#I made this board within the hour of finding out about her

[obscurecookiestims]

"A little wisdom, a little thoughtfulness… And a little more unusual toppings. Oops, that's a little too much!"

Vegetable Cookie from the Chinese Cookie Run: Kingdom server's game planner!

📓🥬📓

🥬📓🥬

📓🥬📓

#I made this board within the hour of finding out about her #I saw Vegetable Cookie and was immediately like “Oh yeah she's silly with it” #stimboard #vegetable stim #food stim #tomato stim #green stim #red stim #book stim #page flipping stim #chopping stim #cutting stim #tw knife #cookie run stimboard #cookie run #🌈 Character boards

[lettersofgold]

-> Into You - Jude Bellingham

jude bellingham x reader

genre: fluff, yearning | warnings: drinking, implied sexual interest | note: loosely edited

summary: jude is all alone at a wedding reception until you rearrange the seating chart and he finds himself so into you.

Jude’s eyes scanned the elaborate seating chart for an embarrassingly long time. The other guests came and went with laughter bubbling out of their alcohol-coated lips, not even noticing the boy mumbling to himself. His name had to be on there - the wedding was so elaborate and meticulously planned that he knew he couldn’t have been forgotten, right? But as Jude continued to stare at the calligraphy, his neck prickled with heat. If he was being reasonable, his name was obviously on the list. If he was thinking about the way he was invited, they forgot to add him to the list, the same way they failed to send a save-the-date to him. He only learned of his friend's wedding about two months ago - which, in his world, was like a couple of days. Jude continued to scan each “J” name he found.

Jason, no.

Jackson, no.

Justin, almost.

Jude, finally.

Jude felt briefly at ease as he turned and looked at the array of tables - where the hell could table twelve be? He turned back to the board as if it would magically give him more answers. He hyped himself up to be casually conversational - fake it til you make it, he repeated in his mind. The thought of sitting with strangers made him self-conscious. Jude walked around the surprisingly empty table until he found his name neatly etched into a golden brown envelope. He inhaled a deep breath as he drummed his fingers on the table. “Champagne?” You stood above him with two flutes of champagne nearly foaming over the top. He didn’t get a chance to answer before you placed the glass in front of him before you surveyed the table, eyeing each person's assigned seat - you stopped momentarily and grabbed one envelope, then another. You switched them and smiled to yourself. You did the same again, but this time with your envelope, and sat triumphantly beside Jude. With your body turned next to Jude and your knees brushed against him, he couldn’t help but notice the slit of your dress - it trailed dangerously high up your thigh.

“If I’m not tipsy within the next hour,” Your voice made him focus on your face, and the depth and color of your eyes floored him. Jude couldn’t remember when he had seen a woman so effortlessly pretty. “Please remind me that it’s an open bar.” You smiled up at him. Even sitting down, Jude was much taller than you. Jude nodded and introduced himself, and you did the same, both of you immediately leaning into each other to talk about the people coming to sit at the table. You listed the names of people you knew who would be attending the wedding: Margaret, who would attempt to set up her daughter with Jude but would ultimately fail; Robbie and his wife Jodie, who tended to drink more than they should and would rant about their son finding a nice girl like you to settle down with. Lastly, Miss Celia, who you mentioned, would judge the wedding because in her mind nothing could compare to her daughter's wedding. You giggled while talking about how Miss Celia would sit down and immediately complain.

As Miss Celia placed her bag on the table, she lived up to your expectations and made a sly comment, "Isn't it a cute wedding? The venue looks cheap... I wonder whose decision this was," while sucking her teeth. Your hand immediately covered your mouth to stifle a laugh, and Jude's head dropped as he tried desperately not to laugh with you. Jude’s hand settled on your knee as he whispered, “What’s your story?” “You first.” You countered with a smooth sip of the last glass of champagne. “How much time do you have?” He said easily. “We’ve got all night.” You replied.

You were talking to Jude, and you felt like you could go on forever. He was so focused on you that you felt certain that this was not going to be the last time you saw him. The dance floor was crowded, but the table was almost empty except for Miss Celia, who sat with a tight expression and her purse on her lap. Jude only interrupted your monologue to ask questions that would send you on another tangent, and before you knew it, time had passed you by. You excused yourself to the restroom and tiptoed through the crowd on the dance floor.

“Hey, why don't you ask her to dance already?" said Miss Celia with a sour expression. Jude shook his head, trying to be respectful. She didn’t have the warmest demeanor and he didn’t want to end up on the wrong end of her attitude. "What's the hold-up? It's obvious that you like her," she continued, noticing how cozy the two of you looked sitting together, knee to knee. His arm was draped around your chair the entire time you were talking, and you placed yourself close because the music was too loud. As much as he wanted to deny his attraction, his body language spoke volumes to Miss Celia.

"I would, but I don't know how," he laughed, trying to lighten the mood. Miss Celia was not amused by his pitiful admission and rolled her eyes. "Who cares? If you don't ask her to dance, some other man will, which would break your little heart," she scolded. Jude knew she was right. “My husband didn’t know how to dance either. Now look at me.” She waved her ring finger at him with a straight face.

Before he could talk himself out of asking you to dance, you were back and pulling him out of his seat.

“I love this song!” You yelled. Into You by Ariana Grande blasted through the speakers, and Jude grimaced at the corny pop music, but you were practically dragging him to dance and he wasn't going to protest. You found a spot in the middle of the crowded floor and immediately started to sing as you grinned at him.

“The temperature's rising in here. Is this gonna happen? Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move,” you sang.

Jude couldn't help feeling nervous at how intimidating something as innocent as dancing could be. Your mouth was wide open as you sang the song aloud with the rest of the people on the dance floor. You seemed to be lost in your own world, with your eyes closed, head tilted back, swaying to the lyrics. For a moment, Jude looked around and prayed that no one saw him as he started dancing along to the song. “A little less conversation and a little more touch my body,” you continued as you turned around and placed your backside on his hips. The friction of your body whining up against him was making him weak. Jude caught the tempo of your body and found himself clinging to your touch. You tilted your head backward and onto his chest and continued to grind carelessly into him. Jude was a mess over you. You pulled his hand around your waist and allowed him the opportunity to take a bit of control. The palm of his hand was large and hot against the slit of your dress. He was in a daze for a while due to the combination of his body heat, expensive champagne, music, and the truth of the lyrics. Ariana’s melodic voice singing out,

“Tell me what you came here for 'Cause I can't, I can't wait no more I'm on the edge with no control And I need, I need you to know.”

Without missing a beat he grabbed your hand and spun you around and you laughed at the sudden action. You mouthed the lyrics without breaking eye contact and abruptly the room felt too hot but he didn't feel close enough. Jude’s arm found your lower waist as he flushed his body against yours with an electric grip, your eyes trailing down to his lips. His forehead fell onto yours lightly as the two of you continued to grind on one another, his arm holding you in your place. For a moment you could hardly breathe but when his lips touched yours a rush of white hot desire flooded your body. It was a soft kiss and you drunkenly pulled him closer by the nape of his neck, not wanting to escape the taste of him. Jude hummed into the kiss, deepening his tongue into your mouth. You knew that if it wasn't for him holding you by the waist you would have stumbled backward by the sheer neediness in the kiss. You were nearly making out on the dance floor when you decided to pull away, wiping at the corners of your mouth, certain that your lipstick was smudged. As much as you wanted to have him all over you, the middle of the dance floor during a wedding was not the best place to do so.

“You okay?” He asked and you nodded.

“Would you want to get out of here?” Asking him that was the most nervous you had been all night. He didn't hesitate and immediately offered to order an Uber while you went to grab your things. You felt the scrutiny of Miss Celia’s gaze and you felt embarrassed as Jude placed his jacket over your shoulders. Miss Celia eyed the two of you and you thought a sly comment was on her tongue but instead of making a comment, she sent a wink towards Jude who held a knowing smile on his face. You weren’t sure what happened between the pair while you were away but clearly they were now in cahoots.

“Don’t have too much fun.” She replied in her usual cool tone but this time, there was a smile on her face.

#football fanfic #football fic #football one shot #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham drabble #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham fic #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham blurb #jude bellingham #lettersofgold one shot

[recuira]

after hours

after hours : a live action buggy x fem!reader fanfiction

for some odd reason, you have no idea who he is. and he fucking loved that.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

chapter one chapter two chapter three

chapter four | suede. stalking. silly.

his pov;

"Your wanted poster."

Those three words settled in my mind as I stared at the distraught girl in front of me, watching as she fumbled with her hands, a nervous exterior brushing over her. She seemed to be so horrified with the fact that I was once a pirate sought after by thousands- wanted dead or alive, though much preferred dead. Many still wanted me dead but due to my brilliant idea of hiding out here, the chance of anyone getting my bounty was thin. I, however, didn't see it being as much of a big deal as she deemed it so. The real issue I found was tucked away in one of the books within the nightstand which I was so fucking thankful she didn't find. I'd rather her not have been looking around but if she were to find one of the two? I was glad she found the poster.

I tossed another slice of apple into my mouth then set the knife down on the cutting board. I approached Y/N but instantly halted when I noticed how nervous and uneasy she was. "What's wrong?"

"H-How many people did you kill?" She asked, her voice shaking.

"Does that really matter?" I asked, waving my hands up in the air to hopefully exaggerate my point. "It was almost a year ago."

"That doesn't change the fact that it happened!"

"I know, I know." Despite her discomfort, I took a seat next to her anyway. She tightened her arms around herself, almost to make sure there was as much distance between us without her actually moving. Clenching my jaw, I patted my hands upon my thighs. "I know it's a terrible thing, and there's nothing I can do to change that. It's in the past and if I could go back and alter things, I would. Being a pirate was all I knew. My old friend was one, too. Then we separated onto different things and-"

"Did he kill people?"

"Lots of pirates kill people. It's part of the hype, ya know? It's very unlikely to raid another ship without there being any casualties. But I stopped because I got tired of it. I wanted something more."

"It's a pretty big bounty. I mean- come on, fifteen million berries?"

"Don't think about turning me in now," I chuckled, wanting to add a bit of lightheartedness to this unfortunate predicament.

"I'm not like that. I know I'm in need of money but-"

"I didn't mean it like that, Y/N, come on. Give me some slack."

"Well, why exactly did you stop? Did you lose the thrill of stealing from others? O-Or did you get bored of killing innocent people?"

I rolled my eyes, scoffing. "We've all done some shit we're ashamed of. We're humans. I did a lot of fucked up shit," I said as I pointed at myself. "But I changed that. I moved and let all that go. I left my crew, made someone else the captain, and abandoned ship. I left all of that shit behind and came here."

"But why?"

"If I say this, I'll probably make things worse but I don't want to lie anymore," I said as I laid back, folding my hands over my chest. I stared up at the ceiling. "You've obviously heard of the One Piece, right?"

"Of course."

"Well, I was one of those pirates absolutely obsessed with finding it. Fuck, I even dreamt about it. It was the only thing I truly desired in life. It was the only thing I thought about. Not riches, women, alcohol- just the One Piece. I was making somewhat decent progress but then I heard that a group of Straw Hats-" I grimaced at the thought. "-made off with the map which they stole from one of the Marine bases. I happened to track them down and I managed to steal the map from some kid named Monkey D. Luffy. But all good things must come to an end and I lost it. I was back to square one. And then I discovered his bounty was thirty million berries." I frowned then sat up, turning to face Y/N. "Can you believe that? Some newby pirate-wannabe received a bounty double my own! Seeing that brought me back to reality. So I dropped everything then came here."

"All because of him?"

I nodded my head. Just the thought of that kid irked me. There was no one, other than Shanks, who I despised more than my own self.

"So, yeah, I know what I did was fucked up. But there's a reason I'm here now. There's a reason I've given you so much. It's because I want to be a better person, maybe redeem myself for what I've done. And I can do that by helping you, by making your life a little less miserable."

"Do you pity me?" The girl asked, finally meeting my gaze.

"What?" I laughed, almost obnoxiously. "Of course not. If anything, I envy you."

"Me?" Y/N pointed at herself. "You envy me?"

"You have no bad conscience. You've done nothing wrong, you have nothing to make up for. You have a clean slate."

She shrugged, a small smile creeping onto her lips. "Thank you."

"So, uh, do you hate me now?" I asked, forcing a frown to mimic a pouting child. She giggled at this and shook her head. I sighed in relief, wiping 'sweat' from my forehead. "Thank god. I don't know what I'd do with myself if you hated me."

"I knew you were a pirate but it's still shocking to learn about your past. It'll take me a bit to get used to it but I don't hate you."

"So, we're good?" I extended my hand.

"We're good." She shook it.

I felt as if a huge relief was lifted off my shoulders. And as long as she stayed out of the nightstand, there would be no more issues. But if I hid the book, then I would be even more safe. I pondered the possibilities before I watched as she rose from the confines of the bed and approached the counter. My eyes trailed down. The backs of her thighs were exposed and the shorts clung to her ass so divinely. I bit my lip and crossed my leg over my lap.

"I appreciate everything you've done for me," She mumbled as she started to chew on an apple, then began to cut into an orange. "I do have a question for you, though."

"Go ahead, shoot." As soon as she turned around, my eyes met hers and I smiled.

"Are devil fruits real? Or is that just an old tale? I've never seen one up close and I heard they cost a fortune, even for just one alone."

"They're real," I said with a small laugh. "I would know, I've eaten one."

Y/N nearly jumped before she darted over toward me, her hands grabbing at my shoulders. She still had a slice of half-chewed apple in her mouth which made her struggle to properly speak. "WHAT? You- NO! You didn't?!" She let go of my arms and instead planted her hands on my chest, shoving me back. I collapsed back against the bed, laughing. "You ate one?!"

"Years ago, when I was fifteen."

"You're lying!"

"I'm not. It was a mistake actually."

"What happened?"

I chuckled and pushed myself back up. "Give me an orange and I'll tell you."

If my reflexes weren't so quick, the fruit would've hit me in the face with how quick she threw it. But I caught it and began to pick apart the peel. "Easy, next time," I smirked and took a bite from it. "Well, when I was younger and was a pirate-in-training, the crew I was in raided this ginormous ship and hit the motherload. Not only gold and jewels and anything you could think of, but there was also a devil fruit. I found out how much they were worth and tried to steal it but I was caught in a predicament and I tried to hide it in my mouth."

"And?"

"I swallowed it whole."

She gasped, "And you're alive?"

"It doesn't kill you. It just takes your ability to swim when you're in the ocean, in salt water. It's like the sea turned its back on you."

"Did you get a power from it?"

I shrugged and winked at her, taking another bite. I licked the juices from my hand. "Guess."

"You can fly?"

"Ha! Nope."

"Read minds?"

"It's body-altering."

"Wait," The lovely maiden smirked, taking a seat on the bed. "Did it give you that red nose?" She snickered.

"Guess again," I said flatly, my expression turning cold as I stared at her. She gulped, clenching her jaw. I laughed and looked down at my lap, now using one hand to hold the orange. I continued to chew on it. But while she was distracted with her numerous attempts to guess what kind of body-altering power I had, I detached my left hand at the wrist. It floated behind the both of us and tapped on her right shoulder. Y/N jumped up, her head shooting to look at her side. Her eyes widened and her eyebrows furrowed together before she spotted my floating hand waving at her. She gasped and slapped it away. I broke out into a fit of laughter, my hand reconnecting to my wrist. "Impressive, huh?"

"You- what?" She was still flabbergasted.

"I ate the chop-chop fruit. It allows me to pretty much chop any part of my body. Like I can-" To avoid grossing her out, I chopped my left leg from my thigh instead of my head from my neck. She watched in amazement. I smiled at this. "I can disconnect anything from my body from my toes to my ears to my-"

"Even... ya know?"

I winked. "Oh, yeah. That, too."

"That's so cool. How come you haven't done it before around me?"

"I don't know. I just never found a reason to." Shrugging my shoulders, I allowed my leg to snap back. I continued to chew on the orange before finishing it and tossing the peel into a small bin to the left of the bedside table. Y/N finished hers as well. She wiped her hands down on her shirt.

"So, uh," I chewed on my bottom lip. "Do you think you and your mother will be okay?"

"Yeah. We fight all the time. Her drinking doesn't help."

I cringed. "Really?"

"Yeah, she's one of the reasons I hate it so much."

I pursed my lips and nodded my head. I knew I needed to cut back on it but it was something I've done for well over more than half my life. Though, I was destined to do it. Not only for myself, but for her, too. I'd do anything for Y/N. "So," I began, "what do you want to do today?"

"I need to go make up with my mother. That's a big to-do. I can't stand her ever being upset with me." The girl said as she stood up, slipping her shoes back onto her feet. "We can have dinner tonight if you want. Maybe you could meet her."

"Meet your mom?"

"Yeah, why not? She was wondering where all that money came from. She thought I stole it."

"Hell, I don't know. I'm not good with meeting new people."

"Will you, at least, consider it?"

"Sure," I smirked.

"Thank you." Y/N reached for the doorknob, giving it a strong and firm tug before it yanked open. A gush of cold wind washed over her, almost knocking her back. I tossed her my coat to which she whispered another 'thank you' then slipped it on. "I'll see you, Buggy."

"Bye," I murmured with a smile.

As soon as the door shut, I jumped down from the bed and pulled the drawer out from the nightstand, dropping it on the stone floor. I sorted through the numerous books and grabbed the novel I was so fucking thankful she didn't look through. As I opened the cover, the hollowed book had contents that almost spilled out. Papers among papers, among sketches fell out, wafting along the floor. Several notes about Y/N puddled on the floor. One, which was my favorite, was a letter I wrote to her- well, I refused to send it. If I sent it, any last fiber of my confidence would be crushed like a scrambled egg. My fingers lined the rigid edges as I unfolded it.

Messy paragraphs lined both the front and back of the page.

I smiled. How long ago did I write this? I haven't looked at it in so long. I usually added a sentence to it each time I saw Y/N, which is why it was so long. But I stopped pouring my thoughts and desires into it when I actually had the pleasure of speaking to her.

If she saw this, I would kill myself.

I'd purposely jump into the ocean with two anchors attached to my feet.

I looked over the first paragraph,

'I've never wanted something so badly in my life. To say I yearned for her would be a complete understatement. I longed for her, I yearned, I desired- In simple terms, I wanted her. I mean, how could I not? She was an angel. She was a siren. I would purposely listen to her enchanting song, allowing my boat to crash, just if it meant I could be graced by her presence, by her beauty. I was obsessed with her. If she found out my thoughts, my desires, she would never let herself be seen with me. I wouldn't blame her, though. I was obsessive. It was unhealthy, I knew that. But I didn't care. I wouldn't say I loved her because I didn't know what that felt like. I've never experienced it. But perhaps I did love her. I didn't know, I couldn't tell. All I knew was that she was the only treasure I wanted. Not the One Piece, no. Not even that could match up to her alluring person. If I had to travel every sea in order to find her, battle every sea snake in order to touch her, I would. I would in a heartbeat.'

I grimaced, cringing at what I was reading. Thank god, she didn't see this. I didn't even want to see this.

I tucked the papers back into the hollowed-out book, closing it. I slipped the other novels into the drawer then slid it into the nightstand. With the book of secrets, I needed to hide it somewhere she could never find it- where even I struggled to find it. I didn't want to throw it out for I would be completely discarding all of those moments we had together, although she couldn't reconcile them with me because at that time, I was nonexistent to her.

Maybe I could follow my own idea and form my own message in a bottle. I never mentioned her name, nor my own. To an outsider's perspective, it was anonymous.

I shook my head and slipped the book back into the bedside table. She wouldn't be back anytime soon so I had enough time to properly execute a fool-proof plan.

But right now?

I needed to go get another coat.

-=-

her pov;

My mother and I resolved things, just like always. And when she caught wind of a pirate suddenly becoming very fond of me, she begged me to invite him over for dinner. I didn’t think that was the best of ideas. Going out to dinner? Sure! But to have him over? At our house? I cringed at the idea.

She fell ill months ago. Nothing too major, but ever since she’s gotten better, she despises leaving the house and even made me bring her bed downstairs so she could sleep next to the kitchen just in case she had a hankering for something to eat. It was ridiculous, I knew that. But I couldn’t just tell her no. She was my own mother. While I was old enough, I definitely wasn't going to willingly disobey her.

She persisted that I go and grab Buggy so we could have him over for dinner, while I insisted we all go out to eat. She hated the idea and told me that it was her house, her rules.

I grimaced at the thought.

Now, I was just outside Buggy's home, knocking on the stone door. I hoped he was home, though there was no possibility of me being able to ask him prior to my arrival. I knew he was busy. He was a very busy man. I was surprised he made time for me.

With another knock, another silence fell. I groaned and backed up.

My eyes trailing down, I stared at the doorknob and chewed on my bottom lip. He wouldn't care if I waited inside, right? We trusted each other. He knew where I lived and I knew where he lived. As far as I knew, he never crossed any of my boundaries and I definitely didn't cross any of his- well, except for maybe 'snooping' through his nightstand.

Without thinking too much more about it, I grabbed the rusted doorknob, gave it a firm twist, then shoved it open. I almost fell through the doorway.

I caught my balance and stepped inside, closing the door behind me. Without the lantern being lit, it was rather dark, but the bright blue sky helped to illuminate the small room. He must've not been home since I left.

I looked around, admiring everything.

As I took a seat on the edge of the bed, I noticed a piece of paper laying on the floor. It wasn't there before.

I raised an eyebrow and reached to grab it but before I could, the door flung open, a certain blue-haired pirate standing in the entrance. When he noticed me, he smirked. I gulped.

"So, we're breaking and entering, are we?" The man grinned as he took a few paces forward.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, scratching the back of my neck. "I came over to ask you about dinner but you weren't here so I figured I would wait."

"No worries, I'm only teasing."

"So?" I folded my arms, leaning forwards.

"So what?" Buggy questioned as he slipped his coat off. Since when did he get a new coat? And why? I was only borrowing the one he lent me. I didn't plan on keeping it. But I guess now it was okay if I did.

"Dinner? Are you available?"

"Hmm, it depends. What time?"

"I don't know, sometime tonight? Only for two hours or so. My mother wanted to meet you. I told her about you."

"What did you tell her?"

"That you've been a friend of mine for a few weeks now and you've been fortunate enough to treat me and help me out," I said with a smile. "She thought you were my boyfriend." I chuckled.

"Heh, that's rich," Buggy said as he turned around to close the door.

"So? Can you?"

"I guess so. Just don't leave me alone with her. I really don't want to be bombarded with questions." The man said as he folded the jacket over his arm then slung it on the countertop. "Did you tell her about my nose?"

I laughed, confused. "No? Why would I?"

"It's my defining feature. It's hard not to notice it when you see me."

"I didn't tell her. I didn't think it was important. I even forget it's there."

The clown burst out in laughter, his eyes closing as he clutched his stomach and nearly fell back with his fit of giggles. I pursed my lips. "What's so funny?" I asked as I crossed my arms.

"It's cute how you're trying to be nice to me. With a nose like mine, how can you forget it's there?" He replied while wiping a tear from his eye.

I felt flustered with the first part of his monologue but I ignored it and shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know, I just do. It's not all I see whenever I look at you, ya know. It's not my main focus point when we speak. I look at your eyes, not your nose."

"And yet again, you prove to me that you're different than others."

I smiled. "Hope that's a good thing."

Buggy smirked, winking his left eye. "Of course it is."

The pirated approached me before he knelt down and picked up the piece of paper. He examined it for a moment then laughed to himself. "Grocery list," He explained as he shoved the paper into his pocket.

I paid no attention to the paper. It wasn't any of my business. "Speaking of groceries, want to go help me get food for dinner?"

"What's on the menu?"

"No idea, but let's just grab something so she won't be bitching later."

"Guess I'll be needing this again," The blue-haired man said as he reached to grab his jacket. He slipped his arms through and adjusted the collar. "We match now."

"Mine's more vintage than yours." I winked.

"Oh, so it's yours now?"

"No?" I gulped.

Buggy giggled. "It is. I got my own now so no worries about giving it back. Unless you'd like to trade from time to time."

"No, I like this one."

The man looked at me, an eyebrow cocked upward.

I paid his look no attention and instead looked down at the tattered suede coat I wore. I inhaled softly. It smelled like him.

A soft odor mixed with whiskey, coconut, and cinnamon. And while I hated the stench of alcohol, it worked for him.

I couldn't imagine him without it.

#buggy the clown #buggy the genius jester #buggy x reader #captain buggy #one piece live action #buggy smut #buggy one piece #op buggy #buggy #x reader #buggy x you #buggy x y/n #one piece buggy #buggy opla

[judeswhore]

this sucks, i’m lovesick; jj maybank

summary: a “near death experience” is the perfect way to draw out a long awaited love confession

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

requested: yes

warnings: mentions of almost drowning and talk of weed

notes: you can find my masterlist here. this has been in my drafts for ages and i completely forgot to post it so anon who requested i’m so sorry but she’s here now <3

"y'know, i'm surprised it's taken you this long to ask for my help." jj eyes you almost suspiciously, his hands pressed into your surfboard as though to hold it steady as you straddled it. his blonde hair was dark and wet, pushed back off his face and curling just slightly at his temples, water clinging like stars to his lashes. he blinked up at you and for a second you tracked the droplet that slid like a tear down his cheek.

it was knocking on three hours since you'd dragged your best friend to the beach and half demanded that he teach you how to surf, dodging any questions he'd thrown your way as to why you suddenly wanted his help. because in all honesty, there wasn't exactly a why, not one that you could tell jj without wanting the ground to swallow you whole. you wanted to hang out with him, without the string of girls that seemed to follow him everywhere, and figured surfing would be the perfect idea. tourons couldn't surf, granted neither could you, but that was the point. jj had been hounding you to learn for years and he wouldn't pass up the opportunity now you were practically begging.

"i was tired of being left out of the competitions, i want the chance to win mr heyward's famous brownies." you skimmed your fingers over the surface of the water, flicking a generous amount onto jj's arm as he sent you an amused glance. the setting sun made his eyes seem brighter, the blue soft and comforting and always so full of trouble, corners crinkling just slightly with his smile.

"what's the point when you always help yourself to half of mine when i win." you rolled your eyes, leaning back to gaze up at the sky, hands pushing through the water to keep your board steady. you could feel jj's eyes on you, could feel the heat of his attention licking across every exposed inch of skin, your pulse kicking up slightly as you let yourself wonder if he was checking you out the way you often did him. it was a miracle you hadn't been caught out yet, if jj was around, your eyes were more than likely glued to him, hanging on to his every word like a lovesick puppy. you were certain john b had sussed you out but he was far too wrapped up in his own head lately to care that you were fantasising about breaking the one group rule.

no pogue on pogue macking.

but really, as long as you didn't act on your feelings you weren't exactly breaking any rules. and like you'd muttered to yourself hundreds of times when you found yourself falling just that little bit harder for your best friends dimples and ridiculous escape plans: the rule was stupid anyway.

"i know they'll taste better when i've won them." you let your gaze find his again, surprised to find a soft dusting of pink over the highs of his cheeks, a sheepish look schooling over his features. you raised a brow and he looked away, eyes turning to the quickly setting sun, the orange glow spreading further across the ocean. "what are you doing later?" your stomach rolled with the possibility he was hanging out with one of his many flings, your hands pushing your board a little further away from him as he remained standing.

"thought we could grab something to eat after this? kie left her laptop at the chateau the other night and john b said he's working late so we could crash there and watch shitty movies and get high." jj wasn't looking at you, he'd instead turned his attention to making sure the surfboard leash was tied securely around your ankle, fingers firm on your skin. even within the water you could feel the heat of them, the goosebumps they sent skittering across your body when they grazed up your calf.

you had to swallow down your happiness at his answer, shove down the bubble of giddiness that threatened to spill out over his offer because it wasn't as if you and jj had never spent time alone together. you used to hang out just the two of you all the time, it was only this summer that he'd started to stray toward other girls, to blow off alone time with you in favour of alone time with them. this was the first time in at least three weeks that it had been just you and jj again, the troublesome twosome who'd once wreak havoc on every inch of the island and you were more than happy that your surfing plot was turning out better than you'd expected.

"didn't you say your cousin got busted?" jj had secured the leash again but he didn't remove his hand, just kept his fingers pressed against the back of your leg, thumb sweeping over your too hot skin. he shook his hair out and sent you a crooked grin, one that made your heart fizz.

"you think i'm dumb enough to only have one dealer?" your arched brow said enough and he finally let go of you, playfully shoving your board away with an eye roll. you wobbled a little at the force, arms shooting out for balance. "i'm not dumb when it comes to weed, sweetheart. y'wanna have one more go and then we'll head back? i'm starving."

you only nodded, sucking in a breath before going through the steps jj had practically drilled into your head, overly aware of his eyes on you. so far you'd simply paddled on your board, attempted to stay standing for more than ten seconds as the slowly growing waves bobbed you around and as you pushed yourself further out you told yourself the last time would be the charm. water lapped over your board, slipped over your thighs and pushed back against your hands, the waves coming towards you seeming a lot bigger than the previous ones.

"hey, i think you've gone far enough, nemo!" jj had to shout in order for you to hear him, the distance you'd put between you larger than it had been before and you could hear the hitch of worry in his voice. you threw him a grin over your shoulder and waved an unbothered hand.

"i was born for this, maybank, prepare to be amazed." you knew you were being cocky, unnecessarily so, but there was a screaming part of you that wanted to impress jj, that wanted to show him you weren't that useless when it came to surfing. you eyed the water, watched the waves roll in and then leant forward, chest pressed flat to the board, hands pushing you further towards the oncoming waves.

"you drown and i won't share my weed with you!" he was teasing, of course he was, he didn't think you were actually stupid enough to try and tackle a wave, he didn't think you would end up slipping only seconds after pushing off to your feet. you wobbled at first, just slightly and then the wave crashed into the front of your board, the impact sending you toppling into the water. a surprised yelp slipped past your lips, followed by a groan when you hit the ocean, jj's shout of your name getting lost as you went under. the shock had you forgetting for a second and salt water seemed to rush into your mouth and bubble in your nose, stinging your eyes as you tried to kick up and break the surface. 

only you'd swallowed a considerable amount of water, your lungs starting to burn and in your panicked state you pushed a little too hard and with little coordination, head smacking harshly into the side of your board. a flare of white hot pain bloomed over your heard, had you sucking in even more water and then nothing.

"jesus christ."

"if you die on me i swear to god i'll kill you."

"breathe, y/n!"

"fuck, c'mon," someone was slapping your cheek, with a little more force than you thought was necessary, their hands quickly switching to press down hard on your chest and your eyes flew open, a violent cough wracking your body. water bubbled out of your mouth and then those same hands were turning you on to your side, pressing soft into you back as you coughed up half of the ocean, your throat and nose and eyes stinging, chest on fire. "you almost give me a fucking heart attack!"

jj sounded frantic, his voice sharp and a few octaves higher and when you were certain you'd gotten all of the water up you lifted your head to gape at him. you were panting, body shaking from the panic and cold, sand sticking to every inch of your skin and you were sure you probably looked a mess but all you could do was stare. he was kneeling beside your legs, shirtless still and soaked again from the ocean, the setting sun seeming to create a halo behind his head and despite his obvious worries and the slight spark of annoyance in his eyes he looked heartbreakingly gorgeous.

"yo, dude, did the water mess up your hearing?"

"you slapped me."

"i-what?"

"you slapped me."

"of course i slapped you! you were unconscious and you'd swallowed half the worlds water supply and probably a few fish, what else was i supposed to do?" jj shook his head in disbelief, splattering you with droplets of water and sat back on his knees, his hand that had been pressed against your back settling instead on your thigh when you sat up. heat seemed to bloom from the spot, goosebumps skittering across your skin from the point of contact and your heart have an unsteady thump in your chest.

your teeth were chattering and in an attempt to warm up you wrapped your arms around your self, shifting closer to jj in the sand. "you're not supposed to slap someone who's just almost drowned."

"you're not supposed to try and ride a wave when you've only been learning for five minutes."

"that wave came out of no where."

"you were being cocky." you went to argue but then jj's hands were suddenly on your face and your mouth ran dry (an after effect of the gallons of saltwater you told yourself), a hot flush rising up your chest. he gently tilted your head from one side to the other, thumbs grazing over your cheeks and you shivered even more at the cool bite of his rings against your skin.

"what're you doing?" you weren't sure why you were whispering or why you couldn't seem to tear your gaze from the downward curve of jj's mouth, your fingers digging into the soft sand at your sides. he had a cut on his bottom lip, almost completely healed from his last run in with some kooks and a burning need to brush your thumb over it crawled up your chest. his tongue pushed out, swept slowly over that same lip and you briefly wondered if he'd done it on purpose.

"checking for injuries, you whacked your head pretty hard." jj's voice had also dropped and his finger was brushing feather light over your hairline, pushing with just enough pressure that you could feel the forming bruise. "gonna have a golf ball up here when you wake up in the morning, might rival the size of your ego."

"john b has a freezer full of peas i can hold against it, i don't think he'd miss one bag."

"you're an idiot, y'know." you made a noncommittal noise, still staring at his lips, at the dip in the centre of his top one, at the years old scar that was just between his nose and his cupids bow. mesmerised slightly by the way they shaped your name when he blew it out with a sigh. he dropped his hands from your face, one of them settling over the top of yours as it rested in the sand. "i'm serious. you could have gotten seriously hurt. you were supposed to just stay standing, you weren't supposed to throw yourself headfirst into the wave like some olympic gold medalist."

jj was going on, complaining about your stupidity and the fact he was never gonna teach you how to surf again and how you were banned from sharing his weed for the next two weeks while you thought about the consequences of your actions. but you weren't thinking about your actions or the lack of weed or the dull throbbing that had started in your head. you were thinking that jj maybank was quite possibly the most beautiful person you'd ever laid eyes on.

you were thinking about the way the sun glinted off his hair and how you wanted to map out every freckle that dusted the broad expanse of his shoulders. about the soft way his fingers trailed your face and how despite the anger in his eyes he was still looking at you like you were the only girl he ever wanted to look at. you were thinking about those god awful lips and how good it felt to hear him say your name and how you wanted to feel them pressed hot and feverish against every part of your body. you were thinking about the time when you were eight years old and you tripped in the street, scraping you knee until it was nothing but shredded skin and blood and jj was there, tying his bandana around like a bandage, flashing you a boyish smile before he helped you to your feet. jj was always there.

you were thinking about how much you loved him.

"you know that means no smoking tonight, right? you gotta earn your smoking privileges back, this is good weed that i got, there's no way i'm wasting it on an idiot like you. you can-"

"i love you." jj reared back as though you'd taken a turn at slapping him, his words falling short as he blinked at you. and blinked again, mouth opening and closing and for the first time in his life, jj maybank was speechless. for a few moments you simply stared at each other, the sun almost completely lost beyond the horizon, the sounds of laughter and yells from further along the beach almost completely gone, the water creeping closer along the shore to where you were settled.

a thousand emotions seemed to play out across his face, his eyes flitting from your own to the space over your shoulder, his hand which was still on top of yours on the sand a heavy weight. the longer he was silent the more your heart tripped and sputtered, regret and hesitation replacing your earlier boldness and you pulled your hand from beneath his, tucked your legs a little closer to your body.

"j.." your teeth had started to chatter again, from the gust of wind that blew in and from the nerves running riot through your body and it was that and the soft plea in your tone that had jj blinking out of his daze.

“how hard did you hit your head?” his tone was light and teasing, a soft spark to his eyes and an even softer curve to his lips, both of which sent your heart into a frenzy. your own mouth tipped lopsidedly.

“maybe hard enough to give me a concussion.”

“rattled a few brain cells loose.” jj’s smile had dragged your attention back down to his lips, your eyes following the way he swiped his tongue over the bottom again before biting into the inside of his cheek. his fingers found yours on the sand again, his pinky sliding alongside yours and he’d somehow leant his body in closer to you, the space between you almost non existent. you could smell his cologne beneath the scent of the ocean that always seemed to cling to him and the smallest hint of something woodsy that made your head spin a little. you weren’t sure yet if the head spinning was because you’d almost drowned or because jj was so close and you could feel the heat of his skin pressed against your thigh.

“did you even hear what i said?”

“i heard.” you narrowed your eyes and locked them on his, unsure what he was thinking. there was something different in his eyes, he was looking at you with such intensity that you almost squirmed, heart thumping in your throat.

“you heard? and you’re not gonna say anything?” you watched him shrug, felt his fingers curl around yours while his other hand reached to your face, fingers brushing gentle over the curve of your jaw. his thumb swiped over your chin, grazed your bottom lip and sent another wave of shivers over you.

“i was thinking i might make you wait a few years before i say it back. think of it as payback.”

“payback?” you felt stupid, confused and a little fuzzy because of the way he was touching you and you worried your brain had somehow shut down from water damage. you frowned and willed yourself to stop staring at his mouth, the way he was only inches from yours. one small move forward and you could kiss him. “payback for what?”

“for making me wait years for you to say it.” jj’s fingers settled beneath your chin and tipped your head back, his mouth teasing softly over yours as you fell completely still. you were afraid if you moved he’d pull back, if you blinked he’d disappear because maybe you were still under the water and this was your brains way of mocking you. his breath was hot against your lips and so very real. “i thought old shoupe was gonna get me locked up before i heard you say it.”

“you knew?”

“you’re about as subtle as a house on fire.” he kissed the corner of your mouth, then your chin, slipped his fingers around the back of your neck and bumped your nose.

“i can be subtle.”

“you think i didn’t notice you ogling me like a piece of meat? your bedroom eyes are practically engraved into my head.” you tried to bite back your smile, wrapped your fingers around his wrist and toyed with the bracelets he had there.

“if you don’t hurry up and kiss me i’m gonna take it back.”

