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femme-malewife · 1 month

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Hii again!!

I'm the anon from last night (afternoon?), and thankyouthankyou so much for answering my ask haha. It made me excited when I saw that you needed two times to read it (when I read your answer I also needed some time to reread, I got up and even read while walking, couldn't stay put 😅)

And I wanna say, thank you for sharing them (your fics), and I mean sharing them, not just writing them bc I still think it's wonderful that you enjoy them, but sharing them is a lot other deal where you gotta be at the expense of hateful criticism and such, which I know can be ignored but it's still there, and is scary to open about you, about something that you made and people just being people don't understanding what a big deal is that, bc that way we got to read them and enjoy them and feel in general something whathever that is joy or sadness.

I specially enjoy those

I specially enjoy those fics of yours that are just for the lols haha, I get a good laugh without the urge of finishing a long one, bc once I start reading one I won't stop (except to attend the necesities that haha) though I also like your long ones, like Ikigai haha man that was a ride, I remember being at the edge of my seat just looking for their first signs of falling in love, and being exasperated at Yuujirou but also sad with him running away, I also loved Ken in that fic, even though I think he should have been there more for Aizou, just like in the canon but I understand that it was a lot to take and not anybody can do it, I also liked them being Prince x comoner, haha the change of peace was great bc Yuujirou is usually more prince like with his arrogant cute little attitudes and Aizou being like his loyal lovable idiot haha, right now I don't remember the name of the fic, but there was this one where Yuujirou and Aizou being both princes and Yuujirou is in this arranged marriage and Aizou is devastated about it and then true love (the kiss) saving the day, and the fic where Yuujirou is kidnapped, though I can't talk much about this one bc I don't wanna spoil anyone but the turn at the end was great haha 😆 Aizou is incredible, though poor Hiyori, suffering no matter the universe with those two around, though in a way still getting paid haha.

And there are a lot other great fics I've read, though I must confess I haven't read all of them, I got those ones that I haven't read saved in a big group (in Chorme). And I'm just not deleting them for my life haha, though my Ram is mad at me😅.

And ohhhh your origin story in writing 😍 it's cool, I'm sure I would have just wrote the definitions haha, writing a short story is still being pretty creative, specially when you have to use some words in specific and not something in my opinion anyone can do

I still think you're pretty cool and amazing, (yeah I always read the tags), and it's cool being mean and antisocial (I mean, strangers are usually soo fake friendly, I've got people that are like this that I just have known them like less than two hours and bc I give the vibe that I'm smart?? I dunno 😑 try to take advantage of that, whan I'm usually more lost than them haha, but if I don't return the "gesture" of being friendly I got the "looks" of being strange and I guess antisocial?? I just want to being left alone to read in peace man, but it's imposible so I have just resigned to that destiny), in my book people will always suck, they lie, they brush others off, they seem perfect in a way I don't understand bc they are accepted with their peers even when it seems fake to me, and I will never understand that, and even some of them are infiurating being so much at their element (that element being great at socialicing, where I struggle) but the world is like that and if we (you and me, my dear author LStar-sensei, or femme-malewife-sensei??) ever where to be in the same place I think it would be nice to just being the both of us in our mental space?? (Dunno if this makes sense hhahaha) but being just there is nice (I guess in a way we are right now, interacting like this. Being antisocial and mean is fine, bc if you're being mean to someone, they must've likely did something deserved to be treated mean, no matter if that something is minuscule in theirs or other peoples points of view, only you know how you're feeling and getting others to get it is hard enough to explain, so in a way being respectful is enough for me)

And I wanna say that even though it makes me sad (to the point of crying a little sometimes) when an author delets or abandonds their works for wathever reason they have, I will always respect it. Bc it's something you shared with us, and you have all the right to feel how you feel towards something you wrote and act however you seem the best, and it's also fine to not finish everything you write, I'm not a writer, so is hard for me to get it, but I swear to you it's fine if you ever move on to other things or lost interest or motivation to continue writing soemthing (maybe we will cross paths in another fandom, one never knows) I just hope you continue with joy doing wathever makes you happy (though as a reader it really makes me sad when authors delete their works, and as a reader that has read some beautiful pieces of art unfinished, I still keep rereading them sometimes, even though they are not finished I still get the joy of the journey of the characteres no matter how short or long or even how crack it is haha, bc I remember them, those great stories that help me get through another day, week, month and even though I'm still hopeful I could get the joy of getting even just one chapter someday, I will always respect the author and hope they're doing well with their lives, even if it's short the time that we conected in a great story, I just hope that they're well and yeah I will feel that way towards you one day if it ever happens, bc you're great and don't let anyone let you the oposite, though it's also fine if you just ignore them hihihi )

And yeahhhh, origin stories of you getting into lipxlip and yuumori. 😆 I think I share with you almost how I got into yuumori, bc let's be sincere, it's hard to get that almost instantaneous click with every story one sees, the diference with me is that I got into it again bc you wrote a fic of them 😊 which I must confess haven't read it yet, but I will definetly do it when I have time, I just want to reread some parts of the manga (to get into the mood if you get what I mean haha😅)

And yeahsss, I think you answered everything of that ask of mine and even more, thank you so much!! And sorry if I extended more that neccesary My mind is rambling and doesn't know when to stop (or summarize) sometimes haha

- Saludos 🤗

Ahahahaha thank you! I'm glad you like them! Yeah out of all of my multichaps for lxl, I'd say Ikigai is my fav. Or The BL Experience, which focuses on new jobs for lxl to expand on...and my fic that focuses moreso on the mystery rather than the ship In The Pursuit of Happiness. I had fun with that one too. I'm quite proud of these ones, even if I still cringe @ some of the chapters on all of them lmao.

I hope you're reading my current wip Dream Faded !! I'm really excited for this one and I'm looking forward to being able to update it!

