#and i was like again???? can we please just skip this unnecessary BS and go back to the story please lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

just-my-fandom · 3 years

Text

Rocky Road P8 (JJ Maybank x Routledge! Reader)

Part 8

Summary; Reader and JJ make up. After going fishing with Ward, John B reveals the truth suddenly to the reader about their father. The chief is now dead. John B and Sarah run away.

Warning(s); Mentions of death, mentions of getting sick (vomit)

A/N; PLEASE READ. There’s a lot of scenes I really didn’t feel like writing, such as the whole death of the chief, etc. So, I combined episodes 8, 9, and 10 together. So technically, this is the last part. But I will include an epilogue

Taglist; @bibliophilewednesday @sexualparkour @jjpouggues @poguestyle17

“So we’re okay?”

It’s the morning after. You and JJ sit on opposite edges of the hot tub, legs knee deep in the warm water.

“Yeah,” Your lips tilt in a small smile, JJs arms propped on his knees as his hands take your own, “Only if you promise to stop acting psycho,”

“Oh, totally,” JJ nods, releasing one of your hands to run it through his hair, “If me getting super drunk and having a terrible hang over last night doesn’t change me, then I don’t know what will,”

“J,” You warn, JJ huffing a short laugh before he nods, leaning forward so your faces were nearly inches apart,

“I promise,” He murmurs, raising his hand to cup the back of your neck and pull your lips against his, “Because I love you. And I’m not going to let my stupidity make me lose you,”

“Good,” You hum, raising your own hands to his hair, his body leaning forward enough to where he steps into the hot tub, arms wrapping around your waist,

But before he can pull you into the water yourself, Kiaras call to your brother causes you to pull away and look over your shoulder, JJ looking around you to watch as John B stomped across the yard of your home with a stone look on his face,

“John?” You call as Kiara did, sliding off the edge of the hot tub to slide on your flats, watching your twin brother move inside the Chateau, “JB,”

“Uh, what’s that all about?” Pope asks, as you shrug and move up the steps to the front porch, pausing as John B desperately searched for something,

“You all right, man?” Pope questions, “What’s up?”

“What’re you looking for?” Kiara rushes, irritated at the silence your brother gave to the group,

You watch as John B pulls the hand gun from under the couch cushions, “John B, what do you need the gun for?”

“Talk to us-,” JJ demands, and you move forward as soon as John B shoves JJ away, onto the pull out mattress,

“John B, what the fuck are you doing?” You shout, moving after John Bs retreating form to the backyard, “If you’re still mad at JJ from yesterday, we’re fine! We made up!”

“I don’t give a damn about the two of you,” John B grumbles, and you pause to watch him climb on JJs motorbike,

“Dude!” JJ shouts, John B finally turning with an angry snarl,

“Ward knows about the gold!” He shouts, and you huff a breath, heart nearly stopping at his next words, “He killed dad,”

“What?” You whisper, JJ quick to move up to you as John B sped away, JJs hand at your upper arm.

Your eyes leave John Bs retreating figure to look at JJ, hand resting at your stomach as you watched JJs mouth move, but no words were heard,

“Baby,” JJ calls, lifting a hand to caress your face as you swallow, thickly, “Hey, hey. Look at me,”

Quickly, you shake your head, exhaling sharply as Kiara moved up next to JJ, “She’s going to be sick-,” Kiara and Pope watch, alarmed, as you duck behind the parked van, JJs hand running down your back as you cough, violently,

“Hey, alright,” JJ murmurs, pulling you into him as his gaze shifts up to his other friends, watching Pope run a hand over his head and look in the distance where John B had left.

“Okay, I’ve never seen John B like that. We should honestly be going to the cops,” Kiara speaks from her spot at the front end of the HMS Pogue, your brows pinched as you look at her,

“And what would we say, Kie? Ward Cameron killed Big John? They’re going to think it’s some- fucking grieving mechanism for me and John B,” You huff, face hot and eyes puffy,

“They’re not gonna believe us if we tell them anything revolving Ward,” JJ states, and Pope raises his goggles,

“Hey, I see Ward,”

“I don’t know if I should be glad he’s alive for John Bs sake or not,” You mutter, tossing a rock that was in the boat into the water,

“Looks alive to me. Let’s go,” Pope orders, and you look up in confusion,

“Wait. What?”

“Obviously Mr. Cameron is fine, and even if John B was here, he isn’t now, okay?” Pope shakes his head, “Plus, I have the biggest, most important moment of my life in six hours,”

“Yeah, well, our friend is in trouble,” Kiara states, Pope shrugging his shoulders,

“I’m in trouble! Guys, I haven’t been home in three days. My dads probably put all my shit on the street by now,”

“So, you’re just gonna bail?” Kiara asks, and you look at JJ with pinched brows so the blonde moves up, protectively, “This is about friendship, this is about Pogues for life!”

