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sanchoyo · 3 years

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danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

#sanchoyorambles #dp thoughts #danny phantom

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petroltogo · 3 years

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Hello! Im not sure if asks are allowed? I didnt see anything about it (I didnt scroll that far.) but people doing requests.

I just wanted to say I read ur superhero AU and Im in love with it! Im intimated by your writing (Im trying to make something in the fandom-soon, hopefully) cuz like, its so amazing?? I also admire it, and aspire to get to get to that level one day!

I wanted to say thank you for writing it. I dont really read anything Varia related, and rarely 10th gen (Im mostly into the arco)! And also, any tips for writing? Writing in the khr world? Thank you for taking the time to read this, and Im sorry if Im intruding on ya, homie. Please have a pleasant day!

First of all, you’re not intruding, I love getting asks!! Asks are allowed, welcome and actively encouraged [unless it’s just to spew pointless hate, in which case it’s blocked] and thank you so much for sending me one! And for your super sweet words, I’m glad you enjoyed the super AU so thank you for letting me know and for the ego boost lol

Posting something you’ve written is a scary experience -- I’ve been doing it for years and I still keep second-guessing myself and putting things off and deciding not to write a fic idea because why would anyone want to read that, right? And that goes doubly so for any fandoms I haven’t written in before and established a ground-floor level confidence to build on. But it still gets easier the more often I do it. Moreover I’m not forcing anyone to read it, I’m just offering my fics up for anyone who’s interested in the fandom and wants to take a closer look.

And if more and more people keep on creating things in any one fandom, that means there’s more and more content to choose from for everyone. Which means we all win because we have more fics to read, more art to marvel at, more videos to watch, more whatever it is you wanna do -- we all have more of it to choose from, and with every person that joins in, the chance of any one of us finding exactly the kind of content they’re looking for increases.

So. I hope you will try your hand at creating and that you’ll find the courage to publish it if you’re comfortable with that. I wish you all the self-doubt-silencer in the world [ignore those voices, ignore them like I used to ignore my french homework!] because I guarantee you: Someone is gonna love what you make.

That said, to be completely honest [this could’ve been] a villain’s origin story is the first time I’ve played in the KHR world, so I’m not sure how helpful I’ll be since I’m not actually that familiar with the fandom. But in my experience the most important thing is just to have a story in mind that you want to share and to write the names of the characters correctly -- [on an unrelated note, I’m so sorry Kyoko but I’m still not sure how to spell yours] -- because at the end of the day, writing fanfic to me means sharing your perspective on the characters, your interpretation of them with the world.

And some people will decide it doesn’t align with their own views and will shrug and move on and some will fall in love with it because it will resonate with them or make them rethink the character or give them an insight they’ve never considered. I think that’s one of the most beautiful parts of fandom tbh.

Writing, hm, what can I tell you about writing. This is actually really tricky because I don’t know what type of story you’re trying to write so if there’s something specific you struggle with, feel free to drop me another ask!

But in general I’m a very character-oriented writer [as the super AU probably illustrates] so my tip is to always make your character’s voices count. Whether you write in first POV or in third POV, as long as it’s from the perspective of a specific character always use that too your full advantage. Use the limits that POV defines, use what the characters don’t know -- whether your audience knows or doesn’t know doesn’t matter -- to your advantage.

For example: A conversation between Reborn and Skull in their early arcobaleno days. Reborn’s side of things might be full of double-meanings and hidden messages that he’s trying to get across while probing the cloud for the same sort of information and interpreting Skull’s expressions and reactions [in ways that may not be correct] because he’s mafia. Skull might take the exact same conversation at face value. He might miss all the implications, accidentally give Reborn the wrong impression about 23 random things and not notice and that single interaction could set the tone for their entire relationship going forward.

[Focusing on the limits of a character’s POV also helps keep interactions more realistic in my experience. Because when we interact with people, we don’t actually know what’s going on in their minds but as the authors writing that scene we do. The characters don’t and reflecting that in their interactions makes them seem realer and gives their personality (especially their personal biases and blinders and interpretations) more chance to shine through.]

And btw I don’t mean turn every conversation into a misunderstanding. Drama can be fun but it doesn’t always have to be about drama. I think of it more along the lines of “no two people ever read the same book”: No two people experience the exact same conversation or event the exact same way. That doesn’t mean we misunderstand each other daily, at least not necessarily.

But there’s always things about an interaction with our friends/family/random strangers that we’ll forget or that we meant in a different way than what they take it for and sometimes we notice that while talking and sometimes we don’t. That’s how it can work with characters too: not every different perception has big repercussions or leads to an argument or whatever. Sometimes you can just use that to highlight that your characters are different people with different experiences [Skull is really a great example in this case and so are Colonnello and Lal Mirch vs the “true” mafia members but also maybe how being a mist might color your perception of reality vs being a sun etc.] and that those different backgrounds affect how they perceive and act and justify their behaviors.

Okay, I’m gonna stop here because this could go on for a while and I’m not even sure that’s what you’re looking for, but I hope it helps! [If it doesn’t, let me know if there’s other aspects of writing where I could help.] Happy weekend and (hopefully) happy writing!

#ReRe answers #doingthefrickfrackwithyouknowwho #long post #i couldn't stop rambling #as in you shouldn't get me started on writing #because i can write about writing literally all day long #writing #writing povs #writing tips #ReRe tries advice #jury is still out on whether or not she succeeds #why do I keep talking about myself in 3rd person in these tags is the question we should all ask ourselves

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daydreamingcreature · 4 years

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My thoughts on the Animal Crossing New Horizons Direct

Nobody cares about my opinions but I’m going to write down my thoughts as I watch. Keep in mind, I have no chill, little valuable knowledge, and only experience in ACNL and very little in pocket camp

Tom Nook! my boy!

The little bird in the corner has my heart

his wittle movements

The ocean animations are so pretty!!

The flowers in the wind! the detail on the trees! the rocks!!! wwaattterrr!!!! so prettyyy!

I love the animation style so much the game looks so peaceful

Deserted island means you get to build it entirely yourself? hopefully?

I love that we can still choose our map design

The hemisphere options are very nice, I never really considered how it might differ depending on where in the world you are.

Summer and winter look gorgeous

The flower designs are so pretty and I love the frost on the leaves in winter

The little coffee on the wood table!!! Does this mean that decorations aren’t limited to just your home? I love when games have less restrictions on decorations and use of furniture

The cherry blossoms in the wind are amazing!!!!

I really hope that we can sit and have a little picnic with the villagers and the sushi and fries look adorable!

The variety in face designs is a really nice change from New Leaf. I go feral for customization

i REALLY hope that the villagers’ autonomy is not just for this video but actually in the game. I feel like the villagers interacting with each other more and doing more activities besides just aimlessly wandering around would do so much for the game. I don’t really know how they would do that but a girl can dream.

I just saw the donut in one of the villager’s hands, the jar full of fruit water/juice, and the basket of fruit and i am HERE for the variety

THE FLOWER CROWN!!!! MY HEART!!!

I also noticed that the flowers were taken off of the stems instead of directly off the ground which may be a cool feature. It might allow more control of what flowers are where instead of just hoping that the island spawns the flowers you want?

it also seems like it could be an annoyance if we have to be careful in how we pick up the flowers and other materials. but I might be reading too much into it.

The mushroom decorations and furniture is gorgeous!

The orientation is a really interesting part

It shows more of the villagers having specific objectives and movements

It also shows that we may have much more control of our worlds in that everyone is starting new so we may get to influence how the island is shaped

You building an island with your favorite villagers is making my heart explode

YOU CAN INFLUENCE WHERE OTHERS LIVE

I used to get overwhelmed in trying to design my village and feeling like i didn’t have control over it and this would be an amazing change

The resident services tent is open 24 hours a day? that means my messed up sleep schedule will be more supported!!!

Its unrelated but still really cool to me that I’m going to be able to play animal crossing on the switch. i personally have a desktop set up in my room and I sometimes attach my switch to the family tv and i love the idea of being able to play at night on a big screen with lots of options instead of just an hour at night on my ds

It looks like the resident services tent replaces the retail store? where is Cyrus and Reese? i miss them :(

Ugh the detail of tom nook is so good

So you make furniture on the workbench? that seems cool but also could be annoying depending on how the materials are available

CUSTOMIZATION OUTSIDE OF THE TENT YESSSSSSSS

why is there a random pair of boots just chilling behind the tent?

i mean mood but why?

MORE CUSTOMIZATION FOR FURNITURESSSSSSS

I love these new furniture designs

i also noticed there are more spaces for custom designs which is awesome

The airport is sooo pretty inside and Orville already owns my heart

eight people are allowed on the island? i don’t have that many friends :/

it is really cool that these services work because its more accessible on the switch then on the DS in my experience

I loveeee the lighting so far

So we got a phone now? that’s cool

the broadcast is cool because i never remember to actually check whats happening that day

I love more achievements because that how i focus

waitt can you die now? wow animal crossing has changed.

GHOST ITS SO CUTE

I love that Gulliver is back

The rescue service..... is that Resetti i hear? i hope so

i love the new furniture

YES I WAS HOPING YOU CAN BUILD A HOUSE

this leaves room for....MORE CUSTOMIZATION

WOWWWW you can be more specific on placing flooring

The House decorations are blowing me away

I love the kitchen furniture

So far the housing system is all i could’ve asked for

Traveling costs money? i don’t know about that but it doesn’t seem much like a feature I’d use anyway

nevermind it seems a lot like the island in new leaf where you can go there to get new materials which I don’t mind at all

I wonder if each village has a native fruit or if that system is gone?

it’s really cool that the money rock is back

OOHHH I CAN LIVE WITH MY FRIENDS THAT’S SO COOL

i just need to get friends :/

The leader system is actually really nice

The nooklink system is really cool for easier communication

especially the voice session

Okay we got to Part 2 nice

I hope we can have more villagers in our island

I felt like I wanted more villagers than we could have in New Leaf

Oh I love that we can choose where the villagers should live that’s gonna be amazing

THE MUSEUM IS GORGEOUS

I’m literally in awe its sooooo pretty

OH MABEL AND SABEL MY GORGEOUS GIRLS I’M SO EXCITED

and the clothing options!!!!!!

I like that we can see changes before they are implemented more

ISABELLE FINALLY

nintendo knew what they were doing with the dramatic entrance

Oh that pink hair is gorgeous I’m so excited

Oh look at Label/Labelle following her fashion dreams

Okay I just saw Celeste now whereee is Blathers???

Daisy Mae is absolutely adorable omg

Once again the hairstyles are top tier

CJ and Flik look really cool

The pole vault and ladder looks sooo helpful

Oooh new bridge designs

It really seems that no part of the island is off limits

Yessss more customization with the paths

AND THE CLIFFS AND WATER

Im in awe there is so much customization!!!!

Alright Part 3

ooo the photo system looks so cool

wow they really do be plugging that new console system

Free updates are amazing

alright the pocket camp system is cool but i don’t play pocket camp

Okay so final thoughts

As you can probably tell i started to lose steam throughout the video

I’m gonna say it again, the museum looks absolutely stunning

The lighting in the game looks fantastic and thats coming from someone who relies on lighting to boost my mood

I’m so excited to play on a bigger screen and with (hopefully) less time restrictions

The customization availabilities is much more than i had ever hoped for I’m soo excited.

i was starting to get discouraged that we would run out of options or be too restricted in the game but with the more customization kind of changes my view.

#animal crosing new horizons #acnh #animalcrossing #animal crossing #acnh spoilers #ac #new horizons

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aletaevers · 5 years

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( cisfemale ) haven’t seen ALETA 'PIXIE' EVERS around in a while. the FREYA MAVOR lookalike has been known to be (+) DRIVEN & (+) RESILIENT, but SHE can also be (-) VAIN & (-) UNRELENTING. The 22 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in NURSING. I believe they’re living in TERRA FIRMA, but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( james. 20. EST. she/they. )

i’m......so excited......................like i LOVE aleta and im so iskdjfg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pleathe give this a like if u’d like to plot w/ her !!! esp if u have a hendrix bb as they’d know her more ... obv

TW: child abuse, alcoholism, death, violence, grief. just some really tragic shit, man. self loathing.

a e s t h e t i c s

french-pane windows and ivy-coated bricks, silk pajama sets and champagne bubbles, wind through hair and constant, constant running; red cards and penalties, explosive words and hair-tugging, tear-soaked pillows and red eyes in empty bathrooms, the smell of roses and death, loose curls and sharp scissors, fairy tales and their endings -- how bittersweet, nails against desks, against backs, nails down a chalkboard, nails breaking skin. thrown fists and bruised knuckles, late night cereal-runs, getting lost in the woods, sleeping in fields. choking down insults, forced smiles, a wish for comfort.

general information !!

full name: aleta marit evers

nickname(s): pixie, tbd

b.o.d. - june 17th, grand ol’ gemini

label(s): the vixen, the amaranth, the hellcat, etc. etc.

height: 5′8″ tbh

hometown: giethoorn, netherlands

sexuality: bi as hell

stats

biography !!

all aleta has ever wanted was to be happy. to just, for once--be content.

born to anton evers, a well-known neurosurgeon and eleanor evers (nee du pont), a talented actress appearing on several tv shows in her youth -- privilege is, essentially, her middle name

her parents met on the set of a hospital show, anton a consultant and eleanor a ‘patient’; it was the kind of love that was volatile and loud and known -- dangerous, in the end, maybe.

this was only possible because eleanor had always dreamed of being a star, instead of inheriting her families’ horse racing business; which thus resulted in her traveling across an entire ocean to pursue her dreams where there wasn’t already a name made for her.

lil fun facts about the evers: anton’s older brother is a partner with their father at evers & evers, and his younger brother is koninklijke marechaussee.

life was normal in the beginning; eleanor had her firstborn, rhys -- a son, which made anton happy. then, her second born, aleta -- a daughter, which made anton less happy. a few years after aleta came laurel, another daughter. and that was that.

