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shitishouldnotbepostingonline · 10 months

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Unromantic

Bro really thought he could just ask.

One of my more lighthearted "men are pigs" stories. For a little background, I went to a small school and grew up in a small town my entire life. Everyone knows everyone. My school was an elementary k-6 and high school 7-12. Yes 17 year olds dated 12 year olds. Yes it was creepy. No that is not this story. My class was only about 35 people and the classes above us were around the same.

Small schools have a lot of dances and usually would raise a good bit of money for whatever club needed money. We had a Hawkins dance, Halloween, homecoming, Christmas, valentines, spring and prom. I know I'm missing one but every other month there was a dance. When I was in middle school, it was a big deal. Who you going with, should we sleepover after, should we get pizza before, can you wait for me by the door so I don't have to go in alone because I'm having a panic attack that I over dressed because what the fuck do you wear to a casual dance at 13 and my dad is dropping me off early so he can have a break, can your mom do my hair. Fun fun fun times. Most importantly, drama. A huge night for drama. Miss one dance, miss all the gossip. Miss one dance, your crush might have started dating someone else. Miss one dance, your an outcast for at least the next week of school. I never missed a dance. Commonly you would find me A. dancing B. consoling in the bathroom or C. gossiping. I'll admit I'm toxic, I know and especially in middle school I was horrible. I was a horrible person who was going through horrible things blah blah blah. Every teen sab story. We all did it. I wasn't the worst but wasn't the best either. Life was about being popular, having friends and especially a boyfriend.

So, one of these dances is coming up. It's the homecoming. One that you are definitely supposed to have a date to. I'm single, actually thinking about it, I think this time period was the longest I've been single ever. I'm single and chat up this guy a grade above me. Let's call him Mark. We share a study hall together and Mark's definitely not popular but he is older then me which will give me points on the invisible popularity scale. My first impression was he's kind, funny and dorky so we spark a friendship. We start talking on kik (rip) and everything is normal to a 14 and 15/16 year old texting in the early 2010's. He's a bit odd and talks to me a little weird. I would later on recognize this as misogynistic but I was 14 and it was a different time. Fast forward to the week leading up to the dance and I'm dropping mad hints that I want him to ask me. I was freaking out that I had no one to go with. I was in between friend groups and was kind of at my first "big depression" period. He finally agrees to go with me (I don't think he ever actually asked). I definitely wore him down with constant texting and always saying hi when we passed in the hall. I think the worst part is I didn't like him. I just felt like I need a boyfriend for the attention everyone gives you once you start dating.

We decided (I decided) to go to the dance together. We make a plan and Mark changes it last minute saying he's not going unless I meet him at his house so we could walk together. Mark also made it a point to mention he was home alone. Cool fine no red flag there. At least not to my 14 year old dumb fuck self. The problem being my dad is bring me. Dad doesn't know I have a date. Dad doesn't know this kid and is not going to like that Mark wants me to go over to his empty house. So what do I do? I just didn't fucking tell my father. Waited for dad to leave. Then walked on over to Mark's place. Dumb yes, but if you want to understand how I was raise by people who are hands off or overly trusting/don't care that would take 37 page thesis paper.

I find Mark's house and at this point the dance has started. Did I mention he had the tickets so even if I refused to go over I would not be able to get into the dance. It's cold, I'm in a dress, heels, and I come from a place where it fall is 40° at night. Anyways I knock on the door and he yells for me to come in. When I say that womanly instinct sent red flags off throughout my whole body, I'm not kidding. Rightfully so. I was lying about where I was, who I was with and what I was doing. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I was terrified. I go in the house and shut the door behind me. We just kind of stare at each other until I break the overwhelming silence with a

"are you ready to go"

In which he responds

"a yeah but do you want to chill here for a bit"

Me, confused because I just spend hours getting ready and had a plan of action laid out in my head says

"I mean the dance already started"

This kid, props to how much guts it probably took, asks me

"well I was hoping you would let me eat you out first, then we'll head over".

