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darthstitch · 2 years

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Things That Never Happened in History Class

1. Professor Gadling's History 101

"... and so you see, Nan Boleyn was no 'femme fatale' homewrecking the happy Tudor household and leading the 'good' King Henry astray..."

There were snickers in the room.

"... though it makes for some pretty good stories, aye? Always love me a good bodice-ripper or that Jonathan Rhys-Meyers on the telly. He's a dish, that one." Professor Gadling leaned a bit forward, a naughty gleam in his eyes. "Though, the real King Henry was a looker when he was younger. Looked a bit like our Prince Harry, now that I think about it."

More laughter. Which was typical in Professor Gadling's classes. Iggy Pop - really, that was his name and yes, his parents loved him dearly - said, "Like, the dude's got a way with bringing all that historical stuff to life. Like he was totally there. Totally awesome, dude."

Iggy also had some of the best grades in the class, California surfer animated Pixar turtle accent and all. But the observation was accurate.

And it was also one of the reasons why Professor Gadling's history classes were booked solid every semester.

2. Nevermore

Sometimes, there was a raven on Professor Gadling's shoulder.

The first time he appeared, he was perched all nice and comfy on the professor's shoulder, looking as calm as you please, fixing the class with his beady black clever eyes.

The Professor sighed. "No, he's not me familiar. He's babysitting."

"You mean, YOU'RE babysitting him, right, Professor?"

The raven squawked in protest. Professor Gadling rolled his eyes. "He's the one doing the babysitting. I try not to pick arguments with ravens, you see. Terribly bad idea."

"Nevermore," said the raven clearly and drolly.

The class eventually learned the raven's name was Matthew.

3. There can be only one

There was a persistent rumor that someone once confronted Professor Gadling with an honest-to-God actual sword.

It happened in that secluded alleyway created by the old library and the faculty building, or so the story went.

The Professor, in atypical fashion, went, "Nope."

"There can be only one!" declared the sword-wielder, raising his weapon.

"Nope, I'm NOT that kind of immortal. You don't get to take my head, there's not going to be any ruddy lightning quick-thing whatever it is you lot call it. I'm not the droid you're looking for. Go off with you."

Apparently, Matthew the Raven helped drive whoever it was away - aside from the fact that the Professor was actually pretty good in a fight.

"Ugh, Pierson owes me THREE pints for this!"

4. Shakespeare In Love

There was a rule that got passed down from class to class.

For sheer unadulterated entertainment, get Professor Gadling to rant about William Shakespeare. Oh, he wasn't one of those who posited that the Bard never wrote his plays. Far from it.

He just absolutely had Very Specific Opinions about the man. And they were Loud, Pointed and absolutely Hilarious.

This was also good for distracting the Professor long enough to get out of any last minute homework or suprise quizzes. There was hell to pay during the next class, but it was well worth it.

"You are too harsh on dear William, sir," said the snow-pale young man in black, with the messy, rumpled hair.

The class wasn't sure how he suddenly appeared in their midst, although it felt like he'd always been there. He looked perfectly grave, absolutely serious... except for the glint of mischief in his odd dark blue eyes.

The professor crossed his arms over his chest, looking sourly at him. "He was a ruddy hack. Got a bit lucky, I'd say."

The pale young man smiled faintly. "He had a true gift that just needed a little bit of nudging."

A scoff. "Sure. Exchanged his soul for artistic immortality, Faustian bargains, deals with the Devil."

"No." The smile was still there and it was mesmerizing to see, as if this wasn't a man given much to that expression. "Just two plays, commissioned to order. What need have I for men's souls?"

"Hmph."

"Jealousy does not become you, Hob Gadling."

"Oi!"

"Uh... Professor, should we leave you two alone now? Like, this whole lover's quarrel UST thing you've got going is kinda cute, but we really don't wanna be around for the kiss-and-make-up part!"

Of course, it was Iggy Pop who just had to ruin what seemed to be the most interesting moment that had happened so far in Professor Gadling's history classes.

Someone raised a hand. "I don't mind being around for the kiss-and-make-up part!"

The class would later learn that the young man's name was apparently "Murphy."

He was also Matthew's "boss."

Any kissing and making up supposedly took place at that New Inn down the road, which also served, among other things, a delicious shepherd's pie.

- end -

NOTE: Yes, I did a Highlander reference. I couldn't resist.

