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3rdvoice · 6 months

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Letter column -- email [email protected] if you're interested

Dear Evan, When you did your video ’pitches’ for this project, you asked us to ’trust you a little’. I think I had that trust even before you asked. Even from the first time I saw your concept sketches of Spondule and Navichet on Patreon, maybe even before they had a name - these characters were speaking to you and there was a resonance of some kind. They already had life. It felt electric. It also felt like perfect timing as Vattu wound up. It was comforting to know we’d be going somewhere new after spending a decade with you exploring the world of Sahta & the Fluters & the Surin & the War Men & the Grish &c &c. Spondule and Navichet had life, no question, but The Corners - the world you’ve been building for this project - that remained unclear; not yet feeling like it had a form we readers could understand. This totally makes sense, and it’s really enjoyable to set out on a journey into a world one knows nothing about while its contours get slowly revealed through the keyhole of individuals’ experiences and perspectives - but there was friction too. People asked you, a lot, whether you’d keep telling this story in the context of Overside and I think breaking the news that you were leaving that setting behind for the time being, and moving into something new, created challenging conversations between you and your audience. There was probably, for many, a grieving process at leaving that other world behind when we wanted to know so much more about it. Personally, I trusted you from the start and have consistently felt that trust has been rewarded. I also trusted that you knew what you were doing in choosing to build a new world rather than move forward with the old one. But in terms of ’letting go’ of Overside: I hadn’t got there yet. I still wanted to know more, to explore the place I’d been reading about for so many years - even while I was really enjoying piecing together the fragments of The Corners you were laying out. I’m feeling different about all that after reading ’scene 34’. In such a short space the bond between Spondule and Navichet had become so visceral, so real. I’m fully attached now, the characters have worked their way into my heart. Meanwhile, Navi’s backstory - and the idea that a God could be tortured and abused - is so unfathomably deep that it’s hard to make sense of. To me this feels richer than anything Overside could have offered, and it feels - now - like The Corners has a life of its own. I suddenly care, very deeply, about this whole world. I also finally feel ready to let Overside go, to accept it as it is, complete and sufficient in the text of what you’ve already written. In this latest scene, it feels like you’re asking your audience some of what Navi is asking Spondule: ’Don’t you want to know what happened? Even if you can never get all the way there? Even if you only ever figure a fraction of it out?’ For my part the answer is yes. I can see this world in my heart now and I need to know whatever I can, need to share this journey you’re laying out. So one thing is I just wanted share that feeling with you. Another thing is a question I wanted to ask: does any of this resonate? Does it feel as momentous to you as it does to me? Obviously I don’t expect you to spoil anything but I’m curious how releasing this scene has been landing for you: whether there’s a sense of finally seeing the true depth of this thing you’ve been so tirelessly making. How does it feel to take on the uncertain and intensive labour of world-building - with no guarantees - and then, after quite a lot of working and waiting - see that world emerge, start feeling real, and begin its existence as a living thing? How does it feel to reveal all this to us? To share a glimpse of the beating heart of what you’ve been making after being so careful to keep your cards close? Thank you for making the things that you do. You’re one of the most powerful storytellers I’ve read and I can’t wait to come along for this journey, no matter where it leads or how long it takes. All the best! Klara * August 23, 2023

Firstly I apologize for breaking your formatting here—- know, O reader, that this letter was originally broken up with more tasteful linebreaks but I thought that wouldn’t work great with my website formatting. And 2 months to reply is a long time too ha

Thank you for kind words. The anxiety you identify that I and, apparently, some readers felt about working with a new setting is I think Exactly related to this notion of creation / revelation of a fictional setting (that you later identify). To me, the person making the stuff, it seems clear that Overside is not an actual thing to be Revealed. It’s a collection of little habits and ideas, and none of them were developed with much of a big-picture in mind, and none of them were developed with the benefit of Several Years of experience in planning and making stories of this sort. To me, it’s clear that there’s more potential in a new thing, built from smarter premises. BUT to a reader I understand the suspended-disbelief feeling that it’s a PLACE you want to see more of, and the ways in which it feels like “starting over” or abandoning a lot of potential energy, momentum. What I guess this has foregrounded to me is: the literary conceit of an “invented setting” is a really flimsy, post-hoc sort of thing. What we’re CONNECTING with, as readers of this stuff, is the interests, habits, aesthetics of the person or people making the thing!! Probably?!?!? Anyway this creation / revelation divide is in my head a lot in ways that will uh become clearer I think.

SO, to broadly address the questions towards the end of the letter: it is exciting to REVEAL this stuff, but I am (in a more intentional way than before) REVEALING it to myself too, as I’m making it. There’s all the background work that goes into it, and there’s a sort of restraint in trying to not give things away and to build up the gravity of that reveal, BUT the stuff doesn’t exist until the pages exist. I don’t know exactly how it’ll look and feel! It’ll be better and worse than my initial imaginings in a bunch of ways; it’ll feel more and less REAL in a bunch of ways.

I hope that’s interesting. I’m just today posting the “first view of Two-Legs” scene, which has been a pretty intensive example of that worldbuildy process. Many preliminary drawings but no idea if it’ll actually land until I’m committing to the details on the final page. THANKyou Klara for big thoughtful letter.

#3rd voice #letter column #lettercol #webcomic

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enamouredfae · 3 years

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♡ Pick a Card ♡

What you need to know in order to be ready for the love you so longingly seek!

This reading is looking at anything you might need to heal or grow into in order to enter future relationships as your higher self. I am not looking at your future, but simply trying to guide you towards your highest good in the field of love. Many of us have internalized certain perceptions of love that we must unlearn, or have lived through difficult moments which have closed us off or made experiencing love more difficult. If you are in a toxic relationship/situation, please do not take any messages that might seem to tell you to stay in it. With this reading, I will hopefully open you up to some introspection and hopefully growth. You may very well be attracted to multiple piles and that is ok! Read all that attract you and take what resonates. Each pile has three pieces of advice, so mixing and matching is invited!

This reading is for entertainment purposes only.

This is a timeless reading for the collective, therefore it is likely that some messages will not resonate with you. Please only take the messages that do! The messages that do not, are meant for somebody else. Remember that the future is never set in stone and that you possess free will! Love you! ♡

Pile 1

Charm: Knot

1. Yang

Yang tells me that you need to learn to become more proactive in love. You cannot wait around. You must act! You need to manifest your desires into the material world by doing. It's perfectly fine to do the first move, no matter what society deems "acceptable", it is even invited with this card.

23. Peace

Radical acceptance is necessary for inner peace and in this case for a higher love. You must first love yourself fully, light and shadow self, before loving someone else in the way that you both deserve! And you deserve radical acceptance, we are all flawed and intricate people! As long as we are willing to change and grow and put in the work, past mistakes can be atoned for.

38. To be fair

This card tells me that you need to learn to be more balanced in relationships. Are you giving more than the other parties? Are you giving less? We must be fair to both others and ourselves. When someone in the relationship gives more, they may feel underappreciated which can become unmotivating, but they can also overwhelm the other person. You must learn balance.

Pile 2

Charm: Cactus

7. To the sea (reversed)

"When fishermen cannot go to sea, they stay at home and repair their nets." This is a quote from the guidebook that I had to rewrite here because it encapsulates the advice perfectly. You probably long for love like fishermen long for the sea. This card is telling me that the problem isn't coming from you, but the external world. An idea that just popped up in my head is a queer teen living in a homophobic area or with homophobic parents, so it is likely that this could be your situation. If it is, I love you, please take care of yourself, love and better days will come, don't worry! But you must wait a while longer until the external world matches your vibration, perhaps you'll have to move, wait until you're safe to go out to the sea. Until then, go with the flow.

50. No place like home (reversed)

This card seems to work perfectly with the previous one, it reminds us that what is familiar isn't always the best, because it keeps us from growing. If you want change, you can't keep going to the same things/people that haven't worked before, it's counterintuitive. It is natural to go back to what's familiar, but try something new. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Choose unfamiliar.

34. A leg up (reversed)

You are carrying the burden of your world all alone. You probably don't feel safe sharing what you feel, or are very uncomfortable with vulnerability. To be honest with you, right before writing this part of the reading, I started tearing up, you are holding in so much hurt... You need to voice your struggles, being vulnerable is proof of immense strength, believe me! I know it's hard! Start little by little with someone you really trust!

Pile 3

Charm: Star

35. Loyal Heart

Ok if one pile is ready for the beginning of a relationship it's this one. It is the perfect time for you to create loyal commitments. It is possible that you are already in a committed relationship, but at the very least you are surrounded by loyal, devoted people. Don't forget to be devoted and loyal in return!

4. Higher Power (reversed)

This card is inviting you to trust in whatever divine power you believe in, trust that the universe is divinely guiding you and protecting you. I feel like if a certain religion or spiritual path attracts or fascinates you, you should start looking into it, careful with being disrespectful or appropriating it, especially with closed practices, please do your research! But connecting to Source would be beneficial to you in the long run!

25. Round and Round

You are stuck in a cycle that you must break. Do not worry, you shouldn't feel bad, it's all part of the learning process. Remember: you've been through this before, think back on how that made you feel the previous times, are you sure you want to go through that again? Breaking this cycle is a form of self-care, and you need to care for yourself! You are subconsciously punishing yourself by staying in this cycle, try thinking about the root of why you're doing so! It could help you in breaking it!

Pile 4

Charm: "Love"

8. The tribe

You may want to find your tribe, or you have recently found it. You might feel like you finally belong, or are longing for that feeling. Whenever I get this card, I think of the astrology/witchcraft/tarot community here! It may be the same for you! You are welcome here, and hopefully, you feel like you belong! Contributing to any community that you are passionate about, whether online or in real life, will bring you great joy and satisfaction. Your tribe awaits and needs you! It's possible that that's where you'll find love as well!

6. Not for you (reversed)

Let them go. Whoever you first thought of, it's time to stop obsessing over them. "Don't chase after what flees you." I'm sure you realize this is not serving you, but how do you stop? This card is suggesting radical acceptance and surrender, that this is a sign that someone or something much better is waiting for you. I suggest reminding yourself that they aren't perfect and that you have just come to idealize them.

52. Mending (reversed)

You are very likely going through a grieving period right now. There is so much hurt and disappointment. "Heartbreak is a strange healer of souls." It may feel awful now, but trust that when you look back one day, you will see that the hurt you're feeling now, transformed you in a powerful way. This card is inviting you to accept the heartbreak and push through it, situations like this open us up to seeing the world in a new way, to growing. Better days are coming!

Pile 5

Charm: Angel

28. Building blocks (reversed)

Are you acting according to your belief system? Are you following the advice you give others? You must look carefully at your core foundation. It seems to me that you have done a lot of inner growth, but are still stuck in your old ways. Your outer self isn't matching your inner self. Start doing what you preach!

47. Go the distance

I feel like you're someone that wants love right now! For it to come fast and smoothly, like a sprint. You must learn to see love more realistically, as a long-distance race of endurance. You may be the type to immediately run at the sight of a problem. You must learn to be dedicated and work in love, it won't always be the idealized version you keep reading about or watching. Love demands work!

32. Here and Now (reversed)

You live in the past, don't you? So much regret and nostalgia... Or perhaps you live in the future? Daydreams and ambition. There is a need to learn to live in the here and now, you cannot change the past, and the future is infinite. They're both elusive, and unreliable; now is tangible, real, and full of immediate possibilities.

Pile 6

Charm: Mars Symbol

22. Blessed

This beautiful card talks about an unexpected and "unearned" wonderful event, that seems like divine intervention, a gift from the universe. The advice I take from this card is to practice gratitude because you seem to be blessed in the love department. Perhaps you already know who "the one" is for you. If you don't, trust that the universe has someone wonderful for you!

31. Why?

Ask yourself why you feel as you do about/in love? It is time for some introspection. You need to think and identify unhealthy patterns in your love life. Why do you act as you do in a relationship? Identify what in your past has caused this behavior. It won't solve the problem right away, but it's a good first step. Understanding the problem will be validating.

27. Exchanging gifts (reversed)

"Be careful what you pray for because you might just get it." You need to be ready for the energy exchange that will happen if this happens. This card talks about an imbalance between giving and receiving. You must learn that if you receive a lot, you must return a lot, love needs to be balanced. If you give more, you aren't actually in control, the other party could be consciously or unconsciously taking advantage of your generosity!

Pile 7

Charm: Eternally Open Heart Locket

17. The Fates

You must learn to accept that there are things and people you simply cannot control and change. You cannot blame yourself for things beyond your control, nor can you blame others for things they cannot control. Just be wise enough to tell the difference between things one can control and things one cannot!! If you have a tendency to mold people into your ideal, making them lose their essence, you must learn to accept people for who they are. It is not your job to change them: the desire to change must come from them, for them.

15. Message in a bottle

Try asking for specific signs from the universe, or start becoming more aware of them. Synchronicities are all around you, they're the way that the universe confirms that you're on the right path! Listen carefully to those you communicate with, they could be delivering a cledon to you. This card itself is a good sign, a favorable answer to the question occupying your mind.

9. Treasure Island

You might've already, but if you haven't, MANIFEST YOUR LOVE!! You will be greatly rewarded when you embrace the law of attraction and your intuition. Depending on your belief in how manifestation works, try being mindful of free will! If you believe that love spells on specific people are influencing their free will, then it is immoral to manifest a specific person. If you don't believe that that is how manifestation works, do as you will, just be in line with your beliefs! This card is also a great sign, you're on the right path, and have good fortune on your side. Very lucky pile!!

Pile 8

Charm: Boot

2. Yin (reversed)

You must learn to receive, only being the giver isn't good for you. You deserve to receive! Be open to embodying yin and yang equally. "You stop the flow of abundance when you constantly insist upon being the giver." Be the listener, the one that learns, the one that is being led.

