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imagine-shenanigans · 11 months

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hey guys i haven't even had a chance to see atsv yet i just know spoilers and i want this man biblically, i'm talking carnally, i want him in a way that hurts feminism, i want to bring the whole damn movement down so i can be his stupid little housewife and raise his damn kids so i can watch him be happy and then also get railed into losing every brain cell i have

anyway here's some abo headcanons, they include spoilers for the movie/his backstory probably because idk what is and isnt a spoiler because i havent seen it yet.

also this one works a bit differently than my normal layout, it goes SFW and then dips NSFW and ends with more SFW but they're all clearly labeled!

Reader is written gender neutral with they/them and the nsfw section has afab and amab sections, but since I'm Nonbinary and AFAB that's probably how it's gonna come off for most of the reading, just to warn you!

Miguel O'Hara x Reader N/SFW ABO Headcanons

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5k words

Content Warnings (tell me if I miss any): Dubcon, ABO, Obsessive Behavior, Toxic behavior, Omega reader, Alpha Miguel

For these headcanons we're gonna exist in a weird liminal space where Gabi is like, five to six or so and he brought her home with him or some shit idk man I just think he's a hot single father anwyay, also this is assuming omega reader because i think it's hot

if anyone wants a version where Miguel follows more canon and he still lost his kid and came back you're free to request that too i love that shit, just for this specific one i wanna raise his damn kids so-

SFW

Alpha, big alpha energies.

Miguel is the type of guy who's pretty obsessive with what he claims as his, I would honestly say borderline yandere vibes without fully delving into it - his mental state in this au/situation is also a lot better since he still has his daughter, so he's genuinely a lot less "feral" than he tends to get without her, even though in this we'll say he did almost lose her.

So when he claims someone, he's going to be damn sure he means it.

This ones a bit of a general headcanon but he doesn't really have a type when it comes to the people he likes, other than he needs someone who's interesting to him. Whether it's because you're hotheaded, or even keeled, whether you're snarky or sweet, he just needs something for his brain to latch onto.

Not a love at first sight guy but he is an "obsession I can't place" kind of guy.

Miguel has really enhanced senses when it comes to scenting, so it takes some damn strong suppressants and scent blockers to completely block him out... which if we're pretending reader here is falling with the abo trope of "hiding being an omega" (which we are because I love tropes) is just what gets him obsessed. Clothing and perfume that masks your scent, suppressants and scent blockers, and a confident attitude are all enough to throw most people off the (forgive my pun) scent.

But not Miguel.

His spider DNA has the animalistic side to it that fucks with his hormones regardless, makes it easier for him to pick up on the pheromones that even most attentive alphas can't, he's damn near a personal lie detector with how smart he is and how attuned he is to what his nose and instincts tell him, even when he's using serums to keep the more feral urges at bay.

He can only get a whiff of you, fainter than most betas, and it drives him fucking insane knowing he can smell something but he can't figure it out. He can't place it, and it nags at his brain. He can smell a whiff of flowers, or sugar, or something undeniably citrus (depending on what you headcanon your own smell to be) but he can't place it and he hates that shit.

Ends up pulling some traditional alpha shit and he can't even help it, starts trying to crowd you until you kick him in the shin or Peter B or Jess shoos him away. He has to figure out what it is, he has to know.

It only gets worse when he brings Gabi in (a babysitter fell through) and you end up butting your way in to play with Gabi and Mayday, delighting in watching them for the day instead of whatever you were supposed to be doing. They're both so cute and sweet.

Gabi smells primarily like cinnamon and a bit like dewey grass - she's not old enough to have presented yet, but her basic scent, unaffected by the secondary gender hormones, is simple and sweet, reminds you of a summer morning.

She takes after her father in that regard - Miguel smells *warm* and a bit musky, like trees and cinnamon and, a bit like a camp fire. A small tinge of oil, when you pick it apart, and you can't tell if its from the lingering scent on his skin after fixing a broken machine nobody else could, or if that's part of his natural scent.

(Mayday smells like marshmallows, and carmel, funnily enough)

When you take care of Gabi and Mayday, your scent lingers on their skin, mixes and twists in a way that Peter B can't notice but Miguel can. It's all he can do not to be a damn freak and pick his baby girl up and sniff her hair to try and figure out why she smells like that (not in a creepy way, to clarify because there are some freaks on here, but in the same way a dog gets baffled by smelling you use a new perfume, or in the way of when you pick your kid up and go "WHY DO I SMELL CANDLES ON YOU WHAT WERE YOU DOING")

He almost can't stand how his head swims when he watches you pick Gabi up and gently throw her up in the air a bit, watching you let her climb onto you while you're distracted just like Mayday does. Soothe her tears when she accidentally breaks a toy because she's still learning to control her super strength.

He doesn't know that he wants you either, not until long after he's already manifested feelings. Doesn't realize how protective he is, doesn't realize how differently he treats you. He doesn't realize he's lingering in your area just long enough to make sure he can fill his nose with the faint scent you give off.

He assumes you're a beta - not that it mattered to him, really. Miguel would just as soon marry another alpha as he would a beta or an omega, as long as it's you.

He doesn't realize what he's doing until he's got a piece of your clothing in his hands, holding it in the dead of night up to his nose. A scarf or a glove or a jacket you'd leant to Gabi during the day and she'd spilled her juice on it and he'd taken it home to wash it.

He can smell his daughter's scent, louder than life, so familiar he could have a handful of pepper thrown at him and he'd still be able to wrap his arms around her and move her out of harm's way in the direst of straits.

And then there's yours, linger, mingling with his daughter's scent, and it's the parent of his child.

It's not, it's not the woman who birthed Gabi, it's not the woman who contributed to making her. It's you, the only other person he ever wants near his child in that capacity. And it's intoxicating. It's infuriating. It's overwhelming because the full breadth of his own emotions is so strong as he realizes what he's been doing. And he can't even tell you because he holds himself to a specific standard, a specific code of ethics, and even though he wants to risk it all just so his hindbrain (both alpha and spider and his own human instincts all mingling in one) can have his little loves all wrapped up in his arms, safe where he can protect them.

He only just has the strength to wash the piece of cloth and return it. It takes everything he has not to cling to it, to make a pretty little nest to protect his family in, webs and pillows and fabric, a basis of protection so you can properly make it your own and -

He controls himself, and returns the scarf the next day, leaving it on your desk because he can't bear to look you in the eyes.

The days struggle by, a stark contrast to his normal snark, to lingering in your space and snorting and rolling his eyes. To being by your side more than he normally is. It's disheartening, it makes you feel rejected, and he knows it.

But he doesn't stop, this tension that can cut through the air lingering. Even Gabi and May notice it, the older girl frowning and the younger fussing when the two of you are in the room together.

And then your heat happens.

(brief bullet point break because there's a limit to how much you can have in one bulleted section on tumblr and I don't remember what it is but I'd rather just break here)

You've been on suppressants and scent blockers for years now. Being in your line of work (whether you headcanon this as a spiderperson version of you, or a different kind of superhero, or a civillian all working in the society) it's necessary. Omegas aren't rare but they're not the majority of the population like betas are. In Nueva York, it's a coin toss if you'll be fought over in the streets like some prize to be won, or if you'll be coddled like a child who can't figure out what's best for them.

It's half safety half preference at this point, from your original universe's standard (before it had burnt to cinders before you), and this one's. Your suit, your meds, and your behavior, they're all meant to mask and confuse.

