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dramavixen · 3 months

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Love and Redemption: A Fantasy Epic About How Prejudice Destroys Worlds, and How Love Pieces Them Back Together

**major spoilers for: Love and Redemption

After wrapping up a watch-through of Mysterious Lotus Casebook, my mom had the brilliant idea that we should rewatch the work that launched Cheng Yi to fame (or at the very least solidified him as the man to hire if you need someone to spit blood): Love and Redemption.

I’m certain she only found this idea appealing because she doesn’t remember a TV show after it’s over. Credits rolling? Aight, time for the woman to clear up space on her brain’s memory drive. Meanwhile, my life flashed before my eyes as I recalled the anguish that’s synonymous with the show’s plot. But you know how things go when your mom wants something. If she says you're sitting through 44 hours of emotional torture with her, then you plant yourself on that couch until it’s over.

Ironically, Love and Redemption fares even better on rewatch. Though other xianxias have come close to its place in my heart, I’m now concerned that my palette won’t be so easily satiated again. It’s got your conventional reincarnation, warring realms, and a star-crossed romance while throwing curveball after curveball to shatter your expectations. Complex characters, too? An endgame villain who will haunt you in your sleep? You can’t ask for more.

Just because you didn’t ask, doesn’t mean that the show won’t deliver something extra. I like to think that nothing reflects a society’s unsightly reality like a well-done fantasy, and this one hits closer to home the more time that passes. A thinly veiled commentary on human flaws and how difficult it is to be a good person, Love and Redemption is a drama for the ages.

This is going to get lengthy, so to prepare you, here’s how I’m divvying up this piece:

Part I: All of Them Are Classist

Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

Part III: All of Them Are Racist

Part IV: Love Wins All

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Part I: All of Them Are Classist

It’s not my intention to disgust anyone right out of the gate, but we need to talk about Wu Tong. Do you hear what I hear? Yes, it’s the distant echo of Wu Tong’s nefarious laughter, resounding between the walls of my skull.

Quite simply, Wu Tong is the worst. (Or at least he would be, if it weren’t for that other fellow named Bai Lin. That dude will get a glaring spotlight later in this essay, trust me.) But it’s not for no reason.

Coming from a background of poverty, Wu Tong spends most of his young life trying to prove himself to upper class cultivators who don’t have any interest in who he is, only in what he has to offer them. He earns his place in his sect through relentless hard work. He utilizes unsportsmanlike methods in his attempts to win the battle tournament in opening episodes. It's not just a competition to him—he's directly told that if he gets anything other than first place, he can forget about keeping his place in his sect.

When he and the protagonists first meet, his prideful personality results from his inferiority complex. There’s no doubt that he’s a powerful cultivator, but the issue is how he finds that to be his only real value. He doesn't bother to be likable, because what's the point in doing that? Being likable doesn't fill an empty stomach. But the more he disrespects others in an effort to make himself appear important, the more others look down on him, and the more he overcompensates by fighting back even more. It’s a vicious cycle—one that never ends because no one involved wants to take the first step back.

Knowing what type of person he becomes, it’s hard to pity him in any capacity. However, it would still be unfair to ignore how others mistreat him before he even turns into a true enemy.

One scene that sticks out to me happens early on, where Wu Tong nearly injures Xuanji during a 1v1 battle against Minyan. The protagonist crew insists on getting payback. Okay, I’m with it. You can’t let such reckless violence slide. I guess they’ll get their revenge in a later stage of the tournament by beating him into the ground?

Nah. That would be too reasonable. What they actually opt for is tricking him to fall into a trap by putting up a “have you seen my lost snake?” poster with a financial reward, knowing that he’ll be fooled because…he’s poor.

Sifeng: I asked around. Wu Tong was born to a family of lower status. He lives frugally. The reason he trains so hard is because he hopes to become someone powerful one day. […] Now he needs the money urgently to buy medicine and recuperate his inner strength before his next battle. Minyan: When you put it that way, doesn’t that mean he has no choice but to come for the ten night pearls?

Sifeng…oh no. Not you too.

The way Wu Tong behaves doesn’t warrant anyone being amicable toward him. I, too, have a nonexistent tolerance for obnoxious, violent egoists. But if later episodes are any evidence, this scene foreshadows that two wrongs won’t make a right. If they want to teach him a lesson, they shouldn’t stoop so low as to take advantage of his poverty. His family background is the one thing about him that isn’t his fault, yet it’s the one thing they choose to use against him. That’s what I call “going too far.”

Now that he's been hit where it hurts, Wu Tong feels justified in going too far himself. In a fit of desperation and contempt prompted by his master abandoning him, he stabs Xuanji. Not great. Things get extremely not great when you remember that Xuanji is the daughter of a sect leader. That quickly transforms Wu Tong’s attempted murder/almost manslaughter into the evilest act known to mankind. All five sects turn against him to hunt him down and kill him. I’m no law or philosophy expert, but I’m pretty sure the punishment for almost manslaughter is not the death penalty.

The five sects can treat him as their prey because he doesn’t have a support system to counter them. If he were the son of another sect leader, the thought of killing him would never even have entered their minds. Targeting him so relentlessly has less to do with justice and more to do with exerting power over a lower-class young man who hurt someone infinitely more “important” than him.

That imbalance between crime and punishment is what pushes Wu Tong over the edge. He goes on the run for several years before officially succumbing to the call of evil, after which he becomes truly irredeemable. Still, you’re occasionally reminded of his struggle—is he destined to be a villain? Or is throwing aside his remaining morality just his best chance at survival?

Do you have any idea how I survived these past several years, when you were all trying to kill me? What did I do back then that was so unforgivable? Did your sister die? Was it warranted for all five sects to team up against me, an average disciple? Was it warranted to back me into a corner over and over again, to force me to claw out of hell? Open your eyes and look at me! These past four years, I’ve already died countless times. Every time, I clawed my way back out of hell. Five hundred taels? You want to take my life with a measly five hundred taels? Don’t look down on me. Touch here. I have a fake leg. That’s what your five sects have left me with. What’s that look of yours? Guilt? Pity? I’m not telling you this for you to pity me. I, Wu Tong, survived this far because I must have my revenge.

Something my mom likes to say is if you find yourself going against someone—but especially a dangerous person—you must leave a path for their survival. It’s less for their sake than it is for yours. Should you eliminate all their options, they’ll have no choice but to bite. And they’ll make sure it hurts like hell.

As an impetuous teenager, Wu Tong is in the wrong. He needs to be taught that his actions are unacceptable. But that can’t be accomplished by putting a bounty on his head and demanding that he be murdered. That’s how you turn a scoundrel into a monster.

Minyan, Wu Tong’s foil, similarly doesn’t come from an optimal background. An orphan, he was taken in by the Shaoyang Sect without the obvious pressure that Wu Tong suffers. Even so, he can’t escape the innate inequality that seems to exist between him and his fellow disciples. It especially affects him because he’s in love with Linglong, Xuanji’s sister but more importantly…also the daughter of the sect leader! Poor guy.

When I was little, kids in the village would surround me every day and call me a bastard child with no parents. I could only pretend that I didn’t hear them. Because if I took it to heart, they would only ridicule me more. We can’t shut the mouths of people who want to slander us. But we can choose not to listen.

He may think that he’s past it, but later episodes see Minyan being manipulated using that exact insecurity. It’s easy to impersonate his master and nudge him to become a “spy” in the enemy base because he’s compelled to prove himself worthy of the sect and worthy of Linglong. Fake Sect Leader Chu Lei tells him:

When I first met you, you were only eight years old. You were homeless on the streets, starving and shivering. Still, you clung to your family dagger and refused to pawn it. In that moment, I knew that you were a child with an iron will. That’s why I’m here to find you today.

I can agree that Minyan is really stupid to immediately believe that his master, a guy well-known for pretending to do important things more than he actually does them, would tell him to do something as reckless as invade enemy territory. However, he also heeds the impostor’s instructions because realistically, his master asking him to prove himself is something that could happen. Any good disciple would naturally want to repay their masters for their favor, let alone a disciple who would otherwise have nowhere else to go.

The contrast between Minyan and Wu Tong shoves itself in your face as you watch, primarily through their respective relationships with Linglong (well, one of them has a relationship. The other is a creep. Can you guess who’s who?). Without family backing, the two men both struggle to find their place in the world, but they’re complete opposites purely because of their upbringing. Thankfully for Minyan, he found a family amongst people who don’t treat him as “another,” even if he may think of himself as such.

Wu Tong isn’t so fortunate. You can say it’s his own doing, a result of his terrible personality, but he certainly wasn’t born like that. And now someone will pay for it.

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Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

As a caveat, I’ll mention that the main cast really could have used a woman who isn’t some combination of foolish, lovestruck, and/or loud. But I’m willing to overlook it just this once because the writers excel in highlighting both the ladies' flaws and how we as an audience exaggerate those flaws through our own preconceptions.

Working backwards in terms of plot importance, we can start with Xiao Yinhua. Sifeng’s snake familiar in a human form, Xiao Yinhua is like most female leads from the turn of the millennium in that her only real strength is throwing temper tantrums. She’s also like most second female leads from the turn of the millennium in that she constantly prefers using underhanded tactics and harming others to achieve her goals—in other words, a snake. Oh. I guess that makes sense.

Her affections toward Sifeng cloud her already nonexistent judgment and prompt her to make some of the worst decisions made by anyone, ever. At first, I thought I was being unfair toward her because of my own internalized misogyny. But no. I can say with absolute confidence that I would abhor this character no matter what gender or creature or object she may be. She has no redeeming qualities aside from teaching us that someone foolish, lovestruck, and loud is doomed to self-sabotage. From that perspective, she’s still a valuable character to have because now we know that before we act, we should think: would Xiao Yinhua do that thing? If she would, do not do that thing.

If Xiao Yinhua were willing to grow up, she could become more similar to Zi Hu. Zi Hu almost acts as a parallel to Sifeng—hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t return the affection for a literal thousand years. Also, both are very pretty. Ahem.

Zi Hu’s thousand years’ worth of experience gives her the skills to back up her unrelenting feelings for Wu Zhiqi. She’s a rarity in that her driving force is a man—a motivation that's typically a reputation ruiner for female characters—but you find her lovable instead of thinking that she lacks self-respect. The key is that her love isn’t blind and rash like Xiao Yinhua’s. Zi Hu has a plan to save Wu Zhiqi from his prison and she carries it out with intention. In other words, it’s okay to focus on love, but only if you can take responsibility for your feelings.

Ting Nu: Why go so far? When did Wu Zhiqi ever tell you that he loved you? Your affections are merely one-sided. Zi Hu: When did he tell me he didn’t love me? Look, once I rescue him, he’ll have to be with me to thank me.

Because Zi Hu is a literal fox, people suspect her both for being a demon and for being the demon notorious for seducing men to consume their souls. The latter is quickly debunked and becomes less of an issue than her just being a plain demon. I nonetheless find it hilarious how everyone balks when she shows them her harem of men gleefully living in her backyard. Yep, she’s a cunning vixen. You can just keep wishing you could join that harem.

Zi Hu: You're trying to shoo me away. You think I’ll storm out because of your petty tricks? You’re underestimating me. I’ve already decided, starting today, I’m going to follow you everywhere. Even if you don’t want me to, I’m going to cling to you. This old spirit isn’t going to let those thousand years of waiting be in vain. Wherever you go, I’m going with. If you dare sneak peeks at other pretty women, I’ll dig out your monkey eyes. All in all, if I’m around, no pretty woman can enter your vision. As if you could bear to leave me behind if I hang around for another thousand years!

Xiao Yinhua and Zi Hu aren’t overly victimized based on their gender within the show itself. For the better too, because whoever dares to do so would probably end up dead by a fox's claws and a snake's teeth. These two characters' existences test your innate view of female characters instead. What is it that matters to you in a female character? What standards do you hold against them?

(**Content warning for the below segment until the next purple break: brief mentions of sexual assault and suicide.)

And that's where we come to Linglong. Linglong is a loudmouthed spoiled brat. She's overbearing, and while she wants to protect Xuanji, her method of doing it is by crying crocodile tears and throwing temper tantrums in front of their father. No wonder she and Xiao Yinhua clash—two childish people who both have a compulsion to win arguments? Forget it.

A bulk of the drama sees Linglong’s primordial spirit being taken and held captive by Wu Tong. Wu Tong puts half of her primordial spirit into the body of a flower demon, whom he also forces to take on Linglong’s physical appearance. No other reason, he just wants to have his way with someone who looks and acts like Linglong, the person who jeered at him all those years ago. By the time the real Linglong recovers her primordial spirit, Wu Tong has done enough damage that she’s haunted by nightmares and memories of someone who assaulted her when she couldn't even fight back.

The lead-up to this arc is incredibly disturbing and takes root in the very first episode. On my first watch-through, I thought their relationship would take a classic enemies-to-lovers path. The directors and writers pull you in this direction with no subtlety, showing a smitten Wu Tong when he first lays eyes on Linglong. They then keep the scam going by having him act out in awful ways as he attempts to gain her attention. That’s right, it’s the brainwashing girls receive when they’re on the playground: “he pulls your hair because he likes you."

During their first meeting, Linglong is surrounded by a halo filter from Wu Tong’s perspective. Knowing what he’ll later do to her makes the seeming innocuousness of this scene revolting, but it's necessary. It's the first of many steps to prove that someone’s “affections” can’t be used as an excuse for harming whomever’s on the receiving end of them.

Linglong can be an extremely annoying person. Her outspokenness and difficult temper shape her into an unlikable character, which then ensures that by the time Wu Tong captures her, the audience almost instinctively wants to say that it’s her fault. We all know the talk track: “he liked her, so why couldn’t she just have been nicer to him? She asked for it by being mean to him.”

When Linglong first offends Wu Tong, it isn’t for no reason: she’s angry because he endangers her sister’s life over and over again. Admittedly, she goes overboard in her retaliation against him. So what? Linglong being mean to Wu Tong and Wu Tong later targeting her are indeed connected events, but the former doesn't justify the latter. If we say that the five sects hunting Wu Tong down isn’t a fair punishment, then isn’t it also unfair for him to turn the tables on her in such a way?

