#(almost) every day like she said

[carefulfears]

the scully of fight the future who doesn’t want a career in the bureau at all if she can’t do it with him. who debated even telling him that she’s quitting in person, and feels like her loss won’t even make a difference: he doesn’t need her, she only holds him back. the scully who doesn’t even make it to the elevator. the way that as soon as he starts speaking, she goes silent. she can’t even respond. this is not a debate. tears just pour down her face, as he tells her that she owes nothing. that she has made her favorite person, a “whole” person. that she has saved him “a thousand times over.” and she stays completely silent. all she can do is cry, and hold him, and kiss his forehead. how small she must feel sometimes…being dragged from one spot to the next, following along. the way her face just collapses as she moves from holding onto his shoulder to pull him down to her. he breaks her open sometimes.

#she believes in him so much and she thinks he can save the world even if she moves on. and he’s so frustrated he’s almost angry #as he just spits out at her that she’s the entire reason he’s here. #‘i owe you EVERYTHING. scully…and you owe me nothing.’ #from the person she believed in so much she nearly lost her life to follow him!! whom she looked up to from her deathbed #and said take EVERYTHING i have left!!! my dignity my reputation my dying breaths take it ALL!!! #her ahab!! #and she owes nothing. she is everything. she matters. #and she’s been going back/forth with him every day for 5 years but she is rendered with nothing to say. #nothing to do but cry and hold him and hold him and hold him #make him bow his head to her so she can kiss it and try to absolve him. like he did her in that hospital hallway. #so much grief in being needed #it just says so much that the only time she ever considers leaving him is because she thinks SHE is bad for HIM. #and he tells her……i cannot do it without you. but i expect nothing from you anyway. #and being told she’s needed by her best friend reduces her to tears. no wonder. #txf.txt #ftf

[kafkaguy]

character wrapped 2023 💥

tagged by @davidtennantpussytulpa ^-^ i didn't know how many to do so i copied tara and did top 10. i know the severance guys are Four Of Them but i can't separate them theyre all equally important to me

will graham (hannibal), em haywood (nope), aziraphale (good omens), mark & dylan & helly & irving (severance), hawkeye pierce (mash), martha jones (doctor who), ivan karamazov (the brothers karamazov), kim kitsuragi (disco elysium), stewy hosseini (succession), ruescott melshi (andor/rogue one)

i will tag... @fagician @britomart @libraryfag @roadwhores @majorbaby @globuspolski @hadleyfraserfaggot @tenderscience if u want to ^-^

#and now i will explain them all in detail #cos i started watching hannibal back in like. january or february and will immediately set up camp in my head and started to settle there #*I* pay rent to *HIM*. he lives there permanently. sweating and monologuing constantly #em was not only the character of 2022 but also of 2023 and of 2024 and the rest of the decade and all decades to come #she had such an impact on me keke palmer's performance will live with me forever and i love nope so fucking much #i almost didnt include her because nope was more of a last year obsession. but she lives on #aziraphale.........no comment #severance.......i love them all so much and at first i wanted just irving and then just helly and then i realise i cried over mark this week #and then i realised i couldnt possibly leave out dylan when hes probably my favourite character. so then i settled for all of them #hawkeye is my fucking wife. enough said #martha... well i knew i had to have a doctor who character. i thought maybe the doctor but then i thought their companions mean more to me #sometimes at least. i did have a fourteen icon for a while but then i was like but Donna..... and then i thought. well #these past few months at least martha jones has been eating away at my heart. i go batshit insane when i think about her #her impact. her grace. her power. so she had to go on the list.it was a toss up between her and donna for sure though #then i figured i had to include a karamazov since reading that book took up half of my year. and ivan was my favourite of the 3. so <3 #kim goes without saying. literally nothing to be said hes the character Of All Time. to me #stewy also goes without saying ive had so many Stewy Save Me moments since the beginning of season 4 all the way to the end of the year #i miss him every day. he is the moment. i wish there was more of him all the time #and the last one is a bit of a wildcard cos all my insanity abt melshi has been on my andor sideblog. #but rest assured ive been thoroughly Not Normal about him. he literally side appears in 4 episodes and has 11 total minutes onscreen #but i love him. so much. and hes occupied most of my thoughts since september. once again his impact his power his grace. his homosexuality #enough said. that's all. thanks for reading. this was a great year for autism and madness #tag game #🍪