“Where were you when Big John went missing? Huh?” Pope hisses, your eyes watching as Kiara glanced at you, “You weren’t there. You weren’t there for John B, or Y/N,”

“Guys,” You plea, pressing yourself into JJs front, “Kie, just let him go home,”

“No, I want her to remember,” Pope snarls, finger jabbing at Kiara, “Remember your kook year? You forgot about us. Y/N lost her best friend. Her dad goes missing and you werent there for her,”

“Give me a break!” Kiara demands, shoving Popes front so Pope shoved her back, JJ quick to release you and move between his two friends,

“Guys, cut it out!” JJ orders, your arms wrapping around yourself as you blink away the burn in your eyes, “If I’m the one mediating then we’ve hit rock bottom,”

“Let’s just go home,” You murmur, JJ looking at you as you move to the wheel of the boat,

“I’ve got it,” JJ soothes, pointing to the front end of the boat where Pope departed to. “Pope, we’ll drop you off,”

You inhale a deep, slow breath, raising your hand to rub at your eye in exhaustion.

“John B, you have to go,” You stare at your twin brother. Peterkin was dead. John B was framed for her murder. “I’m sorry I was such an ass. To you, and to Sarah, but I can’t let you go to jail, for a murder you didn’t commit,”

“You weren’t an ass,” John B forces himself to chuckle, attempting to pull a smile to your face. He fails. “You were being a protective, annoying sister,”

You huff your own laugh, licking your lips, “I’m serious, John. Get Sarah, and go,”

John Bs movements are swift. His arms slide around you in an embrace, tightening around you when hearing your sniffle.

“I love you sis,” He mutters, “Seriously,”

You lean back, hitting his chest, “I love you too. Dick,”

You step away, watching John B step onto the boat JJ lended to John B. “Remember dude,” JJ steps up, arm sliding across your shoulders, “Brownsville. We’ll see you in Mexico in two months,”

“Got it,” John B smiles, watching you slide your arm behind JJs back and take his hand with your free, “Take care of her, JJ,” JJ glances down at you, “I mean it,”

The boat pulls off with a heave. Your eyes blur, looking up at JJ with a smile that matched his.

“Hands up!”

Twirling around, you barely catch a glimpse of Shoupe raising his gun before JJ pushes you behind him. In unison, the group of four raise their hands, your eyes wide,

“Where the hell is he?” Shoupe asks, roughly, “Where the hell is he?!”

“JJ,” He continues, “I see you’re living up to your name. Pope? How about you? This isn’t a fucking game!” Shoupe eyes shift to yours, “Your father would be really disappointed in you young lady,”

“Dont ever bring up my father,” You step up, one of JJs arms dropping to grasp your waist, but immediately pulls it back when Shoupe pins your hands behind your back.

“Let’s fucking go,”

“Sit down. Don’t move,” You look up from your spot inside the tent. Cops, everywhere. You felt sick again.

JJs hand takes yours, squeezing enough to guide your attention to him, where his blue eyes meet your own. JJ shifts your intertwined hands to his lap, thumb brushing across the back of your hand.

You flinch at the rough crack of thunder.

“We lost them,” Shoupe mutters, almost as soon as your ears began to ring. Like the day prior, you see everyone’s mouths moving, but no words.

Except JJ. “What do you mean you lost them?” JJs hand leaves yours as he stands, and you suddenly zone back in, “You had them on radio!”

“The storm cut out their signal,” Shoupe sighs, dropping the talkie in his hand. His head shakes, “We lost them,”

JJ is first to turn to you. Just as quick, your ears begin to ring, not hearing him call out to you. Lost them. Lost, as in, dead? Like Big John?

“Baby,” JJ tries, again, the large group watching as he knelt in front of where you still sat and raised his hands to your face, “Hey, can you hear me?”

JJ is forced to watch as you gasp in a deep breath. With a shattered sob, you nearly fall forward, JJs arms quick to catch you and pull you up into his arms.

“He didn’t do it,” You heave, eyes wide despite the tears that blocked your vision, “He didn’t- didn’t kill anyone,”

JJs arms tighten around you, before he slides his hands back to your face a second time, thumbs attempting to wipe the tears from your cheeks. Forehead against yours, he exhales a shuddered breath as you began to break down.

“Sweetheart-,” Kiaras mom barely leans away from Kiara to extend her hand to you, your head shaking as your eyes finally pinch shut in defeat,

“No,” You whisper, JJs own face crumbling, “No, no. JJ-?”

JJs arms slide around your shoulders, ducking his nose into your hair as your own grab at his button up, feeling Kiaras mom press herself behind you in another wall of comfort.

First Big John. Now, John B and Sarah?

A/N; Well that ended like shit, lol. Again, yes. I did skip a lot of scenes revolving the last three episodes. But honestly? They were unnecessary. But leave ALL feedback as you can, and I hope, pray that you enjoyed this story. It’s been a pleasure.

#jj maybank drabble #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader smut #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #kiara carrera #pope heyward #john b routeledge #sarah cameron #ward cameron

252 notes · View notes

ranniecrl · 6 years

Text

Ummm...WTF was THAT?!

OMG, I need a f**king minute to calm the f**k down right now, my hands are shaking with RAGE.

What the hell was that tonight??? I mean, don’t get me wrong, Alex did a fantastic job directing for the first time, and I’m sure he put a lot of work into this episode, but seriously, the fact that this episode was his directorial debut made it even worse for me. I really think he deserves a better storyline to work with!

