#I HAVE MONTH OLD ONES IM SO SORRY

[anna-scribbles]

they should've been at the club(infertility treatment centers)

#like guys. be real with me. how many options did you even try before turning to dark magic #nothing about the situation called for all that😭 #in my mind they're like 22 and 25 here which makes it all even funnier #guys please just adopt a dog or something😭 #nothing about either of you screams ready for parenthood #im so happy adrien agreste exists but the circumstances of his birth are so ridiculous #there is so much gabe and emilie couldve done besides this. they could have done anything #honestly knowing them(<-girl who believes she knows them) im not even convinced the infertility treatment wasnt working #I think they just both were so allured by the concept of a magic baby #they were like six months in and hadn't gotten pregnant yet and were like. well. I guess we're out of options! dark magic it is! #and made it everyone else's problem forever #these two wanted to be doomed by the narrative SO bad #honestly though being a 22 year old girl I kind of yet it. sometimes I see a cute baby and want one so bad maybe I too would use dark magic #maybe emilie agreste was just a girl. #anyway. sorry adrien that your parents were Like This but it is so so funny #anna rambles #ml #gabriel agreste #emilie agreste

[tortellinigirl]

i think the adult relationship to the childhood dog is something that is so tender and heart-wrenching and important. you are the last vestige of my childhood. you are the sacred keeper of the memories i hold dearest, but you can barely see or hear me anymore. who do i become once you’re gone? where do i turn to remember myself? you’re the last one sitting next to me at the door of a childhood home that no longer exists, waiting patiently for the return of a family that no longer exists. where can i live when you, too, no longer exist? i can’t let go. please don’t make me let go. i know you’ll leave soon. i wish you didn’t have to. but she’s just a dog. her life is short and i will witness her death and i’ve known this from the beginning. i didn’t think it would come so fast. am i ready? have i become someone yet? have i become unrecognizable to her yet? does she still see the child i was? i’m still the child i was. please, don’t forget the child i was. please don’t take her away from me.

#i wrote this and put it in my drafts a few months ago #and now my childhood dog just died and im a complete fucking mess and i keep coming back to this #she was my baby #i got her as a birthday present from my parents #only a couple months before everything fell apart #i didnt know what was going on at home was abuse or that things were bad or that thwy would change #i just knew that my parents got me a puppy so i must be the luckiest girl in the world #and she was with us through all of it #and she knew our pain too #he was the one who wanted to put her in a shock collar #we all cried and begged him not to #she was just as traumatized by him as the rest of us #she was the last thread tying me to a time before i understood how bad things were #i don’t know who to be now #im sorry this is sooooo dramatic #i just loved my puppy #but she was 14 years old and we knew it was coming #i just hoped we’d have her for christmas

[spitinsideme]

Enjoying your RagathaxPomni art is like whirling around a nice wine in my hand, relishing the rich tastes and subtle textures of a girl boss and wet cat couple.

this ask is so old and way before the official episode came oit and i jsur want to say its very dunny actually .. bwcause now rheyre more like pathetic loser x ehhh shes actually kind of normal whoxh is MUCH better and there is domuch morenrich taste in ther3

#im sweeping out my ask box i am so sorry to everyone whos asks i have not answred #i had like over 500 ans mosr of them are months old by this pojt #and also jusr donr matxh to thw dynamix they officaly have #so sweeping it all out ... #well not all jst loke the ones im sure im neve going to do because dyabmic changes

[mishapen-dear]

i've mentioned here and there that i made a relationships/dynamic spreadsheet. i have finally put it to use. look on my Works, ye mighty, and despair.

-extra note: i am not omniscient and i cannot watch every stream. i may have missed a sibling declaration or two.

