#and this man fully believes that im neurotypical | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bigskydreaming · 3 years

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Continuing on that observation because I forgot to add this part, as a gen z I'm glad you understand that we or young people don't invent new ways to be evil, but it's not completely true. You aren't seeing new forms of online abuse in every platform, I doubt second hand information is going into details as well. Also the fact that you are a white man, there are things being said and done to poc in various online communities that I don't expect you to be privy to. Harassing fans of color and poc media has become a lot more common and normalized which parts of the fandom at large will never see. I don't know if anon did all of the thinking before saying "gen z bad" but they're not completely wrong looking at the kind of mass bullying behavior literal kids are exhibiting. They are learning from or being encouraged by older people but that shouldn't take the focus away from them to blame only the older people.

And my ask regarding Barbara, you assumed I hadn't thought about if my disdain for the character could have come from ableism. I had tho, granted you couldn't have known that and it was surely a possibility, so I'm not saying I'm mad about it, I was at that time a little bit. But you could perhaps give your anons a little more credit sometimes. Sometimes people know what they're talking about, you don't need to explain other possibilities to them each time.

Once again, sorry if this came off as very rude I just needed to share that observation and among many other instances these two were really highlights and kept bothering me. My issue with Barbara goes in a different direction than anything to do with her appearance and I've personally faced online abuse from people younger than me in ways that technologically, even politically, wasn't possible or as easy a few years ago, so you can maybe see why...

Please keep in mind that whatever context you have for yourself or your ask when you come into my inbox on anon......I have none of that. You have an awareness of yourself relative to whatever you asked me. I literally only know an anon by the words they put into my inbox and nothing else.

Also please keep in mind that every anon I answer, I do so in the larger context of my own interactions with tumblr overall. I have a lot of precedent with things I say being taken out of context, misrepresented or even just me not conveying myself as well as I like.

So the combination of those two things is that a) I literally just don't KNOW what any anon does or doesn't know and b) If I'm going to answer an anon, I tend to want to answer as fully and clearly as possible.

I can understand it coming across as being talked down to, so I'll work on that, but I would ask people to remember the above and keep that in context too when weighing my responses.....am I actually being condescending in every case, or does it simply feel that way because I'm including stuff you already know in my response? And if its the latter, is THAT something I COULD know about you without knowing who you are or you as a person and not just a paragraph sent in anonymously?

I'd rather be safe than sorry, and so from my POV since there's no harm in somebody seeing someone cover information they already know as PART of their overall answer or response, like, there's no reason for me not to include whatever I think is relevant and just expect readers to decide for themselves what about my response, if anything, is helpful, and like....just ignore the rest, y'know?

Also, just for the record, I am ADHD and I save my medication for when I'm working or writing or have stuff I absolutely need to get done, which doesn't include my usual blogging. So I'm usually posting while not on my ADHD meds at all, hence the rambling tendencies and the length. Another aspect of ADHD that doesn't get talked about much ime is we tend to over-explain, part out of just excitement/interest in whatever it is that has our attention, and also in part because we're used to people not necessarily following the leaps our minds take when jumping around rather than proceeding in an orderly thought pattern.....so, part of why I break things down so incrementally is I literally just don't know where my way of looking at things diverges from the way neurotypical thinking views things, so I want to draw as detailed a map as possible in order to ensure the most people possible can follow my thought process, just in case.

(And again see, this is something you might already know, and hell, you could have ADHD yourself, I just literally have no way of knowing that so rather than just mention it and be like "oh and also I have ADHD and so that's something to keep in mind" I'd rather explain WHY I feel that's particularly relevant to your question, since I'm kinda like, why not answer as fully as I have the spoons for? People can stop reading at any time if I go on too long. Its fine).

As for the specific asks you're referencing - my response to the gen z anon was not meant to convey that the sort of things you're describing don't occur among gen z, so sorry for giving that impression. Its actually the opposite of my point, which was simply that I don't think its a generational thing, or that anything is gained by treating it as a generational thing. This kind of behavior exists in gen z, yes, but it also existed before gen z. Its not gen z SPECIFIC, or limited to just that generation. That's all.

And the other ask, the one you made about Barbara - to be honest, I don't have anyway of knowing for sure which one you meant, and there are a couple it could have been, but if its the one I THINK you're referencing, I believe you asked how to stop people from assuming you dislike Barbara for reasons rooted in ableism when its because of other things? If that's the one, then I mean, the thing is....I DID answer your question, in as much as anyone could. I addressed the perceptions other people might have of your stance there, but basically - there IS no way to ever ensure people take you at your word or any kind of guarantee you can present your POV in a way that won't be misrepresented or misunderstood. So ultimately, I just had no real useful advice for that?

And so I expanded into the only thing I think anyone CAN control, aka their own thoughts and words, and suggested that you just double check to be sure of your own possible biases that others might read into your words without you being aware you were putting them in there. That wasn't meant as an insult or to suggest you hadn't already examined yourself for possible ableism - it was simply saying it never hurts to check again, y'know? We don't always catch everything every time we do a self-review, and internal biases are inherently tricky to pick up on ourselves. And it just loops back into the fact that I really had no way to know what you had and hadn't already considered, you're essentially a blank cipher to me....and in my experience, a lot of people are a lot more ableist than they realize.

And this isn't an insult either! It applies to me and I'M physically disabled! I'm constantly to this day unpacking new realizations about how I still have more ableist views and opinions than even I realize, even after about five years of living with chronic pain, vertigo, nerve issues and associated problems stemming from only half a working mouth lol. I'm not trying to insult people by asking them to just do what I do every day and just like....make sure I'm not the problem when other people have a problem with me. Because sometimes, even after reflecting as fully and genuinely as I can, I think they're still wrong! I don't have to agree with their conclusions! But that doesn't mean that they're never right.

And for the record, I do think its still worth examining on your end, because I don't love that you said your issues with Barbara have nothing to do with her appearance, when we're talking about ableism specifically. It very well could be just a poor word choice on your part and not a reflection of your actual views, but it could also be a suggestion that you tend to think of physical disability as something that's limited to there being a visual sign of, and there's a lot of invisible symptoms and changes to the ways a disabled person interacts with society and society with them that don't alter a disabled person's appearance in anyway...and many of these things are the exact stuff a lot of unacknowledged ableism revolves around.

So I'd like to give you and other anons more credit and the benefit of the doubt and assume you know what you're talking about and don't need things broken down as much as I tend to break them down to - but keep in mind I don't OWE you that, and its a lot to ask someone to take you on faith when you've already made the conscious choice to present yourself to them anonymously, and deliberately limit how much a person even CAN know about you before answering, when you have an equal opportunity to present yourself by name, allowing someone the full context afforded by your blog, that they can use to familiarize themselves with you and what you likely do or don't know before answering. I don't think its entirely reasonable to anonymize YOURSELF and then expect people to still give you the benefit of the doubt.

Especially when not giving you the benefit of the doubt only really results in me over-explaining something you don't think you need explained in certain ways or in as much depth. Its not hurting anyone, and you're not going to be the only one reading this response and maybe that over-explanation ISN'T something other people know and it could still be of use to someone else, y'know?

But lastly, please keep in mind that you came to me, and I just answered in the way that made the most sense to me. If that didn't work for you or wasn't what you're looking for, that's fine, but like. You knew way more about me going into this interaction than I could possibly know about you, and assuming good faith of you and your interest in my response and giving you as much of a response as I did in the first place, let alone now, IS giving you the benefit of the doubt in the sense that I'm assuming you can find some way in which these responses are of use to you.

And if not, like....just don't send me more asks? LOL. I kinda feel like you just didn't expect the answer you got, and that's sitting weirdly with you. Which I get, to be honest, but I don't particularly think that's a me problem, because that has nothing to do with anything I can control.

I can only give the answer that occurs to me when I read and think about an ask. I can't guarantee it'll ever be the answer the asker actually WANTS.