[eijiroukiriot]

why do you see bkg as trans?

i've had this ask sitting in my drafts since like august BECAUSE i knew if i did the question justice it was gonna get VERY long and pretty personal - if i'm gonna talk about it then i gotta talk about it in all earnest. and you've given me the floor to talk about it. so!!

at first i had these typed out as two separate points but i think they go a lot more hand-in-hand than that, so to start - when i think about my own gender and why i can't bring myself to identify fully with womanhood a lot of it is because there's something that feels so free about masculinity. mostly just like because of womanhood on a societal level a lot of my experience as a girl forever has been "you need to think about how your existence makes other people feel. you really need to present yourself in a way that's pleasant for other people. the way you look, the way you talk, the way you conduct yourself - people are entitled to having a say in all that. and if any of that isn't living up to the way it's supposed to be, then that's a fault of yours." here's a vent post i made when i was 17:

which is mostly really superficial examples of the suffocating expectation of girlhood but it's also so blatantly about bkg. in the moment my thought process was more like "i'm so deeply unsatisfied with so many parts of being a girl, it sounds like there'd be so many less people to answer to if i were a boy" but it's funny reading back on it bc it's like "dude are you just talking about bkg". but then who's a better example of choosing to stomp through life exactly as loud and rude as he wants to be without answering to anyone than bakugou katsuki!! honest about his thoughts in any case!! free to speak as bluntly and rudely as he wants!! never putting up with shit that makes him feel unlike himself!! walks with big wide steps and wears stupid baggy clothes and doesn't care what people have to say about it and doesn't feel worse if they do disagree. grins crazy blasting himself through the air. fights with big windup swings and shouts all the while. huge huge presence and so unafraid to assert it. named himself great・explosion・murder・god dynamight. i think i project a big sense of defiance onto bkg's character because everything he is just feels so defiant to me. there's just a lot that i admire about boyhood and bkg feels like the embodiment of it to me

and then you've got bkg himself, who like- isn't even fulfilling the "doesn't feel worse about himself if he is genuinely not the greatest or kindest" part of it!! bkg's character is so centered around figuring out who he is and like navigating through the mortifying ordeal of existing and not actually liking the person you are and trying to figure out where to go from there- he really thinks he has so much to prove...both in the sense that he DOES want to project this big image and also that he really can't cut himself a break. and then he freaks out when he's not becoming the person he wants to be and picks a fight with deku over it and totally breaks down and picks himself back up and forces himself to seriously rewire the entire view of himself and others that he's had his entire life - he's 16 - and goes to all this teeth-clenching effort to be a better person and has highs and lows and wears himself raw and then comes back to life. well the quality of the later part of his arc is very debatable. but his character is so about just figuring out who he is and kind of failing at it a lot of the time. and then eventually figuring it out and getting confident and stable in it. he makes friends who rib on him because they know he's got a good heart under it all, and moreover he lets them. he gets good at shouting something back and carrying on. you see the amount of conscious thinking it takes him to take some of those steps - rethinking his relationship with deku, the god am i really fucking doing this scoff before he gives kirishima back the money - but a lot of it is just steady growth. growing up. genuinely getting more comfortable and more okay with himself over time. but there's also all these little failures along the way because he's just a kid figuring it out, and also genuinely this anger towards the world for not understanding it when he does assert himself (sports festival....where deku also specifically notes that he knows he's not as confident as he wants to be!)

