study-privilege

[study-privilege]

A friend once told me that when they are struggling with getting laundry done, she pretends it is her sworn duty to smuggle the young prince out of the castle to safety, disguised in a laundry hamper.

Now, when I am struggling with hygiene, I pretend I am part of a village with an annual festival, and I get one day a year to spend luxuriously at a bathhouse in preparation.

What my friend imparted on me was the skill of turning mundane tasks into fantastical adventures to make them more compelling and bearable.

So next time you need to go on a mental health walk, maybe consider doing reconnaissance for a secret underground organisation.

Next time cooking is too much of a chore, consider you ability to turn space station rations into a feast to the delight of your crewmates.

#chore

[study-privilege]

on memory

Sarah LeWarn / Tarfia Faizullah / Ryan O'Connell / George Seferis, tr. Edmund Keeley & Philip Sherrard, Memory I. / Sylvia Plath, from a letter to Ruth Tiffanny Beuscher / Clementine von Radics, James

[study-privilege]

[study-privilege]

Hi :) Is there a question you've yet to be asked that you would like to answer? A story of something nice that happened, a book recommendation that's not enough for a whole post, a piece if advice no one has asked for yet...?

Have a pleasant day<3

That’s such a thoughtful ask, OP. I appreciate your message.

Normally I do get bombarded with people who need advice and I’m always happy to lend a helping hand if I can. But this ask is quite refreshing and different and I’d love to take a stab at it.

A book recommendation… I’ve been reading lots lately and I began Salman Rushdie’s novel, The Moor’s Last Sigh. It’s an interesting read so far. I love dystopian, magic realism novels and I love reading stuff that makes me wonder what the fuck I just read. I enjoy reading authors who have an odd way of looking at life and the world. It makes me feel so small but in a good way - there is so much out there for me to explore and that perhaps what I’m going through isn’t some rare calamity. In a sense, books like that ground me and bring new perspectives in my life. Murakami’s work is another uncomfortable read I particularly enjoy.

A piece of advice that no one asked for… Not all “high value men” are 100% traditionally masculine. My father always told me I had a strong personality but instead of telling me to be more submissive, he suggested I look at men who are more mild mannered than I am but not to compromise on certain details. Dating someone with a strong personality would only create conflict. Initially I disagreed with him but as I dated more people, I realised he was right. I do want someone who is masculine in some areas and to be provided for if needed but I want to be a decision maker in certain areas that are not traditionally feminine and that’s ok. There’s no cookie cutter to this. As long as you know what you want and what your key needs are, at least you know your starting point.

Something nice that happened… I’ve been taking on a lot of challenges in my work life lately and it’s starting to pay off. I met a friend after 10 years and I felt so nice meeting him again because he was always such a sweet little guy. My friends and I went to a gaming arcade over the weekend and had an absolute blast. I ordered new clothes and workout gear and I’m excited to receive them. I’ve decided to start a flower diary - I want to learn more about plants. I’m going to start with my parents’ garden, I plan to carefully pick and press the flowers in a between the pages of a heavy book and stick it in a beautiful, leather bound scrapbook. I plan to write their names with a fountain pen.

❤️

#aaaaaaa i was so nervous to send this ask in case it seemed boring #i am very happy you liked it #authors who have an odd way of looking at life will forever be my favorite “genre” #sometimes they have this writing style that confuses me so much and i have no idea what's going on but it's the best feeling in the world #so i will definitely check it out<3 #also love the advice #it's very true #you need to pick partners that match you #i used to have a flower diary and it was so much fun #my old biology teacher would teach us in the woods sometimes and we could test the ph level of still water vs rivers and document animals #that we could find near them #we tested sodium and a bunch of other things as well #it was such a magical class #i truly felt so alive

[study-privilege]

Table Etiquette

A crash course on fine dining/ being invited to dinner at someone’s place. Even if you don’t fine dine, I’d recommend you start practicing these habits in any establishment so that they come to you naturally.

Remember : A typical four-course meal consists of a soup, an appetizer, an entrée, and dessert.

If you’re standing at some sort of a networking session/ mixer:

Keep at least one hand free. If you are standing, have only a drink or food in one hand, never both.  Hold a drink in your left hand so that you have a clean hand for a handshake. You can eat and drink while sitting, but it is always better to stand and greet.

Sitting/ dining out/ invited to dinner:

1. Wait to be seated by the staff/ host.

2. Napkin on your lap the minute you sit down at the table.

3. if you're looking at the menu, make sure to have the bottom, or at least one part of it, still touching the table, even if your impulse is to bring it closer to your face. Don’t lift the menu off the table to your nose.

