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Wonder Woman To Go Tits Out in Her New Redesign
In an unprecedented move, DC Comics’ premier female superhero will be getting a brand new design, courtesy of superstar porn artist Clay Mann!
The new costume, which will debut in Wonder Woman #800, is sure to shock, provoke, and titillate readers, but it has some people asking whether or not it’s a step too far. When asked for his reasoning behind the new design, which involves assless chaps and no top, Mann had this to say.
”Boobs.”
Incredible. Truly incredible. If you’re interested in seeing the Amazon’s mammazons, pick up your copy of Wonder Woman #800 at comic stores and porn websites next week.
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DC Comics Announces New Captain America Title
You heard it here first, folks!
DC Comics, entering into their new Infinite Frontier era, have just announced the launch of a brand new series starring none other than Captain America himself, Steve Rogers!
Writer Jerglo Clemmons will be joined by rising star artist and political exile from Romania, Largos Largos III! Our star reporter sat down with Clemmons for an impromptu interview about this brand spanking new Captain America title from Marvel’s chief competitor.
When asked about why they were chosen to write Captain America, Clemmons replied “I don’t know, nobody else wanted it I guess.”
A fair point to be sure. And when asked about whether or not he was excited to work with Largos, Clemmons only said “No. I hate that guy,” whilst shaking his head gravely.
As for the matter of copyright law, Clemmons isn’t worried. “What’s Marvel gonna do, sue me? I’m already being sued by Largos, and everybody knows you can’t be sued by two people at the same time. It’s basic law. So checkmate, Marvel.”
Damn. This shit’s wild.
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Meet Batman’s Newest Enemy: Robin!
You read that right. According to an anonymous source at DC, Batman’s current series will end with an explosive finish; one involving Robin, Damian Wayne, turning on his mentor and crafting a new identity for himself.
As the cruel and wicked Mister Bad Dude, Damian will perform despicable acts such as slamming doors, sneaking out past his bed time, bombing GCPD headquarters, and even eating his father’s leftover burger from Chili’s.
Naturally, one would wonder what exactly would cause the precocious sidekick to turn to the dark side. Succumbing to his grandfather’s corrupting influence? Finding a new, more dangerous mentor than Batman?
In a shocking twist, the boy wonder’s heel turn will be brought about by something far more sinister and vile. His own father, Bruce Wayne himself, will forget to pick Damian up from soccer practice. Left alone in the cold and the rain for an hour before Bruce realizes his mistake, Robin’s metamorphosis into Mister Bad Dude will begin. Not even an apology dinner at McDonald’s will be enough to stem the growing evil within the young hero.
The storyline begins in Batman #99, on sale at some point in the future, I would assume.
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WB Greenlights New Superfriends Movie
After the failure of Justice League, Warner Bros. went back to the drawing board. After two years of hard work, it seems their efforts have finally paid off.
In a statement released this morning, director Joss Whedon said “Fuck Justice League. I legit used some of the film rolls as toilet paper. You want the Snyder Cut? Clean my stinky shit off of it first, you batcucks.”
In response, Zack Snyder fired back with a statement of his own. “The real Snyder Cut is coming, and it’s called Superfriends. Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman? They’re all coming back. But this time they’ll be joined by fan favorites Samurai, Apache Chief, Black Vulcan and El Dorado.”
When pressed for more details, the Sucker Punch author confirmed another name involved in the project. None other than the Wonder Twins themselves.
“Those purple kids? They’re in it too. Yeah. That water boy, his sister who does all the real work, I got them lined up. They’re gonna be played by the Olsen twins.”
When asked for confirmation on this film’s status, Warner Bros. had this to say to our star reporter, Bev Watkins.
“Who the hell are you? That press badge is obviously fake. Get out of our building, and stop eating our bagels. Security?!”
More on this story as it develops.
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DC To Kill Off Every Superhero
They’re dead, Jim.
All of them! According to a leak from DC’s upcoming 2020 event comic, “Crisis Crisis”, every superhero in the DC universe will be killed off.
