#im just so goddamn done with everything

[iron-niffler]

fucking losing it rn lmao

#im just so tired #was up all of Sunday night fucking around crying and doing all of one homework assignment #now iit seems I'll be up almost all night tonight because chemistry is a bitch #and i have an exam Wednesday ive barely studied for because my fucking period emotions are hitting really hard #and im just losing it chemistry fucking sucks #iea sucks #calc sucks #all i want is to fucking sleep #and ofc i probably won't get to sleep till midnight tonight at the EARLIEST #because i have too many classes tomorrow and also have to study for my fucking exam #then after that exam is over i have to study for another fucking exam #im just so goddamn done with everything #i wander around campus in the middle of the night sobbing a disturbing amount #after all this is over no matter the fucking outcome im treating myself to a froreal and a trip to Walmart #because my stupid umbrella broke #i have no idea how to study because ive barely ever needed to #im doing much worse than in high school so feel like an absolute failure #and im just so tired #so ranty break over imma get back to balancing the fucking chemical equations so i can MAYBE get two fucking hours of sleep tonight #well ya girl just finished probably the worst chem post lab in existence but not i can get a full 2.5 hours of sleep!

[scattered-winter]

there's something sooooooo heartbreaking about quests as a narrative piece. you set out on this journey to rescue someone or defeat a great evil and along the way you face hardship and horror and you grieve and fight and love and lose and then when it's all over you come home. everything is the same as when you left, but you're so irrevocably different that you no longer fit in the one place you used to be truly at peace. you're tired from your journey but you find no rest or recovery, only ghosts. and you almost wish for another quest, another dangerous mission, because at least then you know your purpose.

#hi sorry i just rewatched the lord of the rings trilogy and im in A State #its just. the concept of leaving your home with your 3 friends to go on a quest for something you don't understand. #you're all plucky and full of life and hope. #and then you're beaten down and nearly killed and you don't know if anyone's still alive or if you're the last of your friends left. #and you suffer. oh do you suffer. #and when the battle's over and it's time to come home you don't recognize the person you were when you left. #you're too traumatized and haunted by everything you've seen; everything you've suffered; everything you've done to survive #and you're a ghost in your own home because nobody from your hometown can understand. #and it's so painful and you're so so tired that when you have a chance to move on to leave your friends behind #for the sake of getting some goddamn peace ... #well what else can you do but take it? #im just oughoughoughoughough #this applies to both frodo and bilbo i think #the dichotomy of the scene where bilbo is Leaving the shire (running and shouting for joy because he's going on an ADVENTURE!) #and when he returns (beaten down and grieving and lost. a stranger in his own home.) #literally makes me gnawwww #im feeling some kinda WAY #winter speaks #tropes #on knights #<- rich inner world

[nyxi-pixie]

no bc people are actually fucking disgusting abt will

if i see one more mfer call him a��‘predator’ for having a crush on his best friend i will lose my absolute shit. HE IS A CHILD. his crush is super innocent and some people in this goddamn fandom act like hes going to use his evil gay powers of seduction to ruin milkvan. 

like its giving unhinged its giving in need of therapy its giving pls what the actual fuck is wrong with some of you.

#the way will actively encourages mike to fix things with el bc he cares abt both of them #in what way is he pushing himself on mike #and this isnt just about that one person (who follows me omg im so famous hi bestie) #bc ive seen Multiple people say this shit (mostly tiktok comments bc theyre batshit crazy) #but its just really fucking disgusting #like will has done nothing its not his fault that mike is so damn fruity that he cant tell his gf he loves her #like goddamn wills playing relationship therapist for this man #anyway will has done nothing wrong ever in his life #and people only call him a predator bc they view queer people crushing on 'straight' people as predatory #even though you cant control who you like and if a straight person had an unrequited crush on someone else that wouldnt be predatory at all #bc surprise having a crush on someone who doesnt like you back doesnt mean youre pushing urself onto the #m #ANYWAY #its all irrelevent because #mike wheeler is gay #and in love with will #byler #will byers #putting everything in my tags again bc i can

[myriadsystem]

.

