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#Chats with Mrs.Smith
ack3rlady · 2 years
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Mia, uh, I'm afraid your husband is rubbing off on Jean too much!
You know what this fool said the other day?
"What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable."
Then he laughed like it was the funniest thing he's ever said?
Like, sir?? Really?
I tried to giggle to humor him...bad idea!
Then just a little while later be interrupted my meeting!
"I hated facial hair but then it grew on me."
I have half a mind to shave that stupid stubble right off him!
I love you and Erwin, but please, how do you stand the dad jokes all the time?
Please tell me you think Erwin loves dad jokes, because I do lol
Erwin loves dad jokes? Erwin is all dad jokes. He doesn't know any other genre.
Also, unfortunately, you're knocking on the wrong door here, Liza. I will not give you false hope :((((
Erwin and I have been together long enough that I have begun to find the dad jokes rather hilarious! I'm his sole audience and his biggest fan :3
Levi even told me recently that my humor standards have fallen down to ol' blondie's. (I take that as a compliment even though he meant otherwise)
Here's something I used to tell Erwin before the kids came long that you can use on Jean. It'll either shut him up, or fire him up further. There's no in-between -
Q: You're cracking dad jokes while you're not even a dad. What does that make you?
Jean obviously goes on an unrelated tangent because of how badly he wants to be right.
A: You're Faux Pa.
Get it????????????????????????????????? Sorry. I'm very sorry. Or not.
Oh, and at least Jean praises his own facial hair :(
The other day while I was getting ready for bed, Mr. Smith walked up to me, kissed my head and told me how lovely my hair looks. AAAAh the way I was blushing before he...
.... proceeded to caress my upper lip with his finger??!!!!!!! EXCUSE ME?????? I was ready for violence! Blame my very Indian genes for the abundance of foliage on me :')
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heartfullofleeches · 1 month
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Elderly Neighbor: Thank you for visiting me again, dear.
Assassin Femboy Housewife Yan: Oh, there's no need to thank me, Mrs.Smith. I enjoy our little chats - you are quite the lovely woman and they are a pleasant distraction for me while my spouse is away.
Elderly Neighbor: Speaking of your spouse.. Are they treating you well?
Femboy Housewife Yan: Why, yes. As a matter of fact, I believe they are the first person to ever treat me as if I wasn't a mere tool. I don't know where I'd be without them today.
Elderly Neighbor: I'm glad to hear that, Dear. You two seem like a perfect pair, but if they ever give you any trouble similar to what my late husband gave me there might still be some space next to him under those rosebushes over there.
Femboy Housewife Yan: Hm, I've always wondered what kind of fertilizer you used for your girls. I don't think I have to worry about my dearest hurting me, though I am aware of a few who have their eyes on them.... Could you kindly give me a list of flowers you recommended for a first time gardener?
-
Reader: You sure have been devoting a lot of your time into this gardening business lately. Glad you found a new hobby for yourself, hun.
Femboy Housewife Yan, placing a vase beside Reader's side of the bed: What can I say~ Gardening just buries all of my troubles beneath several feet of soil -
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marvelousell · 4 years
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Solutions
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Pairing: Professor!Seb x Student!reader
Summary: After you couldn’t find the book you needed for your assignment your Literature Professor helps you out with it and with something more
Word count: 3.9k
Warnings: SMUT 18+, spanking, unprotected sex, swearing, mentions of alcohol
A/N: Posting this again hoping the tags will work now🤡
Masterlist || Add yourself to my tag list
*
“Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus..”
Was the library a mess or they just didn’t have the book at all?
It was the third year of college, the end of the semester, probably everyone grabbed their book to prepare for it sooner and write the review brilliantly so that their last mark can be as high as possible. Studying literature was intriguing, absolutely engrossing. This particular class was very important for you, you made sure to never fail a test or hand your work too late. It was an enthralling class, enhancing your analytical thinking skills and sharing your point of view freely wasn’t the only thing that made it so interesting, it was the professor that made you extremely attentive. Professor Stan. A man in his late thirties, that was like a good glass of wine on a Saturday evening. A charming and prepossessing man that made your breath hitch a little every time he would enter the classroom.