Among the dead will be Batman, Nightwing, Static, Green Lantern, Icon, Green Lantern, The Flash, Martian Manhunter, and Green Lantern.
Monarch’s victims don’t stop there, however. Superman, Firestorm, Green Lantern, Superboy, Robin, Signal, Donna Troy, Green Lantern, Atom, Katana and Black Lightning are also slated to die in the Crisis Crisis.
Not to be outdone by himself, writer Jerglo Clemens also has notes detailing the gruesome slaughter of Wonder Woman, Black Canary, Metamorpho, Green Lantern, Kid Flash, Spider-Man, Vixen, Green Lantern, Batgirl, Red Hood and Beast Boy.
Most upsetting of all, however, is the finale to the upcoming summer crossover. The deaths of Miss Martian, Raven, Wonder Girl, Impulse, Green Lantern, Green Lantern, Amethyst and Green Lantern are certain to rattle fans.
That’s all pretty fucked, isn’t it? At least Supergirl is still alive.
Aw shit, nope. Spoke too soon. She’s dead too.
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BREAKING: Cesar Romero To Reprise Joker Role
DCTV’s upcoming television crossover, Crisis On Infinite Earths, has a new face added to its roster!
Not only will fans be able to see Supermen from Smallville and Kingdom Come, Huntress from 2002’s Birds of Prey, Kevin Conroy’s Batman and Burt Ward’s Dick Grayson, among others. They’ll be seeing another face from 1966’s Batman, which started Adam West.
The late Cesar Romero, known for being the first actor to play Joker, as well as his sizable number of “latin lover” roles, will be returning to play his iconic, mustachioed clown prince of crime.
In a now deleted tweet from Stephen Amell, the Green Arrow actor confirmed that the cast and crew of Crisis On Infinite Earths took part in a seminar on necromancy over the weekend so that they could bring the New York born actor back from beyond the veil of death.
“Yeah, Grant, Ruby and I took a few lessons on dark blood magic. Last night we sacrificed a goat, two sheep and Brandon Routh. I said a prayer to our dark lord, painted a symbol in the blood of the newly dead, and pulled Cesar out of the afterlife just like that! Wild night. Lots of fun.”
Our star investigative reporter, Yvette Kingston, managed to snag the following from the newly resurrected Joker actor:
“It’s going to be fun getting to play Joker again! Burt is still a little freaked out by my return, but I’ve enjoyed getting a chance to catch up with him. I just wish Adam was here with us. He’d have loved to make an appearance.”
Mr Romero also revealed the first thing he did upon his return from the grave.
“I saw that new Joker movie! It was okay. Could have used a few more jokes, though. My Joker was always very silly.”
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DC To Introduce New Nightwing: Blick Grayson
According to an inside source at Detective Comics Comics, next March DC will introduce a brand new Nightwing. The writers are being tight lipped about the true nature of this storyline, as well as Nightwing’s status in their comic book universe. However, thanks to some clever sleuthing, we’ve uncovered the following facts about this plot, months before it begins.
•Ric Grayson (formerly known as Dick Grayson) will be murdered in a knife fight in the congo with Batman.
•After a four month time skip, Ric (formerly Dick)’s secret twin brother, Blick Grayson, will arrive in Gotham with a shiny new Nightwing suit, a bottle of uppers, and a plan to kill the Batman.
•According to writer Scott Lobdell, Blick will be a “total chad who slays mad puss on the regs”.
After the outrage directed at DC over Ric Grayson (formerly Dick Grayson) losing his memory to a sniper’s bullet, it’s a mystery to this reporter as to why, why on earth, DC would kill the character in a jungle and replace him with a brand new, never before mentioned twin who looks exactly like Ric (formerly Dick) but in green. I mean, green doesn’t even look that good on him, if I’m being honest. He didn’t look good in red either. Nightwing should always be blue, if you ask me. It really pairs well with the black of his costume, and it sets him apart from other members of the batfamily, who all wear black or red or green or yellow. I guess Harper Row wore blue too, but she’s been missing for like a year. Whatever happened to her anyways? Is she still alive? Who’s to say.
