#and im still trying to get back on track | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

glowbat · 1 year

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Thanks for 16 amazing years, Mylo

#my art #personal art #its already been a bit over a month #and im still trying to get back on track #but im at a place where i really wanted to do a bit of drawing dedicated to him #i miss my best bud so much

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lillymakesart · 5 days

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my new OC: cempaka!

she is based on the story/universe that my friend @haydardotjpg's OCs indra and yuwei exist in! pls go checkout haydar's art he is amazing!! his ocs can be found more easily on his ig but if you're lazy this is his oc indra (cempaka's one-sided love interest) and yuwei (indra's fated lover)

also, cempaka means "magnolia" in malay!! (she gets a flower name bc my name is lilly which is also flower c:)

bonus first iteration under the cut!

i accidentally had "poinsettia" flower in mind when i did this iteration instead of an actual magnolia, hence the color scheme. but yeah, this is as self-insert as it gets LOL like she's literally MEEEEEE but still very different and i love her as she is <3

#my art #original character #oc #oc art #art #im in love with her actually #she has 4 brothers all named after flowers #mawar kekwa orkid and melati #not me using google translate literally on the fly i hope im not being culturally insensitive 😭#but anyway they lost their parents at a young age so she was raised by her brothers #shes the youngest by far tho by like 9 years from her next closest brother #mawar is the oldest hes like 40 a very important Leader Of People so he is not very present in her life #kekwa is a doctor and 38 and he travels often for work so he is also not very present but he visits sometimes #orkid and melati are twins theyre both 30 #orkid is a scholar and on track to being a professor at a prestigious uni #melati is traveling the world doing soul searching #cempaka is 21 she is literally a baby and her brothers send her back money but shes mostly alone #so she joins a traveling dance troupe and she gets really good at dancing #she meets indra while on the road dancing and performing and she is SMITTEN #like shes just head over heels in love with this man because hes so warm and inviting and he fills a void in her life #he makes her feel so incredibly seen and not alone and the feeling is addicting she cant get enough #ok idk most of the details bc i havent read haydars full story BUT #basically to my understanding yuwei and indra are separated for a while #and cempaka knows up front that indra is in love with yuwei like hes very honest with her about this and she appreciates it #but she still wants a chance because indras the only person in the world that has ever made her feel truly seen and loved #so she tries to be with him to ease her loneliness but it breaks her heart whenever he misses yuwei openly #also AGAIN listen im trying to basically write fanfic for a story that doesnt exist LOLL #HAYDAR IF YOURE READING THIS PLS WRITE UR STORY LMFAO

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taeyungie · 1 year

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hi ♡ i guess i'm back? 🥹

here's a little life update! i think you guys deserve it after my absence that lasted longer than even i expected it to last ;( i am very sorry about that. i miss everyone here and bangtan so much, you have no idea. the reason for all that is that for the past months i have been going through a lot of things and changes in my life. there were good and bad things happening, time flies extra fast, days melt into one and i didn't even notice the past half a year pass. although i think my absence was unavoidable in these circumstances i just thought that you guys deserve to know what's been up with me for the past months haha i have received a lot messages and reminders that people remember about me and that they miss me and i just want to send all of you my biggest apologies for leaving you for so long with no response, as well as all my love and gratitude! 🥺 i think i've been always fairly transparent on here so if anyone wanted to know more I'll leave some more details in the tags but basically I just hope that soon i will be able to become more active again and respond to messages ❤️❤️❤️ i hope everyone is doing great 🥰

#honestly... it was yoongi's comeback that made it happen. that made me have motivation to come back. i didnt expect it but here we are LOL #because for the past months i have been struggling a lot and i almost lost all the connections with my friends family and bangtan #i lost all my feelings and thoughts #i didnt miss anyone i didnt want to do anything i didnt want to be anywhere. i was completely submerged into my own head #i still am. it didnt exactly get better but.. its just yoongis impact jasbhdjdjd he made me remeber a lot #in october last year i developed a very agressive eating disorder and its gotten a lot worse at the begging of this year #and it has taken everything from me. it sucked me dry and still continues to do so. it made my mental health so much worse on every level #but im still here and thats what matters in the end right ❤️#from the good things - after long unfortunate and very stressful job hunting i finally got a stable job 🥰 and i continue my uni so far #that's why i was absent here most of the time. i decided to focus on my life and on trying to change something and to fight a little more #after jin's enlistment announcement... it was a wake up call for me #and maybe soon i will be back on track but im taking things slow. especially that its not easy for me at all #but i just wanted you to know that theres been a lot happening here so ❤️ im not just getting bored of tumblr and bts haha #i never stopped following the fandom i never turned off my notifications from media i never stopped looking up what they're up to each day #i just didnt have time and motivation to be active. because of my health i wanted to be quiet and away from eveyone and everything :/#even from my comfort people and activities #that sounds sad but. it's alright so please don't worry about me ❤️ I'm holding on just fine. got used to some things ❤️ trying to heal #so yeah i think thats that haha i think its enough and all basically #it may seem like very little but my life has always been very slow when it comes to big actions haha #anyway. love you all so much ❤️ thank you for not forgetting about me ❤️#soon i will try to answer some mesdages from my inbox. please wait for me just a little bit more ❤️ im very overworked right now #but im so sorry that you have to wait so long ❤️