33. Chaos and Conflict

You may be afraid of chaos and conflict, but you must remember that they can rid you of what's no longer serving you. Conflict also implies two sides, remember that yours isn't the only one, and conflict can lead to mutual understanding. Learn to put up boundaries, but also to respect those of others. When you finally see the potential of healing that conflict can cause, you'll be ready for mature communication in relationships.

20. Imagine

Remember that you can create what you imagine! Your imagination is powerful in manifesting your desires, but it can't do everything for you! Manifestation is work, when an opportunity arises, act! This card can also be a sign that the person you're manifesting will be entering your life soon. When they appear, don't just wait, and daydream! The imagination part of manifesting is done, now it's time to act.

Pile 9

Charm: Knife

21. Clean it up

It's time to let go and declutter your mind. Think about what is no longer serving you, about the things that only overwhelm you, and make you overthink, they aren't good for you. It might also help you to declutter in general, your house, your closet, your phone, your feed, etc. Make room for the new and the better.

48. Poised (reversed)

Think carefully, are you really ready for love right now? Because this card is telling me that you aren't. It's ok to be a "late bloomer", and it's important to be ready for love, as to not hurt the one you love, and yourself. Being single isn't a sign of "failure", it gives you the time and space to focus on yourself, on your growth, on your healing, on exploring and understanding yourself. Being single can seem like a curse, but it's a blessing, it's what you need right now.

16. All that glitters

Are you being yourself in love? Are they? Don't succumb to the power of superficiality. Either let go of the mask or look beyond theirs! "Imagine that all the glitter is gone. Would you still desire the object or person?" If one falls for the glitter, what will happen on the day they forgets to glue it on?

Thank you for reading! Love you all.♡

You can buy me a coffee if you feel called to do so! This is never necessary, but always appreciated! ♡

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alj4890 · 3 years

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Angst Prompt

Requested follow-up to One Fateful Night

Part 2: The Dark Before the Dawn

A\N Sorry again for One Fateful Night’s angst. This picks up right after and goes a little into the future for Liam and those that survived the earthquake. It gets pretty dark in places and is long, but I think it ends on a hopeful note.

@gkittylove99 @darley1101 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie @ofpixelsandscribbles @twinkleallnight @lodberg @sweatyrysconnoisseur @motorcitymademadame

Masterlist

The rest of the unity tour was canceled. Unable to speak his reasons why he couldn't do it, Liam left that in the hands of his father and Regina. He didn't want to face the people without Riley by his side, without Drake standing steadfast, without Maxwell's unfailing optimism, without Hana's gentle support.

He had simply lost the will to fight.

Olivia had returned with him to the palace. Neville soon followed, insisting that he would do whatever Liam needed him to. Kiara, devastated by Penelope's death had retreated back to her family estate. Rashad was sent to Domvallier to recover from his injuries. Bastien refused to take time off and was doing his duties from a wheelchair.

Liam ignored all of it. He went to his chambers and remained secluded from the world for days. He refused entry to anyone who knocked. He simply sat there staring at the few mementos he had of those he had lost.

He flipped through the photographs Maxwell had insisted on taking of the three of them through the years. He paused at the few his mother was in, wishing she was here now to tell him how to move on from something like this. She had encouraged his friendships with Maxwell and Drake, knowing he would need them to face life in the public eye.

And now he would never have them again.

Setting the old album aside, he reached for the key chain Riley had given him the night of the Coronation. Thinking of that night and their confessions of love only to be so cruelly parted...his head dropped as he carefully set it back on the table. Next he picked up the pearl he had given her. The plans and hopes they had while meeting in secret. It had helped him through every moment he was kept from her side.

He then lifted the photograph Anna had taken of them for their engagement. Liam's fingers trembled as they brushed against the image of Riley. Her smile so warm. Her eyes so filled with joy.

Reaching for a decanter, he attempted to metaphorically drown his sorrows. In one night he had lost everything he had held dear. How was he to go on from this? There was no enemy to slay, no way to find those he loved and rescue them. Nothing. Nothing except funerals to attend. Nothing but giving them to the cold, unforgiving dirt.

All he had ahead of him was visits to graveyards. He knew his father didn't have much longer to live. It would be just one more loss in his already devastated heart.

Death was what his life had become. He had feared that when his mother was poisoned. Many a night he would wake up crying at the thought of being completely and utterly alone. This long forgotten fear rose up within him, showing that it hadn't been a nightmare. It had been a premonition.

Dropping his head in his hands, he sobbed into the void that had become his only companion.

*****************

Armed with a key, Olivia forced her way into Liam's room. With the first of the many funerals coming up, she knew she needed to get him prepared. The public would be looking toward their king, needing to see him standing against the worst life could throw at him.

Her steps faltered when she saw him. He was slumped over in a chair. Empty decanters sat in front of him, a few tipped over on the table with drops of whiskey spilled out.

The tumbler he had been using had fallen to the floor. The remnants of his drink had stained the Persian rug. His clothes were rumpled. Nearly a week's growth of beard had darkened his sunken cheeks. Dark circles under his eyes completed the look of a man trying to escape his tormented thoughts.

Olivia had to harden her heart. There had always been something about Liam that brought out an unusual softness in her. But that was not what he needed. He needed order. A purpose. Something to get him to step back out in the world.

Grabbing his shoulder she shook him hard.

"Liam!" She snapped in a louder than usual tone. "Wake up!"

He opened his bloodshot eyes with a slight groan. He weakly raised a hand to his head while trying to escape her unyielding grip.

"Get ready." She ordered. "We've got things to do."

"What things?" His hoarse voice cracked.

She ignored his question.

He forced himself to focus on her bustling about gathering his clothes before going into his bathroom. He could hear her starting a shower.

She returned with a determined set to her chin. "Hurry up." She pulled him out of his chair. "We don't have all day."

He stumbled forward, catching himself against a dresser.

Olivia bit her lip as she watched him painstakingly retreat into the bathroom.

Taking a deep breath, she bent to the task of straightening his room. Her gaze fell on the objects he had been using for his only source of company. Tears sparked her eyes when she noticed the photographs.

It wasn't fair. Liam might think he was the only one to suffer with his losses, but she was just as deeply affected. They had been her friends too. A family of sorts, one of her choosing after losing her own at such a young age. She couldn't help but depend on them. Maxwell had been the chipper, up for anything brother she wouldn't have thought she needed. Drake had been her sparring partner, always keeping her wit sharp for any upcoming altercation. Riley...

How had the one she never could quite see completely as her enemy become an actual friend? She had won Liam from Olivia, and yet...and yet Olivia had been grateful. If there was anyone in this world who saw and loved Liam like she herself had, then it was Riley.

And how could she not care for someone who did as Liam deserved?

It was all for nothing. Olivia was left alone once more. Perhaps even more so than when her parents had died. At least then she had been able to lean on Liam. Now he could barely function. It was now her turn to be the one he could depend on in their friendship.

He stepped out, pulling her from her thoughts. He stood there as if at a loss of what to do, whether he should even bother putting forth an effort.

Olivia brought him a jacket and held it for him to slip on.

"We'll eat on the road." She told him, giving him a push out the door.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"A few places." She told him. She glanced back behind her where Regina had remained out of sight. The worry on the Queen Mother's face eased some at seeing Liam out of his room. She nodded gratefully to Olivia before retreating in the shadows to report this small success to Constantine.

****************

Liam stared out the window as Olivia drove him through the capital. He ignored the people going about their day as if the world had not stopped. He didn't bother to focus as he used to on the state of the roads or on some of the older, historical buildings.

He simply didn't care. He figured it was only a matter of time before these things were taken from him too. The terrorists were probably lying in wait for when they could destroy the last of what had once meant something to him.

"I don't suppose you've spoken to anyone at the hospital." Olivia said, cutting through the oppressive silence.

Liam merely shook his head.

She waited in the hopes he would ask about Hana and Madeleine. She needed to see that the old, kind to a fault Liam was still there, only buried amongst his immense sorrow.

The silence stretched once more between them.

"I have." She said, fighting against tears of frustration.

He didn't move. He simply stared out the passenger window.

Her grip on the steering wheel tightened. "Madeleine's recovery is slow yet steady. The doctors believe though that her fair skin will always be marked with scars."

Liam didn't even blink.

Olivia grit her teeth. "Hana though has not been having an easy time."

Liam stiffened somewhat at that.

Olivia pressed on. She was determined to get him talking. Hopefully once he started he could get rid of the despair that was destroying him.

"Her parents want to take her home to Singapore but the doctors don't believe she is strong enough yet." She swallowed down her own lump of emotion. "When she was told of...of..."

Liam finally face forward. "Told of everyone dying on us? Told that I had failed in saving anyone?" His bitterness slashed across Olivia's stuttered denial at that last one. "Told that her life would never be the same again?"

"Liam, you--"

"I don't want to hear it." He responded.

"You must!" She yelled, hitting her steering wheel in her anger.

Liam didn't flinch. He didn't act like he had even heard her.

"Hana needs you! Madeleine does too." She turned into the hospital parking lot. "We all need you to--"

"To what?" He roared. "Give more empty promises that we will get through this? That we will find our way back?" He jerked his seatbelt off. "I respect them too much to lie to them. The last thing they need is a broken man trying to rally their spirits." He opened the door. "Find someone else, Olivia. I'm not the man they need."

"You are!" She scrambled out, tears falling down her cheeks unheeded. "Liam, we all need you right now. Friday is the first set of funerals. We need you there to help us say goodbye."

Liam walked off without a word.

"Liam, please!" She pleaded, chasing after him. "Even if you can't speak during the service, let those of us who love you help you."

He paused before gently pulling his arm out of her grip. "I'm sorry, but I can't do what you ask of me." His bright blue eyes were filled with tears as he raised them to hers. "I'm done, Olivia."

"Liam, you're allowed to grieve." She reached for his hands. "Take as long as you need. But your friends and country need to grieve with you."

"They won't after I inform them of my decision." He took a deep breath. "I'm giving it up."

"Giving what up?" She asked.

"Everything. The crown. The throne." He looked about. "I'm leaving this country and moving somewhere that isn't filled with memories."

"You can't!" Olivia grabbed the lapels of his jacket, shaking him in desperation. "You can't let the terrorists win! We--"

"Why not?" He bit out. "They might be the right rulers for Cordonia. My legacy has been nothing but death. My brother gave it all up because the pressures were slowly killing him. My mother died trying to do what was right. My father gave up the crown because he is dying. I've done nothing but bring death and destruction to those I love the most." He gripped her wrists and wrenched them from his jacket. "I can't do it anymore."

"Yes, you can." She followed him when he walked off again. "Just try a little longer."

He laughed bitterly. "Try? Why? My reign is already marked with uncertainty. I'm a king without a queen or heir." He released a deep frustrated breath. "What's the point, Liv? Every time I try, I get knocked down. Losing...losing Riley, Drake, and Maxwell..." He shook his head. “It is too much.”

"Promise me you won't decide anything today." Olivia pleaded. "Please?"

He ran his hands over his face. He looked up as if for divine intervention before nodding. "I won't hold the press conference today."

"Good." She relaxed some. She knew now that she would have to fight him these next few weeks over his decision. The last thing she wanted to see was his giving up on his destiny in the midst of his grief.

Slipping her arm into the bend of his she tugged him toward the hospital.

*******************

"Come in." Hana called out.

She didn't want anymore visits from her parents but couldn't bring herself to tell them. Hearing that her marriage prospects were now completely gone due to her injury had done nothing but bring her further into depression. Did they not see that what she had lost was so much worse than the lower half of her left leg?

Her dearest friends, her best friends, those that knew her better than anyone on earth were gone.

And I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get a chance to save them. Nothing.

Olivia smiled softly at Hana. "I brought a surprise."

Hana sat up straighter when she saw Liam sheepishly appear.

A sob burst from her lips as she reached for him to hug.

Liam's Adam's apple bounced a few times as he struggled to swallow his sorrow. He couldn't ignore her need for comfort and hurried over to hug her. Olivia quietly stepped out so they could grieve in privacy.

"Oh Liam!" Hana cried against his shoulder. "I'm so sorry." She clutched the material of his leather jacket, wishing they would all wake up and realize this was nothing but a dream.

"I'm sorry." He choked out. "I couldn't save them." His tears began to fall freely. "I failed them, Hana. I failed you. I failed everyone!"

She pulled back and gently cupped his face. Blinking through her tears she shook her head. "You didn't fail any of us, Liam. You saved me and Madeleine. Bastien. Rashad and--"

He clung to her. "What am I to do now? Hana, you know I can't face life without Riley. How can I go on after this?"

"I don't know." Hana hugged him again. "But you know Riley wouldn't want us giving up on life." She glanced down at her legs under the blankets. "No matter how hard it is, she would encourage us to keep fighting."

"Hana, Riley was my life. My heart." He lowered his head into his hands. "She was my strength to keep moving forward no matter what was thrown at us."

Hana reached from some tissues, sharing a few with him. "I know. She gave me the bravery I needed to tell my parents that I was more than a marriage prospect for some noble. Now..." Her breath hitched. "Now I don't know what I am or what to do."

Liam moved off her bed and collapsed in one of the chairs by her bed. "What are we going to do?"

Her hand found his. "We help each other. Isn't that what we would hope Riley, Maxwell, and Drake would do if they had lived and you and I had died?"

He wished that had been the case. Not Hana, but that he had been the one Death had come for. He would gladly switch places with them, anything to escape this unending ache in his heart.

He felt Hana's hand squeeze his.

He looked up and saw her trying to be brave for his sake.

Liam didn't know if he could. "I've been thinking of abdicating."

Her lips parted in shock. "Abdicating!"

"Everywhere I turn there is a memory of them." He explained. "I..." He gave up speaking.

"They wouldn't want you doing that, Liam." She reminded him.