it was supposed to be the three of them.

anton evers, in all his glory -- was nothing more than a no-good cheater with a bad temper and a lack of empathy. which, of course, led to his numerous affairs with one of his nurses. which -- in turn, led to the birth of one ramona evers, only to be discovered six years later.

pre-ramona: when the kids got too much for eleanor, she’d let them fall into the hands of the nannies. plural, as there were many; not all willing to deal with three spoiled devils from the deepest pits of hell. she loved her children, but god, was she not built for motherhood. eleanor spent her days drinking wine and champagne, excessively, while the nannies chased after mud-coated children and faced their tantrums head-first.

their house was old and ~vintage~ and more like a mansion than anything else, a backyard leading into woods--countless woods. this is where aleta spent most of her time, when she got sick of rhys pulling her pigtails and him refusing to play knights and princes with her.

after a severe accident, ramona was suddenly left motherless and thus: custody went to anton. it came to a shock to the entire family, but eleanor the most -- she’d gone six years unknowing of the fact that her husband had another child.

it was like watching their mother turn into a completely different person overnight -- while never cruel to her own children, eleanor was relentless towards ramona. whether it were insults or nails dug into arms; more often than not a martini glass in her hand.

aleta had always loved her mother -- even with nannies looking after her more often than not. in her eyes, her mother and father had a marriage that fairy tales were based off of. anton worked often, but everyday he’d bring home flowers for eleanor; their home was essentially a garden; vases and vases of roses.

if her mother hated ramona then aleta hated ramona. rhys had begun closing up and laurel, out of fear than anything else, stayed clear of the soap opera that was now their life.

these were aleta’s nightmare child gone extreme years. unapologetically violent towards any other student who dared step in her way, she took what she wanted and was a typical bully throughout her school years. she was essentially just. a really angry brat. with dyslexia, which also made school Hard which in turn made her Hate School.

more often than not, she was alone at home. more often than not, she was in the woods. they were her only source of peace. it was in the woods that she met vos. whether that was his real name, she didn’t know. she didn’t care. he’d gotten his foot stuck in a rabbit hole, and she’d gotten it out. and from that point, they were friends. it was like a fairy tale, which aleta had always been big on. she went by duif, going along with his shenanigans.

together they played knights and princes (aleta, always the knight. always. vos, the prince. always.) practically everyday until sundown, where they’d part ways.

throughout this all, eleanor had been getting worse. her alcoholism had taken an extreme turn for the worst.

when aleta was 12, she found her mother dead. she doesn’t remember much, just red wine mimicking blood and pearls strewn across the room, shattered glass and her own screaming sobs.

the day after the funeral, they moved.

aleta was, essentially, alone in the world after that. rhys had gone off with the bad sort of crowd and had no time for his mourning sister; he was grieving in his own way. laurel had befriended their neighbor, eva, and aleta had immediately taken a dislike towards her. she thought she looked like a rat. aleta told eva that much. and ramona was...off doing ramona things, avoiding her family by any means necessary.

time sort of...flew, after that. aleta channeled her anger through sports--and as she got older, into parties and general reckless activity involving alcohol and whatnot. grief still hung heavy in her throat, but she put on a mask of cynical coldness and became known as the resident bitch. it fit her. she didn’t care.

her moods calmed a bit as she entered university, but not by much tbh.

uuhhh hmmm. met tiago through her brother, and only pursued him because she had overheard ramona gushing to either laurel or eva or whomever the fuck about her little ~faraway crush~. so, like, obviously aleta fucked him? and somehow! they wound up dating! she’s very much in love with him, which terrifies her because she’s very scared of loving someone.

also...........uh......................may have gotten ramona expelled out of sheer pettiness. more on that later. :~)

personality !!

frank, rude, and spiteful -- at least she’s honest. even if her comments are riddled in backhanded compliments and eye-rolling.

she’s not the....easiest person to befriend. has a habit of really only paying much attention to people she finds interesting; if you bore her then you’re out! thanks for playing!

despite how off-putting she can be, she’s pretty well-known. whether its because of her viciousness on the field in the many, many sports she has played for hendrix, or her presence at parties, or ‘cos she made your cousin or best friend or whomever cry in the bathroom, or y’know. her famous, dead mom.

doesn’t...seem to have a problem with her reputation? likes being seen as this tough, untouchable person.

is soft with very very few people, like, maybe three at the max? and she’s not even soft towards her siblings so difjgkh. one of these people is obv tiago.

she’s endlessly loyal, even if she does flirt with other people to make her bf jealous ?? like, she’d never actually cheat. not after what her father did to her mother. does it excuse her actions ?? fuck no. she’s still a bad person

hates her dad so yay !! daddy issues. p sure papa evers is part of a secret society but, y’know. just dad things.

she’s....very emotional. very prone to sudden spouts of just, anger. it doesn’t take a lot to piss her off, and she’s not a particularly friendly whirlpool.

cries a lot tbh. usually before she sleeps, or in the shower, or in one of the campus bathrooms. doesn’t let people see her cry but like...it’s also not surprising to catch her fixing her eyeliner in the bathroom after an episode.

she’s just in general p moody ?? petty ?? will talk shit to you in dutch, even if u fucking speak it. she doesn’t care. would probably spread a rumor about u just for funsies.

she’s gr8 at parties, usually ‘cos shes too crossed to be actively mean.

like, okay, i’ve made her out to be pretty Horrible but hbjnfdmgh she isn’t going to look at your character and just. start beating them down with words n fists and shit, y’know ?? she might be thinking it, but she’s not That impulsive

is apathetic at best towards most people otherwise, like, idk -- if she doesn’t have a reason, even if its a very small reason, she won’t bother with you.

this VIDEO right fucking here. GOD. that’s an aleta vibe. it’s probably not something she’d say but just. the tone ?? awful. it gave me flashbacks to middle school when i watched that video.

has a sketchbook which is essentially anatomy notes and like, lil doodles n shit of fantasy scenery n shit

kinda...escapes into her mind sometimes ?? is still in love w the concept of fairy tales and perfect love and just. happiness. like she’s kind of obsessed with it ?? with the perfect image ?? which, hence, leads to her illustrating it. hence why she’s just so. in love. hence why she sabotages everything for herself too ‘cos ! she just sort of hates herself and knows nothing will ever be magical and perfect and shit.

so like, big secret fantasy nerd. probably has tried to sing with birds once when nobody was looking. she cant even sing. she shower sings and like maybe the bathroom acoustics make her sound not horrible but ?? she’s mediocre at best. it’s tragic, really.

there’s sm more, like, she’s just got a lot of feelings and contradicting personality points and she’s udfjighk she’s annoying. that’s what she is. aleta is CANCELED

ok ok ok but GOD is she good at sports ?? like genuinely just. she does like, track, hockey, lacrosse, tennis prolly idk, maybe other shit. and like granted she gets angry n then gets penalized for almost beating a girl down but isjkdfg she’s good at sports

got the nickname ‘pixie’ on the field ‘cos shes fast and also has bitten a few people and is just very aggressive

EDIT: i forgot to mention that she !! stopped relying on her father for money (this does not include....stealing from him, which she most definitely does!!) and she’s kinda paying for things w/ savings and like...soon, she’ll get a job, i promise uhdfijfkg

wanted connections !!

like...two close friends. pleathe, for her sanity.

uuuuuHHH god, just enemies of all sorts. ex-friends or never-friends or exes before tiago. people she’s talked shit about, or spread shit about

maybe she fucking poured her alcohol on ur muses’ head during a party

GOD i don’t know she drops people so much !!

other....friends, y’know, that she isn’t ~close~ to, but she gets along with fairly well

people she flirts with to make her bf jealous !! because she’s awful !!

temptations...b/c commitment is difficult for her b/c of y’know. her parents. not an actual affair but just...y’know. checking each other out, flirtatious banter, the whole ‘no i can’t ive got a boyfriend’ and shit like that.

teammates !!

dead parents club.

somebody who caught her crying in the bathroom hfdjgkh whether theyre concerned for some fucking reason or r straight up like ‘lmao...u deserve it’

ummm give me rhys ?? and laurel ?? or people who know them

rhys is a drug dealer so like.............she prolly knows a few ppl who get their drugs from him

friends of ramona’s before she uh . . . disappeared / got expelled

good influences who r like ‘stop being such a fucking dick aleta get ur shit together’

cousins !! she prolly has a ton

maybe......an online friend ?? who shes known for a while ??

bad influences who r like >:3 yes stay angry. stay bad. here, break this fucking window with this bat. yes, good.

literally i will take anything sjkfdg

people she’s tormented ??? has bullied ?? has embarrassed ???

#water:intro #child abuse tw #alcoholism tw #death tw #grief tw #violence tw

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giasonesdream · 6 years

Text

I Can’t Even

Pairing: Jeongguk x Taehyung, Taehyung x Jimin

Summary: A story where Jimin is the side-piece and he knows it, Taehyung is a shit boyfriend and he knows it, and Jeongguk thinks Taehyung is the best boyfriend ever...(Explicit)

Crossposted on AO3 and based off this still amazing FMV

tagged: Smut, taekook, vmin, cheating, videotaping, Angst, hella sad, read at your own risk

Word Count: 6679 (14 fucking pages what glue was I even on when I wrote this wtf)

You: hey I thought you were coming over??

Jeongguk sends the message without any hesitance. He is tired from the long day of classes and his part-time job at the university’s bookstore, and all he wants to do is cuddle up with his stupid boyfriend and preferably watch an even stupider movie (“I don’t think ‘stupider’ is a word, though,” Taehyung would say in retaliation).

But said boyfriend is not sprawled out over his couch when he gets back to his apartment, and he usually always beats Jeongguk home.

Not a minute later, his phone dings! in reply:

taetae<3: haha yeah..sorry? something came up. I’m pretty busy rn

Jeongguk isn’t given time to respond when Taehyung shoots back with:

taetae<3: ill come over tomorrow and bring your favorite cookies :))

Heaving a sigh, Jeongguk sinks into the cushion of his sofa. He can already feel the crumbs of the flaky almond cookies tumble from his chin, making him a proper mess that Taehyung will try to tease him for. “Now we match,” he would say back, feigning annoyance before placing a sloppy kiss on the other’s cheek, the evidence of his lips being the crumbs that stick to Taehyung’s golden skin.

You: oh okay, I love u bby

taetae<3: ill ttyl

taetae<3: <3

He tosses his phone onto the coffee table in front of him, only giving himself a moment of silence before he pushes himself off the couch, ready to wander around and enjoy his weekend freedom.

Meanwhile, Taehyung’s heart drops in his chest as the message shows that Jeongguk has seen it. He isn’t lying - he truly does love his boyfriend. But that is where the truth ends, Taehyung knows. He stares at the chat right as he gets a notification from a number saved conspicuously as Pizza Hut. When Taehyung clicks on the chat, the first new thing to pop up is a photo attachment that loads to show something very unrelated to pizza (though, maybe just as mouthwatering):

Jimin is lying on his bed, a black hoodie that looks suspiciously like one that Taehyung had left at his place on his chest and the hood covering his eyes, only to leave the view of parted, plump and full lips. Then the messages read:

Pizza Hut: Im waiting..

Pizza Hut: babe i need u

Taehyung still feels a bit guilty, honestly...but Jimin is so goddamn enticing, tempting. It’s hard for him not to shoot up from his table in the tutoring center, waving goodbye to Namjoon as he shrugs on his jacket and makes his way out of the building and off campus in the opposite direction of his boyfriend.

You: omw

Jimin busies himself with scrolling angrily through photos of a happy couple he has known for, what, two years now? If he recalls correctly (and there’s no interpreting this wrong, he fucking remembers) he was the one to help Taehyung and Jeongguk become friends. Taehyung had been the spritely young man in his general education calc class that had a voice deep enough to rattle in his bones (and he has no shame in admitting he’d wanted to drop to his knees instantly for him), and Jeongguk was the reserved, polite, adorable kid in his first level hip hop dance class that seemed to contain the upper body strength of someone twice his size. He hadn’t seen any harm in having the two meet each other especially since Taehyung had spoken to him first, shown interest in him fucking first.

But here he is, glaring at a picture of Jeongguk’s selfie, one that just so happens to show the hickies scattered on the side of his neck as if Taehyung has never done that to him either.

When he gets another text from Taehyung informing him he’s just five minutes away, Jimin slides from his bed to grab the equipment, heart beat picking up a little at the excitement of his plan. His dresser stands on the wall in front of his bed, and there he has a makeshift tripod constructed to hold the video camera he’d been gifted with before he started university.

When the red light signifies the camera is recording, he paces, unsure of what to do exactly. There’s some sort of adrenaline that pumps his veins even though he knows there’s more to come. He finally opts for sitting on the foot of his bed, flopping back. Words flow from his mouth before he even knows it.

“Jeonggukie,” he sighs. He hopes he’s speaking loud enough for the camera to hear. “I’ve been hooking up with this guy...he’s the best I ever had.” There’s a smile on his lips that he knows the camera cannot see. His mind wanders to the times he’s spent with Taehyung, getting fucked with his tongue, his fingers, his cock; the smallest moan escapes his lips, the blood traveling south. “So good…”and this moan isn’t as clipped.

He cuts his imagination short, sitting up and running his fingers through the black strands as he looks at the camera. He smiles, pinkie slipping between his lips. “I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

And by the grace of whatever deity looks down on Jimin fondly, he hears a faint knock on his apartment door. He gives one last wink to the camera before scurrying off to answer the door.

Jimin still isn’t used to the fiery red of Taehyung’s hair as it simply sits on his head, no need to be styled, unlike with Jimin’s hair. There needs to be some effort with Jimin. Taehyung is flawless, and Jimin is the luckiest to be able to witness that perfection.

“Hey.” Taehyung greets simply, though his voice is low and his eyes are dark. He takes a step forward, not waiting to be allowed into the living room.

