#antidepressants never worked anyways so

[hauntedbythenarrative]

Very depressed vent in the tags

#sometimes idk how i should go on with life #like #italy didn't need a fascist government #sometimes i think the only way out is death #at this point nothing makes sense #i enjoy nothing #everything is pain and the world keep getting worse and worse #and i don't want to live in a stew thanks to global warming #my therapist says that in general everyone rn needs to persevere (?) i'm too sleep deprived to search it on google translate #but why should i persevere? for what? a future where i have even zero rights than now and no job perspectives #and my region had become a desert #i don't want to live in that future #sometimes i think the best year of my life was 2017-2018 and that's it i can never have something like that ever again #i can't even enjoy the stuff i enjoyed before uni and all the trauma it caused me #i just hate everything and myselfnand everything i did and every choice that took me here and there isn't much to do about it #antidepressants never worked anyways so #and rn i'm also having a lot of problems with being lesbian (luckily nothing related to catholic guilt i never had that kind of stuff) #more like i have a reptilian brain not used or made to be around people and it's complicated and this vent is already long #and tumblr tags have a limit #i finished peach soju so i can only make myself herbal infusions #it's a messy vent ik i'm sorry #emma and her stupid vent

[szczylpierdolony]

i love not taking my meds and then complaining im experiencing symptoms. girl it’s your own fault

#omg why can’t i get out of bed and do things :((( #<————— hasn’t taken antidepressants regularly since like the first half of july #and mind you i started them in july as well #but they weren’t really working i don’t think???? #i started showering more regularly but that’s abt it #but bc of that they don’t feel like it’s worth the hassle #and yes i consider having to remember to take one pill a hassle #and i should call my doctor bc there aren’t many left but i don’t feel like doing that #what’s gonna happen i’ll go and say they didn’t do shit and that’ll be it #ig theres a chance she’ll have me take a higher dose #when i first started going to her and she asked me abt my prev meds and when i told her my dosage #she just went: and it wasn’t suggested you go higher? #which likely didn’t happen bc when asked if just say i was doing ok bc i was ig by my standards #but i think my doctor thought i was functioning which wasn’t the case not really #that’s the issue i think i have no idea what to say to doctors so i just go yeah i’m ok idrk why i’m here #so it never goes anywhere #but they rarely question me either so idk shouldn’t they be trying to see if the suicidal person is being truthful lmao #anyway bc i haven’t been taking the meds regularly i’m now experiencing the fun fucked up heartbeat thing again

[mugiwara--ya]

oh btw guess who just got

✨ Medicated ✨

#its gonna be OVER for all yall #i went to a neurologist who specializes in adhd and told her about the uhhhh everything about me #they sent me to take a million tests and for now they put me on antidepressants that also work on adhd #and if these don't cut it for my adhd specifically then they'll give me something on top of them #im also gonna start ‼️‼️THERAPY ‼️‼️ #for the first time in..... way too fucking long!!!!!! #im gonna vibrate out of my skin im so so so so happy #i had a humbling realization like a week or two ago #that like. i was never gonna schedule an appointment by myself and i needed to ask someone to do it for me #and sara love of my life gave me the push i needed #i ended up scheduling the appointment by myself (and found one for the very next day ‼️) #but i couldn't have done it without sara giving me that first lil push #i love her so much its unreal #so anyways!!!! hopefully I'll finally be able to get back to art and design and who knows #maybe I'll end up actually finishing my degree this year wjkdkfjdkskkd #but im not getting ahead of myself lol one step at a time #sol.txt #im so happy

[theloveinc]

ughhhhh the frustration of not being where u want to be as a writer but struggling to change or improve and not knowing why <<<<< 

#also like. for some reason im really struggling in my english classes this semester? #like maybe bc i only declared majors last semester but im definitely the dumbest person in all my classes #SO WEIRDDDD and uncomfortable bc even in conversation im kinda just 'uhhhhhhhhhh' all the time #and granted ive been struggling in regular conversation too like with my mom even #but all my writing... for class.. academic... on here... reads so badly to me #and i just can't seem to like . put in the work to fix it either #cuz if i tried any harder i'd never actually finish anything #ITS SO STRANGE like i know i can only progress further but what is happening? #could be antidepressant related if im honest but i don't know how #but everything i type... even simple stuff im just like. ew #and i wanna fix it but nothing comes out #anyway not complaining bc like. ik im at least a little talented #but im really stuck in a weird place yeesh #ok thats it thanks for reading if u did #caitie blabs

[bbigmood]

pee ree id!

