#I keep forgetting how much importance cis people put on transitioning. And it's just. Not? For me? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nonbinaryresource · 4 years

Note

I am having a hard time with my cis het spouse. I'm AFAB but currently identify as non binary. First time I met my partner I told them I'm pansexual and till this day I am still that... but he can't see me the same way because he saw me as a cis woman and he has been saying he is straight but nothing in this marriage is really straight. I'm also pregnant and he has been projecting phobic things he is afraid i'll transition into someone who identifies as a man and or trans. I'm stressed out!

Wooooo. Okay. I don’t know that you even realize how hefty of an ask you sent in? Like… there’s so much going on here, and it’s no wonder you’re so stressed.

I’m going to get quite blunt further down in this ask, so please don’t read this until you’re fully mentally ready to hear what I have to say because it may not be what you particularly wanted to hear.

So, first things first, I just want to let you know that I’m thinking of you, I’m here for you, and I’m so sorry for the stress you’re under right now. Team You” to help you out right now - if not, work on building up a Team You as much as possible (see link for help in doing this).

Next, I think this is a lot bigger and a lot deeper than any advice column or anonymous tumblr can provide! I think you really need more support than a one-off ask or even a couple of asks. Please look around your area for some queer-friendly therapists (contact your local trans/queer org and ask for some help and if they have any recs) and get thee to a therapist ASAP. I know you have a lot going on with the pregnancy and everything else, so also know that online therapy sessions are often more accessible, cheaper, and come with more diverse options. So online therapy is also a fine option to pursue!

Please ask if your partner is open to going to couples counseling as well. (Not in place of singles therapy but in addition - and not with the same counselor acting in both regards! Again, ask a local trans/queer org if they have suggestions on queer friendly couples counselors.) Having a baby is a lot of pressure and stress and causes a lot of natural changes in a relationship. Many couples turn to couples counseling during pregnancy, and I think that it’s a really good idea for you two to do so as well. It sounds like you two need some help navigating this new stress (which is only going to increase when the baby actually arrives so start tackling it now!) and working on healthier communication.

It really sounds like your partner in particular needs to pursue some individual counseling for an appropriate avenue of processing their feelings, but you can’t control what someone else does. You can suggest he look into therapy and/or ask him to consider therapy, but at the end of the day, don’t get caught up in trying to force him to go to therapy. Get therapy yourself, hopefully get couples counseling, and work on building up your own personal boundaries and enforcing them with your partner (I’ll get into this more below).

Okay, my two cents on the situation…

You are worth standing up for.

There is a lot going on all at once, so I want to break them apart a bit and possibly making them more manageable.

Consider your own wants, needs, and desires

I’m sure you have considered these things and just found them not relevant to the ask, but if you haven’t, ask yourself:

“What, if any, transitional steps am I interested in?” You might only be interested in learning more about certain steps and not interested in pursuing them, at least not at this moment. That counts and is something to think about. Social transition is also something to think about - not just physical or medical.

“What support do I need in regards to my identity right now?” You’re not getting much support from your partner right now. Do you have friends/family you can lean on? Are you leaning on them? How about a larger queer community? Could you make a few PFLAG meetings? Do any other local trans/queer groups hold meetings or talks or events that you could participate in? Are there any queer groups on meetup.com for your local area? How much do you feel a part of any online communities?

“What are my boundaries about how much I can help my spouse process his feelings about my identity right now?” Boundaries are good!!! Boundaries are healthy!!! You do not have to engage in trying to convince your partner of your identity!!! You do not have to be the one who helps your partner work through his own bigotry regarding your identity!!! Decide what you can really, honestly, actually handle, and start laying down boundaries. Practice saying things like: “When you say [x] about my gender, it makes me feel invalidated and anxious. I need for you to change the subject and stop talking about this right now.” and “I am not the person who can help you process your fears about my potential transition. I need you to stop talking to me about this and find someone else to talk to.” Use them. You are not a bad partner or person for not being able to talk about this with your spouse. You might have soft boundaries for some things (”I hear your concern about this subject, but I’m not in the mental headspace to be able to have this conversation right now. I’ll let you know when I do feel up to talk about this.”) and hard boundaries for others (see previous suggestions). That’s also okay. Just make sure you are keeping your own mental health in mind and being honest with yourself - and your partner - about what you can handle.

Partner identifying as straight

Have you ever discussed this with your partner? It’s absolutely valid to talk to a partner about what their identity means to them - and what it means to you. We can’t force other people to label in certain ways, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a discussion about what the identity means to each of us or to ask if they would consider identifying in a way that’s more inclusive of your identity.

It may be that a conversation can clear up how a partner sees their own identity and makes you feel better about how you’re included in their sexuality. Or it may be that a partner doesn’t realize exactly how much this is weighing on you. Or maybe it’s something a partner has been thinking about but was afraid to bring up.

No relationship can survive - and definitely can’t flourish - without open and honest respectful communication, which means that everybody feels they have a safe space to talk and everyone is actually heard when they do talk.

This is something that is significantly bothering you and sounds like it may have been bothering you for a while. Therefore, it’s something that absolutely deserves attention.

(This is something that would be good to talk about in the presence of a queer-friendly couples counselor rather than on your own, if at all possible, considering your partner’s current reactions to your gender.)

Partner’s cissexist comments

I basically covered this under boundaries in my first bullet point, but it bears repeating because this is super important.

A) You are not the right person for your partner to process these fears with.

B) You’re pregnant!!! Stress impacts your health as it is and being pregnant increases the risks you can face when under high stress. Not only are you not the right person for your partner to process these fears with, this is really not the right time for your partner to be trying to process these fears with you.

Regardless of whatever therapy you do or do not pursue, please instate boundaries around these comments ASAP. Tell your partner that he needs to stop dumping this on you. If he forgets or ignores your boundary: put in headphones, walk away, call a friend. Do not spend time getting sucked into any more discussions or arguments about his fears. Decide on a boundary and uphold it.

Is it reasonable to discuss your own desires regarding transition with your partner? Yes, of course, that’s absolutely something that should be able to happen. But don’t think you sharing that is the same as him pestering and bothering you and making inappropriate comments about his fears regarding what transitional steps you may or may not take. An actual conversation regarding this cannot happen until he’s able to sort through his own fears and actually hear anything you might have to say. So, for now, just shut it down. He needs to go elsewhere, preferably a good therapist, to process his fears regarding this and spend some time getting more educated on trans issues so he can approach this conversation in an educated and genuine manner, before any more conversations about this happen with you.

Seriously consider ALL of your options regarding this relationship

I get it.

You’re married to this person and pregnant.

I’m sure you’ve had a lot of good times with your partner.

I’m sure you love your partner very, very much.

I’m sure your partner loves you very, very much and that you otherwise feel supported by your partner.

I’m sure you’re thinking about the support your baby will need as well as the support you’ll need, both while pregnant and afterwords with a newborn.

Maybe you’re even thinking that the pregnancy is stressful and things will calm down when the baby comes (but babies also put lots of stress on relationships!).