“Hi.” Jimin smiles sweetly because he is always so excited whenever he gets to see this man in front of him. Oh, how he’s changed in the last two years that they have known each other. The thin sweater Taehyung wears now hangs nicely from his broad shoulders, clinging to his chest just a bit tighter than how they used to. His neck is thicker, so much room to mark him.

But he knows he can’t…

Jimin pushes those thoughts aside as he wraps one hand around that neck to drag Taehyung into a kiss. It starts out innocent enough -a happy greeting-, but when Jimin pulls back to breathe, the other is already chasing after him, slipping his tongue into the parted, full lips he spent the whole walk thinking about. He had a thing for biting, and the lips were never left unscathed...especially when they looked absolutely sinful when blistery and red, swollen from abuse.

Taehyung pulls back then, his eyes fluttering open to no more than half-lidded as he tugs on the fabric that practically swallows the other whole. “You have my hoodie,” he states simply.

They’re both panting, and Jimin is slowly starting to lose his train of thought, so he nods with a smile. “Looks good on me, right?”

“Shit, is that even a question?” Taehyung yanks Jimin forward so their bodies are molded together, every inch meeting from head to toe. “Gonna let me fuck you against the wall? Let my sweater keep you nice and warm while I work you open?”

God, that mouth. It’s the very thing that drew Jimin in and it wouldn’t be just perfect if it didn’t eat him alive with every word uttered. He shivers at the idea; it’s tempting, that’s for sure.

“M-maybe later.” His breath hitches. “But I need to show you something in my room first.” There’s a frown to Taehyung’s features that makes Jimin take his hand and lead him down a very familiar path to Jimin’s bedroom.

Taehyung doesn’t notice it first, his eyes staying on the back of Jimin’s head as they enter. It isn’t until he’s guided to sit on the foot of his bed that Taehyung realizes the camera looking him in the eyes. With an eyebrow arched, Jimin explains.

“I wanted to try something different.” Jimin sits on his knees next to him, facing his profile as he leans in to whisper in the other’s ear. “I want something to watch when you’re gone off playing ‘Boyfriend’ with Jeongguk.”

Taehyung turns his head at the name mentioned, face colliding with Jimin’s as he breathes the other in. Some part of him aches at the reminder of what he’s doing, but the lust burns more potently, and the idea of punishing this small boy comes to mind. “Told you not to talk about him.”

Their lips are hairsbreadth apart, and Jimin is too focused on how they are touching his. “I’m sorry.” The apology sounds sweetly insincere. “Should I turn the camera off?”

Taehyung’s head shake is subtle but enough since Jimin was on him again, pressing their lips together as the kiss turned open, desperate. He climbs to straddle Taehyung, a lick of fire trailing up his spine at how those hands encompass his waist so perfectly, so securely, like he wouldn’t be able to go anywhere even if he wanted to. And Taehyung swallows his moan when his hands move from Jimin’s hips and around to his ass, nails scratching into the denim fabric when he pulls the other closer.

Some part of Jimin wants to lose himself in the kiss, the way Taehyung’s tongue licks at the inside of his mouth and claims him; he wants to keep grinding down on both their growing lengths, but there’s too many obstacles. Too many layers of clothes. Taehyung must have the same thought as his hands push underneath the hoodie to find bare skin, dragging his fingers up the smooth skin of his back before pulling away.

“Off,” is the only word Taehyung gives, but Jimin understands, slides off the man’s lap to tug off the hoodie and go for the buttons of his jeans. He can feel those dark, deep eyes on him, watching his rather graceless stripshow and Jimin cannot stop the heat that rises up his chest. He plans on complaining once he’s naked, but after his underwear pool at his ankles, hands find their way back to Jimin’s waist, tugging him back into Taehyung’s lap and bringing their mouths together again.

“What about...you?” Jimin asks between kisses.

Taehyung rests his forehead against Jimin’s, panting and trying hard to find some semblance of control. “What do you want me to do?”

A surprised groan falls from Jimin’s lips. So it’s that kind of night, one where Taehyung will make it seem like the other has all the power. “Tell me what you want,” he’ll say; “How and where do you want me?” This kind of power is hardly ever in Jimin’s court, and it’s almost dizzying how fucking hot it gets him.

After a heavy sigh, Jimin says, “T-take your clothes off and sit back down. Wanna make you feel good.”

An obedient Taehyung is rare, Jimin knows this. But that’s what makes the times when the taller pulls out the choker, holds his wrist together, all the more worth it. Not to say that Jimin doesn’t absolutely love the Taehyung that likes to tease, laugh when he begs for more, pulls back just to edge the pleasure until it’s unbearable- no. Jimin has jerked off so many times to a memory of Taehyung pinning his body down and taking what he wants with reckless abandon.

Taehyung pulls at his clothes unceremoniously, subtle glances to the camera that the other catches every second. Jimin can see the cogs turning in that perfect head, and he’s about to ask what he’s thinking.

“Is this for you only?”

The question seems innocent, but a pang of worry creeps into Jimin’s mind. Had he put two and two together?

“It’s just that...you’d look so pretty and if the camera missed anything-”

Jimin promptly shuts the other up with his tongue in his mouth, both with happiness at how willing Taehyung is to try this out, but also at the twitch of his own cock at the idea of having the camera focused solely on him and what he can do to the other man. There’s no doubt about it that Jimin likes to watch himself given he plans on making a career out of observing and making note of the way his body moves and how it can be better, so it doesn’t surprise anyone that he may or may not have a few videos of himself masturbating, fingering himself or using some of his favourite toys (there was a prostate massager he bought and tried out with Taehyung. It was then categorized as a toy for special times because that thing was powerful).

When they finally part, Taehyung stands and reaches for the camera, plopping back down on the bed and ignoring the squeak as he turns to focus the camera on Jimin. “As you were,” he says with a chuckle.

There’s a sultry glint to Jimin’s eyes, a smile none too pure as he sinks to his knees, first holding Taehyung’s gaze before giving a wink to the camera as he starts of trail of soft pecks on the inside of Taehyung’s thighs.

It doesn’t even feel real when Taehyung watches everything from the viewfinder, can’t comprehend that the face he sees in the camera is the same one that is between his legs at this very instant. That is, until Jimin’s lips come to kiss Taehyung’s stiff cock. It’s a featherlight touch, one he hardly feels but it only makes him ache for more. Lucky for Taehyung, Jimin doesn’t tease all that much, and soon enough the other licks up the underside until he can wrap his lips around the head.

Taehyung nearly loses his grip on the device in his hand, stuck between wanting to watch the man as he actually takes his time to thoroughly coat his dick or watch it all unfold through the viewfinder. His brain chooses for him, opting to weave his fingers through the raven strands as he watches Jimin’s head bob up and down his length.

The elder revels in the low, husky sounds that come from the man above him, how his voice reverberates through his body, allows him to feel just as much as he can hear how much he affects Kim Taehyung. The hand in his hair tightens a fraction when Jimin feels he can take more of the other’s cock, fighting back his gag reflex and never stopping the swirl of his tongue as he goes further down. Curses fly out frantically and it encases the smaller man on his knees, the sounds going to his own hard member, and he needs some type of friction to alleviate the pressure. The hand not holding Taehyung’s dick sits in a fist on his own thigh, itching to just move and palm at his own boner- no. No, Taehyung will make him feel good. He always does.

Taehyung bucks his hips up just as Jimin finally manages him down his throat, swallowing thickly at the intrusion and trying hard not force him out. It feels too good, Jimin’s mouth. So wet, hot, addictive, Taehyung just wants to continue. But when he looks through the camera just as Jimin looks up, he knows they can’t keep this up for long. He wants to fuck Jimin every way he knows how; fucking needs to.

With the grip he has on Jimin’s scalp, he tugs the man off his cock, a string of saliva connecting his bottom, swollen lip to the red and angry head. He doesn’t give his lover a minute to breathe before he drags Jimin into a searing kiss, probably not getting a good angle with the camera, but at this very moment, fuck the camera.

Jimin desperately needs air but also desperately needs to keep kissing Taehyung, and a whimper bubbles in his chest as his body fights for its basic necessity. Taehyung tears them apart, pupils wide and focused on the dishevelled man in front of him. His voice is a growl when he speaks.

“Put the camera back and lay on the bed.”

When Jimin feels level-headed enough, he pouts, knowing good and well how great he must look right now. “But I thought I was in charge tonight.”

The red head laughs even though there’s nothing amusing about Jimin’s statement. He only gives a nod before standing up, the few inches he has on the other boy playing well into the dominant act as he leans down, their faces leveled with each other.

“Be a good boy and put the fucking camera back and lay on the fucking bed.”

Without a word, Jimin does as he is told, taking the camera to put back on his dresser and walking past Taehyung, ready to sit down when the other tells him to lay “on his stomach”.

He rolls over, lying horizontally across the bed so that the camera can easily capture their profiles. Jimin feels the bed dip underneath him and waits in anticipation.

He starts at the nape of Jimin's neck, a soft peck to contrast the hard member that slots between Jimin's cheeks. Taehyung loves when Jimin melts under his touch, becomes relaxed and sated with the softest touches. He keeps going, creating a searing path down the elder's spine, eyes focused on the way his muscles seem to simultaneously relax and tense with his actions.

When he gets to Jimin's ass, he stops, attentive to the boy of the other's head. "Why so tense?" he taunts, grabbing the globes of Jimin's ass and spreading them apart, kneading them just to hear how Jimin's breath stutter.

Park Jimin, the unabashed fiend he is, has the nerve to act shy, pleading with a small voice and reluctant to look back and meet the eyes of the man that makes him feel insane with pleasure.

And Kim Taehyung, the smart man he is, falls for it every goddamn time.

The first long lick to his hole leaves Jimin with tight muscles, as if he's never been eaten out before. On the contrary, Taehyung was the master at using his tongue in the most sinful, dirty ways imaginable. Every time would always feel like the first.

With his hands resting at Jimin's hips, Taehyung gives another tentative lick, making sure to start at his perineum, the tip of his tongue getting caught on his rim.

"Shit," Jimin hisses, clenching around air while his dick twitches where it's trapped between him and the bed. "Just...fuck...please."

He shivers at the responding chuckle, Taehyung's hot breath fanning across his hole. "Want me to fuck you with my tongue? Get you nice and wet for me cock?"

The heat that shoots up his spine leaves Jimin panting, the images in his head getting him even more eager for the other's tongue. He nods frantically , pressing his cheek into the cotton of his duvet. When he catches the red light of the camera, he grins, another bout of lust to fuel him when he thinks about how incredible they must look and-

"Oh, fuck!" keens the elder, jerking away from the pleasure as Taehyung dives in, sucking at his rim and dipping the wet muscle inside only to pull it out. Always the tease even when he's getting down to business.

His eyes are closed to the world, focusing on the pleasure the other gives him. He doesn't even try to hold back the noises, the moans, whimpers, groans, breathy cries. When Taehyung finally licks inside him, pushing his tongue in to stretch his walls, Jimin falls silent, mouth open and fingers curling into the sheets.

Taehyung groans low when he feels Jimin clench around him, hardly able to fuck him properly. "Relax, baby," he soothes before he's going back in to thrust his muscle in and out.

It's too much, the heat searing Jimin's skin and there is no relief in sight. His heart hammers in his chest, blood ringing in his ears and dick curled tightly to his stomach. He needs to relieve some of the pressure, rub against his bed, get a hand around himself- something. But when he tries to wriggle away, Taehyung only clamps down on his hips more, trapping him to just take whatever the other will give him, and Jimin is never sure if he's ready for the onslaught.

And then he feels a finger press inside beside his tongue, and a tremor racks through his body, burying his face in his elbow while white spots dance behind his closed eyelids.

Jimin's words are muffled, but Taehyung think the other is saying "please" over and over. He could stay back here for all of eternity, making the other fall apart on his tongue and fingers. But the way his walls flutter around him, he cannot exactly forget how incredible Jimin feels around his cock.

He needs to fuck him into the mattress. Fucking yesterday.

Taehyung pulls away, admiring the way the other whines but ultimately stays in place. He quickly grabs the bottle of lube he knows is stashed under Jimin's pillow (easy access is how Jimin explains it) and crawls back to hover over the boy panting with a slight sheen of sweat coating his fair skin.

"Want something, gorgeous?" taunts the red head, watching as the other arches his back in search of him while he slicks up his fingers. "You are in charge, after all," he whispers into Jimin's ear, faintly feeling the goosebumps that rise under his light touch.

There's a moment of silence where Jimin thinks of what to say: "get your tongue back in me", "tear me apart", "fuck me so I can feel it for days". But his brain doesn't work so well when he's already high like this, not being able to make his mouth work properly when his brain is damn near fried. "Fuck me," he commands simply, eyes fluttering to meet Taehyung's.

The answer must be good enough for him, a lazy smirk on his lips as he leans down to nibble at Jimin's neck, all the while running his lube coated fingers over his already spit-slick entrance. He can tell the elder is holding his breath, waiting to be breached. It would be amusing to Taehyung if he wasn't also holding some crazy amount of self-control himself.

The first finger goes in easily, a sigh of relief escaping Jimin's bloodshot lips. He looks sedated, calm. That changes, however, when Taehyung decides that Jimin can take another, the fit more snug as he curls two long fingers deep inside the silk walls of his ass. Black strands matting to his forehead, Jimin seems to be in some state of euphoria with Taehyung’s fingers massaging at his inner walls. Satisfyingly beautiful.

The furrow in Jimin’s brow deepens when Taehyung expertly grazes the other’s prostate, still thrusting slowly, making sure to stroke at that bundle of nerves every time. He allows the boy under him to twist about, trying to get his fingers deeper, make him go harder. With a frustrated sigh, Jimin snarls.

“Harder, please.”

