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nadiestar · 4 years

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The Lie of Black and White: Part 7/?

Summary: The wedding changed things. The wedding led to Patton apologizing and Janus opening up. To Logan reminisce and Virgil to re-evaluate. And for the twins it - well for the twins it led to confrontation, hurt and facing the mistakes and lies they had made theselves and the others believe for far too long. (ca. 3200 words)

(So, hello. I know this is a lot shorter than the others but I’m thinking about finishing this fic with the talk their gonna have with Thomas and that will take a little more time than this and I didn’t want to let you hang on that cliff hanger from before. Also, I was thinking about doing some additional oneshots and maybe a sequel for this if you’re interested. One oneshot I have in mind is what happened after the Paranoia (out of Patton’s and Janus’s perspectives). For the sequel I’d tackle how Virgil and the others would deal with therapy and possibly what’s up with original Creativity. If you’ve got any ideas of what you would like to hear a little more about just tell me. I’d love your input!

And side note: Ernest & Célestine is a beautiful moive I can only recommend watching. It's just so beautifully drawn and so gosh darn comfy!

Anyway, thank you for hanging around this long, take care and have a wonderful day!)

Link on Ao3

@aprincehasgotoslay

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The air was tense. Janus looked panicked and Remus as if he was about to start crying again. But before they could freak out Virgil held his hands up and told them calmly: “I’m not saying that Thomas doesn’t need me. He needs the fight or flight instinct, my vigilance and fear in general, but the anxiety is just too much of all of it.”

“I do think, you’ve got the right notion Virge, but I am sceptical of you returning to your former state as Fear. It’s highly improbable that we could reset you”, Logan chimed in.

The logical side sounded far more fascinated than bothered. Which did bother the others except Virgil, who promptly explained: “Yeah, no! I know. Getting back to what I used to be isn’t a possibility anymore. But like, having Thomas’s friends around or the breathing exercises help me being actually helpful. And therapy might do even more good than that. I just wanna help pull my weight too, instead of dictating everybody around and make them adjust to my needs.”

Virgil seemed to be unsure of his answer and looked through the round. Logan seemed very pleased and Patton’s face showed the signs of relief. Janus still looked a little bothered but he gave off a lot less hysteric vibe than before, so Virgil thought that he might have calmed him enough. Then there were Roman and Remus left. Roman’s face was devoid of emotion and Virgil immediately focused on Remus, who was as always easier to read that his brother has been to Virgil.

Remus was afraid. He was afraid of Virgil suffering because he tried to be better, without actually becoming any better. And Virgil understood him too well. He feared that himself but after all what has happened it seemed to be worth a shot. He wanted to at least try.

He didn’t get to think of an answer as Logan reassured him: “That is very good reasoning Virgil. If you are ready to make this step, we might all benefit a great deal from it. There is a possibility of therapy improving Thomas’s self-esteem and the relationship with his intrusive thoughts, if we could get a handle of the anxiety within us.”

“But what if it hurts you? What if you don’t want to do it when we try?” Remus asked troubled and at once was reaching for Roman’s hand again. The Prince let him do as he pleased and only watched Virgil’s reaction.

Virgil gulped. He didn’t know.

“I don’t know. But I know that I’m pretty rational right now and that the scenarios I might come up with when we are that far, won’t be rational. Also, it’s not very likely that it would hurt me. Like, everything Thomas ever did to get his anxiety down – that helped me. And if I’m being more rational and all, I wouldn’t force you to, uhm, illustrate all of these worst-case scenarios anymore. I hope.”

Remus said nothing for a bit. Then he shook his head.

“But I’ll still be intrusive thoughts. You can’t medicate me away.”

“Yeah, and we won’t need to. With me better, we can easier work on that too and you might be able to do the things for Thomas and us, which you have in mind if you want to. You can be – Creativity again”, Virgil told Remus shyly.

But I am Creativity, Remus thought. But that’s not what I’ve been doing. I haven’t been creating. I’m processing and formulating ideas and thoughts from everybody else but me. This might get me free. This might let me say things I couldn’t manage to say because all the words were taken by other thoughts but mine.

“So, you realize that you’ve hurt him by calling and keeping him in your room?” Roman said to Virgil but Remus didn’t really hear it.

“What – I -”, Virgil stuttered taken aback by the calmness in Roman’s words despite their hostile underline.

“You must know that staying in your room has bad effects on us. I mean, you knew immediately what was going on with Patton, Logan and me when we were in your room and started reeling. Which was not pleasant at all, as a side note. And Remus has spent whole evenings in there with you, while the paranoia had come up. You do acknowledge this now, right?”

Virgil’s first instinct was to panic until he realized that Roman was not being aggressive or accusing. He was getting to something different with his point. But what was it? Virgil felt his thoughts race. Not in a bad way though.