Essentially, Linglong isn’t the “ideal” victim. That’s what makes her arc all the more heartbreaking. To this day, society wants to find any excuses for the assailant. Any mistake, any flaw of the victim's will be used against her. As humans, maybe it’s instinct for us to hope that bad things only happen to bad people, and victim-blaming is our twisted way of making that an impossible reality.

Overcome with depression and trauma, Linglong is unable to come to terms with what Wu Tong did to her. Men gossip about her and her “relationship” with the enemy, sometimes harassing her straight to her face. Wu Tong himself finds great delight in taunting her about her “sharing his bed,” not only relishing the memories but also enjoying how much it torments her.

Linglong: It was my fault that I was captured by Wu Tong, wasn’t it? [...] Everyone thinks so. I didn’t want to be captured by Wu Tong. But after Wu Tong said all those things, everyone thinks so. Minyan: Linglong, why care about what everyone else thinks? Just pretend that you didn’t hear any of it. Linglong: But I did hear them. Why do I need to pretend I didn’t? It’s something that actually happened, so why do I need to play dumb and trick myself into thinking it didn’t? Are you going to be like them too, and mock me?

All the accusations brainwash her into thinking everything is her fault. To Wu Tong and all the people judging her, she’s nothing but a pawn to be used for their own entertainment. And once she and Minyan leave the protection of the sect, everyone finds her an easy target to push around. Hoping that her death will mean freedom for both herself and her loved ones, she attempts to drown herself before being yanked back to life and reality by Minyan.

Linglong’s struggle is many women’s worst nightmare. It’s also a diligent representation of PTSD, something that I normally wouldn’t expect from a xianxia drama. Even after she's rescued and everyone tells her that her suffering is over, it never feels over for her. At night, Lingling is awoken by harrowing dreams of Wu Tong returning to kidnap her once again:

Nightmare!Wu Tong: You’ll always belong to me. You can’t escape.

The conclusion to her arc being Wu Tong’s death and his literal letting go of her may be quite idealistic. But I prefer to think that giving Linglong her happy ending is the writers’ way of trying to assuage our fears, of showing us that there will always be another sunrise regardless of what happens.

(**Content warning end.)

Linglong becomes the drama’s strongest woman-centric plot, and I really love that the writers did it with a character whose personality isn't the most appealing. She's the imperfect woman we can find in every corner of the world, a representation of women overall instead of the minority who are considered "deserving" of justice.

Next to her, Xuanji also gets a short end of the stick. She's constantly being pushed to marry Hao Chen. Every excuse in the book is used against her: they're a fated couple, he's the only one that can take care of her, doesn't she agree that this is a part of her duty? No matter how logically she objects to it, no one really cares what she thinks. If she objects, she’s being headstrong, and that’s the end of it. (More on Xuanji to come in Part IV of this essay.)

And aside from Bai Lin’s more obvious transgressions (we're getting to those), what really irked me is just how twisted he makes the God of War’s rebellion appear in others’ eyes. The logic turns quickly from “Bai Lin must have done something wrong” into “the God of War must have been in love with Bai Lin and grew resentful that he rejected her.” I guess it’s very believable that the God of War would want to destroy the entire universe because some guy wouldn’t date her? That’s right, you can be the most accomplished woman in your field and someone will still want to attribute everything you do to being motivated by romance.

Naturally, the next question is—why is Bai Lin such a weirdo? Why does he insist on turning his friend Luohou Jidu, a man, into a woman when creating the God of War? Hmm. I smell a waft of homophobia...

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Part III: All of Them Are Racist

And except for a small minority, I really mean "all of them" this time. Humans and celestial beings are racist toward demons. Demons are racist back toward humans and celestial beings. If you asked both sides who started it, they'd point at the other without hesitation. "They started it. By existing."

I don’t even know where to start with this topic. Part of me believes this entire section of analysis could be extraneous—do I really need to do a deep dive when you could just click a random timestamp of a random episode and have a 50% chance of finding a character saying something incredibly racist? No case studies necessary. The drama is the case study.

Obviously, while I may say that all the different races are racist toward one another, some are notably more egregious in their discrimination than others. The five sects, being in power, are the worst offenders. Every other second, someone is reminding another that they need to wipe out demons. Just the utterance of the word “demon” makes them froth at the mouth. In their possession, they have treasure troves of weapons and magical devices whose collective main purpose is to identify and kill demons. Perhaps you know someone in real life who thinks that hating something is a personality trait—that’s the five sects in a nutshell.

Zi Hu and Ting Nu are continuously snubbed for not being human even after they’ve long proven that they’re more help than harm. Ting Nu is a doctor, but even saving Hao Chen doesn’t make them think of him as anything but a demon who is evil in his very bones. Demons can do everything right, but the high and mighty humans are too pure and innocent to associate with them…aside from killing and torturing them, of course.

Highlighted Exhibit A: Sifeng almost being tortured and whipped to death based on the mere suspicion that he’s a demon. The fact that he is one doesn’t matter. His assailants operate on the doctrine that they’d rather kill an innocent person than let a demon roam free. Every action to rid the world of a demon is a virtuous one. It's a reenactment of the Monty Python witch trial but they're being completely serious.

Highlighted Exhibit B: the other sects band together to wipe out Lize Palace without solid confirmation as to whether they’re all demons. They’re operating on the same principle as in Exhibit A, so at least you can praise them for being consistent.

Highlighted Exhibit C: before Sifeng is revealed to be a pretty bird, Xuanji’s repeated defense of him consists of "Sifeng isn’t a demon." The main purpose of these lines is to instill further fear into Sifeng and give him more reason to keep lying to her, all while Xuanji's trust in him deepens. But is it also some of her lingering innate judgment seeping through? A subconscious understanding that her family and sect will never accept a demon as her boyfriend? Well, joke’s on them because he’s one hot bird.

So how are you supposed to survive as a demon? Lize Palace results from the humans’ desire to eradicate an entire race of demons. Just as Wu Tong is driven only by revenge, the demons of Lize Palace just need to survive for long enough to one day remove their masks and live as themselves. Humans’ endless thirst for blood does nothing but fuel demons’ fire of rebellion and keep the wheel of tragedy turning.

As for the “bad guys” of Tianxu Hall? At least when they commit the same acts of evil as the other five sects, they’re willing to admit that being evil isn’t beyond them.

Yuan Lang is an extremely successful villain for this very reason. All of us love Yuan Lang, so much that we start grinning whenever he comes on-screen with his fan and sarcastic mouth. So much that when it's revealed he's been consuming people's souls, all my mom had to say about it was: “Oh. That's mean of him.”

He plots and he lies and he murders, but he doesn’t put up a facade of holding himself to a lofty moral standard. It’s also quite telling that while Yuan Lang machinates behind the scenes, 90% of his time is spent standing by and calling others out on their bullshit. Everyone around him creates their own downfall. He just happens to benefit from their stupidity.

Man with a fan and a plan. I like.

Even so, Yuan Lang isn’t invulnerable to emotion. One of my absolute favorite scenes is where Di Lang sacrifices himself so Yuan Lang can make a getaway. It’s the only instance of Yuan Lang being subject to the pain of caring about someone else. Those short moments contrast so starkly against the sects’ inhumanity that suddenly, a revolution doesn’t seem all that bad.

Behind the bulky mask, his despair is apparent. Man. This actor’s come a long way since his F4—I mean, H4 days. If you've never watched Let's Go Watch Meteor Shower Together, don't.

Finally, we arrive on the topic of Bai Lin. Oh, boy. I still haven’t watched Blood of Youth because seeing the actor’s face triggers my fight-or-flight response. And it’s been years.

Bai Lin, the one racist to rule them all. The guy must have a handbook on “How to Be Racist” or something—how else could the contempt that spews from his mouth, the spark of repugnance in his eyes, and the brazen obstinacy in his opinions be so immaculate?

The entire drama consists of setting the stage for the full reveal of Bai Lin turning Luohou Jidu into a weapon of war to be used against his own people. By the time all the pieces fall into place, you’ve already witnessed the tragedy created by discriminatory practices between mortals. You've seen how Sifeng is targeted and Xuanji forced to move her hand against him. You've seen how the sects use their power to harm instead of help. You've seen how demons plot their revenge for centuries. Once Bai Lin is confirmed to be the genesis of all that, there’s nothing left for you to feel but utter revulsion.

Bai Lin: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist. How could my Heavenly Realm possibly hold a marriage with the Devil Tribe? Luohou Jidu: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist...Then why do you drink with me today? Why are you friends with me? Bai Lin: Naturally, Brother Jidu, you’re different from other demons and devils. Out of all the demons and devils in this world, Brother Jidu is my only friend.

Can’t believe he even pulls the "you’re one of the good ones" card.

Bai Lin, practitioner of unethical tactics: his ultimate decision to trick and use Luohou Jidu results from racism-induced paranoia. He simply can’t believe that his friend will remain his friend, not unless he becomes "one of us." He thinks the God of War should appreciate that he's given her power and invested his time and energy in her tenth reincarnation, going so far as fool her into thinking that they loved each other once upon a time. Once Xuanji shows herself capable of independent thought, he doesn’t hesitate in turning against her and manipulating her to destroy her own self. He eventually sacrifices the entire world for the Heavenly Realm's survival. After all, what's the value of an entire planet's human and demon population in the face of his power?

He's the representation of what happens when those in power, those who have the best chance of righting wrongs and preventing more from happening, decide to perpetuate the problem. At the same time, he presents the predicament that those we rely on to give us justice are also victims of their own emotions and fears.

I venture to say that Bai Lin is the best-written antagonist in modern xianxia. He’s ruthless but has a moral compass, albeit one that only points in one direction—toward himself. His hubris aside, you have to admit that he genuinely believes he's acting for the greater good. The ends justify the means because he thinks he’s bettering the world.

Bai Lin makes awful decisions that involve genocide and cruelty because he operates on a strict utilitarian philosophy. "I do what I think will bring the best results, even if it means sacrificing something huge in the process." He’s the most dangerous character and the person we should also fear in real life because he’ll stop at nothing to create his definition of a paradise.

It would be easy to dismiss him as simply being a bad person. However, this show draws from reality in that every person exists in a gray area between good and bad. You can lean one way or the other, but you don’t fall completely into either. And that’s the foundation of the show's conflicts. Everyone's so busy trying to define what’s right and wrong that they’ve lost sight of basic compassion.

When he’s finally faced with the consequences of his actions, Bai Lin is driven to despair. He feels true remorse over what he’s done, but only because he’s fortunate enough to actually witness how the thousand-year conflict wouldn't have existed without him. We as people aren’t so lucky—those “what if”s will forever remain in the shrouded realm of impossibility.

Heavenly Emperor: You always thought that evil had sparked in the hearts of the God of War and Luohou Jidu. But the one in whom evil truly sparked was you. All things and happenings in this world are originally empty. From emptiness comes meaning. Yin and yang reverse; they support and restrain one another. The Heavenly Realm was originally empty. The Asura, too, was empty. If all is empty, then how could the Heavenly Realm be superior; and the Mortal Realm, Demon Realm, and Devil Realm be inferior? Your excessive concern for the safety of the Heavenly Realm prompted evil to take root in your heart, unable to be undone.

Seeing him in such despair almost makes me feel bad for him. Maybe I do have too much sympathy.

At this point, it's already too late to repair the damage he's caused, a realization that causes him further anguish. He rids himself of his divinity to show his remorse and accepts death. But he's already caused so much pain to everyone else. Who can put back together the world that he's destroyed?

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Part IV: Love Wins All

(We love IU for her perfect song that also gave me the best possible final section title.)

As I seek to be conscious of my own biases, I once wondered: why is it that shaking my head at a female character for being dedicated to a man comes so naturally to me, but I can’t be more gleeful to see Sifeng put his heart out on a platter for Xuanji? Perhaps I’m also sexist. Perhaps I have double standards.

Then I thought about it some more and realized everyone loves Sifeng because he’s so blatantly unrealistic that you’re immediately able to sink yourself into his fictional beauty. He transcends gender norms because there is no person of any gender who would go to the extent that he does for Xuanji, nor is there anyone who could remain as levelheaded when faced with some of the most shameless people known to mankind. Forget all the people flying on swords and uttering magic spells. The biggest absurdity in Love and Redemption is its male lead. Yes, I'm a skeptic. But we're so lucky to have him.

Sifeng grew up in a bizarrely backwards environment where—instead of girls needing to cover up to not attract men’s attention—all men need to protect themselves by wearing masks and not associating with the opposite sex. Brainwashed for years to believe that Lize Palace is the only safe space for golden fire birds like himself, he keeps cautious around people while still harboring a subconscious longing for their warmth.

In my entire life, I never knew what a "friend" is. I finally understand now, the meaning of "fervent friendship."

Sifeng is established as the loyal lover extremely quickly. He's whipped—figuratively and literally—for Xuanji, his sheltered childhood leaving him defenseless against her unintentionally flirtatious mannerisms. He teaches her about her lost senses without judgment, nurtures limitless patience with her and others by proxy, and isn't afraid to question the status quo.

We love Sifeng for his wisdom and levelheadedness. He sees things for what they are and is commonly the voice of empathy and reason within a world of selfishness. The entire show is Sifeng going, "I might as well do it myself" in every situation because no one else cares, is capable enough, or both. He's the guy in group projects who quietly does everything and doesn't even get mad that you're the most useless team member ever. What a saint.

In the xianxia universe, he's distinct husband material (which isn’t saying much since the bar there is so low that you'd need to dig yourself a grave to reach it—which is also great because then you already have a place to go once your xianxia spouse gets you killed. I digress). His loyalty to not only others, but also who he is and what he wants, leaves him able to counter the complacency with hatred and evil permeating the world around him.

With his endless empathy, he's able to understand Luohou Jidu. While Sifeng's earliest motivation in facing the greatest devil is only to save Xuanji, he later views Luohou Jidu as an individual with his own sufferings. He's the only one to truly view Luohou Jidu as himself, not someone to eliminate, not just an extension of Xuanji. To Sifeng, everyone deserves a chance to be heard before a verdict is passed over them.

Not to mention, these two’s interactions are absolutely hilarious. I wish I could've seen the extensive conversations that must’ve went on in the censorship agency over them.

