#But able to silently communicate via feelings/cores without even looking at each other

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 241

Wing au? Wing Au. With perhaps a bit of a twist. Also a hint of eldritchness perhaps. For fun! 

Ghosts have wings. Sure, they aren’t normally seen, not in the visible spectrum, but they do. Scanners pick them up, and sometimes a ghost might even reveal them, which was hypothesized to be some sort of animalistic intimidation attempt. (Something more than one Amity Parker rolled their eyes at)

Everyone had seen them at least once- the motorcycle-driving ghost’s mass of shadowy feathers, the green-haired girls matching shaggy ones, the rocker’s ones that looked like pages of music before bursting into flame. Even the box ghost’s had been spotted- feathers looking more like sheets of cardboard than anything else. 

It wasn’t until the whole kidnapped to the ghost zone that anyone saw Phantom’s, but that was another tale unto itself really. Honestly the arrival of the GIW would have maybe been seen as positive before, but the fact that many of them had looked in the mirror or gone to the doctors only to find feathers beginning to sprout on their back soured it. 

Especially as the GIW continues to prattle on and on about how all ecto-contaminated scum are less than human, less than bacteria. And well, what does that make them? Them, who have been to the realms of the dead and gods and back, touched by the swirling green energy in ways incomprehensible? Changed by that energy? 

So the people silently brush hidden feathers together, quietly rebuff the white-wearing lunatics from the city as best they can, and hope to anything listening that they can stop anyone else from disappearing. That maybe they can find the few no one noticed had been taken before it’s too late, even if they have to tear down the entire government to do it. 

#Prompts #Wing Au #DCxDP #DPxDC #Guys in White #Might write drabble for this later to better describe Danny’s wings #Liminal Amity Park #Imagine a whole city of winged people not exactly in a hive mind #But able to silently communicate via feelings/cores without even looking at each other #JL Dark finally got through the issues they were having to finally be able to investigate Amity Park #No one in Amity ever really called JL since trying to call the normal authorities failed #And well now there’s government people here and it Isn’t Good so… #Vlad might get an early redemption #Danny is not ghost king #Space Core Danny #Ghost Cores’ elements and Obsessions have effects on their wings #Why yes Vlad has a few well-hidden heart patterns on the underside of his #Amity Park can’t hide their wings because they all have living/physical bodies and most don’t have invisibility powers #Why yes it feels like an undeath fae city full of sirens and necromancers to any magic user #Very much something They do Not want people to mess with #Honestly with the whole No Wishing & other things w/ Amity it definitely could pass for some sort of fae-descended city

[loverness-writes]

Suspension Issues

Warning: Robot Death

Bing was bored. Bored Bored Bored. His skateboard was bust after a handrail trickshot accident and so the only other ‘trick’ vehicle was the communal car.

Unfortunately, the suspension was also bust, due to Wilford not caring about potholes or speed bumps at any capacity. The car needed to be inspected and fixed and Google was tasked with the job. In the meantime, Wilford was banned from the car and egos could only drive at a manageable speed on smooth roads.

However, boredom was taking over and Bing decided to take the car out for a joy ride. It wouldn’t be long. Just some donuts and ramping up the deserted construction dirt hills out back. He was a responsible adult. He knew how to drive. He quickly snatched up the keys and snuck into the garage. He’d only be gone for half-an-hour or so.

Twenty minutes later, Google gets a pager message from Bing. Thinking it a nuisance, he disregards it and continues soldering the new upgrade panels for the security system. Three minutes later, he gets an ‘urgent’ notice from Bing. Google sighs as he puts down his tools. He told Bing he wouldn’t be able to fix his board until the upgrade was done. Bingiplier was an extremely impatient android.

Google followed the GPS coordinates from the notice, but was quickly surprised when it led out the door instead of towards Bing’s room. He was even more surprised when he noticed the coordinates were for behind a dirt pile and there were pieces of glass spread around the corner. He started rushing.

There at the bottom of the hill of dirt lay the car on its right side, front windshield cracked into a million-piece kaleidoscope and both side windows blown out from the impact. Car parts lay broken and warped in the dirt. The front left wheel was bent at an odd angle and the axle looked broken.

A search result popped up immediately. Suspension Spring Collapse. ‘Sudden failure results when a spring, or other weight-bearing part, breaks and is referred to as a collapse. Avoid hitting potholes whenever possible (for this and other reasons) and try to slow down over very large bumps such as driveway openings and speed bumps.’

This could have been avoided if he hadn’t kept putting the repair off. It was only a simple repair. Replace a spring coil or two and check for any other damage. He felt like a stupid robot. A stupid robot with incorrect priorities and a too ambitious ‘to-do’ list.

He walked around the car and dropped to his knees when he found Bing slumped against the inside ‘floor’ of the car, his back semi-resting on the inside of the once-roof of the car. His synthetic skin on his arms and torso was torn from the broken window and impact and oil was leaking out of the missing socket of his right arm. The detached arm lay useless a few feet away.

Google punched through the windshield, careful to do it in a location as to not shower Bing and removed enough glass to make a hole big enough to climb through. Although he didn’t like the idea of climbing INTO the overturned car, Bing was not in a condition to be easily moved. He initiated his scans and assessments. He started to continually glance at Bing’s face which began producing small streams of oil from his eye-sockets once Google began prodding at the damage. Once-in-a-while, Bing’s face would scrunch up from sensory overload. His core hadn’t stopped whirring from overdrive since Google found him. It was one of the only signs that he was still online.

After fifteen long minutes, Google’s final assessment came up ‘negative for repair’. There was too much damage. The amount of work that would need to be done would not leave Bing with enough original parts to be… ‘Bingiplier’. Before Google could share this information, he received an electric shock from Bing’s shaking hand and a pager message popped up on his internal screen.

 “I know.”

 Google couldn’t tell whether the oil on his hands was from Bing’s broken body or from his own face anymore. The two robots sat in silence for the longest minute of Google’s life, he tried to get Bing to say something, anything. But everything he received via message was distorted with letters misplaced. Without speaking, he finally opened the front panel of the android. Sparks shot out continuously and wires were disconnected everywhere. Google reached in and grabbed the main one running from the power source to the core. He felt a shaking, frail hand weakly grip his arm.

“I’m sorry” showed on Google’s lips however, the noise itself was lost in the sound of nearby sirens passing by on a different street to a different location calling towards a different problem. There was no help coming for them. He closed his eyes and yanked the cable, opening them only to find a small smile forming on Bing’s face as the lights in his eyes dimmed faster and faster.

 Everything froze. The mechanics stopped its ceaseless clattering, and the air was deadly still.

 Everyone had some sort of tear on their face sitting around the living room. Dr. Iplier had streams even going around the stiff hands on his face because as a human doctor, he could have done nothing. Bim and King of the Squirrels quietly sobbed while hugging each other on the couch; Bing was the only other in the office who loved adventures. Host stood silently in the corner, however his narrations were kept to short quips and a small track of red ran down his cheek. Wilford was choked up in the armchair because he wouldn’t be able to see Bing’s smiling face for a while; of course he wasn’t dead. Even Dark seemed a little more somber than usual, sitting on the matching armchair; but if you asked him how he was feeling, he’d rather be anywhere else obviously.