#the sandman #dream of the endless #hob gadling #dream/hob #what have i done #i crack what i want #shhh no one tell neil #bwahahahahah #dream and the one time he made a sensible lovelife decision #such happy #very wow #losing his emo boi goth badge

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cum-villain · 2 months

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being an adultress has cost me a group chat

#BWAHAHAHAHAH #braincell posting

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florbexter · 1 year

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Okay I just have so many hilarious thoughts about the relationships in ALON. Just imagine Zhang Ping is Wang Yan’s little brother (doesn’t matter if adopted or biological) and Zhang Ping is still longing for Mu Yesheng.

Wang Yan: You know your older brother is one of the top detectives in this country! You can admire me!

Zhang Ping: Sure... *continues to lovingly look at scripts of Mu Yeshengs cases*

Wang Yan: ಥ_ಥ

#a league of nobleman #headcanon #BWAHAHAHAHAH #i have too much fun with these characters #i love them

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lilithfairen · 2 years

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Ichigo's (entirely reasonable IMO) reaction to seeing a butterfly~

#tokyo mew mew #ichigo momomiya #this entire sequence #in episode 13 #bwahahahahah

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duelingdestiny · 2 years

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☀ - ask my muse to stay the night

Atem grinned and it was down right lecherous. "Oh ho ho ho. You want to play find the millenium rod don't you Yugi? I can show you my Kuribo's if you're a good boy. You do have the whipped cream this time don't you?"

#ore no turn: answered ask #abridged atem #This just reminds me of what would yugi do #bwahahahahah

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alk3nnybansheez · 1 year

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DoodleDump Friday: the amogus experience. angst warning, for it is truly heartbreaking.</3

#my art #total drama #total drama reboot #total drama island 2023 #total drama bowie #total drama raj #total drama wayne #rajbow #among us #bwahahahahah what if i told you I dreamt that #alkenny draws

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susartwork · 6 months

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What happens if you put three mentally unstable skeletons + their babysitter in the same room?

Exactly what is happening in the Roleplayed Timeline

@parniathedevil @ask-yandere-sci @another-underfellsans

#uw hopeless timeline #hopeless uw!sans #residentdust!sans #yandere science!sans #(another) underfell!sans #the roleplayed timeline #They went from playing dirty jokes and immoral pranks on Hopeless to killing each other.#Soulless even risks to destroy the multiverse if he dies.#Hopeless is losing his shit overwhelmed by thoughts.#Sci is currently being possessed by a parasite.#And Fell is going insane too with these idiots.#I MISSED THIS MESS BWAHAHAHAHAH

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deesi-academia · 1 year

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A FUNNY POST OF MINE WAS REBLOGGED BY A THERAPIST WITH A TAG "MEMES TO SEND TO CLIENTS" I AM CRYING-

#PLS THIS IS DHSBDKJASBDHKAJS #BWAHAHAHAHAH OW-#retrospection needed fr.

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theeflowerofcarnage · 9 months

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I always find it hilarious when people get rejected n mocked by astarion in act 1 😭😭 like nauuur you’re trying to hard he’s just a saucy little guy ignore him n he’ll be all over u

#bg3 #bg3 astarion #he has the harshest rejection lines bwahahahahah #I like to make him say please beforehand

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capsensislagamoprh · 4 months

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Because I am god damned shipping trash and you can't stop me, I started looking up things. When I saw this:

I had a hot moment of: BWAHAHAHAHAH! Then I was like: I wonder what the other names mean. The rabbit hole.

I found a twimbler by jikooksubunit that basically summed up to : Katsuki Yuuri means ‘student of a victor who benefits from courage’ and I think that is beautiful. And I was like: Fuck yeah.

Then I went further down, because fuck you, you can't stop me.

Yuri Plisetsky means (first name) farmer [unless he's Jewish, in which case it means Light of God] (last name) Influencer/Freedom Lover/Charisma. Which, I mean, humble origins, willing to suffer for what he wants, and damned if he's not an influencer with his own style and everyone wants a piece of him (for good or ill). Also a fucking demonic angel. So... yes.

And as you know, shipping trash don't do half. So I looked up Otabek Altin. We all know Altin means gold. What dose his first name mean, google? Fucking help me! So it did. It's actually an Uzbek name. It can be translated as "The Father of all Dukes" or “The Greatest Duke”. In middleage it was also a title for all the heirs coming from a certain lineage of Taimur. MY MIND FUCKING BLOWN.