But thank you for your kind words! I'll do my best to be a decent role model 😭

#I just got home from work and im dead exhausted sorry for the wonky replies lolol #it is a bit late and I still need to get some stuff done so i wont be able to update tonight...but tomorrow for sure I'll update #anoask

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qserasera · 7 months

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👻👓💌 for the writing meme! haha i wanna send so many but lets go with these for now :)

from this ask meme here ahhhhh so good to hear from u friend!! in honor of scorpio month happening...i will answer these for u HAHHAHA 👻 What is your wildest headcanon? oh man,,,,what headcanons Haven't i shared with u already...hmms

i feel like if i write one out, midorikawa-sensei is somehow!! going to psychically sense it and add it in a new chapter (fingers crossed hahahhaah :)) what i think would be my wildest headcanon would be a super early morning natori shuuichi on his way to an acting job and a super late night matoba seiji who finished up an exorcism running into each other at the exact same 7/11 and end up eating a breakfast together outside the store with a wrapped onigiri and those half-off bento boxes and instant coffee in a can at one of those rickety plastic tables with mismatched chairs (look this probably canon at some point i wouldn't be shocked) something im 99.9999% sure is canon is that matoba seiji has an (unspoken) rule for the clan and for his creepy shiki servants that natori shuuichi is Not someone they can mess with at will, only matoba seiji himself is allowed to :))) (again, i think the chance of this being canon is actually Very high) 👓 What helps you focus when you write?

the music soundtracks certainly help!! hhahaha...sometimes fanmixes, sometimes cinematic/games music, and im really Really running out of good uh. makeout music? seduction music? to write to for my current fics because i've just been looping between albums by Tender and Glass Animals repeatedly, BUT if u have any recs pls do toss them my way im in dire need of them 💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

i don't know if there's a word for this trope---like, implicit care? consideration?? without the text of the fic itself highlighting it

like there was one time in genshin fic where i somehow had written out zhongli choosing to sit in the exact spot furthest from a heat source so his back could block the wind for childe, and that line lingered in my own head for the longest time KDSJFLKDF why

or that other time u wrote a specific chapter about natori peeling oranges for matoba......that was so cute. just the!! actions!! the unspoken care and affection!!

protectiveness is also an oldie but goodie, in combo with like----how to word this---social intrigue? social dueling??

probably can chalk this second trope up to a constant diet of cdramas, where there's a lot of public conversations /metaphorical faceslapping while everyone is talking behind pointed smiles, dueling with etiquette and shades of polite words, and it's so so so so cool when another member of the otp shows up to defend!! their loved one!!! and have the social cachet to Win the conversation basically. im weak for it and i think matoba seiji is also very good at it but natori is no slouch either :)))

#thanks for asking this friend!! may ur travel adventures be doing well!!#memeity meme #replies to an admiring bog

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fictionkinfessions · 2 years

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I HATE HAVING /R MEMORIES OF BARNABY LMAO WE NEVER INTERACTED IN CANON I DON'T THINK???

LIKE I REMEMBER HAVIMG A CRUSH ON HIM BUT WE ALSO NEVER MET HHAHAHA

-⭐☁️🍬

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #caps cw #memories issue #mod party cat

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the-bird-and-the-flute · 2 years

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Ikevamp - Romantic Rivalry Part 2 - Napoleon

Seriouslyyyyyyyyyy, this man drives me crazy!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited after reading just the premium that I'll write my comments about this event story now hhahaha.

I'll try to do the sweet end too. If I manage to unlock it, I'll update this post later.

Edit: I finished sweet today. Fuck yeah :)

You know those story events you needed but you were not aware of it? THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY!

How on earth I have never thought how cool it would be to participate in a couple contest with Napoleon? PLSSS, THIS SHOULD BE FUCKING CANON!!!!!!!!!

Our sugar daddy Comte entered MC and Napoleon in a couple contest. Apparently, these contests are kinda trendy in Paris now.

Obviously, MC was excited to test their affinity in a couple contest. And Napoleon, as the perfect ikemen he is, said he'd gladly join if that's what his girlfriend wanted. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

So, before the contest day, MC asked for the residents's help because she had no idea what they'll have to do. Sebastian then decided to test MC and Napoleon for the big day. OMG that was so much funnnnnn.

The game was simple: you had to write on a paper what your partner would answer. If both write the same answer, they score a point.

And Sebastian called Theo and Vincent to challenge MC and Napoleon hahahahaha. You already know who won, right? LMAO

MC and Napoleon lost and Sebastian decided to punish the losing team. They'd have to do Sebastian's grocery shopping.

So MC and Napoleon went to town to buy whatever Sebastian needed. And then again, Napoleon showed why it's impossible to not love him.

MC was supposed to wait for him while he went somewhere to solve something. But she thought she should just go ahead and buy all the products. When Napoleon saw her carrying all those bags, he immediately told her she should have waited for him and he took all the bags so she wouldn't have to carry heavy stuff. WHAT A GENTLEMAN😍

I don't know how much time passed, but it was the day of the contest and MC and Napoleon were already waiting for the organizers to call their names. While they were waiting their turn, MC said she was nervous and then she mentioned that Japanese 'method' of drawing the kanji for 'person' in your hand. When you do that and then 'eat' the kanji, that supposedly would help you feel less anxious.

When she was drawing the kanji in her hand, Napoleon 'ate' the kanji for her. But the way he did it was so fucking sexy. Please. He even licked MC's hand HAHAHA. I would have had a hard time focusing on the contest after that LOL

So, it was their turn and the contest game was simple, but not easy imo. The men would be blindfolded and then the ladies would have to touch their shoulders, all in the same way. The goal was to guess right which of the ladies was their girlfriend.

Napoleon, as cocky as always, looked at MC and said she didn't have to worry cuz he was sure he'd find her. And he was not lying hahaha. He got it right quickly, and as all the other men couldn't guess as fast as him, they won. YAYYY. I KNEW MY NAPOLEON COULD DO IT <3

PREMIUM

After the contest, they were heading to the mansion. They started talking inside the carriage and MC said she wanted to thank him somehow for what he did today. She was so happy and proud he got it right. Then, Napoleon asked for a reward. A kiss. He pointed to his cheeks, but you know how clever he is.