“bossy bossy, you wanna watch your mouth.”

“i don’t-” jj pressed his mouth over yours and every thought you’d ever had seemed to scatter, replaced with one flashing thought that you were finally kissing him. his lips were soft, warmer than your own and firm in their demand of working you open, tongue finding yours almost instantly. he tasted like the chocolate he’d eaten not long ago with the faintest trace of his cigarettes and if it had been anyone else you would have found the combination disgusting. but it was jj and it simply had you tugging him closer with your finger hooked in his shark tooth necklace, humming quietly when he skimmed his hand over your ribs and around your back to press you to him.

you got lost in his kisses, in the languid stroke of his tongue against yours and the teasing nip to your bottom lip that made you almost choke on a whine. you slid your hand into his hair, tugged just enough to make him hiss, his mouth trailing hot kisses over your cheek and jaw in an attempt to compose himself. you grazed your nails over his scalp, drifted them down his neck and jj shuddered against you, his lips settling against your shoulder.

“i love you, too. in case it wasn’t clear.”

#outer banks #outer banks one shot #outer banks fluff #outer banks x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank blurb #jj maybank smut

[gennyanydots]

Really? Now?

Jake “Hangman” Seresin x f!reader

Part of the “Spitfire” Universe but can be read alone.

At this point in your life you barely remember what life without Jake was like, not that you ever wanted to remember a time without him. You knew in your heart that Jake was your person- the one you were to spend the rest of your life with.

Being with Jake has always been a little challenging. Not because of him, of course, he was the most perfect boyfriend you’ve ever had but because you swore the Navy loved to keep the two of you apart. Some days when you were feeling particularly down you swear the Navy must be plotting against your love. You always picture a whole room of Navy admirals sitting around a table, with a map laid out in front of them, deciding where the least convenient place was to send Jake, a bulletin board on the wall has a calendar with all the important dates for the two of you circled in red so the admirals knew exactly when to send Jake off somewhere or when to deny him leave.

But for once you’ve thwarted their attempts to keep the two of you apart! You were spending your first Thanksgiving together at Jake’s family farm, despite being together for five years. His parents always invite you despite Jake not being able to attend but you have always politely turned the offer down. You love his parents but being there without Jake would feel weird to you and you’d miss Jake extra, so you’ve never gone. Until now.

Jake was able to get the whole week off so he made it to the farm a couple days before you were able to fly out which you were glad about. You didn’t want to monopolize Jake’s time at home even though you know his family would understand. Jake needed time with his family without you. Didn’t need his girlfriend following after him like a little lost duck his whole leave despite his very vocal protests.

“Darlin, I want nothing more than for you to follow me around all day every day for the rest of my life.”

“How am I sposed to show you off to my whole hometown if you’re only there for a couple a days?”

“Mama’s gonna think you don’t love her as much if you don’t spend the whole week with me. You gonna break my mama’s heart, darlin?”

That last one almost got you to cave but you stuck to your guns and decided that flying in to Texas on Tuesday night would be the plan. Jake had the whole week at home so he got there Saturday night and was leaving the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Three ish days seemed like a good amount of time for Jake to be home alone with his family.

Those three days have seemed to be torture for Jake if the text messages he’s sent you are anything to go off of.

“I miss you.”

“I’m bored here without you.”

“Can’t we just change your plane ticket? I’ll pay for it.”

“I’m about ready to just hop in the truck and drive to your apartment and pick you up.”

It would take him longer to come get you than it would to just wait until you flew in but there’s really no reasoning with a pouty Jake. You had to text his mom just to make sure he didn’t go through with his ridiculous idea. She hid his keys from him. He pouted more.

Finally, after three long days and an over three hour flight you were finally stepping off the plane to see your favorite pouty man child.

It takes you about a half an hour to figure out where to go to find Jake, airports are never simple to navigate. You see him before he sees you which meant you got to watch his face the second his eyes fell upon you. The biggest smile you had ever seen passed over his face as he broke out into a jog to get to you as fast as he could without running into others. You giggle as you rush towards him. As soon as you are within arms reach, Jake lifts you up into his arms, holding you as tight as he could against himself as he buries his face in your neck. You drop your bag and wrap yourself around him and take a moment to soak up the feeling of being surrounded by Jake, the feeling of being home.

“I missed you so much,” you almost miss his words as they’re mumbled into your neck.

“We saw each other last month!” You say with a laugh.

Jake shakes his head the best he can while his face is still pressed against your neck, “It felt like an eternity since you’ve been in my arms.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

Jake chuckles and finally pulls his face out of its hiding spot to gaze into your eyes, “Only about you, darlin.”

“Hi,” you whisper to him, his face only a breath away from yours.

“Hi,” he whispers back, a genuine smile plastered on his face. You scrunch your nose as he places a soft kiss on the tip of it, making you giggle. “Are you ready to get out of here? We got a whole herd of people waitin’ to meet you at the house.”

You scrunch your eyebrows in question, “But like how many people? You didn’t say anything about meeting lots of people today.”

Jake shrugs, “My family is all excited for Thanksgiving so they wanted to come and visit with everyone from out of town at the ranch before the prep work tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Nana’s even back at the house.”

“Nana? I thought she never leaves the nursing home anymore.”

“Pops thought he’d spring her from the joint for a few days. She’s goin back Thursday after dinner,” Jake explains.

“Oh okay,” you say worrying your lip. You hadn’t expected to meet everyone today. You thought you would at least have the day to yourselves, but this is Jake’s leave and you weren’t about to dictate what happens during it. There would be plenty of time together after everyone goes home.

Jake kisses you quickly before setting you back on the ground and taking your hand to lead you out to his truck. The next half hour is spent soaking up your alone time with Jake in the truck, catching up on the little things that rarely get talked about over the phone.

As the truck pulled up to the Seresin farm house you were feeling a bit anxious. You knew Jake’s family were all nice, you’ve met his parents many times so everyone else has to be friendly at least, but large groups of new people makes anyone a little uneasy. You knew you were never going to remember anyone’s name. Despite Jake being an only child, his extended family was huge.

You fiddle with your finger nails while Jake parks the truck.

He looks over at you with a smile and a pat on your thigh, “Ready?”

You nod and he tells you to stay put.

Jake got out of the truck on his side and jogged around to your side to open the door for you.

You smile as you hop out then reach up to kiss his cheek.

Jake flashes you a grin as he reaches into the truck to grab your bags. He lifts them easily, shuts the door, then grabs your hand to pull you towards the front door.

The two of you are almost at the door when it swings open to reveal Jake’s mom rushing towards you with her arms out stretched.

“My baby girl is back home!” She says as she pulls you into an enthusiastic hug.

You hug her back and then get passed off to Jake’s dad who hugs you as well while welcoming you into the house where you’re met with about 30 people all standing up to greet you.

The next half hour is a blur of handshakes, hugs, and introductions. You’re pretty sure you’ve already forgotten everyone’s name except Jake’s grandmother and that’s only because she’s just Nana. Kinda hard to forget.

Eventually the commotion dies down and Jake’s mom announces it’s time for dinner. Since she has to cook for the next two days she had ordered enough pizza for everyone. It turns into a frenzy of everyone trying to get pizza all at the same time. You quietly sit down next to Nana who seems to be the only other person not trying to fight their way to the pizza boxes.

“You’d swear that everyone hasn’t eaten in days with how this family acts around food. God knows they all take after my husband. I tried to teach them all manners but clearly they didn’t stick,” Nana explains, gesturing to the mob of people.

You snicker and she shoots you a wink.

Jake walks over with a plate in each hand. He leans down to kiss his nana on the cheek then leans down to do the same to you before he hands you both a plate of pizza each before heading back.

Nana nudges you softly, “Maybe I spoke too soon.”

You and nana happily eat your pizza chit chatting together. You learn that Ethel at the home has been cheating at poker and nana is sure that the plan she’s concocted will catch her in the act. You also learn that Fred has been flirting with one of the new nurses and nana thinks he is laying it on a little too thick to be appropriate.

Someone announces that they have the fire going in the backyard and nana decides that the two of you must go out enjoy the night together, but first she makes you promise not to say anything about Fred or her plan to catch Ethel. You told her you swear on your life not to tell a soul before you help her outside to an empty lawn chair. Everyone seems to have made their way outside by the time you make it out with Nana.

Jake walks up behind you once you get nana settled and grabs your hand, pulling you away from everyone else.

You glance behind yourself to wave bye to nana and notice most everyone has their eyes glued to you. Weird. You’re not too sure you like that but you turn back to look where you’re going and try and ignore the eyes you feel are staring at the back of your head.

You notice Jake check his pocket and while you’re not too sure how you know you just know that Jake is about to propose. This is it. Has to be it.

“Really? Now?” You whine at him and drag your feet a little.

“What?” He asks as he stops walking. The two of you are still within earshot of everyone.

You put your hands on your hips, “You’re really doing this right now? Really?”

Jake looks at you exasperatedly, “Yes, right now. Do you know how long I’ve had this thing?”

You shrug, “Since I sent you the link of the ring I wanted?”

Jake sighs, “Yes, since you sent me the link. It’s not my fault. You’re the one who wanted a simulated diamond ring. I didn’t have to save as much money for it than I expected.”

“The amount of times I walk away from things is too many for you to buy me an expensive ring. Or what if I lose it? No. You’re not spending some stupid amount of money on a ring. It’s just flat out dumb. You’re also not giving me a ring with sentimental value. I’ll feel like an asshole when I lose it,” you explain.

“I know, darlin, I know. You’ve told me all of this. Can I get down on one knee now?” He asks.

You shrug, “I guess I can’t stop you.”

Jake rolls his eyes as he gets down on one knee and takes both of your hands, “Darlin, I’m not quite sure what to do with you, never have been, but I want to spend the rest of my life trying to figure that out. I want to save you from getting your ass beat by men a foot taller than you every day for the rest of our lives. Maybe not every day. Maybe like once a month. It doesn’t matter. Anyways, you are my greatest joy. The best part of my day, every single day. I am sick to death of the Navy keeping us apart and this is the best way to make sure I get to keep you with me. Where you should be. With the nature of my job we’ll still get separated at times but knowing that no matter what you’ll be taken care of will make it so much easier on my heart when I’m away. I want to be able to wake up next to you every chance I get until the day I die. I want to have cute little smartass babies with you that will get me into as much trouble as their mama. I want everything with you, anything with you, because you are all I need in this world to keep me happy. Will you make me the happiest man in the world and be my wife?”

“Did you ask my sister?”

Jake furrows his brows, “Did I do what now?”

You let out a huff, “Did you or did you not ask my sister?”

“What? Yeah, I asked your sister. You told me I had to. You think I got a ring and planned a whole proposal out without asking your sister?”

You shrug, “I wouldn’t be surprised. Sometimes you don’t listen.”

Jake stares at you, “Is this really happening right now?”

“Did you expect anything less from me?”

“Maybe some tears.”

“Have you met me?” You ask raising an eyebrow.

Jake shrugs, “Clearly I wasn’t thinking straight. Could you maybe give me an answer please? Everyone is staring at us and it’s starting to wear on me.”

You laugh, “Of course I’ll marry you, idiot. You’re the love of my life.”

Jake grins and stands up, wrapping his arms around you to lift you up then yells, “She said yes!”

Jake’s family cheers from their seats. You look over and see Jake’s mom clutching his dad’s arm tightly with tears streaming down her face.

“Your mom is crying so at least you made someone cry,” you say to Jake while laughing.

Jake slides you back to the ground, “She’s crying because she finally gets to say your her daughter. I’m pretty sure she loves you more than she loves me.”

“I KNOW she loves me more than you. Your dad too. How does it feel to be second best?” You ask playfully.

Jake laughs, “With you in first place I’m surprised I even made second place.”

You lean up to kiss him but stop just in front of his lips, “At least you’re first place in my heart every time.”

He pumps a fist, “Yes!”

You laugh as you close the distance between his lips and yours as a thought comes over you, you have a LOT of names to learn.

#jake seresin x reader #jake hangman x female reader #jake hangman seresin x f!reader #spitfire universe

[lau219]

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Part 8

Previous part here

…………………………………………………………………………….

It was a gradual shift over the next month and a half during which the offer Y/N had made Emmett about the boys slowly came to fruition. They never really officially discussed it again; it just ended up happening bit by bit.

At first, Y/N simply checked on Henry and Max every couple of hours after they got home from day camp. She’d stop by their house within their first half hour of being home just to make sure their day had gone well and that they had something to eat, and then once more in the early evening, about an hour before Emmett would get home. All the while, she told them to just come and get her if they needed anything.

But after several weeks, they began sometimes gravitating toward her house, sitting at the kitchen island as Y/N would ask them about their day while she made them a snack, or going to and from her porch to talk to her and take an occasional break while playing with the other neighborhood kids. During this period, there were a handful of times when Emmett had let her know the night before that he would need to work past dinner, and so on those evenings, she’d corral the boys back to her house and feed them before they would then end up crashing on her couch until Emmett got home from work. There was enough back and forth between the houses that Y/N and Emmett had fallen into a practice where he’d simply text her every afternoon with his ETA, and she’d reply with a simple “Yours” or “Mine” in reference to which house he could find the boys at upon arriving home.

It was early evening when Y/N saw Emmett pull up in the driveway next door as she was working on dinner for the boys, who were sprawled out on her living room floor with a board game. He’d texted her to let her know that he was going to be home earlier than originally planned, but she’d already started on dinner for the boys, and so she planned to finish and then send them home with it. Emmett had arrived even earlier than she’d expected though, and when she saw his car, she quickly dashed into the bathroom before she even knew what she was doing. She checked her reflection, running her fingers through her hair before returning to the kitchen. She resumed her place at the stove just as she heard Emmett open her side door and head up the stairs.

“Hi!” she said as he stopped in the doorway. “You’re even earlier than you said. Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he said with a nod as he shoved his keys in his pocket. “Fortunately, I’ve got a bit of breathing room for the rest of the week,” he replied. “Some parts came in sooner than I expected, so I was able to finish a few things up early.”

“That’s great!” Y/N said as she looked at him.

Emmett was momentarily distracted by her beautiful smile as he watched her face light up, and he had the sudden urge to take a step closer and plant a kiss on her upturned lips. But as the timer on her oven went off, his eyes moved to the stove.

“Oh, sorry,” he said as he realized she’d already began cooking. “I thought I’d caught you with that message before you started cooking.”

“That’s ok,” she said with a shake of her head, “I’ll just send you home with it. Unless you grabbed something on the way?”

Emmett shook his head.

“No, I was gonna see what they wanted,” he replied, referring to the boys.

Just then, Henry came into the kitchen, and Emmett gave him a clap on the back as he came up beside him.

“You ready to go?” he asked him.

“Oh,” Henry said. “I thought we were eating here. Max and I were gonna finish the game after we ate.”

“Why don’t we give Y/N an early night, huh?” Emmett replied.

Henry looked a little disappointed.

“They can stay if they want,” Y/N cut in. “The food’s almost ready.”

“My whole point was to get them out of your hair early,” Emmett replied.

Y/N shook her head.

“Really, it’s fine,” she said. “I want them to stay.”

Emmett turned to Henry, who looked at him hopefully.

“Alright,” he said. “But you’re helping her with the dishes.”

“Deal,” Henry smiled. Then he turned and went back to rejoin Max in the living room, Y/N giving him a wink as he passed her. She looked at Emmett once Henry was out of the room.

“He already helps me, you know,” Y/N told him. “I don’t even ask; he offers.”

“Doesn’t hurt to remind him once in a while,” was Emmett’s reply. “Gotta teach ‘em young.”

Y/N gave him a smile.

“Seems like you’re doing a pretty good job,” she said.

Emmett looked at her.

“With your help,” he said.

Y/N scoffed and dismissively waved her hand.

“Hardly,” she said. “I’ve made them dinner a few times and made sure they’re still alive when you get home. Beyond that, I’m insignificant. You’ve done all the hard work.”

Emmett frowned.

“The last thing you are is insignificant.”

Did she really believe that about herself? As he watched her shake her head again, he was afraid she did.

“The point is,” Y/N continued, trying to steer the conversation away from any more attention on her, “those two are pretty great, and they were like that way before I was ever involved.”

Emmett wanted to say more, but he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. It was apparent she didn’t take compliments well, which he guessed was a side effect of how her ex-husband had treated her. That thought didn’t sit well with him, but then Y/N spoke again.

“Do you wanna eat with the boys, or take it with you?” she asked him.

Emmett furrowed his brow in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“When you said you’d be back early, I made enough for you, too,” Y/N replied. “I’m guessing you haven’t had anything yet?”

“Uh...no,” he replied, speechless at her thoughtfulness. “You didn’t have to do that.”

She dismissively waved her hand again.

“No big deal,” she responded, and then turned to him. “Do you just wanna eat here with the boys? It’s almost ready, and Max is dying to tell you about his day.”

“That sounds great,” Emmett said to her, and then he stepped closer and made to grab the plates she’d taken out of the cupboard. “You want help?”

“Eww, no!” She protectively moved the plates out of his reach and placed them on the island before grabbing his wrists to stop him from touching anything.

“Have you looked at your hands? They’re filthy!” She then lowered his wrists and turned his hands over in hers, looking down as she spoke. Even beneath the small amount of grease and gunk that lingered, she still noticed how nice his hands were, and the comment Melissa had made about what he could do with them flashed through her mind and she could feel herself blush. But then she looked up at him again.

“You know that soap exists, right?”

Emmett smiled, still letting her hold his hands as he looked at her. He once again had the urge to kiss her as she looked up at him, and he wished there was an excuse to keep standing this close to her. What he didn’t know was that Y/N was thinking the exact same thing.

“I washed them before I left work,” he said to her.

“Not good enough,” she replied as she let go of him. Then her eyes traveled to his clothes, which were covered in more grime. She pinched the sleeve of his shirt.

“And you are not sitting in my chair like this,” she said. “Disgusting.”

Emmett smiled again.

“Disgusting? Wow. I had no idea I was so repulsive.”

She smiled back at him.

“You’re not, except when you’re covered in grease,” she said. “Go home and change and then you can be in my kitchen.”

“Is the dress code casual, or black tie?” he teased her.

She gave him a look and pointed to the door.

“Go,” she said.

•.•.•.•.•.•

20 minutes later, Emmett returned, having taken a quick shower and changed his clothes. Y/N served the food as he and the boys sat at her kitchen table, and Emmett couldn’t keep his eyes off of her as she moved around the kitchen and talked to the boys. Every movement she made was graceful and every look she gave the boys radiated adoration. She was just so naturally sweet and perfect, and as she sat at the table across from him and their eyes met, it felt surreal but right at the same time, and Emmett found himself thinking how much he’d enjoy being in this situation with her every night. This was the side of her he’d always seen when they weren’t arguing. He was glad she finally seemed to be letting her guard down, and not because of how she was with the boys; she’d always been like this with them. But because of how she was being with him – caring, playful, and bordering on affectionate. He wanted to take care of her right back.

Y/N couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous, but also incredibly pleased to have Emmett there, and the whole scenario felt strange but also very natural. Of course, she loved caring for the boys, but the feeling that she was taking care of Emmett too was something she was thoroughly enjoying. She realized how content and safe she felt in his presence, and every time their eyes met across the table, her heart skipped a beat. She couldn’t ignore how much it felt like a family, and also how much it felt like there was an undercurrent of something between the two of them. This was the Emmett she knew as he was to everyone else.

When they’d finished eating, the boys returned to the living room to resume their game, and Emmett helped Y/N clean up as they talked to each other about their days. Unintentionally, Henry had been let off the hook with the dishes as Emmett helped Y/N instead. After putting everything away, she grabbed a few things off her counter and leaned across the island on her forearms as she spoke to him.

“Here’s some sort of permission slip for Max’s group at the day camp for some kind of field trip or something.” She slid the paper over the countertop to Emmett as she continued. “Henry’s next baseball game is on Thursday afternoon. I know you’ve still been going, but this one is earlier than usual, so I can plan to take them and bring them home if you think you’ll have to work late.”

“I’ll be sure to be able to be there,” Emmett replied. “Chauffeuring them around isn’t anything you need to do. You’re already doing too much.”

“I’m happy to do it if it makes things easier,” she said. “I know how swamped you are at the shop.”

“You work hard, too,” he replied. “You start at 6:00 a.m. and then you’re keeping an eye on the boys all afternoon.”

Y/N shook her head.

“You’re in a tricky spot right now; I’m not important.”

Emmett frowned at her words.

“Stop saying things like that,” he said to her.

Y/N straightened herself from the island as they looked at each other.

“Like what?” she asked.

“Belittling yourself,” he said. “Stop it.”

“I’m not,” Y/N replied as she frowned. “And don’t tell me what to do!”

“Yes, you are,” Emmett responded calmly. “And I’ll tell you what to do, if what you’re doing is wrong.”

Y/N folded her arms across her chest and glared at him, but instead of meeting her temperament, Emmett remained relaxed, simply shaking his head as he looked at her.

“I won’t let you be mad at me,” he said. “So don’t waste your energy.”

Y/N frowned again.

“What?” she said with a glare. “What do you mean you won’t let me be mad at you?”

“We both know you’ll eventually calm down and not be mad anymore. So, I’m just getting us there faster...” Emmett smiled as he looked at her, “...by not letting you get mad in the first place.”

Y/N just stared at him for a moment, not even sure how to respond. Admittedly, he was right, and instead of getting more upset, Emmett’s response had a calming effect on her. Y/N didn’t really know how to process that, though, and she found herself almost begrudgingly amused by the fact that he’d learned her so well. She uncrossed her arms.

“Feel better?” he asked her with a knowing smile.

Y/N tried not to smile herself, shaking her head as she looked back at him.

“I don’t even know what just happened here,” she said. “But you better wipe that smug look off your face.”

Emmett just kept smiling, and she picked up a dish towel and threw it at him before going into the living room to check on Max and Henry.

If anyone had been witness to it, they would have seen how she and Emmett balanced each other out. Stacy was right – they were perfect for each other.

———————————————————

That Saturday morning, Y/N once again enjoyed the luxury of sleeping in, something that she’d been able to do recently, as Emmett had stopped mowing the lawn in the early morning hours ever since their little arrangement began. She hadn’t had a chance to acknowledge it to him, though, as she usually was busier throughout the day on Saturdays with friends or errands, and she and Emmett didn’t see much of each other those days.

But today, she had a free schedule, and after making breakfast and spending a shameful amount of time in front of the TV, she stood up to stretch and check the time. It was early afternoon, and she was suddenly in the mood to go for a jog, something she hadn’t had the energy for in a long time. She decided to go before the afternoon dragged on and it got even hotter out, and after changing her clothes and pulling her hair into a ponytail, she headed outside.

She’d been gone for about an hour, and as she made her way back down the sidewalk and got closer to her house, she could hear Henry and Max’s voices up ahead and the familiar sound of the spray of a garden hose. As she slowed down to a walk and rounded the corner, she saw the boys next door, talking and laughing as they were washing Emmett’s car in the driveway in their swim trunks. She smiled as she saw how much fun they were having, and as she entered her yard through the fence, she stopped and waved at them as they noticed her.

“I think you missed a spot,” Y/N said, smiling to herself as she saw Max covering the back bumper of the car with about three inches of foamy bubbles.

“Max! That’s enough!” Henry shouted at him, before proceeding to spray off the soap. When he was finished, he turned to Y/N.

“Do you want us to do your car next?” he asked her. “We’ve already washed Dad’s twice.”

Y/N smiled again.

“I’m sure he appreciates it,” she said.

Just as she’d finished, the sound of their back door opening caught her attention, and she looked up to see Emmett step outside, also wearing trunks.

Good Lord, she thought to herself as her heart suddenly began to race.

She had never seen him without a shirt before. There were times when he’d wear a wife beater while working outside, but this was the first time she’d ever seen him completely bare chested, and she could not take her eyes off him. She quickly tried to memorize every visible muscle and the sexy, masculine dusting of hair that ran over his chest, before she forced herself to look away before getting caught staring. Before she could help it, she found herself imagining what it would feel like to be pressed up against his chest, his equally masculine arms wrapped around her. But as Emmett looked up and noticed her at the fence, she had to shake herself out of it.

Surprised to see Y/N home, Emmett met her eyes from across the driveway, and when she gave him a little wave, he began to head over towards her. She clearly had just gotten back from a jog, and as he got closer and got a better look at her, he was grateful for the fact that Henry was saying something to her again and she was momentarily distracted, not noticing as Emmett’s eyes raked over her.

She was wearing tight little black running shorts and a black sports bra with a zipper down the front. Her abdomen and chest were glistening with sweat, and as he looked at the line on her chest where her breasts met beneath the sports bra, the only thing he could think about was grasping that zipper and pulling her bra open. After that morning at the fence when she’d been in her nightgown, he knew what was underneath. He’d thought about it countless times since then.

“They can do my car next if they want,” she said to Emmett as he stopped at the fence in front of her. “I can pull it out of the garage. Just make sure they do a good job.” She smiled.

“We don’t slack on anything around here,” he replied with a smile of his own.

“Oh, really?” Y/N replied as she teasingly raised her eyebrow at him. “Your grass is looking a little long.”

Emmett gave her a look.

“Watch it, princess,” he said, and she giggled.

Emmett then reached into his back pocket and pulled something out.

“Here, I’ve been meaning to give this to you,” he said. He then reached his hand over the fence and passed her an envelope full of cash, which he explained was to pay her back for the money she’d spent on food for the boys, but she tried to pass it back to him after looking inside.

“This is way too much; I haven’t spent all this,” she said to him.

“I know, but that’s for everything so far, plus for the next few times,” Emmett replied. He pushed the envelope back towards her again, and she laughed as he did so.

“This feels like a drug deal,” she said as she looked around. “People are gonna see us and think we’re up to something.”

Emmett smiled.

“How would you know what a drug deal is like? I bet you’ve never even broken a single rule in your life.”

At that, Y/N looked at him with the sexiest little smirk and raise of her brow, and Emmett was sorry the fence was separating them.

“Shows how much you know,” she replied. “I can be naughty.”

Emmett’s pulse quickened.

“I’d like to see that,” he said, his voice slightly lower as he held her eyes.

Y/N simply smirked again and shrugged her shoulders coyly as if to say, “Maybe you’ll never know,” before she turned and walked back into her house.

That night, each of them once again had trouble sleeping, but this time, it was for a very different reason.

Part 9

@nyxxie-pooh @xsweetcatastrophe @natalie--rushman @hannibellector @febris-amatoria @devotedlyshadowytheorist @fuseburner @neonpurplestars89-blog @beastofburdenxo @aphroditeslover11 @alltoowellbeneaththemangotree @garrison-girl-08

#emmett x female reader #emmet a quiet place x reader #emmett a quiet place 2 #emmett a quiet place #emmett fic #emmett smut #cillian x y/n #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy #cillian fic #cillian smut #cillian x fem!reader #18+ only

[gretavangroupie]

Burgundy

Word count: 5.7k+

Pairing: Daniel x Female Reader

Warnings: Drinking, Language, Smut, Fluff.

Summary: Attending a wedding alone can be kind of a drag, especially when you show up late and sit next to a stranger. Right?

A/N: This idea was born from the recent photos of Daniel attending a wedding looking extra delicious in his Burgundy suit. I hope you enjoy.

You pick up your phone on the bathroom vanity to check the time again. 4:24.

Why is it taking so long for this curling iron to heat up?

You run back into the main room to grab your phone charger out of your bag and quickly pad back into the brightly light hotel bathroom to plug your phone in, hoping that it will gain enough of a charge to last you through the night. Your flight arrived 2 hours ago, and it was questionable if you were even going to get on it to begin with.

You and Briley were great friends in college, but your communication dropped off after graduation. You were still friends, but not like you used to be. So when you received the invitation to her wedding you were a bit shocked. You immediately told yourself you weren't going but, over the next few weeks you wondered what it would be like if you did go. You wondered if you would see anyone else you knew from college, and you needed a little vacation. So you decided to go.

That is until yesterday. As you tore apart your closet looking for a dress, you were coming up empty. ‘What exactly is Nashville Formal?’ you thought to yourself. The invitation left nearly everything open to interpretation. You would find out later, exactly what that meant, but in the moment you were lost. You eventually decided on an emerald green chiffon spaghetti strap dress with a scooping neckline. Classy but still sexy. It hit about mid calf, and had a slit up the front, showing a little bit of leg. Now, typically you look for any excuse to dress up and go out, but this time you were dreading it. You knew you would more than likely not know anyone else at this wedding and the thought of socializing already had you sweating. Not to mention it would be half of the Nashville music scene in attendance thanks to Marcus. So when the time came to board the plane, you almost made a run for it, back to the safety of your apartment. 

Ultimately you did board the plane, taking the short flight into BNA, giving you roughly two hours to get checked in, and get ready for the wedding. That's where you find yourself now, curling your hair as quickly as possible, and touching up your makeup. You slide on the dress, and fasten the straps on your heels, praying your feet will last the night in these things. 

You pull your phone from the charger in the bathroom, giving yourself one last spritz of perfume, and shoving your phone into your clutch as you head out the door, hearing it slam shut behind you. You call an Uber and see that you will arrive within 5 minutes of when the ceremony is supposed to start. You’ve never really been great with being on time.

As the Uber pulls up outside of the Symphony Hall, you follow the signs and the smell of florals to find people gathering waiting for the ceremony to begin. You quickly rush into the doors and scan the crowd for an open seat. You see a few open seats towards the front, but you are more of a middle, or back type of gal. Needing to make a decision quickly you spot an open chair near the middle, next to a guy in a burgundy suit. 

“Hi, is this seat taken?” you ask in a hushed tone, hearing music beginning to play. 

His eyes flick up to yours, covered by a pair of amber lenses, “No, it's all yours.” he smiles.

You quickly sit as the music gets louder, and groomsmen begin to enter. You look around the room and have yet to see a face that you recognize, as expected. As you turn back to face forward you catch the scent of the cologne the man sitting next to you is wearing, as he continues to peer down the aisle. 

Well that is…a nice smell.

You turn to look at him briefly, and then look to the other guests in the row behind you, that you saw him chatting with when you walked in. One of the girls flashes you a quick side smile before you both turn your attention back to the doors shutting, indicating that the bride is coming. 

You all stand and turn towards the doors as Briley makes her grand entrance. She is even more beautiful than you remember. Of course she is. She was the crush of every guy on campus back then, but she finally found her prince. Her 'King' if you will.

As her father walks her down the aisle past you, you hear clicking behind you and turn to see a tall guy in a red suit snapping photos on his vintage camera. He makes eye contact with you through his sunglasses, ‘did I miss the sunglasses memo?’ and flashes you a toothy grin as you all take your seats. The man next to you turns to whisper something to another guy behind you and you put the pieces together that this must be his group of friends. You try not to eavesdrop but you can't help it when you are sitting directly next to them. 

“Did you see Josh?” the man says.

“Yeah, he was in the middle, they both were.” the man behind you answers. 

“Okay, good.” the man replies. 

You turn your attention back to the front and watch as Briley and Marcus commit themselves to each other for life in a beautiful ceremony. As Marcus reads his vows to Briley you find yourself starting to feel choked up, a small sniffle leaving your nose. But to be fair, you weren’t the only one. 

The man next to you leans over and pulls something out of his pocket, holding it up slightly to you in question, as you try to dry your eyes with the side of your finger. 

He leans to you and offers you a white handkerchief, and you accept with a gracious tight lipped smile. Your fingers brush his hand and a swirl of something flutters through your chest, you think he must have felt it too by the way his eyebrows raised subconsciously. 

You take it from his hand and notice the embroidered initials adorning the corner in beautiful navy blue letters.

DRW

Fancy… Who is this guy?

You quickly dab the white linen at your waterline, collecting your tears and clutching it back in your grip, hoping you wont need it again. As the ceremony concludes you feel his eyes boring into the side of your head. 

Gosh he probably thinks I am some emotional nut case…

The officiant has everyone stand as they have their first kiss and everyone cheers in congratulations. As they make their way back down the aisle as everyone claps, the guys behind you hooting and hollering for their friend. A smile crosses your face as you make eye contact with Briley, and you can tell she is glad you came. 

They walk out the double doors and the officiant invites everyone to join cocktail hour in the great hall. 

As you gather your clutch from under the seat you turn back to the guy next to you and wait for him to finish his conversation. He stops when he sees you waiting. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but thanks for letting me borrow this, I was not expecting to cry.” you giggle.

He takes off his sunglasses and folds them up, sliding them into his pocket, and it's only then that you get a good look at his deep chocolate brown eyes that practically suck you into them. Your eyes glance up to the tendrils of curls hanging loosely around his face, the rest of his clearly long and curly locks, pulled tightly into a claw clip. You find your eyes diverting down to his lips as he responds.

“Hey, it happens to the best of us, why do you think I had it?” he says with a wink.

You can feel the crimson blush washing over your face.

Why are you blushing, you don’t even know this man…

“You are very kind.” you say handing him the monogrammed square of fabric. 

He grabs it from your hand and pushes it into his coat pocket. You nod your head and go to turn away, when his hand stops you by resting on your bicep.

“Are you here alone?” he asks.

You turn to face him as guests begin to file out of the space.

“Yeah, I am. I knew Briley in college and decided at the last minute to come. I don’t think I know anyone else here. I was actually planning my escape during the ceremony.” you laugh.

He flashes you a quick smile, as he responds. “Well, I’m Daniel and now you know me. Don’t leave just yet. Come hang out with us, we don't really know anyone here either. Plus I’m the only one in my group without a date, so we can be stag together if you want. I hear it's an open bar...” he says with a laugh.

You bite your lips inwardly, as you turn to look at his group, each one of them with a date, just like he said. You purse your lips and squint your eyes, “Okay… I’ll stay a little longer, but only because I feel bad that you are the only one without a date.” you say playfully.

He shrugs his shoulders and nods his head as it's your turn to exit the seating area. He places his hand on your lower back, the warmth from his large hand radiating up your spine as he guides you out of the row and into the aisle.

You don’t hate this…

He follows behind you and stops you as you wait for the rest of his friends to join you.

He points everyone out, to give you a quick introduction before actually meeting them.

“Red suit is Sam, his girlfriend Hannah in the green dress. Jake, in black, his girlfriend Jita in Blue. I’m Daniel, obviously, and….. Josh…. Is around here somewhere. We will find him later.” he says.

“I think I may remember that, but don’t quiz me later.” you laugh. You quickly tell him your name, just as the group approaches. 

You all make your way to Cocktail Hour and the drinks are already flowing. You all gather around a tall table and the guys decide to go grab drinks.

“What would you like?” Daniel asks you.

“Mmmm maybe a red wine? I’m not picky, whatever they have.” you reply.

“You got it.” he says with a smile.

You and the girls chat at the table as the guys get the drinks. They introduce themselves and ask you how you know the bride. You give them the quick run down on your history with Briley and they tell you theirs. Apparently you are hanging out with a band? Just as you find that out, the guys are returning with drinks. 

“They had Burgundy and Merlot, and to be honest I don’t know the difference. I picked Burgundy.” he says nervously, handing you the glass.

“Seems you have an affinity for Burgundy.” you say pointing at his suit up and down.

“Seems I do.” he says with a smirk, sipping his cocktail.

You all begin to chat with the group, introducing yourself to the rest of the guys and meeting the mysterious Josh they kept mentioning.

Turns out he and Jake are twins, Sam is their younger brother and Daniel is their best friend. They are all in a band together and apparently Daniel is a drummer?

You aren't sure if it's the wine, but your head is spinning with new information. 

“You want another?” he asks, taking your empty glass.

“I don’t know if I should. I do have to make my escape…” you tease.

He slides his hand across your lower back, “You can't leave me yet…” he whispers as he walks away to the bar, shooting you a look over his shoulder. You shake your head and smirk.

How has this man convinced you to stay at this wedding?

A few minutes later he is returning with fresh drinks, and you accept with a whispered thanks.

“Daniel, are we going to see you on the dance floor this evening?” Sam laughs.

“Depends on if I have a good partner…” he says, and all eyes shoot to you.

“Ohhhh, no… no no. I do not dance.” you says waving your hands in front of you.

“Everyone dances if they have had enough to drink.” Jake jokes, and everyone laughs as a small smirk crosses his face.

“I’d have to switch to the hard stuff for that to happen.” you say.

“Can be arranged.” Sam says.

You shake your head and let Josh steer the conversation in a different direction.

Daniel leans over to whisper in your ear, “Sit at our table.” his hand finding its place on your lower back. 

“We have assigned seats…” you whisper back. 

“I know, but when I RSVP’d I had a plus one, the seat was accounted for. Now… it's an empty seat, and I have a new date.” he says, his velvety voice traveling the length of your spine. 

“Is that so…” you reply.

“Sit with me.” he says again, eyes peering into yours. 

You nod slowly, and he bites the inside of his cheek, hoping to stifle the smile that wants to spread across his face.

Forgetting where you two were, you both look back to see the group staring at you suspiciously. 

You both laugh and are perfectly interrupted from an explanation, by the doors to the reception space opening. The space is beautifully lit in pink and green tones, large tables with flowers line the length of the grand ballroom. 

“I think we are up front.” he says, leading you to the table. You are near the dance floor, the looming thought of yourself dancing in the back of your mind sends a shiver through your body.

As you all take your seats you gush over how beautiful the venue is and the choice in colors and design of everything. It’s perfectly Briley and you expected nothing less. She always did love to be vibrant in every aspect of her life. 

A waiter comes by your table, depositing plates of food at each place setting, and taking drink orders. 

As he returns the drinks are served in plastic cups with a caricature of Briley and Marcus, and you know you have to take one of these home. You have switched to vodka tonic and you already know you’ll be at this wedding longer than you ever intended thanks to the beautiful man in the burgundy suit sitting next to you.

