#2017 bucket list
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Went to see that one band from the “woohoo” song
#another one off the bucket list#blur#I’ve seen three Damons at this point#the Gorillaz concert in 2017 was extremely to the point#barely any interaction and tight programming#him solo for his Iceland album was much more intimate though there too he wasn’t as talkative#but very open towards the very very small audience#with blur he’s a ball of energy and he did a lot of talking and walking into the crowd#fun to see!#shows I’ve seen
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Call On Me
Pairings: Idris Elba x Black!Reader
Word Count: 1523
Warnings: Exhibitionism, Fellatio, Choking
BBJ Masterlist
“C’mon angel, put it in all the way.”
“Idris, it wont fit and I’m not about to make it either.”
“Just let me help you push it in, you’re not doing it right.”
“No, cause then it’ll stretch.”
“It’s elastic, so it’ll snap back.”
“We’re still here daddy, I can just get another size as opposed to destroying this one.”
“I mean if you want your jeans to fit like sweatpants, then go for it.”
“You’re so dramatic, it simply doesn’t fit, and you’ll love me either way; sweat pants or not.”
“I mean yeah, of course but it’s drip or drown; and if you're gonna be with me, then you’ve got to be drippin.”
Sometimes it’s best to ignore him. God knows I love my boyfriend, but I can’t with the shit that comes out of his mouth. It’s like somebody teleported him back to 2017 and he’s readjusting to the present life.
Albeit fashion is a big deal to Idris, I’ll give him that. But I, for one, value comfort over everything. It’s just one of those things we’ve come to meet in the middle about, though he’ll still try and rearrange my wardrobe if given the chance.
“Idris, can you add this to the ‘maybe’ pile in the corner please?”
Taking the pants from me, he neatly hangs it up in the corner of the room, uttering how even tho my clothes aren’t dripping, he can be.
“Oh my goodness,” I laugh. “Really? Tell me you’re joking.”
“Now why would I do that mhmm? In fact I remember a time when stargazing in public was on both of our bucket lists.”
“Yes, in the car or under a moonlit beach not the damn mall,” I gushed. “Idris nothing about this says private.”
“Is that not the point of PUBLIC stargazing,” he enunciated.
Ahh yes, stargazing - an act in which one can observe the many stars of the galaxy sometimes as a hobby or sometimes for scientific research. Of course our star gazing meant something vastly different. Even though we didn’t need a telescope to see them, there was still that warm and fuzzy feeling when they did appear.
You see Idris and I have a thing for code words. It’s used mostly when gossiping about people or situations. But recently it's become a fun new way for us to describe sexy times in front of others.
How real would it be to blurt out amongst your friends that you just want to take your lover home and become one with the sheets? I’m sure they’d understand but I’m not tryna let people know every time I want my back blown out. So instead we came up with a way to state our intentions without having to dance around certain words.
For example, Sunday dinners with the family goes something along the lines of 'do you want to go stargazing afterward?' Similarly to how it's socially acceptable to tell your loved ones that you and your partner are trying for a baby but not that their pussy turns into a mini day care every night; except our family hasn’t quite caught onto the the fact that neither of us so much as own a telescope; though I fear it’s only a matter of time until they do.
I’m not as sexually daring as Idris but I refuse to punk out of this. He thinks that I’ll back out of stargazing simply because we’re in a public place where people can hear us? Let's be clear, I absolutely would, but the way my competitive nature is set up, I’ll stargaze with him. Shit, he better be ready to see the milky way too, cause I’ll be damned if I don’t make him cry for me.
“You know what daddy, drop em,” I demanded, chin pointing toward his pants. “Gone ahead and give me something shiny to see.”
To say that he was shocked would be an understatement, bug eyed and eager as he runs his tongue across those juicy lips. He doesn’t let that falter him for long and makes quick work of the buckle of his pants. And my God if that action isn’t my personal little aphrodisiac.
Knees hitting the floor, I watch in awe as his dick springs free, pre cum slowly dribbling from the tip.
“You this wet already for me?” I tease. “Tell me exactly how you want it.”
“Use your mouth.”
“Nuh uh, use your words,” I insist.
“Start by getting the tip nice and drenched for me angel,” Idris lamented.
Inching closer to the head, I open my mouth and spit on it, watching intently as it trails down to the floor.
“Now what?”
Smirking, he asks me to drain his balls entirely and I work on doing just that.
Gathering the tip of his penis in my mouth, I use the wetness to help me suction him. Cheeks hallowed and teeth tucked, I make sure to maximize on his sensitivity; tongue twirling around that mini slit lined at the head.
His thighs quake ever so slightly, which only pushes me to suck in earnest, making sure to keep the tip nestled against my tongue.
Fingers cradled behind me, I lock them together, opting instead for hands free head so I can really talk my shit once we’re done.
Deciding it’s time to show some love to the rest of his lengthy member, I slow my ministrations and softly run my tongue along his shaft; tracing each thick and hardened vein - starstruck at Idris’ skin, a rich shade of chestnut.
This part always gives me some trouble, but I’m willing to sacrifice a little comfort if it means I can hear him sing for me; and quite frankly he’s not doing enough of it.
Bobbing my head steadily, it takes a minute for me to gain some traction, mouth now sliding along his dick with ease. His hips start a slow thrust and I bounce my head a little quicker, twisting from side to side as I do so.
Finally, it’s drenched enough for me to take the entirety of him, stopping only when I reach the base of his shaft. His dick is properly lodged down my throat and I do everything I can to breathe through my nose, slight gagging noises making its way past my lips.
As quiet as he tries to be, the harsh hissing that meets my ear encourages me to make quick work of him, bobbing in short, rapid successions, listening intently as his groans turn into quiet moans.
Face planted against his coily pubes, they’re trimmed to perfection, the tropical notes of his coconut body wash lingering inside my nose. The deep, onyx color glistens with a mixture of precum and spit, similar to that of stars littered against the never ending black hole of space, as they softly tickle my cheeks.
Dislodging him completely to take a much needed breath, the cool air feels icy against my drool ridden chin. Tears brimmed at my eyes and pussy clenching against fabric, this dressing room is fixing to see way more than just changing of the clothes.
“You wanna cum?” I taunted. “Make those pretty noises for me and I just might let you.”
Dick jumping in anticipation, I decide to head down south and give a little love to the overlooked - his ball sac.
Slurping them in my mouth, I swish them around, mapping over the textured skin. His girthy member sits on my forehead, wet and dripping; adding to the soaked mess down under.
I get a light hum in return and suction him to a the very fine line of pleasure and pain. A breathy moan follows and his hand soon finds itself planted at the root of my scalp.
Thankfully he cant see the smirk that lines my lips and I give his balls a few more swirls before I set them free with a loud pop.
“Haaaah”, is the desperate whine that I hear above me, but somehow I need more.
Dick once again at the bottom of my throat I remove it until I get to the very tip and slam it back down again.
“Just like that daddy, keep it up and I can make it real good for you.”
*slurp*
“What’s my name? Huh? Let these bitches know who’s making you quiver like the slut you are.”
*slurp*
“C’mon and cum for me like I know you can, Idris.”
The fingers once tangled in my hair soon find themselves wrapped around my throat, squeezing me with just enough pressure to remind me how little control I actually have here. And while it was fun while it lasted, feminism doesn't exist with his hand around my neck.
“Open wide for me angel.”
Tongue slithering past my teeth, I lay it flat for a full display, watching intently as he jerks himself to the finish line and in my mouth.