When MC was going to kiss his cheek, he turned his face to obviously get a kiss on his lips. I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO DO THAT HAHAHA. AFTER LOVING THIS MF FOR YEARS I GUESS I LEARNED ONE THING OR TWO ABOUT HIM XD

Then, they got home to have lots of fun, but to know what happened, you need to buy the epilogue. Unfortunately, I didn't read all the juicy content cuz I'm saving dias for the election =/. I hope there is a rerun of this event so I can get another chance of buying this one.

But, tbh, I loved this story event with Napoleon. I usually like most of his story events, but this particular one was so much fun! It just gave me so many ideas of other couple contests they could join.

And Napoleon's personality is so fucking wholesome. Every time I play his event stories I get super happy cuz it's more content with my man, but, at the same time, I get frustrated that I don't have more Napoleon's routes to read hahahahha.

Thankfully, his bday is coming and I'll buy his set to read more exclusive stories. I would also love if cybird release another CD drama. I miss his voice so fucking much.

SWEET

After Napoleon said MC's name, he immediately took off the blindfold. He was happy to confirm he got it right. But the organizers of the contest didn't want him to take off the blindfold so soon. But as he guessed super fast, they were not prepared for a situation like this one.

So they decided to give MC and Napoleon a prize as well for winning the game. But I suppose the biggest prize was for someone else who followed all the rules.

The next thing we see is Napoleon and MC chatting in his room at the mansion. MC was thrilled he got it right. She was so proud of him and so happy that he knows her so well. He asked if she would be able find him too. MC said she would recognize his hands for sure.

On the next day, they were in town again. MC was waiting for Napoleon. He was on one of his errands. While she was waiting for him, some people recognized her from the couple contest and started to congratulate her for their performance.

Suddenly, she sees a bunch of women surrounding Napoleon. He sees annoyed with the situation but says nothing. When he notices MC from afar, he calls her name and runs toward her.

He grabs her hand and they start running to get away from those girls.

MC asked how he knew she was in that exact location. He said he just wished she was there. When he looked again, there she was.

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #napoleon #event story #napoleon bonaparte #cybird #otome

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kiacii · 6 years

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gloomverse

???????wallis&assistant?????

LOL ItS NOT whAT It LOOKs LIKE

RIGHT

#some gloomverse stuff #kia.txt #RAMBLES #purple&wallis was canon buT HHAHAHA THE PANEL THO

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fiendishpal · 3 years

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hii fiend!!! i literally adore your art its so pretty and it- it just- *inhales* *exha-*💞💖✨💞💖✨💞🙏🛐🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️anyways so- bcz u guided me to the osaaka ship and now im in love w it couldya please offer me some fic recommendations? ok, i just love ur art ur one of ny faves lov u have an amazingly sweet and beautiful day!!! :D

sure thing!!

i’ll put them by category here (i also have some art for some of them, i’ll post them when i’ve got the time)

i’ve put a star ★ beside fics that i’ve read a bunch of times hahaha!

canon-compliant

(fics that i think you should read first. mostly canon-compliant. so these are post-timeskip. after their meeting at the black jackals vs adlers game. these really won’t make any sense if you’re anime-only, sorry.)

stay with me go places by sparksandsalt ★

this fic. THIS FIC!!!!! this started everything for me!!! this is the reason why i started shipping osaaka!!!! the way they handled the characters is sooooo!!! *chef’s kiss* they really stick true to the characters' voices and the care they put into characterizations is impeccable. i also love bokuto and akaashi’s relationship here!! they’re so in each other’s lives that bokuto ends up exposing akaashi’s feelings indirectly and accidentally lmao and also atsumu and osamu’s relationship is so funny and hilarious. they are like how brothers are, atsumu showing his support but also clowning osamu in the process

this fic single-handedly fueled me to create so much osaaka content.

i dont know how many times i’ve read this tbh

wait by sanguinedawns

i love the yearning in this fic. the longing and the waiting and the expectation there. they’re trying to be subtle about their feelings for each other but they’re seen at the end but at 4k it’s narrated so smoothly. i love mutually pining idiots.

in the afternoon by yamaboto

this is so!!! i love this so much!! at 1k we see osamu yearning for akaashi once again. i love how they write this short scene. i could really picture the afternoon light coming in through the traditional panel doors and how the light must feel on your skin.

take what we love inside by yamaboto

this is an established relationship osaaka and how they got together. in the afternoon (the fic above) is a snippet of how warm the writer could put words together. and it really is so sweet there’s a scene where they slow dance and it’s the best. i also love the simple fact that they put in how osamu cannot let anybody go hungry hhaha

shout softly by lostsunsets

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS MADE MY HEART FEEL SO LIGHT AND SOFT AND TENDER. THIS FIC IS SO PRECIOUS OH MY GOSH

i love love loooooooove how the author put osamu's love and passion for food and filling in the pieces on what osamu does to fuel this passion --while in the back burner-- while he was still playing volleyball in high school

AND HOW HE LONGS FOR AKAASHI. THIS IS MAKING ME AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

GO READ IT PLEASE

we’re in au territory

(the setting is not canon-compliant)

sleeping with the enemy by billionairevolleyboysclub ★

the setting is in 2013 haikyu volleyball circuit. meaning they’re still in highschool and are still playing volleyball and they just happen to chance upon each other at interhigh.

i love how sweet osamu is and how he got his crush on akaashi. and it’s lovely how they wrote the budding of a highschool relationship!! and their take on how osamu and akaashi handle ldr??? it’s delicious. dont let the fake/pretend relationship tag fool you this is very cute i love them so much!! i guess the ‘no drama’ aspect is what i like about this a lot bc osamu’s a pretty straightforward guy esp i guess back in highschool. also the second-hand embarrassment is real lmao

welcome in by risquetendencies ★

in this setting osamu’s still the owner of onigiri miya but the au aspect of this is that they haven’t met before. so basically a meet-cute.