But you can only make it so long on the prescription you've got, the long-lasting shots that were more reliable than a pill. The scent blockers go first - not by design, but by chance. You'd been giving yourself lower doses since you'd wound up in Nueva York, supplementing it with deodorants and lotions swiped from stores and hospitals that could afford to spare the supplies when you can't buy it covertly. But you'd still been low in comparison to your suppressants.

You shower more frequently, lather yourself with soaps and deodorants and lotions of different scents and ones that have blocking effects, and for the most part it works. You can't quite fool Gabi - too smart, too tuned in to your emotions like her father could be. She's got a sharp nose, and she wrinkles it when she can smell how confusing your scent is. She asks questions, and you can't lie your way out of it, but you are able to bribe her so she's distracted long enough that she forgets the question. Miguel notices, when he picks up Gabi, but he can't quite figure out exactly what's wrong, and you leave so fast (he assumes with the tension that lingers between the two of you) that he can't figure it out.

You're so certain you're in the clear.

But then your shots run out, and even you can't get more without a prescription. And while your health information would never go through Miguel, you know that the medispiders have to go through him or Lyla for any heavy duty things like suppressants, because they have to be resourced more carefully.

And your last doctor, although wildly shady, and incompetent, and operating out of an apartment, was right about one thing - suppressants will rot you from the inside out if you're not careful. If you don't let a natural heat occur, it will only be worse in the long run. (Although you suppose he probably had a greasier, grosser reason for telling you that.)

And rot you from the inside they have - all your natural reactions to a heat, all your normal bodily functions don't work properly, when confronted with something they haven't seen in years. You know within seconds of your suppressants flushing out of your system what's going on. You're still in the pre-heat phase of things, and you feel like you're dying. You aren't, and you know you aren't, but you feel nauseous and feverish and incoherent within an hour tops. Only long enough to let you panic and send a text to Miguel that you can't watch Gabi like you'd planned. That you're going out ad you won't be back awhile. You leave your phone in your room, when you pack your bag and head for the nearest somewhat reputable hotel that you can afford. You brace the door with the dresser, explicit instructions left for the front desk to, under no circumstances, contact you for the next week.

You get an order of pre-made meals to slap into the fridge, water and juice and all sorts of drinks and things shoved haphazardly inside once the bot brings it in through the window. You're barely coherent enough to retain control to crush the landline, rendering it inoperable, before you barricade the rest of the room.

You're definitely not in control when you nest, blankets and pillows and clothing all thrown haphazardly around as you go fully out of your gourd.

You're damn well out of your mind by the time you would have normally realized the card you were using was in Miguel's name.

(another very brief line break in this portion for drama but also so I don't hit any limits)

Miguel is pissed when you leave so suddenly.

Sure, he's been avoiding you, and sure, you aren't actually together, but you're his damn it. You don't know it, and sure, he's not going to acknowledge it out loud until something happens, but you can't just leave him and your child and his child who loves you high and dry like that!

It's laughably easy to find you, to find the hotel you've checked into. He doesn't even wait to figure out the reason you left, he's so quick on his honestly kinda toxic bs.

Gabi is left with Peter B and Jess for a bit, and Miguel is honestly so smug that he finds you so fast. You were so sloppy about it. So quick to leave that even though you left your phone behind, in a moment of clarity, you barely bothered to take back streets. You used his own damn card he'd given you to pay for the hotel for two weeks, and to order food.

If he weren't half out of his mind with concern and anger about how quickly you left, he'd be angry you used the card without asking like you normally did.

(His hind brain purrs with it though, knowing he's provided for you)

He doesn't know what did it. Miguel genuinely doesn't know what he did to earn your ire in such a way, but he can guess. He doesn't think it's how cold he was, in the beginning, but he isn't sure that it's not how he'd warmed up to you. How, when he'd let his guard down without realizing it, that he'd flirted with you. Had that made you uncomfortable? Had every 'innocent' brush against you turned you against him? Certainly, it could be his absence, his sudden coolness and stonewalling. It could be how he refused to look at you, when you were in the room. Tried to hold his breath after he'd realized what he was doing.

He doesn't really listen to Lyla when she tries telling him things. He heard where you where, found out the room, and swiped a key before Lyla could finish talking about vital signs and behaviors. She knows to set his alerts to emergency only for the foreseeable future, because she's figured it out much quicker than he has, and she figures she'll at least spare herself the trouble. Gets Gabi set up with Jess for the night, and is on her way so she doesn't have to deal with what's about to go down.

He's surprised by the dresser in front of the door, when he tries to get in the first time. It's easy for him to move - he just lowers his center of gravity and pushes his way into the room, slamming the door shut before he can inhale.

The hotel room is nice, with a kitchenette and a small entry area with a couch and a television. The bedroom is just tucked out of sight. Exactly what he expected when he'd heard the hotel's name - he'd never been, but he recognized it.

And it's when he inhales, that he realizes why.

Your scent hits him hard and fast, chokingly sweet in the back of his throat in a way that makes his hindbrain roar. His pupils blow wide, and if he didn't have such a strong self control, he'd have torn the damn door off its hinges looking for you.

He remembers, in that moment, why he recognized the hotel. It was one that was best known for its handling of customers in heat and rut.

NSFW INTERLUDE

(We're gonna start with general headcanons and go back into the specifics of the scenario in a sec but it's all relevant fjasdkl;)

Miguel is a Dom-leaning switch, he prefers to be in control as often as possible, regardless of whether he's topping or bottoming. Nine times out of ten, he wants to fuck his partner until they're an incoherent, babbling mess, because he enjoys the power and control it gives him, enjoys the dynamic of it.

As he gets more comfortable with a partner, he's more willing to accept the idea of subbing, enjoying it more when he has someone he trusts behind the wheel, so to speak.

(Because yes, Alphas can be subs too - that's a whole thing I could get into and might if someone asks)

And Miguel, even normally, is already a possessive guy. He's needy, and stakes his claim, and when we're talking about abo Miguel?

Sheeeeeesh

The moment he scents you in the air, the moment it clicks in his brain that you're going through a rut or a heat, it goes straight to his dick.

He damn near loses it, fighting not to tear the door off its hinges as he stalks to your room. Your scent is so strong in the air that even though he knows he should turn around, he still at the very least wants to make sure you're okay. So the sight of you, face down, ass up, fingers pressing into yourself, he almost loses his damn mind.

His pretty little wife/husband/spouse coworker, his crush, is an omega. It's almost too good to be true, and he can feel his fucking fangs extend, his mouth watering as he stares at you. You're too blissed out to even realize he's there, slick dripping down your thighs like a fucking faucet... and his name is on your lips.

He could cum untouched, could die a happy, happy man after seeing this.

He has dignity, and self control though, even as the force of your hit heats him. He's genuinely concerned, a moment later, his instinct to breed to claim tampered down by his need to care.

You cling to him, hazy, feverish, and incoherent. You beg him to claim you, to mark you, to fuck you. Miguel wants to, he does... but he instead kicks his shoes off but otherwise stays fully clothed, his cock so hard it hurts as he grabs the closest bottle of water, and an ice pack, and climbs into your haphazard nest with you. He probably should have left by now, but instead he seats you against him, your back pressed to his chest, and he presses the ice pack to your forehead, ordering you to keep it there as he makes you drink water, sip by sip.

You whine, and beg, and squirm, but you obey.