*spoiler alert from now on*

Ok, I don’t even want to talk about Adam’s weird AF turn out with that random murder charge and the rookies’ patrol side story. Squishing 3 different storylines into one episode is just way too much in my opinion. Junior and Tani were amazing and I think that plot should be an independent episode exploring more into their past and character development, not just a cute side story for a little laugh.

Anyways, season 8 had been building up towards the identity of that “mystery shooter” for so long. I have seen so many people coming up with very creative speculations of that storyline, and it turned out to be this? A violent abusive husband? Don’t get me wrong, domestic violence is very serious, but the fact that Danny actually slept with that wife??? I don’t understand why that is necessary in this situation. I get why Danny would be protective of her because he is a good cop, but he shouldn’t have gotten involved with her in the first place! I trusted him having a high moral standard and that was just so OOC for him to be involved with her while she was going through that shit. It was honorable of him to sacrifice himself to lock that guy up in jail so she can have a normal life, and that should have ended there. But NO, of course Danny would linger by her hotel room and she would linger too. I was screaming “walk away Danny! Let her go! Just LET HER GO!” the whole time during that excruciating 2 minutes of BS. I mean HELLO? even though she hasn’t showed up in this season at all, technically Danny is still with Melissa?? Also, Rachel is another lingering figure in his life still, doesn’t this make him a kind of player??? I thought he was better than that??? I actually feel bad for Rachel at the end of the episode because they just HAVE to drag her back into this shit don’t they? That meet cute is just so ill-timed! He was still thinking about that wife (oh and can we please just skip that totally weird AF and unnecessary sex scene??) and boom the next second he fell in love with a random woman who hit his car? EXCUSE ME? I didn’t know you could just change your heart so fast? I get it the writers wanted to create another “fate brought us together” moment like they did in 723 with Danny and Steve, but 723 was just brilliant and one of my most loved episodes, this is just hands down BULLSHIT.

I don’t understand why the writers want to throw every female character into Danny’s arms. WHY? It was already pretty disturbing when Danny admitted he had feelings for his deceased partner Grace. Cheating with Rachel in season 1 was also another huge OOC moment for me. It looks like you can’t let Danny be alone with a woman for 2 seconds! The complex relationship with Rachel should have ended the moment Danny found out about Charlie, because how can anyone forgive that? Throwing in Rachel, Melissa and now that wife? I don’t even recognize the Danny I have came to love. I just DON’T GET IT. I don’t see the writers setting Steve up with every female character on the show (well maybe they just gave up after the Lori disaster)? But what can I say, guess who is coming back to stir up a storm again? The writers just don’t have any other ideas for Steve’s love life do they???

I wonder how Alex felt when he saw the scripts. I find it actually kind of ironic that Alex was the director for Danny’s (sort of) explicit sex scene(and he actually made it looked artsy?LOL). Honestly it was the crushing point for me tonight. Seriously writers, just pick ONE woman and be done with it please? PLEASE! I don’t even care if McDanno is ever gonna be canon anymore, just stop destroying Danny’s character, STOP! I just want my babes to be HAPPY!

#h50 season 8 #h50 spoilers #h50 #hawaii five-0 #alex o'loughlin #scott caan #danny williams #steve mcgarrett #mcdanno #fml #sorry for the rant #s8ep18

91 notes · View notes

irarelypostanything · 4 years

Conversation

Unnecessary Arguments - Lowell High School is using a lottery system

Person #1: Okay, before we begin this argument I want you to admit in front of everyone that you’re jealous you didn’t get into Lowell

Person #2: Wow, starting the debate with a personal attack. You should run for president

Person #1: You’re jealous you didn’t get into one of San Francisco’s two magnet high schools. That’s why you believe Lowell shouldn’t exist

Person #2: No, Lowell should definitely exist. And no, I’m not arguing against its placement process. What I want to argue is that at this particular point in time, many students are lacking in critical data points. The solution? A lottery. That’s exactly what they did

Person #1: Brilliant. Maybe they should do that at Harvard, too...get the names of everyone at the age of 18, run a random number generator, done. Hell, maybe Google and Amazon should do that to hire their next set of software engineers. I’ve heard software engineer managers tend to disproportionately hire people with computer science degrees

Person #2: We’re putting middle school students, who know very little about anything, through an insanely competitive process that unfairly punishes people who went to harder middle schools. Now they’re suggesting we weigh 6th grade scores? It’s ridiculous. Of course we chose a lottery system

Person #1: When you were in 8th grade, didn’t you get a D in math?

Person #2: A c. Please stop personally attacking me

Person #1: Look, I didn’t get into Lowell either

Person #2: We’re the same person

Person #1: ...and even I admit that if I had it together and got in, I would be their proudest alum. You take the smartest people in San Francisco. You eliminate the economic barrier. What do you get? You don’t just get kids who get the highest test scores, you get kids who produce the best plays, win the most debates, perform most competitively in music. And their discipline goes a long way. They also crush everyone else at sports

Person #2: Our mock trial beat theirs, our volleyball team was better, and School of the Arts had the best music. A bunch of people in our year also scored comparably in the SAT and AP exams

Person #1: Great. Good for them. There are precisely eight reasons why your graduating class was taken seriously. One reason was named Happy, one was named Tony, two were named Jon-

Person #2: Stop

Person #1: Lowell is one of the most prestigious high schools in the country. Lowell rewards people who work the hardest and score the best

Person #2: By what? By making it difficult for them to get into good colleges, due to how insanely competitive it is?