The group is fun, someone is always cracking a joke, or telling a funny story. You have been in stitches for over an hour. You make a mental note to look up their band when you get home and see what they sound like. 

The bride and groom enter and immediately go into their first dance, and again there isn’t a dry eye around. Daniel notices your tears and chuckles, shaking his head. Both of you laughing at your emotional state. He places his hand on your thigh, a soothing gesture, but one that heats your body from the inside out. You bite your lip and glance at him, his eyes locking with yours. He looks down to his hand, watching his fingers rub small circles into the soft skin, before he looks back to you and then back to the dance floor. You don’t want his hand to ever leave that spot, but inevitably the dance ends and everyone claps, Daniel included. 

You are having a way better time than you expected and a few drinks later you do find yourself on the dance floor. The glow sticks have been passed out and everyone has had way too much to drink. It is rowdy on the dance floor and you see Josh across the way absolutely tearing it up with strangers. Everyone around him, joining in on his fun. Just from your 10 minutes of conversation with him, you are pretty sure he has never met a stranger in his life. He is a ball of sunshine and everyone around him feels his warmth. 

You turn back to see Daniel approaching you, sliding his hand over your waist and pulling you into him as a slow song begins to play. 

“Oh are we slow dancing Daniel?” you ask playfully.

“Call me Danny, and yes, if you want to that is.” he answers. 

“I do.” you answer.

He smiles, “I think that's the bride's line.” he winks.

You smack his chest playfully and lace your fingers around his neck, letting him lead. 

“I’m glad you don’t have a date.” you say, into his shoulder nervously.

“What do you mean? I have the prettiest date here.” he smiles, sweeping the hair off of your neck.  

You slide your hands under his suit jacket and feel his torso through his black shirt, before running them down his abs and sliding them back up around his neck. 

“You’re warm, you should take the jacket off.” you say playfully.

“Already trying to get me undressed… tsk tsk tsk.” he says jokingly, shaking his head.

“Maybe I am.” you say looking up at him through your lashes. 

“Careful what you wish for.” he says, tongue darting out over his bottom lip.

“Are you a genie? Do I need to rub your magic lamp three times?” you reply.

“Not the lamp, baby...” he says, as he pulls away and heads back to the table, smirking at you over his shoulder.

You find yourself wanting to follow after him, but deciding to keep a bit of distance, mingle a little, get another drink… Make him wait.

As you approach the bar you order yourself a new drink, and make conversation with the people next to you. You are approached by a striking looking blonde man in a black suit. You can tell he is looking to get lucky tonight by his approach.

“What are ya drinkin’” he asks.

You casually look him up and down before answering, “Vodka Tonic” you say.

“Need a new one?” he asks.

“Nah, just got one.” you answer, grabbing a cocktail napkin. 

“Friends with the bride?” he asks, leaning on his elbow.

“Yep, college friends. What about you?” you ask.

“I work with Marcus. Well with his management company.” he answers smugly.

“Oh so you’re a suit.” you reply.

He reaches his hand out and places it on your arm, his ice cold hand sending a shiver through you. “You could say I know people.” 

Okay, what a prick…

A voice comes up behind you, and a hand slides around your waist. “You good, baby? You get your drink?” Danny says, marking his territory. 

“Yeah, I did. Thanks babe.” you say playing into it. His grip on your waist tightening. 

He liked that.

“You trying to steal my girl John?” he playfully asks the other guy.

“My bad dude, didn’t know she was with you.” he replies.

He knows him?

“All good, but yeah, she's with me.” he says, placing a kiss on your cheek.

They shake hands, his other hand never leaving your waist, as John walks away.

He releases you, and you spin to face him. “You know him?” you ask.

“Oh yeah, everyone knows him. He’s kind of a douche.” he says, raising his eyebrows.

“I kinda noticed, thanks for rescuing me.” you say flirty.

“You don't strike me as the kind of girl who needs rescuing. I bet you could have handled him all on your own. However, I couldn’t watch him continue to touch all over my girl.” he says, tracing his pointer finger down the length of your jaw.

“Your girl, huh?” you ask, seductively. 

“Definitely.” he replies in your ear.

You lace your fingers with his and pull him behind you back to the dance floor. They are passing out hats and you both get one, yours reading “This Wedding Sucks” and his reading “Shitty Advice for $1”. You both laugh hysterically at all the funny hats and begin to dance to the music playing. His hands are all over you, and yours all over his. After a few minutes you face him and pull him closer to you, feeling him pressing up against the thin material of your dress. His lips graze the side of your neck, and you lean into it. 

You pull back but lean into his ear, “Wanna go get some air?” you say with a devilish look.

“I thought you’d never ask.” he says, guiding you off the dance floor and through the crowd. You see Sam on the way out, and Danny stops to tell him something, before rejoining you.

You look at him with a smirk.

“Just told him we are stepping outside to get some air…” he says playfully.

You walk out of the ballroom and into the beautiful corridor from earlier. He pulls your hand to the side and you follow after him, walking down a long winding hallway that's dimly lit and practically a ghost town. 

“I found this earlier while looking for the bathroom.” he says, backing you up against a large wooden door. His hands have caged in your head, and you slide your hands around his waist, locking your fingers through the belt loops of his Burgundy suit pants.

His eyes search yours for a few seconds before you answer by pressing your lips to his, feeling all of the pent up tension from the night releasing from you. His hands come down to cup your face as he kisses you again, this time running his tongue along your bottom lip, asking for permission. You open your lips allowing him to slide in. Your tongues dance together in a way that you could never replicate on a real dance floor. You can taste the alcohol on his tongue, and you are sliding your hand up and onto the back of his neck, pulling him in closer to you. As your lips continue to explore each other your other hand wanders down his waist, gliding gently over his belt buckle and resting on the hardened bulge pressing against you. A groan falls from his lips into your mouth and you swallow it down like fine wine. 

He pulls away from you, a whimper leaving your lips at the loss of contact. He looks at you, and looks both ways down the hallway before twisting the door handle.

The door opens behind you and he pushes you in, closing it quickly behind you, twisting the lock and flicking the light switch. 

It's a very small room, just a chair, a small table and a piano. You look around the room puzzled, as Danny smiles and answers your silent question.

“It’s a practice room. This hallway is lined with them. I told you I couldn’t find the bathroom.” he laughs.

You slide his coat over his arms and he throws it onto the chair. He takes the clip out of his hair, and lets his curls hang freely on his shoulders.

Holy shit, he is hot.

He pulls his black turtleneck over his head, revealing his chiseled tan torso. Your hands instantly reach out to touch his skin, hot and flushed. His hands reach for your face, pulling you up to meet his lips as he kisses you over and over. 

Your hands reach his belt buckle and begin to unfasten the metal and leather. Your fingers shakily unbutton the buttons on his slacks and glide the zipper down. Your hand slides into the front of his pants over his boxers and you can feel the magnitude of what he was hiding under the pants. 

He slides his hands over your shoulders pushing the thin green straps over the curve of your shoulders letting them fall to your arms. His finger traces the dipping neckline of the dress, leaving a trail of goosebumps across your chest. 

“So responsive…” he says, leaning down to press a kiss to your collarbone.

You reach behind you and pull the zipper down on your dress, letting it fall around your ankles, leaving you in just your thong. You feel his rough fingers come up to meet your hardened nipple and roll it beneath his thumb and forefinger. 

You hook your fingers into his boxers and tug downward, pushing them and his pants down his legs, letting his dick spring free. You place a kiss on his collarbone, just like he did to you, but you don’t stop there, you continue down his chest, placing soft kisses as you make your descent. 

“Now what was it about my wishes?” you ask in a flirty tone.

When you reach his groin you push him backwards to sit in the club chair. Crawling up to meet him, you take his length into your hand and a groan leaves his lips. You look directly into his eyes as you lick from his base to the tip, his hands clawing into the leather chair.

“Don’t you rub the magic lamp three times to get your wish?” you say, pressing a kiss to his tip.

You take him into your mouth and begin to bob your head slowly up and down his length until you have worked him up to a good speed. You know you have hit that point when he is unable to stop the string of groans and curses falling from his mouth. He refocuses and looks at you, grabbing your head and pressing you closer to him and further down your throat. You moan around him as he grazes the back of your throat. 

“Fuck…” he says, releasing his grip on your hair, and letting you pull back and releasing him from your lips.

“Keep going, do it harder.” you say, placing your mouth back around him.

“You sure?” he asks.

You nod in response. You begin to suck him back into your mouth and he replaces his hand on your head, this time forcing himself further down your throat with a little more pressure. As he hits the back of your throat repeatedly, you suppress the gag by gripping your hand into his legs. 

“God you’re so gorgeous…fuck me…” he says, in a breathy pant.

The wet noises coming from your throat are obviously doing something for him as you feel his dick begin to twitch in your mouth. Tears are pooling in your eyes slowly leaking out of the corners. 

Swirling your tongue as you work his tip, he starts to thrust his hips into your mouth. 

“I’m close baby, do you want to…” he starts before you pull away and cut him off.

“In my mouth.” you say and he groans. 

With a few more thrusts into the back of your mouth you feel him tense up and the warm rush of his release spills down the back of your throat. You swallow him down and pull off of him with a kiss above his base, watching him as he quickly grabs his coat from behind him, pulling out his handkerchief from earlier.

“How many times are you going to cry tonight, baby?” he says, wiping the tears from your face, and the spit from your lips. “The only thing I want you to cry, is my name.”

You stand up and push him back in the chair. You make a show out of sliding your panties down your legs and crawling onto his lap. Straddling his still hard length, you press a kiss to his lips. His fingers run slowly through your folds, collecting the wetness on his fingertips.

“Oh, you’re ready aren’t you baby... I think you earned your wish.” he says, grabbing his dick and lining it up with your center.

He places his hands on your hips and you slowly sink down onto him, with a groan. You wrap your hands around his neck and lean forward to kiss him, his tongue swirling with yours. You lift your hips off of him slowly before crashing back down into him. A moan leaves his chest as you clench around him at the sound. 

“Oh you feel so good, so tight… Jesus…” he pants.

His hands are guiding your hips up and down his length, and you are enjoying the constant pressure on your g spot. His mouth connects with your nipple, his tongue swirling around the tight flesh. You start to roll your hips in a wave pattern as he groans into your chest. He pulls back from you and locks eyes with you.

“Stand up.” he demands.

You slide off of his lap and stand, he stands to meet you and pulls the chair from behind him.

“Lean over the back.” he says, and you follow his instruction.

He positions himself behind you and grabs both of your hips in his hands, guiding you to meet his length. He presses into you at a new angle and you both cry out at the feeling.

He begins to furiously pound into you, hitting that sensitive bundle of nerves in just the right way, that you can feel the tension growing in your stomach.

The sounds of your skin slapping together so loud, you are positive anyone who walks by will know exactly what is happening. 

“Say it. Say my name baby. Tell me who is making you feel good.” he says punctuating each sentence with a deep thrust.

“Daniel! Fuck, you are. You make me feel so good Danny. Keep going.” you cry out.

“That’s right.” he grunts into you. “You’re my girl. I make my girl fucking feel good.” he says, twitching inside of you.

“Danny please…” you beg.

“I’m gonna cum baby, I need you to cum with me.” he says, reaching around the front of your hips, and placing his fingers on your clit. 

You moan at the sensation, as he swirls perfectly in rhythm with his thrusts.

“I’m there Danny, I’m there, fucking cum…” you beg him.

“God damn….” he says, with one final thrust, both of you reaching your release simultaneously, his hot ropes of cum painting your insides. You’re glad the chair is supporting your weight because you would have surely collapsed with the sheer force of the orgasm washing over you. 

As he pulls out of you, his release threatens to spill down your thigh.

You feel the soft familiar feeling of the handkerchief begin to wipe away the evidence. Danny cleaning you up the best he could with the small piece of fabric.

You stand back up and turn to face him, his free arm snaking around your waist and pulling you into him for a desperate and passionate kiss. Your hands find his curls, and scratch against his scalp as the kiss grows deeper. You feel his hands gripping to your back like life or death and you still don't feel close enough.  

He pulls away quickly, scooping up your panties and handing them to you. You smile and slide them back on, before stepping back into your dress. You know the party is winding down and you have to get back before anyone gets suspicious. Danny quickly redresses himself and fixes his hair the best he can without a mirror. He slides his coat back on, shoving the soiled handkerchief into his pocket with a smirk.

He is so gorgeous...

He zips the back of your dress and places a soft kiss on the back of your neck, before spreading your hair over your shoulders.

“Beautiful.” he whispers, looking at you before unlocking the door. 

He pokes his head out to see if there is anyone coming, and he quickly rushes both of you out, turning off the light and quietly shutting the door. 

“I should stop by the bathroom….” you say.

“Oh no you don’t, you’re gonna keep that right where I left it. I am going to check on it later.” he says with a kiss on your shoulder. Your face flames bright red at the thought of a repeat later.

As you walk back into the ballroom you search for the group and find them all sitting at the table, talking and being rowdy.

“Daniel! You have returned brother!” Sam says playfully in his drunken state.

“Yeah where have you been Daniel?” Jake asks with a smug look.

“We were just getting some air....” he says with a smile.

Jake turns to his girlfriend, “Remember when we got air at your cousin's wedding?” he says with a devilish laugh.

The table erupts with laughter and you both know your cover is blown. 

“Jake!” she says smacking his arm. She turns to you and apologizes, “I’m sorry, he has clearly had too much to drink.” she laughs.

You grab your trucker hats from the table and put them on, to fit in with everyone else proudly displaying theirs. 

You both sit down and talk for a little bit longer until the Newlyweds decide to make their grand exit. The reception was fantastic and you couldn’t imagine this night without Daniel. You are so glad you chose to stay. 

As you make your way out of the reception hall, you are arm in arm with Daniel. He has invited you to come with him to the after party and you have graciously accepted. You walk through the front door of the Symphony Hall, and around the side of the building, he stops you and spins you around, dipping you down dramatically for a kiss. He pulls you back up and places his hand on your cheek.

Looking at his hat again you quickly dig a dollar bill out of your clutch and extend it to him.

“What's this?” he asks.

“Your hat. It says shitty advice for $1… but how about you give me good advice instead.” you say leaning into him.

“Hmmm… good advice?” he asks, as you continue the walk to his car.

“Mhmm…” you say, stepping into the car, as he closes the door behind you. 

He slides into the driver's seat, and starts the car. He turns to face you, and places his hand on your thigh.

He smirks and laughs to himself before he finally says, “My grandpa always told me, 'never leave home without a handkerchief'. Now I know why.”

.

.

.

.

#greta van fleet #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet smut #greta van smut #greta van fic #danny wagner #sam kiszka #jake kiszka #jacob thomas kiszka #daniel robert wagner #samuel francis kiszka #greta van fluff #jmk x reader #gvf smut #gvf fic #gvf series #jake gvf #sam kiszka gvf #gvf #josh gvf #sam gvf #gvf danny #jacob kiszka #drw x reader #gretavangroupie #Daniel Wagner smut #Daniel Robert wagner

[thesharktanksdriver]

People are strange (platonic)

Basically the vamp boys had a kid they just now learned about.

This is entirely platonic and there’s a section for each of them individually as the father in this situation. beginning Half is just kinda context takes place two years before the film

Your mother always warned you of monsters when you were younger

Ones that would hide within the shadows

Glowing red eyes

Gnashing pointed teeth that shine in moonlight

Hissing and growling like wild animals

Ones that looked like you and I

Who seemed impossibly beautiful, like carved statues of cherubs and angels Who were really the devil himself in disguise

She taught you to be wary of the world

To trust your gut and never brush off the chill that goes down your spine when you feel something was wrong

Many called your mama a paranoid woman

One who was skittish and afraid of the slightest bump in the dark

But you knew there was always something more to her fear

A reason as to why she’s deathly afraid of the clock chiming midnight

You trusted her for she was your mother

You never complained from her working long hours to make ends meet or about not getting the latest toy

Her getting home late and locking the door, shaking hands and uneven breaths was enough to always keep you from making a pep

Especially as it all melted away at the sight of you waiting patiently to greet her despite how late it was

She was tough as nails despite how people gave her looks for raising you on her own

Yet another reason you respected her more than just being your mom

So despite how you had to move yet again you didn’t complain

Especially as she said that in this place the two of you would be staying in a bigger home

So she packs up yet again

And the two of you load up into her car, putting the limited amount of items into the trunk before making the trip to Santa Carla

The so called “murder capital of the world” via the back of a billboard advertising the place

The sun is up and as she drives through the town you see all kinds of people

People from different backgrounds and subgroups

It was all fascinating to your 12 year old mind

Especially since you’d only see leather clad and studded jackets on tv

Never up front and in person

You peered out in wonder at a few of the leather wearing people, even getting a few small waves or smiles from them

It made you wave back as your mom drove past a boardwalk

One that piqued your interest without much effort

Perhaps it was the sight of carnival games that were likely rigged

Stuffed Prizes as big as you were

Sugary sweets and greasy delicacies

Flashing lights from stomach churning rides

The sound and smell of the salty water of the sea crashing into the shore

But something drew you there

It was like a call in your mind

Beckoning you to go

Like Alice following the white rabbit into wonderland

Your mother sees your stare and chuckles a little

Hands gripping the steering wheel as she turns it

“Did you know that I used to live here?”

“Really?!”

“Yep. The house we’re gonna live in is where I used to live when I was a teenager”

“But…I thought grandpa and grandma didn’t like you because of me?”

“Grandma and grandpa…are in a retirement home. We got the house in return”

At that you nod

It sounded like it made sense

“Mommy actually used to go the board walk quite a bit. Maybe you’ll have fun there”

“I’m allowed to go there?”

“Yeah but…remember what I said about following your gut. Alright?”

“Ok!”

Moving in is relatively quick

The place is old and furnished in antique furniture

It’s better that what the two of you had before except for the old person smell

But that would go away with time…and fabreeze

You traverse through the place finding what you assumed to be your mom’s old room

It’s untouched

Remnants of the 60’s turning into what you think to be the 70’s

Posters hang on the walls, Janet Joplin and Jim Morrison are two you can clearly recognize

Their music played on the way to this very house

The covers of the bed are soft as you flop down onto the duvet spread of swirls and sunflowers

Your bag following suit as it spills open to let your stuff tumble out onto the bed

By the time night hits your surging with energy as your mom gets ready to go to her new work

It was weird but for some reason you always felt more energetic at night

Your mom always said you got that from your dad which made you giggle

You never knew him

Only heard bits and pieces about him from your mother who guarded it to her heart

Naturally you were curious about the man since he WAS your father

But by how hesitant she seemed you eventually brushed that curiosity away for her sake

Your mom gives you twenty dollars and a kiss on the cheek after handing you a sweater just in case

The rule was to be back by 10 which you’d definitely abide by lest you have this privilege taken away

So your off

Into the boardwalk you go as the last bits of sunlight die

The sun slowly going down in the horizon signalling night to take reign

Your a bit overwhelmed since this is the first time having such a big sense of freedom

Plus there are so many people here

For awhile you end up laying a few games, winning cheaply stuffed prizes before ending up getting some ice cream

You end up sitting by the steps going down into the beach

It was quieter there and less busy making it relaxing as you listened to the waves

And then you heard the sound of moter cycles roaring

Your eyes turn to see 4 boys, all teenagers around 18 or 19 coming to a stop

Their all laughing to themselves

Two blonds seemingly play fighting as another watches with a tall dark haired man

You get up from your spot, whipping of stray bits of sand sticking to you and approach the group who’d yet to notice you

“I like your jackets”

Their eyes search around for a moment before trailing down to you

Staring up at them with interest

You notice how whatever they were gonna respond with dies in their throats

You miss how momentarily their eyes flash to an cat-like yellow hue from being distracted from the detailing of their leather coats

Specifically the one with all the patches and dangly bits

The one in the centre responds first, thanking you before kneeling down a bit to be at a better height

Up till then you had to crane your neck up to look at the 4 of them

He introduces himself and then the others

There’s a noticeable intrigue in them that doesn’t go unnoticed by you

The one named Paul chimes in asking if your here with some friends

You respond with the truth that your here alone, your first night in your new home

“Must be pretty brave coming here all alone” the one named Marko comments with a wild smile

“Mom says the same thing. She also always says trust your gut”

“What does your gut say about us?”

“That your cool”

That gets a good laugh out of them

The rest of the night you spend it with the rowdy group of bikers

Paul and Marko showing you the best hacks for winning the carney games

David buying you a burger that you snack on as the night progresses

Dwayne placing you on his shoulders when you mention your feet starting to hurt

It’s fun

Possible the most fun you had in a long while

At a lot of your old schools you never really made friends

Partially due to the fact you knew you’d move but also cause you could never really click with other kids your age

But it seems that within minutes of meeting these delinquent bikers you’d made the friends you had so longed for

But eventually the night comes to an end the minutes to 10 are ticking down and you have to head home

You notice how distinctly upset one of them are compared to the rest

And how in your own way you feel the same

Almost as if you were about to leave a part of your soul if you left

“I’ll be back tomorrow night. We can meet by the same spot if you’d all like”

Immediately the mood is lightened

David nodding as the others smile and wave you off as you take the path home

Despite how dark the streets were and how afraid you probably should be when walking home in a new town

Let alone one named the murder capital of the world

You feel at ease

Safe beneath the starlit skies as the moon lead your way home

At some points you could’ve sworn you felt eyes on you but there was no feeling of danger

You could even dare say you felt protected as the wind howled last you

When you get home your mom is there to greet you with a smile

One that seemed less stressed than normal

“How was it?”

“It was fun!. I made some friends I think”

“You think?”

“Yeah…well this older than me but super cool”

She nods with a smile, sending you to bed with a spark of familiarity in her eyes as she stares out a window

The next night you keep your word, going to the same spot you met them when the light died

Letting night take it’s place

They arrive like they did last time but instead of laughing amongst themselves they immediately head to greet you

It repeats like this for your night times

Their always filled with fun and laughter as the group quickly welcomes you to its metaphorical ranks

There is an unknown sentiment shared between them

One that it takes awhile for your young child brain to catch onto

Eyes sending silent sentences as they ruffled your hair

The way how there’s an unspoken rule between them that at least one is with you at all times

How out of the bunch one specifically seems to linger near you more than the others

An unknown emotion filling their eyes as they have to say goodbye once the clock chimes 10

And then joy when they see you the next night at the boardwalk

How that one of the group is always the first to find you and greet you

It’s odd

But perhaps not in a bad way

It makes you feel happy and comfortable

Almost as if you greeting your dad after a long day of work or saying goodbye to him

It’s a feeling you enjoy especially as the nights are filled with joy

But with that also comes the odd feeling you have with them

A sense of kinship beyond just regular friendship

Something more alike to being part of a family

Along with that is also the odd smell your sometimes find lingering near them

It’s faint but there, an irony twang that isn’t from the studded boots or moter cycles

It hangs from them in an essence that only you seem to notice

For some reason you imagine the smell as an almost red mist

Something that also lingers around the video store that they avoid as best they can

Not like you can blame them though

Something in you tells you that danger lies there so you never go near it

There a noticeable change in you as you spend time with them

A sense of energy when the sun sets that leaves you somewhat confused since it wasn’t to this extent before

Now you felt as if you were more alive at night

Sometimes taking hours to even try to force yourself to sleep when your supposed to

And despite that you feel energetic as usual during the day but especially at night

It becomes an ongoing cycle you endure

Because if it meant being able to spend time with the boys you’d befriended then you’d bare it

David like the others can instantly tell that your his kid

They all can

It’s safe to say your now his number one priority

For a long while David feels clueless as to how he should handle this

Cause on one hand he wants to just take that step into fatherhood

To be there for you as best he could without up and saying he’s your dad

But at the same time he doesn’t know if that’s what you want or need

And that leaves him more scared than he’d like to admit

He doesn’t want to be like Max, someone who’d come into your life uninvited and decide that he’s now your dad

It’s fucked up and they know all about it from now being his “sons”

So for awhile he’d keep the relationship as being a big brother figure until he gets hints that he’d think it would be ok to take a more fatherly role

It’s odd for him to feel so…soft

He’s normally composed and at times gruff

The complete opposite of how he is when your tugging him to booth to win a prize

For the first in a long time David allows himself to let his guard down

To let the walls guarding his heart topple down and be vulnerable

It’s something he doesn’t do often even with the others

So it means a lot to him that he can do so without worry

He takes to hovering around you a lot

he’s not really affectionate like Paul or Marko but likes to just silently be near your presence

Watching you smile at a dumb joke

It comforts him that your not afraid of them, of him

That despite the looks and the scared glances from other people on the boardwalk you always come back

That also leads to him worrying for you

Especially since there are monsters in Santa Clara that may not be vampires but in his opinion much worse than they are

It’s cause of that he ends up personally watching and making sure your ok

That you get home safe to your mother

Speaking of which he may or may not be a bit bitter she kept you a secret from him

He partially understands her reasoning but it still hurts

What matters though is that he can be there for you now

Your a smart kid and it makes him proud especially as you begin taking after him in small ways

Sometimes it’s with how you walk as if you owned the place

Or how you went about a situation

He can’t help but chuckle a bit when thinking about it especially when he gifts you a coat similar to his own

The sight of which makes his crack a smile as you add it to your daily attire

It makes him feel a stroke of pride as you parade around like a mini him

Everyone knows that he’s something akin to a paternal figure to you and with that comes no one on the boardwalk messing with you

Unless they want him and the boys on their asses with a potential of ending up on a missing poster

But once again with that comes Max

Shit grinning Max who just had to stick his head into what didn’t involve him

David won’t admit it but he’s always on pins and needles when around the older vampire

For someone who is normally in control and the most powerful in a room he feels weak when the other vampire is around

All grip on the situation slipping out his fingers like sand in an hour glass

An sturdy object now cracked and moments away from breaking under the pressure of a fake smile and yellow eyes

Unsurprisingly Max is happy with this development

David dare even say ecstatic which leaves him uneasy

It’s better than him being mad but he can see the gears turning in his sire’s head

The prospect of his fucked up family dream coming one more step into fruition

Max makes one demand that David hesitantly agrees to which is bribing you in to meet him

So despite his clear hesitation David begrudgingly does so after exposing his…dad wanted to meet you

None of the boys are happy either but they put up some practices smiles and are able to convince you to help them pick out a video to watch

During this encounter you stick by David who is more than eager to shield you away from Max’s view as subtly he can

The older vampire peering down at you with intrigue

Despite nothing being amiss with the man behind the counter you feel uncomfortable

Something about him was wrong

The kind smile feeling almost Artificial as it hides something malicious behind it

You put up with that feeling though

Instead giving a shy but cordial greeting as Paul picks a film with Marko

Dwayne watching not too far away as David grasps your hand

The sight of which makes Max grin

After that the group takes you to their small hangout after you had gotten permission from your mom to stay longer

It’s something akin to a dream-like cave

Sea glass and beer bottle strung up to create blobs of coloured light

A large poster of Jim Morrison hanging on the wall just like your mom’s room that became your own

This places feels magical

“You like it?”

“Yeah!. Mom has a poster of Jim as well”

“Really?, well she must have good taste”

There’s a hidden amusement in his voice as he brings forth a wheelchair that he offers you to sit down in

It’s reminiscent of a throne as you sit down

David wheeling it closer to where the others sit as you giggle in delight

His eyes drift over to the bejewelled bottle every once in awhile as everyone watches the film

A part of him wants to offer it

That sweet golden ticket of immortality

But he holds back knowing it would be cruel

Though they may be sadistic he can’t bring himself to tricking you into turning

Can’t rip away your humanity and tear you away from your mother

He can’t find himself going to betray your trust

Perhaps later on in your life he’d offer it but for now he’ll lock those thoughts away

Despite how some part of his wishes to keep you forever young

Forever his child

His eyes trail back down to you dozing off

The others can’t help but laugh as the big bad David gentle picks you up with a certain soft look in his eyes

He glares but it only makes Paul and Marko’s giggles louder

Dwayne just smirks and nods

Getting the silent message of making sure the other two bozo’s didn’t burn down the cave as he left

And so he takes off into the sky with you in hand

Your smaller form fast asleep amongst the stars of the midnight sky

He can’t help but think about how fragile you are compared to him

A monster of the night

When he knocks on the door to your home he’s met by your mother whom stares with nostalgia

He asks if he can enter and she lets him

His jacket seems to flutter from a breeze coming in behind him

The next morning you wake up tucked into bed with the strangest dream of soaring the night skies

Your new friends Edgar and Allen say that you’d been reading too many superman comics

Dwayne feels his now unbeating heart stop as he stares down at you looking up towards them

Round innocent eyes that almost make him crumble and lose his usual stoic shield

He had always had a soft spot for children

And with you he absolutely melts like butter left in the Californian sun

The giant of a man accompanying you as you held onto his hand or the edge of his jacket

Out of them all he definitely takes to the role of dad the fastest

The quiet giant becoming the epitome of a gentle giant for you exclusively

It’s funny to the others how Dwayne will go from stoic badass to holding your hand when there’s a crowd so you don’t get lost

Honestly their all especially happy for him considering they all knew he once had a desire to have a family

It was initially what Max played on into initiating the brunette

Only for him to realize that those dreams were manipulated and played on

It’s due to that he is especially protective when he realizes you can be used as tool by Max

Like David he looms nearby but secretly loves giving you any affection that your comfortable with

Whether that be holding his hand or being placed on his shoulder is up to you but he never complains

In fact he only gently smiles, the edges of his eyes crinkling as a look of calm appears in his eyes

Dwayne (unlike the others) loves talking about historical events they had lived through

Of course he framed the stories as from relatives or now dead family members but there’s a certain look in his eyes that tells he’s talking of personal experience

Dwayne is a pro at the carnival games since he often times had to win them for Marko or Paul

He uses this to his advantage by winning you any and every prize you’d ever want

Whether that be the big ones or small your getting it

Thing is as well is that you don’t even need to ask him, he already seems to know which one you want and the next night or hour he returns with it in hand for you

The others now laugh cause now he stocks up on the cheaply stuffed toys and trinkets at the cave

Their in a neat pile away from the mud and grime

Plus Marko’s nabby hands for when he needs supplies for a new art project

Speaking of which he basically looms over Marko’s shoulder as he’s making you your own coat to match his

Jaguar and all

Marko knows he’s just excited but he has to shoo him off since having a giant looking over your shoulder while you work is kinda distracting

In the quiet moments where he sits with you and have ice cream by the beach he tells you of tales

How each constellation has a story

How flowers have certain meaning in Victorian and various cultures

Along with that he reads to you books of old

Ones with flowery language long forgotten to the modern world yet he holds an appreciation for

During when he reads he lets your read aloud with him, taking turns voice characters as he helps you sound out harder words

It makes him more happy than you can imagine that has someone (let alone his own child) to read along with

He likes Shakespeare and stuff considered to be classics but he has a soft spot for fantasy novels like Tolkien

Once considered reading to you Dracula but held back thinking that it maybe too on the nose and give you suspicions

It’s at this point he would also explain to you in detail his heritage of indigenous origin

Stories passed on from his people that he now shares to you

When he does so theirs a certain gentleness and vulnerability he has in his tone

It had been once again something he had dreamed of doing, passing down stories just as his parents and grandparents before him

One that was yet again something he didn’t think he’d get to do

But here he is, beneath the starry night sky retelling stories generations old as you look to him with pure amazement and interest

Something that makes him a bit more teary eyed than he’d like to admit

He often worries about your sleep schedule and about your health in general partially due to the fact none of them know what a half-vampire entails

Nor do they want to ask Max out of fear of sounding too suspicious

So he kinda has to wing it

Through the night he constantly makes sure to get you snacks and drinks to keep you hydrated

The other joke that he’s a mother hen but he takes that in pride

Pride that he can care for his own flesh and blood

But of course nothing can last forever and Max catches on when you accidentally stumble into his shop on night with Dwayne behind you

Safe to say it’s a bit of an awkward talk that has implications you don’t catch onto as the two “talk”

Well it’s more like Max is talking as Dwayne gave short answers and silent messages through his glare

Meanwhile your peaking out from behind the movie selection as the man behind the counter stares at you with interest

When the two of you leave after that you notice how for a long while he gets more protective

His hand gripping yours a bit tighter than usual or how his eyes scour through the crowds when your on his shoulder

When he brings you to the cave (after your moms permission to stay out later than usual) you ride with him on his bike

Unlike the others (cough Marko and Paul cough) he drives safely

He also makes sure that your comfortable enough

Once there he carefully guides you down into their base

Being sure so that you don’t trip over any stray jutting stones or debris laying around

It comes to no surprise that he talks of the history of this place

From how it sunk to how stalactites now begin to form

You sit down with him at the old fountain and he pulls out an old copy of Hamlet

He reads as the others do their own thing nearby, casually listening or throwing in a quip from time to time

It’s fun especially as Paul makes a remark that their all to dramatic

That gets a rock thrown at him by David

When your getting tired though he takes you home on his own

The hum of the motor cycle making it really easy to fall asleep as the very early hours of the morning

Your mother can only smile at the sight of him walking you to the door hand in hand

The next while that becomes a tradition

One in which that has you always happy at the end of the night from the fun memories and how easy it was to fall asleep

Dwayne’s new favourite activity though is teaching you to dance since you randomly asked one day

The tune of a song from the smiths or echo and the bunny people filling the cavern

Bouncing off it’s old walls as you stand on his feet following his lead

He fells at peace, purely content and happy in a way he hadn’t experienced yet in his undead life

“Am I doing this right?”

“You are, just follow my lead”

Edgar and Allen say he’s unfortunately not allowed in their shop cause he refuses to still wear a shirt so you can’t introduce them yet

No shirt no service as they say

Paul is freaking the fuck out internally cause out of all of them he was a dad

Him

The smooth talking ladies man who was as high a kite almost every night

Is he upset by this revelation? Fuck no

Is up surprised and unprepared? Hell yeah

Unsurprisingly the others tease him about this quite a bit but he doesn’t bite back since he’s too distracted wrapping his head around how he should act around you

Like the others he’s had a particular bad home life back when he was alive so he doesn’t really know how to be a good dad

Part of him fears that he’ll end up like his father

Controlling and often times would hurt him for acting out

It leaves him fearful that he could become him for he is already a monster of the night

There’s no telling if he’d fall as far as his dad

The others remind him he would never but a part of him still worries

During his time with you he is always cracking jokes and quips to hear you laugh

It’s perhaps his new favourite thing to hear as a smirk spreads across your face

A sight in which he does his best to be a constant expression on your face

The so called “twisted sister look alike” likes indulging in games with you

Along with spinning you around in the air or running with you sitting on his shoulders

Marko helps him with a lot of the these endeavours

The other golden hair vampire helping in the schemes he makes to make your nights all that more enjoyable

Several of which are stopped by Dwayne of David cause their apparently “dangerous” and “could blow our cover you dumb blonds”

The dumbass duo now becomes a trio cause your dragged along with them

The only braincell on the group as David and Dwayne desperately hope you don’t lose said braincell with hanging out with the two

Paul is very affectionate and shows this both verbally and physically

He’s constantly telling you how cool you look and patting your head

It’s his way of making sure you know your always loved

You can definitely bet he sneaks you into concerts that you maybe shouldn’t be at

And then at said concert he parades you on his shoulders so you get a good view

Wild hair flying everywhere as he bops to the tune with you doing the same

With you now taking up most of his attention he focuses less on woman since he’d rather spend time with someone who he knows won’t leave

Even when he does talk to woman though it isn’t like it was before

What started off as flirting derails when he starts talking about how proud he is of you and-

And the woman has now left and he hadn’t noticed

David jokes that he’s lost his skills but he doesn’t really mind as much as he initially thought

He just laughs it off with a “whatever you say man” before taking you to yet another booth where he wins you something

And steals a few extra prizes

He steals you quite a bit of stuff

Like you were looking at something for a millisecond?, he’s mentally notes that down to yoink later

Bit of a kleptomaniac so he has a shit ton of old concert merch and collectibles that he gifts to you

David been complaining that it’s piling up in the cave anyways so he’s happy it’s going to a good home

Still a bit sad cause he’s emotionally attached to those items but feels a sense of happiness when he sees you wear the old band shirts he’s collected

Speaking of which he had a ton of unused patches Marko has been unable to touch that he has added to your coat

All the way from Jimi Hendrix and the doors to Motley crew and black sabbath

He tries to hold back smoking near you but there are the times where he ends up high and is around you

You actually find Paul to be really funny when he’s high

The others disapprove cause it’s not exactly a respoible thing to do in front of a kid and cause he gets chatty and on several occasions almost blew their cover

He does try to tone it down for your sake though

Which is more than David could ever convince him to do

It probably doesn’t take long for Max to catch on that’s something going on that he hasn’t been let on to

Doesn’t fucking except Paul of people to have a kid

Well…maybe that’s a lie, he does know that he is quite good with women but still

Like the others Paul doesn’t really like Max but he at least tries to hide his discomfort with a lazy smile

Don’t be fooled though cause his foot is bouncing anxiously

Max is of course all smiles as you place a movie you’d like onto the counter

Paul holding your hand as you feel sweat begin to form on his

Max greets and talks with him but you can sense something is odd

The encounter ends fast and leads with Paul putting you on his shoulders and running off into the crowds

You still feel the other man’s eyes watching the two of you disappear into the sea of people

Eventually your able to get permission to go with them to their cave on the condition they drop you off back home

In an instant Paul is showing you his area of the cave

His figurative treasure trove that your allowed to touch without the worry of having a rabid Paul set loose for touching his stuff

You sit on a pile of old shirts as he shows off some trinkets that he thought were particularly cool

It’s there he also plays some of his favourite albums from the mixtapes Marko made

At some point he begins singing along with you following suit

Laughter and giggles every few verses as you mess up words and only remember the chorus

It’s the most fun thing he’s done

It’s so mundane yet it seems to ingrain itself into his memory

Something he’d hold close when he felt particularly lonely

When he takes you home he decides to park his motorcycle at the board walk and take you the rest of the way by foot

You laugh and joke with him and it warms his undead heart

You talk of your dreams and he makes you promise to never doubt your ability to accomplish them

Something his dad never did

Your mother already awaits at the door when he drops you off

He smiles and shoots her a flirty remark she giggles at as she shoo’s you to bed

As he’s about to leave she says he and the others always welcome to stay if the sun is too close

He nods and disappears into the night

Edgar and Allen say Paul isn’t allowed in the store after once catching him stealing several comics

Along with the fact their concerned his dumbassery will end up with the shop in flames

Marko is dumbfounded but also jumping with fucking joy

HE HAS A KID!!!

