#and some vague things i do remember have been refuted ? so i cant rly trust my own memory

[girl-bateman]

Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!

#im studying 'family as a psycosocial context' rn and its been pretty interesting! #and i was talking to my mom an article with an evolutionary perspective #bc we've talked before abt how this area of psychology can come off as dismissive abt socioeconomic factors & put unfair pressure on mothers #so i brought it up bc the paper didnt define parenting in terms of good/bad which was interesting ! #but then at the end i said something abt 'the article talks abt abuse which obviously isnt relevant for me' #and she wouldnt answer me but her eyes were all watery and weird and I DONT LIKE THAT #like girl 😟 i was coming to terms with the occasional childhood neglect but abuse ? dont even tell me that bc what #like i know things werent perfect for me growing up but i hate how weird my mom is abt everything #and she starts crying if we get too much into it so i feel a little bad bringing it up #i also feel like when i do get new information abt something in my past it always makes me have a crisis #so maybe its just not worth it ? #bc i do feel like im in a rly good place rn and i dont need to know if i was 'abused' whatever that means #what i do know is bad enough and makes me sad as it is #i think the reason i get so paranoid abt it is because i have trouble remembering the stuff that has been told to me #and some vague things i do remember have been refuted ? so i cant rly trust my own memory #but idk if i can trust anyone else either #i mean i do trust my mom generally but shes so emotional and guilt-prone that im not sure what to believe #what i do know for sure is that there is a lot shes holding back in terms of what shes told me #which i dint love tbh #personal