Person #1: I’ll call up some Lowell students and ask them how they feel about that statement. No one forces you to go. People who go to Lowell want to go to Lowell, just like people who go to Harvard want to go to Harvard and people who go to West Point know a thing or two about discipline. If you want to coast, don’t go

Person #2: By creating a lottery system, the school board is giving everyone a chance to go to the best high school

Person #1: What makes them the best? This is excluding private schools like Lick...maybe call Lowell the equivalent of UC Berkeley, the best public option. They’re the best because they have the best students. Take that away, and you’re going to just have conformity and a bunch of people who don’t know how to handle the pressure

Person #2: Lowell drains resources. While they were riding high with the best of everything, we were drowning in the sea of nothingness. What we had we had to scrape together, and it’s because Lowell hijacked the smartest people from us

Person #1: Is that what this is about? If anything, your high school had more resources because it had more perceived struggle

Person #2: BS.

Person #1: You got to go to a good college. You got to take the classes you had wanted. What, do you think that was because of your own hard work and discipline?

Person #2: Yes

Person #1: You don’t think it’s because of the calculus teacher who skipped lunch to tutor you before his own quiz, or the computer science teacher who spent a weekend tutoring you, or the free tutor who spent an hour editing your personal statement, then invited you the next day to his office at a publishing house so he could continue to help you after he spent the previous night dreaming about possible improvements to said personal statement?

Person #2: Again, you’re using a personal-

Person #1: I’m using a personal nothing. Lowell High School is a dose of reality, a little shining beacon that can recognize genuine talent and intelligence in all the noise. If you’re smart, you’ll rise. If you’re gifted, you’ll rise. A good education system recognizes the brilliant and the gifted, but in your efforts to promote your Marxist, millennial, everyone-is-a-special-snowflake bullshit, you’re attempting to lower everyone to the lowest common denominator. Want to get in? Prove yourself. Want to get better? Study. If you truly believe that hard work pays off, then your way to prove it is by getting into the best public high school

Person #2: Or winning the lottery

Person #1: What always made the school what it is was the lack of a lottery. No luck. No raffle. There’s a cutoff point set, score enough points off of merit, and you get it. Done. Simple. Is that so difficult that the Board of Education can’t figure it out? The students should be teaching them, not the other way around

[https://www.sfgate.com/education/article/sf-school-lottery-Lowell-High-15663889.php]

0 notes

nadoblabla · 5 years

Text

About Me

I bet you already knew from my Twitter (twitter.com/elnado108) that I posted shits on daily basis. Recently, or maybe should I say "usually" , my tweets consist of rage, sadness, questioning myself, questioning the world, practically self doubt and self loathing almost all the time.

Finally, I snapped. Even Twitter can no longer support my overwhelming feelings. "Feelings? Why you use Twitter for feelings?" That's probably what logical people said. Yes, I can use Twitter for good purpose, to share interesting and useful stuffs, knowledge, information, etc. Then what? You see, I am a logical person too. In fact, I use logic almost all the time in real life, so logic that I start to doubt and questioning human nature and their beliefs (I still belief in Allah SWT as God, I simply question the system itself). Then after all these logic starts to bored me and problems come and go, I finally need to rest. I realize I have no one to share all of the pain and happiness other than myself.

Can't believe what I just wrote? First, let's put "parents" and "God" out of equation. Let's become an egoistic being and focus on me for a while. Focus on you. Focus on one single entity, yourself. Try, try to understand my point of view. Let's analyze the last sentence in my last paragraph.

"I realize I have no one to share all of the pain and happiness"

Yes. Let's analyze it (or let me analyze myself) using 5W+1H.

1. What do you mean by you have no one?

-> I do have friends. Most of them are men. I don't have that kind of charm like some of my friends (unsurprisingly, they all are extroverts) that can talk their way with girls, without making myself weird or vulnerable.

As a man, 22 years old, in a third world country that is closer than ever to conservatism, it is very difficult for me to share my problems with my peer. Toxic masculinity, or to put it simple, expectation for a man to always be strong, independent, having huge willpower, and never put themselves in a sentimental/emotional position in front of public. How many of you that told your friends to "don't cry! Boys don't cry! Steel yourself! These are nothing, there are worse things out there!" ?? Even in my campus, my department, my close friends circle, it still happened most of the time. Not only men, most women here expect the same thing. There is nothing wrong with being a tough guy. But it is impossible, yes I declare it with all money on the table, it is IMPOSSIBLE for any human regardless of gender to be tough and badass all the time 24/7. Now when I became vulnerable, when I am down, when I am sad, where should I go? To whom I should talk to?

