. the second is my first progress picture from my first round. the third is from today! i plan to put side by side each progress picture for personal motivation purposes.
I feel like i may have gone a little too strict with my diet before so my new diet is a simple calorie limit.
Having a really good day today. i decided to post some quotes from the book i’m reading (“chasing cupcakes”) that are really speaking to me. if you’re doing this challenge or not, i highly recommend it.
i’m so proud to make it past the point that i had to restart at (44 days) and that i’m still going strong. they are so right when they say that this isn’t a weight loss challenge but a challenge of mental toughness. every day i’m seeing myself in a new, more positive light. i see that i truly can do anything if i really want to.
i hope you guys are having an amazing week and a great hump day!