#personal #i have doctors appt today with a new doctor its literally not even a real appointment i just need some stupid forms signed #but guys im so stressed im so scared ive already cried once about it today i just. i fucking hate doctors so so much #theyre all so bad. im not in the mood to be dismissed again today and its 15 goddamn degrees so everything feels bigger and worse than it is #if they dont sign the form i dont get paid any more and if i dont get paid i cant continue to try and sort out my medical #which means i continue to not get paid and im just. so scared. so so fucking scared i dont even care if we find the start if the path #to vetter my health i dont care about gettinf better right now i just need this fucking form signed but #ive already been dismissised for it once and i have new doctor jitters. what do you mean i have to tell someone new that #i have ptsd and anxiety and depression and fibro and alleged bpd but its probably autism actually and hope #hope and prey they losten to me because its other doctors that have told me this and im definitely computer illiterate i couldntve come up #with all this on my own i promise ive done zero research into my own symptoms i live with every day im a simpleton im an idiot #please believe me dr refer me to ypur colleagues for further testing but in the mwan time sign the one form i need please #im so scared. i dont know what to do. my tarot says to tryst myself and find my own authority about the situation #but like literally legally i cant i have to rely on the hope this new doctor gives her signature or i dont get fucking paid as stated #i hate this i feel so shaky and nervous and nauseous and awful 😮‍💨 #and im supposed to do groceries today. im at the very end of my shopping like if i dont go get food today #then i dont eat tonight but its cold and rainy and im super stressed abt the appointment so idk if ill be able to go shopping after #i dont wanna die anymore but like rn i kinda do this is too much today feels like too much #help me im drowning

[piplupod]

head in my hands. well. no more accordion for me. i picked my beloved up off the ground to do some practice and accidentally banged her off the piano keyboard and now theres a constant bass C droning but the button isnt stuck so it's something internal that's gotten bonked out of wack. and unfortunately accordions apparently need experts to even just do a simple tuning, so I'm certain this isn't going to be fixable for me unless i can both find someone who knows accordions AND be able to afford the fix, both of which are incredibly unlikely. so ... no more accordion :[

#i feel numb fjkfdl i dont think i can quite process this #it was One simple mistake. and now it is just ... done #i dont feel so good scoob fjfkfl #im going to just go lie down i think. ough. i wish i could just apologize to the accordion (i did already fjfkdkl) and have her be okay #this is so stupid goddamn one bonk and everything is over what the fuck thats so unfair #im so careful w her too god fuck me !!!!! im so so so careful with her and then ONE honest mistake !!! argh !!! #i feel so petulant being upset abt this. ofc bonking an instrument off of another hard surface is going to fuck it up #and ofc i didnt mean to. but like. yknow? idk. it just is so unfair i guess but its done its over it is what it is #i dont want to think abt this rn actually fjfdhdkl i cannot quite grasp this all properly rn #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[milkweedman]

ah, the ever-more-frequent Urge To Explode My Brain from unending migraines. a migraine that just lasts the day already sucks so bad. whole day is gone in a blur of pain and misery, right ? a migraine that lasts multiple days is sort of like if hell was real and you were in it. time has no meaning, only pain, etc.

months of migraines... with no break or end or effective treatment and also you still have to work and behave like a normal person because you cannot lie in bed for months not paying rent. well id describe it you but ive fucking lost the plot. its gone on so long and its so bad that when the migraine ISN'T at its peaking on the pain scale and making me feel like if i was hit by a truck that would be an improvement, i start to feel like my head is a vestigial organ that has been removed. cant access sensation in my head and it feels literally disconnected from my body. meanwhile the pain is still there (along with the brain fog, vertigo, nausea, etc) but it feels like its happening to somebody else.

