#ITS FUCKED ITS FUCKED ITS FUCKEDDDD

[dwtdog]

i always worry dream is too nice to people so actually yeah i hope he was “mean” not that their definition of mean actually resembles anything disrespectful

the fact that every time he actually sits down to have a conversation with someone they come it of it being like oh dream isn't that bad actually should be telling. and yet HERE WE ARE with him literally crying begging people to just fucking talk to him and still. they just don't.

#cq.asks #ITS FUCKED ITS FUCKED ITS FUCKEDDDD #even if dteam r horrible ppl #these other mfs will never have been in the right for how they dangle this shit over our heads

[simonstamenovic]

told this cunt we may b clockin our earlyyy bc of no fuckin sleep n theyre likeeee have u tried melatonin etc like have youuuu tried shutting the fuck upppppp

#bloodletting #likeeee a shit like that makes our legs FUCKEDDDD n b fuck offf #unsolicited advice die foreverrrr #m on lunch rnnn #its the one tht starts w letter i btw. c is cool.

[bo0zey]

vegeterian corndogs and sausage on a stick u r my kryptonites

#ik i spelled vegetarianrn wrong but idc #anyways i literally just confirmed my death w the stars n like #I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONGGGGGG I KNEWWW FROM THE GET GO!!! #n ppl tried to make me seem crazy 'ohhh ur fine its not gonna happen to u blahblah ur gonna live forever bc u said u wont haha'a'a #ANUBIS IS LITERALLLLYYYY IN MY 6th HOUSE!!!!!!!! LIKE LITERALLY SITTING RIGHT THERE BETWEEN NEPTUNE AND URANUS LOL #this astrobthc was like 'wooooo be carefulllllll dont go seeking death or else death will seek u everyday ooooooo' #n im like first of all ive been obsessed w finding out my demise for the last 5 years tbh #i already had like a theory in mind ive just been looking for confirmation for a while AND NOW IM P SURE I GOT MY CONFIRMATION #the god of death AKA ANUBIS AKA the asteroid that represents sewerslide is in my 6th house AKA house of health otherwise known as #a literal fucking dumspter fire in my case #i started researching cancer/medical in the chart n am finding mind correlations btwn my sources n my chart #AND ALSOOOOO MY MOM'S CHART!! but even moreso w mine bc my 6th house n its occupants/rulers are so fuckedddd lollzlzkzfnkd #rahu ketu as well..........its not fair why is being a leo rising so beautiful yet so full of suffering huh?? #u can shit talk leos all u want like personally i love leos but there is a COMPLETE difference ebtween sun vs asc leos n like #asc leos continuously encounter traumatic experiences from birth to death but are extremely resilient (or at least they appear so outwardly) #its not fair these people who are literally so beautiful n full of life and potential are dragged thru the fckin mud and concrete n for why. #like marilyn monroe has a leo ASC n a 8th house pisces cusp like me lolz #anyways idc wht that tiktok girl said bc its not like i 'went seeking' for answers blindly like ive BEEN SEEKING for years and i KNEW #what i was looking for n when i found it i was just like YOOOO I KNEW IT it was literally just confirmation for something i KNEW ok #anubis can come stalk me all he wants but like bro ur not slick i knew u were coming for me since like 6th grade lmao #anubis is kinda hot tbh maybe we can like fall in love idk probs not bc im ltierally ugly n insane n not his type but like idk #anyways!!!!!! thats enough otuta me lol #i think im gonna go back to therapy JUST so i can talk about my birth chart interpretations w my therapist lolll #astro vents

[sammydem0n64]

Ive been heavily toying with the idea that Mercury has a younger sister (probs named Mars) but god. It hurts. It hurts so much thinking about it

#The idea is that they were both equally treated poorly by their parents and so they stuck together. were each other's support #Even though Mercury could hardly support his own mental health. He still tried so hard to be there for her and she did the same #But their paths diverged after he ran away from home and they werent in contact for ages #And well. they will never be in contact ever again! But either idea I have is so sad and fucked up (the latter one is SUPER FUCKEDDDD) #But it ultimately serves to show how Mercury is such a damn sympathetic character yet how horrible he is . how badly he fucks up #But its just a concept and honestly might not go through with it since his dynamic with his parents already drives me insane enough lol

[shuttlescoob]

god malevolent is so fucking good (i’m on episode 3 and not emotionally ready for the rest of it CUZ I KNOW ITS GONNA BE FUCKEDDDD)

#malevolent podcast

[napsaps-archive]

(not trying to take away from sapnap here, just want to comment on the known phenomenan in this very fandom) its like when dream "got buff" and everyone was complimenting him and comparing his body from a year ago, saying how much better he looked and how they prefer this. as well as people drawing him so unrealistically. and if you were weirded out by this behavior At All youd get people swarming you saying "Whys it weird for us to find abs hot??? Abs are hot??" obviously they fucking find abs hot because thats been the beauty standard pushed for men for forever. even though abs literally cannot be defined in a six pack without starvation and dehydration. its just so weird and i have always hated how people talk about the dream teams bodies.