And there’s that laugh, the one that both makes Jimin feel safe and riles him up all in one. “Since you asked so nicely…”

A slight burn comes when Taehyung adds the third finger, making Jimin clamp around him, inhaling deeply.

Fuck, he would feel so amazing around Taehyung’s cock.

The redhead leaves wet kisses on Jimin’s shoulder, helping him to loosen up so Taehyung can prepare him until all he feels is pleasure. Not a minute later and Jimin is back to moaning, his voice angelic and filthy all at once, making Taehyung’s neglected cock twitch in excitement. He doesn’t think he can wait any longer, burying his fingers inside to press at Jimin’s prostate until he’s drawn tight, only a squeak to get past his lips.

Jimin threads his fingers through the fiery tresses, yanking Taehyung down so he can whisper into the other’s mouth, “Get your dick inside me now.”

Taehyung obeys, quickly removing his fingers and grabbing the bottle to pour some lube onto his member, hissing slightly at the cool liquid that meets hot flesh. He coats his dick evenly, mixing in the lube with the precum that’s pooled at the head before he falls back over Jimin, grabbing his cheeks to spread him, watch the way his hole flutters.

“Shit, baby,” Taehyung hisses, taking one hand away to guide himself in. “Gonna fuck you open so you feel me for days.” He doesn’t give Jimin much time to respond with anything other than a whine as he thrusts forward, not stopping until he’s completely sheathed in Jimin’s tight, wet heat. A stream of curses leave him before he even realizes, his head falling to rest at the nape of Jimin’s neck.

The other isn’t faring so well, either, breathing uneven as his body tries to adjust to Taehyung’s size, the feeling of him bottoming out something he can never get used to. He stays deathly still for what feels like hours before he starts to push back even though Taehyung hasn’t left him much room.

“Move, Tae,” Jimin pleads, head dropped between his shoulders.

And, of course, Taehyung does as he’s told because he doesn’t need to be told twice. He starts slow, making sure Jimin feels every inch as it slides out and back inside. But with the way Jimin contracts around him, Taehyung isn’t sure how long he can keep this up. The elder seems to hold the same sentiment.

Taehyung feels a smaller hand scramble to grab to his ass, using his strength to drag Taehyung impossibly deeper. “Harder, fuck.” And again...who is Taehyung to deny his baby what he wants?

Jimin gets the breath knocked out of him when Taehyung snaps his hips harshly, but he loves it. Loves the sting when the other’s hip slam against his ass. Their bodies fit so perfectly together, uneven breaths synced to a rhythm that just flows. Jimin would be lying if he didn’t admit that he just loves them together. Thinks it’s perfection, just like the man pounding into his ass.

His vision goes white when Taehyung shifts and nails his prostate. His head falls to the bed, muffled screams and professions of “there, there, there,” leave his mouth with his eyes screwed shut. But Taehyung must hear him since he pulls back until he’s on his knees, grabbing the other’s hips to pick up his pace.

Jimin’s nails dig into Taehyung’s skin, and they both forget the younger’s rule of no marking, because how can he explain to Jeongguk why there are scratches on his ass like that? Jimin needs both hands to clamour at the sheets, though, white-knuckling the duvet while Taehyung shows no signs of slowing down.

He’s burning up from the inside out, fire prickling his every nerve, and he can’t take it. “Tae,” he mumbles weakly, his brain short-circuiting while he gets pounded into the mattress. There’s no way he won’t feel this in every muscle of his being. Fuck.

Eyes fluttering open, Jimin meets the camera that stares them down once again, and a wicked idea enters his hardly functioning brain. With trembling hands, Jimin palms at Taehyung’s hip, pushing him away.

Taehyung stops immediately, worry painting his features as he pulls away and examines the boy beneath him. “You okay? Something wrong?”

If Jimin wasn’t such an diabolical shit, he would probably find this adorable. But he has a plan set and he will see it through. “Let me ride you.” His voice is fucked, a mere croak from the abuse it’s gotten tonight.

The words seem to lag in Taehyung’s head, but once it all catches up with him, he groans, falling forward to capture Jimin’s lips in a frantic kiss that only uses tongue. He pulls away after a minute, flopping next to Jimin and grabbing at his waist. “Yeah, ride me, baby.”

Jimin musters whatever strength he has left to crawl into the other’s lap, not wasting a minute before he’s sliding down on the other’s cock. He sits there, barely moving his hips as he revels in how deep Taehyung is inside of him. He’s going to feel this, for sure.

Taehyung’s hands on Jimin’s waist urge him to move, and Jimin allows it, covering the other’s hands with his own as he uses the muscles in his thighs to bounce up and down on Taehyung.

Taehyung’s orgasm creeps on him, allowing him to enjoy the feel of satin walls massaging his hard member, sucking him in and gripping him tight. But when he feels it, it practically hits him like a freight train, and suddenly he’s thrusting up into Jimin’s heat just as the other sinks down, slamming into his prostate head on.

“Fuck, Tae!” cries out Jimin as he falls forward, thighs trembling while Taehyung continues to pistol into his hole. He thighs clamp around the other’s waist, forcing him higher and higher until Taehyung yanks him down by his hips, keeping him still. “Shit, shitshitshit- right there Tae, fu-”

Taehyung groans, enjoying the view of Jimin falling apart above him. “That’s it, baby. Fucking take it like a good boy.” The keen Jimin responds with is music to his ringing ears. He needs to cum, but he won’t until Jimin finishes first. “Gonna cum for me, baby?”

That seems to sober Jimin up just a bit, enough for him to open his eyes, pupils blown and staring Taehyung down.

“Say his name.”

Taehyung’s brain racks for understanding, still too caught up in ecstasy to understand the command. “What?” he pants. His head falls back into the covers when Jimin clenches around him so deliciously tight. He can feel it, his climax just standing there at the edge. “Who?”

Jimin rolls his hips languidly, reveling in how Taehyung’s pace stutters. “Say his name for me, baby.”

With a growl, Taehyung heaves himself up, wrapping an arm around the other’s waist to keep him seated, keep himself buried balls deep. Jimin’s jaw drops in a silent cry, walls tightening around the other like a vice grip.

“Fuck, Jimin,” Taehyung moans, voice reaching some deeper octave that vibrates through the other’s bones, makes him feel it in every inch of his being. “Cum for me, baby. I know you can.”

Jimin can feel it all over, the way Taehyung’s cock sits so perfectly inside him that his body screams for release; his toes curl just as his fingers grip at the other’s shoulders, some last effort to hold on for dear life as the euphoria drips from his pores, surges through his veins and leaves him locked tight. Cum spurts from his untouched cock, not like he can see it with where his face is buried in the other’s neck to muffle the litany of high pitched sobs and tears that threaten to leak from his eyes.

Taehyung can’t swallow back the hearty groan that rips from his chest, his dick suffocated in the burning walls that contract so exquisitely around him. He tries to focus on holding onto Jimin as he shakes violently, keeping him close while he comes down from his high.

“We’re not done,” he reminds the other, feeling the way he licks at the salt on his neck. Jimin pulls back to see his face, cheeks and neck flushed in a deep red, hair matted to his head and eyes wet. Cute, Taehyung thinks, holding onto Jimin’s waist as he rolls them over, keeping himself buried inside the other.

Jimin is weak, but he still grips Taehyung’s biceps as the other fucks him almost furiously, chasing his own orgasm and rubbing at his sensitive nub. The tears from before trail down, mixing in with the sweat on his face as he arches, unsure of whether he wants to get away or pull Taehyung closer.

“Shit,” he hears the other curse, bending down to encompass Jimin completely as his thrusts get sporadic. “Chim…baby -fuck- you feel so good.” He licks messily at the sweat on his neck before he bites down, eliciting a weak moan from the other.

Jimin turns his head, giving the other room to mark him like he knows Taehyung loves to do. For the time before, Jimin is okay with the one-sidedness. One day, he’s sure it won’t matter who marks who. Again, his eyes meet the camera, and he’s sure his grin does not seem all too innocent, all too playful.

“Taehyung,” he sighs, still looking at the camera. “Cum for me, baby.”

And, of course, Jimin is in charge tonight, right? It’s almost instant how Taehyung pushes forward, burying himself to the hilt as he feels his orgasm flow through him, muscles strained and shaking with every blow. And Jimin milks him beautifully.

Neither are sure how long they stay like that, both more than happy to stay connected like this. But there is a very present feeling of cool cum drying on their chests, and Taehyung pulls away, pulling out and flopping onto his back next to Jimin.

They lay there quietly, only a second or two passing before Jimin giggles lightly. “I won.”

Still letting his blood flow at a normal speed, Taehyung slowly turns to face Jimin. “Didn’t realize we were playing a game.”

Jimin giggles again. Taehyung doesn’t understand. It’s almost precious. “Can you turn the camera off for me? I don’t think I can move.”

Though Taehyung clicks his tongue, he still sits up. Jimin must still be in charge.

“And carry me to the shower!” he adds, plastering on a sickly sweet smile.

“Tch, why are we showering?” asks a very confused Taehyung. When Jimin mirrors back the same expression, Taehyung smiles sneakily. “Baby,” he drawls, tone deep and primal. “Did you think we were done? Put that hoodie back on and follow me.”

Now Jimin is the one to obey, sitting up and watching as Taehyung turns off the camera, staring through the lens as the red light goes off.

Jeongguk wakes with a start on Saturday morning, feeling well-rested after passing out at 11pm; quite the feat for a college student. Plus, the sun is shining through his window and really, who can ignore an obnoxious shining sun?

Speaking of shining suns…

Jeongguk feels at his nightstand, grabbing at his phone and rolling over to his side. He’s sure his boyfriend isn’t awake yet, always taking the opportunities to sleep in late. He still decides to leave a morning message, asking him when he’s coming over so he can figure out how much time he has until he’s bombarded with his crazy love.

The day is lazy, much to Jeongguk’s fortune. He parks himself on the couch after fixing a bowl of cereal, feeling his bones mold comfortably with the fabric and he knows he won’t have the energy to get up and put his bowl in the sink (that is what boyfriends are for).

And soon his laptop is pulled onto his legs, the white noise of the television filling in the empty air as he mindlessly goes through social media. He almost misses the Instant Message that pops up on his screen, saying it's from a number he didn’t even remember he still had: Park Jimin

Jeongguk contemplates leaving it unread, but it doesn’t seem to be one he can get away with reading whatever comes up in the notification because it’s a video.

Their friendship hadn’t lasted all that long, Jeongguk befriending the elder male in his first level hip hop class when he was just a freshman. He’d seemed nice enough, tolerant, eager to help him whenever he needed help. The thing was that Jimin was already pretty much classically trained, having gone to performing arts schools and studying modern dance for most of his life. He’d just signed up for the class to get a taste of the “other side” as Jimin had put it.

But not a month later, Jimin had set up a time to hang out with both Jeongguk and Jimin’s stunning friend from his calc class. Kim Taehyung was something out of a high fashion magazine, effortlessly beautiful and unique. Jeongguk had hoped he hadn’t seemed so smitten after just one meeting, but Taehyung will admit that he could tell the moment they had parted ways.

And Jeongguk remembers when he told Jimin that he and Taehyung were going on a date another month after that, the way Jimin tripped over his own feet and sputtered like a fish out of water. Jeongguk would have been lying if he didn’t mention that he noticed the way Jimin spoke of Taehyung, how Jeongguk noticed the way he’d bodily throw himself into the taller man’s arms when he laughed or how he’d always find a reason to whisper in his ear. Jeongguk may have been young, but he was not so oblivious. Jimin had a thing for Taehyung, and if the night went right (which, obviously, it did), Jeongguk would be the one holding Taehyung’s hand and hiding his hickies (or not trying at all) from the public eye.

That is where the friendship of Jeon Jeongguk and Park Jimin ended.

So, he’s quite surprised when he sees the bubble appear with Jimin’s admittedly handsome face.

Ignoring his better judgement, Jeongguk clicks open the chat, noting how it says they haven’t spoken in over one and a half years. The thumbnail of the video is pretty hard to decipher, but he thinks it’s Jimin, laying on his bed. He presses play.

The video starts out simply, Jimin walking back and forth in front of the camera before sitting heavily at the foot of his bed, then fall back with his arms splayed out.

“Jeonggukie, I’ve been hooking up with this guy...he’s the best I ever had.” His voice sounds airy, happy, and Jeongguk is left only slightly confused. Yes, that would explain the times Jimin has came to class with bruises all over his neck (and sometimes on his thighs, if he hiked his shorts up high enough). But why would Jeongguk care?

Jeongguk hears him moan, “So good…” and really, Jeongguk is about to pause it and just message Jimin when he sees the subject sit up, a tight grin on his face. “I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

Jeongguk almost expects Hoseok, one of their TA’s, because they had both speculated the older man’s sexuality, and maybe Jimin was trying to find a way to make up with the younger...funny way of doing it, but who is Jeongguk to judge?

Intrigued, Jeongguk continues watching as there’s the faintest knock at Jimin’s door. He’s gone for about half a minute or so, the time stamp reads out. And when he comes back in, Jeongguk’s heart drops to his stomach, probably trying to drag himself to hell. It’s not Jung Hoseok.

But his boyfriend.

Kim Fucking Taehyung.

No. No this can’t be real. Jeongguk wants to stop watching, doesn’t want to see it all unfold, but it’s like a trainwreck that he can’t take his eyes off of.

It’s when Taehyung has Jimin pinned to the bed that Jeongguk’s vision goes blurry, and he’s almost thankful for the tears the obstruct his vision because his boyfriend, his love, his Taehyung...has been lying to him.

His eyes are glued to the scene, so he doesn’t notice when Taehyung sends him a message that he’s heading up to his apartment. He doesn’t notice until the front door opens, and he finally tears his eyes away from the monstrosity in front of him to see the perpetrator, standing there with the same black hoodie Jimin had started the video wearing, holding a plastic bag of almond cookies.

The room is silent, safe for the video that plays.