#im kind of impressed that i can at this point carry a normal conversation (as good as i ever can. which is bad but irrelevant) #while being in agony and having been in agony for as long as i can remember #usually also with something dislocated just for some extra fun #because what i actually feel like doing 100% of the time is lighting myself on fire and/or screaming forever until i die #however thats the kind of shit that puts you in the psych ward again #so i am. smiling and making small talk while migraine auras wash out my vision and i try not to visibly dry heave #its really really really fucking bad. all the time so fucking bad. #i need to message my neurologist but likelihood of me doing that is low #because 1) the stuff she's put me on has so far done nothing but add intolerable side effects to the hell that i am already existing in #and 2) its fucking hard to do anything. even the bare minimum im not doing. so extra shit is just. not happening #i want to scream. #i am gonna. go for a walk and smoke a cigarette instead and then get really high because at least then i dont really care #the auras are making it really hard to see though. theyre like bleach all over my vision. just this wash of white #hhh. #chronic illness #chronic migraine #and its like. when my knee also gives out and it feels like theres metal in there slicing everything up with each tiny movement #or any of the other one million goddamn things broken in my body #i end up so overwhelmed by pain that i just want to lay on the floor and cry #at which point everyone around me gets mad that im not being productive and im costing them money and im not good enough #like ok kill me then. cheaper for you happier for me. just get a heavy object and go to town i would thank you for it #but i cant even say that because openly expressing suicidality just makes people angrier #im rapidly running out of fucks to give but also i will do anything to avoid returning to the psych ward #literally anything. morals out the window. i dont give a shit. #so its a catch-22. #vent

[mejomonster]

How to make myself write and not stop cause of perceived style inconsistencies ;-; I wish I knew

#rant #shdjjd im stuck cause of this rn!! its so irritating ;-; #i have the plot! the characters! the setting! i know EVERYTHING that needs to be written. its all planned!!! #all the hard work of what-to-write is DONE #i just. keep stopping myself second guessing the style then feel style changed cause i stopped then #doubt myself and wonder if i need to rewrite 6000 words to a new style and wonder if i need to scrap the current voice or stick with it #and im like. goddamn can i JUST GET THIS PLOT WRITTEN #i know its not wven that important what the fucking voice style is! whats more important is WRITING THE PLOT OUT #and yet. i keep second guessing and now i havent written in days ;-; aaaaaaa

[redding]

oh my GODDDD i fucking love the rick vs okafor argument in episode one holy shit it's so good. craig tate and andrew lincoln complement each other so well it's SO tense SO emotional SO interesting i will never be over it i fear

#rewatchinf my fave scenes and WJFJWJJCJDJXJ. #the way rick is railing against okafor and its like running into a (resigned borderline smug ish) brick wall until #the goddamn good soldier with nothing line OOOOH the way ricks face TWITCHES when okafor sits in his bed w a blade to his throat and taunts #rick with the mention of his daughter. the way okafor knows this js the only way to get him to heel and hes haunted by what hes done but #hes resigned enough to say they will make me kill you and your wife and your family and i will do it if you dont stay here. GOD!!!!!! #rick going from “just let me go” to borderline begging okafor to kill him the second it sinks it that he cant fucking go home #hes out of options he tried Everything & heres okafor saying it was all for nothing he already made the choice accept it theres nothing left #not even mentioning the fucking acting. absolutely incredible shit from andrew lincoln as usual and craig tate matches the SHIT out of it. #his line delivery in his little monologue when hes got rick on the ground INSANEEEE its so fucking good. #oh im having a fucking ball i love this show #towl #the ones who live #misc posts

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

MAC MAC. SORRY I GOTTA RANT IN UR INBOX I’M HAVING MAD AT GENLOSS THOUGHTS. BUT THAT POST ABT THE BACKROOMS/POOLROOMS AND UR TAGS ABT WHAT YOUTUBERS DID TO IT GOT ME THINKIN. THIS IS THE EXACT PROBLEM WITH GENLOSS. ranboo took an already potentially scary concept—the deterioration of something when it’s been recorded over and over again until it’s incomprehensible, which could have been really cool if he had done it as an analog horror and made it so reality itself was deteriorating around them—and just fuckin. put Ooh Spooky Scary things in it and completely botched the concept. the fuckinggg. hey heres a big scary corporation CLEARLY WATCHING THE CHARACTERS!! ISN’T THAT SOOO SCARY AAAA!!!1! and the wire monster. and the “twist” villain hetch. the deaths. like. do u know brian david gilbert’s video Teaching Jake About The Camcorder??? that’s similar to what i wanted from genloss. if genloss was like some old video or show LIKE A SITCOM!! OR A GAME SHOW!! OR A HOME VIDEO!!! and the first season was was like almost completely normal and the second one was like a replay of the same episodes but Just Slightly To The Left and it progressed until it turned into something horribly irreparably distorted THAT WOULD BE COOL. THAT’S WHAT I WANTED. AUGH. PAIN. backrooms 🤝 genloss: oooh spooky scary monster makes things scary right??? ok sry i’m done i just HADDD 2 RANT. OK BYE

