more self-indulgent jgy abo headcanons
I read a fic so long ago that I no longer remember the fandom nor characters involved, but the thing about it that really stuck in my mind was that it was an abo-verse fic that used the concept that omegas have an ingrained biological need for physical (including platonic) affection, to the point where “touch-starvation” was a medical diagnosis
this is obviously extremely up my alley for ALL my blorbos, but consider jin guangyao in particular:
unlike the usual ‘omega pretending to be a beta’ trope, I think that once he is established at jinlintai, he would not really try to let people assume that he’s a beta. being an omega leads people not only into underestimating him, but also into offering him a certain degree of safety in providing a veil of stereotype-associated demureness, placidity, etc. it is more to his benefit for people to see him as a polite young man, perhaps even one who, yes, is a war hero - but people can’t quite imagine what kinds of things he must have done for that. surely nothing too bad.
but at the same time, this is the character who couldn't even serve tea to people as nie mingjue’s deputy without people making a show of wiping off their fingers after touching the cups. people know he is an omega, people judge him for being an omega on top of all the other things he is already judged for, but I suspect that most of the relevant and appropriate people in jinlintai avoid touching him unless absolutely necessary. in a world where casual contact is thoroughly commonplace just due to the socialities set up by their biology, jin guangyao has a personal space bubble of like 2-3 feet because he's the dirty son of a prostitute.
he walks through the halls, ostensibly the second young master of the tower, and feels like he is drowning in the physical manifestation of loneliness.
who does he have left? family? jin zixuan is not close to him, and frankly is likely an alpha raised by alphas to whom it would not even occur to that such needs need to be minded. jin guangshan certainly is aware, but is using it as leverage, allowing and denying contact as he see fits to manipulate jin guangyao the same way he does with his fatherly affection. there are his sworn brothers, but his relationship with nie mingjue is fraught: certainly da-ge wouldn’t withhold contact as punishment or leverage, but that doesn’t mean he wants to touch jin guangyao anymore, nor does he really understand how the necessity of it feels when he grew up with nie huaisang, an omega who has never been shy about taking whatever affection he wants. and er-ge... he just isn’t around enough.
lan xichen is still the best option, and by the time they have the opportunities to see each other, jin guangyao is pressing nails into his palms to stop from just plastering himself up against lan xichen’s side, which surely would be humiliating for both of them. but still, he’s so aware of it any time they’re in the same room, meting out as many small touches as he can get away with without embarrassing himself. lan xichen slips his fingers over jin guangyao’s wrists as he pulls him up from a bow, intending warm affection. jin guangyao doesn’t want to let him know that it feels like being allowed to gasp for a single breath of air before his head is shoved back underwater.
(with nie mingjue, it is worse. da-ge is just as aware as jin guangyao is when they touch, but for all the worst reasons.)
it is the strangest blessing whenever jin guangyao sees nie huaisang. it’s embarrassing, a little - the knowledge that nie huaisang understands, unlike most people in jin guangyao’s life. but nie huaisang takes that embarrassment onto his own self willingly, never hesitating before making a fool of himself in the way that only a terminally younger brother can, and simply flinging himself into his san-ge’s arms. it’s nostalgic, too: nie mingjue isn’t quite so aware of how important touch is with how proactive nie huaisang can be, and so during his days as deputy, it was often nie huaisang who gave meng yao what he could not ask for.
the cultivators at jinlintai look down on him just as the ones in the unclean realm did, but now there is no willing young master to soothe away the tangible, physical ache of it. more often than not, jin guangyao tucks his hands into his sleeves to hide the way his fingertips shake.
anyway this is my petition for jiang yanli to take two looks at this situation and promptly wrinkle her brows just the slightest amount, expressing quiet concern to jin zixuan that it’s strange how she doesn’t see anybody touch his half-brother very much, does she? and jin zixuan is a little confused, a little embarrassed, a little off-balance - he doesn’t feel close enough to jin guangyao to be that casual, but he’s an alpha, he doesn’t get it until jiang yanli explains to him, with a beta’s patience, the value of family bonds to an omega as well as jin zixuan’s responsibility as a brother (older brother? younger? his father claims older, but there’s no way to truly know - ), and isn’t it wonderful, having a little brother?
and then someone pats jin guangyao over the head until he’s feeling a little less strung-thin and out of options, he realizes he has to keep jin zixuan and jiang yanli alive lest he actually lose his mind (sympathy for da-ge? oh no...), and etc etc things end happily ever after, the end, QED.
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I'm starting to seriously consider getting into makeup at least for special events but currently my experience with makeup is like. I was probably gifted a claire's makeup palette or two as a kid that I never opened and I watch doll customizing videos where they draw makeup onto the dolls
I guess are there any cheap brands that are good? or alternatively cheap brands that are very bad that I should stay away from? maybe some youtubers who do good tutorials?
