justanultrastressedwriter

[justanultrastressedwriter]

OTP questions!

Who would impulsively adopt a bunch of animals?

Who initiates PDA the most in public?

Who unintentionally rips the other’s heart apart? Why? How?

Who would dramatically run to the other when reunited?

Who would kill for the other?

Who would die for the other?

Who would live for the other?

Who would do two of the three? (Kill, die, live)

Who would be rudely sarcastic? (Whether intentionally or not)

Who meets their future in-laws first?

Who fell for the other first?

Who would happily take the other’s last name if given the chance?

Who is your OTP’s unofficial/official child?

Who wears/wore a fake smile before meeting the other?

Who brought what in the other’s life? (Did Person A bring Person B the light they yearned for? Did Person B give Person A the family they always crave? Etc.)

Who would spoil their child/pet?

Who proposed? (How did they propose? When? What were the rings like?)

Who dies first?

Who is the older one of the two?

Who is the best man/maid of honor at their wedding?

Who is the ring bearer at their wedding?

Which of the two cry first during their wedding?

What is their favorite thing about their lover?

How many times have they fallen in love with their lover again? How many more times can they fall for the other?

Who would defend the other’s honor?

Who would get lost in a crowd? (Bonus: What would the other yell to find their lover?)

What keeps them together? (Their children? Pets? Work? Friends? Love?)

Who is the crazier of the two when drunk?

Who loves it when the other is drunk?

Bonus BrOTP Extras!

Who in gets stupid matching friendship shirts?

Who would have killed someone?

Who purposefully gets the other drunk just to see their drunk ass go wild?

Who leaks gossip and embarrassing stories to the other’s s/o?

Who is the better wingman?

Who flirts with the other’s crush for them?

Who would propose to the other jokingly just to get the other’s s/o jelly?

Who would be down to kiss the other?

Who would suggest that they pretend date for the couple samples on Valentines Day?

Who would give the more threatening/terrifying shovel talk to the other’s s/o?

What is something stupid they probably did together?

How often would they almost get arrested?

What would they shout to find the other? (If lost in a crowd)

Who is the younger of the two?

Who would yell out “FIGHT ME” sarcastically?

Who would yell out “FIGHT ME” literally?

[justanultrastressedwriter]

I love writing angst, but I also don’t because how dare I harm my precious babies?

#my writing #angst #writing struggles #ughhhh

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch XI

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TW: Drinking (underage), Swearing, Gay boys doing gay things. Let me know if I should tag anything else!

______________________________________

*~ The Kitchen ~*

Daniel grinned and let out a sigh of relief when he found his best friend chatting with the blonde birthday girl. He couldn’t help but feel more at ease when he left Connor. The distance helped him put the terrible memories of what had happened to Kyle out of his head. 

“Carla! Happy birthday, beautiful!” Daniel half yelled with a smile and his arms open for a hug from the petite blonde. She looked like a stereotypical Georgia peach - long blonde hair, dainty angelic features, wide baby blue eyes with long lashes and tan skin. She was absolutely gorgeous. 

“Oh, thank you, darling! How are you doing? You look like you had just seen a ghost or something.” Carla asked, hugging him tightly. 

“I don’t want to spoil your birthday with my drama. We’ll talk about it later, okay?” Daniel said, kissing the top of his friend’s head. She pulled away and he raised his eyebrow playfully. “Speaking of, how does it feel to be an actual adult now?”

“Well, so far it sucks because I am nowhere near as drunk as I would like to be. Speaking of,” Carla said, her scrunched face lighting up at the sight of a tray of plastic cups filled with Jello shots passing by. She grabbed four, handing two of them to Daniel, “For you, my love. You look like you need to get shitfaced.” 

Daniel nodded and downed them quickly. He noticed Charlie raising an eyebrow quizzically. “You sure you wanna go that fast, Daniel?”

“Shh, Charlie. Let him have his fun. It’s my birthday, after all.” Carla said, grinning so recklessly that it reminded him of Connor in the way that it made him feel reckless too. 

“Yeah, Charlie. It’s a party, it’s supposed to be fun.” Daniel said, grinning at Charlie. 

“I know that Daniel, but are you sure you want to go so fast given the company at the party? You don’t want to make an idiot of yourself in front of certain people.” Charlie implied with a raised eyebrow. 

Daniel noticed how much she looked like her mother when she did that. It shocked him. Charlie glared, “What, Daniel?”

“You look identical to your mother is all. It’s fascinating,” Daniel said, his brain feeling fuzzy. 

“I give up. Don’t be stupid, Daniel, and please keep an eye on him, Carla,” she rolled her eyes and walked off. 

“Wonder what crawled up her ass.” Carla mused and Daniel just shrugged, wondering when the Jello shots would be back around. He wanted another one. He looked over at Carla whose eyes had lit up with a mischievous glint, “You’re not still single, are you?”

“Long story short, yeah. I’m still single.” Daniel said, his shoulders slumping as his mind wandered to Connor again. 

“Good. C’mon, I’ll make you a drink as I tell you about a guy who is absolutely perfect for you.” Carla winked, grabbing his hand and taking him over to the bar. 

Thankfully there were more Jello shots over there, so Daniel took two blue ones and downed them as Carla made them drinks with a grin. “Alright, so this guy. His name is Grayson Jones and he’s on the baseball, basketball, hockey, and the swim teams. He has the body of a god and looks like a Disney prince. Tall, blonde, beautiful blue eyes, perfect skin - God, he’s gorgeous.”

“If he’s so gorgeous, why don’t you date him?” Daniel asked, feeling pouty. He wanted more Jello. 

“He plays for your team, babe. Trust me, I tried.” Carla said, rolling her eyes playfully. 

“Sure, but you know that I’m not into sportos. They need to have substance.” Daniel said. Wow, he was already buzzed, maybe even drunk. Everything felt fuzzy and he felt too warm. He remembered that he had forgotten to eat that day. Oops. 

“Trust me, I know. He’s also a poet, president of the library club, spends most of his free time volunteering at the public library - working with kids - he dabbles in photography, cooking, and baking, trust me: there’s substance.” Carla said with a wink, handing him a drink. “Ta-da. A Screwdriver a la Carla. Very fruity, very boozy, just like you, darling.” 

“Ha-ha.” Daniel snarked, taking a sip of the drink. He grimaced, “Damn, that’s strong. How drunk do you want me?”

“Hey, I’m not the one who downed four Jello shots in ten minutes,” she said with a pointed look. “Plus you’re so much more fun when you’re drunk. I’m just helping the process along.”

“Sure,” Daniel said, his voice filled with sarcasm, taking another calculated sip. 

“Anyways, are you interested?” Carla asked, coming from around the bar. 

“Yeah, I’d be down to meet him sometime.” Daniel nodded. It would be nice to know another gay person besides himself. 

“Fantastic. Let’s go. He’s here, I invited him.” Carla announced. She grabbed his hand and started to pull him away. 

Daniel’s eyes widened, “How about some other time? I should go find Charlie and see what’s up her ass.”

“Nonsense. She’ll understand,” Carla insisted, succeeding in dragging him in the direction she wanted. 

Daniel wanted to protest because he had told Connor he’d met him in, like, ten minutes. ‘But who knows if he’d actually remember their agreement. He’s probably not even thinking of you right now, especially with all of these attractive women around,’ a part of his mind whispered, making his heart drop. He knew that it was a huge possibility and it hurt him. 

Then his inner Charlie spoke up, ‘You don’t need that douche canoe. So what if he’s distracted by some blonde bimbo? Carla’s going to introduce you to this hot, potentially awesome guy and it’ll probably be fantastic. Forget about him!’

For once, Daniel decided to listen to his inner Charlie and let loose and have fun. He took a large sip of his Screwdriver a la Carla. 

Carla stopped and nodded towards the left, “He’s over there. The blonde on his phone. I’m not going to take you over there, because I’m not your mom and you’re a big boy.”

Daniel looked over to where she nodded and saw a blonde guy scrolling on his phone in the corner all by himself. He actually looked bored. He was very tall, but in the limited party lighting, it was hard to see his face. “Okay.”

“Good. Now let me get a look at you. Spin.” She ordered, twirling her finger. 

Daniel did as he was told, feeling ridiculous. “Satisfied?”

“What are you wearing underneath your sweater?” Carla asked, placing her hands on her hips. 

“A black button up. Charlie picked it out.” Daniel said, suspicious. 

“Good. Give me the sweater.” Carla ordered, making Daniel raised his eyebrows skeptically. “Daniel James, you are eighteen years old. You dress like my grandfather in those sweaters. I don’t know why you own so many.”

Daniel scowled, taking off his sweater. “They’re comfortable and I like them, so fuck you.”

“We both know that’s not going to happen, so too bad. You look ten times hotter now. Cough it up.” She said, sticking her hand out. ‘So much sass with this one,’ Daniel thought, placing his sweater in her hand. 

He went to fix his hair with his other hand, but she smacked it. “Ow! Carla, what the hell?!”