What could he get out of Roman’s words? That he knew of Remus sometimes spending nights in his room, when he had a bad day or panic attack. But how did he know? Remus’s and Virgil’s room used to be further away from the common aera than Roman’s. He couldn’t have known about it, had Remus not told him about him visiting Virgil. But why would Remus tell Roman this? Roman and Remus were obviously closer than Virgil and all the others had thought them to be, but that was no reason for Remus to tell Roman if not for-

Remus hid his pain. He couldn’t heal. And the only one who knew was Roman. And Remus had stiches on his body. Stiches that were too neatly done for him to have done it himself. Roman had fixed him up after he had gotten himself injured. And he probably also helped him fix himself, when he was mentally exhausted.

Roman was the one who saw Remus hurt because of him.

“Is… is this why you disliked me so much when we started out? Because I hurt him without knowing it?”

Roman’s stern gaze softened instantly. Wow, Virgil really was on a good reasoning spree today, wasn’t he? And it made sense. Roman had never antagonized Janus as much as he had Virgil before the trial. With Janus it was more of a rivalry, like the Joker and Batman in the LEGO Batman movie.

Virgil bit his lip and scratched the back of his neck. Roman had disliked him a lot when he started turning up in the videos. Virgil had just brushed it off with Roman’s black and white mindset and even embraced the more villainy view Roman had of him. In a way it had gave him the feeling to be in control, to be powerful, when he actually only was lashing out and closing himself out.

It’s been a while since he had realized it. And now he had come far enough to actually work on his old baggage and help himself and the others to deal with their tasks. Calmly, Virgil closed his eyes and listened to the blood in his ears and focused on the feeling of Roman’s eyes on him. His gaze was as noticeable and warm as ever.

“I see that now, Princey. I get it”, Virgil said after he had looked back to Roman.

He kept his eyes steady for once and there was a little hint of a grin in the edge of Roman’s lips. Immediately Virgil felt lighter. He didn’t want to get back on Roman’s bad side. As fun as the fighting could be, the hurtful comments stung and it was a lot safer to bicker with the Prince instead of argue with him who wields a katana and has the knowledge how to properly use it.

“Wow”, Roman muttered and an actual smile stole its way on his lips.

Affectionally, he pulled Remus a litter closer to himself. Remus flinched at the pull and looked as if he had only been pulled out of his thoughts just now, but didn’t seem to mind the affection from his brother.

“This does explain some things…”, Patton quietly said.

As Logan and Janus slightly nodded agreeing to the statement, Remus had a big question mark written all over his face but didn’t bother to inquire what it was about. It couldn’t be too important anyway. But now he noticed that Virgil had a strangely endearing look in his eyes which was directed at his brother, who also looked weirdly fond and –

Remus’s train of thought got interrupted, when Roman looked at him with a meaningful glance and then told the others: “Anyway, when we’re going to bring this up to Thomas, we could use the opportunity and talk with him about Ree, here. And give you a chance to explain yourself too.”

“Wait, what?” Remus asked and sat up straight. “Why would you do that? Why would you want me to talk to Thomas?”

Roman exhaled slightly irritated and raised his eyebrows. Patiently, he answered to all’s surprise: “Because I told Thomas we should talk about you and that I would discuss it with you guys. And since we are talking about heavy topics, it might be the right time to bring you up and give you a seat at the table too. All of this will get easier when we work with you instead of against you, don’t you think?”

“Ro, I’m not – I’m fine with working in the background! I don’t need attention like you do! When Thomas deals with me it means -” Remus refuted but Roman silenced him with a wave.

“When Thomas dealt with you in the past it meant that he had a crisis. When you were seen it meant that we had already let it go too far and if I remember correctly – Roman gave a shot a look in Janus’s direction – we shouldn’t put off dealing with our negative emotions until we have a crisis incoming.”

Remus kept quiet and Roman continued: “I know you don’t need the attention I do, and you get your ideas directly to Thomas or sometimes even through me, but a small check in now and then might do miracles, wouldn’t it? So, we’d see the signs before we have to extinguish the fires.”

Remus sighed and drove with hands over his eyes. His shitty idealistic brother. The stupid shield. The protector. The defender of their Selves.

Defeated Remus looked over to Patton and asked him: “Do you allow it? Do you allow me to show up?”

Patton was immediately hyperaware of Logan’s, Virgil’s and Roman’s confused looks. The question sounded awkward and unrelated to them, Patton was sure of it, but Remus was direct and honest and tired. And he needed to know that Patton wouldn’t stop Roman’s plan and let Remus show up.

And so, Patton nodded and told Remus humbly: “I do. I’ve done so in the past and I will never stop you from appearing again.”

“What-” Virgil began but was stopped by Logan shaking his head and putting his hand on Virgil’s leg.

“Let’s save this question for tomorrow”, Logan asked and pinched the bridge of his nose visibly tired. “This discussion has gone on long enough and I doubt that any of us is still able to assimilate any more information. Can we agree on that?”

“Yes”, all sides agreed in relief.

It was already long past midnight and they were all beyond tired, yet nobody was about to just go into their rooms and call it a night. Eventually, Patton asked if they wanted to throw in a movie and eat the remaining cookies. They decided on Ernest & Célestine, a sweet French animation movie, and ate in comfort as they watched the grumpy bear and the little orphaned mouse slowly befriend each other on the TV. Janus and Patton had moved closer to the middle of the couch and now sat next to Logan and Virgil, while the twins sat on the floor and hummed with the gentle music.