GODDDDD NO WHISKEY COME BACK UR SO SO SO SO RIGHT. I THOUGHT ABOUT GENLOSS AS I WAS WRITI G THOSE TAGS. actualy i was really thinking about the charlie/tommy/ranboo youtube vids where they just say "we're in the backrooms!11!1!" over and over again. like. aughghghhhg. god. genloss rlly is just ooooo let me shove this spooky scary thing in your face with 0 subtlety. there u go i have made horror. like thats NOT HOW IT FUCKING WORKS.

#will NEVER be over asters reaction to the big red button. we were on call and we both fucking SCREAMED over it #HE PUT A BIG RED BUTTON . IN THE HORROR SHOW #like that same exact scene would have been improved just by making it like. a big handle flip switch or something. #even that would have been more subtle than. big red fucking button #aster has this whole genloss rewrite that lives in my brain now. like. we couldve had it all. #theres so much that could have been just like. minor tweaks that would have improved it so much #theres no subtlety. theres no buildup. it's just BAM SHOCK VALUE. wow wasnt that scary #no it wasnt. #i haaaated the fucking monster at the end so kuch. i hated it . it made me so angry #like yes on its own it was really cool. in a different series it wouldve been great #but it was just SO fucking out of nowhere no buildup whatsoever . and i was there fir like 2 goddamn seconds. #oh whiskey jm so mad about genloss again . holy shit. that shit fucking sucked. 0 redeemable qualities im an enormous hater. #everything he could have done wrong HE DID WRONG. #there are a lot of the concepts that are so cool on their own and could have been cool if they were made by someone competent #HE EVEN WASTED THE GODDAMN NAME #like the meaning behind the fucking name is so cool. and he did NOTHING with it. fuck im so angry #asks #friends!!! #anachronistic-falsehood

[hotdogmchiggin]

Hey anyone wanna see some of my old splatoon miiverse art.

Most of these were drawn for splatfests so they make more sense in that context lol. Like the venusaur was for the pokemon Red vs Blue splatfest.

#Homestly I forget that I drew a lot on miiverse and put probably too much time into my drawings #all of the pixel shading on these is hand drawn in case you dont know how miiverse drawing worked lol #it was fun and rewarding took literal hours so figured I’d post some of these here to see if people like and/or recognize them #also there was no zooming in at all so had to do everything in a tiny square on the wiiu gamepad. honestly a nightmare #i know someone somewhere on youtube did like a splatoon miiverse meme compilation and had a bunch of art with credit to the original artists #but then they put in the ‘IM STUCK BETWEEN FORMS’ comic as a JOKE at the END of the video and DIDNT CREDIT ME AT ALL #like you credited EVERYONE ELSE you seriously couldnt put my name on it :( #i forget the video and forgot to ask them to put credit but it haunts me to this day #also fun fact about the past vs future splatfest art. My internet cut out when i was trying to post it so I couldnt actually POST it #which is devastating on miiverse b/c you cant save drawings. its all one and done baby. #so i had spent like hours drawing this bitch and then i was stuck for a couple more hours freaking out and keeping my wiiu awake #while waiting for the internet to come back on. i was so upset lol. #in hindsight the coincidence of the technical difficulty was hilarious #i think out of all of these the venusaur took the longest? there was a looot of shading required to make the fade look right #uhh what do i tag this as #miiverse #myart #splatoon #damn just realized i probably drew these back in like 2015. wow #about like 8 years ago goddamn

[kellystar321]

.