He shouts his release, a little higher in pitch than I expected, chanting my name like the prayer it is.
“Now close your mouth and swallow like I know you can,” he grunted.
#Emmy Writes#Emmy Tries#My Drabbles#Black Boy Joy#Idris Elba x Black Reader#Idris Elba x Black!Fem!Reader#Idris Elba#Black Reader#Black!Fem!Reader#Dressing Room Shenanigans
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My thoughts on my One Piece journey and How it’s affected me 🩷
This is going to be long ass post lol
I think this is the platform that I never knew that I will ever comeback to but you know because of one piece and deprived of Sanji, Nami & Law content, ✨ here I am 😁✨ *shamelessly comeback after abandoned tumblr for good 11 years lmao*.
Anyway, I just want to let out my thoughts on my one piece journey and how it affected me. So bear with me. This is only place I can talk about One Piece because other platforms I had is related to kpop * Yes I’m a kpop fan. HEAVY ON NCT. Neo Got My Back.*
I know about one piece way back when I’m teenager. It’s just I don’t start to watch it/ read it somehow?? Idk why 🤷♀️ I’m also confused to as why because I did grew up watch anime like FMAB, Naruto, Bleach, Black Butler, K-On, Fairy Tail on tv. HECK I EVEN WATCH THE LONG ASS DETECTIVE CONAN TOO 😭
I think it’s because back in the day ( 2010 - 2017 ), I had lack of access to internet and not exposed to the series at all. Besides the local TV station here, only aired Naruto ,Bleach and those anime I mentioned . *I’m just 24 years old btw*
So around September 2023, I came across to One Piece content on TikTok and funny enough it’s Brook edit! I was so intrigued with this character and little did I know I watch a bunch of One Piece clip here and there on TikTok. To be fair, I am basically spoiled myself that time 😬 but I’m the type dgaf if I got spoiled because I won’t remember at all later on. 🤷♀️
So I decide to start watch it. First few episodes, my reaction was like “ Okay Luffy is an interesting guy🧐his body stretches and always smiled! He got damn hands tho ngl”. Zoro, my reaction was like “ahaaa SO THIS IS ZORO THAT EVERYONE KEEP TALKING ABOUT. Quite a Stud.”
Nami, interesting female character that I can relate because I like money 🤑 and her backstory is so sad. Ussop is also another character I gradually love over the time!
Then COMES MY HUSBANDO, SANJI. Man I have a thing for a man who can cook and looks good in suits. Sanji really makes me having my first anime crush ever! I DONT HAVE A CRUSH ON ANYONE IN NARUTO & Detective Conan but One Piece made me have one 🤧 *The upgrade from loving a guy that exist but doesn’t know you exist ( haechan,jaehyun & jaemin bb i luv you guys but Sanji 😮💨) to loving a guy who are not exist on this plane of earth 👀*
Little did I know I start to binge watch it. First day of watching, 30 episodes in 6 hours. 10 days later I already watch 325 episodes . but the show is so good! The story telling that oda created really hit home to me and the foreshadowing & lore he created makes me hooked unlike other story that I have read & watched.
Here’s the thing, to me every anime that I watch, I never like finish it . Sometimes I would just watch last ep and called it the day. This is not only apply on anime, it’s apply to western shows, my own local shows & k-dramas. So One Piece truly like solidified their place on my heart. I finally can understand why one piece are so loved for decades!
Also during those times, I hit rock bottom too. I quit my job because I was falsely accused for stealing shit at my work place and being discriminated by my ex-boss due to being the youngest one for my entire work.( everyone else was in their 40’s ). That time I was desperate as I need some money to achieve my bucket-list and want to lessen the burden of my family. Lord heavens knows what I’m going through, got death threats by that mf. Twisted the truth that causing my whole family cut ties with her severely. From there, I felt so stress and worried.
So One Piece is my way of escapism and it’s been a beautiful and exciting journey. Compared to last time, I took a 7 months breaks from works due to burn out & anxiety, this time it doesnt took long for me to overcome those situations and my “year-end blues” that I called is not as bad as before. I also has been actively try to get a job asap so I can buy an Ipad as I want to start learning digital drawing again after watching one piece.
One piece teach me it’s never late to start a new journey towards your dream! I used to dream to be a graphic designer or animators but my family don’t want me to be that. They want me to have that conservative jobs like working in government, an accountant etc. so essentially I gave up those dreams so I can make them proud of me. It’s been bothering me for so long as I felt like I should have go for what I want not what people want. At the end, I abandoned my accountancy knowledge and worked as an admin & a baker which I found a lot more less stressful that being an accountant. I guess what people describe after knows me personally being a confident, free-spirited & rebellious is just the way I am. AND oddly enough One Piece is just perfect manga & anime for me!
At this point, I already caught up with anime. I’m a weekly basis anime watchers now. I also has caught up with manga too. It’s been a huge revealing & fresh experience of One Piece for me. I felt like I being myself again! It’s weird but it’s the truth! I never felt so at ease and being seen. I just want to do what I want. It’s just fitting fate for me to be a One Piece fan!
That’s all what I want to say… if you really read this till the end. Thank you!
#one piece#I’m lucky to found one piece#monkey d. luffy#roronoa zoro#nami#ussop#sanji#tony tony chopper#PEOPLE SHOULD START WATCH ONE PIECE FOR BETTER LIFE! I’m being real here!#soul king brook#franky#jimbei#nico robin
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20 questions for fic writers
tagged by @thewolvesof1998 thank u bud i’m procrastinating packing and this was fun
1. how many works do you have on ao3?
seven!
2. what’s your total ao3 word count?
129,484 which is a fake number to me
3. what fandoms do you write for?
nothing has made me as insane in my life as network television procedural drama 911 on abc, so
4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?
you can start a family who will always show you love
let the world have its way with you
my hearts over-pumping and your mouth is an ambulance
like a dog with a bird at your door
i like the summer rain (i like the sounds you make)
5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?
i try very hard to because they make me so happy and it’s unbelievably kind of people to take the time to leave them!!! However i sometimes leave it too long and then worry it’s weird to reply after like. a month. which as a fic reader i wouldn’t give a shit about so idk what my problem is!!!! i will reply i will just maybe take a hot sec to do it
6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
i don’t have any i’m a happily ever after or bust kinda guy in my own head if nowhere else…… angstiest is probably the sound of love astounds me if only because it ends post-feelings realisation but still pre-relationship
7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
they’re all so happy omg. i will say with great personal bias it’s my heart’s over-pumping but also i have. a sequel in the works….
8. do you get hate on fics?
no people have been very very very lovely but also sjjsjsjs i’ve not been here super long. the funniest comment i’ve gotten was on my first fic where someone was like i liked this but it is jarringly inaccurate as mcdonald’s in california doesn’t have a veggie burger option 😭 i cried laughing im so sorry to u americans. pls petition your local mcdonald’s to stock the mcplant it slaps
9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?
have written two e-rated fics….. it’s very fun but i don’t think i’m very good so i’d like to practice actually (maybe some sexy prompts after i finish the bed-sharing ones?) just the regular kind for now like i love buck and eddie desperately and am myself into a million things but i don’t know how kinky they would actually get in my own head. so just a little gross with it for now i guess
10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?
nope!
11. have you ever had a fic stolen?
nope
12. have you ever had a fic translated?
no that would be SICK. @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove is podficcing bucket list fic which is so very cool of her!