i haven't really closely reread bnha in a sec so a lot of this is probably a lot of projecting (i know it's undeniably influenced by the picture of bkg i have in my head) and i probably also didn't really clarify anything, because in the end everything bakugou is feels very trans to me. "the image you have of bkg katsuki in your head can actually be so personal" etc. digging into my archives i found this post from years back where i described basically the same stuff about bkg being a teen figuring himself out and saying "so yeah he's trans" without being able to hit it more on the head. kirishima is my favorite most special boy of all time, and i love him in so many ways, but bkg is my cringefail stinky teen boy in w the unshatterable determination to actually go MAKE himself the person he wants to be, no matter how many missteps he makes on the way there. it brings me a lot of comfort to imagine him being a self-made man as a part of the because gender is so confusing and questioning can be so intense. i'm 23 and i'm typing all this about an anime boy so i hope it's evident what a soul-bearingly honest answer this is bc otherwise oh haha embarrassing. but yeah i love that kid. i hope every little victory and day where his voice sounds good to him and glance of his top scars in the mirror feels like one of the high points on the journey

#bc i'm teaching in japan now right? trying every day to be a version of myself that i enjoy and that can bring good to the world etc #and i never...almost NEVER talk about my hero academia. with anyone #like a year ago in a jet dnd group i was telling a friend abt how i don't talk about bnha in class #and i said something about how like putting kirishima in a slideshow of mine would be like 'bearing a deep dark part of my soul' #and she was like. what? how? it's my hero academia #i agree. i also think i should be more like 'my hero academia is a show i like. i like bkg bc he's cool' #it really is just very important to me after all this time #anyway this is a lottttt a lot of personal rambling for a blog that i don't take as good care of as i should #but i couldn't give half an answer #ty for giving me a chance to talk about this and if you are seeing this i hope you're having a nice fall!!! #to anyone reading this i hope you're having a nice fall #asks

[running-in-the-dark]

I've got an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow, and I'm getting my conch piercing swapped out for a shorter one. that's gonna be stressful 🙃

#annnd I will absolutely take my lorazepam for the second one... yeah it's unnecessary yeah it's dumb but. I'm SO scared #and I haven't even thought about taking any in ages. so it's alright and I don't mind #I will do things to make things I want to do but am scared of easier for myself so that I can do them at all #and that's fine #I'm so hoping she'll say the piercing is healing well... it doesn't hurt at all and I've been careful with it and I've cleaned it #(almost) every day like she said #but there's a bump and it still gets pretty gross and. well I'm just hoping it's fine 😬 #I kinda keep going from 'I still want as many ear piercings as possible' to 'I don't want to get a piercing ever again in my life' and back #though at this point.... I'm thinking I definitely should not get any more in my left ear since it keeps being difficult (the slight hearing #loss and the tube and then I got a middle ear infection... maybe it'll eventually be fine again but right now it's not looking like it 🤔 #but whatever maybe I'll get more in the right one. I could. if I wanted to. we will see 🤷) #also it suuucks that I now have to drive 30 minutes to get to my psychiatrist's office but I like him a lot so I will not look for a #different one #personal

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play #till 10:30 at night #she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8 #this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house #and now that my brother is in class 7 #he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30 #he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like #one sentence #yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke #up in the house its all my fault #this is just so damn unfair #like literally insulting #im not a child what is her problem #what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate? #i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present] #and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up #my whole life i've been told abar late?'' #and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play #5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30 #and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude #with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play #im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi #after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other #she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit #and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12 #its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how #like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO #istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy #groceries #i can cycle

[amethystpath-writes]

Reflections

(not a pr0mpt)

******

“I think I know what your problem is.”

Villain ignored the fact that Hero had snuck in. She was already there- no need wasting breath on how. “I don’t remember having a problem.”

Hero was sat on the windowsill as Villain now noticed. Her feet dangled against the wall, beside the sink. “You try too hard. You feel yourself slipping into a good mood so you destroy yourself for it. Darkness is comfort.”

“Poetic,” Villain remarked.

“I’m serious.”

“As am I.”

Hero sighed from her place in Villain’s home. “Why do you do it?” she asked finally. Villain could tell the question had been weighing on her. All those times she fell behind on his schemes- when she’d look him in the eye, and Villain could see there was something missing. It had been an answer. “What are you trying to prove to yourself?”

“You’re troubled.”

“I’m not,” Hero argued. “You are.” But Villain knew better.

He sat at the kitchen island. Putting an arm out in a welcoming manner, Villain invited Hero to sit, as well.

She shook her head at first. Expected.

“I won’t bite,” Villain assured.