and man oh mannnnn the tension written here is good food. osamu is written so obviously into akaashi (i mean who wouldn’t) and akaashi is affected by this greatly and it is!!! wow!! i just love how smooth osamu is here and how flustered akaashi gets bc “omg a hot guy likes me????” (yes akaashi, this hot guys thinks you’re a sexy piece of ass please believe it)

akaashi in a gay panic is literally the best thing.

blood brothers by billionairevolleyboysclub (18+)

miya twins are vampires and akaashi has a thing for fangs. that in and of itself is enough reason for you to read this. i also love how the writer puts a distinction between atsumu and osamu on how they interact with/ feed on akaashi.

like the dawn by eggsan

this fic is actually inspired by my royalty au but im not putting this here bc of that. i really like how the writer introduced their story. i remember telling someone that the atmosphere of how they write is like the voice of a soft-spoken maiden hahaha it's lovely!! think light academia aesthetic. i also love how i get the doki-dokis when osamu, who is essentially a stranger, gets close to akaashi. i can feel akaashi's excitement and trepidation.

forgive the sea, follow the tide by KyryeDuBarie (18+)★

PIRATE AU!!!!!!

i love the fresh twist that they did here on the classic mermaid/pirate au. the twist being akaashi is actually a pearl diver and at the same time being vaguely hinted as a mermaid hhahaha. osamu's a pirate that got shipwrecked and got washed up on akaashi's shores that akaashi, of course, saved.

there's a bunch of cool things that happened too that i cannot disclose bc that'll ruin the thrill of reading this. the plot is solid and the romance between osamu and akaashi is gradual but so so sweeeeet!! i highly recommend this!! but better clear up your schedule bc this hefty boy comes in at a whopping 40k!!!!

keep time on me by yamabato

this fic is based from my zombie apocalypse au!! and even though it’s set in the end of the world, they were still able to write it so sweet and comforting????? i only wish osamu and keiji the happiness they deserve :’)

i also like the whole theme of time in the story and how the story revolves around it. it’s very good!!!

the contest between by batman (18+)

akaashi is a documentary director and osamu is his subject. i love love looooove how the author wrote how stubborn both of them are and how they could clash sometimes but not in the explosive type of way. it’s actually cute and sweet, you’ll see what i mean when you read this hhehehe

AND AKAASHI IS SO LOVELY HERE!!! so lovely!!! and he laughs and smiles a ton and those moments were written in a way that just said ‘look at this angel!’ LMAO idk maybe that’s just me. i love akaashi so much

AND THIS BABY COMES IN AT A WHOLE 75K!!!!!!!!! AMAZING!!!!

#chocomilked #fiend talks #fiendish recs #GIVE THESE AUTHORS SOME LOVE #love love looooove these fics i swear by them!!!!#if i find more i''l update these!!#happy reading tumblr used chocomilked!! hahaha #osaaka #EDIT: added two new fics!!!#let me go around the fics i've read again hhaha

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traumxrei-archive · 2 years

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ALL. OF YOUR JAMIL FICS. ARE SO GOOD I CANT STOP SMILING WHILE READING. your characterization for him is so on point and i enjoyed every seconds of it. gods imagine being able to pamper one (1) jamil viper and shower him with all love and affection he deserves. tysm and thx to that anon who started the brainrot too ! much love <333333

(referring to my jamil drabbles and jamil fic)

HELLO ANON !! thank you for your enthusiastic review :DD !!

it always makes my day when ppl compliment my characterization bc hell yea at least i'm doing something right and it sounds canon compliant >:DD so thank you for the complimentsss

and you wouldn't even know- the way my stomach was twisting while i was writing that fic hhahaha the intimacy didn't only hurt you, it also hurted me and my soul. i had to take several breaks in between writing each line to go kick and scream on my bed (mind u it was 4am)

and yes ! i wouldn't have reached this level of jamil-rot on this blog if it weren't for jamil lover anon + the other anons that send jamil reqs, so i owe it all to them !! ty so much for the cute ask lovely <33

#/trau replies #/anonnie #no but pampering jamil viper #is an aesthetic #we are reaching levels of simpery i've only ever heard of.

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sanktnikolais · 3 years

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this is what love does

A/N: so here is your friendly neighbor zoyalai who rewrote that scene in the Os Kervo main hall (Rule of Wolves chapter 46). Idk man this is what I have in mind and I just wanted to put more monologue and make some drastic changes KJHASDFLKHASDF

i think their scene in this chapter could have gone better ngl ahjsfkajsf but if you’re okay with canon, i’m absolutely glad you are. I just needed to make this bc my zoyalai heart said so HHAHAHA

as always @wafflesandkruge enabled me again and volunteered to edit this mess so thank you ily 🥺

contains some spoilers for Rule of Wolves so pls beware before reading :>

Word count: 4169

When the doors to the hall finally closed, Zoya released a breath of frustration. She wanted a moment of total silence, where she could shut out the voices of the people chanting her name or the affirmative tones of the dukes that agreed with Nikolai in nominating her as Ravka’s new queen. A bottle of brandy would be good too, and yet it didn’t materialize out of thin air just as she wanted it to.

She put a hand to her forehead, feeling the fatigue from the war slowly drain what was left of her strength. This was madness—everything that had happened in the past few weeks. Headache after headache, they kept coming like the barrage of Fjerdan firepower they had just encountered in the battlefield hours ago.

But the biggest headache of all was standing right in front of her in all his confident glory, the small grin never leaving his lips even as Zoya scowled at him. Nikolai Lantsov was a royal through and through. And despite the dirt that still smudged on his face, or the dried blood on his collar, he never lost that spark in him, no matter what he said about not wanting to claim the Lantsov bloodline.