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simptasia · 4 years

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neurodivergence in abc’s lost

i’m gonna be listing off and talking about the canon neurodivergent characters in lost. i won’t be adding characters that i personally headcanon as neurodivergent in some way, what i’m writing here is elaboration upon what has been given to me by the show. please note that none of these people’s conditions or disorders were named in the show, so such diagnoses being named here are me taking that extra step based upon their symptoms

first of all i wanna point out that based on what i’ve seen the show, that the island’s healing powers applies to conditions inflicted upon the mind, not ones inherent to the mind. thats why daniel’s brain damage heals, but people like hurley and locke will always continue to have depression

hugo “hurley” reyes

schizophrenia and depression

our most prominently featured mentally ill character. it might seem bold to label him with schizophrenia when it’s never said that that’s what he has. but during his time on lost, he displays many of the symptoms: paranoia, pathological self loathing, delusions and hallucinations. now, it’s a fictionalized depiction of schizophrenia and that’s probably not even what the writers had in mind but it’s none the less a really, really good and respectful portrayal of it

it would take too long to list off all the times when hurley displays paranoia (heck, it’s easy not to notice how much its a part of his character) and self loathing. delusions? the situations regarding the numbers and his bad luck (canon never ever Proves what hurley believes to be true regarding that stuff)

they did an episode dedicated to hurley having hallucinations. a man named dave who drives him to self destructive behaviour, self hatred and attempted suicide. fun fact: when people with schizophrenia in real life have hallucinations, they tend towards just auditory. hurley gets visual as well as per Rule Of Drama. this is not a bad thing, just a narrative tool

(steering slightly into headcanon for a bit here but i personally ignore the dharma made Hurley Bird they revealed in the epilogue and just take hurley hearing that bird say his name as an auditory hallucination. for two reasons: one, hurley hearing/seeing things that don’t exist is already consistent with his mental state. and two, that bird literally, genuinely did not fucking say hurley)

extra notes

to be clear, in case there's confusion, hurley really does have magical powers. he can talk to dead people. that isn’t a delusion or hallucination. you can understand how confusing and distressing this must be for hurley

he's had a compulsive eating disorder since he was ten due to the pain of his father abandoning him. his struggle with this is well documented

at several points during the show he’s shown to have trouble spelling. he especially confuses his “y(s)” and “ies”. it’s not clear if this is due to poor education or a learning issue. or both, really. it’s safe to assume with him being poor, mexican and mentally ill, that school wasn’t easy for hurley

hurley has unjustifiably lived at mental health institutions on at least two occasions (the first time was against his will, second was volunteer)

john locke

depression

locke suffers from severe self esteem issues, and i know most lost characters do, but i mean to the point of irrational and destructive behaviour. he has an obsession with being deemed special in order to justify his existence. he also suffers jarring mood swings. (he can switch from calm and jovial to angry and defensive at the drop of a hat). when he was wheelchair bound, this threw him into a depression. when he failed to convince anybody to come back to the island, he attempted suicide. he would have gone thru with it too. he will go to extremes to make sure things stay the way he wants them to (killing an innocent woman so they can stay on the island, tying up and drugging boone so he won’t tell anybody about the hatch), and will fall into despair if he fails

also note that the things im saying about locke are not a comment on people with depression. i don’t think all depressed people kill and drug people. those were statements on locke’s character that i believe are a part of his mental state. my point is: he’s emotionally unstable and he tried to kill himself. and i think his extreme need for validation (from people and the universe in general) is especially concerning

to me, this all says to me that locke has clinical depression

locke isn’t as easy as the other people on this list to classify as Canon Neurodivergent but at least to me, i think it’s very obvious. like i feel bad being so vague but like, basically, watch any locke episode

daniel faraday

acquired brain damage, severe memory degradation as well as other neurodivergent behaviours (i’ll go into it)

he’s played by jeremy davies. enough said

okay, jokes aside. at some point in the past daniel and his assistant theresa were involved in some vaguely referred to time based experiments. while she was catatonicized, the accident left daniel severely brain damaged (also daniel spent years doing radioactive experiments without head protection, which would not have helped and indeed that is foreshadowing of this whole debacle)

apparently this left him in a state where he can no longer take care of himself, having been assigned a carer. his most outstanding symptom is that his ability to process short AND long term memory has been impaired

short term: he’s shown to have issues retaining memories from day to day. he wasn’t sure if he had met charles widmore already (he hadn’t). charles lays some exposition on him and when daniel asks why he’s telling him this, charles says, with sureness, that “because by tomorrow you won’t remember this”. counting on that to be an absolute fact seems silly to me but that does seem to the case. again, Rule Of Drama is in play here

long term: he can no longer access memories he formed many years ago, famously the memories he formed with desmond in 1996. all in all, this condition is highly plot convenient. can’t argue with results, really

no, i can keep going, i got more, this is daniel fucking faraday we’re talking about: his ability to remember 3 playing cards has been impaired (note that this is a skill most 4 year olds master), he forgot the secret code the science team were all taught and when he introduces himself to jack there is a long pause, in hindsight implying that daniel forgot his own name

like real life memory conditions, theres varying level to how much he does and doesn’t remember. he’s thankfully not in a 50 first dates situation and doesn’t forget everything day to day. clearly he remembers people if they’re around enough, like during his time on the boat. charlotte, miles, frank, naomi...

upon landing on the island, his memory slowly gets better (considering his condition beforehand, the fact that nobody comments on this is staggering)

when dan is fully healed? i could not say, i could theorize, but such things are nebulous. but still, the times we see dan without his brain damage, he still behaves like a neurodivergent person. just not like he was when he was brain damaged. he stims near constantly, has a tendency to repeat names and words (echolalia) and it’s shown that dan compulsively counts in his head. he counted up to 864 beats, if i remember correctly, which is about 10 minutes of counting in his head. by no stretch of the imagination is that neurotypical behaviour

(im not trying to sound defensive. and i don’t think anybody, anywhere, is arguing that daniel faraday is a neurotypical. unfathomable)

going into headcanon territory again, his ND traits, when not brain damaged, say to me that he’s autistic and/or has OCD and possibly anxiety. thats all theorizing on my part tho. but the fact of the matter is, damage or no, he’s neurodivergent

notes

his apparent need for tactile sensory input is legendary in the lost fandom. in layman’s terms: him pet pet. not just people but objects too. humans, overall, tend to touch things to process input better. many ND people do it more, and it seems daniel is a case of that (i am not making a solid statement on jeremy davies’ neuro state. that’s his business)

he shows an inability to properly process grief

he also shows shocking indifference to his own safety, resulting in reckless behaviour. how much of this is a result of his mental state or his upbringing is up for debate. i think it’s a combo of both

without his brain damage, he appears to have an eidetic memory

danielle rousseau

trauma induced mental illness

pretty self explanatory. the loss of her expedition, husband and daughter, as well as 16 years of loneliness (on THIS island) has resulted in emotional instability for danielle. she’s prone to paranoia, trust issues, irrational behaviour

she’s just not well. she’s right most of the time but she’s not well

libby smith

indeterminate mental state

libby was institutionalized (the same place hurley was sent to) and placed on medication (which seemed like sedatives to me, based on her expressions). in the show it’s not what clear what put her there, but having just done some research, i’ve discovered that Word Of God says that libby became mentally unstable after the death of her husband dave smith. so this is probably another case of trauma induced mental illness. she must have had a pretty extreme episode to cause her to be sent to a place like that. something to think about

but alas, it’s libby, so not much info. moving on

benjamin linus

anti social behaviour disorder (is my best guess)

oof. depictions of mental illness with characters who are immoral are depictions of mental illness nonetheless. i feel almost silly saying this but: ben is not... okay

ben displays issues (at best) with empathy, compassion and morality. how much he cares about other people is highly debatable but one thing that's certain is that he does genuinely love his daughter. everybody else is ????

but the loving alex thing rules out him being a sociopath or having narcissistic personality disorder. and it is genuine because when he loses it with grief, it’s not a performance, because the only audience is us...

he’s a compulsive liar, lying even when it doesn’t benefit him. lying just because. ben is highly unpredictable, which isn’t inherently a neurodivergent thing, but when a person goes from a calm discussion to strangling somebody, all roads point to Uh Oh (i don’t know the technical terms for Uh Oh). many of his outward emotions are performed (the difference between his fake smiles and few real smiles is noticeable). he’s manipulative, he treats people like objects for his benefit/plans, he’s self absorbed, he has zero issues with murder unless it’s a child. he does have some moral standards. but overall, uh, [just gestures at ben]

also ben is repeatedly offended when other people don’t trust him, which is HILARIOUS, but also shows a cognitive dissonance on his part

hmm i need more here, im gonna break out the big guns

that’s some basic info there and doesn’t that line up with ben?