-extra extra note: i currently speak only english and used google translate for the rest. if theres a translation error I'd love to know- i wont be able to go back and fix these, but im always so curious about how accurate google translate can be

extra extra note pt 2: do. do other languages use guardian as in "legal guardian" as in "not a family member but still Primary Caregiver of child" because i am suddenly aware those translations might not be correct. on the other hand tho if google translate decided that the parents are guarding warriors of the eggs im not going to argue

#qsmp #i should have added a ??? line for fit and philza tbh #look at just how beloved forever is <3 #his dynamics have dynamics #he and richarlyson are also part of The Issue when compiling a fucking. whatever the hell this si #maybe a chart not a graph it is currently 4 am and im gonna schedule this #anyway i did legitimately consider making one of those classic family tree charts and just sticking richas in the centre so he wouldnt caus #too many lines to overlap but i think this worked out fine #absolutely delighted i thought of the columns it saved my ass #this server is Three Months Old #look at them founding those families #philever stans i see you and im sorry #if i included a heartbreak line then this would have been completely incomprehensible #fun fact to translate the silly 'king what are you doing' i made google translate #'chad what are you doing' instead so there would still be the grammar of a proper noun #but i wouldnt trick it into thinking king is an honourary title #i might not know the grammar of any non-english language but Oh Boy i know there are Traps #or maybe english's traps have just made me paranoid #either way #also. richas was added to bad's family art wall and bad baghs and forever have called each other family enough that #i made the executive decision to just adopt richarlyson out to the other two #richas called bad basically his mom tonight i can do what i want #and baghera gets to be part of that line because. honestly i wasnt thinking about him being Extra Canon Nephew #and i refuse to change it for reasons above re: it is 4 am; they are family #tho the thought of bad having three children separately attributed to him is hilarious.... maybe if i ever remake this ill do that #also note: i do know that foolish and bad had a kid called jimmy However i do not know what a jimmy is #so #scheduled post

[compacflt]

idk if this question has already been answered or not but idrc, would your ice have considered it "talking about it" to admit his physical attraction towards mav? like calling him beautiful or genuinely complementing him. this goes for mav too

i do feel post debriefing ice would call mav beautiful openly or some sappy bs like that

love your writing 💌

anon i need you to know this ask was so cute it made me physically nauseous. i was sick all week thinking about how cute this ask was. thank you for sending it.

i actually had a couple drabbles where yes ice both pre- and post-TGM mission is like yeah im physically attracted to you, but it’s less like “oh my god you’re so hot 😍” and more like “i mean, yeah, you objectively look like tom cruise so it’s not like i really have a choice.”

but “beautiful” specifically i had not thought of, and it has knocked me off my feet and made me go feral/rabid/undomesticated for a few days straight, so i will be writing something about this. thanks.

#the reason there is very little of maverick in ch9 of wwgattai is because it would all be 100% fluff. #that’s the whole reason i started writing the drabbles. #i had to play up the ‘oh no we’re still not really together’ bit for the plot but #by the late aughts/early 2010s these are two old men who are extremely consciously in love #& just can’t say it out loud because it might change everything/have an effect on their careers #something that Should Be Done before they die but they both know so they don’t really HAVE to talk about it #I still don’t think i hit that feeling exactly which is disappointing but whatever #cutest ask ever anon. ill be thinking about this for months. #i clearly didn’t give their pre-2000s sex life a ton of thought but im sure ice was calling him ‘pretty boy’ in bed from day one #jsyk #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #top gun #top gun maverick #asks #edts notes #ANON!!! You sent this ask two months ago & this has just been sitting in my drafts sorry sorry sorry #first 3 are pre-tgm and last one is post-tgm (mav retiring ❤️) #anon—i just want you to know how seriously i took this ask; two/three months later. i wasn’t planning on writing out their wedding night #at all #this ask was what made me write their wedding LMAO

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play #till 10:30 at night #she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8 #this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house #and now that my brother is in class 7 #he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30 #he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like #one sentence #yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke #up in the house its all my fault #this is just so damn unfair #like literally insulting #im not a child what is her problem #what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate? #i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present] #and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up #my whole life i've been told abar late?'' #and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play #5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30 #and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude #with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play #im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi #after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other #she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit #and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12 #its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how #like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO #istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy #groceries #i can cycle

