#anyway i should go make dinner now

[sparky-is-spiders]

When I first finished my Amaldyne ref I started on an image of her breathing dragonfire but never finished it. Until now! Here she is my beautiful baby girl setting things on fire. Idk how I feel about the shading but I'm kinda proud about how revenant!Amaldyne looks. (Also if you're wondering why her neck is Like That it's because maintaining your form as a big hungry goop puddle is especially hard when you're also angy). This was mostly just to see how dragonfire looks when I try blending it a bit (which I don't do on the refs to make it more clear which colors go where) but I might mess around with it in the future, idk.

Anyway some Lizard Lore(TM): dragonfire is a very unique substance. Impossible to replicate (at least under current magical science), dragonfire can and will destroy everything it touches save for the dragon who breathes it. All dragons have at least a few sparks (even if all they ever manage to do is cough up smoke and embers), but a vast majority only have enough to breathe out a single stream for a few minutes, after which they'll need to stop and recover. Amaldyne is probably about average when it comes to dragonfire (although nothing about my universe is set in stone yet sooooo). Dragonfire can come in any color except blue (although there are a handful of old, scattered scraps of legend about a powerful sky dragon with bright cyan flames). It also sometimes feels more like a dragon's element rather than regular fire (although most who get hit by it are generally too distracted by the feeling of being burned by magic fire to describe the experience afterwards). Amaldyne, as a poison dragon, has fire that feels like getting doused in acid (complete with an odd, slimy sensation that lingers for awhile after). It's pretty common and there really isn't any particular significance to it. Just an odd quirk of dragon magic. Also, if a dragon's fire is somehow extinguished (methods to do so are currently unknown) or stolen (incredibly difficult but also quite possible, if you know a few tricks), it WILL kill them. A dragon won't survive without their dragonfire, not even for a moment.

#anyway i love her i love her i love her so much #i think seeing the comparison of regular-sized ordinary amaldyne vs big freaky revenant!amaldyne has convinced me that she's bigger after #she emerges from the cocoon #also fun fact about her broken horn! i've decided that after her death (when eityr finds her and pulls her from the battlefield) #eityr saw one of her horns was broken (and maybe kept the broken piece? idk she's a freak about her (only) friend) #and somehow amaldyne found out about this and consciously chose to make her horn look broken whenever she assumed her dragon form #part of her campaign to cling on to the remnants of her mortality #(can. can you tell i developed massive amounts of story and character details while neck-deep into my t/m/a hyperfixation? can you?) #(censoring t/m/a to keep it out of the fandom tags lol.) #anyway i love my little monster poison dragon #(btw dragon elements are their own whole lore Thing) #ok anyway sorting tag time: #amaldyne #amaldyne rotwing #the lizard crew #lizardverse #body horror #body horror tw #tw body horror #idk if the tag applies but she's doing the thing where her lower jaw sort of... separates..... so i figured i should tag just in case? #if there's another better tag let me know #anyway i should go make dinner now #ok goodbye. #WAIT FORGOT MY ART TAG #sparkarts #<- is it that i think it’s that #ok i’m serious now. pasta time.

[evilkaeya]

being depressed sucks ass because there's so many things I wanna do but I just can't

#in my mind i want to work on my assignment #not should but WANT #I WANT TO FUNCTION LIKE A REGULAR PERSON IN SOCIETY #but it's so hard. even bringing myself to shower or eat is like. so much work #anyways i finsihed derry girls #cheers to that #it was amazing #deserved more seasons #I'm going to watch bes next #maybe not starting today but i will #is it even depression because I'm not sad #I'm just not doing things that normal people do normally #and while i feel shit abt it it's not making me sad #right now for example I'm only having pomegranates and a scrambled egg for dinner

[mxwhore]

mutuals. i am getting caught in my own bitterness again...