The only thing I picture now is him hyping himself up all day to ask me that but at the time it was a different feeling. I can not describe in words what the hell was going through my mind. Like what? You can just ask that? Did he just ask that? Like he wants me to just what lay on his bed as he eats me out???? We haven't even kissed, held hands, nothing was leading me to believe that we had reach that level of intimacy. We are not even dating. I do what most women would do in that situation and play it off as he's just joking. I laugh and say let's go in a lighthearted voice. But no he doubles down. I remember think Jesus Christ please stop you are ruining any chance of anything happening.

"So is that a no"

How do I respond with out sound like a dick but also not agreeing because this kids is persistent. So I say as simply and as nicely trying not to embarrassing him

"Oh um I'm not really into that. I was hoping we could just go to the dance"

Then the most awkward walk of my young adult life happened. We did like 2 or 3 slow dances together but I spend most of my time consoling a friend in the bathroom. He tried to kiss me before I left but I think I dodged it with a hug.

So what do you think happened next? I have to see him everyday and we texted like constantly. He may of even apologized for being weird. Friend zone? Ghosted to the best of my ability? Told everyone what the fuck that kid asked me? No no and surprisingly no. I kept it to myself for quite a bit. It felt like to much for me to process at that time to tell anyone. We ended up dating for 2 weeks. Worst 2 weeks of my life. I underestimated just how much people disliked him and was starting to get laughed at for being with him. Which I would take if I actually liked him at all. As soon as we started dating the only thing he talked to me about in study hall was his dick. I mean like hyping it up for me. Acting like I was going to drop my yoga pant right there and just jump on him. I made it 2 weeks and the second week was just because I didn't know how to break up with him. Which I did in person. First time I've ever broken up with someone in person. It was mean yes but all this kid did was talk about his dick for 40 minutes a day. I bluntly said

"I'm not going to do this anymore. You just keep talking about your dick and it weirds me out. So I'm breaking up with you"

That was that. Didn't ever really talk to him again. We weren't on like bad terms but not good ones either. He did date a girl younger then me for a hot minute but other then that I do not think he dated anyone else while we were in school. My mom said she saw Mark an said hi but that was years ago. I still have him on socials and he's been popping up recently which is what inspired me to share this tidbit. I hope he is a bit more romantic in the bed room for who ever he ends up with.

I know I am to blame and I was cruel for potentially leading him on. I take responsibility for my part of being a fucking asshole when it came to petty shit like being popular or seen so by your peers. Funny thing was about this time I start having a new group of friends who were the more "outcast" type. Eventually they would be my friends for the rest of high school. I would blow up every single one of those friendships slowly until graduation. Probably doing permanent damage to all of our mental health along the way. I am not the good guy. In most my stories I have, especially from high school, I am just as much the villain as victim. I know that. If I could go back in time and have a chat with myself, I would. Live an learn.

#sisnbpo #shitishouldnotbepostingonline #unromantic #high school #shitpost

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shitishouldnotbepostingonline · 10 months

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The times I may of had an undiagnosed concussion-

I was an active kid and also fucking stupid when it came to staying aware of my surrounds (still am). I never played sports but I was always staying active somehow. I grew up in the 2000's but I can't really remember much before 2010/2011. My memory, as I have aged well into my 20's, has became super spotty when it comes everyday shit but childhood trauma doesn't leave that easy. I blame the following events for a lot of the disfunction my brain is suffering from now. If I could afford a brain scan I would in a heart beat.

The first accident I can recall has to be one of the most embarrassing moments I've ever experienced. Still to this day I think if someone mentioned it to me my face would turn red. When I was younger I had a friend who lived a few houses down. We will call her Jane. Jane an I would ride bikes around the development we grew up in. I was leaving Jane's house one day. Jane's dad was sitting outside watching us and as I was leaving the only thought in my head was "I'm going to ride this bike as fast as possible to impress my friend". Why, I have no clue. So I take off down a hill. I hear someone yell something that might have been my name, so I wip my head around only to then smash head first into the back of a neighbors truck. Thankfully I had my head turned so my nose didn't break but I'm 50/50 if I blacked out before I started crying. What do you think happened next? Because it sure as hell wasn't love and support I'll tell ya. The dad and Jane were dying laughing in my face. Then laughter turned to "you dented the truck". Mind you I'm still in the road bleeding from the scrapes on my knees and may have a concussion. As Jane's dad freaked out about me denting a truck with my skull and Jane's mom gave me an ice pack, I decided I needed to leave and walked my bike home. My mom made me apologize to the neighbor only to find out that I caused nothing but a scuff to his truck. Which he seemed a little mad rightfully. My mom also tried to ground me (I'm kind of sure). My memory gets a little spotty after that. All an all extremely traumatic and you can assume that emotional neglect is a large theme. I come from a "rub some dirt in it" family and have found myself guilty of not understanding someone's pain as well.

