if the summer of our lives, ch35
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The returns to Winterfell trickle back in slowly.
Daenerys sticks around long enough to recoup her troops from White Harbour. Those who remain are camped outside Winterfell, at their protection. There aren’t many, as many of the dead hordes had come southeast towards White Harbour upon breaking the defensive line at Winterfell.
It’s far too long before they learn that the dead at White Harbour included both Theon and Yara, along with many of the Ironborn.
Robb had given his condolences, barely holding back tears at the loss of his childhood friend. By his side, Arya had quietly asked,
“Do you think he fought bravely?”
Daenerys had been taken aback,
“I can’t say I knew him well,” she starts, mind sorting through her mess of memories, old and new. “But I knew he fought shoulder to shoulder with the others, that he and his sister both looked battle straight in the eye.”
Arya squeezes Robb’s remaining elbow, trying to reassure him. She had never quite come around to Theon the way that Sansa had, but she knows how hard it could be to lose someone who you may have never gotten to tell what they meant to you.
Val has taken to leading hunting parties, in hopes of finding game enough to feed those within the walls still, so she sometimes stays by Robb’s side in her place. It’s sort of working. Arya thinks on Theon, broken down, who gave his life for Bran, given his life again for the north. Another thread of regret, that they hadn’t managed to save him, or to give him his due.
“He will be remembered,” she assures Robb.
“The Iron Islands will be in a difficult spot now,” he muses, then asks, “I don’t suppose there’s been any word from their uncle Euron? Our intelligence told us he had also been aiming to take the islands himself.”
Daenerys had smirked quietly to herself.
“We have not received word. The Islands supported me on this venture, they will support me when I retake the Iron Throne. It would be poor form for me to forget them, it would be even poorer form for them to immediately rebel, and go back to their reaving ways against both my express wishes, and Yara’s command.”
Arya leaves them while they discuss Daenerys going north again to lead the refugees home from Bear Island. In a corner of the Great Hall, she writes out letters to the Vale and the Riverlands, telling them that it is safe for those who have taken shelter to return north.
She stays inside often, because it is quiet, because it allows her to adjust to her unbalanced ears. Outside among the bustle and the rebuilding, she finds herself often fighting the urge to spin, to find the whisper, to chase what seems just out of reach.
At least at night, on a straw mattress in part of the repaired Great Keep, there is peace. Gendry has always been willing to whisper softly to her, whatever words she needed, and no more.
Sleep comes easily for Gendry because during the day he doesn’t stop. Some days he works in the forge, providing nails and tools and such out of what repurposed iron he is able to get his hands on. There’s not enough.
But even when he’s not, there’s carts to push and stone to carry. His muscles are used to their limit, and here, as he sees new growth begin in the scar of Winterfell, he feels his low birth has been put to good use. He’s always worked for his living, and now his work is for the living of others.
Those who remain too, must live for the living of others.
Robb spends his time supervising the rebuilding and sending and receiving riders from several of the other keeps who had held the line, from Hornwood and Torren’s Square and Cerwyn. Hornwood had taken the worst casualties, but that ended up fortuitous. They had food stores still to help feed the other survivors.
Jon helps where he can, often with his hands. He finds another role too. Those within Winterfell have suffered losses as well.
One day, he finds Ygritte in the Godswood with Johnna. The girl is nearly grown now, but still sobbing like a child.
“Wounds took her mother night before last,” Ygritte tells him.
Jon sits beside them carefully.
“Was your sister sent to Bear Island?” he asks the girl.
She nods.
“Then she’s as safe as she could be,” Ygritte insists, “Safe as she could hope for in this world.”
“I don’t know how I’m going to tell her this,” Johnna weeps.
Jon meets Ygritte’s eye, and realizes words aren’t needed right now. Jon knows there isn’t a correct way for a child to have to tell another about the death of a parent. He reaches an arm across Johnna’s back and is quiet, letting her cry.
Her tears were not wasted. Bear Island had fought hard and long. Because most of the refugees there had been women and children, they were ill-equipped for any sort of battle, but especially the one that came towards them across the water.
When Daenerys had come to lead them back, she had found them attempting a funeral pyre for those who had fallen. The water made it difficult to light, but it turned out dragon fire worked fine.
Only the youngest Mormont daughter remains, though bruised and battered, standing among the other survivors.