13. have you ever co-written a fic before?
no omg i don’t know how y’all do it i’m bad at group projects but also this sounds soooooo fun. if also deeply stressful
14. what’s your all time favorite ship?
if that’s synonymous with most likely to get you institutionalised, uh. gestures around us. otherwise mulder/scully and i am just now right as i’m typing this realising i’ve never ever in my life actually read x files fic what the fuck. also steve/bucky but i haven’t read fic since 2017 probably
15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
listen i have not written a word for x files au past that one snip i shared forever ago. i want to soooo bad i’ve talked about it to some of you very rabidly but. it does not want to be written and if it did it would have to be so fucking long which is very daunting to me. not saying i’ve put her in the ground yet but. we might need some necromancing
16. what are your writing strengths?
i think i’m pretty good at writing in character? mostly? sometimes i struggle with buck just because i think we’re very similar and i project a little and then have to go back and fix it lmao but for the most part i think i’m good at that! and i have a lot of fun writing dialogue
17. what are your writing weaknesses?
plot!!!!!! and pacing!!!!!!!!!!! also my inability to write non-linearly omg if i get stuck i just get Stuck i can’t jump ahead
18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
oooh i love it and would love to include more than the teeniest bits i have but i’m so conscious about it sounding natural and not stiff to people whose language it actually is (shout out and a million kisses to @eddiebabygirldiaz for fixing the spanish in i love you like a dog!!!!!)
19. first fandom you wrote for?
911 babey!
20. favorite fic you’ve written?
my heart’s over-pumping and your mouth is an ambulance !!! not just because it was the first fic i posted after joining tumblr fandom but. idk it is so so so special to me like it makes me so happy and when i think about it i’m like. hey u wrote that. good for u my dude. and also maybe i just associate it with meeting a bunch of you whjsjssjsj
tagging @callaplums @eddiebabygirldiaz @housewifebuck @rewritetheending @try-set-me-on-fire @onward--upward @anxieteandbiscuits @devirnis @athenagranted if anyone wants to do this i’m nosy soz if you already have !!!!
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Rules: List the first line of your last ten (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern.
"God, that's crazy." I point at Steven. "You so came on to me first." (Liminal Space, 2024)
"Hey, Roy. Is Steven in the kitchen?" (Christmas Cheer, 2022)
Jackie did what she could to conceal her smile as Steven silently made his way over to the passenger side door to open it for her. (Words Left Unsaid, 2018)
Two weeks and three days, but I wasn't counting...I swear. (Let's Grow Up Together, 2018)
Erythema had blossomed angrily over Jackie' s skin located just above her radial pulse on her left wrist. (It Takes Time to Fall in Love, 2017)
The moon dimly illuminates my room enough so that I can just barely make out Steven's silhouette as he closes my bedroom door. (Starlight, 2016)
Angie was out for blood. Steven's blood. (The Fine Print, 2016)
"You're going to see 'Star Wars'?" I snap my head up, not sure that I heard Steven correctly. (Here We Go Again, 2015)
"Jackie Beulah Burkhart." (The Speech, 2015)
Most people would leave a bucket of dead, offensive, and foul-smelling fish they found in an empty parking lot right where it was. I, on the other hand, never missed an opportunity to capitalize on ruining someone's day. (The Renewal: Through the Eyes of Steven Hyde, 2014)
Comments: Fun fact, with the exception of my one-shot/drabble series and my very first T7S fic, this actually covers all of my T7S fics. I also included the dates these were published because these ten fics cover ten years of fic-writing for me (I'm a steady, but not prolific writer). I don't really detect any patterns, and I think that is partially due to how I've changed as a writer these last ten years and also because I love to experiment with different hook styles (dialogue, character building, action, etc.).
Thank you for the tag, @those70scomics! If there are any writers (T7S or otherwise) out there that haven't yet been tagged, consider reading to the bottom of this post the sign that you've been tagged!
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During my search for some games for the other list, i thought i'd share some cute [and free!] games i play when im regressed sometimes! Most are animal themed as usual. This isnt going to be a constantly updating list like the Therian Games list, but maybe there'll be another one of these someday :)
Bluey: Let's Play! : You've probably heard of this one if you're a Bluey watcher like i am, or have younger siblings, but i really like this one! Keeping the same cute artstyle and voices, made by Budge Studios in 2023 and still actively updating, there's plenty of fun to be had !! With tons of paint bucket coloring activities, and 9 Toca Boca-like scenes that you can fill and change around to your liking, i give it the BIGGEST 10/10 there is :) I love Bluey so much !! :3
Toca Life- Pets: Created by Toca Boca (That's really their name? I thought it was a series of games.) around early 2018, this game is one of my favorites to make silly stories with :) With TONS (100+?) of pets, plenty of different areas to go between, fun 'secret' places, and more, this one has a nice 10/10 aswell :) (honestly they're almost all gonna have a 10/10, i wouldnt recommend them if i hated them) I actually heard something about this game being unavailable since this year, but it works just fine for me? Most definitely reccomend it, along with most of the other toca boca games. They're all just really cute and fun :)
My Town - Pets: Honestly i have mixed feelings about this one, but i think it's just because of how i feel abt the style sob. Released in 2017 by My Town (Im not sure if that's the brand or what, my apologies), this one is just like Toca Boca, but with a different artstyle. I don't hate this one, but i do dislike the artstyle, sorry sob. With a few places to switch between, plenty of fun pets, and a highly interactive environment, i give it a 9/10.
Paw Patrol - Rescue World: (Sorry the icon is smaller? I didn't do that on purpose.) Another silly fun puppy game made by Budge Studios in 2020, you can go on fun adventures through Adventure Bay as your favorite pups! Herd chickens back into their pens, make giant banana strawberry smoothies, and collect bones for reward crates, there's always another adventure waiting for you on Adventure Bay ! My personal favorites are Rocky and Zuma, they're so silly :) ! nice 9/10 for this one too! the only point taken away because of how blurry the models look for me (but that could just be my tablet!! dont let that discourage you!!)
#Sorry this is a bit out of my usual posting stuff but#i am a#pet regressor#so this is something that will be brought up a few times sob#Toca boca#sfw agere#sfw age regressor#sfw petre#sfw pet regression#Bluey#paw patrol#sorry for getting off track haha i just got excited
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The UC Theatre, Berkeley, CA, 12/31/23
As I was about to board my flight from Portland down to Oakland who should run up - after boarding was well in progress - but Amanda Fucking Palmer herself, with a large bag from Powell’s Books over her shoulder, which is so on-brand it’s not even funny. The whole crew was on the same flight with me. Cosmic coincidences.
The inimitable Kat Robichaud dominated as Mistress of Ceremonies, and she brought along some friends from the Misfit Cabaret, so this promised to be a great night from the start.
Kat kicked things off with her original song Charade, then The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence provided a series of short, pithy blessings for the new year that managed to be funny, touching, and queer in equal measure.
Snatch Adams did an amazing burlesque routine involving a leaf blower and a giant balloon that she somehow got completely inside … and then removed her clothes.
Another original from Kat, and an extremely sexy dance from Aurora Rose, and it was time for the Dresden Dolls.
In 2017 Amanda did an NYE show a week after having a miscarriage and barely made it through the show. This show was similarly performed amidst some personal tragedy. Amanda had just learned that a good friend from New Zealand - whom she was actually en route to go visit - had died suddenly and tragically. And the longtime landlord / den mother of the artist collective Cloud Club, where Amanda “grew up” as an artist, was in hospice on his death bed (he passed early on the 2nd). While she did talk about this a little on stage for the most part she just powered through and delivered a killer show.
