#so yay for self discoveries?

[littlequeen7]

Writing this here bc I have no one else to talk to about this except for my gay trans little brother (lmao).

I'm 28 and in the past I've been in some pretty fucked up relationships. And my relationship with sex has been incredibly toxic, to the point where I cringe when thinking about ever having sex again. But I also find people like sexually attractive, and can.. get off, so to speak. And I thought I was pansexual before this but now I'm thinking that can't possibly be true if I don't actually want to have sex with people I'm attracted to. So I did a tiny amount of digging and I think I found the labels that feel the most accurate to me? Panromantic and aegosexual. Which, I didn't even know being aegosexual is a thing, but it pretty much sums up my thoughts about sex. So I guess that's what we'll stick with for now? Idk, it is all very confusing, I didn't even realize I was nonbinary til I was like 25 (I didn't know I was even *allowed* to feel like neither gender) and I didn't realize I was "bisexual" (obviously that has changed) til after I graduated high school. Idk, I'm sure the whole autism thing and compulsive heterosexuality has a ton to do with my complete lack of introspection about any of this until recently lol to be quite honest, I didn't even know I was AuDHD til a few years ago either. So the past 5 years have been a huge "getting to know myself" party lol thanks trauma! I know no one will read this but I just wanted to throw it out into the world with people who don't actually know me lol I dread having to explain that to my family members who still can't/refuse to use they/them pronouns for me. So we'll just keep it between me and my brother for now lol queer sibling solidarity 🤘

#and this whole thought process came about bc i was reading a fic and a smut scene started #and i was like again???? can we please just skip this unnecessary BS and go back to the story please lol #so yay for self discoveries? #lgbtq #lgbtqia #acespec #pansexual #panromantic #asexual #aegosexual #autism #audhd

[ed-teach]

Hey there SRS #1 back again! So Christmas is in like 2 weeks and I’m mad stressed about it.

But got me thinking, have you ever gotten any Beatles themed Christmas gifts? I get Beatles stuff like every year, I’ve gotten a Beatles clock, like a million Beatles books, a Beatles puzzle, Beatles games. What have you gotten, or what would you like to get?

🧑🏻‍🎄

Hiii sorry for the late answer!

It's been ages since i last got beatles related gifts but I'm ready for it again sjdhdk

Notably i got a 3D beatles poster of them sitting on some stairs at some performance ca. early 1964? (Not fully caught up on visually placing them yet. I forgor). The poster is currently in my kitchen on the floor bc i only recently got it from my mother's house. I got beatle books and a real fucked up graphic novel abt the hamburg days???????

Idc too much for xmas. I'm only giving like 5 presents to my roomie and my dad and a couple friends. Despite my jesus obsession, christmas is .. not it for me. I hate people pretending to be good for jesus' birth and being like oh i believe in peace and love all over and then they're cunts irl? Pet peeve..

Anyway :)) hope youre doing good in the holiday stress phase 🫡

#quip #ask #maybe I'm too obsessed with jesus to like christmas. it's just so inauthentic to me #then again i do have mental illness about what kind of person jesus was and have been like.emulating being radically kind but taking no shit #this is the first time ive really put this xmas thing into words so yay for self discovery

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

im super glad i realized im aromantic bc yay self discovery and all that. but also in past relationships i had to act like i liked the guy more than guinea pigs. and it was NOT true ever like not even close. i always liked guinea pigs so much more guinea pigs are the best

#aromantic #guinea pigs

[harukapologist]

Don't mind me being here again with more 0301. This sort of ties in with the "Haruka in skirts" idea, because while I don't see Haruka as trans in either way, I very much think he is very in touch with both his feminine and masculine side and does enjoy both sides of the clothing selection a lot.

So that is an idea I had with a friend recently: Fuuta and Haruka out shopping for clothes, Fuuta does love picking out clothes for Haruka (Village Vanguard outfit anyone??), but he notices Haruka glancing to the more cute clothes/women's clothing a lot, so he gives him the push in saying "You can pick what you like as well, you know?", which gives Haruka the reassurance that it's okay to go for these clothes.

So, much talk, but pls go wild with this scenario and the following clothes shopping

So it wasn't just me who thought Haruka's Village Vanguard outfit looked really really like Futa's style ehehe, in fact, I've had a sketch for a while in my gallery of Backdraft Futa & Village Vanguard Haruka together because their outfits look so similar :33

AND SO SO SO CUTE!!! thank you for this request + I agree with you 100%!! It's cute to think about Futa helping Haruka on the self discovery journey when he decides to be a bit more feminine also, I imagine he'd learn about the kinds of skirts or dresses Haruka likes the most & buy more of them :D ok enough rambling, here's the art, sorry eheh

In case my handwriting is illegible, here's what the images say

Shopping~

F: "Something caught your eye?"

H: "A-Ah, um... No..."

F: "Hey, don't be so shy. If you like something, you can try it. You can pick what you like as well, you know?" (I LOVE THIS LINE, ESPECIALLY IMAGINING FUTA SAYING IT, SO SWEET!!! I MELTED WHEN I READ THE ASK)

H: "Can I try this?"

F: "Of course!!"

Later~

H: "Futa-kun!"

Labels: "Changing rooms" "doorknob"

H: "H-How do I look?"

F: "SO ADORABLE...!!!" *Futa.exe has stopped working*

H: "Can I try another skirt?"

F: "You can try as many skirts as you want..." *SO CUTE AAA* *SCREAMING INTERNALLY*

H: "yay~"

F: "The skirt makes him cute but his happiness makes him cutest ♡"

#THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING #AS ALWAYS!!!! I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS WAAAA #milgram #haruka sakurai #sakurai haruka #fuuta kajiyama #kajiyama fuuta #0301 #fuuharu #futaharu #SPREADING THE HARUKA IN A SKIRT AGENDA ONCE MORE #I MUST CONTINUE‼️‼️‼️haru loves frilly skirts i am sure

[red-moon-at-night]

Currently concocting the most self-indulgent 'normal' Milgram AU in the world right now... I am going to make these fuckers Found Family and give them a chance to come to terms with their situations and themselves... 

All through the power of a goddamn fish shop/aquatics store.

Hear me out okay:

So we know that from his interrogation questions, Kazui has a childhood friend who he looks up to, that has a boat and if the world ended tomorrow he would go fishing. He mentions to Mikoto in a timeline conversation that one of of his hobbies is trawling. I am taking these facts and running with them like my life depends on it.

In this AU everyone lives in relative proximity to each other (I will have to think about exactly where later) and are all in different stages of their ‘sins’, but notably no one has actually killed a person.

Kazui is a widower having a midlife crisis at 39 and taking time off of work/leaves his job altogether to pursue something new - like helping out his childhood friend with his fishing-store-come-fishkeeping-aquatics-shop. Yes it’s weird that it’s both but it brings in more footfall and more customers (is what his childhood friend tells him). It becomes a bit of a running gag. Kazui also starts running martial arts classes in the evenings because I can totally see that being something he wished he’d done instead of... whatever his old job was. Anyway, he’s depressed but somewhat happy doing the things he loves.

Meanwhile over to the left we have Haruka finally being discharged from a psychiatric unit on a community treatment order (yay!) Part of that community treatment order includes a program where individuals volunteer in the local community with partnered businesses... Haruka picks the fish shop, obviously. But he’s getting paid for it, because Kazui is not about to agree to free child labour. So Haruka gets a job!