the article goes on to say that people with this can put on superficial charm. that is, behave friendly and “normal” when they have to. which ben is shown to be able to do

and this

“Serious problems with interpersonal relationships are often seen in those with the disorder. Attachments and emotional bonds are weak, and interpersonal relationships often revolve around the manipulation, exploitation, and abuse of others.”

reminds me of his situation with juliet. and locke. and his “friendships” in general

i snipped the wikipedia article for this because unlike the rest i felt,,, underequipped to talk about this sort of thing

ben being mentally unwell is clear enough in canon and i think this disorder is what lines up best with it. please note that ben is capable of change and growth (like people in real life who have such issues) and like the show i’m not gonna paint him 100% evil or irredeemable. i’m just saying what’s true

notes

ben says at one point that he doesn’t dream anymore. it’s highly probably that this is a lie, but if it isn’t, well that's not good. it’d mean his brain isn’t entering into REM sleep properly, which can lead to emotional problems

ben doesn’t blink as much as most people do, something michael emerson did on purpose. this can apply to some neurodivergent people

it’s shown that he was quite nonverbal as a kid. in the flashbacks in “man behind the curtain” little ben barely speaks

honourable mentions

pretty much all the survivors suffer from PTSD due the trauma of the crash

a great deal of the characters suffer from PTSD from trauma in general due to their awful lifes. like, abusive parents, war, loss of loved ones, etc

and i must note that ben, daniel and locke suffering from parental abuse, ranging from emotional to physical, is something to factor into their cases

claire, similar to danielle, also suffered trauma induced mental illness due to the loss of her baby and feeling like she was abandoned

sayid is depicted as dead inside during season 6 due to The Sickness, so thats like a magical form of depression. and one could argue that he already had regular depression beforehand

boone joked about shannon having bulimia. (whether or not it’s true, boone is an asshole) if it’s true, shannon has an eating disorder, which is considered a form of mental illness. espech one so self image based

self harm

self harm is not an inherent part of mental illness but such concepts are often linked so i felt i should mention some of these, it’ll be quick

hurley’s aforementioned eating disorder

charlie takes heroin as a form of self harm (that isn’t a theory on my part, it’s clear as day that charlie started taking it because his sense of self worth was so low that the drugs felt like the only option)

locke, hurley, (both as mentioned above), jack, desmond, michael and richard have all attempted/nearly commited suicide

so what can we conclude from this? well that's up to you, really. that i love lost a fuck ton? that the actors and writing in lost is amazing? that all the neurodivergent based depth got saved for the boys? yeah

but i wanna conclude with this: a part of what makes lost really special to me is that these people i’ve talked out here? they’ve suffered, and oh boy it was tasty suffering, but all of them, yes even libby, were more than suffering

these people have nuance. one way or another, these people (to varying degrees) were happy at times. silly. funny. angry. opinionated. they loved. they were loved. they lived and breathed as human beings. that means a lot to me

lost is a story of broken people given a second chance. take that as you will

thank you for your time

#lost #charthann #missinglost #(i don't wanna lose this so i tagged you guys)#i've made a list like this before but i wanna go into detail #and before i knew it i made an incredible essay #lost headcanons #most of this is based on canon but as i said there is extrapolation at play #and i mention some headcanons along the way when i felt it was needed #gosh this became a whole Thing #i hope y'all enjoy it!#and this isn't counting ppl i headcanon as ND #like jack being autistic or charlie having HPD #i could go into that too

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soncfseed · 4 years

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REPOSTED FROM MY OLD BLOG: Probably my most important headcanon, so please take the time to read this!!

spoilers ahead, but im gonna look at ethans cutscenes and talk about how his bpd (borderline personality disorder) affects his actions and his perceptions throughout the story of new dawn. this is all just headcanon and my interpretation of ethan and how bpd would affect him. none of this is meant to excuse his more nefarious actions, but explain why my interpretation of ethan doesnt pin him as a selfish, horrible, awful monster, but rather a young man with a lot of unresolved trauma and a serious mental health condition who ended up making some terrible choices that resulted in a lot of pain for a lot of people.

0:05 - ethan’s introduction

in this scene ethan experiences some pretty quick and dramatic mood shifts, and has a pretty significant emotional outburst. these are characteristic of the mood swings and emotional dis-regulation experienced by many people with bpd. he starts off catching the captain off guard, sneaking up behind them. ethan has been taught to distrust outsiders, and a symptom of bpd he experiences is suspicion of others and sometimes brief bouts of paranoia. this kind of behaviour makes sense when this is taken into context.

he says that he might not be what the captain expects. this is part of his low self esteem and struggles with his self image and how others perceive him. he constantly feels as though he can never truly be his own person, outside of joseph seed, and that his existence is a disappointment to those who know him.

once he sees the book, he is triggered into a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. acknowledging that the deputy is the one who found the book, and according to joseph’s prophecy will be the true ruler of new eden, is what sets him off. once ethan goes into his rant about it should’ve been him, he’s experiencing a mood swing and sudden spike in his anger and irritability. due to his issues w emotional regulation and control over his expressions of emotion, ethan lashes out by screaming and knocking over the podium in the church. mood swings for bpd sufferers can be only minutes long. what pulls ethan back down to earth a bit is a sudden rush when he realizes he can work with the captain to enlighten new eden to the truth: that joseph is a man, not a messiah, and kind of a shitty one at that who abandoned them all.

3:50 - ethan’s first speech in new eden

ethan’s posturing here is just that; posturing. he’s putting on a bit of a show with the “non believer” bit. he does, however, not entirely trust outsiders nor would he trust that the people of new eden wouldn’t turn on him if he suggested that the captain go north. no, instead he plays off of what he expects the people will do to avoid potential rejection or rebellion. this plays off of his mistrust and suspicion of others, as well as serves to protect his secret interests (getting proof that joseph is dead to get new eden to move on from him) and his ego (tied to the bpd symptom of self image issues and unstable self realization).

ethan can’t help but be a bit sarcastic with “we are all his children”. sarcasm and unwarranted aloofness can tie into bpd, and here it definitely does due to his poor relationship with his father, and with the rumours surrounding his paternity in new eden.

while bpd does not inherently make people manipulative, manipulation of others is often something those with bpd adopt as a coping mechanism to manage their unstable relationships or unstable self image. ethan has adopted this trait in some ways and this is definitely one of them. he does not trust the people of new eden, and knows they wont listen to him fully. this is his main motivator for keeping his plan secret.

the fact that ethan feels he has to act a certain way when he’s the leader of new eden further contributes to his unstable self realization. he puts on different fronts to different people to try and both please them and protect himself.

when he says “they will at last understand that i am their prophet…”, this is in part because he feels he’s worked hard to be the inheritor of new eden. he’s not only joseph’s son (and even if he doesn’t like joseph he wants to be recognized as his biological son, making the rumours about his paternity even more hurtful) but he’s been a successful leader as far as we can tell. to think he will lose it all over a book is damn near panic inducing for ethan. well this is in part a kind of arrogance, it’s fueled by his extreme emotions/mood swings as well as how closely he ties his identity to his position within his community. because his self image is so unstable, threats to that cause him to act in ways that may seem irrational or extreme in order to try and protect his self image. also, ethan will only help the captain in exchange for something in part bc of his suspicion of others. he doesn’t want to offer new eden’s archers and resources without knowing that he will benefit in return. after all, if something goes wrong in new eden bc of this outsider and he allowed it, it’s his responsibility to take the blame and fix it.

5:20 - into the bliss

theres not much in this scene to tie to his bpd. one line i think is important though: “bring me proof of my fathers death and i will make sure you are remembered as a friend of the prophet”. well this can be interpreted as ethan saying to kill joseph, i dont think he is. ethan believes joseph is long gone, that he could never survive all alone for this long. ethan isn’t evil, he’s not asking someone to commit murder, he’s asking them to confirm that someone is already dead. sure, he’s self serving and he wants something in return for his allyship, but to him this is how he can ensure a fair trade, and that an outsider won’t take advantage of him or new eden as easily.