“Don’t touch your hair! It looks hot! Like a hot artist vibe - which is totally what you are. Roll your sleeves up and go talk to him. You’re going to tell me how it goes later, have fun!” Carla chirped, skipping off. 

Daniel sighed at her antics, doing what she said. He took another sip for courage before walking to the blonde. 

The blonde didn’t even notice his presence until Daniel spoke, “Um, hey.”

The blond raised a disinterested eyebrow, scanning Daniel from his shoes to his face, a smile growing. “Hey, yourself, cutie. What can I do you for?”

“My name is Daniel James and we have a mutual blonde friend who loves to meddle and insisted that we should meet,” Daniel said, his drunkenness making him bold, with a grin. 

“Ah, you know Carla too.” The blonde chuckled, wryly, “Let me guess, you’re queer?”

“As a three dollar bill. You?” Daniel answered with a smirk. 

“Damn straight,” the blonde responded, making Daniel laugh at the irony. The blonde realized what he had said and laughed too. “You know what I mean. The name’s Grayson Jones, it’s a pleasure.”

“Pleasure’s all mine,” Daniel responded, sticking his hand out. Grayson shook it. 

“So how do you know our mutual meddling blonde friend? I’ve never seen you around the school, I would’ve remembered someone as cute as you.” Grayson asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“She met my best friend at swim camp when we were fifteen and she introduced the two of us. The best friend and I go to Jamison High a few towns from you guys.” Daniel answered. 

“That makes sense. I thought I would’ve known if there was a guy as cute as you at our school that played for my team. ” Grayson admitted with a chuckle.

“I know the feeling. I’m the only ‘out’ person in the shit hole town I live in.” Daniel said with a chuckle and another sip of his drink. 

“No kidding? The only one?”

“Unfortunately so. How about you?” Daniel asked, feeling relaxed around Grayson, which was new to him. Normally strangers made him nervous and uncomfortable, but he felt as though he had known Grayson all of his life. He wondered, was it the alcohol or the cute blonde himself?

“I’m not the only one, there’s one other, but he was my first drunk hookup. He wanted something more, but we weren’t soulmates so I didn’t. It was very awkward.” Grayson shrugged. “So, I’m more screwed, I think.”

Daniel snickered, “I think you’re wrong. In the metaphorical sense, I’m more fucked than you are, Gray. At least you can shove some of the attention onto the hookup. I get all of it.”

“Fair.” Grayson grinned and raised his cup in a toast. “To our bullied, beaten, and abused brothers, sisters, and nonbinary siblings dealt this shitty hand. May they live fabulous and beautiful lives. Us, included.”

“I can toast to that.” Daniel agreed with a smile, raising his cup and tapping Grayson’s. Despite the comfort and ease Grayson brought, Daniel couldn’t help but wonder about Connor and what he was doing

#gayyyyy #soulmate au #my writing #soulmate #au #Aw Hell No #tw: underage drinking #tw: drinking

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch X

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TW: Swearing; Bickering; Mention of drug use; Mention of suicide; Mention of Homophobia; Mention of Bullying. Let me know if I should tag anything else.

---------------------------------------------

*~ Following Saturday: The Party ~*

“Are you sure you have the right address, James? We’re way out in the middle of the boonies, which is saying a lot considering where we live, ya know?” Connor said, scanning their surroundings through the windshield feeling lost. Not that there was much filling their surroundings, just some trees, and stuff.

“Yes, Smith, I’m sure. I come here every year and the hostess herself texted me the address, so you know, I have the exact fucking source, you think skulled giant. It’s her parents’ vacation house.” Daniel glared at Connor, who had to fight back a grin at his antics. “Besides, according to the GPS, we’ll be there in less than two minutes.”

“I trust you, I just don’t like long car rides, is all. I get antsy.” Connor admitted, tapping the steering wheel to try and get rid of some of his excess energy. “I just keep going straight, right?” “Unless you see a place to turn off?” Daniel snipped, sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “It’ll be at the end of this road, there will be a gravel driveway, that’s where you’re gonna want to park.”

Connor couldn’t help but notice how excessively snarky Daniel was being. Like, he was aware that the other boy was a sarcastic person in general, but it was like his normal snark had been multiplied by one hundred. “Hey, short stack, something wrong? You seem extra snarky.”

“I don’t want to talk about it, can we just enjoy the party tonight please?” Daniel answered in a clipped tone. 

“Sure, whatever you want.” Connor agreed, not wanting to let it slide, but he didn’t want Daniel to be mad at him. Not knowing what to say and not liking the silence, Connor blurted the first thing to come to his mind, “So, is this your first party?”

Daniel stiffened as if he had been electrocuted and Connor realized what an idiot he was. Daniel had just mentioned that he came to this party every year, what a fucking idiot, Connor. He had to stop himself from face-palming with embarrassment. 

Daniel shook his head, attempting to be casual, but Connor noticed how tense he was. “Not in the slightest. Charlie and I come here every year and she has some cousins half an hour away who throw some pretty awesome ones. They’re quite the ragers.”

“Nice. Do you go to any of the ones that Jessica throws? Hers are the best in town.” Connor asked, grinning at the memories and with relief that Daniel didn’t make fun of him for his terrible attempt at conversation. 

Connor had been a little too early on the relief when he heard Daniel make an almost choked, strangled sound. With a voice like acid, he answered with, “No. You and your boys have made it very clear that people like me aren’t welcome at any of your parties.” 

Connor flinched at his tone and was struck with memory as if he had been punched in the gut. He vaguely remembered, almost as if it was coming through a static TV, a party from their freshman year of high school. He knew exactly what Daniel was referring to and he felt his stomach creep up his throat. 

It had been their freshman year, not long after Daniel had come out of the closet, and Jessica had thrown a post-football game party. Everyone in their class had been there. It had been their first win as high schoolers, so Connor and his friends had been drinking heavily. They were young and inexperienced in pacing themselves, so the liquor, excitement, and their teenage testosterone had been running heavily through their veins, hitting all of them especially hard. Connor was in no way trying to justify what had happened or shift the blame off of him. 

Back then it had been Daniel, Charlie, and a guy named Kyle. Their friend Grace had become a cheerleader so she was drifting away from their original group. Daniel had come out of the closet less than a month before, so his sexuality had still been the hot gossip around campus and it coupled with new rumors that he and Kyle were together. Connor and his friends had been feeling extra rowdy and territorial that night, they couldn’t stand the fact that no one was relishing in their win but their attention was focused on the “faggots” of campus, so they were especially harsh to them that night. They called Kyle and Daniel all of the names in the book and thrown in some cruel jabs about their parents, then physically throwing them out of the party and beating them severely in the driveway outside. 

Like Daniel, Kyle also didn’t have a great home life. It was just him and his stepdad who was on countless different drugs and had been beating on him since his mom had died when they were all in grade school. That paired with everything that Connor and his team had done, apparently had been too much for Kyle because he had shot himself in the head with his Dad’s shotgun that night. 

Connor put in the car in park in the gravel driveway after mentally reliving the events of that night, turning to Daniel. The other boy refused to look up, even when the car stopped. His face had gone ghost white and he was squeezing his fists so tightly that his hands were shaking. “Listen, short stack, there’s no way for me to even begin trying to fix what I did and I think about what I could’ve done differently that night that would’ve changed the outcome. I feel terrible about it whenever I think about it.”

Connor watched Daniel, judging his reaction like he was a puma waiting to pounce. He watched the other boy take some deep shaky breaths, regaining some kind of composure. He kept a steely gaze out his window, “Hakuna Matata, Smith. The past is in the past, nothing you can do about it now.”

It was obvious that Daniel was lying through his teeth and hiding his emotions, but Connor didn’t want to push him or his boundaries on the subject and make it worse. He knew Daniel was a very private person who kept his emotions to himself, so Connor let it go as Daniel climbed out of the car, still not meeting his eyes. Meeting Daniel at the front of the car, Connor locked it and followed the other boy inside.  

The music was pounding, practically shaking the walls of the house and slightly hurting Connor’s ears. Despite the slight pain and the overwhelming of his senses, Connor was excited. He could feel his heart pounding and blood coursing through his veins, filled with adrenaline. This was the type of environment Connor loved, it was almost as good as a football game. Connor somehow managed to keep track of Daniel as he weaved throughout the dancing crowd. He almost lost him a few times, so Connor decided to grab onto his sleeve.

Daniel stopped abruptly at the entrance to the kitchen, causing Connor to almost crash into him. Daniel stepped close to Connor so they could hear each other over the party better, “The bathroom is on the second floor, third door on your left. I’m going to wish the host a happy birthday and get us some drinks. What’s your poison, sporto?”

“Just a beer would be great, thanks,” Connor answered, feeling a bit of unease at the thought of being left alone in a party full of people he didn’t know. 