He knew she was right, but he couldn't think of moving on as if his very heart had not been ripped from his chest.

"They say when a person loses a loved one that they should wait a year before making a big decision." Hana said, lacing her fingers with his. "Maybe that is what we both should do. My parents want me to go back to Singapore, and I've been tempted to so I won't be reminded of everything."

Liam slowly nodded. "I wouldn't blame you if you did move back home."

"I think what I need is to be with you. Olivia. Madeleine. All of those we still have." She tried to explain. "I need those memories, no matter how much they hurt, to help me heal."

Seeing that he didn't know how to take her advice she gently squeezed his hand again. "Why don't we wait on any decision and just try to get through these next few days."

He eyed her suspiciously. "Did Olivia tell you to say something like that?"

Hana felt her first laugh in over a week burst out. It sounded hollow, as if her body had forgotten how to make the joyful sound. "She might intimidate me at times, but no, she didn't put me up to this."

His lips curved somewhat before settling once more into a thin line. He knew from her words and Olivia's that no one would accept his abdication.

*****************

Madeleine did her best to look presentable. She picked up the small mirror she had insisted be left on the small bedside table. Her eyes touched on the angry, red scars gracing her face and head. Her arm and legs bore others that were long and jagged.

Taking a deep breath, she fluffed the hair that had not been lost in the deep gashes to her scalp. Refusing to give in to the need to cry over something she had no control over, she smoothed her covers and waited to greet her king.

Olivia had shared with her what he wanted to do. Madeleine knew what the fiery duchess wanted her to say and act when she saw him. But she thought she knew how best to respond.

With plan in place, she looked up when she heard a knock to her door.

Liam came in at her bidding him to do so.

He didn't pause in his walk to her bedside like so many did when they first saw the extent of her injuries. She felt her proud façade crack at that. Only Liam would be kind enough to pretend there was nothing unusual about her current hideous state.

Her own parents had handled it horribly. Her mother had been unable to look directly at her without bursting into tears. Her father had bemoaned the fact that she hadn't been able to trap either prince or any other well standing noble before her looks were destroyed.

Just what any young woman needed to hear when awakening from a near death experience.

Liam bowed over her hand while placing a kiss upon her scarred knuckles. "My lady, forgive me for not checking on you sooner."

Madeleine swallowed before asking him to sit. "How have you been?"

His red eyes lifted to hers. "How do you think I've been? I've lost three people I loved. The country lost them along with Penelope and her family. Portivira is destroyed. The Sons of the Earth burned the royal orchard." He slumped in his seat. "I've lost everything, Madeleine."

"Not everything." She corrected. "I know I'm not Riley or Drake or Maxwell." She grimaced at trying to find the right words. "But I am here for you in whatever capacity you need."

"Thank you." He replied automatically. "Your dedication to Cordonia is to be commended."

"It's not--what I meant--" Madeleine closed her eyes briefly when tears pricked her eyes. "Liam, I meant I will be there for you. As a friend." Her nose wrinkled. "As odd as that sounds, I am sincere."

He nodded once more. "Thank you."

They both sat there lost in thought.

"Do you," he cleared his throat, "do you think I should abdicate?"

Madeleine's eyes narrowed in thought. She knew her next words could possibly be the most important of her life.

"Have you done something that could or has harmed Cordonia?"

His eyes widened some. "No."

"Do you no longer care for our people?" She asked.

"No, of course not." He muttered.

"Do you not wish to help them?"

"It isn't anything like that."

"So, your reason is something more selfish." Her green eyes hardened when they met his. "Like Leo, you decide to walk away when ruling becomes too much work."

Liam got to his feet. "It isn't like Leo's reasons! I lost the woman I was to marry. My best friends! Everywhere I turn I am haunted by what was and what could have been. How can I possibly fight Cordonia's enemies when I've lost my sources of strength?"

Madeleine sniffed dismissively. "Every person has lost someone that was their support. If everyone gave up when that happens then this world would crumble to dust."

Liam took a step back from her cold tone. "Madeleine, don't you--"

"Don't I what? Miss any of them? Are saddened by their deaths?" She allowed her sorrow to show. "Of course I do. I might not have been thrilled to be tossed over for Riley, but I would have had to be a blind fool to not notice what she did for you and Cordonia. The same for Maxwell and Drake."

Liam sat back down. "Then what do you think I should do?" He looked down while his bottom lip trembled. "Riley made me a better king."

"Then by all means think of her when you must make a decision." Madeleine told him. "Liam, for whatever reason, fate has placed you as King of Cordonia. You." She stressed. "We've all known you were the better ruler when Leo was our crown prince. It is a great burden, but one that you've never hesitated to carry."

He ran a hand over his eyes. "I wanted to do what I could for the country."

Her lips eased into an approving smile. "As all rulers should be." Reaching over, she patted his shoulder. "I know it won't be easy, but I can't think of anyone better to guide us into the future."

"I feel so lost." He admitted to her. "How can I guide anyone when I no longer have the ones who were my own compass?"

"You'll find a way." She said with certainty. "It may take time, but you will."

He sighed before running his hands through his hair. "I'm so sorry, Madeleine."

"For what?" She asked. "The earthquake was something no one could stop."

"I know." He stood up. "But I'm still sorry."

She nodded in acceptance.

Liam kissed her hand once more and promised to do better checking on her and Hana as he left her room.

Madeleine slumped back against her pillows when her door clicked shut. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she hoped she had somehow said the right thing to him.

Turning to bury her face in her pillows, she allowed the tears to be for herself, Liam, and those they had lost.

******************

That afternoon, Liam departed from Olivia and insisted taking a walk by himself. He went to the private beach and slipped out of his shoes and socks. Rolling up the cuffs of his pants, he began to walk slowly along the shore, allowing the waves to roll over his feet.

He flipped his collar up when the early fall breeze blew by, hinting at an incoming cold spell. He thought it served his mood perfectly. The summer that had once been his world had ended, bringing the cold cruel reality to crash down upon him.

His happily ever after had truly been a dream not meant for the real world. He should have known that he couldn't bring a fairy tale to life. It couldn't survive the cruelness of fate.

He continued his stroll while thinking of his visits with Olivia, Hana, and Madeleine. His conversations with them had only paused his decision. Even if he were to wait as long as Hana suggested before abdicating, what good would it do? He would still be unable to regain what he had lost.

"Liam?"

He paused and turned to see his father walking towards him.

"May I join you?" Constantine asked.

Liam gave a brisk nod before focusing once more on the waves lapping at his feet.

They walked on in silence for a spell. Constantine glanced every so often at Liam’s face, searching for any word that could possibly help his son.

"Who is next in line to the throne?"

Constantine stopped in his tracks. "Who is next in line?" His eyes narrowed in concern. "Why do you ask?"

Liam shrugged. "Shouldn't an unmarried, childless ruler know these things?"

"Son, you have your whole life stretched before you. Give yourself time to grieve and heal. Then--"

"My enemies are at the door." Liam snapped. "Even if I somehow survive them and whatever next hell Cordonia thrusts me into, I will still be without a wife or heir."

Constantine gestured weakly toward a set of lounging chairs. "Sit with me for a moment."

Liam's brief burst of anger turned to resignation when he noticed his father's trembles. Placing an arm around him, he helped ease Constantine down.

Liam took the chair next to his and focused on the ocean. He wondered how he could still find such beauty in it when it had been the final place Riley and Drake had lived.

"I'm going to abdicate, Father." He stated.

Liam was surprised by the silence that followed his declaration. He expected his father to be pleading with him to reconsider or furious for even thinking it.

Instead, he found his father looking more sympathetic than he had ever appeared before.

"I made the same decision when your mother was taken from me." Constantine admitted softly.

Liam's eyes widened. "You did?"

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "Your mother was everything to me." His gaze became distant as he was once again in the past. "She was life itself, my strength." His lips curved into a bitter smile. "She never held back her thoughts and opinions on how we should rule." He met Liam's eyes. "I loved her with my entire heart."

Liam ran his hands down his face. "What," his voice was raspy, "what made you decide to remain king?"

"I'm afraid it wasn't one out of duty or believing anyone needed me." Constantine admitted. "My reasons were purely selfish. I knew the only way to find the ones who took my Eleanor from me was to be in absolute power." His hand balled into a fist at the memories. "For years, vengeance kept me focused on my kingly duties."

"When did it change?" Liam asked.

"It was actually you that opened my eyes."

"Me?" Liam's brow furrowed. "What did I do?"

"You were ten years old." Constantine's lips curved into a tender, proud smile. "Leo was his usual, rebellious self. He had just turned sixteen and was supposed to attend his first official ball. He was trying to get out of it when he found out he would be obligated to dance with every visiting nobles’ daughter, regardless of how attractive they were."

Liam's eyes narrowed as he tried to recall that night.

"As I was walking past the ballroom, I heard your gentle, yet firm correction to his behavior. You were reminding him what a good prince was supposed to do. Be there for his subjects. Kind. Understanding. Sacrificial." He chuckled again. "It was just the slap to the face I needed."

Liam slumped back in his chair. "That ideal is meaningless."

Constantine slowly nodded. "If I had heard it after your mother died, I would have dismissed it too." He reached over and placed his hand on top of his son's. "Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds, but it does help in how we view them." He swallowed. "There were years where the very thought of your mother brought me to my knees. Her loss was like a festering wound that never eased."

Liam knew that feeling all too well.

"But now, though I miss her just as much as I did before; my memories of her bring me comfort." He squeezed Liam's hand. "They make me grateful for every single second I was allowed with her."

Liam blew out a shaky breath. "Well, unfortunately I can't find and fight the earthquake that took Riley. I don't see the point in being king for revenge."

"True." Constantine nodded. "But Riley, Drake, and Maxwell believed in you. They went on the unity tour for you, for your reign to be successful. Not for themselves. Not for Cordonia. All because they thought you and you alone were worthy to be king."

Liam swallowed a few times as stray tears fell from his blue eyes. "I don't deserve it. I didn't deserve their faith or..." He huffed while wiping his eyes. "I'm not worth it."

"They would say you are." Constantine swung his legs to the side and pushed himself up. "You remaining king is a way to honor them and their efforts to help you be the best one you can be."

Liam pressed his palms to his eyes as a sob tore through him. When he felt his father's arms come around him, he buried his head against his shoulder while shaking with his cries.

Constantine gently rubbed his back while promising he was there for him. That he wouldn't have to go through this alone, that he had him, Regina, and those of his friends that had survived.

Liam clung to him, unable to speak.

Father and son clung to each other as the sun set.

********************

The next few weeks had Liam attending and speaking at the funerals of those that were no longer with them. He didn't bother to try and mask his heartache in front of his people. The nation was touched by his honesty and mourned with their young king.

Constantine and Regina remained by his side. Olivia and Neville traveled with him to each graveyard. Hana and Madeleine were allowed to attend some of the funerals. Rashad stuck by their sides, even helping to push Hana's wheelchair.

Seeing them each time he took the podium reminded him of why he was doing this. His father's words about honoring his beloved and best friends gave him the strength to speak of the type of people they had been.

He didn't know how he got through those first few weeks. Though it took a great effort, he forced himself to get back to his duties. Routine helped him remain focused on what he needed to do and gave him opportunities to continue to grieve.

The rest of the unity tour was canceled. Liam instead spent his efforts in rebuilding Portivira and in replanting the apple orchard. Out of respect and because he couldn't stand the thought of a ball without Riley, he canceled the rest of the year's planned balls and palace events.

With little chance to catch the king in a position that would bring about his downfall, the Sons of the Earth were soon desperate and making foolish decisions to attack during the daylight. Many were rounded up by Bastien's elite task force. Anton was found holed up in a long forgotten Nevarkis stronghold and died in a shootout with the king's guards.

After months of turmoil and uncertainty, Cordonia was once again in a state of peace.

Constantine lived long enough to see it come about. With his sons and wife at his bedside, he quietly passed away after telling them each how much he loved them.

Liam kept working. After two years, he hosted his first ball, an engagement one for Rashad and Hana. He had smiled and gave a sweet toast to the couple, all while remembering his own happiness he had once had with Riley.

As the years went by, he was able to think back on Riley, Drake, and Maxwell with a soft smile on his face.

Then the fifth year as king, he was approached by Madeleine.

"Liam, I think it's time for you to host another social season with potential suitors."

A denial rose to his lips.

She held up her hand to silence it. "I know, but you need an heir."

"There is already an heir. The throne goes to Olivia if I die."

"Liam." She huffed. "The crown needs to be stable. The people want to see you happy with a family." She shrugged her shoulders. "Cordonians are a sentimental bunch."

A family. That had been his heartfelt wish for years. Could he do that? Have one without his Riley?

"I will think about it." He conceded.

Madeleine smiled at him. "Good." She curtsied and left him alone.

Liam rocked back in his desk chair. He lifted his eyes to the ceiling.

"My love," he whispered. "What should I do? You were the only one I could ever picture myself marrying. Mother to my children." His brow creased. "Am I ready to try to find something that can’t possibly compare to what I had with you?"

He closed his eyes, wishing he could find the answer.

"Liam, dear?"

He opened his eyes and looked up at Regina.

She smiled warmly at him. "You fell asleep. Dinner is ready."

He apologized and rose to follow her out.

He halted mid step as the afternoon sun glinted on Regina's silver hair. The answer he needed was right there. He looked back up to the heavens.

His lips curved softly. "I understand. Though no one can ever compare to you, perhaps I can have the kind of luck my father had."

#king liam #liam x riley #olivia nevarkis #choices the royal romance #trr madeleine #trr hana #hana lee #angst prompt #request

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bokutosvoid · 3 years

Text

fragment by fragment

Pairing; bokuto x (gn) reader

Warnings; major character death! Sickness, mentions of being insecure.

Genre; angst angst angst

(a/n); this may or may not have made me tear up a little when I read it back. But this was so fun to write!!