Fellas, is it gay to clasp a guy’s hands within your own and stare deeply into his eyes while reminiscing about your loving relationship if he’s technically got a woman captive in his brain?

But perhaps what shines the brightest about Sifeng is how he suffers. He's so pretty when he suffers. Wait. That's not my point.

When his Lovers’ Curse triggers for the first time, Xiao Yinhua speaks the gospel that a lot of the audience probably has in mind: "you did so much for her, you were so good to her, but she doesn’t love you back." And it sounds kind of right? But also kind of not? Then Sifeng opens his mouth and you think, "oh, crap, I've been brainwashed by misogyny yet again."

She never asked me to like her. If someone wants to kill another just because she doesn’t reciprocate their feelings, then that person will never be loved. They also don’t deserve to love another.

Again and again, Sifeng puts himself in harm's way to keep loving Xuanji. Sure, he wants her to love him back, but that's secondary to his desire to be honest with his own feelings.

With the bright beacon of light that is Sifeng’s blinding love, I feel most viewers overlook Xuanji’s capabilities as a female lead. Her comparative passiveness in the relationship makes it seem as if she doesn’t love him enough. I attribute this to the same reason as our previous conclusions, that female characters in romance dramas have a harder time garnering the audience’s approval than their male counterparts. Are we innately more judgmental toward women, or is the standard for men still so low that we’re already impressed when a guy surpasses the bare minimum? Probably both.

It's easy to forget that Xuanji is the one who's nice to Sifeng first. When they first meet, Xuanji literally falls into his arms. Then he just…drops her. (And they say chivalry is dead.) But Xuanji doesn’t care.

The rules of his sect push Sifeng into being a bit of a porcupine in his demeanor. He puts up a wall against everyone, but especially Xuanji. After all, as an innocent boy, Sifeng needs to protect himself from evil women. Or something.

Xuanji is the one who can't take the hint tries to befriend him and tears down his wall with the gentle, graceful nature of a sledgehammer. She insists that she'll retrieve his lost mask because she knows it's important to him. When she discovers that Sifeng is punished over it, Xuanji is the one to point out how unfair it is. Her straightforwardness and sense of principle are the reason Sifeng begins to open up at all.

Xuanji: I’m the one who took off his mask. If you want to hit someone, hit me. [...] Not to mention, he almost died trying to get his mask back. So I'd like to ask you, Palace Leader, is Sifeng's life more important, or is that mask more important?

She knows no fear, so she doesn't consider emotionless rules to be worth anything if they cause pain for the people she cares about. In many ways, Xuanji is the one who teaches Sifeng to stand up for what he believes in.

That Xuanji lacks her six senses makes her the least susceptible to the prejudicial habits of her surroundings. She accepts what they believe, that demons are bad, but only because that's all she knows. Whereas most of her peers are content remaining in their ignorance, this supposedly heartless gal is curious about the world. She can easily abandon her preconceptions in favor of what she witnesses the world to be.

It takes constant practice and tests for Xuanji to completely shed her old beliefs. The introduction of Zi Hu marks the beginning of her growth. Xuanji, concerned and angry that Zi Hu is holding her friends captive, fully intends on killing the fox until Ting Nu reasons with her:

Ting Nu: Zi Hu isn’t a malicious demon. You shouldn’t threaten her life. Xuanji: But she kidnapped my friends. How can I spare her? [...] No. She did bad things, so I have to kill her. Ting Nu: [...] Zi Hu has never actually harmed anybody. She’s simply misguided by her anxieties. You should spare her life. […] If you discover that she’s actually committing malicious acts, you could kill her then, no?

If it were Minyan or Linglong in her position, you could bet that they'd ignore Ting Nu. For one, he's a merman, so of course he'd protect another demon. To Xuanji's credit, she really does give Zi Hu—and Ting Nu—the benefit of the doubt. Does she have to? No. But she does anyway.

If Sifeng’s love comes naturally, then Xuanji’s comes through determination. Who's to say that one is inherently better than the other? It takes ten lifetimes for her to understand a semblance of love. She wants dearly to understand what it means to "like" someone, even though she's already the least unafraid to show how much she cares about others.

After she successfully grows the heart light for Sifeng, I don't think anyone is more excited than Xuanji herself. Look how proud she is. Obviously, she's happy she can use it to protect him, but I imagine that she also views it as the clearest proof that she’s as human as anybody else and as capable of loving as anyone else. Sifeng may be stunned when the heart light disappears, but Xuanji falls despondent—she really wants Sifeng to be someone important to her.

People sometimes struggle to see past Xuanji’s initial naivety. They're especially harsh toward her for not seeing what Sifeng has sacrificed for her until it’s almost too late. It's true, the drama primarily favors Sifeng's perspective, so it's easy to only see what he’s done and ignore Xuanji’s efforts.

In spite of warnings from Sifeng himself to not do so, Xuanji emerges to save him from the third lash of the demon whip. You go, girl.

Love isn’t a competition. But for the sake of the discussion, let's say proof is needed that Xuanji’s effort in the relationship matches Sifeng’s. In that case, the important part is looking at what they sacrifice in a relative scope instead of an absolute one.

The things that Sifeng sacrifices are astronomical. He climbs a tower blustering with an eternal blizzard and puts on the Lovers' Curse mask. He stands right in the middle of the conflict between humans and demons even though there’s no way humans will spare him. He gets stabbed…a lot. But everything he does is a result of his own will and careful calculations—they’re all things he knows he can take responsibility for.

Sifeng's major flaw is that he's a massive liar. He's not right to lie, but he's also right to be scared about what would happen if he doesn't. As a demon, he knows what happens to anyone who isn't distinctly human. That's why he conceals his identity from Xuanji.

Then, once he discovers that Xuanji is also the reincarnation of the Star of Mosha, his fear is ignited again for her sake. Xuanji has almost always been defined by what she is, not who. She's berated for being useless when she doesn’t have her six senses. The moment she’s revealed to have the God of War's power, suddenly everyone finds her more than useful. If she's publicly revealed to be the Star of Mosha, then she'd be killed without question, and the person that is “Xuanji” will also cease to exist. Just as he doesn’t want Xuanji to view him and as anything other than himself, Sifeng doesn't want anyone else to view Xuanji as anyone other than herself. That's also why out of everyone, the one person he must keep the Star of Mosha secret from is Xuanji herself.

When Sifeng's lies begin to unfold, Xuanji is left to handle the mess he's inadvertently created. Suddenly discovering that he's a demon and also protective of the demon that possibly murdered her mother, Xuanji is torn. Her wavering faith in him isn't because of his identity, but because he lied to her.

Zi Hu: Do you dislike it that much, that [Sifeng] is a demon? Xuanji: Should I not? Zi Hu: Well, you healed my wounds. And you’re friends with me and Ting Nu, a merman. As for little Sifeng, he’s not a malicious demon who harms people. I don’t think he was aware of what went on with Tianxu Hall and Lize Palace. Xuanji: That’s different! He shouldn’t have lied to me. He’s the person I trust the most. But he even kept from me who he is. Then, all the things he told me and did with me in the past…what part of it all was real and what was fake? Zi Hu: What’s real and what’s fake? Can’t you just drag him over here and ask him? If he’s a scumbag, just kill him. But if there’s any misunderstandings, the two of you should clear them up. Resolve them and see what solutions there are. When two people are together, the scariest thing is misunderstanding one another for no reason. If you lose each other, that might be the end, forever. You’d regret that.

And then she eventually does try to kill him. Good going, Zi Hu.

Xuanji's main conflict in the latter half of the drama is that she wants to find a solution that satisfies everyone, an impossible dilemma. Everyone starts pressuring her to lead the charge against the demons. It's her duty as the God of War, isn't it? Oh, but if she doesn't want to, it's because she's in love with the enemy. But she can't be in love with the enemy. She's the God of War, after all.

That’s the duplicitous world that Xuanji lives in. Yet, without knowing why he's been dishonest or what else he could be lying about, she still chooses to believe in Sifeng—even if it means being treated as a traitor herself and being further guilt-tripped. She's bound to her duty, family, and the expectations that come along with that. Going against them in any capacity is a challenge to her entire livelihood and the moral standards imposed on her. If you take that into account, suddenly the things that she risks don’t pale in comparison what Sifeng does for her.

As an omniscient audience, it's easy for us to say that she doesn't do enough, that she should know better. It's an interesting thought experiment to wonder what else she could do in such a situation. Her boyfriend lies to her. She believes he has a reason, believes in him when he tells her to trust him. She defends him repeatedly to people who don't even care to listen unless it's to interrupt and call her crazy. She lies to her father that she'll devote herself to killing demons like Sifeng so they'll stop calling her crazy and threatening her. Then, when she goes to rescue Sifeng from Mingxia Cave, he's suddenly getting passive-aggressive with her: “oh, what does the mighty God of War need from a lowly demon like me that she deigns to talk to me?” Bro…if I were her, I might just ditch him in a fit of rage. That's how you want to play? Have fun turning into frozen poultry in this cave, then.

Obviously, more is going on behind the scenes that Xuanji is completely unaware of. Sifeng almost dies from her fire magic that Hao Chen stole. The broken hairpin. And okay, I'll admit that her saying that she'll kill him while he's eavesdropping outside is not a great look. But come on, Sifeng. Where have your critical thinking skills gone? If you can lie, don’t you think Xuanji can too? And after all that, she still instinctively shields him from her father’s sword.

Sifeng. In this case, I do have to criticize you in a serious manner. Do you have any idea how hard it was for Xuanji to finally try to get herself stabbed for you, only for you to go “no, me” and get stabbed again? Do you have a sword-magnet in your chest?

Then Sifeng tells her that he’s never loved her and was only using her because he’s Luohou Jidu, the world's biggest villain. And she still can't bear to hurt him. When Xuanji discovers that Hao Chen has tricked her into using a so-called “Purifying Vase” to doom Sifeng to a painful death, she's furious:

Xuanji: For my own good? You want me to practice the Method of Love, but you also want me to be heartless. I can’t be so contradictory. Hao Chen: I told you to practice the Method of Love through feelings between you and me, not for you to continuously absorb yourself in your fixation on Sifeng! Xuanji, don’t forget. Our marriage is one determined by the heavens. It’s destiny. Xuanji: The heavens determine nothing. If they do, then why did they make Sifeng and I meet in our past nine lives? What a joke of the heavens. Hao Chen: So, you’d rather resign yourself to your doomed fate with that demon than stay properly by my side? Xuanji: Fate isn’t split into a virtuous or doomed one. I hate myself for loving Sifeng before, and we won’t ever be together again. But since I already gave him my love, I won’t take it back.

But of course, Hao Chen has more tricks up his Mary Poppins sleeves. He pulls out all the stops and uses his last breath to manipulate her into stabbing Sifeng. Oh my god. Look at all these trust issues, just making themselves readily available.

Her stabbing him is, how do you say, very bad. But let’s be honest, she’s seen him survive worse. I don't have a nifty conclusion is here, but basically, she subconsciously knows he'll get over it (physically, at least).

Of course, Sifeng is heartbroken. It's intensified by the tragic fate of his father. His father’s goal was always to protect Sifeng from the dangers posed by the racist five sects, led primarily by fabricated memories that his lover Hao Feng was driven to suicide by her own family. When Yuan Lang reveals the truth, that Hao Feng's fear of demons trumped her love for her husband, it’s intense foreshadowing of Sifeng and Xuanji’s relationship. Maybe Xuanji isn't like Hao Feng and she can cross the rift between humans and demons, meeting Sifeng in the middle. But finally, she still retreats, away from him. Her betrayal, now the tenth in all their lifetimes, leads Sifeng to leave behind some of the most truthful but hurtful words for Xuanji to deal with:

I finally understand why my fate turned out as it did in all my past nine lives. From beginning to end, you have always been a heartless person.

It’s not fair to ask Sifeng to keep considering Xuanji’s feelings under the brunt of her violent wrath. But just as she has no idea what he’s been doing to protect her, he has no idea what she’s been doing to protect him. Zi Hu is right again: nothing poses a greater danger to a couple than misunderstandings. And racism.

The ultimate resolution only occurs once Xuanji recovers the memories of their past lives. Congratulations, Sifeng. After a millennium of pining, your love has finally touched the heart of your beloved. Indeed, it might take a long time getting there, but love will find a way.

I love the short scenes that show the God of War and Xi Xuan's quiet but gentle relationship. Xi Xuan is the only one who cares that the God of War wants her own identity, then gives her a moment in which she doesn't have to wear her armor, just as Sifeng does everything in his power to let Xuanji be "Xuanji." Through all their lives, Sifeng is the one who recognizes her for who she is and wants to make her happy, even if she doesn't have a heart.

Activate: Xuanji, shameless mode. After Xuanji tracks down Sifeng in his solitude, they return to their days as teenagers. Xuanji acts like a fool in front of him, demanding his attention, and Sifeng only wants to get her the hell out of his house. It's not only a reminder of the times when things were a lot simpler, but also of how far they've come.

She intends on marrying Sifeng. Even if her father doesn't approve, she no longer cares. There's not enough time left in the world to hesitate about the people you love to satiate someone who can't be satisfied. Just as Sifeng upends his whole life for her, she's willing to do the same.

And as Sifeng is dying, Xuanji makes the ultimate decision to become the Star of Mosha. This isn't a reckless move done just to save him. Rather, her faith in Sifeng has strengthened into steel after all they've been through. Even if the world ends, she knows that a little bird with unshakable resolve will come get her. For two people who have spent most of their time as a pair of parallel lines, never to coincide, this is their point of intersection—a challenge that they'll face together, even if they're apart.

Sifeng: Xuanji, stop! I'd rather die than watch you become a devil for me! Xuanji: Sifeng, I can't consider all that now. I have to save you! Whether I be the Star of Mosha or the God of War, I don't care. I just need you to be okay. Sifeng. If I become Luohou Jidu, you absolutely can't forget me. Remember to bring me back! I cry during this scene. Then I immediately start laughing at Sifeng's gobsmacked expression once Luohou Jidu shows up. It just reads "but...my girlfriend..."