“Pacing yourself, I like it. I’m gonna go get hammered,” Daniel grinned wryly. Connor knew it was supposed to be a joke, but Daniel spoke with such an empty voice, that Connor couldn’t even smile. “Meet me back here in, like, twenty?”

“Sure,” Connor replied, dejectedly. The word barely left his lips before Daniel turned away from him, disappearing in the crowd. 

Once he disappeared, Connor realized how lost and self-conscious he felt - which were new feelings for him. He knew absolutely nobody here except for Daniel; who had just disappeared, most likely upset with him. 

And Connor couldn’t blame him. What Connor and his friends had done at that treacherous party, was the worst thing he’d ever done.

#my writing #soulmate au #soulmate #aw hell no #gayyyyyy #tw suicide mention #tw drug use mention #tw homophobia

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Masterlist

** Imagine after the beginning of puberty anytime you see, think about, and are in the presence of your soulmate your chest glows a bright white. (Based off the above post)

What happens when Daniel James the small, conservative Southern town’s only outed, gay person whose soulmate is the last thing on his mind discovers that his soul mate is none other than Connor Smith, the Golden Boy star quarterback who has been tormenting Daniel their entire lives?

TW: Homophobia (including slurs, discrimination, and small-minded thinking), Domestic violence (mentioned), Swearing, Underage drinking, Anxiety attacks. Let me know if I should tag anything else ---------------------------------------

Ch I Ch II Ch III Ch IV Ch V Ch VI Ch VII Ch VIII Ch IX Ch X Ch XI

#tw homophobia #gayyyy #soulmate #soulmate au #my writing #Aw Hell No Masterlist #aw hell no

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch IX

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TW: Swearing. Let me know if I should tag anything else, loves.

------------------------------------------

*~ After School: Charlie’s House ~*

“C’mon, DJ. You can do it, it’s not that hard. Just text him and ask.” Charlie encouraged her best friend who was eyeing his phone like it was a ticking time bomb. 

“But what if he says no? Or he says yes? Oh, God, which is worse? What if it ends terribly and he never wants to see me again?” Daniel said, wringing his hands. 

“Daniel Alan James. Either you suck it up and do it yourself or I will, you wuss.” Charlie said, sternly, crossing her arms and looking so fed up with his bullshit. 

Which was justified, he had been agonizing over the decision for half an hour, but he saw his salvation. Daniel looked at his best friend with his signature puppy dog look, “Will you do it for me? Pretty please?”

Charlie rolled her eyes with a huff. “Fine. Just so you’ll stop obsessing.”

She grabbed his phone from him and rolled her eyes again as she typed out the message. “You do know that stupid puppy look that you do doesn’t work on me, right?”

Daniel knew otherwise, but let it slide as he grinned widely at his best friend. “Thank you so much, best friend! I’ll love you forever and ever!”

Charlie again rolled her eyes and gave Daniel his phone back, winking mischievously. “So, DJ, when are you gonna let your boy toy know that I know your dirty little secret?”

Daniel groaned, dropping his phone onto the bed and removing his glasses so he could rub at his face. “I don’t know, Charlie. He’ll be so mad, he really doesn’t want anyone to know and I don’t really blame him for that. But I haven’t even told my mom about it, I’ve been so scared. We’ve come so far and I don’t want him to go back to hating me.”

“Are you sure that want to get rid of the glow? That it’s just friendship you want with him? Because I say this as your best friend and I have to be completely honest with you, but I’ve never seen you act like this before. Ever since the two of you have started hanging out and shit, you’ve been acting differently.” Charlie said, looking at her nails with an eyebrow raised.

“Good different or bad different?” Daniel asked, confused. He hadn’t noticed anything different about himself, but what did he know?

“Don’t worry, it’s a good kind of different. You’ve been lighter somehow. I still think he’s an asshole and I hate him for everything he’s done to you but put all of that aside, you’ve been smiling more and you just seem more relaxed.” Charlie said with a kind smile.

A small smile crept onto Daniel’s face as he put his glasses back on, then began to fidget with a loose thread on his sweater sleeve, shyly. “He makes me happy when it’s just the two of us. We can just be ourselves, he makes the world feel lighter if that makes sense? Not to seem cheesy or whatever, but he makes my world a little brighter, with his stupid smile and his annoyingly positive attitude. Ugh.”

Daniel and Charlie both chuckled at that, but then Daniel continued, “I’d love to see where a relationship would take us if we acted on the glow, I think it could be amazing, but I don’t want to be his dirty little secret and, God, who knows if it would even be a healthy relationship with all of our history. I don’t know if I could forgive him for everything.”

“Well, duh, this fuckhead has been basically torturing you for over a decade. That’s not something you easily forgive. And I know that you don’t like to talk about what happened with Kyle freshman year, but it was mostly his fault and you know it.” Charlie said and just the sound of his name was enough to send Daniel’s stomach into a hurl and bring tears to his eyes. 

“You don’t think I know that, Charlie? I still have dreams about him and it kills me.” Daniel snapped, his voice filled with enough venom to make Charlie flinch. Daniel’s shoulders slumped with guilt and sadness. He hung his head in shame, “I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean to snap, but sometimes I just miss him so much and I’m still so angry about everything. He deserved so much better than that.”

Charlie pulled Daniel into a hug, “I know you do and I know he did. You both did, honey. What happened wasn’t right at all.”

They hugged for a few minutes in silence, both lost in their thoughts until Daniel pulled away, rubbing at his eyes. God, he hated to think about that. That party had been the worst night of his life. 

“I think you guys need to have a serious talk about these things. He needs to know how much you’re still affected by this.” Charlie said, rubbing Daniel’s back. “And don’t even try to tell me that you have, I know you too well. You bottle everything up and refuse to talk about any kind of legitimate emotion. I’m your best friend and everything I know about your emotions, I have had to fight tooth and nail for. The same goes for your mother too.” 

Daniel was about to respond but was silenced by the dinging of his forgotten phone resting on the bed. Daniel felt his face pale, “It’s him, Charlie. I need you to look first, I can’t do it.”

Charlie nodded and picked up Daniel’s phone, looking at the message. She grinned, “Well, he said yes if that boosts your mood at all.”

“It kind of does, but it also brings out a huge panic in me,” Daniel said, rubbing his forehead tiredly. 

“Fair, but text him back with the details and we’ll deal with the rest later. Baby steps, doll, it’ll be okay.” Charlie said, soothingly and Daniel knew she was right. 

Charlie and Daniel had a friend named Darla, who had met Charlie through swim camp, who was throwing a raging birthday bash that following weekend at her parents’ lake house almost an hour away. Charlie suggested that Daniel bring Connor along. Daniel relayed all of the relevant information to Connor in a quick text. 

Daniel decided not to tell Connor that Charlie knew about them, because there was no way that it would end well. Daniel trusted Charlie with his life and everything that he held dear. She had been one of the only two people in his life that had supported him no matter what and she was his second favorite person (after his mom, of course). But Daniel had no right to expect that kind of trust from Connor. The two of them barely knew each other. Their only interactions were at the twice a year mandatory sports banquets that required them to be cordial and polite as well as whenever she would yell at Connor for bullying Daniel in the hallways. 

When he knew that Charlie wasn’t looking, he let out a quiet sigh and rubbed his forehead to try and relieve some of the pressure that was starting to form a stress headache before returning back to his sketchbook. He only wished that his life could be easier.

#aw hell no #gayyyyy #soulmate au #soul mate au #my writing

[justanultrastressedwriter]

as a writer i have two modes

1 - Writing is my calling. My passion. My purpose. Without writing I will crumble and fade, never to be restored. I am writing.

2 - What’s writing lol

[justanultrastressedwriter]

I got 1 task done today. I emptied the big trash can in my bedroom. That's one less fork to deal with.

I have severe executive dysfunction. I've been dealing with it by having myself do one small task a day. So far it's helped a lot. By doing it this way my brain doesn't freak out trying to tackle everything at once.

I got my inspiration for it from this Donald Duck comic:

[justanultrastressedwriter]

SITES FOR WRITERS

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Name generator (Character, Baby, Last name, etc.)

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Character generator ; Generate Rich Characters in Seconds

Writing Exercises ;  This site provides (completely free) writing prompts and exercises to help you get started with creative writing and break through writing blocks. 

Notebook ; create your characters, worlds, objects, places, etc. and save them

Festisite ; Create a fake license, marriage certificate, credit card, ticket and you can find other stuff as well.

The most common last names in the US

Lists of most common surnames

List of most popular given names

List of the least common surnames [last names] in America, rank 16,001-20,000

Fantasy name generator (again)

Random Name Generator (Choose origins, gender, etc.)

Said is dead (Remember that you can use said, don’t use it to less.)

How Much Blood Can The Human Body Lose? 

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The 6 Types of Collars Every Man Should Know by Name 

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What are the most widely practiced religions of the world?

Differences Between a Short Story, Novelette, Novella, & a Novel

Hemingway editor ;  It grades your writing by its readability. 