My favorite way to ring in the new year is with Amanda and/or the Dolls, and this show went a long way towards explaining why. Flamboyantly talented people providing astounding spectacle; who could ask for anything more? Halfway through the show my friend Nikki turned to me and said, “I can’t imagine being happier than I am right now!” I couldn’t agree more.
Annotated Set List:
Good Day (Brian on guitar to start)
Sex Changes
Gravity
Modern Moonlight
My Alcoholic Friends
Shores of California
Welcome to the Internet (Bo Burnham cover) - Before this song Amanda often asks, “Are there any young people in the audience?” and she typically chooses one to serenade during the ‘Waiting for YOOOOOU!’ bridge. Tonight this turned into a bit of a bidding war in which we started at 18 and worked our way down to 5. At one point Brian became an auctioneer, “I’ve got 16 here do I hear 15? 14! 14 going once, can I get … 13 over here!”
Mandy Goes to Med School
Amanda said she wanted to repeat the collective primal scream they had done last NYE, and while that’s true the tradition actually started at the very first solo show Amanda did in the States post COVID in August of ‘22.
“Close your eyes, and on the count of three I would like you to scream as loudly as possible to release the good, the bad, the ugly, the better, the unfulfilled, the loneliness, the whatever you fucking went through last year it’s now gone and you’ve got about an hour to sit with it if you wanna be sad or happy and then it’s all gonna go away and we’re gonna go into 2024 into a bucket of unicorn dreams!”
PRIMAL SCREAM!!
Mister God
Amanda said that she and Whitney had come up with a working title for the new Dresden Dolls album: Downer Bangers (“That was my nickname in high school!” quipped Nikki.)
“I found out this morning that a really good friend of mine from New Zealand just died really suddenly and tragically, and I’m in the middle of losing someone else in my life, and it’s just one of those days where you’re like, ‘This is happening, and I still have to play a show.’ This has happened to me enough that I know how to do it, but I’ve gotta tell you that it’s still really weird to get up in front of everybody while I’m going through what I’m going through. And here’s the great thing about being in the Dresden Dolls: I have a song for that! So I’m gonna play it.”
Houdini
Another Christmas (Brian on guitar, Amanda on jingle bells)
Amsterdam (Jacques Brel cover) (Brian on guitar, Amanda on beer) - At the beginning of the second stanza Amanda lost track of the lyrics. “In the port of Amsterdam, there’s a sailor who … ”
“Dies!” I helpfully yelled
“Dies … sorry, Tom.”
Hey don’t apologize to me; I live for this shit!
Missed Me - Brian has taken to really going all out on this one, often performing entire melodramatic vignettes. Tonight he just … left. Got up, left the stage, disappeared. He has played with briefly “leaving” during this song, but this time he was just gone. And Amanda had no idea what was going on. She was talking to the crowd - he’s really gone, I’m all alone, what do I do? sort of thing - when a large, potted plant crept up behind her. As Brian was creeping about the stage hiding behind the plant like a cartoon villain Amanda said, “This is the same guy who during soundcheck was like, ‘Let’s keep the intro really short.’” The antics went on so long that Amanda got flustered and got confused about where they were in the song. She looked at me and asked, “Is this right?” I gave her a big thumbs up.
Backstabber
Astronaut (A Brief History of Nearly Nothing) (Amanda Palmer cover)
Mrs. O - Quick restart after Amanda thought she detected a medical issue in the crowd, something that happened at both the LA and SD shows earlier in the month. It was a false alarm, and the band played on.
Delilah (featuring Kat Robichaud AND Whitney Moses (the OG!)) - Double Delilahs for double the pathos. Before starting Amanda entreated the crowd to sing along. “I want you to sing this song tonight for someone who needs it. And that someone might be you.”
Sing - Amanda was keeping one eye on the clock and the tempo on this one was a bit faster than normal so they could get it in before …
MIDNIGHT! Balloon drop! General pandemonium!
(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party!) (Beastie Boys cover) - Everyone on stage!
Coin-Operated Boy
War Pigs (Black Sabbath cover)
——
Girl Anachronism
Photo Gallery:
Preshow family portrait.
Destiney performed as a living statue before the show.
Snatch Adams, ladies and gentlemen.
The Dresden Dolls!
Welcome to the Internet
Another Christmas
Amsterdam!
Sometimes you just can’t see the drummer through the trees.
Dual Delilahs!
MIDNIGHT!!!
Submitted without comment.
Good night!
Traditional selfie with Whitney Moses and post-show family selfie featuring Michael!
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What is your favorite AFI song!
Oh gosh, it's so hard to choose! I can maybe try my best to narrow it down by my favorite on each album & some EP's...at the moment... 😅
ATASF: I'll go with Brownie Bottom Sundae! Although I did listen to Ny-Quil quite a lot bc I was a dork and would play the song every time I got sick and took Ny-Quil, lol.
VPOY: File 13, for being a catchy & relatable song. "My muscles stiffen through the day, discomfort never goes away. Why don't you throw me away? I feel like a garbage can"
SYMAOYE: This album kinda blends together in my mind, but I do quite like The New Patron Saints & Angels.
AFI E.P.: Their cover of The Hanging Garden is amazing & is the reason I sought out The Cure's Pornography album (and I probably owe a lot to AFI for how much Cure I listened to in high school and beyond).
BSITS: Malleus Maleficarum. I tell this story a lot, but the morning of the 2017 Blood tour show I was attending, I was quietly hoping to myself I'd get to see the song, despite knowing they hadn't played it in many years. When Adam started hitting those cymbals, I was in disbelief. When Jade's guitar rung out, I started crying. It was fucking magic.
AH E.P.: Totalimmortal, one of the best songs ever crafted honestly.
AOD: Ohhhh this one is hard, but I'm going to go with Ever and a Day...and Morningstar...Sorry, picking is hard!!!
STS: Can I just claim the entire album + b-sides? No? Well, Miseria Cantare is too iconic to not pick. I didn't get to attend STS20, but I watched it from a livestream and it was incredible hearing everyone chant along.
DU: I'm gonna go with a b-side here and pick "On the Arrow". That song grabbed me when I heard it as a 14-year old & it was breathtaking getting to see them perform it on the CL tour.
CL: Hmm, I think I'm gonna go with Torch Song. Not a standard "opener" for them but a beautiful song nonetheless. When the chorus kicks in with that choir of "ANYTHIIIING!"? Magnificent.
Burials: The Face Beneath the Waves (this one still remains on my bucket list of songs I must experience live before I die)
Blood: Feed From the Floor, absolutely. Saw it live last year and got to cross that one off my bucket list. Such a gorgeous song I will never tire of listening to.
MM E.P.: TRASH BAT! Who would have guessed?
Bodies: I'm gonna have to call it a tie between Dulcería and Begging for Trouble. I really do adore the entire Bodies album though, it's one of those special albums that came to me at a time in my life when I needed it most.
#thanks for the question!#maybe I went a lil overboard on my answer but that's what you get when you talk AFI with a trash bat lol#please share your faves in the comments if you'd like!#AFI
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Number 8 for the fic writer asks?