And Xuanji's right. Sifeng is the solution. No one else can save Luohou Jidu, the God of War, and the world by extension. Luohou Jidu's pain results from being betrayed purely because of his identity as a devil, but Sifeng becomes the confidante that Bai Lin pretended to be. The God of War's pain comes from having no self-identity, but Xi Xuan gives her the ability to seek one and accompanies her for a thousand years to help her find it. The suffering that Bai Lin set into motion would lead to a ceaseless cycle of revenge and a destruction of the world’s good due to its sins, but Sifeng alone convinces Luohou Jidu and the God of War that there's something in life worth keeping. But you have to fight for it, and persistently, because good things only come to those who are willing to chase after them.

Xuanji to Bai Lin: I won’t mess with someone else’s life so simply due to my own matters, even if that person is someone as despicable as you. Sifeng once said that using hate to obtain vengeance is an endless cycle. In this life, I already have something that matters more to me than that. I have no space to keep my hatred.

I know it can sound cheesy to say that the best revenge is living a happy life. But Love and Redemption can convert even the most insistent of cynics—me, for example. People will practice evil whether or not there’s a reason for it and whether or not those consequences will ripple out into a tsunami that will engulf the world. Only true, honest love can hope to settle the uneasy sea. It’s why Zi Hu gives Wu Zhiqi something to live for other than war. It’s why Linglong and Minyan have a reason to persist alongside one another. It's why Luohou Jidu gives his heart and life to Sifeng. It’s why Sifeng is able to save Xuanji. It's why the three realms are blessed with the chance to keep finding a reason to persist.

Sifeng and Xuanji’s story is a journey of overcoming all odds; of learning to love someone unconditionally not because it’s easy, but because you want to; of letting that love grow into a ray of hope in the world. Yes, if we let it, love wins all.

Sifeng: Your heart has become one of flesh and blood. It couldn’t bear to destroy the three realms. Because…it’s a heart that I held and warmed in my hands, bit by bit.

#love and redemption #琉璃 #scribbles*#originally this was only going to be about the racism #then the further i got the more i thought “well you can't just talk about the racism and not everything else”#and after adding “everything else” i figured i might as well do a sifeng/xuanji relationship analysis while i was at it #so here we are #it's below 10k words though :D so still bite-sized? ...lol

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medusa12346 · 2 years

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Choose a frozen character-YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE-EVERYTHING

I hope you enjoy!

Pile 1-

Pile 1, your future spouse is a very private person per se. They might be your opposite too. They’re very successful and abundant in their career, however, their personal life may be a bit wonky. They’re a very giving and materialistic person, however, they may not be the most caring or affectionate. They probably have an iPhone 11? That was specific lol… They may like dancing and may be into sports of some kind, I’m also seeing balanced energy between themselves, masculine and feminine both, with the masculine coming out stronger than feminine but the feminine leaving a harder impact than the masculine. I’m hearing that they have had an unhealthy cycle in their relationship, and the end of that cycle will be you. They will be holding onto you very tightly. This is a very valuable relationship, seems like they’ll never let you go and are quite possessive of you. Damn this person has a lot to say and to show, literally all of my thoughts are overlapping each other-They’ve broken down a million times and put themselves back together again…okay one thing they may not be big fan of animals though, especially rodents of some kind. They’re very mature, stable and practical, and grounded, which can make them a bit boring or dull sometimes but they’re usually really fun and nice to hang out with even if it’s not too extreme. Your person’s love language is giving time, gifts, effort, and money. I’m getting a lot of Virgo, Taurus, and Capricorn plus a bunch of mutable energy. OKAY OKAY extreme message, their house might have been destroyed in a fire once? Your person is a summer person and loves seeing you in flowy and comfortable dresses.OOH okay, they might be a POC, if you’re black then they might be the same but this applies to anyone who’s a POC! OKAY, so your person may have had a backward ascendance, like they might have been spiritual once but then lost faith? I’m also hearing that its no point in convincing them again tbh, let them be, it’s their journey and the universe is honestly okay with it. Your fs might be really close with your mom in the future or their mom too, but I’m hearing they’ll be close to yours, I don’t think they had a typical family environment. HOWEVER, they have definitely healed from this though, I get so much positive energy from them. They’re pretty confident about themselves and may be working on a major project currently? Most probably financial and material stability. If they’re a girl, they like to wear off-shoulder tops and if a boy then shirtless- if gender-neutral then according to their birth gender I’m hearing. They might like seeing you in boots, high heels, and drunk for some reason? (if you’re a girl) OOh, you will make them the happiest person in the world after agreeing to marry them/being a long-term partner. You two may have kids together if u want. They have a very fair mindset, sometimes a bit too much. Maybe they’re in law as well, and they value truth a lot. Even white lies would hurt more than the cold truth. They have a lot of compassion for the world, and charity seems to be important for them.

Pile 2-

OOOOHHHH yall are soulmates no cap. However, you may ignore your future spouse for the first time. They may be a player, and you might think they’re playing you the first time they ask you out or something. GURL, I UNDERSTAND NO WORRIES. There’s gonna be a whole lotta passion here, I also see new beginnings so you may be leaving something, a relationship may be, (friendship too) and going into this relationship. They CAN be a bit emotionally mature and sometimes a bit less understanding with a heavy demeanor, but in the end, they pepper you with kisses and cuddles, and hugs. I’m seeing in their previous relationships, they used to act tough with their sp when their friends were present, but with you, they are cuddly and baby even with their friends, oh and btw they probably got new friends LMAO-I get that they think you’re very smart, logical, practical, emotionally detached and commanding, and they absolutely love it, they go crazy for you HSDHSHSJSJSJ. HOLY JESUS SO MANY HIGHLIGHTS OF YOU TWO BEING TWINFLAMES/SOULMATES-ERNFJRJERF. UM basically, they’re also financially stable and love kids and pets. I don’t think they were born with a silver spoon, they worked hard for it and got it in the end. I’m getting major ‘daddy’ vibes from them SJSJSJ so maybe they’re a lot older than you? You’ll also be ending some sort of cycle with his person, like maybe negative thinking, anxiety and all of that will go to trash. You’ll also let go of some de@d family members, that you couldn’t ever let go of? BOIIII THEY HAVE CONQUERED all the challenges life has to throw at them, theyre one tough cookie.They will be majorly in business or in managing, i dont see a very ‘artistic’ person ig? But theyre very romantic, so they’ll probably try to be romantic. I’m seeing different people a lot, so maybe they change their appearance quite a bit, like dying their hair and putting on fake nose rings? I’m seeing you’ll gain a lot of confidence in this relationship, and also get more connected to nature and to earth. ALSO, YOU’LL START GETTING OUT OF BED SOON some of them could wear a turban or tie their hair up in that kind of way after showering? Specific NDNDJD.I’m seeing you two will majorly be the cool aunt and uncle, i don’t see you have kids if you don’t want to, but there are more chances of you two having nieces rather than your own kids. Your person could be Saturn dominant, and they always have instant karma either out to get them or to protect them.

PILE 3-

Your person is trapped in a difficult situation for now, and they have to be careful with what they do, and speak. They have a bucketload of work that’s been stressing them out, plus people are annoying the f out of them LMAO- they might be going through their first spiritual awakening? And they’ve become a bit immature during the process, but will come out better than ever after it. Oooh yeah, they've been going through it right now. Maybe they just swerved their way out of something (relationship maybe), and they recently might have lost a friend.For their personality, they’re definitely very sweet and creative and artistic, they love to experiment with colors and can be childish when they want to, but after this awakening, they’ll be a lot more mature and elegant in the way that they express themselves. Also, the crown chakra may or may not be important to them, maybe they’re focusing on rebalancing it after their work. They have messed up quite a few times this year, and they are working on moving past that shame and regret and guilt. I’m also seeing that blue may be important to them? As well as cars. They’re romantic too, and they set up the mood before asking you out on a date, possibly a Leo venus. They might also have been physically hurt once or more than that? There’s a need of going to the hospital a lot..mAYBE THEY’RE A DOCTOR? Oh, of they are, they work with infectious diseases and have to be really careful. I also see a toxic workplace, maybe their boss is really annoying and coworkers are not willing to compromise so everything is just wrong right now. They probably like traveling tho. They may have mars in 3rd and love debates. This person is really secretive I’m not getting anything here-AS for appearance, they could wear glasses, dye their hair grey, and have tanned skin. They also probably were impulsive once and that made them have a lot of anxiety but in the end, they got through it all. You could meet them through friends and online, but I’m also seeing a very dramatic meeting where y'all are MOVIE STARS OR SOMETHING. Sorry for it being shorter than the other piles, but i took half of the deck out and the majority of it gets vibes of renewal, toxicity, and hurt.

This is an old post. It is mine.

All coprights reserved to @amoretarot

#pick a card #pick a pile #pick a cards #pick a picture #pac #pick a picture.#future spouse #tarot reading

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pleasedontkickme · 8 months

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“Book 4 isn’t as dark as the rest of the show” Book 4 is more grounded in the real world than Book 3 is. I think that’s an important distinction to make. Coming off the tail end of the ending of Book 3, of course Book 4 is gonna seem light hearted. But I think that’s why I really like it, since it almost serves in contrast to the season before it.

Grace and Simon spend at least half their lives on the Train. More than almost any other passengers we see, they evolve to “Train culture”—hell, with the Apex, they also end up creating a sort of Train culture in the decade or so that they’re there. As the stakes of what goes on on the Train (mainly Amelia’s coup and One-One’s subsequent return as Conductor) rise, it raises their personal stakes so sharply b/c they’re intrinsically woven into this world now.

Book 4, on the other hand, starts right off the bat with the most character-establishing that we get of any protagonists, showing us their life literally from birth until the Train, with plenty of visual cues to remind us that they’re from the 80’s, a setting that viewers will retroactively be able to “relate” to to some extent. Book 4 also gives us the oldest out of the main protagonists (*correct me if I’m wrong), so Ryan and Min have literally spent the longest amount of time in the real world before getting on the Train compared to the others. In other words, their story is very grounded in the real world. They’re not kids/young teens getting their asses isekai’d to another realm going “Ah! Oh no! I’m away from home! Oh well, time to explore!” They wake up screaming, lol. They’re old enough to be fully aware of just how potentially fucked they are.

(The show tells us that too—we get to see One literally admit that it’s within the Train’s design that if Ryan and Min don’t solve their issues, they’ll die on the Train. These are the stakes for all the protagonists, but it’s interesting that the show actually explicitly tells us with them.)

So when the stakes of the Train (in this case, Amelia’s coup happening in real time) rise, it interferes with their journey, yeah, but their own personal stakes are much more rooted in their baggage they’ve brought over from the real world. I think the emotional weight of Book 4 is the implied homesickness—or, that we know they’re at risk of never being able to go back to a real world that we, the audience, can really relate to.

So yeah. Book 4’s stakes has less to do with how much the Train fucks them up, and more to do with how much they both fuck each other up (<3) (ok not like Grace and Simon don’t also do this—) and, more importantly, how much they have to loose that the audience can really, really feel.

Also, as others have pointed out on here. Ryan has a meltdown on screen and proceeds to starve himself for three days. A monster made out of the dead corpse arms of passengers tries to kill Min. I wouldn’t call Book 4 “light hearted” to begin with.

In conclusion. Book 4 is light-hearted if you’ve never been through your early twenties.

#infinity train

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harrywavycurly · 2 years

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How would Eddie handle a s/o with older brothers?

Hiii babes!! As someone who has 3 older brothers this felt personal 😂 so I just went with that number so hope that’s okay and you enjoy this!💖

*Here we have an Eddie Munson being intimidated by just the idea of meeting your brothers*

“Wait you have more than one?” You look over your shoulder and laugh at the look of absolute horror that’s on your boyfriend’s face. “How many are we talking? Please don’t say like seven or some wild shit like that.” You watch him run a hand through his hair before you turn your attention back to the numerous bags of chips in front of you.

“Just three.” You answer simply as you reach down and grab a bag of tortilla chips. Eddie feels the color drain from his face as the thought of having to meet all your brothers in a mere hour runs through his head. “They are really nice.” You reassure him as you head further down the aisle so you can grab a jar of salsa.

“Nice to you maybe.” You stop and turn around so you can face Eddie as he lets out a huff and places his hands on his hips. “But I’m the boyfriend of their precious little sister.” You take a few steps towards him to you can reach out with your free hand and grab one of his hands and give it a squeeze.

“Eddie I swear they are nice guys, you’ll get along with them just fine.” He knows you’re trying to make him feel at ease and comfortable with the idea of meeting them but nothing is helping because he knows how important you are to him, so he can’t even imagine how your brothers must feel about you. “If I didn’t think they’d like you I wouldn’t have invited them over for dinner.” He lets out a sigh as you lean over and place a kiss to his cheek.

“Are they anything like your dad?” He asks and you just shrug making Eddie groan and close his eyes as he runs a hand over his face. “You’re dad fucking hates me.” You roll your eyes as you let go of his hand so you can go back to picking out a salsa for the chips.

“He doesn’t hate you.” You tell him as you reach up for a jar but before you can reach it you feel Eddie come up behind you and quickly grab it for you. “He just doesn’t know you very well yet.” Eddie chuckles and shakes his head as he hands you the jar.

“Are they as intimidating as him?” You raise an eyebrow at him making him look at you with a weird expression.

“You think my dad’s intimidating?” Your voice is full of shock making Eddie instantly feel ten times more anxious because you say it as if you’re dad is the most non intimidating man in the world when in reality he made Eddie nervous the moment he met him almost three months ago, and if he’s honest with himself he still does.

“Uh yeah?” You rub your lips together and slowly turn towards the checkout leaving Eddie’s eyes wide as he rushes after you. “What’s that look mean baby?” His voice is almost a whine as you hand the cashier your bag of chips and jar of salsa.

“It’s nothing Eddie.” You look at him and you almost feel bad for how genuinely nervous he looks but you know when he meets your brothers it’ll be fine, they love you and know if they are rude to him in anyway they’ll have to deal with you. “They’re going to love you. Just like I do.” Eddie gives you a small smile as you lean over and kiss his cheek before he reaches for his wallet.