no literally . like obviously everyone has their preferences and everything but it's so fucked like everyone always preaches body positivity and being comfortable with how your body looks and on and on but will literally make comments like that without realizing that they're sending a message that people are only really very truly attractive if they're skinny or fit or have abs and it's fuckedddd

#ifl this doesnt make sense but whatever. #like ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ idk it makes me mad. as someone with body image issues and shit it's just . fucked 😭 #ask #anonymous #negative

[mangoposts]

HIS NEW SINGLE IS SO FUCKING GOOD.

i feel like it’s something that you listen to when you simply want to exist. laying down in the dark and staring at the ceiling, you listen to this. for an emotional late night drive, listen to this. my baby zayn NEVER misses

-🌸

IF I TOLD U I LOVEDDD UUUU WOULD U SAY THAT ITS FUCKEDDDD UPPPPP STOPPPPP AWEEEEEE I LOVE IT ITS SO RELAXING

#🌸

[horrorsequel]

im gonna squeeze my phone til it breaks i swear. why is it so fucking hard to get my hands on a zero nic vape so i can try to wean off like. the action of vaping. that worked so well last time!! but last time i was like using a rig instead of disposables so it was crazy easy to get 0 nic juice. also back then my agoraphobia wasnt as bad so i was able to go to the store myself. but rn the websites r all fighting me and i dont even know if an actual vape shop would have 0 nic disposables i jave noc clue where to GET something like that and also like i neeeeed to stop vaping cos obviously its awful for u but also i dont like WANT to like i want to but i also dont. its fucked and weird. idk man never let anyone try to downplay that nicotine is literally addictive. I know its like a kostly socially acceptable addiction but its fuckedddd dont get into it

[obitv]

i might pass our because i Am drinking and i Am in the pit. but its si writh it. oh thefirst band were so fucking fun they did a riptide cover. the metal band did a riptide cover. it FUCKEDDDD. i love gigs bc everyone is awesome and i can just go up to anyone and compliment them and boom we're friends foe the nifht. i have GOT to go out more

[thatsanunwaveringtruth]

lately ive only been thinking about two things. one: if its truly possible to find someone to share all the dark thoughts im afraid to speak out loud. and two, how much i actually want to die. its not that i dont have things to live for. i enjoy my little piece of happiness. the cat. and all. but it would be just fine to not live. i feel that from now on its just repeating. i dont even think that i could have a healty relationship with anyone. ive noticed so many red flags in my mind. i dont think i can love anyone again. i mean i could its the easiest thing. but i still feel idk weird. its hard to think clearly about what i actually feel. i think all the media ive consumed ever since i was a child corrupted my mind. i feel the tendencies inside me. tendencies to hurt someone who loves me. who is innocent and just wants to love and be loved. its not always the case of course. but isnt it kinda fucked up that if i dont love someone it is so hard for me to stop myself from breaking their heart? and when im in love i let people walk all over me. to me, that is fuckedddd. and one other thing, my need to create something beautiful. im so scared of dying before succeeding in that. i was born to fall in love with the beauty us humans can create. ive fallen many times and im still in love. i just wish to evoke those feelings for someone at least once. i wish to put eternity on a plate and offer that to the world. i want to live with my works. i think im too lazy tho. maybe i’ll find a way out of this. its okay. not to time to think about that. i have a lot of deadlines to miss, i lot of chances to fuck up. not yet.

[mintbees]

i got accepted to do a big piece on a very short notice (2 weeks) for a project which usually isnt a big deal but the past 2 weeks my health has SUCKED and paired up with the heat in my country its had me pretty much bedbound and now the piece is due in 3 days and i just got started on the lineart......im gonna fucking cry

#its rlly big and detailed and im absolutely not in the condition to finish that in a short period of time im fuckedddd #i planned to do all the lineart yesterday but then my health got so fucked that except for a few hours i slept through the entire day. #aaaaaahahaha fuck #at best ive been able to play minecraft.....yikes

[s4pphoiduser]

my friend getting accepted for a scholarship program vs me This close to writing andrew/neil meta on tumblr (hellsite (affectionate))