#i’m looking for a new job #which means not smoking the one antidepressant that WORKS #and as a replacement i’ve been drinking like crazy. like to the extent that i’ve developed a severe eye twitch #anyways on a similar note. my pop socket drives me nuts and i just ripped it off in a fit of alcoholic rage #so i will need to buy another tomorrow #if this is remotely legible that’s crazy anyways i wish weed was legal in texas and i wish it wasn’t on standard drug tests #because i fucking hate alcohol #and its side effects and when this is over i’m buying a fucking brick of cannabis and a 6’ bong and never touching alcohol for 6 months #i am going to change the stock price of weed when i can smoke again. i’m gonna shift the economic value of it. i’m gonna make my plug rich #I HATE ALCOHOL. I HATE THAT ITS LEGAL AND WEED ISNT. I HATE EVERYBTIGN

[toothmarqed]

it sucks cuz i have everything in my life to feel happy and i still don’t. friends that care about me and i see daily or weekly, a generally ok home life, going to go to a great college, part of clubs and have interests. what the fuck am i missing. why is there a hole in my chest. why does it always hurt so bad. i’m so fucked up always

#i can’t be happy i feel so bad i want to cry all the time #when i should be enjoying things i’m just thinking about how badly i want out how i can’t tolerate it #like there’s this pain in my chest that never ever goes away #and a hollowness in my. a fucking emptiness. it sounds emo af #maybe the psychologists and shit were right and i do have bpd #because i’m on antidepressants and it’s like they don’t work #i don’t know what to do anymore #every time i get in front of my therapist i end up lying like a mf for no reason #i really badly want to tell her that i’m not doing well but i just cant say the words i skirt around it and say good things instead #i want someone to see that i’m suffering #that’s dramatic lmao #anyways vent over

[dykevenusian]

i love going through my personal tag it’s like getting to remember my life

#personal posting #this is meant to be read as /lh btw #anyways i’m sicky but actually trying to get better whilst rescheduling my therapy appt bcus APPARENTLY #calling out directly before or after a holiday means you don’t get paid for said holiday #and i hate this hellworld we live in so much #and i am so so sleepy also emotionally speaking i could not handle going into work today so hopefully everything is squared away for tmm #taking space from another talking stage that this time got too emotional too fast and like that never happens with me #so i am. very confused by this. also i think it’s fucking with my memory even more that we smoke so much together i literally get my days #mixed up #idk man i’m just trying to survive out here but i don’t feel like i’m doing a good job except for when i do #hey also jic future me is wondering no i’m not back on antidepressants yet #i should be soon tho! i’m getting them delivered #this feels like the movie momento. i am momento #also like can i just have the time to make my life solely about hanging out with gay communist bitches who also want to cuddle and make out #and take it slow. and maybe not be monog? (idk abou that yet i’m just not please with it rn) please and thank you #speaking of going thru this tag i’m trying to find out when i stopped being on my antidepressants and i feel like i can tell by how frequent #i say Thing Are Getting Bad

[cherrysnax]

bleh

#Im out of antidepressants n birth control so that’s prolly why I feel so blank inside but like #part of me is so mad I let people guilt me into not killing my self #and I know how that sounds #weghh not ‘mad’ but more like #now what #im here #what do you want me to do #I don’t want to be here I have like 4 things I care about. I don’t want to talk to people I don’t want to do anything #and I still am but I’m just rotting #is that any better than just killing myself? I wasn’t made for existence and I think it’s okay to acknowledge that now #im bad at being a person and I don’t want to anymore!!! bro I been suicidal since I was 8 am I just a good actor so these people think pilld #actually work lol 😭 they just make me numb and TAHTS part of the reason I wanna die #im not living I’m just here ✌️ and everyone knows I’m not gonna fucking amount to something #I don’t get why killing myself would be a bad thing if u believe in like heaven or whatever we’ll all go there eventually #well not me #or my parents #I don’t think I believe in that anyway. how the fuck do I have acid reflux I ate ONCE today #but yeah we all die why can’t I choose. I have like 4 wants maybe. #and like money wise me killing my self is the worst option only because so many people have invested in me #but I never told them to do that. that’s on them #whatever I need to take a walk tomorrow I’ve been in my room for too long anyway #prolly get my head clear or whatever #suicide ment #vent #I would much rather vent abt how much I wanna kill myself than try and regret it

[theartinmyheart]

.

#lol no it definitely is the antidepressant working #cuz for like a good 6 months I was really good like had zero depression #but then it went downhill again and that’s when I realized #that I really do have MDD and that it didn’t just magically disappear #but now that I got dopamine back I can really tell a huge difference #but I think I need to mourn having MDD my whole life a bit #bc those 6 months and the past week have been so good for me #and it’s like damn #I never felt peace and optimism like this before ever in my life #and that is truly just so sad for my inner child and inner teen and even younger 20s #anyways. it is sad and I may feel it out later #I’m in a good mood rn so I can’t do that rn lolll

[candywife333]

One of the guys

pairing: OT7? alphas X chubby wingwoman HYBE counselor Y/N (omega in hiding)

NEW MINISERIES (almost resembles a series of just drabbles)

Summary: She's the man. No literally. She totally is. At least in the perception of everyone at HYBE. She hangs out with the guys like a pro , strategizes with them to get them any girl of their choice, gets rid of their one night stands with ease, convinces their FWBs to leave them alone, provides constructive criticism about their sexual techniques, and even counsels them when they are having mental breakdowns. In essence, she makes MEN out of boys. Is that her job description? Not exactly. But she does it anyway. Because Y/N just happens to be one of the guys.