Word count; 1.4K

Most people secure themselves with a circle of safety, locking out the unexpected. The unexpected can pull you out and tear you apart, but it can also place a new heart in your chest that used to be withering.

The unexpected was something you weren’t ready to face just yet. But the unexpected is funny like that, it's neither here nor there, working with no schedule. It's something life throws at you whether you're ready for it or not.

Looking back, there was nothing you would change, nothing you would take back that could possibly challenge the odds of meeting him, the boy who changed your life who was named Bokuto Koutarou.

You had met him at his last highschool game he played, instantly able to pick up on his electric personality as you saw him score point after point, cheering on his teammates in a way that brightened the entire gymnasium with ease. It felt instantaneous, like a sudden, powerful force that brought your eyes together, stealing glances at each other from across the court every few minutes.

He asked you out to ice cream, out of breath and panting thickly as he ran to catch up to you from across the parking lot. He was blushing. You too felt a warmth creep it’s way into your cheeks as he gave you a charming smile that reeled you in.

“Yes.” You nodded, smiling widely at bokuto.

You bonded over cones of ice cream and late night car drives and innocent friendship, until that slowly turned into more, until those departing hugs turned into kisses upon blushed cheeks, and those into tender kisses you had stolen from each other under the security of the night sky.

The day you realised you loved him was on a rooftop near his home, basking in the sunset when you looked at him. He looks like an angel. That was the only thought running through your mind as you looked at his features. His soft skin that soaked up the orange dusk, his hair that dropped to hang over his golden eyes. And his mouth, you liked the way his mouth soaked in the sunlight, allowing him to smile like the sun.

Bokuto quickly became the person you felt completed you, he filled that last puzzle piece you didn’t know you were missing. The golden eyed boy was now a part of you, intertwined into your soul in delicate streaks of the words ’I love you’. He kissed better the broken parts of you, even the ones you despised. He cheered for the things about you one clapped for, and he so lovingly pieced you back together when you were left in shreds on the living room floor, broken down by nothing more than your own words.

So the day you sat with him in the doctor's office will remain stuck in your mind forever. The way his smile fractured and his eyes lost that gleam you always saw will stay shaved into the side of your head. The way you had to sit there as his world crashed down, unable to help or hurt with him will haunt you.

On the bad days, the hospital room that had now become more familiar than your own home shrunk in on him, forcing the oxygen out of his lungs to leave him scattered on the hospital room floor, where you found yourself piecing him back together softly. He still wore that same smile that made you fall a few years back, and you can’t deny that each time you saw him, you fell more and more in love with him and his strength. His unbelievable, undying strength.

Watching your love wither away hurts. It hits suddenly one day when you least expect it. It’s all serrated and painful, like an explosion in a glass box. You try to hide the splitting pain searing through you, smiling to keep you from breaking down, from giving you away. It hits you all at once, weighing down on your shoulders as you cry silently when they are asleep, safe by your side in the warm cradling arms of insomnia.

You spent your days with bokuto, letting time pass you by as you held each other, played games or simply watched each other sleep.

“I love you.” He whispered, pressing his lips to your forehead. His voice was quiet and broken. But still there. He was still there.

“I love you too.” You whispered back, touching your forehead to his. “Please don’t go, not yet.” You brought your hands to his face, cupping koutarou’s warm cheeks with your hands.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere,” he spoke quickly, pulling you closer. “We have time.”

“But not nearly enough.” You let a tear slip down your cheek, dripping onto his hospital gown.

“We have now, and if that’s all the world has to give us, I’ll take it if It means I can be with you for a little longer.” He smiled, obviously trying to hide his heartbreak, raking his slender fingers through your hair.

Your skin itched to tell koutarou you loved him, tell him how you had loved him all these years, all this time, and you will love him in each and every single life you can find him in. Until the end of time, until the world perishes and everything is gone, you will continue to love him.

The look he gave you made you feel like he already knew, like he could read your mind. His face was soft and happy like it always had been.

“I love you, y/n. So much” he spoke once more, a stray tear slipping through his facade of being strong for you. You smiled, pushing your lips onto his, soaking in every ounce of him through your lips.

“I love you, koutarou.” Came your quiet response.

The day you received the call that bokuto had passed was the day you felt your world fall around you, breaking down everything that had once been whole.

Everything around you felt silent, like all sound had been turned off and the only noise your ears searched for was his. His breathing, his voice, his laugh. His anything. But you came up short every single time. The silence broke you down. Piece by piece. Fragment by fragment.

This was the moment it hit you the hardest. The moment you realised he wasn’t there to patch you up, he wasn’t there to kiss better the heartbreak him leaving had torn for you. He just wasn’t there.

You didn’t know when it happened, maybe it was the dreams of him you had, maybe the home videos you had made of him, maybe the clothes he left or maybe it was the fact that he wouldn’t want you to do this, bokuto wouldn’t want you to lie on cold sheets and feel sad, weighed down by the missing part of you. He’d want you to live. Whatever it was, you took yourself to the highest building you could find and sat there.

You breathed in the air and felt bokuto around you, his memory filling your lungs with each breath you took, the pain still stayed, stinging like a fresh cut.

Bokuto was somewhere in the sky and the somewhere you were was here. And you hoped, longed for this feeling to somehow reach him, ripple into his soul so he could know that you remember. You remember everything. His name was bokuto koutarou, and he smiled like the sun, laughed like the stars and made you feel like the sky. You, and the boy you had fallen in love with on the ledge of a high rise rooftop, had lived.

You had given each other reasons to live, you were each other’s beautiful, cherished unexpected that ended much too soon. The sky knew this because in the time he was gone, the sky felt solemn as if it was grieving the loss of him itself. You were left with two halves of a broken heart and silence. Though, this silence wasn’t drumming into your ears, it was an all-consuming silence, whole and alive, drawn into the notion that you had done enough. You gave him happiness and a place to feel safe and loved.

You and bokuto were the type of unexpected that gets brought together again, under a different sky or in a different life, you’ll find each other again and again until you finally stay.

A small smile glazed your lips at this thought as the sun lingered, dipping along the horizon. The sky was painted in pink and orange, a view you knew bokuto would have liked to see.

“I love you,” you whispered into the world, letting the sun's warmth hold you gently in place of him.

#haikyuu angst #haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #haikyū!!#bokuto koutarou angst #bokuto koutarou #bokuto x reader #bokuto #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader

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hoaxsen · 3 years

Text

| angst has been coming to me easy now and idk how to feel about that.

| tw; character death, in depth talk of death, mentions of blood and other gruesome parts, season three spoilers.

| word count; 1.8k.

It was all over, spreading like a plague inside the walls upon their arrival. The victory of Wall Maria, along with the near extinction of the Scouts. How many supplies were lost during it? How much destruction was there while it all went down? Does anyone have a true number on how many bodies were being carried back on those flatbed carts after that expedition?

They were mostly parts of bloodied and mangled things, some weren't even able to be called a body. More like a massive piles of mixed dirt, debris and whatever part of the human body there could be. One hundred and ninety nine people, turned into one enormous jigsaw puzzle that anyone has ever seen. How many carts were used for that, and which cart did this specific body rest upon?

This body held the features of bright blue eyes, that the captain of the Scouts could sometimes find himself staring into for hours on end. Unknowingly at that. Blonde hair just swept back and kept so neat with its undercut. Sometimes Levi wonders if it was soft to the touch, it doesn't look to be hard, or dirty. Just right, minus those brows. If anything there were times where Levi wanted to trim the blonde bricks of hair off Erwin's face himself.

Now, days like that will never come. For the sole purpose, of Erwin Smith being deceased. Giving his life up to his stupid cause and dream, this isn't what Levi meant by plundering your dream and lead those crying brats to hell. Was it selfish of him to think that Erwin might come back alive for him? It was, wasn't it? The man having to live through this shit as the leader, making gambles that no one knew how the hell they paid off. Let's not forget about the cadets and soldiers lost along the way in his gambles. A devil among men, though it was Levi wanting to be the one to raise hell right now. Bring a darker hell to the one on this very Earth for the fact that he chose to revive Armin instead of Humanity's Hope.

Cold, and hardened steel grey hues watched as his body was pulled away, riding alongside on his own horse with this cart. Levi felt only himself at fault, what if he did revive Erwin? Despite the small specks of rocks, falling out and shredded intestines, and lack of life in the blonde's eyes, how would he look taking on the power of the colossal titan? Would he have looked the same as the treacherous Bertholdt, or better? If anything, he'd be alive right now. . .fighting a war once more in this hell. Yes, it was selfish, but Levi Ackerman had his reasons to be selfish in a time like this. Bringing back Erwin instead of Armin wasn't just going to be for humanity, it was also going to be for his own desires. To stop toying with the feelings the ravenette has for the blonde, to stop the daily lies about his ' small crush ' being just a phase.

The captain never even got to make good on his promise before the commander passed. Wanting so hard and bad to end the Beast Titan, to make him feel the pain Erwin did before his final moments. Hopefully that chance comes back for him some other time. How badly Levi needs it, it'd only be fitting since Erwin gave up his dream for the wall retake to even have happened and succeed.

For all Levi could do now, was regret and hope that Erwin's funeral would bring him into a small state of piece. Since the ex-commander was already in a permanent state of his own, never to be disturbed. The Ackerman slowly starts to wonder to himself, which kind of suit would really bring out a dead man's eyes? For blue, it had to be a subtle white, right? An ashen grey? Whatever color it was going to be, Levi knew he'd detest it. Knowing it'll be the final suit he sees Erwin in.

Fast forward a bit to the lowering of the old Scouts' commander into the ground, Levi stayed behind a little ways after the ceremony. Standing before Erwin's grave, a short sigh leaving him as he placed a hand on Erwin's tombstone.

Erwin Smith

xxxx - xxxx

Humanity's Beacon of Hope.

The words Levi read over, and over, and over again. Humanity's Hope, snuffed out a little ways too soon. Levi just had to wake up and face the music, it was bound to happen one day or another. He just wishes that day came a little later than this. Brushing his hand over the words, better now to say this before he keeps it inside for too long. He already regrets not saying this to him when he was alive.

" How many of these have we attended for our fallen? Now look at you, dumbass. Right there with them, tell Petra I said hi when you see her. "

His last chance to say this all know, because whatever God out there knows that Levi wouldn't visit Erwin's grave again after this. For the small grudge he'd hold against himself for using the syringe on Armin.

" I followed you into the fire, made it out with a few scrapes. Though you were burned, still had the guts to carry on more bravely than me. . .even make a choice with that odd line. ' What if there is humanity outside the walls. ' Or some shit like that, and then I realized, and knew. . .that was how you were plundering your dreams and leading those crying brats to hell. "

Unbeknownst to the captain, he wasn't alone. Just standing from afar, was another grieving heart. Armin Artlet, another soul wanting to say an unspoken peace to their old commander. But ended up seeing Levi there before him.

" It's not fair you know, Erwin. Or that just might be me being selfish right now, yeah sounds like it. A biased opinion, since I fucking loved you and didn't have the guts to say it. Wanna know why? Cause I'm a coward. Since people I love keep leaving me in ways like this, death. Am I that detestable that death is the only way out? Gotta be, shitty way to go if you ask me, but probably your only way. Call it a curse, I guess. Sadly shit like this happens in the fucked world. I didn't even want to use it on Artlet, but you made your choice. So I had to make mine, fucking bastard. "

Now that was a surprise to the little eavesdropper in the back, covering his mouth with his hand to not make a sound. Azure eyes bugging out of his head as the captain droned on. Armin himself wasn't even sure why he was saved, wouldn't Erwin have been a better pick? The power of the titan wasted on him, that's how it sounded. On the bright side, the colossal titan was in their arsenal with Eren's titan. Just with the wrong user in Artlet's mind.

" It's not fair, you asshole. You get your peace, and leave me behind in this hell with a bunch of brats! Yes, they can pull their own weight. But you're not leading them anymore, instead it's gonna be someone else who can't live up to your name. All because I got emotional and saved that runt, when I knew, even with Hanji, that you were the better pick! A massive fuck up on my end, but then a small lived victory right? We have another titan ready to fight for us when needed. But I want you here! It's not fair, you trusted me to do the right thing with that weird liquid, and I don't know if I did! I promised myself that I'd follow you wherever, why did you have to go somewhere I can't go yet?! You and your stupid gambles, well make one with the devil down there and win, come back goddamn it! "

At this point, Levi was screaming to a grave on the verge of tears. From standing to dropping on his knees, the turned up dirt from a freshly dug hole in the ground was staining his pants. Giving him the feelings of touching the underground floors, though this time he didn't care. Fighting back an attack of tears, his hands digging into the soil and gripping it. Dirt being trapped in his fingernails, a fierce look on his face with a few stray falling tears from his eyes.

" I promise you, I'll make that sonva bitch pay. Along with aiding in to see that your final goal, your final dream is fulfilled. Even if I have to die to make that happen. "

It was a footstep, and the use of sharp senses that brought Levi out of his moment. Spinning around quick as could be, just to be met with a crying, tear stained face of one of his cadets. This was Levi's moment of vulnerability, being seen by Armin as if privacy wasn't a thing. Though now, the man couldn't hold it against the boy, dusting off himself to be free of the dirt and grime. Levi sent Armin a small glare, no words have been spoken yet, and not one really knew what to say.

" Captain . . . I'm sorry, but you should have us--. "

" Can it brat, I dunno how much you heard, and I hate repeating myself. But I'll make an exception, Erwin made his choice. I acted on it, now you might have to step up to bat. "

Levi's words drew a small gasp from Armin, making him want to roll his eyes.

" No one can live up to be Erwin, but I trust that you know what you're doing. Don't make me regret saving you now. "

" Y-Yes sir! But can I ask a question? "

That made a brow raise on Levi's face, a sign for Armin to carry on with what he was saying. The boy had to take a deep breath to even get the first word out. It almost made Levi scoff at a time like this.