Cue a journey of self-discovery in which Haruka learns he is actually not useless or a burden to society. He can do things? He’s been given responsibility? And he enjoys it?? Mind blown. Kazui is there to support and encourage along the way. Just wholesome all around (except for the trauma Haruka has to unpack about his mother and her fish tank ohoho-)

Haruka is the first kid Kazui ‘adopts’. The second kid is Muu who wanders in the shop one afternoon, missing a shoe and has a thousand-yard stare in her eyes. We then have this scene: Kazui asks if she’s okay and she eventually replies something along the lines of “yeah I’m fine I just tripped while trying to catch up with a... friend” and Kazui then asks if that’s why she’s only wearing one shoe and if she needs a spare and she says “no I just forgot to put it on until now thanks for reminding me” and takes a shoe out of her bag and puts it on. Kazui decides she’s exactly the right kind of person for Haruka to practice his social skills with and gets him to go over there and help her out. They awkwardly talk about the betta fish tank they’re standing next to. She leaves. She comes in the next day and says she’s decided to set up a new tank at home could she get some help with supplies. The rest is history.

Muu starts skipping school and hanging out at the fish shop, to get away from her... situation at school. She still hasn’t talked to Rei since that day in the bathroom. Kazui is slightly concerned but also isn’t a snitch and would’ve bunked off school as a youth so is pretty chill with it as long as she’s safe. The fish crew is born.

Some extra very important bits of lore:

Kazui takes Haruka on dad-and-son fishing trips.

At some point Kazui ‘adopts’ a third kid except it’s actually his child from a fling about two decades ago. It’s Yuno. He doesn't actually know he has a kid until her mother gets into contact with him, saying her daughter wants to meet her biological dad can she please come and see him. Kazui has an existential crisis. Kazui agrees. They set up a date and he's asking his fish shop crew about what kids their age like and learning very little because he’s taken in two very weird teenagers. Muu does end up telling him about brands of makeup/clothes/perfume/etc. that girls like, which of course is all expensive and possibly designer.

So yeah Kazui and Yuno meet and she runs circles around him. She's her wonderfully sweet but cold self. They talk about his dead wife and he is dying inside. They exchange contact numbers and emails. She wants to see him again which surprises Kazui because that's Not the vibe he was getting from her.

The university students exist and they all go to the same one. For now it’s mainly Kotoko and Mahiru lesbian hours. She’s a law student, and she’s a literature student, sharing a class (maybe linguistics) and slowly becoming aware of each other’s existence. Mahiru likes girls but she doesn’t know it yet. Mahiru sits on campus and does a bit of people watching, writing stories inspired by what she sees - and maybe one day she sees Kotoko doing her vigilante shenanigans and falls a little bit in love. Kotoko is oblivious to this (is what she tells herself). They end up working on a class project together and become weird friends. 

Kotoko is very much doing her side gig of apprehending criminals and punching the daylights out of them. No deaths... yet. She wants to improve her technique so starts going to the martial arts night classes run by Kazui. Mahiru eventually ropes into watching one time so she can make notes for action scenes she wants to write. She also ends up joining. It's fun!

Haruka also learns some martial arts with Kazui, having one to one sessions before classes start. It’s good for him, to get his pent up anger out in a non-destructive way, to redirect all that energy somewhere. He’s scarily good. This results in him building the courage somewhere down the line to join in on the actual classes, at least every now and then. He and Kotoko spar and it impresses her just a teeeeeny tiny bit.

#milgram #AU #this became a VERY long post but I needed to write Everything down #Ideally it would be great to get everyone together in this au but this is all my brain can do for now... #there's definitely wiggle room here to change stuff and add things! #the yuno and kazui connection is thanks to me seeing that post by tokyogruel one time and immediately agreeing with it #this conglomerate of ideas is quite frankly insane but I hope you can see my vision <3 #I mainly made this for myself as inspiration for writing and so that the idea is out there somewhere on the internet if I never get around-- #--to acting on it!! #plenty of fish in the sea AU #at least that's the name I'm giving it for now... so I can actually find this post in the future teehee >:3c #kazui mukuhara #haruka sakurai #muu kusunoki #mahiru shiina #kotoko yuzuriha

[hoppipolla]

Red and green in the Puttyuban Bar scene

Nuey is said to love wearing green which earned them the nickname "K̄heīyw kathoey” (green queen). (Thank you Vi for the clarification <3 @disasterbabygirlnick)

Green is often associated with nature and healing for spring, the greenest of seasons, is the season of new beginnings, bringing rebirth to a sleeping world.  

This might be a bit far-fetched but the way Nuey dances reminds me of the wind blowing through trees, rustling their leaves. The way they gracefully moves their hips while lifting their arms up, their whole body seems to follow a melody only they can hear. The tree imagery is quite relevant when you consider Nuey’s backstory. James tells Jom that Nuey had to flee Phranakorn to come here and find a new place to stay where they could be safe from violence. Their dance is proof that they have taken root in this city, that although they went through a lot, they can finally let their “green queen” blossom. 

What I really want to point out though is that Yai is also wearing green, a green suit to be precise. Just like @respectthepetty always says, colours mean things, especially in a context so full of subtext. 

The Puttyuban Bar is a place which embraces queerness and allows everyone to “vent out [their] repressed feelings”, but most importantly, it is Yai’s favourite place. 

“In fact, I only discovered it recently. It’s very secretive. So much that not many people know about it.”

I may be completely wrong but when I rewatched this ep, I couldn’t help but think how these words can so easily be interpreted in different ways: quite literally — Yai has discovered a new bar recently that not many people know about — or you can see them as the embodiment of Yai’s self-discovery journey — him falling in love with Jom and the fact that only his sister and perhaps Prik knows that he is queer. As always, I’m over-analysing things so do whatever you want with this interpretation.

What Yai’s father says to Dech might imply that he suspects Yai of not being straight from a young age but that doesn’t mean Yai knew he was queer when he was young. You can feel different and still take a lot of time figuring it all out. Anyway, I’m most likely wrong about this so let’s move on.   

You can tell Yai feels at ease bringing Jom in this bar and that feeling of inner peace is embodied by the colour green. But just like there are different shades of green, the green Nuey wears isn’t like the green Yai wears. Nuey is in full bloom whereas Yai is experiencing his first spring. 

However what I love most about this whole scene in the bar is how it shows Jom and Yai to be so complementary. 

Jom is wearing red and perfectly fits in the bar decor which is Christmas themed (combination of red and green) although it’s his first time there. So is James. The collusion between him and James — they're both wearing red clothes — is reinforced by the fact that they both know they’re gay. By wearing red clothes they feel like a part of the bar (regulars if you will) whereas Yai stands out by wearing green. Although he does stand out, he isn’t out of place because the bar is decorated with red and green ornaments. 

(Look at them!! Then look at the garlands!! Even the curtains at the entrance.)

We know that IFYLITA is a story about time-travel and reincarnation and that Yai and Jom are destined to meet. They both feel deeply connected to each other and they feel whole when they’re together. I feel like them wearing red and green, the colours of the Puttyuban bar, a bar that encourages people to be themselves, is quite significant and shows how important they are to each other. Just like red and green are complementary colours, they both belong together. 

Bonus: Yai’s tie has hints of red. 

#i feel you linger in the air #i feel you linger in the air the series #nonkul chanon #bright rapheephong #ifylita #*enjoy my nonsense #*ifylita analysis #Thank you Vi for listening to me ramble about this drama!!

[phantomphangphucker]

Phic Phight - The Bone-Stick Breaker

@46-reasonable-hamsters

Make no BONES about it, there’s a lot of GLOWING remarks in here. A real ILLUMINATING read, that’s positive to leave your eyes SHINING with laughter (and-also-maybe-a-little-bit-of-concern-about-the-authors-mental-state).

Should this be concerning? yeah.

Was it incredibly weird? Yup.

Would any reasonable person be incredibly disturbed right now? YES.

Does Danny need therapy? ABSOLUTELY.

Why you ask?

Oh only because Danny is glowing through the motions of systematically attempting to break every single bone in his entire body one by one, nothing too wild.