“Stupid book.” You groaned, clearly frustrated by the situation. This never happened before, and you didn’t want it to be the first time now, especially because it was his assignment.
The typical quiet library atmosphere was interrupted by low giggles coming from the desk where the librarian, Mrs. Smith was working. You were lost honestly, help would be nice in this situation.
“You should be a little less strict, they came here last week like a hurricane to grab the books.” Her voice was all sweet and fake? Yes, it was definitely fake since she always talked like she was forced to with the students around. And of course she was talking like that while twirling her wavy hair, everyone here does it when Mr.Stan is chatting with them.
“Come on Lilly, I’m definitely not that hard on them.” He leaned on the desk, giving her a broad pearly white smile, making her giggle even more.
God he made your heart beat wildly, his figure and charming blue eyes were getting more and more hypnotising.
He was definitely not a strict Professor even if he looked sometimes like that. The first day in his class was definitely the most hard one. Having a guy that was so easy on the eye and humorous as well was a big yes for you in life. Even if it was inappropriate, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. The small things made you go insane about him, like his bewitching smile that would brighten up the whole room, his eyes that wouldn’t let you concentrate on what he was explaining whenever his gaze would shift on you, and definitely how your name would roll off his tongue every single time during the lesson.
Mr.Stan was everyone’s silly little crush, every student and professor was almost drooling over him and you were one of them.
“Good Morning Professor.” You greeted the man that had his eyes fixed on you and the dress that was breathtaking for him.
“Morning Miss Y/L/N.” Sebastian’s voice was soft, his eyes not leaving your body. He knew how shy you got around him and how you tried to avoid the direct eye contact with him. Your shyness drove him wild, the innocent behaviour was making him crave you more.
“Sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering if you could check if there’s a book that I need? I can’t find it myself unfortunately.” You asked nicely, Mrs.Smith clearly annoyed how her conversation got interrupted by an annoying student.
“Yeah. Which one?” She exhaled, her horrible honeyed voice making you regret coming here.
“Oedipus Rex.”
“No need to check it, the students came here last week and grabbed them all.”
Great, he is thinking already that you’re irresponsible and that your assignment will be a work of improvisation and memory of what he was talking about it.
“Thank you anyways.” You excused yourself, rushing towards the exit.
You could still feel his eyes on you, how he followed your steps and every movement. As much as you tried to shake that feeling off it was impossible.
Sebastian could say the same. He never felt like that, it was highly inappropriate to think about a student of his in that way. But you were the most beautiful woman he ever saw. Your elegance and purity was intoxicating, God knows how many times he needed to suppress those feelings in order to continue his lecture. Every time your sweet scent filled his nostrils he couldn’t help but imagine how happy would he be if he woke up every morning with you by his side. Sebastian could feel that spark, even when you tried to avoid his eyes and finish a conversation with him as soon as possible, the rosy cheeks gave it all away to him. You could definitely feel something, just like he did.
“Miss Y/L/N.” Sebastian immediately said his goodbyes to Lilly after you left, he couldn’t let his chance get away now.
“Professor Stan?” You were surprised, cheeks burning from the feeling of his body so close to yours. Is he going to let you know how you won’t be able to pass his class without this assignment?
“Last minute assignment?” He laughed, making you even more nervous. You eschewed alone conversations with him, clearly because he made you stutter almost every time and looking him in the eyes made your legs wobbly from the thoughts that would mess with your head.
“N-No, I always do my work on time but it looks like everyone is panicking because it’s the end of the semester and they want to get a better grade.” You half-smiled, giving him a short glance. He grinned, trying to get you relaxed in his company.
“All good Miss, just joking a little. I actually have a solution for your problem.” Sebastian was nervous now, blood pumping in his system eagerly waiting for you to look at him.
“You do?” His eyes were glued to yours, he smiled at your enthusiastic response. Your eyes were calming, he could stare at them for days enjoying the warm feeling.
“I actually have one book at home, a copy I would gladly borrow to you. You definitely need it more now.”