Google was off to the side with a blank expression. Work, work, work was the only thing on his mind. The only thing in his programming. That, and his objectives. He had no emotions. Useless things. They brought him too much pain and was interfering with coding. What was the point in charging when the only image behind eyelids was Bing’s tear-tracked, blank, pained face; mechanics whirring with errors and overloads. No, emotional upgrades were removed and buried along with Bing’s parts. They were all useless at this point. Too much sentimental value.

________________

Google’s head snapped up. His sensors were telling him he had been laying hunched over on his hard, wooden desk for the better part of an hour and a half. His internal core was whirring extremely loud and drives under his synthetic skin were spinning fast. His chest kept rising and falling intensely, trying to suck in as much cooling air as possible to slow down his core. A simple scan of his hard-drive registered the message ‘PANIC’ to pop up. ‘sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior.’

Fear. Anxiety. Those were emotions. When did those return? Before Google could scan further and answer his own questions, the Host seemed to appear into the tech workshop. He walked up to Google as somber as ever, hands neatly behind his back.

“The Host asks if Googliplier is alright. He seems to show signs of intense fear and worry. Typically signs of a nightmare.” Then he smirked, “The Host knows the signs well.”

“I’m fine, Host. Androids do not dream. How can I help you?” Google tried to make his face as stoic as possible.

“The Host asks if Google will finally fix the suspension on the car today as he has been putting it off for two weeks now. It has likely become quite dangerous.” As the Host turned to leave, he then added over his shoulder, “The Host had a vision recently that Bingiplier may wish to borrow the car today. He seems quite bored.” and then left from the room.

Google sat at his desk for a minute more before silently rising and thinking his plan over as he reached his destination. He knocked sharp and loud. Soon after, the door opened to Bing leaning against the doorframe, tossing a baseball in the air over and over again.

“Sup, Googs!”

“I request your assistance. The suspension on the communal car needs fixing and the job will be done faster with two robots. Then, uh, it is possible that we can fix your skateboard.”

“Aww sweet! Lemme get my working gloves.”

But this time, Google didn’t roll his eyes at that humanistic comment. He was too busy in his mind, replaying the scene of a dying robot lying slumped over in a broken car.

_______________________________________

For those wondering, let’s just say the Host made sure to transfer that vision along.

Tags:

@iamvegorott

#bingiplier #googliplier #the host #i wanted dat good angst #BOY did some angst come out my brain-hole #hope you're enjoying your tears #car crash #broken robots #my writing

[glowingstill]

Why Flirting is So Important in Marriage

Where are my feet pointed?

  Do you remember the days that flirting was fun? When getting all dressed-up, wearing special outfits, cracking jokes & laughing, and teasing each other was something you looked forward to?

Now most of us may remember our awkward teenage years and some painful attempts at flirting, and wish we could go back and re-write the past.  But if we think hard enough, there are a couple of memories when flirting was fun.

According to Psychology Today, flirting is a “time-honored way of signaling interest and attraction, to say nothing of mutual awareness. It is a kind of silent language spoken by men and women around the world.”  The dictionary explains it as “behav[ing] as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.”

Without trying to, flirting is often only thought of something that a single person does.  For the married people, it becomes more of a distant memory versus a recent act. However, if you want your marriage to keep going, think of it this way.  Flirting is as important as paying your mortgage.

Yes. It’s that important.

Why? You may ask.  Because flirting is communication on a silent level, and if words are said, the real meaning behind them is not what is truly being said.  According to Science of People, flirting communicates five things.  It says:

I’m open

I’m harmless

I’m interested

I’m approachable

I’m fertile

In a marriage, all five points are critical. So let’s look at them in a more in-depth manner.

# 1: I’m Open

The idea of open here can mean multiple things.  It can show that you are open to the idea of the relationship, that you are free (no entanglements), your calendar is open at that time, or that you are open to the conversation…or it can mean all four!

By keeping open slots on my calendar, I get to spend time with my husband.  Now it can get really difficult with his work schedule, kids’ activities, homeschooling, running 2 businesses, my writing schedules and church…but the more we work on keeping our activities planned the more we can squeeze in some romantic times together.  Does it always work smoothly?  Absolutely not. The school year is the worst because those schedules cannot be switched around, and my focus gets used more.

In flirting, and in marriage, being open can require hours or just a few seconds. A quick wink or a special smile can speak volumes of love and openness. Oh sure, I’d love to escape for a week-long vacation together, but if all I have right now is 5 seconds, I hope to make the best of it.

# 2: I’m Harmless

The book of Proverbs shares countless lessons for life, and a few of them are about angry women.

“It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” Proverbs 21:9

A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike. Proverbs 27:15

As a woman myself, I read these verses and just cringe inwardly.  Umm…I may or may not have acted like that contentious woman once or twice in my marriage.  I might have a few vague recalls of those times, but I do know this. I hope they stay few and far between.  It’s not pretty. While the word “contentious” is not something is said in 2018, it is best defined by someone is arguing, angry, upset, and very provoked.

In flirting, there is no room for angry arguments. Fighting, disagreements, yelling, loud & nasty conversations – it doesn’t matter how you define contentious if you want to show a flirtatious spirit, you really don’t want to do this.

# 3: I’m Interested

Have you ever gotten bored in life? Ate too many of the same burgers at McDonald’s. Read the same book too many times? Played the same game? Vacationed at the same place?  Doing the same thing over and over again in marriage does cause boredom.  Variety is the spice of life…and the spice of marriage as well.

When you flirt with your spouse, you are showing to them that you aren’t tired of them. You want to be with them and enjoy their presence.  You are “interested” in what they are doing at that moment. You want to spend time with them.

One of the ways that I have learned to do this is through football.  September through December is a big deal in my house. My husband is a big Tennessee Volunteers college football fan. We love Rocky Top and proudly wear the bright UT orange.  We enjoy attending games in person, or staying at home and yelling at the TV when the quarterback drops the ball.  No, they’re not the best team in the SEC conference, but we try to be loyal.

At the same time, I show my interest in my husband by sharing one of his favorite activities.  While you may hate football, find something that you and your spouse can do together.

Is it time for a Marriage Reboot?  Click HERE to learn MORE.

# 4: I’m approachable

If the idea of the contentious woman was scary, then the approachable person is the exact opposite.  To be approachable means that you are friendly, welcoming, agreeable and pleasant.  It doesn’t matter if you are a man or woman, these attributes are always nice in a marriage.

Being approachable is very helpful when considering the communication in your marriage. Someone who is approachable is easy to talk to, to share your heart with, to be the real you.

Read also: 5 Tips for Open Communication

In addition, scientists have discovered the position of a woman’s foot shows their interest in the man.  Just for fun, watch a young couple in love and see which direction her feet are pointed.  You will probably notice that they are pointed in the direction of the person they like. Then, just for grins and giggles, notice which position your feet are in when you’re kissing your spouse.  Uh-huh, yep.  Pointed towards him.

On the flip side, when you’re angry you may notice that your stance changes.  Feet begin to point outward, tucked under, or away from them.  You will naturally gravitate towards what your feet are pointed to.

# 5: I’m fertile

Ok, Ok. Don’t stop reading, run, panic, and go buy a pregnancy test at Walmart. Fertility here does mean exactly that, but just because you are done having children, does not mean that your fertility years are over.  The idea here is that your body would like to do the same thing as one that is fertile.

