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sysmedsaresexist · 24 hours

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What you're doing is incredibly brave. We really appreciate the risk you're taking sharing your journey. It's awesome to see someone so vocal and with such reach openly change their stance.

We wanna know some of your thoughts about something you've been saying in all of this, about CDDs being separate from endogenic plurality. Specifically, your thoughts on when the two do meet. Like, endogenic systems that get traumatized and develop CDD symptoms? Or CDD systems that practice headmate creation, and find created headmates working like the rest of their system? Or folks in either category that relate a lot with those in the other?

We're curious because we exist in that in-between; a system with DID due to trauma, but that doesn't view our plurality itself as coming from trauma.

And if you're not at all interested in that area of overlap, or in sharing those thoughts, no worries! Have a great day!

This is a pretty nuanced ask and each mod has a different view on things, so we'll all answer!

Mod Signal: I believe that endogenic plurality and the plurality found in CDD systems works differently, but that intersection you're talking about can exist. The majority of resources for CDD systems involve how to deal with trauma and different alters reactions to it. If an endogenic system goes through some shit and gets trauma later in life, and can get use out of grounding guides, or how to deal with flooding, I say use those guides (and literally anyone can improve their mental health from therapy as long as the therapist. You know. Isn't a cunt.) That being said. There are also endos who are very certain they're endos when they may have.... a bit more trauma than they thought. And that's normal. Incredibly so. But endogenic communities can lead to a bit more harm than good occasionally with those systems if they insist that the system in question isn't or couldn't be a cdd system, or encourages them not to look into resources on how to deal with trauma.

As far as purposefully created alters, they absolutely exist, and I know CDD systems that have created alters with it going ok, and CDD systems who have been *horribly* hurt trying. I've seen some tulpamancy guides out there that made me wince the whole time I've read them. Not because they're cringy, but because any time a CDD system fucks around with purposeful dissociation, it's Incredibly easy to fuck yourself up by accident. Even some guides to meditation can be harmful to systems if you don't go slowly and pay attention to your body (something that's already very, very easy to ignore if your system, like mine, is made of 90% pain holders lol).

It's for that reason that i haven't changed my pinned intro as "endo-neutral". I dont doubt endogenic plurality at all, but I still find a lot of critiques in the way the two communities mix. The labels are fucked anyway lol so. I dont know what label would best fit that stance. The problem does seem to be slowly fixing itself though. I'm happy that a lot of endos are leaning away from terms used by CDD systems. I view these problems for the most part as growing pains that will smooth themselves over as plurality in general becomes more accepted and more research about both sets of systems comes out.

Mod Quill: I’m feel like that’s a great jumping off point for me, someone who is so weird with syscourse that labels don’t fit me. I believe in endogenic plurality, I really do, but I also know this community has done so much harm to CDDs and vice versa. Part of me wants everyone to go to time out corners and think about what they’ve done.

In terms of the overlap between endogenic and CDD systems… I think defining it, at this point, is frankly meaningless, particularly for the reasons Signal stated. There’s so many endogenic systems who are actually CDD systems. On one hand, I want them to be able to access CDD spaces because, well, they have a CDD… but on the other, as someone who’s been horrifically damaged by endogenic spaces, who has spread a lot of misinformation and been fed a lot of misinformation due to those experiences… I’m wary of letting someone like that into a highly fucking traumatized space. (But I also have feelings about CDD spaces in general…)

At the end of the day, I feel like it’s not my place to draw that line. It’s up to each individual and their own system where they draw the line, and so long as it’s in-line with current understandings of CDDs and they don’t speak their personal experiences as if they’re gospel truth for all systems, I have no issues. If someone says they have endogenic DID (as in, they formed DID with absolutely no trauma), it’s not my place to directly confront that person and tell them that’s not possible; but if they shout from the heavens about how people are ignoring the truth, I’m going to post the truth as I know it, with sources to back it up.

The same goes for this overlap. A system who says “Hey, I have created alters, and I’m a DID system, and those things overlap?” Cool! Awesome! That’s actually my type of system. A system who goes, “Therefore, DID systems should split new alters for the benefits it has”? Allow me to traumadump about how my system completely destabilized due to that practice. The overlap is there, but it’s not for me to define for others; not unless they make their experiences universal.