“We had to do what we could,” she tells, shivering in the cold, “To keep the others safe. I was pinned down at one point, cornered, I would have died if not for Hodor.”
Daenerys turns her gaze and considers the large man behind Lyanna. He looked as though he could have giant’s blood in him, but seemed as shy as a child when he ducked his head to her, with a respectful “Hodor.”
“I saw him hoist her straight onto his shoulders,” Osha tells, leaving out the part that it had happened when one of the dead had her down and was clawing at her gut. Osha’s wounds during the battle were great, but not life-threatening. Despite this, Daenerys doubts she will be able to make the journey back to Winterfell without them becoming life-threatening. “She fought like a beast from her perch, and he somehow still kept both his arms free.”
“It’s probably because of Hodor that we didn’t lose any of the children,” Gilly comments. She’s helping stitch up a nasty cut across Henneh’s forehead. Her and Sam had made it, Henneh too. Nella, Norea and Rhea hadn’t been so lucky.
“Once everyone can gather, I can lead you back to Winterfell,” Daenerys assures them.
“I shall stay here,” Lyanna insists, “This is my home, and some of my people will still need protection here. Tell my sisters- if I still have any- tell them I will hold the island down as well as I can until they return.”
She swallows roughly. She doesn’t want to think that it might just be her.
Osha sits up best she can, one arm bracing as well as she can with the bandages around her middle.
“If you will have me, Little Bear, I think I will stay here.”
Lyanna smiles, softly, with a hint of uncertainty behind her eyes.
“Bear Island is home to some of the greatest fighters in Westeros. I think you have proven yourself more than worthy.”
It’s early the next morning when Daenerys hovers in the sky long enough for the refugees to board their boats and follow her lead.
The day the boats leave Bear Island, Jojen wakes from a vision of it. In the Neck, the rain has continued, swelling the bogs and streams. Some days it is freezing, other days tranquil.
“If they were leaving, with the Dragon Queen’s lead, it must be safe for us to return as well,” Sansa says firmly.
Meera nods,
“I’ll send word for everyone to return here as soon as they can. Once we have everyone, we’ll start for the Kingsroad.”
It’s strange, Sansa thinks, seeing the northern refugees emerging from the swamp, like cats from among the waters and reeds. So out of place, yet having seamlessly blended in.
Eventually, the whole band is back together, though the lost, seeking eyes and mutters continue. Sansa hears many of the men speaking of their visions and sight, and tries not to dwell on it.
She sees Meera hug her father, and assure him that they will be back once everything has worked out. Sansa feels a little piece of her heart break when she remembers this means that Bran will be leaving Winterfell again too.
The rain, however, means that travel north is more difficult than it had been coming south. Bran eventually gives up, and rides on one of the few horses they have, carrying Arra wrapped up in his coat, after having had his cane sink and cause him to slip in the mud one too many times.
“Never thought I’d wish to travel in the snow,” Meera admits, coming up beside Sansa, where she’s walking behind Bran’s horse. “At least snow doesn’t get things soaked through quite as fast.”
“If it’s the fluffy snow at least,” Sansa agrees, “Not the heavy slush we had for a while.”
They walk in silence for a bit, while Meera watches Bran and Arra ride.
“I still can’t believe it sometimes,” she admits, “Sometimes when I’m holding her, I’m like ‘who are you, and why am I being trusted to take care of you?’”
Sansa chuckles.
“The way mother always talked, I think lots of new mothers feel that way.”
Her smile falters.
“I do understand though. This is...way past the point where I feel like I have any sort of handle on anything. Past this, this is the unknown.”
And I’m completely terrified of the unknown, she doesn’t say. Eyes moving to each member of their party individually, she would feel almost ungrateful to speak. They’re all facing an unknown future.
They’ve sped up their walk, and are now alongside the horse.
“It’s strange to think most of us are technically pushing thirty,” Bran comments. Arra’s sleeping, snoring softly against his chest. She’s been easy, too easy sometimes he thinks. She sleeps through the night now and is bright and alert when awake. He doesn’t want to get used to it. He wishes they didn’t have to travel with her so young, Meera especially has been fretting about the swamp air possibly making her sick.
Sansa turns around so she can see where Jojen and Shireen are walking with some of the other refugees. One of them is talking animatedly, and Shireen appears to be hanging on every word.
