ser-shitpost-lannister

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#REAL #true #waymar royce #night's watch

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#and that's why he caught cersei

Ned skimming through pages of Baratheon Ancestry and realizing that it's not just the black hair, there's like nine other hereditary traits that Septon Barfolomew just straight-up Did Not Pick Up On, and actually, wasn't there a Clydas Lannister who had Tommen's dimples? And oh, THAT'S why Benjen has my father's straight hair and I have Grandad Stark's curls. And then after two weeks and nine trips to the library he's accidentally become Westeros' first geneticist

a little after Ned gets Jon he asks the wet nurse a bunch of baby questions and she casually mentions infants totally change eye and hair colors sometimes (Ned almost kills himself on the spot) so he and Howland end up frantically inventing mendelian inheritance genetics on the ride back home. except now Cat keeps catching him in the nursery with a tray of pea plants and a notepad staring at baby Jon with the intensity of One Thousand Suns and she’s like my lord is this some first men tradition? you do not perform this ritual for Robb :( and Ned just has to be like……aye tis a sacred offering to the old gods. for bastards only. no one else may witness, forgive me.

#and thats why he caught cersei #asoiaf #ned stark #catelyn stark #jon snow #house stark #cersei lannister #house baratheon #house lannister #house targaryen

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Iron Islands naming conventions are soooo funny because on one hand you have the most viking-ass names that ever did exist you've got Stygg you've got Gelmarr you've got Harl Jorl Qarl you've got Ragnor. A good number of them overlap with Freefolk names (idk what to do with that information either). But then a small handful would better fit in a Jane Austen novel with how fucking posh they sound in isolation. This is a post about Tristifer Botley.

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Later, while Sansa was off listening to a troupe of singers perform the complex round of interwoven ballads called the ‘Dance of the Dragons’ …

- Eddard VII, AGOT

hotd the musical is an in universe thing confirmed. is the dance of dragons westeros’ hamilton? did grrm just foreshadow hamilton here?? rhaenyra is the alexander hamilton. aegon ii is the aaron burr. it was written by ser ilyn manuel myranda.

oh my god. aemond targaryen miku binder.

#incorrect #hotd the musical is obviously asoiaf Les Mis #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #hotd

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@chipmunktheseaotter He's such a fucked up little guy and he must have such fucked up little thoughts

TWOW Headcanon

ADWD spoilers

Bowen Marsh as commander at Castle Black will absolutely seal the gates, probably after kicking all the wildlings out (if Tormund doesn't immediately murder him for the events of ADWD).

In case y'all forgot, there are still two of Jon's ranger parties out there!! not to mention Cotter Pyke's fleet at Hardhome and his wrecked galleys and "dead things in the water"

So now i am manifesting Alliser Thorne as a POV character and you cannot stop me

Ser Shitpost out

#manifesting twow #adwd spoilers #asoiaf #asoiaf headcanon #night's watch #alliser thorne #tormund giantsbane #game of thrones #affc spoilers #got #asos spoilers

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“Valar morghulis” – “All men must die”. That shadow lies over our world and will until medical science gives us all immortality… but I don’t think it makes it necessarily a pessimistic world. Not any more pessimistic than the real world we live in. We’re here for a short time and we should be conscious of our own mortality, but the important thing is that love, compassion, and empathy with other human beings is still possible. Laughter is still possible! Even laughter in the face of death… The struggle to make the world a better place… We have things like war, murder and rape… horrible things that still exist, but we don’t have to accept them, we can fight the good fight. The fight to eliminate those things. There is darkness in the world, but I don’t think we necessarily need to give way to despair. One of the great things that Tolkien says in Lord of The Rings is “despair is the ultimate crime”. That’s the ultimate failing of Denethor, the Steward of Gondor, that he despairs of ever being able to defeat Sauron. We should not despair. We should not go gentle into that good night.