" Y-You l-love Commander Erwin, sir? Is-Is that true? "

The stuttering fool really had the balls to ask. The captain almost looked impressed, but at the same time angered somewhat.

" Yeah, I loved him, Artlet. A main factor playing on in why I wanted to use the syringe on him. But something happened during it, like I said. Don't make me regret it. "

All he got was a frantic nod from the other blonde, even a salute for some reason. Levi responded with his own nod back, figuring now that his time alone with Erwin was up. Looking behind him at that grave, he sighed, his eyes narrowing somewhat.

' Don't worry, Erwin. You won't be along for long, I said I'd follow you right? Into that same fire I'll soon be going. '

He whispered out, making his way to leave now. Going as far as to pat a startled Armin on the shoulder. His own line echoing inside his head to help cope with this, just tweaked a bit this time.

' Plunder all your dreams, and lead those crying brats to victory. In his name. '

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chalmogsico-college · 3 years

Text

The witch Mint, the wizard Tortoise, and Luara who hadn't found her style quite yet, carefully made their way through the dark pine forest just outside of the school grounds. The perpetual frost that clung to the cold soil crinkled under foot as a sharp wind rattled the branches above them. The three mages were warm in their enchanted robes even as their breath fogged the air infront of them.

"I'm sure he's fine," Mint said, his arms crossed tight across his chest and his voice shaking just so slightly, "Hell, he was probably just running late. I bet he's already at the class room and we're going to be in trouble for not being there."

"No way," Luara replied, as she pushed onward towards the small cabin they knew was somewhere around here, "Professor Van Shamanov is never late, and you know how weird hes been acting over the last few weeks,"

"He's been acting weird because you keep trying to talk him into summoning a new familiar," Tortoise rolled their eyes, "Let the old bastard grieve,"

"Grieving is one thing, but his familiar has been dead for like a hundred years? He needs to move on, and like, its obvious he's capital L Lonely," Luara turns on her heel to follow a different path through the woods, hopeful that This would be the right one. She doesn't worry about getting lost, worst case scenario Mint's insane sense of direction would save them.

"Yeah, I'm going to side with Luara on this one, Tort," Mint nodded as Tortoise gasped in mock offense, "You heard what Headmistress said, the man's getting to the edge of what The Viper will allow. He shouldn't be all alone in the end, and you know he won't just make a friend or something. Too much of a loner,"

"Nope! He won't make new friends because his trio is broken," Luara said,

"And how would you know that?" Tortoise quirked a brow, "Been snooping on our favorite GILF?"

Luara stopped and turned to glare at them, and to their credit, Tortoise managed to not flinch or look away for an entire ten seconds, "He isn't a GILF because that would imply one of us wants to fuck him," Tortoise intoned like a scolded child as they dropped their gaze.

"Good neither." Luara turned to set back on their way as Mint snickered.

Eventually they did find their way to the rotting cabin, a full two hours after class was supposed to have started. Luara took the old brass knocker in hand and thunked it down hard against its strike plate three times.

A moment passed with no response.

Luara raised her hand to knock again as the door swung open on screeching hinges.

Professor Van Shamanov's impressive bulk filled the doorway as he stooped down to glare at his visitors from below the head jamb.

His eyes softened as he saw his startled students, bending to step out of his home and closing the door behind himself as he spoke, "Hello," his voice was rough with too many years spent in fire warmed rooms, "I suppose I'm a bit late for class aren't I?" He untied his robe from around his waist to put it on properly as he started back towards the college.

"Yes sir," Luara never thought of herself as short until she was having to jog to keep pace with their frankly giant teacher's strides, "We were worried about you, its not like you to be late,"

"Yes, I know I've been out of it lately," He nods before changing the topic, "Did you three complete your assignment? Gathered all of your components for today?" he holds out a hand and whistls to call his staff to him, the gnarled thing shot out of the woods like a torpedo but he caught it with practiced ease before it could splinter itself against the trunks of one of the trees, "And are you positive the components you chose are the ones you want to use? The difference could very well change the course of you lives."

Mint fussed with the bundle in his pocket before nodding. Tortoise pulled theirs from under their hat and smiled as they held it up proudly. Luara pulled two from her coat, one wrapped in the yellow she preferred for her spell work, one in the soft lavender Van Shamanov did.

"Yeah, and I brought one for you two," Luara chirped as non chalantly as she could.

To all three students surprise the professor actually held out a hand for it, "I'm curious what you think I'd put in that circle," he huffed good naturedly.

Luara handed it over and giddily tossed a smirk over her shoulder at the others as Van Shamanov undid the bindings to open it up.

A moment later she crashed into him as he stopped dead in his tracks to turn towards her. Luara staggered a step back, "Everything okay professor?" She asked nervously.

"Who told you? I assume Katy, but Headmistress might have known as well," his gaze was focused on the items in his palm, a dried orchid bloom, a nickel ring, and a wishbone.

"Dean Deane ," Luara said with an averted gaze, it wasn't like the professor to show such open anger, "She thinks you need to summon a new familiar, and that if you had the same components you did for your first it might be easier for you,"

"Please do not snoop like this again." Van Shamanov said firmly before turning back on his path, "We will be quiet until we get to class," he commands.

---

The other two trios that made up their summoning 833 class perked up as Van Shamanov entered.

"My apologies for being late. Is everyone ready to begin?" He pulled a tarp from his desk drawer and tossed it into the air. It straightened itself out and settled ready for use in the clear spot in the center of the room.

He waits for the murmurs of agreement to die down before starting on his spiel, "I trust that every last one of you has put the necessary time and thought into what will be happening today. A familiar is a life partner, they will be at your side through thick and thin and will be entirely reliant on you for the magical energy that sustains their like. They will aid you in every way they can and do whatever it takes to help you as long as you return that favor. They are powerful and temperamental creatures of contract, harming or betraying them will be the last thing you do. If any one of you has any hesitations about this, any second thoughts, anything other than Full confidence in what you are about to do, what components you have chosen, or what you will say to them once they are listening, leave. You are not ready yet, and I say that without judgment, I'd rather see you leave today than with a disloyal familiar tomorrow."

He stood infront of his class, head held high as he finished his final warning and reminder and waited to see if any of his students would flinch. When he was met with only eager eyes and nervous smiles he grinned from beneath his beard, "Very good," he turned to who he has decided will go first, "Tortoise, you're up," he finishes firmly as he steps back towards his desk

"Wait, Why?" Tortoise hesitated to get out of their seat.

"Because I'm upset with Luara and I know she wants to go first. By asking you to go first I am acknowledging that as directly as I am ethically allowed to." He takes his seat at his desk as Luara pouts.

"Why not Mint?" Tortoise looked to his friend who blanched at the suggestion, "Never mind, I forgot he was a coward," they sighed and pulled their bundle of components and their wand from beneath their hat as they stood to go to the edge of the circle.

The bundle was dropped in the center of the interlaced runes. The room was near silent beside the soft crackle of the torches. With everyone's attention on them Tortoise knelt in one of the smaller warded circles that surrounded the larger summoning circle.

Their instincts told them to just start pouring magic into it, a show of power to attract an equally powerful familiar, but Professor Van Shamanov had warned them against doing that. Power and Impulsiveness were not a good mix. Besides, they were a wizard, without structure their magic would fizzle and drain too quickly for them to really get anything going.

So, they took a deep breath and reached out to the warding line, pouring magic into it to set it glowing and active. Familiars didn't tend to turn violent with their summoners even if they declined the offer, but it never hurt to be cautious. Then they found the connecting line, the one that wrapped around and around and around the circle, that conected it to the other they'd be reaching into to try and coax a familiar across the boundary from one universe to another. Finally, they found the call line and pushed a surge of power through it, along with the promise of their favorite dice set, a bell they found in the sand outside their childhood home, and a bracelet their little brother had made for them before he passed away.

Speaking the meaning of the offerings was not a necessity, but Tortoise always struggled with the ephemeral and passing concepts along a line like this was definitely more a witch's skill than a wizard's.

"I offer you a dice set with the blessing of The Raven, she's my patron and she could be yours as well. A bell I found when I was young, I carried it with me on a chain around my neck for many years, it doesn't ring anymore but it holds more memories than I could speak, and a gift from my little brother, he didn't know about magic, but he told me that it would protect me. And well… I haven't died yet? So, I assume it works," they take a breath to find their center, "I am called Tortoise and I ask for…" They paused, this was the part that even with the years they had had to think about it, he could never decide on, "I ask for a friend. Someone who's sturdy and who I can rely on."

A hushed moment passed as the candles flickered and the smell of ozone filled the room. At first a fine mist formed within the summoning circle, it glittered like a frozen fog as it passed from its world and into ours, though soon it was thickening around the offered items and taking a solid form.

Tortoise couldn't help but choke out a laugh as a galapagos tortoise took shape before him. Its dull grey shell alone was bigger around than the circle Tortoise knelt in,

"What am I called?" the tortoise asked with a smooth water thin voice,

"Wizard," Tortoise responded with the name that formed heavy in their mind as soon as the tortoise had taken shap. They grinned and stood and let the magic fade from the circle, to set Wizard free of the bindings on it that trapped her within it.

"I look forward to being your friend, Tortoise," Wizard said as she made her way out of the circle with the slow elegant confidence only a fey shaped like a tortoise could muster.

The rest of the class clapped and jeered, Mint shook their shoulder as they took their seat, and Luara clapped and half jumped out of her seat to take her turn before Professor Van Shamanov could call on someone elsee.

Tortoise couldn't stop smiling after Wizard got comfortable next to them, nor could they focus on their friend's turn. They had a familiar and they looked forward to being her friend.

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xbellaxcarolinax · 4 years

Text

Forging A Heart (Ivar the Boneless) 18- Protection

Pairing: Ivar x Artemis (OFC)

Word Count: 4461

Warnings: None

17- Goddess

...

"Are you afraid of me?" He asks.

"...Should I be?"

"You once were."

"I was. You were an ass." Ivar chuckles.

"And now?"

"And now it is you who looks afraid." Artemis smiles, shifting under the furs. He sucks his teeth.

"I do not."

"But you are nervous."

"Are you not?" He asks, tugging her arm when she tried to leave the bed. She giggles in his warm embrace, laying her chin on his chest as she brings her eyes to his.

"I am," She says, "But I trust you.

Ivar grunts as he hobbled his way toward the church. He barely paid any mind to the meeting, thoughts of the night before circulating in his mind. Heat creeped up towards his neck and onto his chiseled cheeks.

He hoped Hvitserk paid enough attention to explain whatever the meeting was about.

Ivar felt like a child, worse, he felt like Arvid, the hopeless dope. But while Arvid displayed his hopeless romanticism, Ivar buried his true feelings, only displaying, well, his usual self. Cranky, bitter, and dissatisfied. Ivar could only hope that he wouldnt mess it up.

He couldn't mess it up.

The harshness of his braces scraped along the stone floors of the church. He could never be inconspicuous like he wanted, but not even he could disturb her from her prayers. The light shinning through the crucifix shaped windows casted over her, giving her an ethereal appearance.

Ivar blinks, biting his lips before grunting again.

"Must you do that?" He calls out to her, his voice palpitating against stone walls. The response was immediate.

"Yes. Must you always interrupt?"

"Yes," Ivar snorts, "Is your cross not enough?" Artemis flutters her eyes open, craning her head slightly to flash Ivar an annoyed expression. He never forbade her from praying to who ever she was praying to, but he didn't prefer it. He'd rather have her on her knees for him.

Before he could conjure up more inappropriate thoughts like a prepubescent boy, she interrupts him.

"You are ridiculous." Artemis stands, dusting off her skirts before making a sign of the cross.

"And you are like the bishop, always in prayer." Ivar grumbles, sending away the guards and sinking himself down onto the alter steps behind her to rest his aching legs. He twisted round to gaze at her "What are you even praying for, hmm?"

"Forgiveness." She says without hesitation.

"What for?"

"Fornication." She mutters, already knowing Ivar could not make sense of the word.

"What?"

"For mounting a heathen." She says, plopping down again on her knees beside him.

Ivar narrows his eyes, a pout ready to form as pink dusted over his cheekbones. He was more timid and introverted about such things than she was, for obvious reasons. He knew she'd heard the stories back in Kattegat, the rumors of his impotence. But they were just stories concocted to shame him, as he had been shamed the entirety of his life.

Perhaps she regretted it.

He prepared his words, fiery and dangerous on the very tip of his tongue in retaliation but cut himself short when she broke out into a grin.

"Ivar," He liked the way his name fell from her her lips, "I'm only teasing."

Oh.

He supposed he earned her teasing humor, it was her way of settling the score.

Ivar huffs with a roll of his eyes, but he couldn't stop the smile that itched at the corners of his mouth, eyes twinkling in amusement as she lowered her head upon his shoulder.

"You're not funny." He mutters.

"I think I am." She says, shyly playing with his fingers.

Ivar had...very skilled fingers.

"Protection." She clears her throat.

"Hmm?"

"I was praying for protection." Confused, Ivar nudges his shoulder to get her to look at him.

"Do you think I cannot protect you?" He asks, leaning forward enough to trace his nose along her face. He feels her smile, her lashes tickling his cheeks

"No, I know you can, but..." She pauses in all seriousness, struggling to find the right words, "Who will protect me from you?" He pulls away from her, the question hitting him full force, like a blow upon the head.

Ivar's eyes were wide in shame, brows curved in worry.

He hadn't forgotten that day, nor what he had done. He shamed her. He remembered her angry red back and the tears streaming down her face in humiliation. He wouldn't forget it, thinking it could be put into the farthest corner of his mind, but it was clear she couldn't do the same. He didn't blame her.