8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?
this is a fantastic question that i wish i had a more interesting answer to than "uhhhh i think i already did it actually." (it's the heians. i'm talking about the heians. please for the love of god read the heians.) honestly last year and change were pretty significant for the fic bucket list—i did heians (which is no joke something i've been wanting to do but fearing my lack of specialist knowledge about for over ten years), i did multichap (even if i kinda cheated my way into it with vignette style), i did [REDACTED] (2017 did irreparable damage to my psyche but it can't take MERMAIDS from me, babey!!), i did annoyingly pointed spitefic about people not unpacking their racist priors in fandom (lol)............
this is kind of the answer to a different question on the list, but i think the thing that i would like to do one of these days is finish the minotaurpheus fic the way i think it deserves to end. and i do know how it ends—it's just figuring out the middle, which is somewhat difficult because it does involve both fantasy geopolitics and the two main characters sitting in a cave not knowing anything about the fantasy geopolitics going on about a hundred feet up that are going to start affecting them quite a lot as soon as someone comes down into the cave to tell them what the fuck is happening. so, yeah, maybe this is not going to be the year, but wouldn't it be nice if it were?
#chatter#ask games#i love minotaurpheus very much. the ultimate mumu as they say.#and by ''they'' i obviously mean ''only and exclusively me''#there's an overwrought metaphor in the minotaur au about complicity in systems and narratives and the cost of escape#and the radicalism of joy and love under oppression#but like let's be real the MAIN point of that au is minotaur apologia. yes perhaps asterion did kill all those hundreds of people#but have you considered he's a little moo cow boy. maybe even MY little moo cow boy.#i'm braver and more sexy than madeline miller and all her copycats put TOGETHER.
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2015 Haylor Timeline
Timeline Tag, or years […] 2014, [...], 2016, […] and 2024.
2 January - Harry arrives in LA 3 weeks before the rest of 1D, starts writing with Johan Carlsson (If I could fly). Neither Harry or Taylor seen on the 3rd or 4th On the 5th Harry was seen in an LA carpark.
6 January - Taylor posted clear blue water (Lyrics from This Love) to instagram. Harry in Malibu and around LA. A year later Harry posted the rain on a window 6 January 2016 and on 7 January 2017 recorded the leak 'Lately'. This may have been their break up. Harry was pictured with a fan wearing the shirt from Band-Aid.
7 January - Harry pictured with fans at Cafe Habana for lunch and dinner. There are three recording studios within 10 minutes, (including Shangri-La) so he was likely working.
10 January - Reports Harry driving with Nadine Leopold. Tweets from 8 till late. He got Froyo. Both HS/TS Golden Globes parties
11 January - Harry tweets he had a "I Had a Good Morning :D Hard Work.... 'Yikes' !!". Kendall and Khloe post "Forget You "I see you driving 'round town/With the boy I love and I'm like/Forget you."
15 January - lily Aldridge's birthday, Harry posts serendipity, his watch is in a photo talking to Taylor, TMZ posts awkward footage of them in the lobby, they go for food in a group after and are friendly. (WOTW: Yesterday I went out to celebrate the birthday of a friend / But as we raised our glasses up to make a toast / I realised you were missing) Niall said they wrote Made in the AM in January and February. Matty Healy said dating Taylor was all fake, it didn’t really happen. He also talked about Harry as “there’s no one I know less in the world than Harry styles” video interview
16 January - Harry tweets "Cake?"
17 January - Taylor shares photo of her kitchen with framed Temper Trap lyrics on her stove. Again they broke up before his birthday. :( Harry tweets that "This bucket hat might be the best purchase we've made in years." Cara and Kendall retweet that and the Cake? Rumour they bought a hat. H played golf the next day.
22 January - Harry went for yogurt, Nadine Leopold in his car
20-23 January Taylor goes to Hawaii with Haim sisters and her mum. She also posts that it’s been a year since she wrote I Know places and capitalized “and we RUN” Harry seen with Jeff
24 January - Harry tweets "Cake-gate"
1 February - Harry’s 21st birthday party, everyone is fabulous with Gigi, Kendall, Cara there Harry Styles turns 21 with the A-list No mention of Taylor or Lily Aldridge, although Harry had been at Lily’s birthday 2 weeks earlier. (Is this the birthday he made her cry in Hunger?) WITW written in Japan in February. Taylor posts video of giving Olivia treats. Xander also posted and photo box photo of Harry with Nadine Leopold
2 February - the next day KK, lily Aldridge and Taylor are in Nashville. (1 year would have been turning into 2 of that was written for his debut.)
4 February - Harry leaves LA for One Direction On the Road Again Tour 7 February – 31 October
7 February - for #1D2D take over of Teen Party on Spotify, Harry chooses riptide by Vance Joy as his 7th song.
8 February - Ariana performed Just a little piece of your heart in front of Taylor at the Grammys. Taylor’s iconic response of hanging out with friends and “going home to the cats” is at 0:23 - 0:39. 1D was Australia, (was he the intended audience for the cat’s comment?)
13 February - Style Music Video released. Inspiration for Two Ghosts
20 February - During Happily in Perth Liam asked Harry "Are you OK?" (1:01), it was song 7 for 8 shows, then never played again. Harry posted a photo of a crosswalk B&W stripes caption 'chains around my feet'. His feet have 'never gonna dance again' tattooed on them, George Michael lyric about being faithful
24 February - Taylor met Calvin. The shows in Australia were a bit flat. Earlier in the day Ed and Taylor are on Nick Grimshaw, Nick asks TS "Haim Holiday," 'he and his friends' were talking about why so many photos, then played Style.
25 February - Happily was replaced with Stockholm Syndrome as song 7 on the OTRA tour, (after a few shows as encore.)
27 February - Harry posted the overgrown “my winding wheel” instagram post.
3 March - Oscar Gorres became a father, he said So it Goes was written soon after. At that point "Taylor already had the lyrics". Calvin breaks up with his girlfriend 11 March Taylor walks backward to avoid papa
18 March - Zayn's last performance with One Direction in Hong Kong
20 March - KK/TS vogue photoshoot posted
25 March - Zayn leaving announced
27 March - Taylor at whole foods with Calvin in matching outfits
9 April - Taylor shared that Andrea’s cancer diagnosis.
12 April - Matty Healy says Harry and 1D stole his sound and refers to Change your ticket. 1D's reps say ''It seems a bit unfair to rant at Harry, especially if it's because of the song 'Change Your Ticket'. Harry had nothing to do with that song - that was all Niall and Zayn's work.'' (the whole band is credited, but H did seem to try to smooth it over by going to his concert with Taylor in December.
28 April - media that CH felt threatened and asked Taylor to stop talking to Harry as they had been hooking up recently.
5 May - 12 December - 1989 world tour. 85 dates in 221 days, the majority of time Taylor dated Calvin. Blind KK was only allowed one hour to move out of TS apartment. TS had everything boxed and labeled with contents inventoried that the model had to sign for
8 May - Elle interview where she talked about texts and that true love is disappointing.
15 May - Taylor rock in rio set, plays wonderland for the first time (1 of 6 total plays) and has Ed out for Tenerife sea. It’s early in the tour and a festival, reviews were not great.
17 May - The train wreck 2015 BBMs showed Haylor was raw AF, his smile (at 0:24) when she arrived looked like it wasn’t over to Harry... until he started accepting awards (at 0:57) with CH & TS in the front row.