Just a little mild self torture is all.

It’s no big deal.

It’s definitely not a sign of a severely unstable psyche, no matter what anyone -Jazz- says.

It’s fun.

That’s a lie.

Well at least it’s Educational.

eh-juh-kay-shuh-nuhl.

Yay! Points for him! And points for another broken bone! A glow-in-the-dark star sticker!

That’s one more rib down!

He’s okay.

Everything is FINE.

It’s not like his boney woney’s are filled with glow-stick juice or anything.

Okay that’s exactly what it is.

He’s a little glowy broken boy.

A bone beater boy.

A real boner if you will.

That was a really dumb joke but he absolutely does not apologize. Just like this is a really dumb plan but he’s not apologising for this either.

Even if his teeth did count as bones and he did attempt to Slap Chop™ one to see what would happen and maybe accidentally sent a chunk flying into the soup pot.

At least he confirmed that yes, his teeth glowed when ‘snapped’, or Slap Chopped™, too.

He’s positive he is absolutely making Technus regret breaking his leg the day before yesterday’s morning, leading to his glowing discovery; all the ghosts were giving positively glowing reviews.

Meaning some were casually cheering the chaos and suffering, and others were begging him to ‘please stop’ and ‘spare us’ and ‘no don’t stab us with your bones! Why do you have bones!’.

But Danny had bones.

Ho boy did he ever have bones.

Bones to pick with everyone that is! Ha!

He’s got this glow stick party going and it’s utterly illuminating the night. Really lighting it up. Giving it a good ol’ spit shine. Absolutely brightening up everyone’s nightmares.

He should start a rave.

A bone glow stick rave.

It would be a bone cracking good time.

Maybe he could liquify some bones, hope they still be shiny, and make a motherfuckin’ proper glowing jello pit. He could use it to try and make people see the light at the end of the tunnel and then all the high people would make a bunch of giggle-watts!

Plus!

Everyone would definitely pay for that!

You know, since he’s not shady!

He is slim though, slim and slime. An ecto-green lime crime, since he be leaving random bones bits around.

The cops must be having a fright over all his nightlights.

He kept ignoring their questioning though, gotta keep the conversations light after all.

Let him be a funky little bean, copper man!

ACAB!

WHOOOOO!

If it was Christmas time he’d replace the city hall Christmas trees star with a bone star. Like a rock star but more him flavoured and more likely to sound like ominous crunching sounds and unholy screams. The kind that would get him basked in holy light out of sheer concern.

Eh. Danny’d still shine brighter.

After all he’s broken a-hundred-and-ninety-two bones, how many bones have those angels broken?

Probably none.

So there.

He’s the winner! Go him! Chicken bone dinner!

Fear the glowing Bone-Stick that is he!

Like a boom stick, except what gets shot and boomed everywhere is BONES!

A real glow up he says, especially since he’s waaaaaaaay brighter.

And then Val has the gaul to catch him in an ecto-net, point at him, and tells him to ‘stop this you menace’ and how ‘seventeen people have vomited because of this crap’ and ‘why is this your response when Tucker cuts off your caffeine supply’.

Which, rude.

Either he got his life blood or they got his bone blood!

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! BONES FOR THE BONE THRONE!

Val tasered him into unconsciousness for that one and Tuck dumped exactly one hundred and ninety eight bags of coffee beans on him.

…

But he made it to two-hundred-and-one on his first try? That’s more bones than what’s in one entire hamster! Doesn’t he deserve better pickings for his lickings?

Should he aim for forty-six hamsters next time? Really shoot for the stars and glow amongst them!

He must acquire more bones! Grow them from the ectoplasmic ether!

For the first time in a long time Tuck punches him.

Do they not understand?

Do they not know?!?

That this only causes the rumblies that only broken bones can satisfy to grow!

He will feast on his complete breaks and be one with THE NIGHT IN UN-DIMMABLE RADIANCE!

Shine bright like a bone diamond!

And be better at hide and glow seek!

But first.

Coffee.

Then after.

Only after.

The Bone-Stick Breaker shall return once more upon this mortal domain!

And with him!

UNENDING GLOW STICK BRIGHTERY!

End.

Prompt: Danny breaks a bone in ghost form for the first time, and discovers that his bones function similarly to glow sticks

#danny phantom #phandom #phicphight24 #phic phight 24 #danny fenton #phantomphangphucker #have a fic suck my dick #my writing #phic phight #phan phic #fan fic #crack #crack fic #broken bones #puns

[burialcloth]

[ID: a blurred photograph of a black cat with white mittens and throad running on grass, which is illuminated by setting sun. behind it is a text written in an old-school white serif font that reads: writeblr (re)introduction. /end ID]

𓇢 WHO

haiii. i'm Quail. or Hearth. or Meloe. any pronouns / 19 / spirit with a fox clay head / impact crater in the shape of a zoomorph / huh whuh

this is a reintroduction only in technicalities, because even though i made an intro for writeblr, i did absolutely nothing. fortunately i've since graduated hs, so now i can actually do stuff 👍🏽 yay!

𓇢 WHAT

i've been drawing and painting for longer than i've been writing, so this blog is a general basket of all things i create. my bigger writing projects are mostly worldbuilding-heavy fantasy, and these motherfuckes do take their time to develop. i also dabble in poetry-writing and short stories, which i do post here. usually. sometimes .

my recurring themes are an insight in culture, its artefacts and cultural dynamics, the human condition and how to navigate it, grief and love (intristically tied), the little rituals of everyday life that keep us together, gender, and post-colonialism.

𓇢 WHICH

i currently have two that are not on the backburner! if you're interested in others, i am inviting you to look at my desktop WIP page ^__^

CHAOS THEORY 🏗 ⚖ is a webcomic in works with a few novella / short story off-shoots. 𓇢 on a continent wherein the human has married the machine not so soon after she began her discovery of the surrounding world now grows a tumor of a nautical empire, slowly digesting the land alive with its dreams of Carbon and asciension to the higher self. a group of workers inside the so-called Furnaces decide to up the stakes, causing a strike aiming at the root, which might either swallow them whole... or who knows. ━━━━━━━

TEGUMENT 🧿🐟 is... it's own thing. a narrative with drawings and stories written in-between. set in a cassette-futuristic world and centers on insanily codependent lesbians who want to reach godhood as one, while also dealing with a growth spurt of fake idols and a growing gap between their identities.

𓇢 WHERE — miscellany

this is a sideblog: i interact from @burialcloth! i also have a substack where i will either crosspost things i post here, or my essays. we'll see: in all honesty, i should just polish (taki żarcik) my CSS + HTML skills and finally code that fucking neocities site i have. i love being tagged in things, dmed / sent asks :-) and if you'd perhaps like to be on a taglist for any of my projects just hit me up 'n i'll see you around u__o

#now's the time for putting this thing in the tags and be perceived fuuuuck. #writeblr #writeblr introduction #writeblr reintro #writeblr intro

[strawberryspiced]

For years, I've poured my heart and soul into my art, yet insecurities have often derailed my vision, whispering doubts about the worthiness of my creations and whether anyone would truly appreciate them. But through it all, I've come to realise that art is not just about external validation; it's a deeply personal journey of self-expression and growth. Yes, this is something I know well - but your insecurities are very good at convincing you otherwise sometimes.

Growing up, I was always drawn to art in many forms. Whether it was sketching in my maths book during class or losing myself in front of the piano, creativity was my sanctuary, my safe space - a place where I could escape everyday pressures and troubles and just dive into my imagination. But as I got older that annoying and nagging voice of insecurity began to creep in, creating doubts over my passions.