Oh my god- ow

Yeah definitely excited but then realizes that means he has a tiny human he’s now responsible for

A tiny human who is more fragile than regular humans

In an area infested with creepo’s and surf nazi’s

He’s now internally screaming and Dwayne is doing his best to help cause they all can hear it through their mind link

Definitely anxious about now having a kid who doesn’t know he’s their dad but simultaneously he knows their his kid

David is so close to sometimes snack him on the head

Marko is personally good with affection and dishes it out quite often but his favourite is gifts

Me makes (and steals) you sooo much stuff

Like if Paul was bad for snatching shit then Marko is going to a new level for you

Out of the bunch he’s the most artistic

And he’s very passionate about it

Me makes you bracelets, handmade pins out of bottle caps, patches and doodles

All of which end up being kept safe in your room or added to your clothes

He’d absolutely love to take you “shopping” around the boardwalk for supplies before starting an art project with you

Hunched near the beach as the two of you paint some random shit with patterns and drawings

It’s due to this the fights in the boardwalk has gone down 50%

David has almost staked himself several times for the countless times Marko and Paul end up in stupid situations as they dragged you along

It’s nothing too bad, just some light mischief that leaves you giggling as he runs with you clinging to him

He only wins at the carnival games cause he cheats via vampire powers

Like he could’ve learned to do it properly over the years

But using an ability is sooo much easier

Plus somehow miraculously winning every time to watch the hope drain from a vendors eyes is satisfying to him

As is reaping the rewards of giving you a giant plush and getting a bright smile

One time you surprised him with something you won him and he still cherishes it

He even gave the plush a name and refuses to let anyone but him touch it

That goes along with any drawings or small artwork you give him

It could be something as small as a post it note with a smiley face and he’d be asking David to frame it on a wall

He decides to make a scrapbook to keep it all in

Certain drawings he really likes end up becoming custom patches that he adds to his coat

Unlike the others who want to give you a jacket that relatively matches their own

Marko goes off the wall in creating something similar to his but at the same time different

He’s an artist, he ain’t making the same thing again

Do you know how that hurts his soul?…if he still had one!

…plus Dwayne would probably strangle him if your jacket had a half naked woman like his own

Your jacket becomes his main project he works on

Yours is customized to your liking with patches of bands you like

To Italian tapestries much like his own

He adds charms and beads and-

David has to stop him before it becomes too heavy for your small form to carry

They once had to stop Marko from committing a art heist cause you offhandedly mentioned you like one of the paintings a local museum had

He verbally torn apart by Dwayne but it was so worth it in his eyes since he was able to raid the gift shop for prints instead

(Still sucks he couldn’t get the original)

Sometimes when he’d feeling nostalgic he takes you around the area and shows you works of art he may or may not have made

Their all anonymous works so he can just tell you his “interpretation” of what it’s supposed to mean

He loves hearing your input though

Hearing your own version of how you view the message of a piece as he looks on

Marko has been breeding and training pigeons for generations so he definitely introduces you to his feathered friends

He shows you how to tell if their happily coo’ing and where to pet them

His favourite of the bunch is one he named “Legosi” after the actor

Legosi now ends up being a messenger pigeon that he uses during the daytime to send you little motivational messages or small charms

Like Paul it doesn’t take long for Max to catch onto something being amuck

And Marko is fucking terrified as he attempts to act like his normal self as the man behind the counter of the video store looks down at you with a smile

It feels almost like a predator smiling down at prey

When he takes you to the cave he shows you all his projects and artwork that is found around

The fountain and the pigeons

It’s fun especially since he shows you all the random supplies he’s collected over the years

Including weird ass paints that aren’t in production due to them using dangerous materials like arsenic

The others watch on as the usually chaotic blond becomes calm as the two of you finger paint

Or he teaches you to sew

It’s probably the most content they’ve seen him in a long while

He won’t tell you it but he has a habit of accidentally just divulging in Italian as he talks about amazing you are to the others without even noticing he’s switched languages

Yet again not allowed into the comic shop for stealing plus Edgar and Allen swear he’s cut out panels when their not looking

You can confirm after seeing his collage’s with comic strips that he probably cut out from the pages

For someone often considered paranoid many people find it odd how your mother moved back to her hometown of Santa Clara

Even with the inheritance of her parents home it still felt like a departure from how she normally was

The woman who’s jump at the slightest of sounds

Or insisted on having at heart 3 locks on a door

But perhaps what’s more strange is her response as to why she lets you, a 12 year old, out at night

Something that normally would seem like a decision only made by negligent parents in this town polluted by missing posters

“Their probably the person with the most safety in this town. Cause I’m this case their the metaphorical princess with a group of dragons there to protect them”

Most would write off this statement

But it’s more true than anyone would initially think

For the monsters who lurk the night don’t hurt one of their own

#platonic #lost boys x reader #tlb x reader #tlb David x reader #tlb Dwayne x reader #tlb Marko x reader #tlb Paul x reader

[elderberries-and-honey]

After inheriting the Bloomsburg fortune, mountains of paperwork and signing legal forms, Lawrence and Winifred decided to sell the farm and move to Ireland permanently. And with the help of Captain Murphy and Marmee in Queenstown, they found what they believed would be the perfect home to raise their family in.  

Day after day, they packed away their away belongings and planned to sell the rest, a daily reminder that they were really moving forward with this plan. Both of them were more than ready to take this next step in their lives together, but naturally, saying goodbye was the hardest part - to their loved ones and their home.

Breaking the news to Valerie was the most difficult of all. She was the closest thing Lawrence had to a mother after his own had passed away and he knew she would be most resistant of all.

"But why? Are you not happy with your life here?" She asked, sarcasm hidden within the question. Valerie was 'old-fashioned' in some of her beliefs, and she couldn't wrap her mind around how much Lawrence had been struggling lately.

He tried to be gentle with her, explaining how lousy he had been feeling and how much he longed for less working hours. "You've heard about the railroad strikes, haven't you? The world is changing, Val. Everyone is exhausted, and I have to try and make my own way. For me, for my family!"

They bickered back and forth for a good long while, Valerie finding a counter for every argument Lawrence tried to make. But he made sure to hold his ground, showing her that there was no changing his mind, and it was useless to try. And he hoped that maybe, just maybe, she would understand someday that he was right to leave.

“Oh, my boy, it will break my heart to see you go.” She told him, only realising how true it was when she said the words out loud. “But I know your mother would be proud.” 

He was not prepared to see her weep, as she was always quick to hide her pain with a drink or a quick-witted joke. He pulled her into his arms, holding her steady before whispering, “Thank you for everything, Valerie.”

Lawrence wasn't the only who was struggling to say goodbye. Winifred had been agonizing over leaving the place where their daughter had been laid to rest eternally.

A few days before they were set to board the ship that would take them to begin their new life, Winifred made her way to the cemetery preparing for a tearful farewell.

But as she sat in the grass amongst the bramble and worn headstones, she appreciated the stillness and quiet of the graveyard. When they had first buried Flora there, Lawrence had planted a few flowers that would grow back each Spring, living on past the years their daughter never would.

At first, Winifred couldn't stand the thought of it, but on that day, she found herself admiring their colorful petals, grateful for her husband's wisdom in knowing how much it would mean later on.

The grief that had once been all-consuming had slowly become background noise and taken a new shape in her life. As she sat there now, warm wind blowing through her hair, and the summer sun kissing her cheeks, she knew that it was her daughter’s presence surrounding her. She would carry the feeling inside her heart forever, no matter how far away they ventured.

On their last night in the house, they gathered their family around to watch the sunset over the hills of Wales’ countryside one last time, the sky brilliant shades of vibrant oranges and pale pinks over their heads. There was a melancholy feeling amongst them, a sad sweetness lingering there. It seemed symbolic, to watch the sun bid them farewell, and the moon guide them into the night, similar to how they felt heading towards the unknown. 

But, there was no fear in their uncertainty of the future, only hope. After all, they had each other, and that was truly all that mattered.

next / previous / first

#ts4 historical #sims 4 historical #ts4 decades challenge #sims 4 decades challenge #ts4 storytelling #sims 4 storystelling #ts4 legacy #sims 4 legacy #the baudelaire legacy #1890 #winifred baudelaire #lawrence baudelaire #valerie mcadams #oscar baudelaire #atticus baudelaire #beth herbert

[zablife]

Weathering the Storm

Bonnie x pregnant wife reader

Summary: When Micheal comes to your camp for protection, Bonnie is unsettled by his arrogance and hostility toward you.

Author’s Note: This part two to the fic Stay was requested by a lovely anon. However, you do not need to read that fic to understand this one. A bit of angst, but mostly fluff as Bonnie protects his wife.

Warnings: hint of smut, pregnancy, language, ethnic slurs, fighting

Bonnie slung an arm over your waist in his sleep. You clung to him tightly, waking him and he asked, “Everything alright, dove?”

“I’m fine. Just cold,” you said, burying your face against his bare chest. 

“Well, let me warm you up,” he said with a smirk, covering your body with his in an instant. 

He hovered over you for a moment as he arranged the blankets and you looked up at him adoringly. When he lowered himself to you once again, he slipped a hand beneath your neck, cradling you gently and placed his mouth to yours, slipping his tongue inside as softly as possible. Bonnie was always delicate with you, never in a hurry and always so loving. He began rolling his hips over you and you giggled into his mouth.

You let out a quiet moan and he stroked your hair, watching you in adoration. “Do you still want the child we’ve been speaking of?” he asked sincerely.

“You know I do,” you answered, raising your hips toward him suggestively. He smiled at your admission, quickly ridding himself of his shorts and hitching up your night dress. “I love you so much, y/n,” he said as he seated himself within you fully. The rest of the early morning hours were spent with your husband pumping himself languidly within your walls, pulling the sweetest sounds from your throat as you enjoyed one another. As newlyweds, it was expected. However, you had recently become aware that your efforts were redundant.

You would have liked to tell Bonnie of your suspicions, but the recent excitement surrounding the Shelby family and their war with the Italians had made it difficult to find the right time. This morning wasn't ideal either as Bonnie reminded you to dress quickly in preparation for the arrival of a visitor.

------------------------------------

You held Bonnie’s hand tightly as you heard the rumble of a car engine heading down the dirt path toward you, an inconspicuous meeting spot only travelers knew how to find. Bonnie had informed you there would be someone coming to stay in your camp, but he didn’t tell you much else. In truth, that was all he knew himself. So much of his work for the Shelby family was shrouded in mystery. You didn’t like secrets. You and Bonnie had never had kept things from each other and you didn’t intend to start now.

The car came to an abrupt stop directly in front of you and your eyes went wide at the sight of such an expensive automobile. Polly Gray sat in the back seat with a young man in a dapper looking suit and elegantly combed hair. He eyed you suspiciously and you averted your gaze, looking around anxiously before whispering to Bonnie, “Is this the fella we’re waiting for?” He quickly nodded twice before Polly opened the door and exited with a small suitcase.

“My son, Michael,” she said by way of introduction as a young man stood anxiously on the running boards, surveying his surroundings cautiously as he stepped from the car with the assistance of a cane. 

Suddenly he shook his head in disagreement. Then in a firm, clear voice he said, “No. No fucking way!” He jerked his gold cigarette case from his pocket as he warned, “I’m getting back in this car.”

Polly rolled her eyes at him and you looked at Bonnie with a confused expression. Michael acted as though it was an imposition on him to be here and not the other way around. His haughty behavior floored you as he argued with his mother about staying in a hotel rather than following your family to camp with the Palmers and the Boswells. From their heated conversation you could tell that he was a wanted man and his life was in grave danger, yet he acted as though it were a trifle.

Aberama stepped in at that moment to reassure him that your family would put up a fight for him if necessary. Polly nodded appreciatively before diving into the bag she had brought with her. “Take your medicine,” she instructed her son. However, he didn’t seem to be listening as he concentrated on his cigarette.

“I’ll take that for you, Polly,” you said helpfully reaching for the brown glass bottle. Turning to Michael you said softly, “The hills will heal you much quicker, you know.”

Tossing his words in Polly’s direction he mumbled, “Fucking witches, the lot of them.”

Bonnie pushed forward, hands clenched by his side as he issued a warning, “Show some respect, Mr. Gray. We’ve agreed to welcome you on account of your blood.” You could tell he wanted to throw a punch after hearing the insult hurled at you, but thought better of it when Polly’s dark eyes met his. 

You rushed to your husband’s side, placing a hand on his chest to calm him, then led him away as Polly conversed with her son. As you walked away you heard her remind him to take his medicine once more. Then you watched out of the corner of your eye as she handed him a gun and mentioned something about making a plan. Despite your desire to help the family, something about this newcomer made you shiver. You nuzzled into Bonnie's side and he ran a hand down your back to comfort you.

“Mr. Shelby says it won’t be long,” Aberama said to you and Bonnie. “We'll be returning him before you know it so keep the peace, eh?” He looked Bonnie in the eye as he clamped a hand on his shoulder, a silent assurance, but also a warning not to start trouble. 

Bonnie bit the inside of his cheek, a habit he had whenever he disagreed with his father. You gave your husband a small smile as he helped you inside the wagon that would take you back to camp. As Bonnie climbed up front with his father, you snuck a glance at your visitor who had seated himself opposite you in the back of the wagon. He leaned against the side, stretching out his bad leg as he closed his eyes in repose.

“Michael?” you asked hesitantly.He grunted in reply and you decided to continue. If he was going to be joining you for any length of time it would be useful to build a good relationship now, you thought. “Even if you’d rather not admit it, you belong here with us and you know it.”

Michael’s eyes flicked open suddenly as he sat up and looked at you with hatred, “Fucking what?” 

You gulped as he stared you down, wondering if it was possible he didn’t know his lineage. “Aren’t you aware of your grandmother, Birdie?”

“What are you on about?” he asked, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

You searched his eyes, realizing he had no idea who you were talking about. That’s when you decided to inform him, hoping it would make him feel more welcome. “Birdie Boswell was a gypsy princess,” you said with a note of reverence.

Rolling his eyes, Michael scoffed, “Well I don’t believe in that stuff.”

“Don’t have to. Up in them mountains, you’re royalty,” you replied matter-of-factly. You looked down at your hands nervously. You couldn’t understand why he was so rude and unfriendly. He was completely different from Polly. “I-I just wanted you to know that we’ll take good care of you. We always take care of our own,” you added quietly. The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Bonnie came back to join you and you leaned into him for support as the terrain became more uneven. The wagon pitched you back and forth and he held you tightly, keeping you from Michael’s side of the vardo as much as possible. You could tell your husband didn’t trust this man. 

It was evening when you arrived in camp. The stars were mapped out brightly in the sky and a crescent moon hung above the roaring fire your father had made to keep everyone warm. As Michael was shown where he would be sleeping, you brought a plate to your husband.

“Thank you, dove. Not hungry?” he asked, trying to offer you some of his food, but you declined. The events of the day were still weighing heavily on your mind. As he sat down to eat, you joined your father on the other side of the campfire. Bonnie waved, "Evenin Johnny."

As you approached, you furrowed your brow. Your father knew something was on your mind, but he avoided your gaze, unwilling to discuss your visitor until you asked him first. “Da, I don’t understand,” you began, watching your father stoke the fire.

“What’s there to know?” he asked and suddenly you knew you shouldn’t be asking. However, your curiosity had gotten the better of you.

“He doesn’t want to be here,” you stressed.

“Well, it’s not his decision. It comes from the Shelbys,” your father replied, shoving his hands in his pockets

“Aye, he’s a Gray and he’s kin to the Shelbys, but he doesn’t know the first thing about where he comes from. Told me so today. Why is that?” you prodded.

Johnny let out a long, deep sigh and sucked his teeth while considering whether or not to tell you what had happened so many years ago. Was it worth mentioning now? In the end, he realized he had no choice. Michael’s demeanor was very different from anyone else in the family. You'd already noticed he didn't belong.

“Michael doesn’t know about himself because Polly didn’t raise him,” he said, looking up at the moon. He felt ashamed for having revealed the secret. 

“He lived with his father then?” you inquired.

“No!” Your father called out to the sky. You wondered if you should be quiet. Perhaps asking these questions was forbidden somehow based on the agreement he had with the Shelbys, but he continued. “The parish authorities took him away when he was small. Him and his sister, but Tommy brought him back a year ago to work in the family business," he explained in a hushed tone. 

“And now people want to kill him because people want to kill Tommy?” you added.

Your father grunted an affirmative reply as you sat in amazement. A boy who had grown up without his family only to return years later. And a criminal family nonetheless. How jarring that must have been for him. You suddenly understood his confusion and anger at having been sent to a gypsy camp he knew nothing about. You vowed to keep trying with the man who was around the same age as you and Bonnie. You felt it was the least you could do for someone who had had such a difficult life.

——————————————————

Three days later, you plucked clothes off the line and turned just in time to see Micheal exit his vardo. You crossed to greet him and hand him a freshly washed shirt. 

“Good morning, Michael. Thought you’d like to know, we leave tomorrow,” you informed him. 

He looked at you quizzically. "I thought we were staying on another night."

“We follow the patron and the crows. And as your mum said, it’s safer for you to keep moving so your enemies can’t find you,” you explained, although you weren’t sure he was listening.

Moving toward the pot placed over the fire, you removed the lid and stirred the stew that had been cooking there. “Are you hungry?” you inquired.

“What is it, fucking hedgehog again?” he asked disdainfully, taking a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. You’d noticed he often preferred smoking to eating, but you still urged him to take a few bites to aid his recovery.

You continued ladling out a generous portion of stew into a bowl with a smile. “No, it's rabbit stew today. You’re in luck, Bonnie caught a buck,” you said extending the bowl, hoping to entice him.

“So?” he asked, not understanding your meaning.

“Buck’s taste better,” you explained patiently, offering him the meal once more.

He took it from you hesitantly, keeping an eye on you at all times.

“You don’t have to fear us, you know. We’re not bad people,” you said, coming to rest beside him.

“Didn’t say you were,” he grumbled, picking at the stew.

As Michael ate, you noticed the sun disappear and the wind begin to pick up. You sensed a storm approaching and you began to shiver involuntarily. Wrapping your shawl around your shoulders to stay warm, you tried to take in a deep breath the way Bonnie reminded you to do when he was away from you. He said it would help focus your mind on something besides your fear of the bad weather.

Just then Bonnie arrived with an armful of firewood. He glanced at you with sympathetic eyes before looking up to assess the clouds rolling in overhead. “Y/n, dove, go inside. Michael can help me clean up out here,” he promised. 

“M eating,” Micheal mumbled without looking up from where he sat. “Besides, that’s women’s work,” he said jerking his chin toward the clothes line and the empty plates.

You noticed Bonnie's whole body tense at Michael’s words, hands curling tightly around the firewood he held. He had tried to be civil after Aberama's warning, but it had been difficult the past few days. Michael refused to do any chores. While his injuries prevented him from doing men’s work like lifting and chopping firewood, there was plenty of work he was capable of and chose not to do which bothered everyone, but couldn't be said aloud. Bonnie knew a thing or two about working while injured and had complained to you that he felt Michael was capable of more than sitting by the fire day in and day out.

You gave your husband a pleading look to remind him Michael was an important guest and Bonnie took a deep breath before he answered with an impatient toss of his head, “The work goes faster if we all help.”

Michael snorted stealing a glance at you, “Can’t your fucking witch say a spell and be done with it?” You froze at his sharp tongue and gulped waiting for Bonnie’s reaction, knowing your husband wouldn't stand for Michael talking about you that way a second time.

Bonnie dropped the kindling where he stood and stalked toward Michael. Grabbing him by the lapels of his coat he hissed, “My wife has cleaned your clothes, cooked for you and served you. How dare you disrespect her?” You could hear the anger rising in his throat as he spoke. “You want to stay here under our protection, now you have to earn it. Fight me,” he challenged, throwing Michael away and beginning to remove his shirt as the thunder rumbled overhead.

"Bonnie!" you called out to him, feeling a soft rain begin to fall all around you.

“No, I’ve no problem with that,” Michael interrupted, pushing his overcoat from his shoulders. “Didn’t want to be here in the first place with a bunch of fucking gypsies,” he spat.

Stretching his neck and cracking his knuckles, he assessed your husband carefully. He wondered if he had any chance at all with a professional boxer especially one with a personal grievance against him. However, he would not back down from a challenge. He was too stubborn. 

As the men began to circle one another a deafening crack of thunder broke the silence. You knew your father would be angry with you and Bonnie if something happened to Michael, but there was nothing you could do to stop the fighting now. You heard Michael grunt as Bonnie landed the first punch to his gut. It sounded painful as he wheezed out an aching breath. Then suddenly you heard your husband wince and you looked up to see him jerk his head back, licking a bad cut to his lower lip. Blood ran down his chin as the first sliver of lightning illuminated the sky behind him. He nodded at you assuring you it would be alright, but for the first time, you were scared.

 As you looked over at Micheal, you saw a gleam of pure devilment in his eye and you wondered if he was actually enjoying this. He ran at Bonnie again with brute force and it dawned on you that while your husband had the training and skill, Michael had the advantage of his wild anger and hatred. It was a force more powerful than you had originally realized and you shook violently as the fear of the confrontation in the sky and on the ground hit you fully. You shrieked as you realized Micheal had produced a knife from some hidden place and Bonnie’s fist came up swiftly to block Micheal’s wrist. The blade was mere inches from your dear husband’s face and you screamed, not recognizing the sound as it ripped from your throat. 

“Christ almighty, what do you boys think you’re doing!” your father cried, rushing toward them. Michael’s eyes, wide with fear froze in that moment, his hand suspended over Bonnie. As Johnny rushed him, he dropped the knife to the ground and as it hit the dirt below, his trance was broken. You watched him stumble backwards, affecting a limp once more as he went to sit on a nearby log as the rain began to pour down upon you.

“Does one of you want to tell me what the fuck this is all about?” your father asked, looking back and forth between Michael and Bonnie. Then his gaze shifted toward you and his face fell, realizing the quarrel had started over you. You looked at him with wide eyes and somehow managed to nod you were alright before hanging your head shamefully. You hated for him to worry though you knew he would no matter what. 

With that small bit of reassurance, he began again more softly, addressing his son-in-law. “Bonnie, no matter what’s happened, it ends now. Do you understand? Polly will have my balls if that boy doesn’t come home safe.” 

Bonnie clenched his jaw tightly as he glared in Michael’s direction.

“Bonnie, did you hear what I said, lad?” Johnny asked more firmly.

“Aye, I did,” Bonnie replied with a loud sigh. He knew better than to question your father. He moved to offer a hand to you and you clung to him as the lightning illuminated the sky. Bonnie led you to your vardo and you entered without speaking, looking between you both at your soaked clothing.

Bonnie sat on your bed with a plop and you retrieved a flannel, dipping it in a bucket of cool water before bringing it to him. As you ran it over his face, cleaning his lip and chin he grasped your wrist. “M sorry, dove. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

You shook your head. “You didn’t. It’s alright,” you said softly, as reassuring as you could muster. You continued to clean his wound gently as Bonnie fixed his eyes on the wall. 

“He’s arrogant,” Bonnie said, beads of water dripping down his tightly clenched jawline.

“Camp is unfamiliar to him. He’s trying to act brave,” you countered. You discarded the cloth and removed your boots and wet cardigan, crawling into bed behind your husband and wrapping your arms around his waist. Leaning your cheek against his back, you felt his warmth radiate through you as you listened to the steady rhythm of his heart, albeit a bit quickened under the stress. You closed your eyes and breathed deeply, hoping it would calm him. After a few breaths, he steadied under your touch.

“He’ll be gone soon and then life will be as it was,” he promised, placing his large hand over yours and giving you a gentle squeeze. 

You nodded against him, knowing he didn’t like the intrusion anymore than you did. 

Hesitating a moment, you began slowly, “He doesn’t know where he comes from, Bon. He doesn’t realize he’s just like us.”

“Even if he did, he’d just reject it. Thinks he’s so much better,” Bonnie said with a shake of his head.

You rubbed a hand down Bonnie’s arm soothingly as you said, “He’s Polly’s son. No matter what he does, you swore to protect him, remember?” 

“Not when he treats you the way he did today,” Bonnie said, voice strained with emotion.

You moved to straddle him and took his face between your palms. “Bonnie,” you said softly, making him look you in the eyes, “I know he made you angry, but he’s a lost soul. And if it were our child. I’d want someone to look after him. That’s why I’ve been trying so hard to help him find his way.” 

You guided Bonnie’s hand to your stomach and bit your lip, gulping as a harsh clap of thunder boomed overhead.

“It’s storming, y/n,” he observed, eyes watching you anxiously. 

“I know,” you replied hesitantly. “But I’m not scared anymore. Can’t be frightened when I have this little one to protect,” you explained.

The lightning outside your window illuminated the vardo and you saw a flash of recognition in Bonnie’s brown eyes. You watched tears gather as he stroked your abdomen slowly with his thumb, a look of awe and disbelief washing over him as he stared at your belly.

Bonnie leaned forward, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss, unable to break from you in his urgency until you finally pulled away for much needed breath.

You sat back admiring his flushed cheeks, stroking your fingertips along his cheek as you asked, “You’re happy then?” 

“Course I am, little dove,” he said, a tear falling down his cheek in unreserved emotion. “Can’t believe how strong you’ve become. You’re going to be a wonderful mother, you know,” he said staring deeply into your eyes. 

“I hope so,” you whispered as you pressed your forehead to his. “We’ll weather the storm together, won’t we?” you asked, brushing your nose against his.

“Of course, we will, my darlin’,” Bonnie replied, lifting you up and placing you on the bed with ease. You smiled as he came to rest beside you, your Bonnie there to watch over you as the wind and rain pelted the side of the caravan. However, you had no need to fear it any longer. 

———————————————

The next morning as Bonnie kissed you goodbye at the doorway, you worried for your growing family. Your husband had confided that today they were going to plan strategy against the Changrettas who had sent several men to the area. You also selfishly worried for yourself. With Bonnie gone, it was up to you to look after Michael. 

As though he sensed your inner thoughts, Bonnie turned to you before he reached the last step and extended his hand to you. “No matter what happens, it’s you and me, dove,” he reminded you. “We’re going to leave this place and soon enough we’ll have our own little one to worry about instead of a grown man, eh?” he said with a smirk. You had to chuckle at his remark. You felt exactly the same, ready to move beyond the dark shadow the Shelbys had cast over your lives.

----------------------------

Tag list:

@peakyswritings

@evita-shelby

@tommydoesntpayforsuits

@shelbydelrey

@alanadetigy

@wandawiccan60   

@easilyobessedbutflighty

@the-makingsofgreatness

@severewobblerlightdragon

@lovemissyhoneybee

@theshelbyslimited

@kittycatcait219

@peakyrogers

@christinasyellowflowers

@retromafia

@notyour-valentine

@peaky-cillian

@kpopgirlbtssvt

@celticmelody

@theshelbyclan

@bonniesgoldengirl

@amberusso

@cillmequick

@mgcllovdrms

@shelbywhiterose

@l1-l4

@thats-what-cill-said

@dreamlandcreations

#Peaky Blinders fanfic #Peaky Blinders imagine #Bonnie Gold fanfic #Bonnie Gold imagine #Bonnie Gold x you #Bonnie Gold x y/n #Bonnie Gold x reader #Michael Gray fanfic #Michael Gray x imagine #Michael Gray x y/n #Michael Gray x reader #Michael Gray x you

[midnigtartist]

SpellBomb fun facts and headcannons:

Gale told Dot about his condition within the first few hours of knowing eachother. Dotty has absolutely no sense of monetary value so she was happy to help him

Dotty hates being alone. In the first few days of traveling together everyone would keep to themselves but Gale, camp cook, would be out in the common space. Dotty would usually sit with him at the campfire, either reading or tinkering or making idle conversation

Gale and Dotty are both very cosmopolitan in their tastes and comforts. They love luxury, good food, good wine, dressing well, shopping, entertainment. Theyre not used to “roughing it” in the way the other companions are, and bond over the loss of luxury in their situation. They would absolutely get sidetracked at the spa together

Theyre overly competitive about lance board. They keep a tally of wins. They take it very seriously.

I hc that Dotty made the spell spark equipment for Gale. Gift giving is her love language so once they got the spell spark staff she crafted the rest of the set for him to match

Theyve been a couple since the teifling party, though they couldnt do much about it because of Gale’s fear of “exciting” the orb. Theyd know eachother for like 6 days at that point

Additionally i think i got the “last night alive scene” 12 days into the adventure so theyd only known eachother for a little more than an in game week when Gale told her he loved her

Couple that gets pushed off of roofs together

I dont think Dottys cousin liked Gale much when they first met bc he could sense the wizard hubris rolling off of him. But given enough time and Gale heaping praise on to Dot he starts to warm up to him. Then he finds out about the orb, and the godhood thing and tries to get rid of him again

Gale learning infernal to impress Dottys mother. I feel like Gale does great with moms. Like hes the friend your mom likes more then you energy.

Dotty loves Gales mother and Tara (and finds them intimidating)

After finding out Dottys given name Gale is insistent on using it. Dotty isnt the biggest fan of that, shes been Dotty longer then shes been Dipti. They find a happy balance eventually where he will occasionally call her by it, usually are her family or when speaking infernal

#i have brainrot about them so bad #will add to this if i come up with more #please ask me about them i love them sm #tav shit #SpellBomb #dotty mcclain

[notyour-valentine]

The Boy in the Window 18 ~ Tommy Shelby X Reader (Series)

Chapter Summary: Even as (Y/N), Emma and Charlie settle into their new life, she can't trust it yet, and it's only made worse when Tommy comes home

Notes:  I do not consent to my work being translated, copied or posted elsewhere on this platform or any other.

Here, you can find my [Masterlist] and the [Series Masterlist]

Warning: Canon conforming mention of violence. (18/21+). Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Expect spoilers for Peaky Blinders Season 1-4.

Wordcount: 5774

Part 18

[Previously]

One change she couldn't have anticipated was the amount of time she suddenly had on her hands. 

She did not have to clean, did not have to cook, no laundry to do and any shopping was a pass time for a few luxuries rather than dragging necessities back to her house. 

It added hours to her day, which she still wasn't too sure how to fill. 

Doing too much of nothing wasn't for her and after trodding on a few of the maids’ and the cook's toes by interfering, she chose to use the added time to do her due diligence when it came to the foundation. 

Tommy had put her on the board and for however long he sought to keep her there, she was determined to do the best work she could. 

It wasn’t like her position was secure, but she didn’t want to humiliate herself with half-knowledge and foolish mistakes. 

So of course she had a lot to catch up on. 

It was a strange sensation, to sit in the gardens, with charity reports and a notebook in front of her, as well as some tea Lisa had brought her. 

She could feel the sun on her face and the wind in her hair while only the sound of birds and the laughter of children interrupted the silence. 

It felt almost like some sort of dream. 

The garden was Emma's absolute favourite. Nothing delighted her more than the fact that she could just open the terrace door and run out at any given time- to climb the tree, to swing, to skip rope or to play with hoops, to challenge Charlie to a game of chase or involve her in hide and seek. 

Unlike in the church green of Small Heath, (Y/N) had no qualms about letting her walk barefoot, a decision which she thought she might soon regret, as Emma loved the feeling of grass under her feet. 

Charlie didn't mind being outdoors the slightest, but the games didn't capture his attention the same way that they did Emma's. 

Sooner or later, he'd always find their way to her side, into her lap or her arms, as if he wanted to make good on all the caresses he had missed in the past two weeks. 

She needed it to. 

Having both of the children with her, both happy and healthy and within arm's reach brought a sense of peace to her she had thought she would never feel again. 

The only thing that made her uneasy was the uncertainty of what would happen when Tommy returned home. 

All day, she'd have the children around her, and they had even agreed that Charlie would be allowed to sleep over during the weekend. 

So on Saturday they had an early meal before wasting bathtime. 

There were three full bathrooms in this house, complete with a bathtub each and not the kind she was used to- too big and too expensive. 

But Emma liked it. 

And she loved the bubble bath and the fact that she could have hot water coming out of a tap if she so chose. 

Lisa was allowed to help with bathtime, but Charlie insisted that (Y/N) do the singing herself, which she gladly did. 

It sounded different in the tiled bathroom.

After both children were dried and wrapped in robes, which conspicuously matched somehow, they all snuggled up together to listen to the stories she read, with the weight of two children on her chest, their little breaths syncing to one calming rhythm. 

If she could have frozen time she would have made it stop in just that moment, with the calm and the warmth of their three tangled bodies. 

~

The village church was a small, stone building, nothing comparable in size to the large church they had on Small Heath, but as soon as she had stepped inside with one child on each hand that Sunday morning, she found herself liking it. 

The walls weren’t coated in the extravagant mosaics and paintings of the one she had been used to, but the simplicity felt more appropriate in a strange way. It was a village church that fit into the village, with neatly placed stones, painted windows and delicately carved statues. 

The freshly placed floral wreaths seemed just as celebratory to her as the gilded decorations that caught the light. Those had often felt strange to her, residing in a place where so many had so little. 

But here, the church, neat and tidy, and honest, fit the village with its clean streets and well kept front gardens. And the people had smiles on their faces instead of smoke stains and greetings on her lips rather than spits and curses. 

This really was a good place, and it almost quenched all her unease.

Two weeks, no word of Tommy. Not even a sign of life. 

Lizzie was concerned, Frances unsure, Linda just annoyed, but (Y/N) felt a nagging fear that didn’t grow, but didn’t fade either with time. 

Tommy wasn’t good all on his own. He never had been. 

He had craved solitude, of course, and needed his quiet time more than most. Poets could talk endlessly about the difference between being alone and being lonely, but (Y/N) knew that Tommy had always needed people at arm's reach - not many, and not just any random people, but a select few who he knew cared for him and who he cared for in return.

It surprised her that he had functioned at all in those two years where he had fallen out with his brothers. 

Now he was all alone, or at least according to what they know. 

Sometimes, at night, she imagined him in the arms of some woman, on some distant shore perhaps, with crashing waves and white curtains fluttering in the warm night wind. The image left a bitter taste in her mouth, but she preferred even that to the thought that he was all alone. 

But it wasn’t her concern, besides, she was the last person he’d ever tell. 

And she had the children. 

The benches soon filled and (Y/N) noticed that men and women attended in equal measure, unlike in Small Heath, where only rarely men were seen. 

There were apologies and courtesies when people shuffled along the pews and greetings when they didn’t. 

And while she was met with curiosity, it wasn’t…unkind, not the way it had been in Small Heath. 

Instead she recognised, as “The woman that now lives in Warburton House.”

And so she had to introduced herself, and undoubtedly her name spread through the rows, but it was not said in malice, which was nice for a change. 

These people did not have a reason to look down on her just yet. 

After lunch, and a little nap for the little ones, she decided to take the children back into the village on Lisa’s suggestion, as there was a green area which she highly recommended.

It was a large, spacious thing, close to a field of wild flowers next to some meadows, with neatly placed trees providing shade.

(Y/N) was not the only one that had had the idea. 

There were many people out today, young and old - some in entire families spanning several generations. There was an old couple sitting together on a bench and a young one having a picnic. 

It almost seemed like something one would put in a postcard or in an advertisement. 

Emma was giddy with excitement, eager to explore a new territory, but Charlie was more cautious. 

“Do you come here often?”, she asked Charlie, as she sat the basket she had brought down beside her.

“No.”, he said, looking up at her with a frown.  “Why?”

(Y/N) cleared her throat.

“Well, I thought you would. It’s not that far from your house and you can swing and climb.”

Charlie shook his head. 

“We’ve got swings at my house and at your house too.”

His voice had been light, but that only made his words weigh heavier on her mind. 

“Mummy!”, Emma called, tugging at her sleeve. “Mummy, they’re playing catch. Can we join?”

As she spoke, she nearly stumbled over the words with excitement.

“Of course you can, but be nice. These children don’t know you yet.”

Emma beamed from ear to ear, as she took Charlie’s hand. 

“Come on, Charlie!”, she quickly said, pulling him along. 

Charlie didn’t seem too keen at first, but before long, she could see him running around with the rest of them. 

As he should. 

It was no good, for a child, to be all alone. 

She’d have to make these outings more a habit than an exception, she thought, as she saw the way the children all mixed and mingled. 

For a frightful second she thought she had lost sight of Charlie, but a moment later he came running from the wildflower patch, three freshly picked daffodils in his hand. 

“Look - look!”, he cried, beaming with excitement from ear to ear.

“They’re very pretty!”, she told him, mirroring his wide smile. 

It only ever grew at her compliment. 

“They’re for you!”, he insisted, his chest swelling with pride. 

(Y/N) leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you, my darling!”, she said. 

He handed them to her and ran off again, calling Emma’s name. 

(Y/N) brought the flowers to her face and inhaled the faint scent. 