“If you say so princess.” He mumbles as he hands you some money to give to the cashier. “I love you too.” You smile as he places a kiss to your cheek.💖

#boyfriend eddie munson #eddie munson x fem!reader #Eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson request #eddie munson x reader fluff #eddie munson blurb #Eddie Munson #my little dungeon master baby

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fitpacs · 1 month

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Oi tumblr user fitpacs, I hope you’re doing well! Morale’s been running a little low for me but ur posts have really helped to cheer me up!!!! so here’s some angst

I think if Fit’s secret ever came out, the only one of his close friends who would turn against him would be Tubbo. I feel like Phil and Bagi would trust that he had his reasons/ask for more details (and Phil hearing that it was Fit’s chance to escape 2b2t would immediately be like Oh Yeah, Valid); Mike might be a bit harder to defuse but I think he’d come around eventually. But Tubbo? Tubbo’s very much a “fuck the motive” type of guy, plus with his growing distance from Fit, feeling left out from the secret, and how data is implied to be important for his lore too, learning that Fit has already taken and ‘sold off’ his data might kill the Morning Crew once and for all

this is so interesting for me to think about! for me, qtubbo is very much a ‘act now think later’ kind of guy towards everyone except his daughter, because he feels like he’s easily interchangeable in everyone’s life except for sunny’s - that’s why everything he does for sunny (in canon) is thought out and consequences minimised; see, for example, the creation lore, as well as qtubbo randomly calling fobo the egg hospital and calling sunny the special, number one patient.

so yeah i feel like he will feel betrayed when he does eventually find out about it all, it will bring back all of those feelings of him feeling inadequate and that fit and pac always like each other better than they like him, and that they secretly want tubbo to leave them alone (which, lbr, is the real reason he tries so hard to break them up, he feels like if they get so wrapped up in each other, he won’t have anyone else - which is also why i think qtubbo now pushes so hard for fobo, he wants to feel just as important to qfoolish as he can, just in case the morning crew - in his eyes - falls apart; fit and pac are together and have their two kids, bagi has tina and empanada, phil has his two kids who are his entire world, mike is always wrapped up in his building projects with richas and never really seeks out company… and who does that leave on their own? again?

and the real nail in the coffin for qtubbo’s feeling of betrayal will be when he finds out his data has been passed on - stolen from him and passed onto whoever the fuck (he won’t stick around to find out), he’ll take sunny and isolate the two of them for a while, knowing that he can only really trust his daughter now. he’s always felt like the morning crew like each other better than they like him, and the original members - fit and pac - both knew that tubbo’s data was stolen from him without consent and didn’t think to even run it past him? that just amplifies what he already feels. they don’t care about him, just about helping each other. yes, fit and pac’s data is passed on too, along with other members on the island, but the couple actively chose that ending - they would’ve had the option to take their data out of the pile, but they took that choice away from tubbo, and that just makes him feel like they don’t care about him at all.

and whatever is done with the data is out of his control, yes, maybe they’ll be teleported away, maybe they’ll be killed, but nothing will stay the same - qtubbo will be pulled away from the one being on the island he trusts without question and the one being that he needs to keep living on the island without going insane (sunny), and morning crew will most definitely be destroyed in tubbo’s mind as they haven’t only destroyed tubbo’s life by deciding the course of it just for fit’s own gain, but also destroyed sunny’s life as the one person she needs, the one person she has on the island that is always on her side, is ripped away from her.

#WOO BOY I CAN TALK ABOUT QSMP ALL DAMN DAY HUH #also thank you for the lovely beginning of that ask anon #i’m glad i can help a little! :)#qtubbo #qsunny #qfit #qpac #morning crew

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looptroupe · 23 days

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since goe and lup have the ancestors they do i wonder how they would approach the prospect of having kids? Fuji doesnt seem like the kinda person whod want kids of her own but i wouldnt be surprised if lups been with other women. Goe doesn't seem interested in romance at all for the most part but maybe thatd change once hes a bit older. How would they manage kids while being thieves I wonder 🤔

Oooh… this is a good one!

I can’t see Lupin ever settling down for long enough to ever actively parent a kid. Of course, his legacy is important to him, as it has been to his father and grandfather, but he’s never been one to do things by-the-book.

Goemon, I thjnk, would be more inclined to live a slower, easier life. He knows he can’t pretend to be young forever, even if that doesn’t necessarily mean having kids.

Lupin is great with kids from a merely entertainment-centric standpoint. He’s animated and wacky and constantly in-motion; and most kids love that! His natural charm makes him a wonderful candidate for children’s birthday parties, but not so much for babysitting. He is, of course, level-headed enough to safeguard a child. He cannot, however, be trusted not to let them get away with murder.

In fact, he… actually actively encourages bad behaviour. In his experience, breaking rules is great, and it’s exactly what he did as a kid. And who wouldn’t want to turn out like him?

On second thought, maybe don’t leave your kids around him at all. Just to be safe.

When it comes to kids of his own, Lupin is pretty indifferent. He loves the idea of having someone to carry his family name into the future, but he knows he could never be a reliable father figure. He recognises first-hand how messed up it is when your dad is some daredevil big-name thief, and he knows that he couldn’t possibly give up his lifestyle for long enough to break that cycle.

Over time, maybe he starts to recognise that there’s potential for an adopted heir of some kind further down the line? I can see him taking an older kid under his wing and teaching them the tricks of the trade, and I think that would be a much better fit for him and his nature and the level of responsibility he can reliably be trusted with. We know that he’s more than comfortable sharing his life with his found family, and I think having an heir who isn’t necessarily a blood descendent wouldn’t be any kind of issue for him.

The Lupin name itself is important to him, however, and he’d make a huge deal of passing it down to someone else. You don’t get to wear the Lupin name and not live up to the legend. He’ll make it his mission to haunt you otherwise.

In short: they’ll have to be one badass kid.

Goemon isn’t planning on settling down any time soon, either. Though he toys with the idea, he knows that he isn’t satisfied with his own abilities yet. Training is rigorous and the hours he spends away are long. He can’t in good conscience have a child when he’s so busy bettering himself.

With that said, he is well aware of the slow passage of time. He recognises that they’re all going to get old one day, and when he can no longer work, he will need other things to keep him busy and fulfilled. While he has no active interest in children, he doesn’t totally write off the idea. It’s just… there, in the back of his mind. A situational ‘maybe’, if you will.

After all, Goemon… struggles, shall we say, with children. He finds it a little grating to constantly have to explain himself and the world around him, especially in simple terms. While he’s kind and generous in his own way, it’s clear that the distance he keeps socially might not always gel with raising a kid; especially when it comes to teaching societal norms and expectations.

To Goemon, in opposition to Lupin, his name is less about passing it on and much more about making sure that he himself does it justice. He is going to be the best he can be, because that’s what his name implies. The weight of his family’s history is on his shoulders: THAT is what’s important to him.

With that said, I think out of the two of them, Goemon is most likely to have children of his own. While Lupin may have a protégée, Goemon would likely take a much more active role in parenting a potential child. I think he’d secretly enjoy all of the baby babbles and firsts he’d get to experience. As long as he had a helping hand, so he could slip away for a break every now and then.

The secret third answer to this prompt is Zenigata, by the way. Again, not the most… devoted or present father, that’s for sure, but certainly the best father figure out of the whole gang. Probably the most likely to have children, too, considering he’s been there, done that, left to get the milk.

Also definitely the most intent on passing down his name. If he wasn’t insanely obsessed with Lupin, I reckon he’d be living a stereotypical nuclear family lifestyle. Definitely deep in the closet, but you know what? At least he’s great with kids.

#lupin iii #lupin the third #lupin the 3rd #arsene lupin iii #looptroupe rambles #ask box

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yellowhollyhock · 2 months

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day 16 dance competition

Couldn’t resist making this about 03 Raph

post-canon, uhhh no trigger warnings this time I think. includes my take on 03 versions of various characters from other versions, not super developed here but very relevant.

It felt like the future.

Raph hated saying that, too, because it sounded like some cheesy tag line instead ot the specific type of headache he really wanted to describe.

It was the high ceilings, and being surrounded by machines he didn’t know the purpose of. Not to mention the uncomfortable suit he had to wear.

“I don’t know why we even have to come,” he said to Leo, half-hoping he’d persuade him to turn back. “I mean, Mikey and Donnie have jobs to do.”

“This is about building relationships,” Leo replied, though he didn’t sound thrilled either. “It’s the first time they’ve had potential off-world clients visit, and since most of their staff don’t have any experience with aliens, we need to be there as a buffer.”

“But Mikey’s already been studying all those cultures with Irma and Oyuki. Isn’t he in charge of being the buffer?”

“He studied the cultures so he could help plan music and a menu that wouldn’t start any wars. They’re still going to need our support in case anything goes wrong. Besides, our presence is symbolic. We’re two of only five people on earth who have ever met a Neutrino, even if it was in passing and we didn’t know it at the time.”

Raph knew that, but it was still unfair. Fugitoid was way more familiar with aliens.

“Yeah, well I bet there’s at least one other person,” he muttered darkly.

“Another important reason for is to be here,” Leo said seriously. “Even though April has government approval and protection, if Bishop somehow finds out—”

They both stopped short at the entrance to the meeting room. The outside wall had been let down as a balcony—with a safety net, something Leo had insisted on in the design phase—and the big conference table had been moved out to make room for a few smaller tables. The bright overhead lights were off, soft yellow tones lighting the room instead.

Leo gripped Raph’s arm nervously. “We’re very exposed this way.”

Raph reached over to pat him on the shell—and was interrupted by a screech and someone jumping onto his back.

“You guys are here! Can you believe we’re really doing an alien party? This is like straight out of Star Trek!”

“I really can’t believe it,” Raph assured him, unable to resist a fond smile. “I hope at least the food is better than on Star Trek.”

Mikey released them both, and they turned to face him. Raph frowned.

“Hey, how come you don’t have to wear a suit?”

Mikey was instead wearing a loose-fitting reflective jumpsuit with seams making hexagon patterns. Since it curved around his shell, he kind of looked like disco ball. He twirled happily.

“You like it? It’s the latest Neutrino fashion. Since I’m a cultural liaison April said I could wear their party clothes instead of ours!”

Raph looked at Leo. “Aren’t we cultural liaisons?”

Leo shrugged. “You wanna wear a disco ball?”

The fact that Raph thought about it for a second was a real testament to how uncomfortable their suits were. “No.”

Mikey laughed. “Come on, April and Fugitoid went up to meet them when they land, Donny’s briefing the staff in the break room. We want to all come in together ‘cause it’s more polite im their culture.”

They glanced at each other to confirm they both felt completely out of place, then followed Mikey.

In the break room, they found Irma, an older woman Raph was pretty sure was named Libby, and Timothy dressed in waitstaff uniforms, white aprons and loose black clothes. Casey wore a suit, Oyuki a black dress. Master Splinter wore a brand new blue robe. Donny was dressed like Leo and Raph, and looked about as nervous as them too.

“The Neutrinos are shapeshifters; they’ll explore their environment by shifting to match us, or other objects they find, so be mindful of what you grab. Remember, you’re all here because we trust you. We’ve done the impossible together before. Just be yourselves, and we’ve got your backs.”

Raph glanced sideways at Leo, unsurprised to see a soft smile. It was almost the same speech he’d given Don that morning. They gave each other thumbs up.

“Is it gonna give them a weird idea about earth for so many of the humans to be the waitstaff?” Oyuki pointed out as she glanced over the group.

Donny frowned thoughtfully. Unfortunately, Raph wasn’t quick enough to recognize an opportunity to change outfits. Leonardo was.

“I can be waitstaff. Timothy, trade me.”

Raph bit back a swear as he realized the opportunity he’d lost. Not only that, he was now the only ninja turtle present without a job.

Meanwhile, Timothy stood at attention, eyes wide. “It’s an honor, Leonardo Ninja Turtle!”

Leo tilted his head. “My last name is Splinterson. Do you know where the bathroom is?”

Timothy gave a very serious nod, and briskly led the way. Leo gave his brothers a backwards bewildered glance before following.

Casey clapped his hands. “Alright so, I guess we’re just waiting on word from the boss. Hope the landing’s going okay.”

“I hope after I spent this much time on my hair there at least some cute aliens my age,” Irma drawled, earning a few chuckles.

Master Splinter gave Raph a very serious look, putting a paw on his elbow. Raph leaned down a bit.

“Yeah, Sensei?”

“You seem particularly nervous, my son.”

“What, me? Nah. Just don’t like dressing up. And it’s kinda pointless, you know? I mean, I’m not exactly your average earth representative, and I don’t know about technology or alien culture. Not really a reason for me to be here.”

He crossed his arms protectively over his chest, realizing that while he had intended to dismiss Sensei’s concerns, he had instead confirmed how nervous he felt.

“I believe you know more about life from outer space and accepting those different from you than most people,” Master Splinter reassured him, “But regardless, you are here to support April and Donatello. They value your presence immensely, my son, and need your support.”

“Yeah. I know.”

He did know, but it was nice anyway, hearing it from someone else.

April and Donny just better be grateful he dressed in the worst kind of human clothes for a whole evening.

“Got her text,” Casey announced, just as Timothy and Leo reappeared. “Let’s go.”

So Raph tried to put his discomfort and insecurities out of his mind, and went to the weird business meeting party.

He gave polite nods and kept his distance. He would have liked to talk to Casey or Don, but both of them were occupied discussing recent work projects with interested aliens.

He looked around for Leo, wondering what there was to eat. He didn’t really want to ask Irma.

He spotted Leo across the room, holding a plate of appetizers and trying to explain food he didn’t understand himself to a bewildered alien.

He backed into something, and heard a surprised trill. Startled, he turned around to find a—uh, creature, with six insect-like limbs and a beak like a bird.

“Oh, uh, sorry.”

The Neutrino made a strange garbled sound. Raph took a half-step back, trying to decide if the tone seemed upset.

“You got a universal translator? I don’t have a universal translator. Were we supposed to get one?”

They dropped—or, looked more like, threw—a bright orange handkerchief at Raph’s feet.

He hesitated, thinking of what Don said about being careful what he picked up. Was that their friend? Had he hurt them when he bumped into them?

Keeping an eye on the insect-bird, he stooped to pick up the handkerchief. They leaned forward expectantly, so he went through with it and carefully handed it back.