I remember very clearly the first time I hesitantly shared my artwork with others, waiting for their reactions. My heart raced with anticipation, longing for validation yet fearing rejection. Would they see the flaws I saw? Would they dismiss my creations as amateurish or unworthy of attention? These questions plagued my mind, threatening to overshadow the joy I found in creating. How simultaneously CRAZY and sad, right?!

Yes, I understand that art is a journey of self-discovery, a process of embracing imperfections and celebrating individuality. It's not about conforming to external standards of perfection, but rather about staying true to oneself and embracing the unique perspective we each bring to the world. Acceptance of this, I began to loosen the grip of insecurity and embrace my art with newfound confidence, but sadly that does not lock the demons away for good, lol.

No… My journey has not been without its challenges. There have been moments of frustration when my vision refused to materialise on canvas or digital canvas and there are still times when self-doubt threatens to derail my creative aspirations - But through it all, I have clung to the belief that art is a reflection of the soul, a testament to the beauty and complexity of human experience. So… regardless of what my inner ramble says, I have made a conscious decision to let go of fear and to continue sharing my work with the world.

If I am truly honest with myself… making the decision to share my art with the world, despite my lingering insecurities has been one of the most transformative aspects of my creative journey. Yet, even as I received positive feedback towards my art, I still find myself having to silence my insecurities. As frustrating as this has been, I have also come to witness and realise that it seems to be something which many creatives battle with, so at least I know I am not alone, lol.

Nonetheless, I've come to realise that my creative journey is not defined by what others think or whether or not my stuff even sells… it is about the joy and fulfilment I find in the act of creation itself. Each piece I create is a reflection of who I am, a snapshot of my thoughts, emotions, and experiences frozen in time. And whether or not others choose to purchase my art is ultimately beside the point – what matters is that I continue to create, to explore, and to grow as an artist and as a human being. So, yay to that haha!

So here I am, denying my doubts entry and just moving forward with what I want - and what I want is to share my art with the world… to have it up on walls and enjoyed, not only from a visual perspective, but from an emotional one too.

#artists on tumblr #abstract #digital art #drawing #art #redbubble #findyourthing #flowers #nature #pretty #healing #artist #saatchiart #saatchi gallery #inspired #inspire #inspiring words #my art #self expression #insecurity #gratitude #courage #uplifting news #feel good #feelings #abstract expressionist art #my writing #art blog #artshare #lovelife

[stra-tek]

Stream of consciousness thoughts on Disco 5x01 and 5x02...

Oh ffs, the Romulan ship is just Discovery sets😂

FRED! I like Fred.

Oh. Fred is dead.

So many cheesy quips.

Nice bike ride... couldn't they just beam ahead to the baddie's ship and skip it? Shame they didn't think of it.

Oh yay, they saved the market from the catastrophe that wouldn't have happened if not for them!

What are they after? We see Trekcore screencaps of "The Chase" and are told about a great treasure... based on what? They're extinct. Gone. Dead. There's no hint they have/had some super technology.

Saru's getting married! Will she give him a radioactive necklace?

They've gotta get from there to the temple? Bet they wish they beamed up some of the bikes from the last episode

Moll reminds me of Ciana from Farscspe

Omg these people are so self congratulatory. Please stop spooging over each other for a minute, it's bordering on toxic positivity.

Book as her number one? Fuck that.

When the eyes opened on the stone head, I thought we had a stone giant on our hands so must admit I'm disappointed

The follow up was fun though

Oh good, Book knows Moll. She's family.

Saru looks like he's been on the tan bed, he's like a big burned cheeto

Angry Captain is now Michael's number one. Cool.

Liked this better than episode 1

#star trek discovery #star trek #michael burnham #saru #tilly #discovery spoilers

[dokujirai]

Charisma - The Seven Charisma’s “Charisma Picnic” カリスマピクニック Karisuma Pikunikku English Lyrics Translation

This is an English translation of Charisma’s group song “Charisma Picnic.” Song is here.

Please be advised that this is merely a translation into English and may not be 100% accurate or follow any rhyme.

TL Notes: 

Once more I am proven again that writing a rap from Japanese to English is hard. Just know that I tried.

SDGs are Sustainable Development Goals(?). It’s the only thing I could find, but they’re something about sustainable and responsible consumption/production, sustainable cities and communities, etc. etc. Ohse just wants to help out the Earth by becoming compost <3

I imagine the mountains that Amahiko finds sexy are like twin mountains that look like boobs with pointy nipples.

The last line goes like “Karisuma Shintenkai” which means “new development.” I just think it’s hilarious that Charisma can just be like “oh yeah look forward to Season 2″ in their own song.

Any questions, concerns, theories, or feedback is appreciated! Thank you for reading!!

Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Charisma!

Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Charisma!

Making bentos or carrying baggage That’s not the only way to use a slave Try me as a humanoid outdoor tool Work me hard to the bone, it feels great~!

March your feet precisely to the beat Don’t underestimate nature! It will eat you alive Now take a deep breath in regular intervals Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in Off we go to the great outdoors… Hey, you over there! Don’t veer from the route!

Let’s sing (let’s sing) cheerfully (cheerfully) Let’s join hands and lalala lala la la

Lalala lala Iori-san “Let me give you all a piggyback ride now!” Lala lala lala Rikai-san “Order outside is all green!” Lala our hearts Break into a dance toward our Charisma Picnic

Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Charisma!

Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Charisma!

I ain’t goin’ over the hill and I ain’t whistlin’ either And I sure as hell ain’t singin! I’ll go where I wanna go If you guys go that way, I’m goin’ this way Wha- Ah! It’s a dead end! You guys, wait up!

The Earth shines with the beauty of Terra-kun The sky and the ground revel in me That’s right, Terra-kun is now The Universe!

Let’s sing (let’s sing) cheerfully (cheerfully) Let’s join hands and lalala lala la la

Lalala lala Sarukawa-san “Hah? I ain’t gonna skip!”. Lala lala lala and Terra-san too “Terra-kun’s UV barrier!” Lala our hearts are Beating towards our Charisma Picnic

Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Charisma!

Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Charisma!

The sun illuminates and exposes all for us to see, aah how sexy! The murmur of the river, the chirping of the birds in your ear… ECSTACY!

Such a bright landscape with crisp air I’m sorry that a piece of shit loser like me exists I’ll go die at once and return to the earth, that way I’ll become fertilizer for the SDGs Even if it’s only a little bit, I can finally help the world this way

Yo, if you’ve got nothing else better to do, why not go on a journey of self-discovery? Let’s charge right in, so come on and let’s start a new story We’re so full of problems, we didn’t even know it was shining through Since everyone found out about our energy, now we gotta skip our way outta here

Let’s sing (let’s sing) cheerfully (cheerfully) Let’s join hands and lalala lala la la

Lalala lala Amahiko-san “Those distant mountains are so sexy” Lala lala lala Ohse-san “Please excuse me for breathing in the air…” Lala our hearts Break into a dance toward our Charisma Picnic

Lalala lala Fumiya-san “Oh, I forgot my wallet” (Ehh?) Lala lala lala Charisma-san “Yay!” Lala our hearts are Beating towards our Charisma Picnic Our pleasant little picnic New things are coming to Charisma

Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Charisma!

Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Charisma!

Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Charisma!

Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Lalala lala la la! Charisma!

#Charisma House #charismahouse #karihau #crsm #charisma #karisuma #crsm song #fumiya ito #rikai kusanagi #iori motohashi #terra #amahiko tendo #ohse minato #kei sarukawa #MCdokujirai

[annasghosts]

Here's a second part of this micro (using the July prompt list in July this time. Yay me for realizing what month it is 💀) For @jilymicrofics, prompts: gentle, glare

“YOU LIED!” She screams, voice hoarse. Her throat is aching, her whole body is aching. She can’t believe he betrayed her like that. He looked at her every day in the past month and he didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t lie!” He exclaims, but she shakes her head, turning around. “Lily, listen-”

“Don’t call me Lily!”

