#I can't watch this show while writing

[obsidianbit]

I love this gay ass show with its literally life ending injuries that heal immediately, but only when convenient to the plot, and its ridiculous use of modern phrases, and its laughing in the face of historical accuracy, and its kissing the face of the fans instead of trying to outwit them, and the way everyone involved in the show seem to go 'I KNOW RIGHT! I'M EXCITED TOO!' instead of mocking the fans

#i have so many feelings #i can't quite express the way everyone involved seems to want us to love the show #like when you love something so you show it to a friend and vibrate with excitement while you watch them love it #so that you can scream about it together #it feels like djenks and the writers and the cast and the crew are in on the joke *with* us #which contrasts so sharply to the way so many fandoms find themselves to *be* the joke #the joke being how much we love the show #the fact that everyone involved cares *so much* about the show is really obvious #not just this is a fun show but this is a *meaningful* show #i truly have never felt so much like i have a community as i have with this show and the fans of it #it is also one of the only shows i can think of (maybe some of neil gaiman's adaptations?) where the trademark over analysing and meta #and theories of the fans isn't ridiculed #this ties back into the being in on the joke thing #back when we didn't know blackbonnet was going to be *canon* canon #and djenks reaction to us freaking out that we were RIGHT was basically #well yeah? #i want to write a love letter to everyone but i don't know how #ofmd #mine #our flag means death #david jenkins #ofmd s2 #ofmd 2 #kissing david jenkins on the mouth

[quatregats]

Something I've been thinking about is how Patrick O'Brian manages so skillfully to write characters whose actions contradict their beliefs, which I think is honestly a big part of why his characters feel so real. Mostly with Stephen and Jack—e.g., and perhaps most notably, Stephen has notably leftist sympathies (honestly I have no idea how to characterize his politics in period terms) who nonetheless becomes very comfortable with his rise to the landed gentry, while Jack is a card-carrying Tory who much of the time sympathizes far more with working class sailors and farmers than with the upper classes—but I'm sure he does it to a lesser degree with some of his minor characters (James Dillon, while perhaps not precisely minor, comes to mind), and I love that he's able to do that, especially the way in which he embeds it in the narrative. We see how they're all unreliable narrators of themselves; we understand how they want to be seen and how that does and doesn't coincide with the reality, but most importantly, this isn't presented as something reprehensible, just as a part of their own humanity. They are not their expectations for themselves, but they don't need to be those expectations to be beloved.

#stephen is especially guilty of this and i think it's very interesting how he thinks of himself versus how he acts #which is probably an essay on its own #but i do think that this is another point he and jack make a fun foil on #(for jack this manifests much less explicitly but i think it's definitely still there) #i can't think of other characters atm besides james dillon #(who okay. his actions don't contradict his beliefs exactly but there is a weird and complex relationship between them) #though i do suspect that there are probably more #idk i've been thinking about this a lot because o'brianizing hornblower has brought to the forefront #how different those two authors treat internal/external narratives #patrick o'brian is kind of like yeah they don't really line up but that's okay that's just what it's like to be a person #while for hornblower and cs forester it's like the internal narrative is so unbelievably unreliable and negative #but the external narrative also seems to be resoundingly positive #(which is probably why. in my humble opinion having watched two episodes of it. the tv show is much more Fun) #writing hornblower in o'brian format is just like wow there is no weirdness going on did i write him wrong #but no it's hornblower he just sounds so much more normal without the 24/7 mental gymnastics #perce rambles #aubreyad

[icewindandboringhorror]

I know multiple of these are likely important to people, but I'm asking in terms of like - which of these do you tend to focus on the MOST, enjoy the most, that is most essential for you to actually care about the media, etc.?

(For example: someone finding "Relatability" most important would likely not enjoy a show much if they have trouble empathizing with the characters/relating to it, even if it were good otherwise. Or, someone might be able to overlook bad acting and ugly costumes, as long as the Character Dynamics are fun to them, because they value that more than Aesthetics- while for others, bad costumes would be a dealbreaker.)