#ill vent because this is basically my bedroom #my younger older brother is caught up in that phase of romantic love when nothing else matter but girlfriend #thats fine i guess it happens #the thing is he forgot about my birthday and i was sad. then he remembered that he forgot and called and said #heyyy lemme make it up to you. lets go grab dinner this weekend (last weekend) #he forgot he even said me and went wine tasting with his gf. so now im double sad AND pissed because #i said no to my friends who actually wanted to see me because i was under the assumption that we were going out #so i sent him a passive aggressive message like heyy dinner was great thx for that xd and he was like what dinner?? #long story short he realized he fucked up again and invited me to dinner for realsies this time #but like. he isnt really inviting me? he and my niece were going to a kiddy place he promised he would take her and said i could tag along #i told him i realize now he just invited that to save face and to forget about it #but now im even sadder cuz i love my niece and she is always happy to see me... i just feel like im stupid or something #theyre going tomorrow and im debating on whether i should swallow my pride and go for her #i probably wont #im still not over it #anyway whatever i got work to do

[iknaenmal]

GASP ok wait ive always been curious . jane lalonde ? or something like that....

THE

#homestuck #jane crocker #jane lalonde #umm i didnt know if you meant roxyways or roseways but i assumed you meant roxyways ajsksk #i really wish i had more time to actually properly finish this but :( i had to go to dinner + i have to go to sleep now oh well #ikna answers #melissa-titanium #btw hii :] #ikna draws #my art #oh yeah btw !! im gonna finish the other kidswap requests + a couple of reqs i got earlier today tomorrow hopefully #i dont think ill have time to draw though hmm #ANYWAYS #tried to make her fatter than i usually get to!! its really hard but im quite happy w how it looks!! i really should use references tbh #shes holding one of those poofy things you use to clean btw !!! idk what theyre called

[sleevebuscemii]

.

#i hate how wishy washy my social life is in this city like. #like everything has to be Planned and is a Thing and it’s like. i don’t want to go to a fancy group dinner #or get invited to a birthday party #i just want someone who will go to target with me #or come over and keep me company while i do laundry and then get tacos after like. #something that Actually feels intimate…idk #but now its like. i either go to this fancy dinner with a big group (who are mostly couples) and at least have something to do today #or. i spend my saturday alone. #like even the friends i have 1 on 1 its like. plans have to be made in advance if we wanna go get coffee or something #like nothing is just. spontaneous and casual its alk a Thing #but also like fuck. i just spent whole week at work alone i don’t wanna be alone in my weekend too like fuuuuuck this #and its like. i can’t help but feel like its my fault but i know its been hard because i work remote so im so fucking isolated #sometimes i think i should just move home but i know thatll just make me feel like i failed #at like. moving to a big city and making it work #but also i know its not just me like lonely city by olivia laing blah blah blah but goddddddd #i am a social creature!!!! i want to be around people!!!!! but in a meaningful and fulfilling way!!!!!!! #anyway thats my therapy session for today see u next time #m

[piplupod]

would rly love to know why the brain and nervous system have decided to gift me with The Evening Horrors every day for the past ... week ? ish ? what the heck changed that made this start happening consistently every time dinner rolls around :[

#its just like suddenly everything bad becomes a crushing unbearable weight #like i can usually cope but this is just... Too Much fhdkdl #i wish i could just tell my brain and body ''hey i know this reality is intolerable but can we just like... chill?'' #like theres nothing i can do for it fhdkdl so why do i have to act like a prey animal about it !!! #cant i just be silly and ignore the terrible reality around me ??? why do the body and brain refuse to cooperate !!! #its so infuriating dbjdksl #i know its looking for an escape or a fix but theres nothing !!! i have been attempting to figure this out for 5 years now !!! #unless something miraculous happens then there is no escape or fix !!! i would like to move on and just chill !!! #if there is no way out of hell then i might as well have fun w it yknow? #if nothing immediately terrible is happening then i should be able to just Ignore it all #but alas !!! nervous system and brain do not allow for that !!! #(actually there IS a way to cope w this and its called ''have a self destructive meltdown and forcibly get switched out'') #(but I'd prefer to not do that fhdkdl i have a lot of creative projects i want to work on rn LOL) #(also the others in the brain get very bored and lonely bc theres nobody to talk to and nothing much for them to do) #(thats the issue w having a host who fronts for large chunks of time!! its difficult for the others to make friends and find hobbies!) #anyways. rambling. im going to go eat dinner and hopefully that fixes at least a little bit of this fjfkdl #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[treecakes]

was gonna make dinner when i got back from the store but i decided i’m too sleepy

