corneliastreetinramada

[corneliastreetinramada]

lil sometging made

#vintage #aesthetic wallpaper #iphone wallpaper #femme fatale #black and white #old hollywood #pearls

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podcast ep2: needed but still by nobody

:mostly, we all grew up ofc with friends and what may have you, now what im going to talk abt today, is being needed, but also needing people. i sometimes feel like im not needed id just like to make myself involved in peoples' issues, or thats what id think to myself, i always sense that they dont like me or need me anyway, but id still try. i just want to be needed but also i need them. i just force myself into people i think, thats why i feel guilty, awkward, uncomfortable with people that i dont know really well, sometimes with people i know well as well. i'd check up kn my friends when i feel somethings wrong with them, but i dont know if people really do the same with me, not until my issues been spread everywhere, then theyd check up, me, id like to take actions before my friends problem has been out in public, id like them to explain the issue to a friend perhaps me, so that they'd know someone is there to understand them, wish someone was like that to me anyway. me, id like taking this to the heart, burying it within myself, all of that because i know they have bigger problems on their own, they dont need my story of how my so-called partner played with my fkng feelings and how it affected me emotionally, they only saw my anger, not my sadness, i dont even think ive unpacked those emotions anyway, ive just learned to live with it, she did too, i think, who knows? ive blocked her anyway. but if my friends were going through somethinf they need to talk about, need to rant, ofc they can come to me. but sometimes i even think that they dont trust me, because im a gossip-y person, and that thought made me want to fkng get h*t by a fkng bus, ive failed my duty or responsobility as a friend to them, because of my fkng own selfish mistake.

i miss my friend, i do miss her, i mean i miss her when we started that friendship, there were only two of us through summer training, that all changed when the school year started, or even in the middle of that summer training, she moved on to make friendships with our seniors, whereas i was left well kind of alone. but she did grew to be better, wish she knew that. now the school year's soon to be done. i miss her. when we can talk about anything, anyone, whats going on with her or with me, now we rarely speak to each other in training, but i know she has to focus. she has a bright future to be an athlete, i know it, if the time was only longer ive wouldve spend more time with her much as i can, but thats stupid, she knows what i mean, i know what she means with little things we do. i do think im pushing her away, and i know its my own fault. not just physically bc shes transferring, pushing her away emotionally, and it hurts to think of the moments that i wasnt supportive with her delusionships, but i only did that for her better, thats what id like to think.

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Interview/podcast with myself ep1: goss and trust

:so gossip, they say that i have them, alot of them, and i really cant defend myself anymore cus its true right?

:absolutely, people will come straight for you or used to right?

:ya, i mean i dont find gossip it finds me, yk giving i dont chase i attract vibes

:and can we pleaseee stop the nonsense gossips

:well all gossips are nonsense right?

:i mean yeah kind of

:its the who is being talked abt thats important and makes the gossip MORE valuable and juicy and more interesting to hear!

:i mean do i like the fact that i spreqd gossip around? no ofc! but im not the one who made that certain goss, half the time, i just get it from my sources then it just slides into different conversations i have with friends and alot other ppl and yk that can fkng start a conversation lets be fr.

:totally! and the only important part abt spreading it is that u have ur identity protected, nobody will know that it was YOU who spread goss, in short, nobody will snitch and tell it to other people that it was u who spread.

:exactly! like i had this one friend who had MAJOR goss issue but only my how can i say this, a certain circle of friends only know it, she was like, i dont wanna make this a bigger deal so lets keep it between us all yk this group, BUT IM ME I want deals to be bigger, but ofc I gossed it to my other friend and turns out she already knows it because another gorl from the groupchat, that circle, has already told her, because they on the same circle, so im like ok thats cool, it was actually hilarious, because we laughed at it, and seriously i thought i was the first to break but no.

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:now lets talk abt loyalty thats something

:thats really something

:for you what does it mean to be loyal anyway?

:well, loyalty really depends on how they treat you and yk the treatment u get, for me if i see and know that ive basically crossed mountains, swam across oceans and eat dirt just to be a friend for you and youll just basically hurt me and treat me like fkng trash i dont know why i should be fkng loyal to you anymore

:that makes sense

:but, that doesnt mean i wont be your friend, its just that I will be finding other ppl to hang out with, talk to, and be more loyal to

:yeah,same with trust yk, cant mend something that can easily crush in to alot of peices, and think that a simple sorry can bring it back yk, its not just like that, yk, its not like microwaving cold food for u to eat warm, its not that simple.

:i agree totally.

:and if u let it like be like that, yk, u trust them like immediately after ur trust on them got broken, thats not healthy. really youll just get urself hurt again and again if u just trust them that quickly

:literally.

:ppl who really give their trust to other people like that really quick are fools, im sorry ik that sounds rude or smth, but ye, as humans we must have the ability to think "is this person a real friend?" yk we must think twice before trusting them that quick.

:absolutely. trusting someone is really really antagonizing thats why some have trust issues as they call it.

:at the end of the day, people are the ones at fault how they do shit, how they treat others, care for others in short theyll be the main reason why people hurt, hurt each other rather.

:that ends this episode.

:great

my mind is now unboggled till next time!

#gaslight gatekeep girlboss #my writing #tumblrpost #writeblr #writing #typography

[corneliastreetinramada]

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everybody's girl

what's the point of being everybody's girl?

whatever happened to the girl i knew?

#euphoria #gaslight gatekeep girlboss #lana stan #lana del ray aka lizzy grant #sydney sweeney #cassie howard #lana del rey #lana is our queen #tv shows

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Late nights spent contemplating the intricacies of love can leave one feeling lost and confused. What if it's not a matter of someone's love for me, but rather my own love for myself?

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I'm obsessed with this photoshoot ♡

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So will everyone from twitter will go here???

#gaslight gatekeep girlboss #twitter #tumblrpost #elon musk #social media #fyp2023

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Ultraviolence 😫🫶

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header euphoria season 2

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we just watched the whitney houston movie, God wasn't she a talent, it also made me realized that she was suffering, in pain, and basically needed help because there were some people around here to make her feel those things or do certain things to herself. When she cut off her husband from her life, and focused on herself, and her daughter, and tried to get back to her career, she did that successfully, sort of. During the last scene, she remembered a certain performance of hers and made her DOUBT herself, that she may not be as good, she went back to her old ways, and sadly losing her life. What if, she didn't do that? What if she got confident? What if she didn't get into the tub after taking drugs?

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While at a goodwill somewhere in Athens, OH I managed to come across the ‘Be still and know that I am God’ lightning McQueen whiteboard

I wish I got it

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Salma Hayek

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Second chances are made to make things better, to make love sweeter and to correct mistakes.

E.J. Cenita

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:Why are you tired of trying?

:Because I got tired of saying 'I can do this'.

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omfg...