“I didn’t lie!” He insists, reaching out to grab her arm, but she snatches it back. “I didn’t tell you-”

“Lying by omission is still lying! You took advantage of-”

“What?! I didn’t! I was trying to protect you!”

“Well, thank you so much for that, Potter!” She retorts furiously, grabbing her bag before rushing out of the door. She doesn’t know what angers her more, the fact that he lied or that she was so easily fooled.

The problem is, now that she knows, she can’t keep her mind off of it. She can almost feel his hands on her skin, branding her, and her heart speeds up as her fingers hover over the clasp of her robes. Stop thinking about it. She won’t be weak, she won’t give into what she now knows are her memories of him, of them. She feels that’s an invisible line she can’t cross, not when she knows those thoughts and images are real, not when she’s aware he’s kept her in the dark.

She hates the effect he has of her, how her anger can’t suppress the irrational need to feel the heat of his skin, his muscles jump under her touch. She can't stand the way her mind took her discovery as permission to indulge in the physical aspects of their relationship. It makes her feel weak, out of control. She has replayed the memory of his cocky grin far too many times, feeling her heart beat furiously as she remembered how he used to laugh when she told him to wipe that self-satisfied smirk off his face, how she felt even more attracted to him when he didn’t. There are a lot of things she’s rediscovering these days, about herself and about him, and part of her wishes she never did. She doesn’t need to yearn for his gentle touch on her back during lazy mornings spent in bed, she doesn’t want to think about how that makes her feel a little desperate for him.

She tries to rationalize it, to tell herself she’s only craving it because she needs something familiar, comforting, now that her world is imploding, but she can’t when he only gives her half-truths and ridiculous explanations in return. He might think it gallant to say he was trying to protect her, but she isn’t some porcelain doll that can’t handle the truth and for someone that has apparently known her so intimately to think that-

She turns sharply, her hand reaching for her wand on impulse, her fingers gripping it tightly, hesitating for just a moment before she closes her eyes, her mind focusing on his front door, almost feeling the touch of the tall grass on her ankles.

As soon as she’s back on solid ground she steps forward and it takes him a moment to answer the door, hastily pulling down a shirt as he opens it. He freezes when he sees her, looking worried for a moment, uncertain, before taking in her fierce glare.

“May I come in?” He shrugs and opens the door further, letting her through. “Are we alone?”

“Yes, but-” He peers down at her, his eyes following the line of her body as if checking for injuries, but Lily’s heart skips a beat nonetheless. “Everything alright?”

“No talking.”

“Evans-”

“I said: no talking.” She repeats and lets her robes fall to the floor, before raising her chin defiantly. She thinks she should take a bigger satisfaction in the gobsmacked look on his face, in her victory, but her reasoning for coming here seems to vanish now that she’s in front of him, now that she sees the way he’s looking at her. She told herself she was coming here only to prove a point, to show him she isn’t the weak girl he seems to think she is, but maybe she’s discovering that, while she is strong, she can also be a liar.

#jily #jple #james potter #lily evans #jilymicrofics

[izzythehutt]

would love more of your thoughts on the barbie movie. What do you mean about the anthropology of it?

I actually wanted to reply to this but then I was so angry thinking about the Barbie movie that I...didn't. Sorry!

I agree with a lot of what this essay had to say about the movie (except the idea that it wasn't preachy/political from the start, because it 1000% was.)

Basically, I fundamentally disagreed with how the film presented what it is to be human (through the lens of a doll.) The Christian anthropology has man made in the image and likeness of God, and inherently relational with Him. Barbie has its own version of "God", who tells Barbie she's...made for whatever she's made for, idk, even though I created you I always knew you'd grow beyond my control (side note: Toy Story is a way better film about the anthropology of toys because that franchise recognizes they actually were created with a clear purpose outside of themselves.) Barbie's "goals" in the film, in as much as she has any, are to feel good about herself and some nebulous, naval gazing version of "self-understanding." I would argue that the obsession with self-discovery and self-definition is the major lie of the modern era and has made a generation of people totally miserable. They don't realize that they'd be way happier if they realized their lives are not about them.

The reason why Ken stole the show from Barbie is because he actually had a clearly human, discernible and compelling goal: to have a human relationship. To love and be loved. But then Barbie has no interest in human relationships (specifically between men and women.) They're basically presented as different species that have to figure shit out on their own (Ken gets to join Barbie in existential misery at the end, yay!) Even though the film had a montage of motherhood at the end, the fact that is a father is biologically required for that is not explored or even addressed. Why the hell is Barbie going to an OBGYN at the end, anyway?

#anti barbie movie #asks #izzy hated the barbie movie

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

The number one thing I would like to see in s3 of YR is Madison speaking in Swedish.

And on a show that is SO centered around the ideas of self-discovery, self-acceptance and empowerment, it would be great if the reactions of virtually everyone around here were to be massively supportive: Every single character on the show should be telling her how brilliant she speaks Swedish and how her accent is the sweetest thing in the world and how she should never, ever, ever assume that she sounds like an idiot again and never be afraid to speak Swedish with anyone ever again.

That would be a lovely and highly symbolic message. And satisfying as hell.

I'm holding my fingers crossed here to manifest that.

(Also, look at me coming off anon! Yay! I've finally dared to come out.:) But this being a message about Madison accepting her own voice, it would have felt weird if I'd send this as an anon again and hadn't accepted my own voice, as well. So to speak.) :D

AHHHH hi darling! Welcome off anon! It's so nice to meet you again.

I think it would be cute to hear Maddie talk in Swedish. Even if it's just a word or two. It's so out of place for her to be at this prestigious Swedish school, with the Swedish elite, and not speak Swedish at all.

However, it does fit her character pretty well to not speak Swedish - kind of odd, out there, funky. She very obviously does not care about who is who and what they want. She is her own independent person and she is loud about it. So far, it's felt natural for her to kind of do her own thing.

That being said, I'd love to see her speak to one of her friends in Swedish. Maybe Felice. Just to ask how they are, or ask about homework or something. Just to show that she, like the rest of the characters, is figuring herself out slowly but surely. (not that she needs to speak Swedish to figure herself out lmao)

take a shot every time I said "swedish" in this response if you want to get alcohol poisoning.

#ask #anon #young royals #madison young royals

[morganski-19]

With A Comma After Dearest Part 5

part 1, part 4

Robin feels great. It’s the first time in weeks that she’s woken up from the sound of her alarm, and not from a nightmare. It’s the first time in weeks that she’s slept for more than four hours. She doesn’t know how it happened, but when a miracle happens, no one dares question it, so why would she? No, instead she’s going to grab the miracle by the throat and make the most of her day. And maybe not look like shit for once. 

She looks in her closet, taking time to pick out an outfit instead of just grabbing whatever looks the comfiest. She takes a shower and even makes herself an actual breakfast instead of a piece of toast. It might make her almost late for school, but it’s the first time that she feels like herself again. 

When she comes barreling out the door and into the passenger seat of Steve’s car, ready to start doing her makeup in the sunshade mirror, Steve is too busy glaring at her to start the car. 

“What?” She asks, ready to go for once. 

“You’re wearing jeans, and an actual shirt.”

She does a quick glance at her outfit, not seeing anything wrong with it. As if he has any say in what she should wear anyway. “Yeah, what about it?”

“You’re not wearing sweats.”

“Oh. No, I’m not. I actually slept last night, I guess.”

His face breaks out in a soft smile. “Hey, that’s good.”

“Yeah, I guess it is. Now come on, I don’t need another tardy trying to hinder me from graduating, go.”

“I’m going, alright, Jeez.”

. . . 

Robin looks different. Not a bad different, Nancy thinks. A good different if anything. She looks, awake, refreshed. She looks herself, if that’s what herself looks like. 