That night he had gone to see her, for no other reason than to sit with her, but once he saw Sigurd there attempting to comfort her, he crawled away in his anger. Sigurd was always-

Oh. Sigurd.

Had he forgotten already? His death had caused turmoil and distrust, and Ivar still wasn't sure if his brothers would ever forgive him. And Artemis? Perhaps she thought him a monster.

"I don't know what to say," Ivar frowns, his shoulders sagging, "My heart grieves for the pain I've caused you."

"Then say nothing," Artemis replies with a shrug, "But just so we are clear, I expect nothing of the sort to happen again." There was a sternness in her tone, a warning.

"Forgive me," Ivar pleads, shyly bringing her closer into an embrace. She melts against him, closing her eyes when he runs a hand down the expanse of her long hair. "I will always protect you, I swear it, upon all the gods. Do you believe me?"

"I believe you," She smiles into the crook of his neck, "But that is not up to us."

"Mmm," Ivar hums, finally loosing his patience and lack of courage, carefully hoisting her onto his lap, "I suppose you are right." She yelps in surprise, her arms going around his neck in support.

"It is up to the gods."

"Or God." Ivar scoffs.

"Explain to me what it is your God can do that Odin or Thor cannot?" Artemis places her brow against his temple as she thinks for a moment.

"He can give a man wealth and strip him of such luxuries, like he did in the story of Job." She says.

"I don't know of this Job."

"He was a rich man under the protection of God. One day the devil decided to test him, stripping him away from his luxuries and family to see if he would stray away from God. But he didn't. He remained faithful, and God restores him his wealth." Ivar didn't look impressed.

"A man can just take wealth," He snorts, "As I have here in York."

"A hainous act, if you ask me."

"Well, it is good I didn't asked you then." Ivar smiles against her wild hair, breathing in her scent. They sat like this, in comfortable silence with only the outside bustle as a disturbance.

"Do you... pray for me?" He asks hesitantly, lowering his chin onto her shoulder to shield his face away from her.

"I have," She nods, "I have prayed for the Lord to soften your heart." Ivar let's out a soft chuckle, tightening his hold on her. She felt so small in his arms, fragile and innocent, yet he knew she was capable of much more than a weak disposition. She could probably hammer a man to death if she wanted.

"Then I suppose your prayers were answered," He mutters, "Like...a miracle?"

"You know about miracles?"

"The bishop has attempted to enlighten me on such things."

"A heathen learning of Christian ways? Are you ill?" Artemis places the back of her hand upon his brow, checking for a fever she very well knew wasn't there. Ivar rolls his eyes but smiles, grabbing her hand to give her knuckles a quick kiss.

"There you go again believing you are funny."

She ignores his comment, bringing her fingers to probe at the tightness of his hairstyle. His hair was twisted away from his face and pulled back towards the nape, his preferred style. It made him look regal, but she missed his silken hair splayed out on his shoulders. It so easily slipped through her fingers.

"Baby bird?"

"Hmm?"

"Your mind wanders again." He chuckles, already knowing how easily her mind distracts her.

"Oh, well, I'm only thinking of you." She says, her eyes leaving his twisted hair in favor of looking at him.

"Good thoughts I hope?"

"Good thoughts," She repeats, offering him a bashful smile, "And how warm I feel in your arms." His brows shoot up, a smirk curling at the corners of his lips.

"Then I suppose you shall never leave my embrace."

...

There would be an attempted invasion of Kattegat, and Ivar's mission was to dethrone its queen. Ivar had grown weary of such ill feelings towards Queen Lagertha, and his desire was to end her life and take over his home as its rightful king.

Many claimed it to be a war that would bring about Ragnarok, the end of their world.

His mother was dead, living on in his memory, but his heart would never be at ease until Lagertha's blood was on his hands. He spoke of it many times in the past, but now it was becoming all too real. It was a dangerous mission, Lagertha was not a weak woman and neither were her warriors. The fortifications around her city were well guarded, and she was well loved by her people.

Such thoughts plagued Artemis, and for once, she truly worried for Ivar's life. He was never afraid to prove himself, and such was his pride, made to smile in the face of danger. So young yet so ambitious, Ivar could not be persuaded otherwise. He was certain he would be victorious with his gods by his side.

The journey back to Norway would not be long, but the winds worried some. The days of storm clouds finally broke into clearer skies, the perfect sign that the gods favored their journey. King Harald had left soon after the 2 kings were defeated with the intentions of carrying the news to Queen Lagertha. It was Ivar's hope that the king had made it back safely into his own lands. They would reunite soon enough.

Ivar's warriors were itching for war, blood thirsty men that were insatiable. Their entire lives were centered around war and the honor of dying on the battlefield. Valhalla was only a throat slit away, but imbedded in them was the lack of fear to be taken in the arms of the Valkyries.

Ivar was no different.

Although he wanted Lagertha dead, he did not mind dying for his cause, so long as he took her from the earth as well. He always thought his life useless, perhaps for his legs, and once Artemis had heard Sigurd say their father practically left him for dead. It didn't bother Ivar in the least, not anymore. He had come to terms with death since he left his mothers womb. He didn't fear it then, and he would not fear it now.

The anxiousness plagued her. It settled in the pit of her stomach uncomfortably. She felt this way when forced from Crete, and again when leaving Kattegat. Leaving meant more wars and no peace, more death and blood, and more distance between who she was and who she is now.

Day after day she felt less of a Christian, less of what she knew and who she was raised as. Ivar was keen on her forgetting her old ways, her old life, as it would serve her no good. At least, that was what he believed. But how could she? Heahmund was a bitter reminder, and although he was of western faith and she of eastern, they did believe in the same concept.

Odin, Thor, Loki, Frejya, Freyr, Baldor...these entities that were taught to her in constant lessons by Ivar and Hvitserk couldn't overshadow her own beliefs, not just yet, and not in the way they wanted.

Whenever the winds blew and carressed her cheeks, Ivar said it was a blessing from Frejya, or when the english skies boomed with thunder it was Thor riding his chariot towards the heavens. But they were just stories to her, greatly reminding her of the ancient tales of her ancestors.

Yet, in Ivar's eyes, she could see how he wanted her to take part in his traditions, in his warrior culture, and most importantly, in his life. To know their language was one thing but to completely assimilate into it was entirely different.

Artemis was reminded of Helga at such times, how the blonde woman would want her to be a part of them, even as a slave. How the woman would laugh if she knew how far she has come. She thought of her every now and then, reminiscing the few memories she had with the kind woman. Helga would be greatly missed.

She struggled with this, even now, with the sight of the dragon headed boats bobbing by the waters edge, intimidating, as they begin their preparations to sail away, back to where they came.

Artemis would be sailing back, not as a slave, but as a free woman. It was strange. Before, she wanted nothing more than to run, to escape and never look back. But things were different now.

Ivar was no longer just a crippled bastard, and she was no longer just a thrall.

Ivar said it was the gods who placed her there, and it was the gods that saw to her destiny.

It didn't make sense to her, but Ivar was certain everything was for a reason, that she was taken from home for a reason, and that his affections for her was for a reason.

Everything was for a reason.

Being taken away from home, only to get involved in foreign wars did not seem reasonable. But then again, love wasn't reasonable, and her new relationship with Ivar was beyond anyone's understanding, sometimes even her own.

She just hoped he was right.

...

Everything was set for departure, and the shoreline was littered with Ivar's army, scattered about in excitement for what was to come.

Artemis leans far over the side of the ship, swirling her fingers into the clear waters. She was thinking, that much was evident to Ivar. He sat behind her, watching her with keen eyes. If he wanted to, he could probably read her thoughts.

"Be careful, you might fall over." He warns.

"I'm fine."

"No, you are thinking again."

"No, I'm not." She calls from over her shoulder.

"What are you thinking of?" He tries again. She sighs, moving away from the edge to look at him. His brows were raised in question, motioning for her to sit. She drags her feet, plopping down in front of him.

"Well?"

"I was thinking of my father." She says quietly, her eyes appearing quite sad.

"You must miss him," Ivar comments, reaching for her hand to run his thumb over her skin, "I understand."

When his mother died, he was inconsolable, mourning her death deeply. It has been a year after her death, he still silently mourned her. Artemis was ripped away from all she knew, from her only family. He recounts the time she had mentioned the death of her mother and then her brother, leaving only a father in her life.

Although Ivar's family has been severed at this point, with his own brothers battling for dominance, he was always surrounded by family, slaves, and even Floki who watched over him when Ragnar never did.

He sympathizes for her.

"I do." She sighs, "He could be dead and I would never know."

She had twisted the scenarios over and over in her head till she mentally exhausted herself. The prospect of her father's demise sent pangs of pain to her heart. If he wasn't dead, then surely he was dying of heartache for a lost daughter, just as she had been suffering the heartache of separation. She hoped that he wasn't guilt ridden for her disappearance. It wasn't his fault.

Ivar continues to eye her, admiring her simple beauty. He smiles, mentally thanking the gods for her. She was not at all what he thought her to be.

Ivar let the silence fall upon them as he thought for a moment, pursing his lips before speaking.

"I will be king of Kattegat." He announces suddenly, almost haughtily, his chest puffing out in pride.

"...Indeed you will," She replies bewildered, "So?"

"So, as king, I will organize many expeditions." There was a smile on his face. He was speaking to her as if she already knew where his ramblings were going.

"And?"

"And perhaps one would be to the Mediterranean." She blinks, her face twisting into further confusion. She stares at him, their eyes in a constant battle.

"To raid?" She asks suspiciously.

"To explore," He corrects. Artemis snorts.

"You want to explore the Mediterranean?"

"Your island, Crete," Ivar shrugged, playing with his axe as he usually did. He runs his calloused thumb over the freshly sharpened blade before continuing, "We could inquire on your father, if you'd like."

He had never seen such a look on her face, mostly because he couldn't describe it. It was a mix of confusion, happiness and shock, all in one. Her mouth opened as if to speak but she immediately presses her lips together as she couldn’t find the right words to express her thoughts.

"Ivar, are you being serious?"

"Why would I be lying?" He demands, placing his axe aside in favor of pulling her closer to fill the gap between them. He kisses her as he so loved to do. He never realized how much he liked to kiss.

"So let me understand this," She says over his persistent lips, giggling when he takes a nip at her, "You are willing to take me back home to inquire on my father?"

"You sound doubtful." He mutters over her lips, still on his quest to devour her.

"It sounds impossible." She sighs, ducking away from him. Ivar frowns.

"Why? It wasn't impossible for Bjorn to bring you to Norway, why would it be impossible to bring you back?" Artemis licks her lips, shrugging her shoulders as she begins to play with the ends of her braided hair.

"You would do that for me?" She asks shyly, keeping her eyes low.

"I think you deserve it." He pushes a few loose strands of hair behind her ear.

"Please, just make sure not to make any promises that cannot be kept." When she finally brings her gaze to his, he sees the glossiness in her eyes. He gently pulls her forward into an embrace, and she immediately borrows within him.

"Once I secure Kattegat, it shall be done." He whispers in her ear, smiling when he feels her nods against him. She pulls away, offering him a peck to which he beams, right before catching a glimpse of someone that soured his mood immediately.

Annoyed, Ivar cocks his head, sneering at Arvid before crossing his arms like a child.

Artemis knew exactly what bothered him, and with a sigh she turns round to see Arvid at the shore line with Alfhild, bidding their farewells to the men. Alfhild waves at both Ivar and Artemis with a grin on her face before retreating back to their camp, leaving Arvid alone to brood. His eyes catch hers as if begging her not to go.

"Well go on, you have my permission." An annoyed Ivar says, clearly daring Arvid to try something.

"I am not sure I should." He sucks his teeth.

"He needs to understand you have chosen."

What he meant to say was that he needs to understand she has chosen Ivar.

Artemis cracks a smile at Ivar's brooding form, standing up slowly as if dreading the meeting.

"I will be here," He reassures, though it was not as if he were going anywhere else. He shoos her off, watching every step she took off the ship, onto land, and straight to Arvid.

The annoying prick.

Artemis timidly smiles at Arvid, mostly because she had no idea what else to do. He stood with his arms crossed in a disapproving manner, his eyes swimming with many questions.

"Have you forgotten you are a free woman now?"

"I haven't forgotten." She says.

"And still, you choose to go with him?"

"Clearly that is what you see, Arvid." She calmly says, not wanting to attract attention.

"I don't think it wise."

"And I am not seeking your approval."

"Hmm." Arvid snorts. He shakes his head but says nothing more of it, "I want you to have this." He says, fishing into the pocket of his trousers and revealing a leather cord with a small pendant hanging from it.

Artemis takes it in her hands, and upon closer inspection she comes to find it is Mjölnir, a small representation of Thor's hammer. She noticed it everywhere, Arvid wore it about his neck, as well as Hvitserk, and even Ivar, hidden under all his leather and armor.

"Do you know what this?" He asks her, watching her run her thumb over the grooves of the small pendant in curiosity.

"Thor's hammer," Artemis replies, peeling her eyes away from its details in favor of finding answers in Arvid's eyes,"Why are you giving this to me?"

"So that you may always have Thor's protection," He says, his eyes looking past her and onto a more focused point, "To protect you from those who would hurt you."

Artemis looks behind her, only to meet Ivar's cold eyes staring back at them with such intensity, a sneer settling on his handsome features. Arvid stared back just as fiercely, both stubborn men resembling hungry wolves with an innocent doe between them.

"I don't know what to say," She says, turning back to him, "This was thoughtful of you. Thank you."

"Take care of yourself." He says, finally looking away from Ivar and onto Artemis's softer features.

"You as well, and may your child come safely into this world. I shall keep you and Alfhild in my prayers." Her genuine words soften him a bit, and he rubs the back of his neck.

"Perhaps we shall cross paths again?"

"Perhaps."