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spokelseskladden · 2 years

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no but actually, when I was like 16 I decided to get in deep with the cult, like fanatically deep. Donating my entire allowance and dedicating myself to biweekly bible study deep. Mainly because I had deluded myself into thinking that if only I could become a perfect jehovah’s witness, god would heal my crippling gender dysphoria by either taking pity on me and simply give me a dick and testosterone for the low price of my freedom and dignity, or alternatively taking it away all together and let me live my life blissfully as a cis woman for all eternity in paradise. The latter never sounded appealing to me, and I’m not going to pretend that the blatant sexism within the cult wasn’t a part of it at all, but even if you removed it, I still didn’t particularly care for having tits. I did realize that the former alternative probably wasn’t likely to happen in the end, and that’s probably one of the big reasons I never could admit to actually just being a guy, even though it was kinda obvious. Cause when you know you can’t ever have something, it’s easier to pretend you never wanted it in the first place, lol

#ex jw #isn't it funny that I even entertained the idea of fucking JEHOVAH giving me top surgery or some shit?#dude are you daft? the babykiller who hates the gays? You really think THAT GUY would support trans rights?#also. my OG mutuals probably remembers me sort of coming out as nonbinary back then‚ and i want you to know that I was not #practically everything I ever said about my gender back then wasn't real and I KNEW it wasn't real. I was just scared as fuck lol #cause I couldn't open that can of worms and then close it again. and like yeah. experimenting with gender can be great and important #but I wasn't experimenting‚ I knew it wasn't completely right from the moment I said it and idk. I want that out in the open I guess lol #funny thing is I kinda did that thing AGAIN not that far back when I was like oh yeah any pronouns goes :) oh no it's they/them achtually #oh now im he/they and oh I just want to define anything and blah blah blah #and I was sitting there and I just asked myself what the hell I was doing cause you're a grown ass man and you KNOW you're spewing bullshit #like i thought i would keep things ambigous but in hindsight. the url i had and having my other name in my bio was kinda stupid #in my defence i didn't think about my url and i still don't really mind my legal name so lol #but i realized i was just pussyfooting around everything and i'm tired of it so yeah!#anyway. look at me revealing my fucking lore here. i've gotten way off track and idk what i was trying to get to #if you read this far you get like. knowledge about me you probably didn't want #you're welcome i guess? idk lol #insert drive through meme or something

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showyoumyfavoriteobsession · 2 months

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Very weird to me that you can get multiple authentic versions of the same art piece in Animal Crossing. I get the gameplay reason (you can get copies of pretty much everything else, for decoration or w/e) and I'm not one to quibble with video game logic, but it does make actually collecting all the pieces a little annoying

#anyway i've been back to playing a lot of animal crossing the last week or two #i wanted to do a big landscape/decoration overhaul and everything just takes a while so i've just been plugging away at it #and of course while im back in it i always like trying to fill out the museum so im chasing down art bugs and fish whenever i can #(fossils are the only section i have completed)#and i keep getting authentic art that i already have bc i do a bad job keeping track of what i have #anyway if anyone else is still playing id love to visit islands 😊 hmu #j rambles

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k-atsukibakugou · 3 months

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i bought rose im ab to fuck up a pervy kiri fic

#rose gets me so mf hornie babes #im trying novlr today too bc this is an entirely new fic so its a good time to put it into it bc i dont have to transfer 5k words yk #so im excited to see how it goes #ive been using ellipsus a little bit but i dont like the paragraph spacing currently n theyre working on changing it so i might swap back #from novlr to ellipsus when they change that #but novlr is a bit cute; it has like writing stats built in which is nice and like goals #i track all of that on my own anyway but its cute having it built in #but i think i like the look/UI of ellipsus more #ellipsus is still in like beta tho so its currently only available with like an invite when they open it up BUT if u are looking for an alt #to google bc if their data usage #novlr is really nice!!!!#「mercury speaks」#tw: alcohol

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the-kipsabian · 4 months

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..i have a plot for the soulmates as horror fic finally

the problem is i also have two other longer projects going on at the moment along a few others that ive already started ages ago so its like. i really shouldnt start another multichapter thing

but god im just so happy to have a plot

#i should really finish the other two first since they are in good progress and have coherent outlines #and then i should try to get immortal fears back in track #and maybe THEN i could start with this #the thing just is that ive wanted to write fucked up soulmates for so long now its just so tempting to start this now now that it has a plo #like an actual plot. i dont have an ending but i most definitely have a plot now that im really happy with #..i might poll this hmm. not only cause im indecisive as all hell about these three things. but also to scout potential interest #..which isnt gonna be a lot based on other factors cause lmao all three of these are orangekip. obviously #we'll see. at least things are a tad easier now that i have a keyboard i can actually type with #maybe i should post more about my wips so people can actually get interested and ask questions and stuff mmmmmm #(i just dont like talking about projects that are in progress cause i might still drop them and then its just sad lmao)#night is an absolute mess on main

