im-not-okaye

[im-not-okaye]

Y'all ever hyper-fixate on something, but you don't have the energy to do it. Like for the past few weeks or maybe months (I honestly don't remember, but definitely before Valentine's Day) I've been wanting to make paper flowers and paper flower crowns and stuff like that, but because I can just barely get out of bed in the morning, I haven't made any progress on it. Aside from buying the paper, which was pretty easy... Maybe tomorrow... Right?

#i really want to make things #but i have no energy to make things #i am big sad

[im-not-okaye]

Looks up at the sky

"what did I do wrong?"

#what did i do to deserve this #i sad

[im-not-okaye]

*Holding my highschool diploma*

All that work, and what did it get me?

Why did I do it?

#like the tiktok sound #you know the one #highschool burned me out real bad #but idk #didn't really have another choice

[im-not-okaye]

Crying at 2 am watching cartoon dogs having a healthy family dynamic while eating milk and cookies:

Am I a mentally healthy person?

#the answer is no #mental health #big oof #i was talking about #bluey #in case anyone was wondering

[im-not-okaye]

I know I look alive, but I'm not alive.

I know I look alive, but I'm not alive.

I know I look alive, but I'm not alive.

I know I look alive, but I'm not alive.

...

Why does it feel like I'm not alive?

#living #gross #existence #icky #not my thing

[im-not-okaye]

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm the side character that falls in love with the main character, and it's destined to never work out, or if I'm the main character... Just trying to live.

I kinda hope it's the former, because it means that as long as they're not in my life anymore, there won't be any more emotional turmoil... But I'm getting worried that it might be the latter, and "just living" will always be juuuust out of reach.

#ouch #big oof #big sad #I'll just be leaving this here then...

[im-not-okaye]

I don't like making art, but it hurts more if I don't.

#art is pain #a love-hate relationship #big oof

[im-not-okaye]

I don't know if I should fight the madness or embrace it, because it's going to consume me either way...

#madness #insanity #mental health #going crazy #woohoo #hop on the crazy train #choo choo

[im-not-okaye]

Fuck time. I hate time. Linear, non linear, destiny, freewill, existence... Being corporal... Gross. How do you live this way?

I hate all of it.

I might be going crazy...

Or... Maybe I've been this whole time?

Ew, time.

#time #i hate time #fuck time #time is gross #just the concept #and the point of it...? #there is no point #to measure our mortality? #just let me live #dont measure my living time #me no likey #insane ramblings

[im-not-okaye]

Thought I'd check out the super bowl tag, thinking I'd find either some funny memes, or pictures of Taylor Swift.

Rafah getting bombed and Israel playing a propaganda ad was not what I was expecting, and I'm really upset that THAT was how I found it all out... I understand that it's necessary for me to know what's going on in Palestine, but I'm just mad that no one I know personally wasn't talking about it or even aware of it...

Damn Superbowl...

Damn Israel...

#free palestine #superbowl #fuck israel

[im-not-okaye]

I hate it when my girlfriend is so clingy. I'm like "babe, I can't stay, I've got places to be" and she's all like "I'm literally a bed, please get some mental help"

#mental health #depression #bitches be like #bitches be crazy #its me #im bitches

[im-not-okaye]

Looks up how to comfort an anxious friend:

"This would never work on me, lol."

Looks up how to comfort an anxious cat:

"This... Would work on me... Huh..."

#when i said a cat was my spirit animal #i didn't mean it literally #weird #cats #anxiety #mental health #big oof #not a furry #just very cat-like apparently

[im-not-okaye]

The fact that you could do something amazing later is more than enough of a reason for you to stay here now.

#mental health #feeling usless #feel better

[im-not-okaye]

Maybe I want them to get me.

Maybe I want to see them try.

#markiplier

[im-not-okaye]

"live to fight another day"

What about fighting to die right now? What about sending a message? What about a 19 year old losing their mind to multiple schools and multiple people who've used and abused them and made them feel worthless?

What if I want them to see what they've done?

What if I pulled back the curtain for them?

What if I showed them just how far the rabbit hole goes...?

#pay all your attention to the monster behind the curtain #its yours #you made it #say hi... #its all your fault

[im-not-okaye]

Maybe if I wasn't so scared of taking anxiety meds when they were offered to me, I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place...

#anxiety #unemployment #feeling usless #anxiety attacks #big oof #mental health

[im-not-okaye]

Me- in a panic, anger and anxiety filling my body, about to have a panic attack because I don't feel safe

My dad- cool, goodnight

#parents suck #makes me so angry #so fucking angry #i hate it so much #AAAAAA