He fucks you on his fingers, once he's gotten some water into you. Hard and fast, leaving you breathless, tense, until you cum all over his fingers, oversensitive as he fingerfucks you into another one, and another, arms like steel wrapped around your waist as one hand pounds into you, the other wrapped around your dick or circling hard on your clit. It's not enough to genuinely sate your heat, but it's enough to help. And he doesn't trust himself to put his own mouth to use - barely trusts himself to speak, even though most of what he growls into your ear is, strictly speaking, complete and utter nonsense as he's caught in the moment. Every time you cum, he praises you, telling you how good you are for it. How sweet you look, with tears streaming down your face, cumming so well for him.

When there's enough coherency for you to have a conversation (but not coherent enough to be mortified), Miguel is able to get the rough gist of the situation. He really can only piece together that the heat is going to be a strong one, that it came fast, and that you had panicked. There's a confession, to be had there. He agrees to help you through your heat, but only under the condition that you're his.

It's toxic, and of dubious consent at best, but he'll pull as many orgasms out of you as needed to keep you coherent enough to talk to him. He's helped an omega through a heat or two, and he knows what he's doing. He's not exactly clearheaded himself, in making the decision - but he does make sure that this is truly what you want before he proceeds.

When he's sure that it's not just the heat speaking, that you truly do care for him, that you want him to stay even after your heat has subsided, he allows himself to indulge.

Sympathy ruts are common, and it builds slowly inside of him as he indulges in his instincts. Holding you, kissing you, pressing his fingers inside of you over and over and over again until you pass out. He keeps you wrapped up in the nest, adding his shirt to the mix while you sleep, but not trusting himself to completely strip quite yet.

Miguel is an attentive alpha.

(While you sleep, he excuses himself from the nest to call his daughter, to assure her everything will be okay, and he just explains simply that you'd gotten sick, that you needed him for a bit, and that he'd be back once you were feeling better. He promises to call every night, and he works out a schedule with Peter B and Jess in the meantime.)

(When you overhear him, voice so soft, so protective, so gentle, it half makes you want to swoon, and half want to climb on his lap and fuck yourself stupid on his cock until he fills you up so you can give his daughter a sibling.)

This man is going to spend a good majority of his time pre-sympathy rut fucking you open on his fingers and his mouth. He wants to make sure you're ready, wants to make sure he can enjoy this for as long as possible.

By the end of it, he makes sure to fuck you, nice and steady, a hand on your throat and his lips on yours. He makes sure you're nice and coherent for it. He wants to make sure you remember it, when he claims you. When his (fucking horse cock, the dude's packing like ten to twelve inches which is great for my chubby bitches like me) dick fills you up so full that you're almost certain you'll break, hiccupping and sobbing as you keen and wail, the nest below you soaked as he fills you up. His fangs sink into your neck and you cum, right then, his hands grabbing your thighs so hard he's sure it will bruise. He fucks you through your orgasm, knot catching until it slips inside. He rubs your clit/tugs on your dick as he finally knots you, making sure you cum just one more time for me, cariño.

normal Miguel definitely has a claiming and breeding kink, so it's fucking intensified by ten when he's omegaverse Miguel... let alone when the man's subject to his rut. You'll be covered in scratches and bites and hickies by the time you're both coherent enough to function properly again.

Which... for Miguel, is a solid few hours of coherency at a time.

For you? You're only ever coherent in short bursts, and it's like the peak of your heat constantly for almost the full week.

This next bit just mostly borders on nsfw/has some nsfw parts so i'll put it at the end here before going back to sfw

Like I mentioned before, Miguel is a very attentive alpha.

He's going to fuck you seven different ways in an hour with his superhuman stamina, but he's also going to make sure to actually take care of you.

He makes sure you drink electrolytes and water in equal measure, makes sure you eat, and sleep, and he bathes you himself, carrying you into the shower and keeping you pressed against him as he massages your muscles and washes your hair and body with a soft cloth, using completely unscented soaps and shampoos so it doesn't overwhelm you. Presses bandages to your scrapes and bites so you'll heal faster. Cool cloths and ice packs and fever reducing medicine.

He finds he has to bribe you, during this time, even for the most basic tasks like eating and drinking, and he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy having to plug you up with his cock just to get you to eat wasn't hot as hell. The fact that you need him so badly you'd rather forgo basic necessities... it's addicting. Granted, he doesn't actually let you - he's got enough control that he can make sure you're taken care of in all regards.

Back to SFW time!

After your heat itself passes, you're subject to the suppressant sickness that comes with it. Your fever has broken, but you're still nauseous and dizzy and fatigued as your body flushes everything out of your system.

Miguel is beyond pissed when he finds out why you're still sick.

It's reckless to not even have a natural heat once every six months, let alone taking your suppressants so solidly that you hadn't had one in years. If he'd known, he'd have said consequences be damned and would have bitten you the moment he walked through the door, and taken you to the hospital.

He doesn't care how embarrassed you are, when he packs all of your things back up into the sealable bags, and dresses you in his own clothing. He's almost out of his mind when he takes both of you back to HQ - only just remembering to take back corridors to the medic so they can check you over properly.

You've then got two spider people who are pissed, as the medic rants about how dangerous that was, how stupid it was that you did that, instead of just swallowing your pride and letting them help you control things. They order you on house arrest for a full month, to make sure your body can recover properly. No suppressants, no scent blockers (at least the medical kind) for a couple years, and only medicine that's medically necessary, and even then it has to be monitored more carefully.

Miguel lets the Medispider tear you a new one for a moment while he steps into the hallway, giving you privacy and space to figure things out with the doctor while he catches up with Gabi.

When you're done with the Medispider, it's not a question on if you're staying with Miguel or not - you really don't have a choice in the matter, he tells you. When you're recovered, you can decide if you want to move in or not, but until then he was going to personally keep an eye on you.

Gabi, who lacks the complete understanding of the why and the how behind it all, is just glad that the person they've been trying to scheme their father into confessing to is actually going to live with them. (Even if only for about a month.) She grins smugly when she realizes you smell like her dad.

Miguel lets you have pick of the house, when he carries you back to his beautiful, cozy suburban home. He leaves the proper tour up to Gabi, as he carries you both, letting Gabi tell you about everything excitedly. You stay in his bed (you two had claimed each other, and although Miguel does give you the option of your own room... you'd rather die than lose the comfort that comes with being around your mate.)

Miguel cooks properly for you while you stay with him and Gabi.

No more prepackaged meals, he sneers, instead making you chicken noodle soup from scratch, with bone broth and lots of vegetables. Breakfast every morning before he takes Gabi to school, tucks you in to sleep while he pops into the HQ to check on things. He's out of commission from missions while he cares for you, but he still makes sure things go smoothly. He's home by lunch, sometimes bringing you fast food instead of cooking so you can have your fill of a greasy burger or fries or something to sate the part of you that needs something unhealthy and indulgent. Holds you in his lap while you both eat, watching TV on the couch.

He finishes his work and goes on emergency-only mode when it's time to pick up Gabi from school. He tucks you into the passenger seat if you feel up to it, buckling you up himself and pressing a kiss to your lips, even though he doesn't need to. He knows you can buckle yourself up, and lets you do so when you insist, but it makes him happy to know he's taking measures to keep you safe.

He does force you to take a blanket with you, just in case though.

When all three of you get home, he makes dinner, sometimes with Gabi helping him, sometimes you, sometimes just himself. He has a pretty wide range of foods he ends up making, but it's primarily because they're foods he likes, or Gabi likes, and he learned to make them. He's a good cook, overall.