14:18 - ethan, interrupted

ethan’s big speech where joseph fuckin crashes it. at first, he literally does not even see joseph in the crowd. he truly believes he’s dead and that the captain will bring back proof of this. to him, adherence to his rule makes sense; he’s the leader, and things need to change. it is arrogant, because ethan has partially internalized a sense of superiority and entitlement because of his position as joseph’s son, and now heir to the rulership of new eden (he thinks). this combined with an unstable self esteem and self image makes him want total compliance to his rule. criticism, disobedience, they threaten his self worth and that can send him into an emotional spiral or severe mood swing. so, to try and avoid the negative consequences he experiences from perceived slights and rejections, he wants a clean slate and total adherence to his new rules.

when he actually sees joseph, he stops, stammers, and says “father?”. not the father. just father. in this moment, his father who abandoned him (who went out for smokes and never came back) has suddenly shown up in the middle of his speech about him being dead. his arm drops and he stands there, stunned and speechless. his first question is “where have you been?”. he wants to know why and he asks why. why did his father abandon them? abandon him? the answer is completely meaningless to him. it’s basic, it has no detail, and isn’t sufficient. he’s speechless again for a bit, breathing heavier and hyperventilating. he steps away from joseph. when joseph calls the captain god’s sword, ethan damn near does a double take. he’s literally standing in his father’s shadow while he exalts an outsider in front of his own son, after interrupting his speech and embarrassing him in front of everyone.

one of ethan’s symptoms is his overvaluing and undervaluing people in his life. this is when he switches from overvaluing the captain, putting too much faith and hope into them, to undervaluing and practically hating them. his relationship with his father is tenuous, and rocky. it is characterized by ethan’s intense desire to be josephs successor and publicly recognized as his son. ethan even calls out to joseph, upset about the fact that hes now suddenly and publicly being dethroned; joseph doesnt even look back at him. ethan rejects josephs words in anger. he has a sudden outburst in front of the crowd; yet another sudden spike in his emotions from a stressful situation causes him to say what he’s really thinking. “you abandoned me. you abandoned us.” ethan says joseph didn’t leave instructions or a message, just left ethan to lead with no idea how. he does the best job he can under these extreme circumstances, and now all of his hard work is for nothing. that would make even the most level headed neurotypical person upset. whenn ethan starts to lose the support of new eden, he breaks down a bit. the anchor of his self image has been completely ripped away from him in a moment. he storms off partially and his body language is pretty dire; head down, shoulders moving sharply like he’s breathing harshly, and then he turns to watch the crowd walk away from him. imo, part of why ethan doesn’t completely lose it in this scene is that he might be partially dissociating or beginning to dissociate or experience some de-realization from the sudden, acute emotional distress this moment causes for him.

17:45 - ethan’s response

this is when ethan says that the captain betrayed him. they had a deal. he completely put his trust into the captain, idealizing them as the person who could solve his problems, only for them to bring joseph back and make everything in ethans life worse. now, the pendulum swings to the other side where ethan begins to loathe the captain. saying that the captain should have killed joseph themselves is an expression of 1) the intense reactions people with bpd can have to certain situations and 2) his skewed logic because of it. what seems totally irrational to someone else might seem like the only logical solution to a problem for someone with bpd. the stress of such a painful, emotionally charged situation like this one. he never wants to see the captain again; on a dime he flips, from putting all of his trust and hope into one person to saying he never wants to see them again and that they betrayed him. this quick switch of very intense perceptions of others is a cycle of idealization and undervaluing that people with bpd may experience.

18:07 - ethan’s prayer letter

in this letter, ethan discusses how he feels he hates his father for the abandonment; how joseph “expected everything and gave nothing”, how ethan never got to really have joseph as a father for himself because he was too busy being THE father. he says wrath and envy grip him tight to the point he feels he can’t breathe. this is definitely indicative of ethans mood swings and intense emotions, especially the irrational anger and aggression many people with bpd can have. then, he says nobody but himself, his mother, and god can know about how he feels, and that he must put on a front for new eden and be a leader to them “no matter what”. this is absolutely something i can see being tied to his bpd. he is aware that expressing his thoughts, feelings, and reactions to others would probably get a negative reaction. he seeks to avoid that, as well as to avoid the judgment from others he thinks he would get. his unstable self image is complicated by the fact that he feels obligated to hide the symptoms of his illness, and pretend to be someone he isn’t. this only makes it worse, as he ties his social and therefore individual identity to “ruler of new eden”. he relies very much on the responses and reactions of others to gauge whether or not he seems “normal” or capable of doing his job.

18:27 - npc dialogue

ethan says that josephs followers see the prophecy coming to light, but ethan sees it as a chance for new eden to make its own path. this is also when ethan says that he is josephs biological son, and that his mother raised him outside of hope county and brought him there when he was young to be raised by joseph. she died from an illness on their journey. this is some pretty significant baggage for ethan. he wants new eden, and himself, to become independent. the only reason he stays in new eden is because of his mother. he loves her, and idealizes her in a way that never flips to undervaluing because the relationship is one sided since her passing.

19:23 - megan’s letter to joseph

this is important just bc it states megan raised ethan as a non believer but after the collapse taught him about joseph’s word. this is important for ethan because it means he had to relearn some pretty significant things after the apocalypse, including a whole new religion and worldview. this can be very confusing for a child, and in part explains why ethan isn’t totally on board with josephs word, or the all of new eden’s beliefs surrounding him; his earliest formative years had nothing to do with joseph seed or prophets or collapses. he had to convert, and did so as a child who couldn’t really understand or make that choice for himself. he is tied to new eden solely because of megan, and without her wish to have him be josephs heir, he would’ve left long ago.

20:08 - intermission/flashback

this is when we see a young babby ethan get nasty with joseph. this is an early sign of his bpd developing. he has an intense reaction and says something very hurtful to his father over not getting what he wants, which isn’t just the apple but his father’s approval. to him, this is another rejection by joseph, or it is perceived that way by a young ethan. constantly being told something wasn’t gods plan, or it isn’t part of a prophecy without further explanation was confusing and frustrating for ethan growing up. he wanted the apple to be like his father; he wanted the apple to feel integrated into his community like the others who were given the gift. this denial, one that is permanent and leaves no room for ethan to change or grow and become capable of handling its strength leaves him feeling defeated and angry. his reaction of “you are an old man, and when you die i will take one” shows a very quick emotional shift and a shift from idolizing his father and wanting to be like him to practically hating him, becoming cold and distant in mere moments.

21:16 - joseph’s worry

“ethan’s sin is pride. there is something deep inside him that no word of mine can touch. i worry that now as an outsider appears to take his place that beast will feed on resentment and grow stronger. ” YEAH ITS BPD YA DINGUS fdpgpfd but more seriously, ethans pride is a coping mechanism to deal with his ever changing self image and self worth. its a rigid barrier to keep others from knowing how weak he really feels, and how uncertain he is of himself.

23:25 - ethan’s betrayal

this is where ethan betrays new eden and sets them up so the highwaymen can destroy the settlement. he tolerates the highwaymen laughing at him only so he can get what he wants: revenge. this extreme response is from his bpd. his impulsive anger, and the extremes his mind goes to won out and he acted on his violent thoughts.

26:26 - ethan and the fruit

when joseph asks ethan what hes done (referring to betraying new eden), ethan says: “i did what i had to do. i freed myself, i freed us all from you, from your rules.”. to ethan this was logical. this was something he had to do. he didn’t take pleasure in it, he didn’t go into new eden and kill everyone himself. no, he handed them over to the highwaymen in a desperate, out of touch moment. the spark was there and his disorder was gasoline that helped the flames to spread. he reacted intensely, out of irrationally extreme anger, towards an entire group of people he had shifted to undervaluing. he felt betrayed so he returned in kind, but no matter how wrong that was ethan couldnt see it.

“i will have what you denied me. you gave it to an outsider but you wouldn’t give it to me. i am your flesh and blood” and explosively tells joseph he doesnt know gods will. he lashes out against his father, arguing with him and rebelling directly by taking the one thing joseph kept him from that he truly wanted. to ethan, in my hc, the apple is more than just power and more than just something he covets. its a symbol of joseph’s fatherhood, of his love; he gave it to everyone but ethan, his own son, and now he would take what he wanted from life with or without josephs input.

31:08 - the death of ethan seed

the first thing ethan says after he sees joseph is “father… i’m sorry”. he’s scared. he knows he’s going to die. he asks if joseph can forgive him. he knows he’s fucked up, obviously, not just by eating the apple but by betraying new eden. his last word is “father”. no matter how torn his relationship was with joseph, he wanted his father’s love. he wanted connection with his father. he wanted to feel validated, have his identity confirmed, even in his last moments.