#this is real life #like me struggling with my exams like almost two years ago and i hear that one of our old classmates was getting married #and i was like WHATTT ARENT WE ALL SEVENTEEN?????? #anyway im really proud of them and if they decide to like go for it after all and move to a whole nother country ill be fine yuppppp #but i really am proud of them and i just. god i feel so fucking honored??? to know before like anyone else (their family doesn't count lmao) #THEY GOT IN FOR TWO PROGRAMS WHAT HT EHLLSFJS\ #i love them sm #IM GONNA CRY WHY AM I GONNA CRY I WANNA HUG THEM AND CONGRATULATE THEM FR #THIS COVID SHIT IS SO FUCKEDDDD CMON LET ME GO HUG MY FRIEND BECAUSE IM SO PROUD OF THEM #ok and ik i shouldnt be like this but this kinda makes me feel like a goddamn failure and a loser which is fucking stupid #other people's successes should not be our losses #anyway thisis really funny idk why i think its bc i thought of that girl who got married #joey.com

[devilbunzz-moved]

redrew something  from my notebook =:}

#oc #guns #okay 2 rb #ask 2 tag #blood #so i had this fucked up idea of cam shows in hell where you can kill urself for money cuz theres people in hell that get off to that #theres also things of people killing other people #and since you always come back after you die in hell its perfectly legal #even tho its fuckedddd uppppppp #aand pls rb tbh i worked hard on this lol #ttheres also normal cam shows but u know #suicide m #<-- jic #art #my art #devilbunzz art

[wqxianvents]

oh my gooood //chapter 5 spoilers of spy x family !!

this dude is a fucking dick and i just love the way twilight and yoru reacted.

you can see how twilight tried to be like this is for the mission we’ll have to endure it till they get in and then the way you saw his patience get 😳

AND YORU MY BELOVED, MF DID NOT CARE I WILL BEAT UR ASS KEEP TALKING. i dont like people who think other’s should be unhappy bcz they went thru something bad. okay u had a bad divorce there are other better women out there you fucking dumbass and the way he was trynna test their patience in the beginning? i love how twilight was gonna say why does cooking have to be a women’s job. like, this is why i enjoy the malewife/househusband x girlboss and they are a prime example of the mixture of the male being both a somewhat malewife (i hope he actually cooks for everyone in the future cuz that wojld be so sexy of a father) and him doing dangerous acts that are supposedly for men to handle while yoru does dangerous stuff and cleans ☹️💜

anyways. fuck that dude. it was hella insensitive and im already pissed off with headmasters and shits because my assistant principal talked to me in an aggressive tone today which was out of line. if you see a child break into tears over a question like that it’s fucked, especially when the father tells you to change the question. FUCKEDDDD. (not even that its very insensitive and fucked up if you ask about her old mom? usually if someone is remarried something bad happened even if it didnt why the fuck does he think he has the right to ask a child if they prefer their old mom or new mom? the fuck? ik im getting a lil too heated but i was in a situation like this and its 👺) like what in ur right mind 😭

on a positive note, 100 points for both of them !!! i do hope anya’s og parents were good people but tbh thats a talk for the future and if shes happy with her (do i say adoptive or new family?) then why the fuck bring up the og parents. she has the best people she could ask for rn fr 🤦

#spy x family spoilers #spy x family #shit got me livid and fumin tf #anyways moving on #.rant

[andy-warhol-wannabe]

quarantine update; day 27: I spent a large part of this in a small apartment in georgia, not really moving around much. and that lack of exercise drove me insane. so, now that I’m back, i’ve been walking at a near-by trail nearly everyday, using my dads cross trainer, and generally over-exerting myself, along with not eating much and staying dehydrated. fun part of my ED is that when I exercise, it’s to a painful degree. so, i’m trying to take it down a notch because yesterday, I was walking and skateboarding around for a solid 4 hours, and sprained my ankle both from the fall i took bailing off the board, and the strain i was putting on myself. when i woke up this morning, naturally i felt like shit. so, basically, i spent today trying to eat more than just 800 calories ( fun fact, thats not even enough for a 2 year old!) and stretching because wowzers my muscles were fuckedddd. this whole isolation thing has left me turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms and I’m trying to get better, because healthy amounts of exercising and eating right does end up helping my mental health. I’m just not doing so good at any of that. I’ve also been self harming as a way to, idk, punish myself for not meeting the unrealistic goals I set (20K steps by noon, stay under 1000 calories per day, etc.) and not being able to talk to, well, anyone about it all has only fueled this. i wish i could take this time to better myself but it seems like im only getting worse. thats not to say every moment has been hell, as you can see from my 2am yearn posting, but its not been great. im really trying to get better but the isolation makes it so fucking hard, and the people im quarantined with dont help, they just continue to hate me and make this harder than it already is. i really hope anyone who reads this actually is doing okay, though. we’re all gonna get through this, even if the process damn near kills us. 

#eating disorder tw #self harm tw #virus tw #covid-19 tw #quarantine tw

[meateatingorchids]

I got rlly fat like i got a big belly now which is soooo weird and i feel uncomfortable about to the point i hate my self .... 