They weren’t particularly large, and one had a slight kink, but to her they were more beautiful as prize winning roses. 

In her mind, she was already pressing them so that she could keep them forever, when another woman sat down next to her.

“You mind?”, she asked, a hand on her swollen stomach. 

“Not at all!”, (Y/N) said, shifting to the side to give her more room.

She gave her a relieved smile and leaned back.

By her estimation, she had to be about six months along, still a bit to go, but definitely showing. 

“I saw your boy just now.”, she said, offering her a wide smile. “A real sweetheart.”

“He is.”, (Y/N) said, her heart beating faster as she glanced at her flowers once more. 

“My boy wouldn’t look twice at flowers. All he thinks about is football.”, she continued. “I hope this one’s different.”

“I’m sure it will be just lovely.”, she assured the other woman. 

“Lovely’s making me feel like my back’s going to snap.”, she complained under her breath before shifting slightly. 

Been there, she thought, glancing at Emma. 

It hadn’t been easy, but many others had had it far worse.

“For me it was the kicking that did it. All day, nothing, but as soon as I tried to sleep, you’d think there was a league final going on in my belly.”, she told her. 

The dark haired woman chuckled under her breath as she rubbed her hand over her belly. 

“Oh yes.”, she sighed. “You’d think nature would have taken it a bit easier on us, but here we are.”

That made her tilt her head in agreement. 

“But it’s worth it.”, (Y/N) said, her eyes finding the children once more. 

“You’re that lady that just moved into the Dower House?”, she asked after a little while. 

She nodded, feeling her cheeks heat up.

“Yes, I suppose so.”, she mumbled, “but I’m no lady. Far from it, actually.”

The other woman waved it off before introducing herself as Barbara Caple. 

“(Y/N) Hale.”, she said. 

“Pleasure to meet you.”, she said. 

“Likewise.”

Within a few sentences, they were on a first name basis. 

Barbara told her that they lived not too far away from the church. She had worked as a nurse before getting pregnant with her first and her husband was doing something administrative for the local hospital and the council. He had been a soldier and that was how they had met. 

Apparently, he had been driving her crazy because he had kept calling her over just so that he could talk to her. 

It made (Y/N) smile, and it was surprising how easy it came to her to talk about her husband, how she had been a shy thing who had thought she would be invisible forever, but he had picked her out somehow. 

“And what does he do?”, she wanted to know. 

“I’m a widow.”, she said, but made sure to offer the woman a smile as not to embarrass her. It didn’t exactly work. 

“Now I’ve put my foot in it, haven’t I?”, she asked, making (Y/N) shake her head.

“It’s alright, I suppose.”, she assured her. “We’re alright.”

For now.

As if to prove her point, Emma called out for her, waving excitedly before turning back and talking to other children. 

“Wait- did that little girl just call you Mummy?”, Barbara asked, shielding her eyes against the early spring sun to see better .

“Oh yes,”, she explained, “that’s my daughter Emma.”

The other woman’s eyes went wide as they returned to her.

“Oh my days!”, she exclaimed. “No wonder you thought they were playing football in your belly - twins? I’d never!”

(Y/N)’s mouth dropped open as she shook her head.

“Oh, no, no- they’re not twins!”, she said quickly. 

Barbara frowned as she looked closer. 

“Did you have them back to back then?”, she wondered.

“No,”, (Y/N) insisted, her cheeks burning, “Charlie’s not my son. Emma’s my daughter and he is - “

Her breath hitched. 

“He is the son of a friend. I’m just watching him.”

That made Barbara relax slightly.  

“So he’s with you on holiday then?”, she asked. 

“Not really, he lives close by.”

“But I’ve never seen him before!”, she argued, taking her fourth look.

“Surely not. He’s not from around here?”

(Y/N) nodded. 

“What’s his name? Charlie…who?”

“Charlie Shelby.”

It seemed like Barbara Caple went through shock, surprise and confusion all at once, ending in her jaw dropping open.

“Really?”, she asked. 

(Y/N) nodded, swallowing hard. 

There goes your reputation. 

But Barabra only huffed.

“I didn’t know that man had any friends. He seems most disagreeable to me.”

~

The children had had such a blast out by the play area, she decided to take them back there during the week. Even if groceries where delivered to the house, which seemed rather outlandish, (Y/N) had wanted to do some shopping. 

It not only made her feel a little less useless but it also introduced her to more parts of the little village that she lived in now. 

She did not dare call it home yet. 

But the behaviour of the people there reminded her of the time she and her husband had only just begun to live together, honest, decent people living decent lives. 

There was a tranquillity to be found in routine, a sense of safety in the simple, ordinary way one could live. 

And she liked it.

After a hour or two she let the children run around and play, they returned to Warburton House with a basket of goods and a day of fun, at least she hoped so. 

Lisa greeted them inside, and was quick to help the children take their coats off. 

“Frances called.”, she explained, lowering her voice so that only (Y/N) could hear. “Mr. Shelby is back from his holiday.”

With that all the warmth the sun had kissed onto her cheeks, vanished. 

“Oh.”, she whispered. 

It wasn’t like she had not expected it, but it still caught her off guard. 

And it left her with one burning question. 

What now?

As apparently Tommy’s arrival didn’t change the schedule, the children were having their snacks together. 

That was new, as she had gotten used to throwing everything out the window to accommodate him. But now it gave her time, time to think.

Only thinking wouldn’t be enough and so she made her way over to the small writing desk by the window. 

Houses like these, she had learned, came with their own letter writing paper, and now she had two sets - this and the one from the Shelby Family Foundation which Lizzie had given to her. 

In the end she had decided on the letter writing paper from the house, even if it still made her felt uneasy.

Only it wasn’t just the paper. 

She stared at it for over ten minutes before she decided to write, only to scrap it - again and again and again until the sixth effort stood, or rather had to stand, since she otherwise would have run out of paper. 

It left her displeased but it was better than the other attempts. 

But not good enough. 

There were no words she could find that would express how she really felt, the confusion, the desperation, the suffocating need for certainty only he could provide. 

Taking a shuddering breath, she read over the carefully drafted handwritten lines again. It almost seemed too impersonal, but what else could she do?

She thanked him, for everything, and told him how good Charlie was and what fun they had been having before ending with her hope that he was doing well and then the one thing that had burned in the back of her mind for days now. 

What now?

It was almost a plea for a conversation, something, anything that would bring an explanation and an assurance, proper assurance and not just words from Ada or Lizzie. 

She needed to hear it from him or else she would never believe it. 

When it was time for Charlie to go, she buttoned his coat up herself. 

“I’m sure you’ll have such fun with your father!”, she assured him.

“I guess.”, Charlie said, swaying back and forth slightly. “But I’m still coming back here, yes?”

“Of course, Master Charles.”, Frances said with a wide smile, as relief washed over Charlie's face.

In one hand she held some of the biscuits (Y/N) had baked with the children the day before, as well as the letter she had written. 

“Come now!”, she asked Charlie, who wrapped his arms around her neck a second time.

“Promise I can come back?”, he whispered so faintly she almost didn’t hear him. 

“Promise!”, she whispered, giving him a little squeeze. 

(Y/N) only let go when he did, and watched him look back four times before the car left the driveway. 

~

It was three days later when Charlie returned and both Emma and her were waiting outside for him. 

The car had barely stopped when the little boy had already opened the door himself, not waiting for Frances as he ran out, leaving his cap behind. 

“Hello, my darling!”, (Y/N) called, crouching down so that she could take him in her arms right away. 

For all his rush to get there, Charlie lingered for a long time, burying his nose in the crook of her neck. 

“Aw, I’ve missed you too!”, she assured him, still smiling, but when he clutched her tighter as she tried to let go, her smile froze. 

“Are you alright, Charlie?”, she asked, pulling back so that she could look into his eyes. 

“Now yes.”, he whispered. 

Before she had the chance to ask another question, Emma had already snuck in.

“Charlie, Charlie - Mummy said we could build a blanket fort in the living room!”, she giggled, taking his hand and pulling him inside. 

Still crouching on the ground she saw Frances approaching. 

Slowly, she rose, meeting the woman in the no man’s land between the house and the car. 

“Good morning, Mrs. Hale.”, she greeted with a polite smile. “I hope you are well.”

(Y/N) nodded, unable to hide her frown as she returned the courtesies. 

“Did Tommy say anything?”, she wanted to know, unable to stop her thundering heart.

Frances nodded. 

“Mr. Shelby has asked me to convey a message to you.”

The sound of that made her heart drop and she swallowed hard, bracing herself for anything, because preparing for any less would be foolish. 

But unlike her, who felt like a tornado was raising havoc inside her, Frances seemed to be the epitome of professional calmness. 

“He is grateful for how you take care of Charlie and wishes it to continue as it is.”

Relief made her shudder, but it was only one of the many concern she held inside her. 

“He also wants to ensure that you and Emma are taken care of. Any medical bills, schooling fees, house expenses or the like will automatically be covered by his accounts and you will also receive a weekly allowance in addition to the monthly earnings for your work with the foundation.”

With that all feeling of relief had been replaced with jaw clenching nausea. 

Before she could argue, she continued. 

“Mr. Shelby is very pleased that Emma is taking to the horse riding lessons and wants them to continue twice a week.”

Of course Tommy would make a mention of bloody horses before talking about what really matters, what she had begged him to tell her in that letter. 

It made her want to explode, but Frances only continued on with the discipline of a soldier marching on. 

“If you need anything else, it is to be conveyed to me, as Mr. Shelby does not want to see you or speak to you, not in person or on the telephone or by any other means.”

She felt as if the other woman had slapped her as her mouth dropped open. 

“I’m sorry?”, she gasped.

“He also insists you are not to enter the grounds of Arrow House, let alone the building itself.”

Without even a muscle twitching, she reached into the pocket of her dress.

“I am to return this to you.”

The familiar invisible belt tightened around her chest as she stared at the letter she had written mere days before - untouched and unopened. 

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, to ease the strain in her chest, but nothing worked. 

Out of options, she took the letter back, and watched Frances go, leaving her more lost than she had been upon her arrival. 

Lost and confused and vulnerable. 

Was this how it was going to be now? 

I won’t survive long if it is. 

~

Charlie still came and went, like it had been arranged. He ran up to her each time as fast as his ever growing legs could take him, and left dragging his feet. 

Still, there was no word about Tommy, but when the next meeting for the foundation crept closer, she prepared herself for the conversation she would have, the question she had to ask, the answers she was willing to beg for - only he never came. 

During the meeting she could barely focus on the plans and the numbers as she stared at the empty chair. 

Once Polly closed the meeting, she rushed over to Lizzie.

“Lizzie, have you seen him?”, she asked. 

She only pursed her lips. 

“Please, tell me!”, she begged, her eyes beginning to burn. “I don’t know anything and he is avoiding me like I’ve got the plague.”

Like he hates me. 

“I don’t know more than you do.”, she mumbled under her breath, putting out her cigarette.

“Are you really surprised he doesn’t want to see you?”, Polly Gray asked, smoke escaping her lips as her dark, hawkish eyes narrowed in on her. 

They made her feel as small as a mouse and as weak too. 

“No, but-”, she tried, only to break off when she saw Mrs Gray scoff.

“I just…I just really need to talk to him, please tell him that.”

The look the older woman gave her was a damning sentence. 

~

She took it upon herself to talk to Father Callitch about the new initiatives, after all she had the closest ties to him and so she soon found herself sitting in his modest office with a cup of barely touched tea in front of her. 

He listened ardently, nodding along and waiting until she had finished. 

Even in their conversation after, his voice was calm and collected, just like it was when he asked her. 

“We’ve all heard about your move, Mrs Hale.”, he said softly. 

Those few words were enough to make her cheeks burn as she stared at her lap. 

“But I couldn’t help but worry about the implications.”

You and me both, she thought. 

“Are you alright?”, he wanted to know.

It was such a simple, foolish question and yet it brought tears to her eyes. 

“Are you safe?”

(Y/N) (L/N) had always known how to hide her tears, but now her self discipline failed her. 

Days of worry and nights without sleep, all the whispers and chatter and the doubt - the constant doubt had created cracks in her armour and she couldn’t contain it anymore. 

The tears bubbled forth with mindless ramblings, as the priest moved around the desk to be closer to her.

“Lizzie and Ada think I ought to feel lucky, that this is a good thing and I suppose I ought to be grateful, but…but….I can’t, you see?”

Her voice cracked as tears blurred her vision. 

“He won’t speak to me. He doesn’t want to see me. He - they all just expect me to do as they wish and continue but I can’t.”

(Y/N) looked up at him with the desperation of a little child. 

“I can’t build a life on uncertainty!”, she insisted through sobs.

“It’s like trying to keep the balance on a tightrope knowing he could cut the string at any moment sending me and Emma crashing to the ground.”

Lizzie had tried to calm her by reminding her that the house was in her name but what did that really mean?

The priest had said it himself. Tommy Shelby can not be denied. If he put his mind to it, if he changed his mind, he could drop her and Emma and the fall would be further than from where he had raised them from.

Before, she had been a respectable woman, poor yes, but with a good name and a reputation as a hard and honest worker.

If she were to return now she’d be nothing but Tommy Shelby’s whore, worse - discarded whore - for the rest of her and Emma’s days. 

No one would employ her. No one would spare her a second glance. 

She had read up on the houses like the one she lived in now - Grace and Favour homes they called it. 

What if she ever would be out of his favour?

And him refusing to even see or speak to her felt a lot like that. 

Sobs shook her as she buried her face in her gloved hands, the tears soaking through the material as she was unable to steady herself. 

The warmth of his hand spread through her shoulder until her tears had dried up and exhaustion had forced her to calm down.

Still, the priest stood steadfast. 

“Do you still own your old house here?”, he asked. 

She nodded, wiping under her eyes with the handkerchief he had offered her. 

“I do, but I can’t come back here with Emma. Everyone here thinks I’m -”

“I know.”, he quickly interjected, not making her say it outright, which was a relief. 

Slowly he nodded. 

“Should the time come, I suggest you sell the house. You can sell it to the church. I’ll make sure it will be quick and easy. That way you will have some money. I can also write you a reference and help you find employment someplace else should it come to it.”

(Y/N) swallowed hard and took a shuddering breath. 

“Would you really do that?”

“Of course I wouldn. Isn’t that the soul reason for people in my profession? To take care of those in her charge?”

Not in Small Heath it isn’t, (Y/N) thought. 

But in these few moments he had given her more certainty than she could have hoped for, more than she got from Tommy or any of his family. 

~

She arrived back at the house a little over an hour later, and once inside Lisa informed her that the children were out in the garden playing. 

When she reached the terrace she could see them throwing a ball around. Here, they had far more space than they ever would have had in the courtyard in Small Heath. 

(Y/N) allowed herself a moment to lean against the wall as she just watched them. 

Charlie’s red cheeks and Emma’s flying braids, with nothing but their excited shouts in the air. 

There were grass stains on both their clothes, but for once she didn’t think about scrubbing. She didn’t think at all, she just watched them, feeling the weight that had been lifted from her shoulders just by knowing that at least Father Callitch was on her side. Or that she wasn’t all alone. 

It couldn’t be all bad, she thought, not if it made them so happy. 

They threw the ball back and forth for a while until it slipped through Emma’s fingers and rolled in the vague direction of the house. 

In her run to retrieve it, she looked up and noticed her standing there.

“Mummy!”, she cried out and continued to run, altering the direction just slightly. 

(Y/N) opened her arms and walked towards them both, crouching down to be able to wrap her arms around them both, as Charlie wasn’t far behind Emma. 

She held them both in her arms and leaned into them. 

“I’m glad to be back.”, she whispered, before kissing both their foreheads. 

With a child in each hand she walked back inside, hearing about all the adventures they had that day.

It continued all throughout dinner.

“Mummy,”, Emma asked between bites of potato.  

“Hm?”, she asked. 

“Since Charlie’s dad is back now, will he come live with us again?”, she wanted to know, before lifting her fork once more. 

(Y/N) blinked twice. 

Emma had said it so carelessly, without any hint of suspicion or worry. 

She was still searching for a response to her daughter’s curiosity, when Charlie spoke up. 

“He won’t.”, he said, glancing down at his plate. 

“Why?”, Emma asked. 

“Because!”, Charlie snapped a little too loud for (Y/N)’s taste.

“Alright now.”, she said, offering them both a warning wrapped in a smile, but as she directed the conversation away from Tommy, her eyes lingered on Charlie as her stomach coiled painfully once more. 

Under the table she reached out and stroked his knee. 

When he felt her touch, he looked up at her with wide eyes before curling his fingers around hers and clutching them tightly.

Her suspicion only grew when Charlie went from playing with the toy cars as she left the room to answer Lisa to lying on the sofa when she returned a few moments later. 

He was lying on his back, both arms at his side, with his eyes closed. 

“Come on Charlie.”, she told him, “It’s time to go home.”

He didn’t react. 

And so (Y/N) walked over to the sofa and sat down, watching his chest rise and fall as he lay there stretched out like a pharaoh. 

It was almost funny how hard he tried to stay still. 

“I know you’re not asleep, Charlie.”, she told him softly. 

He swallowed hard but still pretended not to. 

She leaned her head against his chest and sighed, reaching up and stroking his forehead. 

“You know I’ll have to carry you down if you won’t walk.”, she said. 

That finally made him open his eyes. 

“I don’t want to go.”, he whispered. 

(Y/N) smiled sadly. 

“I don’t want you to go either, but I can’t change it, Charlie.”

She could see the hope disappear in his eyes, which felt like dagger in her heart.

Children at that age still saw their parents as invincible, but she wasn’t Charlie’s parent. She couldn’t make the rules. 

Instead she leaned up and pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead.

 “Can you still carry me even if I’m awake?”, he asked, batting his eye lashes at her. 

With a soft smile, she obliged him, feeling his legs wrap around her legs. 

“Bye bye, Charlie!”, Emma said, waving at him. 

He waved back, his head leaning against her shoulder before she took him down, carrying him all the way to the car. 

“Another kiss?”, he asked as she sat him down inside. 

Cupping his face she kissed him once more. 

“Good night, my darling!”, she told him. 

Frances was following with his coat and hat in her hands and as soon as the door closed she turned to her. 

“Is everything alright, Frances?”, she wanted to know.

“Why would you ask that?”, she asked, tilting her head. 

“I-I was just wondering if anything was amiss.”

The other woman didn’t react to that. 

“If anything was wrong, you’d tell me, wouldn’t you?”, she asked, “for Charlie’s sake.”

She smiled once more and nodded slightly. 

“Of course.”, she said, before she too disappeared in the car. 

(Y/N) watched until the headlights disappeared, but the thought had anchored inside her mind long before. 

She knew Frances was lying. 

It was four days and only one visit of Charlie later, as the second one had been cancelled, when (Y/N) was torn from her restless sleep by Lisa shaking her. 

The girl had only turned the bedside lamp, still wearing her nightgown, her long hair tamed in a side braid under a night cap. 

“Wake up, Mrs Hale! Please, please wake up!”, she pleaded.

The urgency in her voice woke her more than the light or her touch did. 

“What’s wrong?”, she demanded to know, her eyes not ready to focus yet, but her senses heightened all the same.

“Is something wrong with Emma?”

“No, not Emma.”, Lisa insisted, shaking her head.

Charlie. 

The way from her bed to the telephone was a blur, and she only came to once she clutched the hearer so tight her knuckles turned white, answering the call that had torn Lisa from her sleep in the black of night. 

“Mrs Hale!”, Frances said as soon as she heard her voice. “Thank God, I’ve reached you!”

Coming from a woman so polite and professional, breathlessness made goosebumps appear all over her arms. 

“What happened?”, (Y/N) demanded to know. 

Frances’ breath hitched before she gathered herself. 

“There has been a situation at the house. Master Charles,”, she told her, her voice shaking,”Well, he snuck out and managed to steal one of the ponies.”

End of Part 18

~

Part 19

Thank you for reading! I’d be very grateful for feedback of any kind!

Taglist: 

@lilyrachelcassidy @jyessaminereads @watercolorskyy @books-livre @chlorrox @quarterpastmidnight @lilyevanswhore @polishcrazyone @zablife @just-a-harmless-patato

Tommy Shelby Taglist:

@knowledgefulbutterfly @babayaga67 @signorellisantichrist @lespendy

TBITW Taglist:

@kaitebugg03 @esistmon  @chlorrox   @theshelbyslimited  @budugu  @woofgocows  @orkwardx0 @judig92 @100percentamess @kabbuu @esposadomd  @im-nowhere-but-also-somewhere @starsnsecrets @lady-loves-a-lot @katiepie67 @acoolnight @chaotic-onigiri @ohshititsfenharel @muhahaha303 @xoprincessmel @shittingonyourgrave @pessimisticbiitch @elisa20beth @simran-preet19 @majesticcmey @akiisbae @iwantmyredvelvetcupcake @vodkainthecoffee @pearlstiare  @jk-acc @cutecurly-hair @lovecleastrange @kishie8  @kirenia15  @burninggracesandbridges  @nervousmumbling @babayaga67 @mbv2361 @pheitvsx @alessioayla  @just-a-harmless-patato @globetrotter28  @lespendy @butterfly-skinnylegend

#the boy in the window #valentineswritings #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #peaky blinders #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby imagine #Thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby fanfic #tommy shelby fanfic

[wildernessuntothemselves]

You Are My Queen Now | Part 8

Word Count: 22k

Genre: Smut, angst, fluff

Summary: Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband.

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you.

Warnings: extremely unhealthy relationship dynamics, mentions of past noncon and justifications of it, really fucked up characters, rough sex, edging again, fingering, GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF CHARACTER DEATH, mentions of fucked up family trauma

A/N: Check out the playlist for the fic as well as the wonderful pinterest boards my lovely ♡ anon made for the fic. They’ll really help put you in the mood. 

For this particular chapter, the theme songs are Lover, Please Stay by Nothing But Thieves for tyun and Forgiven by Within Temptation

You spend hours thinking it over, approaching it from every possible angle you can think of, but you can’t seem to get any closer to the truth.

If Taehyun is right and you go back to Beomgyu, then you’d just make it all the more easier for him to attack Taehyun, claiming that he rescued you and you corroborated the killers’ stories.

If Taehyun is right and you stay, then Beomgyu will either attack anyway or he’d figure out another way to get you. Like Wonyoung said, he has already crossed the line. He’s not going to back down now.

If Kai and Wonyoung are right and you go back to Beomgyu then you would prevent a war from breaking out, but you will have undone everything you’ve built for yourself here. You’ll go back to being Beomgyu’s whore and he will probably be even more controlling than ever because of your successful escape attempt. He’d never let you go anywhere or do anything. He’d be open about his obsessive ways now that his father is gone–something that you had always wished for but never realized how detrimental it would be to you. You’d be leaving Taehyun behind to hate and despise you. Or even worse, knowing him, he might just launch a war against Beomgyu because you’re his wife and he can’t let the fact that Beomgyu is committing such a huge crime go.

Would that be the only reason he would go after you?

It’s incredibly selfish to think but maybe making this decision would be easier if Taehyun actually loved you. Maybe taking a risk would feel justified if it wasn’t just because of his need to make a point. That he actually wants you to stay instead of just not wanting Beomgyu to prevail.

You also want to believe that Beomgyu wouldn’t attack Taehyun anyway if you went back but you’ve been away from him for so long that you don’t know what he’s capable of anymore. Not that you really knew when you were with him. After all, he did have you fooled for all those years. It was Taehyun who was right about him. So maybe he’s also right about him now. 

Sitting here, running over this a million times has turned your brain to mush. Maybe if you went and spoke to Wonyoung, you could glean some information about where Beomgyu’s head is at right now. 

Yes, you should go do that. You need to gather more information in the hopes that it would sway you either way. That’s it. 

So why is it that the first thing out of your mouth when you meet her is to ask her if Beomgyu is okay? 

Wonyoung smiles knowingly. “He’s fine physically.  But he hasn’t been the same since you left. He misses you a lot, you know? Don’t you miss him?” 

“You know I do.” 

It’s the cycle of guilt and blame again. You shouldn’t let yourself feel that way but you can’t help but do. 

“Then why are you doing this to him?” 

“He forced me.” You try to appeal your case even though you know you’re the one in the right. “He kept me beside him even when he knew that we could never be together. He lied to me and sabotaged me so that I could never leave him. He wanted to keep me by his side as his whore and he refused to think about how that makes me feel or how demeaning it was.” 

“My brother loves you more than anything in the world. You think he wouldn’t have given you what you wanted if he could?” She reproaches, “You should’ve had more faith in him. Look at what he’s doing now. He’d do anything to make you happy.”

“Is this his idea of making me happy?” You laugh. 

“Is this yours?” She gestures around vaguely, indicating the situation you’re in, the place you’re in. You look around you and see the castle walls as you saw them when you first came here–depressing and suffocating. 

“Who are you doing this for?” 

“For myself. What your brother did to me is unforgivable.” You say woefully, “Taehyun may not be perfect but he’s my husband. He gives me respect and power over my own fate. I never had any of that with Beomgyu.” 

Can’t she see that this is killing you? That you wouldn’t have left if you didn’t feel like you had to? That if you saw any viable alternative you never would’ve left his side?

“But are you happy with him?” She asks, cutting straight to where it hurts. “Now that you have what you wanted, are you satisfied?” 

No, you’re not. And you’re afraid to figure out all the reasons why because you’re afraid it would expose how selfish of a person you are. You should be thinking about the safety of everyone and what would be the best course of action to prevent a civil war, but here you are only thinking about yourself and how both men make you feel.  

“I wasn’t happy with Beomgyu either. At least I have dignity here.” You say quietly. 

“Do you?” Just from the way she’s asking, you know she’s about to break you down to the bare bones. “Does it feel dignified to love a man who will never love you back?”

“You don’t know that.” You defend, feeling as fragile as glass right now, and she answers with all the self-assurance you don’t possess. “But I know who will always love you.” 

Those damned tears of weakness spring to your eyes at once. “I can’t deal with this right now. I have to go.” 

This was a mistake. You were supposed to come here in order to gain more clarity, not to feel more lost than ever. 

As you leave, you hear her shouting after you. “You don’t have to keep fighting, you know? It’s okay to let go.”

Her words almost make you tumble over, every fiber of your being wanting to take the permission to give up. You’re so tired of struggling, so tired of trying to prove yourself to a man who will never feel for you. It's another version of the fight you've been having with the world. You'll never be good enough. You'll never impress him enough to give you the love you so crave. No one is crazy enough to love you like that except Beomgyu. No one would accept you like he does. You can't run into Taehyun’s arms right now and have him kiss away your sorrows. No, he'd tell you to toughen up and get over it. That he didn't marry you so you would act this weak. 

Is it weak to need reassurance from your husband? To wish he would look at you with love in his eyes? To dare to hope he would speak the words you've been dreaming of? 

You suppose to him, it is.  

You rush to your room, trying to outrun your exhaustion before it shuts down your body. If only you can make it back to your room then you could grab a bottle of liquor and drink yourself to sleep to escape from your thoughts and feelings and the situation you've put yourself in.

But as soon as you step foot inside, you realize that you’ll have to face Taehyun if you sleep here and you can’t handle that right now. You’ve been broken down by words enough today, you have no more strength in you. So you decide to grab a change of clothes and a bottle of wine and head to your old room, hoping to get just a little bit of reprieve. 

But before you can make your escape, Taehyun catches you, nightgown and bottle in hand. 

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, just pinning you down with a cold gaze. 

“Where are you going?” 

“To my old room.” You say softly, timidly. 

"I see.” He remarks, resentful. “Did you make your decision already?" 

"No, Taehyun." You deny vehemently, your feet wanting to take you to him but you hold yourself back. He doesn't want you to cling to him. Look at him, he loathes you. He is realizing that he made a mistake choosing you. 

"Then come to bed." 

You want to. You want to fall into his arms and cry all your feelings out. And you would have if he had looked at you with even a hint of affection or worry in his eyes. But like everything, Taehyun approaches your marriage, not with love, but with a set of rules and expectations that must be carried out in order to fulfill it. He doesn’t want you to come with him so he could show you how much you mean to him. He just wants you to come because a woman is supposed to go to sleep in the same bed as her husband. 

You need to distance yourself from this before you cement Wonyoung’s assertions in your brain. You need to hold out hope that he cares. 

"I still need more time so I'll sleep in my old room." Even as you say it, you hope he'll say something in response to make you change your mind. Just anything, no matter how small. 

Just hold me and ask me to stay.

“Stay.” He grunts, but once again the fates are playing with you as it sounds nothing like you had hoped for. “I’ll go.” 

You watch helplessly as he turns back to where he came from, not even grabbing a change of clothes before he goes, leaving you alone in the room that was once his but now belongs to the both of you, if only in name for it doesn’t bear any trace of you. 

Looking around, you see him everywhere–in the swords that hang on his walls as well as the various weapons scattered about, in the old but sturdy table that bears years of dents and ink stains as a result of the work he stays all night finishing, in the ancient fireplace that's all but painted black from the soot of many decades, in the canopy bed covered with the furs of animals he no doubt hunted himself and where, for a few awkward but blissful days, he used to hold you to sleep. 

Everything in here is his, and yet he left it all for you. But he took the one thing you actually wanted… him. 

So you go with your original plan, the only thing you can think of to drown it all away, and drink until the dark colors of the room and the pitch blackness of the night outside melt together and surround you in a cocoon so impenetrable you can't feel him anymore, can’t smell his scent even as it burns at your nose, can't feel how much it hurts you that he doesn't want you back.

__________________________

When a knock comes at your door later, you groggily lift your head up and look outside the window, wondering who would wake you up in the middle of the night, only to realize that the midday sun is already out. 

“Oh, fuck.” You grumble. You must’ve overslept. Why didn’t anyone wake you up? Who knows what you missed by sleeping in? For all you know, they would be at each other’s throats right now. 

Quickly, you get out of bed, but you don’t account for how dizzy you would be or for the massive headache that is clanging your brain against your skull, and you almost end up falling to the floor. Luckily, you manage to steady yourself on the bed and sit back down, grabbing the jug of water beside the bed and chugging it down to quench your intense thirst.

When the knocking repeats, you put the jug down and try to make yourself look presentable, smoothing your hair and straightening your nightgown, hoping it would be Taehyun coming in to tell you that he couldn't hold back anymore and he's here to finally lay out his heart and tell you that he wants you to stay. 

But it's not Taehyun, of course. It's Wonyoung. She comes in with a few servants in toe, hauling three large heavy bags into your room. 

"Oh my goodness, are you okay, sweetling?" She swoons when she gets a good look at you. So much for looking presentable. 

"Yes, I'm fine. I just had one too many drinks last night." You say and she looks around to find the entire empty bottle of liquor next to the bed. 

"I'll say." She raises an eyebrow at you. "Is that why you didn't show up for breakfast? Your lord sent me my breakfast to my room but I, of course, couldn't have that. I needed to see you so I went down to the dining hall to find you, only to be told that you hadn't come down yet. So I waited all morning for you because your dear lord insisted that I don’t disturb your sleep." She scoffs, and leans down to whisper conspiratorially to you, "I have to say, that was the most awkward breakfast of my life. The two men of this house are not very gentlemanly." 

You can't help but laugh. "You're threatening them with war. They don't exactly like you." 

"I'm not threatening them with anything." She huffs, "No one has to get hurt–" 

"If I come back home. I get it, princess." 

"Hey, don't get grumpy with me." She says, offended, as if you’ve only had a minor disagreement and you’re blowing it out of proportion. She’s just like her brother. 

"I'm sorry if I don’t exactly feel very fond of you right now." You mutter and, surprisingly, she grins back. "I bet I know how to cheer you up."

When you look at her quizzically, she gestures to the maids accompanying her to open the bags they had dragged in.

Inside were all kinds of dresses–luxurious gowns, floral sundresses, elegant evening dresses. There was also a small fortune worth of jewelry–from the largest diamonds that shone even in this gloomy place, to an entire rainbow of precious stones, to the prettiest little gold and silver pieces. Last but not least, the third bag contained all the essential beauty supplies you’ve been missing since you came here–creams, ointments, lipsticks, eyeliner… all of it. 

You could feel your eyes sparkling as you look at them. They’re just so beautiful.  

"What is this?" 

The princess grins and claps her hands excitedly. "We're going to liven up your look a little bit." 

"Oh, I don’t know. I can’t wear your things." You say hesitantly. 

"Oh these aren't mine. They're yours. They're a gift from Beomgyu." She explains happily, "Good thing too, how he knew the state I'd find you in, I don’t know." She tuts as she comes to the bed and picks at your hair and clothes. 

"You know I can't take those." You protest, even though all you want to do is get up and throw yourself in the midst of the gorgeous gowns and lather your skin with the fragrant and soothing lotions. 

"And why not?" She huffs, and it's unfair how charming she looks when she's pouting. 

"I can't wear gifts from Beomgyu in front of Taehyun. He's already pissed off." 

"So if he's already pissed off then it won't make a difference.” She shrugs, “Just tell him I gave them to you."

"Princess, I can't…" You continue to protest even as you throw longing glances at the bags.

"Oh come on, I know you want to. You’re not very subtle with your glances, you know?" 

Fuck, she caught you. 

It's been so long since you got to look nice. What harm would it be to indulge a little? It doesn't mean anything. Maybe if you put them on, you'd realize that you don't want them anymore. Or maybe if Taehyun sees you all made up and actually looking beautiful, he'd want you too. 

Didn't you first catch his eyes back at the castle when you actually looked good? Maybe if you looked the same as you did back then, he'd remember how he felt for you. 

"Oh, okay." You give in and she squeals excitedly. "Alright, let’s start by getting you into a proper bath and wash the grime of this horrid castle off you."

___________________________

Despite your initial reluctance, you end up enjoying it so much. You spend the whole afternoon choosing which dresses go with which jewelry and then deciding which makeup to put on and what hairstyle to do. It all reminds you so much of your untroubled days back at the palace–except that the Wonyoung is the one dolling you up and it takes everything in you not to lose it over the fact that the princess herself is pampering you like this. You mean, yes, you had Beomgyu pampering you all the time but this is different. To have the lovely and exquisite princess Wonyoung herself spoil you like this–it’s an indescribable feeling. It really does make you feel like you’re family, like you’re sisters, talking and giggling while you play dress up–especially that Wonyoung spends the whole time catching you up with the latest news and gossip back at the capital that she, being the princess, is uniquely privy to. 

She steers clear of talking about Beomgyu or what happened, and you do too. You probably should use this chance to find out more about what exactly went down but this is the first time in ages when you actually felt carefree again and you want to enjoy this bubble that she's created until it pops. 

"Oh, sweetling, how gorgeous you look." Wonyoung coos, staring at you in the mirror. 

"I do look good, don't I?" You chuckle, admiring yourself and feeling confident for the first time in a while. 

The dress you ended up choosing is so stunning, one wouldn’t be remiss to call it a piece of art. The main body is a lovely pale blue that compliments your skin, and at the middle of it, is a gorgeous ruffled pink fabric interwoven with all manner and colors of artificial roses, mostly pink and yellow. It reminds you of the lake you and Beomgyu used to spend your days lying next to back at the palace, with little islands of flowers floating over the calm surface that you’d stare at as you bask under the soft glow of the sun. It’s a memory so soothing, you can’t help but sport a peaceful little smile on your face that is plumped up and painted with equally graceful spring colors. Your hair was done up in a loose updo, held together at the back by numerous gold clips of different sizes and shapes, and even more flowers. 

You giggle as you continue to stare at yourself in the mirror. You look like a wood nymph.   

"You do. Beomgyu would’ve swooned if he was here.” 

Your smile falls a little, but you’re glad you're wearing rouge so it would hide your natural blush. 

“Thank you, princess.” 

“Don’t call me princess anymore. It’s too formal. You can call me Wonnie.” 

“I could never.” You gasp. “That’s what your family calls you.” 

She smiles knowingly. “Well, you’re family to us.” 

There she goes again, calling you family. Does she really think that or is she just trying to sweeten you up so you’d agree to go back to the palace? 

She is living up to her word though. She called you family and she’s treating you as such. Why isn’t Taehyun? You realize she could just be doing it to trick you but even if that’s the case, at least she’s trying to gain your favor, unlike your distant so-called husband…

An impatient rapping at the door interrupts your inner dilemma, and before you can ask who it is or give them permission to come in, they do. When you hear the door swing open, a scathing remark springs to your tongue–how dare whoever it is barge into a lady’s room like this without permission–but it dissolves like poison the moment you see an untidy Taehyun standing in the doorway wearing last night’s clothes. 

“Is this what you call being alone?” He asks, stepping into the room and taking in the absolute mess you and Wonyoung have created in your wake–clothes and bottles and accessories strewn all over the place.  

“Oh, Wonnie was just showing me some things.” You fiddle with the necklace you were wearing. 

“Wonnie?” His eyes narrow in on what your hands are doing, and he walks up to you and grabs your necklace, demanding, “What is this?” 

“Jewelry.” Wonyoung deadpans. “It’s what a lady typically wears if her husband can afford it.” 

Taehyun turns on her with the wrath of a warrior. "You think I can’t provide for my wife?" 

But she is the princess. She’s not going to be intimidated by him. "I don't know. Can you?" She challenges. "Look at the way you have her dressed in rags. This is not befitting of a noble."

"And what your brother did to her was befitting of a noble?" Taehyun fumes. It's unlike him to let his emotions get the best of him like this but he's been on edge ever since Wonyoung stepped foot in this castle. 

"Please don't fight again." You get in between them, trying to stop them but they ignore you.

"My brother loves her!" She defends, "Which according to her, is more than I can say for you."

Taehyun turns to you with a look of betrayal, and you wish that the sea outside would crash through this room and swallow you into its depth this very moment.

