#I'm sad I missed out on celebrating my femininity and stuff like this in my teen years because of just. Stuff I was going through | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

love-takes-work · 6 months

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I've seen a fair number of people interpret Rebecca Sugar's (and the Crew's) decision to put Ruby in a dress as subversive, and I want to discuss why that feels like a clear miss to me.

Every time--every single time--I've heard Rebecca Sugar talk about the queer relationships on this show, it comes with this expression of wholesomeness, and often glazed with a sheen of wistfulness, flavored something like "I needed this as a child and young person, and I didn't have it." Much of Rebecca Sugar's work to bring this wedding (and other unapologetic queer relationships) to the screen was framed as an emergency--as in, we HAVE to get this out there for those kids we used to be, because we know they're drowning.

Yes, it's funny sometimes when people make jokes about Sugar deliberately "adding more gay" or "making it gayer" as a big eff-you to the people who spoke against it, but that doesn't sit right from where I'm standing. It took so much strength (and resulted in so much battle damage) to fight that fight, yes. But from everything I can see from the interviews and conversations I've seen and read, this wasn't served up in a "ha-HA, take THAT!" kind of way. These characters having these kinds of relationships should have been a non-issue, and the fact that their very wholesome kids'-show wedding and very sweet kiss and very adorable love for each other was seen as Political when it should have been just two characters in love is so sad to me.

I've seen dozens of people suggest that Ruby is in a dress and Sapphire is in a suit "to fuck with the bigoted censors in other countries" or "to give the finger to gender roles," but again, I think it is simpler and sweeter than that. Rebecca's said that Ruby in a dress is how she feels in a dress. Celebration and exploration of feminine-coded stuff felt wrong to Rebecca for a long time, like it wasn't hers, because she wasn't really a woman and didn't want it forced on her. As a result she was robbed of all the beauty that should have been a non-issue, from what TV shows and toys she was supposed to enjoy as a kid to what kind of person she was supposed to marry and what she should wear as an adult.

Ruby never got a choice about how she looked really. Once she got to choose her presentation for a significant event, this is what she chose. It means so much more to see that than to construct it primarily as a reactionary measure, as if it would somehow foil the sinister censors in more homophobic countries (who, incidentally, are not therefore forced to show Ruby in a dress even though they tried to hide that Ruby was a "she" or that she was in a romantic relationship with another "she"; y'all, they just don't show the episode).

We see plenty of other examples of gender-role-related expectations being casually stepped on and squashed, like when they took the trouble to give traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine "clothes" to some watermelons to make the audience think there was a husband and wife watermelon only to have the wife be the warrior and the husband stay home with the child. With stuff like that, yeah, sure, maybe it's designed to make you think "oh isn't that very feminist of them!" Or maybe it's more "well why do I see this as a 'reversal' when it's just a thing that happened?" This show is full of ladyish beings who fight and have power. And as for Steven. . . .

Nobody has negative reactions onscreen (or even particularly confused reactions) when Steven wears traditionally feminine clothes, and it is (of course) also not presented as a "boy in a dress gag"--it's not supposed to be funny. When they go all in slathering Steven in literal princess tropes throughout the final act of Season 5, we understand that it's because the powerful Diamonds expect him to be Pink Diamond, not because the show is trying to girlify him or embarrass him or even make the audience think positive thoughts about boys in girls' clothes. It's more neutral than that in my interpretation: "these are literally just pieces of cloth, and while some of them have meaning, they don't inherently have a gender." I don't see this as transgressive. It's just in a world where putting on what you want to wear doesn't HAVE to be a political statement. (Though obviously it CAN be, and plenty of people wear a variety of clothes as a fuck-you to whoever they want to give the finger to. I just don't see that as happening here.)

Don't get me wrong; Rebecca Sugar certainly knew about the politics (intimately) and has lived at many of their intersections. She was not ignorant of how queer people are seen in this world. She was silenced as a bisexual person because her identity supposedly didn't matter if she was with a man and planned to be with that same man forever. She was shunted into "omg a woman did this!" categories over and over again, which she wore uneasily as a nonbinary person while accepting that part of who we are is how the world sees us. But what is it like if everything someone like her embraces is seen as a statement synonymous with "fuck you" to someone else?

She is married to a person who happens to be a man and happens to be Black. Her relationship isn't a "statement" about either of those aspects of his existence; her love is simply something that is. She is Jewish working in a society that's largely Christian. Her cultural perspective to NOT center her cartoon around Christian holidays and Christian morals; her choices to make an alternate world in this specific way is simply something that is. Her queer perspective as a nonbinary bisexual person has helped inform the Gems' radical philosophy of "what if we learned to explore and define ourselves instead of doing the 'jobs' we're assigned and being told it's our nature?" Her decision to include queer people in a broadly queer cartoon isn't designed PRIMARILY as a battle against baddies, or to drown out all the relentless straightness, or to deliciously get our queer little paws all over their kids' TV. It's an act of love.