Thankfully I had a helmet on for these next two. My family and I would go skiing together. Usually with my uncle and his 3 girls. The first one is when I fell trying to get on a "T bar" for the first time ever. It wasn't really explained to me how to, but the peer pressure kind of took over. So, I fall face first and let go of the bar. The guy running the "T bar" (probably a 16 year old kid) decided not to stop it. Giving me about 10 seconds to wipe the shame off of falling and get out of the way. If you have ever tried getting up after falling like that as a beginner, its not an easy task. As soon as I'm trying to lift my head up the next bar comes flying at my face. Smacking me right in the forehead. I kind of don't remember anything other then the bar coming at me, getting hit, then being in the truck on the way home. I can however hear my uncle laughing his ass off at me telling me I didn't hold on tight enough then being pissed I ruined the day. My dad was ahead of us, he tried showing me how to get on by example. Not a good enough example I guess. The next trip was the same crew, this time my uncle decided it was time I ski the bigger trails and stop going down the same one everytime. Which I get but also I wasn't the best skier. So, I with the constant bullying and teasing from my family, finally do. I couldn't slow down, hit some ice, decided okay I'm bombing this bitch, then hit a tree face on so fucking hard. I definitely blacked out for that one because I don't remember a thing after. I remember seeing the tree and knowing there was nothing I could do then pain.

This one was probably the worst because I 100% had a concussion and still have a dent in my skull from it. I was play basketball outside my house with, let call them Adam and Ali, till we got bored and started throwing the ball into the tree. Why, who knows. Well the ball gets stuck, duh, so we start throwing sticks at it. My dumb ass stands under were the ball is and throws a rock. No it wasn't the rock that hit me but a branch about as big round as a small tortilla. Right on the left side of the top of my head. It was about a 10-11 foot drop. I dropped to the ground and I can remember being immediately dizzy. I didn't start crying till I saw blood. So I rushed into the house telling my mom what happened and looking into the mirror to see a gash. I start freaking out that I'm going to need stitches (I probably didn't but in my defense it was about 2 inches long and a centimeter wide) while my loving mother said "get a band aid and go back outside your fine". Then ignored me and my worry the rest of the night. It didn't stop bleeding for hours. I was dizzy and nauseous, I had the absolute worst migraine that made my vision blurry. It was not a fun time. So I decided it was probably best not to sleep right away. Love my little dent though. It reminds me how uncaring my mother is. I also almost had to call 911 before because I could breath and she didn't want to leave the bar yet. Bust thats a different story and I was a teen by then.

The last one is funny. Pretty much my sister owned a this open bowed boat and while I was riding in the front hit about a 9 foot tall wave that almost sent me overboard. But I held on and when the boat landed, it landed hard. I smashed my head off the boat. Didn't cry for that one. I think I had a good amount of adrenaline in me though. I hit my head riding in my dads boat enough times that its just par for the course.

All these took place between the ages of 9-13. Not really the best time to aquire acute brain damage. Some quick ones I didn't feel like needed an explanation from the same time period are: throwing myself over the handlebars of a forewheeler, smashing my bike into a mailbox, hitting my head off a brach while riding on the back of a wheeler, hitting my head off the tree my swing was on multiple times, breaking my arm falling from the monkey bars and hitting my head off the side of the pool.

Yeah I don't know how I'm alive still either. I was a tough kid and crying was very rare until it came to extreme pain and someone screaming in my face.

If anyone does read this I would just like to note that I'm a sarcastic blunt person and write how I think. I know my writing abilities need work but it feels good just to share trauma to the void. Maybe even work through a few things while I'm at it.

#sisnbpo #shitishouldnotbepostingonline #childhood #trauma

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