Also feel free to reblog and explain your answer or more information in the tags- I've always been curious about people's relationships to media, how they conceptualize it/what they get out of it, how some people value some parts more than others, how that informs their overall taste and genres they may be more inclined towards, etc. :0c

#I was having a conversation with a friend about our favorite type of media and they said the reason they DON'T like historical or fantasy #media or etc. is because they can't imagine themselves being in those situations like it's too detached from anything that they can relate #to personally. they put themselves in the shoes of the characters and apparently like feel emotions while watching stuff and actually #get into the way the characters are feeling so they kind of judge how 'good' or 'bad' a show's writing/setting/etc. are by how it makes #them feel and if they think the characters reacted realistically based on what they were feeling in the moment/what in their head they #would be feeling if they were in the postion of the character. SO apparently the distance of it being in an unrelatable setting or too #detached from our reality makes it harder for them to relate to and less able to really engage with it on that level. WHEREAS I watch #things exclusively in a very like.. detached way?? I'm INTERESTED.. it's like im intellectually analyzing everyhting that's happening and #can be intrigued by events but it's not in an emotional way? More of like a distant 'intellectual curiosity'. Maybe the premise or the #aesthetics or something about it has piqued an interest for me to observe it. to see what it's like or how it plays out. how the idea #is executed or etc. But like.. I cannot remember EVER really relating to any character or situation or projecting onto a character #or having those sorts of feelings or investment in it. That is just not a central part of why/how I watch things or what I care about #BUT after this I was thinking maybe this is my disconnect? I do not seem to conceptualize media the way some other people do and I often #walk away with an entirely different take on things. etc. So I wonder if maybe it's part of how everyone values different things probably? #maybe I literally just watch stuff and percieve it from a different frame of mind that others. More of a like detached curiosity #vaguely bemused analysis mode. Instead of a 'I am deeply emotionally invested in this and am feeling for all the characters' mode #And also I bet people who care more about plot/story are also the people who mind spoilers. Whereas for me I literally seek out spoilers #intentionally because that element of 'suprise ooh what will happen next!' is not central at all to my enjoyment. I could know literally #everything that will happen and still can find it interesting to observe - since for me #that's not the point. I'd rather know the ending so I can determine whether I want to invest the time in it in the first place. etc. #ANYWAY!! If I had to choose - I would say I'm usually heavily focused on world details and aesthetics. With only a slight preference #towards characters individually being interesting. Group dynamics can sometimes be okay but I get tired of everything being about relations #hips and romance - especially when sometimes it seems to be like. people who could not stand on their own as a character/are fundamentally #boring otherwise lol. I would watch a series of just one guy locked in a closet talking to himself as long as he was interesting and saying #things that were amusing or notable for some reason lol. I actually tend to dislike plot because most 'plot heavy' things like action focus #ed shows ALWAYS feel to me like they're moving so fast just to get from one thing to another that I'm not getting enough details. Part of #why I tend to not like movies. the time limit makes them too quick. I need a 95 hour expostion dump of the history of the entire world #and a series of 17 episodes straight where a guy is trapped in a room & the audience is just psychoanalyzing him. hghj.. Maybe I find all #characters annoying/unrelatable bc people w my personality type make bad characters/are not often represented (or are done BADLY). so then #I'm just picking 'who is the LEAST insufferable? who could i study like a lab rat?' whilst my main focus is the worldbuilding&costumes lol

[midground]

I think it’ll be really neat to see how Matt Mercer fares with the Dimension 20 format. Matt tends to favor attrition-style encounter design (lots of smaller, narratively inconsequential combats meant to drain party resources ahead of the Final Fight). This style is sort of the default for how 5e assumes you’ll play (hence why Short Rests exist), and it’s a perfectly valid style choice, especially for home play and for long-form campaigns.

While I don’t mind playing that style, I find it way less engaging as a viewer when it’s used in Actual Play. As a viewer, I generally prefer the D20 format of (what I refer to as) Set Piece Encounters. Big, story-relevant fights where the PCs have most if not all of their resources and abilities from the start, often with multiple paths to victory that the PCs need to discover as they interact with the encounter.