Still, she seemed uncomfortable. Villain didn’t push any further in that regard, but he did say, “Tell me, then.”

"What?"

Villain blew a cold breath against the surface of his coffee before taking a sip. "Tell me what doubts you're having."

With a scoff, Hero kicked her feet against the wall, propelling herself off the windowsill and onto the ground. Her feet landed with a soft thud. She raised a finger but Villain cut her off-

"You're defensive. That means I'm right." He took another long sip of his coffee. Hummed. "Did you expect me to be bothered that you broke in?"

Given her strawberry cheeks, Villain imagined so. He shrugged. It wasn't his problem; he was just making coffee. What could Hero do to stop him?

"Listen," Villain said, "I'm not in the mood for an emotional interrogation, so why don't you sit down and I'll make you a warm mug of coffee."

When she didn't respond, Villain volunteered himself anyway. He stood from the kitchen island and abandoned his mug to pluck another from the cabinet. "French vanilla or caramel macchiato?" he asked, as he then opened the fridge.

"Neither?"

"You drink your coffee black?" Villain wasn't sure why this made him smile, but it did.

"If it's not a dark roast, yes."

"It's light."

She nodded. "Then nothing in it. Please. Uh- thank you."

"That means you'll have a cup with me?"

Hero nodded. When Villain placed the mug in front of her, she watched the steam rising from it- considered it as if it were poisoned straight from the pot. "Villain?" she said, and swallowed. "I have something to tell you."

#not a pr0mpt #Reflections #hero x villain #hero x villain story #hero x villain snippet #hero x villain drabble #heroes and villains #hero #villain #guys #i've been writing this one for several days. #my eyes are swollen. they burn. they itch. #my nose is stuffy and simultaneously runny. pouring snot the consistency of water. #my ears have so much pressure in them that it defies the ability of every god i've ever known. #ms sandy told me to pour peroxide down my ears. that will clear it all away she said. #but that scares me. #liquid? in my ears? ah? that just sounds like a no no. not to mention- i has no peroxide at work. and even if we did- i don't think they #would be okay with me using it to pour it down my ear holes. i feel like they would question that #anyway. i almost made an inside joke in this story. when villain asked hero what creamer she wanted- i almost said butter. #why did you almost say butter dee? #because my pappaw used to use butter as a creamer for his coffee. #he also fed one of the cats butter on a nightly basis. that cat's fur was ridiculously soft.

[bloody-shadow666]

Hi everyone I'm finally fully caught up judt in time for tonight's (?) fucking episode so.

Adaine's Furious Fists on Oision yeah? This motherfucker? Like forget everyone else he specifically is the problem in this moment methinks

#fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #when i made the connection netween the aviation kid saying the cloud rider could lift fabians house and mazey #suggesting the polls be at fabians house. i almost puked #i. binged MOST of this Today #i started this morning with Baron and I got to just absorb all of the rest of the everything at once #got to see every legendary giffable scene in one day. honor the cock on god almost killed me #i am so tired now. im going to bed. she needs to punch him to death. and maybe shoot him about it also #SIDE BAR? #how FUCKING closely have these weirdos been stalking the bad kids. because the storm comment was obviously like.. very pointed mocking? #but i dont think she actually said that anywhere in a super public place did she? #yeesh

[aylaaescar]

you know what? I think calling out today will, in fact, make the day just a little bit bettwr

#personal tag #yesterday my therapist said that I looked like I was about to explode or burn out from stress and I think she is right #I just need a day. a worry-free day where I play SWTOR or an IF or the Sims idk! #no family problems. no lead at work that makes me feel anxious. just a mental cooldown day. #...also I've had to stop myself from crying at work almost every day the last week. how fun. #if it sounds like I am justifying not going to work: you are right bc capitalist American workaholic tendencies die hard <3

[citrlet]

me after hanging up immediately after any phone call

unrelated side note but if you want to cry a little today watch to be woman on youtube by olive morris it's a powerful cry i promise

#how do i say goodbye again?? when is the right time? what do i say after they say have a good day?? #phone call anxiety is real #i want to gag after every call is that just me #i just got off the phone with my psychiatrist about my new medications and she said have a good day and i said bye #and then immediately i was like wait i should have said you too and i worry was my tone okay or this and this akgksks #her number was also marked as a spam risk but a verified number?? i almost didnt answer