But the way your partner is treating you right now is straight up not okay. This relationship right now? Has a ginormous, gaping, huge crack in it. You cannot be in a truly healthy and happy and supportive relationship with someone who is denying your identity and pressuring you to perform/act/be/look a certain way. And it’s absolutely not better for you or the baby to raise a child in an environment with a ‘partnership’ like this. Please don’t downplay how harmful and upsetting your partner’s behavior is because you’re married and pregnant and love them and have been otherwise treated well. It’s okay to admit how much your partner is upsetting you and pressuring you and stressing you out. In fact you need to be able to admit that if you’re going to get to be honest with your partner about how you feel and the state of your relationship and the potential future of this relationship.

Regardless of what you end up deciding to do, I need you to start considering all your options just to be sure you really know and understand what they all are and that they’re all actually open to you.

Yes, one option includes divorcing your partner (and figuring out how to coparent with him at the same time).

I know! That’s scary and not what you want to do. I’m not asking you to do it. I’m only asking you to consider it.

Consider this not because it’s 100% what you should do (I don’t know 100% what you should do - I don’t think life really works like that and I think the best thing to do is always the thing you actually, freely get to choose to do) but so that you know it’s an option, you’re prepared if it’s the option you have to take, and to help give perspective to other options you have.

Think of what you’d need logistically and financially to move forward with a separation (who would get wherever you’re presumably living together and who would have to move? do you have family or friends you could stay with? what financial support would you need to make separation viable? does this change whatever plans you had to stay home and/or return to work? could you rely on family to help with childcare? would you need to interview for a nanny? what daycare options are available to you? do you have a bank account in just your own name with some money in it - if not, could you set this up now?). You don’t have to contact a divorce lawyer. Just think about what leaving would actually entail and realize that it would be hard, incredibly hard, and heartbreaking, but it would also be doable. Break it into small chunks and handle what you can.

Another option, of course, is staying.

Consider what it would mean for you to stay and - more importantly - what you need in order to stay.

Do you need your partner to agree to therapy (individual and/or couples) in order to feel safe and comfortable staying? Do you not need your partner to agree to therapy (even if you’d like it) but just need him to agree to stop dumping his trans-related fears on you? Do you need your partner to go to some PFLAG meetings and educate himself more on trans/nonbinary/queer issues? If you have been considering any form of physical/medical transition, is that something you’re willing to withdraw as an option for yourself? What can you do to support your partner and what do you need him to do to support you (and what does he feel he needs from you in support and what does he feel he can give you in support)?

Basically, it comes down to: you are not obligated to accept this shitty treatment towards you, not for any reason. What do you need in order to stay - and what are you willing to do if those needs aren’t met?

That was a lot to take in. You’re under a lot of stress and pressure right now. Please make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Lean on your support system. Ask them for help!!! I’m sending you good vibes and wishing you nothing but the best. I hope it turns out well.

~Pluto

#mod pluto #nonbinary #long post #relationships #exorsexism #cissexism #transphobia #answered #ask #asked #anonymous #substitute pflag for whatever applicable org if you don't have a pflag

21 notes · View notes

suthoughts · 5 years

Text

Limb Enhancers

One, among many, of the good things about Steven Universe is that it does a very good job representing a lot of minority groups. Generally this is talked about a lot among the fans, however there is one represented group that I don’t think I’ve ever seen talked about (which is kinda odd considering it affects two of the main cast): the disabled.

I put this down to the fact that compared to other minority groups the disabled side of Tumblr is a lot smaller and less widely spread. Generally the only reason I see disabled content is because I seek it out, meaning that, unless you’re disabled (and therefore unlikely to forget you exist) disabilities aren’t going to be something on your mind.

Steven Universe LGBT+ viewers have explained and pointed things out that I (as a cis het woman) would never have fully understood (e.g. why Garnet put off telling Steven she was a fusion, why Lemon Jade fused at the ball even though it was so dangerous, etc). So I’ve been planning for a while to make a series of posts on Steven Universe’s large disabled cast.

However I soon realised that there was something integral to the way off coloured gems were (and likely still are) oppressed by Homeworld, that I’d have to break down and analyse before I could properly begin. And that is: Limb Enhancers.

The Purpose:

The fact that Amethyst, an off colour gem who we know from Peridot can ‘do everything a real quartz can do’, was forced to wear them in order to attend the ball, shows as that Limb Enhancers are used not as aids, but as something designed to dress up the more marginally acceptable off colours as ‘real gems’ so that they can be presented in society.

The main reason I think Limb Enhancers were originally mistaken for aids was that the secondary features of Peridots (a gun and a log) were useful in her day to day life. However we know there are other, less detrimental ways Homeworld could have given them to her.

For instance let’s look at Aquamarine.

We know Aquamarine is, most likely an era 2 gem, and this, along with the fact that her wand appears to be a permanent fixture rather than something she pulls from her gem, would suggest that she can’t naturally summon a weapon. This would mean that her wand (which seems to function in the same way as Peridots finger guns) was something that was given to her in order for her to do her job. So why wasn’t she given limb enhancers? We saw a lot of Aquamarines during the last arc, all out in public and allowed at the ball as they were while Amethyst was not. Aquamarine wasn’t given Limb Enhancers because she looks correct.

Then there’s Blue Zircon, another gem who’s young age would mark her as era 2, and another gem without Limb Enhancers. While there is a chance she functions properly, the fact that her prosecutions come from her monocle rather than her gem (like all the other protections we’ve seen gems do) suggests that she, like Peridot, might not have powers and that her monocle could be something that was given to her so she could do her job. So, if there wasn’t a way to fit a log to a wand like Aquamarines, Peridot could simply have had a fixture like this attached to her goggles.

The Physical Affects:

The main reason I don’t see Limb Enhancers as aids is that aids are designed to make life easier for the people who use them. Limb Enhancers however make life harder and, if used for long enough, have a negative physical affect on a gems body.

Firstly let’s look at Amethyst, a gem we know to be very mobile and athletic. In Limb Enhancers she was shown to be barley able to keep herself upright. While this was because she wasn’t used to using them, we know from this that they are hard to use and take time to adjust to.

Just how much time would a gem be given to adjust. Looking at the fact the first batch of Earths Amethysts were sent out almost as soon as they had emerged, the answer is most likely that they weren’t given any. This may just about work for a gem like a Peridot, who would be able to learn to walk on the job (although it would likely slow down productivity and possibly get them into trouble) but for a Quartz soldier stumbling around a battlefield like a newborn deer would likely spell death. Then there’s the question of how mobile they could actually become. Could a Quartz soldier in Limb Enhancers ever perform a spin dash, one of the staples of their combat strategy?

Then there are the long term affects. For a long time after she lost her Limb Enhancers Peridot was unable to run on two legs, falling over if she tried and having to resort to running on all fours. While Peridot may be clumsy she isn’t that clumsy, and by Kindergarten Kid she was able to run without falling over. When you combine this with what we already know it suggest that long term use of Limb Enhancers negatively alters the way a gem uses her body, forcing them to become dependent on Limb Enhancers whether they want to be or not, and faced with a lengthy (and potentially dangerous) transition if they ever want to stop using them again.

The Mental Affect:

As well as forcing gems to become physically dependent on them, Limb Enhancers cause gems to become mentally dependent on them as well. Homeworld society is set up to make off coloured gems hate their bodies. Those who are considered too misshapen are killed on sight, and those who are ‘acceptable’ are either hidden away on remote outposts or dressed up to look like their correct counterparts. Worse still they are taught that this is their fault.