To be clear, it’s not like Matt CAN’T do this, there are tons of examples of this kind of encounter design across all 3 campaigns (C1 BBEG fight, C2 Cathedral Fight, C2 BBEG fight, C3 Museum Heist), it just tends to be reserved more for special occasions rather than being the default. But that makes sense because Critical Role is long-form as opposed to Dimension 20′s limited-run seasons.

(I really can’t emphasize enough that Dimension 20s limited-run nature is what makes it possible for every Encounter to be a big Set Piece Encounter.)

And because Dimension 20 has SUCH a strong format of alternating Roleplay and Combat episodes, because Dimension 20 seasons are limited in scope, and the Encounters are worked out with the production team ahead of time, I’m hoping that Matt really leans into it. I’m so excited to find out what he does with a limited-run season (REALLY can’t wait to know how many episodes there will be). I’m really hoping to see him flex his Set Piece Encounter design skills in the dome.

#dimension 20 #critical role #Matt Mercer #Look I could write a whole comparative analysis of Brennan's Encounter Design sensibilities vs Matt's #both are VERY good at what they do #but Brennan's style is WAY more suited to playing for an audience and it SHOWS #I watched Calamity with a friend who doesn't watch D20 #and he was blown away by how engaging Brennan's combats were #(he's used to mostly checking out during combat and playing video games while we watch) #And I Get It #But I don't think that Matt CAN'T design combats that way #I just don't think it's a realistic thing to expect in a long-form campaign

[todayisafridaynight]

This might not be anything, but while writing about your fics, the way you have the characters' mannerisms down PERFECTLY got me thinking about mirroring...

There's a lot of it in 7 (Horii is a directorial genius etc etc), most of it more intentional than these probably are, but there's something so interesting about mirroring that takes the tone of a (relatively) fond memory, a familiar gesture, and inverts it in the way shown here.

OH I'M GLAD YOU'VE NOTICED THESE TOO I think I mentioned it months back (or I drafted a post 'bout it but didn't think it was anything noteworthy) but I always really did like how the Arakawa Family mimicked each other's mannerisms (also circling back to how Jo and Masato calling Ichiban 'Ichi' presumably after picking it up from Arakawa)!

Aoki actually does the same sitting gesture too! I went back to double check and skim through the rest of the game's cutscenes, and as far as I could tell unless I skipped a scene, it really is only these three that do this specific pose:

It's such a small detail but I love it immensely and it really does highlight their connections with each other and it drives me insane

#snap chats #the fact aoki holds his left fist with his right like jo..... im gonna be sick... (crying) #potential hints that aoki really does favor jo and/or spends more time with him... or i might be delirious. could be both even.. #focusing on how jo mimics arakawa though i dont think i have to say i love how it is inverted intention wise #like of course in arakawa's situations he's in a position where he's helping ichi and speaking calmly with him #while with jo Evidently each interaction is more tense and antagonistic #really is a cool way to emphasize that whole 'step parent' angle if that makes sense #OH BUT THANK YOU ON MY WRITING that's a huge compliment: i'm glad you think i have their mannerisms down ! #accuracy is a big thing to me... in case we haven't picked that up yet.... i should relax a little tbh-- #BUT i'd like to think my brain's good at visualizing things and i think i've 'studied' enough to get an acceptable result in what i show #it's like... if i can't see it in my head clearly or it doesn't look right then i wanna keep trying until it DOES look right yk #dont want a Hello Kitty Wouldnt Do Xanax moment... only on occasion.... a lil xanax wouldnt hurt as long as its not too far gone ☠️ #alright im. DELIRIOUS. #to end this off i watched the first episode of Sailor Suit and Machine Gun ! #my japanese is. HORRENDOUS BUT the art of inference and context clues and stray knowledge got me through it #i'm excited to watch the next episode even if i'm only really getting half the impact from the dialogue #BUT THE FEELING'S THERE... the emotion's there #embarrassingly i almost cried when izumi was crying in the theater over her dad while she was eating cause like Girl Me Too ☠️☠️ #ill go one day without mentioning my dad i promise... todays not that day tho ☠️ #IN ANY CASE. thank you for droppin the episodes on me !! i can't stress never tiring of having new things to watch #ill watch the next episode tonight probably. i was gonna go out to get lunch buuuut my moms home #so there goes that plan.. at least my bro got me food while /he/ went out today lmao

[sheryl-lee]

yellowjackets rant time :)

people whining that natalie’s death was “shitty writing” makes me want to bang my head against the wall. like are you seriously shocked that the show about tragedy and murder has tragedy and murder in it. are you seriously shocked that the show about fucked up people has fucked up people in it.