4. Once you sip from a glass, you must sip from the exact same place on that glass for the rest of the evening.

5. If there’s a breadbasket and butter on your table - don’t dip the bread in the communal butter plate. Take a piece of the butter with your butter knife, put it on the side plate, then spread that butter on your bread. Don’t double dip! Your bread plate is the one on your left, by the way. And your glass will be on your right.

6. If your table has a lot of silverware - start from the outside and work your way in.

7. Dishes should be passed in a counter-clockwise flow. Don’t reach across the table.

8. Lay you fork and knife diagonally across the plate, side by side, pointing at 10:00 and 4:00 on a clock face. This signifies to the wait staff that you have finished.

9. Keep the rim of your plates as clean as possible, as a sign of respect to the staff.

Cultural differences:

1. Whilst eating Indian food/ in India, always eat with your right hand. The left hand should never touch the food. This is also seen in the Arab world - use only the thumb, index finger and middle finger to pick up food.

2. In Korea, one waits for the senior most person in the room to sit and eat, and is followed suit. Sharing is caring - food is often ordered to share with each other rather than individual plates.

3. Chopsticks etiquette (general): don’t stick and leave your chopsticks in your food perpendicular to the table, it signifies death. Don't set your chopsticks down pointed at another person at the table. Don't point your chopsticks at other people around the table.

4. France: bread on the table is meant to accompany the main dish, not as an appetiser.

What are some table manners that one should keep in mind if they’re eating food/ eating with someone of your culture?

#table etiquette #etiquette #manners

[study-privilege]

If you're struggling with the cost of living right now (reasonable), this is your PSA to...

Google universities/colleges near you.

If you can't get out to more than one, look up which one has the highest tuition.

Look-up when the graduate date is

Drive neighborhoods near the university the week before graduation

So much stuff gets left out on the curb. Wealthy college students tend to prioritize convenience over money, so instead of carefully reselling their perfectly good stuff, they frequently give it away or put it out with the trash because that's easier than moving, reselling, or donating. Take advantage of this.

I furnished pretty much my entire apartment from college giveaways and yardsales.

What I got for free:

Mattress and box springs

2 10 ft area rugs

The massive 9-drawer chest (that has a label on the back that it was custom-made and shipped across the country) that my TV sits on.

Two 13 x 2 ft raised garden beds

My desk - just sanded it down and refinished it.

Three short stools

An organizer rack

Watering can

Tommy Bahama outdoor cooler (retails for $350)

Chairs

Shelves

What I got for cheap:

Two futons for $50

Custom coffee table with storage for $25

Three tall stools for $30

[study-privilege]

If you're struggling with the cost of living right now (reasonable), this is your PSA to...

Google universities/colleges near you.

If you can't get out to more than one, look up which one has the highest tuition.

Look-up when the graduate date is

Drive neighborhoods near the university the week before graduation

So much stuff gets left out on the curb. Wealthy college students tend to prioritize convenience over money, so instead of carefully reselling their perfectly good stuff, they frequently give it away or put it out with the trash because that's easier than moving, reselling, or donating. Take advantage of this.

I furnished pretty much my entire apartment from college giveaways and yardsales.

What I got for free:

Mattress and box springs

2 10 ft area rugs

The massive 9-drawer chest (that has a label on the back that it was custom-made and shipped across the country) that my TV sits on.

Two 13 x 2 ft raised garden beds

My desk - just sanded it down and refinished it.

Three short stools

An organizer rack

Watering can

Tommy Bahama outdoor cooler (retails for $350)

Chairs

Shelves

What I got for cheap:

Two futons for $50

Custom coffee table with storage for $25

Three tall stools for $30

[study-privilege]

I was at lululemon two days ago to buy a yoga pants + sports bra combo<3 They didn't have my bra size though

Just saw someone on twt with a collection of pink lululemon jackets oh those are DEFINITELY going on the list

[study-privilege]

Freestyling 💌

What do you call placing yourself in a position that aligns with your goals? Well AI calls it “Strategic”. You’re being strategic when you place yourself in an environment where the kind of men you want to date frequent.

I’ve seen videos on TikTok saying how it is “desperate” to go to upscale restaurants, bars, lounges and coffee shops in upscale neighborhoods with the intention of meeting a man. When in reality it is the smartest thing you can do to take control of your love life. When people say things like “love will find you when you least expect it”. Can the same be said for a job that you want? Is it desperate to apply for jobs better yet should the employer just hire a random person they found on the street? It doesn’t work that way sweetie. This often will be said by people who are already in long term relationships or who want you to stay single or settle or want you to buy their course.