Zen writer ; writing without distractions (Might not be free after a while)

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75+ bad habits for your character

30 SCENE IDEAS FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

10 Things Writers Don’t Know About The Woods

British and American terms

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[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Masterlist

** Imagine after the beginning of puberty anytime you see, think about, and are in the presence of your soulmate your chest glows a bright white. (Based off the above post)

What happens when Daniel James the small, conservative Southern town’s only outed, gay person whose soulmate is the last thing on his mind discovers that his soul mate is none other than Connor Smith, the Golden Boy star quarterback who has been tormenting Daniel their entire lives?

TW: Homophobia (including slurs, discrimination, and small-minded thinking), Domestic violence (mentioned), Swearing, Underage drinking, Anxiety attacks. Let me know if I should tag anything else

----------

Ch I Ch II Ch III Ch IV Ch V Ch VI Ch VII Ch VIII Ch IX Ch X Ch XI Ch XII Ch XIII Ch XIV Ch XV

#Masterlist #Aw Hell No Masterlist #aw hell no #soulmate au #my writing #gay #tw homophobia #tw swearing #tw mention of abuse #tw underage drinking

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch VIII

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TW: Swearing; Gays being cute & oblivious; Social media mention; Mention of food. Let me know if I should tag anything else.

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*~ One Month Later: School Cafeteria ~*

Connor chuckled halfheartedly at what Tyler had said, because he had only been partially listening, his main focus being on the text message he was about to send to Daniel. He paused for a second, realizing that ever since that first library trip he and Daniel had been talking almost non-stop. Whether they were hanging out, texting each other, or sending ridiculous selfies over Snapchat. The only times that they weren’t talking were when they were sleeping, while Connor was at football practice, or while Daniel was at work and even then they would still sneak in some quick messages or jokes during Daniel’s breaks or when Connor’s coach wasn’t looking. It had been wonderful. 

They talked about everything; from books to movies to music to different types of food. Connor even got Daniel into some music from the 21st century and onto some social media (Daniel was a fan of Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram) while Daniel introduced Connor to some of his favorite music; like the Beatles and Elvis Presley and some of his ‘nerdy’ shows (Connor enjoyed Doctor Who and the original Star Trek the most). Things had been going fantastically in his opinion. 

Connor found that he was able to talk to the other boy about things he had never been able to talk to anyone about before. How he sometimes felt like he had the weight on his shoulders because everyone expected him to be so perfect. He was able to tell the other boy about all of his insecurities and all of the things that kept him tossing and turning at night. 

Daniel never said much on those subjects, Connor noticed. He had offered his sincerities and been an attentive listener but never talked about his own burdens. He was very private and Connor wished he would open up more. He wanted to know everything he could about the grey-eyed boy.

Of course, there was still the knife hanging over their heads. They were no closer to figuring out how to get rid of their glows than they had been on their first library venture. And obviously, no one could know about what was going on between the two of them - Connor had made Daniel swear to keep their secret after they had dinner that first night. He had also decided that to keep people from getting suspicious, he and Daniel couldn’t hang out in public where people might be able to recognize them. And despite Connor’s best efforts, his teammates and classmates would still pick on Daniel and every time Connor would try to apologize on their behalf, Daniel would always give him a tight smile and shrugged it off like it didn’t matter. Connor knew different. He could see how Daniel carried himself on and off campus, it was like the second he stepped on campus his entire body tensed and he would always be continuously scanning the areas, preparing for the next attack. 

Connor was knocked out of his thoughts by Tyler punching his arm and half-yelling, “Come on, Connor! You always have your nose in that damned phone, man. Who the hell are you texting so much? We were just talking about the upcoming season! Who could be more important than that?”

“Nobody, man. It’s just my mom, I failed that Physics test. Y’all know how she is.” Connor said, shrugging as he placed his phone on the table. 

“We all know that’s a pile of shit, Connor. You’ve been obsessed with that phone of yours for the past month, so out with it. Who is it? Is it a girl? Has our Captain finally found a girl?” Tyler teased, wiggling his eyebrows like a creep as he made a grab for Connor’s phone, but Connor grabbed it first. 

“No, you moron. I haven’t been texting anybody! You all are just imagining things.” Connor argued as Tyler began to wrestle him for his phone, but there was a reason that Tyler was the best defensive lineman in the State. He was a beast at six feet four and 250 pounds of pure muscle - he made Connor look puny.

After managing to get Connor’s phone from him, Tyler unlocked it and began scrolling through his messages, cackling. “You’re such a liar, man. You weren’t texting your mother. Who’s this ‘Short stack’? You’ve been texting them a lot. Is it a girl? Is she cute? Can we meet her?”

“C’mon, Ty, just give it back. I don’t want to talk about it and it’s none of your business, anyways.” Connor pleaded, struggling with the taller boy to get his phone.

“I’m your best friend, Connor. You gotta at least tell me about her.” Tyler said, his tone no longer filled with teasing or humor. He actually looked hurt. This was when the rest of the team decided that it wasn’t their business anymore and talked amongst themselves, awkwardly. 

Connor huffed with defeat, hating how well Ty knew him and realizing that he was right. The two of them had been best friends since they were in diapers because their moms had been best friends throughout high school and college. They had told each other everything since the moment they could talk and his situation with Daniel had been the only secret Connor had kept from him. He’d been feeling bad about it for a while now.

But Connor knew that he wasn’t going to tell Tyler about Daniel and him because there was no way that it would end well and he didn’t want to jeopardize any aspect of his life. His life would be ruined if their secret got out to anyone. But Connor also knew that Tyler wouldn’t let it rest until he was given something - some piece of information. 

“Alright, I met someone new. I can’t tell you who it is or else we’ll both get in trouble. We’re not romantically involved or anything like that, just really good friends. Happy?” Connor asked, raising an eyebrow expectantly, a look he had picked up from Daniel. “Can I have my phone back now?”

“Yeah, sure, man. You know we meant nothin', right? We were just messing around.” Tyler said, giving Connor his phone back with a frown. 

Connor grabbed his phone and put it in his pocket, giving Tyler a reassuring smile. “Yeah, man, of course. Listen, I gotta go. Need to get some air. I’ll catch y’all later.”

He grabbed his lunch tray and bussed it, leaving the cafeteria. He walked to the gym, pulling at his hair, his head spinning with thoughts. Connor knew the only way to clear it was to work out until his muscles couldn’t take it anymore.

#my writing #aw hell no #gayyyyy #soulmate au

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch VII

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TW: Swearing; Anxiety. Let me know if I should tag anything else.

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*~ The Library ~*

Daniel couldn’t help but smile and shake his head as he watched Connor sigh and look up from his book for the tenth time in twenty minutes. As if Connor felt his gaze, he looked at Daniel with a suspicious glare. “What are you staring at, short stack?”

“Nothing. I’m just amused.” Daniel whispered with a chuckle. Connor raised an eyebrow, urging him to continue. “I think it’s funny how obvious it is that you’ve never pulled an all-nighter study binge before.”

Connor looked at the table, fiddling with his pencil and biting his lip. “Well, yeah. I never felt it was necessary, you know? Plus I love to sleep way too much. Have you?”

Daniel chuckled, looking back at his book. “Too many times. During finals season, Charlie and I practically live in the library and coffee shop. The librarians usually leave us the keys at about 11:30 at night until the openers come in the morning at about 7-ish. The baristas have our orders ready almost the second we walk in the door.”

Connor slapped the table with a surprised expression on his face which quickly changed to guilt when numerous people shushed him. “No way. I thought you were some natural born genius type or something that never had to study.”

Daniel chuckled with a shake of his head. “Not in the slightest. Surprisingly, being a ‘genius type’, as you put it, requires countless hours of studying, way too much caffeine, a few panic attacks here and there, and copious amounts of stress.”

“Really? All of that just for a good grade? It doesn’t seem worth it to me.” Connor said, crossing his arms on the table and resting his head on them. He looked up at Daniel, batting his eyelashes and smiling sleepily. Daniel couldn’t help but notice how cute he looked like that - like a puppy who had just had a really exciting day and needed to take a nap but was fighting to stay awake. 

“Well, maybe not in the short term, but the long-term is what I’m shooting for. I’ve had all A’s in all of my academic classes since basically the 5th grade, which is how I managed to practically get into Stanford with a full ride scholarship. So, yeah, it’s pretty damn worth it.” Daniel said, trying to be nonchalant about the Stanford thing, as he wrote down some notes. He didn’t feel the need to tell Connor that another reason he had to work so hard for his grades was that he knew that most of his teachers had the “anti-gay” bias against him and would have done anything to treat him as less than “normal”. Daniel knew that he had to work three times as hard as his classmates to get the same grade. 

“Damn, Stanford and a full ride? That’s impressive.” Connor said with a look of awe. 

“Now don’t be putting me on some kind of pedestal there, Smith.” Daniel rolled his eyes at the blue-eyed boy’s look of wonder. “It’s not officially set in stone yet, but I should be sending in my application for early action by next month and will know for sure by December. It’s my dream school and they’ve had their eyes on me since the beginning of last year - they even paid for my mom and me to fly out and tour the campus last winter.”

