firstknightvulion

[firstknightvulion]

Another bit of smut. This time featuring my Drow Tav, named Xarran, and Minthara.

I hope I portrayed Minthara well.

#bg3 #minthara x tav #bg3 minthara #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #bg3 tav

[firstknightvulion]

The party camp during a long rest.

Karlach: What are the two most important holes on my body?

Astarion: *looks at her quizzically before glancing down*

Karlach: Not those, you sicko! It’s my nostrils. They allow me to breath while I suck on your di-

Gale: DINNER’S READY!!!

Karlach would totally say this joke.

#funny #shitpost #bg3 #karlach x astarion #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate karlach #baldurs gate astarion #baldur's gate iii

[firstknightvulion]

I’m sorry. I’m…I’m back on my Cloud and Tifa bullshit.

#funny #shitpost #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #cloti #cloud x tifa #ff7 rebirth #tifa lockhart #cloud strife #ffvii remake #ffvii rebirth #ff7 #ff7 remake

[firstknightvulion]

one of the important cornerstones of fandom is understanding that your headcanon is not everyone else's headcanon, and i'm not sure when people stopped understanding this

[firstknightvulion]

do you ever just

[firstknightvulion]

Minthara: “I can fix him!” I can make him beg like a whore. What’s your point?

Tav: “You know she’s insane, right?” Why do you think I’m obsessed with her?

I saw these as tweets and thought of my Half-elf/Half-Drow Tav (That is his parents were two full blooded elves, one moon elf and one drow and not a half-elf and a half-drow) and Minthara.

#funny #shitpost #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #minthara x tav #bg3 minthara #bg3 tav #dnd drow #drow elf #drow #elf #dnd elf

[firstknightvulion]

This is the funniest shit.

Karlach: I hate Gortash. He's the worst person alive, and he's gonna be passing that title on to the second worst person alive soon. He doesn't even realize just how dead he's gonna be.

Dark Urge (whispering to Astarion): i'm like 98% sure I fucked that guy. don't tell her.

[firstknightvulion]

A little modern AU. Inpsired by (shamelessly ripped off from) a comic I saw.

Karlach works under the sink in Astarion’s kitchen.

Karlach: There we go!

She slides from the cabinets and stands up, wrench in hand. Astarion walks in from the other room, two beers in his hands.

Astarion: How’s the job going, darling?

Karlach: All done! Fucker was clogged tight. It’s almost like someone clogged it on purpose. Your landlord trying to get rid of you?

Astarion: *smiling* I do receive some noise complaints. *hands her a beer* Thank you, darling.

Karlach: *holding her hands up* I’m good, mate. I should be going.

Astarion: *big, wet sad cat eyes* You’re not going to stay?

Karlach: *stretching her arms above her head* Naw. That job took longer than I thought. I don’t want to waste your time. Unless you got another job.

Astarion puts his beers on the kitchen counter. He goes to a drawer on the other side of the kitchen. He pulls out a hammer. He walks over to his kitchen sink and starts smashing the faucet ferociously. The faucet is utterly destroyed, a small spurt of water shooting vertically. He sighs heavily and returns the hammer to drawer. With a feigned look of disappointment, he turns to Karlach.

Astarion: I’m sorry, darling. It seems my faucet is leaking. Could I bother you to take a look?

Karlach: *looks between Astarion and his now destroyed faucet several times. She sighs, smiles and grabs the beer Astarion offered her earlier* Sure, I can stay.

I was originally gonna have the roles reversed but I realized Karlach wouldn’t be so…indirect. Or unhinged.

#funny #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate iii #karlach x astarion #hellspawn #baldurs gate karlach #baldurs gate astarion #modern au

[firstknightvulion]

A little self-insert fan-fiction headcanon.

I imagine that Karlach loves stories but dislikes reading. So, she asks Astarion to read them for her.

So, every night in bed, he reads her a chapter or two of the current book she is reading. Romance. Mystery. Spicy Romantasy. He gets into it too. Does the voices. Tries to be as dramatic as possible.

Inspired by my wife. An ADHD-haver. She loves stories but has a hard time reading. So, her solution is audio books.

When she has no audio book, she uses me.

Karlach can say she’s read plenty of books with Astarion’s help. Keep Gale’s face from melting off.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #baldurs gate astarion #baldurs gate karlach #hellspawn #karlach x astarion #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #bg3 gale

[firstknightvulion]

Hey, ya ever see something you never really thought about but then you see it and it just makes sense.