“I won.”

A/N: Whew boy. I would say I’m sorry but a very tiny part of me feels bad. Actually some pretty good discussions happened in the comments of the AO3 posting. Any feedback is always welcomed ^-^

#bts #bts smut #taekook #vmin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #park jimin #bts scenarios #bangtan

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ask-shakespearehigh · 5 years

Text

Q&A post with the Mods!!!!

This is going to be a long one oh boy

How strict is the delineation of creative control vis-a-vis characters/plays between the mods? (@pedanticlecturer)

We generally have the plays split up along lines of “what we know”— we have a list at the very beginning of the blog. Sometimes we’ll draw the others’ characters (mostly me drawing some of Star’s…) but even then the final say on characterization is up to the “main” mod for that play — mod aster

what aster said -- mod star

What is your favorite play? What is your favorite character in terms of how they were written in the source material? (@pedanticlecturer)

I think my favorite play overall is Macbeth, just because I like the vibes (and the fact that I too could kill Macbeth), the fact that you don’t say it’s name in theatres, and the fact that it’s a play I did a full read through and analysis of in class. Favorite character? Puck from Midsummer. — mod aster

uhhhh,, hmm. ive always had a soft spot for midsummer since i saw it with aster esp bc of how fun the costumes were. of the comedies it has the largest potential to be the most visually pleasing bc of the concept of fairies,,,and im gay and dramatic so i love that. id die if i got to costume design for midsummer,,,or be in it,,,yeah. fav character. hmm. probably mercutio?? i recently saw a version of romeo and juliet where mercutio was played by a woman and oh my god it was amazing!!! not to mention mercutio’s portrayal in baz luhrmann's INCREDIBLE version of r n j!!! (I based my mercutio design on him) he just spends the entire time making dick jokes. love that. -- mod star

How do you answer asks so fast? I mean it's great but I'm impressed 😂 (Anon)

Personally, it’s a mix of: notifications on, quick drawing speed, and using the blog to avoid my class work — mod aster

aster is fast and (as you can see from all of my answers) im lazey -- mod star

Are there any elements/characters of the plays you're covering that you would have liked to work into this blog's plot, but couldn't due to the constraints of the setting or the synthetic nature of the blog? (@pedanticlecturer)

I wanted to make everyone gay but unfortunately due to plot constraints we have to have some hets but that wont stop me from making it lgbt as possible. -- mod star

I did want to make The Tempest more of a central play, but it just didn’t translate well. Similarly, other supernatural elements like the witches in Macbeth. This isn’t so much a constraint mentioned, but my own time/energy means that I want to show the Macbeth backstory, in a specific format, but I can’t right now— mod aster

Is there a hierarchy of import when it comes to each play's individualized impact on shakespeare high's general arc? If so, what plays are crucial to the foundation of the story? Which ones did you do mostly for shits and giggles? (@pedanticlecturer)

This is phrased like an ACT question and i might not answer it right so sorry in advance but: mod aster and i only selected a few plays for each of us to do given we dont know all of shakespeare’s works, but we tend to put more emphasis on the the more well known. But it also comes down to 1. How much we have plotted out for each play and 2. What the followers ask about most. Our two most popular are hamlet and macbeth bc people are familiar w those but around march caesar always becomes relevant again. I didnt even have designs for some of the characters until someone asked about them. -- mod star

I would say the same as star— it generally comes down to what people ask about. I will say that the overall plot is sort of separated into “has happened” and “is happening”. Like, the human potion of Midsummer, Julius Caesar, and Macbeth are all in the “aftermath” portion, while Twelfth Night, Hamlet, and Romeo and Juliet, among others, are happening. We’re trying to incorporate as much as we can, and I don’t think any of them were really put in without some thought.— mod aster

What personal significance does shakespeare hold in ur guys' lives? (@pedanticlecturer)

I go to a theater school rn and so ive dealt w shakespeare (although not all of them) it also helps that i was in loves labours lost last year as moth and that i read hamlet and r n j. Theres also a theater in my state that always does One Big Shakespeare per season and they always do them super well!!! My love for shakespeare probably started w seeing midsummer at that theater w mod aster!!! So. Theater kid rights!! -- mod star

To be honest, I got back into Shakespeare Because of the blog. I’ve been friends with some people that got really Pretentious about Shakespeare, and it kinda put me off of it. I did have a book of abridged plays (the plays’ plots written out in prose, basically) that I read as a kid, which is what got me into not only the plots of a lot of the plays, but also the idea of having them illustrated. And, same as star, the theater in state does the One Big Shakespeare— and they tend to do some really cool things with the costumes, setting them in diff time periods. I haven’t been able to see any lately since I’ve moved, but they still slap. — mod aster

🥰😘💙🥰🥰💜💟🥰I 😍💗💚😍😍LOVE🖤🖤 YALL ♥️♥️🧡💛💚💝❣️💕💘💖💗💓💞💝❤️💛💜 okay now i have a question i swear— how long have the two of you been doing art??? and what were your first shakespeare plays??? (@hellaghosts)

Uhh i started drawing when i was like idk 12 and i have the giant boxes of sketchbooks to prove it!!! I moved to digital art at abt 14-15 but mostly stayed traditional until this yr when i got a Neat New Tablet so some of my sketchbooks are sitting abandoned rip. My first shakespeare was either romeo and juliet or midsummer nights dream and i love both of them v much!!! I have a very old piece of art that i did for r n j for my freshman class assignment on it and it hasnt aged well alsdjfjafd circa 2016 i think??? -- mod star

Oh man. I started drawing when I was about 10, but it was Bad. I don’t think I got much into drawing again until I was about 14? Sometime around the end of middle school/beginning of high school. I would say I started getting into drawing as more than doodling/coloring edits sometime around 2015-16? I would draw on my iPad with my finger, then I got a tablet for my computer, and now I pretty much stick to my iPad with an Apple Pencil. My first Shakespeare play was….. uh…… probably Midsummer???? I have No idea. We would go to plays when I was little, so I honestly don’t remember if I saw others before. It may have been Romeo and Juliet— I had that book where it was the original and the “modernized” with the little dog that explained things— which, if you know it makes sense, but if you don’t is probably a bonkers answer. — mod aster

Do you think this blog has like? An overarching thesis (be it b/c intentionally or simply b/c ur own take on the world has bled thru to the point where u believe it’s central to the piece at this point)? (@pedanticlecturer)

Not gonna lie, I had to read that like three times AND dm you to figure out what you were asking from us and all I have is “be gay, respect women, write your own happy endings”. — mod aster

This blog started with an ides of march shitpost and you think we have enough brain energy to write a whole thesis? I projected feelings of found family onto my half of the blog but idk if that counts. Be gay do crime 420 69 -- mod star

What’s the nature/rough dynamic of ur relationship? How do y’all know each other? (@pedanticlecturer)

Met mod aster when i was like 4 and even tho we didnt live close we became like, best friends although the Best part didnt start until we were like 13-ish and eventually we talked like non stop (about anime and homestuck. Yknow. 13 year old kid things) and we didnt see each other a lot bc of Distance and now its even worse bc aster is in colleg.,e but we consider each other siblings regardless of family bc we’re adopted into our own respective families so that bled over into our friendship and it would feel weird calling him anything other than my brother now. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst and if you really want a good insight on what we’re like as siblings watch griffin and justin mcelroy’s overview video of catlateral damage wherein i am griffin and he is the long suffering justin. -- mod star

Star is basically my long distance sibling and functionally the only cousin I recognize bc like their parents are basically an aunt and uncle and like our dads look enough alike that we’ve both accidentally gotten the wrong dad for a hug or similar so like. Anyways yeah Star is the Griffin to my Justin, complete with our absent middle brother who we love dearly— mod aster

Dubiously relevant q but what kind of music do y’all listen to when u do art (if that is indeed a habit either of u partake in) (@pedanticlecturer)

It can depend on the piece? I was working on some (unrelated) oc prints that were song-focused, and for those I just listened to said song on loop. Sometimes I have playlists. Sometimes I’ll just be in a Mood and throw a song on loop. But a lot of time for the blog, I’ll listen to The Adventure Zone for the billionth time, because I have Too Much Attention. I’ve also, on request from Star, linked the most recent “loop song”.— mod aster

I tend to obsess over the same like 3 songs every few weeks so those get listened to on repeat but it also depends on the tone of what im drawing or who im drawing i might genre switch bc of that. If im drawing ophelia i stick to lana del rey and if im drawing hamlet its the neighborhood, horatio is sufjan stevens etc. i have categorized,. Most of the characters i draw into different songs/genres/energies of music but not like i ever follow that. Sometimes i just pull up a really long nonsense video and forget to draw. Essentially: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -- mod star

How’d y’all come up with ur pseudonyms? (@pedanticlecturer)

I love space so much and my main blog is starryeydsailor space gay rights!! Im also tiny and full of energy and bright so basically i;m star -- mod star

Uhhhh i was like “hey i want to do uhhhhhh flower?” And then I google searched flower names until I found one I liked —- mod aster

How did you end up deciding the rough timeline of events in canon? (@pedanticlecturer)

It’s mostly determined by like. How we choose per story? If that makes sense. Like, we just take story by story, and decide “is it happening, has it happened, and when?” And then we fit them together in relation to each other just by dint of. All existing at once. Like, I knew I wanted Macbeth to be in aftermath, because like, even though there’s no murder, the way I’ve translated it to the AU is still kinda heavy, and it’s something that I don’t know that I could do properly if it were happening right now. Also, it’s more interesting IMO to have them at different times. Tl;dr we wing it per story and slot them together— mod aster (mod star agrees I just can word better, in theory)

If you could tell the story of shakespeare high in a different format than an ask blog, would you? Obviously y'all are making very good use of the format, but would you want to write this as a animated series or like? a comic book? or is the form inseparable from the story? (@pedanticlecturer)

I kinda wanted to do a webcomic or maybe to plot develop through like, animatics but the element of surprise comes from the asks we get and really makes us think so the blog is a good start. We didnt think we’d get this far -- mod star

Pretty much what Star said— there are certain elements where it’d be neat to do as a comic or as an animatic. Like, the fantasy dream is like, an anthology webcomic of each story, where you can like, see other characters in the background and stuff. But to be honest, we develop a lot by what we’re asked— there was a post about developing worldbuilding by being asked questions and then pretending you’ve thought about the answer, and it’s not far off. Personally, it’s hard to just lay out a story, because I have a whole WORLD and what’s relevant? What are people interested in? It’s by getting questions that I can then focus in on an area to develop. And yeah, we Super didn’t think we’d get this far lmao — mod aster

Any headcanons about your characters that you don't think will ever come up on the blog through asks or plot posts? (@pedanticlecturer)

I could make a whole separate post for this!!!!! Mostly its voice headcanons (and by mostly i mean like 1 or 2) or relationship hcs!!!! -- mod star

Honestly same. I don’t think I have voice headcanons for mine, though I bet I could find some. I’ve got a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons that just kinda float around, but like they’re scattered, too numerous for this post, and also not always things I’m sure are canon yet.— mod aster

#mod post #mod aster #mod star #q and a #birthday #we cant seem to read more AND tag so like brb gonna go kill god

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spirit-shroud · 6 years

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what’s some of your favorite plight headcanons? do you have any about the author? :o

first of all, anon, marry me right now immediately, im love u ive been dying to talk about these

okay so if you ask me what basis literally any of these have in canon i’ll have no answers but heres some of my personal faves i’ve come up w!! these are HCs im more or less using in a fanfic ill,,, one day actually write... instead of just... awkwardly mentioning it all the time haha end me writing is hard

im gonna limit my lampy hcs to five because i really do have so many more than that i just love him so much kjdfhgdjkhfg

1. lamp boy? trans guy. at the time niko’s there and all The Nonsense happens(tm) he hasnt chosen a name or anything so hes just kinda The Lamplighter (occasionally he’ll panic and just say plight if someone, like, asks him for a name. nobody’s really connected the dots that its just lamplighter or if they have, they don’t want to mention it) maybe it’ll just stick or he’ll actually come up with something ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ for now, that’s just his title2. he has, exactly one(1!) time made the slip-up of calling Kip mom, either because she was worrying about him or whatever, and she hasn’t let him forget it. she sends him plants and books and helps him out whenever he’s asked to repair something he hasn’t encountered before. if you ask him about it, he’d say it’s dumb (but wow she’s a lifesaver!!)

3. even on his day off he needs to be doing something, whether its just wandering around or trying to figure out how the heck to solve a rubik’s cube or whatever else. he finds idle time really stifling even when he could be sleeping. he probably would love things like stim toys just so he has something to do with his hands like tbh (imagine how powerful he’d be if he had like. video games. multitask level: ultimate)

4. since he’s super sleepless, most likely malnourished as hell, and definitely vibrating from caffeine at any given moment he doesn’t have the best memory at all. like. sure he’ll remember the radio station of something he used to listen to like 9 whole years ago that doesn’t exist anymore but if you ask him to remember like.. where he’s supposed to be in an hour? no. ask him to remember someone’s name??? no. he’s just. not going to. ever. it’s a fact of life. however, to try and curb that, he’s gotten SUPER GOOD at keeping lists of everything to accomplish in a day, where, what time, etc and sticking to it. the day he loses his pocket notebook is the day the world ends.

5. this is more of a,,, self-insert, unrelated romance headcanon but. listen. hes the most disaster bisexual to ever walk this earth. humans beware. he has really really low standards so like if you ever show him any care/concern chances are he'd die for you and also screw up any everyday conversation. HOWEVER, he's also quite dumb. like. someone could legitimately walk up and confess their undying love to him outright and he'd be just talking to kip one night like 'okay so this guy i like said he was like, madly in love with me right? do you think he wants to like... go out on a date or was he just being nice? is that how friends are these days? i mean like we held hands once and we got coffee and now this, wow.’

‘that was a date, dear. what you just described was a date.’