“That’s awesome. I’m sure you’ll get in.” Connor said with a confident smile. 

Daniel shrugged it off, not wanting to get too excited. “I can’t know for sure until December, so don’t get my hopes up. But enough about me, how about you? What are the great Connor Smith’s plans after high school?”

Connor shrugged, nonchalantly. “I don’t know just yet. Definitely college, most likely with a football scholarship. I’d like to go somewhere out of state, just to explore a bit and California sounds nice - I’ve never been to the beach. I’ll know more when the season starts, though. I’d love to go pro, but I don’t know if I’m good enough for that.”

“Oh, Smith, you will be good enough to go professional. Especially with the right kind of coaching and support. I don’t know jack shit about football, but even I know that you’re the best player in the state.” Daniel tried to assure the other boy with a grin. Daniel wasn’t lying in the slightest, it was common knowledge to everyone who lived in their town that Connor was the best football player in the entire state. That being said, Daniel knew absolutely nothing about the sport. Or any sport for that matter. He’d rather be brainy than brawny. 

Connor again looked kind of shocked and Daniel took a moment to study him. His light blue eyes widened, his eyebrows raised, and his head tilted to the side - it was surprisingly cute. Connor’s expression changed into a small smile at Daniel, “What?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired and zoning out.” Daniel said, shaking his head. He felt embarrassed to have been caught staring, but that smile - it had made his heart both flutter and feel warm as if he had just finished a mug of his favorite tea or something. Ashamed and uncomfortable with the feeling, Daniel ducked his head into his book and continued writing his notes.

“Maybe we should call it a night, then? C’mon, I’ll buy you dinner and take you home?” Connor offered with a smile. Daniel was half tempted to accept his offer without a second thought because despite the years the two of them had spent fighting, Daniel had thoroughly enjoyed his time spent with Connor. 

It seemed as if they were on the road to becoming good friends very quickly. Hell, to an outside party, it might have looked like they were already friends. Daniel didn’t think he could ever fully forgive Connor for all of the years he had been torturing Daniel, but Daniel could think that might be able to forget what the other boy had done every once in a while - especially if it leads to evenings like that.

But Connor’s offer was enough to make his muscles tense and his temper flare at his words, “I can buy my own dinner, Smith. Thank you very much.”  

Daniel slammed his book shut and gathered up his things as his mind continued to spiral downwards. It wasn’t until he felt a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, Daniel. Calm down.”

Daniel placed his hands flat on the table and closed his eyes. Only then did he realize that he was shaking. His hands clenched into fists as he tried to get a grip on himself. He knew he was being irrational, but he couldn’t help it. 

After everything that Connor had done to him and that horrible party their freshman year, how could he so casually offer to buy Daniel dinner as if they were friends or something? Had Connor forgotten everything that had happened so easily? Should Daniel? Should they talk about it? It made Daniel so angry and overwhelmed, but right then wasn’t the time to discuss it. He needed a clear head first. 

“Short stack, what’s wrong? What did I do?” Connor asked, his voice filled with concern. Daniel had to refrain from laughing at the irony of it. 

Daniel shook his head and took a deep breath, forcing a smile. “Nothing, I just got some shit to work out when I get home.”

“Oh. Okay.” Connor said and Daniel could tell that he didn’t believe him.

“Do you still want to get dinner?” Daniel asked, hoping to distract Connor from asking about what was wrong. He wasn’t ready to talk to Connor about their history and how that stupid party still affected him to this day. 

Connor grinned a wild and almost heart-stopping grin at Daniel, making his cheeks go red. “Absolutely, Daniel. Where would you like to go?”

#my writing #soulmate au #aw hell no #gayyyyy

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch VI

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TW: Swearing (this should be expected at this point); Slight panic; Oblivious Gays; Coffee. Let me know if I should tag anything else.

*~ That Evening ~*

‘Now, where the hell is this place? I’m almost late,’ Connor thought as he drove down the exact same street for the fifth time in a row. When Daniel had given him the address, Connor hadn’t bothered to look at a map to see where the place was. He had just assumed that it was some obscure coffee shop located downtown or something. He was wrong. The coffee shop was located in the next town over - over a fifteen-minute drive in normal traffic, but it was six in the evening. Meaning there was rush hour traffic.

Swallowing his pride, Connor pulled over into the nearest parking spot and entered the address into his phone’s GPS. He shot Daniel a quick text saying that he’d be there soon. 

At the third stoplight that Connor had hit in a row, he hit his head on his steering wheel and groaned with frustration. Of course, he had ended up on the wrong side of town in the middle of rush hour traffic. It was obvious that he would be late and Connor hoped that Daniel wouldn’t be too mad at him. 

Once he finally found the shop, his mood changed and he found a parking spot right in front of it. Connor checked the time on his phone and winced: 6:20. He was almost half an hour late. Fuck.

‘Wait, how do I look?’ Connor thought, his mind racing with panic.   

He quickly flipped down the visor mirror and did a quick glance over of his appearance. His hair? Perfect. His teeth? Nothing caught between them, but there’s nothing wrong with a stick of gum. He glanced down at his shirt and there were no visible stains. He was golden. Relieved, Connor flipped the visor back to its original position and turned the car off, getting out of it. 

It’s not that he wanted to impress Daniel or anything - he didn’t care about the other boy’s opinion, Connor assured himself. His mother just raised him to want to make a good impression, especially since he was so late. Obviously, that was it. Nothing else. 

Connor glanced around, looking for Daniel. He saw him sitting at a picnic table across the street, reading a book with a drink carrier sitting in front of him. Connor smiled at the sight of the other boy and how peaceful and relaxed he looked. Connor could have watched him for hours, it was surreal. He almost didn’t want to get Daniel’s attention, because it would ruin the serenity, but as if Daniel could feel Connor’s gaze, he looked up and smiled in greeting. 

Connor returned the smile and crossed the street as Daniel gathered up his things. “Hey, Daniel. I’m sorry that I’m so late. I got lost.”

“It’s alright. I got a head start on some reading for my English class.” Daniel said, holding up his book. As if he had just remembered something exciting, Daniel’s face lit up with a bright smile as he reached for the drink carrier that had been sitting in front of him. He handed Connor a to-go cup, smiling almost shyly. “Here. I almost forgot. It’s a thing of Turkish coffee - kinda what Jo’s is known for. I thought that maybe some caffeine would make our library trip a little more bearable.”

Connor smiled at the gesture, grabbing the still warm coffee cup. “Thanks, Daniel.”

If he were to have been honest with the other boy, Connor would’ve admitted that he couldn’t stand the taste of coffee - no matter how much cream and sugar he put into it, he could still taste the bitterness and he wasn’t a fan. But when he saw the look of pride and excitement on Daniel’s face, he knew that he wouldn’t have been able to be honest with him, not if it meant ruining the adorable look of joy on Daniel’s face.

Daniel rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and pushed his glasses up his nose with a small smile as if he were shy. “I, um, didn’t know how you took your coffee, but you don’t seem to be the type to drink it black as I do, so I kinda freestyled with it. I hope you like it. It’s one of my favorite things in the world.”

Connor took a deep breath and brought the cup to his lips, praying that his face wouldn’t give away his reaction. Connor took a sip and felt his eyes widen with surprise once the warm liquid hit his tongue, ‘Holy shit! It doesn’t taste like coffee! It tastes like hot chocolate and cinnamon, somehow!’ Connor thought with excitement. Shocked, he took another sip just to be sure. He then looked at the other boy with wide eyes.

The moment their eyes met, Daniel’s cheeks turned bright red and his eyes grew wide too. “Damn it, you don’t like it, do you? Fuck. I’ll go inside and get you something else, even if I have to make it myself. Shit, shit, shit, fuck, God damn it. I’m sorry, I’ll be right back. Shit, Connor, I’m sorry.”

Connor froze for a few seconds, trying to catch up because all of Daniel’s words had kinda blurred into a really long one. Connor wasn’t sure if he had even taken a breath at all. His eyes widened in surprise as the other boy then tried to take the cup out of his hands. With even more confusion, he raised the cup above his head out of Daniel’s reach. After two jumping attempts, Daniel gave up and crossed his arms, glaring up at Connor. “C’mon, you giant fuck. Stop messing around and give me the stupid cup so that I can get you another drink.”

“Will you chill out, short stack?” Connor responded, still reeling from the other boy’s reaction. He rolled his eyes at Daniel, still glaring at him, “You’re getting all worked up over nothing. You don’t need to make me another drink, because, surprisingly enough, I like whatever it is that you made me.”

Daniel relaxed from his frown, a look of relief crossing his face. “Oh.”

Connor lowered the cup back to chest level, feeling proud of himself for calming Daniel so easily. He took another sip of the drink but choked when Daniel punched him in the shoulder. Once he finished coughing, Connor glared at the other boy with tears in his eyes. “Ow! What the hell? What was that for, James?”

