Crush // Shawn Mendes mini-series part 2
part 2 wohoooo!! this is honestly such a cute story i love writing it, im currently finishing the last part so i’ll probably update very soon!
part 1
masterlist
The awkwardness soon vanishes. This clear new chapter we just opened with Shawn allows me to loosen up and just enjoy a nice evening. Aaliyah and Eric seems satisfied with the outcome, the parents seem to hit it off quite easily and when we leave they already start making plans for another meetup.
“It was so nice meeting you!” Karen sighs happily as she hugs goodbye to all of us.
“You too, email me that recipe you told me about!” Mom points at her and she nods her head laughing.
I’m just about to step out of the house when Aaliyah grabs my wrist and pulls me back. I look at her with furrowed eyebrows.
“I need your help with a little something. Can you come over sometime tomorrow?” she whispers confidentially.
“Um, yeah. Around what time?” I ask.
“Three pm?”
“Sure,” I smile at her and she lets go of me.
On the way back home I’m thinking about what Aaliyah could need help with and the only thing I have in mind is Eric’s birthday that is on the 29th. She must be planning something special for him.
I call Maddi around midnight when I’m already in my pj’s, but I know she must be still up, maybe even drunk. For my surprise, she answers the phone quite modestly.
“How was the family union?” she asks chewing on something. I throw the cushions off of my bed and crawl under the blanket.
“Um, very interesting,” I chuckle closing my eyes and just shaking my head at the thought of the evening.
“Uh, spill the tea!” She cheers clearly very thirsty for some drama, though this story is not as juicy as she would want it.
“Guess who Aaliyah’s brother is!” I say, but I don’t expect an answer so I just continue. “Shawn Effing Mendes.”
“What?! Are you kidding me?” She gasps. “How did Eric forget to tell you this small detail?”
“Apparently, he thought it doesn’t matter to me, which is kind of true, but there is more.”
“What more? Did he hit on you? Because I’m not talking to you again if he did. He is hot!”
“No, he didn’t, but what you don’t know is that we have history.”
“Okay, now I’m confused!? How do I not know about this?”
“Well, remember my ex, Dylan? I told you about him.”
“Yeah, the asshole who cheated on you,” she hums.
“Well, Dylan and Shawn used to be best buds when we started dating, but the guy hated my guts, or so I thought. He was always mean to me, talking against me and just… avoiding me like the plague.”
“I thought he is the nicest person on earth.”
“He might be now, but when I knew him, he treated me like shit. So it was pretty awkward to see him again after all these years.”
“And how did it go? Was he an ass again?”
“No. He was… nice. Well, we both acted awkward in the beginning, I didn’t know if he would continue his act with me, but he turned out to be nice. And then at one point he told me he is sorry for everything in the past and he was just acting like that because he wanted to amuse Dylan.”
I turn to my side and stare out the window.
“That’s good, right? I mean, he grew out that mean phase and he is all good now.”
“Yeah, it’s just still weird to be around someone I knew from my Dylan phase.”
“But it’s Eric who is dating Aaliyah, why would you be constantly around him?”
“Aaliyah asked me to go over tomorrow, I think she is trying to put a surprise together for Eric’s birthday, so I’m spending the afternoon at the Mendes house.”
“Oh, then keep me updated about the details and sneak me a shirtless photo of Shawn please.”
“Maddi!” I scoff laughing. “Why would I even see him shirtless?”
“Maybe he likes wandering around in his home without clothes on, how would I know?!”
“Unbelievable. I’m going to sleep.”
“Bye bitch,” she sighs making me roll my eyes at her smiling.
“Bye.”
I sleep late the next day, it’s past noon when I actually make it downstairs looking like a real human being. Eric and Dad are watching a documentary on WW II. while Mom is reading the newspaper at the dining table. I join her with a bowl of cereal.
“Do you have any plans for today?” She smiles at me over her narrow glasses as she turns a page. I lean closer hitting a confidential tone.
“I’m helping Aaliyah today, she asked me to go over around three.”
“Oh, birthday surprise for Eric?” she asks clearly excited.
“I think yeah.”
“Great. And you will probably see Shawn again.” Winking at me she puts the papers down.
“Why does that matter?” I ask with my mouth full. She caresses my cheek before standing up and walking over to the sink for some water.
“Isn’t he a nice young man? I think the two of you would look cute together.”