‘...ah.’

(its a problem. someone please help him)

(just to reiterate i love lampy a whole heckload. also Big Question: where the heCK does all his money go if he works like 140 hrs/week.)

okay now onto World Dad, whom I love but would also fight in a back alley because what the heck, guy. i really dont have too much on him tbh like it’s more Vague Theories than actual headcanons so im just going to dive into the juicy stuff first

1. i like to think that the major characters are, for the most part, extreme in one trait (kip = mom friend. george = all 6 personalities are different parts of one person. ling = nicest ever. lampy = workaholic, etc) because that’s just how the author remembers them. as well, the world kept getting smaller population wise as the other people were forgotten / their code just kept getting smaller. (but like that’s also really sad oh no)

2. i also like to think his fantasy stories are literally just like... fanfiction of his travels and the friends he’s met, maybe with different names/places. either as a way to remember who he met there or to just share the memory with a lot of people

3. he’s from earth! or alternatively, a very near-earth place, maybe one that’s more advanced (but still runs win95 for some reason)

4, it’s mentioned that he doesn’t like working on AI and i think why that is is because he has a tendency to accidentally give anything he touches like.. full sentience. im sure everyone would love a sentient roomba but. oh dear. that’s too scary. (also a big contributing factor to that is probably like.. idk.. the whole nonsense with the entity) not a headcanon but real talk wheRE DID HE GO how did hE DO THE SALTSTICE UPDATE IF HES FLOATING INDEFINITELY IN THE VOID

next episode of game theory: is the author secretly gaster?

anyways so maybe you can see who my favourite character is but uhhh yeah i just. i really like this game and the people in it s’all >/////////

thanks for coming to my ted talk

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smokeblooded-blog1 · 7 years

Text

REALLY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES. repost , don’t reblog ! tag 10 ! good luck ! TAGGED. i took it from myself bc i was bored TAGGING. spiritmiinded, soughtdawn, clandestinesque, spyblooded, starveincd, pastryblooded, and anyone else who wants to do it who hasnt already

BASICS.

FULL NAME : jean otus NICKNAME : the cigarette peddler / receiver depending on the translation, the cigaretter receiver jean AGE : thirty BIRTHDAY : unknown ETHNIC GROUP : white NATIONALITY : german (? subject to change) LANGUAGE / S : english, japanese, german SEXUAL ORIENTATION : bisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : biromantic RELATIONSHIP STATUS : verse dependent, canonically single HOME TOWN / AREA : born in the Bādon district of the country (at the beak of the bird) CURRENT HOME : he currently still lives in Bādon in a large apartment complex (he lives on the top floor, but only because he and his sister manage the building) PROFESSION : second in command at the ACCA inspections department

PHYSICAL.

SKIN : fair skin that is scarless for the most part, no acne or notable blemishes except for some small birthmarks of no particular shape on his lower back EYES: sky blue; the perfect blue color. they are often shaped in a tired, disinterested look of a poker face, but when smiling the softness is shown through them the most. more emotion can be seen through jean’s eyes than any other feature on him FACE : his face is rather long for the most part, not a baby face in any form, but it doesnt look scrawny or make him look sickly either. he has a longer nose as well that is more lengthy on the bridge than the point itself LIPS : arent particularly special. theyre not too thick, not too thin, and they are often in a straight line / resting. they dont get chapped often because he drinks enough to keep them hydrated and they are not bitten or chewed at in any form. when smiling, small dimples (barely noticiable) come on his cheeks COMPLEXION : isnt anything particularly special. its not like he keeps his skin flawless (he has no particular interest in that), but jean is one of the lucky ones who is blessed to not have much acne. he cleans his face in the shower / when its dirty, but with that taken out of the picture, jean doesnt participate in washing it to the excess. its just naturally free of acne and other blemishes. he doesnt get red faced either, nor does he (or would he) wear makeup to cover it up BLEMISHES : besides the small birthmarks on his lower back, he doesn’t have any SCARS : none TATTOOS : none HEIGHT : 177.5cm / 5′10″ WEIGHT : 72.57kg / 160lbs BUILD : has muscle, but nothing extraordinary. his strongest muscle point is in his wide / broad shoulders, but the rest of body just has lean muscle. he appears rather thin, so you wouldnt be able to tell he had much muscle unless stripping him down / seeing him shirtless / etc. he has a flat stomach, but there isnt much developed muscle through his stomach. the abs are there, but nothing noticable, really FEATURES : nothing particularly notable ALLERGIES : bee stings. there arent many bees in Bādon, but when jean travels to other districts he often has to bring medicine with him just in case he does get stung USUAL HAIR STYLE : golden hair with an undercut underneath a near-bowl hair style USUAL FACE LOOK : he typically is expressed with a poker face. jean doesnt smile often, or really show many other expressions for that matter, but all of his expressions are vibrant (but short lasting). his smile comes out a lot when hes drunk USUAL CLOTHING : typically hes seen wearing his ACCA uniform, with or without the jacket

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : losing the people hes close to (i.e lotta and niino for the most part) ASPIRATION / S : completing his work every day, leaving ACCA somewhere down the line, finding niino (post ep8) POSITIVE TRAITS : adaptable, calm, candid, capable, compassion, determined, easygoing, empathetic, faithful, friendly (though it sometimes seems otherwise), honest, open-minded, punctual, etc NEGATIVE TRAITS : absent-minded, bored (sometimes), distracted, dull (before getting to know him), oblivious, etc MBTI : DEFENDER (ISFJ-A) ZODIAC : virgo (subject to change) TEMPEREMENT : phlegmatic SOUL TYPE / S : the helper ANIMALS : mouse VICE HABIT / S : SMOKING FAITH : christian (however, he is not very spiritual. religion does not matter much in his life, he just has his basic beliefs in the entity itself) GHOSTS ? : yes, but not a strong belief AFTERLIFE ? : yes REINCARNATION ? : probably not ALIENS ? : yeah he would POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : ACCA EDUCATION LEVEL : high school graduate

FAMILY.

FATHER : a poor man prior to managing an apartment complex (the one that was passed to jean and lotta after his death) that does not have much known about him. jean doesnt talk about him much because of his higher fondness towards his mother, but his father was not a particularly bad man. currently deceased from a train wreck MOTHER : a woman who was formerly the second princess of Dowa, but was removed from the royal roster for the sake of the country. she kept this to herself, even her husband and children when she met them / they were born, because she had faked her death to become a commoner on the streets. currently deceased from a train wreck SIBLINGS : lotta otus, approximately eighteen to twenty years old, is the younger sibling of jean. she has a striking resemblance to her mother, as jean notes, and currently lives with him in their shared apartment on the top floor. has a love for bread, pasteries, and just food in general really. she and jean are quite close to one another EXTENDED FAMILY : king falke II (jean’s grandfather, the current king in power), prince schwan (cousin), other royal family members NAME MEANING / S : jean’s first name in hebrew quite literally means “gift from God” while otus means “keen of hearing” in Greek HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : historically speaking, jean is of a royal family bloodline. he does not know this for most of his life, nor does he care about it once he finds out that he is apart of it. he would have been the next king in line instead of schwan if not for his mother being removed off of the roster, but his bloodline is still all the more royal

FAVORITES.

BOOK : he hasnt read a book unrelated to work in some time, so he doesnt really have one MOVIE : see above 5 SONGS : jean listens to a lot of untitled instrumentals, mostly because it appeals to him. he will listen to other things on and off, but his favorite thing is typing in something along the lines of “relaxing music” in the search bar and clicking one of the 8 hour videos and just letting it play. he doesnt need to know the tracks, theyre good enough for him like this DEITY : speaking as hes christian, god / jesus obv HOLIDAY : christmas MONTH : he doesnt have one SEASON : spring. jean likes things to be mild and, despite how flimsy spring can be, he doesnt mind it too much. he likes when its not too hot, not too cold, but doesnt like it to be as chilled and rainy as it can be in fall. spring brings about rain as well, but not nearly as often as fall does, so this is a higher preference for him PLACE : at the bar / anywhere with niino, at home / anywhere with lotta, a bakery, the roof of the apartment complex WEATHER : he likes sun, but he doesnt like when its too hot. it has to be like, mild, because if its too hot then its uncomfortable for him. he likes when its breezy as well but, like previously said, not too much. just enough so that it isnt chilly SOUND : niino / lotta’s laugh, a gentle breeze blowing, rain SCENT / S : strawberry, cigarette smoke, baking bread, faint cologne scents (i e: a specific brand that niino wears), warm food cooking TASTE / S : strawberries, tobacco, bread (specifically tough bread) FEEL / S : the cigarette between his fingers, people he trusts rubbing his back, people he trusts petting his hair, silk ANIMAL / S : cats NUMBER : he doesnt have one COLORS : blue

EXTRA.

TALENTS : figuring out when someone is lying to him (for the most part), investigating BAD AT : getting close to people, expressing his emotions in a way that isnt just deadpan / poker faced, cooking, holding his liquor, dealing with social events (he isnt anxious, he just doesnt like being at them that much) TURN ONS : body worship (receiving), care, confidence, dirty talk, minimal marks, praise, soft biting (more to be added most likely) TURN OFFS : being too rough (he likes it softer, more making love-esque), having to beg too much, too much teasing (a little is okay) (more to be added most likely) HOBBIES : drinking with niino, smoking (is this considered a hobby? idk), listening to music, going to bakeries TROPES : “Royal blood”, “Smoking is cool”, etc QUOTES : “I never noticed I had an observer you’d assigned to me. But he isn’t a straightforward guy.” (to Grossular, about Niino) || “I smell tobbaco on you.” || “I try not to think of my subordinates as exceptional. After all, doubting them is my job.” (to Eider)

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 : if you could write your character your way in their own movie , what would it be called , what style would it be filmed in , and what would it be about ? A1 : what does ??????? this question even mean asldkfj Q2 : what would their soundtrack / score sound like ? A2 : itd probably be a lot of soft music. nothing super upbeat like pop and nothing like rock either. itd be maybe soft indie music, instrumentals, stuff like that Q3 : why did you start writing this character ? A3 : you know, i honestly wasnt going to write any muse from this fandom? i figured the rp part of it would be dead after i couldnt find anyone after some time, but a few of my friends got wound up with the show after i talked about it so much and after they decided to make blogs, i made the decision to join them. even though i dont get that many interactions and this blog is still extremely new, i love being on jean. hes a really good character and im glad my friends convinced me to write him Q4 : what first attracted you to this character ? A4 : honestly, it didnt come immediately. i never disliked jean, but i thought he was rather plain at first, which is to be understandable when you know how he is. i didnt think there was anything striking about him at all and i was more attracted to niino (i still am attracted to / love niino). that said, jean started to come to live more as the anime progressed and i found that hes really just a sweet bean and is VERY cute and i love him so so much. i think it was episode 3 when he was blushing / being precious and adorable while drunk that really got me getting gay for him Q5 : describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 : definitely the fact that he smokes. i dont hate people because they smoke, but i have an extreme aversion to smoking due to the fact that i not only have asthma and its very bad for me to be around, but because of the fact that it smells awful Q6 : what do you have in common with your muse ? A6 : mmm, i think we’re similar in the fact that we’re pretty introverted and / or reserved and we like being away from social events and such Q7 : how does your muse feel about you ? A7 : i hope he likes me. i love him so Q8 : what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ? A8 : honestly ? all of the interactions on my blog so far are great. my niino spyblooded and i already have like a kajillion threads and he loves their niino so so much <3. clandestinesque and i have an interesting thread and im not quite sure where we’re going to go with it but ive enjoyed it so far !!. spiritmiinded / astrallance and i also have good interactions too. we had great ones when i was still on keith too and im super happy that im still writing with them over here :’) Q9 : what gives you inspiration to write your muse ? A9 : i dont really get inspiration, im just kinda here, writing because i enjoy it lmfao Q10 : how long did this take you to complete ? A10 : idk exactly but 2-3 hours probably ? longer than it took me to complete keiths i know that

#✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* { to his ashes (about) }#yall this meme is so long and detailed its not even funny asdlkfj

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diary-iguess · 6 years

Conversation

wahppn

J: nothing bad it was just really hot and i changed clothes twice

wake up 7 o clock for my interview, eat one piece a bread and some orange juice

ace di interview

dem tell me fi fill out the application twice

some yout try sell me a jelly candy

it cant open, but eventually does

Monique forwards

i meet her friend in the painting studio and we go get a box lunch

i sit down and eat the food

im sweating my life away

R: pepper?

J: before meeting the hustling yout, i left my portfolio in the hr office so mi did have to go back for it

no it's just hot af inna kingston

and i was wearing a long sleeve shirt

Paige seh him nah fwd fi di shoot

Thevrtistisjvmvicvn is sitting next to me, but i'm talking more than he

me a wonda how he can go school in full business attire and not become a puddle of sweat

Yanah appears and asks if she can have something nutritious

on campus

like a shake

Juice immediately says no dawg

Juice is working on a mythological drawing, but the paper he's using is trash and i tell him so

he says something about how it will still sharpen his skills and i said he needs watercolor paper if he's going to mix it with watercolor

is my story interesting?

i'm interested in telling a good story

R: I'm more interested in your friend's names

J: thevrtistisjvmvicvn said he wants to be a curator, but hasn't curated any shows yet

i tell him do that shit

lmao

R: Thevrtistisjvmvicvn, Yanah, Monique and Juice

I actually fucking love Juice

Now i know there are places I can't say that out loud

J: i ask my father if he can pick me up because Paige nah forward

he replies hmm

lmao have you seen the film?

my phone is dying and i have no credit because the tuck shop only selling $500 credit today

*back to the story*

i'm telling you this from my laptop

R: What parent says "hmmm"? was this a text?