“For not saying anything, you absolute jackass! You had me freaking the fuck out because I thought you didn’t like it!” Daniel almost yelled, his entire body shaking. Then in a quiet, small voice, “I started to panic and spiral because coffee is one of my favorite things in the world and making coffee is something that I truly believe I’m good at and enjoy doing. I wanted to share that joy with you. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, short stack, it’s okay. I hesitated because I wasn’t convinced that it was coffee. Normally, I can’t stand the taste of it - no matter how much I try and mask it, it always still tastes bitter and sour. So I hesitated because I actually enjoyed it.” Connor admitted, smiling softly at Daniel who finally met his eyes and returned the smile. 

For a few minutes, there seemed to be a peaceful and comfortable silence between the two boys. As blue eyes stared into grey ones, almost hypnotized by them. Connor could’ve stayed lost in those eyes until Daniel cleared his throat and averted his eyes to look at his watch. “We should, um, get going before the library closes. It’s getting kind of late.”

“Um, yeah, you’re totally right,” Connor said, nodding and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “My car is just across the street; the black one over there.”

“Sure, cool. Let’s get this over with.” Daniel said, nodding in agreement. He glanced in both directions before jaywalking towards Connor’s car. 

Connor stared after the other boy, just realizing that if given the opportunity he’d happily spend the rest of eternity gazing into Daniel’s mystical grey eyes.

He shook his head, wondering where that thought had come from and followed Daniel across the street.

#tw swearing #my writing #soulmate au #oblivious gays #coffee #aw hell no

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch V

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TW: Swearing, Making fun of conservatives? Gay Disaster Daniel. Let me know if I should tag anything else

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*~ Lunch Period: Charlie’s Car ~*

“Charlie, I swear to God, it was the weirdest of things! If I didn’t know any better, I would think that Connor Smith was being shy, nervous, and sweet!” Daniel exclaimed to his best friend as his hands flew up into the air passionately. 

“How so? What did he do?” Charlie asked, intrigued. She had been listening to Daniel rant and vent about his situation with Connor for all of their lunch period. They would have talked about it earlier, but they didn’t have the privacy or time required for this discussion. 

“I don’t know! How about when he asked for my number, for example? He wouldn’t look me in the eye, he spoke really fast - like his words all rushed together, and he kept swallowing like most people typically do when they’re nervous. Or how about when I first walked up, I think he blushed and he was kicking at the ground like a little boy who just got into trouble or something.” Daniel said, his voice rising with frustration. He was so damned confused about that asshole that it made his head spin. 

Daniel was highly intellectual and quick to figure things out. Being confused and not knowing things for sure was the worst feeling in the world for him. He took a second to calm down, placing his head in his right hand while he rubbed his forehead. 

Charlie grabbed his left hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “What else is bugging you? C’mon, let it out. You can tell me anything.”

Daniel sighed, “And then he looked up at me, batting his stupidly thick eyelashes and his idiotically pretty eyes. And when I told him that I wanted to hang out with him after I got off of work, he got this stupidly adorable grin on his face that practically stunned me.” Daniel sighed again, this time it was not out of frustration, but sadness. “What if he’s only being nice to me as some kind of trick or a stupid practical joke? And he saw my scars, Charlie, what if he tells everybody about them? They can’t know - that would ruin my life even more.”

Charlie squeezed his hand again, “Aw, honey, I don’t think he’s going to tell anyone. That would raise too many questions, so you don’t have to worry about that. And even if it is some practical joke, we’ll be in California hitting on hot surfer dudes and working on our tans by the time anyone else is the wiser. Everything will be fine. You’ll use that big smart brain of yours and figure everything out. You’ll see.”

“I guess. I hate him and his stupidly attractive face.” Daniel said crossing his arms in a grumpy pout. Daniel knew that he was acting childish and that he was starting to act like he had a crush on Connor or something. Which wasn’t true. He absolutely did not have a crush on Connor - it was the last thing he needed, no matter how sweet or adorable or hot he was. 

In all honesty, there was no denying that Connor was hot. With his artfully styled dark brown hair that had chestnut brown highlights due to his countless hours in the hot Southern sun, his cerulean blue eyes that changed about ten different colors in the sunlight, his bright and boyish smile that was full of charm and innocence, not to mention his muscular physique due to his years as a dedicated athlete - it was like he and his body were hand sculpted by a god or something. Back to his original point, though, it would be impossible for Daniel to deny Connor’s attractiveness even after how much of an asshole he’d been for their entire lives. Although it was more than that, Connor wasn’t attractive - he was stunning. 

“Aw, honey. Sounds like you’ve got it bad.” Charlie said, rubbing Daniel’s hand with her thumb in a comforting way. 

“Got what bad? What are you talking about?” Daniel asked, his eyes narrowing with suspicion and confusion. 

“Well, sweetie, from the way you’re talking; it’s starting to sound like you’re getting feelings for Connor. Aw, you’ve got a crush on the quarterback! How romantic!” Charlie teased. 

“You’re certifiable. There’s no way that could be the case. That would make me some kind of crazy masochist with some twisted Oedipus complex that should be locked up in a straight jacket.” Daniel scoffed, rolling his eyes in disbelief. “Connor has been torturing me for almost my entire life. Me falling for him would be ridiculous. Plus even if that were the case, nothing would come from it. Connor would never come out as gay - even if it were true. And I wouldn’t blame him. It’d ruin his life.”

Charlie huffed, slouching in her seat and crossing her arms. “I just don’t understand why people need to put labels on love or why it’s the business of the general population who loves who. As long as it’s two consenting people who make each other happy. No matter if it’s two men, two women, a man, and a woman - it shouldn’t matter. Love is love, it’s all the same. It’s so stupid and it pisses me the fuck off.” 

“Now, Charlotte,” Daniel said, letting his Southern accent get thicker, “you’re starting to sound like one of them there social justice warriors or whatever the hell they’re called these days. Them damn liberals fighting for the ‘equal rights’ of them homosexuals and their sinful ways are ruining this damn fine country.”

Charlie laughed the most and after a second Daniel joined her until there were tears streaming from their eyes. Once their tears were wiped from their faces, Charlie said, “Jesus Christ, you sounded just like my grandfather for a second.”

Daniel smirked at her observation, then grimaced. “You’re right. I do that way too well. I could almost be one of them. Gross.” 

“I agree. They are gross, but you know what? Fuck ‘em. I enjoy my liberalism.” Charlie said, grinning. The two made eye contact and giggled again.

#tw swearing #gay disaster #my writing #soulmate au #aw hell no #time to make fun of conservatives #gayyyyy

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch IV

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TW: Mentions of abuse, alcohol, and sex; Swearing

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*~ Outside ~*

Connor had decided to skip his second-period class to try and clear his head, but it hadn’t worked. All he could do was ask the question of how on Earth, Daniel could be his soulmate, worrying about what would happen if people found out, and wondering about those scars he had seen all over Daniel. 

Where Connor and Daniel were from, soulmates were always predestined and decided upon by some unknown force of nature or some weird evolution. No one knew how it worked exactly or where it came from, despite thousands of years of research on it. Anytime after the beginning of puberty, whenever you saw or thought about your soulmate a bright, white glow would appear from within your chest. 

Connor’s parents had been soulmates, he had heard the story so many times. They had met in college when they were assigned a project in one of their freshman year classes. They had started dating and then got married when they graduated. His parents had been happily married for over twenty years, with Connor as their only child. He was their pride and joy. The Smiths were more than well-off, Connor’s parents were happy and in love, Connor was attractive, charming, and the town’s Golden Boy - their lives were perfect. 

Connor knew that his life was vastly different than that of Daniel’s. The rumor was that Daniel’s parents had married out of necessity, not because they were soulmates. Connor’s parents always talked about the family with pity, especially Daniel and his mom, Christine.

According to Connor’s mom who had gone to high school with Christine, she was orphaned at a young age and then booted out of the system when she was sixteen due to overcrowding. She lived homeless for a while and tried to stay in school, but eventually, she dropped out and got into drugs and doing whatever she needed to do to survive. Then after a one night stand, she had gotten pregnant with Daniel. She then tracked down the father and two months later the couple was married. 

Christine told everyone that she and her husband were soulmates - that they had the glow. No one believed them especially when they saw the bruises that appeared on Christine and eventually Daniel. They smelled the alcohol that surrounded Daniel’s father. They gossiped whenever Daniel’s father got arrested for being drunk and disorderly, bar fights, etc. they saw how hard the family was struggling. Daniel’s father couldn’t hold a steady job, so his wife had to pick up the slack. She worked at least two jobs and when Daniel grew old enough he joined the workforce to help out.     

  Connor knew that Daniel was attractive, it would be impossible for Connor to deny that fact. Obviously, Connor was aware of this fact in the most heterosexual way imaginable, he had to remind himself. Connor was straight, he was normal - he always had been and he was determined to stay that way. He always knew that his soulmate would be a girl. They’d get married and have kids, live in a big house, just like his parents had done - the way it was supposed to go. 