Pleasure, in flirting, is like a gentle snowfall on a wintry evening. The ones where the small flurries start and gently become those large snowflakes that land so delicately on your tongue. Click To Tweet

In case you’re confused. Let me put it very simply.  Flirting with your spouse shows that you want to have sexual intimacy AND you see them worthy of having that intimacy with them.

In its very core, flirting is a game of finding the right pace and moving at just the right speed.  If you’re going too slow, then the flame just fizzles out. Boredom creeps in.  If you go to fast, then your spouse may feel overwhelmed and unable to feel the excitement of pleasure.

Pleasure, in flirting, is like a gentle snowfall on a wintry evening. The ones where the small flurries start and gently become those large snowflakes that land so delicately on your tongue.

Yes, it is that beautiful of a picture. It is not a race to the finish or a blizzard of passion where everything is rushed.  The right amount of flirting leading to a beautiful, intimate moment between you and your spouse should be done with just enough effort but leaving the “want” still intact.

Just notice that one thing. Is every motion, every thrust, every touch wanted before it occurs? Ken Blackman

When you are able to deliver the right amount of flirting and want, it keeps the fires burning for being open at a later. And if you notice, the “being open” means that we have circled back to point #1.

Yes, the circle does continue to repeat itself because the love, respect, and intimacy that you have built keeps the fires of passion going.  You are not contentious, but approachable & harmless.  You want to keep those levels of deep communication open, and (YES!) the want for more fertile intimacy continues.

Conclusion:

Stop today, and think about where you are pointing your feet.  Are they being hidden away or pushed out in anger?  Or are they directed towards the one that you love?

And most important of all, keep flirting with the one that you love.  The more you flirt, the more you show them that you love them.  And the more that you are able to express that love, the more you can say that they are worthy of your time, your affection, and most importantly your deepest intimacy.

Do you have questions?  Need someone to talk to?  Contact me here; send me an email with questions. Let me know if I can help #becauseIcare

      The post Why Flirting is So Important in Marriage appeared first on Glowing Still Johanna Galyen.

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#marriage #life lessons #personal development

[sunlitneon]

Brenda Ridgewell and the Contemporariness of Moveable Space

Introduction

"Jewellery has a which means of its personal. Whether it's far tribal jewellery manufactured from bones and shells or exquisitely crafted jewel-encrusted crown, jewelry depicts memories and transcends messages. The author elaborately places big meanings in all jewellery pieces which includes its detail and comprehensive concept. The meanings are as though spiritual dimensions which the network can without difficulty and profoundly understand...Like silent however resonant sound," stated Brenda Ridgewell, Australian famend jewellery artist whose paintings in jewellery artwork is diagnosed within the worldwide platform.

In July 2007, Brenda Ridgewell general the invitation of the Department of Jewellery Design, Faculty of Decorative Arts, Silpakorn University to be an exchange visitor lecturer and maintain a joint exhibition with the 4th year students (Graduates-to-be this year), allowing us as art aficionados to look the connection of time from the past, present and future, in addition to locations of various cultural origins thru a classy aspect of a cloth attached on human frame. This fabric echoes the voice of identification, representing its foundation.

During the communication with the writer, Ridgewell shared her point of view to modern-day jewellers and/or students who were approximately to graduate and serve the network that it is the obligation of artists or jewelry designers to test material potentials, layout tactics, manufacturing methods, art additives, and many others as a way to master gear so that it will reflect the society of their times Remodelling jewellery. Besides, they need to take into their attention different factors that can give idea to people of the brand new century through this aesthetic means and with severe dedication. Her paintings: Moveable Space

Brenda Ridgewell's work portrays perfect combination of concepts and related art additives proven thru the interaction of shapes that move interactively. Ridgewell is interested in area and the search on human body to locate area which embodies and embraces the connection like intimate area. For instance, a number of her jewellery pieces explore the gap normally reserved for a lover or formative years since this day this type of space is hard to be set aside to preserve our experiential secrets and techniques. Thus, we should shield and keep this area.

Jewellery is therefore the exceptional medium to articulate these ideas because it extends past the frame floor and needs to be seen from the close distance within the intimate area. It is as although we need to input the wearer' personal space in order that this personal space thing created will reveal tales. The area is just like the wearer's cage affirming her goal. Although this area: dependent jewellery is robust, the shape can exchange to help the twist following the strain. We can listen the sound of this flexible space whilst it movements. The tender sound reminds us of the significance of this space in our lives. Even if the motion association can evoke chaotic trembling of the shape for the reason that each detail can move freely from the others, the connected shape can deliver the piece back to order with the aid of shaking, twisting or transforming it.

The elaborate neckpiece comprising coiled silver and stainless reasons movement feeling. Each of the wearer's motion creates new possibilities starting up new area in the authentic geometric design. Likewise, the linked structured piece is like high-rise towers constantly jostling around each other, bringing approximately new relationship and releasing itself from constant geometric shape.

These jewelry portions are created to be worn and constitute area which showcases aspectual possibilities and courting after they move and engage on the frame. The rectangle bracelet linked across the wrist creates various diamond areas each in open and near manners, like drawing photos in an empty space. Its extending coloration make the item stand out, developing larger visual and real space.

Though the distance created may appear empty, it does incorporate memories due to the fact it is designed to acquire intimacy, stretching the air of opportunities which are ready to be grasped or saved thru the open twine. In the identical way, existence experiences are kept and connected in intimate space. They have an effect on human thoughts, recollections and goals which we bear in mind within the forms of imagination and fable via aesthetic approach. Therefore, Ridgewell's space is a traceability device, a memory reminder, and serves to protect and preserve the core of humans.

For Ridgewell, every other crucial detail of human beings is our potential as a race of favor items. We are searching for substances to meet the pleasure of creation and revel in the designed products as well as the jewellery manufacturing procedures along with steel alloy techniques, melting, casting uncooked materials and other techniques. Raw materials should be carefully selected. Ridgewell specifically employs sterling silver and stainless due to the colors and strength. Another cloth used is cubic zirconia, which is finished on the twine give up and may be magically visible most effective while one appears cautiously. Dazzling gold incorporated in lots of portions enhances heat smooth glow. The preciseness and details of each joint, the jewellery form crafted from inspiration, all of those elements affirm the importance of the overall structure. These new systems emerge from complex thoughts, abilities and reports as in advance stated, visualizing the artist's abstract thoughts.

Her production innovation, for example the advent of technical additives and such innovative concepts, has put Ridgewell and her colleagues within the global highlight. Ridgewell advised the author that her decision to paintings out of doors metropolis metropolitans like Melbourne and Sydney or London and New York has resulted in her independence. She needed to search for the ability of life-style which developed into characteristics of particular visions regardless of residing in a much less opportunistic vicinity in terms of presenting herself and her paintings. Optimistically, selecting to live in a faraway vicinity is much less restrained and gives more possibilities of factors. Meanwhile the artist remains able to seize up with new stuffs that take place within the international. With this and her problem fixing has encouraged folks that guide her work and lots of neighborhood artists who've fewer possibilities to emerge at the forefront of the global cutting-edge jewelry platform.

Ridgewell's work is widely identified in the global stage, even more famend in London than West Australia. However, the Artist and the author mainly agreed that any jewelry portions need to be supplied and first usual among local target market who proportion the identical culture. It is an extremely good evidence that we and neighborhood target audience who percentage the equal origins recognize, consider, appreciate and may connect to this cultural size of communications thoroughly. This is the toughest element and yet it is greater proud than being supported in lands of different identities considering that to carry out in a specific area, the work is already greater distinct.