#also i had a bubble tea that killed my stomach -.- #i’ll probably get hungry at 11pm and make dinner anyways lol #but for now i’m sleepy. #i have sour cream that’s abt to go bad so maybe chicken paprikash… <- takes a while to make but it’s sooo yummy #and it’ll use up my sour cream lol…. i should have enough chicken too…

[alongtidesoflight]

.

#anyway christmas went over well #went to the hospital four times made a terrible experience and a good one #my mom got diagnosed with a chronic lung disease though and she'll likely need an oxygen tank so that was a bit of a slap in the face tho #burnt a cake i had to bake for her guests and added too much salt when making their dinner but #overall it worked out somehow #the past days felt like i was on autopilot ngl #but the holidays are over now and people are leaving town and i don't need to deliver any more bags to the hospital #and i should have the house back to myself soon #so it's hopefully back to normal tomorrow or on tuesday #this year really decided to go out with a bang i guess

[stupidnaturals]

.

#GAH hate not knowing how ppl feel about me #bc i used to be SUPER close friends w this person like they were ~25% of th reason i came back to my uni town after moving away last summer #and i keep texting them like ' hey we should meet up sometime! ' and they respond ' omg YES 100% i have SO much i need to catch you up on ! #unfortunately i am out of town every single day. also so busy. ' #and like yeah okay college very busy life very crazy. but how are you out of town every single day and also why have you NEVER reached out #and i saw them in person at target and they seemed genuinely pleased to see me! and also said something like #' we gotta hang out i have so much to tell you!! *ill* message *you* ' in a way that seemed to convey guilt at ^^ all that #but then how in the WORLD do you happen to be driving out of town immediately after the one event i know we'll both be going to??? #and also casually gracing over the fact i also mentioned getting dinner beforehand?? #also i dont know any reason they wouldnt like me unless its one of those ' im autistic and didnt notice you getting fed up w me ' #or if theyre just actually that busy or too anxious to see people or anxious to reach out or fucking whatever #and like even when i saw them at target they told me a bunch of stuff that i dont tthink youd say to a random acquaintance #which if they do still like me makes sense! bc we were super duper close once! but doesnt make sense if they dislike me/want me to go away #like UGH just either ask me to hang out or say yes to a hang out or tell me to fuck off already!!!! #oh and ALSO the one time we DID have plans we didnt set an exact time but they texted me at like 11 and said ok we can hang out now until 2 #or they texted me at 11 and said ' i work at 2 but i dont think thats gonna be a problem also are you okay w hanging w my roomies too ' #and i know their roomies so thats fine but i was like ??? WHAT shouldnt be an issue? r you gonna call off to hang out for more than 3 hrs? #or are you gonna friend break up w me so it wont take 3 hours #anyway i was like uhhh shit we didnt set a time so im actually at a tattoo place like an hour away w my roomie? #so we rescheduled for the next day when uh oh they hung out w someone who was exposed to covid so had to cancel again! #i cant think of a single reason they wouldnt like me except that they never did but we had an activity together so they were stuck w me #and they seemed genuinely happy to see me and also seem upset declining plans but like if thats true what the FUCK is happening???? #anyway this was a mile long if you e read this far i love u if you have tips feel free to reply or dm me