I know from experience that even in a supportive environment, when you’re disabled, it becomes very easy to see your disability as something ‘other’ than you. An enemy that stopping you from doing what you want to do and being who you want to be. It becomes an enemy that you cannot fight because that enemy is you. But you cannot see that or accept that, because that means you have lost.

Limb Enhancers give gems the opportunity to pretend they’re not disabled. To put on a mask and hide behind it from who they really are. (A lot of people with non noticeable disabilities do this at some point in there lives, and it’s hard not to because you tend not to notice you’re doing it.) The problem with this is that, while they ignore their disability, their hatred towards it doesn’t go away, and when the mask finally falls off they have to confront the monster they’ve built up underneath. And because it’s suddenly so big and frightening it can take a long time to realise it’s there.

This is what happened to Peridot when she lost her Limb Enhancers and it was also why she was so desperate to get them back and it took until Too Short to Ride for her to finally be ready to admit to others that she was disabled. It’s important to note that this episode saw her get a tablet (an aid that didn’t compromise a part of her identity) and, after she acknowledged what she was, she discovered her abilities to control metal (something unique and beneficial to her that may well be a side affect of her disability).

I’ll talk more about Peridot in a later post, but now as that’s everything I have to say on Limb Enhancers, I’ll sign off with Peridots word as she flew over Homeworld as herself, an off colour Peridot:

‘Set your eyes on me, Homeworld! I, Peridot, have returned, not as your servant, but as your savior!’

Which says a lot about how Homeworld made her feel, doesn’t it?

#steven universe #su #su theories #peridot #amethyst #limb enhancers #aquamarine #blue zircon #together alone #too short to ride

303 notes · View notes

mischiefarchive · 4 years

Text

ABOUT THE CHARACTER.

i. introduction :

･ﾟﾟ･｡ ( tommy martinez, cis male, he & him ) — 𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆 ARCADIUS ‘CADE’ YAXLEY, the ELEVENTH year SLYTHERIN student ! i hear that the TWENTY-ONE year old is known to be ENDEARING and ADAPTABLE and also very CALLOUS and SELF-SERVING. however, if you ask me, the fact that they are a HALF VAMPIRE and leaning towards the side of the DEATH EATERS is a lot more telling.

TRIGGERS MENTIONED: blood, abuse, confinement.

ii. musings workshop :

half vampire traits.

APPEARANCE.

mildly exaggerated fangs

paler skin

look human

STRENGTHS.

heightened senses

greater physical resilience

longer lifespan

WEAKNESSES.

sensitive to the sun/daylight & garlic

wooden stakes

blood lust

fun facts.

he has an older half brother named corban.

though he doesn’t feed from humans, he enjoys blood lollipops as well as blood wine, a creation of his.

he doesn’t care much for others, though he’d never say it outright, he feels as though most are beneath him, purebloods included, though he knows better than to voice that thought aloud to purebloods.

he enjoys living a life of luxury and has built a brand of himself, taking on his own version of an influencer within the wizarding world.

he loves making a scene, flashing his riches, and using them to his advantage.

Biography

The Yaxley family was a close knit family, one that by all means gave off the persona of the perfect pureblood family. With doting parents who birthed not one but two perfect boys, or so it seemed. Everyone seemed to envy the family. But what goes on behind closed doors is a much, much darker tale. Vidar Yaxley, Arcadius' father was raised on the family motto of; tough love hurts, but it's good for you, a motto he later instilled within his own family. It started with his older brother, Corban. Any time either stepped out of line, they were punished. From spankings to lashings, obeying his parents was law. At an early age, the two brothers were only allowed to play and spend time with a certain group of approved children. Otherwise, they were locked in the house, given lessons on dark magic, spending countless hours learning to recite spells, duel, both with one another and on an array of targets. They were both potential heirs, but of course, only one would be right for the title and they had to fight for it. Both had to be strong, grow thick skin and carry the name and family with pride.

And as far as both Yaxley brothers knew, they were as pure as could be, unlike the mongrels that filled the street. Expected to exude a "too good for the likes of you" persona. Poisoned with these ideas, Cade has always been pretentious and haughty, sometimes far too much so for his own good. It’s rumored that if he was to view himself in the mirror of erised -it’ll be an image of a golden crown sitting on his perfectly groomed hair. But all of that changed as Cade reached the age of seven. It began with his skin paling and a constant migraine-like headache pain that shot from his jaw area to his head, worsened when the summer months rolled along.

Keeping him sheltered and locked up in the house, Vidar only allowed for trusted healers to come and test him, until the worst was revealed and the truth of Cade's mother, Kjersti Yaxley's affair came to life. Not only had she slept with someone else, but a VAMPIRE at that. This boy that Vidar had raised as if he were his own flesh and blood was an abomination, a reminder of his betrayal, but still he refused to allow the wizarding world to find out. After releasing his rage and fury on both Kjersti and Cade, Vidar began a new kind of training for Cade. He was no longer in the running to be his heir, of course, but now he could be trained into becoming a weapon. It was better this way. The last thing he wanted in the papers was a story of how his wife had an affair on him with a monster, it was one thing for a man to have an affair, but another thing entirely for a woman to. It was despicable. He'd have become the laughing stock.

Once Hogwarts came around, Cade was appreciative of the break from his father and the nightmare that was his new home life, he even enjoyed being around his brother again. The two got along while in school, after all, they were the only two had lived through what they had. Their relationship remained strong well into Cade's fith year. But, it was truly Cade's third year that had started the shift, the change in him and distancing from his family. It was during a visit in Hogsmeade, that Cade crossed paths with a man that carried a vague familiarity to him, someone he was almost drawn to. That man, later turned out to be his real father and a vampire, someone that would be able to show him the ropes of how to handle his urges, how to deal with all that came with being a half vampire. It was almost too good to be true, or so it felt, but Cade started to learn a lot about himself through his visits with Magne Blanc. He started to believe he wasn't a monster at all. But, in time, it would be revealed that he was just as bad, if not worse than Vidar.

It was a gradual transition, but in due time, Cade changed from boy with a prince like complex to a dark, moody boy. At first, it was brushed off as being teenage boy behavior by professors and his parents, though still punished at every outburst by Vidar. But then came the day when Cade announced he was leaving the Yaxley Manor and instead live with his father.

Now, years later, he's put both families behind him and lives on his own and has once again returned to the mindset of having a prince like complex, only this time it was of his own doing. He would show both where they went wrong in creating a true monster out of him. Cade is now living his life for one person, and one person alone and that is himself. Everything is a bargain and unless there’s a personal benefit - you can forget about it.

Personality:

A prince complex is one of many ways to describe Arcadius Yaxley. He's, however, a king in his mind and a king does not converse with peasants. That's right, peasants. Though he will never openly show it, deep down, he doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself, unless of course, you're a pureblood or connected and someone that will help in his rise to power. He will throw threats where he deems fits, but more so than that, Cade will manipulate people into his puppets, his minions. He never quite learned that humans had feelings, not ever being shown love in a traditional sense, how could he have? Those that know him, and know him well, can catch those glimpses of evil sparkling in the depths of his emerald eyes.