#same with people who hate van and lottie and tai and shauna and misty and ben and whoever the fuck else for being 'bad people' #'i can't root for these characters!!!!' like lmao way to miss the point of the entire show janet #they're all traumatized people (many of whom experienced that trauma as CHILDREN) and have done awful things and will do awful things again #INCLUDING nat like im sorry you believed that she was the moral compass when the show never explicitly told you that #she's just as fucked up as the rest of them. and thats what makes her interesting #that's also what makes her death compelling and. sorry. WELL WRITTEN #it's tragic and cruel and preventable. and that is the point. #sometimes characters die in media. lmao. and sometimes it isn't well executed #but this was. and it has been set up for a long time if you go back and watch the prior episodes #i understand disliking the finale or the season or whatever. not mad about that. #what i am mad about is equating a personal opinion as an irrefutable fact and proof that the writing is shitty #and sending literal death threats to the writers and creators of a show that have put a lot of work into it #like at the end of the day it's a tv show for entertainment. and you can and should be able to love a character #while ALSO understanding when said character's death is emotionally necessary in a story. #i love nat. but i also understand that her death fits the story. that doesn't make it bad writing by any means #okay im done now #sameera.txt #yellowjackets #yellowjackets spoilers

[jaggedwolf]

okay so I've been binging CSI: Vegas, because I used to watch a ton of CSI as a kid, and it's alright background television but I keep thinking of it as worse NCIS: Hawai'i. I swear I'm not just saying this because NCIS has Lucy/Whistler. Like,

both shows are 2021 spinoffs of long-running CBS procedurals

whose original shows had lily-white main casts but are now clearly trying to be more diverse

boss lady is a woman of color everyone respects and thinks is a badass, she's divorced with at least one kid

there's an asian woman who is the friendly, spunky one, relatively newer while still being on the A-team

more senior white dude agent who is tight with boss lady

unfortunately, csi is a sequel, and is weighed down by its legacy characters (who I mostly like! Grissom was a childhood fave, and I like listening to Sara's accent), and has 10-12 episode seasons which is a hard spot for a procedural. insufficient to care about the newbie's personal drama while dealing with OGs' as well.

....also no Kai with good shirts and T-shirts. No one on NCIS: Vegas has good fashion. No one.

#yes i'm using asian as in the literal continent this is the correct way to use it #yes i am also reviewing cbs procedurals as if i'm a boomer which is the target demographic here #unrelatedly the csi vegas people keep abusing their work privileges in wild ways #jaggedwolf you are watching the copaganda shows why are you surprised by this #no i mean even beyond that #like just randomly running prints on personal cases which i don't remember any of in the original #anyway someone let me into the rooms of CBS i want to know more #oh wait i'm a dumbass who only realized while writing this post that CBS probably has a similar mandate for its scripted content that #it has for reality tv #for reality tv from 2021 onwards they started having a 50% POC contestants rule #must be that though i can't find what the scripted content guidelines are #jaggedwolf rambles #ncis hawaii #csi

[nerdynikki94]

Honestly? Did I want more from DTAMHD? Yes, I did. I wanted something signifying actual progression for Dennis' character (even just a crumb of genuine growth) , and I sincerely don't think we got that. However... we did get a fascinating insight into the process of his mind. Dennis' level of self-denial is so ironic and profound. He can't acknowledge the inevitability that he's middle-aged.

(I swear this episode honestly has given me an alt hc, that the show is based in his mind; because logistically, a man of his lifestyle and malnourishment could not commit the feats he is constantly sailing through. TGGB & DTAMHD... back-to-back? What happened to his hand? Did he even sprain it? Or is he just the most dramatic brat in the gang - clearly the latter.)