[soldier-poet-king]

As if I was not ALREADY having A Day, just now my boss *starts talking about long term plans for me at this workplace, INCLUDING being on a committee with the guy I applied for a new job with but haven't mentioned to her because I'm not gonna say anything unless I for sure get the job*

SWEATS NERVOUSLY ABOUT THE JOB APP I SENT IN 2 WEEKS BACK

#i genuinely thought she was gonna come in and be like oh redacted said you applied for a new job :))) #bc she LED the convo with 'i spoke to NAME today' #and i almost threw up on the spot #for all this stress tho. i really DO want that job #better pay. location. coworkers. experience. #why is every day just. horrors never cease #i need a cry

[lupismaris]

If anyone has a spare thought/fuck to give please toss it my way I'm treading the delicate path of sorting out the possible (absolutely likely) fuck ups of a former colleague and explaining to their supervisor that they allowed said fuck ups to continue for far longer than they needed to all for the sake of not wanting to ask questions

#this project costs a million dollars easily and nonone felt like asking questions about how logistics were handled. #not until the coordinator was fired and we were left picking up the pieces. my boss is handling the budget issues as delicately as she can #and im trying to handle the fact that the postage/printing/mailing problems we've been having for literal years #might all be due to the fact that said colleague who was asked to retire just couldn't provide ample time to the mailing team #so that the funds could be allotted in escrow thus requiring us to front the cash from our budget or a printers credit. #which happened almost every other project #said colleague was 22 year tenured. they should've known how to avoid this. but now their supervisor is trained for this process #and is fighting any sense of change and claiming all the errors ans embarrassments were the result of other ppl and departments #my guy the call is coming from inside the house etc #i sent a very hefty info based email to explain everything and am now waiting for his inevitable reply where he argues it all #and i have to dig my heals in and politely explain that maybe the problem was in fact his team this time #im not looking forward to that because im at my limit with the designers and publication team and i leave for maine in three days #my fucks are becoming slim to none even though i wanted a promotion out of this

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

[astrxealis]

sorry to ffxivlovepost always anyway Man the way the devs & game did so good in making an mc that is Basically a blank-slate for the players, and there's so many opportunities to make your oc However you like but. the game itself adds so much story and character to that blank-slate guy. amazing

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚ #i think abt this a lot. and also a lot of other ffxiv stuff LMFAO #it's amazing ..... drk is a huge example of this i think #bcs it plays into the guilt and whatnot the wol feels and all that. spectacular #endwalker !!!!! shadowbringers!!! the way the game uses the concept of hope is just always so beautiful and fascinating to me #and yeah bunch of games may have like. mc you create & design but not always can you like. ehvejfhsjf idk how to explain LOL #it is 4 pm i woke up 2 hours ago but priorly woke at 7 am after havingn a rlly. weird sleep. #to which my twin told me 'i wont tell u what time it is' as we went to sleep so it def was Really late #bcs we were going thru re2 and she was also playing games on steam i've been telling her to play #(to which i got her fav characters right and knew fr how'd she'd like the game LMFAO. twins amiright.) #actually that is also smth so fascinating to me bcs. i always have had someone w me in my life. i am literally never alone. #to which what i'm getting at here is Wow... it's like having a sleepover every single day. and i was a kid always sad never to have #sleepovers bcs my parents were strict (they r cool tho!) but i was a kid who wanted to experience all the kid things #but i didn't rlly but that's fine :P i am a grateful person LOL anyway back on track back on black #ffxiv... the game that u are..... #it's the 1st game that rlly actually made me invested in the ocs of others and also make a fully fledged oc that wasn't just originally mine #but for a fandom or something. and also it got me back into writing and Into making poetry and prose so. yeah. #it's amazing how much. oc x canon ???? yeah. ffxiv is so Wow #like eveyrhhting w themis or graha and how u can AAGGGHHH shit w your oc . so many possibilities #and that character. those possibilities. are already in game but also expanded by the player and the fanbade and #idk it's so beautiful to me WHAGHSGDJDH. and yes me saying themis or graha up there is self-indukgent bcs #both of them are so Insane it's so. insane!!!!! i will never forget what happened in abyssos in particular that Broke me #and anabaseios... :)) i cried so much it is almost embarrassing. and wow. asphodelos. wverything w themis just. yeah #anyway graha... self-explanatory if u know..... idk he's the character of all time to me. simply said. but themis is crazy bcs going thru ab #yssos made me think for a bit 'hey themis might be my fav character in ffxiv now' but No but also Wow. wow #kinda cute bcs me and my twin have a thing where she has a certain type of chara she likes and me too #so sometimes. most times. all times. we have our own characters we like anyway but sometimes they overlap but either the case we kinda #lowkey 'segregate???' idk if that is a good word but we do that w our fav characters. so like emet is her fav elidibus is mine. #and that was all the way in arrr alr and we barely knew spoilers so that's kinda crazy! anyway