I still really hate the idea of having stuff on my face, so I'm really only interested in like fun obviously-wearing-makeup looks to make my eyes and eyebrows less plain. maybe some dark lipstick too idk. I really don't want to cake my face in stuff to like contour it or anything
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the sumeru archon quest popped off. I started the second act and I just HAD to finish it today because I was so engrossed. this feels like a big step up from inazuma's wobbly writing, and it's also a more interesting and ambitious plot than mondstadt and liyue had. I particularly like that the traveller feels a bit more...engaged? Like an actual character? In the other nations, the traveller has kind of been a bystander. while I wish they would commit to giving them more voiced lines, the sumeru storyline feels more geared around them. With the other nations, it often felt like the plotlines could progress in almost the same way whether the traveller was there or not. this time, they have clearer and more specific motivations: it's obvious why they want to find the dendro archon - specifically the god of wisdom - and ask her questions about their sibling. their relationship with dunyarzad is also developed enough to provide secondary motivation, too - she feels like a much more successful, developed npc in comparison to teppei, who we actually get enough time with to care about.
all of the characters are introduced at a nice pace, as is a lot of the worldbuilding. I like that we meet new characters with each new area - collei and tighnari for the forest, dehya, nilou, dunyarzad and nahida for sumeru city, alhaitham and dori for port ormos. it breaks it up well and stops it from feeling overwhelming. the fact that the first act lays the groundwork for how sumeru works - the eremites, the akademiya, canned knowledge, the akasha, etc. - means that second act can delve into these concepts more thoroughly without being too confusing. I love how creative and weird the second act was, too! I wasn't expecting them to go with a weird, time-loop type thing, and I love that a genshin storyline actually managed to throw me off and do something unexpected for a change
it's a much stronger start than sumeru had, and the fact that the archon quest may not actually be wrapped up until 3.2 gives me a lot of hope for the rest. I can't wait to see how scaramouche ends up involved. my guess is that the fatui will have some hand in the dream-harvesting that the akademiya is doing, but beyond that, I'm not sure what to expect. I'm very excited, though
also alhaitham is a sussy bastard. I could fix him but whatever's wrong with him is much hotter
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Walt is the least sympathetic of all the BrBa criminals/anti-heroes/rogues gallery because he's the one (major) character who doesn't have a clear and unambiguous "reason" for being the way he is. There is an unflinching refusal to give this character a "Freudian excuse" for his behavior and I just...love that.
It is not only an extremely brave choice from a writing perspective for your protagonist (and really only works because Bryan Cranston can somehow wring sympathy out of this dry husk amoral sponge of a person), but also makes him the most realistic portrayal of what evil really is. Walt feels the least like a television version of how a person becomes bad because there's not one reason it happens, and there's an aspect to his moral descent that's both mundane and mysterious—his motives unfold gradually, they change, and the show never really seeks to outright explain why it happened beyond the obvious inciting event—his cancer diagnosis. Was there something in him always not quite "right" or was there just a unique confluence of circumstances that caused Walt's complete moral transformation? In his own words—he liked it, he was good at it, and it made him feel alive. Maybe it is just as simple as that. Evil is actually a lot less interesting than people give it credit for.
There are so many things about his personality that are just never explained but must have some explanation, surely. For example: Walt's hang-ups about money—his obsession with being the one who provides it for his family and his reactive disdain for charity (even Saul points out there's clearly deep-seated issues there lol.) You could very easily see a different writer backstory dumping a lot of explicit childhood trauma with Walt and his single mother being poor and him getting bullied and this being where his weird inferiority complex about hand-outs come from. Instead this is just a huge part of his personality that has no obvious singular explanation. Why is he like this? Who the hell knows!
Which I personally really like, because regardless of whether that happened to him as a kid (I have to assume something like that was going on with child Walt because he has really specific neurosis) it has no ultimate bearing on the morality of his actions. There is no excuse for what he does, ultimately, and I just love that the show gives you very few reasons to feel sorry for him, at least as far as his backstory goes. Even the merits of his Gretchen and Elliot resentment is called into question (though left vague.)
In a weird, counter-intuitive way this lack of explanation for his behavior makes me feel more sympathy for him (again, Cranston acting magic pulling its weight.) But it's such a subjective thing with him. How you feel about Walt hinges on the performance, the character's actions in the story itself and what the viewer chooses to extrapolate from both. I can't blame people for thinking he's just kind of a low-empathy asshole, though I personally find that explanation reductive and less interesting, I cannot argue with it as a valid read. He is very, very hate-able for so many reasons. There's something refreshing about how unapologetic the writing for him is in that way.