He throws money at his problems. It does the job, why worry when he's swimming in gold? The value of gold, while important, seems endless with him. His haughty air inflates his arrogant demeanor. He will only get his hands dirty if he absolutely must. But if he can, he definitely prefers to order someone else to take care of the problem. His attitude has been groomed since childhood. But what can you do when you've been brainwashed all your life to think you were entitled to everything and anything?

iii. other info :

slug club, prefect, vice president of slug club.

#fd.intro #c: arcadius yaxley #intro: cade

3 notes · View notes

magic-multicolored-miracle · 5 years

Text

Nancy Drew: 1x04: The Haunted Ring

Alright, let me tell you right now, this is the kind of shit I am here for. We’ve pretty solidly established our characters. We know our mystery. Now we’re getting into the good shit.

Every episode adds more nuance and raises new questions, but not in a way that annoys me. I’m not finding myself going “hurry up and get to the answers.” In fact, quite the opposite, I look forward to how they’re going to keep building things up.

Still more ghosts than I was expecting but you know what...it’s cool. This episode was a turning point where I kind of went: sure, ghosts and curses are real and an important part of this shit. Bring it. (As you will see below, the slow transition throughout the episode).

Free Range Commentary, no additives or context:

Dick move making your houseguest sleep on a bench, Nancy

Actually yes. Old houses are prone to odd electrical occurrences. And resulting fires…

Although not usually like that…or playing mysterious videos of a murder…

Ooh, Flashback!

Just take the money from your father woman. Just because you can buy your own pizza doesn’t mean you should.

A tragedy that conveniently lets your client inherit his wife’s estate when he otherwise couldn’t…

So Bess is not really a Marvin, just a con artist. Glad we covered that and can move on (also WHY?!)

Columbia. Because Harvard or Yale would be too pretentious and/or cliché

Why is that how you answer your phone and why do I kind of love it?

Ooh, history is probably romantic and the deal is probably “be a CI or go to jail” but what for? And is it really a CI when you’re just having him follow and spy on people? Is it bad that I want it to be sketchier and more salacious than that?

Not a question of food safety/sanitation, just a curse. And here I thought you were the practical one George -.-

Well, now that the ghost is physically affecting shit and it’s not going away, it’s going to be a lot harder to pretend it’s not real…

Really? We couldn’t show Girl Scout Cookies, so we had a little girls selling Gushers fruit snacks…right outside a supermarket…you know where you can easily buy those and not get scalped by an 8 year old…

I know you were ordered to do it, but it’s a little stalker-y Ace

Ah good, calling him out. I kinda love her already.

Why were they going to get a divorce? And why tell her to suck it up and not do that? Public image, or something worse?

Oh lord, I just thought of the high potential for ‘she was pregnant when she died!’ plot twist (don’t get a divorce, you’ll be a single mother and that’s the Worst Thing EverTM) and if they go that way, I will crave death

You are, I think, doing the opposite of what the cops want you to do. Get info not give it dummy

No one with that kind of secret would really keep it in such a public place, or somewhere you go in and out of often enough to have a high likelihood of dropping damning evidence of it…

Thank you for the info dump Ms. Fan

But also it was largely Ryan’s fault because he is a scummy scummy douchebag. Like good on you for taking responsibility George, but let’s not forget that part

Stop snooping in your father’s files; you’re going to get him disbarred! Or at least disciplined

You father is right. A lawyer’s job is to be single-mindedly loyal/focused on their client unless to do so is to put someone in serious imminent danger or is in furtherance of an ongoing or future crime. This is none of those things.

Low blow Nancy. I’m like 90% sure Carson took Ryan on as a client for the info/access to keep an eye on the case and make sure it wouldn’t be Nancy taking the fall, rather than for the money of it. But I can’t prove it.

Ace, looming on a balcony at a funeral is…super weird

Translation: fuck you Everett

Succinct. I like it George.

Oh, actually go fuck yourself Everett. With a cactus or a hot iron or something else incredibly painful you massive douche

Wait…did he actually care about her…I mean obviously he was cheating and therefore a dick, but maybe a little bit of caring? That might be the biggest twist in the show so far

Oh ok. Not a con artist. Just delusional?

Honey, I appreciate you standing up for truth/justice for your sister, but you have just put a MASSIVE target on your back

I completely believe Ace that he didn’t steal the tape…

Go away Karen. Clearly she doesn’t want to talk to you/about it

That was a much better apology George. Proud of you.

What was that creepy smoke?

Oh. That makes a lot of sense now.

I’m not crying. You’re crying.

Is this Nancy’s first visit to her mother’s grave? Because that’s pretty heartbreaking

Ghosts are only for violent deaths and unfinished business. Unfortunately, that’s usually not just ‘wants to still be there for her family’

Carson what are you doing?! Like I’m glad you’ve stepped up, but…

Was that a threat, Everett?

Aw, I kinda wanted to believe he actually didn’t do it.

Poor, heartbroken baby. I wanna give him a hug. She had better not hurt him.

Shit. Someone broke into Ned’s. That puts him in Danger.

That’s a different angle than the one Nancy recorded, so where did the video come from?

Okay, that’s clever. I didn’t even notice that the cracks were identical. That’s the kind of detailing I love/was hoping for.

So the sister broke in. And also had a flashdrive. Was that the 911 call or something else?

Oh good. I’m glad I have a reason now not to trust Karen…

We’ve gone so far as actual, honest-to-god possession…sigh

Trailer: I can’t hide from the ghost thing anymore. I surrender. Also these trailers move so fast I can hardly tell who people are, let alone what’s happening, so I might give up on them.

4 weeks, still no real/full name for Ace

#Nancy Drew #CW Nancy Drew #Nancy Drew 2019 #Nancy Drew tv show #episode 4 #semi-liveblogging #or at least it was when I was watching it #but then I forgot to post again so it's like a week past being 'live'#Its not what I would have expected from a Nancy Drew show #but I like it #overall positive feelings #when will Ace get a real name though?#still weirded out by the Ned/Nick thing and bad at correcting it in my internal monologue