“Oh I, thank you? If it’s not a problem for you I would borrow it. I can come to your office tomorrow to pick it up.”
“I don’t have any lesson tomorrow, you can come to my place today to get it.” Sebastian was trying not sound creepy, he wanted you to say yes, he wanted to get to know you better.
You weren’t sure if you heard that right or not, but the thoughts of you and him in his apartment made you feel dizzy instantly.
“I-I sure? Only if I won’t be a bother. It’s Friday I don’t want to disturb you.”
“Nonsense, here’s my address. Come whenever you want after college finishes.” He nodded, feeling like a teenager again. The tingle in his gut was strong, he was smitten and when you flashed him a bright and wide smile it was enough for him to burst. You were so powerful, your presence and bashfulness could make him feel so much things at the same time. Sebastian fell hard for it, he loved how you were a tender-hearted person always helping students around in his lecture, he admired how quiet you were around him but you never had a problem to speak in his class. Your arguments were phenomenal, exceptional and every time you negated his opinion, Sebastian would fell for you even more.
“Thank you Professor Stan.” Your voice was shaky, it was hard to maintain the eye contact even if his eyes were beginning for yours to acknowledge them at least once.
-
Sebastian’s nerves were running wild. You should be here any time, and he was losing his mind. He was imagining how will you look outside class, how your hair will be done and how will your time go together. The only thing he wanted was you to stay. With him.
It wasn’t just the innocent thoughts, the ones of you with your legs wide open for him were definitely stronger. You were a work of art, he lost count of how many nights he lost sleep because of his imagination. Sebastian couldn’t help but think about your soft whimpers and moans begging for him, begging him to make you feel good. The blood in his system rushed down, the space in his boxers became so small just from the thought of you.
It was the bell that woke him up from his trance. You were here.
“Just a second!” He groaned, the now rock hard shaft in his pants made it difficult to think clearly, it ached for some attention.
“Good evening, Professor.”
That sweet, innocent voice. You’re making it so hard sweetheart.
“Evening, come inside please.” His eyes caught yours for a second before you shifted them to the enormous house he was living in.
Sebastian’s eyes popped wide, the long dress from today was replaced with a much shorter one. Your legs were looking great, and the bare back stopped his breathing instantly. You looked divine, but Sebastian couldn’t stop himself from thinking what’s underneath. He was sure you tasted so sweet, much sweeter than your scent.
“Oedipus by Sophocles right? Do you know that I absolutely hated this book in college and now I’m torturing you with it.” He started a small conversation with a joke, his hot breath tickling your neck.
Your were so tense, you couldn’t do anything back in your apartment with him on your mind. He was a constant distraction, even at night. Many nights were spent thinking about him while you pleasured yourself, his voice echoing in your ears.
“The plot is a bit twisted sure, but what I heard from you Professor I kind of got interested in the story behind everything.” You tried to chat as well, stop the shy you that came out every time you were around him. However he made it so difficult.
He was dressed in black pants, his usual baby blue shirt replaced with a white one.
“Found it.” He spoke, showing you the book that was resting in his palms.
You weren’t focusing on it, the only thing on your mind was his messy hair and large hands that would cup your ass perfectly. He was grinning from ear to ear as he handed you the book you needed. The once avoid the eyes immediately situation was now long gone, your eyes were resting on his face. Sebastian noticed you staring, he loved to feel them exploring his body.
“Here you go.” You could swear that he was near that large shelf a second ago, not near your left side. He focused on your red lips that were slightly parted, imagining how lovely they would look around his throbbing shaft. Sebastian’s mind was going to explode like a ticking bomb if he doesn’t kiss you soon. You were irresistible in every way possible.
“Thank you Professor, you’re a life saviour for me.” Your chin trembled as his arm was placed on your shoulder, shivers of pleasure going up and down your spine.
“Please Y/N, it’s Sebastian. We’re not in class now.” He wasn’t a fan of formalities, especially with you in this moment. Professor or sir could go only in bed.
“Thank you Sebastian really, I-I should probably go now I don’t want to ruin your evening. Thank you once again.” You honestly didn’t want to leave, this was everything you ever wanted. Him and you, all alone and close to each other.
