chcrrycosmos - Tumblr blog

chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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I wish I remembered you as much as I mis you, but I don't.

I miss you way more than I remember you, and it kills me to think about.

You left me though, what am I supposed to do with that? There's no point in missing you, but why do I? And why does it hurt so much?

I went to war with myself for you. I tried to move on, I tried so fucking hard. I was stuck there figuring it out myself.

I can't believe you left, but you did.

What was I supposed to do?

I can't just wait around for you to come back, so I did what I always do.

I figured it out.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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I'm sorry if I hurt you when I was hurting, I didn't mean to. I was young, I didn't know how to control my emotions or restrict what I said, but it's no excuse.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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You may have left me, but you never truly left me.

You broke me, left me in the dust, I can't ever forget what you did,

But I'm forcing myself to forgive you for me.

So yeah,

you left, but you never really

left.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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I think I'm going to miss you forever, papaw.

It's been years, I know, but you were the light of my life for so long.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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In every lifetime, every universe, my soul will be drawn to yours.

I will choose you in every life.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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I'm starting to forget you.

I'm starting to forget your voice, your face, our memories.

I'm so scared. I don't want to forget you.

Please don't let me forget.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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You know, I have the fear that's constantly nagging in the back of my head. It's crazy to me. I'm so scared that I'm going to love you forever and we're never going to be in the same room every again,

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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Every time I see you in my dreams, I run to you and wrap my arms around you, but I hold on a little tighter because I know that when I wake up, you'll be gone.

Instead, my arms will be wrapped around my pillow, tears staining my face. carefully stuck to it.

You're a memory now.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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I feel homesick for a place that doesn't exist, and yet, every day, I stay here, hoping to find it. Wanting to find some place I can feel accepted.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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I've been hurt more than I've ever been loved, it really makes me wonder if someone was even made for me. If I could love them the way they need.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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Maybe I wasn't a terrible person, maybe I was just 11 going through a personal hell that I didn't know how to navigate.

But who does?

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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I'm sorry for my childhood friends, I wasn't there when she was little, I couldn't ice the bruises and cuts on her back, but I try, every day to help them heal.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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In some universe I am 7 years old, laying on my bedroom floor with my childhood dog, my bedroom window is open, a cool breeze coming through.

Life is okay, I feel safe. Nothing bad has happened yet.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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My name

I wonder if some part of you misses me when you hear my name, the way I miss you. I look back at old pictures of us and it makes me want to sob.

The thought makes me cry sometimes, looking back at the moments we shared.

But, do you even miss me at all?

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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Another Universe

In another universe, all of my high school friends and I are eating lunch together.

M hasn't stabbed us in the back yet, J.S hasn't stopped talking to us, J hasn't graduated yet, A didn't leave us for her boyfriend. I haven't dropped out.

We're all still there, yelling at those freshmen boys t quit throwing food at us.

We're all just sitting there, laughing, talking, shooting the shit.

But that's not how it is.

We all moved on, and there's nothing we can do.

I miss us.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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How am I supposed to tell you I'm sad because I love you?

How do I explain that I'm so off around you because I'm so deeply in love with you?

You constantly give me butterflies, you made my face turn red, and my heart flutter out of my chest.

But it happens and life goes on, and that's okay.

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chcrrycosmos · 7 months

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Apologize

I never got an apology. But me? I forgave you 20 times over, and yet, you refuse to acknowledge what you did.

You moved on and acted like you did nothing wrong; like i never existed.

All I want is for you to apologize,

is that too much?

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