Conclusion

The creator chose to offer and examine the paintings of Brenda Ridgewell, of all due recognize, in hope that this newsletter can function creative givings to all college students who are approximately to graduate, not handiest college students inside the Department of Jewellery Design on the grounds that art isn't any distinctive to westerners or easterners. All folks can understand the essence of creations profoundly, irrespective of what paperwork or functions, due to the fact all of them come from the equal roots. Furthermore, the discipline of conceptualization which calls for relentless research, analysis, synthesis and hassle solving will be the absolute statement in its own and this ray of natural information shall be unfold and extended to others. By this matter, the spiritual development via collective aestheticism will get up correctly.

Thus, we, representatives of today and the future cannot overlook to relieve pains of Thai folks that be afflicted by bodily crisis, weak minds or desolate spirits when they come across loneliness. Even although humans claim that the sector has end up smaller, the cyber society has precipitated us to lose this human interplay. The globalization, the politics whether or not it is the unfaithful democracy or capitalism have lessened space of the poor, etc. Through the continuation of inventive substance or the efficiency of design, with sturdy creative production and the consistency in presenting conceptual essences, we will maintain and reinforce Thai ways of existence, outlooks and focus to the next era. Ultimately, inventive objects have the cost to uplift bodily and spiritually, beyond being merely wearables, in particular in Thailand, which has its roots in religions, arts and cultures because the vintage days.

[entergamingxp]

Inside gaming’s least safe safe rooms • Eurogamer.net

Via Facebook group chat, I’m speaking with Suguru Murakoshi and Hiroko Usuda from the now-defunct Team Silent. We’re talking about their time working on Silent Hill 4: The Room as director and designer, respectively – diving into the creation of Room 302, the apartment that kicks off the story and remains ever-present in the narrative.

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR SILENT HILL 4, DOOM ETERNAL, DEATH STRANDING, WARHAMMER END TIMES – VERMINTIDE, FATAL FRAME 3: THE TORMENTED, AND AMNESIA: THE DARK DESCENT.

It’s the only save point in the game, naturally turning it into a safe room. Over time, however, this initial promise of safety is broken by a series of increasingly dangerous hauntings, turning your home into an unfamiliar and hostile space.

“The concept of Silent Hill 4 was clear from the early stages of development – the fear of eroding the safest places,” director Murakoshi tells me. “Three teams came up with a plan, and the concept of a room was chosen because it was the scariest of them. Since then, rooms have always been at the core.”

Room 302 is terryfying from the off because it doesn’t let you unlock the door from the inside. But at least the room is presented as your sanctuary. It’s only halfway into the story that things change. Looking back, Usuda considers this a “contrasting expression”.

Silent Hill 4’s Room 302.

Safe rooms have long been present in video games. Survival horror has treated them as a tradition over the years, offering players a shelter to save their progress, resupply, and regain their breath. They are great motivators to continue venturing further in Resident Evil games despite the unforeseen horrors waiting on the other side of the door. Iterations on this idea can be seen in other genres as well, present in the likes of Dark Souls’ bonfires, Darkest Dungeon’s camps, and many others. Although the purpose of each safe room may differ, the expectation from players is the safe room is, in fact, safe. But some developers have subverted this expectation, finding a new way to expose horror in previously guarded spaces.

We all broke a sweat after hearing the news Nemesis was now able to break into safe rooms in the Resident Evil 3 remake. The news turned out to be untrue, thankfully, but other video games are not so reserved. Unsafe rooms, as I like to call them, have slowly emerged throughout the years. Illusions manifest themselves as psychological torments in Death Stranding’s private rooms. Doom Eternal’s hub area, being the most recent example, suffers an unexpected attack at one point during the story. “This stronghold will now serve as your prison,” speaks the voice of Khan Maykr, now infiltrated into your navigation system. Demons quickly reveal themselves to be lurking in the shadows, ready to attack.

Doom Eternal’s safe room goes from this…

To this.

These moments can leave a long-lasting impression on players, but timing is everything when it comes to surprising them. Warhammer: End Times – Vermintide’s The Red Moon Inn was created as an interactive space in which players could spend time in-between missions. Over time, the inn became a community hub, and studio Fatshark added special events and interactive elements to capitalise on this.

Fatshark unexpectedly threw all that out of the window via a free DLC mission in which the hub is overrun by Skaven. “We had a door to the cellar from the launch of Vermintide, and the community speculated about what was behind it,” producer Mrten Stormdal tells me over email. “We wanted to create an element of surprise, and the players’ interest made it more fun for us as developers to come up with the story.”

This sudden outburst had a positive reception from the community, which Stormdal remembers fondly. “Watching streamers playing through it for the first time was priceless, they never knew what hit them. This is probably partly because it took so long before we did it. It needs to be introduced very carefully, and very scarcely, since it is supposed to be a safe room first and foremost.”

Videocult co-creator and composer James Therrien argues for and against adding these events into safe rooms, both from a developer and player perspective, based upon the news around Nemesis allegedly infiltrating them. “For me, it depends on the game’s intention. For a dynamic, unfair game like Rain World I believe it could fit well if done smartly, as with horror games where an encroachment of the in-game narrative into the ‘safe space’ of the UI can be used for solid and terrifying dramatic effect,” he explains.

“But that’s me speaking as a creator, enthusiastic to use and subvert whatever tools are available [for] me to convey emotion and narrative to my audience. As a player, I would absolutely throw my controller and complain on Twitter if I had just completed some long game passage and then died unexpectedly, when my heretofore established ‘safe space’ suddenly isn’t and I have to start the section all over again!”

In the early iterations of Rain World, a survival game in which you play a nomadic slugcat who must hunt enough food to survive, hibernation dens were planned on being fewer in numbers and larger in size, leading players to make them their home for some time, bringing supplies and resources. But as the world grew bigger, the idea of counting with just a few central safe nodes became impractical. You can still store food and items in the final dens, but it’s more of a hidden mechanic than an overt one.

If you end up hibernating while lacking the proper amount of resources, however, the process will carry on as usual, but not without consequences. You are unable to save your game until you rest in a new shelter with enough food, and the slugcat will look thinner and weigh less during the so-called starvation mode. Midway through development, the studio had the idea of letting creatures invade these dens, forcing the player to find a new one.

“We allowed for that behavior to take place in the game’s architecture, but then in testing it became a nightmare, they liked the dens too much!” Therrien says. “Eventually we had to hack it a number of ways to prevent hostile creatures from entering dens, as often the game would save that state and then a player’s save file might be ruined by them waking up with a hungry lizard… permanently! Even the layers of hacks we put in are not always successful, and a player will have to deal with an irate scavenger or lizard roommate. But it’s worth it because players can also intentionally hibernate with tamed or befriended creatures, which adds so much to the game.”

Rain World.

Silent Hill 4’s Room 302 isn’t the only famous unsafe room. The mansion in Fatal Frame 3: The Tormented also serves as a shelter for most of your time in the game, since it’s only when you dream that ethereal beings manifest themselves in the Manor of Sleep. But over time that protection begins to fall apart as paranormal presences bleed into reality. Looking over your shoulder becomes mandatory.

Fatal Frame 3: The Tormented.