All of these thoughts flooded Connor’s mind while he was wandering the campus. He looked across the courtyard he was in and he saw the windows of an Honors English classroom. Curious, he walked closer to get a better look and he saw Daniel sitting inside, pretending to listen to the teacher at the front of the classroom. Connor felt the desire to talk to Daniel, almost like a longing, as if doing so would make all of his troubles disappear. He quietly tapped on the window of the classroom, praying to whatever god was out there that he wouldn’t get caught by the teacher. 

‘Damn, I really need to get ahold of his phone number somehow. This is stupid.’ Connor thought, continuing his prayers. Luckily, it was Daniel’s redheaded friend from earlier that noticed Connor instead of the teacher. Connor thought her name was ...Charlotte? He didn’t know for sure, but he was grateful nonetheless. 

Connor pointed to Daniel who was sitting next to her and her eyebrows pulled together as if she were confused. She crossed her arms like she was pissed off. Connor rolled his eyes and used sign language to spell out Daniel’s name. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and she shook her head, defiantly. Knowing his and Daniel’s history, he couldn’t blame her suspicion and protectiveness of her friend. Connor put on his best puppy dog face and placed his hands together in a begging motion. She frowned and nodded slightly, but her eyes conveyed a clear warning, ‘If you even think about hurting him, I will kick your ass to Timbuktu.’ Connor nodded his promise and watched as she tugged on Daniel’s shirt sleeve, making him jump as he was brought out of his train of thought. Daniel looked at the redhead with confusion and she pointed out the window at Connor with her thumb. 

Connor met Daniel’s gaze with a shy smile and a small wave. Daniel smiled back and raised his hand to talk to the teacher. After some conversing, Daniel nodded and stood up from his seat and left the classroom. 

Connor could feel his heart racing at the idea of Daniel wanting to talk to him, but he didn’t know why that would make his heart race. It wasn’t nerves, because Daniel never made Connor nervous. Was it excitement? That might have fit better, but Connor still didn’t know why talking to Daniel would be exciting. ‘I am probably just excited to get out of this mess, that’s all. Nothing more,’ Connor thought to himself reassuringly. 

Connor’s thoughts were interrupted when he saw Daniel walking towards him and Connor couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the other boy. Daniel’s curly hair was a mess as if he had been running his hands through it repeatedly. Connor suddenly felt a strange urge to fix it for him, wondering what those curls would feel like through his fingers. 

Connor was again snapped out of his thoughts, but this time by Daniel speaking. “Connor? You with me?”

Connor jumped with surprise and blushed slightly, smiling at the grass because he was too afraid to look into these grey eyes. “Yeah, I’m here, just thinking. I’m sorry.”

“It’s cool, what’s up? You summoned me?” Daniel prompted. 

“Oh, yeah. I just wanted to see if you were free after school? That way we could begin working on how to get rid of our problem.” Connor said, looking up from under his lashes at the black haired boy.

“Well,  I get off work at six tonight, so I’m free after that if that works for you?” Daniel said with a soft smile on his face. 

“Where do you work?” Connor asked, curiously, as he toed the grass with his sneaker, feeling strangely shy. 

“Today? I’m a barista at Java Jo’s, but tomorrow I’m a cashier at Macy’s. Basically, it depends on the day.” Daniel shrugged, nonchalantly. “Where would you like to meet?” 

“How bout I pick you up and we’ll head over to the library or something if that’s okay?” Connor offered, raising an eyebrow, in an attempt to be suave, but his dry throat and his sweaty palms made it seem pointless. 

Daniel nodded, smiling, “Sure, yeah. I’d like that.”

“Cool, maybe if you’d be interested in giving me your number, or something like that, I could text you when I got there? If that’s alright with you, if not that’s totally okay.” Connor suggested, internally cringing at his words. He had hoped that he would have been smoother about it, maybe more subtle or something. God, had his tongue always been that big? And had his throat always been so tight, like he couldn’t breathe? 

“Of course, Connor. Give me your phone and I’ll enter my information.” Daniel said and Connor looked up with surprise, his eyes wide. Connor never thought Daniel would say yes, especially after his botched attempt to ask for it. 

“Sure, yeah,” Connor said, fumbling to pull his phone out of his pocket, even almost dropping it with his shaking hands. He unlocked it and handed it to Daniel, hoping that he didn’t notice how badly Connor’s hands were shaking. He looked back at the ground, avoiding those piercing grey eyes of the other boy - he didn’t want the other boy to see the fear in his eyes. 

Daniel handed Connor his phone back and rubbed the back of his neck. The silence between the two was awkward, to say the least. “Well, I guess I should get back to class then. I’ll see you later?” 

“Yeah, absolutely. I’ll see you later.” Connor said, smiling. Daniel returned the smile and turned to walk away. Connor didn’t know what to think, but he had put his phone back into his pocket and walked away with a pep in his step and a stupid grin on his face.

#tw mention of abuse #tw mentions of alcohol #tw mention of sex #soulmate au #my writing #aw hell no

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch III

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TW: Internalized homophobia, Homophobic slurs, Vomit, Food mention, Swearing, Anxiety. Let me know if I should tag anything else.

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*~ Men’s Bathroom ~*

Once Daniel entered the bathroom, he shut the door behind him and locked it. He scanned the stalls, feeling relieved to find them all empty. He fell against the closest wall and collapsed against it. He buried his head in his knees, letting the sobs overtake him. 

‘Holy fuck, this can’t be happening. Not to me. What have I done to fucking deserve this?’ Daniel’s mind raced, trying to find an explanation. He felt as if there were rubber bands around his lungs, preventing them from fully expanding and taking normal breaths. His heart racing as if he had just sprinted the Boston Marathon. 

Of the seven billion people in the world, Connor fucking Smith of all people had to be his soulmate, the person who had been torturing him for over a decade. And on top of that, of fucking course, Connor just had to notice his fucking scars. Although, Daniel could appreciate the irony of it. Connor Smith was almost as bad as Daniel’s homophobic drunk of a father that had spent all of Daniel’s adolescence trying to “cure” Daniel of his “problem”.

As if being gay was a disease that could be cured - especially with drunken abuses, attempts at CBT using cigarette burns, and even being forced to watch pornography in some efforts to teach him how to be straight. And as much and as hard as Daniel tried to be straight, he physically couldn’t. It just wasn’t in the cards for Daniel, but he would’ve given anything and everything if that meant he could have been born normal instead of a faggot.

Just even thinking the word, Daniel felt his stomach shift as if he were about to throw up. He hated that word, it reminded him of the worst about himself. How he was different, how he was disgusting, how he was an abomination. He knew how wrong it was to be gay - how sinful and disgusting it was. He shouldn’t exist. 

Daniel pulled at his hair, trying to stop the downward spiral his brain was going on before he drove himself insane or puked. But despite his best efforts, his stomach still turned and shifted. He scrambled into one of the stalls and stuck his head in the toilet, toast, coffee, and eggs that he had had for breakfast making a disgusting reappearance.

Once Daniel’s stomach was done puking, he flushed the toilet and sat up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He would have sat there longer, fighting with his stomach that was on the verge of dry heaving, but he heard the bell for class ringing and realized that he needed to put his emotions on hold and get to class. Daniel had a perfect attendance record and zero tardies, he wasn’t going to ruin that just because of his emotions. He stood up and straightened his shirt, dusting it and his pants off. He exited the bathroom and made his way to his second period English class. 

Daniel was really excited about this class. It was taught by his favorite teacher, it was an Advanced Honors class which meant that none of his usual tormentors would be in the class, and it was one of the few classes he had with Charlie. It was going to be epically awesome, he hoped.

Daniel reached the door of his English class and saw Charlie grinning at the sight of him. He rolled his eyes at how easily excited his best friend got over the simplest of things and took the seat next to her. 

She waggled her eyebrows, playfully. “So, Grumpy Gills, how was your first period?”

Daniel groaned and rolled his eyes again, “Don’t remind me, but what happened during class isn’t what’s important. Something happened after class that we need to talk about. It’s important. We need to talk after this class.”

At Daniel’s words and tone, all of the humor and joy left Charlie’s blue eyes and were replaced with worry and concern. “Why? What happened? If any of those homophobic assholes hurt you, we need to go to the cops and get their asses arrested.”

“No, Charlie. It wasn’t anything like that. We can’t talk about it right now - not with all of these people around.” Daniel said, his voice a desperate whisper. He looked at his best friend with pleading eyes. “Can we talk after class in private? It’s important.”

Charlie nodded, her face filled with confusion and concern, but before she could question him any further the bell rang, signaling the start of class. Daniel turned his attention to the front of the classroom, hoping to focus his thoughts on his teacher who was going over the syllabus and curriculum for the year.