It is important to note that he didn’t fix the actual problem. He momentarily masked the symptoms, but ignore long-term help with blood pressure medicine is not going to fix the issue, nor is it going to protect him from fucking keeling over in a stressful situation (when he's not in a contained and quiet Doctor's exam room) and his blood pressure spikes.

I'm honestly a little jaded at this point (16 Fucking Seasons of crumbs, y'all), but if one were to continue 'trusting the structure' this episode conveyed a lot.

The B Plot: The pressure cooker. The metaphor parallels the building pressure Dennis quick-tempered bouts of rage. So, to toss out a little 'cat-in-the-wall' conjecture here: The pressure cooker is Dennis, but we all saw him eat that bloody diamond in the end and we all heard Mac's speech about coal turning into diamonds under massive pressure. Dennis' experience is a theory of pressure, he daydreams it all in the span of a minute or so. He's roleplaying with hypothetical obstacles. There's no risk. Maybe Dennis, isn't the pressure cooker, but the coal.

If I were to try and take anything hopeful out of this episode, it would be the way the narrative is showing us that this episode acknowledged that Dennis isn't ready yet. It's not his turn to break. It's going to take real, substantial pressure to get that diamond.

It was a hell of a misdirect (and honestly a little bit of a slap in the face), but if these characters live in the real world, where people are bound by the laws of mortality, then Dennis should have his time.

Genuinely, who fucking knows?

I'm not hating on the episode. We all know this is the trashy dick joke sitcom. I just thought that if Mac & Charlie could have moments of genuine heartbreak, culminating in deep catharsis, that maybe Dennis could have that too.... but no.

Can't wait to see the sunny dudebros miss the point & proclaim Dennis Reynolds - SA victim, traumatized individual with an emotionally tumultuous personality disorder - the new Andrew Tate.

I'm sorry, but yeah. I'm a little miffed. It was all a dream, and everything goes Dennis' way. Y'all I'm fucking tired. This was a great episode for Glenn, but a fucking frustrating episode for Dennis. I may have wanted a little macden, but all I cared about was seeing Dennis face the limitations of his mortality, to see that he's failing his body and his brain. He didn't have to actually take the medicine (I wouldn't expect him to), but Goddammit, everything seems to work out in his delusional favor. So, of course he's going to continue being delusional, and probably only change for the worse.

I'll say it: I wanted a broken Dennis, and we did not get that. He didn't even crack, the unbearble and apparently now canonical Golden God. That episode's title was intended to tease sunnyblr.

Excuse the plethora of tags. I just kept getting more irritated.

#what i take from the episode is further insight to the lengths of Dennis' repression which adds to my fic #iasip s16 #i will say this: i can't dislike this episode solely because of how phenomenal glennjamin's performance was. #I'd say I'm retracting the title of macden 'truther'. I'm still a stan. but this ep made me realize dennis is too coddled by the narrative #with TGGB he's constantly winning. even the game he doesn't stay to watch the end of. his body performing near miracles. wtf #the real reason I'm seriously bothered is the sunny dudebros. they already idolize dennis #this ep has only made it worse because the obvious point of Dennis' actual delusions will go right over their heads. #anybody with a grounded sense of reality can tell you that dennis did not solve a problem #he dreamt up a scenario in some kind of toxic meditation session. he's getting older. and his denial is metastasizing #Dennis' denial isn't sustainable. I'm kind of cutting off my investment in that regard. he's a fucking mess & he's currently being idolized #dennis reynolds #definitely not my favorite episode. not bc of lack of macden. a little bc Den needs limitations. mainly bc 'it was all a dream' is cheap #ranting.excuse me for wanting 1 of my fave characts actually have his poor health.self-destructive coping mechanism/trauma acknowledged #can't believe i was actually afraid i wouldn't be able to write because too much might happen in DTAMHD...! 🤣 #it should've all happened. but instead ended w/him getting charges pressed when he tried to break into ceo's home #ngl. this one hurt. I'm ready for Mac to give up on Dennis. i just wish this fucking show would let him. #excuse me while i go bawl like a baby watching MFHP. because I'm heartbroken that Dennis' BPD makes him push Mac away. #let's just say that realization has been bogging me down in my personal life the last couple of days. & this bummed me out. #Robert McElhenney. I'm outside the studio screaming at you to just let Mac move on & actually meet someone! #I'm not saying he deserves a relationship. but fuck... after 40 yrs of repression can he at least have a fling & fall out of love w/Den? #Dennis won't ever let him meet someone. & he'll never treat Mac like he actually cares about him.bc his own vulnerability terrifies him.😭

[watercolor-hearts]

.