TLDR, my friends, which almost all of them are male , can't accept my ramblings. Most of them simply give "logical" answer, like how men should, without understanding the underlying problems. The psychology part. The feeling part. Is my logical capacity is too low that I need to ask for others logical answer to my own life? HELL NO. Like I told you from the beginning of this post, I do think logically. And I am fucking bored with it, because no matter how hard I toughen myself up, no matter how delicate my problem solving skills, LOGIC can't solve it. Still not understand what I meant? Huft. It's easy. Every logical answer that most of my friends gave me is something that I ALREADY think about/consider/act upon it. It's not a new or brilliant answer that I looking for.

In the end, I have no one. I do have one/two women that probably can solve my problems, but they've been listening to my problems all these times, that it is simply sickening for me to keep asking for their help.

"Why not solving it yourself?" Some of you may ask.

Next time you are in a deep shit, even if that shit is your own mind, you may fuck yourself. Or you know, you may just kill those psychiatrist and therapist , or blow up psychology department in uni. The next time you meet someone with certain psychological disorder or mental problems, why don't give them a fucking AAA robot that can solve their problems with 100% accuracy. Or maybe, you are weak in science and start to spewing God this and that, you know what? You may be right. Try to ruqyah all of mental patients in mental hospital, give me shoutout if they are "cured". Better quit reading this post rather than trying to give your "number one answer to everything" answer to me. You are not my friend. You are not even on my level, you are low and don't even have rights to see me. Begone.

2. With whom you want to share your pain and happiness?

-> Is it obvious? Human. People that can connect with me not only on logical level , but also understand my feelings. Men and women are all the same. As long as you are not gay.

DISCLAIMER - Skip if you don't want to see me reasoning with SJW feminist gay activist liberals

"Wait! Why gay? You hate LGBT?" Even if my head is full of desire for freedom and happiness, I still can't tolerate LGBTQ++ or whatever that shit is. I do share values with both liberalism and conservatism (in this case, Islam and eastern culture). In short, I trust my own judgement and I don't want to put myself under liberalism/conservatism. I need to be higher than that.

3. Why you can't share with no one?

-> It sounds impossible. No one? For real? I can simply talk to strangers and explain to them all of my life and problems, can I?

If you look back to question number one, you already know the answer. But I do have additional things, that I want to... Add.

It's because even if I do have people to share, people/I might not have enough time. I am busy. Fifth year student in a top 5 campus in Indonesia. Then, even if somehow two/more unique individuals managed to find time to talk, do they actually care?

Several weeks/months ago I have another episode of depression. I share with one of my friend. A woman, as expected. Because man don't have time for these shits. That woman is actually a good woman. But sadly, she is bad in terms of talking on a deep, understanding level. Except when she talk about her love interest. When I shared with her about my personal problems, she seems "fine" until I slip a little detail about her crush, then the whole topic shift to satisfy her desire. It's okay, it is understandable. But at that moment, when I truly need help and in a 100% serious mode, she simply change the whole topic, disregarding the previous conversation completely, not even bothered to talk about it again until I decided to tease her about it. In the end, it will hurts more if the person that I try to trust with my vulnerabilities is simply a wrong, don't-give-a-damn person. In fact, being fake itself is already disgusting.

Yes. I need someone who actually care. Care doesn't mean they instantly become a mother figure. Let's put another example. Back when I was with Nita, she did care. She looked for me when I am missing, she noticed something different in me, she listened attentively. Oh you think I haven't moved on huh? In high school , I spend much of my time with no girlfriend. But I do have friends who missed me when I am gone. Or even if they too are busy with their life, when I am back, they are curious with me.

Now? I no longer have those attention. No warm welcome I always got (not always but yeah) when I entered the class like I used to be in highschool. No more stupid random calls. Indeed, today it's not that bad. But for some reason, I crave for human emotions. Sadness, happiness, love,hate, etc. My life is not like hell now, but it's like a calm water. Nothing happened. Nothing. Nihil.

4. When is all of these happened?

-> By the time problems hit me + the 8th semester (now I am on my tenth). It hits really hard due to my procrastinate habit plus loneliness that happened since I no longer have classes.

If you notice, actually I knew the problems within me. In the last paragraph, I mention "procrastinate". So yeah, stop thinking "Ah now you already understand the problem, why don't you act!". I am too genius. I simply want to talk.

5. Where...

-> err actually I dont know how should I analyze it with "where". So skip this W.

6. How you deal with this, until now?

-> With all of my previous answers, I decided to share it via social media. I KNOW it is spam for some people, I KNOW it is uncomfortable for some, I KNOW it is weird and shameful for me,but what choice do I have? I also plan to do charity stuffs, because I find happiness in other people happiness. Hopefully I am not BS-ing.

It's either I talk/write, or I die of suicide. You think there is another way? Remember, that I ask you readers to put away parents and God, since I believe it is something that I alone should think about, and I am not in the mood to listen/read any kind of suggestion that "use" those things.

But if for some reason you do think there is another way, give me a comment or shoutout.

Meanwhile I know most of you do not know me deeply. I put this introduction at the last paragraph, as a sign of gratitude for your patience and willingness to read this post.