Then they whirled and morphed into a turtle, matching Raph exactly, other than the orange handkerchief they held up.

Mikey appeared, beaming and clapping Raph on the back.

“She challenged you to a dance competition!”

“Say what.”

“Yeah yeah, it’s a big thing in their culture! We didn’t expect it to happen here because it’s usually for royalty. Hang on—hey Donny! Could you say into the translator that we need three judges for a dance competition?”

And that was how Raph found himself dancing with his clone, with Libby, Fugitoid, and a Neutrino who’d adopted a mostly human appearance, sat to judge. It wasn’t any kind of music he was familiar with, either.

It was shaping up to be one of the weirdest nights of his life, and that was saying something.

Oh, well, might as well make the most of it.

“Hey, don’t worry, I’ll take it easy on you since it’s your first time being a turtle.”

They matched him step for step.

“Alright, you get some pretty good footwork, but can you breakdance?”

They could breakdance.

“Here on earth we like to call this a moonwalk. You ever walked on the moon?”

Their moonwalk looked quite a bit different from his, and involved inflating their feet to make themselves float a little.

He talked less as the music picked up speed. There was no one else in the room; all he had to do was stay moving for longer than her.

When she was still doing spins and he was down to fist pumps, he fell to his knees in surrender. The music slowed to a stop.

“So what happens,” he panted, “If I lose?”

His clone knelt in front of him, then morphed into a humanoid figure to match her friend.

“Wow, you were great!”

He gaped. “You speak English?”

“We pick up languages pretty quickly,” her friend chirped happily. “You have to as a shapeshifter.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Raph acknowledged while his dance partner helped him to his feet.

The scores came in at a dead tie, mostly because Zak, the Neutrino judge, rated Raph so highly. Everyone was in good spirits, and by now all the Neutrinos appeared humanoid. A group of more official-looking ones were telling April they believed her technology would prove life-changing for their home planet. The dancer, Kala, said her and Zak would have to bring her friend Dask on their next visit, and that the three of them may even want to apply for a job here.

Raph listened to all of this with a detached satisfaction; maybe it was good he’d been here tonight, after all.

Donny leaned against him, a quiet show of gratitude.

“It’s been a weird night,” he said.

“Beyond weird,” Raph replied. “You owe me.”

Don gave him a crooked smile. “That’s fair. Want a laser gun?”

Raph shook his head. Don raised his eyebrows.

“What about a new bike?”

Raph motioned him closer so he could tell him quietly.

“Next time, no suit.”

Donny laughed out loud.

“You got it. And I’ll still throw in a new bike, just cause I like you.”

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #2003 raph #march for raph #2003 donnie #2003 leo #2003 mikey #yellow writes #this got out of hand #i have created so many things for myself to explain #i think this took the longest to write of any promot so far and makes the least sense

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pyrrhicpoison · 8 months

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I already posted a rough version of this on my twitter but with the way things are going on that hellsite I wanted to put it here too. I was thinking about Yang and two of her most important relationships (Ruby and Blake) and how they both could be related to things that oppose each other. The sun and the moon, and the moon and the ocean. How one needs the other but in two very different ways. Then I wrote this 🤷🏻

Ruby and Yang are the sun and moon.

Yang is the sun. she’s golden and fiery, boisterous sometimes but kind and caring. She gave up her own childhood for Ruby, raising her when no one else was around to. Her light is nurturing, and it envelopes Ruby, allowing for her to flourish. Yang’s the one who brightened up Ruby’s life, told her bedtime stories with silly character voices, fought off the nightmares that plagued her little sister’s mind almost every night, fought off school bullies for her, and, once admitted to Beacon, tried her best to have her little sister’s back.

Yang is Ruby’s protector, biggest cheerleader, biggest believer and best sister ever. that’s how it’s always been and how it always will be. Without Yang’s light illuminating her in dazzling rays of warmth, Ruby never would have been able to shine herself.

However, get too close to the sun and the wax wings you flew there with will melt, or, that’s what Yang thinks will happen anyway. Every person who has ever been close to her has left in some way, at some point. Two people left at no fault of her own, those people being her mothers. One biological, the other not. They both left her behind without second thought, and Yang never got a reason why.

Three people left her when she was at her lowest. When her sunny personality and charm dwindled and became dark, gloomy depression no one was there to comfort her like she’d done with so many others. No one helped when her nightmares showed her shadowy figures and flashes of red and white hot pain. Even if they were there, though, she still would not have let them close enough to try.

Ruby is the moon. Her light reflects off of her and onto others underneath her, shielding them from harm with her silver eyes and brightened smile, even on the darkest of nights. She’s the symbol of hope that says the sun will rise again. Although, she is always in the shadow of the sun, always being shielded and lifted up and never given the opportunity to ever feel the consequences of her failures until the sun goes dark (Yang gets injured. Atlas falls. etc etc)

In that way, she’s also like Remnant’s moon, shattered by blasts of darkness to her core. The failed Atlas plan. The fall of Beacon. The events at Haven. Those shattered her, and try as she might to keep herself pulled together, to put a brave face on for the sake of her sister and team, to lead like her own feelings don’t matter, the Ever After could not force her to pretend anymore.

Her hope? The girl who flew to the moon to keep it company, who saw the world through better eyes. The hope she had could fill that blasted jar.

Ruby’s hope was taken from her long before she washed up on that beach.

That place took piece after piece of her until there was nothing left, and she had no choice but to give into Neo and the tree. To come back as someone better. To look inside and be more than the infallible hero that Yang had made her believe she could be, because Yang always believed in her but all her protection and shielding had held her back from what she needed to become.

The sisters are like the sun and moon. They need each other, they benefit from each other, but they’ll always be worlds apart.

____________________________________________

In contrast, Blake and Yang are the moon and the ocean.

They could be either/or, really. Blake and Yang’s lives are intertwined, each other’s souls so important to the other that separating them causes disaster (or at least brutal heartache). Without either of them working in harmony, the planet would be engulfed in the ocean’s wrath or be an arid, rocky wasteland, both uninhabitable to intelligent life. The balance and equilibrium the moon and the ocean have is unlike anything, much like Blake and Yang’s bond is deeper than just romantic connection. Without the other, nothing could thrive.

Also, do not get me started on how perfect the moon and ocean analogy is for them when you take the ‘reincarnated soulmates’ into account. The moon and the ocean have been locked in an eternal dance for longer than any human has walked the surface of the Earth, much like how Yang and Blake’s very souls have loved each other for centuries. Even their aura colours, golden light and darkened purple shadows, have complimented each other for eons starting with the fucking Gods.

They are yin and yang, moon and ocean, push and pull. They were just meant to BE.

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god-is-a-dyke · 1 year

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Epidemiology Is The Best Episode Of Community And Here Is Why

I should have posted this around Halloween, but let’s be honest Epidemiology transcends time of year. It is and always will be the most episode of all time.

Yes, I recognize this is a bold statement considering some other pretty amazing episodes (Remedial Chaos Theory being the most obvious contender here). I will say I’m biased in a few different ways. However, i have 9 pages of notes about this episode and goddamnit if I’m not going to share them.

(i’ll put this under a cut because it will get long and i’m not sorry but i do respect people’s scrolling pleasure)

As someone growing up in the early 2000s/2010s, I was not immune to the craze of zombie entertainment. I watched The Walking Dead, Zombieland, and 28 Days Later. I played Left4Dead and the Telltale Walking Dead games. I read zombie apocalypse survival guides for fun.

However, let’s take a second to understand the risk Community undertook here. This is a sitcom that follows the day to day life of these characters we know and love. To drop them into an apocalyptic world requires finesse. There have to be real stakes, but we don’t want to lose too much. The writers have crafted this story that doesn’t rely on “it was a dream” or other tacky fake outs. So, let’s see how they do this.

1. THE LORE

pt 1 Infection

- “A rabies related pathogen causing hyperaggression”

A logical explanation for an illogical occurrence. With this one phrase, Rich grounds us in a reality where a disease like this could actually occur. All it would take is the right mutation of a certain virus strain.

A systemic infection must be transferred to a host and then spread throughout the body. A zombie bite does this by infecting the tissue and bloodstream. But, viruses can also spread through things such as our gastrointestinal tract. The bite is going to spread to the bloodstream much faster, hence the shorter incubation time; the early cases are due to the consumption of the tainted “army rations”.

Now what makes this infection so special? The other key to making this work in universe is maintaining a sliver of humanity in our zombies. They are who they were -- Annie studying, Jeff texting no body, Chang trying to kiss Shirley, and even Leonard turning away from Shirley after she intimidates him. The important thing is there’s still something to come back to. These aren’t rotting bodies of the undead, they’re still our favorite characters who hold their personalities, but now they’re just uninhibited (and crave human flesh).

pt 2 The Army

The events at Greendale on Halloween night are kept contained, by no accident. But it’s the extent to which it’s contained is unsettling to say the least.

- The Army Knew About The Taco Meat

This whole thing was supposed to be contained from the beginning, hence the warning label. But it begs the question, why was it available at the Army Surplus Store? How was the Dean able to to buy it in the first place?

- “The army’s gonna be here in 6 hours”

So here’s where it get’s fucked up. Rich says because of the fevers caused by the virus within 3 hours the infected will suffer brain damage and in another 3 they’ll be dead. Add it up and what do you get?

The army intends for everyone to infect each other and die off, and to simply come in clean up the remains of Greendale Community College. The Dean locks everyone in the school. They restrict the phone lines so nobody can call local emergency responders. At 6 hours on the dot, the army arrives and -- if you watch very carefully before they discover uninfected -- the man behind the leader of the response starts to pull a gun on the Dean: “The Only Witness”.

Once the uninfected are discovered they move to “Plan B” which is staging a mass roofie and wiping everyone’s memories of that night. Their initial plan is to just let everyone die. And I think most of us who have lived the past couple years in America will agree that this is..... quite on brand for the American Government.

All of this grounds the episode in our established world. A world of chaos, yet grounded in reality. This makes the episode possible. It changes the game of the zombie apocalypse media, perfect for a one off episode in a sitcom.

But I’m only getting started.

2. Character Progression/Dynamics

Despite the Special Episode vibes, this episode still moves the story along and stays true to the characters.

- Pierce and Starburns

Yeah uh... duh. There’s no other way a zombie apocalypse would start.

- Jeff and Britta

It’s later revealed that they’re secretly hooking up at this point, so their banter at the beginning of the episode establishes a flashback point. It’s also a point of stasis. We’re used to seeing Jeff and Britta poke around at each other, so we have this sense of familiarity to begin before the world literally falls apart.

- Rich and Britta

If there’s anyone in the group deluded enough to think they’d be the exception to getting the virus, it’s these two.

Rich is the most knowledgeable on the virus, without him they would all fail. Therefore, he thinks this knowledge makes him immune. He’s already served his purpose, however, so he no longer gets this immunity.

Britta... This doesn’t need much explaining. She puts up a façade. She thinks she can do more than she can. She thinks she is doing more than she is. But deep down, she’s lost and scared. She’s going to lose herself if she continues this hubris. This is just another example of this.

- Shirley and Chang

This could only happen during the end of days.

They find their common ground in the face of death. This sets up the arc for the rest of the season. Another roadblock for Shirley and Andre, conflict between Troy and Pierce, and more of Chang’s story.

- Annie

Listen man, Annie does the best she can to help, and is taken out through no fault of her own. But hey at least she gets the best shot in the episode. That window shot gets me every time.

Her nursing furthers her whole crush on Rich thing, and also is a smaller version of the healthcare role she plays again during the Pillows and Blankets war.

- Jeff

He tries to take up the leadership position in the basement, but ultimately that falls to Troy. Jeff claims to be so successful in life because he suppresses himself and focuses on outwards appearance. His obsession with his appearance leads to his demise. He opens the door because he doesn’t want to dirty his suit. He complains about Banana Rich stretching out his suit jacket as he’s dying. He refuses to engage in the “nerdy” end of the world antics. He’s still living in reality, but the apocalypse requires some degree of accepting the insanity and leaning into it.

Again, we have to remember these are the characters we know and love. We have to know they’ll be safe, but still worry about them. The show has to continue from here; even though their memories get wiped, this had to mean something.

But, wait. Someone is missing...

3. The Troy And Abed Of It All

Okay, so let’s just acknowledge right off the bat that these two are in love. Cool? Now we can move on.

Without Troy and Abed, this episode doesn’t work.

- This Is The Culmination Of Troy’s Early Character Development

This is Troy finally letting go of his jock persona, finally not worrying about how others view him. This parallel’s Jeff’s journey in this episode, which is why there’s such an emphasis on Jeff’s $600 suit and his texting. Troy has to see that in the face of death none of that is going to matter or save him. After this, Troy stops worrying as much: we get the blanket fort, the trampoline, his 21st birthday. He goes from a nerd to a jock and back to a nerd again.

He uses his jock persona as a safety blanket. He has come a long way since the pilot, but his anxieties and insecurities are so deeply rooted that they come out kicking sometimes.

- Trying To Ground Abed In Reality

Abed is the exact opposite of Jeff, Troy stands between them.

Abed is focused on the idea of saving the world by lowering the thermostat. He relinquishes power, and lets Jeff convince him that it won’t work. And hey, maybe if they had tried it then it wouldn’t have. Ultimately, he was right and the unreality was key, but the next 5 minutes are pivotal to Jeff and Troy’s story.

- Troy’s Voice After Leaving Abed

Look, I know we already set aside their love for each other but we can’t just fucking ignore this. It breaks me. He’s so broken. He just left behind his best friend. They just had a fight and then Abed sacrificed himself for Troy. Because no matter what he’s never going to not believe in Troy.

- Abed Is The Only One Who Can Get Troy To Be A Nerd Once And For All

When Abed gives up the illusion of the fantasy and focuses on escaping, Troy takes up that torch. He follows through with Abed’s plan, but Abed’s plan only works if you don’t bind yourself to the laws of reality.

- If Abed Was With Him, Troy Wouldn’t Have Gone Back In

This might be a stretch. Maybe they would have come up with another plan. Or found out the army’s plan.