How could he suddenly expect her to do this on her own terms?

"Are you out of your saintsforsaken mind?" Zoya hissed at the smiling king. He still was the king, and would continue to be as far as she was concerned. "I could strike you with lightning right now but I don't think I have the energy left for that."

Nikolai's grin turned into a wince. "Ah, but I'm always in the right state of mind," he said as he approached her with rather careful steps as if he was testing the waters around her. "And I have never been more sane and sober than now, Zoya."

The urge to summon lightning at him was still strong, but she shoved the thought down. Ravka didn't need another funeral right now, and especially not for its king.

"Say something spiteful."

Zoya furrowed her eyebrows. "What?"

"You're scowling again, and I think the only way to really know you're angry is when you combine your scowl with harsh words."

“Do you really have a death wish?"

The infuriating king pretended to think for a moment, his eyes narrowing curiously as he scratched the spot behind his ear. “I think we’ve had enough of staring down death today—”

Thunder rumbled in the skies as Zoya’s anger flared, and Nikolai flinched. But Nikola, being himself, recovered quickly with a grin. She looked at him in disbelief. It was both baffling and amazing how fast this man could change into one of his masks in just a matter of a second and then he was another person entirely.

It was their difference—Zoya didn’t have that skill. She’d never had the capability of pretending. Where she had walls around her heart to hide the girl who once believed in fairy tales and love and other nonsense, Nikolai wore his masks like they were his second skin, and it blended with the boy who just wanted what was best for his country, until he didn’t know who he was anymore.

She had never shown any signs of weakness or vulnerability, and even if she did, she would still deny it until she convinced her heart it had never happened. But he was different. He was ready to wear his heart on his sleeve if he wanted to, displaying his emotions at all times. And if he didn’t get anything out of it, he would put his mask back on like nothing happened.

Zoya hid; Nikolai pretended. If she were to look at it, pretending was better than hiding.

“Is it really that bad?” Nikolai asked softly.

Yes.

No.

I don’t know.

If she were still the same person she had been three years ago, she knew she would have accepted the offer right away. But things had changed and progressed since then, and whoever she once was, someone who wanted so much power, was long gone.

“We both know I’m not cut out for this, Nikolai,” she replied.

He didn’t say anything else, and just waited. Zoya huffed in frustration.

“You’re the diplomat, the charmer.” She gestured in the air vaguely. “Even if you’re not of the royal bloodline, there is no denying that you’ve always had the knack for this. I’m just—”

She was just what? A general? A Grisha who broke the boundaries of the Orders and achieved the impossible? An actual living saint?

Zoya let out a breath. A shadow passed on Nikolai’s face, his expression darkening to some kind of disappointment as if he already knew what she was going to say. But considering everything they had been through, it was definitely safe to say he knew her no matter how good she was at hiding.

She still said it anyway. “I’m just no one.”

“Don’t even go there.”

“You know I wouldn’t say anything I don’t mean, Nikolai. I was meant to be a soldier, to train and lead armies to their victory and be with them until our very last breaths. It was always like that.” And when Nikolai looked like he was about to contradict her, Zoya beat him to it by raising a finger to silence him. “Don't. There's nothing to say. And don’t start with me by saying you were never meant for the crown, nor the throne. That may have been the case, but you are what Ravka has needed for a long time. You fought for it instead of selling it. Hurt for it, bled for it, almost dying twice just to keep it from the mud. If that’s not what a king does, then I don’t know what I should call it.”

“A job well done?” he offered, laughing lightly when she gave him a glare that could silence the Second Army in a heartbeat. “I’m merely joking, Nazyalensky.”

“Can you be serious for once?” Zoya shook her head, heading over to one of the benches and slumping down on it.

It was only then she felt the weight of today’s war come back to her, and she found herself not wanting to stand up for a moment. Maybe she would just stay here until the madness outside passed, though she knew it would take a while.

She hunched forward with her eyes trained on her hands clasped together on her knees. She couldn’t bear to look at him as of the moment, and it irked her as it felt like she was hiding yet again and she was already tired of doing that. But when an enormous responsibility was suddenly presented to her, along with the ability to hold power over everything else, didn’t she have the right to hesitate or even think about it?

It felt like being appointed to the Grisha Triumvirate again after the war the Darkling waged that almost took Ravka down with it, and they were forced to stand up on their own feet to save the country from drowning right after fighting for their lives. It was never fair, but they braved through it.

But at what cost?

It doesn’t stop with us. It never does.

It was what David always used to say, and Zoya found those words haunting her every night after his death, knowing all too well she could have done so much better to protect him and save Genya from her pain. If it didn’t stop with them, what difference would it make if it was her seated on the throne?

Ravka was finally free, even if not completely yet, but the light at the end of the tunnel they had long since walked through was already bright as any star could have been.

A shadow on the marbled floor caught her eyes, and she looked up just in time to see Nikolai kneel in front of her, taking her hands in his. She almost—almost—wrenched away from him, but then she realized that it was him, the boy who wore his heart on his sleeve and bared everything to her without a second thought. He was looking up at her with such a soft, understanding expression on his face that she wondered if she was seeing right.

She blinked, and then she felt as if she was back at the ship again, hearing his confession that took the breath out of her lungs and made her heart beat like it had never been before.

And for the past years of her life and the rest that would still come, Zoya was sure she would never feel as frightened as she was now.

You promised yourself you would speak your heart when you had the chance, didn’t you? she scolded in her mind. Only the saints knew how much she had waited for this moment between them after the war. She almost didn’t have the chance. So why was she trying to run away from it again?

He was so, so near, and yet she was still terrified to reach for him.

"I can't do this, Nikolai," she said instead.

"I will be by your side." Always, was what hung at the end and not said aloud, but she knew he meant it.

Zoya felt a small smile on her lips, the urge to touch his face becoming stronger than her will to fight it. What was stopping her? Her pride? Maybe it really was that, but her damn pride had already cost her enough.