#vent #periodical life updates #OUGHGKJHR IM SO FUCKIGN TIRED!!! i did my two final projects and one of them was late but god fucjgign whatever and i look at my stupid #canvas calendar and apparently while i was doing that i missed two other assignments and discussion boards and im SO TFIGIFJNNG TIRED #I CANT WORK ANYMORE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO TIRED. THEY'RE JUST THERE AND THE DEADLINES WERE WRONG AND ITS SO MUCH. #AND IT NEVER FCKING STOPS AND /GODDAMNIT I JUST REALIZED I MISSED DAILY ECA/ FCKGIGJNG SHT OF COURSE I DID GOD #I NEVER HAVE TIME ANYMORE I NEVER GET TO DO WHAT I WANT AND IM SO ANGRY. WHY WAS I FORCED TO DO FOUR CLASSES. I CANT DO FOUR CLASSES. #theres too much goddamn work and i cant do it!! i have two more essays! i have two discussion boards for environmental and another for a #different class and more assignments on top of that AND WHEN CAN EVERYONE SHUT UP AND STOP I DONT CARE ANYMORE I WANT TO BE DONE #AND THIS ISNT EVEN DONE!! BECAUSE I HAVE TO DO MORE FCKING CLASSES IF EVERYONE WANTS ME TO BE A COMPUTER FCKING SCIENCE MAJOR SO BADLY #AND MY SHT WONT TRANSFER AND WHAT DOES IT FCKING MATTER ANYMORE. IM EXHAUSTED AND ITS ALWAYS MORE WORK AND WHO FCKING CARES ANYMORE #IM SO FCIGJGN ANGRY I HATE COLLEGE I HATE THIS WHOLE SYSTEM AND IM SO TIRED ALL THE TIME AND I NEVER GET TO REST!! YOU THINK YOU'RE FINALLY #FINISHED AND THERES ALWAYS FCKIGNG MORE WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE OVER WHEN AM I DONE WHEN AM I /DONE!!!!/ #i hate everything everything is bad and i cant even say the truth to anyone ever. no one fucking gets it. no one fucking talk to me anymore

[bonestrouslingbones]

have officially hit the point where i kinda wish people i would like to call friends drifting away for the millionth time in a row actually WAS personal so that then i wouldnt feel so fucking stupid for getting so upset about it every time

#dont read this its just for me #shoutout to every single one of my goddamn roommates not telling me they weren't planning on living on campus next semester til just now ✌ #housing applications start next week . thanks guys #it'll be the same drill as every other friend i have had forever i can already tell #we wont have school keeping us seeing each other every day but say we'll hang out when we have time and then never speak again 👍 #maybe thats too pessimistic but its always the fucking same. as in there is not one person i have called a friend that hasnt done that 😁 #it already happened over winter break anyway #but of course this time its right when im finally opening up about the shit i genuinely enjoy for the first time in my life #actually beyond the most surface level “yeah i write fanfiction and draw undertale fanart” bs and keep everything else to myself #because for the first time ever it feels like someone actually halfway gives a fuck #and im just supposed to be normal about this information now. alright! #i'll just go back to writing my essay about how isolating my home growing up was. thats fine #i can get new roommates i can make new friends but im so sick of restarting. i dont want to fucking do this anymore

[synonymouslyyours]

.

#vent #someones giving me a referral for an internship and im so grateful buts its happening so damn fast and i cant get this goddamn cover letter #its my first time writing a cover letter now that i have actual experience to draw upon and its such a different skillset than #the bullshit i wrote before #and youd think it would be easier but i am just so overwhelmed and cannot handle this #i found out about the internship monday. met with the guy for the referral tuesday. and so he wants my materials to recommend on wednesday #but its 5am and i dont have it done yet and im scared ive already fucked this up because i shouldve tried harder but im just freaking out #cuz i still havent done my homework and i still havent done any of my grading work for 17 fucking students and i need to interview peopl fo #project management stuff in the next couple days and i need to fix my class schedule by thursday and its rosh hashana on friday night and i #just cant do it all im not managing to do any of it #but this is huge opportunity the internship is at a great company and its 50 bucks an hour which is crazy and this guy is a great connectio #which i dont have for any other opportunity so #i dont know if i can afford to fuck this up and i just need to get it done but i just cant i just cant do it and i tried to schedule a #career advising meeting but theyre all taken until THURSDAY and the guy really likes proactive people and hes for sure going to have a #lowered opinion of me for not being able to get a cover letter done which is supposed to only take 15 minutes #so im fucked and i fucking hate everything im just so goddamn done with how stressful everything is even when good things are happening lik #whats the goddamn point #ok i think im having an anxiety attack