- George R. R. Martin

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lil jon things i am obsessed with/think are hilarious in the order they occurred to me at 3 am

-spends the first book telling anyone who will listen that he’s Not Afraid To Die and then a wight shoves its whole hand down his throat and he’s like wow that was actually extremely scary and never says that shit again

-always got little Things he says to himself but they’re all awful. very bad affirmation game no wonder morale is low

-“did lord eddard father you on a fish wife”

-the doubts that plague me can’t catch me if i just keep making Decisions!!! let’s hear it for Decisions!!!!

-arguably contender for top woman respecter but batting absolute zero at successfully comforting crying women. unless you consider “making her mad at you instead of upset” a success

-i’m not a wolf! i’m not a wolf!! i’m not a wolf!!! while warging like almost constantly with zero control. babe i don’t think your affirmations are working you’re experiencing non consensual smells at an alarming rate

-i wish mormont was my dad wait no i wish benjen was my dad wait no i wish qhorin was my dad wait no i wish donal noye was my dad. will someone be my dad please i just keep making decisions

-constantly having Agonies over ethical decision making while the rest of the continent hasn’t even really invented the concept of ethics yet? on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to his constant Agonies

-related: love is the death of duty but having strong ethical convictions/clear moral vision is also kind of the death of duty oops! aemon didn’t warn you about that one!

-stannis wants to davosify this kid mega bad

-“jon felt like he was fifteen again” (said when he’s literally sixteen)

-has a terrible violence in his heart but it’s kind of the least of his problems tbh. like yeah my fire and blood levels are a little elevated but i’ve got paperwork i need to take care of

-RUNNING DOWN THE TABLE AT YOU WITH A KNIFE!!!!!

-last of the giants fixation. god he’s gonna be so mad when he comes back and wun wun is dead. this one isn’t hilarious it’s deeply moving and endearing

-an eagle almost rips his eye out and he’s like well i guess i have no choice but to have sex with ygritte at least one dozen times. it’s a tough job but someone’s gotta do it

-just a crazy amount of anime main character pre-loaded swag (bastard of winterfell skin changer with an albino direwolf and a cool sword which he can really SWANG and cool facial scars etc etc) and is actively working against it. rolled super high on charisma and is trying to balance it out by being as much of a boring fuddy duddy as he possibly can. the devil works hard (at making me cool) but i work harder (at being very uncool). it is an honorable thing to be swagless by choice…….

-pretty sure he actively enjoys saying no to people. just for love of the game (the game is being disagreeable). very capricorn coded. likely brushes his teeth in the shower.

-REMEMBER WE KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP 😈

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Stannis: Why did my brothers, The Party Kings, inspire so much love and loyalty while I, Guy Who Let’s A Witch Set People on Fire-

#asoiaf #visenya targaryen #house targaryen #house baratheon #stannis baratheon

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I would like to think that the reason Waymar Royce avoided sleeping under Craster’s roof was more noble than selfish. After all, we have in the examples of Waymar’s (male) family members men who, while certainly not immune to the sort of personal and political ambitions common to Westerosi blue bloods, uphold a certain moral standard at the same time. If Ser Robar Royce sought out a place in Renly’s Rainbow Guard to win the sort of personal glory denied to nobly born second sons, and approached war with a lightness that disturbed Catelyn, he still prioritized honor enough to sacrifice himself so that two innocent women could escape the site of (and blame for) Renly’s murder. If Lord Yohn Royce sought and cultivated the favor and control of both the young Lord Arryn and his somewhat older heir presumptive, Bronze Yohn nevertheless exploded with fury at Lyn Corbray’s (staged) attempt to breach the ancient tradition of guest right during their conference at the Eyrie. Nor was Waymar himself personally bereft of a sense of honor, as demonstrated in his fatal determination to defend the Night’s Watch even against a supernatural enemy he could not have hoped to defeat.