Warning: cursing, crude language, eventual smut

PART 2

"Y/N!!!! Y/N?!!!! PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR. I NEED YOU!! I AM GOING TO BLOODY DIE OTHERWISE!! PLEASE GIRL, OPEN THE DOOR AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY FIRST BORN CHILD". y/n scoffed as she heard the ruckus outside of her door, first born child? What was she the antichrist, or a demon? The closest to that she ever got was using cow placenta face masks on a Sunday and babysitting her niece.

She opened the door in bewilderment adjusting her thick specs, goddamnit, the constant disguise got on her nerves some days. She stared up blankly at a perspiring, anxious looking Namjoon who was frothing at the mouth. "Sure Namjoon, come in and while you are it, why don't you tell me why you want to sacrifice a squealing, diaper pooping little human being to me? Maybe we can work that into a schedule".

He sat on the comfy couch on her office, as she blew out her lavender aromatherapy candle, turning off her zen bamboo lights. He blurted without preamble in a nervous frenzy, " I am not able to take my penis out of my foreskin ".

Y/N was the only one he would ever come to with such a concern, because she wouldn't laugh in his face and judge him. Y/N tapped her floral pen on her stationary sheet and wooden pad. Her tapping brought his attention to nails painstakingly painted pale pink color with a pink diamond ring surrounded by a halo of smaller diamonds on her left hand that twinkled in the dim light. That was new. He never had noticed those on her before.

She calmingly inquired, "Are you on any medication Namjoon? Any antidepressants or heart medication, or did you ingest any herb recently"? Namjoon stuttered, somewhat soothed by her expressionless, blank face, "No. Not that I know of". She continued asking him, "Were you getting your morning erections and any nocturnal ones prior to this? And also, do you have diabetes or atherosclerosis"? As he answered negatively to all these questions, Y/N sighed. Then she quietly asked, "Do your regularly clean down there, with soap and warm water"?

Namjoon froze. "Ex--x-xcuse me"? Y/N sighed again, she rephrased , "To your own knowledge, do you clean up every time you have a shower down there by retracting back your foreksin from your penis and washing it with at least some warm water". He remained silent til he gasped out ," Yes ....I think I do ". Y/N put down her clipboard , keeping her hands on her thighs, looking directly in his eyes.

"You have a few options Namjoon. Either you can go to the clinic a few blocks away, and get it checked out by the urologist, who I can notify regarding your complaints. And he will get it figured out. Or, I will have to examine the situation since I am a licensed psychiatrist (a doctor nevertheless)".

Namjoon sat there in confusion, Y/N was a licensed psychiatrist, an actual doctor? Since when? So, her counseling idols was the usual for her? Then it all made sense. So that is why nobody had to actually go outside of HYBE to get basic medication/psychiatric medication prescriptions. That is why the prescriptions would always be written in her loopy cursive handwriting.

Then he realized he had to answer her. He decided to let her examine, as embarrassing and humiliating as it was. He didn't have time with the upcoming showcase the day after tomorrow to run to an urologist. "Please examine me y/N".

She nodded in assent and told him to get on the examination table which had been lined with a long white sheet. She turned on a circular examination light told him, "Take your pants and underwear off, and lie down flat on your back. I will examine you, so let me know if I am hurting you. I will stop or be more careful if that is the case".

She turned around , her back briefly facing him so that she could get sanitize her hands before placing gloves on. Namjoon noticed a protruding mass wrapping around her long baggy shirt. Did she by chance, have a big ass? It was a little silly to think that way, but they had never seen her in anything else. And her specs occluded her face, so they couldn't tell what she looked like without them.

Y/N took off her tinted glasses, and low and behold, Namjoon was starstruck as he saw her beautiful face. She had the biggest eyes and a classic round face, with beautiful lips the color of carnations. He was so distracted at her gorgeousness, he didn't realize she was trying to retract his penis from his foreskin. He erupted loudly, "OWWWWW. PLEASE STOP". She held his member more gently as she sighed, stating in a placid manner, " You have to clean down here a little more frequently Namjoon. After sexual intercourse, when in the shower regularly, and especially after a workout. This is called smegma, this white stuff. And it is basically dead skin cells that don't get cleaned off and build up as gunk. Let me get some saline solution and a pair of artery forceps and I will try slowly retracting it".

Namjoon blushed in embarrassment. Y/N took some saline solution on a gauze pad and gently started working it around his penis , making him slightly wince due to the sensitivity. Y/N internally sighed. Thankfully she didn't need to use artery forceps to pull it down. After dislodging the smegma, she was able to pull his skin off of the penis. It took some more time than usual, because there was a good amount of buildup and the man had a big D. Surprise, Surprise.