"I will not have you insult me in my own home.” He storms with the fury of the sea. “I've been generous enough to let you sleep off your journey in my home despite you being the sister of the man who is threatening war if I don't hand him my wife. But this is as far as my hospitality will allow. So take this shit and get the fuck out."

But Wonyoung stands tall against his hostility and levels him with a threat. “If I leave then that means you’ve chosen war.” 

“So be it.” Taehyun concludes and you quickly rush to protest. "No, no, Taehyun, you can’t just say that! Here, I'll take everything off." You plead, your hands reaching up to rid yourself of all of Beomgyu’s gifts, starting from the clips in your hair, taking them off so fast you accidentally pull on your hair with it. 

“Ah, fuck.” You cry in pain but don’t stop, hoping that if you just take everything off that Taehyun would calm down. But the more frantic you are, the more you keep making it worse as the intricate clips tangle in your hair. 

“Look at what you’re doing to her!” Wonyoung condemns and goes to try to help you take them off without hurting yourself, but you jump away from her. “Please, princess, just go. Let me talk to him.” 

She looks between you and the angry Taehyun with uncertainty but she must’ve realized that if she stays, she’ll only make it worse so, with shoulders slumped, she gestures for her maids to come with her as she leaves. 

“Take your shit with you.” Taehyun calls after her, making her turn around but you give him a pleading look and say, “I’ll give it all back. Let’s just talk now, okay?” You reach out a hand to touch his arm nervously, gasping as you feel how tense it is under your fingertips. 

But mercifully, he gives in. “Fine.” 

Once the door is shut behind her and you’re alone with Taehyun in the room, you go back to trying to take the clips out from your hair, but stop when Taehyun steps up to you and takes over, deliberate hands working to untangle the mess you’ve made and, one by one, he pulls the gold and floral ornaments from your hair. 

You stand there in silence for a while, perfectly still, as he lets your hair down with surprising gentleness every time he pulls a clip out. So when he suddenly speaks up, you jolt a little despite his soft voice. 

"I don't give you these things because they're wasteful displays of wealth, not because I can't."

"I know." You acknowledge glumly. "I just wanted to look pretty. I'm sick of wearing these depressingly beige dresses and that one shade of lipstick. I miss getting to wear things like this.” You whine vapidly then look at him through your eyelashes, “Don't you think I look pretty?"

"No.” He shoots you down ruthlessly. “You look overdone and gaudy." 

His brash comment doesn't come as a surprise to you but it still hurts, and you immediately get defensive. 

"Well, Wonnie thinks I look pretty." You scowl at him and he scowls back. “Why are you even listening to that empty-headed, pompous idiot?”

“Don’t talk about her like that.”  

"So you're defending her now?” He steps back, stopping what he’s doing. “You're even telling her things about us that she could use to her brother's advantage." 

You feel a little embarrassed at having been obvious enough about the state of your relationship for her to gather such information, but you also wouldn’t have even been in this situation where you felt forlorn enough for Wonyoung to figure it out if he had shown you even a little bit of affection. The only reason she succeeded in sowing discord between all of you is because you allowed there to be discord in the first place. 

"What? About how you don't love me? She figured it out herself, even an idiot would have." You defend yourself, "You have been avoiding me for a while now. You don’t look at me. You barely talk to me. You haven’t even fucked me in a week. Are we even married?” 

He laughs mockingly. “Is that what you’re focusing on? Sex?” 

“Yes.” You stand your ground. “Didn’t you say that as the man, it’s your duty to please me? Well I’m not fucking pleased. At least with him I didn’t have to beg for it.” 

You know it was a low blow, but it’s also true, and that seems to be the standard for allowing hurtful things to be said for him. 

Rage twists his features, his eyebrows shadowing his eyes and lip snarling upwards before he lunges at you, grabbing you and pulling you into a punishing kiss. You meet him with as much ferocity. You’ve been pining after his cold touch ever since you got here and he rarely ever gives it to you, so you sure as hell are going to latch onto any hint of intimacy he displays, no matter how provoked or emotionally-blunted it is. 

You wrap your arms around his neck, letting your neediness, frustration, and anger loose into the kiss, and he accepts them for once. 

"Want me to fuck you?" He pulls back just enough to growl lowly, his lips brushing against your own as he speaks. 

"Yes." You look deep into his eyes in an effort to read him, squeaking in surprise when he suddenly grabs the underside of your thighs and hoists you up before throwing you on the bed. 

He flings you hard enough that you bounce on it a little bit, but no sooner had your hands flashed out to steady yourself, did he climb over you, placing his body between your legs and going back to his bruising kisses. 

"You piss me off so much." He grabs your necklace around and yanks on it, breaking it and scattering the beads everywhere. 

Not to be outdone, you grab onto his shirt and rip it open, revealing his toned body to your hungry eyes. "Good. At least pissed off is a feeling. I can work with that." You goad him, moving your hands towards his pants and undoing them before pulling his cock out. 

He sucks in a harsh breath, closing his eyes for a second to savor your touch on his heated skin as you stroke him, before he opens them again, glowering at you "God, I want to fuck that attitude out of you." 

"I want to see you try." 

You see his jaw tense in that way it does when he is trying to hold himself back. Not wanting to give him time to think, you brush your palm over the head of his cock, making his mouth fall open and his hips buck forward. 

“You make me lose control.” He groans, grabbing the skirt of your delicate dress and ripping it right down the middle before he bunches your underwear in his fist and snaps it off. 

You don't even mind that he's destroying such expensive clothes and jewelry. It’s just too arousing watching him go mad over you like this. 

“Oh, please,” You deny, “I can’t even–” Your words leave you in a yelp when he grabs your legs and pulls on them, causing your body to fall flat onto the bed before he bends them up towards your chest. 

“Keep those here.” He orders, his hand moving to rub your pussy. His touches are a sharp contrast to his intense look, brushing along your lips softly but firmly, spreading your wetness around and making you whimper at the surprisingly intimate moment. 

He holds your gaze as he brings his fingers to his mouth to wet them, and you can feel more than hear him moan as your taste hits his tongue, before he brings them down again between your legs to swirl around your hole a couple of times before they bury themselves into your pussy. 

“Ah—fuck—Taehyun….” You moan as he pumps his fingers in and out, loosening you up for his cock. You can tell that he is feeding off your moans, his hot gaze burning into yours, so you decide to goad him a bit more. 

“You like how I sound when you fill me up with your fingers, darling?” You mewl even louder for him, giggling when his cock twitches and leaks a little precum in your fist. 

You start jerking him off again, using the precum to make the slide of your hand easier. “You’re so hard. Do you like it that much?” You tease, rubbing your thumb over the sensitive spot just under the head of his cock. 

“You’re such a brat.” 

The gasp that leaves your mouth is equal parts because of the way his fingers curl inside you and because his words remind you so much of Beomgyu. 

No, you can’t think of him. You have to make sure to keep your eyes and brain trained on Taehyun. He’s your husband. You should think of him and him only. 

Wanting to distract yourself, you use your free hand to pull his fingers out of you before you line his cock up with your pussy.  "Enough teasing. I want your cock." 

“So domineering.” He complains, thrusting his hips forward and filling you up with his cock in one go, making the both of you sigh in pleasure. 

“I thought you liked that about me."

“I do.” He drawls, and starts moving his hips. 

“Oh god…” You lean back, finally relaxing as you surrender your body to him. In this moment, while he’s fucking you, you can rest assured that he wants you, that his attention is on you. 

“Is this what you wanted? You’re acting out because I don’t fuck you enough?” Taehyun growls, ruthlessly pounding into you. He’s gotten much more confident with this over the few times you had sex. He just takes to it so naturally, and you think it’s because it helps him express himself more easily. 

The slide of his cock in and out of you makes your whole body tingle. You’re so touch-starved that each drag of his cock against your walls sends a zap of pleasure down to your toes, making them curl in the air where you hold them. 

But soon, your leg muscles burn from the effort and they start coming down, something that Taehyun notices right away. He grabs them and pushes them back up. “I thought I told you to keep them up.” 

“Then you hold them.” You hiss, hating how he can keep his cool while you’re falling apart on his cock. You need to find a way to tear down his control. 

Grunting, he grabs your legs and presses them to your body, folding you in half as he hovers over you. You gasp at how easily he is able to manipulate your body and how he’s currently looming over you, totally caging you in. It doesn’t help that the new angle allows him to drill his dick into you, reaching deeper than he ever did before because he was always so gentle with you.  

“Fuck, Taehyun!” You cry out, clenching around him. 

Curiously, you see his stormy eyes glaze over a bit at that and you smile internally as you realize just how you’re going to get to him. 

“Good. So good.” You bite your lip, only needing to exaggerate a little bit. 

The effect on him is immediate, his grip on your thighs tightening and his hips snapping into you faster as he focuses on drawing more moans out of you, and you happily give them to him. He bends down to kiss you sloppily, tongue prodding into your mouth and teeth biting at your lips. It’s a hungry kiss and you revel in it. 

When he pulls back, he uses his thumb to wipe your mouth off. You think he’s just wiping off the saliva but when you see the way his eyebrows were furrowed, you realize he was actually smearing the lipstick Wonyoung put on you. Apparently, he’s still very much bothered by this. 

To distract him, you wrap your lips around his thumb, sucking on it lewdly as you stare up at him. You hear him take in a sharp breath and his hips falter, no doubt thinking about all the times you had him in your mouth. 

Quickly, you pop his thumb out of your mouth and blurt out,  "Stop." Your heart squeezing a little at the way he listens right away. 

"What’s wrong?" He pants, a little frown on his sweaty face. 

"Nothing. Just didn’t want you to cum yet." You grin, and pull the shoulder of your dress down to reveal your breasts completely to him, making him groan. 

“Now you’re just playing with me.” 

“How did you know?” You smirk, loving this effect you’re having on him. It’s rare to feel wanted by Taehyun and you soak in it, wanting to prolong it as much as possible. “You can move again, darling.” 

The little disgruntled frown remains on his face as he fucks you again. But this time, his gaze can’t help but stray down to watch your tits bounce with each thrust of his hips. Your poor lord looks mesmerized, and he works himself up to the edge without you having to do much. But since he is not loud like—

Since he is not loud, you have to rely on the changes in his breathing or the way he grips you harder when he gets closer in order to know when he’s about to cum. So when you notice the way he starts to strain, you order him to stop once more. 

“Fuck!” He growls, "You're going to drive me mad." 

"Maybe that’s what I want." You giggle, taking your breasts between your hands and playing with them provocatively. “Move.” 

“You’re a mischievous little vixen.” He curses, but obediently ruts into you again, his thrusts getting sloppier each time you make him stop and start again. 

When he lets go of one of your legs to reach for your breasts, you don’t let him. “No. You wanted me to keep my legs up, didn’t you?”

He only answers with one of his dissatisfied growls, grabbing your leg again, his fingers digging into your flesh so hard that you’re sure they’re going to leave a mark but you don’t mind. It will just be a reminder of how you made him lose control. 

"You like them, don't you, my lord?” You purr, swirling your fingers around your nipples, making them pebble. “You could have them whenever you want, you know? To touch, to kiss, to fuck…"

And lose it he does, snapping his hips into you hard and fast, the wet sounds of your skin slapping against his filling the room. He has never used his strength on you like this before, and you have to admit that it really turns you on. 

“Ah—Taehyun—fuck–” You scream, your hands flying out to grab onto his arms, the feeling of the muscles bulging under your fingers taking you right to the edge. “I’m so c-close.” 

“Me too.” He grunts, beads of sweat falling down his face. 

“No wait.” You pant, “You have to hold it.” 

He shakes his head, his thrusts losing all sense of rhythm. "I can't."

"You can and you will." You hiss, moving a hand between your legs to rub at your clit and push yourself over the edge. But Taehyun smacks it away and replaces it with his own. You can’t even chastise him for it with the way his thumb blurs over your clit as he continues to fuck into you, making you finally cum. 

“Oh, fuck—-oh, fuck–” You cry, shuddering as your orgasm tears through you. It feels so good cumming around him. It’s just not the same when it’s just your fingers. You’ve been so needy for him that your orgasm is hitting you harder than it usually does and your pussy keeps spasming around his cock. 

“Fuck,” He grunts, feeling the effects of it. “Your pussy is fucking milking me. I can’t hold back.”

“No, you have to.” You insist, but he shakes his head. “I can’t.”

“No, no, you have to pull out.” You panic, pushing him away. 

Luckily, he relents, because you never would’ve been able to push him off if he didn’t allow you to. As soon as his cock is out of you, it erupts, spurting cum all over your thighs and pussy and even your stomach. The sight is so lewd and his seed feels so warm against your skin that you can’t help but shudder in pleasure from it, riding the last wave of your orgasm, before you finally fall limp onto the bed. 

You’re so busy catching your breath and recovering from the rough sex that you don’t notice the foul mood overtaking Taehyun until he speaks up. 

“What was that about?” He asks, and you know you’re in trouble before you even understand what he’s talking about. 

“What do you mean?” You gulp, pressing your legs together and pulling the shoulders of your dress back on, sensing that you’ll need to feel less exposed for what is about to come. 

“Why do you never allow me to cum inside you?” He inquires as he tucks himself back in his pants.

Oh.

The tone of his voice makes it obvious that he already has an answer himself, and it’s probably the right one. 

“I don’t want to get pregnant yet.” You answer, sitting up and fiddling with the tattered remains of your dress.

“And why not?” You can tell that he’s not enjoying the fact that you’re dragging this out and that it’s only making him angrier. 

“How can I when I don’t know if I’ll be forced to go back to him? If he’s acting this insane over our marriage, imagine what he’d do if he found out I was pregnant?” 

“But you’ve been doing this from the very start, even before you knew of his plan.” 

“Yes but I always knew he wasn’t just going to let me go.” You argue, then try to deflect from the truth that he’s zeroing in on, “Why are you bringing this up anyway? Do you want to have a child with me right now?” 

“Yes.” His automatic response makes you falter. So he’s reluctant to touch you or hold you or say something nice to you but he’s completely ready to knock you up?

“Why?”

“You’re my wife. We’re supposed to have children.” His answer fills you with a bitterness that fuels an ugly fury inside you that bursts out onto him. “Oh, of course. It’s to secure an heir. What else could it be? It’s certainly not because the sweet lord Taehyun actually wants to build a family with his wife that he loves. Oh wait, you don’t actually love me and I am an idiot for trying to hang onto every little action of yours to delude myself into thinking you ever will when you're clearly so fucked up, you’re not even capable of feeling love.” 

“That’s not fair." He says quietly, but that only angers you more.

"You're right. What's fair would’ve been Beomgyu being able to marry me. What's fair would've been you loving me back." You yell out your frustration with him, with the world. "This most certainly isn't fair."

“Do you want me to say that I love you?” He rounds on you. You can sense his tension in the way every muscle of his body seems to be pulled taut. “Is that what’s going to make you happy? Is that what’s going to make you stop dreaming of him?”

“...What?” 

He smiles bitterly. “You whisper his name in your sleep every damn night.” 

Oh god. You’re a horrible human being. 

“Taehyun, I’m so–”

“Do you still love him?" 

You know what the answer is. He knows what the answer is. But you can’t bring yourself to say it out loud because what kind of person could still be in love with the man who imprisoned and raped them and is currently threatening their new family with death and destruction? 

So you just keep quiet, and he laughs. “You might think that I’m fucked up and emotionless for not loving you but why would I love someone who is only here because she couldn’t get the man she really wants? You can ride up on your high horse all you want but I’m not going to sit here and let you act like the victim because I refuse to treat this like it’s more than it is.” 

Your mouth drops open. You know you fucked up but this is beyond cruel, even from him. 

“If that’s what you really think, then why did you even marry me?” You choke on your stupid useless tears, "Did you even mean it when you said that I was family?"

He scoffs, "Of course I did. I don’t know what kind of sentimental drivel you're talking about and that bitch is using to manipulate you, but you’re my wife, that makes you my family before gods and men." 

You feel queasy as you realize how foolish you've been. You're not his family in the way you thought he meant. You're just his family like your father is your family, on paper and nothing else. Taehyun will never hold any sentiment towards you past what your official status is. 

“God, I’m so stupid.” You croak, your eyes brimming with tears. You get off the bed, grabbing a coat and tying it around yourself to make yourself decent. 

“Where are you going?” Taehyun asks, jumping to his feet too. 

“Away from you.” You sob, eyes swelling up. "I can't even look at you right now."

“You’re going to run away again because you don’t like what I’m saying?” He shouts after you, “When are you going to grow up and face the real world?” 

With your hand on the door handle you snap your head around to shout at him, “If all people in the real world are as heartless as you are then I’d rather go back and live in Beomgyu’s sheltered prison.”

Wrenching the door open, you freeze in place when you come face to face with a guard. He has a stricken look on his face as he holds his fist up as if he was just about to knock. He only pauses for a split second to look between your tearful face and Taehyun’s hard one, before he says, “My lord, we’ve found lord Jaeyun.” 

_________________

It’s been a few days since Jaeyun has been found. Throughout this time, he’s been locked up in the cells under the castle as Taehyun interrogates him about his betrayal. 

Surprisingly, he was very forthcoming with the details. You suppose it could be because he was hoping for a pardon, or maybe he just fears lying to Taehyun. Whatever the reason was, Taehyun relayed to you all that Jaeyun had to say, maybe in an effort to demonstrate how horrible Beomgyu is and how twisted his ways are. 

Jaeyun said that he was being paid by Beomgyu to spy on you pretty much from the start and that they were hatching a plan together on how best to kidnap you and bring you back. But then Jaeyun overheard you talking to Kai about Taehyun having asked for your hand in marriage and how you seemed to be viewing it favorably. He knew that if you said yes, that the wedding would commence very rapidly, much like it did, so he decided to act early and snatch you up. He had planned to slip you out with the help of a few workers from the castle, but what he hadn’t anticipated was you having Taehyun’s dagger on you and managing to stab him with it, foiling his plan and sending him on the run. 

Following Jaeyun’s confession, his other accomplices were arrested and imprisoned too. They were interrogated and told a similar story to Jaeyun’s, and when Taehyun was done getting all the information he wanted out of them, they were promptly put to death, with Jaeyun’s execution date to follow after.

“What is going on in there?” Wonyoung asks as she massages your scalp. "You're sulking."

You’ve been sleeping beside her for the past couple of nights because you can’t handle being alone right now. Kai was going through a mental breakdown. Taehyun was being distant as usual, and fully excluding you from the investigation. The only person in the castle who still talked to you was Wonyoung and so you spent your days with her, and then your nights, because the nights were the worst part. It’s when your brain would come up with the craziest, most paranoid ideas and keep you up with them until you felt like throwing yourself out the window. 

Being with Wonyoung isn’t that much better. She took on that role for your brain, prattling on and on about how horrible Taehyun is and how much better Beomgyu is, how he’ll never give you the love Beomgyu can and that it’s only a matter of time until he turns on you, how he's getting crazier by the day, how at least Beomgyu took care of you and loved you while Taehyun treats you like shit and throws you to the side, how the one thing Taehyun had to offer–-which is power and control over your fate–is nowhere to be seen as he sidelines you and excludes you from Jaeyun’s trial that you have every right to be involved in seeing as it's all about you, so why are you still here?

It’s awful, the way her words keep festering in your brain like black mold. But it still beats being alone. 

You glance at her to see that she has her full attention on you, her head propped on her elbow and her silky hair cascading down from it. You throw your head back on the pillow and sigh. 

“Taehyun. I’m worried about him.” You say simply and she snorts, “You should be. You know he’s probably torturing Jaeyun right now? I tried to offer him something, anything, so he would release him but he refused. He just wants blood.” 

“That’s not–” You wanted to say that that’s not something Taehyun would do. He doesn’t torture people for information, does he? You never talked about it before, but Taehyun doesn’t believe in mercy towards criminals, and he might think that it’s justifiable to hurt Jaeyun in order to extract information out of him. 

Oh god…

Wonyoung was about to say something else when suddenly a furious knocking sounds at the door. You both sit up in shock, holding the covers up to your bodies to conceal yourselves from the unexpected midnight guest.

“Who is it?” You call out. 

“It’s Taehyun.”

You and Wonyoung exchange a look, hers confused and yours nervous, before you say, “Come in.”   

“You fucking bitch!” Taehyun snarls at Wonyoung as soon as he steps foot into the room. “You’re going to pay for this.” 

“What are you talking about?” Wonyoung scoffs, and you second her sentiment more fearfully, “Taehyun, what is going on?”

You haven't seen him in days. You can barely see him now with only the moonlight shining through that makes the shadows under his eyes look even darker and deeper. He looks a mess. 

“What’s going on is that she spread word about her brother’s threats! She told people that he is threatening war if you’re not returned to him, and that Jaeyun was only trying to prevent the war from breaking out by taking you back to him.” Taehyun yells, the veins in his neck bulging as he strains. “Now half my fucking court has turned against me and they’re demanding for Jaeyun to be freed and for you to be sent back to him.”

For a second, you believe it. For a second, it makes sense. 

You look at Wonyoung in shock. How could she do this to you? 

But Wonyoung just laughs incredulously. “You’ve gone fucking mad. See this is what I’m talking about. He’ll only get crazier.” She gestures at him to you, before telling him, “Why the hell would I do that when just being with you is enough to make her want to run away? 

Once again, you feel guilty for having shared the issues you’ve been having with Taehyun with her but you can’t be discreet to save your life, and why should you anyway when he has demonstrated how little he cares for you? There wouldn’t be anything for her to find out about if he showed you even an ounce of affection. 

“Bullshit! You obviously saw that your threats weren’t working so you did this to force me to let her go.” 

“Not working?” She asks, snidely, “Your wife is sleeping in my bed while you sleep alone. In fact, she’s been by my side this whole time. So unless she was in on it too then when would I have even had the time to spread such a rumor?”

She’s right. You haven’t left her side ever since Jaeyun was found. She couldn’t have been the one to spread the half-rumor without you knowing. 

Taehyun pauses at her question, and you can see the hesitance in his eyes. It hurts you more than anything he's ever said to you. That doubt in that second, no matter how infinitesimal, was too much for you to bear. 

"Don't you dare." You spit venomously. 

"I am not.” He rushes to make amends for his brief moment of distrust but it’s too late. Maybe it’s because of his constant indifference or downright meanness towards you. Maybe it’s because he still hasn’t apologized for what he said last time or attempted to make it better in any way, but this is the straw that finally breaks you. 

“We aren’t the only three people who know about this and she’s not the one who is invested in saving Jaeyun. So before you go around accusing people, why don’t you consider who might actually benefit from spreading this?”

You regret your words the moment you utter them when a dark look passes over Taehyun's face. But it’s already out into the world and you can’t take it back now. 

“I want you back in our room and not step foot out of it until I take care of this.” Taehyun orders you. “I’m going to have guards posted outside the room and some maids to accompany you to take care of you and to alert the guards in case anything happens.” 

“What? You’re going to lock me up now?” You exclaim.

“It’s for your own safety.”

“Bullshit. I want to be by your side. I deserve to be involved in this.” You fight back, “Didn’t you promise that you’d let me? Or was that only when things were easy but now that things are getting a little difficult, you’re going back on your word?”

“A little difficult?” He asks incredulously, “We’re on the verge of war and now my whole court might betray me for you. I can’t let you go out there.” 

“Well, I can’t just sit here, biting my fingernails and waiting for someone to take me away!” 

“No one is going to take you away. I’ll protect you.”

“You mean you’ll lock her up.” Wonyoung interjects and he glowers at her. “Stay out of it.”

“Do you even know who you sound like right now?” You ask, not believing your ears. “This is just what Beomgyu did to me!” 

That grabs his attention and not in a good way, his face morphing into the livid look you’re now used to as he advances on you. “Don’t fucking compare me to him. He locked you up so you wouldn’t escape from him. I’m keeping you guarded in a safe place until the danger blows over.” 

“My brother did the same thing too, except the danger was you.” Wonyoung interrupts once more, “And he was right. Your court is after her and you’re keeping her here? Just let her go and she won’t be in danger anymore.”  

“There would be nothing to protect her from if it weren’t for you and your brother!” Taehyun growls at her. 

“I’m not going to do it.” You proclaim, shaking your head resolutely. “I refuse to be kept in the dark anymore. I would be safest around you anyway so why are you locking me away from you?” 

He hesitates, seemingly hiding something from you. “I’m sorry but you’re going to have to.” 

So you latch onto it. “Why? What is going on, Taehyun?” 

“Nothing.” He snaps, then sighs at the hurt look on your face. “I’m going to take care of everything. I just need you to stay in the room.” 

“Are you going to force me?” You challenge, looking him in the eye but he averts his gaze, his jaw clenched. “I’m sorry.” 

You scoff dejectedly. "Then if I have to be locked up, I want to be with her." 

"No!" He shouts, "She is his sister. She's behind all of this. I can’t leave you alone with her anymore. She's clearly infecting your mind." 

"You mean telling her the truth?" Wonyoung counters, but Taehyun doesn’t entertain her blows anymore.

“I do not have time for this. Come with me.” 

____________________________________________

So after all his talk about how terrible Beomgyu is and how it wasn’t his right to make decisions for you, those same actions are suddenly okay now that he’s the one doing it? 

Taehyun doesn’t even have the courage to face you. He only comes around for a few moments each day to check up on you to make sure no one tried to harm you or take you, and then he runs away again before you can confront him. He doesn’t even come to sleep in the room anymore. 

Every time he comes around, he looks more tired and gaunt than the last time you saw him. You realize just how much of a toll this whole thing must be taking on him. He has to contend with so many things at once–Wonyoung’s surprise visit, Beomgyu’s threats, your fight, Jaeyun’s trial, and now half his court turning on him. Things couldn’t be going worse for him and it shows. 

Despite his cold and callous words to you, you can’t help but want to take him in your arms and soothe him every time you see him, to brush his hair and run your hands down his back while you rock him to a slumber he very much needs. He looks so high-strung right now that you’re so afraid he’s going to snap.  

But being locked up in your room like this is making you go slightly insane. You can’t help but replay Wonyoyng's words in your mind, and they keep getting louder and more convincing every time. 

You try to argue against them at first, fighting her words with his– he's only keeping you here for your own safety, he’ll let you go once the trial is over and things have calmed down. But the other part of your brain, the paranoid part, wonders if this is just the beginning, if he’ll keep you locked up so you won’t go back to Beomgyu. Yes, he had told you before that he’ll let you go if you want to but that was before you became his wife. He’s willing to risk everyone’s lives in order to keep you because of that, who’s to say he won’t keep you against your will too?

Eventually, you don’t have the mental power to argue anymore, your brain getting so addled with worry and dread that they infect any rational thought that tries to formulate and mutate it into a grotesque thing. 

Being stuck here, so separate from everything and left to make up your own horror versions of what’s happening on the outside–you have nothing to do but worry about Taehyun and worry about what he might do. He's not in his right mind right now and that scares you. A regular Taehyun is already scary enough. You don't want to see what an out of control Taehyun is capable of. 

_______________________________

Despite how slow the time seems to pass and how long those few days stretch on, it all comes to a head soon enough when you, along with Wonyoung and every lord in the castle, get summoned to the courtroom where Taehyun announces that Jaeyun will be beheaded in front of everyone. 

Somehow, reality turned out even worse than your paranoid imagination made it out to be.

It's apparently his response to the rumor, his warning to every lord who would think to betray him like Jaeyun did. And the cherry on top? The execution is to be carried out by Kai–the secondary traitor. 

As soon as he announces it, the court falls into disarray, voices going up in either protest or approval, talking over each other. But you can’t focus on what anyone is saying, even Wonyoung who is right next to you. You can only see Taehyun, everything else fading into a blur around you as you rush towards him, grabbing onto his arms and whispering so no one else can hear you, "You can't be serious, Taehyun." 

But there is no hint of reluctance or doubt in his steel gray eyes. "I would never kid in such matters."

You take in a shuddered breath, horrified. "Have mercy on him. For your brother." 

“My brother is the one who spread the rumor about you.” 

“I forgive him.” You rush to say, but Taehyun doesn’t bend.  “I don't. When he betrayed you, he betrayed me as well." 

“But why does he have to be the one to do it?" You plead, searching his eyes for any hint of mercy but finding none. He’s the picture of the ruthless lord you’ve always been told about, refusing to bend even for family.  

“He needs to pay for what he did. He needs to prove to me that when it comes down to it, he can put his feelings behind and do the right thing.” 

‘Have you put your feelings so far behind that you can’t find them anymore?’ You want to ask, but you know that antagonizing him right now wouldn’t help anymore. So instead you try to reason with him. “But this will turn your lords against you. It will ruin everything we’ve been working on so far.”  

Finally, a speck of emotion shines in his steely gaze, but it’s anger, the only emotion he seems to be able to freely express. “It’s already ruined. I did what you wanted and yet they turned on me and you anyway. They want me to surrender you back to him.” 

“They’re just scared. All they need is assurance that we’re not going to lead them to their death. If you kill Jaeyun now, you’ll just prove to them that you’re willing to kill them for me. This is the time to show them that you’ve changed, that you’re willing to embrace and protect them.”

“No, this is the time I show them that whoever crosses me will die by my sword. I’m done embracing.” He says with finality and turns away from you towards Kai who you hadn’t seen before because he was huddled in the corner. 

"Step forward, brother." Taehyun orders him.

But Kai doesn’t. Instead he looks at you.

“Please, do something.” Kai begs you, “He listens to you. Tell him to call this off.” 

Your breath catches in your throat as you look at Taehyun who, in turn, was looking at you. He could tell Kai off like he usually does but instead he stands there quietly and waits for your response. You know that this is a test. After all the conflict between you two, this is the ultimate test–just like it is for Kai. He wants you to prove in front of everyone that you’re loyal to him. If you don’t back him up, he’ll know that you’re not the woman he thought you were. 

It’s unfair that he would do this to you in front of everyone where you can’t argue against him. Because if you do, you’d be letting those lords who turned on you know that there is a rift between you and Taehyun. Kai is already publicly not on his brother’s side, half of the lords aren’t. If you too stand against him, it would weaken his position greatly. That’s what he doesn’t seem to understand. He’s so caught up in his rigid morality and tyrannical sense of justice that he doesn’t understand or doesn’t want to grasp the nuances that come with political warfare. 

But you do, and that’s why you have no choice but to stand by him even if you know that by doing that you might just be proving to those lords that their deaths will come at your hand. But the flipside to that would be you basically showing another crack in Taehyun’s leadership and making him even more vulnerable. He will do what he wants anyway and his lords will still turn on him, even more so knowing that there is discord between you. If a pardon is to come, it has to come from Taehyun only and he won’t give it. You need to act as one unit or this whole thing goes down. 

So, schooling your expression, you pull yourself together and stand tall, talking clearly so everyone would hear you, "Lord Taehyun is right. The traitor has to be executed."

Kai looks at you in horror and you know you have to say something to get him onboard too, so you’d patch up Taehyun’s front again.  

"It’s unfortunate. He was a dear friend to us all, but he betrayed us.” You speak to everyone and then direct your last comment to Kai, “Sometimes we’re forced to do the painful thing to uphold the law and protect those we love."

Kai’s expression suddenly alters. He forces down his sobs and arranges his face into a wooden mask. After wiping his face dry, he gives you a meaningful look as he holds his hand out for the axe, and you know that this is the end for you and Kai. There is no coming back from this. 

Taehyun gives you a questioning look as Kai takes the axe and walks up to a kneeling Jaeyun, but you pretend you don’t see it. 

"Kai, please don't do this." The dead man begs for his life but Kai manages to keep his cool. “I’m sorry.”

You hear the sobs of the man as his head is lowered on the chopping block. You want to look away but you remember Taehyun’s words. Always look the man you’re passing the sentence unto in the eye. You owe him that much. 

You stand next to Taehyun, another show of solidarity. You see him cast a sideways glance at you, and you can tell even from that that he’s happy with what you’re doing. But unlike all those times before, you don’t feel proud about it. You don’t feel like you’re proving yourself. You don’t feel strong or confident. You just feel cruel. But you have to stand by him. You’d be risking his life if you don’t.

“Any last words?” Taehyun asks, looking ahead, and you take this opportunity to glance around the room, gleaning how everyone is feeling right now. You see all manner of reactions–some horrified, some vindicated, some confused, some scared, and one looking faint. Wonyoung. Is she going to be okay? You wish Taehyun didn’t include her in this but you know that this is as much for her benefit as anyone. He wants to send her a message that she’s not going to succeed in turning his lords against him because anyone who does will be put to death. Whether that works or just turns his lords more against him is yet to be seen.

“She’s going to be the death of all of you.” Are Jaeyun’s chosen words before Kai swings the axe.  

You’ve never seen a beheading before. Most executions back at the palace are done through hanging, and even those you’ve never attended. Beomgyu would’ve never subjected you to that. It’s not even something you would’ve ever imagined you’d have to see, let alone be the one decreeing it. 

But you do know that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be performed. You’ve heard that the head is supposed to be chopped off in one blow, but because of Kai’s inexperience, the axe doesn’t manage to cut through Jaeyun’s neck the first time, and he has to deliver two more blows, tears springing back to his cheeks as he heaves and his friend’s blood and tissue spatter over him, before the head is finally severed. 

It’s a horrifying scene. You think you’d be kind of used to it because of the frequent hunting trips you took with Taehyun but it’s not the same. To watch someone’s head hanging onto their body by the remaining pieces of flesh from their neck while their own best friend struggles to decapitate them is an experience more horrifying that you could’ve ever imagined. 

Taehyun always made sure that you kill the animals quickly and with minimal suffering. This was neither quick, nor free of suffering–not for Kai, not for Jaeyun, and not for anyone watching it. You can see the look of disgust on their faces, some of them turning away all together. Poor Wonyoung even faints and has to be pulled away by her servants. 

But none is hit as hard as Kai, who rushes to a corner and throws up. You hear him heaving and gagging as you watch Jaeyun’s severed head lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood. You can’t stop staring at it as the room swirls with whispers around you. 

You state into his unblinking eyes, and you imagine you can see a look of blame in them. 

“You did this.” They seem to say. “You killed me.” 

You don't cry. You don’t deserve to cry for him. You just feel cold, so cold. 

This isn’t what you wanted at all. You never meant to hurt anyone. But you know that this is just the beginning of the bloodshed. 

Now it’s Kai. Will it be you next? 

Will Taehyun one day force you to kill someone you love too? Will he make you kill Beomgyu? Or will your head be on the chopping block instead?

__________________________

As you’re walked back to your room by your guards, you can’t see the floor or the walls, you can’t hear your footsteps, you can’t smell the sea breeze. All you can see is Jaeyun’s butchered body. All you can hear are the hacking sounds of the axe. All you can smell is blood. 

Is Taehyun really that heartless? Beomgyu killed his father and brother too but he didn’t force Wonyoung to kill them. And he did it to protect her. He did it to get you back. Taehyun did it to send a message. He made his brother do it and he made you all watch. 

And if Taehyun is just as bloody as Beomgyu, then what’s the point of you being here?

You’re sitting on your bed when Taehyun comes into the room–the maids must’ve put you there. He doesn’t say anything to you, just starts changing, unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it off before he unlaces his boots and takes them off too. His pants are the last to go before he grabs a pair of sleep pants and puts them on. 

You just watch him in silence until he speaks up. 

“You’re still wearing your dress? Aren’t you going to change before bed?” 

Bed? But it’s still—

Oh. It’s night, you realize as you gaze out the window. You must’ve been sitting here all day. 

You look down to the dress you’re wearing, and jump when you see specks of blood on its loathsome beige color. They were barely there, having already turned brown with time, but they make you nauseous still.  

You start heaving at the sight, visions of Jaeyun’s blood spurting from the deep gashes in his neck flashing across your vision, and try to tear the dress off, but you’re so frantic you can’t undo it correctly. 

Seeing your struggle, Taehyun rushes to you, “Here, let me–”

“Don’t touch me!” You shout at him. Taehyun jumps back right away, frozen, and watches you paw at the knots holding your dress together until, at length, you manage to get it off, letting it fall on the floor. Once you’re naked, you slowly calm down again, wrapping your hands around yourself to shield yourself from his eyes and the cold breeze. 

Taehyun silently goes to your wardrobe as you stand there shaking, and pulls out a nightgown. He hands it to you, making sure not to touch you. 

Once you slip it on, he speaks up. “I did what I had to do.” 

“That’s what he said too.” 

“Stop fucking comparing me to him!” He demands agitatedly, fully knocking you out of your stupor. “What was I supposed to do? Let him live and undermine myself? Show the rest of the lords that I’m not only risking war but that I’m a spineless ruler who just pardons traitors?” 

“You didn’t have to pardon him.” You say quietly, but gain strength as you go on. “You could’ve stripped him of his titles and lands and exiled him. That would’ve scared your lords enough.” 

“Not enough. You didn’t hear them.” He sighs heavily, “And didn’t you stand by my ruling?” 

"I only did it so your men wouldn’t think we’re a divided front. I didn’t want them to see any more weakness in you, but if you think I agree with the butchery you orchestrated out there then you’re sorely mistaken.” You say scathingly.

"So just because he's a lord means he gets to live while the other men who helped him get executed? How is that fair?" 

"It's not fair!” You shriek, frustrated. “But life is not fair and you have to stop being so dense about it. Can’t you see that you’re only sabotaging yourself by being stubborn? Beomgyu will win if you don't wisen up. You might get killed. Even Kai might get killed! I know you don’t care about my feelings, but don’t you care about his?"

“His feelings are what got us into this in the first place.” Taehyun spits out, “He let Jaeyun escape. He spread that rumor about you. He is fighting to make me give you up. How can that not upset you?” 