“Don’t be silly please. I don’t have plans, except marking your last week tests, but yeah nothing special.”
You tried to speak once again but he was definitely faster, he couldn’t let you go.
“Please stay, take a seat. I invited you to my house, not offering you a drink would be rude from me.” Sebastian’s sentences were a mess, you laughed how a different person he was outside work.
“I guess it would.” If he could push the professional relationship aside so could you right?
“What would you like?” Sebastian was over the moon, you relaxing on his couch was a sight he always wanted to see. You both shared a few looks, grinning widely.
“Surprise me.”
He wasn’t used to these kind of answers, you were much more open after he implied that there was no need for Mr. and Miss when you were alone.
“My favourite.” His figure plopped down next to you, both of you sipping on the bitter and strong beverage.
“You have a great taste.” You were never like this, this wasn’t you. The shy, quiet Y/N left, all because the desire was too strong.
Did he want the same as you? What if you got the wrong message?
“No need for the shyness, look at me.” He wanted to look at your eyes, his index finger hooked underneath your chin guiding your face up.
The fear of being rejected or doing something you didn’t want to was stopping him from so many things, he wanted to test the waters first but you were making him go nuts. You didn’t flinch at his touch, it was a soft gentle touch that you wanted to feel on your whole body.
“There they are.” If he would describe the feelings you gave him every time you were close, professional or not he could go on and on.
“You know, you’re really smart.”
“Thank you.” You breathed out a chuckle, finishing your drink.
“You were the first one that caught my attention, you were always so quiet around me but you never had a problem to say what you had on your mind in my lectures even if it was different from what I thought it was right.” Your heart leaped like a wild stag in your throat. Was he really into you?
“Your pure heart and wild nature that was hidden made me go absolutely crazy.” Your lips looked so kissable, he wanted to smash his against yours so badly.
“Thank you, you’re a great Professor.” It sounded so stupid, but it was the best that could come out of your mouth.
“And you look great Y/N.” That was it, Sebastian couldn’t hold it anymore. The space between you was so small, his hand rested on the nape of your neck while you both began breathing rapidly.
“W-We shouldn’t do this.” You wanted it. You needed it. However you were still worried what will happen after it.
“Are going to tell me that you don’t feel this like I do? Tell me to stop Miss Y/L/N if you don’t want this.” Sebastian was teasing, his lips on yours but there wasn’t any movement at all.
Wasn’t this what you wanted the last couple of years? Why were you hesitating now? This will be just between you.
“Fuck it.” You couldn’t hold back, your hand flew over his shoulders lips moving against his hotly.
Sebastian was smiling into the kisses, the fact that you couldn’t resist him was a dream come true. He was right, your wild nature was just hidden behind that angel face. Your lips burned on his skin, his imaginations came true and now he will never get enough of you. His hands were placed on your sides, giving them a slight squeeze encouraging you to do more.
“Miss Y/L/N you are a fucking dream come true.” He broke the kiss focusing on your neck. You granted him more space as you leaned your head on the side. You sucked in a breath as his swollen lips marked you, leaving a trail of goosebumps on your skin.
Sebastian was lost, your heat on his crotch and your low grunts are going to be the death of him.
“Eager? Are you going to be polite and ask what you crave doll?” His fingers pushed the silky material of your dress down, your breasts and perky nipples on display just for him.
“Gorgeous.” The pulsing in his pants began to hurt, he wanted to push his girth inside your little pussy now. You were still not answering, moaning from the pleasure he was giving you. Sebastian wanted to tease the shit out of you, but he also wanted to see you fall apart with him inside of you.
“I’m waiting Miss, are you going to answer me?” Without a warning he wrapped his mouth around one nipple, making you tremble as the other was between his fingers.
“Oh fuck, please make me feel good Professor.” Your panties were damp, probably leaving a wet spot on his pants.
“Good doll.”
“Are you going to let me see how much you want me?” You nodded, heart thudding in your chest as he pushed the thin material to the side sliding his fingers up and down your folds.