My name is Liu Nado. I am a student in Mechanical and Biosystem Agricultural Engineering department in IPB, Indonesia. I am 22 years old. Male, straight, combination of both Chinese and Lampungnese. Probably ugly, but probably I am smarter than the average human. 170cm tall, 70 kg weight. I am INTP-T, based on 16personalities.com

Thank you for reading my posts. I hope we can be friends. Even if not, if you know someone who are in these situations like mine, please. I beg you. Do not leave them alone. All they need is a place to share. A person to understand.

Oh yeah... I haven't tell you about the problems right? I don't want to make people bored with long wall of text, so I will write about it tomorrow/next time. In the next posts, I will explain to you the trigger of these unnecessary dramatic depression stuff. It might not be the biggest problem I got, but it is the one that push the correct button within me. A "self-destruction" button.

Of course, all of those cocky attitude of mine is just for a joke.

#curhat share depression

0 notes

canaryatlaw · 7 years

Text

Today was decent. Not particularly thrilling but nothing this week has been. Tomorrow is my last full day here and I'm having mixed feelings. Like part of me is kind of sad the trip is over already, but part of me also feels like I have been here for a while now and it just doesn't feel permanent to me, like it doesn't feel like home, it doesn't feel like my life. And I guess that's kind of sad given this is where my family lives, but it's just not my everyday, not where I always want to be. I want to be at work because I love my job, I want to be at school because as hard as law school is I so enjoy being there, I want to be at my church because the people there are amazing and I feel like I can connect with God without having to deal with all the righteous hypocrisy that plagues too many of the churches I've been to. That stuff is my life, and none of that is here. I feel guilty when I see things like my mom's post from yesterday though, like her worrying about me living so far away, and like, I don't want to make my mom sad of course, it's just....I don't know. It's complicated. Family stuff I'll maybe work out in therapy some day when I have the time and need to do so. But anyway. I woke up earlier than I have been and couldn't fall back asleep. I originally actually woke up at 5:39 am and couldn't fall back asleep but did after a while, then rewoke up at 10:39 am (I shit you not) and couldn't fall back asleep again, at which point I said fuck it and got out of bed. I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom and when I opened the door my brother jumped out and tried to scare me, and I jumped a little bit. I went downstairs and talked to my mom, and she suggested we go get food again lol because she likes going out with me, she said we could go to the same place again but I said 3 times in one week might be a bit much....so instead we settled on another cute breakfast place by us that also happens to be where I'm going with my cousin and brother tomorrow.....but hey, we don't have unlimited options here lol. So I go back upstairs to get changed, and wait outside my brothers door for like 10 minutes waiting for him to come out and jumped out at him, which was very much worth the wait. While I was waiting, our golden retriever who's not supposed to be upstairs but sneaks up there anyway pushed the door to my room open as it want closed all the way, then it drifted closed behind him and he couldn't get out and started barking.....crazy dog. So then I got changed and drove to the breakfast place. I was gonna get French toast or pancakes or something being that I pretty much always get something like that, but instead decided on getting an egg sandwich because my sister had one the other day and it looked really good, plus I'm going back there tomorrow so I can always try the other stuff then. And maybe I should try to eat less sugar because I eat a lot of sugar, lol. So I got a bacon egg and cheese on a roll sandwich (with a side of fruit) that was quite good, so we had a nice little meal. After that my mom wanted to stop at trader joes so we did that, and they were giving out samples of their caramel nut popcorn called "Rosencrunch and Guildenpop" and who can name that slightly obscure theatre reference?? I was sufficiently amused. While we were checking out we were about to get on one line when my mom saw someone she knew so she went to get online behind them and they're talking and going on, and the cashier and I are just like, standing there looking at each other like welp, lol. Of course later in the transaction my mom runs into ANOTHER person she knows, so that was even better, and the cashier and I are just like laughing at this point. Like I mentioned earlier, she was definitely flirting with me a bit and I didn't really mind lol. I mean, it's nice to have attention? Occasionally I'll wonder that if because I have short hair and don't always wear make up/sometimes wear not the most feminine clothes people might think I look like a lesbian, but it's not something I give that much thought to (okay that might be a little bit of a stretch, I give a decent amount of thought to it). It's just....complicated due to growing up in a ridiculously homophobic Christian environment and still having brothers who throw around words like "dyke" on a regular basis (like "I saw these two dykes at the bar the other day kissing") and it's just...strange for me at least. It doesn't carry over into my thoughts on anyone else, at all, it's just something that enters my mind more than I would like it to because it's really fucking stupid and I know I really shouldn't give a crap anyway......this is becoming an unnecessary rant that I'm probably not even explaining well enough, so I'm just gonna end that here. It's complicated. But anyway. So we had a nice little interaction before we left the store. After that my mom wanted to stop at marshalls and shop for a bit. Ever since I started needing business like clothing and have needed a good bit of it (this semester I'll be in business wear 3 days a week, last semester it was 4) I'm always trying to find different combinations and such, which makes me go kind