Fucking ICE KING Winner-Winnerson

his Queen/King consort SIMPAI TAUGHT ME HOW TO KICK YOUR ASS

there feral ice child some times called princess to the determent of everyone with the sheer chutzpah to try it HO, I'M GONNA AND MAKE YOU PAY THE BILL RESPECT MY ETHEREAL, DAINTY, TOUGH AS NAILS ASS, YOU BASIC BITCH

and his BFF/prince charming : LITERALLY A FUCKING ROYAL BLOOD LINE MADE OF GAWD DAMNED GOLD, A.K.A. original 'Daddy of them All' (it's in the fucking name!), called a hero of his home country (rescue Yurio, on your modern day steed, daddy?). [Calmly exert your 'dad energy' in that 'you have awoken the beast' way that the wild cat some times needs?] Ether way, mah dudes. Ether way.

No wonder his ass can afford to ship that bike where ever he wants. Yurio is gonna get so damned spoiled. I love this fucking fandom.

#YOI #Yuri On Ice #!!!#shit i looked up to avoid writing my WiP #i just needed a break #this gave me life #Victor Nikiforov #Katsuki Yuuri #Yuri Plisetsky #Otabek Altin #Victuri #otayuri #i am such shipping trash #i amuse myself

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sparklestardesigns · 6 months

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MS PAINT FINALLY CAME OUT WITH LAYERS SO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD TO DO BWAHAHAHAHAH as always i apologize for my lackluster warrior cats posting, but i hope yall enjoy this in the meantime :,D!!!

i like how it came out but i know i def could've done better for the lineart!! love the new layer addon though- super cool :]!

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thefiery-phoenix · 1 month

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YANDERE LOV HEADCANONS

If you were to be kidnapped by the LOV, the league of villains, they would be watching you like creepy stalkers for a VERY LOONG time. It would be really infuriating for them to watch you doing the same boring things over and over again and again for days together. Won't you EVER get bored of living that bland vanilla life? You CLEARLY needed some spice in your life, at least, that's what THEY felt (Read, more like what DABI and TWICE felt. Shigaraki just didn't give a damn about you, that egoistical prick)

But no matter how much Shigaraki claimed that you were a useless spoiled brat, even HE couldn't shake off his feelings for you. Toga and Dabi would often tease him about it which would always result in a full fledged slapping war till mama Kurogiri tells the crybabies to CALM TF down

HECK, even KUROGIRI thinks you won't be so bad... When the other members of the LOV asked him to open up his warp gate and help them kidnap you, he resisted saying that you just needed some time. Even he was curious as to why most of the members of the LOV had suddenly taken an interest in you

You were the prey, the victim they ALL fell in love with and the fact that they weren't controlling you yet and possessing you yet was pissing them TF off and was driving them INSANE

It won't be long before they kidnap you. You might be skipping along one day, looking like a happy cute adorable little chipmunk that's excited for something and suddenly, BOOM! Everything goes dark and fog and mist surrounds you (Cue the special effects and the dramatic evil chuckling and creepy organ music playing from the middle of nowhere)

You would be TERRIFIED out of your wits to see Kurogiri just staring at you as well as the other members of the LOV as well (Well, of COURSE, who WOULDN'T be scared of out of their minds when you see villains glaring at you?) This is their chance to PROVE to you that you shouldn't place your faith and waste your breath on those pathetic no good hero scum who are useless most of the times anyway

You would be gagged for a few days, chained and all. Dabi would have to deal with Toga's constant pestering asking whether she could make you bleed since she thinks you look cute and adorable in red and with blood all over you... Damn, this is scary

Crusty lips would be the MOST SCARIEST yandere, no doubt about that. He'd threaten you the most, show you the LEAST amount of love and affection, and basically, acts like a spoiled kid with the aura of a demon. He might even threaten to turn you to ash if you don't stop flinching away and turning away from him (SOMEONE HAND ME A KNIFE, I HAVE A CRUSTY RAT TO STAB!!!!! UvU)

That arrogant jerkface would LOVE to taunt you, call you all sorts of names and he gets some sick sort of pleasure seeing how HELPLESS you were under HIS control, poor sweet dumb little thing.... He wouldn't actually turn you to ash but seeing the way you squirm around from time to time just makes him feel so... aroused and gets all these crazy thoughts about you that'll be left to YOUR imagination ;)

Is Toga a yandere? BWAHAHAHAHAH XD Is that even a QUESTION to ask? She is the MASTER of all yanderes, and I honestly think she and Ayano Aishi from Yandere Simulator would be best pals and killing buddies. She'd swoon all over you and coo how cute you are in that sickeningly sugar coated voice of hers and say how beautiful you'd look in blood till Dabi pulls her away from you. When it's her turn to spend time with the LOV's 'pet' she's gonna literally POUNCE on you, trying to take your blood, tying you up and making you beg for more (HONESTLY, how TF is she NOT a vampire!!!???) She LOVES being dominant and unfortunately for you, you're her little plaything