[todayisafridaynight]

One of my fave jackets is this green jacket with a fur hood im wearin rn because 1.) its green 2.) my dad gave it to me 3.) it reminds me of saejima. Who also reminds me of my dad

#snap chats #p sure i talked bout this jacket before but idc read my diary #sorry that every other middle aged man i see i say reminds me of my dad its a compliment #tbh love how i clowned on ichi for being on premium copium bout arakawa but highkey i woulda done the same bout my dad.. i get it ichi.. #anyway :) i legally get to talk about my day with him now :)) HE SAID THE FUNNIEST SHIT UPON SEEING ME #HE SAID ‘oh wow we dress similar :)’ and keep in mind. he was wearing a latte brown coat with a black turtleneck and pants and shoes #meanwhile. i approach With Black Pants And Shoes Admittedly but then im in this goofy old ass jacket with a red scarf #and a crane-decorated dress shirt that i got two buttons undone on like DAAD you are senile. hes so funny #so fun my dad actually recognized this was the jacket he got me- it was one of the first things he bought for me after i told My Secret 🙈 #also i finally asked how tall he was and i can’t believe my dad matches the criteria to be an rgg character he’s fuckin 6’1 like i thought #AH but today was really nice- i got to hang with my sis and her husband as well as my dad’s wife :) #it was awful tho cause the second my sis saw my dad’s outfit she’s just like ‘it’s so kdramacore’ AND SHES RIIIGHT 😭😭 #we later found out dad’s wife loves kpop…. and she bought him his new clothes…. so we are no longer surprised….. AWFUL. #honestly i could write a drama based off my dad’s life i really could it has elements for it. i mean ig i kinda do that already dont i #i borrow. anyways. today was fun :) even if i almost lost my mind trying to take the train the first time #this train system was weird… it wa worth tho it was great seein popop again #yeah….. ugh i have to still drive home from the station. and hope my car is still there #i get very paranoid leaving my car alone so openly i dont like it… #anyways. bye bye :) i might nap til my stop or work on a fic i started #‘snap what happened to’ dont worry about it i need to look at something else or ill scream #ok bye 👋

[tittyinfinity]

trying to convince my mom that no we really haven't had a november this warm before

it used to always be like right above or right below freezing

here we are halfway through the month and we're still having temperatures in the 70s no this is not fucking normal for this area we're not in Texas or Florida

#.bdo #she said ''yeah we had temperatures like these last year'' #yeah like sporadically #it's been almost every day that we've had weather in the 60s-70s #and a couple of days in the 80s which is terrifying #i assume next year will be worse

[transgenderfivepebbles]

REACHED STAR OF THE CITY AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#ramblings #ROLAN AND ANGELA.... AUUUGGGHHHHHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH #THEY MENTIONED THE BEEF STEW SCENE I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY DAY #ANGELA DESERVES ALL THE SOUP #THEYRE SOOOOOOOO MIPY I WOULD DIE FOR THEM #also gebura almost killed chesed but it's ok. hes gonna be fine #and i met binah! the binner. she's pretty and weird and i support her #roland was like 'girl your vibes are so off. who the hell are you' and she just said 'im binah.' #i can already tell their story is gonna be great