primrosebitch

[primrosebitch]

I recently had to convince a friend that childhood pictures of me were actually me, like they straight up didn't believe me, they literally looked at my ears, told me to smile to compare it to the picture, and only after like meticulous comparison did they finally believe that it was me

#all because i used to be super tan and am now pale as shit #i used to go outside #and i tan super easily #i just don't leave the house nowadays lol

[primrosebitch]

[primrosebitch]

Me: [stands up too fast] 💫⭐💫⭐💫⭐💫

My entire cardiovascular system: [still sitting on the couch] Idk where the fuck you think you're going, but I am not coming with you

#mood #pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #chronic illness

[primrosebitch]

Sometimes in conversation i make funny little haha jokes involving my disabilities and what i want to happen if for them to laugh at my jokes but what sometimes happens, especially if it's with someone i don't know that well, is that they go kinda silent and then say shit like i'm sorry or i hope it gets better? or just changing the topic, and it's so awkward and uncomfortable and i keep doing it because i forget that most people get weird when i joke about that, i just want you to laugh at my joke not pity me

#chronic illness #disability #disabled #i hate when i mention my disabilities and people start like pitying me

[primrosebitch]

me telling my friends to wait for a sec cause i can't see after standing up

my friends, confused and worried, asking if i'm ok and if i need to sit down and rest, and what can they do to help

me no longer unable to see, all good now let's go

Having a chronic illness is wild, because how do i explain to my friends that a heart rate of 145 bpm is just an everyday occurrence for me and i don’t need to go to the E.R.

Like hold on, i feel like I’m gonna pass out. *pulls out handful of restaurant salt packets*

#pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #presyncope #chronic illness #i don't have any tips #i kinda just kept talking about it till they knew what was happening and stuff #and also bulldozed through their worry #not by like being rude or anything #but just being like nah i'm good #and this is normal for me #and being clear about if i'm able to do something

[primrosebitch]

I have been diagnosed with cfs/me and a few other conditions that cause chronic fatigue and for me it makes me sleepy all the time, like i can always take a nap and my sleep is unfulfilling, and i get tired faster when doing things, and i feel sluggish a lot, and i have trouble getting myself to get up and do stuff but that's probably a combination of adhd executive dysfunction, not wanting to because exercise makes me feel awful, and already being fatigued and feeling awful, i also have a log of brain fog and so my mind also feels very sluggish.

I hope this helps

Pondering fatigue tonight.

I've been some level of fucken exhausted since I was about 12. But recently, as part of DBT and learning how to identify and name emotions and sensations, I've been questioning if I even know what the cause of that feeling is. Because it's not like the feeling other people describe when they talk about chronic fatigue. And I know that doesn't always mean much, people have different words to describe things, and I can't ever remember a time when I haven't been tired, so maybe what they're describing is my baseline that I've just...adapted to.

I know the feeling is very real. It's half of what keeps me from working, this feeling like I'm dragging myself through syrup each day. The desire to curl up and turn myself off after even a small amount of being productive. But I can't pinpoint if that feeling is originating in my body, or in my head. No physical cause has ever been found, but that means little. I have several mental issues that could have fatigue as a symptom/side effect.

I dunno. I doubt it even matters. I don't think it can be medicated, so it's just learning how to cope and how to recognize and respect my energy levels so I can...exist better.

If anyone who has chronic fatigue, diagnosed as such or as a fun little accessory (/s) to another ailment finds this post, can you tell me how fatigue feels to you?

#chronic illness #chronic fatigue #disabled #cfs/me #chronic fatigue syndrome

[primrosebitch]

Made the worst brownies ever created just now

[primrosebitch]

[primrosebitch]

i hate that even self proclaimed radicals think "people shouldnt have to work to survive" is too radical. yes yes advocate for fair wages, but dont forget those wages, even if fair, are just a prize you get for being better at capitalism than ppl like me

[primrosebitch]

Off label medications are sometimes really funny, like a bit ago i was taking this antibiotic specifically for one of its side effects, it's like yeah this is an antibiotic but we're gonna use it to make your stomach start moving at a normal pace instead of the slow crawl it usually does

#medication #chronic illness #medication side effects #off label medication #specifically the side effect was that if you take it on an empty stomach it makes your digestive system move faster #which in turn makes you really fucking hungry #i also take i think an alzheimer's medication for i think inflammation #i don't remember the specifics

[primrosebitch]

“The average person thinks about the Roman Empire every day” factoid is a statistical error. Tumblr users in March -

[primrosebitch]

So I just saw a post by a random personal blog that said “don’t follow me if we never even had a conversation before” and?????? Not to be rude but literally what the fuck??????????

