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Alan Watts
And people get all fouled up because they want the world to have meaning as if it were words… As if you had a meaning, as if you were a mere word, as if you were something that could be looked up in a dictionary. You are meaning.
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your sympathy/empathy

healthy people need your sympathy/empathy
- to recognise: their victim situation
- then support: their struggle, to grow healthy behaviour

toxic people want your sympathy/empathy
- to recognise: their victim role
- then support: their sloth, to maintain unhealthy behaviour

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In all of my drawings I try to combine surreal and abstract art with the sciences and mathematics, and withstand the forces of societal repulsion that happened to arise in the very false dichtomy that the arts and the sciences  will most perhapsly destroy each other - on the other hand, I think, it is pretty much of importance of how you combine them… It’s literally just like combining waves… Either they annihilate or weaken each other or amplify,,,

Combining both, the arts with the sciences, has huge perks in thinking, namely discovering what the subconscious - and far more powerful - mind has already discovered! 

It is almost like finding the solution to the Grand Unification Theory in your dreams…

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Analytical philosophy was very interesting. It always struck me as being very interesting and full of tremendous intellectual curiosities. It is wonderful to see the mind at work in such an intense manner, but, for me, it was still too far removed from my own issues.
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Alasdair MacIntyre

The believer in the autonomy of morality attempts to treat his fundamental moral principles as without any basis…that is to say among other things that neither moral utterance nor moral action can be vindicated by reference to desires or needs. The ‘ought’ of morality is utterly divorced from the 'is’ of desire…this position does not need to be attacked any further for my present purposes, for it is obvious that to represent morality in this light is to make it unintelligible as a form of human action….

….But this contrast may be used to support a simple hedonism, belief in which is as destructive of moral understanding as is belief in moral autonomy. It is no use saying simply 'Do as you want’, for at first sight we want many and conflicting things. We need a morality which orders our desires and yet expresses them.

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It’s starting to annoy me now:

So not having a companion for this long, and what I mean this long I mean ever, at some point it’s going to bother you. People say you don’t need to be in a relationship you can be you and you can do your own things… that’s fine and all. But that’s advice given to people to other people that been in relationships need to choose a path to find themselves and to do it alone for a change. I for one have been alone, and it sucks, for it does gets a point where you grow tired of always have to be strong willed almost 24/7 because you have no choice.

You have no one to let your guard down, to connect emotionally. Just to even talk to someone.  only recently in like the past two years I’ve only gone in like a handful of dates and I get ghosted, four out of the blue. I can honestly tell you if it’s my fault or not but I can’t even say that because I really don’t know , I truly don’t know… it sucks- this year alone I’ve felt that I have to change a lot of things to fight whatever is hovering over me. I’ve always imagined this imaginary bell ringing like it’s going to explode inside me.

I see people in relationships they’re happy they go places they’re intimate with each other they’re holding hands a real connection and it makes me very happy to see that. And then all the sun I can’t drown in this depression because then I realize I don’t have it. This feeling magnifies every year in me when it comes to holidays- I don’t have anyone to share these moments with. And when I go out with friends it’s not the same because it feels always half full because what I truly want is to you know have a girl next to me and share all of this with, I have someone that’s with me both as my companion and friend.

 Ive in the recent year to I’ve took in myself on what I call solo dates- I gotten this idea off of a friend of mine she tells me that she would take her self on these dates once in a while and treat her self right. It’s easier said for someone that’s been in relationships versus someone that never been in one, all the feelings that I’ve experience doing this just made me feel empty and I tried my best just to do this in a positive know but it’s really hard to shake that feeling. As I get older it’s becoming a reality that I’m not seeing a lot of people as I once did and I was younger, irony is when I was younger I had no means of going out and afford some of these places versus now I can do all these things I have no one to share it with. Funny how life works…. i’ve occupied my mental state by going to the gym and just focusing on bettering myself but sometimes you see these girls in the gym and then he just light a fire in your in your heart that you see girls like that and like shit why can I be with someone like that- it makes me work harder. 