“My God, you are dripping.” The husky voice mixed with his leisure movements made you groan loudly. He brought his fingers into his mouth, tasting your arousal. It was a sight to remember, his eyes staring deeply at yours while sucking the fingers clean.
“Just like I thought. So sweet doll.” The talking made you clench around nothing, making you grind against him, too shy to ask him to start.
“Don’t be shy, tell your Professor what you desire.”
You were lost for words, rubbing your clit against the rough material and his shaft was the only thing you could focus on. Even if it was a sight Sebastian wanted to see some other time, he needed to show you who was in charge tonight.
“So naughty, do I need to teach you how to behave? Always so nice and shy in my class and now you’re misbehaving, I don’t like that.” His palm landed across your ass, gripping it after smacking the soft flesh. The sudden sting stopped your actions, your hands resting on his chest while your ass was in the air.
“Do you need more or are you going to answer me doll?”
You couldn’t speak, you shook your head so he could know that you’re going to answer him soon. But he wanted to do it more even if he understood your message.
“Words.” The flat was filled with smacking sounds and your yelps from the pleasure he was giving you.
“P-Please, want to feel you inside me, want to feel you here. All of you.” Your hand pushed his palm flat against your stomach and it was enough for Sebastian to unleash the beast inside of him.
“I will make you feel so good sweetheart, so good that you will come back for more.”
He stood up, you in his arms while he rushed to the bedroom. Everything was better than the images he had in his head for so long. You were on his bed, knees bent and your breasts in your hands. If you continued like that he won’t even start.
“Want to undress you.”
Fuck.
The white shirt was already off, your fingers going slowly down his torso making him flinch. While you worked on the belt, your lips ghosted over his stomach, peppering soft kisses. His muscles contracted after every contact, he wanted to fuck your pretty little pussy for the whole night.
“I want to feel your mouth around me doll, I really do but I need to be inside you more. Next time I promise.” Sebastian spoke, moving his thumb across your lips.
You were all but shy now, your batted your eyelashes looking at him, begging him to take you how he wanted to.
“Fuck, so fucking wet.” He cooed, sliding his tip slowly from your clit to your entrance enjoying the slick sounds that you both made together.
“Please Sebastian, need you.” You squeezed his hands that was pinning you down to the bed. Your sweet pleads were burning in his ears, he wanted to hear you plead every day from now on. You were his now. Only his.
“Shit doll. Shit.” He pushed inside you so easily, staying like that for a second to feel your warm walls around his shaft.
“Shit, move. Need you to move.”
A deep growl rumbles in his chest as he began thrusting into you, he spread your legs as much as possible, pushing them down to your chest so he could go deeper. Sebastian wanted to feel every inch of you tonight.
“You look so hot like this, you take me so well.” The dirty talk continued, making you clench around him and Sebastian definitely noticed it.
“You love it don’t you? Love it when I say how good you are for me? How could I not you’re my favourite doll. No one could take me like you, no one could make me this hard.” He let go of your legs, moving his hands to your hips gripping them before he slammed into you mercilessly. His thick fingers drew circles around your swollen clit in a fast pace. Your back was arched, tears from pleasure were forming in your eyes. You were so close. The thrusts were harsh but still gentle, he wanted you to enjoy this moment you shared.
“My lovely girl, shall I let you cum? You’re squeezing me like crazy here. Were you a good little doll to me, hm?” Your walls were tightening around his dick, a breath stuck in your throat.
“Please Professor, I w-was so good. Please let me cum, I-I can’t. I’m good.” You stuttered, biting your lip from the sensation.
“Go on beautiful, let me see you cum. Show me that you’re only mine.” You moaned loudly, shrieking as the orgasm washed over you, your tight walls clamping around his cock as he pushed faster into you.
Sebastian could only curse, looking at your mouth that was wide open as the euphoria washed over you. He was close as well, his movements became sloppier, and the squeeze around his arm that encouraged him to cum was bringing him to the edge.
“Come on Seb, let go. Want you to fill me up like you promised.” Your voice was making it difficult to continue, he pressed his lips to yours kissing you gently as he coated your walls with his hot cum.