“Mom, you are literally talking about the biggest pop sensation, he is not really the kind of guy who just casually dates,” I say.
In my mind all these celebrities are living their wildest life. Even if I were interested in Shawn in any way, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t even get in the game, he must have thousands of girls waiting for him in line. We are not really on the same page.
“Oh, come on. You guys knew each other in high school, you have a past, that connection must mean something!”
“He was an ass to me!” I blurt it out making her eyebrows raise.
“He was? What did he do?”
“It’s nothing,” I roll my eyes, but Mom gives me a demanding look. “He just didn’t seem to like me no matter what I did, he was avoiding me most of the time when I was with Dylan and also made some pretty rude comments sometimes.”
“Maybe he was into you,” Mom shrugs and I almost choke on the milk.
I start coughing like I’m about to die and my eyes start watering when I’m finally able to breathe evenly again.
“No fucking way!”
“Charlie! Language!” She hisses at me, but there is a smile hiding in her eyes. “You know, young boys tend to do it. They are mean to the girls they like.”
“Mom, it wasn’t in kindergarten, it was ninth grade or something. I think he just really didn’t like me back then and I don’t blame him.” I was annoying, thinking back at it. But hey, all teens are annoying!
“You can never know,” she sighs.
I totally ignore the theory Mom tried to make me believe, there is absolutely no chance of the nonsense she told me, and this is what I keep telling myself as I’m on my way to the Mendes house.
“Hey!” Aaliyah greets me with a wide smile. She is now wearing some more comfortable clothes than the last two times I saw her, the grey sweats and lose white shirt must be her home wear. “Come in! My parents are out at a friend’s place, and Shawn…” she starts, but just when she is about to finish he appears on the top of the stairs.
“Is here,” he chimes in. I look up and there he is, in a pair of checked pj pants and a black shirt. Looking at it, I think Aaliyah has his shirt on, it seems like the same size.
“Hi,” I smile at him.
“Come, let’s sit.” I follow Aaliyah into the living room and we sit down to the couch next to their Christmas tree. From the corner of my eyes I see Shawn going into the kitchen and for a moment I’m actually disappointed he is not coming with us.
“So. I want to surprise Eric with cooking for him, but I have no idea what. I tried to find out what’s his favorite, but he says it’s his favorite to everything!” she growls frustrated. I shake my head laughing.
“That’s typical.”
“Yeah. So do you have anything in mind?”
“Well, he really like tiramisu. He can eat tons of it, all the time. That’s good for dessert,” I offer. Aaliyah has her phone in her hands and she is typing everything I say down.
“Okay, got it.”
“Um, he likes gazpacho. He thinks it sounds fancy and you know, he likes everything with ketchup, so a soup that tastes like tomato was made for him.”
“Oh yeah, he pours so much ketchup into his sandwiches, it’s crazy,” she rolls her eyes jokingly. “Okay, so gazpacho. Anything else?”
“Um…” I try to think about the times we went to restaurants and Eric got really excited over the food. “Oh, we were once at a place and he ordered grilled mushrooms and he couldn’t stop moaning, it was very embarrassing, but I guess this meant he really liked it.”
“Grilled mushrooms, perfect,” she nods to herself noting everything down. “Do you mind helping me pick out his gift too? I have a few ideas, I want to go into the city and buy it tomorrow, I already looked up some jumpers online, but I can’t really decide.”
“Sure, show me!”
We spend the next thirty minutes scrolling through everything she had saved as a possible gift. She found some really nice ones, her taste is fantastic. As the time is passing I’m starting to feel like I’m with a friend and not with my brother’s girlfriend and I’m just hoping Eric will keep her around for a long time.
She asks me to stay a little bit longer so she can show me the awkward photos she has taken of Erik since they’ve been dating, but she gets a call and excuses herself quickly. I stay there in the living room, looking around a bit, I haven’t really had the chance yesterday, I was too occupied with the situation.
Shawn walks in, this time he has a headband on, keeping his locks back from his face.
Damn, Maddi is right. He is hot.
I shake my head at the thoughts and try to look as casual as possible.
“How is the birthday planning going?” he asks plopping down on the couch next to me.
“Good, Aaliyah basically had everything right, I just had to choose the best options.”