Another known example is the Back Hall from Amnesia: The Dark Descent. After escaping the archive tunnels and witnessing first hand some of the horrors that await Daniel in the story, you find yourself in a big, surprisingly illuminated room. There’s an eerie fountain in its centre that doesn’t give much confidence, but it’s the soothing music (the track is fittingly called ‘Safe Ambient’) and the sudden change of environment that provide a feeling that wasn’t in any of the rooms before it.

Such feeling is later swept away by the presence of The Shadow, an invisible enemy who is constantly chasing Daniel around the manor and its whereabouts. The water in the fountain turns red and organic residue invades the hall completely. Another safe space mutates into anything but.

“A core element of the game is being hunted by this vast horror that destroys everything in its past,” creative director and Frictional Games co-founder Thomas Grip tells me. “So we wanted to make sure the environments had this sense of changing as this threat grew. Players were unlikely to revisit many of the levels, so the hub levels felt like the right place to do this.

“We didn’t want players to become too used to the environments, as that kills that sense of uncertainty you want in a horror game. You get good horror when people look around and don’t know what they might find. If players feel their surroundings are very stable and familiar, you won’t have that. So, the trick is to always keep changing.”

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Looking back, Silent Hill 4’s use of room 302 as the only recurrent save point was a gamble in terms of player exhaustion. “At the time, I didn’t intend to put save points outside the room,” Murakoshi continues. “However, it’s insanely inconceivable in recent games. 2004 was different from the current game situation. [Taking it into consideration], I think it was not balanced, but for me the difficulty before returning to the save point was not so high.” He adds that in today’s context, Silent Hill 4 would need to be more kind towards the player, but most of the choices made back in the early 2000s would remain, such as expressing a normal daily life on the outside as much as possible, granting the illusion that one day you might resume your routine with the others.

This included the neighbors occasionally appearing in the door’s fisheye, along with everything you could see from the room’s window. (Usuda based the window on Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window.) I also asked Murakoshi if the shifting house from Kojima Productions’ horror tease P.T. could be considered a safe room, which he immediately denied, recalling the initial sense of shelter in room 302: “That house is not safe. It doesn’t have any elements to give you a sense of security.”

Gloomwood’s developer Dillon Rogers has been documenting these spaces on Twitter for almost two years now, and argues disrupting a safe room doesn’t involve just timing, but also the consideration of what comes next, based on the effect it has on the player. Knowing that a safe room no longer holds its initial purpose can be good tension in its own right, but periods of time dedicated to allowing players to let down their guard are equally important to prevent exhaustion.

Room 302. Silent Hill 4: The Room. (Team Silent, 2004) pic.twitter.com/1OLZTPUEiX

— The Safe Room (@TheSaferooms) May 9, 2018

In his game, phonographs serve as the typewriter equivalent, and players can tell when one is nearby because the devices play music. Depending on the difficulty, wax cylinders also need to be used to save their current progress. As of now, Rogers doesn’t want to reveal if the game ever disrupts its rules, which is probably for the better. “You have to be quite careful about breaking the sanctity of the safe room as once that bell has been rung, you can’t unring it,” he tells me.

The first memory he has about a traditional safe room being broken comes from the original Resident Evil 2. There’s one moment in the utility building behind the police station where two zombies attack during one of the series’ iconic door opening sequences, which were only supposed to be a stylish way of presenting loading screen transitions between rooms up to that point.

“I don’t think that moment would have worked as well if the original Resident Evil hadn’t built up a full game’s worth of expectations,” Rogers says. “The player entered the sequel knowing the original game always assumed the door sequences and safe rooms were off-limits, and when the game broke both rules at once – it was frightening.”

Now that’s a contrasting expression.

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/04/inside-gamings-least-safe-safe-rooms-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=inside-gamings-least-safe-safe-rooms-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

[ecotone99]

Can I share my answer to a writing prompt? I got to the party late and it was buried but I'd still like to hear your thoughts. I don't write very much, but this one just poured out of me. Thanks! [FN]

"D-d-DON'T step any closer!! I s-swear, I-I-I'll shoot! I'll shoot you if you do!"

"What an unsual meal," QolCanth thought to Itself. "They typically run immediately. It has to have been Quite awhile since I've fed, sure, but have the primates Finally grown a (somewhat quavering) spine? I wonder..."

"Can you Hear me?" It thought towards the somewhat large, albeit hairless ape in front of It. The ape had covered itself with some sort of colorful wrappings. Maybe to make up for the hair loss? To protect it from bad weather? Who knows. Apes are stupid. QolCanth stared, hard. "Do you feel Mine thoughts Here, Now?"

A soundless, mindless, telepathically received SCHREECH of Terror was the only reply. That and a sudden widening of the eyes and a quick shuffle backwards.

Qolcanth smiled at this Much more familiar reaction to His Presence and took a moment to look around. The apes had certainly been busy in It's absence. Their caves were much nicer than they used to be. More regular, more colorful, and warmer as well, although Much more fragile than they used to be. "No doubt I could tear this whole place apart with ease," It thought to Itself, as It studied the walls and wooden ceiling.

Finally returning it's many eyed gaze to the shaking ape, now backed into a corner, QolCanth reflected on how he'd found this odd little cave so soon after Waking. After who knows Just. How. Many. YEARS of slumber, eat, feed, quest, grow bored, slumber, eat, feed, quest, etc, etc...it Finally looked as if something Interesting was happening.

Before It had bedded down the last time, the apes were still fairly hairy, they slept in real stone caves or tree hollows, and were as stupid as fish, if fish forgot how to swim. Glancing around again, QolCanth decided that Maaaybe things were different now...

"Th-that's far enough, Daemo! I warned you once! I s-s-Shall not do it again!!" The ape in the corner sqeaked out another nonsensical verbalization, back to the wall, an odd wood and metal tube thing in it's hands, but the Meaning of it's squeaks and mews came through clear enough! It really DID think! And QolCanth could Understand it!

"ApeThing! I Hear you but do not hear you. I ask again. Can you Hear me?! Not a sound passed between them but understanding came into the ApeThing's eyes.

A quiet thought. "y-yes. I Hear you. I Hear you in my head, yet there is silence. My ears are deaf but I Hear your questions. Oh, Merciful God, who art in Heaven, I beg of thee, Deliver me from Evil, for I am thy servant, and Yea, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..."

There was more. Much more, but QolCanth tuned it out. It was clear that the apes were different now. A bit more More. They had Thought, now, at least. Maybe It had accidentally slumbered longer than usual. It wondered if they now tasted different as well. Really, there was only one way to find out.

"ApeThing!! ATTEND!!!" It Bellowed silently, it's mind and eyes entirely focused on the now kneeling creature before it.

Immediately, the silent stream of prayers, requests, and pleading ended, interrupted, and the oddly colored cave became Truely silent once more.

The ape/meal/curiosity looked up at the many eyed horror before him, arms still raised, tube thing in hand, muscles shaking, sweat dripping, eyes no longer closed but open wide and, somehow, now, Hard. Set. As if in spite of it's obvious fear.

"NOT an ape... I am a Man! A Man of God! And I will n-n-Not bow to you, D-daemon!!," QolCanth Heard. There was no verbal sounds, despite the impression of a high pitched squeak there at the end.