But seeing Abed sacrifice himself for Troy after everything, Troy has nothing more to lose. That’s his other half, and he has to at least try to save him (and everyone else)

- Confronting The Zombies

The costume does help slow the zombies down to some extent, but it’s impractical and eventually given up. Troy has to give into the fantasy, but he can’t stray too far from reality. He needs both to survive.

Troy punches every single one of his friends. Except Abed. The only person who could get him there was the only person who could stand in the way of his success.

He still pushes through. Acknowledging Jeff once more. Both Abed and Jeff pulling him to their extremes in one way or another. But combined, they give him the push to complete his journey. Troy truly has the Heart of a Hero.

- Aftermath

There’s so much in the way they look at each other after being bandaged up. Troy and Abed know something is different. They might not know exactly what happened, but they know it was big. Something has changed. They have changed. But what’s important is they’re together. They survive when they work together.

This is Troy finally letting go and being the person he truly is inside. Thanks to Abed.

CONCLUSION

Maybe I’m biased. Maybe I’ve rambled on for hours. Maybe no one will ever read this.

Maybe I just prefer episodes that focus on Troy and Abed.

Maybe I just had an intense love for zombie stories as a kid and it’s bleeding into adulthood.

BUT

This episode is just so special to me for so many reasons. I really do think it’s one other the best episodes of Community and honestly of a lot of tv shows I’ve ever watched.

It’s an action filled episode with an ABBA Soundtrack. What more could you want?!

And most important of all........ the cat in the basement.

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fullscoreshenanigans · 11 months

Note

HI bestie happy pride !!!!!!! one quastion do you have any lgbt hcs for tpn that you're particularly fond of? whether they were hard hcs from the beginning or picked up from others,, give me yuor thoughts <3

ℍ𝔸ℙℙ𝕐 ℙℝ𝕀𝔻𝔼 𝔹𝔼𝕊𝕋𝕀𝔼!!! 🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜✨

My favorite hard headcanons that will come as a surprise to no one who has spent some time browsing this blog are endgame Norrayemma/REN/NER and Gildayshe, the former of which I'm very fortunate with when it comes to finding art and fic, and the latter not so much because I've never seen it anywhere besides this site. </3 (Thanks for prompting me to finally put together my past!Gildemma → endgame!Gildemma ramble I mentioned months ago. 🧡💚💛) Special shoutout to @frozentothetouch whose art converted me back in 2021 before I made this blog.

I don't have hard gender or sexuality headcanons for the trio for reasons @hanz-xd perfectly articulated here:

i think they'd have a hard time understanding the human world's perception of relationships and their hyper focus on labels. it's not like they really had those things at grace field, or at least, it wasn't important enough for them to care about. no one really called themselves straight, gay, bi, etc. so it's a little confusing for them in the real world. not the concept of these identities, just the need for labels in the first place. emma is kinda like "well i love every body?? why do i need to label that??" i think emma also struggles to understand the pressure of monogamy because again, her heart is so big and so full, she can't possibly imagine containing that love to one single person. especially when she thinks about ray and norman. she doesn't love one of them more than the other, she loves both of them so much. why would she want to force herself to choose when she could just love both of them? [...] but yeah, to summarize, the three of them would be together, but they'd never put labels on their identities, aside from calling each other their boyfriend/girlfriend. that's all it needs to be for them. the most they’ll do is confirm with a simple “yeah i guess” when people ask if they’re polyamorous. like yeah, they are by definition, but they don’t really care about labels. they just love each other in a way that feels right and authentic to them

The trio of my heart 🤍🧡🖤 though if I had to pick some, I'd default to the ones @officersnickers uses in this piece.

Likewise I don't have firm gender headcanons for Gildayshe, but I'm very big on lesbian Gilda, once again thanks to Rain and also to @just-like-playing-tag. I would also say I'm 95% committed to lesbian Ayshe, with the last 5% being my soft spot for Rayshe, though even then she's wlw + Ray doesn't necessarily have to be cis for it to work.

I'm ever so slightly less big on Yuucas but still big on it and a firm believer in the bunkerdads. 🖤❤️ Like many people in the fandom, I also champion gay Lucas and bi Yuugo, though ngl I'm half convinced Shirai included Dina as an afterthought at the suggestion of higher-ups so people wouldn't suspect either was a mlm or "funny" with the kids given how inconsequential Yuuna is to the story. Do love a bi skunk king though. 💖💜💙👑🦨✨

I also love the idea of bi Nat with him leaning toward guys thanks to @puff-poff. Don is pan with a preference toward girls (though you have shown me the light of trans gay Don. 🙏💙💖🤍) I love the thought of him firmly believing in the idea of "finding a cute girl to date" like he talks about in episode 1, only to one day be hit with the mental equivalent of a sack of bricks upon falling hard for a guy. Not in like an angsty way because this is years down the line and he's able to handle his insecurities better, plus he has the support of a large family filled with members of the community and I'd like to think after another world war the human world as a whole is more accepting of this, so there's no shame attached to it. It's more like having it happen and then going in the group chat with something akin to "remember when I said I was a ladies' kind of guy?"

No one in the Goldy Pond crew or Lambda gang claims cishet, but my favorites for each:

Trans lesbian Violet. I cannot pass up Shirai canonically making her favorite food pickles (noted in the mystic code book). It writes itself.

Love the thought of Violet taking Gilda under her wing during their search for the Seven Walls when she finds out she had a crush on Emma. (something Violet can relate to lol)

Trans girl Gillian. Feel like this one is less common than trans Violet, but regardless, she's pan and Nigel's bi.

Vincent is gay. M'guy dapper af.

(Chapter 137)

Cislo is a mlm, though Snickers has kind of converted me to him being aroace.

Barbara is a lesbian. While I'm definitely not opposed to Cherry Bomb, I've recently taken a liking to her and Sonya being a couple. (Sonyara? Is this a thing that I've missed or am I the only potential shipper? I like the idea of Sonya approaching things in a more calm and levelheaded fashion and how that sometimes conflicts with Barbara's more chaotic one, but instead of it resulting in ire, they take it as a playful challenge. Plus I like how Sonya's blues pop next to Barbara's pinks and reds.)

(Bad mesh of their color pics in the art world book but I work with what I have. </3)

This is already hella long but there was definitely something between Leuvis and Bayon Sr. Also Geelan is a mlm.

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monsterhunting · 2 months

Note

📖 and ♥ for the ask meme?

thank you for asking!!!

📖"what has surprised you about your WIPs?"

hmmmmmmmm idk. maybe lately i feel like i’ve been coming up with a lot of jonathan focused fic ideas. a lot of them aren’t really like Ideas™️ worthy enough of being a google doc WIP but still. anyway it’s surprising bc i like jonathan of course but out of the main teens he is not my favorite. in fact my ranking would probably go steve > nancy > robin > jonathan. and yet!!!! many jonathan ideas lately

❤️"what are your favorite scenes from your WIPs?"

ok so I had three!!!! one is from a Stonathan WIP and the other is from a Robin pov stoncy + rovickie + platonic stobin WIP but I will put them under the cut so it doesn’t get too long

sooooo for context and without giving too much away i have a stonathan WIP where steve is a ghost that only jonathan can see and near the end they’re trying to get him back from the upside down which is where he died bc they think they can bring him back and jonathan volunteers to do it alone. i actually have no idea how they’re going to figure this out or how they’ll bring him back when he’s theoretically dead!!!! hopefully one day i’ll figure it out. anyway here’s the scene:

But when Jonathan opens the door, he finds Nancy and Robin behind it.

“We’re coming with you,” Robin says without preamble.

Jonathan sighs. “Robin — ”

“He’s my best friend,” Robin says, and Jonathan’s mouth snaps shut at the tremor in her voice. “He’s the most important person in the fucking world to me, so if there’s even the slightest chance he’s alive down there then, yeah, I’m going.”

Jonathan blinks, then slowly looks to Nancy.

“I’m going, too,” she adds, and when Jonathan opens his mouth to protest, she continues, “Jonathan, you’ve never even been to the Upside Down. Me and Robin have. Twice. Actually, it’s been three times for me, and I survived all of them. If anything, you need my help.”

Jonathan sighs again. “Guys — ”

“No, don’t even think about saying something like — like — like it’s too dangerous, or whatever,” Robin says. “So what? You think you get to be the one to sacrifice your safety for Steve all because he was just some ghostly shadow hanging over your shoulder for a couple of weeks?”

“Robin — ”

“Byers,” Robin cuts in. “I’m fucking going, alright?”

Jonathan lets out a heavy breath, and then, finally, says, “Alright.”

“And don’t think that I won’t — ”

“Robin, I said okay!”

Robin’s mouth snaps shut.

Nancy raises her eyebrows. “Okay?” She repeats.

“Yeah,” Jonathan says. Robin blinks, and Nancy’s eyebrows arch higher. “I mean, I know I should try to stop you, but…” He trails off, then admits, selfishly, “I really don’t want to do this alone.”

and then the next two are from the robin pov part two of you can hear it in the silence. the first scene takes place right after nancy calls steve about their “date”, and then steve promptly calls robin back home panicking and freaking out about said “date.” the second scene is a bit later when steve, nancy, and jonathan are already “dating”:

“Who was that on the phone?” Her mom asks as Robin returns to her seat at the kitchen table.

“Steve,” Robin answers before taking a bite of her mashed potatoes.

Her mom snorts fondly. “Course it was.” She takes a bite of mashed potatoes, too, then pauses. “Rob…are you sure you two aren’t — ”

Robin sighs. “Mom. Yes, I’m sure.”

She raises her hands in defense. “Okay, okay. Just checking. Again.”

“We’re just friends,” Robin says for the millionth time. Then she adds, for proof, “Actually, he was calling me to tell me he’s going on a date this week.”

Her mom’s eyebrows arch. “Oh? Who’s the lucky lady?”

Robin shifts in her seat. “Oh, uh. Just…one of our friends.”

“And how about you, Robbie?” Her dad asks. “Meet somebody nice up in Chicago yet?”

And the thing is — Robin likes her parents. Her dad is quiet, if a little absent-minded, and her mom isn’t her best friend the way some of the girls in her classes gush about. But they’re both good people. They give a dollar to homeless people when they pass them in the city, they recycle. They didn’t even vote for Reagan — although that’s mainly because they didn’t vote, period. Since Robin was a kid, her parents have always been the kind of people who claim they hate politics, who never watch the news because it’s too depressing.

But her parents are good people, and Robin likes them. She loves them, and what’s more, they love her, too. She knows that. She’s never had to question that.

And she’s terrified that one day she will.

So Robin just says, “Nope, not yet,” forces a smile, and takes another bite of mashed potatoes.

“So, how are things with Nance and Jonathan?” Robin asks.

Steve smiles. “Really good.” He opens his mouth to say more, then snaps it shut, as though he’s suddenly embarrassed.

Robin nudges him with her foot. “What?”

Steve fiddles with the throw pillow in his lap for a moment. “I think I love them,” he admits.

Robin feels herself start to smile. “Yeah?”

Steve glances up and nods. He’s starting to smile, too. “Yeah. God, so much. It’s kind of embarrassing, actually.”

“Why’s that embarrassing?”

“I don’t know.” Steve sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean, I’ve been a little in love with them since sophomore year? So — it just feels like a lot, I guess.”

“Hey,” Robin says sternly. “Your feelings are not a lot.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant, like…” Steve trails off. “I don’t know, it feels intense. I just feel so…full of it, sometimes. Like I’m going to explode, or something crazy, and I’ve never — I mean, even when I was dating Nancy…well, I was in love with her, obviously, but I guess with everything going on…even then, it never felt like this.” He laughs a little, sounding embarrassed. “I don’t know. I guess that sounds really lame, but I — it’s like I’ve never felt this happy.”

“Steve,” Robin says softly. “That’s amazing.”

Steve makes a face, ducking his head to fiddle with the throw pillow again.

“Seriously, I mean it,” Robin says. “You should tell them.”

#ask #MaryPSue

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jerzwriter · 1 year

Text

A Little Detour: The Elopement

Book: Open Heart (Post Series Timeline)

Pairing: Tobias Carrick x F!MC (Casey MacTavish)

Rating: Teen

Category: Fluff

Summary: With their planned wedding less than a month away, they hop on a flight to Vegas to make it legal.... all by themselves.

Words: 3100

A/N: Relax, Vivian… they're still going to have the big(ish) Boston wedding as planned as soon as this stupid writer finishes it, but they’re not waiting any longer, and they’re doing things their way. It's so much fun thinking of them having this special day, and this sweet secret to share. I am finishing up the Boston wedding fic now. I hope you won't be bored reading about two weddings so close together, but it's how I imagine it happening for them. The best of both worlds, this private little treasure for them, then professing their love and joining their families in front of the people most dear to them. I hope you enjoy it! @choices-november2022 - Day 10 - Dreams come true. @choicesflashfics - "That's a little melodramatic, don't you think?" More on their elopement here. Casey & Tobias Wedding & Baby Stories Casey & Tobias Masterlist Full Masterlist

Casey was awakened by the same soft humming noise that lulled her to sleep hours before. Comfortably nuzzled in her fiance’s arms, waking up was the last thing she wanted to do. Snuggling closer, her content smile widened when she felt a tender kiss on her temple. Everything was right with the world. Until another bout of nausea hit.

She woke up in a flash and was startled by the unfamiliar surroundings. Where was she? Was this… a plane? Bewildered, she assumed it was a dream, then memories of the past few hours came flooding back.

“So. Let’s do it!” “Do what?” “Run away and get married!”

He insisted she call her OB-GYN to make sure flying was safe. Being doctors themselves, they both knew the answer already, but he refused to make plans until she did. With permission granted, she began packing as he attempted to get them out of work for a couple of days. She was closing her suitcase when Tobias returned to their bedroom, the smile on his face giving the answer away, but she still had to ask.

“Ethan agreed? He’s letting us take time off?”| “He most certainly is.” “You told him why,” she accused. “Didn’t you?” “No! I just told him it was important and that we needed the time. He was understanding.” “That’s it?” “That’s it.” “I can’t believe it,” she said, dumbfounded. “This is because of me. He likes me. You… you may have patched up your friendship, but he still finds you a bit conceited and annoying at times. I know it! He wouldn’t do this for you.” “What a ringing endorsement, future wife,” he laughed. “You realize you’re marrying me within the next 24 hours. Right?” Her face lit up with all the excitement of a child seeing their presents under the tree on Christmas morning. “I’m going to marry you,” she squealed, rushing into his waiting arms. “We’re getting married!”