“How crazy is that our younger siblings are dating? I mean, I was thinking about it yesterday, the last time I saw Eric, he was about twelve or something. No wonder why I didn’t recognize him when I met him,” he chuckles and I nod agreeing. Aaliyah changed a lot in the past years too.
“Yeah. Strange that they are not babies anymore. I mean, I’m still mad that Eric is taller than me.”
“Oh I remember how you always wanted to get taller!”
“You remember?” I ask surprised. I used to never stop talking about my height, later I accepted my fate.
“Yeah, I remember once you told Dylan how you want to wear the highest heels to the dance so you two can be the same height.”
I laugh at the memory. I remember it too, it was quite early in our relationship and Dylan asked me out for the Halloween dance. I wanted to look taller and told Dylan I would wear heels. Of course, I ditched the plan as I found out how uncomfortable they are and ended up wearing my Converse.
“And at the end I looked like a punk princess with my Converse and mini skirt,” I scoff at the thought of my outfit for that night.
“I think you looked pretty,” Shawn says and I look at him. I catch his small smile before he shakes his head clearing his throat. What the Hell? “High school feels so far away, right?” he quickly says.
“Um, well for you I guess, for me… not really,” I chuckle shaking my head. “Your life got turned upside down, but not much has happened to me since then.”
“What? I don’t believe you. I’m sure you’ve been having plenty of fun. Parties, dates and everything.”
I can’t help, a sad smile plasters across my face. He can’t be more wrong.
“Not really… I had some rough years after Dylan and I split.”
“Can I ask what happened? I mean, after the split,” he shyly asks.
“Well, since I was a dumb naïve little girl, I needed an entire year before I could even think about getting to know other guys. Now it all just seems like the biggest bullshit. I shouldn’t have cared that much. And I’m not a fan of partying, I only go out on birthdays and maybe New Year’s Eve,” I shrug. Maddi has been trying to boost me up a bit, she attempts to drag me out every month or so, but I’m really not that kind of type. I thought I was, when I was with Dylan, he was a popular guy, I kept going to these lame parties with him in the last year of our relationship, but I never really enjoyed them. Shawn was long gone by then.
“I’m sorry Dylan played you so bad.”
“It’s fine, I mean, not your fault,” I chuckle. “But what happened to you and him?”
He sighs scratching the back of his neck.
“Not sure, I guess we grew apart and I realized that he is an ass. When I became a private student we kept in touch, but I met new people and I saw how different a friendship can be, so… I cut him off, I guess.”
“Did you guys fight?”
“Not really,” he shakes his head. “Well, we had one last very awkward phone call when I was in Atlanta, if I remember right. It was forced and… just awkward, really,” he chuckles shaking his head.
“And your life has been better since Dylan is out of it, right?” I grin at him.
“Yeah, you must know about it.”
I laugh nodding. I know everything about it!
Before I could even think about what I’m saying, my mouth just opens and the words roll down.
“The only good thing I got from my relationship with Dylan is that I know you now.”
My eyes widen and I wish I could take it back.
“I- uh I mean…”
I don’t even know why I’m so nervous suddenly, I didn’t even tell much. But for some reason, I can feel myself blushing.
“I meant that he basically ruined my senior year and I needed so much time to get myself over him, but at least now we can talk like, normal people,” I quickly add somehow saving the situation.
“What do you mean he ruined your senior year?” he asks with furrowed eyebrows and I’m happy he didn’t get caught up on what I said before that.
“Well, he successfully made me push all my friends away, leaving me totally alone when we broke up.”
“Wait, what? How about that friend of yours, um… I don’t remember her name, you always sat together at lunch.”
“Rochelle. Oh Dylan played us dirty. He told me Rochelle keeps hitting on him and being my dumb naïve self I believed him and not her. We had this huge fight and I called her a bitch. No wonder why she didn’t care about me when I was alone in the last couple of months of senior year.”
“Ouch, that sounds horrible. I’m sorry he did that.”
“Why did we even like Dylan in the first place?” I ask laughing to myself. It still bothers me how blind I was, I wish I could just shake myself.
“I have no idea!” He sighs rolling his eyes. “I’m sorry your senior year got fucked up, I wish I could be there to have lunch with you.”
I turn to him and swear to God he is blushing! And it is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I feel the urge to touch him, anywhere, to take his hand in mine, but I stop myself.
“That’s… nice. Thank you,” I whisper touched.