Back again with more Skarron XD I have so many I need to post

#mortal kombat #skarlet #erron black #skarron #mortal kombat 11 #mk11 fanart #mk11

[firstknightvulion]

If I had a nickel for every time a hardass, blond-haired angel woman fell for a silver-haired cleric lady I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.

Seriously, I just realized while playing Unicorn Overlord. Also, play Unicorn Overload. I won’t say play Baldur’s Gate 3. You’re on tumblr, you’ve already played it.

#funny #bg3 #shitpost #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #aylin x isobel #bg3 isobel #isobel thorm #dame aylin #unicorn overlord #ochlys #Sharon #ochlys x sharon

[firstknightvulion]

Me: Ehhh, I don’t know about elves. They’re kinda overused and not a lot of people know how to use them well. I mean, if I wrote a story, I don’t know if I’d go with such a cliche.

Some Form of Media: Hey, we got elves. They’re real stereotypical.

Me: FUCK YEAH!!! Let’s go!!!

A conversation I often have with me.

#funny #shitpost #fantasy #elf #elves #guilty pleasure #discourse

[firstknightvulion]

Y’all like wholesome smut?

#bg3 #baldur's gate iii #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #karlach x astarion #bg3 karlach #bg3 astarion #hellspawn

[firstknightvulion]

Karlach: Can you do me as a favor?

Astarion: You mean “do you a favor”?

Karlach: No. I mean blow my back out.

#funny #shitpost #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 astarion #bg3 karlach #karlach x astarion #hellspawn

[firstknightvulion]

Not sure if accurate to Fae’run but Lae’zel being introduced to pizza.

Lae’zel: *walking into camp from Baldur’s Gare with a pizza box* I have acquired the Peez-Zah.

Tav: It’s actually pronounced ‘pizza’

Lae’zel: Am I learned in the common tongue of Fae’run and that is not how it is spelled.

Tav: Yeah, I don’t get it either. But wait until you taste it.

Lae’zel: They say the delicacies of Tu’narath outshine those of all other worlds, all other planes. I doubt this slop could even come close to comparing.

Tav: *with an irritated look, shoves a slice in her mouth*

Lae’zel: *absolutely indignant but needs to take a bite to speak. She takes a bite and stops. Her pupils narrow then dilate*

Tav: Lae’zel?

Lae’zel: *very firmly grasping Tav’s shoulders* More.

Tav: *gingerly holds up the slice she had already bitten into*

Lae’zel: *shoves the entire slice into her mouth, chewing vigorously. A smile stretches across her face* How is this possible? Another thing the False Queen hides from us no doubt.

Tav: *gulps* It gets better.

Lae’zel: *turns to Tav quickly* How?

Tav: *holds up a bottle of ranch dressing* I’m gonna need you to not lose your shit.

Lae’zel totally lost her shit. They went out and got three more pizza’s with various toppings.

Lae’zel: What foul madness cursed a person to think pineapple can go on a Peez-Zah!

Tav: Not how you say it.

Lae’zel: *ignoring Tav* And why does it work so well!?!?! This world makes no sense!

Pineapple does go on pizza. There. I said it. Definitely based on the fact Lae’zel’s voice actor recently discovered ranch dressing.

#funny #shitpost #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #lae'zel #bg3 tav #tav x lae’zel

[firstknightvulion]

I might've added the BG3 Art Book to my dnd assets stash

It' 100% does not have things like the 5e players' handbook + 5e’s character sheet, several gm guides, critical role's explorer's guide to wildmount, baldur's gate and waterdeep city encounters, 101 potions and their effects, volo's guide to monsters, both of xanathar's guides, a bunch of other encounters, one shots, and class builds

In no way are there any pdf’s relating to any wizard who may or may not be residing on any coast

(Edit that I’ve moved the folder to the new link above! So if you catch a different version of this post that link won’t work anymore!)

[firstknightvulion]

After Wyll’s transformation.

Tav: *internally* Don’tsayitdon’tsayitdon’tsayit…

Wyll: Greetings.

Tav: WHY SO HORNY, WYLL?!?!?!?

Wyll: …

Tav: …

Wyll: You held out as long as you could, didn’t you?

Tav: Yeah. Sorry.

Larian, please make this a dialogue option.

#funny #shitpost #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #wyll ravengard #bg3 tav