[sluckythewizard]

SHHH SH HEYYY HEY DONT TELL ANYONE BUT... ive been workin on smth since BITB came out..... itsa lil musical animatic involvin kian and becky.... ITS NO WHERE NEAR DONE YET but loooook look im puttin lil screenshots under the cut. its supposed to go along with Am I In Heaven? by King Gizzard n the Lizard Wizard. infact yknow what cmere come sit with be bc ALOT of songs from the 'IM IN YOUR MIND FUZZ' album makes me think about becky and kian. oh my god. those two make me so damn emotional. like Her and I was the first one to rly resonate with me, and EMPTY was another good one, all just stuff about. yknow LOVE!! doomed by the narrative yet burning SO SO brightly in its last moments, holding hands, playing music, THEY WERE SO IN LOVE WITH YOU THAT THE COPY OF THEM LOVED YOU, AND YOUR COPY LOVES THEM TOO. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, CRUMBLING, BURNING, HISSING, SQUIRMING, MELTING, CLICKING LOVE STORY..

GET OVER HERE N SCREAM WITH MEEE I LOVE SCREAMING ABOUT THINGS

#THIS IS A DRAFT that i made like. months ago. woopsie. #BUT IM CHIPPING AWAY AT IT AGAIN. IT CANT STAY UNFINISHED FOREVER. ONE DAY YOU WILL ALL SEE! YOULL ALL SSSEEEE!!!!!!! #no reblogs either this stays between US!!!!!!!!!! #and if you guys like it enough i might post an old fuckin wip i have all packaged together on youtube. its a VIDEO it goes w the MUSIC!! #SOUND WITH THE MOVING IMAGE?? IVE ONLY EVER DONE IT ONCE!!! #ill post the Lord of Lightning animatic i made on tumblr when i get the chance. in the meantime i ahve it posted on twitter. GO FETCH #but THIS SECOND ONE is out there.. all synced together.. #but its a wip and its rough and old and scuffed and i HATE IT. my son whom i wish was dead #but you can see it. for the small small price of uh. begging. #also ouuhh my god i love becky and kian so much... they make me so emotional.. SOMETHING ABT DOOMED SHIPS... #even as the boat sinks these two clung together so tightly. they really really did love eachother so much. even after ten years of ROTTING #of sitting and waiting and wondering 'where is she?' is she lost? hurt? did something happen? is she okay? did she even want to be here? #does she hate me? did she leave because she hated me? she never wanted to see me again? where is she? where is she? guess ill write a song #FOR TEN YEARS. when i was just busy. i was distracted. so much came up. things got serious. my dream became clear and i had to chase it #i didnt know you were waiting. im sorry. i should have chased the thought of you more. but i was busy. i was just busy. #i wish that i could apologize with the throat that was my own. i hope this copy will suffice. i hope this copy will suffice. UGH

[antisocialgaycat]

Someday tumblr is going to be gone, or I will, and that's ok. It's sad, yes, but at least I will have known you. At least I'll still be able to quote terrible posts with my friends, at least I'll be able to look back and remember all these people who are closer to me than anyone I knew before. This site has gotten shit, but at least we've been here together. At least I met you.

#just a load of garbage #im having a lot of emotions today sorry lol #but its true im so glad to have met you all #tomorrows 4 months since my auntie died and ive just been thinking a lot about connections #like some of you i reblog posts from and stuff but ive never talked to you #i dont know your favourite colour or your favourite type of pasta but i do know that i love you #i dont know what your name is or how old you are but i do know that without you my life would be different #to my followers: #yall deal with my bullshit on a daily basis and for that i love you more than life itself #this site has given me a new favourite story #a new favourite song #a new favourite movie #and for that i will be forever grateful #this site has given me the chance to make new friendships #like my beloved bestie jachary #and to strengthen ones that existed before #like tay and emmy and sarah and all my other irls #my mutuals who ive never talked to #reach out to me! talk to me about anything #i will value it more than anything #and my beloved frog anon #i havent responded to some of your asks because i cant think of a response worthy enough #so yeah let me say it again in case you didnt understand #i love you all #<3