#for some reason tiktok has showed me a lot of videos from a hospice nurse today and what was my first fucking thought?!?!?!?! #a simi story #listen up my fucked up brain i won't fucking write sad stories. no fucking way. do dying no sad end no no no. #and now i'm sitting here crying over these videos while i should pack my stuff for tomorrow to move away #i don't even know how this nurse's page ended up on my for you page when i only watch f1 makeup and graphic design videos #i hate these emotional rolecoasters #like... carlos on pole today = happiness and positivity and i don't let anyone to fuck up my mood i even eat one of my fave foods because #this was my last full day at home and now i'm sitting on my bed after i cried my eyes out and i'm just sad and scared #for some reason all day i was thinking about wanting to write a short little something for myself with one of my fave topics as comfort but #then i didn't write it because i don't want people to think i'm obsessed with that topic or something and i didn't really have the #motivation to write because after writing for prompts this summer it's really hard to write without prompts i mean like without someone #waiting for the story and without someone requesting it #i want to write cute stories and i want to write about that one topic over and over again but it's so difficult because... i can't not #care about what people might think if they saw i have like five stories about it or so and i want more #i sometimes don't know what to do with my thoughts and emotions #my useless posts

[13eyond13]

.

#One of the scenes from that dumb Fahrenheit 451 book that I can't stop thinking about btw #The guy's wife has a few of her housewife friends over to watch a fave show with her #He comes in the room shuts the show off and forces them all to make small talk with him while inwardly being like 'WHAT A BUNCH OF MORONS' #especially when one of the women said she decided to have C sections when she gave birth because she didn't want to experience immense pain #(which is supposed to help prove what a perverted godless unnatural lazy idiot she's become because of tv or whatever I guess?) #And then he yells at them all and calls them monsters and forces them to listen to him recite a random poem #like even in a universe where books are not illegal can you even imagine hahaha #The immense awkwardness and snobbery of him my god like let the ladies enjoy a golldang TV show and have a c section #It just is like the most r/iamverysmart thing ever and no offense but I thought the poem kinda sucked #I almost want to write a fanfic from his wife's pov because I feel like it could be very funny to see the protagonist #From her pov instead #p

[welcometogrouchland]

It's either coming up to my period again OR I've just developed a disease where I get misty eyed at even the most banal sequences and scenes in ghibli movies. I was crying during the early parts of ponyo

#ramblings of a lunatic #ponyo is not a very emotional movie i just kept being like #OUGHHH LITTLE BABY...LITTLE BABY HAS TO TAKE CARE OF HIS MOM WHILE HIS DAD IS AWAY AT SEA...OUGH LITTLE FISH GIRL #nothing as bad as when i was crying during every scene in kikis delivery service tho lmao #i still haven't seen very many ghibli movies but they're all pretty wonderful #i had another art exam today so i think I'm gonna chill for the rest of the night now that's i watched the cute fish movie #I'll watch something new soon (i am eyeing that movie ever after 👁️👁️ sorry i still can't kick the fairytale spinterest revival rn) #but until then I'm gonna have fun #be silly hehe #I'm also at a weird place with my toh hyperfix where like. i went through intense pre-grief (is that?? what it's called) #like. near the beginning of the month #just being so so sad about it ending and the inevitable fandom dwindle that'll come with that (OBJECTIVE WORST PART!!!) #but that pre-grief was so intense that now I'm at a weird place of peace with it #once the shows over I'll probably start being able to actually like. watch and read other things now hsbdjdhfk #but i imagine it'll stay my main interest (to u guys. I'm more complex irl) for a good while (i wanna make more art i wanna try writing!!!) #just with other stuff spliced in as it comes (i wanna get back on reading sailor moon. maybe check in on deltarune again) #(TRY and get back into tlt again. hell maybe I'll check in on comics again! who knows) #but tbh as long as i find toh on my dash i doubt I'll ever really leave it behind lol #again- a relatively positive fandom experience plus a deep connection with the work is a recipe for me being Not Normal forever #I'm. making less sense as this goes on #anyway. you get it! I'm a big cry baby but also I'm at a state of peace for the moment. yeehaw