Apparently, shoulders set, the creature was beginning to Understand. An unexpected and miraculous thing in and of itself. While still acting defensively, (obviously) it was at least trying to communicate before it was devoured! Now THAT was novel! THAT was worth a pause! It had been an AWFULLY long time since It had been able to Play with It's food.

After beating out It's siblings, enemies, friends, rivals, and all other comers for this plane, this land, this world, it occurred to QolCanth that he hadn't spoken to another Truely Thinking being for... Too long. The stars weren't even the same.

Furthermore, it occurred quite suddenly to QolCanth that Maybe, Juuuust Maybe, It might enjoy some honest and real Company and Conversation after ALL this time!!! An opportunity for much more than a simple meal! Really, Truely, it had been Far too long since It had had Discourse! Exchange! Arguments, even! Why, physically playing with ones food was one thing. But Mentally? That was a something Much more delicious, entirely!

Lost in It's own thoughts, wondering how best to stretch things out before the Finale, so to speak, QolCanth began a slow, stately walk towards the "Manthing" now standing in the corner, arms still outstretched, shaking slightly, metal tubething in hand."

Trying to decide whether or not to first ask after the creatures fellow Manthings or about the world's current state of affairs, something amazing happened.

Something that had never happened before.

Something that, after the initial shock and surprise wore off, rocked QolCanth to It's very core.

It hurt. Hurt! A lot. A LOT, a lot! "What in the World just happened?!?!" One second stretched for an age. Two seconds lasted forever. Sheer white pain flooded through It's being for the very first time. The world suddenly went dark and then red. Bright. And everything was excruciating beyond words or even Thoughts. QolCanth SCREAMED...

...

Klaus held the wheellock aloft, his quivering arms aching with the weight of it. His silent prayers were once again interrupted by that malignant Presence in his mind, a whispered evil that his ears did Not hear but definitely was There, nonetheless.

"NOT an ape," he loudly thought, but didn't say aloud... "I am a Man! A Man of God!" His fervor peaked without concious thought as he delved back into prayer and asked for strength.

The Daemon horror blocking off all exit was now shuffling forward again, despite his earlier threats and the strange but Certain conviction that the creature had Understood him.

Very well. God Save Him, but he would fight the Devil in his own home. So be it!

Taking a better grip to steady the wheellock pistol that he'd only recently aquired, Klaus offered up another quick prayer before sighting down the barrel one last time.

At almost point blank range, he slowly pulled the trigger while burying his fear at the Daemons approach. The towering monstrosity before him was unlike anything he'd ever seen, even in his nightmares, but eyes are usually located in the head and this thing had more than a few of those.

Klaus aimed. The hammer fell. And then his mind shattered, as the pistols blast gave way to a silent screech that pireced his mind like an ice pick, like a lighting bolt. The pain of that unearthlyscream inside his head, so hot and white and unbearable, was more that he could bear. More than Anyone could bear!

Klaus crashed to his knees, his hands uselessly pressed to his ears for 3 seconds, 5 seconds, 10 seconds, an eternity, until finally, mercifully, he passed out from the pain of it.

...

It was the silence that finally woke him. True, real, worldly silence. Klaus sat up, his mind clear once more. Mere paces away lay the Daemon, facedown and unmoving.

Scrambling to his feet, Klaus backed away some more, blindly grabbing for his ammo pouch while his eyes remained locked upon the Best. It didn't move.

Automatically, his hands reloaded and primed the Wheelock once more. That finished, he waited some minutes more and watched closely for any signs of life or breathing or movement. There was none.

Circling to the side and moving closer with weapon in hand, Klaus could now see the creature more clearly. It's head, if it was the head, was now missing some eyes. And a large hole bore straight through the one side. There was still no movement.

Emboldened by this, Klaus walked even closer, right up to the bleeding form, and knelt for a closer inspection, and that's when he finally saw it. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the seeping wound was closing. Second by second, the greenish red blood slowed, slowed, slowed...stopped.

Another minute passed and, was he crazy or was the hole slightly smaller than before? He watched...

No, it was definitely closing. Growing fractionally smaller with each minute. Healing.

A gasp escaped his throat as Klaus realized the implications. The Daemon was dead! Half of It's face had been utterly destroyed! The back of It's ugly head blown out, a gaping hole! And yet, he couldn't ignore his eyes, as much as his mind and soul railed against them.

Slipping back into mumbled prayer, Klaus straightened up once more and took a step away. He raised the Wheelock and sighted carefully. At this distance, a miss would be impossible. His trembling finger found the trigger and he calmed himself with a deep breath.

"Return thee now to Hell, from whence ye came, Daemon. Return thee, and burn forevermore!" He squeezed the trigger, absorbing the recoil, and reloaded again. He aimed. He fired. Reload. Aim. Fire. Reload. Again.

Again.

Again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/b3h10c/wp_immortal_monsters_of_legend_have_returned/ej2gkqh?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

submitted by /u/TheFiredrake42 [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2TRF2Iv

#Blogger #Story

[booksbroadwaybbc]