Twice is kinda chill AND DEADLY scary at the same time. I think he has a bipolar personality since one minute he's gonna be laughing with you and the next minute he's gonna do somethin dangerous towards you. This guy's really unpredictable and it's horrifying. You might be running into HIS arms for comfort AND yet, at the same time, you might be running away from him too like your hair's on fire. This dude's personality is so unpredictable, is damn scary.... TvT

Mr Compress might just be the BEST yandere or captor you could EVER ASK for, PERIODT. He'd treat you well and certainly not like it when the other members try harming you in any way. He would never degrade you either. He'll take you to his room at night and show you all sorts of cool magic tricks and slow dance with you like in those cutesy dramatic romantic movies. He'd stroke his thumb over your soft lips, caress your cheeks lovingly and say how cute and adorable and amazing you were and how he'd be your source of comfort from those overgrown morons with an IQ of a sardine tin can. He'll LOVE it when you're dependent on him and ONLY him and he would NEVER bring himself to hurt you like the others (Man, this dude is making me cry....)

Dabi couldn't care less at first when he saw you. He thought you were another little plaything for his use and he'd toss you away like a Kleenex after you were broken. And yet, something about you just attracts him to you and that's actually pretty terrifying. If Dabi's in a bad mood, you better start saying your freaking prayers since this man takes sadism to a WHOLE NOTHER level, it's a question now, who's more of a sadist. Dabi or Shigaraki? If he's in a good mood, he'll just ask you to shut up and cuddle with you and rub some gentle circles on your back

To piss Crusty Face Handyman even MORE, he'll make you sit on his lap during meetings while Shigaraki's gonna be damn pissed at BOTH you and HIM and that'll jus t make the prick Dabi satisfied. Sometimes, he won't be so bad to you, otherwise he's gonna make you do all sorts of things you're uncomfortable with and he's gonna be like your WORST NIGHTMARE in HUMAN form. He and Shigaraki might even TAG TEAM when it comes to your punishments and they CERTAINLY WON'T be your favorite yanderes, that's for SURE

Oh JESUS... when it comes to Spinner he's like the MOST SOFTEST yandere EVER just like Mr. Compress. He LOVES showering you with love and affection, and he's just so pure, he can't EVER hurt you... OMG, MY HEART!!!!!....

He CERTAINLY feels bad with Compress when the league uses you as their personal stress toy and hence, they're the ones who'll actually take care of you and treat you with such gentle care and tender love. He'll be one who'll actually make you happy, by sneaking food for you when the league tries to starve you since you were being bad, talk to you about the things you like and care about, won't EVER touch you inappropriately since he DROWNS in his respect women juice and feels really bad since he can't help you escape. This boi is so PRECIOUS, IMMA DIE FROM A CUTENESS OVERLOAD!!!!!!!!!!

Kurogiri will be like the parental figure and whenever the punishments get out of hand like the villains trying to touch you inappropriately and all, he'll be there to stop in no time. Though he's a villain, he cares for you just like Compress and Spinner. He won't hesitate to punish you, but his punishments will just be a bit tamer than the ones the others give. His punishments will be something like him just ignoring you for a few hours and all that. He'll make sure to take good and proper care of you and feed you and on time and ensure you aren't malnourished. He'll talk to you about the current things going on around the world and honestly... he ain't so bad

In my opinion, Stain is a chivalrous guy. He won't torture you, EVER nor will he ever invade your personal space. He thinks you're cute and adorable and he'll compliment you oh just a DOZEN times a day. Like Kurogiri, he ensures you're safe and all right and after a harsh treatment with the Terrifying Trio (aka. Stabby blood rat, crusty chicken nugget and BURNT chicken nugget) he'll be there to comfort you and wipe your tears away and gently hold you to sleep after he tends to your injuries. If you're locked away somewhere, he'll at the very least try sneaking some food for you and telling you that you're strong and you'll be able to cope with it and gently encourage you

#yandere bnha #yandere bnha x reader #yandere bnha scenarios #yandere bnha oneshots #yandere lov #yandere lov x reader #yandere lov scenarios #yandere lov oneshots #yandere lov headcanons #yandere lov imagines #yandere league of villains #yandere league of villains x reader #yandere league of villains scenarios

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dangermousie · 1 year

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