7 notes · View notes

magical-agatha · 5 years

Text

god my fuckin temperament is too weak to handle thinking about inguinal hernias anymore today. this: http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/trans?page=guidelines-testicular-pain is still the only link i can find that has any confirmation of it as a danger to trans women who tuck. but it doesn't go into detail about how the actual hernia is occurring and what the relationship is with tucking. but at least it confirms a correlation so i know that it is in fact a danger and not just wild speculation or something based solely on one person’s experience, which may or may not reflect the rest of the community. from what i can guess its probably like? pushing the testicles into the inguinal cavity is distending it and weakening the muscles, which is allowing the intestines to slip through into the cavity. i wonder if theres like, something in this to do with like, physical exertion, bc it could also be that tucking is creating a weakness that is getting exacerbated by a moment of physical exertion? or maybe by moving in a way that like, affects the muscles in there? idk. there really isnt a lot of info about this and im not a doctor so the best i can do is speculation. but i dont think the idea that tucking is distending the inguinal cavity which is weakening the associated abdominal muscles is too extreme of a jump. this is one of those times where i really really wish there was more medical information and research about trans bodies, bc most of what there is is sporadic and incomplete and the rest is sourceless uhh, whats the word, when its just based off a persons experience being recounted without any like, reliable research or info. starts with A. im very tired lol. point is i wish there was more info out there cuz there really isnt a lot and im scared ppl are going to get hurt bc of that. this is also like, opening my eyes a lot about how uncertain the information i have in general about like, my body and the bodies of other trans women. bc im finding inconsistent info about things i thought were facts, like for example tucking has always been held up to be perfectly safe, but ive never been able to do it without it hurting, and apparently like?? the whole ‘hrt will turn you infertile’ thing might be inconsistent too? apparently it happens to some but not others. and the thing about like, ‘you WILL lose the function of your dick’ (with the implied ‘but thats a good thing’ that has always pissed me off) and my dick still works, it works differently and i cum and orgasm differently than i did before hrt but it still very much works, it just seems to follow different rules? and i still cum and i can still get hard, both of those things were supposed to stop happening but they didnt. it just like.. went through a process of being reprogrammed so it behaves differently now. cuz there was a period where i couldnt orgasm and i couldnt cum, but then i could again, and now my orgasms are totally different than they were when i was pre hrt. instead of it being like, sudden and intense and overwhelming, it builds up slowly to a peak, then gradually declines from there and leaves you feeling warm throughout and very very soft. and my hen leaks precum constantly when im aroused, and then when i cum it shoots a little bit out then like, leaks goo for the next half hour, not a little bit either. its a mess.

there was something else i wanted to say here but i forgot it. all in all im just. mad that the only ppl who care about the health of trans ppl are some doctors and trans ppl themselves. and that information about our bodies is inconsistent even between professionals. i cant be sure that my doctor actually knows how my body works and whats best for me. it makes it so much harder to trust doctors and feel safe when i see them. what a nightmare. i want to help ppl. i want to find and compile info about our bodies to keep us all safe but i can barely look after myself and i cant commit to doing that. i have to focus on myself. so all i can rly do is like, give advice and try to warn ppl of potential dangers and do what research i can. which is what we’re all doing. the danger is when personal biases conflict with caring for the safety of other ppl, which is the root of all the problems with trans medical stuff i think. whether its doctors enforcing their biases on trans ppl thru medical advice/medicine, or trans ppl themselves giving advice that is warped by their personal beliefs. it leads to misinformation and inconsistency and thats dangerous. that means people getting hurt. so i have to be careful when i give advice to be aware of my own personal biases. such as like, i hate tucking, but i cant tell ppl to just not tuck bc its not my body, i dont know if theres a way to tuck safely or not, so instead i have to tell ppl to be careful and to be aware of potential risks, and to listen to their body bc pain and discomfort are important indicators of harm being done. but im scared that will be lost in the tide of ‘tuck or you arent a real trans woman, you need tucking to pass, it cant hurt you’ that has been spread among us for a really long time.

i feel like this is like, tied to another big problem which is the like, necessity and obsession with passing. which are two very different things. necessity is like, passing to be safe, which i feel like has room to accept that tucking might not be totally safe and comes with certain risks, because it isnt about affirming self worth or identity, only about staying safe. then obsession, which might not be the best word but it will do for now, by that i mean ppl who feel they Have to pass at all costs, bc they think that if they dont they arent a real woman or something like that. they tie passing to self worth and identity, if they dont pass they are worthless or incomplete or like, inferior to cis women, and they will do anything to pass, with little to no regard for personal safety. they will do risky things like skipping meals or tucking unsafely bc they want to pass at any cost. but they spread their perspective on this through advice to other trans women, telling them they need to tuck and they need to wear makeup and they need to do voice training and get implants and srs and all manner of things or they are a trender. a faker. they put insecurities into other trans women and bully each other to propagate their personal biases and force other trans women to conform. most trans women pre hrt are extremely vulnerable and lost, which is when these obsessive trans women give them bad advice and twist them to their world view. that happened to me. i got sucked into that when i was trying to figure out my identity and needed validation. luckily i got out of that and i know better now. its really fucked. ive talked about like, versions of this idea before. that there are two kinds of trans ppl, those who love being trans and those who hate is and want to be cis. and i think as im getting a bit older and learning more and getting further thru my transition im starting to put together a bigger picture of the interplay between all of this stuff. like, the interactions between cis society and its expectations of trans ppl, how trans ppl deal with those expectations and how they deal with living and moving in a cis society thats hostile to trans ppl. this is all one big mess. and thats not even touching on the interactions between terfs, transmeds, and the various levels of trans communities both online and irl. its an absolute nightmare. and then as well there’s like, further interactions with like, nb and gender diverse ppl, gay vs straight trans ppl, intersex ppl, exclusionists, and the mess that the current lgbt+ community online is. i could write a book about this. im living in a nightmare. a massive roiling chaotic community thats fighting itself and the world around it and trying to survive and destroy the parts of itself that it thinks arent ‘valid’. which sounds like a metaphor for my experiences as a trans woman. god and theres more i keep forgetting. im so scatterbrained tonight. i havent had enough sleep to be trying to talk about something so complex as this. and im destroying my hands by typing this much. time to stop. i can sort all this out later. what a mess.

#hashtag blogging with aggy #transgender

4 notes · View notes

megacircuit9universe · 4 years

Text

Relative Charisma & the Incel

WED SEP 30 2020

So the first of three debates between Trump and Biden happened yesterday, and it was... as CNN’s Jake Tapper so aptly put it, “A hot mess, inside a dumpster fire, inside a train wreck.”

I didn’t see it, because I was at work, but I’ve heard enough sound bytes, and seen enough post debate coverage to know that... history will remember this one and play back those clips for centuries to come... of Trump, behaving like an angry, wounded animal.

For some context, despite my last entry, in which the indy left media (TYT mostly) was crying that Biden was losing the election, based on two stand alone polls that had Trump up a tick in two states... Biden’s lead in those and all other states is actually holding, or slightly growing.

I should disclose that my information is coming from an independent YouTube polls analyst whom I’ve come to trust over the past few years. There are many such channels on YouTube, but this guy eventually won me over, because he’s thorough, transparent, always has receipts, and pretty good at calling trends, while keeping expectations grounded in reality.

In my experience, news outlets... be they mainstream media, or indy news sources, only present polling data that they can sensationalize.

Right wing media just deny reality and convince their viewers all news of Trump being behind is fake. But Mainstream media always wants you to think it’s a dead heat... because that gets ratings. Meanwhile, the indy left news wants you to think Biden is losing, to fuel more activism and more participation.

And none of this is the subject of the entry at hand, but... it’s important to get this out of the way as we move into October, when the polling data is really going to be indicative of what happens on Election Day.

I vetted a lot of different YouTube analyst channels and settled on the one I have, because... I trust this guy.

So... when I sit here an say that Biden has a significant lead in all critical states, has several paths to 270, is ahead in national polls, etc... I’m getting that from a trusted source. It’s not just me being blindly optomistic based on some things I happened to pick up here and there.

Okay...

Back to context for Trump behaving like a wounded animal in yesterday’s debate...

On the one hand, yes, Biden is still way ahead, and looking like he’ll be the clear winner... which I’m sure Trump doesn’t like. But on the other hand, Trump was also deeply humiliated this past Sunday when The New York Times published a bunch of his tax returns... going up to 2017 and 2018, when he was, of course, President.