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i just think it's so unfair that when i left high school my entire support system was gone overnight and i was just expected to get on with it with no help and because i wasn't diagnosed back then no one believed me or accommodated for me or cared, so i had to postpone my degree for two years and watch all my friends graduate without me and move to different cities and i went from being a straight a student who never had to study in their life to barely scraping the minimum grades and never showing up to class because i had convinced myself i was too stupid and slow to ever get my degree because i wasn't getting any of the support i kept asking for and was expected to read and listen to lectures without any help and keep up with everyone else when none of my support needs were being met. and now after trying for five years to find a way to get the degree i always wanted my uni have told me they're not going to let me do it anymore because of one module requirement that i missed because i was in hospital against my own choice. and even after i said i would use the entirety of my savings which i specifically worked for so that i could have a safety net for my studies to pay for the extra year required to get the module they need they've still said no. even though there's a bunch of spare places on the course and it wouldn't impact my timetable at all. even though i got As in every assignment i did for that course compared the the Bs and Cs i used to get in every other subject. even when i told them that i can't keep doing a science based humanities subject because i have dyscalculia and it's literally impossible for me to get through a single sentence of reading on my own, compared to the module i want to do where my lecturer literally bought me extra course textbooks with his own money because i finished everything else on the reading list in my own time and he said he was impressed with the work i sent him. i told them that me and my brother are the first in my family to go to uni, and how neither of my parents finished school or have any qualifications, and i never though in a million years i would ever get to have a degree and i've had everything stacked against me because their uni is 99% rich able bodied neurotypicals and i'm so close to graduating even though i had no support at all for the first four years. and they still don't care. they can't even give me a reason as to why they won't let me get the degree i want. they just keep saying 'we're not in a position to let you do the extra module' over and over again and i don't even understand what they mean. i'm going to pay for it myself. they have spare spaces on the course. i don't understand what else i can do to make them listen. they talk so much about diversity and accessibility yet every other poor and disabled person i talk to (and there's barely fucking any at this uni because they don't want us to be there) has been through similar experiences and had opportunities taken away from them because they were too unwell to attend one single fucking class. i don't know what to do but i've been here way too long and tried way too hard to drop out now. but i also can't bear to not to the degree i've always dreamed of. i don't want to do anything else
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37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it?
48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?
💜💜💜
37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it?
man i've written so many fic and in armored core fandom i feel like my fics get quite a bit of traction considering how small the fandom is. i mean averaging between 40 kudos on those fics is pretty impressive!
But I suppose (strictly sticking to my current fandom of AC6) I would like some of my Walt/Mich and Flatwell/O'Keeffe to get more traction, even though I'm aware they're fringe ships compared to the likes of viv621. But it's fine I'll write for like the five people who like those fics so we can all go insane together haha
I will say I'm very surprised that the rusty/freud fic (or viviv as i'm gonna call their shipname lmao) got as much attention as i did since i think i'm the only one?? who's written that?? it is a good ship though. consumed my brain with ideas for it. hope i'll inspire other people too with that.
48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?
Oh man with this question I'm gonna do more than one. Let's see top five I've read recently are:
helping the world via murder, a guide by your local reformed terrorist by RK7200 which is a Jujutsu Kaisen/Naruto crossover. I'm totally blind to JJK but the premise intrigued me to try it and man, it's a good read and you can easily get by with very minimal JJK knowledge so long as you're savvy with your Naruto lore. Tl;dr Obito after dying revives as a curse in JJK world, and sends Gojo down the conspiracy rabbit hole thinking Obito is evidence of a big cover up in the Jujutsu world. Hilarious misunderstandings by all.
2. Mana by Eiruwei, an OC/Shisui Naruto fic that is amazingly written and I thoroughly enjoyed it, esp with how the person wrote their OC and explored their relationship with the Uchiha and Shisui. Really recommend giving it a read.
3. never gonna give you up by owlings, which is a Rusty-centric fic on trying to figure out who O'Keeffe's "babygirl" is (and being traumatised when he learns the answer is Flatwell). Genuinely made me laugh a lot and is very well-written, so please check it out.
4. SATOKO by quantumghosts, which is an OC-insert fic for Naruto and this is also amazingly written. Tl;dr an OC is isekai'd into Naruto as a female Naruto, and it does incredibly worldbuilding and character development between the characters, and Satoko really distinguishes herself as 'Naruto'. Really recommend this read.
5. Letters to Monsters by beccadbuss, this is yet another OC in Naruto fic, and it focuses on an OC and their relationship with the Bijuu before they're sealed away. Has a lot of focus on literature and the lessons they impart on people, and how sometimes an open hand and a willingness to understand achieves more than brute force. Genuinely an amazing read and I recommend!
6. Fire Rebirth by Blackbirdo, as a bonus sixth entry because I remembered it and it is genuinely fucking hilarious. Zuko is reincarnated as Itachi in Naruto and I read it if only because the summary read:
"To Zuko's great relief, his new family were not part of a cult. Instead they seemed to be rather normal; they were well-mannered, cultured, fire-breathing people who were very assured of their own superiority, and had a family history of insanity."
Seriously recommend it if you want a bit of silliness with a dash of "Zuko is somehow the only sane person here, incredibly, sort of".
Right, well! Those are my fanfic recommendations! You can tell I love OCs and people shipping OCs with canon characters and crossovers because yes, it results in many glorious stories tbh.
Thanks for the questions!
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