Like what the fuck is that huge belly omfg like im pregnant and its disgusting.  Im so ugly RN i hate my self sm 

Also i tried to eat fitness food n its disgustingly tasting that i regretted eating it in the first place

Its so bad to the point tge sweet potato is better tasting than strogonoff what

I feel overly full to the point its uncomfortable and rlly  othering me and my face got super fat to the point i dont want to ever go out again

I never felt this ugly since 1 year. This is the most ugly ive felt in one year and i rlly hate myself i wanna kms like i can barely look at my disgusting reflection . I look gross. Im grossed w my self which is unbearable

Like im p sure this is beyond my watwr retention cuz of period i probably did get fat and its disgusting.  I cant look at myself

I hv sm fat in my stomato the point i feel like vomiting when i hv to shower it bothers me to the point maybe thats all ill think about until I lose this fat

I got fat to the point i can't u look and until I lose i won't talk to ppl anymore

My skin got super ugly lately too i bet its bc of that meds I hate it sm I look so disgusting i can't even look at myself anymore I want to burn this body alive lmao

I want to die so I dont hv to look at my reflection. I need to lose weight

My face looks so ugly I want to smash it w a hammer .. i think abt dark things lately.... like harming my self n shit like that 

The other day I couldn't not self harm cuz I was having such a hard time the entire of July so I had to self harm to de stress and now i wanna cut my self more and more like I need to do some harmful thing cuz I hate this body lmao 

I hate every minute of now and ever since I got fat I've been trying to lose weight cuz I want to reach my goal. I want to be skinny and thats the only thing I think about since I got fat. I also say fuck to the world cuz i only want one thing n thats losing this fuckong weight n fats i wanna be skinny again and that is my n1 goal and concern like every thing else is second to that. Idc about med achool or any school right now my main goal is losing this weight and more and more I want to be skinny again like in 2013 when I was happy . Fuck med school or any other stupid mission I only care about one thing.... i hate the reflection in the mirror it is so disgusting. I want to punish my self for getting this fat. This look ain't it and the clothes look ugly on me now i hate my self. I hope whoever haunted me last month gets super ugly n fat. I look so disgusting its gross to exist in such an ugly body n face i hate my looks now more than ever but I've been low-key dissatisfied with my appearance since sometime in june or Smth I hated my getting fat since June and I feel like it is so gross and I need to vent out abt it 

If I end up binging and starbing cicle again I know that i can give up any dream cuz my life will be it, binge and starve ... this is all I do when I'm in the bad place. My entire life is math in my head abt what I ate and how much and counting the numbers weigh in measures and math  here n there and thats so mind consuming thats the only thing I think about and nothing else can fit in lmao this is the life of some ed community girl... sucks but that's all we have. I do feel like purging but I've never been good at it but I hate the feeling of food sitting in my stomach and I hate the feeling of full and I hate it with so much passion that I come out lmao and I know unless I lose this weight that food and weight loss is all ill be thinking about so bye-bye med school. 

I even hate the feeling of fat in my calves cuz i feel it got fat and I can feel it and my thighs never looked so gross i hate my own body right now and since June I neen low-key hating it lmao...  welp 

I rlly never felt worse than this... since last june lmaooo I want to kill my self and I'm determined to do it bc that's all I have. I want to be free from this hell.

I have the most violent thoughts for the past weeks and I'm in the i wanna kill mode . I want to harm whoever did this to me whoever disrupted the peace I worked hard to get whoever disrupted it i wanna m*r*** them so much tbh I want to shake it off but the thought of causing as much harm as they caused me keeps coming to my mind I want to kill so much ... lmao I wan awake everything from them bc they rlly ruined my life that was hard to begin with. 

i got the need for an ed blog again cuz my ed is woken again lmao fuck my life. seems like its back i feel my ed waking up for the past months... its BACK i feel sometimes physically stronger as i used to be when i had my ed... even at my lowest weight i had some abnormal physical strength for a girl and now its back my ed... lmao fuckkkkkkkmy ed is strong and has such a darkness, dark mind and violent... idk how will i keep it under control cuz its very hard ... but at least my ed seem to protect me from some stuff... when i become very traumatized it seems to cause it to wake... whoever they were they woke up my demons.. thanks u scum vermin, u ruined the work weve been doing on putting it to sleep for over 10 years and u ruined its work it took 10 fucking years to out it to sleep... now its back and lively as always... why would anyone want my demon to wake why... my ed makes me physically stronger so its super easy to know when its here... lmaoooo im soooooo fuckedddd now ill pray i dont get in trouble much thats it

whoever was that kept pushing her to remember her traume woke the demon now they will have to pay for it

when i was only abt 40kg i had like sm physical strength and i only found out why years later... yeah... idk now what am i going to do i actually do love my demon despite all and were good friends... but sometimes it gets out of control.. its like having a pet tiger or lion tbh its v cute but it needs to be tamed... lmao also why did they disclose my demons name but not my angels lmao.. puzzling it is...