It's the best work-life balance he's had in a long time.

When you're better, he all but begs you to stay.

And god, how could you say no to him?

(Also for those who it matters for, if you do end up pregnant from the Heat Adventures he obviously loves kids and would love one with you, but if you don't feel ready/don't want to have kids other than Gabi, he absolutely respects it, and will talk about options with you. Granted, he'll be disappointed, but at the end of the day it's not something he CAN'T move past. Discusses birth control options with you almost immediately when the two of you get intimate again.)

#miguel x reader #miguel o'hara spiderverse #spiderverse #strawberry writing #strawberry headcanons #also on god if i find any minors in my notes or in my inbox i'll maim you #i might turn this into a proper fic at some point #but you get the really long headcanon/rambly version that's all just ideas for now #because i like to feed my followers and the tag #gotta contribute b/c theres some damn good fics ive read so far #smut #i gotta update my tags smh #great news everyone i got wildly into this one #so it gets posted early

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mysteryofren · 4 years

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Not My Boyfriend

Chapter 42 of So Happy Together

masterlist

A/N: i feel llike i havent posted in years. in other news my knee feels a lot better, but i still have my stitches in so thank you for not beating me up for not posting last week. its not a long chapter but we get more Reader, Hux, and Kylo

Tags: @wumboho @pylopenpolo @duty-isnt-always-honour

The bed felt lonely still. Gideons absence was still felt even in your deep sleep. You felt something moving against your leg in your sleep, and it woke you up completely. You sat up and came face to face with Elaine. She smiled at you then laid in the empty space next to you.

“It's about time! I've been waiting all morning for you to wake up.” She picked up Bruce, and inspected him.

“What are you doing here so early?” You said as you stretched your body out, and turned to her.

“It's 12 in the afternoon.” You picked up your phone, and checked. She was right, it was 12. You sighed, and laid back down.

“Long night? Perhaps with a certain Solo?” She teased.

“I didn't know you knew about that. Are you mad?”

“I'm mad that I had to hear about it from Hux. Why wouldn't you tell me you, and Ben were dating?”

“Cause we’re sort of not.” She looked at you with visible confusion.

“Lets get food, and I’ll explain.” You went to get up, and get ready when she grabbed your arm.

“I should probably let you know that the boys are downstairs.”

“All of you are here?” she nodded, and let you get out. You quickly got dressed, and ran downstairs where you saw all the boys waiting in the den.

Hux, and Kylo were talking while Matt sat on his phone. You cleared your throat, and they all looked at you. Elaine came in behind you, and told them that you all were leaving to get breakfast. They stood up, and you all walked out to the car. They didn't waste a single second before they all started badgering you about yesterday. Elaine threatened not to take them to lunch if they kept it up, and like a bunch of toddlers they all stopped talking, and sulked in the back seat. It's almost insane how much power she has when it comes to the boys. Although she held that same power with you, and Phasma. She was the leader of your group. She was responsible, and she did well under pressure. Stars knew that all you got into enough trouble that it came in handy.

On the way to Amilyns you decided to tell them about what you all did that day. You talked about the planetarium, and even let it slip about the millennium falcon. That's when the teasing started.

“I completely forgot about the falc!” Kylo said. “They used to go up there for hours with dad, and Lando.”

“I haven't been there in years.” Matt informed him.

“Either way little baby Matty here used to obsess over it. He always said he was the ship's engineer, and that he was the only thing keeping her running!”

“Awe Matt that's so cute.” Elaine laughed.

“Hey I was like 10!”

“10? Dude you and Ben were hanging out in there until you guys were 15.” Kylo teased.

“Matt if it helps Ben still goes up there.” You told him.

“Yeah probably do whatever it is he did with Rey up there.” Matt said.

“He brought Rey up there?”

“Pretty sure he did. They went into the woods one day, and didn’t come back for a good two hours.”

“He said he didn't take anyone up there..” You said more to yourself than to them. They stayed quiet for a minute before you all saw the familiar building coming up. Amilyns new shop had been open for a few days.

The grand opening party had been fun. She invited the group, and a few of her other friends to come see it. She even invited your grandfather too. She made snacks, and different treats to celebrate. It was good to see everything in its rightful place. The new furniture she had gotten had finally come in along with the art that Hux had chosen for her. She had it hung up all over the walls. In a small corner she had the photo you guys had taken together hung up as well. It was in a frame that had a small silver plate with all your names on it. When Elaine had noticed it she almost cried, and you, and Matt had to sit her down, and get her calm. You all walked in, and took your seat at your regular table, and one of the waiters she had hired let us know he would be there in a second.

“So I know now isn't the moment to bring it up…” Hux said.

“Then don't.” Kylo responded while looking at the menu on the wall. Hux rolled his eyes, and continued.

“But… are you sure you want to go through with dating him? I mean he lied to you on your first date, who's to say he won't continue the cycle?” You all sat quiet as you thought. You were about to speak when Kylo spoke out.

“He's right. Nobody knows my brother more than me, and Matt.”

“You're just saying that cause you want her.” Elaine said flagging down the waiter.

“Maybe he is, but he is still right. That man has done nothing. But lie, and hurt her. Y/N be honest, do you see this going somewhere?” Hux said before the waiter interrupted you all. He took your orders, and went off.

Once he was gone they all looked at you again. You were not entirely sure how to respond. Ben promised it would be different, but he’s already lied. Elaine must have seen the look on your face, and knew you didn't want to talk about it anymore. She immediately changed the subject, and Matt did the same. The rest of the lunch went on without anyone bringing it up again, which was good for you, but you also wanted to think about what Hux asked. You hadn't thought about whether or not it might go anywhere. You loved Ben. You really did, and so did he. At least he said he did. After all he did drive all the way out to Jakku to make sure Rey would be okay when you two got together. Not only did he do that, but he also drove out to Bracca to see you after coming home. He risked a lot just to do that.

What if he didnt love you? The thought hurt, but it was one you would have to consider. There was no kidding yourself you had been in love with him from the moment you laid eyes on him. He clearly hadn’t felt the same since he was an asshole from the start, but you still couldn't help but forget those facts when you look into those soft brown eyes. He meant the world to you, but did you mean the world to him? His words did nothing but repeat in your head. The world, he wanted to give you the world. In a way he already has. He loved you, and you loved him. He had already given you the world the second he showed up in Bracca.

After Elaine had brought you home Kylo, and Hux insisted on staying. Matt went with Elaine which you understood considering they didn't have a lot of time left before

“So what should we do for our last few hours together?” Kylo asked as he sat on your bed. Hux sat at the small desk, and you took your place next Kylo.

“Last few hours?” you asked.

“You didn't know? He's leaving tonight.” Hux said matter of factly as he flipped through a book that was on your desk.

“Tonight? I thought we had 2 weeks…” you said looking at Kylo with sadness in your eyes.

“That was 3 weeks ago. Your boyfriend stole my car, and bought us another week.” he responded.

“Not my boyfriend.” you said mostly to yourself. “So what are we going to do?”

“I was thinking maybe just hang around. Maybe get some dinner before I go home, and pack up.”

“I still can't believe you decided to leave early. You have the whole summer, why go back now?” Hux asked, still looking through the book.

“I gotta start working man, we've talked about this. Besides you still got Y/N.” Kylo responded.

“Yeah Hux you, and I still have the rest of the summer.”

“I know. I just like us together.” Hux said sadly.