of marshalls crazy because they have a ton of good stuff for that. I was mostly looking for solid color tops and solid color pants to match with my many patterned tops and pants, and also just to get more pants in general since it's getting cold now and being in a skirt is becoming less ideal. So I did quite a bit of damage in that area haha, they just have some really good stuff for that, so I got a bunch of cute solid color things and a few patterned things because I'm weak, okay? I did get a white sweater with black stars that look kind of drawn on and it's totally my *aesthetic* and I was very pleased with that lol. But we finished up there and headed home, and shortly after getting there my sister got home from school and wanted to go to chickfila because of course she did, so I took her there. I was still kind of full from my earlier meal, so I just got a yogurt parfait (with chocolate cookie crumbs, of course). So we sat and ate that did a while and it was nice. We started talking about movies a bit and decided we would watch 400 Days when we get back, so that's what we did. I probably made it worse for myself by reading the damn review that made it seem like the creepy zombie guy was like, the entire second half of the movie, instead of like in two stupid scenes. So when he showed up I started freaking out a bit lol and then he disappears so for the whole rest of the damn movie I'm like omg he's gonna pop out any second now and he does come back eventually and Brandon Routh's fucking character lets him out of the cage he was in because ??? Lol, but other than that it was a pretty good movie, not really scary but definitely thriller. The plot does seem kind of aimless at points, like it sets you up for a big reveal and then kind of just drops off. Brandon and Caity were freaking awesome in it though, Brandon's character was cracking me up because he starts it getting bailed out of jail for being in a bar fight and I'm just like....lol, definitely no Ray Palmer here. And he's talking about how upset he is that his girlfriend just dumped him, who we then find out is Caity's character, who's also going into the 400 day simulation with him and just two other people.....kind of awkward eh? Lol. And then we find out later (spoiler alert) the guy running the simulation told her she had to break it off with him if she wanted to do the mission because it wasn't the kind of data they wanted or some bs like that and his character gets really mad that she didn't tell him....and then Tom Cavanagh shows up for a while and his character is just like....???? What the hell are you doing here??? Very random lol but fairly entertaining. Then of course the end is like the thing goes off saying oh your simulation is done come outside we're all here to celebrate with you but they had just been outside and it was like this desolate wasteland with crazy people and moon dust, and then it's just the two of them and they hold hands and then it just ends without showing us what happens and I'm like......dude, you're killing me!! I don't like not knowing what happens, lol. But overall it was a pretty good movie that I enjoyed and I'm just gonna pray I don't get too many nightmares from it because that's usually what happens when I watch scary movies and I'm so not a fan. But anyway. After that we kind of skipped between a few different things, and watched like one song's worth of the recording of Shrek the musical (not my choice) but my sister eventually settled on what to expect when you're expecting, which we watched back in like 2013 when we were just binging rom-coms and she wanted to watch it again. I liked it again the second time around, I forgot wha happens with Anna Kendrick's character and that made me sad but otherwise it's a pretty well done and cute movie. After that I just hung out for a while but then went outside the back room to go sit in the living room with my parents because I was thinking about my mom's post yesterday and wanting to give her more time to see me, but it ended up not being a great idea because my dad started bitching over the person supposedly hassling Ivanka Trump on the plane and when I said the person covering it doesn't seem to care about the several Muslim families that have been harassed on planes since the election and he got all pissy and was like "that's not even relevant stop" and I was just like ????? I have no fucking clue how you live in your goddamn bubble where someone harassing Ivanka Trump on an airplane is the worst thing that's ever happened meanwhile minorities everywhere are being harassed and straight up abused, but that's not relevant?? Like no, shut up. So I made some comment about not knowing how much he could respect me anyway while voting for someone like that which I'm fairly sure pissed him off more but at that point I didn't even care because it was true anyway, there's a good chunk of my respect that he lost by voting for Trump that he's never going to be able to win back, and that's just how it is. So I was kind of pissy with him for the rest of the night, and then my sister basically had a teenager tantrum because my parents were saying this place she's decided she wants to have her sweet 16 is too far away and nobody will be able to come (and to be fair it's like, on the queens border, so at least an hour drive from us) but she was just not having it and it carried on for a while because even though she was being a brat they were also being obstinate about it and I was just like ffs she just wants to look at the place her sweet 16 isn't until goddamn October she can look at the place it's not gonna hurt anything and that was basically the conclusion they came to, but with a lot more unnecessary whining and such. Sigh, lol. I rarely actually get annoyed at my sister mostly because I just love her so much, and even when I can acknowledge she's acting like a brat (which she does sometimes) it doesn't really make me mad at her and I wasn't really annoyed with her tonight, so it was just whatever. And yeah, after that I just hung out for a bit before heading to get ready for bed, and that was my day. I have to be up in 9 hours now so I guess I'll be going to sleep now. Goodnight peeps. Happy weekend. And oh, no grades still. Sigh.

