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kaiger-the-kaiju-loser · 3 years

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Trauma Sticks With You

//TW PTSD and Anxiety//

Keito jolted awake, his body flying forward into an upright position. He was clammy, covered in a cold sweat, grasping at his chest in a feeble attempt to make his heart calm down. His chest hurt, making it hard to breathe. Trying to focus on the world around him, Keito carefully touched his feet to the cold, hard wood floor with the intention to stand. The boy was suddenly aware of how much he was trembling as his endeavor was nearly trampled.

His back was now against the bed as he was sitting on the floor, hands tangled in his hair. Keito pulled his knees to his chest, burying his face as much as he could. Shaky sobs managed to push past Keito's clenched jaws, barely about a whisper. This wasn't the first and most definitely not the last time the soldier had nightmares about the event, but that didn't make it any easier.

Being captured by the enemy and made to think that each of his team members, each of his friends, were slowly murdered in front of him wouldn't be something he just got over after a few weeks of therapy. It had such an effect on him that the male often has doubts about his friend's identities.

Keito was scared, no, terrified. His grip tightened immensely, nails digging into his scalp. He didn't know what to do, he never did. Every time this happened he would panic and now know how to calm down or at least make the pain stop.

The pain... It was isolated yet coursing through his body at the same time. It felt like his chest was being ripped open and his head was being bashed open. Against his will, a piercing scream erupted from the boy's throat. The action caused Keito to violently flinch, only making things worse. No longer able to control his own body, loud sobs and wails echoed through the small room. He was beginning to feel lightheaded from his shallow, panicked breathing.

Suddenly, he lifted his head from his knees, gasping for air- why was it so hard to breathe?

After a moment, Keito's breaths began to steady out. They were still shaky but at least it was more normal. He was able to realize where he was, able to focus on the feeling of the stained wood against his feet. Then his hands.

Keito moved his hands from his hair to the floor, moving his fingers across the rough surface. Slowly, the trembling began to subside as he was finally able to control the situation. With caution, he attempted to stand again, this try being successful. Using the wall as a brace, he slowly moved from the room to the hallway and finally to a balcony.

Keito was drenched in sweat, the light breeze making him shiver. The male leaned against the railing, looking out at nothing in particular. How much longer would these nightmares and episodes hinder him? How much longer until he could finally be himself again?

Tears began to well up in his eyes as he thought about being a traumatized wreck for the rest of his life, unable to join his friends in anything. It's been almost a year and he still hasn't gotten much better. the light tap of shoes began to grow louder, coming his way, yet he didn't even try to wipe away his tears. It wouldn't do anything except show that he felt it was wrong and the last thing he wanted was more pity.

"I had a feeling I'd find you here," The man mused, his tone sympathetic. Keito's head turned to look at who had just joined him on the balcony at some ungodly hour.

"Like clockwork, Corvex." Keito looked back to the sky and away from his boyfriend. ...Ex-boyfriend? He was a little unsure of their relationship at the moment. Before the attack, they were planning to get engaged but... When they got Keito back, he wasn't able to take the commitment. Just the idea of being close to someone he thought had died made him break. So, per Corvex's advice, they took a break.

Corvex didn't say anything else, he just adjusted his glasses and stared into nothingness as well. It was normal for him to be up late into the night working, he was nocturnal after all.

"I'm sorry.." Keito muttered, hiding his face in his arms. His voice indicated he was about to cry and Corvex heard it clear as day. He just wanted to throw his arms around the poor boy and hold his for the rest of time, but he knew better than to do such a thing.

"Don't be absurd-" Corvex began. "I... I did- didn't mean to," The other interrupted, his body starting to shake again, not nearly as violently as before, but still enough to notice. Corvex's gaze shot to Keito, worry etched onto every feature.

"What are you talking about?" The taller questioned, resisting the urge to cross his arms. It took a lot to make him uncomfortable, but seeing Keito so broken punched through any wall he had. Keito's body jerked as a gross sob wracked his small form.

Corvex sighed lightly, lifting a his hand slowly and hovering it over the boy's back. He decided against the action, knowing how Keito reacted to sudden contact. It pained the man to have to be so distant, but he knew it was for the better. However, he moved his hand into Keito's line of sight and gently grabbed his arm. As he expected, Keito flinched, but not as badly as if he would have touched the boy out of nowhere.

Corvex turned the boy to face him, his heart dropping when Keito made it his main task to avoid looking at the other. "I," He barely choked out, a pale hand wiping tears away. "I promise I'm try- trying," Keito stuttered, hiccupping in between words. Against his better judgement, Corvex pulled Keito into his chest, his arms wrapping around the slender body.

"I know," He whispered back, his hold not faltering for a second, even as Keito jerked back out of habit. "I know." Corvex was close to tears now too, barely keeping himself composed.

When Keito's fight or flight calmed down, the tears came flooding back for the third time that night. He grabbed at the stiff, white fabric of Corvex's lab coat as an effort to bring himself even closer to the alchemist. He broke, letting each whimper and sob be muffled and lost in Corvex's clothes.

Corvex didn't try to stop it, he didn't want to. In a sense, he did. He didn't want to see his ray of pure sunlight this crushed, this broken. Yet in another sense, he wanted Keito to cry and scream the pain away, no matter how long it took. His inner conflict was interrupted by the abrupt realization that he was crying. He was hunched over, as if protecting Keito from something and Keito was holding on as tight as he could.

"It's- It's okay," He choked out, hugging Keito tighter. He began to gently sway, muttering quiet nothings more to reassure himself but also to let the soldier know he wasn't going anywhere.

When Corvex woke up, he was slightly confused. He had a headache which made him think he dove a little to deep into the bottle that night only to be quickly reminded of what really transpired. Keito was nuzzled close to his chest, looking peaceful for the first time in ages. He couldn't remember ever leaving the balcony, let alone moving them both into Keito's room.

He didn't care about the details, he thought as he looked back to the sleeping boy's face. All that mattered right now was that he had finally made progress. He had work to do for the medical team, but that could wait. He wouldn't be moving from this spot as long as Keito was still in it.

~A little epilogue~

Ever since that night, Keito had clung to Corvex like a monkey. He didn't mind the clinginess, not one bit. It meant that his friend finally had someone to rely on. Keito's single room was retired and his things moved into Corvex's much larger room. This time, it was Keito's idea, though, he had suggested Corvex moving into his room. Of course, Keito liked Corvex's idea much more.

Keito found the mountainous and rocky road to recovery was a little less steep and seemed much more traversable with someone by his side. He knew he still had a long way to go, but at least he wouldn't be alone the next time he woke up in a panic.

[1:42 AM]

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