Ric Grayson (formerly Dick Grayson) is dead. Long live Blick Grayson.
More on this story, and Ric’s (formerly Dick’s) death as it unfolds.
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Green Arrow to become Alt Right sympathizer in bold and fucked up move from DC
In an unprecedented (and frankly offensive) move from DC, they recently announced that the hero Green Arrow would become a fascist, alt right sympathizer in an upcoming story arc.
“We realized that Oliver Queen was starting to build up a fanbase again, so we decided to just nip that in the bud” said Dan DiDio, in a statement made early this morning.
A preview for the new, absurdly out of character direction showed Green Arrow harassing female characters while calling everyone he saw a “cuck”. He also... Oh good lord, does this page really show him yelling at employees from a free clinic? And is he going on a tirade against trans women? What the fuck. Who signed off on this?! Okay, fuck it, whatever. Moving on.
This new arc will be written by famed nazi douchebag, Ethan Van Sciver. Why he hasn’t been blacklisted from the comic industry after that time he named his art portfolio after “Mein Kampf” we’ll never know. The former Green Lantern artist, known for supporting a movement that directs harassment and death threats at his minority coworkers, is scheduled to begin his run on Green Arrow in early January.
God help us all.
#Green Arrow#Oliver Queen#Ethan Van Sciver#this is totally not fake you guys#so very very real#totes legit#so totes
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The Rumor Come Out: Does Nightwing Is Gay?
Nightwing is gay is the most discussed in the media in the few years ago. Even it has happened in 2012, but some of the public still curious about what is exactly happening and to be the reason there is a rumor comes out about his gay. At that time he became the massive social networking rumor. The public, especially his fans are shocked. He just came out with his bad rumor which is spread massively. This time is not about his crime fighting career, but his bad rumor. The rumor is out of standardize of hoax, according the last reported this superhero revealed himself as homosexual. Do you still believe or not, this rumor is really much talked by people even in a person of his fans.
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John Stewart to become “Smudgy Lantern” in Justice League #9
According to author Scott Snyder, the Green Lantern turned Ultraviolet Lantern turned Burgundy Lantern turned Peach Lantern turned Off White Lantern will be adding a new ring to his arsenal. The “Smudgy Ring” as Snyder called it, would be introduced in issue #9 of his Justice League series.
“Yeah, at this point I’m just throwing darts at a list of words on the wall, and then making plot points out of them. Funny thing is, I couldn’t actually tell what I had written on this one note, since the ink was all smudgy. So I was like, whoa, holy shit dude, there’s an idea! So yeah, it’s just like really blurry and grey. He’s like a green lantern, but smudgy. Real innovative stuff.”
This method of storytelling isn’t that surprising, considering the overwhelming number of new ideas introduced in the past 8 issues of Snyder’s Justice League comic. Aside from the previously mentioned Lantern rings, Scott Snyder has also introduced concepts such as the Still Force, Male Amazons, Spicy Kryptonite, the Horticulture Force, and Extreme Martians.
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YOU’RE a DC version of Charmed!
...I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.
DC announces Birds of Prey television series, scheduled to air this fall
In a press release earlier today, DC announced a new live action series that will focus on The Birds of Prey, an all female superhero team located in Gotham City. The comic, while initially written by Chuck Dixon, is more well known for Gail Simone’s run in the 2000s.
The cast was also announced this morning, although there have been several changes that are sure to throw audiences for a loop.
Dina Meyer will play Barbara Gordon, AKA Oracle; a disabled hacker who lives in a clock tower, and who once fought crime as Batgirl until being shot by Joker. Gordon is the leader of the team, and is the character who remains unchanged from her comic book counterpart.