#hc #repost from old blog

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tumblunni · 5 years

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The cafe at the hotel + a nice meal WITH TERROR LURKING

I specifically asked for no peas because peas are a problem for me with my autism but OH WELL I GUESS PEAS and i was too embarassed to ask the damn chef to take it back and like..bin everything that touched the peas.

Its so fuckin stupid i feel like such a child

BUT

I know its really fuckin dumb but i feel really accomplished to say this is the first time i have ever finished a plate of peas without throwing up.

Its my fuckin weirdest brain problem, i get really oversensitive to some textures and its the height of extreme embarassment whenever it happens. I wish so fuckin much that it was something i got over when i grew up, it sucks to be a full grown adult and still get an involuntary gag reflex and full on pulse racing panic just from your tongue touching ONE PEA IN A THING. (Also sweetcorn cos its similar in texture)

And all the years of my childhood being told i was 'just being picky' and somehow making up being sick and just getting slapped and given more goddamn peas to train me out of it. Well all that ever accomplished was getting me to panic at the mere sight of the things and have to compulsively pick them out and pick out everything that touched them like man i cant even eat a thing that looks like it was near a pea!!!!

BUT HOLY HELL IVE FINALLY CRACKED IT IVE FINALLY CONQUERED MY STUPIDEST GODDAMN FOE

Not by 'just manning up' and doing it again and again until something changes. No, turns out this entire time i could have just made a really minor change to avoid the cause of the freakout. Cos this is actually the first time ive tried MUSHY PEAS

Yes, the epitome of cliche boring british person food was actually the solution all along???

See it was entirely a texture thing, and when theyre mashed up it just doesnt do anything at all. This is actually my first time even knowing what peas actually taste like! I cant believe my friggin PEA JITTERS were so strong i never even registered one percent of wtf they taste like. They taste like nothing?? Like just..generic vegetable. Slightly vinegary i guess. (Or do they put vinegar in mushy peas?) I still dont like them but i dont hate them either, and more importantly they dont destroy my entire frontal cortex with The Terror Sweats

So i was able to eat all those peas and now i know the secret technique to eat all peas for the rest of time! And it was a super easy thing that my parents could have done for me with minimal effort and saved all that trouble if they just actually listened to me all those years ago. I cant belueve i was so locked into the whole 'its your fault you have to keep trying you cant try doing it another way' mindset that i never simply squashed the pea under my fork and tried to see if it was better...

Though it still wasnt exactly easy, i had to try and eat this stuff while not actually looking at the peas cos itd make my stomach churn just thinking about them. I think i can get past that gut reaction eventually if i keep eating them in Safe Non Anxiety Form and like..rewire my brain to see this as a New Food instead. I dunno. Maybe put food colouring so they arent green?

It sucks that i have to go to such weird lengths to deal with my brainweirds but im just glad to have figured something out so i dont have to embarass myself again.

Most of my other touch-based sensitivities are stuff i can deal with like just not being able to deal with those outer ear headphones puttibg pressure on the back of my head or also hats that are too tight. I think it actually might be part ptsd from how my mum used to pull me by the back of my head. My support workrr touched me on my shoulder near the back of my neck the other day and i had such a spike of panic but i felt too embarassed to tell her about it. Like she was just tapping me to get my attention but its just..just please dont. And aside from that im also working on my big taste sensitivity to mint and bitter stuff. Today i had a lightly bitter green tea boba and i feel so grateful to my buddy for helping me find one tea i can handle! And ive found that i can deal with mint if its mixed with a second thing thats equally as strong. I tried this mint and pepper drink that sounded like itd be awful but it was actually amazing how it cancelles out the mint entirely! So i dunno should i buy some of that novelty spicy chewing gum and chew a stick of that along with the mint stuff? I have a low tolerance for spice but its not like an overstimulation thing its just regular having white guy tastebuds lol. Id much rather have a burning hot tongue than a burning hot brain!

I will slowly but surely find out a way to deal with all of my things!! Even if i cant ever get rid of them i can find a way to live with them, ykno?

Also i need to try and buy a fidget toy, i need to stop being too embarassed about that. My friend i met today is also autistic and she has a chew ring and im like WHOA i wish i could get over my anxiety enough to do that! Chewing on stuff is my biggest damn stim, i would destroy all my pens and pencils and chew bottlecaps so long they ended up as rubber, not to mention how much i wreck my nails and get so many cuts all over my hands whenever i get nervous. But it just seems like chewing on stuff is seem as the most immature type of autism symptom by neurotypical society. so im stuck too ashamed to buy the stuff actually designed to help us and instead i just keep doing it anyway and still embarassing myself but like also with a choking risk. I still remember when i accidentally choked on a coin and my dad spent the entire time i was in the emergency room making fun of me for it and saying i was a burden on the nhs for getting hospitalized and like..taking resources away from real problems. And how i was childish and r-worded and etc etc cant ever survive on your own cant ever be a fully sentient human being

Gahhh this has been a long tangeant but anyway this is why autism awareness and acceptance is good and also why you shouldnt make fun of people who have the 'weird version' of symptoms. Im not choosing to do this, seriously im way more upset by it than you are...

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budoodly · 6 years

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aight yall im pretty annoyed rn so we’re gonna learn some shit about privilege and venting.

i’m specifically gonna talk about straight people and lgb people but you can substitute literally any power dynamic; white people and poc, cis people and trans people, men and women, able bodied people and disabled people, neurotypical people and neurodivergent, etc

anyway. straight people are currently considered to be the “default” in western society. we assume that a male child is going to grow up and like girls, and vice versa. it’s nothing anyone says, or a conscious decision we make when looking at people, but in our society, you are straight until proven gay. this is called heteronormativity.

this causes a power imbalance between straight people and lgb people. as a result of straight people being assumed default, lgb people are considered anomalies, and are told that we are weird, against nature, and that our very existence must be political and r rated. this leads to a lot of outright violence, verbal abuse, and unequal legislation against lgb people.

“but kayleigh,” you may be asking. “why are you putting a fully sourced academic essay about straight privilege on my dash?”

because as an lgb person, i have witnessed, endured, and help friends through all of the above, and afterward, we go on the internet, and we jokingly say, “man, i hate straight people,”because we’ve had a long ass day and humor is a very popular method of coping with your struggles these days.

however, we then, almost immediately, begin receiving hateful messages and even death threats for DARING to jokingly say such a thing. we’re told that we are no better than the straight people who say the same. and i’m calling bullshit.

when straight people say “i hate gay people” they are coming from a place of malevolence. when straight people say “gay people suck,” they are not joking, they are reaffirming that because we exist at all, we are horrible. and affirmations like that fuel the people who beat and kill us.

when gay people say “i hate straight people,” it is because we have been beaten and abused by straight people who believe that we don’t have a right to live, and it has been proven time and time and time and time again that we should be wary of them. when gay people say stuff like that, it’s because some of us can’t come out at work or we’ll lose our jobs, some of us can’t come out to family because we’ll get kicked out of the house or abused or even killed, or some of us can’t come out to friends because they will immediately abandon us or view us as predatory with no reason. when we say it, it’s not a malevolent statement, we don’t wish harm, we don’t hate every single straight person on the entire planet, but apparently some of you with no critical thinking skills interpret us that way.

so, yeah. if you want to come to me and tell me that i have no right to be pissed off with my oppressors and tell me that i have no right to fucking vent on my private blog, i’ll redirect you to this long ass essay and prescribe some fucking critical thinking skills.

#bud's thoughts #bud has strong opinions #SORRY that this is so long i am just so!! pissed off!#some people really just have no fucking critical thinking skills whatsoever

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okd-blr · 7 years

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Who is the admin

Basics:

While Im sure most of you can figure out who runs this blog, especially if you visit the OKD home page, for use on this blog go ahead and call me V.

I’m 28 years old, if you are a minor who does not wish for adult interaction please be aware of this.

I am a bisexual pre/non transitioned Trans man and use he/they pronouns

While I do not have a current diagnosis I am not neurotypical, very likely I have ADHD

And if any of this matter to you I’m an Aries, a Slytherin and a Furry

Kintypes:

I have three different types-2 kintypes, a Theriotype and a fictotype.

My first kintype technically falls under a few different labels, but would most easily be described as a Cthonic type divine. My other kintype is that of a vampiric like animal/human shapeshifter. these two kintypes tend to be very fluid and blend together.

My theriotype is that of a melanistic jaguar like is depicted in the blog icon

My Fictotype is that of a specific character portrayed on a canadian TV drama that is an Unseelie Fae

Experience as otherkin and in the community:

I first came to the conclusion that I might, in some way, not be entirely human 16 years ago.