And the story reveals that he’s drowning in debt, and has been for quite a long time... with most of it being owed to mysterious unknown parties... which is a security concern. It also exposed how little taxes he’s paid... which may or may not be tax evasion, technically, but is not a great look for a populist President.

Quick sidebar here... Presidential tax returns are never normally news, because all Presidential candidates since Nixon have willingly published theirs upon declaring their candidacy... until Trump.

So it’s not like he’s being singled out by the New York Times for exposure of his private business.

On the other hand, the tax returns weren’t exactly a bomb shell. More like a fizzling sparkler. No personal check from Putin, with, destroy democracy, written on the memo line.

Yeah, he pays almost no taxes, but... we already knew that’s par for the course for all billionaires. It’s kinda the reason the progressive left exists.

But in terms of context for Trump being a wounded animal... it’s the drowning in debt thing he never wanted to go public. For Trump... it’s an unspeakable humiliation, like getting pantsed in public, only to reveal that you like to wear Wonder Woman Underoos or something.

It’s a massive blow to the image he’s created for himself, and defended so dearly... of being a legitimate billionaire, who used his shrewd instincts, and financial brilliance to amass deep pockets of untouchable wealth... self proliferating, tax free, multi-generational wealth.

Instead, he’s just an idiot, billions of dollars in debt, forcing the US government to pay millions to his Mara Lago resort, for hundreds of golf outings (around 200 to date) and he’s still in the red... at Mara Lago! Forget his other debts and failing ventures!

A quote from Iron Man 2 is very apt, here...

Ivan Vanko : [laughs] If you could make God bleed, people would cease to believe in Him. There will be blood in the water, the sharks will come. All I have to do is sit back and watch as the world consumes you.

That was Ivan’s rationale for attacking Tony Stark at the racetrack. It’s also been interpreted as a foreshadowing of the scene in Infinity War, several years later, where Tony Manages to punch Thanos hard enough to scratch his cheek and get a single drop of blood out of the mad titan.

Here in 2020 reality, the New York Times did get that single drop of blood... on Sunday.

And going into his first debate with Biden... who has been stubbornly leading in the polls all summer long... Trump was so furious, he could not keep his composure.

And this, at long last, brings us to the matter of relative charisma.

I’ve talked about it several times in the past, saying that, if you want one simple rule of thumb for predicting the next president... it’s that, whoever has the most relative charisma will win the election.

Relative, in this model, meaning... relative to the opponent.

A great example of this would be George HW Bush (Bush1) who had way more charisma, relative to stodgy, stuffy, Michael Dukakis, in 1988. But four years later, the same George HW Bush, looked himself, quite lacking in charisma compared to his new opponent, Bill Clinton.

It’s happened in every election of modern times. Carter had more relative Charisma than Ford, but far far less relative charisma than Reagan... and on and on back to FDR.

It was also, obviously true that in the match up between Trump and Hillary Clinton... Trump had all the relative charisma. PT Barnum levels of charisma!.. as the happy, quippy, rude, outsider... to her... boring gramma persona saying, “Pokemon Go to the polls!”

And early this year, during the primaries, when Bernie Sanders was still in the running, I said several times that Trump would, “mop the floor,” with Biden in a debate.

But... that was before Covid19... and 200,000 dead. Before record unemployment and record evictions. Before the Black Lives Matter movement caught fire in the streets, facing off with fascist police with tear gas and batons all summer. Before Biden sailed through all the insanity, staying ahead of Trump in the polls, to get the nomination.

And it was before Trump, in recent months, sent thugs to kidnap protesters in Portland, threatening all other democratic cities with the same, began knee-capping the post office, was exposed for calling our soldiers suckers and losers, refused to accept the election results if he wasn’t the winner, refused to commit to a peaceful transition of power unless we, get rid of the ballots, and... was exosed as swimming in debt.

So in Tuesday night’s debate... while he did try his level best to mop the floor with Biden... Trump came off as... well, an incel*.

We all, sadly know how incel’s debate, having suffered them like a bed bug infestation in every comment section on the internet for the past ten years, and in last night’s debate... Trump was, incel personified!

Moderator Chris Wallace, of Fox News, even gave Trump the chance to back away from the event horizon of the black hole that is at the heart of incel culture, by asking him to simply denounce white supremacy.

And not only could Trump not denounce white supremacy... after dancing around the quesion, he wound up saying that a group of white supremecist incels known as the Proud Boys, should, “stand back, but stand by!”

In other words... he’s not only banking everything on the incel vote... he’s calling on the incels to join Beta Force, and be ready... to intimidate voters in person on election night... and to create mayhem when he loses.

Please stand by, incels... but you understand, this is not a paid gig, right? I’m kinda tight on money right now, so you’ll need to be fighting for me out of the prematurely ejaculating spite in your sexually inadequate hearts!

The point here, is that the question of relative charisma between Joe Biden and Donald Trump has finally been answered.

Incel vibe, is not charisma. It’s the opposite of charisma. It’s a combination of wounded spite, bitter frothing at the mouth, and indefensible stupidity... all the things that make normal people want to puke.

So, while Biden may not have much in the charisma department... he does have a few charming attributes above the base line for a decent human being capable of empathy and logic.

And in a match up with the Trump of October 2020... that means, Biden has all the relative charisma... and he now has it on lock down.

We can talk soon about Trump’s incel chances of stealing the election by incel force, and the true threat that his army of incels present to our democracy, but for tonight... Trump is an incel... and incels have zero charisma.

I’m going to bed.

*Incel is a portmanteau for, Involuntarily Celibate.

It refers to straight, cis boys or men, most often white, from 15 to 35 who, despite deeply craving to engage in sexual activity with counterparts of the opposite sex, fail to attain it. Such males believe they are entitled to sex with the partner of their choice, and are thus baffled and aggrivated by their inability to obtain it consentually.

Incels are characterized by their extremely toxic interactions, which go beyond the mysogyny one might expect, to encompass all of society. For, in their mindset, it is not simply women who are to blame for their lack of sex, it is the entire framework of society... and that framework is also to blame for every other wish they perceive as being unfairly denied to them.

Incels resort to harassment, often thinly veiled as debate or argument, in order to torment those (most) who will not recognize their entitlement, and dream of reforming the societal order, such that their bullying rules the day... often waxing nostalgic for imagined times in the past when men such as themselves ruled without question.

They are thus, quite attracted to all forms of fascism, including, but not limited to white supremacy.

In the modern day, incels are widely regarded as a scourge, and considered by nobody outside their circle to have anything resembling charisma.

0 notes

stopscammingartists · 7 years

Text

Correcting the “Corrected” Record

[Full Post Here]

Warning: I talk a lot- As Usual. Eevee talks a lot too, so to prevent this post from being a mile long I’m going to post some of the bits I’m responding to as links.

I’m only going to go over the shit that’s nasty, like, no one is talking about “eevee putting glips boobs online” or how glip self diagnosed themselves with autism, so I’m going to just skip over that shit, and of course stuff I am personally up to date on. I don’t know about the fieldoftheother or spazkid situation for example, I don’t have any context besides what biased Eevee provides so there’s no point in me going over something I genuinely do not know about.