Nancy doesn’t really have a lot to base it off of, the only knowledge she had of the way Robin would normally carry herself was in the one week they knew each other. And even then, there were other factors that would have hindered the way she did. She looks confident, happy. She looks like Robin. 

Her eyes can’t help but follow Robin as she walks down the hall and into her classroom. It’s captivating. There’s nothing that’s really changed that much, but it draws her in. Like that time in the library but tenfold. 

There’s still no good explanation that Nancy has for that moment. She’s chalked it up to the fact that she had gotten less sleep that night and just zoned out because of it. Because there was nothing else in her mind that could have been the reason for it. There couldn’t be. Nancy had already gone down a whole road of self-discovery in the past few years and she had already reached the end of it, there was no way that more could be ahead of her. 

She knew who she was, that was unchanging. There was nothing more to that. 

. . . 

The beautiful Robin,

Hope that isn’t too weird or anything, it’s generally just a compliment. Anyway, I saw you walking through the halls and just wanted to tell you how good you looked today. I can’t really describe it but you just look more yourself. I like it, reminds me a little bit of when we first met.

More importantly, I guess, is that you looked more awake. Which could just be a complete illusion, but I’m choosing to believe that meant you got a good night's sleep. Which, yay, congrats. The first nightmare free night normally gives you a sense of false hope, but it means that you’re going in the right direction. 

That’s the whole purpose of the note. I just thought you looked good and deserved to know it. 

Grateful to see you more yourself, 

Nancy

Robin can’t breathe. Whatever air was in her lungs was immediately punched out of her chest with the first three words. 

Nancy thinks she’s beautiful. Which she really shouldn’t construe in any way that isn’t just a platonic compliment, but how can she? It’s right there, written on paper. A written confirmation that Nancy thinks that Robin is beautiful. Nancy claims it’s just a compliment, which objectively it is, and Robin knows that she didn’t mean it in a way that’s romantic. But with everything else written, her heart can’t help but start beating faster. 

She noticed things about Robin. Not just like today, but before they were even this close. Noticed the change in the way Robin dressed based on one, maybe two outfits that she had seen prior. Noticed the way that she’s actually awake, carrying herself the way she normally would instead of hunching over and shuffling to class. There was a beat to her steps again, and Nancy noticed it. 

It’s not the most surprising thing in the world, Nancy’s a pretty observant person. And if the roles were reversed, Robin would notice the same thing. But that’s because she’s different. Despite her best efforts, she looks at Nancy differently than Nancy views her. It’s something she can’t control, but that’s just the way the cards fell. Her heart picked up without her brain being able to stop it, and she hasn’t been able to stop it yet. 

So it’s supposed to be Robin who picks up on the minuscule details, not Nancy. Even if the things that she noticed weren’t exactly minuscule. But they were still less noticeable to anyone who didn’t know her. 

Maybe she’s just blowing this out of proportion. She’s obviously dressed differently than the way she was for the last few weeks. And even though she’s still been able to put on some sort of makeup to make the bags of her eyes look less, it’s better applied today, clearer. Even Steve noticed that things were different. Yet, he still didn’t call her beautiful, only Nancy did.

. . . 

The beautiful Nancy,

Look I’m copying you now. Not exactly like it’s false though, anyone with eyes would notice that you’re beautiful. But you complimented me so I feel like I should compliment you. So I did. 

Thank you for your compliment, I really appreciated it. Steve kinda had the same reaction this morning, without the beautiful comment because that would have been super weird coming from him, to be honest. But when I got in the car this morning, he was too busy giving me a weird look, and I mean weird as in weirded out and not because I couldn’t figure out what the look meant, to start the car and bring me to school. Something about me wearing jeans and an actual shirt instead of a hoodie. I personally don’t see anything wrong with because the hoodie I have is very comfortable, and he should know, I stole it from him. 

I hope that’s not too weird. I know it’s traditional for girlfriends to steal their boyfriend’s hoodie and shit, but I feel like that could also be a best friend thing. Especially since there is no shred of attraction between us because, ew gross. I don’t need to prove it to you again because we already told you, but platonic with a capital P. And he stole one of my jackets before so it’s not like it’s just a me thing.

Anyway, I’m rambling again, but in word form. Not that I don’t normally ramble in a non-word form, I guess this is just a written word form. Whatever

Just wanted to thank you for the compliment and return the favor,

Robin

If anyone asked Nancy what was in the note passed the first paragraph, she wouldn’t be able to tell them. It’s not like she didn’t read it, she always reads whatever Robin gives her, even going back to make sure she didn’t miss a word. But this time, here eyes only find those words. 

Nancy’s been told that she was beautiful before. It wasn’t exactly something that she paid mind to, just accepted the comment and moved on. Compliments rolled off of Nancy like a wave, letting her soak in the moment but then receding back to where they came from. Never sticking around long enough for Nancy to believe it for too long. It’s not that she didn’t think she was good-looking, or even pretty. There were always just things about her that she didn’t think were beautiful, or that compared to someone else, they would be more beautiful than her.

So when someone called her beautiful, the feeling that it gave her was only temporary, the insecurities of it all flooding back in to strip it away. But when Robin wrote the words, it was the first time she heard someone say it and believed it. It’s not to say that the other people who called her beautiful were wrong, or didn’t make her feel that way. It’s just when Robin wrote it, it felt more real. 

The thing about Robin is that she’s honest. Nancy only saw her lie one time, and even then there was truth to it. Just the wrong truth for the moment. And then, the lie was needed, was necessary to accomplish a goal. It was so much different than other lies. There was something both of them gained and ultimately, no one was really hurt by it. Mildly inconvenienced, maybe, but not hurt. 

Maybe that’s why it feels more real. Robin hasn’t lied to Nancy, not yet, and she has the feeling that she won’t ever. Or at least, not in the way that people have lied to her in the past. Hurt her, misled her. But then, she hurt and misled them too. So maybe it’s because neither Robin nor Nancy has lied to each other yet that the compliment finally sticks. 

Or maybe it’s something completely different, but that leaves Nancy with more questions than answers. So she’ll take the compliment for now and walk away, feeling more confident in herself than normal and not knowing why.

. . . 

Robin fucked up, she knew she fucked up. It’s almost the end of the day and Nancy hasn’t written a note back to her. She overdid it, the comment was too much. She should have just thanked Nancy and moved on, there didn’t need to be anything else. 

But it was so easy. The in was there waiting for her on a silver platter and she took it. It was too easy to pass up. It’s what girls do all the time, don’t they? Get a compliment and then return it the same way. Like “Oh thank you, you’re so pretty too.” That’s the normal response to a compliment, right?

Even then, Nancy’s first compliment wasn’t exactly normal. Going out of her way to write a note dedicated to just how good you looked that day. Was that normal? Was that just Nancy being nice? Was Robin reading into this? Yes, yes she was. 

It’s easy to read into something where the space between the lines is nonexistent. It could have been a sentence at the end of a normal letter. “Oh, by the way, Robin, I saw how you looked today and wanted to say that I really like your outfit. It looks great on you and makes you look more awake. Which yay, sleep.” That’s so easy, that’s normal talk. Robin can do normal talk

But no, Nancy didn’t write that. She wrote out, by hand, that Robin was beautiful.

Robin’s never been called beautiful by someone like Nancy. Her parents and family members, sure but that meant nothing. Guys trying to hit on her not realizing she’s not interested, yes. But none of that was like this and none of that made her feel like this did. None of those times filled Robin with unimaginable warmth and made her want to scream into a pillow. None of those times made her feel it. 