So this is just to say that though I DO understand that sometimes subversion and intentional transgression are very necessary, I do not think that's the HEART of what's going on at this Gem wedding. We got a wholesome marriage scene between two of the most lovely little flawed-but-still-somehow-perfect characters, and I very much want to see their choices as being about them. About how Ruby feels in a dress. About how Sapphire feels about not having to always wear a dress. About them incorporating a symbol of their union into their separate lives so they can have some independence in their togetherness. About them celebrating their love by letting Steven wipe his schmaltz all over them.

There are many choices in the show that ARE carefully constructed to counter existing narratives, you know, giving the Crystal Gems' only boy all the healing, pink, flower imagery; having a single-sex species that's ladyish with all the members going by "she"; featuring many nurturing male characters who cry and cook and raise kids without mothers; pairing multiple fighty ladies with gentler guys; and importantly, intentionally loading up the show with stories, characters, and imagery any gender will find appealing despite being tasked with expectations to pander to the preteen boy demographic.

But it's very important to me that the inclusion of queer characters and the featuring of their choices be seen primarily as a loving act, and way way less of a "lol screw the bigots." I want our stories to be about us. Yes, I know it's a necessary evil that sometimes our stories are also about fighting Them. But every time I see someone say they put Ruby in the dress to "piss off the homophobes" or "stump the censors" I feel a little gross. Like the time I picked out an outfit I loved and my mom said I only dressed in such an obnoxious way to upset her, and I was baffled because my aesthetic choices, my opinions, my choices had nothing to do with her. Yet they were framed like I chose these clothes primarily to cause some kind of petty harm to her, when not only was it not true but I was not even that kind of person who would gloat over intentionally irritating someone.

The queerness of this show isn't a sneaky, underhanded act trying above all to upset a bigot or celebrate someone's homophobic fury. It lives for itself. Its existence is about itself. It's so we can see ourselves in a show, and it's so people who aren't queer or don't have those experiences can see that we exist, we participate, we want very similar things, and definitely are focusing way more about celebrating our love at our own weddings rather than relishing the thought of bigots tearing their hair out and hating us.

It's dangerous to turn every act of our love into a deliberate movement in a battle strategy when their weddings just get to be weddings.

I think there’s this idea that that [queer characters] is something that applies or should be only discussed with adults that is completely wrong. And I think when you realize that talking to kids about heteronormativity is just like air that you breathe all the time, it’s kind of amazing that that is not true in any other capacity. I think if you wait to tell kids, to tell queer youth that it matters how they feel or that they are even a person, then it’s going to be too late! You have to talk about it—you have to let it be what it gets to be for everyone. I mean, like, I think about, a lot of times I think about sort of fairy tales and Disney movies and the way that love is something that is ALWAYS discussed with children. And I think also there’s this idea that’s like, oh, we should represent, you know, queer characters that are adults, because there are adults that are queer, and you should know that’s something that is happening in the adult world, but that’s not how those films or those stories are told to children. You’re told that YOU should dream about love, about this fulfilling love that YOU’RE going to have. […] The Prince and Snow White are not like someone’s PARENTS. They’re something you want to be, that you are sort of dreaming of a future where you will find happiness. Why shouldn’t everyone have that? It’s really absurd to think that everyone shouldn’t get to have that! --Rebecca Sugar

#steven universe #ruby and sapphire #rebecca sugar #queer relationships #long post #myblog

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simplych4i · 2 years

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Demoman headcanon time hnnngngg I lofe him

Btw I have no idea where I kinda went with this I just kinda dumped so enjoy the depths of my rat brain

Transmasc, he's comfy with any non-feminine pronouns. 'He' is utilized primarily cause yknow, he's doing damn good at everyone assuming he's cis

No surgery necessary for this man, he knows he's a man and his body has no bearing on that. Though.. He is missing his left chestical

Lost it during his early days of demo-ing, thinks its the funniest shit ever. Occasionally if someone asks if he's had top surgery he'll say he's done half himself

Wears a binder, purely for the fact of keeping his chest a little more even then, yknow, having a singular tit

Plus the compression is a lil nice on the scar

As said in the comics, this man has absolutely not had a proper diet. Ever. He eats a little more than just aspirin and alcohol, but not much more. The only meal he'll never miss out on is any fire related cookouts, like the godly ones Engie likes to do to celebrate. He'll make sure he's fairly drunk so his doesn't feel his stomach throwing a fit, cause God damn this food tastes good.

Holy shit this man is a cuddler. When he's asleep, the closest thing to him can and will be claimed in a hug. And these hugs are inescapable. The team has put random things near him just to see if he'll hug it. He will. This is as true as the water cycle, it's an inescapable fact of life.

Tavish is always kinda trying to prove himself, gotta be the best friend, best pal, best demoman, life of the party

Holds himself to high standards and then will criticize others for their standards being way too high to reasonably achieve. I'm staring at him

You know how to make a drink? He will be your taste tester. Doesn't matter what you're making, he wants to be involved. For multiple reasons actually. For one, it's alcohol, two, he's helping you refine a nice skill, and three, quality time! Man loves quality time.