After fixing the situation, Y/N motioned for him to dress up once again. Namjoon, looking less stressed, but still flushed from the somewhat humiliating experience thanked Y/N, " I am so sorry to waste your time Y/N". Y/N waved away his concern, "That's what I am here for man. Just make sure to regularly clean that area with warm water okay"? Sheepishly smiling in agreement, Namjoon, taking a seat gingerly at the edge of the sofa.

Nodding reassuringly at him, Y/N concluded, "If that will be all, then I will talk to you later. Please let me know if you have any concerns later on, and I can help you out".

Namjoon walked out breathing a sigh of relief, that his problem was easily resolved even though he was mortified that she had to see something so intimate. He shouldn't be so inquisitive, but how was it that her face was so pretty but she covered it in thick framed glasses? And the rest of her appearance was drab and uninspiring expect for her pink accented nails and earrings. Surprisingly ,he had even gotten the faintest most alluring whiff of strawberries and cream that he couldn't place. Not her usual scent. Something alphas like him catalogued frequently, scent patterns. He had a feeling she was hiding a whole personality this entire time right under their noses.

If she was hiding her appearance and her scent, what else could she be hiding?

#chubby reader #bts x plus size reader #bts x reader #eventual smut #bts x chubby reader #bts x curvy y/n #bts x fem reader #bts x omega #alpha bts x omega y/n

[ambassadorarlert]

a compilation of some of my personal armin head canons. lmk if i should do another. this is kinda long, sorry not sorry. <33 NSFW 18+ ONLY MDNI

scorpio sun, virgo moon, capricorn rising.

- sun in scorpio: emotional and compassionate / intense and mysterious

- moon in virgo: service minded and shy / analytical and judgmental

- rising in capricorn: loyal and ambitious / unfulfillment and drudgerous

armin is the sweetest person to exist ever

- treats you the way he wants to be treated and more than you ever thought you could ever deserve.

- would rather die first than to hurt your feelings

- and when he does it’s never on purpose and it’s always sorry for it and will try to make up anyway he can

- always goes out of his way to make things easier for you

- his love languages are acts of service, physical touch, and quality time

- if your space is kinda messy he’ll do his best to reorganize and clean up for you

- needs to live in your skin. hugs often. holds your hand any chance he can. plays with your hair. lays in your lap. touchy touchy touchy

- date nights ever weekend, or every other weekend. tries to go somewhere nice and do something grand once in a while.

- he’s too embarrassed for full fledged PDA, but chaste kissing and holding hands is okay.

neurodivergent

- might be on the spectrum. you kinda gotta squint.

- has some kind of sleep disorder like insomnia or parasomnia.

- prone to nightmares

- also has depression, ptsd, anxiety

- does not take medication, like an antidepressant, even though he should

- he tries not to lay around too much when he’s around you or staying at your place, but when he’s alone in his own home he can stay in bed for literal days.

- his grandfather is getting older and his parents died when he was young so he has looming anxiety of death and losing people he loves.

- also has separation anxiety. he’s like one of those howling cats when their owner leaves for work.

- is kind of a picky eater. goes out and orders either alfredo pasta or chicken tenders.

- will stay up rlly rlly late until he can’t stand it

- drools in his sleep so if he’s laying on you, there’s a little wet spot lmao gross

anxious attachment style

- you remind him every single day that you love him, that he’s the only one for you, and that you’re happy in your relationship

- but he just can’t help not feeling adequate and good enough so sometimes his insecurities bleed out into other things.

- it gives him peace of mind that your location is on and he can see where you are.

- he goes through your following almost every day to see if anything has changed.

- will sometimes ask “do you know this guy?” when he sees you’ve gotten a new follower or if someone leaves a comment on one of your pics.

- super cyber stalker. if somebody leaves a nasty comment he can find their full name, place of employment, where they went to school, and their grandma’s facebook.

- he definitely screenshots the ugly stuff and sends it to their family. and says “this is how your offspring talks to people online” and that he “doesn’t appreciate you being treated this way.”

- other ppl would think he’s doing too much and sometimes it is but you know and understand him better than most people ever would.

- goes through your stuff when you’re not there

- he’s not looking for anything in particular, he just likes looking through things and seeing what you have

- smells everything. lotions and body washes. perfumes and hair products. reads the ingredients in your skin care. doesn’t know what any of it does.

- wears your house robe when you’re not there either. walks through the halls like a student at hogwarts.

cares for your animals when you’re gone or need help

- befriends whatever pet you have.

- your aloof and distant cat adores him and crawls in his lap.

- your dog follows him in every room and waits for him outside the bathroom. he cannot escape.

- if the litter box needs to be cleaned, he’ll do it.

- he’ll walk your dog and pick up your yard. might try to teach your dog a few new things.

- he’ll feed whatever you got in your cages or tank and refills all bowls and water

- gives them extra treats and snacks just because

passionate and sensual

- sex isn’t just sex for him. it’s like another way to connect emotionally with one another and be completely vulnerable and experiment with things.