[shummthechumm]

reapplied to a separate position at a dream job manifesting good things

#shummy screaming into the void #finally updated my crusty old resume lol #its nearly a year old and ive actually become way more knowledgeable on how to cater my experiences to this one #i actually did manage to have an interview with them a few months ago BUT didnt get the job #which is fair tbh. we did have a really fun conversation though because im actually somewhat comfortable in that working enviroment #and they pay...really well??? like 17-25 an hour for PT positions. they're opening up a new location this year and actually told me to appl #again to more positions because we hit it off. #at my current job hopefully ill be able to go in soon. even though i am extremely reluctant tbh. #lowkey wont stay there for more than 3 months cause. retail is not for me. but i need MONEY SO #sorry for rambling oops #but this new jobs barely interviewed before hiring so thats....a sign of something

[azrielfiend]

DAY 11 & 12: TUCH & METROPOLIS

day 11 is a throwback to my first rain world post on here :)

#my art #rain world #rw art month #first of all. im so sorry for not posting anythign recently #i managed to push the second one today and the day 11 drawing was made weeks ago when i was still back at my old home #second i will do half of these with ibis paint... so sorry if the quality worsens #im only decent at ibis paint and drawing on my finger so again apologies #third my meds make me feel very tired. so im significantly more tired than i was before #ok thats all i have to say for now #digital art #fanart #digital artwork #rain world downpour #rainworld #ibis paint x #artificer

[timetravellingkitty]

.

#last night an ex friend who ignored me for 6 fucking months just messaged me saying “oh im sorry i want to make things clear between us” #“i dont want any bad relations before the end of the year blah blah blah” #and she didn't even apologise properly #i told her i didnt accept her apology because i didnt trust her anymore and that i deserved friends who cared about stuff like that #and her response to that? “wow nice to see you're so cocky let me knock your ego down a few notches” #“you're a loud and obnoxious bitch you think you the world revolves around you just cause you read some feminist books” #which tells me that she really didnt mean her sorry #she just wants a clean slate and validation she's actually a good person #im sorry but you dont get to use as a stepping stone for YOUR character development #why apologise if you don't fucking mean it #and the worst part is my friend still thinks she's a good person and whatever blah blah blah FUCK OFF #i know no one really wants to listen what i have to say given that i'm always taken as a joke #but srsly fuck off it's amazing how her friend hurting me isnt a big deal cause she's “not as bad as i think she is” #god i miss my old friends we have such a strong bond but we don't meet that often i just want to hug them so bad #i'm glad i didnt listen to the part of me that wanted to forgive her one of my ex friends was also like her and i've learnt my lesson #vent #personal

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

i would never survive tiktok i get WAY too annoyed when people are annoying in my notes on here

#in my defense someone left a long mightier than thou comment on one of my old vent posts. but ljke. man what the fuck #i am so strong. bc i could be so so so mean so very often. but i have a little bit of self restraint so i wont #“aha i see op has made a post. wishing for something. weeks or months ago. alas do not worry. i am here to deliver” #and its some random 14 yr old i have never interacted with once in my life #or when i make a joke post and revlog with an addition. and they DO NOT CHECK THE NOTES FOR THE ADDITION #shit the fuck UPPPPPPPP #anyway. hi sorry im the evil demon version of me today. hey bitches im here 2 cause problems on purpose etc . whatever im so fucking tired #ohhh i could make a really funny joke but it WOULD get us in trouble so i will not. sigh. #tldr to anyone who makes smartassy comments on a post without checking the notes first. youre annoying and youre not funny!!!!!