Rachel Skarsten has been cast in the role of Dinah Redmond, AKA Black Canary. Despite the change to her last name, the character maintains her classic position as a friend and teammate of Barbara Gordon, and will use a metahuman superpower to fight crime. However, Skarsten has revealed that this incarnation of Black Canary will be a telepath, rather than possessing a sonic scream like the comic book character.
Ashley Scott will play Huntress, although her version of the character is not Helena Bertinelli. Rather, she will be playing Helena Kyle, the metahuman child of Batman and Catwoman. She possesses cat-like abilities, and is the final member of the Birds of Prey.
Mia Sara will be playing Harley Quinn, the primary antagonist of the series. While her comic counterpart was openly known to be a criminal, Sara’s take on the character will be Helena Kyle’s therapist, with nobody knowing she is actually their arch enemy, out for revenge after the death of Joker.
In addition, English actor Ian Abercrombie will play Alfred Pennyworth, and Criminal Minds actor Shemar Moore will play a new character, a police officer who develops a romantic connection with Huntress.
The new series is scheduled to premier in October.
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........Is it not currently 2002?
DC announces Birds of Prey television series, scheduled to air this fall
In a press release earlier today, DC announced a new live action series that will focus on The Birds of Prey, an all female superhero team located in Gotham City. The comic, while initially written by Chuck Dixon, is more well known for Gail Simone’s run in the 2000s.
The cast was also announced this morning, although there have been several changes that are sure to throw audiences for a loop.
Dina Meyer will play Barbara Gordon, AKA Oracle; a disabled hacker who lives in a clock tower, and who once fought crime as Batgirl until being shot by Joker. Gordon is the leader of the team, and is the character who remains unchanged from her comic book counterpart.
Rachel Skarsten has been cast in the role of Dinah Redmond, AKA Black Canary. Despite the change to her last name, the character maintains her classic position as a friend and teammate of Barbara Gordon, and will use a metahuman superpower to fight crime. However, Skarsten has revealed that this incarnation of Black Canary will be a telepath, rather than possessing a sonic scream like the comic book character.
Ashley Scott will play Huntress, although her version of the character is not Helena Bertinelli. Rather, she will be playing Helena Kyle, the metahuman child of Batman and Catwoman. She possesses cat-like abilities, and is the final member of the Birds of Prey.
Mia Sara will be playing Harley Quinn, the primary antagonist of the series. While her comic counterpart was openly known to be a criminal, Sara’s take on the character will be Helena Kyle’s therapist, with nobody knowing she is actually their arch enemy, out for revenge after the death of Joker.
In addition, English actor Ian Abercrombie will play Alfred Pennyworth, and Criminal Minds actor Shemar Moore will play a new character, a police officer who develops a romantic connection with Huntress.
The new series is scheduled to premier in October.
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DC announces Birds of Prey television series, scheduled to air this fall
In a press release earlier today, DC announced a new live action series that will focus on The Birds of Prey, an all female superhero team located in Gotham City. The comic, while initially written by Chuck Dixon, is more well known for Gail Simone’s run in the 2000s.
The cast was also announced this morning, although there have been several changes that are sure to throw audiences for a loop.
Dina Meyer will play Barbara Gordon, AKA Oracle; a disabled hacker who lives in a clock tower, and who once fought crime as Batgirl until being shot by Joker. Gordon is the leader of the team, and is the character who remains unchanged from her comic book counterpart.
Rachel Skarsten has been cast in the role of Dinah Redmond, AKA Black Canary. Despite the change to her last name, the character maintains her classic position as a friend and teammate of Barbara Gordon, and will use a metahuman superpower to fight crime. However, Skarsten has revealed that this incarnation of Black Canary will be a telepath, rather than possessing a sonic scream like the comic book character.
Ashley Scott will play Huntress, although her version of the character is not Helena Bertinelli. Rather, she will be playing Helena Kyle, the metahuman child of Batman and Catwoman. She possesses cat-like abilities, and is the final member of the Birds of Prey.