I’ve had people (non-pornbots) try to strike conversation out of nowhere in my DMs recently, and now I’m wondering if they were doing that because they wanted to follow me and thought they needed to interact first. I feel compelled to say, just in case, that it’s totally okay to follow this blog (or my side blog, for that matter) even if we’ve never talked before.

Also, I’m legit confused. Is this how follow culture works right now? It was worded like it’s common sense but is that really a thing?

#this is a thing??? #how did this idea even arise? #cause this isn't a thing on any other platform that i know of with following as a feature #this is so weird #and also counterproductive #like why even post stuff online if you don't want people to interact with it #just get a diary

[primrosebitch]

My dad is honestly a fascinating creature, i've posted about him before so if you've seen those you know what i'm talking about, and today i want to talk about how he doesn't understand personal property only in regards to food.

My dad has always had a bad habit of eating other peoples food, like oh there's a takeout box, must be for me, or oh a labeled food, i'm sure "[NAME'S], DAD DO NOT EAT" means it's fine for me to eat, so much so that we've had to hide food if we don't want my dad to eat it, although thankfully in recent years he's been a lot better about it, but only because i had yelled at him multiple times about it

In a semi recent conversation i have finally found out why this is, you see he seems to have no sense of personal property in regards to food, like he told me about how when he was younger his roommate got super pissed at him for eating his leftovers and so he stopped but he didn't get why the guy was upset, he seems to believe that any food in the house is free game no matter what, and the only reason he has finally stopped is because i finally got it into his skull that it really upsets me, his beliefs haven't changed but at least he's stopped, and i just don't understand his thought process here, he says it's because when he was growing up that's how it was in his house but both my grandma and his siblings refute this, like if they had gotten a snack with their own money it wasn't free game, and his dad had his own ice cream that no one else was allowed to touch, so i really don't get how he has acquired this world view.

#food #father #dad #family stories #the roommate story really baffled me #my dad just couldn't understand why the guy was so upset #like he did not get it #and i have tried in the past to explain to my father why it upsets people #but he never comprehends it #at the very least i am glad that he finally realized just how much it upsets me and has stopped (mostly) #now he just repeatedly asks my if he can have something that mine #he respects the no #but he will continue to ask every day until the thing is gone #in case i change my mind #which is really annoying #but better than him just eating everyone else's food

[primrosebitch]

[primrosebitch]

One thing that's really annoying about my brain is that i have significant difficulty like remembering specific instances of things, like i know that there are lots of things that i thought were normal about my body but it turns out it wasn't and was a symptom of something but i can only remember one thing even though i know that there are more, or like if say i'm telling my dad to stop eating food that isn't his because he does it all the time (he has gotten better in recent years about not doing this) and he says name a recent time i did that and if it wasn't like super recent i am unable to remember the specific instance even if i know that there was one recently

#memory issues #adhd #brain fog #it's super annoying #not just because it makes bringing stuff up difficult #but also because sometimes i want to tell a funny story but i can't remember the specifics #or someone asked a question like tell me about a time you... #and even if i know there was a time i did the thing most of the time i won't be able to remember anything more than that

[primrosebitch]

I hate brain fog so much, it's awful, like i am unable to do complex stuff i used to have no trouble with before, hell i have trouble reading like the rules for a board game nowadays, like i'll read it but i won't really absorb the information or if a rule is too complex or long i'll forget the beginning of it before i've even finished reading that one rule, and if someone asks me a question about myself i have to think about it for like a minute digging through my brain to find the answer to something like "what are some of your hobbies?" and it's not like i don't have hobbies, i have them, but my stupid brain fog makes it so hard to think that i sometimes can't answer basic questions about myself

#chronic illness #brain fog #brain fog really is a perfect name for the symptom #it explains it so well #like my brain is full of fog #so i have to look around a lot to find stuff that's in there #and if i get to far away from where i started i can no longer see it because of the fog

[primrosebitch]