[unproduciblesmackdown]

that moment when: everyone's lives are restricted and constricted and these imposed consequences are attributed to anyone's continual individual failures to seek, find, and follow the Correct Path through Life, and so everyone is left on their own to only be seeking & finding these failures as well as the only answer to how their lives can be better....versus Not seeing the world as the free marketplace meritocracy of everyone's personal failures/successes, nor everything in your own life, and thus not forever having to scrutinize Where You Must Be Bringing It Upon Yourself by fucking up or at least failing to do the correct thing, and exist only in perpetual punishment for your ongoing failure and occasional temporary reprieves from it. recognizing everything that wasn't & isn't & wouldn't be [this is because you're bringing it upon yourself] and thus having more capacity & capability to look at the realm of your personal individual self, reality, experiences, life through the perpetual instances of seeking, finding, and following your own needs/wants through one's inherent personhood and exercises of autonomy and recognition of where & when & how one recognizes moments of their existing freely & in more resonant genuine alignment with themself, you know? endless examples to be found in endless fractals of [where & how are people's lives made smaller]. and that of course this doesn't preclude the ability/option at any time to question one's choices, since you'll be able to find more Actual choices available to you (and, also crucially, find more actual choices made by others that are in the pursuit of limiting Yours) to look at, and people getting to exercise their autonomy isn't the same as "everyone doing anything they want regardless of how it affects others" since that [how does it affect others?] element instead being Regarded would be able to lead to recognizing that, in fact, an effect might be the infringement on others' autonomy, hence: There's A Problem....like the ability to just go ham with [questioning???] anything in existence, certainly including oneself, b/c the "norm" is such that rather you're only supposed to be able to question yourself for your failings (or those positioned as less than, thus, beneath you) and not even have the language to express a questioning of aspects of life beyond that b/c stop calling anyone "cis" they're just Normal, Just Be Normal and it would all be fine

#brought to you by: i think one of my feelings lately of A Shift is in my less than ever running this like continuous background function of #looking for Thee Answer (just like the black suits) in any & everything that could serve as the Key to like. whatever could fit into place #to like set things on a [hell yeah. life? better] path. juxtaposing this recent sense of things with the [lol. in retrospect i Do see a new #context wherein i can Recognize smthing abt myself] past going on of like. granpa greentext story be me be fifteen i'm in college b/c i hat #school i also mostly assumed i'd probably fail out freshman yr but didn't. i've never known what i'd wanna major in & as a sophomore i'm de #supposed to figure it out in time for scheduling my jr yr classes (though Ideally have known from the start / been scheduling thusly) & so #many evenings during dinner i'm furiously perusing the daily print news as i've been doing for some yrs to Keep Up W/Current Events but now #also consciously like ''boy i hope in the course of doing this i stumble across some info that sparks some eureka moment of Getting what my #major should Obviously be so i can understand the rest of my life around [do job] b/c i sure as hell don't understand it around [be married #much less [be parent] so one option remains obvi'' whereas now i realize like lol you Were figuring out a guiding light in doing so & that #perspective being honed was one of Having A Political Analysis times....which also provides another Example of [only being able to interpre #what makes your life & your world the way it is: via Your Personal Failures to have already Had Better] in that just like i often forget i #misguidedly (but also reasonably; clearly also using & seeking that autonomy & freedom) tried to have a better existence within the #situation i was in by Coming Out As Trans to parents via an email that was then not directly discussed ever; b/c any legitimate discussion #was not permissible like how so many matters of [supposed correct existence] are Unspeakable so as to be Unquestionable #languaging that succeeds & sustains itself having to be expansive / flexible / creative / evolving too. Making Up Words hell yes #anyways so i also forget i Did try to propose majoring in things that Did more approach what i was suspecting were things i'd wanna do #but even the first like expression of anything on the periphery of that was met with ''no you'd hate it b/c you'd have to deal w/Stupid Ppl #every day'' (by which was meant; with believed inherent synonymity: poor people) & then i also will oft forget i pushed for it any further #which i Know i did b/c of it next being met with angry & aggressive ''i've never heard you talk abt that interest before So'' #(wonder why? withholding info to protect yourself=finding room in one's life for existing more freely; exercising the autonomy to Do That) #but it's easy to forget b/c The All Encompassing Perspective was rather [i'm sure Failing to just Know my major for the sole possibility fo #defining one's entire life: The Correct Dream Job] & then Failing to push it or just express it & be understood ''correctly'' even if i Did #have any ideas in that realm. vs seeing how i Was succeeding & was recognizing shit & pursuing it & looking out for myself & etccc #it's undeniable lol like the framing even that Blaming Oneself is an autonomy seeking response. b/c your autonomous power in your own life #sure Would be more immediate if Everything Really Was Your Fault (when ofc really this is abt obscuring & denying the responsibility of ppl #who have the power over others' lives & then have to act like this is all the fault of the Others; they themselves have never Truly Chosen) #no victim blaming no condemnation of anyone's ''passivity'' here babey #re: the undeniability it's how like. maybe you've only Just realized you're not cis but in doing so it's like ''oh That's what i already #recognizing in various ways throughout my whole life'' it's all always Been there/going on & perspex shifts + new lenses can reveal them