20 May - Taylors clean speech on Haylor anniversary included "maybe you lost a person you never thought you would lose, maybe you lost yourself. You know, I think that we all go through things like this. We all have questions about where we’re going or where we been or where we should have been at that time." Taylor played wonderland
22 May - Taylor played wonderland.
23 May - Taylor telegraph interview she says she’s single and references Perfect: “But ask her what the tape looks like if you fast-forward five years and she seems less certain. ‘I’ll be 30,’ she gasps. ‘I’ll probably still be single, let’s be honest. No one’s going to sign up for this and everything that goes with it. Like, “Hi, nice to meet you, want a date? Do you love camera flashes? I hope you do!” I don’t know what’s going to happen if I’m ever content in a relationship – no idea how that’s going to work,’ she continues, still smiling. ‘I don’t even know if that’s possible with the life I have.” Harry in London. Fan posts a photo of Harry wearing the st Laurent coat with lipstick stain and says it’s their lipstick. They aren’t wearing lipstick.
26 May - Calvin at Vegas pool party and photographed leaving with a woman
4 June - Taylor walks backwards on hike in LA to avoid paparazzi. Harry in London with Grimmy. Ryan Seacrest interview.
6 June Taylor played wonderland. (Harry colour IG post on 3rd in LA. Blind Calvin cheating.
5 - 27 June OTRA Europe dates
11 June - Harry has 2 days off and fly's to NYC alone and is pictured with Xander and a model. Taylor posts photo on a swan with Calvin LA
12 June - "One Direction will stay together or but pursue solo careers" E weekly.
13-19 June Taylor tour break then London
13 June - in Brussels 18 and No Control added and One Thing removed from OTRA setlist.
19 June - 1D Oslo show, Harry called out school friend who stole his GF. 4 days off .
20 June - last time Wonderland played till rep, in Germany. Harry in London.
21 June - Taylor’s letter to Apple, Germany
22 June - Harry posts a color scrabble board to IG. Tweets “I have missed you” to Sweden
23 June Taylor fly’s to Glasgow, introducing New Romantics she says it was written when her ex went to Japan. Harry in Sweden, 3 days off. Tweet s “Felt great to be back in Sweden. Thanks for coming.”
24 June Taylor Manchester then 3 days off. Clean speech mentions “treacherous”, hints at Slut and at this is me trying. Harry with one direction at London nightclub, libertine
25 June - Harry London, looks tired leaving hotel in daytime. Taylor replies to a fan on Tumblr that Breathe in, Breathe out is her favorite song on Hillary Duff's album. She later uses a line from it in Getaway Car and uses the melody in Paper Rings.
26 June - Taylor out with Elle Goulding in London
27 June - Taylor London show w/Kendall, Gigi, Serena, KK, Martha, Cara. 1D in Helsinki.
28 June - Calvin arrives in London. Boat on Thames with Taylor, Karlie, Gigi, Joe, Andrea, and Scott. This clean speech
30 June - holy ground surprise song in Dublin. Clean speech “Those things that haunt them. Those things that scare them, or confuse them. Memories you wish you didn’t have. Memories you wish you could forget. “
4 July - CH at Taylors 4th July Party bikini photos. Ed invited Cherry ❤️.
4-7 July Harry photographed in Malibu with Xander 4th July breakfast, driving, dinner
9 July - Harry falls over on stage in San Diego, Ellen plays on TV. Xander and Jeff at show
26 July - Xander at Minnesota 1D show
4 August Harry and Xander leave Lottie’s birthday in NY
5 August - Xander st met life, Harry mimes lacrosse (Xander is a lacrosse player
18 August - Harry says "Taylor? Like Swift?" signing a hat
19 August Calvin twitter fight with Zayn, Calvin shades one direction and Louis gets involved. media that Calvin is a “douchebag” citing that he cheated on his GF with Taylor, and racist and fat shaming tweets
24 August - One Direction announce a hiatus at start of 2016. Niall told Ryan Seacrest Made in the AM was finished in August (20 November).
25 August - Taylor mouths I love you to Calvin on stage at the end of her concert in LA
27 August - xanders birthday Harry posts cake
28 August - Harry posted a van gough in colour from the Chicago art institute. Xander Ritz also posted a photo of an empty gallery and liked Harry’s. Flew from Cleveland and back in day
29 August - Detroit 1D Harry backstage with Xander
31 August - Harry ate at this restaurant and they have the receipt pinned up 9 years later. It was at university in Philadelphia. Seen with Xander getting ice cream
1 September 1D show in Phili, Xander attended then Xander Harry and Jeff dinner NY
21 September - Harry posts a photo of a girl in a flooded room, very clean/falling coded
17 September - Xander, Jeff and Harry La dinner
26 September - 1D London O2 during “Don't Forget Where You Belong” Harry kissed the heart for the first time since Tayvin went public. (3:55)
28 September - Harry talks about anniversaries on stage (London). Taylors clean speech (st Louis) she talked about being heartbroken being vulnerable for love then "one day, whether it’s a year later, or 3 months later, [...] you wake up, and you look in the mirror, and you don’t see “heartbreak” written all over your face anymore.” 'You belong with me' surprise song. It had been 3 months since Harry's colour scrabble board and Sweden tweets.
29 September - Taylor buys Samuel Goldwyn’s estate in LA.
10 October - fan sign “I’m here for Xander ritz” Harry points at himself and says me too
13 October - Kendall and Cara seen dancing at a One Direction concert. Harry has breaks his foot playing football In the Zane interview he talked about the the Dublin show being a lesson and taped it for the rest of the shows. (22 mins). ABC News that Calvin might sue over tabloids saying he cheated, Taylor likes his tweet.
16 October - Perfect added to OTRA setlist, replacing Diana
28 October - 1975 Love Me video released where Matty Healy makes out with a Take me Home era Harry cut out. In the BTS he said "I just wanted to make a video that was about some kind of sexually confused rockstar type that who buys into his own nonsense really"
31 October - Final one direction concert in Sheffield. Xander and Jeff there
2 November - Jeff, his now wife Glenne and Xander attend MITS awards with Harry
10 November - Harry tweeted "I told her that I loved her, I'm not sure if she heard. :'( and End of the day Made in AM 1D lyric, which HS doesn’t have a writing credit I’m on.
12 November - One Direction in the BBC Live Lounge. Harry struggled in Story of My Life, he turned around twice and didn't finish the last line. He kissed his heart tattoo also.
13 November - One Direction releases Made in the AM. There is the last push of 1D promo when the band knew it was over. They are wrecked emotionally and exhausted, but watching them look over the precipice of 1D is fascinating, plus this adorable Olivia video.
31 October - Final one direction concert in Sheffield.
10 November - Harry tweeted "I told her that I loved her, I'm not sure if she heard. :'( and End of the day Made in AM 1D lyric, which HS doesn’t have a writing credit I’m on.
12 November - One Direction in the BBC Live Lounge. Harry struggled in Story of My Life, he turned around twice and didn't finish the last line. He kissed his heart tattoo also.
13 November - One Direction releases Made in the AM. There is the last push of 1D promo when the band knew it was over. They are wrecked emotionally and exhausted, but watching them look over the precipice of 1D is fascinating, plus this adorable Olivia video.
youtube
14 November - Taylor Vogue Australia cover, wearing infinity ring in the video. Foreshadows Rep with: "Then I’ll feel like I’ll need to give people a breather from me because at a certain point they’re going to get a little sick of hearing about me, so I’ll need to go away for a while then, depending on my gauge on how sick of me they are, I’ll decide when to put out the next album.” One direction London seasons for MITAM. Filmed for Apple Music where story of my life was, with James Corden. The video with James asking about perfect with 1989 song titles. Julian’s Bunetta joins them and Harry jokes the albums not finished because Olivia doesn’t have trumpets. Performance of Perfect where harry says “if you think it’s so funny you sing it” rather than the break up songs line of the bridge.