- always has his mind in the gutter and is always down to jump your bones. or have you jump his bones.

- is a switch, equally enjoys being dominant and submissive.

- when he’s being dominant he wants to consume every piece of you. he kisses you everywhere, touches you everywhere, reminds you that you’re his and no one else’s.

- whispers to you about how good you feel around him. how tight you are. he loves the way you sound. he wants to stuff you full of his cock. likes to bend you over and watch how wet you get and watches his cum dripping out of you.

- wants to breed you so bad but alas. birth control.

- tries to convince you to get off of it. that you don’t need it and whatever happens, happens, and that he can support you.

- when he’s submissive, he whines and mews. he’s begging for more, harder, faster, uses his manners and says please and thank you like a good boy <33

- he turns you down most of the time when you wanna suck his dick, but he can never get enough of eating you out.

- his favorite positions are prone bone, doggy, missionary ofc, and when you ride him

- once he’s in sub-space there’s no coming out of it until he cums.

- his bookmarks on twitter is literally all porn, and he likes some weird stuff.

2023. do not copy or repost any work by arlertwitch on any other platform. violators will be prosecuted.

#my writing #armin arlert #armin headcanons #armin x reader #armin x fem reader #armin x male reader #armin x y/n #armin x black reader #armin x you #armin imagine #armin drabble #armin one shot #armin fic #aot #attack on titan

[bad268]

Could you do another pezzy fic? Maybe even the rest of the boys too (puffer, droid, Grizzy) something like a faceless streamer getting like made fun of and the boys help them?

Agoraphobic (Pezzy X Faceless! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Miscellaneous

Requested: Clearly (You caught me in a Pezzy mood, so I tried it lmk if it's shit)

Warnings: Online hate, agoraphobia

POV: First Person POV

W.C. 1291

Summary: When chat takes hate too far, the reader quits only to return for more hate (and loosely based on Agoraphobic by Corpse Husband).

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

My whole career started by accident. The pandemic shut down everything, including where I worked, and I got laid off. Streaming became a sense of normalcy in the craziness that was the world. Games were what I did best given that I was a game designer and tester. 

It started one night when my boyfriend, Pezzy, talked about it. He said his friends were thinking about it, so the next day, I logged onto Twitch.tv and streamed my favorite game for the moment, Among Us. It was a low-IQ game, and the fun graphics were interesting to look at. I joined a random lobby, and the rest was history.

I blew up from my imposter plays and impeccable detective skills. My viewers went from 10 to 100 to 1,000 and before I knew it, I was at 250,000 viewers. Through this time, I never care about a camera. Mainly because I knew they would tear me apart, and I would not subject myself to that torture. However, recently, it seemed that people did not even need to see my face to trash me.

“If you guys can’t behave, I’m going to either get more mods or just quit,” I said one day on stream when it seemed like the hate was never-ending. Every other message I saw was a comment about how I am probably ugly, I can’t pull anyone, or just flat-out calling me degrading names.

It never stopped.

I put up with it for nearly four years before calling it quits. Despite the support from Pezzy, telling me not to listen to anyone else, it was hard to be berated every second of every stream especially when it seemed like everyone used the highlighted texts or text-to-speech to shout at me. 

It really took a toll on my mental health. I became so self-conscious, and the fact that I had severe social anxiety did not help my case. I retreated into myself as I got bigger, and the bigger I got, the more paranoid I got. It got so bad to the point where I retreated into my house, and I could barely function without antidepressants.

One day, I was feeling spontaneous. I wanted to stream. I wanted to game. I wanted to interact with people. I asked Pezzy if I could join him for a Mario Kart stream, but play off-camera in the same room. 

The stream started off fun. I won a few, lost a few, and had some fun battles in the game against Pezzy’s friends. Then, it turned south.

Ex-fans and haters filled Pezzy’s chat and his friends’ streams. Their mods could not keep up either. It was becoming the only thing we could see, and it was getting in the way of their normal conversations with their chats. 

“Mods, do we need some backup? Where did these people even come from?” Puffer said as he looked to his moderators for help, but noticed they were doing as much as they could. “There’s so many of them!”

“It’s like they spawned out of nowhere,” Grizzy laughed before getting serious as well, “but for real guys, knock it off. They’re not doing anything wrong.”

“Yeah, if it doesn’t stop, I’ll end stream right now,” Pezzy gave an ultimatum as he looked over at me to see how I was reacting. I was pretty numb, but my mood was visibly ruined. “You know what, guys. I’m gonna end the stream anyway. I don’t know when I’ll stream next, so look at my Twitter. Bye, guys.” 

The other guys did not need to be told twice as they followed suit and ended their stream as well. They each sent reassuring messages to me as I left the room once the camera was off. 

I walked outside to sit on the patio. Since we just moved to the new house, we had not had the chance to get patio furniture yet, so I took a seat on the concrete. I was still under the cover, but I sat right on the edge. It was pouring rain, something that rarely ever happened, but it was my favorite weather. Rain was always so calming for me, and it made me feel at peace despite the thunder I read online. 