“We do make a great team.” Kylo laughed. You hugged him tight, and he hugged back.

“Think i'm gonna miss you most kid.” you felt tears well up in your eyes. This was the beginning. This is the part you dreaded the most. The part where your new friends were now going to leave. They would leave. Then your dull life here would go on. They would forget you in the blur of the exciting new adventure ahead of them.

At least Ben was staying. He chose to go to a local college, and then attend a university for business to work with his dad. Another thought came to your mind. What would happen when you went to college? At least when you left your friends wouldn't be far. Matt, and Elaine would be at NYU, Phasma would be at Julliard, and you would be at Pratt. What would happen to your friendship with Kylo? With Hux? Kylo was all the way in Chandrila, and Hux would still be in Oxford. And Ben. Ben would still be here. He didn't hate it here as much as the rest of you. You needed to get out. Your whole life was leading up to the moment you could escape.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you felt a hand pat your thigh. You looked up as Kylo stood up.

“So what do we wanna watch?” he asked as he walked out. You stood up, along with Hux, and the two of you followed him. He got into the den, and you saw Gideons old bed in the corner. You didn't get around to packing it away yet.

“You can choose since it's your last day.” You mumbled staring at the big bed on the floor.

“Something on your mind?” Hux asked.

“It's just..” you started. “His bed. I didn't put it away, and I really haven't been in here since. Guess I just forgot to pack it up.”

Kylo and Hux looked over at the dog bed. Kylo frowned looking at it. He would never admit it, but he has a huge soft spot for animals. Anytime he came over he would immediately start playing with Gideon. He even loved Millicent to death.

“Here I can take it to your attic.” Hux said as he grabbed the bed, and the leftover toys.

“Thanks.” You said as he walked out. You sat on your grandfather's chair, and watched as Kylo scrolled through the movie selection.

“You know when I was a kid me, and my grandparents would make blanket forts, and watch movies.” You said as you watched Kylo look through the movie selection on the tv.

“I never made one of those.” He said.

“Why not?”

“Well I never had anyone to do it with. By the time Ben was old enough to wanna do that type of stuff, I was old enough that it didn't appeal to me.” The thought made you sad. You didn't have siblings at all, but at least your grandparents still gave you that experience.

“I’ll be back, keep looking for a movie.”

You started your search for blankets around the house. You ran into Hux coming back from the attic, and asked him for help. You both ran around the house gathering blankets, pillows, and any other soft thing you could find. Hux even went into your room, and searched for stuffed animals. You had gotten down stairs, and placed all the blankets you found on the floor. You handed Kylo your phone, and told him to order a pizza. Hux walked in with everything he had found, and placed it down.

“You only have one stuffed animal, but I grabbed it anyway.” he threw Bruce down on the pile of blankets, and picked him up.

You placed him down on the couch, and you had started setting the fort up with Hux. It hadn't been long before you guys had finished. While you two had gotten to work Kylo had made a list of some movies he wanted to watch. You had put down pillows, and blankets so you guys weren't sitting on the hard floor. Before you laid with the boys you grabbed Bruce. The three of you laid on the floor, and started watching the first movie. One thing Kylo Ren would never admit is his love of drama. He insisted the three of you watch the movie Moulin Rouge before anything else, and even included a dramatic summary of the movie. You, and Hux laughed as he explained the forbidden love between the main character, and the woman, ironically named, Satine.

Hours had gone by. The three of you had watched movie after movie, and ate pizza in your blanket fort. It was little moments like this that made you think about how much you would miss Kylo. Hux had somehow fallen asleep during one of the movies, and you both decided to mess with him. You both grabbed washable markers, and started doing little doodles all over his face. Kylo had slowly lifted his shirt, and drew some things on his back as well. You gave him a look, and he shrugged.

“It's a little surprise for him.” you laughed quietly. You had colored his whole face pink, and Kylo gave him a purple mustache, and a green unibrow. You two laughed at your work, and continued with the movie.

“Hey where's your grandfather? It's pretty late.” Kylo said, picking up another slice of pizza. You looked at the time on your phone, and saw it was almost 9.

“He works super late sometimes. Hes probably just at his office.”

“Damn.” He said under his breath.

“Why?” You asked him. He sighed, and tried not to look at you.

“I gotta go home. I wanted to say bye to him too.”

“Oh…” you said with sadness in your voice. It didn't occur to you that so much time had passed. He finished off his slice, and sighed.

“Im sorry. Trust me I didn't want to stay when I came back.”

“Why did you?” He smiled, and looked at you. Then he looked at Hux and messed his hair up gently.

“I met you two. Its stupid I know, but I think you guys are my bestfriends.” You smiled.

“Its not stupid. It's sweet. I know he loves hanging out with you too, and I know I love hanging out with you too.” He smiled, and the two of you hugged over Huxs body.

“I should probably wake him up so we can go.”

He shook Hux awake, and explained he needed to go home. All three of you took the fort apart, and cleaned. You tried to hold back tears as you guys packed everything up. You walked them to the door, and they walked out. Kylo told Hux to sit in the car for a bit. When he got in Kylo gave you the tightest hug he had ever given you.

“Take care of Ben okay?” He said as he held you.

“I will. Promise.” He pulled away, and kissed the top of your head. You watched as he got in his car, and they drove off.

“Goodbye, Kylo Ren.” You whispered to yourself as tears fell down your face.

11 notes · View notes

itsdmod · 7 years

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@letalisinsania submitted:

Hey :) I wrote something for you, nothing special. I was inspired by your headcannon with Kingfield in the coffeeshop and came up with this. So, this is for you, hope you like it, take care <3

Claudette yawned, laying her head from side to side, letting her neckbones crack. Dwight hissed „Can you stop that please, you know I hate that sound“ - „Well we actually all hate that sound“ Nea grinned, putting another stack of to-go-cups on the counter. Claudette yawned again, rubbing her eyes before looking back in her biology book. She had been up almost all night studying. Dwight saw the light in her room when he went to the kitchen twice, rumbling around in the fridge, trying to distract himself.He was someone who als always in his thoughts, thinking too much, but lately it got much worse. Not in a bad way though, but if your job requires you to handle coffee brewers, you better focus.

„Hey, the counter is clean enough“ he snapped out, his supervisor Jake pointing at the counter, that Dwight just cleaned for the fifth time. He sighted and put the cloth away. Almost 9am. He really hated this job, but he had to earn money to support himself for college. His parents didn’t do it, and they also didn’t really care if he went to college, or care in general, so he was on his own with that. Dwight hat gotten used to it since he was a kid, that his existence was accepted, but nothing that anyone seemed to enjoy or be exited about. He didn’t learn it any different, so he went along with it. He sighted, 2 more minutes till 9am. Was he unhappy? He couldn’t really answer that question. Sure there were people who had it worse, we wasn’t someone who complains, but he wished he could go out of his head sometimes.

The doorbell jingled, making Dwight leaving his trail of thoughts. He didn’t have to look up; the footsteps became familiar to him over the last few weeks, and even if that person would be floating into the coffeeshop; he would still knew it was him, since Dwight instantly felt the weird combination of his heart racing and his mind calming down.

„Good Morning Dwight“ he looked up. Hearing him say his name made his heart skip a few beats, every single time. „Good Morning David“ he said, and he was sure that his voice was shaking. „Damnit“ Dwight cursed at himself in his head.