15 November - Harry so quiet on x-Factor it's on the news. He barely spoke, they perform Perfect, looks sad and kicks his feet in the bridge
youtube
20 November, in the London secret session for made in the AM Harry avoided singing the “break up songs” line in the Perfect Bridge, rather than sing it he said to the crowd "if you think it's so funny you can sing it".
21 November - 1D Spotify ping pong Harry says his MITAM lyric is summertime and butterflies all belong to your creation. Really sweet video, Harry’s foot in moon boot. Also that H brushes his teeth before the stage.
22 November - Taylor is a no show at the AMAs but nominated for 6 awards, Lots of speculation. She was shooting OOTW in NZ. 1989 won best pop/rock album. One direction performed perfect and Harry looks upset, rolls his eyes and glared at Louis in the bridge.
27 November - One Direction play the Telehit Awards in Mexico and Harry tweets James Taylor (Begin Again) Mexico Lyrics "The sun's so hot I forgot to go home." 1D Press conference.
28 November - 1989 world tour filmed in Sydney, you are in love (28 times that tour). Rumour Harry with Kendall at golf club.
13 December - final 1D x-factor performance, 5 years from first signing. On her birthday Taylor's pre-recorded interview with Zane Lowe is released, she's made up with Apple.
29 December - Yachtgate starts, later a blind that Calvin sending nudes to other women
30 December - Harry cover of 'things I can' with Eagle Tattoo seen
31 December - actual last 1D performance Dick Clark's Rockin New Years TV Special, their performance was pretaped. The Out of the Woods music video premiered on the same show.
Continue to 2016
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thank you for the tag @verminetroglodyte <3
Rules: Tag 10 (or less) people you want to get to know better
relationship status: single and too overwhelmed by life's simple tasks to mingle :^)
favourite colour: love colour in general but i am a big blue/green/yellow fan especially. oh and pinks. very much been feeling the pinks lately
song stuck in my head: tom walker's leave the light on exclusively because of viktor hladchenko's dance trapeze routine to it, linked. i watch that sucker weekly like it's an hbo prestige television show. honourable mention to million dollar secret by lucius which i discovered just today and have listened to about 10 times already.
three favourite foods: potatoes! hard cheeses! berries from the garden! EASY
last song I listened to: hozier's through me (the flood). we need more organ in new music please
dream trip: no One Great Dream trip here but many many adventures on the bucket list. the most august list members are probably mongolia trek & petra, jordan, which sums it up good. big skies and ancient places!!!
last thing(s) i googled: 2017 azerbaijan grand prix. was told it was a wild race. it was! baku city circuit sure is somethin' else
tagging: no presh tags to @moorishflower @teejaystumbles @50daysat @thirrith @mandolinearts @softest-punk @fishfingersandscarves @issylra @rose-crown3d @unlikely-gravestones
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Hi! 1/22 for the Smosh timeline :]
-heart of the card
Oh, hey, it's my mutal @heart-of-the-card! Bro the amount of times I've spammed your blog-
What Smosh Videos were Posted on Your Birthday?
2013:
Grand Theft Helicopter Wars (Backseat Gaming)- Smosh Games
Screaming in Dead Space (Dope! Or Nope)- Smosh Games
2014:
Unfair Mario is Killing Us! (Gametime w/Smosh)- Smosh Games
2015:
Yolo Bucket List Challenge (Grand Theft Smosh)- Smosh Games
2016:
Addicted to Pranking- Smosh Main
Ben and Ed Zombie Obstacle Course (Game Bang)- Smosh Games
2017:
Winter Cabin Horror Continues (Board AF)- Smosh Games
2018:
Every Game Store Ever- Smosh Main
Stairway to Heaven Strategy!! Fortnite Battle Royale (Surviving Mondays)- Smosh Games
2019:
If You Had One Wish...- Smosh Main
7 People in a Tiny Car Jack in the Box Mukbang- Smosh Pit
2020:
How to Flirt- Smosh Main
2021:
Untitled Goose Game ft. Our Discount Dopplegangers (The Damien and Shayne Show)- Smosh Games
2022:
No videos January 22
2023:
Board AF Legacy: Betrayal, the First Five- Smosh Games
2024:
"Twitter for Android" @ jacksfilms (Shorts)- Smosh Main
This is How You Find Your Soulmate (Shorts)- Smosh Pit
Can We Translate This Gibberish? (Shorts)- Smosh Games
Our Most Embarrassing Acting Jobs: Smosh Mouth 30- Smoshcast
She Worked with Ryan Reynolds?!? (Shorts)- Smoshcast
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April 27, 2023: from Burial, Ross Gay
Hear the poet read this here.
from Burial
Ross Gay
You’re right, you’re right,
the fertilizer’s good—
it wasn’t a gang of dullards
came up with chucking
a fish in the planting hole
[…]—yes,
the magic dust our bodies become
casts spells on the roots […]
which is why a couple springs ago
when first putting in my two bare root plum trees
out back I took the jar which has become
my father’s house,
and lonely for him and hoping to coax him back
for my mother as much as me,
poured some of him in the planting holes
and he dove in glad for the robust air,
[…] and good lord
this year he was giddy at the first
real fruit set and nestled into the 30 or 40 plums
in the two trees, peering out from the sweet meat
with his hands pressed against the purple skin
like cathedral glass,
and imagine his joy as the sun
wizarded forth those abundant sugars
and I plodded barefoot
and prayerful at the first ripe plum’s swell and blush,
almost weepy conjuring
some surely ponderous verse
to convey this bottomless grace,
you know, oh father oh father kind of stuff,
hundreds of hot air balloons
filling the sky in my chest, replacing his intubated body
listing like a boat keel side up, replacing
the steady stream of water from the one eye
which his brother wiped before removing the tube,
keeping his hand on the forehead
until the last wind in his body wandered off,
while my brother wailed like an animal,
and my mother said, weeping,
it’s ok, it’s ok, you can go honey,
at all of which my father
guffawed by kicking from the first bite
buckets of juice down my chin,
staining one of my two button-down shirts,
the salmon colored silk one, hollering
there’s more of that!
almost dancing now in the plum,
in the tree, the way he did as a person,
bent over and biting his lip
and chucking the one hip out
then the other with his elbows cocked
and fists loosely made
and eyes closed and mouth made trumpet
when he knew he could make you happy
just by being a little silly
and sweet.
--
Read the full poem here.
Today in:
2022: Ode to Tortillas, José Olivarez
2021: Say Thank You Say I’m Sorry, Jericho Brown
2020: The Restoration, Gary Jackson
2019: The Termite, Ogden Nash
2018: Elegy, W.S. Merwin
2017: Young Wife’s Lament, Brigit Pegeen Kelly
2016: For the Confederate Dead, Kevin Young
2015: Awaking in New York, Maya Angelou
2014: when you have forgotten Sunday: the love story, Gwendolyn Brooks
2013: Scrambled Eggs and Whiskey, Hayden Carruth
2012: My Place, Franz Wright
2011: from The Wild Geese, Wendell Berry
2010: Love After Love, Derek Walcott
2009: To This May, W.S. Merwin
2008: Father, Ted Kooser
2007: from Little Sleep’s-Head Sprouting Hair in the Moonlight, Galway Kinnell
2006: Crusoe in England, Elizabeth Bishop
2005: Dream Song 1, John Berryman
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My husband just informed me that he's planning to take the day of the upcoming solar eclipse off work. He found an AirBnB outside of Rochester (like 5 hrs away) so he's gonna drive up Sunday, stay over, see the eclipse Monday afternoon (it'll be total there whereas here it'll only be like 95% or something), then drive back home that night. He asked me if I wanted to come along.