After a while, Pezzy joined me. He sat beside me with a blanket that he put over my shoulders and pulled me into his side. The serenity of the rain combined with the comfort from Pezzy helped calm my racing heart.

“I love when it rains” I broke the silence, looking out into the yard as I refused to look toward Pezzy. I let it hang in the air for a beat before I sighed, “I can’t do shit right. I can’t learn my lesson. They don’t want me online, but they give me shit for not streaming. I can’t even play with your friends without them finding me.”

“It’s not your fault they’re assholes,” Pezzy consoled as he rubbed his hand up and down my arm. “It’s never been your fault.”

“It’s my fault I subjected myself to it in the first place,” I pointed out. “If I had never streamed in the first place, I never would have been in this situation. These people are taking the piss out of gaming, and I’m sick of it! I can’t go outside without thinking someone will find me! I am so paranoid about my privacy. It’s like I’m on house arrest.”

“You know the odds of someone recognizing you are slim to none,” Pezzy tried to intervene as I spiraled.

“No, Pezzy, you don’t understand how I think,” I pressed, turning to look at him as I grabbed his hands. “Pezzy, they’re always asking questions about my face, and I can’t stand it. They will stop at nothing to get what they want. I lived in three apartments before I agreed to move in because somehow, someway, someone found out where I lived, or at least they found my P.O. box and said they knew my address. I live in fear every day that someone is going to find me.” I stopped for a second to let Pezzy absorb what I was saying. I could see the recognition in his eyes. I continued, “Pezzy, it has been 1000 days since I had the first threat. I have not been able to function for 1000 days. I love you, Pezzy, but you will never understand how I think. It’s just too complicated.”

“Listen, I may not understand it completely, but I’d like to. I love you too, and I never understand you fully, but I will always be here to support you,” He leaned in to kiss my forehead before leaning his forehead to mine. “I don’t want you to fight your battles alone. I’m here for you. I do not care how many people I gotta fight to tell you otherwise. I’ll fight from the trenches if I have to if it means I get to help you through anything causing you pain.”

“You don’t mean that,” I dismissed, looking away as I felt tears fill my eyes. “You really don’t, Pezzy. As much as I know you care, there is no way you’d be willing to help me in that way.”

“I do! I’d do anything for you,” Pezzy consoled as he put a hand on my chin to turn my face to look at him again. “I’m with you till the end of the line, remember? We’ve known each other our whole lives, and I’m not leaving your side. I don’t care how dark or difficult it may seem. You are my person till the end of the line, and I’m here for the long ride.”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

#pezzy x reader #pezzy #pezzy x you #pezzy x y/n #big puffer #bigpuffer #grizzy #elastic droid #elasticdroid #hurt/comfort #youtuber oneshot #youtube #youtubers #bad268 #ship268 #thing268

[bullet-prooflove]

Meet The Writer! - Also a Year in Review

I don't usually do this but I thought I would throw up a meet the author post so you could get to know me a little more!

I think sometimes it's hard to remember that's actual people behind the usernames we see on our screens so I thought I'd pop up and say Hi.

So a few things about me:

I'm 36 heading towards 37.

I have a Master's in Creative Writing and run a very small, local social media company, which is more side hustle then income but I love my clients.

In April I came off my antidepressants for the first time in over a decade and it was like I could see the world in technicolour, music sounded richer to me and it completely changed my life.

I've struggled with mental health issues the majority of my life, the latest being August of this year when I had a breakdown which has led to a complete re-evalutation of my life. It made me very ill and I am still in recovery as we speak.

In August/Sept I started putting out my work for publication and have been published three times this year.

In Nov I quit my job working with teens in the care system due to a toxic workplace situation that caused my breakdown. This was truly terrifying as I am not entitled to any benefits because frankly the UK benefits system is a joke.

Doing this has given me the space to look at what I want to do moving forward. I signed up to a few places as a creative writing tutor and had my first client on 30th Dec. I honestly loved the experiance and have decided it's something all the time. So if you're looking for help with that pain in the ass manuscript hit me up!

I'm also developing a portfolio as a makeup artist and gel nail tech, things I wanted to explore when I was working full time but never had the chance to.

When I look back I can't believe how much has changed for me in the past year and I never envisioned that I'd be where I am now. There have been times when I've thought I wouldn't make it through the year but I did and I'm still here, still growing. I guess I hope that if there's anyone else out there, who has struggled or is struggling this resonates with you.

You're not alone, I've been there and so many other people have too. We are more than just names behind a keyboard and I thought it was just important to remember that.

Anyway I've rambled long enough!

Happy New Year to everyone who is trying to make it in this messy world.

#meet the writer #writer life

[myceliumtoaster]

This is my clay familiar! He cleanse, he protect, and most of all, he silly!!

A little insight into my practice and how I use figurines!