“And even those of us who aren’t,” she comments, “May have lived more in this life than we could have even dreamed of in the last.”
By the time Winterfell is in sight, the rain has turned again to snow, though it’s lighter, flurries, and some days even are clear.
It’s reassuring, especially when Sansa notices that the skyline of Winterfell has changed. She hears the murmurings among the others in the group as well, of what has become of their home.
Some of the walls are crumbled, black with burns. She can just make out the Broken Tower, or what used to be. It’s name is even more appropriate now.
They don’t even have to call out. The drawbridge is open. People mill around inside and outside the walls, moving stone and other things. Sansa tries not to think that some of those things could be bodies.
When they approach, there is a hush, and several people run off. The group stands at the gates, unsure of themselves, or where they should go.
One of the Free Folk eventually points them to the Great Hall.
“Wounded are there, and the people who can help sort you out.”
With everyone milling around her, Sansa’s not sure who she even expects to greet them. Despite this, her heart lifts when Jon runs out in front, throwing his arms around her.
“We were so worried,” he tells her, hugging Sansa and then Bran, and moving about to try and direct the others to where there are blankets and rations. She watches his eyes bug out a bit at Bran holding Arra, and Sans feels so guilty breaking his joy.
“Who did we lose?” she asks him, turning apprehensive.
“About half of our forces here,” Jon starts, and then pauses, “Benjen. Theon and Yara both, and quite a lot of the Iron Born who supported Daenarys.”
That could be a problem, Sansa thinks, but right now her mind is overwhelmed by grief about Theon.
“And those of us who made it aren’t necessarily in one piece,” Jon continues, though he is interrupted by a burst of noise.
Arya has rushed out to join them, and she is right now standing with Bran and Meera and fussing over baby Arra. She’s picked her up and his holding her over her face, and Sansa can just hear her say in Meera’s direction, ‘you lived my worst nightmare’.
“Arya’s left ear,” Jon continues, “Robb’s left arm. Lots of fingers and toes to frostbite-”
“Jamie Lannister’s right eye,” Arya interjects. She hugs Sansa so hard she nearly topples. “Make sure to talk into my right ear,” and Sansa doesn’t even get a moment to mourn for her.
Both Arya and Jon hold still for a moment, before quietly telling Sansa and Bran.
“Father’s alive, but he’s in bad shape. Maester Luwin’s not sure how long he has.”
Sansa’s stomach sinks, but not as far as it perhaps should. She puts on her face,
“Lets go see him then.”
As the group that has formed follows Jon, Bran asks,
“Has the group from Bear Island made it back yet?”
“Just a day before you,” Jon confirms, not needing to bother asking how he knew, “Daenarys has left again.”
“Where is she headed now?”
“To hopefully pull off a really stupid plan to make everyone in the South listen when she goes to take the throne.”
Sansa feels alarm bells go off in her mind, but doesn’t dwell.
The Great Hall is again being used for meals, and for directing and organizing. One part is still partitioned off, however, for Maester Luwin to help the remaining wounded, as best he can.
Seeing Ned in his weakened state is harder than Sansa could have expected though. His chest is bound with bandages under his shirt, and sometimes he stills, and breathes deep, as though the very smallest movements pain him. Jon leaves her and Bran alone to talk to him, and they sit on either of his sides, while he tries to look over reports of the supplies they still have.
Bran gently passes over Arra, with a sheepish smile, a faint blush, and,
“Meet your first grandchild.”
Sansa spares a smirk.
“I think I should feel slighted that I didn’t even hear word of your marriage,” Ned tells him, and Sansa sees Bran blush.
“It wasn’t exactly the best time.”
Ned marvels all the same. After a few moments, Bran continues.
“Have we sent ravens to Riverrun and everywhere else refugees were sent?”
Ned voice turns grave.
“Yes, but I fear them returning so soon. My numbers here say we should have sufficient rations, especially if spring is truly coming. But I don’t know if we can provide shelter for everyone, and I can’t even fathom how many years it will take for repairs to complete. We’ve lost so many men and horses, and I don’t know how we can get more raw materials…”
“We’ll have to get to work then,” Sansa insists, taking some of the papers and beginning to look them over, “We’ll start organizing who among the other noble houses remain, and have them begin returning and reopening their keeps-”
Her words are interrupted by Bran’s hand on her shoulder.