Place yourself in an environment to be found by the kind of man that you want. That is the best way to get what you want. Do your research. Use google to find out the information that you want to know.

1. Only go to places that you would want to be taken on a date to. Don’t go anywhere that you don’t like.

2. Order a single non alcoholic drink and if you get hungry order an appetizer, side or dessert. It will be very cheap. Or just wait until a man comes over and offers to buy you a drink and then order whatever food that you want since he is paying.

3. Be open, friendly and smile. Don’t forget to make eye contact.

How else do you expect to get the life that you want if you don’t place yourself in a position to receive it?

[study-privilege]

I miss the 2019 era. All the blogs are inactive now... Any that are still active, even if you only reblog, please like this post so I can follow<3

#hypergamy #sugaring #sugar bowl #swers only #spoiled girlfriend #spoiled heaux #fssw #fsswonly

[study-privilege]

When a job interviewer asks if you have any questions for them at the end, maybe don’t just make stuff up to impress them. (I saw this advice going around recently. I honestly don’t know why you would do that. Kudos to the person giving the advice though if it’s worked for them.) In a job interview, you are also vetting a company to see if they’re the right fit for you. Ask them relevant questions that you want to know the answer to! Don’t miss out on that opportunity to learn about red or green flags that will help you decide. (And obviously if you’re dead set on the job regardless of any red flags, this will help you anticipate what sort of job this will be.) You might want to ask things like… - Do you do annual performance reviews? - When dealing with a challenging project/customer/client, what support does someone working here have access to? - What’s your favorite benefit or perk that comes from working here? - How would you describe the company culture? - How would you say the attitude surrounding work-life balance is here? - What’s your favorite project you’ve worked on/thing you’ve done here? - What’s the hardest challenge you’ve had to solve working here? Questions like these will give you a better insight into the day to day of what working at a specific place might be like! (Not all of these apply to every type of job, so YMMV. Make up your own questions.) Some companies won’t be forthcoming about certain questions for obvious reasons (particularly ones about work-life balance), but you still might be able to catch the difference between a confident answer and a bullshit one.

#how to adult #job interviews #working

[study-privilege]

Hey you know how I said I was going to make a workbook on the kind of bullshit you need to do when someone you love dies? I actually did that.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH LOTS OF SWEARING AT THE USELESS, SHITTY SITUATION YOU’RE IN.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH A FAIR AMOUNT OF BLACK HUMOR BUT NO CURSEWORDS.

Featuring Helpful Sections such as:

Death Certificates – What you need, why you need them, and how to get them

Prepare to spend a long and miserable time on the phone

What the Everloving Fuck is Probate

Some Simple Dos and Don’ts

Shitty Mad Libs – Templates for writing Obituaries and Memorials

How to plan a non-religious death party

So you suddenly have to become some sort of hacker or some shit

This is an eighteen page book that you can print out, download, share, and give away; it is meant to be used to collect information about funeral planning and account management after a death OR you can use it BEFORE you die and give people information so they’re not stuck playing Nancy Fucking Drew while trying to keep seventeen cousins who crawled out of the woodwork from gutting each other in front of the fucking casket as they argue about who’s inheriting grandma’s favorite dentures.

It’s not exactly cheerful and it’s full of things that are probably going to feel really fucking raw if you’re processing a fresh death.

I’m sorry! I love you! Death is shitty! I’m trying to laugh about it a little and I hope you can laugh a little too because otherwise we’re all just going to cry together.

Good luck!

(in memory of my weirdo mother and her weirdo siblings who all died too fucking young and left me holding this flaming bag of dogshit)

#how to adult #adulting #funerals

[study-privilege]

If you don't mind me asking, what ARE the right codewords to use on doctors and such?

I’ve thought, many times, about writing a book or something that was basically How To Negotiate Your Disability Without Curling Into A Ball And Weeping More Than Once Or Twice A Week *Or* Murdering The Entire Universe (More Than Once Or Twice A Week).

Here are some highlights:

1) On acquiring adequate pain medication.

Never actually say “I really need strong drugs here doctor, because the drugs you and every other doctor gave me for this injury/illness didn’t work, and also I’ve been in pain for years and I’d like that to stop.”

While there are some doctors who speak human languages and will understand what you’re saying, most, when you say that, will hear:

“I am a ravening junkie werekaiju, and I will come to your house and EAT YOUR BABIES IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME HEROIN.”