Mod Robo: Oh boy, I have a lot of Thoughts on all of these questions! It's stuff I think about often. I love talking about all the in-betweens and overlaps, and I'd love to hear about your experiences too. Unfortunately, I don't think I can jam all of my thoughts in this post (it's already long enough) so I'll just talk about your first question.

First off, I want to say that I don't think it's all that unusual for someone with a CDD to feel like they've always been plural, even before their CDD. Of course, spiritual beliefs can play a role in that. Let's put spiritual reasonings aside though and look at it from a purely psychological view. It's our belief that all of our alters -- everything that can be them, will become them, etc. -- it's all there from the start. We don't believe that alters come out of a vacuum. All of my alters were born the day our body was born. Many of us did not exist as alters yet, but the foundation for us existed!

To give a personal example: some of us have memories of childhood that predate our existence as alters. These memories predate our knowledge of being a system or having DID. We've wondered how it's possible to have memories that predate our existence as alters. How is it possible for several alters to have these same memories, and feel as if it's their own but also not? How is it possible that we can't really attribute "who" those memories belong to other than just...us? All of us? It didn't fit into the mainstream idea that alters are supposed to be these distinct, clear-cut people sharing a body, with separate memories and no overlap, no utterance of our existence before becoming a separate alter.

Children aren't born with an integrated self. You probably know the whole spiel -- the mind integrates as you get older, blah blah blah. So, in our opinion, we were never not plural. We had an unintegrated mind full of parts as a child, and we grew up into an adult with an unintegrated mind full of parts and eventually a DID diagnosis.

I get that some people don't see themselves as existing before their CDD and that's okay, I understand that. I also relate to that, in a way! It can be weird to consider because you as the alter didn't exist until later on. But you as the brain did, if that makes sense.

All that being said, I believe that "endogenic CDDs" are a completely separate concept from "endogenic systems with CDDs." CDDs are diagnoses -- they have specified symptoms, diagnostic criteria, and treatment. Diagnoses are not people. You are. That's why plurality is such an incredibly personal thing, after all. We're literally talking about your own mind. Your self/selves. Your internal reality. No duh there are gonna be people who conceptualize and talk about it in different ways. Like, I firmly believe that's NEVER going to be clear cut and easy to understand.

OG Dude: First, I have to say, thank you to my mods. Their responses are fantastic, I support all of them. I brought them all in pretty early, and I wouldn't be where I am without them. Their pro/endo patience while I went back and forth, screamed and yelled... I love them. I love that they saw the good in me and decided to help me run this blog.

I agree with all that they said. For clarity sake, I'll give my own thoughts, even if they overlap or repeat.

I've posted from the beginning about how a lot of things that endogenic systems talked about were actually really normal in DID systems. Created alters, characters that take on life, MADD, loving your system, dysfunction in different areas of life, on and on. I think there's more intersection than a lot of people realize, but I really like how Robo talked about personal views. It took a really long time to realize that people defining their experiences in different ways isn't necessarily a bad thing, though it's unfortunate that sometimes this confuses systems that are still learning.

Yelling and screaming isn't going to help, though. There's another ask coming, this one about my thoughts on sophie, that I think will tie into this point and expand on it a lot more, so for now, I'll move on.

I don't have all the answers. I think CDDs are something extremely specific-- I think in a few more years, diagnosis will involve brain scans, biomarkers, and we'll be able to say with a lot more certainty where that line is, and what's different.

For now, I think I've learned that the best thing I can do for myself, and everyone else, endo or CDD, is just keep pumping out information.

A couple users on here are really good examples of these lines. They have CPTSD, PTSD, whatever else they've got going on, but they still hold the belief that their plurality and CPTSD are unrelated. It took a long time to come to terms with balancing respect for that self-determination, and my expectations of technology and the specificity of CDDs (meaning like, specific biomarkers).

In the end, I realized that it boiled down to, "are people getting the help they need?" Because in the end, that's all that matters, and if someone doesn't think they need help, why am I arguing? If someone does, who am I to keep them from resources?

What if that technology doesn't reach the mainstream, what if it's decades before it's refined enough to be financially feasible in diagnosis? What if people come out with the exact same brain structure as someone with DID and still refuse to admit that the plurality is related?

Well, shit, I don't know, but I'm guessing the answer is still going to be, "Don't yell at them, respect their self-determination."