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awek-s-archived · 1 year

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this trend of my mom thinking im an idiot who doesnt know anything abt the world is genuinely getting really tiring

#like my irritation levels are Not going down it's piling up more and more and she'soff work til the end of the month so she's gonna be w me #24/7 and idk how to handle it really lmao #i lived on my own for years im only back home bc the cost of living is so fucking high and all my friends pulled out of our prior living #arrangements . and that sucks but it's literally not my fault or up to me.. like i dont want to be here ?#and shes kinda holding on to me so badly because she doesnt wanna be alone and she has such an awful track record w men but that means that #she takes everything out on me all the time but also babies me intensely.#im 25 she literally tells me what an egg feels like as if ive never used one or even touched one before like it's that bad #but she's also intensely emotionally immature so on top of that i also feel like a parent #bc most of my time is spent on trying to educate her abt xyz and her getting defensive and im like i have to tell u this bc if you go out #saying the things you're saying to me now you're gonna get beaten up in the street lmfaojdsklgfd #like...#anyway sorry but like. it's REALLY getting to me. i really want to leave. im so so fucking broke #when i get my student loan for my phd im still not going to be able to afford to move out #i dont know what to do anymore #not to be sewer side all on main but like..#aweks.txt

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pepprs · 1 year

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idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#delete later #im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty #and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related #replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has #opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg #i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy #purrs #also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old #characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped #landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only #ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing #all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so #sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j #just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was #important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i #feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those #friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters #when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me #in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol #* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad)#like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th #the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain #anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but #i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol #also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned #that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all #anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all

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hyah-lian · 8 months

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I crave structure and the ability to focus and do the things again!!!!

#mess and stress before and then getting 2 sicknesses back to back destroyed me #now im an unregulated ball of hyperactivity and decision paralysis and big feelings and missing people #and i want to draw and sing (but my voice is still rekt) and crochet and sew and paint and climb and clean and write all at once #i am TRYING to use my tools to get back on track it is HARD #i DID get to drink tea and eat healthy ish and make my own food and enjoy reading today. like all day! and watched a movie with friends #so today was very good #minus the still testing positive to the 'VID (i feel fine besides unregulated/The ADHD/the horrors and the tail end of a cough)#so still not going anywhere really....#tldr good fics. i did enjoy today even if it was mostly physically stationary the fics were good enrichment #my brain went to like 15 different versions of hyrule and the world and a few other worlds #and had lots of fun following adventures so that was good

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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STILL HAVING SUCH A NORMAL ONE ABOUT THAT RGGJO BUT NO Y7JO GETTING REALLY GOOD AT HOUSEWORK I SEE THE VISION… I'm pickin' up what you're puttin' down…

Because I've always wondered how unprepared Jo would've been going into everything. On one hand, he did leave home really young, but since he was working and Ikumi wasn't, one could argue Ikumi would've been the one to handle the housework at least while they were together.

Inversely, I do kiiind of feel like Jo would've done at least Some Things when he could to ease the burden on Ikumi based on his attempt to comfort her at the station. I'm reading way too much into it but it's notable that, despite him definitely being a smoker and them hoping for a miscarriage, the ashtray in their apartment is spotless.

But we only really see his living situation when he's with Ikumi and don't get to see what--if anything--changes when he's on his own, when he has to do everything and not just Some Things. But with regard to food, if you're in survival mode like that, while it is more economical to make food at home, it would make sense that any quality of cooking would be passable. That's not going to fly with a kid who's lived in the lap of luxury his whole life.

So I've always had a lot of feelings about Jo Bettering Himself for Masato's sake (even when Masato isn't necessarily being reasonable) and his overblown neurosis at the prospect of falling short--the post you mentioned in your tags is Exactly It. But, you know, it's cheesy, but I firmly believe he could do whatever he set his mind to, if he can manage to learn Every Martial Art and become a glorified (and very competent) accountant after dropping out of high school.

Also uhhhhhhhh entire post reminded me of this (びら on Pixiv) that's it that's the ask

Ok I'm glad we both caught on to Jo's attempt to console Ikumi and the considerably-clean home. Evidently he was probably self-sufficient enough, but nothing extraordinary- just whatever passed as 'suitable' for them, so it's not as though he's going in totally clueless (but certainly not knowledgeable enough to match Masato's extremely-high standards. Bless Arakawa but he definitely spoiled him a little).

Even if it is a 'cheesy' sentiment, Jo very much has proven that so long as it's for Masato, he's willing to do anything and everything no matter how big (joining the yakuza) or small (probably like. learning how to make quiche)