Self Love Matters via /r/selfimprovement

Self Love Matters

I was watching an episode of Friends today where Joey says there is no selfless good deed. I got to thinking about it and I think he's on to something. Friends Episode - A Selfless Good Deed I enjoy helping others. It makes me happy when I'm the cause of someone smiling, or laughing or if I'm able to ease someone's hurt or sadness. YES, it makes me feel good. I want people to feel better, have better, know they're better because I didn't always feel that way in my life, and I didn't think I could find it through people.  I work for a company and my title is Client Services. My role is to make our clients feel good about our company, our staff, our quality and honesty in handling their projects. I feel good when I accomplish these goals. I don't feel at all guilty about doing a good job as an employee. I help people for a living. For me, it's not enough. I want to help on a more personal level. While helping our clients is worthy, it's business.My question is why is it so terrible to feel good about helping others? While Joey is saying there is no selfless good deed, I don't think he thinks it's a bad thing. Phoebe seems focused on finding a selfless good deed, but struggles with how to accomplish that goal. She finally comes to the conclusion that if you don't like the thing you're giving, then it's selfless because you don't benefit. But, you do. No matter what good deed you do, you benefit emotionally, physically and mentally. It's obvious why you benefit emotionally. Feeling good emotionally lends to feeling good physically, and feeling good emotionally and physically helps our mental well-being. You can say helping others bring us hope, and energizes us individually and as a whole, and we want to repeat that feeling. No one has to know what I did or what I'm doing. The feeling is good no matter who knows. But, it's still no selfless. I know I did it. There are times you have to tell others, which isn't bad, is it? What if you're organizing a group to give to an organization. Isn't this website a way of me helping others? I hope so, although, I don't really know. I know it makes me feel good to be able to share my experiences and how I dealt with them and how I still deal with them. Life is messy. That's my favorite saying.[gallery ids="381,380" type="columns"]What kind of society have we turned into where it's NOT OK to feel good about ourselves when going out of our way for others? Are we supposed to feel guilty when we do nice things for others? If we brag about our good deeds or are arrogant about them, then I understand. Paying it forward is so important to me because I think we can change the world one person at a time or one good deed at a time. That doesn't require praise from others. In the mornings, I have to drive in pretty heavy traffic, and there are opportunities for me to let other morning drivers in the long line of cars all trying to get to work or school. I let people in because I know that at most people's core, people are good, and will pay it forward, even if it's not conscious. They will let other weary drivers in the long, stressful line and so on. That means less stress while dealing with a lot of cars on the way to work and going home from work. Try it if you haven't. No one is getting anywhere any faster than you or me. If you think that, then you're probably going to be upset every single morning, and why start your day off that way? Take a deep breath and see what happens. But, wait. You may not ever know what your kindness does for other drivers, but I promise it happens. I know when someone lets me in, I always let someone else in because I hope that person will pay it forward. Being a good person isn't something to be ashamed of, right? No, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I strive to be a good person. I don't look for someone to tell me I'm a good person or that I'm doing good things. If you look to others for validation that you're a good person, you'll be disappointed more than you'll be validated. Of course, you'll have supporters. But, don't seek praise or expect praise for doing something good. That is the point of being a good person. Arrogance and self-entitlement tend to get judged, while those who are humble and quiet are celebrated or appreciated.I've been very lucky these last 4 years, because my boyfriend, Jamie, will do anything for me. He has endured hardships because of my physical limitations, and there were so many times I thought he would leave because it's painful to be physical often with him. I know this is personal, but part of my blog is addressing the hard stuff. I know there are so many of you out there who feel ugly or useless or less valuable because of the activities you can't do often, yet long to do. Intimacy is a core element of a relationship. He seems to support and love me anyway, and it's appreciated and makes me love him more. He doesn't ask for praise or cheering because he accepts me. He is just that kind of guy. In the years before surgery, and since, he has done whatever he could to make my life easier. He gets my coffee. He puts my stuff in the car. He makes my food at night. He doesn't feel he has to... he wants to. When we hug, he squats so we're the same height so it doesn't hurt my neck.  Same with kissing. We hold hands when we're in public, and at night in bed. All those things are so important. If you feel you're not giving enough, sit down with your partner and make sure they know how you're feeling and to find out how they're feeling about things. Communication is key in a relationship where someone isn't fully capable physically.I saw this on Facebook the other day and it spoke to me. For couples so eager to call it quits and throw in the towel on your relationships because everything isn’t “perfect”... here is some food for thought. Lifelong commitment is not what most people think it is. It's not waking up every morning to make breakfast and eat together. It's not cuddling in bed until both of you fall asleep, peacefully, at night. It's not a clean home filled with laughter and lovemaking, everyday. It's someone who steals all the covers . It's slammed doors and a few harsh words, at times. It’s stubbornly disagreeing and giving each other the silent treatment until your hearts heal...and, then...FORGIVENESS! It’s coming home to the same person, everyday, that you know LOVES and CARES about you in spite of (and because of) who you are. It's laughing about the one time you accidentally did something stupid. It's about dirty laundry and unmade beds WITHOUT finger pointing. It's about helping each other with the hard work of life! It's about swallowing the nagging words instead of saying them out loud. It's about eating the cheapest and easiest meal you can make and sitting down together at a late hour to eat because you both had a crazy day. It's when you have an emotional breakdown and your Love lays with you and holds you and tells you everything is going to be okay...and you BELIEVE them. It's about still loving someone even though, sometimes, they make you absolutely insane. Loving someone is not easy....sometimes it's extremely hard; but it's amazing and comforting and one of the BEST things you'll ever experience!I am getting better every day. Yesterday I was able to go to a movie, and dinner and Friday, Jamie and I resumed our Friday night date night by going to dinner at our favorite restaurant. It felt good. I overdid it last night, but it was well worth it. Today, on Father's Day, I wasn't able to participate in the activities, BUT, I didn't feel too badly because it's about Jamie and Bella (his daughter). There is nothing more important to me than  him getting to spend time with his daughter as much as possible before she's off the college. She'll be a Junior this year, so time is running out. It still hurts to put shirts on. They have to be specific kinds, and swallowing is still tough, but better. I am still struggling to shave parts of my body. Today marks 60 days since surgery. I keep thinking I'm good to go, but I'm still healing, and will be for another 10 months. It's hard for me to take it easy, which is evidenced by my pace during the work week. I busted my butt all last week and by Thursday, I HIT A WALL. But, the difference is that I came home Thursday and rested. I was exhausted on Friday, but it was better. Jamie reminded me that I'm not healed all the way and that I needed to be gentle on myself. Last week was a success, and being able to go to dinner and a movie was a definite success. Getting out of the house is vitally important to your well-being and physicality. If you can, do a little. But, also be patient with your recovery. It is possible to overdo it. I know. I do it way more than I should.Recovery is not a race. It's journey and a story. It's your personal story, and if you feel you can, share it because there is probably someone who will appreciate it. I know I appreciate it when I can read a story about someone's struggles and triumphs in their journey to health. Thank you to those who have shared their story.Today, Jamie got to spend much needed time with Bella, and they are so close, and it's beautiful to watch.

Submitted June 18, 2018 at 09:55AM by mentallyunique via reddit https://ift.tt/2yk0hbH

#IFTTT #reddit

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 64, August 2017

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”                                                                                    The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown (p. 39)

On Monday morning, I went to my Healthy Cooking on a Budget class at Balla Balla Community Centre in Cranbourne East. There were a few people away today which wasn’t surprising considering how wet it was outside and so I ended up working by myself. However, it didn’t bother me too much so I was able to maintain my focus on the task and not get caught up in my usual worries. In fact, I was trying to fully embrace my shyness today because it wasn’t bothering anyone else in the kitchen.

Today we ended up making pizza, pizza fritta and a sweet calzone. Making the pizza dough was actually quite enjoyable and very easy to do. Simply combine flour, yeast and sugar with warm water and olive oil until the mixture forms a sticky ball. Then you place it into a bowl covered with glad wrap and leave it in a warm place to rest and rise. Next we all prepared the toppings including capsicums, onions, potatoes, tomatoes, mushrooms and mozzarella cheese. We also made up a pizza sauce by placing brown onions, tomato paste, passata sauce, salt, pepper and basil into a saucepan with water.

Once the pizza dough has risen, you simply spread a layer of tomato sauce and then add whichever toppings you’d like to the pizza base and bake for twenty minutes. The thing I really love about our cooking teacher Jodie is that she’s really hands on, patient, compassionate, forgiving and easy to get along with. She is basically the polar opposite of all those harsh and nasty TV celebrity chefs such as Gordon Ramsey and Marco Pierre White.

If I had to deal with their personalities, I would crumble in seconds. I’m not very receptive to being yelled at and criticised by other people for basically being human. The good thing is that everyone is in the same boat, leaning the absolute basics about cooking so mistakes should be expected. http://www.ballaballa.com.au/progra...

On Monday night, I went to a Bootcamp session with Mandi Herauville at The Yard Strength & Fitness in Pakenham. It takes a lot to get me motivated on Mondays especially after a busy weekend but I just push through the laziness, get off my ass and do it because I know that it’ll be worth it. This is my second time doing a Bootcamp workout at Mandi’s gym and once again it was really enjoyable. There was a really big turnout too despite the rainy weather outside with roughly 10 other clients

We started the session by playing a couple of games to warm-up. The first one involved playing a variation of chasy where we had to run around and try to untie each other’s shoelaces. The second was about activating the core muscles in a cat-cow like positive whilst the other person was pushing and pulling them. Essentially resistance training whilst not moving much at all.

Next we did 5 rounds of 10 medicine ball squats to overhead throws. This exercise was more about the technique than the weight of the medicine ball we were throwing up, though we did gradually increase the weight after a couple of rounds. It kept me really focused and in control. It kinda reminded me of getting ready to throw a netball into the goal ring.