I still firmly believe that plurality and CDDs are different things. I think that treatment for CPTSD and PTSD are different, and many endos without longterm, repetitive trauma in childhood have PTSD, and would benefit more from those spaces and resources than CDD/CPTSD spaces. However, I also admit that a general PTSD space isn't going to be prepared for the complex interplay of plurality and PTSD. All that said, it's not my job to tell someone which they have, my job should be to present information on both to everyone and let people come to their own conclusions.

It's hard, but it's a skill I'm still trying to learn. Seeing more people talk about their experiences is probably the only thing that's going to help make it easier.

#syscourse #syscourse stance #mod signal #mod quill #mod robo #mod dude #team effort #also mod dude would like to apologize if his part seemed to cut off suddenly #he got distracted by a piece of shit floating down an otherwise pristine river

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felixcatton · 10 months

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lorelai gilmore and logan huntzberger are the same character in different fonts and once you realize that, you also realize that logan is indeed not the luke to rory's lorelai, but instead, logan is the lorelai to rory's luke. in this essay i will

#i mean i do think there's also room to argue that there's no real reason to think that logan ISN'T ~rory's luke~ but i like this better #in you jump i jump jack luke makes his first entry into the world of wealth in which lorelai grew up. it's the same ep where rory meets #the life & death brigade...#logan has angry grandparents and forceful meddling parents that he has spent his life running from #logan and lorelai make impulsive decisions. they rebel. they avoid commitment in romantic relationships #until they are suddenly giving marriage related ultimatums #in the s6 finale when lorelai gives luke the ultimatum he says 'i can't just JUMP like that'#when logan proposes to rory he asks her to jump with him. she can't jump with him.#anyway i'm feeling normal about it don't worry #gilmore girls #rogan #javajunkie

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yashley · 5 months

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the way matt creates these emotionally** flat??? characters who have family attachments to the main pcs and yet there's just something.... off about the way they display intimacy that it equally angers me, makes my skin crawl, and makes me just want to write extensively on what a master storyteller matt is. the way he presents just in this campaign alone, parental figures that on paper can easily be defended and rallied behind somehow especially if their choices played out more negatively than they intended*, and yet actually experiencing people who you, individually, care so much about in your life and who, you would just naturally believe, would also care so much about you, but there's a blip on the monitor and a disconnect that at first is so infinitesimal. until it's not. until you get bruised deeper and they look at you the same. and it's like there's no true empathetic connection. from your "loved one". it's not malice, it's not heartless or calloused, it's just.... it's surface-level and it's crossed t's and dotted i's and you know that they do not mean it to hurt you. but they also don't really mean it when they tell you they love you. and it aches so incredibly well done that matt will have these figures look into the eyes of their own and say the words and have a softness in their face, and yet have no genuine fierceness to the love they claim for someone who has so much love for them. and it's not a criticism, it's just so well done because it's such a nuanced relationship in the world and it sucks but matt always delivers it so perfectly

#cr lb #matt saying well this npc wasn't GREAT like it's Not about tearing into a person it's about Seeing that people are just different #the way birdie hears all of these dangers coming for fearne and all she says is I'm sure it'll be fine anyway and there's no Fire?#if my little sister told me any of it I would be rallying torches and sharpening knives and yet #if you told my older sister about either of us she would nod she would respond and that would be it #and it's not criticism it's just. the reality that some people will burn for you and most won't and I feel it so much in matt's depictions #and the fact that it'd be so much easier to have every associated npc fill a normal slot it's just #when you expect your mom to be worried about you and she’s just not and you want her to be and she's just not #you want your sister to care about you and she just doesn't #and it's like these fractal disappointments that of course don't matter #reaching for the hand of someone who once cradled you in their arms and they're not even reaching back

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conschintz · 3 months

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kristen is really me-ing this season. ally beardsley please get out of my walls I'M SCARED

#nicki.txt #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #it is really the most surreal feeling to watch a character being so You #like #obviously i've always related to kristen. i found fantasy high like a week after leaving the jehovah's witnesses #so make of that what you will #but man. this season is CRAZY #i love it and hate it #anyway i finally finished e4 and i'm feeling really normal about kristen and bucky #sooooo normal don't even worry about it

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daily-whistlepaw · 2 months

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daily whistlepaw until ah becomes PoV day 1167

I think I finally understand how people feel when around a crush, can't say I enjoy it