There is something unbelievable about the words from someone held so dear to the other’s heart. It makes them feel important, seen. Nancy’s words hit differently because they weren’t said because they’re family or hoped to get in her pants. They were said because they were believed. Nancy noticed something about Robin from just passing through the hall. So either Robin was really looking like a complete mess every day or Nancy just knew. From one small glance, she knew that Robin had the best sleep possible and woke up feeling like her old self again. Away from the nightmares and the trauma, just Robin being Robin. And Nancy complimented that. 

So when the opportunity presented itself, how could Robin not return the favor? How could she not admit the thought that’s been ringing around her mind since the first note was slid into her locker? Nancy was beautiful, inside and out, how could Robin not tell her that? 

But she did it too much. She should have just left it at the greeting and said that she was just giving it back. But no, she couldn’t just leave it at that. She had to add that anyone with eyes would see that Nancy was beautiful, that she thought Nancy was beautiful. If Nancy read it the way she wrote it, she would know that the eyes that were mentioned were her own. And since she hadn’t received another note since then, that was all that Robin was left to think. 

She thought that saying it and talking about Steve would push focus away from the true meaning of what she wrote, but she guesses that was wrong. 

. . . 

Every time Nancy goes to write a response, she ends up with something stupid. So she erases it and starts over again until there are holes in the page. Tossing the useless paper into the trash, she curses herself for being like this. 

This isn’t normal, not for her. Not with Robin. Talking was easy, but now it’s so hard that Nancy can’t even find one right word to say. It should be simple. Just thank Robin for the compliment and move on, talk about something else. Maybe invite her over to her house for a movie night or something. Just anything to get her and Robin in the same room again, to chase that feeling of being close to someone again. 

To get lost with someone. Feel the incredible warmth that comes from someone who cares for you deeply. Let the moment wrap around like a hug and wish that the person’s arms were around you instead. 

Nancy shakes her head, getting up from her seat and walking to the bathroom. These thoughts weren’t real, they couldn’t be. She just had a late night last night, that’s all. The fact that these were the same thoughts that were keeping her up at night was irrelevant. Robin is her best friend, so that’s why those feelings were there. It had to be. 

Turning on the faucet, she lets the cold water run, just staring at it for a second before cupping some and splashing it on her face. If she was going to make it through the day, she needed to get focused. Just write the next note so Robin doesn’t feel like she’s avoiding her and then go home. Then she can freak out, even though she won’t because there’s nothing to freak out about. 

“Oh, hey, Nancy,” Robin casually says when she comes out of the stall, walking up to the sink next to Nancy.

“Hey. Sorry I haven’t given you another note yet. I know I normally have another one done by this time but I haven’t really had time to write it yet.”

Robin shrugs. “Things come up, I get it. You … you didn’t think I was being weird in the last note, did you? Cause I promise everything was innocent, just wanted to return the compliment and all.”

“Yeah. No, yeah. It was fine, I appreciated it, actually. Wasn’t weird at all.” Nancy swallows, hoping that maybe saying it out loud would make her believe it. 

“Ok, good. I appreciated yours too. Kinda nice to know someone noticed, you know. After all we’ve been through, I didn’t think I’d be able to feel like myself again for a while. So the fact that you noticed it too, made me really happy.” Robin looks at her, smiling and suddenly Nancy can’t breathe. 

“Yeah, your’s did too.”

Suddenly, Robin reaches across and plucks something off of Nancy’s shirt. The soft brush of her fingers sent electricity down Nancy’s arm. “There was a hair,” she says softly. 

Nancy clears her throat. “I should probably head back to class. I’ll talk to you later though, ok.”

“Yeah ok. See you later Nance.”

Her heart is beating out of her chest when she returns to her seat. As she turns her attention back to the lecture, she wills it to stop. Wills the warms of Robin’s brief touch to leave her soul. Prays for the thoughts to stop racing around her mind. Doing what she does best, she pushes them away into a little box and goes back to normal, just knowing that this box will unlock itself again the next time she sees Robin. 

. . . 

My friend Robin,

I noticed something when we were in the bathroom earlier. I don’t have a nickname for you. Not that I need one or anything. You just called me Nance and I know everyone pretty much calls me that but I still like it. 

I was just wondering if there’s a name that you like people to call you other than Robin. I think I’ve heard Steve call you Rob sometimes but I didn’t know if that was just a you two thing or if other people call you that too. Maybe I’m overthinking the whole purpose of a nickname, but whatever. 

Would you want me to call you Rob sometimes? Or how about Robbie? There are not many nicknames for Robin I guess. Or if you don’t really want me to, I can just keep calling you Robin. Just was curious. 

Your friend, 

Nance 

Robin tries to ignore the way that the greeting stings, but she can’t help it. It hurts being called just a friend after the letters they exchanged just that morning. But those were friendly interactions. She has to keep reminding herself that, and every time it hurts more than the last. 

She promised herself that this wasn’t going to go far enough to hurt her this time, but Nancy was making that incredibly hard. 

. . . 

My dear friend Nance,

I don’t really have a lot of specific names that people call me. Steve does call me Rob sometimes and Eddie started calling me Birdie for some reason. Something about my name being a bird’s name, therefore I am a bird. Which I am clearly not but he’s weird so whatever. 

So you can pick anything really. Whatever you want. I did kind of like Robbie though, that’s one that no one’s ever called me before. So if you liked it, then I liked it. I really don’t care that much though.

Interested to see what you will choose, 

Robin 

Nancy doesn’t respond again before the day ends. Mainly because she was running from her last class to her car just to get home, but the reason why is what is bothering her. Ever since meeting with Robin in the bathroom, the only thing that Nancy was looking forward to was going home. Because going home meant going to sleep, which is the reason why she’s feeling the way she is, so tomorrow she’ll wake up normal. And, since it’s a Saturday, she’ll have the whole weekend to fix herself before seeing Robin again. 

If she can go that long without seeing her, that is. That’s the worst part. Even though she’s been feeling weird about everything, she still has the urge to just talk to Robin. It’s unexplainable really. Nancy desperately wants to find the answer, but every time she gets close to thinking what it is, the panic sets in and it’s left unanswered. 

When she gets home, she notices the rental car the Byers have been using parked outside of her house. They’re leaving tomorrow so El and Will have been over a lot. It’s a lot for Mike to go through again. He and El are going through some sort of rough patch, she’s not sure if they’re even still together. But that doesn’t matter, the two people he’s closest to are moving across the country again. That’s hard. 

The first time they moved away, Mike and Nancy talked a lot about missing them. They had a lot in common, having their partners living so far away from them and how hard it was. It was the closest they were for a while.

Jonathan steps out of the car when Nancy pulls in, walking up the drive while she pulls her backpack out of the backseat. 

“Hey,” he says, trying to act like this isn’t awkward. 

“Hey.”

“I just wanted to say goodbye, I guess. Felt weird not to, even after anything.”

Nancy gives him a small smile. “I wouldn’t have held it against you.”

“I, uh, I can send back some of your stuff when I get back if you want.”

“You don’t have to, you can just give it to me when you guys come back.”

Jonathan scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah, ok. I’m uh, I’m sorry for snapping at you last time. I was just, getting over it, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. I was too.”

“What I’m trying to say, I guess. Is that I’m more over it now, so if you wanted, we could try to be friends again.”

A weight relieves itself from Nancy’s chest. “I would like that.”

The front door opens as Mike, El, and Will exit the house, talking quietly amongst themselves. “Our flight changed, we’re leaving tonight instead of tomorrow.”

“How are they?” Nancy asks and they start to say their goodbyes.

“As well as you could think. I wish we could stay but Mom didn’t want to have us transfer twice in one year. But it’ll only be a few more months.”

“And how are you, really? I didn’t mean for this to happen the way it did.”

Jonathan sighs. “I didn’t either. But, if I’m being honest, I think I would have ended it if you didn’t. Just didn’t want to believe it.”