You think I’m kidding? Watch a healthcare professional’s eyes when someone else says something like the following. Watch them shut down and back away and tighten up and generally stop treating the person like a human. So what do you say?

Try this:

“Well, I hate these drugs that make me *stupid*, you know? One of these so-called doctors — they gave me some pill that made me feel like I was on a whole separate planet for *years*, but I was still in pain! I have things to *do*, doctor. I have a job/family/projects. I wouldn’t be here if I could get my work done the way I am now, but if I can’t do them with the drugs you give me, then what’s the point?”

Make sure to translate this into the appropriate dialect for your area, but note the important points:

a) Reassures the doctor that you’re not one of those ~*eeevil*~ junkies.b) Reassures the doctor that you’re not one of those ~*eeevil*~ non-productive members of society.

c) Reassures the doctor that you’re not one of those ~*eeevil*~ weak-willed disabled people.

Remember not to use too *much* *correct* medical jargon — they get suspicious about that.

Yes, all of this is necessary a *lot* of the time.

With the above code, 95% of the time the doctors begin *cooing* at me and treating me like *royalty* — and *100%* of the time I have gotten the effective medication.

Pro-tip: If you can add a true (or true-sounding) story about how much you *hate* one *particular* opiate (“Percocet is useless! All it does is make me stupid!”), then you’re probably in the bag.

2) Acquiring mobility devices.

Never actually say “I need a walker/wheelchair/scooter, because I have trouble getting around, and also I have a great deal of fatigue and pain when I try to do so.”

While some healthcare professionals speak human languages and have souls… well. A lot of them? Will hear this:

“I am a fat, lazy, Fatty McFatFat, and I will continue to expand, much like the universe, until I am a drain on the resources of this great nation and a proof that you, doctor, are a failure. I will never use the mobility devices, ever, and they will gather dust in my home — a mockery of everything you, Morally Healthy Person, holds dear.”

Yes, I know this makes even less sense than the former, but I’ve interrogated these people — the ones who have still have partially-functional souls and minds — and this really is how it works in their adorable little pinheads.

They really do think we’re asking for these devices for… no reason at all.

Or, as my otherwise sane GP put it, she has an honest fear that people like us will  take one look at our new mobility devices and throw all caution — and sense — to the winds. That we’ll stop stretching and exercising. That those of us who *can* walk for short distances will — somehow! — decide to *never walk again*. That we’ll decide to — gleefully! cheerfully! blithely! — let every last one of the muscles we’ve been clinging to with our *fingernails* *atrophy* to *nothing*, because…

Because they think we’re idiots, that’s why. So, try this instead:

“I have a lot of pain and fatigue when I try to walk for any kind of distance, at all, and that’s getting in the way of my ability to have anything resembling an active life. It’s even hard to get to my doctor’s appointments sometimes! I want to do at least some of my own shopping and other errands, and go out with my friends, and at least try to hold down a job, but unless the weather is really good and I’m having a good day in other ways, it’s just not going to happen. I don’t want to stop using my cane/walker/whatever completely — and I *won’t* unless I *have* to, just like I won’t stop doing my PT and OT exercises — but I need something that will let me actually have a life.” Note the similarities to the pain management code — and yes, do make sure you put this in your own words.

But also make sure you keep everything that makes you sound like the Virtuous Handicapable Person you totally are.

Because that’s necessary.Yes, it is.Yes. It. Is. Just as it will be necessary, in many states — make sure you check — to add in this little number:

“It’s just… well, you know that I don’t really have any bladder or GI issues, doctor, but I still… sometimes… on bad mobility days… you know.”

Here’s where you look down.

“Sometimes I don’t make it… you know. In time.”

Understand that you’ll have to repeat this to, like, four different people. At least.Understand that some of them will make you get specific.

If it helps, pretend you’re Steph Brown, doing her level best to gross the everloving bejeezus out of her P.E. teacher with graphic stories about her period so she can get out of class and fight crime.

*I* certainly found that helpful.

#doctors #how to adult #disability #medication

[study-privilege]

nobody warns you this but addiction happens without you noticing and one of the first things that it attacks is your ability to care. if you find yourself using recreational drugs every day, stop and take one day a week sober. if you struggle with this or if you don't see the point of the exercise, you are likely already addicted and you need help.

#addiction #how to adult

[study-privilege]

#therapy #how to adult #psychology #mental health

[study-privilege]

Dear people living on your own for the first time:

Here’s some advice I wasn’t told from the myriad of posts before that I wish I’d been given before

Wash the OUTSIDE of your pots and pans as well as the cooking surface. I’ve had a few roommates now who have only cleaned the inside and I’ve had to replace a $150 set of cookware twice.