The workout involved splitting up into teams of 3 and doing three different circuits. The first one included squats, high knee lifts and glute bridge leg lifts. The second one included rolling get ups, tuck jumps, sit ups and a 50m run. And the third one included push ups, mountain climbers, box dips and a 100m run. On paper it seems very overwhelming but when you divide the reps between each of us, it was actually quite manageable.

We ended the session by doing a few yoga stretches on the blue foam mats to cool down after the workout. I met Mandi’s puppy Audrey who is absolutely adorable and had the pleasure of giving her a cuddle before I left. I’ve noticed that whenever I’m in a large group of people, I become even quieter than normal. In the past, this would bother me a lot but tonight I was feeling okay about it. Everyone accepted me regardless of how much I spoke or didn’t speak. It’s reminders like these that I need, to embrace the person that I am. https://www.facebook.com/TheYardStr...

On Tuesday afternoon, I caught up with my friend Mandi Herauville (Long time no see :P) for coffee at Nomadic Berwick. As expected, Mandi was running late but that’s okay because I was enjoying the music and having a browse through the menu. It was my first time visiting Nomadic and I’ve been meaning to come here considering how many times I’ve seen the ad play at Village Cinemas with that iconic boar on the sign.

Everytime I have a one on one conversation with Mandi, my head becomes that much clearer and I’m also about to just relax and let everything go. I can display my authentic self to her (thank you Brene Brown!) because she understands me on a mental and emotional level. Some people will never get what’s going on deep inside of me and that’s just the way it is. I’m a very empathetic person and so I can pick up on other people’s emotions and moods also well as understand what they’re going through.

Mandi is both brutally honest and very compassionate and I need both of these qualities. Sometimes wake up calls are necessary evils but so are general reminders about the positive things that I possess within me. I am too hard on myself, get caught up in my own thoughts and worry too much about shit I can’t control. But these things can always be worked on and I’m slowly moving towards creating more happiness in my life.

Later that afternoon, I drove down to The Hunt Club for a Full Body Chinese Massage at Top 1 Therapy in Cranbourne East. This place is fast becoming one of my favourite massage salons. For $39, they go all out with hot stones, oils and warm towels and do a thorough job of releasing stress and tension from almost every part of my body. It’s also a great opportunity to work on my mindfulness skills, directing my attention to all the external sounds inside and outside of the shop.

Some people love conversing with their massage therapist but I’m not one of them. Thankfully the Asian therapists at Top 1 only ask a few questions and then remain silent during the massage. I’d rather just enjoy it without having to worry about making conversation especially when they don’t really know me and vice vesa. And I’m not saying that to be rude either. I’m incredibly grateful for how skilled and dedicated they are hence why I’ll always give them a high recommendation. http://www.top1therapy.com/

On Thursday night, I attended a Pilates Mat class at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. So I haven’t done a pilates class for probably a couple of months and tonight, I was very much thrown into the deep end. Our fitness instructor Anita didn’t mess around, she made us work really hard. Most of the poses involved core activation and switching on the various muscle groups and it didn’t take long for me to feel the burn.

We did a mixture of standing and seated poses including Single Leg Raises with Double Pulse, Straight Leg Lowering, Crunches, Double D and Bow & Arrow. As tough as Anita was, she was also quite sarcastic and made sure that everyone’s bodies were aligned in the correct position. We all had a good laugh throughout the class which is always really important. Exercise should always be enjoyable no matter what class it is. https://www.fitnessfirst.com.au/fin...

On Friday morning, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. It’s been a fairly rough couple of weeks for me, particularly last Friday when I was on the verge of making a really foolish decision...leaving Luke as my personal trainer. But self-reflection and hindsight are both wonderful things. Looking back, I was clouded by my fears and insecurities with Luke being a mirror (I don’t belong here at UFT. He thinks I’m boring. I’m not good enough. Have I done something wrong? I can’t handle this awkward silence).

Airing how I was feeling inside via social media whilst crying in the car clearly wasn’t a wise decision. Many of the things I wrote last week were so irrational anyway. I had no clarity at all and I basically pushed myself to a cliff edge, about to make what I thought was “the right decision”. But in actuality, I was running away from the problem like I always do. It wasn’t so much being able to connect and click with Luke as my PT but rather how I felt about myself.

Thankfully, this week I was able to re-group mentally and prepare to give both myself and Luke another shot at this. Change starts from within and I really needed to make some pro-active choices to make this work. Things such as waking up half an hour earlier and leaving for my training session 15 minutes earlier so that I wouldn’t have to stress out over the morning peak hour traffic on Clyde Road.

I also decided to look into some helpful tips and advice on how to improve my conversational skills and feel more confident in social situations. I flooded my mini-journal with some of these points so I could refer back to them during my training session. I was determined to make more of an effort with Luke, not just with the training but building a rappore with him. Asking questions about his life, making eye contact, engaging, being present...all of these things really helped.

I didn’t do all this as a social experiment either but rather to practice, develop and improve my social skills which have clearly been lacking in the past couple of weeks. But also because I genuinely do care about Luke. I want him to be successful as a PT, coach and an athlete. I felt like that effort was reciprocated back to me as he asked many questions about my life. Now I feel like we’re in a better place, that he does care about me and wants the best for me. It’s just that my mental illness and emotions got in the way. But now I’m seriously working on it. https://www.facebook.com/breakawayf...

WARM-UP...Today I started by doing some scorpion stretches on the mat by bending each leg over the opposite side of my body before doing some back stretches using a foam roller and the bar overhead. It was actually had making conversation during this as the discomfort was pretty intense and I really had to breathe into it. Finally I did 3 rounds of 12 kettle bell dead lifts.

DEVELOPMENT...I saw today’s deadlifts as a chance to redeem myself. I walked in with a positive mindset and a fierce “I can do this” attitude. I did 4 rounds of 1 rep at 100kg plus a final rep at 105kg which is a personal best for me. I felt really good about my form and technique despite some apparent leg wobbling during the lift. But otherwise, I smashed it today and felt really good about my performance.

Later that day, Mum and I decided to start looking to adopt a cat at the Australian Animal Protection Society in Keysborough. Of course, seeing as there were many cats to choose from, this was going to be really difficult to make a decision. However, I did have a few preferences in mind...female, young, low maintenance, indoor/outdoor and placid. Having an immediate bond with the cat was also very important.

In the end, I narrowed down my selections to two cats named Lotus and Pepper. I was able to hold and pat each of the cats to see if there was any connection there. So far I’m leaning towards Lotus who has a black and white coat, is female and 2 years old. She practically leaped up to the front of the caged door when I walked past and really enjoyed my company so I saw this as a really good sign. http://www.aaps.org.au/Adoptions/lo...

“Don't leave me here with all these critical voices. Cause they do their best to bring me down. When I'm alone with all these negative voices. I will need your help to turn them down.” Alanis Morissette - Spiral (2012)

“Thank you for seeing me. I feel so less lonely. Thank you for guiding me. I hear your bide, you empathy. Ha-a this intimacy ha, ah, ah, ah. There were some days when the trusting was the last of me. You’re quiet too much, you see too less. Except you’re generous, see? To love myself enough, to let you help me.” Alanis Morissette - Empathy (2012)