J: yes

i knowwww

can't even K me

wtf

my shoes too big for me, so i stand on them instead of wearing them for a bit

Juice is playing music on his phone and one of the songs is from frank ocean's second project that he released the same time as blonde

my mind is blown

R: That must be some song

J: Yanah returns from the tuck shop with water still disappointed that there is no health food available

more mindblowing that he released two projects at once

i tell theartistisja that i like doing projects with many layers of meaning and process

i talk about my ananse storybook thesis and how i want everyone to know ananse is a deity and amina blackwood meeks taught me that

i say something like "yea, she's rad"

i talk about how the first time i met easton lee, i believed someone when they joked that he was 100 years old

and hoped that he didnt remember when i asked him if it was true

im dying laughing rn

my cousin invites me to sit and do work together at starbucks later

my father sends me a message "M is here, please call her through K-dollasign"

R: googled Easton Lee

J: lmao what did you find? he and my grandmother are friends

they're both legendary chinese-jamaicans

R: I can see he's definitely chinese-jamaican

J: yes and so is my grandma lol

R: author, poet

not bad

1931

J: but no doubt their swagger is enwrapped in their proximity to afro-jamaicanness

wow he's 87 this year

or 86?

M is my grandmother

i message K-dollasign

"i heard grandma M is here"

he replies "makes sense"

but intonates that he was not previously informed

i try to decode my father's message and K-dollasigns response

"makes sense"

he must be referring to Shutterbug's wedding

the same one i wasn't sure i was invited to

R: LOL

wow

are you going?

J: wait nuh man

R: lol

J: okay so i reach home, turn on my laptop

charge my phone

i frantically whatsapp my relatives

fb message uncle Macbook to get in touch w grandma

i try to search the internet for clues as to when this wedding will be

my sister says i should just ask Shutterbug if i can come

so i do that

uncle Macbook replies me with a different number to call, i call, get grandma

she says "no, no, no, you can't come to the wedding, the guests have already been counted and there's too many"

my heart sinks

i say, okay, well i can still see you today?

my cousin Carlton who wants to go to starbucks has arrived at my house

R: woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

J: i try to devise a plan with Carlton and grandma and my dad all talking at once to pick grandma up and she says something about not wanting to be stranded and i say we would never let that happen to her

the phone isn't working very well and at some point my father has the phone

i return to my whatsapp messages on the laptop and Shutterbug has replied!

"hey, we were overcapacity a few months ago, but there's some space now. if you can make it on sunday, please come"

i tell grandma what she said

"okay, but how are you getting there? and where are you going to stay?"

i had not thought of this second part

the wedding is in mobay

R: MUFUFUFUFU

on a beach

duh

just sleep on the beach and get dressed in someones room in the morrow

J: i quickly say "aunty Rose's"

and she has already said she's very busy today and the plan to see me nah work out

"see you in mobay then!"

okay bye grandma, i love you!

"i love you too sweetheart"

now i have to whatsapp aunty Rose and see if she will shelter me

and K-dollasign to see if i can drive with him

R: funny at points but not a bad day

J: Carlton still deh yah a try reach liguanea fi get some food

the story did not get resolved yet

lol

it wasnt a bad day just long af

R: wait what

J: let me try summarize

R: Well I mean, between Yanah's Healthy snack Crisis and the Wedding Snafu, I thought the day was sealed with you tryna get aunty Rose

J: I was also supposed to meet Pearl at starbucks for 3pm

when Carlton and i pull up to starbucks, Rose a walk up deh too

synchronicity

R: 'the hell? Starbucks is a spot now?

J: that's the culture of the company

im like baffled as to both my grandmother and father asking me if starbucks is an appropriate place to link and do work together

that's how they've been selling the place for at least the last ten years

i order a tall strawberry and cream frappe w coconut milk and Carlton is very excited to get a pumpkin spice frappe, no latte because he doesn't want to burn his tongue

yesterday Pearl showed me a video she edited featuring this black guy with ginger hair, Souffrant

Souffrant appears before us in starbucks and sits at our table

i'm supposed to edit my own video with Pearl's color correction advice, but i'm still trying to figure out my travel situation

before we went to starbucks, we walked to tastees and my mom replied to my frantic messages about grandma and the wedding with "ur not paying attention to what i tell u"

there's like a whole thing where i'm trying to get my cousin Jazz's number to ask if i can go from kingston to mobay with him because K-dollasign is unavailable.

aunty Rose says of course i can stay with her and of course she has Jazz's number

resolve dat, so mi have a place to stay and a drive

there are several unrelated phone calls that need to be made but mi still nah no credit, so i borrow Souffrant's phone

then the next chapter is me, Carlton, and Pearl trying to walk to sov after i finally finish editing my video.

i take some really dope shots of the sunset

pause for incoming illustration

R: i mean

sure

make hay

all of the birds with 1 stone

J: -picture of sov-

R: this is sov

dark

but its sov

J: it's the golden sunset reflecting off the walls

then we all go to kfc and then i try look for some shoes to wear to the wedding, but then mi nuh even know if it's really a beach ting, but never fear, my likkle sister is here to whatsapp me the link to the wedding info website the couple set up!

it's a garden brunch affair ting

so we think to go to lee's instead of payless and when we reach back in fronta payless di people dem close

so now i will go to the thrift store tmrw to cop a whole new fit from the dress to the shoes.

when i reach home my father is going to the airport and grandma (dad's mom, not the one i was tryna see earlier) asks me to come with them which i would have done anyway.

driving back from the airport, grandma's bajan soca music continues to play in the car, but it seems louder now without dad's voice. i try to talk to grandma about herself. i ask about high school. she says, "do you expect me to remember 50 years ago"

i'm like yes of course

she said

"well

i was head girl"

of course! i say

and she was also in charge of sports such as running

the drive back home is very slow because grandma cant really see in the dark

when we finally reach home and i lay inna mi bed, mi wonda why mi so tiyad

and now i know why

thanks for tuning in, this has been an appreciation for the life we live, by Jeana like jeans pants

totes forgot the best part where K-dollasign pulled up on Carlton and me in traffic when we walked back to the plaza to get to the car

then another man pulled up on us and Carlton cuss me jokingly bout how i know everyone and we probably see someone else weh mi know

#fabulous

R: like bloodcleet jeans pants

yea, cause clearly you're a superstar

beer people, links and visits

#diaryiguess #todayfeltliketwodays #kingstonchronicle

0 notes

somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

Text

so he calls me and asks whats wrong. and i feel like this is trapping me because i cant express anything but by not expressing it it creates a cycle. i told him i didnt want to go to the park tomorrow. to me, i expected like an oh well whatever and i’d watch some videos and go to sleep.

but now he was starting into his shit again. and hes telling me its not okay im not referred to a psychologist and that the doctor is not enough. but its like.. he does not understand clinical depression. like he doesnt understand how far depression can affect every single thing in your life and to explain this is an excuse. like why didnt you do xx today, why did it take this long to do this, why do you nap so much etc. and its like.. im tired. im really tired of being alive. and you should be fucing grateful that im sitting here today talkng to you because everyday is a choice to be alive. i AM choosing to be here DESPITE everything that says i shouldnt. despite everything that makes it super hard.

but its all an excuse. its all “defeatist”. but its like.. i dont sit here and tell you word for word what ive spoken about or what has been said to me. the first few visits were in the understanding that i was clearly really really fucked up. like i believe the doctor believed that i was very close to commiting suicide but i was functioning at a level that i didnt need to be tipped over. like he had a real chance of helping someone in need and he jumped at the opportunity. and the trust had to be built - he asked me questions about my life and the history and we had to dicuss in depth my mother whom i have not spoken about in 7 years.

and like part of my problem is beating myself up. like .. wow i was such a shitty kid, i was a terrible daughter to my mother - i must have been the things she said i was and that must have contributed to the eath of my father so it must be my fault. do i “believe’ this? like reallyyyy believe it? no. cuz im not dumb. these people lived their own crazy lives. but this was my life for 25 years. TWENTY. FIVE. not like oh i had a break and was a drug addict for 7 yrs. no. all twenty five years, every damn day of my life was dedicated to these people. every. single day. my own mother tried to have the cops do something for me 4 months before she died because she knew that the relationship i had with my father was detrimental on like a next level.

but how do you turn away from a sick person? how do you do that? he said i should feel pride. i should feel like i had strength and look at it as positive. which is fine - it’s fine. but dont you see? dont you see i put in TEN YEARS of UNPAID WORK to have a man DIE? do you know what i got from the responsiblity to other people? to be on another persons schedule? to live another persons rules?

nothing. absolutely nothing. and ive seen “grown men” decide to stop working for months at a time because a job let them go for a reason they didnt agree with. like they got “fucked”. but i really got fucked. and yu now what thanks i got?

people like him telling me i didnt do anythhing but watch tv and smoke weed. youre right. i did. in between making meals and cleaning up blood and shit, i smoked weed and watched tv. that was my only fucking solace because i could not go away for longer than a night without serious concern for my father. but i smoked weed. and i watched tv. so that means i didnt “work hard”.

but the thing is - no one my age has been a full time caregiver. no one. not a single person can tell me what its like to be a caregiver or how i should feel or what the ‘right amount’ of work is. in reality - if you believe i smoked weed and watched movies and he was always “going to die anyways” then how much “work” did i do in the decade he wasnt dead? how did i manage an entire decade with a man hell bent on killing himself? tell me how i didnt “work”.

and im not into this argument anymore. i will not allow a single person on this earth to speak on my time with my father. not a single person knows ANYTHING about this time except me and my father and hes dead. and i cannot speak solely on it. thats just my word. so i will never argue about it. believe what the fuck you want because if you dont believe me theres not a damn thing that can be done to change your mind and i dont have to care becaue i know what i did i know the time i spent with him.

but he continued telling me he thinks i should be working and i should be trying harder. i am frustrated - how do i explain the massive concept of trauma and severe depression? do you not understand that “everyones” reaction is part of the problem and stigma of depression? this is why people are suffering in silence - well he goes to work but hes a sever alcoholic. he wants to die everyday but damnit he still goes to work.

and its like none of this at all in any capacity makes me feel different about the world aroun me. why do you want to die? why are you still working and wanting to die? whats the point? because youre ~not dead yet~? awsome. that really gets me going. that sparked the flame right back up inside of me. i cant believe i never thought of that - might as well do it because i’m not dead yet.

and you think its procrastination. that its inherent laziness. do you not think im procrastinating on suicide then? perhaps im just waiting it out? maybe im waiting for the final nail in the coffin; my last reason. either give me a reason to live or give me a reason to die but you know im in purgatory right now.

and thats part of the problem - i’m asking for a reason when i should make a reason. i create my own reason. and i know that. i have worked very very hrd to solidify the concept in my brain that i have to make my own reason - no one will provide a reason and more so its not okay to have someone provide it. because someone could die or leave and then what? you make your own. i made the mistake of putting my reason into a dieing man. and i waited far too long to pull back. even when i wanted to nothing was ever as important, nothing ever fulfilled my life and soul like knowing i was responsible for this person. i had a purpose to be here.

he continued. continued. continued. i finally broke down, “im sorry - you called me. i was sitting here a little sad about to wath fucking gta videos and go to sleep and probably wake up in a different mood. now youve called me and made me so upset that im now in a panic attack and sobbing and contemplating my self worth. how does this help me?”

“this is just my opinion. im allowed to express my opinion when youre life affects me.”

and he continued but continually tried to reiterate that he wasnt attacking me or my methods. it sounded more like frustration and inability to understand. like he was unwilling to accept that as a depressed person i struggled on my own to find a trust worthy doctor after having issues with doctors my whole life. then i allowed this person to help me but it wasnt like.. in the movies. this is not like fairytale romantic manic depressive pixie dream girl. like u loved me so hard i got this help and magically became amazing in 30 days and forgot all my troubles.

this is serious trauma. this is serious trauma that now that we are getting even older has become even more detrimental because i did not even realize how traumatic it was until i learned to be “apart of society”. by “being apart of society” it triggered dozens of things in past trauma that i did not even understand as being traumatized and thus had serious depression and anxiety about issues unrelated to people just being dead. its not like oh my parents are dead and im sooo sad. no. i have a very complex grief that spanned decades and to even expect me to remember what happened to lead me to the conclusions i have now immediately and just convey this to a professional and have them give me a once over and this is how to fix it is soooo naive.

this will be a very long process that involves more than doctors visits. he acknowledged i needed daily assistance to overcome my issues and that my own isolation for so long has prolonger and increased social issues that im not getting around on my own. he told me i needed to “grow up”. i told him i agreed. i said it was very frustrating to be me and know that this was fucked up and still be doing it because i didnt have the tools beyond myself to figure out how to “grow up”. like this is all trial and error for me. no one held my hand and protected me and patted my ass when i came home strung out and fucked up. no one sat me down and told me to put a smile on. i was not in any way shape or form parented by anyone. i have never had a parent. i have been completely independent and have thought indepndently for as long as i can remember. i have always dealt with my issues on my own and have had to care for someone for ten years starting as a teenager. in those ten years i never failed to pay a bill or do something i was supposed to do.

okay. so this is just me. and i would love to have a parent. i would love to have someone who knows more than me around. someone who gives a shit. but i dont. so its just me. and whatever i think is right which has been convoluted by a dieing man and mentally ill woman. thats my foundation. so im sorry if im not a fucing university graduate building a 401k driving a car with my own house. im sorry. u know im sorry im not even a fucing fast food mcdonalds employee highschool graduate with 10$ in a savings account and money on a bus card.

but bitch. i’m still here. i’m mad as hell and i’m still fucking here. thats literally the greatest accomplishment for me on a daily basis. its my biggest accomplishment and greatest anxiety. im still here.

i told him again - all of this was making it worse. the real issue i had was having no one to talk to at all. no one wanted to listen to me. everyone wants to tell me what to do or how i should think or some negative opinion because theyre envious that i get ‘free money’.