[quatregats]

I hate the feeling when you've been using a language for a bit and suddenly it feels like you don't know how to say anything anymore even though it's definitely because you're pushing your limits and getting better

#i can't be getting worse at catalan i've been reading it watching shows in it and writing in it so much lately #i wrote 1000 words today and watched euforia like two days ago and am reading canigó and canto jo i la muntanya balla #like there's no way i'm getting worse it just feels very frustrating rn and i wish it didn't #thinking about all the things i can't say or do and that i wish i could say or do grrrrrr #i probably have a c2 is the worst part of all of this #it just never ends and while i love that i also hate it sometimes #perce rambles

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

yes I will complain about the prevalence of streaming services and diminishment of physical media, yes I will cancel my own subscriptions and go out of my way to buy dvds of my favourite shows instead of paying monthly fees to stream them and funneling more money into the nonsense that's happening with these streaming sites.

but yes I will also make a monthly donation to PBS in order to have the Masterpiece streaming passport so I can watch more niche British series from the comfort of my laptop.

#am I a hypocrite? #possibly. but I maintain that this is worth it. and so there. #gurt says stuff #tv shows #in other news--I started watching Miss Scarlett and the Duke tonight and while I have some quibbles with the series and its writing #I am enjoying the dynamic between Eliza and William extremely #HE TOOK HER TO COURT #he ALSO locked her in a jail cell for a night #this is possibly one of the funniest dynamics I've seen on tv in a good long while #she's giving him high blood pressure but he can't very well say NO. just inconvenience her as much as possible and shout at her sometimes.

[windfighter]

You're here now

Prompt: Stitches

-----

Kouji closed his laptop. He couldn’t focus anyway. His arm hurt, a stinging pain, and he just wanted to stab it to make the pain go away. It was a bad thought. Illogical. He pressed the arm against his chest, stood up from the chair. Stretched his back. He’d gotten enough done for the day anyway. He opened the door and left the study.

Takuya was on the couch in the living room. He changed the channel when he noticed Kouji and Kouji sat down on his knees in the couch, leaned forwards against Takuya.

”Arm owwy”, he mumbled.

”What did you expect?” Takuya laughed.

He wrapped an arm around Kouji and Kouji twisted around, curled up against Takuya.

”You doing okay?” Takuya asked.

The wound stung again. Or the stitches. Kouji wasn’t sure which it was, but he winced. Tried to curl up even more against Takuya. Takuya grabbed the blanket that had been tossed over the back of the couch and pulled it over Kouji’s legs.

”Tired”, Kouji answered.

He yawned to drive the point home and Takuya snorted.

”Busy day, huh?”

Kouji’s eyes burned, filled with tears. He pulled a hand across them.

”Yeah”, he whispered.

His voice wavered. He clenched his hands. It had been a busy day. His brain had been too much for him, tiny mistakes a disaster. He hadn’t been able to work, death constantly calling out to him. The only thing that made it stop…

But he had cut too deep. Too long. He had called Takuya, but Takuya was busy. He called Junpei, but he didn’t answer. It had been fine, Kouji was used to handling everything on his own. He could handle a visit to the clinic. He took a shaky breath. Takuya wrapped both arms around him. Hugged him close.

”Sorry I wasn’t here.”

”…yeah…” Kouji grabbed Takuya’s hand. ”You’re here now though.”

Takuya offered Kouji the remote and Kouji accepted it, zapped through the channels until he found a show about penguins. He leaned heavier agianst Takuya, who just held him.

”Can I do anything?” Takuya asked. ”Call someone?”

Kouji shook his head, took a shaky breath. He just really didn’t want to be alone.