It bothers me it really does cause I don’t know how long I can do this for without exploding. Me going to the gym actually prevents me from actually exploding thinking about it now but it still sucks. I tell myself it’ll workout in the end- but it still sucks. For now I just weather storm and hope for a nice sunny day soon….

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[Miniature scenes, each a prodigious labyrinth when seen from above - cont’d]

In truth, all these things [within the souvenir lens] need not be highlighted: it’s like placing these things in a deep perspective [cf. objects in a taxonomy].

No great effort is needed to make them reveal their secret: an autonomous movement brings them forth, displaying what they are and even a little more. What is seen overlaps both the past and the future, creating a temporal vibration which doesn’t negate but rather increases their hieratism.


  • not only stand at this point in time, defined by a glance
  • but rather in ever-deepening layers wherein lies their whole being, with all its possibilities
  • [cf. Manet’s The Waitress]

– Michel Foucault, Death and the Labyrinth: the World of Raymond Roussel (Chapter 6: The Surface of Things), Translated from French by Charles Ruas, 1963

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It’s the only one you have

Although neurotically catering to the preferences and expectations of others has conditioned them to assume a sense of entitlement from you, there’s nothing healthy or virtuous about reducing yourself to a rigid routine of obligations. Feeling pressured to compulsively regurgitate vacant formalities, and remain subservient to people who don’t intimately understand you or support you, is a kind of psychological self-mutilation.

Share with those close to you that you’ve unintentionally allowed yourself to be pressured into a deeply unfulfilling relationship dynamic with them. Explain that you’ve been a slave to crippling self-doubt and anxiety for most of your life, but that you’ve recently experienced a wash of clarity and motivation the likes of which you’ve never known, and that you cannot allow yourself to be casually disrespected or taken for granted any longer.

Like waking from a coma, there’s nothing quite like the validation you experience when you shed the dead skin of your submissive persona, and observe the bewildered reactions of acquaintances as you completely defy their expectations of you to remain a tepid, one-dimensional character.

Some will mock you for your abrupt shift in tone, for engaging them in such a direct, concerning fashion, because on some level, they recognize that you prioritizing your personal well-being is opposition to their will, and they’re pushing back. If people treat your revelatory initiative to improve your life like it’s a joke, it should be a crucial moment of clarity to no longer prioritize these people. These people are judging you in relation to your commitment to preserving their health and security rather than your own.

Depending on the severity of the intimacy that you share with these particular people, how dependent they’ve grown on having their influence so deeply woven into your psyche, you may observe a primal, emotional meltdown as they perceive their grip on you loosening, and they begin going through the death throes of their perceived control over you, vocalizing their disapproval and rationalizing any reason possible for you to change your mind, isolate yourself, and remain anchored to their will.

Internalize this passive aggression and guilt-tripping from others as evidence to the significance and authenticity of your transformation. Although the very real anguish of disconnecting from relationships that once provided security shouldn’t be understated, it should be clarified that this security has no value when all of your time in it is spent suffering, or worse: it’s left you numb, unconscious, and living in a complacent stupor.

This anguish of disconnection is that of leaving the womb, the severing of the umbilical chord strung tightly around your neck. Life is suddenly vivid and overwhelming because you’re entering a new reality where you’re rejecting the pacifiers and oppressors that you’ve allowed to restrict you, and choosing instead to unearth your intuition, tread the unfamiliar territory of authenticity, and connect with people genuinely; people that you viscerally relate to, people that are actually capable of knowing you, accepting you, and nurturing a co-empowering relationship with you.

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Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil
Have not all gods so far been devils who have become holy and been rebaptized? And what ultimately do we know of ourselves? And how the spirit that leads us would want to be called?
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“Instead of seeking the cause of the evil in his mind and heart, man blames his masters, his rivals, his neighbors, and himself; nations arm themselves, and slay and exterminate each other, until equilibrium is restored by the vast depopulation, and peace again arises from the ashes of the combatants. So loath is humanity to touch the customs of its ancestors, and to change the laws framed by the founders of communities, and confirmed by the faithful observance of the ages.”

- Pierre-Joseph Proudhon, What is Property?

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