So perhaps Ser Waymar, coming across Craster’s Keep on his very first command ranging, decided that he was not going to condone the same blind-eye allowance of Craster’s rape and slavery of his daughters and “wives” which other Night’s Watch officers allowed when they stopped over with Craster. How, perhaps Waymar might have thought, could he respect the chivalric charge to protect women and the innocent (as Robar Royce would do for Catelyn and Brienne) while sitting by as Craster verbally and physically abused the women and girls in his household? (To say nothing of Craster’s sacrifice of his sons, which admittedly Waymar does not seem to have known about.) Did Waymar, as Jon would in ACOK, decide that Craster was akin to an unjust bannerman, more fit to be hanged than to be trusted as even an uncertain ally? Consequently, did Waymar make the choice Jon would - to reject the obligations of guest right, that socio-political tradition which would in the future be so vigorously defended by his own father?

Of course it’s possible that this refusal was simply a reflection of Waymar’s aristocratic arrogance - that Ser Waymar found the midden heap of Craster’s Keep too humble and impoverished to house him, the knightly son of a great lord of the Vale and an officer of the Night’s Watch. Yet I feel like the more interesting reading is to view Waymar as a sort of proto or imperfect Jon Snow. Just as Ser Waymar was another privileged but extraneous aristocratic scion whose socio-political position virtually required that he pursue a career in the Night’s Watch - and as Waymar and Jon both hold to the fundamental mission of the Night’s Watch against the Others, with Jon perhaps eventually succeeding where Waymar (not for lack of trying) failed - so perhaps Waymar and Jon shared a feudal/chivalric disgust in the unjust actions of Craster.

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Stannis: Why did my brothers, The Party Kings, inspire so much love and loyalty while I, Guy Who Let’s A Witch Set People on Fire-

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Wyman Manderly: "Mayhaps it was a blessing... he would have grown up to be a Frey...

*Roose deciding just that minute he's going to wear this fucker like a fur coat*

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I love that Jon and Arya are aware of each other's flaws and will 100% call each other out on mistakes, but they are physically incapable of allowing anyone else to say shit about it

Random guy #1: so then he swapped Mance's baby and sent him with another baby's mother to the other side of the continent

Arya: ok? Maybe the baby was being an ass

Random guy #2: she's literally on a killing spree

Jon: so? God forbid women do anything

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House Baratheon's so cool and underrated.

Black and gold? Serving.

"Ours is the fury" Sounds both tough and cunty in equal measure.

Storm's End is at the edge of a cliff.

Supernatural origin legend.

Magical black hair.

Inherent bravery and a lust for battle.

The Stormlands are always... stormy. We love a grey, wet and menacing wasteland.

Stags are super cool and underrated.

#house baratheon #baratheon pride #stormlands #asoiaf #valyrian scrolls

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nothing is funnier than alliser thorne to me like he had sooooo much beef with this 14 y/o emo loser as a grown ass man. jon made one (1) joke about his DOG and thorne was like ohhhhh he has to die. he really said i want that twink obliterated 🙏 no thoughts no prayers just violence. me and this eighth grader are mortal enemies. very well adjusted! good job!

#we stan alliser thorne on this blog #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #jon snow #asoiaf memes #alliser thorne

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u know half the time idek what the fuck he is even saying

#pure of spirit dumb of ass #jaime lannister #asoiafedit #asoiaf memes #asoiaf #valyrian scrolls

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Lew Piper: ser jaime why do you have so many bruises

Jaime: uhh they're love bites from all the women in Darry

Lew:

Lew: ok did they fuckin beat you up

Jaime: ...yes

#asoiaf #asoiafedit #asoiaf memes #memes #jaime lannister #ilyn payne #game of thrones #game of thrones memes #got #adwd spoilers

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I spent like months on these so if anyone says anything about anyone not being included or time periods not lining up for the clothes i will CRY

#asoiaf #asoiafedit #valyrianscrolls #asoiaf art