It wasn’t working, not in the slightest. Daniel crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the desk, hoping that his T-shirt and flannel would be enough to cover the glow that he knew was seeping from his chest, because Connor Smith and their problem were at the front and center of his thoughts.

He tried to imagine the two of them hanging out together as friends or even boyfriends. The two of them sharing jokes, laughing together, and enjoying their time with each other. Daniel tried to imagine Connor holding his hand as they walked down the street without a care in the world. He tried to imagine the two of them going on dates, stealing sweet kisses under the moon and starlight. He tried to imagine them going to the movies and sitting in the back row to make out where they thought no one could see them like normal teenagers. 

Daniel hated to admit that he liked what he imagined. He saw himself happy and in love, but he knew that it would never happen for him; especially with Connor. Daniel was too broken and damaged for a happy ending. He knew that he always had. He also knew that Connor would kill himself before admitting that Daniel was his soulmate and that there was a chance he might be anything other than straight. Especially while they lived in this town where the homophobia and intolerance were so ingrained into both the town and its citizens. Especially Connor himself.

Daniel had to stop himself from letting his inner conflict be reflected on his face - the entire class didn’t need to know that his attentions weren’t focused on their teacher. He scrunched his nose, frowned, and blinked a few times to try and redirect his train of thought. 

Now that he was finally able to focus on his teacher, of course, Charlie would have chosen that moment to demand his attention by tugging on Daniel’s shirt sleeve. He pulled his eyebrows together and looked at the redhead, his eyes narrowed with confusion. 

Charlie rolled her eyes and pointed at the window with her thumb. Daniel, still confused, followed Charlie’s gesture and saw Connor waving at him from outside with a shy smile.

Now, even more confused, Daniel looked to the front of the room and raised his hand. “Excuse me, Mr. Ryan?”

“Yes, Daniel?” Mr. Ryan asked, kindly. 

“May I please be excused to use the restroom?” Daniel asked and Mr. Ryan nodded with a smile. Daniel nodded his thanks and left the classroom to find out what Connor wanted.

#tw homophobia #tw vomit #aw hell no #My writing #soulmate au #tw mention of abuse #tw mention of alcoholism

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch II

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TW: Homophobia, Mentions of abuse, Swearing, Slight violence. Let me know if I should tag anything else.

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*~ Class Dismissed ~*

Connor waited for the locker room to empty except for him and the faggot. With no one around to witness Connor’s actions, it would just be Daniel’s word against his and no one was going to believe the outcast queer over the star quarterback. 

To make it seem like he was still changing, Connor kept his shirt off and continued to rummage through his locker as if he were looking for something. Once the room was finally empty, Connor threw his shirt over his shoulder and walked over to the other boy. 

Connor sneered with disgust at the faggot standing in front of him. He shoved Daniel’s chest against the lockers and then turned him around to force Daniel to look him in the eye. Connor pressed his forearm against the other boy’s throat. “I’m here to finish what I started earlier, faggot. Let’s call it your ‘welcome back to school’ present.” 

Daniel seemed to be stuttering for words, his eyes wide and gaping down at Connor’s chest. Connor felt his stomach churn with disgust. Was the queer actually checking him out? Him, of all people? Was Daniel really that stupid? “Are you checking me out? Really, faggot? Can’t you keep your disgusting, unnatural urges under control?”

Daniel just pointed at Connor’s chest, his eyes still wide and his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Connor looked down at his chest to see what the queer was staring at. He almost shit a brick at the sight. Connor’s chest was glowing a bright white. 

Connor jumped back, trying to get as far away from Daniel as he possibly could as if that could somehow make it go away. “This means - no, it can’t be. This has got to be a mistake or something. There’s no way that I’m a queer. Daniel, I need you to show me your chest right now! Take off your shirt, I need to see!” 

Red-faced, gasping for air, and looking panicked, Daniel fumbled trying to pull his shirt off. After some struggle, Daniel managed to get his shirt over his head. The two boys looked down to Daniel’s chest to see that it had the exact same glow as Connor’s. 

The two boys made eye contact, both trying to process what their matching chests meant. Daniel was the first to speak, “That means that we’re -”

“Aw, hell no!” the two boys said at the same time, the puzzle pieces finally clicking together in Connor’s brain. 

“There’s gotta be a mistake. There’s no way that I’m a cock sucking queer. No way.” Connor said, scrambling backward until his back hit the lockers. He could feel his stomach filling with acid that began creeping up his throat. Somehow this was Daniel’s fault. Daniel had some kind of sick, demented crush on him and Connor’s body sensed that and decided to react. That’s all. 

Connor saw Daniel’s hands clench into fists, probably getting angry. “Alright, Meathead. Firstly, if you could stop treating me like I’m a speck of dirt on your $500 sneakers, that would be great. Secondly, there obviously has to be some kind of mistake here, because there is no way in hell that you are my soulmate. Even my luck couldn’t be that awful. So here’s what we’re going to do; we’re going to try and reverse it, change it somehow. I don’t care if it takes the rest of my fucking lifetime. I will find a way to prove that this is a mistake.”

“Good,” Connor said, still cautious and keeping his distance from the queer. 

“Thirdly, you jackass, you’re going to have to accept that we’re stuck in this mess together, which means that we’re going to have to work together to get ourselves out of this. Doing that means we have to spend some time together, got it?” Daniel said, crossing his arms over his still shirtless chest.

Connor nodded, not really hearing him. He was still struggling with the thoughts in his head.

God, what would his parents think if they found out that his soulmate was a guy? They’d be pissed, disgusted, and ashamed, Connor knew. The panic almost making him tremble. His parents were nice enough people, but he believed that, like the rest of the town and himself, his parents were convinced that homosexuality was a sin - an abomination, even. He’d be kicked out of his home, shunned by his family, and that would just be the beginning. 

After all of that, the news would spread to the rest of the town. First to the friends of his parents because his parents would confide in them about why they had kicked Connor out. Then the news would spread to his friends, who were the children of his parent’s friends and coincidentally were most of the members of the football team, because their parents would talk about what a shame such a “bright, good-hearted boy with a great future ahead of him” got dragged into the sinful abomination of homosexuality. Then his teammates would tell everybody else in the town and turn him into a social pariah. All of the friends that he’s had since kindergarten would shun him or even worse make his life a living hell. 

He wouldn’t be able to play football anymore, because his team would refuse to play with a fag. It wouldn’t matter to anyone else how good he was or how often he lead the team to championships. The Coach would risk losing him than losing the entire team. 

And if he got booted off the team? He would have to kiss his dreams for the future goodbye. He wouldn’t have the athletic scholarships that would allow him to attend a four-year university straight out of high school and eventually play football professionally, just like he had dreamed about doing since he was a kid. His parents would cut him off financially and he had no hope of paying for college on his own. His grades weren’t good enough for academic scholarships and he had no artistic talents. Football was all Connor knew how to do. 

Connor’s mind stopped in its self-pitying tracks when he looked over to Daniel. Connor realized that all of his worst fears and nightmares were Daniel’s actual reality that he lived through every single day. The James family wasn’t very well off, to begin with, but when Mr. James had left his wife and son in Connor and Daniel’s freshman year, Daniel and his mother were barely scraping by. Connor knew that they each worked multiple jobs just to make ends meet. 

There was no way in hell that Daniel was going to pay for college out of his own pocket, but Connor had heard rumors that Daniel already had numerous universities offering him almost full rides in academic scholarships and grants. He and his friends had all made fun of Daniel for being a nerd and obsessing over his schoolwork, even before they all discovered that Daniel was a fagg - Connor stopped himself, remembering what Daniel had requested of him. Connor’s mind interrupted, ‘No, not a faggot. He’s gay, there’s a difference.’   

Returning to his original train of thought, Conor regretted ever making fun of Daniel for caring about schoolwork and his education as much as he did. It was his salvation, his ticket out of this shithole town, and it had gotten him so far. Daniel was so smart and Connor was just - how had Daniel put it earlier? - just a meathead. 

With this newfound perspective of Daniel, Connor had to look at the other boy as if he were a completely different person. As he was looking at Daniel, he felt confusion and fear for the other boy rush through his veins. 

Without thinking, Connor blurted, “Hey, Danny-boy. What are all of those weird marks all over your chest and arms? They look like scars and about the size of cigarettes. What happen-”

“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence, Connor. These marks are none of your business nor your concern and, I swear to God if you call me that one more time, I will kill you myself.” Daniel cut him off, quickly pulling his shirt back on. 

It was obvious to Connor how Daniel’s shoulders were heaving like he couldn’t breathe, but Daniel slammed his locker shut and roughly shoved past Connor with his shoulder as he stormed from the locker room. 

Confused, Connor put his shirt back on and grabbed his backpack, rubbing his chest with uncertainty. He hoped that his shirt would be enough to hide the glow on his chest, because there was no way in hell that he would be able to stop thinking about Daniel with those countless scars on his chest, back, and shoulders.

#tw homophobia #my writing #aw hell no #soulmate au