#warrior cats #whistlepaw #windclan #medicine cat apprentice #this isn't my first crush lol but this one has had me feel the strongest of feelings (and might be my first genuine crush lol)#the fact I have been building up A Lot of stress for the entire week probably didn't help.#and the fact my stomach hurt is also probably at least partially to explain by the fact I barely ate last night #but MAN seeing my (latest) crush in such a pretty dress and then go on stage and play (a goddess!!!!!!! she's a goddess)#(I already bought tickets to go see the full thing; I will die but I will die happy (I hope))#but yeah I struggled for a good 2 hours to fall asleep and also had stomach weirdness happening the next morning #man it was not fun #(and then she came to sit next to me during class and I had to play it cool (I was too deranged on sleep deprivation to really care about #being my typical brand of weird but I do sometimes feel like an idiot around her and feel guilty because then I fear that she finds me #annoying and will hate me and I will fail this again (losing a friendship over a crush once was not that fun lol) and Traumas don't help #either at all so uh I'm just trying to spend time with her I just always feel a bit worried that I'm annoying her and it's consuming my bra #I do also still feel a little guilty about having this crush; internalized homophobia/issues around sexuality are hard to shake off #and while it's very normal and stuff I never dare to go the entire way when my brain conjures fantasies that are a little too risqué #I just feel guilty man I know I shouldn't but still it fucking sucks in my brain #and god talking about this in therapy would be a mess #I might have to eventually but I don't wanna #anyways; wild vent in the tags aside; yay a whis!

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whysamwhy123 · 8 months

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Hmmm. What if I attempted to write a piece of Trash and posted it anonymously?

#What is wrong with you Sam you should not be allowed to write #This post was inspired by...something #Namely me getting a Bad Idea for a fic (thanks to someone's else's fic)#And then feeling The Shame because I'm just like that and this would normally be enough to stop me from even attempting it #But then I was just like...what if I tried anyway and just stopped giving a shit?#I'm being super vague here because reasons #But...this bitch is tempted to just write some problematic poorly written trash and shove it out there for all to see #It's not like I have a reputation to worry about I'm a nobody LOL #But at the same time there's a bunch of reasons why I don't think I should bother #Shame is only part of it tbh there's other more valid reasons why #it doesn't help that most of the other stuff I've been working on is stuff I don't think I could ever post anon or not #I'm babbling on about nothing here what the hell?#This is what happens when I kinda-sorta inch my way out of a month-long writing slump and then I start getting Ideas again #Bad Ideas!#Folks if I'm really about to enter my IDGAF Era of writing it's gonna be a baaaaaad time for all involved...#OK that's enough Sam let's stop now #......................................the idea is for an OrangeHook fic #Or whatever people are calling that now

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goodplace-janet · 3 months

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please answer this silly little poll of a me who was confused in a history lecture today

#which is not a conversation #but the point stands #i had to look it up.#talk tag #might delete later because this is silly #but you know #there are times when i feel like i don't belong in college #and it's when these. idk. high level academic theoretical words get used #in a way that assumes everyone already definitely understands them #and maybe this is just a normal undergrad experience #i'm not actually hugely stressed about it don't worry #i am curious about this particular one though #it was a bigger deal when i attended my first lecture by a phd candidate about their research #i've been to a few now and i'm getting desensitized to the feeling lol #anyway!!#that's enough tags

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kevin-sedai · 6 months

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The vibe really deteriorated as the day went on, and now I'm sitting in bed, awake, feeling like garbage

#it was an okay weekend but i was jittery and numb for most of it #tried to write christmas cards for the first time in 2 years. cried while doing so and then had to lie down after i did 5 #i got frustrated with the story i'm writing and considered dropping it or deleting the whole thing #spent friday alone pretty much all day which normally i'm fine with but for whatever reason made the loneliness really hit hard this time #spent all thanksgiving day waiting for a familial confrontation #got asked by my 6 year old nephew how old i was and then he followed up with 'well why arent you married what are you doing'#which i'm pretty sure is something he heard in a conversation someone else was having and he repeated it bc he's 6 fucking years old #which btw i don't hold against him or am mad at him about bc he's an innocent kid #but that made me feel really shitty #spent an hour today panicking about this dog virus #and in between all of that i was self diagnosing myself with mental illnesses #which made me feel awful bc it made gaslight myself in thinking maybe i wanted one?#which is so fucked up to the max and i'm so sorry for even putting that here #but i put this all here bc i could never have this conversation with people irl #they'd get too worried or they'd think i'm overreacting or i need to date or need to do something with myself besides read #i'm so sorry everyone #i'll try to be better #i just had to put this out somewhere #and i didn't put this in a journal bc my last entry sounds so teenagerish out of context i don't even want to look at it #anyway i have to try to sleep i have to go into the office early tomorrow #i'm sorry guys #i really am😔