“Fuck.” He kissed you once again, staying inside of you for a moment ,his member still pulsating against your walls.
You purred against his lips, wrapping your arms and legs around him showing him how much you enjoyed this with him.
“Fuck doll, I’ve been waiting for this since day one.” You were both panting, laughing as he pressed short kisses on your neck and collarbone.
“Me too.” You were back to the shy Y/N once again, hiding your face in his neck.
“Back to the old Y/N. Fucking adore you.” Sebastian rolled you both over, bringing you into his arms. You were sweaty, out of breath and your mixed fluids were dripping out of you, but you still couldn’t get enough of each other.
“I can always borrow you books if you will repay me like this doll.” He joked, earning a playful slap from you.
“Maybe we can arrange something.” You whispered, his grin growing wider as his fingers caressed you naked body. Sebastian was glowing, wanting to spend the rest of the night with you in his arms.
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kimhargreeves · 4 years
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Love Song-Robert Smith x Reader
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I smiled at the sight of my long term boyfriend playing the guitar and singing perfectly to his own songs which I have fallen in love as well. Robert and I met when we were both in high-school the two of us being the weird goth kids at school decided to be friends and later on we became a couple. It wasn't that much of a time when he formed his band and started ro become succesful.
My parents weren't too fond of him at first but eventually became close and we even went to have dinner with his family too. The kids at school were mean mostly to me cause I am a girl but Robert helped me in staying strong and just be myself without someone else telling me what to be.
Today the band decided to play an early concert since both Robert and I were gonna celebrate June twenty three with our family back at our hometown since it's Independence day here in the UK,the concert finished and in no time we made it back while watching a few Tim Burton movies along the way.
For the short amount of time Robert has been playing music he's dedicated to me several of songs i really am happy to be with him.Some kids even copied some of his style in clothes and smuged makeup which makes me so happy knowing how many kids he has inspired.
We made it to his house and his whole family was there along with mine already firing up the grill and getting the fireworks ready, "(Y/N)! Robert! It's good to see you came back early." His mother told us.
"We didn't wanted to dissapoint you mum." Robert smiled and wrapped his arms around me.
"I'm glad you didn't." She smiled back at us.
Robert began to catch up with a few family member and I helped his mum in placing the dishes and everything else on the table,my mother also helped us a lot while most of the guys were chatting. My mother and mrs.Smith looked pretty excited and they wouldn't tell me why.
Robert would keep glancing over to me as I made eye contact with him and would ocassionally smile,the kids were playing around and I would play with them too till it was night and the neighborhood was ready to launch the fireworks but before we did Robert spoke up and that's when he showed me a ring.
He didn't even had to say anything cause I already knew what he was asking for I smiled and launched over to him laughing as he caught me and kissed me as he slipped the ring on my finger. Everyone cheered and just in time we looked up to see tons of fireworks lighting up the night sky.
"I love you so much,Robert."
I hugged him and rested my head on his shoulder as we stared up at the sky.
"I love you too."
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ack3rlady · 2 years
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It's a UK chain café type place that's super cheap and kinda bad lmfao they serve simple foods, coffee and tea and they're famous for being hangover food lmfao. Kinda like those 7 eleven hot dogs I guess
hahahaha for you to have sent me this right when I was checking their menu out!! Just putting a face to the name, you see! 😂
Onyan looks geeeewd!
And obv Erwin looks like the very classy, intimidating sandwich that I'm afraid is too posh for my broke-ass taste buds.
Levi is the ultimate comfort food that tries to kill me
Zeke is the one I stare at with narrow eyes wondering if anyone gets this lol.
I'm close to ending up either with Jean or Reiner.
But then I decide to treat myself and take Erwin home. (with a side of Onyan for a late night snacc, of course)
For people who have no clue what I'm on about, @porcogalliardenthusiast wrote this
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ack3rlady · 2 years
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i don‘t know how to act and I am not one bit sorry.
GOD DAMNIT YES I WANNA SEEEEEE! Lol
Happy Valentine's day, Lena! It has been an absolute pleasure getting to know you!
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Totally cool having two Valentines. You get the best of both worlds.
<source:Google>
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