Re: Kiwifarms

1 2

I’m not going to sit around here and defend kiwi farms. They’re wild, they do their own thing, but at least they don’t lie about what they’re here for and what they do. I see them as record keepers , because they’re good at getting screen caps and archives. Either way, I don’t exactly see Eevees point here? The nature of Kiwifarms doesn’t mean the the achieves and tweets that came out of you and your partners mouth are faked. You and your partners still said these things. Is the fact you argued against child porn being illegal now invalid because it was from a “single tweet”?

Re: Autistic People are Emotionless Robots

You know what, you’re actually right here, PK called sociopaths emotionless robots, but when examining the entire log (which you didn’t provide probably for this reason) does show some other....questionable quotes.

>> Entire Log in Question <<

...Take this as you will.

In my opinion, you guys said some really ablest shit here all while trying to get information that is not your business out of the user in question and then when called on it you kicked them. While, true, you guys did not call autistic people emotionless robots, you where directly ableist to the user in question, which, honestly is kinda worse? You where being shitty to this user and asking them personal questions and then kicked them because you thought they were autistic. Re: Glip wants kids to see their porn. (this is a big one)

Okay then show the fucking logs Eevee. This chat happened on Discord. Discord keeps logs for a long time. Your claims of the actual context of this message means nothing if you don’t provide the logs you have access too.

Now, there are a few reasons why they wouldn’t show the logs that they definitely have access to, yet claim the context behind them.

1. Eevee is lying about the actual context behind what PK said

2. Eevee is telling the truth about the full context but has something else to hide with the context of what was said (like in the autism example where yeah pk didn’t call people with autism emotionless robots, but they where blatantly ableist to a user in the full context)

3. Eevee is dumb. No. Really. If the context is what they claim it to be there’s no reason to not show the logs.

And even in that context? What PK said is still fucked up. It’s fucked up to hope that children read you fucking porn. Period. End of Discussion.

This is just straight up a fucking lie holy shit

[Alices Character Page] [Jacklyns Page too]

And you know what? How about that time PK advertised your game Fox Flux that you made for a fucking horny game jam on the sfw site?

Don’t you think that counts for posting nsfw links to the sfw site? And with how intertwined Glips personal twitter is with the nsfw stuff don’t you think that counts too? Glips personal twitter advertises forbidden flora too so gosh maybe it’s not as hard to find it as you think it is?

And like it or fucking not: Making a -sfw- story where you need to read a -nsfw- side of it to get the full story makes the entire story nsfw. If PK can’t handle not having important things happen in the nsfw bits of the comic because they’re not a good writer, then maybe pk needs to admit that their comic isn’t sfw since you can’t get the full thing without going to the nsfw territory.

Multiple comics, actually. Interesting manipulative use of singular words to make it seem like this hasn’t been a thing for literal fucking years Eevee

NSFW EXAMPLES: (seriously guys: It’s bad)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1- oh you get the point.

My general opinion on this is that PK has done this for so long and with their self admitted fetish of teaching young boys sex that their apology is less of an apology for drawing child porn, but more of an apology for getting caught drawing child porn.

Here’s another big one.

Ahem.

Now. I’m a cis lesbian, so this isn’t exactly my place to talk...but....

From my Genderfluid (masculine leaning) friend.

From my Trans male friend

From my Trans Woman friend

From another trans male friend

From a Trans Male submitter

From a Gender Fluid person who recently spoke out against PK

See a theme? PK’s portrayal of their trans cast is offensive because it’s obvious fetish material in addition to bad representation on how dysphoria works.

But don’t you dare fucking point that out like this person did:

PK then cropped out how the persons main issue and totally misrepresented their argument!

PK turned the users “I don’t like how you use trans women as fetish fuel” comments and turned it into “THINK OF THE CIS GAYS WAH” (by the way nice homophobia!! It’s not like gay men are oppressed or anything you fucking cunt)

PK. People think you’re transphobic because when trans people point out how your portrayal of them is offensive, you fucking do this shit. You don’t give a shit about trans representation. If you did, you would take their consistent across the board criticism and try to work on it to make your trans representation positive. But you don’t. You fucking mock them for daring to point out your trans representation sucks.

Oh? And by the way?

As a lesbian, I’m horribly offended by Glips homophobia too. Your portrayal of lesbian relationships is full of abuse and rape and you seem to do everything in your power to make your ‘lesbian sex’ as straight as possible. When you’re given two characters with vaginas (a cis and a post transition women) you put them in situations where there is always a penis involved. In one instance you had it happen in a virtual reality so one of the ladies could have a dick, and in another the post transition trans girl literally had a dick come out of fucking nowhere. Don’t you think it’s a little bit off with how much lesbian porn you draw it always has PiV in it? We get it! You like PiV! But stop using trans people as a scapegoat to call your straight porn gay.

Just admit that you like straight sex and stop trying to falsely claim your comic is lgbt+ friendly because that makes good money these days, because it’s fucking not. Also admit you hate gay men already too. You admitted to being uncomfortable in furry communities because of all the gay men before and now you’re using a non-binary individual calling out your transphobia as an excuse to attack gay men again.

Pardon my language because this strikes a personal cord with me because the lgbt+ community is so close and personal to me.

PK. You’re a homophobic, transphobic and aphobic cunt.

Your portrayal of trans women is obvious offensive fetish material, and whenever trans people point it out to you, you disregard them and insult them. Your representation of ‘healthy’ lesbian relationships is abusive and rapey. You openly insult and mock gay men. Oh! And we can’t forget the time you literally made your Asexual character not ace anymore out of thin air, taking away your asexual representation because people pointed out that your ace representation is kinda not great. Because, you know, the porn is way more important then your lgbt+ positivity :))))

Fuck off. You clearly care more about your porn then your lgbt+ representation. So stop marketing Floraverse as a place for positive lgbt+ representation. It’s not. You don’t care about us. You only care about the money you can trick us into giving you by falsely marketing your comic towards us.

I’m just going to repeat my initial reaction to this because I believe it’s correct.

Eevee you literally said you were uncomfortable with an image being illegal in regards to child porn. You then argued for it.

That’s not a “whoops, I mispoke”. You don’t say something like that, and then argue for it and then go ‘woops, didn’t mean it guys! Sorry!” That’s bullshit. You’re only sorry that you got caught supporting fucking child porn dude.

How was this person being an asshole?

Or these people?

What about this artist?

Or how about this backer who just wanted to warn pk that what they’re doing could get the kick starter taken down?