Now, do I think it would be cool to see a total solar eclipse? Sure, yeah, of course. Is it a bucket list item for me like it is for him, though? Nah. But more to the point, the day of the eclipse is the day before our daughter flies out to Norway for good. So it's not a great time for me to dip for 36 hours or whatever. And plus she and I have a baby shower to attend that Sunday, her last chance to see one whole side of the family before she emigrates, so the calendar is already full for me.
Additionally, in general, it is complicated for both me and my husband to travel at the same time because we have a diabetic cat who needs insulin morning and evening. We have a sitter we can hire who will come care for him but she's not cheap, especially if we need her to come at precise times, multiple times a day. (Boarding him is not an option because it would be much too stressful for him.)
So yeah, I'm not going to Rochester on the 8th. And I'm fine with that specific thing. What I'm not entirely fine with is the ongoing fact that he Goes Places and I just fucking do NOT.
He has a job that requires him to travel occasionally. In the recent past he's had work trips to Austin and to Boulder. This year, he has a new job, and they are apparently sending him to, like, Brazil and uhhh some other country, maybe Romania? Additionally, he has friends in various places who invite him for visits sometimes, or with whom he plans little excursions a few times a year.
I do not have these things. My job is a piddly little part-time job. I am autistic and basically in-fucking-tolerable so I do not have people in the world who want to spend time with me. We went to Norway last summer to meet our future son-in-law and that was the first time I'd been on a plane in 20 years, first time I'd been off the continent in 30. It was the first vacation of any kind I'd had since, like, 2017.
Y'all, I fucking love to travel. I love just being new places. I love airports. I love learning how to use a city's public transport system. I love trying new foods. I love architecture. I am mastering two different languages on Duolingo right now.
My husband does not begrudge me anything. We are finally doing well financially after many years of struggle and worry. My passport is current. If I wanted to take myself somewhere I could do it. But, what, I book myself a trip to walk around in some city by myself? Stay in a room by myself? Speak to no one but myself for five days or whatever? I'm an introvert, yeah, but that sounds lonely.
So he gets to run off on a wild hair and trust that I'll stay here and keep the lights on, and I'm just envious. Little bitter. Not gonna lie.
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I’ve always had a very specific bucket list of goals which have included a wide variety of things including playtesting a video game, getting my name in the credits of something, and seeing ball lightning which I have accomplished all three of (I saw ball lightning in 2017, got my name in the credits of MST3k, and playtested a game today) but my next goals are to one day be an extra in a movie, to meet a NASA astronaut, and to one day publish my own book.
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Hallmark fans will likely think of When Calls the Heart first when it comes to Erin Krakow (its star and an executive producer), but she’s also all over the network’s movies, both rom-coms and Christmas. When TV Insider caught up with Krakow in April about her latest Hallmark Channel film, The Wedding Cottage, we also took the opportunity to have her reminisce on some of her past work — including the first season of the long-running drama.
“I feel like I’m really living it out with every project that [Hallmark] offers me. I’m so grateful for the characters I’ve had the pleasure of playing and that I’ve been able to executive produce on When Calls. It’d be an interesting new challenge to direct something for Hallmark maybe one day and maybe write something someday,” she told us of her Hallmark bucket list. “I don’t know. I would be curious to know what others would want to see from me if maybe there’s a different kind of character they’d be curious to see me play. But I don’t know that there’s anything that’s screaming at me right now. I’m feeling very happy and grateful with what I’ve been given.”
Scroll down for her thoughts on the Father Christmas trilogy, A Cookie Cutter Christmas, It Was Always You, and more.
Eike Schroter/Crown Media
When Calls the Heart Season 1 (2014)
“Season 1 feels like a lifetime ago and sort of just yesterday all at once. It’s this bizarre feeling. But it was a really exhausting and incredible chapter of my life. And I continue to feel so proud to be a part of When Calls the Heart and grateful that the Hearties have kept us on the air all these years, that Hallmark continues to believe in our show. Season 1, I think we filmed it in 2013, [and] it aired in 2014. It was a long time ago. And the show has changed and grown a lot since then. But looking back, I just feel a lot of pride to be a part of it.”
Alexx Henry Studios, Jeremy Lee/Crown Media
Chance at Romance (2014)
“This was my first Hallmark movie and I remember just being so overwhelmed when it was offered to me. It was such a fantastic script. Working with Ryan McPartlin was great, Patricia Richardson, these people were incredible. And then of course, our young Donny [Ian Andrew] who orchestrated the whole thing. That was a really fun project that continues to air, and I think it’s a favorite of our viewers.”
Diyah Pera/Crown Media
A Cookie Cutter Christmas (2014)
“Oh man, the late great Alan Thicke. Also super fun. What a treasure. And that was where I first met Genea Charpentier who joined us on When Calls for a while. And Jaeda Lily Miller was also in that movie as was Gracyn Shinyei. These are all some of our young talent from When Calls. So it was fun to get to work on a movie with them as well.”
Katie Yu/Crown Media
Father Christmas Trilogy (2016, 2017 & 2018)
“This is when I first worked with Terry Ingram, who directed The Wedding Cottage. He directed Finding Father Christmas. That was a great trilogy. The books were written by Robin Jones Gunn. I’m not saying that to toot my own horn, I truly felt like they had a lot of heart, and they were important stories to tell because not everyone has the cookie cutter family with the happy traditions around the holidays. And I heard from a lot of viewers that being able to see Miranda’s perspective around family and around the holidays was refreshing for them, to get to see something reflected back to them that represented their own journey. So I was proud to be a part of something a little different in that story.”
Ryan Plummer/Crown Media
A Summer Romance (2019)
“Any opportunity to get back on the horse. That was a lot of fun, to play a kind of cowgirl, and I worked with a lot of the same crew from When Calls. So those people are like family to me. It was a really good time.”
Eike Schroter/Crown Media
Sense, Sensibility & Snowmen (2019)
“This was really fun because Luke Macfarlane and I went to college together in New York, and he was an upperclassman, so I looked up to him, but we didn’t really get to work together in school. But it was a lot of fun to get to work together on this movie and reminisce about our time at school and just become closer pals. He’s a really great guy.”
Luba Popovic/Crown Media
It Was Always You (2021)
“This was my first time working with Tyler Hynes, and he was fantastic and so just present on set and a great person. This was also a very bold script written by Kathy Kloves. I think we were both really taken by how different this story was, and it was a really brave choice for Hallmark. I think they were doing something outside the box a little bit here. The story of a woman who falls out of love with her fiancé and into love with his brother is a tricky line to walk. So Tyler and I were very cautious about how we handled it, but I think we were both super proud of that love story. And it seems like our viewers must have loved it because they’re still talking about it and really campaigning for a sequel.”
#when calls the heart#finding father christmas#sense sensibility and snowmen#chance at romance#a summer romance#hallmark#a cookie cutter christmas
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