As I’m staring at him I realize this is probably the closest I’ve ever been to him. I wonder how many girls want to be in my position, they see the popstar, the heartthrob from the stage, while all I see is the guy who used to be mean to me in high school but now we are friendlier than ever. I could never see him as a celebrity.
“Okay, so I found some- Oh am I bothering?” Aaliyah walks into the room with her phone in her hands and she is giving me a knowing look. I quickly clear my throat turning away from Shawn.
“No, you girls just… do your thing. I have to make a few calls.”
Shawn jumps up from the couch patting his sister’s shoulder before walking out of the room. Aaliyah takes his place, still grinning.
“What?” I ask her playing dumb.
“You guys… I felt the sparkle,” she says wiggling her eyebrows.
“What sparkle? Aaliyah, you see everything in pink because of my brother.”
“Oh stop, don’t tell me you don’t like him.”
“I don’t know him,” I say truthfully. “The last time I saw him I was dating a douche and he was also being a douche to me. I can’t tell if I like him, because I don’t know his new self.”
“But you seem to get along with him pretty well and I’m sure you are attracted to him.”
“I’m not talking about this with you, you are his sister!” I gasp feeling myself blushing again.
“Whatever. But I think you two would look cute together.”
I refuse to carry on with the conversation about me and Shawn and Aaliyah fortunately doesn’t force it on me.
I leave the Mendes house around five, Aaliyah thanks me the help and I can’t help but feel disappointed I don’t see Shawn anywhere when I’m leaving. Aaliyah’s speech about me and Shawn is slowly getting to me.
By dinner, all my thoughts are racing around him and soon I find myself stalking his social media profiles. I knew he is very famous, but seeing the numbers on his pages makes me gasp. Millions of people are following him, waiting for him to post anything. The last photo he uploaded to his Instagram is with his family, Karen and Manny are smiling proudly into the camera while Shawn and Aaliyah are messing around next to them. Before I could realize what I’m doing I double tap the picture liking it.
“Oh shit,” I suck my breath in. I hesitate, but then I realize how dumb this is. He must be getting millions of notes every minute, he won’t see this.
Gaining some confidence from this, I decide to follow him and continue my stalking session. I’m a few months deep into his profile when I get a notification. Opening the tab my eyes widen.
shawnmendes followed charlieprkr
I guess I was wrong about the notification getting lost. A moment later I see that he has liked two of my photos.
One was taken on a family vacation. Eric and I are posing at the beach, I have a red swimsuit on and the wind is blowing my wavy blonde hair that was so much lighter back than from all the sunshine. The other one is a picture Maddie took of me last month. I’m sitting in our armchair with a mug of tea in my hands, smiling shyly at the camera. We had Christmas lights in the window and the lights made me look colorful in the photo.
I’m just about to put the phone down and go to bed when I get a dm. I’m not surprised to see Shawn’s username, but I definitely get excited.
shawnmendes
I’m happy I’m not the first one to accidentally like your photo, though I was minutes away from that haha
I smile at the message rolling my eyes.
charlieprkr
Ha. Ha. I was hoping I can easily hide in the millions of your followers.
shawnmendes
You could have, if only I weren’t stalking your profile as well. Fate?
charlieprkr
I guess.
My fingers linger across the keyboard, trying to think of something else to write and keep the conversation up, but nothing comes to my mind. I almost give up when I get another message from him.
shawnmendes
I’m in a nostalgic mood, I want to have a walk in the neighborhood, around our school tomorrow. Would you like to join me?
My smile grows wider than ever reading his lines.
charlieprkr
Totally.
shawnmendes
Great! Sometime around 4 pm?
charlieprkr
Perfect. Where?
shawnmendes
I’ll meet you at your house and we’ll go from there.
charlieprkr
Then see you tomorrow!
shawnmendes
Yeah, good night Charlie.
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Unfortunate Outcome
Amazing how one person can change everything.....incredible as that same person becomes somebody they swore and promised to never become.....funny how you believed them, and the unfortunate outcome is the consequences you suffer because you trusted their word over everyone and everything....
It's so degrading...to now be where you're at only because you believed in something that wasnt ever real...
Hurtful to actually feel the loneliness kick in.....
Depressing to remember how little of an importance you were to them....
Unwilling to heal and move on because how do you pick yourself up after consistently being there for someone then for it to become abandoned and forgotten.....
It's the Unfortunet outcome to their mishaps that led me to becoming helpless and needy.