[helennorvilles]

so they've asked me to finish out the year with this class

#my emotions....... are plentiful. i said yes but like...... the majority thoughts are of the negative asdjsdf #god it was just. an awful day and im just worried it won't get better?? but i guess i'm optimistic enough that i've said yes anyway #i just keep thinking that it can't get any worse than it's been but of course it can. i feel like i should have it sorted by now?? #idk. it's really hard to judge what i'm being too hard on myself for and what is genuine criticism. #im just... gonna try and put in my own routines and emphasise expectations and hope for the best #and i come home and dad wants help making tea straight away but excuse me dad i need to go and cry rn i don't have time for dinner frankly #my post tag

[yououghtaknow]

#ANDREW!!!!!!!!!!!!! #ANYWAYS. fucking hate the medical system. hate being mentally ill. hate being disabled. hate this life. #but at LEAST my parasocial bway besties are making good music #[everything is falling apart] [five minutes later] omg musical theatre #deleting so many tags because i have so much to say but i can't because of the [redacted] of it all #going to try and go for a walk and listen to music and try not to go insane #i love simultaneously oversharing and being a man of mystery. i am everything and nothing and so so special. #evening plans: walk. music. dinner. try and do a little creative work. sleep. #i have planned social things for the weekend so i am NOT isolating myself #i am doing all of the things i have been told to do to get better AND YET!!!!!!!!!! #it will be okay. at least i'm at my parents' house for the weekend so i can belt about it #anyways if my paranoia is Correct and my irls are reading this Hello. I Will Explain All Of This Eventually But You Probably Know What's Up #in many ways i am just like alistair fletcher but in many ways i am not. i contain multitudes. #ooh i should try and finish the current episode of my skambr annotations tonight. at this rate i will finish s1 by the end of the summer. #the thing about sandy neuman is she's sooooo flawed but in a way that is just like me (conflict avoidance and over/undersharing) #she would fuck with yellowjackets sooooooooo much. she's a soccer player she's a lesbian she has fucked up girlbestfriendships. #ANYWAYS. if you're still reading this hiiiiiii. going to feel the sun on my vampiric skin now. #Spotify

[longroadstonowhere]

oh the executive dysfunction hit hard after work - like i opened this text post to make a point about how i’m finding it difficult to gather up the energy to do food things for dinner, and then i stared at the blank text post for about thirty seconds before i started typing

#i also paused partway through writing but only for like five seconds or so #still uh damn i do not have the capacity to make myself do things right now huh #well the things i have on hand to make dinner with won't go bad if i order in for tonight #granted i'm trying to do less of that but maybe now isn't the time to make that attempt #wednesday evening i'll be done with the biggest stressor in my life right now so i can maybe get myself to cook dinner that night #.... except that's dnd so thursday maybe #and also working from home thursday probably? so can maybe make food earlier in the day and stuff #anyway point is if i want to eat tonight i should probably just order something

[fractallogic]

FIREFOX WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM LATELY

my dude you can't be making my computer crash when I only have like 20 tabs open. that's rookie shit!

anyway my computer crashed right before the interview ended and too much memory was going ... somewhere ... for me to get R running right and they didn't tell me it was going to be a case study project thing that I'd be doing today instead of just a normal interview and AAAAAA.

maybe tomorrow I can just be fucking normal because oh my god. this is too stressful.

also my desk chair is starting to just. randomly. drop down very slowly. which means that at some point sooner than I want to I'll have to get another one. which SUCKS. but FINE. GOD.