At the time Vampire was the only thing I could really think of-as my grandmother was fully invested in the ideas of the Satanic Panic and had assured me as a child vampires and witches were absolutely real (she was right of course but not in the way she imagined)

At first I dismissed this idea as the imaginings of a lonely, bullied child who wanted to be special and wished for control and power in their life. yes I was pretty quick on the critical thinking train.

However the experiences I had, the feelings I had that lead me to initially suspect being nonhuman did not go away despite my skepticism and so I would explore it in small ways until roughly 2004 when i would stumble across resources for the Real Vampire community and a small-likely now gone-page for the ‘were’ community ( the label used prior to Therianthropy)

I read through these sites-especially the resources on vampirism, very thoroughly-though I did not join the forums as I was not allowed to do that kind of thing because of aforementioned paranoid grandmother.

In high school I had a number of friends who claimed to be vampires, witches, reincarnated angels and such but it was clear pretty much from the beginning that this was just a game to them and they tended to engage in lots of drama and pretty teenage backstabbing and gossip. I largely managed to avoid this by claiming to be a “solitary’ vampire.

There were others I would meet in college who would, for a while, genuinely believe these kinds of things but feel out of it again after a few years-again I was the only one who remained serious about these experiences and identity.

In early 2009 during my third semester of college I would discover the forum TherianWilderness via someones Deviantart signature. Being a now independent adult I signed up, and from there also signed up for Werelist. Mostly at this time I was exploring my theriotype and the shapeshifter kintype.

I would later bring up the subject of incarnated angels on Werelist and be directed to otherkin specific forums such as OtherkinPhenomena and OtherkinAlliance. (Though I ended up with an account on nearly every active Otherkin forum at the time, OKA was where I eventually settled down) from there

I would begin much more serious introspection and personal growth not only related to my being Otherkin but also in relation to the rest of my spirituality. in this facet the older members of these forums were a huge asset to me and I continue to value their input and opinions on the subject-even though the group from those days has largely drifted away from each other. This same group of people would also be active in specific Otherkin circles and groups on Livejournal and then Dreamwidth.

In 2011 I would found Otherkin-Deviants on DeviantArt.com-At the time it was one of the few groups that was not Therian specific and in the ensuing 7 nyears it has become one of the largest Alterhuman related groups on Deviantart at over 350 members.

Also in early 2011 I would create a Tumblr account. At this time there was no Otherkin community here and my main blog was almost entirely Harry Potter related. After some explosive life stuff I would be gone from the internet for a year-when I returned to Tumblr in April 2012 the Otherkin tag on Tumblr was in full swing and already full of drama, misinformation, trolls and a bunch of other ridiculous crap. So of course I rolled up my selves and went to work correcting what i could and attempting to police/moderate a community that inherently can not be moderated on this particular medium. It was all very dramatic, theres was lots of yelling and by 2014 I was sick of it all and decided to take a break from the kin community-aside from a select few people who I enjoyed talking to.

Sometime in early 2016 I decided it was time to end my hiatus and take a peak back into the tags-annnnd it pretty much hadn't changed. but I was much better at handling The Discourse at that point and knew when to disengage.

Sometime not too long after my return I would realize the fae kintype I had been unsure of and questioning for nearly 10 years was, in fact, a fictotype.

And while I had only been gone fro about two years-there didn't seem to be very many kin left in the tags who remembered me so establishing myself as a knowledgeable person within the community was starting over from scratch. I still wouldn't say I’m exactly a go to person when it comes to correcting misinformation-because while I do do that on my personal kin blogs those blogs are mostly for me to log my own personal experiences.

That brings us up to now-where I have created this extension of the OKD deviant art group. This blog has the same purpose as the original group-to showcase community art and creativity and foster a place for open and civil discussion and education. Though this is one of many ‘kin help blogs’ many of the blogs out there that claim to be information or for helping Otherkin/Therian/Fictionkin are FULL of misinformation and the mods of those blogs do not always take well to being corrected.

So, to summarize- I realized I was Otherkin 16 years ago, prior to ever knowing there was a community- and have been an active participant and admin of my own groups for the last close to 9 years-on a verity of different mediums from forums to chats to Tumblr, Amino and Discord.

Who I am otherwise:

I am a freelance artist living in the US with my fiance and our son and cats.

I love TV, films and books-especially the horror, scifi, and fantasy genres. I identify as being somewhere between Punk and Goth and truly love the music from both subcultures-though I also love music from many other different genres. I also greatly enjoy table top gaming and it would be really cool if I actually had time to join a D&D campaign.

I joyfully engage in fandom and shipping and spend probably too much time looking at fanart and reading fanfiction. If you're interested ask me for my fandom blog :3

As mentioned earlier, I am a furry and enjoy the art and interactions of the furry community. As an artist I particularly enjoy how wonderful the furry community is about supporting artists.

Most of my time however is probably spent stressing about pretty typical things like rent, utility bills, car repairs and home maintenance. I may not be human on the inside but rent is rent no matter who, or what, you are.

#otherkin #therian #fictionkin #OKD on tumblr

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mental-ch-illness · 7 years

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In regards to your post with quite a few notes-People may think im being ableist but i dont think you can be 'neurotypical' and an abuser. Im not saying they have PD's specifically i just dont think you can harm someone like that while being mentally well or fully functioning? I dont know

You can. Trust me you can. A mother who abuses her special needs child because she doesn’t know how to care for them is still abusive. A man who was raised in a family where domestic abuse was seen as commonplace and acceptable is still abuse, though his background can be taken into account. NT people can be horrible to anyone. They still murder and steal, though their motives are different. They can still be abusive. To believe that all NTs are automatically good people and that only those with mental illnesses could possibly commit crimes is extremely ableist.

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otdderamin · 7 years

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How the "Wednesday Club" Helped Normalize Autism

Geek & Sundry has a new show called the "Wednesday Club" where Amy Dallen, Taliesin Jaffe, and Matt Key discuss comics to make them accessible. Wednesday at noon PST on Twitch and Alpha (taking questions from Twitch chat). It's a fabulous show. They do a good job of talking about broad topics without getting too into the nitty gritty of a particular story. They're really good about checking themselves when they do get detailed and explaining the specific character, comic, or plot better. It's easy to follow even if you're not already familiar with the comics they're discussing.

This week's episode was talking about "Legion (TV show) and portrayals of mental health in comics." I was really psyched for it. As in--this is not hyperbole--I woke up in the same horrible pain my disability's inflicted for the last few weeks, dragged myself out of bed, forced myself to eat a peanut butter sandwich with an unhealthy amount of ibuprofen, and staggered into my chair to watch this episode. Use that to gage my expectations for how good I was expecting it be. It was mind-blowingly better.

This is just one example of what made this episode incredible: A viewer, who identified themselves as autistic, asked about comic book recommendations for people with autism. Everything about how they took the question, how they answered it, was so spectacular. I was too engrossed and shocked to really process what I'd just seen the first time. Partly because it was so bloody normalized. I went back a few hours later, rewatched this part, and started crying. Half from joy that this happened, and half from sadness that this isn't just normal. They took the time to answer a question to the best of their abilities that almost any other show would pass up as unimportant or inconvenient, especially if it challenged them.

That whole nine and a half minutes was a textbook example of how autistic people constantly ask to be treated, and almost never are. They gave him agency and authority over his life, and respected his perspective as valuable and interesting. They just generally acted like he was any other human being, and greeted him with warmth and enthusiasm. It should be obvious that that's how you treat anyone. I should not be talking about like I just stubbed my toe on the Maltese Falcon half-buried in a sandy beach. But I am because it's that rare in real life. I've never remotely seen it in front of a live camera. I'm writing this, transcribing this, and sharing this because good examples of how to be a decent person are how we educate ourselves out of ignorant bigotry and stigma.

I'm not autistic, but I am neurodivergent in a way that's given me a lot of similar experiences to my friends who are. One of those close friends, who I met through D&D, is a teacher and autism rights activist. I've run most of these thoughts by her to check myself through her perspective. I don't want to speak for her, but I do want to help amplify her voice.