[broke-on-books]

😍😍😍

#accidentally slept through my only class today #which whoops sorry. (my 9am english) #which kind of killed step 1 of a plan of mine but thats okay #anyways THEN i had to go downtown to pick up this award bc i forgot to show up to the ceremony like a dumb dumb #but the building was like a 25 minute walk and it was COLD (punishment for my dumb dumbness tbh) but anyways i got there early so i walked #around the block and then went inside and picked up my medal #and i was already far downtown so then i popped my head in a couple of stores as i slowly walked back #got a few things from target. new hair clip nail polish m&ms pens and then a mango. very excited to eat that either later today or tomorrow #then i popped in the calligraphy store and then the comic shop and looked around. saw some white ribbon in the calligraphy store which ive #been looking for but didnt get it because it was a bit wide and kind of expensive and i want a lot for my project idea #(want to write out some of my favorite poems on them in sharpie and then use it to accessorize) #and then i went to the comic shop and peeked around. saw a nubia issue and a few gl 2021s in the discount bin but i didnt get them bc #they were all middle issues and i havent read those books yet although i do want to someday bc my guys were in them. one of the gl 21s even #had simon on the cover so i was very !!!!!!!! thats my guy!!!!! #didnt buy anything there but i did ask the guy to make sure to order a copy of the spirit world tpb so ill stop by to get that in a few wks #and then i went to the bookstore cafe and got a cold brew and did a but of English there. they have tables in the stacks its nice. the one i #grabbed was just surrounded by old paperbacks of sci fi and thrillers lol. didnt see anything id read but recognized a few author names like #card (no enders game though) and the pern lady (idk her name i havent read it). anyways did half a blog post thats technically late (ill #backdate though dw) and then packed up and i grabbed a gyro from the halal cart on that block which i just finished back at my dorm <3333 #anyways good times. now im gonna try and spam some work and go to freaking trivia team for the first time in a month later. oops #blah #oh and i think the halal cart guy may have given me a free soda. unsure abt that though bc its possible it came with and i was just being #silly again. so anyways i had a ginger ale too

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ay ay ay. i dont wanna do my job so bad. it makes me so unhappy also i fucked up a thing by letting someone take part of a culture when i #shouldnt have. it happened so many months ago that i fucking forgot abt it and then the person emailed me abt when we received the stain and #i thought it was someone from another project so i cc'd my boss who was like. wait. what the fuck is this? and now its like oops sorry but #like wtf am i supposed to do abt it now? she askrd me to take some when i was rushing out of someone else's lab and i was like what? sure. #whatever i dont give a fuck i feel like im dying every second i stand in this room. i didnt even think to ask to share it which is what i #should have done. oops. cant do anything abt it now other than feel abt abt causing drama between labs. ugh. #i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i #do. the sooner i dont have to fucking deal with it anymore. ugh. also i really need to find a therapist but my insurance changes in like 18 #days so i might as well wait for the semester to start. ugh. like i can feel the pull of my bad habits trying to drag me down and i dont kno #how to stop them. like its weird. i noticed while my parents were here. they can just do things and enjoy stuff. and everytime i do #something i feel like im holding my breath the entrie time waiting for it to be over and for what? its not like i had other stuff to do #i just needed to kno when things were gonna end and i dont deal well with flexible situations. which makes it hard to do things. so its #like do i succumb to my control freak lil bubble of not doing anything and being miserable or do things outside my comfort zone and be #miserable? one of those things is way easier. plus i dont even kno anyone here so its like wtf do i do? #try to make friends with my sometimes roommate maybe. i just need to corner her and be like hey i need to establish a dialog with u so i can #tell u that if i seem like a weird hermit im not trying to b standoffish i just dont kno how to do human interaction well. can we b friends? #id like to b friends but if i dont talk now then ill get stuck not talking ever. which is whats happened with past roommates... god my 1st #roommate must have thought i was so fucking weird. ugh. point is. these bad habits must stop. and i really need to get work done so i can #never think abt that shit ever again. at least now that ive moved i can run up the side of a mountain when im frustrated #unrelated

[st4rstudent]

ramble ramble boo boo tomato tomato🍅🍅. but anyways sometimes i think i draw those freaks a little too much but also at the same time i like drawing them . i don't think i have been this motivated to draw for a whiiile (if ever) , its nice. its fun! giant shirt that says "I HEART DRAWING"