Artemis smiles, casting him one last look before heading back towards the noisy docks. Ivar sat patiently waiting for her in the lead ship, Bishop Heahmund's sword appearing at his side suddenly, leaning against his left leg while he held his axe tightly in his right.

Ivar always had the appearance of being shrouded in mystery when wearing his black cloak, watching like a predator as Artemis came back to him.

She collapses beside him, running her fingers on the surface of the silver pendant over and over again.

"He is absolutely besotted with you." Ivar snorts.

"I haven't a clue why."

"You are a treaure." Artemis snorts this time, but the seriousness in Ivar's tone meant he was not jesting.

"What? I am but a woman."

"And?"

"A foreigner."

"So?" Ivar smiles, crossing his arms and leaning back against the ships railings.

"I thought you didn't favor foreign girls."

"Artemis, shut up." He breathes, draping an arm around her shoulders to bring her as close to him as possible.

She laughs, stretching her legs out right beside his. She watched his hounds whine in their cages in the farthest corner of the ship for their fear of the seas. The little hound that ran between her heels sat away in his own cage, attempting to sleep with all the noise going about.

Ivar grips the pendant in his own hand, and she was afraid he'd throw it over board. Instead he admires it.

"Certainly made by Arvid. His work never disappoints," He remarks, placing it back into her hands, "It's for protection."

"Just like yours." She says, placing her fingertips gently onto the delicate skin of his throat before reaching to grab his necklace that remained hidden. Ivar's Mjölnir was larger and in more detail compared to Artemis's dainty one.

She felt him swallow thickly under her touch, a much desired reaction that excited her.

"Mhm." He hums with a sigh, leaning in to plant a kiss to her brow, smiling against her skin. She leans against him, closing her eyes as the winds swept across her cheeks, and the small waves rocking the ships lulled her into comfort. There was a moment of peacefulness that happened often when they were alone, a comfortable silence where the singing of the sea birds brought about tranquility.

"Ivar," Hvitserk calls out to him, "Everything is ready for departure,"

"Very well, tell the men to sound the horns."

His older brother runs off, shouting for the horn signals. They were heard immediately, and men started to remove the ropes from the masts, the ships slowly drifting off into the calm waters.

The nervousness came back to haunt Artemis, settling again in the pit of her stomach. It must have shown on her face for Ivar quickly grabbed the pendant from her hands and gently placed the leather cord over her head and onto her exposed collarbone.

"Worry not, baby bird," He says to her with a reassuring smile, "You have our protection."

...

"Welcome Ivar, Hvitserk." Harald's smile was brighter than the sun, even from quite the distance away across the docks, his grin was blinding.

"Is that not Astird?" Artemis heard Hvitserk whisper to his limping younger brother, who only shrugged as best he could while maneuvering on his crutch.

"Seems Lagertha is running out of alies." He whispers back before politely smiling at Harald, who greeted both Ragnarssons with a firm shake of hands.

"My queen," The king introduces, "Astrid." Lagertha's former shieldmaiden wore a passive expression, her blue eyes outlined in the blackest khol. She was pretty, and quite tall, dressed in the finest of fabrics and jewels, but she still carried the air of a warrior.

"Welcome." She says to them, inclining her head in respect. Harald's intense stare falls behind the brothers and onto Artemis's small form, carrying her hound in her hands like a babe upon its mothers breast.

"Artemis?" He says her name with a chuckle, "Ivar hasn't killed you yet?"

"Not yet, King Harald." The king belts out a laugh, turning to look at Ivar who was not particularly amused.

"She is my companion." Ivar answers the silent question.

"Oh?" Harald turns his eyes back to her, brows raised.

"I am a free woman, King Harald." It felt strange to say such words.

"Well then, you shall be recieved in my home as a free woman. I welcome you all to Vestfold."

...

@heavenly1927 @didiintheblog @rastakami23 @inforapound @leilabeaux @ostra814 @zumzum96

#ivarxofc #ivarfanfiction #ivar imagine #ivar #vikingsfanfiction #vikings fanfic #vikings ivar #vikings #alex hogh andersen #ivar the boneless

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tatsuma86 · 5 years

Text

End of The Line

So I havnt written anything in a long time, but this idea was bouncing arround in my head all day so here we are.

The day started out quiet enough, the nine hero's are currently in Hyrule's world and are making their way to the nearest town to resupply. They had just used the last of the potions the night before because Hyrule managed to break his arm when him and Wild were supposed to be out gathering firewood. How they came back all banged up, Twilight doesn't even want to know.

"Only you two can manage to get so beat up looking for firewood. I swear to Hylia, you're going to be the death of me." Twilight Groaned as he walked between Time and Wild.

“It’s not our fault. That ledge came out of nowhere.” Wild attempted to defend them but the look on both Time and Twilights faces prevented any more excuses.

The group continued on in silence until a fairly cool breeze blew through them causing a few to shiver. Wind, being one of the smallest was clutching his arms around himself to help ward off the cold.

“Here.” Wild walked over to Wind and plopped his hood onto the smaller hero. Grinning up at Wild, Wind took the garment and fastened it around him.

“Thanks!” As they continued their trek Hyrule stated that the town should only be about another two hours of walking, which earned only a few groans. It was about mid afternoon when things took a turn for the worst. Seeming to almost appear out of nowhere, monsters from multiple different hyrules surrounded the band of heros. Taking out their swords, they all prepared for quite the battle.

“It looks like whatever brought us all together is really starting to rear its ugly head. We are gonna be in for the long haul boys.” Warriors shouted.

“No showing off, just get the job done and do it quick. It looks like there is about thirty monsters or so. Keep an eye on each other and keep your head in the game, remember we are all out of potions, if it seems like we are gonna be overwhelmed we will fall back and regroup. Got it!” Time gave his orders and there was a resounding agreement. The battle began and was going fairly smoothly despite the numbers. After about a half hour of constant fighting, dodging and parrying, the battle came to an end. Luckily everyone was still standing though looking a bit worse for wear. Unfortunately nobody got out of this one unscathed, though no one was too beat up just a little battered and bruised. As everyone stopped to catch their breath, a noise in the forest next to them caught their attention, especially that of the Hero of the Wild. The mechanical whirring was slowly getting louder as it made its way closer to the group.

“What is that?” Legend voiced everybody's question, well everyone's except Wild, who was frozen to the spot, staring in the direction of the noise. Through the trees a guardian beam shot towards them, barely missing Twilight and effectively putting everyone back in high alert, aside from Wild.

“Nononononono. This can't be happening. They should all be dead.” Time was the only one to catch the mumblings of the frozen wild child, but before he could ask him about it the guardian made it out of the forest, its eye ready to fire, aiming straight for Wild.

“WILD MOVE!!” Time called, but it unfortunately fell on deaf ears. On pure instinct and adrenaline Time sprinted to Wild, effectively pushing him out of harm's way. He was not so lucky.

Being thrown to the ground jarred Wild back into the present as he watched the beam hit Time dead in the chest, sending the warrior slamming into the trees behind him. With a resounding thud the man lay there motionless as blood pooled around his torso.

“NOOOO!!!” The scream of Twilight shook Wild out of his stunned stuper. Wild saw red. He stood and walked in front of Time, facing the guardian, as Twilight went to check on their leader. Warriors also went to check on Time while the others stood to face the Guardian as it charged another beam, once again aiming right for Wild, who had his shield out and ready. As soon as the beam fired Wild lunged forward and slung the blast back at the machine, and not wasting any time sprinted forward. Just before the gaurdian Wild squatted down and activated Revali's Gale, sending him high into the air over the mechanical beast where he pulled out his bow and his last ancient arrow.

Time seemed to slow as he pulled back the string and activated the ancient technology, taking a deep breath he let the arrow fly straight and true as it pierced the guardians eye. The resulting explosion went virtually unnoticed as everyone stared in stunned silence at Wid as he landed and sprinted to Time. With the initial shock gone the others rushed to their leaders side as he struggled to breath, his head cradled in Twilights lap as Warriors tried to stop the bleeding. There was a tense silence as everyone took in the situation. Suddenly reminded that there was no more potions.

“Come on Old Man, you can't do this to me you gotta get it together.” Twilight begged, though he already knew the inevitable.

“You shouldn’t have taken my place. I would have been fine. I’m suppose to take the hits no one else can, because I can get back up dammit!” Wild shouted as he joined his hands with Warriors to stem the bleeding. A shaking hand came up to rest on his cheek as Time let a small smile grace his face.

“You're not alone anymore, you don't have to fight on your own anymore Cub. Let us take some of that burden from you.” With that Time let his hand drop as the light faded from his eyes.

“NONONOOO! PLEASE! Please.” With a broken sob Wild and Twilight both begged as tears flowed freely on everyone's faces. Through the panic, the two descendants didn't notice that they were starting to fade.

“Um, Wild, Twi. What's happening to you guys?” Came the shaky question of Sky as he stared at the transparent heros. Sucking in a sharp breath, Wild stared at his shaking hands then looked up at Twilight, who was wearing a matching expression of shock and horror.

“I. I think it’s because of Time. W-we.” Unfortunately the group didn't get to hear the Rest of what Twilight had to say, for both heroes faded away leaving six heros and the body of a seventh in a field of an absolute masacre.

The group sat there in stunned silence as the weight of their loss sank in. The clearing was silent, aside from the soft sniffles of the grieving boys. After a few moments, Warriors stood, clearing his throat .

“We should give him a proper burial then head out, I don't want to be in this field when the sun goes down.” With everyone's nod, they got to work. The air was heavy and no one said a word as they lowered Time into the ground. They placed a stone on top of the mound to mark the spot then headed towards town, not having the willpower to stay any longer.

Though it only took them about an hour to get to the town, it felt like an eternity to the band of brothers. Not having the energy to resupply right then, they made there way to the inn to turn in for the night. Despite the battle they just fought, no one was very hungry so they all just got ready for bed. The rest of the night was spent restlessly, and even though they were all extremely tired, no one could sleep. When the sun rose in the morning, they all sluggishly got up to get the necessary supplies in town. Though before they left the inn Legend finally voiced something he had been curious about since they buried Time.

“Hey Wind?” The young boy looked over to Legend.

“Where did you get that hood?”

#loz #what have done #i regret nothing #wild #time #twilight #linked universe

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destiel-love-forever · 5 years

Note

Hi, I hear you're taking prompts? 😊 Could you do a post S13, where Dean is injured during a hunt. As a result, he ends up deaf or blind. I don't mind which. Also, maybe make it Destiel? But not already in a relationship. Thank you. 😊

- Hello! Thank you so so much for this prompt. I absolutely loved writing this. I’ve never done an injured fic for some reason, but I’m glad I got to with this one.

Read on AO3: Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace

“He’s not talking to anyone about it,” Sam warns Castiel before the angel can even open his mouth to ask.

Castiel glares at Sam as he rips off his trenchcoat. Not only did Dean’s brother fail to call him immediately after finding Dean's vessel emptied of Michael - waiting four fucking hours before telling him that Dean was blinded- but he also seems to be trying to convince him to leave Dean alone. It’s not going to happen. Castiel doesn’t care what stubborn Dean Winchester wants. He doesn’t care that Dean doesn’t like Castiel healing him. He doesn’t care that Dean likes to suffer in silence. Sam isn’t stopping him this time.

Castiel will fix this.

“Cas,” Sam warns again, grabbing his arm when Castiel tries walking by him to get to Dean’s room.

Castiel takes a deep breath, reminding himself that he loves Sam almost as much as he loves Dean. “Sam, I’m going in there. Don’t even think about trying to stop me.”

“He’s really upset.”

“Well, I can imagine. The man can no longer see!”

“No, you don’t,” Sam closes his eyes and shakes his head. “You don’t understand the full extent of it, Cas.”

For the first time since storming inside the bunker, Castiel actually slows down and pays attention to Sam. “What do you mean?”

“It's not just his eyesight. It's - Michael did something to his mind. I don't know what. Whatever it is, though, that's what's making him blind. His eyes appear otherwise fine. Uninjured. Not hazy or weird looking like Pamela's were. There's no reason for him to not be able to see. But he just can't.”

Castiel can hear that there's more, even though Sam stops there. He asks, “What else?”

“Huh?”

“What else has Michael done to Dean's mind?”

Sam winces. “I'm not sure. But he's different. Almost void. He recognized me and smiled when he heard me but it was distant. And he just gives short answers, his voice floaty like he's distracted. Sometimes he winces, too. Like he's in pain. And when he does that, he presses his fingers against his temples and squeezes his eyes shut.”

Rage thrums beneath the surface of Castiel’s skin. When this is over, when Dean is okay, Castiel is going to hunt down Michael and kill him slowly. Painfully.

“I need to see him,” Castiel tells Sam.

Sam nods. “I know. I just needed to tell you - warn you - first.”

With a tight smile of understanding, Castiel excuses himself and heads down the hall toward Dean's bedroom. When be gets to the door, he places his hand against the wood and closes his eyes. He can feel the emotion pouring from the man he loves. It's blue. So very blue.

He pushes the door open and sees Dean jump, clearly unsettled by the fact that he can't see who it is. Putting him out of his misery, Castiel quickly whispers, “It's okay, Dean. It's me. Cas. You are safe.”

Dean relaxes on the bed and beneath all the blue, Castiel sense a slight violet. The same color he sees in his mind when Dean looks at him a little too long, or when his touch lingers on Castiel as he walks by.

Sitting on the edge of the mattress, Castiel looks into Dean's unblinking eyes. Sam was right, there's no visible injury, but he still needs to at least try.

“I'm going to touch you. Stay still,” he warns. Then he places two fingertips against the center of Dean's forehead and closes his eyes to concentrate. He feels his grace build and build and build before - nothing.

There's nothing for him to fix. Or, more accurately, nothing he is capable of fixing.

“You can't help, can you?” Dean asks, resigned as he sinks into the bed and squeezes his eyes shut.