”Just sit with me?”

Takuya laughed and kissed Kouji’s temple.

”Yeah, I can do that.”

Kouji’s shoulders relaxed. His arm hurt. He moved it, placed it in a way that didn’t put pressure on the stitches. It still hurt and he frowned. The tears he had struggled against the whole day threatened to escape.

”Kouji?”

”…Arm hurts. It’s just… frustrating?”

A reminder. Of how he had failed to stay strong. He was a failure. Takuya pulled a pillow out from behind his back and handed it to Kouji.

”Might not be perfect but put it on here? It’ll elevate it a little?”

Kouji snorted.

”It’s not broken. It’s just a wound.”

”Yeah, but you keep raising it.”

Kouji blinked. He hadn’t realized, but the arm was pressed against his chest again, the hand resting against his shoulder. He sighed and accepted the pillow. Put it in his lap and put his arm on the pillow. It helped a little, it didn’t sting as much.

”Hate your face”, he muttered.

”Love you too”, Takuya answered and gave Kouji another hug. ”Watch your show now.”

Kouji relaxed against Takuya, quietly watched the television. Takuya still held him. He felt safe. Not alone. His eyes teared up again, but he ignored it, let them fall. He didn’t need to hide around Takuya.

Takuya pulled his fingers through Kouji’s hair, pulled the blanket up higher and watched the show without protesting. Kouji slowly drifted off against him.

#windy writes #digimon frontier #takouji #takuya kanbara #kouji minamoto #hurt kouji #selfharm #listen if I can't have anyone hug me while watching a show after I've gotten stitches #at least I can let my blorbo have it #yesterday was NOT a good day #no day is but yesterday was bleh #I got ten stitches which admittedly probably isn't much in the grand scheme of things #but it hurt the whole day and I felt very alone #it hurts less today except when the cats decides to use that part of my arm as pillow #*snrk* I got ten stitches and I get them removed in ten days #that's pretty hilarious actually #numbers are fun <3

[datastate]

i hate you wireless i hate you smart device assistants i hate you voice register i hate you streaming services i hate you [browser that actively sells normal people’s data and/or mines cryptocurrency] i hate you digital-only services i hate you pop-ups that request money or which won’t let you proceed unless you “download the app!” i hate that in a “modern world” that there are several people left behind solely because they cannot afford or manage “modern technology” and there is no (or a lengthy, almost similarly inaccessible) alternative

#gnashes my teeth #jestersvaguely #the more i think about this the more it's just. man... #esp the last bit like you have no fucking clue how many years i spent just lagging behind because i wasn't provided the same resources #that my peers were. solely because they were rich enough for smartphones & the teacher preferred that #way of delivering information. and in one case outright refused to switch over to e-mailing the information because they expected #my friends in the class would let me know. which is just. ohhh so many issues with it #and then even outside of that it's an inconvenience because you can't easily call your parents/guardians if an issue arises without needing #to 1) ask if you're allowed access and 2) if you're sick you're forced to stand up. walk past people as a Show of Shame and talk in an open #space about personal things without crying because someone at the desk is watching you and is irritated you're bothering their work #and then in general the whole thing where it's like ''make sure to take a picture of this'' [the class bell rings and i have to scramble to #write it down while people are packing up and covering the screen and the teacher is erasing it] #LIKE IT'S JUST. UGH. AND THIS ISN'T EVEN GETTING INTO LEGAL ISSUES THAT REQUIRE YOU TO HAVE TECHNOLOGY #my grandparents literally rely on their children - and entrust a LOT of their information to their children. which HAS been used against #them - to manage some of their legal & important shit because it's only through websites or texting & calling services and it's soo #it's so fucked up. i hate how it feels like a requirement these days i hate how much is being transferred to digital platforms #instead of something physical and real. you're just losing SO much and it's. ughh

[softboiledwonderland]

On the one hand I don’t mind going back to translating true crime and British murder shows but on the other I miss my happy show SO MUCH

#I haven't really had a new favorite show in a while #and this was just like. a show made specifically for ME #can't wait to sit down and watch all the episodes in order and see the ones I didn't do and write more fic and love them even more <3