The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall - Nelson Mandela
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beneath the surface of myself, something much dark lurking,
forever positioned within the recess of my tongue & my mind,
& continuously seeking to destroy any remnants of lightness:
I swallow down those pills, shrooms, resin, smoke or liquid;
suppressing the depth of hurt I felt as an innocent child...
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Fat.
It’s a word that’s sitting in my stomach with weights tied to its feet. It’s floating down past the food I binged on and then it’s watching the purge; making the toxic cycle complete.
It’s eating up space in my mind, this obsessive outlook about the size of my thighs.
I think I’d be happier, more loveable, and more confident if I was skinnier. I lie to everyone and myself about wanting to lose weight to be healthy when it’s all about the exteriors.
I know it’s not true, just my brain trying to make me want it more, by using a twisted methodology it has always used before. My beautiful brain tries so hard to be helpful but, the whispered insults about my body to spur on change are only making me miserable.
I remind myself that the clawing voices in my mind won’t go away because I’m thinner, and I won’t magically love what’s in the mirror even if I weighed nothing more than a feather.
But, I like the grass.
No, not the bits of green in the salad, but the blades that reside on the other side of the mirror, where I assume the stars all shine clearer and of course my body is the type of unachievable perfection I’ve forever been dreaming of.
body dysmorphia is my best friend - t.k.o.
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You write constellations in my heart. Every touch of your hands a prickpoint of light that guides my way in the dark.
e.v.e.
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Let the darkness consume me, let the shadows creep in..
Let the nights turn darker, let the lights turn dim..
Let’s rejoice in the abyss where the scary monsters run free..
I’m not scared, I’m not scared! Let me be, let me be!
Let the pain settle in my heart, let my soul slowly rot away..
Let my mind go bleak, let my thoughts decay..
Let’s rejoice in the abyss where the nightmares turn real..
I’m not scared, I’m not scared! Let me feel, let me feel!
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first poem
This is one of the first poems I've written and I'd love any advice or feedback anyone can give me (pls be nice 😭). I know its a little unoriginal but its a start.
Your eyes light a fire in my stomach
Your touch sends flames dancing across my skin
Your voice burns my ears
You radiate love
I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life absorbing it
Even if your heat is too much for me
Leaving my skin bright red and peeling
I'll bask
You are my sun
The centre of my universe
Everything I do is because of you
All for you
- jo
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my fragile mind remains
conflicted and overwhelmed;
strings of fate tug
every which way.
know that what will come
is of our own volition, and
i will not leave you alone.
if you died here,
i would carry you home.
"beyond superficial."
d.b.a
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