And that’s why she was on the plane.

“What are you doing up,” Tobias asked. “You need more sleep.”

“How am I supposed to sleep?” she beamed. “It’s my wedding day!”

“It sure is!”

“So, what happens when we get there? Is Elivs going to marry us? Please tell me Elvis isn’t going to marry us.”

“Will you back out if I say he is?” Tobias chuckled.

“No way! It just wouldn’t be my first choice.”

“Mine either. Don’t worry. I’ve been working on the arrangements, and while we’re going to Vegas, we’re still going to be classy.”

“How are you putting this together so quickly? I mean, it’s been less than four hours since we decided to do this!”

His eyes gleamed as his lips twisted into a smirk. “I know a guy.”

“You always know a guy,” she laughed.

“It’s part of my charm! But this is the definition of stress-free! When we get there, you’ll have a personal shopper to help you pick out a dress. Tiffany’s is right in the Bellagio. Unfortunately, they’ll be closed when we arrive, but a selection of rings will be sent to our suite, so we can pick them out.”

“You really thought this all out, didn’t you?”

“Do you know who my mother is?” he laughed. “I know how to put an event together in a hot minute.”

“Speaking of your mother… our mothers… if they find out we’re doing this, they may actually kill us.”

“That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?”

“No,” she smiled. “Not really.”

“Trust me, you’re safe… at least until the baby is born. But this is our little secret, and no one else will know about the wedding before the wedding.”

“I’ll be with them all day for a dress fitting on Saturday. Hopefully, I won’t let it slip. Speaking of dresses, I have the prettiest gown picked out for the wedding. So, do you mind if I’m a little less traditional for today?”

“Baby, you can get whatever you want.”

“Good! Because I want something a little sexy,” her smile faltered, and she rubbed her belly. “God knows when I’ll start showing, and then….”

“Hey! I hope you’re not being serious. I can’t wait for you to start showing. I promise you, I won’t be able to keep my paws off you.”

“And that’s exactly how we got here, Dr. Carrick.”

“Really?” he chuckled. “If I remember correctly, the boudoir shoot you did got us here.”

“It may have played a role….”

“But seriously, Case. Don’t feel you have to get some hot dress to prove something. I’m about to have the hottest wife in the history of wives. You’ve got nothing to prove here.”

“Tobias. You realize you’re trying to convince me to not get a sexy dress.”

A puff of air shot from his mouth as he shook his head in amusement.

“You’re right. I’m an idiot. Don’t listen to me!”

The remainder of the flight was spent kissing, cuddling, and gushing over each other. On occasion, Tobias would kiss Casey’s belly and tell their little one about Mommy & Daddy’s plans for the day. Casey stroked his hair as she watched him, attempting to commit every second to memory; because she knew life would rarely be better than this.

A limousine was waiting to whisk them to the Bellagio when they landed. There, Tobias introduced Casey to Jonathan, his “guy” in Vegas. They were classmates at Howard, and now he was a manager at the luxurious resort. Casey found him as delightful and charming as her fiance and told him she could only imagine the antics they must have gotten into together.

“I assure you, such antics are in the distant past,” he grinned. “I’m delighted to meet the woman taking Tobias Carrick off the market! I wasn’t sure such a unicorn existed! But now that I’ve met you I understand.”

“Stop with the flattery, Jon,” Tobias teased. “She’s taken; go find someone of your own!”

“I’m well aware,” Jonathan said with a pat on his friend’s back. “But such a rare creature deserves a beautiful wedding, and I’ll see to it that she has one. Honesty, I’m shocked your mother isn’t doing that.”

“Oh, she is,” Tobias assured.

“We’re getting married in Boston next month,” Casey explained. “This is just our pre-game.”

“Well, now I’m nervous. I’m sure I can’t hold a candle to Vivian Carrick.”

“Yeah,” Tobias laughed, “and I’m sure you won’t be as big a pain in the ass either.”

They bid Jonathan farewell and headed to their suite. Intoxicatingly in love, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other as Tobias fumbled with the keycard. The fragrant aroma from dozens of roses in their suite filled their senses the moment he got it open. Casey was about to comment when she was literally swept off her feet.

“Tobias!” She laughed heartily as he carried her through the door. “Isn’t the tradition for you to carry me over the threshold after we’re married?”

“Yeah, but it’s also tradition to get married, then get pregnant,” he smiled as he placed her down on a table near the entrance. His lips fell to her neck, brushing soft, sensuous kisses down her shoulder, over her collarbone, then he faced her again. “But we’re not exactly traditional, are we?”

Casey gently shook her head with a coy grin. “No, we’re not,” she cooed. “So it’s acceptable if we have the wedding night before the wedding then, right?”

“You won’t get any arguments from me,” he growled, capturing her lips in his again… when the bell rang.

Casey threw her head back with a groan as Tobias’s face fell to her shoulder, muttering a multitude of curses under his breath.

“Who is it?” Tobias barked.

“It’s Jonathan. I have wedding bands for you to look at.”

Tobias playfully glimpsed at his soon-to-be wife. “I suppose we do have to do this.”

“Yes,” she pressed a kiss to his forehead. “We’ll just have to have the wedding night later.”

They sipped sparkling water as they selected their rings inside their luxury suite. Tobias nixed the offer of champagne; if Casey couldn’t have it, neither could he. After selecting two simple platinum bands, he asked to have them engraved with “My end and my beginning” from their wedding song, their initials, and today’s date inside the rings.

“Today’s date?” Casey asked. “This is supposed to be a secret?”

“You know me,” he smiled. “I enjoy a little risk.”

He didn’t want to let Casey go when her personal shopper arrived, only relenting when Jonathan reminded him the next time he saw her, she’d be dressed and ready to marry him. They both felt their hearts flutter. This was really happening! Tobias had no need to shop, his favorite tux was already in the closet, but he set off on a mission of his own.

Casey selected a pale pink and grey fitted dress that accentuated every asset, especially her pregnancy boobs. Tobias would be thrilled. She returned to the suite where a hair and makeup stylist tended to her in one bedroom while Tobias dressed in another. Then, it was time.

They opted not to have a photographer capture their first look, insisting this moment needed to be theirs and theirs alone. After being guided to the softly lit main room, the staff exited the suite. The couple remained, standing back to back, each of their hearts racing. Without turning around, Tobias reached for Casey’s hands.

“So, this is it, princess. Are you ready?”

“I am,” she smiled, her body trembling as emotions overtook her. “Are you?”

“I am, but I’ll admit, I’m a little scared.”

Her face fell for but a moment when she asked why.

“I’m afraid you’re gonna turn around and realize you could do a lot better than this old man… but for the record… I’m so glad you chose me.”

“Oh, Tobias,” she sighed. “It could never be anyone but you. I love you. I love you so much.”

His face lit up as he slowly exhaled. “I love you, Casey. More than I ever thought I could.”

“So,” she giggled. “Are we supposed to turn around at some point?”

“I guess we should,” he smiled, then on the count of three, while only releasing one hand, they turned to face each other.

Tobias gasped when he saw her, and she leaned into his hand as he stroked her cheek.

“You’ve never looked more beautiful,” his voice cracked, “and that’s saying a lot.”

Casey smoothed out his lapels with a smile. “You look quite handsome yourself,” she said as a tear gently rolled from her eye. “I can’t believe you’re my old man.”

After looking each other over once more, they silently embraced for what felt like an eternity, neither wishing to let go. Finally, Tobias broke the spell.

“You know, as lovely as this is, it’s not going to get us married. But,” he said, walking to a side table, “You need one more thing before we go.”

He handed her a small bouquet of flowers he picked up while she was shopping. Casey ran her fingers delicately over the white calla lilies, tulips, and roses, then lifted them to her nose and inhaled.

“They’re beautiful.”

“Can’t have my bride getting married without a bouquet.”

“Now, all that’s left to do is get married.”

Tobias offered her an arm, “I couldn’t have said it better myself. Shall we?”

Even in a place with as much sparkle and light as Vegas, the happy couple stood out, garnering stares and whispers as they walked to the chapel. But they didn’t notice, and their eyes were only for each other. When they entered the small, elegant chapel, they were surprised to see that Jonathan himself would be performing the ceremony.

“You think I’m leaving this to chance?” he grinned.

Besides a small anecdote about Tobias during his college years and a brief ode to his beautiful bride, Jonathan didn’t stray from the simple ceremony the couple requested. After I do’s were exchanged and rings were placed on each other’s fingers, the beaming couple was waiting on the pronouncement when Tobias spontaneously asked to speak.

“Oh, you can’t back out now, buster,” Casey ribbed. “We’ve already said I do! You’re stuck with me.”

“And that’s exactly where I want to be,” he laughed before turning serious again. “I just want to say one thing before this gets the final stamp of approval. I never imagined this life for myself, but you changed everything. I had no idea the beautiful woman that walked into that deli one morning would turn my life upside down in the most magical way. Now, I can’t imagine a life without you. Casey, you are the best thing I never planned, and I thank God for you every day. And I needed to say that before this clown pronounces us husband and wife. I love you, Casey MacTavish. With all my heart.”

“Tobias,” she whispered through tears, gently brushing one away from his cheek. “I love you so much, and I’m just as grateful for you. But let’s allow this man to finish because I never want to hear you call me Casey MacTavish again. I’m more than ready to be Mrs. Carrick to you, buddy,” she beamed.

“Wait…” he blurted, his eyes wide. “You what? You’re changing your name? You… you want to be among the crazy Carricks?”

“Well, I’m marrying you,” she laughed. “And I’m having your baby, so I think I’m part of the family regardless.”

He reached out and held her close against his chest, “You most certainly are,” he gasped, kissing her forehead.

“Wait!” Jonathan interrupted, “I haven’t said you may kiss the bride yet… Tobias, don’t make me invalidate this whole thing.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Tobias teased, “Go ahead, Jon, work your magic… make this official.”

“With pleasure. By the power vested in me by the State of Nevada, I pronounce you husband and wife. Now, you may kiss your bride.”

“With pleasure,” Tobias grinned. Their lips met in a way they had never felt before, filled with fire and bright passion, yet, tender and full of love neither could adequately describe. It belonged to them, it was theirs, and now they were united together as one. The rest of the world turned dark… only three things existed… Tobias, Casey, and their baby-to-be. And just as Casey had stated in their bedroom less than twenty-four hours ago, that was all that mattered.

If anyone was watching the hallway that led to their suite, they would have found a repeat performance from earlier that day. While their clothing was fancier, and the smiles on their faces somehow even brighter, they still couldn’t keep their hands off each other. After fumbling to open the door, he once again swept his beautiful bride off her feet, eliciting another flurry of giggles.

“This time, it’s legit!” she teased as he carried her through the door.

“And this time, we are having our wedding night… Mrs. Carrick.”

She’d never forget the wonder on his face as he placed her down gently on the couch, his eyes full of love as he smiled. “Mrs. Carrick,” he whispered. “We did it. We’re married.”

“You’re all mine,” she grinned, holding him close.

“I always have been.”

One kiss turned into another, and Casey began to remove his tie, then his jacket, as things turned more passionate. She reached back, about to unzip her dress, when he stopped her.

“Wait…” he said, pulling away. “I had sparkling cider delivered. Let’s toast before we consummate this thing,” he winked. “Shall we?”

“Works for me,” she purred, “just make it quick. I bought something cute to put on for you tonight, and I’m dying to show it off.”

“Well damn,” he said, pouring two glasses, “then we better gulp this down.”

He lifted a glass to his nose and grimaced. “This isn’t cider. It’s champagne.”

“It’s fine, baby,” Casey assured, “I could take just a sip. It won’t hurt.”

“Oh, no. First, I’m allowed to be a paranoid dad-to-be, so I say no. Second, I’m sure there would be seismic activity in Boston the second your lips touched the glass. Ramsey, who would somehow be summonsed, show up here and ruin our night.”

“I think that’s a little far-fetched,” she laughed, getting more comfortable on the couch. “But if it will make you feel better, we can skip the toast. Just come here.”

But Tobias was already on the phone with room service.

“What happened?” Casey asked.

“They won’t be able to get it here for at least forty minutes. But, if I head to the lobby, I can pick up a chilled bottle right now.”

“If it will make you happy, then go. It’ll give me time to change into my little… and I do mean little … surprise for you.”

He let out a soft growl as he pulled her near. “Now that makes me more than anxious to get back to you, Mrs. Carrick.”

“I love the sound of that,” she swooned. “I’ll be waiting impatiently, Mr. Carrick.”

Tobias bolted out the door, and Casey let out a little squeal. Overcome with joy, she spun around the room before taking off her dress and slipping into the delicately embroidered pink lingerie she had purchased earlier in the day. Tousling her hair and touching up her makeup in the bathroom mirror, she smiled. Not only was she madly in love, but she loved what she saw looking back at her, including the newly discovered pooch in her belly. Rubbing it gently with a smile, she never felt more beautiful. Tobias was right; she had nothing to worry about.

She hopped onto the bed, sprawling out atop the plush comforter in a seductive pose, eager to greet her new husband. She laughed to herself when she wondered if they’d even get to the toast. One look at her, and she was sure he’d forget all about it.

The door creaked open, and Tobias appeared, carrying the sparkling cider like a trophy won in battle.

“I got it, very last one,” he bragged before stopping in his tracks. He thought she had never looked more beautiful earlier that night, but looking at her now, she had proven him wrong. Never mind speechless; he was breathless.

Slowly walking to the bed, he sat down gently, careful not to wake her. He grabbed a blanket to cover her, undressed and slipped beneath it himself. Holding her gently in his arms, one hand resting atop her belly, he whispered.

“I love you, Casey. Happy first night as my wife.”

He fell asleep beside her with a smile on his lips. This was their wedding night, not at all as they would have imagined it. But it was him, Casey, and their little one-to-be; nothing else was needed, and it couldn’t have been more perfect.

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#open heart fanfic #tobias carrick #tobias carrick x mc #tobias x casey #choices fanfic #wedding take one #the elopement #baby & wedding stories

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