#putting the rest in tags #ive only shared... an estimated 58% of what ive drawn of them but the other 42 is stuff im embarrassed about or i think its just too old #ive been drawing that one freak for about 7 months straight so theres some struggles in the beginning but anywyas. #i used to only draw once a month or so. probably not even that so shouout to that rabbit and mouse... and brain if i have to #i also see all the notes/comments people put and i go :-] hehehe #i need to interact with people more. i have a bad habit of just lurking without interacting and idk where that stemmed from #its been like that for a while. for some reason i think if i like someones post theyre going to find me and kill me (not actually. hyperbol #im bad on here with it but at least theres tags i can put stuff in. on twt im terrrible about it. i will have to work on this #anyways sorry this is a post full of nothing. i guess the main thing to take from this is that i do see everything everyone does and i #appreciate it a lot. smile! #i'm glad people can enjoy my sick and twisted mine (3 same characters)

[cannot-copia]

just applied for the job i had during college and honestly it feels bad man

everyone I know is actually accomplishing things with their life, buying property, getting promotions, getting their masters etc

fuck, even my cousin who is several years younger than me and has very little to no college (aka doesn’t have student loan debt) just got a management position at a fortune 100 company and is now making more than 60k

And where am I now?

Couldn’t do my job at the big company I was supposed to work at, where I had insurance and got paid enough to actually pay for things

all I do now is feeding horses and basically just putting them in different places 4 hours a day 6 days a week for less than what I made ever since I started working and living off that and what’s left of what I had accumulated in my 401k at my old job (that im gonna have to pay thousands of taxes on for taking it out too early im sure) and therefore fucking myself over for the future- everyone always says start young well I did and I’m too fucking useless to function without wanting to remove my skin apparently so I fucked that up

And yeah it was just an online application so I don’t know how likely it is they’ll even respond and hire me again but I feel like I am going backwards

I did what everybody always insisted I had to do

i went to college

i got a “real” (office) job

i got more than 25k student loan debt I have not been able to make even a dent in

and what do i have to show for it? even worse mental illness? A piece of paper that said i went to college? Crippling fear of answering a phone? an extreme hate for the way I look now?

and now im (at least attempting) to go back to where I was before all that bc that’s the only place i can think of will hire me, to a job I did not enjoy whatsoever, where I am going to have to explain to the high schoolers that would be working closing shift that I will have to do after the morning job like yeah i left here 3 years ago for a competitive job that paid twice as much at one of the (apparently voted) best employers in the city that everyone wants to work for but I threw it all away bc im a useless fucking idiot and now I’m back here working fast food watching all these people who will go to school and get the jobs they want and not fuck it up and actually be successful and move on with their lives

it just,,, it doesn’t feel good

i feel like I’ll never get anywhere so what’s even the point

#and I know you’re probably thinking oh well you have horses you must have plenty of money etc #thing is i work at the place i keep them i do not pay regular price or I would not afford them at all #I’ve only ended up with as many as i have bc at my old #job i made just enough to not be negative every month #and now I can’t get rid of them because I am afraid to talk to people and ended up very attached to one we got with the intention to sell #after a few months #and the other we have had for 10 years now but she would need to be consigned somewhere to get what she’s worth #which requires /talking to people/ #so while I previously could just about afford them I can’t now unless something majorly changes #once i run out of what’s left of my 401k i will not have the money to pay for them #yes i know buying ghost tickets with that was an idiotic thing to do but it temporarily made me happy #which is also another reason i want to try to avoid getting rid of the horses if at all possible #sounds stupid but at this point without them there would really be no point in being here #they’re the only reason I talk to anybody at all these days and they are capable of making me happy #im sorry i feel like i have been complaining on here a lot more frequently lately and i don’t think anybody wants to see shit like this on #their dash but i don’t really have anywhere else to say things #anybody irl always just says ‘well other people did x/it was your decision to y/etc #the shitty insurance I have now does not cover anxiety/depression things I have not been taking any and I have a feeling it is not helping #delete later