fuckingventy

[fuckingventy]

tired of having to reiterate to people ive explicitly came out to as aromantic + bisexual that im not ace. like!! listen to the words ive actually said instead of equating it to asexuality just because being asexual makes more sense to you

#literally this happens like. all the time. #aro bi #aromantic #aroallo #lgbtq

[fuckingventy]

You know the fact that so many people see the insistence that you don’t like someone romantically as confirmation that you do like them romantically is horrifying when you really think about it

#i was a stalking victim long before i knew i was aromantic. #“deep down you like it” is perhaps the most evil idea you can plant in a persons head el oh el #esp to women n trauma vics n aroacespecs #but also just. to everyone. the thoughts and feelings of a person are not up for public debate

[fuckingventy]

just me and the ghosts of the online friendships i lost by being scared

#i should’ve texted her sooner she left the server and now i can’t msg her at all #avoidant behaviours my beloathed

[fuckingventy]

2024.01.22.

#vent art #video

[fuckingventy]

at what point of living alone do you stop missing your parents

#so embarrassing #ive lived alone for years and all i want is my dad #and i was so young when i behaved 25. but now i found ive grown into a talllll childdd

[fuckingventy]

it’s a privilege to get to love my friends with my whole heart. it’s an honour to be friends with people who’s hearts have enough love for me AND for their partners. love is not a finite resource. love is not a tangible commodity meant to be measured. our friendship is not unequal because they have a partner. our friendship is made of love.

#said through gritted teeth #and a mouthful of blood #aromantic #lovequeer aro

[fuckingventy]

happy birthday!! hope its still good despite your friedns cancelling <3 (<- i use <3 platonically)

thank you!

[fuckingventy]

gods bravest narcissist (only got a little passive aggressive at all my friends cancelling on my birthday)

#I’m really upset actually and I’m being so brave about it actually #all is an exaggeration admittedly. half. #but it’s kinda shitty to back out of plans the night before esp for someone’s birthday #their stuff is important it’s not blowing me off for frivolous things but it’s still sucky #literally had to hold myself back from ripping apart the relationship with my teeth until it’s just blood and bones and nothing repairable #and they say narcs can’t grow. gritting my teeth. #im gentle im gentle im gentle (said with blood in my mouth) #vent #actually narcissistic

[fuckingventy]

i want to not be bitter so badly bc im happy my friend’s got someone to rely on during current hard times but what is it about a boyfriend thats sooo much more important than a friend. why is he credited with being the person worth living for when he’s only known him for a year? ive spent 7 years building this relationship. there is nobody i trust more than them. i live for them. but i’m a footnote in his suicide note?

#suicide tw #aromantic vent #i cant process his attempt i just have to keep hating his boyfriend. #like why is nothing i do ever enough el oh el #vent

[fuckingventy]

i am sososo so fucking sick of counsellors. every conversation i have with a counsellor goes like this:

counsellor: what can i help you with ☺️

me: i take care of a lot of people emotionally and i would like to look after myself more and talk about my feelings.

counsellor: tell me about yourself!

me: i take care of a lot of people emotionally

counsellor: you should look after yourself more! try talking to someone about your feelings!

like yeah!! no shit!! why do u think i went to counselling?? to look after myself by talking with a professional about my feelings. and then that’s it that’s the whole session. see you again never because you can’t afford therapy so it’s just some random person every time!

#therapy critical #vent #even just. hearing the shit that’s been going on and sympathizing would be enough. so sick of being offered the same five coping mechanisms. #‘have you tried hobbies’ yes. if hobbies could fix this i would not be here.

[fuckingventy]

being too poor for therapy and being denied even just a single slot of less than an hour of college counselling for months at a time while in active crisis is such a particular cruelty.

#vent art #very lazy vent art but what can you do. #therapy critical #college

[fuckingventy]

sometimes i remember when my mom saw me mess with a guitar Once as a teen and got me lessons. and the guy was a blind instructor. this is not a bad thing ofc but i have social anxiety. and can't speak to strangers or try new things in front of them. so we'd just sit in silence and he'd be like "maybe try strumming" and i'd get choked up and shrug and he wouldn't see the shrug. sorry man. good idea bad matchup. i haven't touched an instrument since.

#when he asked me abt my hobbies and i managed to answer but the answer is “art”. sorry. #also its been like 5 years since. i think about it because yk. the social anxiety. #social anxiety disorder

[fuckingventy]

step one to overcoming social anxiety is to realize that most people kind of suck and their opinion of you is literally worthless

#this but then i developed grandiose narcissism #it’s okay task failed successfully

[fuckingventy]

I think it actually just shouldn’t be possible to have social anxiety and NPD. If I’m not included and getting attention I will FUCKING DIE but if anyone acknowledges my existence I will FUCKING DIE. Literally the worst duo ever actually.

#they are. connected. in my case #severe childhood social anxiety to the craziest overcompensation adult npd pipeline #i need everyone to like me so bad you don’t understand

[fuckingventy]

2023.08.13.

#vent art #video

[fuckingventy]

Npd culture is lying awake at night thinking about the worst person you ever met because despite everything, you know that you'll never find anyone who loves you as much as them. They literally stalked me ❤️, they worshiped the ground I walked on, they told me I was their God, that they would hurt or kill themself for me if I wanted... (I had to break up with them because they tried to kill someone for their murder fetish, something which they had succeeded at once in the past but I had been willing to overlook on the condition they didn't do it again)

.

#this is WILD but tbh? same kinda ? #npd culture is missing ur stalker #‘i drive you crazy? omg noooooo’ 😍😳 #I loved living in his head rent free #aside from the fact that it was literally awful #anyway anon hope ur well #tw stalking #tw sh implied #tw sui implied #tw abuse #tw murder

[fuckingventy]

being a romance-favorable aromantic is SO isolating in so many ways. i just… have nowhere to go. much of the aroace community is romance/sex repulsed—which i entirely understand!—but it makes it hard to fit in and relate to jokes. in ordinary life, i’ll start to have repetitive intrusive thoughts of dating ppl around me, and it’s very uncomfortable and nauseating. i like romance just enough to not fit with a good majority of the aro community and i dislike it just enough to not fit in with a good majority of the alloromantic community.

Submitted May 7, 2023