Mia Sara will be playing Harley Quinn, the primary antagonist of the series. While her comic counterpart was openly known to be a criminal, Sara’s take on the character will be Helena Kyle’s therapist, with nobody knowing she is actually their arch enemy, out for revenge after the death of Joker.
In addition, English actor Ian Abercrombie will play Alfred Pennyworth, and Criminal Minds actor Shemar Moore will play a new character, a police officer who develops a romantic connection with Huntress.
The new series is scheduled to premier in October.
#DCTV#Birds of Prey#Barbara Gordon#Dinah Lance#Harley Quinn#Helena Kyle#Helena Wayne#Huntress#Black Canary#Oracle#Harleen Quinzel
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What do you think of this batwoman audition
“I hope that they cast Danny Devito. That’d be great.” -Rick, the payroll guy
“I don’t care, honestly. I don’t watch DCTV.” -Yvette, the journalist who writes all of our DCTV articles
“I’d really like to see them cast an actual Jewish lesbian. They can always just give her a red wig or whatever.” -Wendy, the lesbian
“I didn’t even know there was a batwoman audition. What’s going on?” -Horace, the janitor
“You really shouldn’t just call Wendy “the lesbian”, that’s pretty offensive, Sarah.” -Lauren from HR, who needs to fuck off and let me live my life
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DC announces second Wonder Woman comic, cancels it immediately
During a panel at SDCC, DC addressed complaints regarding Wonder Woman’s lack of representation in their comics. The Amazonian heroine, who is one of DC’s three most famous superheroes, was the leading character in DC’s most successful film to date, and yet many fans have noticed that she only stars in a single self-titled comic. Meanwhile, Superman and Batman have several titles under their belts, not counting spin-off titles for their various sidekicks and associated characters.
In response to these complaints, DC author Marv Wolfman announced Sensation Comics, a second Wonder Woman series which he would write, with art by Batman artist Mikel Janin.
Less than five minutes later, Wolfman and Janin were found dead, and the series was quietly cancelled by DC. Rumors quickly began circulating that DC had the two assassinated in order to keep all information on Sensation Comics from reaching the public.
However, these rumors are completely unsubstantiated. In fact, Wolfman and Janin most likely faked their deaths before eloping to Bermuda, and everyone who saw the Sensation Comics announcement was just experiencing a mass hallucination. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen.
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Nah it’s totes true, brah. My buddy’s weed guy is the boom mic operator on the Avengers set, he saw them film the death scene. Iron Man throws an Infinity Stone at her and it kills her instantly.
Breaking: Wonder Woman will die in Avengers 4
According to an anonymous source, the untitled fourth Avengers movie will feature the death of Wonder Woman. Nobody is quite sure how this is possible, as Wonder Woman, played by actress Gal Godot, is a DC character, but the source has been corroborated.
Gal Gadot made the following statement on the matter:
“Some guy just switched the signs on the sets, so I accidentally walked onto the Avengers set instead of the one for Wonder Woman 84. The Russo brothers thought it’d be neat to kill off my character, and I figured why the hell not? So yeah, I’m getting killed off in Avengers, but don’t tell anyone.”
Patty Jenkins, director of the upcoming Wonder Woman sequel, only said the following when she learned of this:
“Fuck. Shit. Damn it. What do I do now?”
More on this story as it develops.
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Breaking: Wonder Woman will die in Avengers 4
According to an anonymous source, the untitled fourth Avengers movie will feature the death of Wonder Woman. Nobody is quite sure how this is possible, as Wonder Woman, played by actress Gal Godot, is a DC character, but the source has been corroborated.
Gal Gadot made the following statement on the matter:
“Some guy just switched the signs on the sets, so I accidentally walked onto the Avengers set instead of the one for Wonder Woman 84. The Russo brothers thought it’d be neat to kill off my character, and I figured why the hell not? So yeah, I’m getting killed off in Avengers, but don’t tell anyone.”
Patty Jenkins, director of the upcoming Wonder Woman sequel, only said the following when she learned of this:
“Fuck. Shit. Damn it. What do I do now?”
More on this story as it develops.
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