#daily journal #January 2017

1 note · View note

findandselect-blog · 7 years

Text

How Many Calories Should I Eat To Lose Weight? - How Many Calories Do I Need To Lose Weight has been published on Find and Select Business Reviews

New Post has been published on http://www.findandselect.com/weight-loss/how-many-calories-should-i-eat-to-lose-weight-how-many-calories-do-i-need-to-lose-weight.html

How Many Calories Should I Eat To Lose Weight? - How Many Calories Do I Need To Lose Weight

what's going on change your life diet here once again talking about counting calories to lose weight now you might be asking yourself how many calories should i eat to lose weight or you might be asking yourself how many calories do i need to lose weight well my answer to you is who cares it doesn't matter okay you're not gonna need one of these these digital scales and you're certainly not going to need one of these okay i know a lot of people out there who you know sell you on this type of program will get the count calories to track your macros you have to measure your portions you have to wear your food now let me paint this picture for you okay you want to lose 20 pounds 30 pounds so you go online you start you know you want you to start watching videos and what do you see you see endless endless guys out there shirtless in the kitchens you know with crazy chisel labs talking about you know it's all about being in a caloric deficit that whatever you do doesn't really matter as long as you eat less calories than you burn off so and allow these guys tend to be on this intermittent fasting a plan where you actually skipped breakfast maybe you push out your first meal like four hours six hours eight hours on after you wake up so we really you're skipping graphics breakfast maybe you're skipping lunch and you're eating your meals are later in the day and having a big dinner and going to bed you know the full stomach ok the problem with that type of diet system is you really really gotta count calories you really got to be very focused on what you're eating and track everything you eat you gotta be very meticulous about that because eating late-night is a really really bad thing when it comes to weight gain now armed a lot of people swear by this method and you know apparently it works from from you know what I've heard but it's just very tedious lot of lot of BS you got to do is a big pain in the ass so let me get this straight okay you gotta go around everywhere with a scale i get it get it get your biggest take a scale with you when you go to a restaurant on you gotta wait how many how much how many ounces it is how many programs it's got to figure out well how many grams of protein I mean you know grams of carbs this is how many calories this how many calories of that if you're having on what foods you need a an app to calculate how many calories this food is like whether it's you know if you're getting general tso's chicken vs.

doesn't mean chicken there's a difference between the amount of calories it's all this you know it just seems too much work for too little arm too little gains it's so tedious the amount of so small the amount of weight you're going to lose that it just seems like too much work now let's see what else i was going to talk about and yeah a lot of talk about accounting at are counting grams counterbalances no tracking your calories tracking your macros I know this one person who messaged me that she was doing with that 1,000 calories a day and she was miserable well of course you know you're going to middle because it's not sustainable in the wrong long 18 it's way too much work to do and it's just unnecessary and the results are very poor and also another thing is to go along with all that counting calories people are now wearing those those silly fitbit's ok where it counts your steps 8tracks how much movement you make so you can I can't figure out how many calories you're burning throughout the day and that's also another stupid thing to measure so now if you'd do a little bit of extra activity throughout the day if you had a few extra hundred steps or something who I get to get to have extras like 37 and a half calories in my me later like that just it's that's way too much work and it's not really our sustainable in the long run I mean you people you really want to do that in the long run so in my opinion counting calories and portion controls does not work in a long when theoretically works in three in theory but in practice it's just not sustainable it's not enjoyable and let's get this a little graphic right now okay in my opinion portion controls counting calories is exactly like sex that's right I said it how many of you out there like to have just a little bit of sex let me see your hands raised how many you like to have a little bit of sex and then just stopped in the middle and not finish okay that's exactly what the count calories are exactly what portion controls are it's like giving yourself okay i'm supposed to have only 550 college for this meal and you're never gonna have that feeling of completion for the meal you're not going to be satisfied you're not gonna you have that a belly full of feeling that feeling of a full belly that you're satisfied so it's like having you know getting getting 10 pumps in insects and just being okay I'm done that's all I'm allowed so it's exactly like it exactly no difference okay so um four people out there who are struggling with a weight loss and accounting calories and you're not having that great of a result I mean you doing all the weighing and measuring and wearing the fit bid and tracking everything I mean how's that working out for you is it enjoyable are you losing a lot of weight arm i submit that is just too much of a pain in the ass if you are you know a competitive bodybuilder if your professional athlete hey man go right ahead but just for regular people out there who just want to lose a little bit away 25 and 30 pounds fifty pounds you don't have to do that i mean when you get really really down really lean and you're trying to compete in bodybuilding trying to lose those last you know couple pounds to get like really shredded then that something have to worry about 44 everyday people out there you don't have to do that it's a waste of time so i guess that's all i have to say about that arm if you like my video please tell me in the comments and questions please like please subscribe and please check out my well my weight loss system change your life diet.

Com on this weight loss system you do not have to count calories you do not have the track your portion sizes you can eat whatever you want like the first you know four hours the day you know have epic breakfast have an epic lunch whatever you eat early today makes no difference you don't have the count calories i have no idea how many calories I eat you know I could eat who knows two three four thousand calories within the first few hours of waking up and all of it is burned off guilt-free check out my other videos i'm eating pizzas I mean cheeseburgers for you know for breakfast it's all your free doesn't make a difference what does make a difference is what you do late in the day you gotta be very careful what you eat late at night so i took my weight loss system change your life diet.

Com it just might change your life thanks.

Source: Youtube

#-#Calories #Do #Eat #How #I #Lose #Loss #Many #Need #Should #Tips #to #Weight #Weight Loss

0 notes