[the-kipsabian]

i passed out and woke up again to see that they lost the match fucking wow world can i catch a fucking break for once jfc

#deadly alliance deserves so much better #im so fucking done with today i just wanna fucking sleep what the fuck #i just checked the time on my phone to see how long i was out cold and saw kip retweeting shit and ugh #just kill me already i hate everything. goddamn #night is an absolute mess on main

[dot823]

im going through hell right now

#i can hardly make myself even do things i like doing #let alone things i need to do #even eating is a struggle #because the effort of getting out of bed and getting food is too hard #and also i cant afford to just buy food because my family is poor as fuck right now #i spend hours just on tumblr or instagram or talking with friends while doing nothing constructive and then i feel exhausted and pass out #i need to do my taxes and i need to deal with work things or get a new job and i need to be an adult #but i cant even get myself to play my favorite video game im so down #the idea of even having to leave my house for four hours to work is too much #putting on pants is a lot of effort #and i cant apply for disability bc ive tried and it's so goddamn hard and they expect you to remember everything youve ever done #and every penny you've ever held #and god FORBID you have family or friends who have ever given you money to help you #its literally ridiculous #not to mention the state of my house is horrible bc my whole family is depressed #and i want to move so badly but i cant even afford the gas to get to my friends house even if i just loaded my car up and left #im struggling #my mom gets paid in 8 days and until then i have approximately 2 frozen meals and some pasta i can eat #everything else in my house i cant eat because of dietary restrictions and most of it is expired anyway

[milkweedman]

i made a list of all the steps for my time sheet, and by all the steps i mean NOT all the steps, just the ones that will take at least an hour. i tried to break up the ones that would take multiple days, though. there are tons of small steps not mentioned bc i bundled them into larger tasks that i will do all at once (so, lashing the warp to the beam, for example, isn't its own step as it'll only take maybe 15 minutes to do a whole panel, if that, so it's just under step two--threading the heddles)

all this to say, there are 39 steps. and a good chance i will need to break it up further if some steps end up requiring their own section.

its. so many steps.

STEP ONE--MAKING THE WARP

warp 1: 6 hours warp 2: 4 hours warp 3: 2 hours

warp 4: warp 5: warp 6:

warp 7: warp 8: warp 9:

STEP TWO--THREADING THE HEDDLES warp 1: warp 2: warp 3:

warp 4: warp 5: warp 6:

warp 7: warp 8: warp 9:

STEP THREE--SLEYING THE REED panel 1:

panel 2:

panel 3:

STEP FOUR--TYING TO BEAMS AND WINDING ON panel 1:

panel 2:

panel 3:

STEP FIVE--WEAVING panel 1:

panel 2:

panel 3:

STEP SIX--CUTTING CLOTH OFF OF LOOM AND UNDRESSING panel 1:

panel 2:

panel 3:

STEP SEVEN--TRIMMING, BASTING, AND WASHING PANELS panel 1:

panel 2:

panel 3:

STEP EIGHT--HEMMING PANELS panel 1:

panel 2:

panel 3:

STEP NINE--SEWING PANELS TOGETHER panel 1 to panel 2:

panel 2 to panel 3:

STEP TEN--FULLING time:

#granted i have done most of these steps 5 times when making that other woven panel blanket #not the sleying of the reed as on the rigid heddle i wove it on there isnt a reed just a heddle #there are in fact fewer steps to this blanket than there were to the first one since this is 3 panels instead of 5 #.... but they will take a lot longer bc the width is much bigger #i guess the point being that weaving has so many goddamn steps and the quickest and simplest of all of them is the actual weaving #also if any experienced weavers have any notes on my timesheet or stuff i missed please let me know ! im least experienced at weaving #out of everything and i am. very aware of that fact at all times #weaving #blanket commission #woven blanket