„How are you?“ David smiled widely and sweetly. Good now that you are here. Great now that I get to see you. Tired since I usually spend my nights thinking about you. Hugging you. Your lips. Kissing you. Sad because I know you will never think this way about me….

Dwight cleared his throat. „Fine, how about yourself?“ David crooked his head, rubbing trough his hair. „I can’t complain.“ He was still smiling, a smile that could conquer a whole world.

Dwight remembered when David came into the coffeeshop for the first time. How he looked around, hesitant, and Dwight couldn’t take his eyes off him. That guy instantly fascinated him, and it wasn’t for his muscly arms, or that mischievous smile, not even the beautiful, deep eyes that were to die for. No, it was how David made him feel. How he stood there, at the other side of the counter, looking at him, and the carousel in Dwights mind stopped. All his thoughts were washed away. He just felt calm, comfortable..and peacefull. He couldnt stop staring at David and didn’t even mind if someone noticed. If someone talked about it. If someone talked about him at all. Nea tried to take Davids order but Claudette took her arm, talking about problems with the whipped cream, shoving her to the backroom.

David was still smiling at Dwight, didn’t make a move to order or say something. So Dwight just smiled back, feeling lighthearted and lightheaded. If it wouldn’t have been for Jake, who got impatient and forced Dwight to take Davids order, maybe they would still be standing there.

„The same as usual?“ - „Well you know me“ Dwight smiled, letting David pay for the coffee, waiting for Claudette to make it. There was no chance that he would leave the counter, letting this for him precious minutes pass until the order was ready. And Claudette made sure she was slowly. Very slowly.

„You have classes later?“ David asked. In the last weeks they both learned something about the other one every day. It wasn’t much, but Dwight clinged on every second, every word. „Yes, only afternoon classes today, after that, Claudette, Nea and I gonna go watch a movie“ - „Which one?“ David asked. „The new Thor one“ - „Oh thats cool, I wanted to see that one too“ - „Well, you should go see it, I gonna tell you tomorrow how it was.“ Dwight answered and smiled, not seeing Nea, who cleaned up a table, burying her face into her hands and shaking her head. „Order for David is ready“ Jake yelled a tone too loud. Dwight sighted, with Jake being here today, the time talking to David got a lot shortened. „Oh, seems like I have to get going.“ David said but didn’t make a move. „Dwight, there are customers waiting!“ Jake placed the to-go-cup in front of him, before heading to the backroom.

Dwight and David both reached out for the cup, their fingertips touching. It felt like a electric shock for Dwight, he pulled back, trying to cover up his feelings with a smile. David stared at the cup, just a moment too long, as he was about to say something. Then he cleared his throat. „Goodbye, see you tomorrow.“ He headed out, Dwight still looking after him after he was long gone.

„Youre such an idiot!“ Nea blurted out when they were on their way to the movies. „What have I done now?“ Dwight asked, already playing all kinds of scenarios where he could potentially have fucked up in his head.

„David!“ - „David?“ he asked. „Yes!“ She playfully hitted him on his chest „He wanted you to ask him out! He wanted to see the movie with you and youre all like „you should see it I gonna tell you how it was“ man, that was painful to watch. So, you’re an idiot.“ Dwight laughed fakely „If you really think he wants to go out with me, well, then clearly YOU are the idiot.“ She rolled her eyes. „Girl, back me up on this.“ Claudette layed her hand on Dwights shoulder. „Shes right, that guy is totally into you. We both watch this prancing that you two do every day. Just ask him tomorrow if he wants to see the movie with you.“ Dwight sighted „It’s nice of you to say that, but be realistic. A guy like that could never like me. Or love me. I can’t imagine how anyone ever could. Especially not if I like him back.“ Claudette stopped in her tracks „Stop talking yourself down like that, please. How come youre always at ease when hes around, you talk so freely with him, but after he leaves…“ - „I dont feel like going to the movies anymore. I wanna be alone.“ - „Dwight…“ but Dwight just walked away, heading home, leaving Claudette and Nea behind. Unfortunatly, his bad thoughts followed him, all the way home. Into his room.

Dwight layed on his bed staring at the ceiling. He played his meeting with David this morning over and over in his head again. Were the girls right? No it couldnt be. David was just a guy who likes coffee, not him. Who likes a nice conversation in the morning, not him. There was nothing special or interesting about him, no matter how often the girls told him. He rolled on his side, hiding his face in his pillow. Truth was, he wanted David to tell him. He always felt special when he was around him, special to David. But he knew, only because he was feeling like that, didn’t mean this feeling was mutual. He doubted that he was special to David. Or anything at all to him. Dwight laughed to himself. „Maybe I should just ask him to go see the movie with me. Whats the worst that could happen? I could never see him again. Never. And thats why I would never dare…“

When he got up the next morning Dwight felt really bad for ditching the girls like that. Thats not how he usually was, they were his friends, they wanted to help him, and he acted out on them. He wanted to apologize, but Claudette and Nea didn’t even let him finish. „No reason to apologize, we shouldn’t have pushed you like that, all right?“ Claudette smiled and them hugged him. Dwight sighted, that didn’t take away his guild but it made him slidely feel better. They opened the coffeeshop and Dwight found himself staring at the clock, getting more and more impatient each second.

„Calm down man, he will come“ - „Its almost 9:30, he wont come!“ Nea patted his back „He will! And Jake comes in later so dont worry, I will fuck his coffee up many times, you will have all the time in the world to talk to him“ she grinned. Dwights mind was racing. What if someone happened to David? That thought alone made his chest feel so tight that it was hard to breathe. Or what if he grew tired of coming here? What if he decided the good coffee isnt worth an annoying barista? What if he hates me? What if he really wanted me to ask him out..oh god what if he thinks I hate him? But well, what if he hates me?? And I never see him again?? He took of his glasses and a deep breath. He wouldnt have a mental breakdown right here right now. But what if David really hated him? It wouldnt surprise him at all. Maybe it would be for the better if he never came back. After all, Dwight was used to being let down, being alone wasnt make him happy, but at least it was a persistence in his life. „Good Morning Dwight.“ Dwight winced, quickly putting his glasses back on. He blinked. „Everything allright with you?“ Davids deep voice ringed in his ears. He could just nod, smiling, and feeling as reliefed as he never felt before.

David smiled, wearing a button uped shirt with short sleeves and Dwight almost forgot to start breathing again. „Yes, I am, how are you, anything new with you?“ Dwight asked, trying his very best to stop staring at Davids biceps.

„Our coffee brewer has some problems today, it will take some time, sorry“ Nea shouted and well, David didn’t really look disappointed about it.

He leaned a bit forward, propping his arms up on the counter. Dwight was damn sure David could here his heart beating. „How was the movie?“ - „Oh..I didn’t see it, something came up, another time.“ ask him to go with you! Dwight screamed at himself in his head, but he remained silent. David did the same, they just smiled at each other, and it was a comfortable silence. Dwights eyes wandered and he noticed the liontattoo on Davids arm. „Oh, cool!“ he breathed out, and, without thinking or doubting, he ran a finger over the outlines of the tattoo, not even realising he was touching him. „I like it.“ he said, looking up at David and smiling. Davids face was bright red, he pulled back his arm, and Dwight could swear he felt goosebumps on his arm. Then it hit him. He had touched David, and not in a -patting-on-the-shoulder way. Why, whyyyy…he cried out in his head. Why did I do it, where is my hesitation and selfdoubt when I really need it?? Dwight didn’t know how to react, or what to say. If he didn’t fuck it up before, he for sure did now. David didn’t move, he looked like he was glued in place.