“Not tonight, Sansa,” he insists, “Lets eat, and rest. There will still be work in the morning.”
Ned agrees, vehemently. Then he begins to cough, and Maester Luwin, who had previously been remaining away for their privacy, comes in to tend to him.
There are no resources for a feast, of course, but that evening, everyone gathers around one of the blankets in the Great Hall, and share rations and stories.
Lots of people come around to see the baby, it having been so long since any of them have seen one, and Sansa counts down faces. When Arya takes a second turn, she passes her to a somewhat terrified looking Gendry. Gilly, and one of her sisters, the little one, come by with Sam to meet her too. Only one sister, Sansa notes. Shireen and Jojen get up to join them when they move on to sit with the other children who have returned from Bear Island. Hodor sneaks up behind the group, and lifts up Bran in a great hug. Robb and Val eventually make their way over, and Sansa tries not to smirk too heavily at Robb’s teasing. It helps distract her from wincing whenever she sees where his arm should be.
She sees Gendry needling Meera about something, that results in her swatting him. She sees Shireen sneak off from the hall and then return.
“I wanted to return the book I took,” she confesses, “At least much of the library is intact. It would be a shame for so much knowledge to be lost.”
The first part of her thought seems almost childish, but Sansa understands, and the last part troubles her.
“I wonder if anyone will remember the truth of what happened here?”
“That’s one of the reasons I want to write everything down so bad. I wish doing so didn’t just mean it might languish on a shelf somewhere at the Citadel...if I’m lucky enough to get it there...but the more we do, the more people we tell the truth, the better it will be, the less likely the story will die out.”
Sansa’s smile turns grim.
“I used to put far too much stock in stories. Too often I discovered they were so far from reality they might as well not be considered true at all. “
“That’s why you write them,” Shireen insists, “Write them, instead of letting them spread by word. This is one of the reasons I think the world would be so much better if more people could read and write.”
It’s a lovely thought, Sansa thinks, though admittedly it’s a hard one to imagine being implemented.
Across from her, Ygritte quietly rocks Arra, while Arya listens as Jon explains to her what Daenarys’s current plan is.
“She wants to hunt down and catch one of the remaining wights. She thinks that if she can bring it with he to King’s Landing, then Tywin and Joffrey will pay more attention to her and her stories.”
Arya snorts, loudly. Sansa covers her face in her hands.
“Please tell me I didn’t come up with this same plan before?” Jon asks, rolling his eyes while Ygritte snickers by his side.
Sansa shakes her head, a sardonic smile rising on her face.
“Wasn’t your plan before, at least,” she says, her heart twisting at the memory of when she had been told exactly who’s plan that was. It was a stupid, near suicidal plan then. At least now it seems to just be stupid.
Ygritte leaves first, as she’s on the first watch of the night. Arya and Gendry depart to where they’ve been sleeping, and Jon leads the rest of them to where sleeping quarters have been set up, in the Great Keep.
“Most of your old rooms are still here,” he tells, “But we’ve had to adjust to having so many more people. Parts of the guest house was destroyed, and we have to keep some who are still wounded on the ground floors.”
Sansa thinks sleep, any sleep, on a straw mattress or a featherbed either, sounds divine now. And he’s not wrong, there are people sleeping everywhere, separated by hanging sheets if they’re lucky.
Sleep doesn’t come easy though. Even in the comfortable bed, Sansa finds herself tossing and turning throughout the night.
At dawn, she gets up, and puts on her boots and a heavy cloak over her nightdress, and wanders a bit. She watches the late night watch coming in, and the early morning workers moving in the same circles she is, in the pale blue frozen air.
On one of the archer’s perches, she finds Bran by himself.
“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks. She nods.
“Meera’s still out like a light. I don’t think either of us expected anyone here to be so taken by having a baby around.”
“New life,” Sansa muses, “After they’ve seen nothing but death for near on a year. You’ll never hurt for a child minder,” Sansa agrees. She quiets a bit, contemplating the sunrise.
“So what are you up here for?” she asks.
“I’m calling all my ravens home,” is Bran’s response. Sansa nods
“I suppose you don’t really need them patrolling the land anymore.”
“I’d like to send one or two to Riverrun, to assure Mother and the others that it’s safe. The rest I want to call home.”
Home, Sansa thinks. They still call Winterfell home, even she doesn’t think it will remain for many of them.
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