I made this froggy out of clay and colored him with posca markers a while back!! He's been my familiar for a bit now. He sits on my nightstand and I give him little offerings whenever I can. I never expected to love this guy as much as I do, I'm so happy how he came out!

Besides this little guy I have a tiny ceramic dinosaur I painted (one of those $5 kits from michael's, my inner child was so excited about this one), a mini wolf figure (as you can probably guess, this one's for my shadow), and a ceramic sea turtle my partner gave me! The turtle is to remind me to take things slow and steady, and he's adorable, I love the crap out of him. Besides the frog, everyone else sits on my altar and I work with them individually depending on what I'm focusing on atm.

I had a sinus infection recently so my froggo held onto my ludens, my asthma pump, and my advil cold & sinus. As I'm writing this I'm realizing the irony- frogs are typically associated with cleansing + detoxification, as well as healing. So he was the perfect guy to keep with me in hindsight.

When I'm not sick, my nightstand ritual looks more like this:

1) Weekly I rotate the crystals I keep on my bedside table. I put the old ones next to the big selenite wand on my altar to cleanse, and charge the new ones as I add them to the nightstand. Usually it's a smoky quartz wand and a small selenite tower that occupy the table, but recently I started adding more guys! I keep the smoky quartz for grounding and the selenite for cleansing.

2) Every month or so I cleanse my dream protection bag in the same way (just plopping it next to the selenite wand for a good while), and occasionally I change up the crystals inside but currently it's a bismuth + a moonstone wand in a lavender colored bag. The bismuth is for transformation and the moonstone is for psychic protection! I like to get signs + symbolism in my dreams, but also run the risk of bad nightmares, so this is a good fit for me :)

3) My melatonin gummies + antidepressants always sit right next to froggo! He protec the meds >:)

4) I almost always keep a tarot or oracle deck on the table as well. Currently it's the Hush Tarot. I only change up my tarot when I feel called to work with a different deck.

Anyways just wanted to share bc this has been a great way for me to connect with animals even though I can't afford having a pet currently! And little figurines just bring me so much joy + serotonin how could I not love them. Hope this helps someone else out there!!

Note:

I wanna say thanks to @childofthewolvess for asking about this!! Loki knew I needed an extra push shsjsbbs

#witchblr #cleansing #charging #protection #dream magic #deity work #offerings #familiar #helpol #passive cleansing #selenite

[sirianasims]

Chapter 26

Love Me Anyway

“Welcome back, Eric, doctor Holland is ready to see you.”

“Thank you, mr. Holland.”

“Hello, Eric. How have you been doing since last time? You’re still staying sober?”

“Yeah. I think I’m doing pretty well, actually. I mean, it’s still rough sometimes, but I mostly struggle when I’m alone for too long. And my neighbours check up on me regularly and invite me over for dinner, and my parents call me at least twice a week.”

“That’s good. And the antidepressants seem to be working too – do you want to try lowering the dose a little?”

“I don’t know… actually, no. It doesn’t feel… safe. Not yet. I really don’t want to relapse.”

“Understandable. We won’t touch them yet, then. How’s your daughter?”

“Oh, Freya’s great! She’s doing well in school, she plays football and basketball and wants to go back to Mt. Komorebi so she can snowboard again. But the best thing is, I just finished renovating the house – and she got a new bedroom!”

“Her mother and I finally agreed that I’m doing well enough that she’s comfortable with Freya living with me every other weekend.”

“That’s wonderful news, Eric! I’m happy for you. You deserve it, you’ve worked very hard in the last year. What about your job then?”

“Well, I’m still running the clinic alone, and it’s hard, but it also means I’m too exhausted to lie awake for too long at night, so I guess that’s positive. I’m still debating whether to hire a nurse or a vet. But I promise that it will be a man either way.”

“Good. I don’t usually approve of hiring someone based on gender, but I don’t think it’s wise for you to be working too closely with women just yet. You still have some work to do.”

“I know. It gets lonely, though. I mean, I haven’t… been intimate with anyone for almost a year now. Not since the vacation to Mt. Komorebi.”

“I know. And I’m no stranger to mixing love and work – after all, my husband is my receptionist. But until you’ve dealt with your tendency to use sex as a distraction, I think it’s better this way. Have you given some thought to what we talked about last time, about figuring out what you really want?”

“I’m trying. It’s just… I thought I already knew, right? I had everything planned out since I was a teenager, so there was never any doubt or insecurity to deal with. And then I met Katherine and suddenly my carefully planned future looked completely impossible. I felt lost.”

“You were still able to graduate and start a vet clinic, though. That was part of your plan, right?”

“Yes, but it just didn’t… quite live up to my expectations, I guess? My plans hadn’t involved Freya or her mother at all, so everything felt wrong. And I couldn’t even bond with my daughter at first, it was horrible. I didn’t know how to deal with it, I just tried to escape it all like a coward.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Eric. You were only 23, you had a lot to deal with, and postpartum depression in men is woefully under-diagnosed, I’m afraid. But now that you’re doing better, what are your long-term goals? What do you want out of life? What about finding love?”