So she reached a hand up to his cheek, her touch gentle as the breeze that fluttered in the room when her skin met his.

Nikolai learned in her hand almost immediately, a content sigh coming from his lips.

"I would give my life for Ravka over and over again, as I know you would too," she whispered, her thumb gently brushing his cheekbone. She dropped her hand and put it on top of his. "But I don't think this is what's best for Ravka. We have fought and lived through the wars it suffered. We vowed to drag it from the mud it had fallen into until our last breaths, and now that it can finally stand up on its own, I think it's had its fill of kings and queens and wars. Ravka now needs to listen to its people."

Zoya knew it sounded ambitious and audacious, but it could be a start, a beginning of a new age. The journey would be a tedious one, as always, but she knew it was worth the try. Ravka was always worth the try, no matter how much it took from them.

Silence stretched between them for a moment, and Zoya was thankful for it being a comfortable one rather than a tense pause. She searched his eyes, trying to find the stubborn glint in them as a sign that he was thinking of arguing back. But she didn't see it.

There was only the look he had always sent her way, the same one he had when he bared his heart to her in the airship, and she felt her breath hitch in her throat. She really ought to strangle him for making her feel this way.

"Spoken like a true queen, I'd say," said Nikolai with a laugh.

Zoya scoffed, grateful for the sudden distraction. "I remember that I didn't agree with the proposal of me being the new queen, so that means you're still the king, Your Idiocy."

There was a hint of an amused grin at the corner of his lips. "What can I say? When I thought of what's best for Ravka, my mind instantly thought of you."

"Didn’t I ask you to be serious even just for once?"

"You speak as if I were making those words up."

"If you know what's best for you and Ravka, you would stop trying to change my mind because my decision would remain the same."

Nikolai smiled ruefully. "I know." He paused, turning his attention to their joined hands. There was an unusual slump in his shoulders, something she rarely saw him have. He sighed, and then slowly pressed his forehead to her knuckles. "I thought I lost you today," he said quietly.

Her heart clenched at the pain in his voice, but she understood it. She almost lost him today too. "You won't be rid of me that easily, Nikolai," Zoya said.

He chuckled, and it sounded more in pain than in amusement. Then he drew in a shaky breath before looking back up at her. "When I saw you fall, I thought the worst and I—" He stopped with a dry laugh. "But I guess you're right, I won't be able to get rid of you that easily."

She felt a smile curl on her lips. "I should be the one telling you that, but I figure it can go both ways," Zoya said, and before she could make herself hide away again, she gave in and lowered her forehead to touch his. In a soft whisper, she said, "But I've never been more grateful you're still here with me."

They were still here, alive and breathing, and she was glad they both got to see the end of the day. When she felt herself plummeting to the ground, she thought that it was her end, and she had accepted it. Exhaustion crept in her bones, her own strength not enough to whip up a draft to cushion her fall. But there was a gust of wind—from Nadia or from Adrik—that caught her, saving her from the deadly impact.

And then a voice. His voice, full of worry and hurt and pain, pleading her to wake. He was the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes again, and it was during that moment she allowed herself to wish that he would be the one she would wake up to every morning, and the last one she’d see when she fell asleep at night.

It had reminded Zoya of the time she saved the king from falling once, back when they were just soldiers fighting for their lives in the Fold, and she wondered if he had been glad to see her when he opened his eyes.

Nikolai reached a hand up to touch her cheek, his fingers light as if she were the most important thing in the world that he was finally allowed to touch. His eyes never wavered from hers.

"I would still choose you, you know," he suddenly said, his voice trembling. "Even if you didn't want to do anything with me anymore. Even if you were in some place else, reassigned to another position. Even if you didn't want me." He tried to smile, but it seemed to take more effort than just not. "I'd still want you. I'd still want you with everything in me."

Zoya already knew how he felt for her beforehand, his confession back in the ship sharpening into focus in her mind. And yet she still felt like she heard him bare his heart to her for the first time, even when he had already been doing it for years.

It would be so easy to tell him that she felt the same; those three words that were hanging between them for a long time begging to be set free. But still a small, terrified part of her held back, and she realized that it was the girl she had once been, the girl who believed in everything before the cruel world took that magic away from her and replaced it with fear.

This is what love does. It took away everything, blinded one's logic and reasoning, and even brought pain that no one should feel. Why should people hurt when all they ever wanted was to have and feel the love they deserved?

“I know I’ve already told you this on the ship,” Nikolai continued, the rueful smile returning to his lips. “But I wanted you to hear it again, as I almost didn’t have the chance today. No prince and no power could ever make me stop wanting you.”

Zoya felt her breath get knocked out from her lungs again, but her doubts and insecurities continued to cloud her, lingering in her as if they were the only ones her heart knew of. “Maybe for now you will want me.” She paused, unexpected tears stinging her eyes. She closed them instead; she didn’t think she could bear looking at him. “But soon enough you will grow to hate me. I’m too sharp. Too angry. Too spiteful.” And you deserve so much better than that. “That’s who I am, Nikolai.”

“Zoya,” Nikolai murmured.

She felt his breath ghost over her skin, and yet she still refused to look at him. She couldn’t. But if there was one thing she knew about Nikolai Lantsov, it was his persistence for everything.

“Zoya, my love. Look at me,” he said softly, and this time Zoya finally obliged him.

An unwanted ache clogged her throat as she met his gaze, bright and warm and open. There was nothing in them except the sincerity he always had around her. In this light, his hazel eyes looked almost golden. He had a golden spirit. Then it struck her, as she remembered the words from a memory a long time ago, that maybe she was finally looking at that boy in her aunt’s story. He had been in front of her all along.

Nikolai grinned, his eyes brighter than she had ever seen them, and there were tears clouding them as well. “You speak as if I haven’t seen you at your worst,” he said.