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anirudhpisharody · 14 days

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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much #it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with #i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown #friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any #close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it #would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely #i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with #other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes #it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know #like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk #to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that #i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that #it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have #more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i #don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so #they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine #wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine #and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom #which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn #anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed #i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight #shut up hanna

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barkingangelbaby · 2 months

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dude...

#if I don't stop hyperfixating on my breathing... like... idfk how much longer i can live like this...#it's been happening since last august snd I'm so tired of it.....#it's not even only when I'm high anymore it's like... all the time #i just like.. stop automatically breathing once i think about it and it takes me *so* *fucking* *long* to start again #honestly I'm just typing this post to distract myself a bit and hopefully i just start breathing normally again but I'm still manually #breathing rn. and now im wondering what the normal amount of time in between breaths is and if I'm taking too long ??#i tried to time my breaths with N's but she's asleep so i know it's gonna be different than mine #hoooo boy wish me luck falling asleep this is so annoying!!!!#is this ocd??? I've had several ppl in the past year tell me they think I have it but thinking about it makes me spiral #but it would explain A Lot of my thoughts n habits #anyway. I'm very annoyed with myself rn i just want to breathe normally and not worry myself into panic attacks anymore #actually very worried about how bad my stress in general has been bc there's no way it's been good for my body #ok. time to snuggle up n try to fall asleep!! im v cold rn so i have to warm up before i hug N bc i don't want to wake her with my ice cold #skin lmao. i can't wait for it to be warmer so i don't have to worry/feel bad about that lol #OKAY BBYYYYEEE if you read these tags I'm so very sorry.#rAMbles

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dazais-guardian-angel · 2 months

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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years #not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion #so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all #but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him #i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted #and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms #i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still #and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case #i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now #but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience #and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over #he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday #and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh #(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*

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adore-gregor · 5 months

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I feel so lucky

#even though i often rant to complain here #i never imagined my life to be this good as it is now 🥹#i have almost everything i ever wished for #i sometimes switch between this and feeling alone like no one gets me 😅#like sometimes i feel like i should be so grateful but also that doesn't mean everything is awesome #often i feel like no one sees my struggles from the people i'm close to #because everyone always thinks things are easy for me like when it comes to university or because i appear so happy #it feels lonely sometimes but anyways #like they don't know the expectations people especially my family have for me even tho they don't say it normally sometimes it comes through #anyways i do have a lot to be grateful #i never had such a good relationship with my parents 🥺 it's not perfect but it feels so much more normal like it should be #and i have so many friends and people i get on at uni and my sports it's amazing 🥹#i never thought that would be me it's like a dream :))) i struggled so much with anxiety #i was so scared to even speak to someone a few years ago 😅#it makes the experience so pleasant i also enjoy uni <3 #(altough i still think of adding something to my major to give me more options but also i think i would like it)#my grades are good no worries of failing classes anymore atm (altough i will still worry 😂)#i even get great grades with minimal effort (though this one is only partly good as it encourages laziness haha)#and i found something i'm passionate about again i love tennis sm 🫶#when i play i'm so happy and it gives me drive to become rly good at it even though it's not like i wanna become pro or sth. haha #it would be too late for that anyway lol tho ofc it'd be great but i just enjoy the challenge and seeing progress it's so rewarding 😁#and tennis with friends >>#i also like football :) and it feels like the void ski jumping left behind is finally getting filled :')#like when gregor retired i kind of lost my love for the sport and yeah it's sad but i'm glad i have sth again 🥹#also the freedom i have i could never have imagined #i could just go on a little trip with friends if i wanted to and i talked about this with a friend and i got so excited abt it 🥺😍😍#to have the possibility to just travel when i want to :))#i earned some money from (mostly summer) jobs these last years and it's great #and i can just get myself whatever i want mostly (i don't want crazy things)#and my family is much better off i guess that doesn't hurt either