“I didn’t either.”

“We should get going.”

“Would it be weird if I hugged you?”

He laughs. “I don’t think so.” Nancy opens her arms and hugs him goodbye, as friends this time. “Thank you for being my first love, Nancy.”

“Thank you for letting me be. Have a good time in California, ok.” 

Jonathan smiles. “I will.”

Nancy walks up to the doorstep, waiting for Mike while he finishes up saying goodbye. The hurt that she felt the last time she saw Jonathan faded away, now all that’s left is peace. A part of her will always love him, and she thanks him for that. But now that love is as a friend. They still care for each other, but differently. 

Mike watches as they drive away, only walking back to the house when they’re out of sight. Nancy tries not to notice the dried tear stains down his cheeks. “You, ok?”

“No. I feel like I just got them back and now they're leaving again.”

Nancy pats his shoulder. “They’ll be back, just a few more months.”

“That’s almost worse somehow.” 

“You’ll get through it, I know you will,” she says as they enter the house. 

Hours later, Nancy stares at her ceiling, feeling weird again. That moment in her bathroom replayed in her mind, pushing away sleep. It shouldn’t have bothered her, it shouldn’t be keeping her awake. But like the library, Robin captivated her. But this time it was different, amplified. 

This time Robin touched her. Just faintly but the slight brush of her fingers was enough to send a bolt of electricity that radiated through her body. It was enough to make her freeze and enough to leave her wanting more. Whatever more was. 

Nancy hasn’t really touched Robin a lot at all. They definitely haven’t hugged yet, not like that was a requirement or anything. She remembers grabbing Robin’s hand when they were running out of Pennhurst, and Robin had grabbed hers right before the Creel house. But those were different, those were normal. Out of urgency or comfort. But now, Nancy can’t help to wonder what it would be like outside of those circumstances. 

She wonders what it would be like if Robin were lying next to her now, warming the cool sheets. Just the thought of feeling her presence alone spreading warmth over Nancy’s skin. Wondering if the space between them would become smaller, and their arms would become tangled together. Would they share secrets in the dark, only for the other to hear? Would they fall asleep knowing that they were safe in the other’s embrace? 

No, she thinks, shaking the thoughts out of her head. That won’t happen, because that’s not what’s meant to happen. But thinking back to the way that Robin makes her feel, she can’t help but go on the same loop all over again. 

Nancy isn’t stupid. Deep down she knows that this isn’t something that any normal person wants. Or a normal straight person at least. The thoughts, the beating of her heart, the flush that seems to form on her face whenever she hears Robin’s voice. Those were beyond the line of friendship and into the realm of attraction. 

But Nancy can’t want that. She is straight. There’s never been an instance before this where she’s ever wanted something with another woman. Then again, maybe she was just never attracted to another woman. But she still likes men. The love she had with Jonathan was real, the attraction she had to Steve was real. There were other crushes in her past that were real too, none of them were faked. She wasn’t faking it then, and she isn’t faking it now. 

There’s a word that she heard somewhere that someone used to describe liking both genders, but she can’t remember it. Looking it up could be easy, but she can’t help but feel like she doesn’t need to. Because there’s no way that this was actually something that she wanted. This was just confusion because of the lack of being in a relationship. Just looking for the feeling wherever it came from and enhancing it to be something more than it is. 

After today, she is sure that she is over Jonathan. It feels weird saying that about someone she’s spent years of her life with. Especially since it’s only been a few weeks since their official break. But a part of her knows that she was already getting over him before she called it quits, the distance making it easier to start cutting the ties early. It’s a sad thing to think about, but it’s true. 

And there’s another part of her that knows that a new relationship wouldn’t be pushed away. It wouldn’t be welcome, maybe not all at once. But if she really liked someone, then maybe after getting to know them, they could start something. 

The only problem is that whenever she thinks of who that person could be, there’s only one face that shows up in her mind. And it’s the one face she’s so sure it can’t be. 

. . . 

There’s music playing, soft and in the background. Something unnoticeable but comforting. The air is warm and inviting as someone peppers kisses along Robin’s jaw. Soft hands run up and down her arms before a hand finds its way to her hair, fingers tangling into it. Her lips return to someone else's, slotting together with ease. Tongues pressing together as it becomes impossibly deep. Robin’s own hands travel down the back of this person, sliding underneath the hem and sliding against smooth, warm skin. The person moans into Robin’s mouth, pulling her closer. 

The picture flashes forward, positions changing and clothes being thrown across the room. Red marks on necks and wandering hands. Impossibly soft skin presses against hers and their bodies slide together. Soft moans as Robin kisses down the person’s neck while her hand travels lower, lower. 

“Robin,” the person moans, grabbing her head and bringing her back up for a kiss. Pulling away, Robin’s eyes meet the mystery person. Blue familiar eyes meet hers, blinking up at her. 

“You’re so pretty,” she whispers, pushing away the brown curly hair stuck to the girl's cheek. Stuck to Nancy’s cheek, she realizes. 

Robin wakes up, eyes flinging open with the realization of what just happened. She sits up and turns on her lamp, refusing to chase the warmth and fall back asleep. She takes a deep breath, trying to think of anything other than Nancy to think about, ignoring the warmth in her core. 

“This can’t be happening,” she whispers to herself, hugging her knees close to her chest. 

She can’t help but feel guilty, even though she knows that there was nothing she could have done to stop it. It was a dream, and dreams can’t be controlled. But a part of her wanted the dream to continue. Part of her mind is still there, and her body is still reacting, wishing that she continue it. Wishing that Nancy was really here. 

The line was crossed, there was no way that Robin could deny it to herself anymore. There was no way in the world that Robin was having these thoughts and not having feelings for Nancy. She knew it was a crush, but then it was harmless. Now it’s not. 

Now is when the loneliness kicks in and the unbearable urge to act on her feelings. The hopelessness that comes with knowing that Nancy can’t, and won’t ever reciprocate these feelings. The same thing will just happen over and over again. Robin will keep seeing Nancy because it’s too good to give up, and then end up in this same position, crying herself to sleep. Dreams will keep coming and she’ll keep waking up alone. 

Want. Robin’s never experienced this form of want before. Her other crushes were more manageable, they were less personal. She had admired more from afar than she did up close. Now, there were bonds, secrets, friendship. Knowledge of what Nancy was like and that she knew Robin too. Fantasies easy to create because of how close they are. False hope created by Robin misinterpreting what was only meant to be a friendly gesture. 

Tears start to fill her eyes as reality slips in. There’s no out from this, no lie that will make her believe this was just a stupid dream. Because it wasn’t. It was fueled off of fleeting thoughts that Robin had and shook away before they had taken root. Wondering how soft Nancy’s hair was and feeling the small amount of contact they'd had filling her body with warmth. Getting lost in her gaze and letting her eyes flick down to her lips just once, just to see. 

The fall was crushing, worse than anything she’s ever felt. Robin’s never been in love, but this is the first time where she actually thinks she might be able to. 

Seeking comfort, she reaches out and grabs the phone. When it gets picked up, she doesn’t wait a beat before blurting out, “I like Nancy.”

And after a second of silence, Steve simply says, “I’m coming over,” before hanging up the line. 

#ronance #stranger things #stranger things fic #ronance fic #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #background steddie #getting together #pining #angst #denial #note passing au #note passing #with a comma after dearest fic

[cherrytree-irl]

💛- Who is/was your number one supporter in your journey of self-discovery??

uh... me. i kinda kept that whole journey... inside my own head. so... not much outside support on that front.

I've always considered my Pokémon friends to be my biggest supporters. Though, Sylvan is very high on that list as well. Sylvan and my Pokémon helped me in different ways, I would say.

yay i'm high on the list (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

#pkmn irl #pokemon irl #rotomblr