and the doctor had to convince me to get disability. i told him the people around me felt i could work. he said he did not believe in any way i was capable of holding a job right now and listed a number of reasons why he believed i couldnt, most having to due with symptoms of sever depression. in a switch side, if i listed these reasons i would be told theyre merely excuses by other people and that “they were tired too”. which is why he had to reiterate a number of times to fuck what other people thought. no one has to live my life but me. in reality its disgusting that people continually look down on or disrespect me outright for collecting benefits while they pity me for having issues. it’s hypocritical and bullshit.

finally he said that he wanted to see me do better and wanted to encourage me to find ways to cope with these times of serious depression. i told him that i do have ways to cope - but this is real life and its not always successful. but yet, i have been successful - i’ve not self harmed this year. not because it was “a fad” but because i actively choose not to do that to cope. this is a choice i make during every anxiety attack. this is a sign of strength i have this year i did not last year. so perhaps i spent four hours crying but i did not cut myself or attempt suicide so all i did was spend four hours crying. just so i could be alive right now. so who cares that i spent four hours crying lets be grateful im here now. who cares that it took five days to mail a letter - i mailed the letter. thats what matters. you dont even know that ive been given disability forms twice before that were NEVEr MAILED. fuck they werent even FILLED OUT. so not only did i get these forms, i had them filled out and then i MAILED tHEM. 100% BY MYSELF. my momy didnt help me. i didnt get any fucing drives to the doctor. nothing of this process was made easy in any fucking way. and i did it. so does it matter that ti took five days? absolutely not. even if it took five days, in 60 days do you think itll matter if im accepted? when i have those benefits, do you think itll matter i took 5 days to mail the thing? fuck no. because i mailed it and got the benefits

LET ME CRY. LET ME BE SAD. acknowledge i exist with this sadness!! do you not understand the pain of being ignored when you’re suffering!! i told him that i try to be a good listener for him - i let him speak about whatever he wants, whenver he wants in which ever way he wants to speak about it at the time; if he feels very angry and upset at something and expresses that, i dont later hold him to it and say “well u were angry about this before now ur not how come”. i said i never express my opinion because im a listener just listening so i acknowledge him and if i think hes doing something that is harmful to him i say something like “i dunno if thats a good idea” or “i wouldnt personally do that” or “thats gross” (usually used in context with an elaborate idea involving sex or drugs).

he paused and said that was true and i did do that. i told him i just wanted someone to listen to me. all i really needed to be “helped” was for someone to listen without any preconceived notions or opinions they wanted to put on me. just accept the words im saying and perhaps if possible express some empathy of some kind because they understood the sentence i put out in the world and maybe they can say something like “i bet this thing happening to you would cause this feeling.” to demonstrate that they understand the connection between an event and the reaction to the event and that i am not an insane weak dumb person for having an emotion. no one does this for me. no one. including him. and i believe at this moment he understood, finally, that no one does this for me. including him. tht i am a good listener, that i do not bring him down and allow him to be his own person until i think something is harmful and then i try to express to him my serious concern about his thoughts but not tell him hes a bad person for those thoughts. hes not lazy or stupid or evil. i tell him based on personal knowledge and experience why i think its harmful and rarely is it based just on a personal opinion. like i dont say dont do drugs cuz its bad. i say dont inject drugs, dont take drugs on a regular basis - all very valid safety concerns in the use of drugs. it is not “dont do drugs”. because i know that for something to matter to someone long term you have to create your own purpose. he cant not do drugs for me or any other person. he hs to not do drugs for himself. but i can encourage better use of drugs.

finally he apologized - an apology that has been maybe a year in the making. he said he realizes now that being aggressive and negative about things is not helping anything and that he should be encouraging about positive things in order to promote me actually recovering. he said he was “man enough” to admit that he was wrong and that this is something he should work on to better support me because he believed i was making an effort.

but it was a very good example of something that was small that couldve been handled differently that became a massive overwhelming issue. his bottom line was that i should see a psychologist. i told him i would tell my doctor that the person closest to me in my life is saying they believe i need more/additional help than whats being provided because they want to know the person im seeing to get help is specialized in helping people like me. thats totally fine request to make. im not going to argue that the doctor is “enough”. i dont know. maybe hes right. maybe i need to talk to even more people. but to tell me this on top of “blah balh you get welfare you smoke you nap all day etc.” is horrendous and backwards. should i see a psychologist to tell them what an asshole you are and that you probably cause alot of grief in my life?

like how my doctor thinks of you right now?

he couldve just said hey you know i can see youre trying but i want to suggest maybe asking your doctor to refer you to a psychologist again because i think itll be helpful for both of us.

like he wanted to help and was roadblocked by the fact that i had no coping mechanisms for him to bank on. so he was coming in blind and frustrated that he is not even normally capable of being a good “shoulder to cry on” and now he had no instructions but he still had a very sad girl to worry about. and this doctor didnt “give me” any coping mechanisms so what good is this doctor if he cant “fix” the issue he has to deal with now.

but there is no coping mechanism. theres no like “turn on this song and ill be okay”. theres a variety of things i can try to do, not all of them will work, but one will. one will bsolutely because if one does not, ill be dead. one is always going to work even if the one is time. just waiting it out and battlign it in some meditative state. but one will work.

like he disregarded alot of reasons for what i do as like some general thing i just “like”. like some random thing in my head that makes me like it. and im obsessed with watching specific gamers on youtube. i do not play video games. like i have almost no interest in video games. i dont care who the fuck wins. i dont care about the mechanics of a game. i will watch the most boring ass games like a shitty flash game or a fucing terrible job simulator that is just the most complicated system of buttons and bullshit to move a fucing tractor and i would never even remotely consider even trying to play the game let alone download it or install it.

but here i am. hours a day. watching games i will never play by men i will never meet. and i trid to explain this - its “sad” to you that im going to go watch these things. but to me its like.. a graduated version of something that can be simplified with penny lane’s quote, “if you ever get lonely you just go to the record store and say hi to your friends”. like ive always held the idea that music and sound is a constant familiar. so i have specific sounds - much like people have specfic smells or tastes. as a kid my fathers keys jingled in his pockeet and i could hear this jingle from anywhere in the store. like my ears trained to it because i feared getting lost but if i could hear it i knew i was okay. a bit older i grabbed on to all my favourite bands but what i found was after years of doing things, familiarity felt like visitng a grave. like nothing changed. it was so familiar it was stale, it was a nostalgic memory i was visitng and not being embraced by a warm hug. many of my favourite bands broke up and stopped releasing new music.

i told him that the sound of these mens voices was calming. like i had alot of isolation and listening to music or whatever didnt seem real. but here are these real life people who have their own things they do and that happen to them and everyday they pop up and talk about nothing. NOTHING> they come and be like “hey so today we’re going to build a room” or “so today we’re going to race this virtual car” and nothing in the game matters and like people get “mad” but no one is mad. because nothing in the game matters. you die, you come back.

and like the attitude of these people helps. like “damn im in last place today BUT ILL GET YOU” because nothing in the game matters. or maybe you feel invested in some grand feat theyre trying and they dont get it and theyre like ah shit well gotta keep trying. so ive focused on specific gamers who rarely are offensive or loud or otherwise unwatchable.

but he brushed it off a bit, “yeah, yeah, its someone with a comforting voice” but the tone of his voice hinted at jealousy; like why wasnt it him? why couldnt he just play a video game and make commentary and ill feel better? why does it have to be these guys?

and maybe because i dont know them? they will (potentially) never do me wrong. maybe one day they’ll stop recording. theres a small chance theyll say something super offensive or racist. but i mean theyre never going to personally attack me. theyre never going to point me out and say this girl is fucked. i can be their friend without being their friend. i get to be apart of inside jokes and funny conversations but never actually apart of it. i get to feel like i’m not alone while being terribly alone. and i dont think im necessarily choosing this above other things to cope - i think it’s what i’m “making due with”. i found something and it takes such little effort.

im honestly at a point where i am waiting. my current perspective on life is that people are absolute fucking pieces of shit who have little regard for anyone but themselves or their own kind. however there are 7 billion people on the planet and it would be “racist” so say “all humans” are pieces of shit. so like.. a lare majority of humans are pieces of shit and there are a few who are actually good souls but when you have 7 billion ppl and like 100,000 are good - who the fuck cares? thats like a drop in the bucket. to act in the world as though you are encountering those 100,000 ppl on a daily basis is a set up for failure and thus how it creates the cycle of 7 billion pieces of shit because “self preservation”.

from what i have honestly seen of the world - fuck the world. hands down 100% i have absolutely no desire what so ever to participate in society. i have experienced some terrible shit and i have seen and heard some even worse terrible shit and the positive DOES NOT outweigh the negative at all in anyway. the only reason people care about me in any way right now is because i am considered a “burden” to them by having issues. i dont want my issues. i hope i recover and become a mentally sound and healthy individual. because i do not in any way want to be involved with people on a whole. like if i can afford to live alone and buy my own food and not struggle as i have been - i’m done. i’m sorry. i’m waiting to leave society. i realized how disgusting people are and have lowered myself to using them when i can for like the very basic theyre willing to do (despite what i put out i never get remotely the same in return) and when i am capable of supporting myself i honest to god dont thin ill do half or more of the things i do now “for people”. thats the thing - i’m now waiting to isolate myself further because the experience ive had says there is nothing there for me. if i want to live, ill be living alone, secluded and isolated.

because honestly? im not fucing with a single person who did not fuck with me during this time. fuck. you. you let me struggle and suffer alone and youre soooooo happy im on benefits now? no. youre not. youre more than likely going behind my back and talking shit about it anyways but you think im “cool” or “talented” so you’d like to be associated with me. but you dont want any of the “drama” or “baggage” so youre not even really a fucing friend.

the only thing keeping me going right now is the idea that maybe before the end of the year, i wont have to do _this_ anymore. ill get my own place, have my own food, live my own life and i fucking deserve it no matter how much the pieces of shit cry about it and how they dont get it because i dont “get” half the shit they do in their lives and never have. the pieces of shit will always be pieces of shit and they will never stand to see someone have something they dont.

i learned about myself that i like to cook. i like buying ingrediens for food and trying new recipes and i can do that alone. i can just eat nice food on my own. i like to play guitar but i like to play for myself not to share music. i dont get anythng from sharing. its a totally personal experience just for me. and not having the space to be alone to play guitar is depressing. i like animals. i want to learn to travel by myself. i have literally never gone anywhere by myself. LITERLLY. LIT.ER.ALLY. i have never gotten on a bus to another city and been in that city by myself. just like.. existed in the city by myself. NEVER. but i cannot learn this if i cannot travel and i cannot travel without some sort of purpose behind it. i want to go back to making art for me not because im the artist who makes art. i saw a movie by myself for the first time ever last week.

it took 10 yrs to have experiences that 18 yr olds do. im not “living like a teenager”. its that i NEVER LIVED AS A TEENAGER to be able to become an adult. and now that i am an adult i cannot make teenage mistakes.

and thus we give the highest of praise to the singular best accomplishment of my whole life:

not pregnant. do not have kids. not a drug addict. not an alcoholic.

do you understand at all the HIGHEST OF CHANCES i had to have children? i was a naive girl with no parental supervision, no outlet for myself, super emotional & depressed.

then he tells me, “you know, learn from your parents”.

bitch i did. my mother was 25 years old when she met my old ass father and MARRIED HIM ONE WEEK AFTER. did i do this? she did this KNOWING he had little to no feeling of love for her. this bitch had been abandoned and fucked with by her family sooo much she was like the only way out is with this guy and she grabbed on to him and NEVER FUCKING LEFT.

so bitch.

i did.

im 27 yrs old. youre 26 yrs old. i live on my own. you live at home. ive never been pregnant. ive never been married. yep - my mother and i did not “work”. that is a serious flaw we shared. she also never acknowledge the SERIOUS MENTAL ILLNESS SHE HAD WHICH LITERALLY ALMOST KILLED ME NOT LIKE FIGURATIVELY BUT LITERALLY ALMOST KILLED ME AND I DID NOT EVEN HAVE THE WHEREIWTHAL TO KNOW IT HWAS HAPPENING

so i did. i did learn from my parents. my father told me people are fucking terrible and they are. i learned. in fact i did not. i did not learn. i lived in a naivety that people are good. and people want to hear me sy people are good because god forbid they be considered shit but lbr.. you’re probably terrible. i’m pretty terrible. i am totally in limbo where i have like 6 months to a yr before this becomes “my fault”.

so youre right. i am waiting. im waiting to see what independence looks like and whether or not i’d fuck with people like this. and like all i can say is im glad it took 12 months to realize that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. i did thank him. might as well put my own shit into practice - it doesn matter it took 12 months bcause he is admitting it now. and it makes me feel a bit better but at the same time i feel like an obvious statement is if you had known this even 6 months ago, how much better off might i be now? if the closest person to me in life was a positive rather than a negative, how much better would i be now? take some fucing responsibility for the fct that not only do i have to fight myself, but i have to fight through the negativity people like him put on me and decide despite what they aid to stay alive. not like feel a desire to want to because they reminded me of all the good things. i have to fight and be angry and create alot of bitterness towards them and live in spite. thats not fair. and life might be “unfair” and i “choose” to stay aroun someone who has consistently made things sooo bad but my god take 1 second to see it from my side. imagine if i had 6 months of positive reinforcement from the closest person in my life and a professional. i wouldnt have had the second hospital visit. i’d really be in a much better place than i am right now and its SUPER unfair to hold it against me that he cause damaged i had to fix before i could even focus on my actual issues. he held me bac and i allowed him to hold me back and prolong this process. im not even going to blame him like an excuse. i allowed him to hold me back. maybe i allowed it so i would have an excuse. if he tells me all the negative things i think about myself then its like reiterating that what i think is right. it deepens the depression.

but honestly having someone in his position - where he was very much becoming a second coming of my terrible parents, suddenly apologize and admit they were wrong is actually okay. that actually helps my life a bit. for a long time i wanted this from my mother.

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