“its only one time, how bad could using metal on nonstick cookware really be?” very bad. don’t do this.

Buy a rice cooker. Buy the middle tier rice cooker. Cheap ones will burn your rice, high tier ones are too expensive. Rice is good and cheap and, really, you don’t actually have to wash it if you don’t care about making gourmet food.

Buy band-aids. You don’t think you need band-ads until you need a band-aid, and by then it’s too late. (if you don’t follow this advice, a paper towel and some tape is an acceptable solution while you go get real bandages and neosporin)

You are on tumblr, which means you probably spend most of your time in one spot on a computer or phone. if this spot doesn’t have a trash can in arm’s reach, put one there.

 I spent 4 years piling trash on my desk in increasingly precarious ways until I had a designated area to put it. Trash cans can and should go anywhere there is a frequent generation of trash, typical locations be damned.

If you live with one or two roommates, discuss placing empty boxes in the back of your fridge and freezer. You probably don’t need all the space that the standard 5-person-family fridge provides, and tupperware will be shoved back there and left to stink up the entire appliance.

Get a wall calendar, put it somewhere communal, and have everyone put their household-relevant schedules on it. Communication is by far the weakest link with roommates (even good ones!) and having something to reference for appointments is always good

#how to adult #independent living #dorms #roommates

[study-privilege]

Getting a job:

Ask the Bitches: What the Hell Else Can I Do to Get a Job?

How to Write a Resume so You Actually Have a Prayer of Getting Hired

How to Write a Cover Letter like You Actually Want the Job

How to Frame Volunteering on Your Resume When You’ve Never Had a Job

Prep Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself: Getting Ready for a Job Interview

Common Job Interview Questions and How to Answer Them with the Confidence of a Mediocre White Dude

10 Questions You Should Never Be Asked in a Job Interview

What to Wear (and What Not to Wear) to a Job Interview

What to Do When You’re Asked About Your Salary in a Job Interview

How NOT to Determine Your Salary

How to Find Remote Work: On Getting the Elusive Work-From-Home Job

High School Students Have No Way of Knowing What Career to Choose. Why Do We Make Them Do It Anyway?

The Actually Helpful, Nuanced, Non-Bullshit Way to Choose a Future Career

Myers-Briggs Personalities and Income

I Just Applied for a Job. How (And When) Should I Follow Up?

Freelancing and side jobs:

Should Artists Ever Work for Free?

Stop Undervaluing Your Own Work, You Darling Fool

Romanticizing the Side Hustle

The Ugly Truth About Unpaid Internships

Freelancer, Protect Thyself: The Importance of a Fair Contract

Ask the Bitches: My Boss Won’t Give Me a Contract and I’m Freaking Out

Workplace benefits:

Workplace Benefits and Other Cool Side Effects of Employment

Your School or Workplace Benefits Might Include Cool Free Stuff

Take Advantage of No-Copay Medical Care

Dafuq Is a Retirement Plan and Why Do You Need One?

How to Save for Retirement When You Make Less Than $30,000 a Year

Navigating the workplace:

My Secret Weapon for Preparing for Awkward Boss Confrontations

Are You Working on the Next Fyre Festival?: Identifying a Toxic Workplace

Woke at Work: How to Inject Your Values into Your Boring, Lame-Ass Job

Looking Weird at Work

Short Hair DO Care: Why Is Short Hair Still Controversial?

How to Successfully Work from Home Without Losing Your Goddamn Mind (Or Your Job)

Episode 001: “Should I Tell My Boss I’m Looking for Another Job?”

Accepted a Coworker’s Social Media Friend Request? Yeah, You’re Gonna Regret That.

Getting a raise:

Salary Range: Are You Asking for Enough?

A Millennial’s Guide to Growing Your Salary

The First Time I Asked for a Raise

You Need to Ask for a Fucking Raise

Should You Increase Your Salary or Decrease Your Spending?

Getting a promotion:

Santa Isn’t Coming and Neither Is Your Promotion

How I Chessmastered Myself into a Promotion

Job Hoppers vs. Career Loyalists: I Want to See Numbers!

The Fascinating Results of Our Job Hopping vs. Career Loyalty Poll

Confession: I Hate My Job and I Don’t Know How to Leave It

A New Job, a New Day, a New Life, and I’m Feeling Good

Episode 009: “I’ve Given up on My Dream Career. Where Do I Go From Here?”

#how to adult #working