For a moment, Castiel is quiet. He pulls the thick blanket over Dean and tucks him in, then softly cards his fingers through the man's hair. “No, Dean. I cannot fix this. But we will find a way. We always do.”

“I'm scared,” he admits, his voice cracking down the middle.

“So am I.”

“He did something to my mind too. Not just my eyes. I can feel him inside it.”

Castiel tenses. “What do you mean?”

Dean looks up at him. Even though he can't actually see Castiel, the skin around his eyes tightens when they land on the angel. Emotion floods the bright green irises. “Every time I think, it's like he's pushing against the thoughts. He's making me doubt everything. Making me worry. Making me lose all hope.”

“Dean-”

“Cas, do you love me?”

Startled, Castiel is thankful that Dean is blind - as terrible as that makes him - because Dean can't see the swift reaction the question yanks from Castiel. It takes everything in the angel to swallow the lump in his throat and croak out the question, “Why?”

“Because I always hoped you did, and he's saying you don't, and it's driving me fucking nuts. He's bothering other thoughts too but this one feels like he's screaming at me. Like he's slamming himself against it with all his might. I need to know the truth, Cas. Please.”

With a soft touch to Dean’s cheek, Castiel whispers, “Yes, Dean, I do.”

Big green eyes blink up at him as if Dean can actually see. “Really?”

“Of course.” Castiel shifts his fingers until he’s cupping the side of Dean’s face. He smiles when Dean leans into the touch and hums in appreciation. “How could I not love you, Dean?”

“How much time do we have?” Dean asks with a frustrated little huff. “I could list things all day.”

“Anything you could list would be a reason to love you, Dean. Trust me. I’ve watched you be an idiot for years. I’ve seen you drink until you can’t walk or talk. I’ve seen you make some questionable choices for sexual partners. I’ve seen you sacrifice yourself for family. For the world. I’ve seen you fight with Sam. Fight with me. I’ve seen you hate. Love. Grieve. Fail. Succeed. I’ve watched you laugh until you cry. I’ve watched you cry until you laugh. Dean, I - I’ve seen you in hell.” He pauses, allowing all of that to sink in. “When I found you, you had a blade in your hand, an innocent soul on your wrack.”

“She wasn’t innocent,” Dean mumbles in a weak defense.

“She was in hell because of a deal she made for her dying 3 year old son, Dean.”

Dean slumps back, eyes sliding closed. “You never told me that.”

“You knew they were all mostly innocent, Dean. You’re smart. You understood the truly evil souls didn’t need to be put on your wrack.”

“Yeah. I - yeah.” Dean scrubs a hand against his face. Then he laughs at himself. “Why the fuck would you love me if you knew I knew that, Cas?”

“Because,” Castiel whispers softly. “You were never more human than in that moment I saved you, Dean.”

Scoffing, Dean says, “Yeah. A weak human.”

“No. No, Dean. That humanity was your strength. It always will be. The angels say I gave up everything because I fell in love with humanity, but that’s not true, Dean. I fell in love with your humanity.”

A silence falls over the room, heavy and overwhelming. Castiel knows he needs to let it remain until Dean is ready to talk. It’s easier said than done.

To distract himself, Castiel shifts on the bed so he can pull Dean into his arms. He presses his lips against the top of his head before resting his chin in the spot. One hand is resting on Dean’s hip, holding him tight, while the other strokes soft circles on his bare arm.

With a deep breath, Dean asks, “Do you regret it?”

“No.”

“Have you ever?”

“Not for a second.” Castiel smiles to himself. “I’ve regretted many things, but you, Dean Winchester, is not one of them. Never will be.”

“Even though I’m blind and useless now?”

Castiel chuckles, trying to pretend the words don’t twist a knife in his chest. “First of all, you could never be useless. Second of all, don’t underestimate us. We’ll fix this.”

“One of these days, we won’t be able to fix it. What if this is that time?”

“It’s not.”

“Cas-”

“Dean, it’s not.” He forces himself to move past the fact that he’s pretty sure his relationship with Dean has gone from friends to romance, focusing instead on the problem at hand. “Talk to me about him. What is he doing right now?”

Dean pauses, trying to do an assessment. “Nothing. He’s silent.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

Castiel shakes his head. “I want to test a theory.”

“Oh?”

“Close your eyes.”

For a moment, Dean just stares at him - or a few inches to the left of him - green eyes bright. Then he does as told. It takes him a few seconds but he finally relaxes against Castiel, keeping his eyes closed, and waits patiently.

“Keep them closed until I say. Promise?”

Dean shifts, then nods. “Promise.”

“Good.” Castiel takes a deep breath, then whispers, “Dean, you can see. He’s saying you can’t but he’s wrong. He’s messing with your head. You can see.”

“But I can’t.”

“Just like you couldn’t believe I loved you, until I convinced you otherwise. He’s not inside you anymore, Dean. It’s just like when Sam got his soul back. He saw Lucifer, and Lucifer could drive him crazy, but none of it was real. Michael isn’t inside your head, Dean. I can’t sense him. There’s no grace in your body.”

“Then why can’t you fix me?”

“Because there’s nothing to be fixed, babe. It’s all in your head. You can see, Dean. He just wants you to believe you can’t. But I promise, you can. You can see.”

Castiel feels Dean sink into his hold. “I’m afraid. What if I open them and I can’t?”

“You can, though. No reason to be afraid. Trust me.” Castiel presses a kiss to his forehead. “You can see. Say it.”

There’s a long pause but then Dean nods once and whispers, “I can see.”

“You can. I promise.”

“Okay.”

“Do you trust me, Dean? Do you believe me?”

“Yes,” Dean says without hesitation.

“Then open your eyes.”

Dean hitches a slight breath before slowly opening his eyes. He stares straight ahead without blinking and Castiel’s heart begins to sink. Just as he’s about to apologize for getting Dean’s hopes up, for making an educated guess and being wrong, Dean’s launching out of his lap and turning around so he can straddle Castiel.

With wide green eyes, Dean studies every available inch of Castiel’s face. His hands come up to map it as well. He smiles and a tear falls from his right eye. “I forgot how beautiful you are.”

“Rude,” Castiel teases, his lips pulling into a smile as his body sags in relief.

Dean rolls his eyes. “Shut up, you know what I mean. I just - I never let myself look long enough. I never got much of an opportunity to memorize the details.”

“Well, then. Take your time.” Castiel sinks back against the pillows, getting into a comfortable position. “I’m not going anywhere.”

With a shy smile, Dean begins to study him more thoroughly. He maps his forehead, his fingertips dipping into the wrinkles there before smoothing over his eyebrows. Castiel’s eyes flutter closed so Dean can gently touch each eyelid, then caress the soft black lashes attached to them, tickling Castiel’s cheekbones where the hair kisses the skin. He taps the bags under his eyes, worry churning in his gut because angels shouldn’t look so damn exhausted, then traces the crows feet that are barely noticeable at the moment. He smiles to himself, thinking of how deep they get when Castiel grins. When he laughs.

Castiel blinks his eyes open and Dean memorizes them. The color is so deep and pure, but just along the inner edge of his right iris there’s a lighter blue, same with the left. It’s the same shade as angel grace.

Dean blushes when his fingers touch Castiel’s soft pink lips. He’s imagined kissing them so many times. They’re fuller than he thought, plump and giving as he prods at them. The dip in the bottom lip is just big enough for the tip of his thumb to rest there. Castiel parts his lips ever so slightly to make room and Dean’s breath catches.

Their eyes lock and the room fills with an electricity that makes even the angel shiver.

“What are you thinking?” Castiel eventually whispers, when the air around them has built toward a lightning storm.

“How thankful I am that I can see this. That I’m here - right now - doing this.”

The lips surrounding his thumb twitch into a smile. “You’ve touched and seen, but you haven’t tasted.”

If Dean didn’t feel like he was standing on the edge of an abyss, maybe he’d tease Castiel for how smoothe that was. He’s too in over his head, though, and all he can do is grin like a complete idiot. “Maybe we should fix that.”

“Oh, we should definitely fix that,” Castiel says with an air of authority.

Taking Dean’s wrists in a gentle hold, he moves his hands so that Dean is cupping Castiel’s stubbled cheeks. Dean has only a second to appreciate the new texture before those lips he was just studying are against his own. He gasps into the kiss, eyes wide open like he’s afraid if he closes them, he’ll never be able to see again. Then Castiel’s tongue darts out to lick along the seam of his mouth and Dean can’t help but melt against him, parting his lips and closing his eyes.

They spend the rest of the night in Dean’s bed. Each new area that’s exposed to Dean is observed, traced, and tasted. Castiel takes turns too, even though he memorized the man’s body long ago. Castiel kisses each freckle on Dean, and Dean kisses each scar where an angel blade nicked or sliced Castiel. They explore and catalog every inch until they could conjure an image of each other with their eyes closed.

Then they explore a little more, just for the sake of touching and tasting each other. It’s nearly dawn by the time they get around to making love. It’s mid-afternoon before they wake up and manage to emerge from the room. Sam is standing in the kitchen, stirring rice and veggies in a pan on the stove. He turns to Dean with a worried expression, ready to ask how he’s holding up, when his eyes lock with his brother’s. He knows immediately that Dean can see him.

Before he can rejoice or ask how Castiel fixed him, Sam begins to register other details of his brother. He’s wearing Castiel’s white dress shirt with only two buttons done, in the wrong holes by the way, making one side drop lower than the other. It’s slightly too big for Dean, something Sam would never dare point out, but it makes it so one shoulder is uncovered as it droops down. The shoulder matches Dean’s exposed collarbone and throat, which are covered in bruises. Sam grunts, looking over to find Castiel bare chested and wearing a pair of Dean’s worn out sweatpants. His grace has faded most of the marks on his body, but it does nothing to battle the obscene sex hair, flushed cheeks, or kiss swollen lips.

Sam can’t decide if he should be wishing he were blind, or if he should be jumping up and down in a fangirl-like joy. He settles for in between.

“Three things,” he begins, looking between his brother and the angel. “First, how can you see again? And is it permanently fixed?”

“Michael was just manipulating his thoughts through the damage he did while inside him. Once I helped him overcome those mental blocks, he was fine. It should be permanent. He hasn’t heard Michael since last night.”

The two exchange a look that makes Sam uncomfortable. He does not want to know what was distracting his brother.

“Okay - uh, great. Good.” Sam sees a new mark on Dean, a full bite right on his trap muscle, and cringes. “Two, then. If you are gonna be doing - well - this, here, then there needs to be ground rules. Don’t be gross.”

“Gross?” Castiel asks in equal parts curiosity and confusion.

Dean grins mischievously. “Whatever do you mean, Sammy?”

“I mean gross, Dean. I grew up with you, asshole, remember? I don’t wanna be walking in on you two doing things on the fucking kitchen table or couch or - oh, god - or the library! Don’t you dare ruin the library. Or my bedroom! Bedroom and library are strictly off limits, I don’t care if I’m across the country and you know you’re safe. Off. Limits.” When Dean’s smile just grows, Sam points a finger at him like he’s scolding a small child. “I’m serious, Dean! Cuddling on the couch and kissing and what not is fine - but I’ve seen your naked ass too many times in my lifetime. I don’t need to see it again, especially not while you - you - ya know -”

“Actually, Sam,” Castiel cuts in, looking pleased with himself since he now understands. “You would more likely see mine, as Dean is the bottom in our-”

“Hey, no!” Dean yells at the same time Sam sputters, “What?”

All three stare at each other for a long time. Sam breaks the silence with a shudder and a whispered, “How did that whole blind thing work? Were you mentally blind, too? Because I’d like to be mentally blind right about now.”

“No,” Dean says, looking like he’s caught between humiliation and amusement. “You’re stuck with that mental image, little brother.”

“Well, then, the least you can do is keep it mental. Keep the nakedness away from me.”

Dean opens his mouth, but Castiel nudges him with an elbow and rolls his eyes. Sam can’t help but notice how, even when Castiel is trying to silently scold Dean, the angel can’t bite back a giddy kind of smile.

Castiel turns to Sam, nodding. “We promise, Sam.”

“Fine,” Dean says with a dramatic sigh. “We promise to try.”

“Well, I suppose that’s all I can ask for, then.

“Didn’t you say three things?” Castiel asks with his hand in the air like a shy kindergartner.

“Yes,” Sam says, finally allowing himself to grin. He steps forward and grabs both of them by the back of their necks, tugging them into a group hug. “Number three, fucking finally. I’ve been waiting for this since the damn apocalypse. I thought for sure if the world ending wouldn’t get you two to realize you were meant for each other, nothing would.”

Pulling back, Dean smiles over at Castiel, practically creating hearts in his eyes. “Guess all it took was someone teaching me how to see. Really see, this time.”

Turning back to his food, Sam begins to add more ingredients so all three of them can eat. Castiel goes to the fridge and grabs a bottled water to share with Dean while Dean begins to make coffee just a few inches to Sam’s left.

After a minute, Sam begins to hum, forcing back a smile. At first, Castiel and Dean just continue what they’re doing. Dean pours coffee. Castiel sips water. They sit down together, Castiel taking the entertainment section of the newspaper and Dean taking the comics.

It isn’t until Sam starts muttering the words that Dean freezes. He manages to get seven more words out, “- lost but now am found, t’was blind” before the rolled up section of newspaper is wacking the back of his head, sending him into a burst of laughter.

Unaware that Sam was teasing, Castiel picks up the song with his soft, raspy voice, “T’was blind but now I see -” As he continues, Dean settles back against the counter, staring at the angel in wonder as he sings off key and scans the newspaper for what Dean is sure will be some movie for them to go see that Dean will hate.

Sam stops stirring, observing his brother watching the angel. Dean’s never looked so happy. The amount of relief and joy that floods Sam’s body makes tears well up in his eyes.

Amazing Grace, indeed.

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