Claudette was sitting a few metres away, acting so far like she was glued to her book, but always keeping an eye on Dwight. She saw how they both stood there, helpless, and although it was cute to watch, she wanted to help.

„Could you two help me? I am slowly close to despair. I can’t seem to memorize any of this“ She placed her book there where Davids arm leaned before. David seemed relief for the disturbance, Dwight still lost in a chain of thoughts racing trough his mind. David cleared his throat, face still red. „Sure, what can we help you with?“ - „Here, I need to memorize the meaning of the flowers, but its so hard.“ Dwight wanted to run away, just run and never look back, but Claudette made big puppy eyes, and he couldn’t say no to a friend in need. He bend over the book, reading a few meanings. Well he read them, but didn’t understand a word. David was leaning over the book from the other side and he could breathe in his scent. David smelled like a sunrise at the ocean to him. Like love. Like comfort. David cleared his throat, started to ask Claudette a few meanings of various flowers, but everytime Claudette just shook her head, sighting in frustration. Dwight had to admit that he found that quite odd, since he never saw her struggling with everything like that. „Maybe learning from hearing it is easier, you know, like memorizing the lyrics of a song.“ She said „Like here, you ask Dwight and I listen.“ Dwight had no idea were Claudette was going with that, but everything was better to him now than facing that stroking embarassment. Still he couldn’t get himself to look at David again. He heard Nea fumbling with the coffeebrewer. He wanted her to finish it quicker, but he also wanted her to take forever.

Claudette was still pointing to a specific flowers in the book. David cleared his throat again. „Uhm…lavender rose, what does that one mean?“ Now Dwight looked at him again, meeting Davids gaze made his racing and stopping at the same time. „I have no idea“ he said, laughing shyly. David looked back in the book, laughing nervously. „So, what does it mean?“ Claudette asked him. „It means…love at first sight.“ David coughed, his face still bright red or red again. Dwight didn’t know what to say, or feel, or do. He wanted to think about again how stupid the thought alone of David loving him was, but he couldn’t get himself to do it. Or how stupid it was to think about it just because David was reading something from a stupid book. He couldn’t do that either.

„Okay, now you!“ Claudette turned the book around, pointing at a certain paragraph „ask him.“ Dwight looked at the pointed at picture, it was a lily. He didnt read the meaning beforehand, otherwise he could never ask. „Uhm, the lily.“ - „You have to tell me, I don’t know that“ David smiled. „It means…I dare you to love me.“ Dwight read the words before his mind was processing what he was saying. He could feel his face heating up, his heart sank into the ground, his mind screaming, but when he looked up at David, he forgot all of it. He instantly was thrown back to the sunrise at the beach, the comfort, the calmness. David didn’t say a word, he just looked at Dwight, looked away, back at him again, smiling akward, then widely, and Dwight had to correct himself; THIS was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Maybe there was still hope, even for him.

„Thank you, I think I can handle it from now on“ Claudette took her book and sat down at the other side of the counter. Dwight wanted to say something, but even more, he just wanted to stare at David. „Your coffee!“ Nea placed the cup on the counter, grinning from one to another, Dwight thought about hitting her. David must have been deep in his thoughts cause he startled at the sudden interruption, looking at his watch „oh my, I am already way too late, I am sorry, I…see you tomorrow.“ he took the coffee and headed towards the door, running against it when he tried pushing instead of pulling it, almost dropping his coffee. Then he was gone. Dwight glared at Nea „why, Nea, WHY?“ she looked apologetic „Jakes shift started a few minutes ago he already gave me suspicious looks…but wow that was something wasn’t it?“ - „Yeah, he ran away.“ - „I don’t care, I watched everything, what do you think why I made you read that stuff about the flowers? If you say one more time he isn’t into you I gonna…“ Claudette was interupted by Nea who pointed at the door „Speaking of which“ Claudette and Dwight looked to the door. David was pacing back and forth outside, it looked like he was mumbling something or talking to someone. Dwight went around the counter to have a better few. What was going on with him?

David fumbled with the cup, Dwight still couldn’t see too much. David came back to the door, stopped in his tracks, waited, then he came back in. „Everything okay?“ Dwight asked, not knowing what else he could do. Maybe David came back to throw the coffee in his face, who knows.

David reached him, holding the cup tight. „Uhm yeah, here, take this back.“ Dwight frowned as he looked at David, holding the cup out to him. What was happening? „Why? Anything wrong with the coffee?“ - „Please, just take it!“ David came closer, putting the cup in Dwights hands. „Is something wrong with the coffee?? We will make you a new one, please..please don’t stop coming here every morning..“ Dwight wasn’t sure why he said that or how he build up the courage to do so, but he wanted David to know that he couldn’t lose him.

„I won’t stop…“ David took a deep breath, already half turned to the door, when he suddenly launched forward, hugging Dwight. It was a short hug, but a tight and gentle one. „Okay, bye!“ David let go and was already out the door before Dwight could breathe again. Neas cheering rang in his ears, he was gripping the cup so tight that he almost smashed it. „Wooow, Fairfield, good for youu!“ Dwight still stood there like a statue, he could still feel Davids embrace, never wanting to let go of that feeling again. „Nea, the customers are waiting!“ Jake yelled, and Nea was back behind the counter after she rolled her eyes. „Hey, you okay there?“ Claudette was beside him, laying an arm on his shoulder. Dwight nodded, looking down at the cup, when he realized, there was something written on it. He read it and smiled widely. „You know that feeling Clau, when someone hugs you so tightly, that all of your broken pieces get put back together?“ - „No, I don't“ - „Me neither, but I do now.“ Claudette smiled widely, rubbing his back encouraging before going back to her books. Dwight walked, no floated back around the counter, looking at his watch, waiting for time to pass, for his shift to be over. He also waited for his mind to feed him all kinds of doubts, sad thoughts and bad scenarios. But none of that happened. He looked at the cup again. Maybe there was still a chance for him being loved back after all. „[phone number] Call me tonight if you dare. I am waiting. David.“

#Offerings #your art #submission #your fanfic #LITERALLY THE CUTEST THING IVE READ IN A WHILE #im dying ghhh #youre really making me want to write a fluff fanfic because reading it was so cute i cant imagine what writing one feels like #this made my mood get somewhat better thank you <333 #it was so adorable #claudette tho what she did with the flowersssss shes a lil shit im dying #and nervous david about asking dwight out is always the cutest #sdjhsdjh

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cheekbites-moved · 6 years

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ok so i watched love simon for the first time last night & i was too tired to make a ‘final thoughts’ post then, so here it is now! lol

obviously this is gonna be long as hell so im putting it under a read more for ur convenience lmfao

im actually gonna start with what i didnt like bc it was just one thing.

obviously, if uve seen the movie (as many ppl hated this too), or read my liveblogging posts, u know what it is lol

ill be honest, as a gay person, im incredibly biased towards simon. ill admit that. that being said, how his friends treated him after he got outed was fucking disgusting.

here’s the thing: the actions simon did that his friends got upset over were motivated by the threat of him being outed. now, if this movie was just some fluffy, fantastical movie, the threat would just be ppl knowing he’s gay and that’s it. no repercussions, just ppl gaining the knowledge that he’s not straight. not that big a deal.

however, since this movie tries its best to be accurate and realistic to things, it’s not that simple in the movie, and it’s not the simple in real life.

the risk of being outed is not just ‘ppl knowing ur gay’ and that’s it.