“Of course it upset me.” You take in a shuddering breath, that particular wound he’s prodding at still open and tender. “But I would never have forced him to do something this heinous. It was cruel and inhumane to Kai, to Jaeyun! Kai didn’t even know how to do it. If you can gather up enough sympathy for an animal so as to give it a merciful death, couldn’t you have done the same for someone you once considered your friend? For your brother?” You ask him in disbelief, “For yourself? Those lords will now think that if they stay by you, they’ll end up with their heads chopped off too. You need to listen to me–” 

“Why? Because you know so well how to rule, right?” He mocks cruelly, his steely eyes piercing into you. “The only experience you have with ruling is being that bastard’s plaything while he stands on the side of actual rulers. I, on the other hand, am a real lord. You think I need you? I’ve been handling my own people just fine before you came along.”

His words dig deep at you and you press your lips together to keep them from wobbling. You were more than familiar with Taehyun’s harsh manner by now but he has never made you feel like you’re below him before this moment.  “I didn’t say–”

“Don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.” His words may have sounded sweet if it weren’t for the way he hurled them at you. He’s not pleading with you to stop crying in the apologetic way Beomgyu does when he says that. No, he says them spitefully, scornfully, hammering home how lowly he thinks of you. “Can’t we have one discussion without you dissolving into tears?”   

“Can’t you act like a fucking compassionate human being for one second?” You counter.

“If you don’t like who I am then why did you choose me?” 

“Because I didn’t know you’d turn out to be this way.” You blurt out, laying out all your true feelings because what’s the point of holding them back anymore? It’s not like you have any dignity left to preserve. “They all told me how cruel you are but I didn’t want to believe them because–stupid me–I thought they misunderstood you. I thought they were just saying that because of Beomgyu, and that you’ll turn out to be a sweet prince underneath the beast just like in my fairytale books. I wanted so desperately to believe that because for the first time in my life, someone other than Beomgyu actually looked at me, and I couldn’t bear the thought that underneath the savage exterior, I would still only find a beast. Because what would that say about me? That the only two men who ever showed any interest in me are both monsters?” 

Taehyun stays quiet, his face not letting on anything he’s feeling, if he’s even feeling anything at all. You wipe your tears away as you catch your breath, they’re good for nothing anyway. “If you want to continue this war, then you can do it without me. You don’t need me anyway, right? And if I have to choose between two monsters, I choose Beomgyu.” 

You expect him to get angry–to call you a coward, a traitor, weak… all kinds of names to express his anger and disappointment at you for “giving up”. Maybe he wouldn’t even let you go because you’re his wife now. You belong to him and he’s not going to let you let Beomgyu prevail. But his actual response leaves you baffled.

"That's not what you’re supposed to say." He says in a small voice, so unlike him, and you look at him in confusion, his words sounding familiar for some reason. “What?” 

"You’re supposed to say you chose me because you liked me.” He starts and, again, you’re perplexed by what he’s trying to say. “You’re supposed to say it’s because you thought I was different from him, that you saw something in me. Or is it only me that is supposed to care?”

Realization slowly dawns on you. He’s using your own words against you. 

“You go on and on about how I don’t show you affection but I have been all this time!” He exclaims, advancing on you. “I did so much for you but you don’t even see it. I’m changing for you. I’m going against my brother for you. I’m risking my entire city for you. What have you done for me?” 

You gasp, affronted. “I left my life at the palace for you. I gave everything up. I slaughtered fucking animals. I condemned a man to death. I–”

“No, you did all of that for you.” He sneers, “You just admitted it. You came here because you wanted to believe that you could be more than they made you out to be. You wanted me for my power and influence.” 

“So what?” You whimper sourly, feeling exposed. “Is it so wrong not to want to be just the whore anymore?”

“No, but don’t pretend like it was ever about me. Any other man would’ve done it for you." 

“That’s not true.” You shake your head vehemently, your budding tears flying off your lashes. 

"You know what you said when the princess first came?” He smiles sardonically, “You said you can’t go back because it would create a scandal. You never said you wanted to stay for me.”

Your face falls as you recall your words, finally realizing the full meaning behind his agitation that day. “T–Taehyun I… I didn’t mean t-that. I was just–” You blubber, your sentences getting cut off by your pathetic, self-pitying sniffles. How could you have been so blind? You had been so preoccupied with your own feelings that day–your shock at seeing the princess, your homesickness, your longing for Beomgyu, your estrangement from Taehyun… You only saw yourself and your actions for how they relate to you, you didn’t consider that Taehyun might see those same actions and be hurt by them. It sounds ridiculous but you truly were unconscious to any of it, and isn’t that worse? 

“You say I don’t care but from day one, you’re the one who showed me that you didn’t care. You don’t even notice how much you hurt me. You never even stop to think how your actions would affect me. You think it’s easy being with someone who is still in love with their past lover? To hear you whisper his name every night? To see you parade the gifts he bought you in my own home? To see plainly that you didn’t actually want to marry me or have a child with me?”

No, you didn’t think of it at all. 

But he also never let on how any of it was affecting him. He was always so cold and distant, and when you’d try to express the slightest affection towards him, he would rebuff you more often than not. How were you to know what he was thinking or feeling? He always treated your own feelings as if they were an inconvenience so how could you have known that he felt anything other than annoyance towards your actions?

“I didn’t think you cared.” You admit quietly. “You were always so closed off so how would I have known? Hell, when I said I loved you, you just stood there and stared at me! I tried to reach out but you’d always end up pushing me away. If you cared, why didn’t you show it?” 

“But I did!” He protests, “I tried to be gentler. I tried to show more affection. These things just don’t come easy to me so I tried to show them in my own way. You think if anyone else dared to question my commands as often as you do, I would’ve just let them? You think I would change my entire way of ruling for just anyone?”

“That’s really romantic–” You scoff, rolling your eyes, but he cuts you off heatedly, “You think I would give just any woman my mother’s wedding dress?” 

That gives you pause, and he sighs, exasperated. He looks like he doesn’t want to say more, like it physically pains him to get the words out, but he does.

“That dress is the only thing I have left of my mother. It’s my single most treasured possession. I’m not a sentimental kind of man, but I’ve kept that dress for years because it’s the only thing that connects me to her. I never let anyone even touch it before… It’s also the only nice thing I own and I know how much these things mean to you. And I wanted you to feel beautiful on your wedding day.” 

The flood of tears on your cheeks slowly trickles into sporadic drops as you take in what he’s saying. You haven’t even given that dress much thought beyond the morbid knowledge that it belonged to a dead woman. You hadn’t considered how much it means to him or why he had given it to you. Truthfully, you had just assumed that he didn’t care and that’s why he gave you an old dress that belonged to his dead mother instead of making you a new one. 

“But–why didn’t you say so?” You ask helplessly, desperately hoping he’d give you an explanation that would make sense of his elusive ways. Why did he have to make it so hard? “If that’s how you feel then why couldn’t you have just told me instead of treating me so dreadfully and hoping I’d figure it out somehow? Why couldn’t you just be honest with me? Why do you always take one step forward and ten steps back?”

“Because I’m scared!” He shouts, wild eyed, and you clamp up. Once again, he leaves you utterly stunned. Taehyun scared? Of what? You? 

He racks his hand through his hair apprehensively, and takes in a deep breath, looking away from you as he speaks, shame clashing with his strong features, “I’m so fucking scared because of how weak you make me feel–like I’d do anything you want if you just asked me to, and I’ve never been that kind of man before. I looked down on that man! I was always in control, always had my head on straight, but you come here and you turn my life upside down and make me do things I could’ve never even considered before, and I let you because I want you to be happy…and that idea fucking terrifies me more than anything so I–I pull back or lash out because you made me feel all those things…. You make me feel and that scares the shit out of me.” He looks at you helplessly, like he’s lost at sea and only you can guide him back to shore. “And it’s all the worse because I know you’re not happy. It’s not me you want. This isn’t where you want to be. I can reach into my chest and pull my own heart out and give it to you and you still wouldn’t be happy.”

His words leave you breathless. This is the first time you’ve seen how much you got to him. You always thought he just didn’t care. You never, in a million years, thought that you could ever actually hurt him, and with it comes an immense sense of guilt because is he wrong? Will you ever be happy here? Is it him that you want? 

“You know what the fucked up thing is?” He asks, finally looking at you, “This is exactly why I chose you.”

“What?” You frown, yet again not understanding what he’s getting at. You always knew that he kept his thoughts and feelings to himself but you never, before today, realized just how much of a stranger he is to you. This man is your husband and yet there is so much you don’t know about him.

“I wanted someone who would never love me.���

“But that doesn’t make any sense.” You shake your head in denial, “Why would anyone want that?”

How could that be true? You’ve spent your entire life chasing after love. Your life is consumed by it. You can’t fathom someone purposely sabotaging themselves so they wouldn’t get it. 

“Because I didn’t think I deserved love.” He says simply, a small smile on his face that makes your heart break. “If I did then god wouldn’t have taken my mother away from me and left me with him.” 

“Don’t say that!” You protest heatedly, your feet carrying you to him and you grab onto his shoulders, shaking him. “Your father is the one who killed your mother. You had nothing to do with it.” 

“But she died because of me. My father killed her during one of their fights over me.” He reveals defeatedly, like he actually believes it. “He killed her right in front of me and he held my head and made me look at her so I would see what I’ve done.” 

Is that… is that why Taehyun insists on looking the people he condemns to death in the eyes? 

Taehyun doesn’t shed any tears, you suspect they’ve been beaten out of him long ago, but you can plainly see the distraught on his face and you pull him towards you, letting him wrap his arms around you and rest his head upon your shoulder. 

You stand there for a long time, giving him the space to grief while you run your hands soothingly along his spine and whisper reassurances to him. Maybe your words will mean nothing compared to what he’s been telling himself for years, but you’ll be damned if you don't try. No one deserves what he went through. He was just a kid and he was made to go through so much misery because of that despicable man. You can’t imagine what the weight of believing you’re the reason your own mother died could do to a child. Now you understand more clearly why Taehyun is the way he is. 

“It’s not your fault, Taehyun. You had nothing to do with it. That devil is the one who killed her. She loved you very much and he wanted to take that away from you, but he can’t. He can’t take your mother’s love from you or anyone’s. You deserve to be loved.” You go on and on, gently trying to console him and he lets you, holding onto you tightly all the while, and only pulling back when you tell him that you love him. 

“I know that you love him too.” He says and you open your mouth to protest, but he hushes you. “And I won’t lie and say that that doesn’t hurt, but I knew what I was getting into when I chose you. I knew you loved someone else and I never thought that you’d ever love me so I can’t turn around and blame you for it now. But that didn't stop me from foolishly trying to gain your love anyway. And when you told me that you loved me… I wanted to be a man deserving of your love. I wanted you to choose me.” 

“I want you to choose me.” He props your chin up with his finger. You look into his stormy eyes and it’s like he’s finally allowing you to see all the turmoil inside–all the fear, uncertainty, anger, affection…

But when he leans in, seeking to capture your mouth with his, you put your hand to his chest to keep him at bay, and the hurt he regards you with is strong enough to rip you apart. You realize that Taehyun, whether he knows it consciously or not, is depending on you to prove to him that he is worthy of love. Maybe he thinks if you chose him over Beomgyu then that would prove his father wrong, and while you do love him, that’s an unfair burden to put on you. You love him but he can’t depend on you to fix a lifelong complex that you weren’t even part of.

“I love you Taehyun.” You repeat emphatically, “I’m sorry that I hurt you and I’m sorry and that I was too selfish to even see it, and I’m sorry for how the world has been treating you. You don’t deserve what happened to you, but none of that excuses what you did today. You don’t get to treat people cruelly just because you’ve had the same happen to you.” 

He lets out a pained sigh, his hand dropping from your face. “I know. It’s just… they were pressuring me.” 

"Who?"

"The other lords, the half that is supposed to be loyal to me.” He holds his head down like he has failed. “They kept telling me that you’re controlling me. That I've gone soft because of you…" 

Your face falls as you realize where this is going. You’ve been working so hard to help him gain the favor of the men who opposed him, that you didn’t even realize how that might turn the others who were more comfortable with his way of governance against him. 

"I've already lost half my court because of the rumor and now the others were turning on me. I had to keep you away to show them that I wasn't doing it for you. To protect you. But I was also doing it for myself. I hated myself for how much I was letting you change me and I hated you for making me. I needed to do something on my own. To prove to myself and to them that I wasn't just following you."

Taehyun looks at you with fear and despair in his eyes. You’re not used to such emotions from him. In this moment, he looks nothing like the strong and even cruel warlord everyone knows, and more like a scared young man who has been forced to take on much more than anyone could handle from such a young age. He had to grow up too fast, to toughen up, so he could survive his father and protect his brother and his people. He was taught that he was unlovable and that love itself was a sign of weakness that had to be beaten out of him, that showing any hint of emotion is a chink in his armor that others could use in order to stab him where he’s weak. 

So of course when he found himself softening, as his lords described, he freaked out and had to pull himself together. It all makes sense now… but still, it doesn’t justify what he’s done. 

“Then you didn’t have to make Kai do it. You could’ve just executed him discreetly like his accomplices and not made your brother have to face such a gruesome scene. You of all people should know that." The last part makes him flinch, but you needed to say it. You needed him to realize that what he did wasn’t much different from what his father had done to him. You need him not to become his father. 

“I know…” He holds his head in his hands shamefully, “But I was mad at him, for not having my back, for making me choose between my wife and my brother. I know I fucked up but he should’ve had my back, damn it!”

“He just wants to protect you.” You say gently, “You’re his only family.” 

“That’s selfish.” 

“Maybe it is, But is it not also selfish to insist on keeping me around even though it’s risking the lives of everyone else? To put the little people you’d sworn to protect lives in danger because of one woman?” 

“You know I would do it for anyone.” He says and you smile sadly, but then he grabs you in his arms, pulling you close to him, and continues, “But you’re not just any woman. You’re my wife. My family.” 

You know he means it. You really are his family. You see that now. 

But you can’t accept it. He has a lot of feelings for you, even if he can’t label them in a way that would satisfy you, and those feelings are causing him to latch onto you and refuse to let you go, even if it meant that everyone else would get hurt because of it. So you have to be the pragmatic one here and do what would be best for everyone else. It’s only fitting that you have to be the one to make the sacrifice since you’re the one who put everyone in danger in the first place. 

“I can’t, Taehyun. If you can’t let me go for your people then I’ll be the one to go.” You try to push him away again but he holds onto you. “Taehyun, let me go. You can’t fight this war. It was a stupid idea to begin with but now that your entire court has turned against you, your chances of holding him off are nonexistent. If you try to go to war with him, your lords might turn against you and kill you themselves.”

But Taehyun shakes his head. “What I have done may have been gruesome but I know it satisfied those loyal to me and got them back on my side. It proved to them that I’m still the man they had sworn their fealty to. And if I do some damage control, I can show the rest that this need not happen to them if they just remain faithful, and in exchange for their loyalty, I could offer them even more privileges.” 

“That may have worked before but now you’d have to give them something huge. What are you going to offer them that Beomgyu can’t double?” You’re highly skeptical but you entertain his idea for a moment, maybe he actually has something up his sleeve. 

But then he speaks and dashes any little hope you had. “I’ll think of something.” 

“We don’t have time.” 

“Just give a little bit more.” He pleads, “I command a huge army and I control the only harbor in the kingdom. The capital depends on this trade route greatly and they can’t even form an effective siege against me since I could get provisions by sea. I know he’s more powerful but I am not an easy opponent and if I get my court back on my side, and if you stand by me, maybe we can gather even more supporters from other cities." 

"But the best case scenario for that would be a full on civil war. It would be a bloodbath that would tear the kingdom apart." You exclaim. You appreciate his staunch intent to protect you, but you’re not worth the loss of life. Your life is not worth more than any of the people who would die for you. 

"It might not have to go that far. He's only threatening us. He hasn't attacked yet. He could be bluffing. We're not the only ones who stand to lose a lot in this after all." 

"It's too much of a gamble, Taehyun. Especially when I know I could stop all of this by just surrendering myself to him." You try to squirm out of his hold, but he clutches onto you. “No, please stay.” 

You freeze, looking at him with wide eyes. This is exactly what you’ve been craving to hear from him all this time. He has finally said it. He’s finally showing you that he wants you. 

“Don’t leave me.” He urges, and you cup his cheeks, staring into his panicked eyes. “Oh, Taehyun. How I have longed to hear you say that.” You pull him to a kiss so passionate it feels like it’s your first. In a way, it is. It’s your first kiss after he showed you just how much he truly wants you. It’s raw and wild, a clash of lips and tongues that leaves you consumed in the wake of it. 

“But–”

“No, no buts.” He protests, trying to kiss you again but you keep him at bay with your hands on his face. You can’t let him kiss you like that again. You’re not sure if you’d have the power to refuse him if he did. “But I can’t. It’s not fair to your people.”

“I don’t care.” He proclaims, but you can see that he’s visibly fighting with himself. “All my life I have been sacrificing what I want for the sake of everyone else, for my people, for Kai, and yet no one is satisfied. Why can’t I do what I want for once?” 

You smile sadly. “Because it’s not you. And even though you want this now, you might hate yourself for it later when you realize how much you’ve lost for me.” You pause for a second, taking a moment to memorize his face, your thumb brushing over his prominent cheekbone. “So if I have to be the one to make this decision for you then–”

"I love you!" He blurts out, stealing the breath from your lungs. You turn to stone in his arms, letting him overtake you and wrap his arms more tightly around you.  

 "What?" You wonder how you have the breath to ask with no air in your lungs, your heart the only organ in your body still working, and it’s going into overdrive. 

"I-I love you?" He repeats unsurely. 

"Is that a question?" You ask in a high pitched voice, and his panic rises. He looks frightened. "I don't know."

"You can't just say that.” You wail, hitting his chest with your fists angrily, tearfully. “You can't just say you love me just to make me stay." 

Is this how little he thinks of your feelings? To just use them as a way to manipulate you into staying? He really does resemble Beomgyu even if he’s loath to admit it. But at least Beomgyu actually meant it when he said it. 

"I don’t know. I don’t know." He blabbers, distraught, and grabs your wrists to stop you from hitting him, keeping you close to him. You can do nothing but whimper pathetically. "You can't do this to me." 

“I know, I’m sorry. I just… just please let me try. If I can’t protect you and my city then you can go.” He pleads, looking into your eyes to try to convince you–the choppy gray of his irises is not calm, but it doesn’t look so dangerous right now. It pulls you in and pushes you around, but it doesn’t swallow you down. It just forces you to feel his turmoil, forces you to feel his pain, and soon you’re too tired to keep fighting it. 

“I don’t think I can hold Wonyoung off for long so you better figure it out soon.” You say and he smiles widely. Well, as widely as the circumstances allow, and it diminishes even more when you continue, “And I want you to make it right with Kai."

He lets your wrists go in lieu of holding you at the waist. “He’s not going to accept any apologies from me unless it’s accompanied by sending you away.” 

“I know but he still needs to hear it.” 

“Okay, I will talk to him in the morning.” He sighs and leans down to kiss you but you turn your head to the side so he ends up just landing a peck on your cheek. “Let’s go to bed. We’ve had a long week.” 

You let him lead you to bed, pulling the covers up for you then draping them over you before going to lie down on his own side of the bed. 

You force your eyes closed, hoping to actually get some sleep despite the storm of emotions flooding your body. 

Of course, it doesn’t work. You’re anxious and cold and you feel like you’re being watched. Opening your eyes, you see Taehyun staring at you. 

“You’re staring.” You say simply.

“Aren’t you cold?” He asks tentatively. You may not have noticed it before but, after your previous discussion, you know that this is his way of asking you if you want to cuddle. 

You sigh and move closer to him, wrapping your arms around him and he does the same. Maybe you’re a bigger idiot than he is. 

“Thank you.” He says, burying his nose in your hair and you hum, resting your cheek over his shoulder and basking in his solid warmth. You didn’t know how much you needed this in order to calm down until he calls your name and you realize you had almost fallen asleep. 

“Yeah?” You answer softly. 

"Do you remember us meeting as kids?"

You frown. "You mean when we played a prank on your father?"

"No. After that. I visited again after."

You pull your head up to look at him in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I visited the palace another time after that.” He recounts, “I immediately sought you and the prince out to see what kind of trouble you were getting up to this time, and I found you playing at the lake, splashing each other with the dirty water, not caring how you’re ruining your expensive clothes with your merriment." 

You remember that, or rather you remember the countless times you and Beomgyu played or swam in that lake. They were blissful days, so full of joy and contentment. The warmth of the memory is in direct contrast to the chill of the castle around you and it drives you to seek the heat of Taehyun’s body. You pull yourself tighter against him, but you’re already almost flushed together, and yet this pales in comparison to your memories of being surrounded by Beomgyu’s scalding heat. 

You don’t know if Taehyun notices the small, involuntary frown on your face or if he knows the reason behind it, but he doesn’t comment on it, and he continues, “I watched you two from the shadows for a while, marveling at how you two were allowed to just be children, how much joy you took in each other’s company. You were there, all by yourselves, playing in that lake and you looked the happiest anyone can be.” 

You really were. You’d give anything to go back to those days when it was just you and Beomgyu and no one else. When nothing else mattered but you. You feel so wrong thinking it when you were in the arms of your husband and Beomgyu was probably in his own spouse’s bed, but it’s true. Will you ever be as happy as you were back then again? 

“I wanted that.” Taehyun says, jostling you out of your forlorn inquiry. “My father never allowed me to run around or play with other children. I never got to get my clothes dirty or play pranks or mess up like any other kid, and I wanted to be a child too for once. So I walked out of the shadows towards you. You were the first one to notice me. You stopped playing and looked at me with a sort of fear, but you still looked so cute, like a mischievous chubby-cheeked little cherub who was caught messing around.” 

You flush at the fond way he looks at you. “I must've been scared you’d rat us out. Which is stupid now that I think of it because everyone must’ve known that Beomgyu and I played together. Why else would my dress be drenched in muddy lake water at the exact same time his clothes were.” You snort, just now realizing how foolish you’d been. But then again, you were just children. 

“Well, after you stopped, so did her, and that’s when he saw me. He pulled you behind him and asked me what I wanted while he gave me his meanest look.” He laughs and you smile. The idea of little Beomgyu glaring down little Taehyun was oddly endearing. “That’s when I asked if I could join. You’d both look surprised at that, like you didn’t know what to say, but then you smiled and said sure but that I must keep it a secret.” 

You laugh at that. “So you actually played with us?”

“I did. And it was pretty fun too. I don’t want to brag but I was definitely beating the both of you. You losers were swallowing lake water by the bucketful because of me.” He taunts and you smile at him fondly. 

“Man, I wish I could remember that. The image of little you wading around the lake and splashing us with water is just too precious.” You giggle, “That must’ve been a lot of fun. Beomgyu usually let me win so that would’ve been a nice change of pace.” 

“It was… until you said something that upset him.” He says and you look at him in shock. “Me?” 

“Yeah. Apparently I was smiling a lot and you made a passing comment about how I had a pretty smile and cute dimples. It made me want to give you all of my smiles just so you’d be happy.” He explains and you blush. “But it didn’t go along well with Beomgyu. I didn’t understand it fully but I could tell even back then that he didn’t like that because, immediately after, he started acting really rudely towards me, and the water fight turned from playful to spiteful. He did all he could to show me that I wasn’t welcome, to get me to leave. But I refused to give in. I was welcomed by someone for the first time in my life. I wasn’t going to let him take it away from me so I fought back. It quickly soured after that and we started wrestling in the water and trying to push each other down until you had to intervene and put a stop to it.”

“Oh my god.” You breathe. You didn’t realize things were this way even back then. "How come I don’t remember all of that?"

"Because you only ever saw him." He says wistfully, “Even back then, you took his side and told me to leave.” 

“I’m sorry, Taehyun.” You apologize meekly. “I didn’t know, and he was my only friend.” 

“I understand, but you know now, and I hope you choose differently this time.” He says, looking you in the eyes. 

“Taehyun, I–”

“You know I never forgot you? I looked for you at the archery tournaments when Beomgyu would compete. I wanted to see the cute chubby-cheeked angel who welcomed me back then if even for a moment. But you were never there.” 

Your heart flutters at the sweet nickname. Maybe it’s because you’re starved for his affection, but every little sweet thing he says or does hits you ten times harder. 

“Yeah. Beomgyu never let me tag along.” You tell him glumly, “I guess now I know why.” 

Beomgyu had always told you those tournaments were no place for ladies and he always scheduled a day of pampering and relaxation for you back at the palace so you wouldn’t miss him too much, but it never really made that much sense to you when his mother and sister were allowed to attend. He would tell you that they had to because they’re his family and they have to be there to support him, and also because, being the royal family, they had to make appearances in all kinds of events, but you didn’t. 

It didn’t matter that you wanted to go or that you’d heard that those tournaments were really good places to catch the eyes of eligible bachelors, and maybe even receive a rose from one of the competing lords and knights. His answer to that was that the balls held at the palace were an ample opportunity to meet men without having to suffer through the hot, dusty conditions of those tournaments so you really weren’t missing out on anything by not going there. 

Of course now you know that he was just worried that he wouldn’t be able to stop someone from approaching you in a place that wasn’t entirely under his family’s control like the palace. Maybe you would’ve even met Taehyun there. 

“Would you have given me a rose if I was there?” 

“Of course. But you probably wouldn’t have noticed mine from all the roses you would’ve gotten.” He says without a hint of sarcasm but you still scoff and look away, trying to play off your blush. “Yeah, right.”  

“It’s true. There is a reason Beomgyu worked so hard to keep you away from anyone.” He tells you seriously, “But I want you to know that I would never stop you from going anywhere you want.” 

“What if what I want is to go back to him?” 

“Want to or feel like you need to for other people?” He asks pointedly, but you can’t give him an answer. “I don’t know.” 

He opens his mouth as if to say something but then he closes it and looks away. You sigh, moving to pull away. He probably doesn’t want to embrace you now. But to your surprise, he keeps his hold on you, and says without looking at you, “Stay.” 

________________________________

Kai rejects Taehyun’s apology, telling him that he'll only forgive him if he lets you go just like Taehyun said he would. 

Moreover, the court is still in disarray following the spread of Beomgyu’s threats and Jaeyun’s public execution, but again like Taehyun said, half of his court remain loyal to him. But due to the other half being on edge, Taehyun does his best to keep you safe from any more attempts to kidnap you. He has guards around you at all times, but thankfully he doesn’t confine you to your room anymore. 

Wonyoung is not happy about you stalling. She doesn’t understand why you’re still holding onto him, and she’s not shy about letting you know, saying that he has clearly gone off his rocker, that he’s only going to get worse and you’re risking a lot by staying still. And maybe she’s right, maybe you’re making a mistake, but you need to see this through. You owe it to Taehyun after all he’s done for you. 

But it’s certainly no coincidence that mysterious raids have been taking place at the edge of the city since you’ve told her–unknown men descending on the farms and graineries at night and terrorizing the people there, ransaking their homes or burning them completely. 

These raids have caused panic to spread, not only in court but also around the city. Of course the city people didn’t know the true perpetrators of those raids but the terror that was taking hold of people could easily turn them against Taehyun. It has already made the unhappy lords even more agitated. 

You confronted Wonyoung about it, and she readily admits to Beomgyu being behind them. 

“This is just a warning.” Wonyoung had said. “Just a taste of what’s to come if you continue refusing.” 

“Wonyoung, you don’t have to involve innocent people in this.” You had protested, but her response was familiar by now. “I am not. You are. Just come home and it will all be over.” 

You can also clearly see how restless this is making Taehyun, but he tries his best not to take it out on you. He sends troops out to fortify the borders of the city and guard some of the bigger silos, but there is only so much they can do to stop the scattered bands of attackers. 

“I wish I was out there.” Taehyun confides in you, but you can’t be supportive of such risky sentiment. "Are you insane?”

“I just want to scope the scene out. See what I’m dealing with in order to make better decisions on how to protect my people.” He explains to you but you’re not having it for one second. “You think Beomgyu’s men won’t be on the lookout for you? If you go out there, you’ll make it so much easier for him to kill you."

He seems to believe your words but they just make him more agitated. He must feel trapped and helpless which, for someone like Taehyun who is used to doing so much from such a young age, is unbearable. Maybe it even reminds him of the time he was forced to sit by and do nothing regarding his mother’s death. It must bring forward a lot of painful memories, and you get that, but you can’t let him put himself right into Beomgyu’s trap. 

"I can't just sit here and watch my people suffer." He shouts, hitting the table with his fist. 

“Taehyun… you know how to stop it.” You say slowly, and he shoots up from his chair. 

“No! I will figure something out.” He insists, shaking his head roughly. “I just wish I could see what’s happening out there. Just take a quick look….” 

“No.” It’s your turn to put your foot down. “If you go, I won’t be here when you come back.” 

That seems to do the trick, and let out a defeated sigh as he slumps back in his chair, his eyes darting around the room as if he can find the answer to his troubles in it. 

“We do have his sister…” He starts and you give him an uneasy look. You don’t like where this is going.  

“Yeah, so?” 

“She would make a valuable hostage—”

“Absolutely not!” You shut him down. You refuse to let him hurt Wonyoung. “You’re not holding Wonyoung as a hostage.”

“Why not? Need I remind you that she is here to threaten us? It’s well within our rights to hold her in exchange for his retreat.” 

“You’re being crazy right now. Even if that works, he’ll just stop until she goes back to the palace and then he’ll start again. Hell, he could even use this as an excuse to attack us in the first place. He could say that you kidnapped the princess!” You shout at him, hoping to get across how insane his idea is. “Taehyun if you don’t have a plan–”

“I’ll figure something out.” He cuts you off harshly. But when he sees your expression, he softens a bit. “Just give me more time.” 

“Until when?” You press him. He can’t keep putting this off forever when he clearly doesn’t have a plan. 

“Just a little bit more.” He answers vaguely, and you sigh. You don’t have the energy to argue with him right now. 

“Fine.” You yield, “Are you coming to bed?” 

“You go. I need to think.” He waves you off, and you frown. “Taehyun…” 

“What?” He asks but then he notices the hurt look on your face and he gets up, walking around the table towards you and pulling you towards him. 

“I’m sorry I’m leaving you alone once again, but I’ll be there before you wake up, and I promise you once I figure this out, you won’t go to bed alone another night, okay?” He cups your face, his hands engulfing your face, and makes you look at him, his eyes searching your own for any sign of approval and you reluctantly give in. 

“Okay.” 

He gives you a small smile and a kiss on the forehead. “Goodnight, my angel.” 

“Goodnight.” 

_______________________

When you wake up the next day, and Taehyun is not next to you, you immediately feel your stomach knotting up. Yes, you’ve been going to bed alone for a few nights now but usually when you wake up in the morning, you find yourself in his arms. You know it’s likely that he just stayed up in his study all night or he might’ve even fallen asleep there but you still can’t shake off the feeling that something wasn’t right. But you try not to let it take a hold of you as you bathe and then get dressed. It’s probably nothing. He’s probably up by now–he never sleeps much–and you’ll find him already seated at the dining table. 

But when you reach the dining room and still don’t find him there, your worry blooms into full panic. 

Only Kai and Wonyoung are at the table. They seem to be engaged in a… friendly discussion? It was a strange sight to see, but you couldn’t stop to think about it when your mind was overrun with just one thought. 

“Where is Taehyun?” You call out, and Kai turns to you with a frown. 

“How should I know? You’re his wife. You sleep next to him.” He says disparagingly.

“But he didn’t come to bed. He said he would but he didn’t. The last time I saw him was in his study last night.”  You explain, unable to keep the panic from your voice. “I’ll go check.” 

You hurry towards his study, trying not to break into a run. There is no reason for you to be this worried. He’s probably fine and you’re just overreacting. 

Kai follows after you, but since his legs are longer, he quickly outpaces you, and by the time you reach Taehyun’s study, Kai was already coming out of it with a perturbed look on his face  “He’s not here. Where the fuck did he go?” 

“You don’t think…” You ask, wondering if Taehyun decided to go take a look at the city borders after all, and Kai shakes his head. “No, no, he can’t.”

“But–”

“This is all your fucking fault!” Kai screams at you. 

“I told him not to go!” You defend yourself. 

“Oh, you told him? How could he have refused you?” 

“Didn’t you say that he listens to me? See? He doesn’t listen!” You fret, his panic causing yours to rise to new heights. 

Just then, Wonyoung walks in. “You haven’t found him?” 

You whirl around to face her, imploring, “Do you know where he is, Wonnie?” 

“No!” She asserts and throws a glance at Kai. Is she worried he’d hurt her if she says she does? 

Fearing that that’s the case, you lean closer to her so only she could hear. “Please, tell me if you do.”  

She looks you straight in the eyes and repeats clearly, “I don’t know where he is.” 

“Fuck!” You curse, your fingers tangling in your hair as you let the panic take full hold over you. 

“Why don’t you ask the workers?” She speaks up again, trying to calm you down. “Someone is bound to have seen him.” 

“Oh, that’s a great idea, Wonnie!” You turn to the guards who were like a second shadow to you right now and ask them if they’ve heard anything about where Taehyun might be. 

“We’re sorry my lady but we don’t know.” One of them speaks up, answering you. 

And so you run around the castle asking other guards and servants where Taehyun is and if anyone has seen him until you stumble upon a guard that tells you he’d seen Taehyun leaving the castle. 

“Did he tell you where he went?” 

The man looks at you sheepishly. “My lady, Lord Taehyun doesn’t make a habit of informing us of his whereabouts.” 

Of course he doesn’t. What are you going to do now? Your only option was to spread word to every man and woman working in the castle to report to you immediately once Taehyun shows up. Other than that, you can do nothing but spend the day in absolute terror, not knowing where Taehyun is or whether he’s safe. Then that terror morphs into anger as the hours pass by. You told him he shouldn’t go! You told him it’s unsafe. You warned him that if he does, you’ll leave, and he still went. 

Maybe you should make good on your threat. He promised to treat you better. He promised to listen to you and yet, just a few days later, he completely goes against what you’d asked of him. If he’s going to continue disregarding your feelings then you should just go… 

Who are you kidding? You can’t go. You have to make sure he’s alright. You’re only angry because if you let yourself succumb to the fear, you’re going to go out yourself and search for him. 

Fuck, maybe you should. You can’t just stand here anymore. Maybe you should–

Just then, a servant approaches you, stopping your frantic pacing and anxious contemplations. 

“My lady?” She calls out, a careful expression on her face, and you know something is seriously wrong. 

“Lord Taehyun is in the infirmary.” 

_______________________________

"Oh my god." You heave, breathing quickly and erratically, feeling like you can’t take in any air into your lungs at the sight of your husband. 

Taehyun is lying in bed in the infirmary, bloodied and bruised, but most concerningly there was a blood-soaked bandage covering his left eye completely. 

"I’m fine." He holds his hands up, trying to calm you. 

You rush up to him but stop just short of touching him. You don’t want to hurt him so you just stand there next to him, fussing and unsure of what to do. Seeing your condition, Taehyun reaches out and holds your hand, pulling on it to get you to sit down on the edge of the bed. You follow his cue helplessly, holding onto his hand tightly and raking your eyes up and down his body trying to assess the extent of his injuries without touching him. 

“What happened to you?” 

“He refuses to say.” Kai, who was already there, informs you. 

You whip your head towards Taehyun with a reproachful look. “Taehyun!”

“I am not refusing to say.” He retorts, glaring at Kai. “I was attacked by that lunatic’s men.” 

“Oh my god.” You feel faint. Luckily you were already sitting down. So Beomgyu is making good on his threats after all. 

“Yes but you won’t say where you were attacked or what you were doing out of the castle.” Kai comes back. 

“Is that true?” You ask Taehyun, and he gives you a guilty look. You spring to your feet, angry. “Taehyun! You have to tell us what happened! You were at the borders, weren’t you?”

“I wasn’t.” He denies.

“Bullshit!” 

“Kai, I may be injured but I can still beat you up.” 

“If you weren’t there then why won’t you say where you really were?” 

Taehyun’s jaw clenches and he looks away. In doing that, you can only see this side of his face, the side that had his bandaged eye. 

You reach out tentatively to pull it back but Taehyun grabs your hand before you could. “Don’t.”

“Is it gone?” You almost don’t dare to speak it. 

“Yes.” 

“Oh. Oh god.” You wheeze, moving away in horror but he holds onto your hand, keeping you close. “I’m fine, sweetheart.” 

“How could you say you’re fine? Your eye is gone!” You screech out, your voice echoing around the room. This is insane. Things have completely spiraled out of control. 

“But the rest of me is fine. These are all just superficial cuts and bruises.” He gestures to his battered body. 

“Oh well, then that makes it okay.” Your voice trembles as your throat chokes up. He lost his eye because of you. He could’ve died because of you. How is he not taking it more seriously? You know he’s probably just trying to calm you down but how could you? 

“How could this happen?” Kai seethes. 

“I was alone when I was attacked.” 

“And where were you?” You snap, once again letting your terror turn into anger so you won’t collapse. “I told you not to go.” 

“I wasn’t at the border.” He insists. 

"We have to do something." Kai announces with purpose, "He's not going to rest until–"

"Shut your mouth." Taehyun cuts him off harshly, but you finish for him. "Until he gets me back." 

"Angel…"

"It's true.” You tell him helplessly, “Kai is right." 

"No, he’s not.” Taehyun sneers, “You're my wife. I won't hand you to him." He holds onto your hand painfully, but you can’t even feel it. It doesn’t compare to the ache in your heart. You did this to him, and you’re going to keep hurting him if you don’t make him let go. 

Sometimes we have to do the painful thing to protect the ones we love.

"You won't. I'll go on my own." 