Her research has put her into contact with good examples of the everyday abuses perpetrated against autistic people by mainstream medical professionals, ignorant people, and other bigoted people in power. They show how autistic identity is erased and despised, their personhood stripped. Not in a way that helps any autistic person manage better in the world, but in a way that seeks to hurt them. She frequently shares some of these examples and deconstructs why they're awful. If you're not autistic, it's important to understand the context of what autistic people frequently face because it will help you understand how truly spectacular this response was.

Neurodiversity

I have personally found the framework of the neurodiversity paradigm to be useful, if squishy. The bounds of 'neurotypical' to 'neurodivergent' are their own debated spectrum. Sadly, simplicity is useful, but untrue; whereas complexity is true, but useless. There's not a lot of debate that autism is neurodivergent. This episode is labeled as discussing "portrayals of mental health in comics." But it is perhaps more accurate to say that it discussed neurodivergence in comics. Autism is not a mental illness, it’s a consequence of how a person is neurologically wired from birth. But there's a reason we tend to talk about managing it and experiencing it similarly to a mental illness, and neurodivergence is that reason. To varying degrees, neurodivergent people mentally function differently than people their society deems 'normal' (neurotypical). I'm not wired like my autistic friends, but because all of us never did and never could pass for normal because of our wiring, we have a set of shared experiences. We understand elements of each other's personalities where our brain wiring creates the same pattern, which may not exist at all in neurotypical people. Same reason I can commiserate with another mentally ill friend about where we overlap, but we have to explain the rest.

How autistic people are frequently & abusively described

(Collecting these made me want to throw up and cry in disgust.)

"Autistics as Undomesticated Humans" https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-imprinted-brain/201608/autistics-undomesticated-humans

My friend's response: "I don't believe they ask this in the US, but when I was institutionalized in Germany, I was told that I was not worth treating because I would use up resources and kill myself in the end anyway. Eugenics is alive and well and applied to autistics daily." https://twitter.com/Alice__Kirby/status/835209015445553156

This "treatment" gave my friend PTSD. https://twitter.com/tbccautismABA/status/830511026730856449

Philosopher Peter Singer: "For me, the knowledge that my child would not be likely to develop into a person whom I could treat as an equal, in every sense of the word, who would never be able to have children of his or her own, who I could not expect to grow up to be a fully independent adult, and with whom I could expect to have conversations about only a limited range of topics would greatly reduce my joy in raising my child and watching him or her develop." http://www.thismess.net/2017/02/peter-singer-milo-of-philosophers.html

Unpack the very idea that if, very hypothetically, vaccines cause autism (they don't; dear gods how many times does this need to be proved), risking your child dying of a preventable disease is better than risking them developing, living with, autism.

How autistic people describe themselves

"autism is just the way our brains are wired. we still have unique personalities." http://autpunk.tumblr.com/post/157740045930/oops-i-think-im-autistic

"We are not made wrong, or wired wrong, or something to be fixed, or worse—eradicated. … We are different. Innately born to see the world through an alternate lens. … We understand the torment of living in a world, where you not only feel like you don’t belong, but are told from the authorities that be (parents included) that your condition, your being, your very existence has 'affected' everyone around you." https://everydayaspie.wordpress.com/2016/08/09/affected-by-autism/

Everything the "Wednesday Club" got right in their response

Saying that it's great that an autistic person is being open about it. That it's not something to hide. (Autistic people as so often punished for that. Even autistic rights activists that identify themselves as autistic can lose standing with professionals who claim to want to help autistic people.)

Showing that a question from an autistic person is worth answering. (This rarely happens.) It's worth answering thoughtfully, seriously, and honestly, equal to any other question. (This practically never happens.)

Casually saying that autistic people and non-autistic people are friends and understand each other. I cannot overstate how normalizing that one sentence was. (Not can be, not should me, not technically capable of being, but are. Far from can't, or doing the autistic person a favor.)

Differing to autistic people as the authority on their experiences, on who they are. Not pretending you know better because you're not autistic. Saying that autistic people are different from each other and don't necessarily have the same experiences. (This barely even happens at autism conferences after autistic people have fought tooth and nail to be heard there for years. A lot of medical professionals claim they know the experience of autism better than the person experiencing it. That the autistic person should have no agency in helping them manage their lives. The worst abuses are derived from that line of thinking.)

Acknowledging that autistic people are a marginalized group who are looking for their own strengths, and need and want their own community of similar people.

Says that getting depictions of autism wrong is harmful. "Because in getting it wrong, you can perpetuate a stereotype into a wrong direction, or you can normalize something that shouldn't be." Saying that depictions of autism, even tacit ones, can be problematic. (Legitimately the first time I've seen "problematic" used anywhere near a discussion of autism as if they were any other marginalized group facing discrimination.)

Saying that there aren't a lot of direct depictions of autism in comics, but there are not‑labeled‑as‑autistic characters who have facets of their personality that autistic people can identify with, and those are still useful. (Autistic people are often maligned by bigots as incapable of understanding other people.)

Saying that not being normal is interesting, that sometimes crazy can be a super power. (For any neurodivergent or mentally ill person that's up there with "bullet proof black man" as an empowering statement of power of character to a marginalized group.)

Saying that the opinions of autistic people are valuable and interesting. Saying that an autistic person's draw to special interests, "wonderful hobbies," is fascinating. Saying, repeatedly, that autism can make someone valuable in ways no one else can be. (Autistic people are often ignored and erased. Their hobbies are often treated as boringly narrow, and derided as a waste of time. The contributions of any neurodivergent person are often treated as inferior to neurotypical people. Or exploited while denying the person respect or accommodations that would help them thrive.)

Acknowledging the feeling many autistic people have of "not being human." Acknowledging that many autistic people feel like they're mimicking and scripting social interactions with neurotypical people. (Because neurotypical society refuses to acknowledge or accommodate how autistic people experience the world.)

Acknowledging, like it's obvious, that autistic people can and do fall in love. That they can and do enjoy conceptually challenging art. (Autistic people are described by bigots as incapable of feeling emotions and lacking 'theory of mind,' the ability to understand that other people have different thoughts. Imagine being told that to your face by people who claim they know you better than you ever could and are thus there to help you. Imagine being told that as a child. Do the math on the psychological abuse.)

Showing an actual desire to give a better, more through answer. Acknowledging that they don't know as much as they could, and should seek more knowledge. That this question is worth researching. Taliesin followed up on Twitter saying, "we're gonna revisit it at some point, once we've dug a bit deeper." (Autistic people are routinely dismissed as unimportant, and inconvenient, their identities erased. A non‑autistic person's life being 'affected' by an autistic person is almost always used with negative connotation. But the Wednesday Club tacitly said, "Thank you affecting us," and that is basically what moved me so strongly.) https://twitter.com/executivegoth/status/837213450778468352

To Amy Dallen, Taliesin Jaffe, and Matt Key, thank you. THANK YOU. You helped normalize autism. You helped keep someone's identity from getting erased. Your actions told someone they matter who, I suspect, has repeatedly been told and shown that they don't. You have garnered a tremendous amount of respect from me.

I have only one request for Geek & Sundry: make this episode available on YouTube. Help me share the best of what your network stands for with others. If you want people to tune in for this show, let them see this episode.

Transcript

Times from: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/125658409

01:10:23 Taliesin: "Somebody, actually, I want to say AutisticCosplay, which is a great handle, was asking, 'I'm not a Marvel or DC person, but people have told me I should look in the X-Men because I have autism.' And I don't know if-- You should read the X-Men because they're fun. But what would be a good comic book-- I'm trying to think of a good comic for someone-- I'm trying to think of my own friends who are on the spectrum and what they read."

1:10:46 Amy: "We'd love recommendations from anyone in the audience who is in this category."

1:10:49 Taliesin: "I'm really digging Shade the Changing Girl in that direction, actually. You read the first issue… So, this is a reboot of a new… It's a little psychedelic, if you're down. It's not a classic superhero, it's kind of a--"

[Amy puts out the comic.]

1:11:02 Taliesin: "This is the original."

1:11:03 Amy: "Got the classic here."

1:11:04 Taliesin: "Shade the Changing Man."

1:11:05 Amy: "Well, the semi-classic. Once again, like Doom Patrol, this was an older, '60s, character who got revamped under this wonderful Vertigo wave of DC reinvention."

1:11:14 Taliesin: "And crazy is his power."

1:11:16 Amy: "He wears something literally called a 'madness vest.'"

1:11:19 Taliesin: "And he's maybe from another dimension, but he makes people crazy-- So, again, problematic. But the new version is a popular girl, she's kind of a bitchy popular girl at a high school somewhere in the Midwest, who…"

1:11:36 Amy: "Previous to the events of the book, has fallen into a medical coma."