It was Patton who was first to fall asleep. Janus didn’t register it, even though the fatherly side was leaning his head on him and softly breathing on his cape. Nor did Logan but he also was next to fall asleep with his head resting on the backrest on the couch and his arms crossed in front of his chest. Virgil and Janus followed quickly and when the film ended Roman and Remus stood up and stared for a moment at their fellow sides.

They exchanged a look and then helped each other to put the coffee table aside and pull out the couch, so it became a bed, while maintaining the peace of the others. Patton snored a little and was about to cuddle Janus, when Roman took off his glasses and gently placed them on the coffee table. He proceeded with taking off Janus’s hat and giving each of them a cushion and a blanket. After some deliberation he took off their shoes, while Remus was tucking in Logan and Virgil.

The Duke was quiet. The pillows were already under Logan and Virgil’s heads, their shoes off and Virgil gently tucked in. Remus was stuck with Logan’s glasses and the blanket he had summoned for him. He had reacted so quickly when he had touched him. He didn’t want to startle him again and instead watched Logan’s face for some time. His features were almost the same as Thomas’s.

Remus had always found it strange that Logan was the one who had chosen to look most like their human. Sure, it made sense that the one who tried to be the most realistic Side, to reflect Thomas most accurately but there was so much more personality in him. He had interests in everything, always asked “Why?” and never gave up until he got an answer. There were so many layers, so much curiosity and still he decided that his looks should be closest to the person he was a Side off.

Remus didn’t understand it. Not that he understood that much, he didn’t care most of the time if he understood or not, but this was a question that he always asked himself again and again. Why did the Side, who embodied their desire for learning and discover new things decide to stay in this static form? To Remus it didn’t make sense.

And he liked it.

Carful not to touch Logan’s face he finally took off his glasses and tucked him in. Silently, he got up and looked over to Roman, who had observed him. Softly they stepped away and went over to the dining table.

“The whole thing about our predecessor really fucked with Specs, didn’t it?” Remus said keeping his voice low, while seating himself on the table.

Roman leaned against the next wall and watched the others for a second before answering.

“It did. Really did.”

“… Did he like like him?”

Roman tilted his head from left to right. He tried to keep himself out of the romantic attraction some Sides displayed for the others. It hadn’t been too hard to stay out of it, mainly because Patton, Logan and himself didn’t have romantic interests in the other or him, but the whole situation was changing now with Virgil, Janus and hopefully soon Remus too being or getting accepted and mingling more with them.

It had mixed everything up and Patton and Logan showed emotions and dreams he hadn’t heard in quiet a bit. And it was hard to ignore them, when they were almost as loud as Logan’s falsehood cries.

“He might still. I’m not sure he knows.”

“He does. He feels guilty still.”

“Maybe…”

The twins were silent for some minutes. Still even. It wasn’t the first time they saw the others sleeping. Roman had been to too many movie nights, where Pat and Logan forgot the themselves and nodded off on the couch. Too often Remus had tucked Janus and Virgil after them scheming in their little lounge in the basement.

But it hadn’t been like this in ages. All of them together and in peace. Not quiet at peace with all that was happening but so much closer than even a day ago. Maybe they could really get somewhere with all this talking and discussing.

“When did you unlock the door?”

“… Like three days after the wedding…”

Remus chuckled lightly.

“I can’t believe you managed to hold onto your grip for that long, Drama Queen. Only took J to call you evil for you to crawl back to me. Who would have thought, hm?”

Roman took five steps. Waited for Remus to look at him. Saw him look at him. Then he opened his hand and a big rusty key appeared. The one he had made for the lock Remus had summoned for their door.

Remus eyed him curiously.

“I’ll destroy the key. I shouldn’t have shut you out. You can destroy the lock, if you want to.”

“I do.”

The key evaporated and so did the big black lock on the door in Roman’s room. Roman gave Remus a hug. They stayed in the embrace for some time uncaring for the others subtle breathing and the ticking of the big grandfather clock by the wall.

“… Wanna do some pottery?”

“Should we summon the stuff right here or…?”

“Yeah, why not.”

“Make a painting station and a kiln. I have some vases ready for to bake and some you could paint while I sculpt.”

Roman nodded and only ten minutes later he was already painting a strangely formed plate he was painting with a white base colour. Next to Roman stood a small wood kiln, which he regularly checked for the right temperature and summoned new wood pieced to throw in the fire when he realized that it needed a little more heat. Meanwhile Remus was working on a new piece at his pottery wheel.

And so, they worked in silence. Both had dropped their illusions. Remus had changed in a loose white tank top and baggy pants, which both were littered with clay stains and little holes from wearing them all the time. Roman had chosen his red t-shirt with the yellow crown on it and a pair of black shorts. It got rather warm next to the kiln and he was sweating a little but he couldn’t claim that it bothered him too much. He liked the heat.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #brotherly creativitwins #angst #comfort #hurt #The Lie of Black and White #mim rambles #also it would be nice if you could reblog it if you enjoyed the story

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