What did Matt Brunett do that was so mean that warranted you and PK harassing him off tumblr for awhile?

in short:

shut the fuck up eevee yall are extra as fuck for no reason

im done writing this, you guys get the point

#purplekecleon #floraverse #forbidden flora #lexyeevee #glitchedpuppet

133 notes · View notes

sparto-i · 7 years

Note

Soul character analysis?

hoooo BOY you better buckle in because he is my favorite gotdam character and i have a lot of things to say about this boy

first off, let’s start out with a summary so ppl who don’t wanna read 4,000 words can still get something outta this:

soul is a bit of an anomaly with his characterization in the beginning being VASTLY different from his characterization in the end: overall, he’s gone through the most change out of any character in the series. starting off, he was highly insecure and defensive, which likely could be the result of growing up under scrutiny: i have every reason to believe soul’s upbringing was not colorful or happy, but rather harsh and rigid. this is reflected in his desperation to scramble for an identity in the beginning (i have some theories about that). his turning point is when he’s infected with the black blood and begins to have more and more conversations with the Little Ogre- which made a few observations about him: he’s insecure. unsure. nothing like his partner. as the series progresses, he begins to gain confidence and lose that desperation to fit into a certain box and really starts to come into his own. he gains confidence in his abilities to think and analyze, as well as his abilities to support others. this shows his truly kind-hearted nature: a cool dude wouldn’t be a total jackass, right?

now for the REAL party (after the readmore)

just a warning, there will be a lot of mentions of mental illness (especially when it comes to his self-image) and unhealthy family relationships. if i need to add anything else to the warnings, please let me know!

let’s start off with soul’s past:

it’s a well-known fact that he comes from a rich, successful family of musicians- which is something he seems to be trying to forget. soul drops all of the aspects of his past life: he hides his skill and love for the piano, as well as redacting his last name entirely. again, this is common knowledge in the fandom by now. when he discovered he was a weapon, he took the chance to drop the Evans’s family tradition of producing musicians and started a new life.

but why? it’s never explicitly said that his home was a bad environment for him, only that he felt pressure to continue to uphold the esteemed family’s reputation. growing up under such a big shadow would produce that reaction in just about anyone. perhaps it’s soul’s running away that’s the most telling aspect of his life pre-DWMA. not only does he book it out of his home and into Nevada, but he completely tries to erase everything he was- the Wiki page on him states, “Memories of his past still affect him emotionally, so much so that he prefers to forget them entirely.” Pressure to be successful, while extremely stress-inducing, wouldn’t likely make him like this, unless his family was actively exerting this pressure on him. If his parents had reassured him that he didn’t have to fill in their shoes, he probably wouldn’t have run away, but would have rather gotten permission to enter the DWMA as per his request. But, that’s not what happened.

parents who live vicariously through their children put them through a lot of stress and oftentimes, that results in the child feeling unable to live up to their expectations, which turns into a low self-esteem complex. the child will either try hard to live up to those expectations, or give up entirely: soul chose the latter. as for his self-esteem, you can see this just about anywhere: he often compares himself to other people. he compares himself to his brother when it comes to his music skill, and he compares his abilities as a weapon to that of Giriko and Justin, both of whom can fight proficiently without a meister.

so, soul evans left his home and his name behind, ready to re-invent himself into the total antithesis of what he was going to be raised to be. which leads us into…

the image of ‘coolness’

soul’s beginning personality and appearance is the most well-known- a laid back, chill dude that worshiped the idea of “coolness”. during this stage, he was impulsive like Maka was, but for entirely different reasons: where maka would often act on emotion, soul would try to take shortcuts to get things done a lot quicker- this is shown in the first chapter when he tries to full-on charge through blair’s window instead of coming up with some sort of battle tactic. this is also in-line with the typical cool guy archetype- the guy that doesn’t take any shit from anyone, and who doesn’t think before he acts because only un-cool nerdasses do that. when an event occurs that makes Soul seem anything other than detached and in-charge, he clearly notes how “uncool” the situation is in an attempt to save face. noting soul’s typical personality during combat situations (i.e. advising maka to keep her guard up, seeing situations about five steps ahead, stressing the importance of plans), the moments of impulsive behavior he does have seems rather forced.

his past easily explains why he does this: he doesn’t want to be like his family. he isn’t soul evans, he’s soul eater. his insecurity caused by a rigid upbringing turns him to over-compensate by building this “cool guy” image, which is also the epitome of ‘Western Masculinity’.

here comes the speculation piece: while i don’t believe you need to justify trans headcanons with explanations to make them valid, soul’s narrative illustrates a very familiar one: a lot of trans kids who are first starting out often over-compensate to try to mold themselves into the cis-normative perceptions of gender in society. i definitely remember my first year of my transition, trying every which way to look and talk different, walk different, like different things, even changing the way i sat down: since i was trans, i felt that i had to over-compensate and make up for my transness. soul’s over-compensation when trying to be and act “cool” definitely parallels that.

as time goes on, Soul begins to come into his own, after the first Crona encounter gave him yet another pair of eyes to criticize him:

The Little Ogre

the circumstances in which he earned this pest serve as the catalyst for his change in personality. trying to protect Maka from Ragnarok after she’d refused to use soul to block the hits from the sword, he became gravely injured and infected with the Black Blood. it’s after this that his maturity begins to show, but isn’t quite as apparent until the Kishin Revival arc, and the Little Ogre is introduced.

through the series, the Little Ogre serves as an internal conflict for Soul, harping on him through all of his decisions: he’s too patient, he plans too often, he’s too scared, he’s too anxious, he holds back too much. all of this are feelings that soul knew he had, but never had them pointed out (likely because he never confided in anyone about these issues). this causes Soul to try to prove the Little Ogre wrong by either doing the opposite of what he’s being criticized for, or carry on what he’s doing and try to be successful while doing it. considering soul’s past and his lack of motivation due to being pushed too hard, it’s strange to see the Ogre’s insults actually motivate him: but, perhaps since this conflict is internal, and the Ogre is a facet of his mind, he sees the end goal as less of an unattainable one and more of something to work towards. one of the criticisms that really got to him, though, was that he was lacking in something really big:

the courage his meister had

(yikes that was a really bad segue)

it’s easy to see that maka and soul were created to be two sides of the same coin- opposite. soul’s eyes are red, while maka’s are green- they’re contrasting colors. soul’s soul (i never wanna use that phrase again) is blue, while maka’s is orange, which are, again, contrasting colors. their approaches to battle are vastly different, as well. maka acts on emotion, on what seems like the best option at that very second, rather than detailed observation. soul, being the weapon, observes the situation from every angle, keeping calm in most situations so that he can think a way out of any predicament: a great way to balance out his impulsive technician.

however, it’s his tendency to overthink that holds him back. the Ogre had commented that he makes decisions by way of elimination, not daring to act until the only logical path is an option. there aren’t many examples in which this messes up maka’s or his ability to fight: after all, maka is a very smart girl. but, soul’s inability to act affects him personally. he’s shown to have no direction in his life or conviction of his own, which is probably left-over effects from his life as an Evans. after all, if every moment of his life was planned, how was he ever to learn that he had a will of his own?

it was the courage maka had that motivated Soul to take some direction in his life. in fact, she’s the reason he does a lot of things. albeit indirectly and in no way to blame, maka was the reason he was infected with the Black Blood- he’d acted impulsively and out of emotion in order to fulfill his duty as a weapon: to protect. soul was a source of sage advice for maka, someone who would see the plan out to ensure their safety at all times. maka, in turn, was a source of courage and motivation for soul.

it’s this dynamic that pushes both of them forward, up until they finally achieve the goal of creating a death scythe:

while i could go on and talk about all of the facets of his character, from his strong friendship with blackstar, to his struggles in the book of eibon , this analysis is already mcfucking essay length lmao

if anyone requests a part two tho, i’ll most definitely do it

#long post #character analysis #soul eater #soul #headcanons #trans headcanons #this took me over an hour to write go me

87 notes · View notes