"I refuse. I won’t let you give yourself up for me.” 

“So you can risk your life for me but I can't do this to protect you? I told you that if you go fight with the men I'd–" 

"I wasn’t fighting." He denies once again, exasperated. 

"Then what were you doing?" You exclaim in frustration. 

He sighs and turns to Kai. “Leave us."

"Like hell–"

"Go!" He snarls at Kai who gives the both of you a resentful look. But seeing how adamant Taehyun is, he reluctantly leaves, slamming the door loudly after him.

“I was at the docks.” Taehyun reveals slowly, and you give him a confused look. You weren’t expecting that answer. Before you can say anything, he answers your unspoken question. “I was getting you something.”

You watch as he puts his free hand in his pocket and pulls out something. Opening his fist,  he reveals a bloodied pearl necklace. 

You stare at it blankly, not really understanding why he’s showing you this. 

"There was a ship coming in with all kinds of luxurious goods. We don’t really get many of those here. They’re usually imported by the land route so when I heard about this ship, I decided to go down to the docks and buy some items for you. What I didn’t take into account was that he might already have people in the city working for him. Or maybe they followed me from the castle, I don’t know. I underestimated him. Anyway, I was able to fight them off enough to escape so naturally I couldn’t really come back with any of the things I had bought you. I only managed to hold onto this." At that, he shakes the pearls in his hand. 

When you stay silent, he continues, "This was supposed to be more romantic, but it's ruined because it got all bloody.” He explains sheepishly, then adds with a snort, “And because of the eye." 

You turn your gaze to his face, mind still failing to understand. "What…?" 

"You said you liked pretty things." He murmured, "You deserve pretty things."

“You went by yourself to the docks… to buy me jewelry?” You ask slowly, the words not making sense on your tongue. 

“And furs. They also had some really gorgeous furs, and I know you get cold–” 

"You fucking idiot.” You breathe, choking up from the flurry of emotions you were feeling at the absurd situation. “You almost lost your life and scared me half to death so you can get me pretty things?"

"You're crying over me." He observes and you wipe at your tears harshly. “I know. You hate it when I cry.” 

He places the necklace on his lap and grabs your hands, pulling them away from your face. “I hate it when you cry because of me. It’s cute when you’re crying over me.” 

"You're an asshole." You try to hit him but he uses his grip on you to pull you close to kiss you. 

“I hate you.” You mumble against his lips. 

“I don’t believe you.” He retorts, shutting you up with another kiss, and you sigh into it, letting the anxiety seep out of your body bit by bit as your lips move against each other softly. 

“I’m still mad at you.” You say when you pull back, “You lost your eye. This is only getting worse, and you still haven’t figured out–”

“I did.” 

“What?” Your breathing goes shallow.

“I figured out how to stop him. I know how I can raise the stakes.” 

“How?” You gulp, somehow feeling more anxious than ever. “You can’t match what he’s capable of offering your men.”

"I can if I take his." He informs you somberly. 

“And how can you do that?”

“By killing him.” 

You stop breathing completely. 

“It won’t just be for me and you. He’s a deranged criminal. He has killed both his father and his brother. Who knows what else he’ll do? The kingdom won’t be safe with that kind of ruler governing it. We need to kill him and end his corruption.”

“But–how–” You can barely hear yourself speaking. “The people won’t stand by you.” 

“Some will. He will tell his version of the story and I’ll tell mine. His story is convincing but not perfect. It’s already very suspicious that he’s the only male in his family not to get killed. But when you add to that the fact that we got married before his family was attacked then the plan he made for me doesn’t make sense. When you make a public appearance and tell the truth, people may believe you.” He tells you as if that’s a given. As if you could just participate in taking down the man you’ve always loved that easily. As the thought of hurting him doesn’t make you want to die. “I also heard that his wife is locked up in her room at the palace and can’t get in touch with her family. I’m sure her father would like to know that information. If his daughter’s, the queen, life is in danger, don’t you think he’d have a stake in this battle?” 

Think? You can’t think. What he’s saying goes against everything you’ve ever grown up believing. You helping to kill Beomgyu? It would make more sense for him to ask you to turn the tides, to take down the moon, to kill the gods. No, this doesn’t make any sense. 

“I know this is hard for you, angel.” He murmurs, pulling your hand up to his lips and kissing the back of it softly. 

No, you don’t know. You don’t know anything. 

“But this is the best for everyone, but you can do it. I know my angel is not only strong but she has a big and kind heart. You know that if he stays alive, he will never stop. Even if you go back to him, do you think he would actually spare me? He wants to own you and he can’t do that when you’re married to me. He will have to get rid of me.” 

“But he promised…” You whisper. 

“Can you look me in the eye and honestly tell me that you believe him?”

“I have to.” You croak but Taehyun shakes his head. “You don’t have to do anything. It’s all up to you. The question is, what do you want to do?” He looks at you so intensely that you can’t bear the glare of it. It’s too much. You can’t think. You want to do the right thing but what if you choose wrong? It’s bad enough that you have to choose between the two men that you love, between your soulmate and your husband, but to have people’s lives be put on line because of that decision? It’s too much. 

Unable to face him, you turn your back to him and pull your hair up. “Put the necklace on me.” 

“But it’s all bloody.” You can hear the confusion in his voice. 

“It’s a gift from you.” You crane your head to smile at him. “It comes with the territory.”

He huffs out a laugh and scoots closer to place the necklace around your neck, clasping it from behind. When he’s done, you let your hair down and turn towards him again. 

“How do I look?” You ask, one of your hands going up to thumb at the reddened necklace. 

“Devastatingly beautiful.” 

________________________________________

A/N: only two more chapters to go 😭 who do you think oc will choose? 

i hope you guys savor this chapter because i gotta focus on my real life for a bit before next chapter 

#txt smut #tomorrow by together smut

[enigmatist17]

I still am seething Voyager's ending didn't at least show the crew seeing Earth again >:(

----

Lt. Reginald Barclay was one of the first to board the newly returned Voyager. He's one of the very few right now, the crew and ship still under quarantine to prevent any spread of foreign diseases that the crew had long been accustomed to. Barclay isn't a fan of the decon suit he has to wear, but is willing to overlook it because he can't wait to meet the crew for the first time.

Captain Janeway is the first one to greet him, her smile blinding as she watches the lieutenant exit the shuttle he'd arrived in with a box and enter a temporary hazmat area to prevent anything from slipping out into the shuttles that dropped by most days with supplies or medical officers. Her handshake is firm when he reaches out with a nervous smile, and Barclay can see she's happy for a fresh face.

"It is very nice to finally meet you Lieutenant."

"Likewise C-Captain." He reaches into the hovering large container he's brought with him, and pulls out a thermos. "Fresh coffee, I heard you're a fan."

She laughs, and accepts the thermos as if it's the most important thing she's ever held.

"I've been cleared to bring, to bring gifts for everyone from family and friends." Barclay declines to bring up how he basically had to guilt trip half of the upper command for this to happen, but it's of little consequence. "It's not much, but I thought you'd a-appreciate it."

"These will go a long way to boosting morale." Janeway motions for Barclay to come follow. "I will admit, the crew are eager to go home and breathe in fresh air."

"I asked around, a-and medical will probably clear you all within the next month." The halls at first are empty, and Barclay can see the wear and tear from seven years without proper upkeep, honestly astonished the ship had been able to remain in one piece over all that time. "How you came home, in one piece? It's astonishing, utterly astonishing."

"You and I both, it's nothing short of a miracle...or seven." He can hear a faint whisp of regret behind her words, and just offers a small smile as they head towards what he assumed was the bridge.

Instead, they emerge into the dining hall, where what had to be the entire crew was waiting for him.

"Everyone, may I introduce Lt. Barclay." The cheers that rang out nearly deafened her introduction, and crew Reginald had only seen in reports and his holograms for testing were just...there, smiling at him.

"Nice to meet someone not trying to take even more blood," Harry spoke first, shaking Barclay's outstretched hand fiercely.

"Don't hog all the attention." Paris nudged his friend's side, eyeing the container. "What's in there?"

"Uh, I-I brought gifts." Reginald smiled, and has to take a step back when everyone surged forward before Janeway and her SIC Chakotay stopped them with a sharp whistle.

"Sorry, we're just excited!" Little Naomi grinned from her perch on top of a table, her mother supporting her as she wanted to see a new person with her own eyes.

She was much more adorable in person.

The next two hours were spent with Reginald distributing things he'd been given, the crew spreading out over the floor and tables to show off their gifts and to talk about those they missed. Laughter filled the air as Barclay spoke about how he'd threatened his career for the first time they had spoken, and he was taken aback to find he'd been made an honorary crew member after the fact.

It's late when the crew, sated and overjoyed when they find out he'd be returning, finally disperse for the evening. He can still see they're all wired to be on alert, a few whispering to those who probably had been night shift for so long to go and rest with them when they turned to head to stations.

"I think you've given the crew their biggest morale boost since they arrived home, if I may say so." The Doctor hummed, holding a small retro camera that Zimmerman had sent him. "They were all excited to meet you."

"I'm nothing special." Barclay shrugged, a bit sheepish at the notion.

"He's right, the moment we all heard your voice for the first time, everyone was smiling for days." The captain smiled, remembering it was one of the happiest she'd ever seen her crew at the time. "You're brilliant, and if anyone says otherwise, tell them Captain Janeway wants to speak with them."

"Yes ma'am." Barclay gave a short salute, finally standing from the seat he'd been given what felt like ages ago. "That's it for me, I-I've got to get back before I end up a pincushion myself."

"When do you think you can visit next?" The Doctor asked, he and the captain escorting Barclay back to the shuttle bay, the crew they walk past all waving or wishing the man a goodnight.

"Hm? Well, in a day or two." Barclay hummed, mentally running through his calendar. "There are more things meant for you and the crew, but once it's all clear, they're yours!"

"That's wonderful news." Janeway pats his shoulder with a hum, and soon they're back to the pick-up zone for Barclay. "Do you want to leave the container here?"

"Might as well, I'm not sure how much I'm bringing next time." Like clockwork, the shuttle that dropped him off is soon within view, and Barclay steps into the decontamination zone with a small wave. "I-It's been nice meeting you all...well, finally, anyways."

"The same to you." The Doctor gave a short nod, and Janeway did the same.

"You're welcome back anytime Lieutenant, you're as much crew as anyways else here."

Reginald smiles, the warm feeling from the acceptance of people he'd never truly met something of a wonder for someone like him.

He already can't wait for the next visit.

#personal #star trek #star trek voyager #reginald barclay #captain janeway #the doctor voyager #chakotay #tom paris #harry kim #naomi wildman #I am in your walls show #I wanted to see them at hoooome

[phillippadgettwrites]

Blackout

Rated X / 3724 words / Posted on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

When the power cuts out, they’re sitting on the floor in her living room with a fully loaded Monopoly board on the coffee table between them, plus two open beers. The wind has been howling for hours, sideways rain pelting the windows with each mighty gust, but they hadn’t had the forethought to prepare flashlights or candles.

The evening so far feels a bit like a date, at least compared to how they typically spend their time together. Mulder hadn’t even used the excuse of some exciting new case or research to invite himself over, he just asked if she wanted to hang out. Most people would have evenings like this before getting to the point of sleeping together, but they aren’t most people. And while it only happened the one time, they’ve been working their way back to that point in a more typical fashion, including a few hot and heavy makeout sessions. She had hoped that might be the direction they were headed this evening, but when her apartment goes dark she turns her focus to more pressing issues.

It’s well after 10:00pm, and with the moon obscured by heavy rain clouds and not a drop of ambient light, they both slowly stand and carefully make their way towards the kitchen.

“There’s a flashlight in the drawer to the left of the oven,” she tells him, moving her hands in an arc in front of her and sweeping her feet back and forth before each step to avoid tripping. “And there are some candles and matches in the bathroom.”

She heads toward the bathroom, operating off her mental map of her apartment to guide her way, and she’s so caught off guard when Mulder crashes into her from the side that she falls without any attempt to catch herself. Her shoulder hits the hardwood and within milliseconds Mulder’s weight is on top of her, squeezing the air from her lungs.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he sputters, rolling to the side and pawing her all over as he tries to figure out how her body is oriented. She turns onto her back and his palm lands squarely on her breast, giving it a squeeze before he snatches it away and adds another, much more contrite, “Sorry,” to his extended apology.

Scully laughs, though she’s probably going to have a bruise on her shoulder tomorrow.

“It’s okay,” she reassures him as she sits up.

“Do you want to feel my breast? Even the score?” he asks, and she knows that the joke is his way of managing his embarrassment.

“Maybe later,” she says, then slowly gets to her feet.

They find the flashlight, as well as the candles, all of which have mere inches of wick left at most. They light one and attempt to resume their game, but the strain on their eyes makes them decide not to light another when the flame flickers and dies out.

“How new are these batteries?” Mulder asks, and she hears the rattle of him shaking the flashlight.

“I’m not sure, I haven’t used it in a while,” she tells him, and he sighs.

“I’d be lying if I claimed I wasn’t judging you for your lack of preparedness, Scully,” he says in a lecturing tone.

“You don’t have toilet paper at your apartment half the time, Mulder,” she shoots back.

“Touché.”

They decide not to use the flashlight save for lighting their way to the bathroom, or to sneak another beer from the fridge. Mulder suggests heading home, but Scully suspects that it’s nothing more than an attempt to be sure he isn’t overstaying his welcome, and she insists that it would be unsafe for him to drive across town with all the traffic signals out and low visibility.

“Are you cold?” she asks as she pulls the blanket off the back of the couch to cover herself. Based on the sound of his voice, Mulder is still sitting on the floor across the coffee table.

“Nope, I’m good,” he says.

They talk about other power outages they’ve experienced, comparing notes to determine that three days is the longest either of them have gone without. Scully tells Mulder about an occasion where Ahab made them eat all the ice cream in the fridge so it wouldn’t go to waste, and then Maggie had to clean the bathroom in the dark with no hot water after Charlie gave himself a stomach ache and didn’t quite make it to the toilet.

“It really makes you think about how dependent we are on electricity, doesn’t it?” Mulder remarks. “I don’t think I could accomplish three-quarters of the things I do in an average day without it.”

“True, but you have to consider the fact that we’re only so dependent on it because we’ve built modern life around it,” Scully says, stretching out on the couch. “You could accomplish many, if not most, of the things you do in an average day without it—you’d just have to accomplish them in a different way.”

“Indoor plumbing doesn’t require electricity,” he says. “I could heat water over an open fire to make my coffee. Use a straight razor to shave. I think I could get as far as needing to drive before things would get tricky.”

“Work itself would be practically impossible,” Scully says. “Without phone or email, I’m not sure we could do anything at all.”

They’re quiet for a bit, and the complete lack of mechanical hum in the building makes the intermittent rumble of car engines and the spray of the rain sound like thunder.

“It’s wild to think about how much time and energy used to go towards just trying to survive,” Mulder says suddenly, startling her.

“The four F’s of evolution,” Scully replies, sitting up a little only to realize how much the beer has gone to her head. “Fight, flee, feed, and fornicate. We’ve always had the same needs, we just meet them in different ways depending on the resources available to us.”

“Clubs, swords, muskets, atom bombs,” Mulder lists off.

“Feet, horses, cars, airplanes,” Scully continues.

“Hunt and gather, farm, supermarket, McDonald’s,” he adds.

There’s an awkward silence when the fourth “F” hangs in the air.

“I suppose the last “F” is the only one that hasn’t changed much,” she finally says, feeling silly for feeling embarrassed.

“I don’t know, there have been quite a few modern advancements,” Mulder offers, and she hears in his voice that he’s changing position. She imagines him lying on his side, his head propped up on a fist. “Where would feminism be if not for the advent of the Hitachi Magic Wand?”

Her cheeks flush, and she’s grateful for the cover of darkness. It makes it all feel pretend somehow, like they’re talking on the phone. Like he isn’t sitting just a few feet away from her.

“I didn’t realize you were so knowledgeable about vibrators, Mulder,” she teases.

“Eh, I read a lot of magazines,” he says casually. “And it’s a personal massager, Scully. For the record.”

“I stand corrected,” she says with a smile. She feels warm and giddy. “Gratefully, a lack of electricity would have no impact on me in that respect. I suppose that makes me old fashioned.”

There’s another silence, and as it stretches on she realizes that she just disclosed her masturbatory preferences to him. She presses her cold hands to her flaming-hot cheeks and hopes that he somehow didn’t pick up on it.

“Well, that’s gotta be handy,” he finally says, and his voice sounds rough. “I’ve heard that mysterious vibrating suitcases are a common occurrence for the baggage handlers at Reagan International.”

She doesn’t know how to respond. If she agrees with him, she’s further disclosing that she masturbates when they’re on assignment. Apparently he takes her silence as offense, because before she can think of something to say he speaks again.

“Sorry, that was a bit presumptuous,” he says. “I forget that women aren’t prone to the same…fixation as men are in that particular vein.”

The lack of accuracy in his supposition bothers her enough that she doesn’t let it slide.

“That’s not true,” she says, looking in his direction even though her pupils are filled with only vacant darkness. “It’s a puritanical myth that women experience less sexual desire than men do. The difference is that men are celebrated for their libido while women are shamed for it. Repeat that for hundreds of years, and people start to believe that it’s by design.”

“Hm,” is all Mulder offers in response at first. He seems to be giving what she said quite a bit of consideration. “Not to be invasive, and you can feel free not to answer this if you aren’t comfortable, but are you suggesting that women think about sex just as often as men do?”

“They’ve done studies on the subject,” she answers confidently, feeling much more secure speaking in terms of scientific fact than personal experience. “There are numerous variables at play, but when you account for them and compare apples to apples, yes.”

“Hm,” he says again, sounding genuinely surprised. “But you don’t—” he starts, then pauses to reconsider his words. “It can’t be the same in terms of masturbation. I just find that hard to believe. No pun intended.”

That, of course, makes her think about his dick. She squeezes her thighs together when her clit jumps, alerting her to the fact that it, too, is thinking about his dick.

“What do you mean?” she asks, unwilling to risk a misunderstanding.

He laughs a little and she wonders if he is also drunk.

“I don’t know how to clarify without asking you an extremely personal question,” he admits.

She’s still thinking about his dick. She didn’t get a good look at it, but she did cop quite a feel as she helped guide him inside her. She’s glad she did, or she would have been more caught off guard by the pain.

“Try me,” she says, feeling bold.

“How often do you…?” he asks, letting the rest of the question hang in the air.

She probably shouldn’t answer that, but none of this feels real.

“Most days,” she says plainly, like she’s telling him how often she showers. “Not quite every day, but almost.” The silence that follows is so loud her ears ring. She feels a sudden surge of panic, a blast of reality that makes her nauseous. Maybe she should pretend she misunderstood the question. “Mulder?” she finally says, just to make sure he’s still there. As though he could have somehow left without her noticing.

He clears his throat.

“Yeah,” he says.

“Are you…okay?”

“Yeah.” More silence. She feels a little bit angry at him for doing this to her. For leaving her hanging after such an admission. “Every day?” he says with astonishment, emphasizing both words.

“Not every day,” she corrects him. “I said most days.”

“What does that mean?” he asks, and his voice sounds closer.

“What do you mean, what does it mean? It means exactly what I said.”

“You do more days than you don’t?” he asks, and his urgency confuses her.

“I believe that was indicated by my use of the word most,” she says, a bit more tartly than she intended.

“Wow,” he says, and then is quiet again.

“And you?” she shoots back. “I think it’s only fair that you answer the same question.”

If he’s bothered, he doesn’t let on.

“The same, actually,” he says. “Most days. Not every day, but most.”

“Hm,” she says, injecting as much sarcasm as possible into a single syllable and with no body language to support it. “And what does that mean, Mulder?”

“It means that I typically do, unless I’m too tired or not in a situation to procure the necessary privacy,” he answers. “For example, on occasions where we’ve needed to share a motel room, or currently when I’m stuck at your apartment.”

“My apologies for ruining your evening,” she grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest like a petulant child.

“Are you mad at me?” he asks incredulously.

“I just don’t appreciate being made to feel like a sexual deviant,” she tells him.

“What did I say that made you feel that way?”

“I don’t know, Mulder, between the multiple ‘hms’ and the ‘wow,’ I got the distinct impression that you think I’m some kind of…perverted nymphomaniac.”

“A—what?” he asks, now incredulous for different reasons. “I apologize if my brief responses gave you that impression, but honestly I was just trying not to say any of the thoughts I was having out loud so I didn’t make you more uncomfortable than you clearly already are.”

“And which thoughts were those?” she asks, intending to make a point. She expects to hear him express surprise that someone like her would do something as uncouth as touch her own damn body for no purpose other than pleasure.

He doesn’t answer right away, which only makes her seethe. If he hadn’t been drinking she would tell him to leave.

“I’m not sure you realize what you’re asking me to say, Scully,” he says carefully, which gets her attention. “But I assure you, the thoughts are complimentary in nature. I’m not judging you.”

“Tell me one,” she requests. “Just as a point of reference.”

He sighs, and she can practically feel the gears turning in his head as he works out what to say. Which thought to share.

“Well, we travel a lot,” he begins. “So when you said most days, my immediate thought—or question, more accurately—was whether you…indulge when we’re on assignment.” She feels her entire body flush. “I’m not asking you a question,” he quickly clarifies, “I’m just sharing that as an example of the type of thought that I had. Nothing derogatory, scout’s honor.”

“Hm,” she says, not intentionally, and Mulder huffs a little uncomfortable laugh.

“My sentiments exactly.”

Now it is she who lets the silence stretch on, leaving him wondering what she’s thinking. The spike in adrenaline set off by her anger wanes, leaving her feeling sleepy and unguarded.

“Sometimes,” she says.

“Sometimes what?” he clarifies.

“I do when we’re on assignment sometimes, depending on how close your room is to mine.”

She no longer reads his silence as judgment.

“Is proximity a deterrent or an incentive?” he asks, and she can tell that he’s choosing his words carefully.

“If we share a wall I don’t—I worry that you’ll hear me,” she says. It’s the honest answer.

“You worry?”

“Yes.”

“About what?”

“...That you’ll hear me,” she repeats, confused.

“And that would be…bad?”

She hesitates, challenged to explain something that seems so straightforward it doesn’t require explanation.

“It’s private, Mulder,” she finally says.

“Well,” he offers, “for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t be bothered by overhearing.”

“No?”

“No. I…um…At the risk of sounding like a perverted nymphomaniac, that might be the most erotic thing imaginable, actually.”

She’s never really considered it from his perspective. She’s only ever thought about how she would feel knowing that he had heard her. She’s imagined him making an offhand joke at breakfast, or giving her a round of applause when she finishes. She’s imagined him poking fun at her, making her feel silly. She never imagined, even after it became clear that he was attracted to her, that he would get off on it.

“Oh,” is all she can manage to say.

“Have you, um…Have you ever heard anything from my side of the wall?” he asks awkwardly.

She feels so embarrassed for him that she considers lying.

“I think so,” she says, allowing it to sound like she isn’t 100% sure. Like she hasn’t pressed her ear to the wall so hard she could hear his fist slapping against his lap and feel the vibrations of his voice when he moaned through his orgasm. Like she hasn’t touched herself while listening to him do the same. “But it didn’t bother me, you don’t need to apologize,” she adds.

“Wow,” he says. “So much for being discreet.”

“Difficult to do when the walls may as well be made of cardboard.”

She’s marginally aware of the fact that she’s wet. If he were with her on the couch, it would be easy to initiate something. But she’s not sure exactly where he is or how he’s laying, and she can only imagine herself tripping over his legs and quashing her own confidence, so she stays put. But the more she thinks about all of it—him wanting to hear her touching herself, the times she’s listened to him through the wall, their one, harried fuck on his couch that they’ve barely spoken about—the more aroused she feels herself becoming. Her clit gives off a few little flutters, and she knows that Mulder can’t see his own hand in front of his own face, much less her form against the backdrop of the couch. She can hear him breathing, and she keeps her eyes trained in the direction of his breaths as she slowly inches one hand under the waist of her cotton lounge pants.

When her middle finger slides over her clit, she involuntarily sucks in a breath that’s louder than she anticipated.

“You okay?” Mulder asks, and it sounds like he’s sitting up.

“Yeah,” she says tightly, shaking her head at her lack of self control.

She should stop, but she doesn’t. She’s so ungodly wet, and it feels so damn good. One finger circling her clit, dipping just inside her opening to gather wetness before making another loop, has her cunt clutching and her mouth open in a silent scream. She wants to come so badly, but there’s no way she can stay completely quiet. There’s no way that Mulder won’t hear her.

“Scully?” he says in a voice entire octaves deeper than normal.

“Yes,” she breathes out.

Somehow, a question was asked and answered in only those two words. She hears him swallow and shift around on the floor. She imagines that he’s touching himself. It’s possible that he is.

“Do you want me to talk, or stay quiet?” he asks.

A tiny moan escapes her throat, and she morphs it into an, “Ohhh–I don’t care.”

“Okay,” he says, and then nothing. She becomes too aware of how intently he’s listening to her.

“I changed my mind. Talk,” she tells him.

“About anything in particular?”

“Oh my god, Mulder, just talk,” she admonishes him.

“Okay, um…” She slows while she waits for him to find a topic. “Can I confess something?”

“...Okay.”

“The times when you heard me through the wall, when we were on assignment?”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“I hoped that you would. I wasn’t trying to be discreet. I wanted you to hear me,” he says with a kind of syrupy vulnerability in his voice.

She gasps as a surge of pleasure rushes through her, bringing her close to the edge.

“Really?” she keens, slipping two fingers inside. She’s so wet it’s audible, and she hears a strangled moan from Mulder’s side of the room.

“Yes,” he says tightly. “I know that’s wrong, and I’m sorry.”

“Ohhhh, don’t be sorry,” she whimpers, pressing the heel of her hand into her clit. “I liked it.”

“Fuck, you did?”

“Yes.”

She’s so close. So. Close.

“I’m glad. Because I was thinking about you. That’s what I’m always thinking about.”

Her voice is so loud she startles herself. A piercing cry is followed by wave after wave of descending groans as she comes so hard she sees stars behind her eyes. For a moment she loses touch with reality, forgetting that Mulder is in the room and the circumstances of what she’s doing. She rides it out, wailing without restraint, until it begins to fade. The stars behind her eyes burst into a wash of bright light, and to her horror she realizes that the power has come back on.

The first thing she does is open her eyes, with pulling her hand out of her pants being a close second. Her head snaps over to where Mulder was sitting and she finds him lying on his back, looking straight up at the ceiling. There’s a pronounced tent at the front of his pants.

“Excuse me,” she says, then makes a beeline for the bathroom.

She uses the toilet and washes her hands, but she can’t bring herself to look at her own reflection in the mirror. After a handful of minutes, Mulder knocks.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” she tells him, wishing he would just leave.

When she can’t reasonably stay in there any longer, she turns off the bathroom light and opens the door to find the apartment submerged in relative darkness. Not the complete opaque dark from when the power was out, but all the blinds are drawn and he’s thrown a blanket over the window that allows the most streetlight in.

“Hey,” he says softly, catching her by the elbows before she can walk past him.

“You can stay if you want. I don’t want you driving home if you’re not sober,” she says, all business.

He quiets her with his palms on her cheeks, and two thumbs brushing across her lips.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, and she feels like she could melt from the concurrent conflicting emotions rushing through her body. She can’t find her voice, but he feels it when she nods.

He kisses her so sweetly, considering what she just did. Long, lingering pecks that slow her heart rate and ease her nerves.

“That was incredible,” he whispers with his mouth still hovering over hers. “Don’t be embarrassed.”

“I am, but thank you,” she replies.

He takes one of her hands and guides it down, under the waist of his pants. Her eyes widen as he wraps their joined hands around his erection and pumps slowly.

“Would it make you feel better if I jerk off in front of you?” he asks, then adds, “Those are not words I ever thought I’d say to you,” in a jovial tone.

She laughs and leans into him, and his hand falls away as she strokes him firmly.

“It would, actually,” she says with a smile. “But maybe this time we can leave the lights on.”

#x files fanfic #the x files #xf fic #xf fanfic #dana scully #fox mulder #smut #xfiles #the xfiles

[joelsmorality]

EYES WIDE OPEN [3]

Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader, platonic bonding with Ellie.   Summary: Somehow, you managed to find Joel and Ellie ending their journey just as you were beginning your own. After being captured in David’s resort and witnessing the horrors within, Ellie manages to save your life as she escapes and you end up staying with them for the time being at Ellie’s offer. Yet, things aren’t as they seem, and you’re also not sure if her gruff guardian won’t murder you in your sleep.   Warnings: Some mild angst, Joel being hardheaded, mentions of death.  Note: A bit of a shorter chapter this week, as I’m up to my neck in coursework but I had this half finished and wanted to get it out. Plus, the next one would be hard to split into two parts. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy! Tag list (to be added just leave me a comment!): @daddysfavoritesexkitten​ @faceache111​​

Previous Part.

“We’re gonna need to stop for the night.”

Despite the light sleep you had fallen into, Joel’s voice cut through that like a shot. It wasn’t like he was shouting or anything, but the sudden shift back into reality was jarring to say the least. You had curled up in the back with your head resting on the window once you had left the abandoned gas station a couple of hours ago, the dim interior of the truck telling you that you had at least fallen asleep for some of that time.

The scenery had changed, too. Less highway and more like a sort of suburb–the setting sun at least allowed you to see the boarded up houses, weeds and overgrowth crawling up walls and over the long abandoned cars that lined the street. Which made it a bit of a challenge to navigate, you could imagine. Really, you weren’t sure about stopping for the night in a neighborhood you hadn’t checked out yourself, as much as you knew Joel and Ellie could certainly defend themselves.

Considering your lack of a weapon–and not from you refusing one–it made you nervous.

“...I know how to drive,” you offered up, voice a little sleepy but your thoughts had certainly woken you up enough. “I’m pretty rested, if you want to avoid a stop.”

“Not happenin’,” Joel returned, causing you to press your lips together in a thin line, “I’ll also need to get more gas before we leave tomorrow and we should eat.”

“Well, you’re the one running the show,” you muttered, relenting in the moment.

You could understand why they (or, more likely, Joel) didn’t want you carrying a weapon, but it felt like you were being dragged along. If it had been a relaxed drive, no danger, you wouldn’t have much of an issue with that, yet things hadn’t been that way in a long time. For you, at least. You wanted to comment that leaving you unarmed and just following along was more of a liability than giving you something you could use to defend yourself. In the days following your escape it had been fine, but now you could feel a pressure building at how…open you were.

While you knew some self-defense techniques and how to throw a punch, you knew it wouldn’t do much against gunfire and some of the older infected.

It was a frustration that you carried with you while things got set up for the night in one of the abandoned houses. The place had been picked clean, furniture collecting dust and some with faded stains on them that didn’t make you want to touch them. Still, it was closed off and protected against the air outside that still had a bite to it. It was good enough for the night, at least.

Despite everything, exhaustion still hung pretty heavily on you–even with the nap you had taken in the truck. It was what had you backing down from confrontation and just getting some food into you so you could curl up and try to go back to sleep. Ellie and Joel talked between themselves for a bit, though Ellie still seemed closed off and had a look in her eyes that gave you a pang of sympathy for her.

Your offer to let her talk about everything that happened still stood, obviously, but you certainly didn’t want to push her into it.

Really, everything was still so new to you and the situation was draining you somewhat. So, you were pretty happy to try to get some rest once it had gotten late enough.

Yet, you couldn’t explain why you lay on the floor, head propped up by a relatively clean cushion, and stared at Joel’s silhouette as he sat at a table near a window. He leaned back in the chair somewhat and appeared to be holding his side, but otherwise just seemed to watch the dark street below. You rolled over with a small sigh, wrapping your arms around your torso as you tried to make the best of your uncomfortable position on the floor.

It had been easy for you to nod off in the car–the seats were at least comfortable and the rumble of the car helped ease you into a light sleep. This, however, was not really cutting it. Which had your mind wandering, mulling over a number of different things before settling back on the current issue of your frustration at feeling like you were useless in a tight situation.

You knew that if Joel was just going to sit at the window for however long that night, you could try to at least reason him into giving you a gun or something. If your presence on this journey was already annoying him, you figured you didn’t really have to worry about pushing his buttons all that much. Plus, you were trying to be cooperative and prove that you weren’t interested in betraying them, but you knew that the paranoia would just make things worse for everybody in the long run.

With another sigh, you pushed yourself up to a stand with somewhat shaky movements. You glanced over at Joel, who hadn’t moved if he had heard you get up.

Though, he did straighten up somewhat when you moved beyond the table somewhat to pull a chair over to it. The room was dark outside of the light of the moon, fortunately, but you managed to catch the look he tossed your way when you sat down.

“I’m not exactly looking for company,” he remarked lowly, likely to avoid waking Ellie. Though, knowing she had listened in on your conversation with him in the truck, you wouldn’t be surprised if she heard this one too.

“Well, I really wish I could sleep, but I really want to discuss something with you,” you replied, folding your arms on the table so you could lean on them somewhat. “I am really trying to prove that I’m not your enemy here.”

“Never claimed you were an enemy,” Joel said, “You being here is just a complication that we don’t need right now.”

“I don’t want to be a complication, either,” you said around a huff, “Yet, you seem fine with dragging me around like some prisoner. No weapons, not allowed to do anything. I feel like a sitting duck.”

“Door’s open. If you hate being with us so much, you’re free to leave.”

“Are you always this stubborn?”

Despite the darkness not letting you see his expression too clearly, that did earn you the hint of an amused look.

“I’ve been called that a few times,” he replied, shifting somewhat as he glanced toward the closed door. You still noticed him holding his side somewhat–an injury, perhaps. If it was new or old, you didn’t know.

“...I’m really trying to get you to trust me here,” you said after a few moments, letting out a small sigh through your nose. “Just a little. You don’t have to like me. I’ll probably be gone once you guys get to where you’re headed. Just, in the meantime…I’d really like to be able to protect myself a little if you won’t let me help with anything.”

“You don’t get my trust by just askin’ for it.”

“If you want me to earn it, you’ll have to let me try.”

“I don’t want anythin’ from you,” Joel said, making you lean back in your chair somewhat as you had to shove down some frustration that cropped up at his bullheadedness.

“Before the resort…” you started, tapping a hand on your leg a little in thought. “I’m not looking to give you some sob story, this isn’t that, but I’ve been on my own before. I lost a lot of people during the outbreak and in the years that followed–family, friends, my fiance. Anybody who’d look out for me was gone before I knew it. I…know what things are like out here and I know how to defend myself. I’m only decent at hand-to-hand, though. I know guns the best.”

Joel didn’t say anything for a few moments, that tightness still sitting in his expression. What little you could see of it currently, anyway.

“I know it’s a lot to ask…” you continued, “We’re strangers, I get it. However, if you really don’t want me to burden whatever it is you’re doing, giving me a means to protect myself is the best way to do that.”

It would help with your paranoia and anxiety, considering you never really knew who or what could be lurking behind any corner. As much as you wished that getting Joel to give you some leeway wasn’t such an uphill battle, you could understand it to a degree. The infected were dangerous, sure, but it was always the people you had to watch out for in the end.

There was only so much trust you could give strangers, these days.

Though, you couldn’t help but notice the way Joel seemed to regard you for a few moments, a slight shift in his expression before he let out a small breath and glanced out toward the street through the window again.

“We’re gonna need to get some gas tomorrow,” he continued, “some supplies, too. We still have a long drive ahead of us, so I wanted to see if there’s anything in the houses around here. I’ll…see about letting you help. It’ll get us out of here quicker.”

You couldn’t help the small grin that crossed your face, raising your hands somewhat in, what you hoped was, a good-hearted gesture.

“That’s all I’m asking for,” you said around a soft chuckle, getting up from the chair, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

                                                                ***

The sleep you got was shit. That was expected, however.

You dragged that lingering exhaustion with you the following morning, though you were used to the feeling. Unfortunately. It was hard to tell when the last time you had a full night’s sleep, let alone in a good bed, but you knew anything was better than where you had just come from. Still, you were the last one to get up, knowing you were going to feel the ache of a long night sleeping on a hardwood floor.

You were…hopeful, however. It felt like you had made a couple steps forward with Joel, as much as you would hesitate to say you were particularly friendly with each other. Still, you just wanted to feel like you were doing something.

So, you were hopeful that he’d trust you enough to let you have something to defend yourself with. You hadn’t really been joking the night before when you said you felt like some sort of prisoner–no weapons, stay close-by so Joel could keep an eye on you, the suspicion at you attempting to offer a hand with anything. You weren’t planning on being best friends with the man, but you wanted to show that you weren’t looking to be a problem for him either.

At the same time, you could understand his hesitancy and you weren’t surprised to see it on his face once it seemed like they wanted to set out to dig around the neighborhood a bit that morning.

“There’s only so many bullets left in the clip, so make them count,” he said after a few moments, handing you a pistol with a sharp look in his eyes, “Don’t make me regret this.”

“...I wasn’t planning on it,” you replied in a mutter, weighing the weapon in your hands before watching as he approached Ellie.

It was almost night and day with how he treated you in comparison to her, considering the fondness in his tone, the concern that she brushed off with an eagerness to get back out on the road. You didn’t know what happened with them, but it was clear that they had bonded. You couldn’t exactly say you had made any close friends over the last handful of years (and then some, if you were being honest) but it was a strangely isolating experience. As much as you didn’t want to think about it too much, you knew that if David had succeeded, your death would have been easy to cover up.

Shaking your head, you let out a small breath as you headed toward the front door. Regardless of the awkwardness, it was still progress and at least you could feel somewhat better about being back out in the open again.

Tucking the gun away, you followed Joel and Ellie out into the street.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you