Sad thing is, I don't even know what it is that i want
Idk what I need....
I know I dont need this constant bullshit
Unfortunetly because I had so much hope and expectations
Its stupid to look back and realize how naive and oblivious I used to be
Now I guess they can say I made my own mess when they're the ones who lied and ridiculed me because I was drug along for so long
The most unfortunate thing about this is the outcome. Despite how much "better" they find this to be, I won't ever be able to be better....yea I have my good days, but even those arent good.....
Doesnt matter where they go
Doesnt matter the time they let slip by
Hell it doesn't matter what they do .
In still feeling the same things
I doubt ill ever have anything to help me endure this
I live everyday waiting still
I go about each day hoping anyone would love to be here again
I literally feel myself slipping
I'm already dead because of them
Added with how I'm still feeling
I'm not sure of this feeling will subside
It's all mind consuming
I can't just stop about this
It's the one thing that no-one understands
The reason why I'm like this
The answer is simple
Given the empty promises and then being just thrown way like yesterdays garbage
I'm miserable with this unfortunate outcome.....
I didnt get closure
Instead I get the only thing that's never changed
Them leaving my life.....
Something promised against but in the end
They all prove to be the same person that leff you to begin with ......
It's hard living and feeling like this
I have no faith
I don't have confidence
I'm trying to find a purpose
But I can't get far or enough to cease the memories....
They're just haunting to me now...
Only because of how and what I've done
You really think I can just magically become better
No.
It's not possible unless you actually are willing to be here
Or unless you actually gave me the closure I've been desiring
Until I'm given that
I will not get better.
I will not heal
This unfortunate outcome will be my life sentence
This isn't what I what wanted
None of this is
I don't want the depression
I dont care for the desire.
I just want to feel happy again.
I want a reason to actually smile and feel good about myself......
I just wished someone would hear me out
After asking for three years now...
I cant just move on
God Damn it man
If they only knew just how bad I really am
I wonder if things would be different....
I wonder if anyone wouldve left....
I just want someone to be here for me
Irs not ever been about my sex life or being in a relationship
My goal was to only be around the people who want to be here
Maybe ive beckne to fucked up to obtain that chance again
Unfortunate outcome is me being treated in such manner when the pupils who inflicted all that hurt and damage are the ones at fault for me becoming this way. They shut me out because I'm still fucked up over it. I was the original victim that became traumatized and untrusting, but I wouldnt be this irritable bitter suicidally depressed person that's unwilling to move on if it weren't for their actions.
I don't trust anybody any more
I don't even crack a smile
You know who you are
The person im addressing anyway ..
I hope you're happy
I hope you feel accomplished at what you created
With the unfortunate outcome that you refuse to have anything to do with what you started and fucked up numerous times......it leaves me like this.....
Idk how else to stress this fact
Because I cant get that little bit of respect....
When I shouldn't have been involved anyway
I should've walked away
I should've listened to the voice in my head
"Don't worry on going to the laundry mat
If I'd knew then what I knew now
I would've never showed up
I would have never existed
But its thanks to you ive gotten like this
Thanks to you I sit all day every day for the past few years pondering about whats wrong with me
Why am I not wanted. Why does everyone leave....see that's the difference between us, you're the one who does all the leaving. I linger because I believe in equal opportunity especially when so much effort was put into it in the first place. I believe in those who remain loyal and true on their word, but you seem to still believe in empty promises. You're using you're ears to see and you're eyes to hear. You're the most cruel and cold hearted creature. Not human.....because with human emotion, I couldnt do what you do, I cant lead them on, shut them out, I cant make someone feel like their the one for me, but then shut them down and out when the one I want is around. I will never understand you're selfish decisions and with how you know youve done wrong but you still don't bother to change.
Maybe I've become an unforgivable asshole, but that's the unfortunate outcome when someone so heartless just takes you for granted then you're the bad guy for not only reacting actually a little more civil than you should've, but because god knows whatever words come from my posts or even texts, god forbid they remind you consistently of what you've done. Everything I am and everything I do now is because of you..
Days I'm angry, I blame you
Days I'm depressed, It's your fault
Days I cut, blamed you because just the little bit of open honesty wouldve prevented me cutting myself, but only to relieve that pain that I cant get out through crying.