the risk of being outed involves the risk of getting bullied (which does happen in the movie, twice. once to ethan on screen, once to simon after he comes out.), getting abandoned by ur friends (which also does happen in the movie), getting expelled from school or fired from ur job if either of them find out & are lgbtphobic, getting kicked out of ur house if ur parents/whoever u live w find out & theyre lgbtphobic, and, at worst, it can come with the risk of getting beaten or even killed.

and no, this isnt me blowing this up to be more serious than it should be. bc unfortunately, in the world we live in, these things can happen as a result of someone being lgbt, whether they came out themselves or were outed by someone else.

the worst thing simon did was hurt his friends’ feelings a bit.

he didnt notice leah’s feelings for him (which. why would he? he’s not interested in her, or any girl for that matter, so obviously he’s not looking for the signs of interest. why would he notice that, and why was it his responsibility to know anyway??). he tried to set nick up with her because he genuinely thought she had feelings for nick, and that’s the main reason why he didn’t realize that she liked him.

yes, part of the motive was trying to get nick out the way so he could set abby up with martin, but ffs. let me reiterate that his life, and potential future, were on the line. having the possibility of all the aforementioned things potentially happening to him should make his actions at least understandable.

like falling for someone that doesnt like u back bc theyre not attracted to ur gender (which like.. hello. gay ppl fucking experience that shit all the time too & we have to learn to deal w it.), or being put in a game of matchmaker bc ur friend was trying to save their own fucking life is rly not that big a deal compared to said friend’s situation of trying to save their own fucking life.

one situation hurts, but can eventually be healed from (which clearly they do in the movie since abby and nick got together anyway in spite of simon’s actions, and leah’s fine). the other situation has the chance of resulting in a fucking future/life being ruined or taken. i think that one is much more fucking important.

all in all, i just wish they wouldve fucking apologized. bc they screamed at him after he got outed.

abby saw how fucking terrified he was when he came out to her, but she’s not gonna have a single ounce of sympathy when he was outed to the entire school against his will?? like what the fuck!

also wish they wouldve stood up for him when he got bullied. they just sat there with guilty expressions, but none of them did anything. it was really rough to watch.

as much as all this seriously pissed me off, though, especially as a person who has been outed against my will so all of simon’s heartache as a result rly resonated with me..

i appreciate that they put that shit in.

bc u know what unfortunately that is how cishet ppl react sometimes. guilting u for being lgbt, guilting u for not coming out to them despite knowing how scary it can be, etc etc etc.

and getting apologizes from cishet ppl for that kinda shit is rare. so, as much as i was annoyed that they didnt apologize, that is unfortunately realistic. as much as i wish they wouldve stood up for him, that was also unfortunately realistic. so im still glad it’s in there even if it did piss me off.

simon’s speech to martin was nice at least, and i hope that it taught some cishet ppl that have outed ppl, or threatened to out ppl, or wanted to out ppl, why u just dont fucking do that shit.

woo now that that’s outta my system lmfao onto all the good stuff! in bullet list form bc theres a l o t lmfao

the soundtrack ESP for the emotional moments wOw

‘i wanna dance with somebody’ gay musical addition

simon’s subtle annoyed looks whenever straight nonsense™ happens

simon’s terrible attempts at being straight

simon’s extremely subtle, but still noticeable if ur lgbt, panic whenever the potential chance of him being outed/discovered arises

the dog

simon’s parents’ speeches to him after he comes out to them

seriously as gay, nb person w lgbtphobic parents that shit meant a lot to hear.

the fact that this is not only a mainstream lgbt rom-com, but also a mainstream movie abt a gay kid learning to love himself and be confident with himself and his sexuality

simon’s journey to being able to proudly proclaim that he’s gay.

the speech he has near the end is so fucking powerful bc we see him struggle throughout the movie to say it.

first he cant say it at all, then he can only say it quietly, but by the end of the movie, he’s proclaiming to the entire school, loud and proud, that yes. he is gay. and he’s not going to feel wrong for that anymore.

i feel like that entire journey is one that can really resonate with a lot of ppl, including myself. so im so fucking happy that this movie included that progression, and ended it with him having such an exuberant amount of confidence. it was honestly really beautiful, and im glad i got to witness it.

simon practicing pickup lines in the mirror

“hey barack its me jacques”

abby trying to teach simon how to flirt

simon googling “how to dress like a gay guy”

simon not having martin’s bullshit and telling him off for how fucked up blackmailing him was from the start, but especially his speech about how important/personal coming out is to ppl and how shitty it was that he took that away from him

MRS ALBRIGHT IN GENERAL BUT ESPECIALLY HER ICONICALLY STICKING UP FOR SIMON IN THE CAFETERIA I STAN HER SO HARD!!

ethan in general, but especially his speech to simon in the office, and super especially the line “one gay’s a snnooze, two’s a hilarious hate crime”

like i seriously appreciate how real this movie is. and it doesnt have lines like this, or plots like the blackmailing/outing just for drama.

it’s to show that this is how being lgbt can be sometimes, this shit rly happens. and i just rly appreciated seeing all that in a way that didnt even try to pull any punches. it was so clear they seriously cared abt making this an accurate movie, and that meant a lot

GETTING TO SEE TWO BOYS KISSING ON SCREEN MULTIPLE TIMES, AND NOT JUST THAT, BUT GETTING TO SEE THEM GET A HAPPY ENDING!!!!!

i seriously cried for like 20 minutes starting from when bram showed up at the ferris wheel to well after the credits had ended.

i cannot even begin to express how fucking incredible it was to get to see two boys kissing, getting cheered on, and getting to be happy.

especially in the scene where simon picks up everyone, and leah moves so bram can get in the front seat and he kisses simon when he gets in. IT WAS SO SWEET.. AND BEAUTIFUL I LOVED/APPRECIATED IT SO MUCH IT MEANT SOOOO FUCKING MUCH TO ME GOSH

my thoughts of the movie can be boiled down to this: im so fucking happy this movie exists.

im so fucking happy that a movie abt a gay kid learning to be confident in his sexuality, falling in love and getting to have a happy ending with his boyfriend exists.

ive never cried more at a movie than i did at this movie, and ive especially never cried harder out of sheer happiness for a movie.

knowing that this movie was in theaters, and that gay kids/teens have a movie that lets them know early on that not only is gonna be ok, but they do have a chance at a happy ending, and they deserve it, was so goddamn amazing.

this movie is so, so important. and im so happy that it, and the book its based off of, exist.

and it’s a prime example of why representation matters so much. it was so fucking amazing to see myself, as a gay person, represented so well, so thoughtfully, so respectfully.

i just... i love this movie so much. and im so glad it exists. and im so happy i finally got to see it.

i hope it inspires more movies/stories like it to be made.

i hope that it results in lgbt stories being happy, uplifting stories.

i hope that it results in lgbt characters getting to be the main characters.

i hope it results in coming out stories being about the lgbt characters, and not how them coming out affects the cishet characters around them.

and i hope it results in less tragic endings for lgbt characters, and more happy endings for lgbt characters.

for a long time, a future where we get the stories just mentioned has seemed bleak. but this movie changed that. and im excited for the road i hope it’s started us on.

#long post//#text heavy//#gotta fight the urge to rewatch it a million times now tbh tktjrkjrtj #potentially new fav movie? or at least fav live action movie #aaa im just. i love!! sm!!! bless...#luna watches love simon #homophobia mention//

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