“You will grow tired of me, Nikolai.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he said. A tear escaped his eye, and she felt it land on her hand. He let out another breathless laugh. “I’d want you for the rest of my life, Zoya.”

Something broke inside her chest, and then a tear fell from her eye as well. Her fingers intertwined with his, their hold on each other’s hands tightening as if the other would disappear if they let go. He brought her hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. A few tears slipped on her hand as he did, but he had a look of contentment on his face, like he finally felt he was home.

More tears fell from her eyes as she pressed her forehead back to his. For years, she had let herself believe that she wasn’t worthy of being loved, that she was only made to be a soldier, a weapon to be used by her own country.

This is what love does. Zoya had been wrong from the start. Because in the end, Nikolai’s love for her was what made him see past her worst self. Every flaw and every scar, he accepted them wholeheartedly. She didn’t know how he’d come to love her, someone who had avoided any signs of kindness and sincerity he gave her, thinking that it would be used against her later.

There was no denying the pain they had caused each other through the years, when their words were too sharp and they wounded their hearts and pride before they could even have the chance to think of it. And yet they always came back to each other, their faith in each other still there if not stronger before.

Love was never without pain. It would still be felt over and over again because it was real.

And if tearing down the walls she had built around herself and giving her heart away would make her vulnerable to hurting, then perhaps it was something she was willing to do.

Because Nikolai Lantsov was worth every pain.

So Zoya took the leap, drawing him up to her and pressing her mouth to his, and everything felt like it finally clicked into place. He acted immediately, and she could almost feel his smile against her lips. After the long days of wanting, her heart was at peace for once. The Fjerdans could have come back and waged war against them again, but she didn’t care about anything but the warm press of his lips.

When the need for air became stronger than the need for each other’s lips, Zoya pulled away and rested her forehead against his. Her eyes were still clouded with tears when she finally said, “I love you.”

To say that Nikolai’s grin was bright would have been an understatement. In the dull colored room they were in, he seemed to be glowing. He let out another breathless laugh. “I never thought I would hear those words come from you,” he said, his eyes alight with utter bliss. “But for what it’s worth” —he wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb— “I love you too.”

Silence fell around them and everything focused on the man in front of Zoya. Perhaps she could stay here in his arms for another while and ignore the looming responsibilities standing right outside the doors.

She was his, and he was hers. For now, that was all that mattered.

“Is there really nothing that can change your mind?” Nikolai said, breaking the comfortable silence between them, and Zoya wanted nothing more than to strangle him right now.

“You really had to ruin the atmosphere, didn’t you?”

He laughed lightly. “My ruthless Zoya, I am merely joking,” he said, and then his face became serious. For a moment, a small twinge of fear clawed at her heart. “Then what do you think about being a regent? At least until we find someone to rule properly, or until we could transition the monarchy towards something else.” He wrinkled his nose. “I mean, I said I would give you a crown, and this is my last chance to make good on my words even just for a short time. Besides, Regent Nazyalensky does have a nice ring to it.”

Zoya raised an eyebrow, the idea not occurring to her until now. She furrowed her eyebrows. “You actually suggested something reasonable,” she said, earning a pout from the king. She looked at him with mild concern then, realizing the meaning of having a regent. “Are you really abdicating the throne?”

“I’m not joking when I said that the crown was never meant for me, and I think my bloodline really solidified that fact. I realized I was only fighting for this country, not the throne.” He shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “And if that’s really your decision, I would be with you in every step of the way. But I hope we can stabilize Ravka until we can have a solution to my....sudden resignation.”

“What’s your plan if ever that time comes?” Zoya knew she was asking so many questions, but she couldn’t help it. This man continued to surprise her with his declarations and she had no idea what could come next. “Play pirate again?”

Nikolai scowled at her, and she wanted to laugh at his expression. “Privateer,” he corrected like always. Then he smiled, his eyes suddenly having a faraway look. “For once, I don’t know. But maybe I would play privateer again as I’ve missed the seas terribly.” Then he turned to her, his expression gentle. “If I ask you to come with me as my first mate then, would you agree?”

Would she? Zoya had never known anything outside her life in Os Alta. For years, it had been a continuous battle for the freedom of the country that took everything from its people, and she had no time to think about her freedom if she ever did retire from being a soldier.

But she could already see glimpses of a future ahead, a quiet and easy life, without any fear of having to go back to war. And in those glimpses, she could see him.

Zoya huffed, making it sound as disbelieving as possible. But she already knew her answer. “I’d make a horrible first mate as I easily get seasick,” she said.

“Ah, but I don’t mind. As long as you’re there with me,” Nikolai said, taking her hands in his again. He pressed another kiss to her knuckles. “So what do you say, Regent Nazyalensky?”

The future was something she had no control over, she always knew that. The only way to know what it held was to continue fighting until she reached it, and as long as she had the right person beside her, she knew she would be alright.

They had always been a team, she and Nikolai, and they would continue to be like that for as long as they lived.

So without another hint of doubt, Zoya intertwined her fingers with his, squeezing his hand gently. “Alright, dearest privateer,” she said. “Let’s keep this country standing upright until then.”

And they would. Together.