Also feel like he buries his emotions a ton, because he has a tendency to act out on them. Not always physical, but still, stuff he'd prefer not to do. Doesn't wanna get so angry he smashes a bottle, doesn't wanna get so sad he's crying for his mum. Doesn't wanna get so anxious he's feeling the squirming in the depths of his stomach, or so scared he can't move.

Though if he's had a rough day he has a tendency to cry and down a bottle of scrumpy

Usually in his room alone, but the team kinda knows he does this so if they invite him drinking after a bad day it's sort of expected

Hell, they wanna invite him drinking more often so he doesn't have to just be sad alone, he deserves some nice comfort

#tf2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 demoman #belobed

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ftm-radio · 3 years

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hello! do you have any tips on how to deal with hair-related dysphoria when getting a haircut isn’t an option? thank you :)

hey! I don't have any personal experience with this so I can't tell you if any of this stuff has helped me, but I've seen a few tips online that sound good, and my own brain has some thoughts to offer. hope it can help you!

also, to my followers, feel free to add your own tips if I've missed anything!

here's what I've got off the top of my head:

ponytails/braids/buns! if it's not in your face maybe that will help alleviate some dysphoria. (sorry if this is too obvious lol)

shove your unwanted hair up into a cap or beanie! (maybe ponytail/bun first?? idk but you can even arrange your hair to make it look like you've got some bangs/fringe sticking out!)

maybe you could try some headbands to push your hair out of your face? this might be more relevant if you have medium-length hair that's too short for ponytails. (I use headbands to keep my hair out of the way when I wash my face, and I recently got these skinny, neutral-colored ones from the store, so you could probably find some that aren't too feminine if that's a concern!)

If you can't get a haircut idk if you'd be able to dye it, but if you can, dying it a cool funky color that makes you happy could help make the general hair situation a little better?

it's slowly getting chilly in my area, so hoodie season is upon us, and maybe it is for you too! if that's the case, wearing your hood up might help, maybe alone or maybe in tandem with some of the other tips. (You could probably also try and tuck your hair away inside the hood or down the neck hole.)

there are tons of masculine people with gorgeous long hair who are still masc, so maybe looking at pictures of these cool folks could help you feel better about your own hair. (like how I Google short masc celebrities when I get sad about my height. 🥲)

okay.. I am hesitant to include this last one I've seen, but I will because it may help you, and I'm trusting you to think carefully and not rush into anything half-assed.

This is a last-ditch, desperate option. Try the less extreme stuff first, please. Seriously.

Save this last one for if you've tried literally everything else you can think of but your dysphoria is still real bad and hugely impacting you and causing harm.

Again, please think VERY, VERY carefully before you attempt this or even consider trying it.

If you are young and live with your parent(s) (which I suspect you might if you can't just cut your hair) I presume they have made it clear to you that you aren't allowed to do so. maybe you've asked and been shot down repeatedly, or maybe they've just been very clear about their opinions of trans folks or people who appear gender nonconforming.

if you haven't asked them at all and it feels safe to do so, try talking to them first about cutting your hair. even if you can't go as short as you want to, it could still help with your dysphoria.

if they straight up will not allow you to cut your hair even a little bit, you might be able to force them on the issue.. by irreversibly ruining your hair. I remember a tip that specifically mentioned getting gum really stuck up in your hair, stuck so badly that you can't remove it and have to cut it, but you could probably find other ways to damage your hair enough to warrant a haircut.

Ruining your hair is really drastic, but weighing your hair's health vs your mental health and happiness makes it obvious which is more important. but don't rush off and do anything yet!!

I'm very cautious about giving this suggestion not for the sake of your hair, but because I don't know how your parent/guardian may react. I don't know them, I don't know your situation. if there is any chance that doing this could lead to a lot of anger on their part and could put you in any danger of abuse, please, please do not do it.

if you mess up your hair and your p/g suspects that you did it on purpose, they could get very angry with you, and if they're angry enough, they could possibly come to harm or punish you. I cannot put into words how very much do not want that to happen.

if you attempt to ruin your hair but do not succeed, do not try again, as that could tip them off and make them angry. wait a few months or even longer before another attempt.

additionally, whatever methods you may devise to ruin your hair, please be very careful to make sure you don't hurt yourself in the process. all we want gone is your excess hair, not your scalp or your ears or anything else in that area. research, research, research.

come up with a solid, detailed plan before you take any action. figure out what you are going to do, when, and how. try your best to make it look like an accident. pretend to be appropriately upset about it, if you can, and try not to be too thrilled if you do get that haircut, since that could be suspicious and we don't want you in any trouble or danger.

I cannot stress this enough, to anyone who is reading and considering doing this: I do not want you to get hurt, especially because of something I have suggested.

be careful, be thoughtful, be smart. dysphoria sucks ass, i know, but your life and ultimate wellbeing is far more important than having short hair.

all of my warnings and concerns might be a bit much, and honestly I hope that's the case. but being overly cautious is infinitely better than being careless. again, all this down here is a last resort. if you find yourself resorting to this, be as safe and careful as you can, please.

I hope I don't regret this...

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