“Love?”

“Yes, love! I’m not going to force you to be celibate forever, Eric. So what do you want? Do you want to fall in love? Do you want to get married? Have more children?”

“I… yes? I think I do. I’ve just tried not to think about it, not since – I had an ex once, we really had something special but we broke up when we went to different universities. Then one day she came into my clinic, and I remembered how I always wanted to find true love and get married and all that. But I’d just had Freya at the time, and… things turned out differently.”

“Eric, listen. You’re what, 31 now? Take it from me, I’m twice your age, and your life is far from over. You have plenty of time to fall in love again, get married, have as many children as you want.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Well, that’s all for today, Eric. Keep working on your goals. I’ll see you in two weeks, and remember – no women, no booze.”

“No women, no booze. Thanks, doctor Holland.”

“Same time in two weeks, Eric?”

“That’d be great, mr. Holland. Thank you.”

I left feeling strange. I often felt relieved or exhausted after a therapy session, but this time I felt… excited? Scared? Maybe a bit of both. I hadn’t allowed myself to even consider getting into a relationship for a long time.

Was I even able to fall in love? I loved my parents and my daughter, but I couldn’t even imagine romantic love any longer.

beginning / previous / next

#duchellilegacy #duchellichapters #duchelligen3 #eric duchelli #freya duchelli #this boy needs so much therapy #like so much

[solzoned]

im spinning so hard ( category five autism event - smitty )

anyways life is strange headcanons for the characters and my/our own personal interpretation of them

tw for : mentions of drug use , burn injuries , mention of internalized homophobia/transphobia

Max Caulfield

transmasc bigender max . the vibes are there, max never maxine /ref

major crush on chloe . like, "you look at me i will pass out from joy" kind of crush, with "heart pounding until i pass out" love

autistic ! with a special interest in retro cameras and polaroids ! also older movies and lord of the rings

more of a semi verbal kind of person . probably owns a communication hoodie .

has never tried weed, never will even when chloe suggests it /lh

owns a guitar but is not much of a musician? but wants to get into using it more often

dating chloe, qpps with kate :]

Chloe Price

MAJOR genderfluid vibes . or genderfuckery . either way not cis whatsoever

had a huge crush on max as kids but max leaving kind of ruined that for chloe ? took a while for chloe to trust max again but eventually they started dating !

depression go brrrrr . and bpd . and adhd . self medicates with weed .

very prone to sensory overloads and tends to use weed to dampen the world around her . refuses to go on antidepressants ever again .

briefly dated rachel in before the storm but unhealthy relationship so chloe moved onto better things after the events of life is strange

very bad relationship with david, sort of eh relationship with joyce .

only dating max but open to polyamory !!

Rachel Amber

cis but not cis yknow . like if someone asks shes cis but to close friends and people, cisnt.

bpd and bipolar disorder + autism .

major adrenaline junkie and thrill seeker . craves that feeling and rush of something dangerous or rebellious .

doesn't actually know how to stay in one place ? at least not until the future . always on the move, can't be tied down .

major special interest in theatre . specifically shakespearean plays .

burn scars on her arms from the forest fire in before the storm . but it was kept pretty hush hush by her dad .

fling with victoria, followed by dating chloe briefly, then frank bowers . then back to victoria in the future :3

Victoria Chase

i physically cannot write everything i have in mind i have so many victoria thoughts daily but like.

transmasc enby . demiboy . but major internalized transphobia and homophobia issues for a long while until he learned to figure himself out .

major struggles with autism and anxiety . on top of bpd . on that mean girl autism to redeemed boy autism pipeline . formerly medicated for anxiety ( before the storm ) before turning to harder drugs ( life is strange ).

major nerd . loves anime, but especially has a fondness of shows that are like . "kids cartoons " but actually are more complex than it seems .

special interest in photography, fashion, and cartoons .

EXTREMELY particular about clothing due to sensory issues with certain fabrics . cannot tolerate wet clothes either .

suppresses stimming , whether happy or upset stimming .

shhhh *puts a finger to your lips* im an age regressor victoria truther . specifically she got into it around rachel .

briefly dated rachel . dated nathan for appearance sake . dated rachel again in the future .

Kate Marsh

i am a huge aroace kate marsh believer

has a particular disgust for kissing after the Incident tm , prefers hugs and cuddles

struggling with her faith after what happened, working on redefining what it means to her

got some internalized issues going on and isn't really open to being super public about her personal life because of it

depression w/ autism and anxiety combo .

goes non verbal very often .

alice is an emotional support animal i cannot be told otherwise .

qpps with max for now . doesn't aspire to have anything more or less than that .

#life is strange #lis #chloe price #rachel amber #max caulfield #victoria chase #kate marsh #headcanons #before the storm #pricefield #amberchase #life is strange introject #alter posting : loki #age regression #i have so many thoughts on age regressors in this game