1:11:40 Taliesin: "Yeah, she was, not to give too much away, but she went skinny dipping with her kind of friends, with the kids who hung out with her because they needed to hang out with a popular person. And she hit her head, and they all just disliked her so much that they took a while dealing with it. So they're all [feeling] guilty. And then she woke up weird. And that's because there's a thing living inside of her that is shade."

1:12:04 Amy: "There is an alien creature using the power of the madness vest."

1:12:07 Taliesin: "So, it's not really even human anymore. So, it's this very off-kilter, not normal… thing. And they just think it's trauma, but maybe it's not, and I'm really liking it."

1:12:19 Amy: "I want more good recommendations. So, I'm wondering--"

1:12:22 Matt: "I don't know anything about what you-- I feel like an idiot."

1:12:24 Amy: "It's a really good, a really fun book."

1:12:26 Matt: "Whose is that!? I want to borrow that comic!"

1:12:28 Taliesin: "It's mine."

1:12:29 Matt: "Can I borrow...?"

1:12:29 Taliesin: "Of course you're going to borrow it."

1:12:30 Amy: "But the new one, Shade Changing Girl, which we might have a picture…"

1:12:32 Taliesin: "I have a copy here somewhere. Oh! Did I put a picture of Shade the Changing Girl in the…? I may have brought a digital copy of it, 'cause I don't own a physical copy of it. There should be a Shade in there."

[Comic is brought up on the screen.]

1:12:40 Amy: "The X-Men in general are turned to by people in all sorts of marginalized groups because they're almost always telling stories about people who don't fit in or don't feel normal, and the way that those people can find their own strengths, and find community, and come together. Which means they speak to tons of people in different groups. I'm curious about, specifically, heroes or things for people on the spectrum, and I'm not sure off the top of my head."

1:13:07 Taliesin: "I know; I'm feeling like a mild failure here."

1:13:10 Amy: "It's interesting, because one of those examples I eluded to in the intro was-- it's the dangers of applying labels to comic book characters. And there's a chance that I'm remembering this wrong, but I think it was James Tynion, who has been writing Cassandra Cain, who was talking about the fact that in some versions, Cassandra Cain, who, as a character became Batgirl, and was nonverbal for many years,"

1:13:38 Taliesin: "Completely."

1:13:38 Amy: "that she has been-- in some cases, people identify with her who are on the spectrum or who are borderline non-verbal. But there are other-- I think-- And please-- I'm worried to even say this because I need to fact check it, but I think it was James Tynion who was saying he was reluctant to but that label on it because the Cassandra Cain character has a history of specific traumatic abuse, that he wasn't sure-- that's not exactly fair to say-- that doesn't resemble the typical, if there is such a thing, experiences of a person who is on the spectrum. So, he'd rather treat her without that label then get it wrong. Or imply it where it doesn't belong."

1:12:16 Matt: "Yeah. Because in getting it wrong, you can perpetuate a stereotype into a wrong direction, or you can normalize something that shouldn't be."

1:14:25: Amy: "I should have checked on this before I said it. This is a memory of, probably, a Twitter conversation that I saw months ago. I should really nail down."

1:14:34 Taliesin: "I will saw, one of the great things-- I've been having this quote saved for the correct moment. 'One of the great things about comic books,' and this is paraphrasing Grant Morrison, who said, 'Sometimes superheroes exist to settle complex moral arguments by beating each other into the ground. Don't laugh, that's the way we deal with things in the real world, too.' But the nice thing about super heroes, though, is that they do break down these complex stories into more symbolic and metaphorical struggles. Which is why, sometimes even when they get it wrong, it's still useful. I had a weird thought for our AutisticCosplay friend, The Vision. The Vision book. It's very…"

1:15:10 Matt: "In fact, the Tom King... Oh! The reason why-- Oh my god, that's a good call."

1:15:14 Taliesin: "So, you all know The Vision from The Avengers. Now, it's kind of dark, and if you know The Vision from the Marvel movies, he's an android."

1:15:26 Amy: "A synthesoid."

1:15:27 Taliesin: "Synthesoid. And the book, he has built himself a wife and two children."

1:15:34 Matt: "And a dog."

[They discuss when in the story the dog was built.]

1:15:56 Taliesin: "And I would be curious-- Actually this is not a recommendation. AutisticCosplay, I actually would love for you to pick up a couple issues of this and tell us what you think. 'Cause I would be genuinely fascinated by your opinion of it, of how you feel. It's not a representation of autism, necessarily, but it's such a spectacularly interesting point of view, and it creates one of my new favorite characters. The Vision's daughter is now a character."

1:16:21 Matt: "Viv."

1:16:22 Taliesin: "Viv, in the Champions. And I cannot wait for the cosplay of this character. She's so cool! And so, I would be really curious to see what you think."

1:16:32 Matt: "I'm going to…"

1:16:34 Amy: "They're struggling with emotional issues and relating to people."

1:16:37 Taliesin: "Yeah, 'cause they're whole thing is they want to try and pretend to be-- they're like, we're going to try and be human, and we're going to be a human family, but they're not."

1:16:48 Matt: "Yeah. I want to tread carefully in saying this, because I myself am not autistic."

1:16:52 Taliesin: "We are in tread carefully territory."

1:16:53 Matt: "No, I know. But I also want to make sure that I'm respecting those of you who do deal with this. But it does feel like, even though they never label Viv, or Vision, or anyone in the family as having autism, or being on the spectrum in any way, their behavior, and their interaction with the world, does seem to 100% mimic…"

1:17:14 Taliesin: "Fall into that direction."

1:17:15 Matt: "or fall into that category in a way,"

1:17:18 Taliesin: "It's very analytical."

1:17:18 Matt: "that someone with autism might be able to actually really identify with that character, but still see the strengths of being who that person is."

1:17:26 Taliesin: "And then watching these analytical characters fall in love, and experience theater. One of the characters falls in love with Shakespeare and starts really identifying really heavily with Shakespeare. And there's this intense romantic relationship that one of the characters… It's fascinating."

1:17:44 Amy: "There is also-- You get really heartwarming stories like one that went around after Guardians of the Galaxy hit theaters,"

1:17:49 Taliesin: "Draxx."

1:17:50 Amy: "Where someone said, 'My brother,' I think it was they were talking about their brother, they watched the movie and their brother was just incredibly struck by watching Draxx."

1:18:00 Taliesin: "In the movie!"

1:18:00 Amy: "Literally for comedic effect, in the movie, their brother said, 'That's how I see the world!' And so, that's one of those, without intending to necessarily create a representation in an old hero, they did something that reached that viewer in a really special way."

1:18:18 Taliesin: "Please don't read Draxx in the comics, by the way. Nah."

1:18:20 Amy: "Quite different!"

1:18:20 Taliesin: "Not yet, not yet!"

1:18:21 Matt: "Very different. But I think there's something to be said for seeing-- I feel like so many times-- And I know this from my dealing with depression, you can feel-- I'm saying, me dealing with my depression and extrapolating that to someone who's dealing with autism, and that's the best that I can do. But it's good to see people who I know are depressed, who also kind of are able to manage it and see their own value, and continue to push through into the world and do their own thing. And I would imagine that someone with autism, on the spectrum in any capacity, would also enjoy that. And see that Draxx actually has an immense amount of value, and is invaluable to the team."

1:19:09 Amy: "Not related to his ability to pick up social cues."

1:19:09 Matt: "And despite his shortcomings or whatever else, despite all of that…"

1:19:12 Taliesin: "Which actually just makes him adored, and fabulous, and fun, and great. Without that he'd be less of a character."

1:19:18 Matt: "So, there's something to be said for, yes, this is something that you have to manage, and maybe something that you have to deal with, and maybe even something that you get made fun of, but that's also a wonderful part of who you are."

1:19:30 Taliesin: "And we have this-- Thanks to these cameras we have this wonderful community of people who can litmus test some stuff for us and tell us what they think."

1:19:38 Amy: "Are you checking us? Because that's important."

1:19:40 Taliesin: "Please! I'm so excited. I'm so excited to have people read some of these books, and I want to hear what you have to say."

1:19:47

#essay #wednesday club #autism #neurodiversity #comics #Geek & Sundry #Amy Dallen #Taliesin Jaffe #Matt Key #GSA

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