#i still feel okay about this. #mostly after talking to my job coach buddy who was like 'wow this is—no joke—an inappropriate process they're putting you through' #so you know what yeah. he's right. i've had three interviews in three days #and this one was a surprise!! code in front of someone!!! #which if you're not familiar is just the most horrifying experience #NO ONE should have to code in public #it's an activity best done in the privacy of your own home with no one else looking at you #and i think he's right—i should definitely make sure that this isn't the norm for this company #to be EXTRA SUPER INTENSE and chaotic with its employees #but i'm also kind of inclined anyway to just take the job and get a year of experience (or whatever) on my resume #and if it sucks hit da bricks #and if it's like this now because they're a bunch of overexcited nerds with no talent acquisition department and otherwise it's fine #great! so much the better! #i hate that academia is so trash that i'm like 'wait this isn't normal' when someone else is like 'yeah it's not supposed to work like that #because this? well it's not as bad as a campus visit that's for sure!! #i only have ONE interview a day instead of back-to-back half-hour meetings with an entire department!! #and now i get to do things like go to the gym! #instead of say 'okay well there's about two hours left until dinner and i have to chat with the grad students' #or whatever #and say 'omg wow $70K as a junior analyst?!' because that's like a decent base salary for an assistant professor #meanwhile everyone in industry is like wtf why are they making you interview so rapidly like this that is not enough money etc etc #anyway. i'm tired. i think i'll go lift heavy things so at least it feels like there's a reason to be sweating my ass off.

[isa-ah]

like idk idk i wont talk SOOO much bc its cringy to be a grown man writing in his public diary about his feelings but its such a slap in the face that after my grandma and grandpa died and i was effectively orphaned my mom said she was going to step up and actually be a mother figure to me and here we are. what, seven years later? and what has she done to overcome her own internalized homophobia? transphobia? to even just fucking call me by my name. she wont even politely accept an invitation and then decline to come later, like. its so. FRUSTRATING. idk

#she told me over famil dinner that if my grandfather was still alive he never would have accepted me #like just outright said it to my face. with my fiance and brothers sat around the table. #and do you know how much that hurts? the man who raised me #the man whos been dead for years. who i WATCHED die. and thats what youre going to say to me? #that he never would have accepted my lifestyle and that hes probably rolling over in his grave? #god it makes me so mad #i know my grandmother would have supported me. but shes not here to do that now is she #so god just put your fucking baptist ego aside for 1 day. and actually support Your Child. #my stepdad does whatever my mom says and my biological father is human filth so thats it really #ill be lucky if my brothers come. drew left me on read when i asked him to come to my wedding #so that leaves me. 1 aunt and uncle and a few cousins and thats it. the rest of my family has walked away #that fucking sucks dude its so. frustrating. i sacrificed so much for my family. way way more than any child should #and yet. and fucking yet lol #god anyway #sorry im just emo today i guess #i miss my grandparents

[neverendingford]

.

#seriously though. why does it take being on the brink of annihilation to make any progress. #why does it take being ten minutes away from never breathing again before I realize that the dream I was always afraid of is now achievable #can't study until ten minutes before the test. can't realize your life goals and dreams until five minutes before you fucking die #well the good news is I've realized that my social anxiety and speech issues are maybe manageable enough #that maybe what I've always wanted to do isn't totally impossible due to my own personal shortcomings anymore #color says shit #like. I'm only about to think clearly about myself and my identity and my goals when I hit the point of not caring about anything at all #and I just sit back and toss my life around like a bouncy ball and go hmm what should I do with this thing hhmm? #and it matters equally whether I keep it in my pocket or cut it in half or toss it in the trash. #it's just so fucking annoyinggggg. #anyway. don't even be worried. I live like this constantly. it's probably not good for me but oh well. consider me like an art exhibit #or maybe an animal at the zoo. I'm just a curiosity. #maybe less of an animal at the zoo. they have people who take care of them. lions don't have to do their own taxes and cook dinner #tag talk