Its the pain that makes your chest ache and have the urge to just scream in agony. Its that lodged in lump that swells in your chest when everything that was promised, shared, and enjoyed together now sets this darkened, and dead look to it. I find myself shying away from every and any little thing that you had any relations to. My music has changed. My faith in life itself is nonexistent. Ive become so angry and bitter, that I am constantly snappy.
It doesnt matter how angry I were to get with anyone else, because every one probably tells you I'm fine.....
I'm not fine
Im not ok
I'm suffocating myself
Its hard to not still be bitter....
How can I not still be angry when you left once again.....ive been irrational and disrespectful, but I never thought that this unfortunate outcome would involve me getting worse....I figured at some point within these four years .....I figured you wouldve not done this so much that I'm probably permanently fucked up....I mean fucking look at me...have you ever seen anyone so pathetic and humiliating?....
Loving someone is so beautiful but sad, because when you fall for someone, there's some part of you that breaks too, its gone for ever because its with that person you wanted to give your whole heart to, but they'll only always have what's actually left of you. For some reason being in that persons presence or just respected enough to be even thought about by them, makes life worth living even if I were to spend it alone. Its not because you lack feelings or really the past that I held over your head....I just wanted for someone to finally treat me differently.....
You wound up treating me the same
This is my unfortunate outcome
Its been a battle especially the last two years
I've never in my life have I ever felt so much pain
Ive never loved anyone as much as I love you
The unfortunate outcome for you is me being gone when you want to come back
I already know how it's to be
Its why I never understood you
But I still kept trying to
Maybe that was my mistake
Because my unfortunate outcome is the distance between us and how little I've meant within the last couple years....idk myself what you could ever do to make things better.....
Unfortunate outcome is what's done is done....
Its ruined
We're ruined
Were gone....
The end....
Hope you're doing well.....
Sorry for being impulsive and annoying
I'm sorry for being a fucked up mess.
Wishing you a lifetime of happiness....
Wishing you luck on your endeavors
Ill miss you
I have been already
Life just won't ever be the same. I just know if it was went about differently I would be able to handle the sudden blocked phone and Tumblr better than what I am now. I'm wasting mt time is the sad thing because I'm sire you're thought is why if I'm to be the way I was before, well, it would be nice to have at least that wanting to talk to me or even asking things sbout my life. I literally have been wanting to fit in, and I'm sorry I tried to get in your way. I'm sorry for being this way period.....in sorry I can't bring myself to be better.....I literally feel like I have no other place to go or anything to do.....I should be doing soemthing with my life, bur in not.....only bevause I spend every day trying to avert seeing or even tbe chance to see you kr anything related to you That will rip my chest right then and there.
It's those things I want to feel better about.....I want to be able to see you without getting so severely depressed. That's the last unfortunate outcome, because of that, how I feel.....I think it's best if we just never saw each other ever again......Obviosuly you're already on that route but if that's really what you want, then you really will not ses me ever again. I mean you can scream yell my name. I will not look at any part of you.....I'm prudent because maybe youre right, just sticking with avoiding them, and I guess you do lose some feeling. I hate being like this. Idk what else to do. I dont need your help. I need your understanding. I dont need to be questioned, at least at what I'm doing, because idk anymore.....I get flustered easily because my mind stays so caught up on you that I fuck up everything I touch or work on.....then it goes back to the angry blaming you thing.....never ending......so how can I get better? What do I do? You just left. You didn't leave a note, you didnt say goodbye, and of all things I've ever done for you, you never helped my unfortunate outcomes...you rejected me time and time again.
I just idk how to be ok.....
I just feel like I'm losing touch with my existence
As in because you live in my mind so much I try to avoid that too....I've become a blank spaced emotionless robot....I'm depressed but I look solemn. I then break soon as I snap.....I'm getting worse.....idk its so hard to put into words. I just feel myself losing control over everything including my decisions.....
Whether you believe me or not.....I don't care to convince you anymore. Honestly I'm not even doing that now. I just needed to get what I could out....atleast While its flowing....well it was....I think I explained the best I could and linked the way I think...
Respond or don't respond
Respectfully, I'm refraining from tagging your blog name in the post. If you see it and or read it then its actually ok if you don't ever speak to me again.....I mean you're the one in charge and I know if you don't soeak first, then there's just nothing left to do but just hope you enjoy life.
Take care of yourself Kourt.....thanks for everything.....
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