#zoyalai #nikolai lantsov #zoya nazyalensky #rule of wolves #rule of wolves spoilers #row spoilers #or that scene in os kervo hall #where i changed a few things #BC WHERE IS MY HUG OR MY SOFT MOMENT BEFORE THE SAPS LEIGH #:SOB:#they just came from the war #and not once did i ever see a moment of relief #that the love of your life survived the war KLJHASFLKJHASDF #i needed this okay #and as i've said i felt a bit off abt the continuation of ravkan monarchy #but queen zoya works too so #i think the best thing they could do was to be regents for a while until they can do something abt the monarchy #or slowly transition it to a democracy #even if it's going to take a while #nik could still joke abt giving her a crown and actually do it KLJHASFKLHJAS #and i just wanted a more emotionally constipated and terrified zoya having inner turmoil abt love #;-;#and they could sail the seas after #IDK MAN THE POTENTIAL OF THIS SCENE #I JUST WANT IT TO DELIVER MORE #SO HAVE THIS MESS PLS

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fanmoose12 · 3 years

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I am not over it. I am SO not over IT. I read the SNK manga YEARS ago when it was only chapter 100 and one day I had the dumb idea to continue that shit. I am not PLEASED and Hanji's death UTTERLY WRECKED ME, someone who wasn't even a Hanji Stan!! reading the manga made me fall in love with her quiet determination, leadership skills, and sense of duty when before I was more of an Armin type of girl? She just. won me over. and her death was NOT OKAY. I CRIED while saying no no nO NOOO OH MY GOD -

and it TORE ME APART and she was the only person in my mind ever since and I couldn't read the manga in the same nonchalant way ever again. i'm sorry i promise im getting somewhere! it legit ruined my moods and made me so sad all the time IT WAS THAT BAD and i started hating eren with absolute passion. Idek where to start? How her death was pointless & nobody gave a fuck?? and Levi thought of FRICKING ERWIN instead of Hans & I wasnt even a Levihan shipper it doesnt make SENSE! He just LOST HANS

-- and all he can think about is FUCKING ERWIN. come on MAN, and she parented the 104th even REINER had more emotions than these mfers. Everyone is alive EXCEPT HER, like onyakapon and even yelena, minor characters, it just feels so UNFAIR, i'm not mad abt death, i breathe angst like it was chocolate it was just so pointless and meaningless and no one even grieves, especially Levi who was closest to her. there was just no room for her in the plot anymore and thats what makes me pissed -

- not bc it was her time, but bc she ran out of uses to the plot and like in GOT where the character is smarter than the author. not only that, she was made so powerless and pathetic and she felt so useless and she died like that. where's the justice? the character arc? right she was there Just to Save Levi :// it's like that quote from gone girl - "the world will know that [man] threw his beloved wife like garbage, and she floated past down all the other abused, unwanted, INCONVENIENT, women"

(sorry for the fem pronouns, i'm all abt anime hange here). and its not like she wasnt a fan favorite, she's top 3 of the last character poll. just bc shes not levi and eren and armin. and cmon. yams had to nerf and minus 100 out of her iq for the INSANE plan of fucking zeke and the yeagerists, can you BELIEVE she trusted and was OUTSMARTED by ZEKE, who legit massacred the survey corps, even though SHE HAD THE SAME LEVEL OF IQ?? but noooo, plot reasons!! shes not eRwIn, what you expect 🙃

im upset, not bc my fav character died but bc it was meaningless (if falco can fly, why tf didnt he do that in the first place) and hollow in logic and in emotion. maybe snk's lesson to us is life is unfair and we should suck it up. it wasn't well earned & yams wrote hanji in a corner, like (again) in GOT where no matter what daenerys chose she was wrong. sorry i dumped all this to you!! if you're still here, thank you for listening to my month long pent up emotions, im still really sad about it

- and idk how to let go? but your writings have definitely made me feel better, it just comforts me like Levi to a bottle of bleach. thank you for still writing!!! about an anime girl in a fictional world and still delivering more emotion than the original author. my heart definitely feels better these days, though it still aches bc she deserves so much better & didnt deserve whatever the fuck she was given, thank you for championing hanji zoe rights! im 99% sure she wont be revived -

but she lives on in your writings and other fanfiction authors and artworks and i'm just so grateful we have a community like this, honestly im just glad you're here :) keep doing what you do and i hope you're safe and warm & healthy!! also to every hanji stans out there one fucking day when we love a character the author wont rip our hearts and throw it to the garbage, im so so sorry for my long long ask but if i could request maybe eren apologizing to hanji inpaths or when she got captured or

or when she died or you choose!! i saw this art by @siroyuki 2015 in twitter where he's hugging her and shit, you should check it out it gave me feels!! i just want her to be loved and appreciated :((( again thank you so much if you made it this far! im sorry if you're annoyed or smthn HHAHAHA i promise this is the last! thank you for your service to humanity we stan 💪😩👌💕💞

ah don’t you let canon frustrate you, it doesn’t matter anyway :D like you saud, we still have fics and fanarts

however, yeah, i do kinda feel you :/ like the way yams keeps glossing over hange's death is actually a bit weird? like i know they're at war and i know that they have no time for grieving etc but the kids were literally bawling their eyes when hange died but no mention of her sacrifice at all after that? like in 136, gabi said that they should stop the rumbling to repay azumabito's kindness and that's ummmmmmm.... a little bit weird. sure, gabi is a little girl with no connection to hange but reiner, jean and connie were there, when gabi said that and they saw hange’s sacrifice, so why not say something like “yeah, we can’t let commander hange’s sacrifice go to waste?” like come on. what did azumabito do? let falco transform on the board of her ship, so now she travels on a boat? i don't think that can compare to hange's acts though. she literally brought these mfs who were ready to jump at each other's throat together and then she sacrificed her own life to give them yet another chance at success. a sacrifice that was proved to be utterly meaningless in the very next chapter? why did falco learn about his ability to fly only after hange died? why didn't he discover it upon first transformation? :/

oh, and speaking of hange's character arc? like i get it, she was depressed, she struggled with her role as a commander (even though she did everything she could and she did a damn good job at it). and i guess that this plotline was kinda resolved when she heard that erwin approved of her actions? and that's cool, if what we've seen was actually an afterlife and not hange's hallucination. because if it was indeed a product of her mind then that's, um, kinda depressing bro. hange was so desperate for someone's approval that she dreamed about it while literally dying. i just don't understand why yams didn't include a scene where kids tell her how much they respect her and what an honor it was to serve under her command or SOMETHING. but as it is, hange died, thinking she was weak and useless and, um, yeah, certainly not the end you want for your favorite character :)

so yeah, hange's death was kinda meaningless and pointless - it didn't serve the plot whatsoever + it could have been very easily avoided

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