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thermodynamic-angel · 7 months

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Ifeeltired

#My body isn't heavy anymore and thats v good v v good but I feel #I feel sad #V sad #Idk why. I just am #There's something wrong with me #Something v v wrong #Idk what. But I just know there's a problem.#I'm probably just having an existential crisis but I think I need to talk to Her about it bc She actually seems genuinely worried abt me #Which is. New.#Normally She'd just be mad at me for not doing chores or sleeping in late but this time She seems. Just. Worried about me.#I don't know how to feel about that but it makes me kinda. Happy. I think.#I like when people worry about me. I probably shouldn't though.#Anyways. Uh. Again. Need to stop screaming into the void here what I wanted to say is I'm getting silly n changing my name :3 #꒰ঌ♡ 𝟽𝟽𝟽.ramble

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rainworld-enot · 10 months

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Since you replied, I'll elaborate (jk, I was gonna do that anyways) enot's funky little trait is spawning those singularity eggs every cycle, so if enot was engineered by an iterator, it's obviously meant to be ascendy. but the egg doesn't actually permakill or ascend anyone, so it's a failure. But it does succeed in a different way. It warps reality! this is best showed in the dating sim thing, as every time the egg is used, or cracked, it causes some pretty weird reality-bending (in one case, just making a whole new universe) in the standard game it just acts like a regular singularity bomb, but you could also interpret that the weirdness of the Enot campaign is due to the egg's influence. Enot on their own is (mostly) like a regular slugcat. It's when they bring along the egg that things get all funky and, of course, the dating sim setting itself! you unlock it by ascending as Enot, which implies that rather than truly ascending, they ended up resetting the cycles in a new alternate universe or timeline, and the routes where they end up using the egg causes further weirdness... and most notably, Saint knows about this and has tried to break the cycles using it! it's implied it just resets the cycle instead, though. So, thanks to enot your au could technically be cannon! (Thx to bluenightold for putting this in my brain. And sorry that this is excessively long :( )

You're good with having it really long- I like reading people's rambles as a whole!

Void in general causes reality warping properties, we can see this in general with echos, singularity bombs, and karma flowers which all have void fluid in them from what we can see of the effects.

Even Rubicon has this odd effect of changing properties of things, and is probably closer to the void freaking the fuck out from Saint... Saint-ness. We can see the creatures with void in them as a whole tend to have a lot more energy and movement. given the destruction too it's likely that void has a stupid amount of energy but also highly corrosive by all means.

It's very interesting as a whole, given the fact this means there's an unnatural vs natural power sources issue within the game and likely has been in affect in the past given that the emergency power batteries (known as Rarefaction cells)! which act nearly exactly like singularity cells if destroyed via a leviathan if not a bit worse. probably a bit more of the aftershock (best word to use I suppose) is affected and twisted much worse to the point where artificer can not survive the aftershocks... but given it's literally warping everything with the amount of energy produced, it's like a much worse version of breaking the wind barrier in a way. Probably a very painful death given everything.

Saint is definitely fucked up! and I love it. it's very fun to imagine the relationship of em in my own hc and aus of these lil guys :)!!

#ooc #I FORGOT ABOUT THIS IN THE ASK BOX I APOLOGIZE SKAHJDHDS but!!#Enot is technically NOT canon at all but like...#I like Enot. Enot is fun <3 #I typically don't ramble as much because low energy + most of the time it's literal nonsense to others #also adhd is a hell and makes my brain full of words faster than it can process in a sensible way #I probably COULD say things about my thoughts on SOS but uhhh ummm hmmm hmmrrrghh I do not think... I should given something I'm doing #If you're not one of the 3 players you shouldn't worry about it... <3 #I don't think they all follow this blog anyways lmao but not taking chances. but vague words about it is enough to be said #literally my thoughts on rw's whole cycling thing is sooo fun tho. it's like when you disable a stupid ass system issue and eventually #have to deal with it again... every time. ... *looks to intel graphics on like my normal tablet...*#but yeah anyways literally everyone ever is allowed to send me rambles and stuff I do enjoy reading others people stuff a LOT #shout out to me wanting to kill... maybe even maim vegas a bit for making it a PAIN in my opinion as a whole when I animated that lil saint #thing that oddly blew up for what it was but that's on me and anyways it was a test animation as a whole but man.. that's on me a bit huh.#Enot takes place between Arti and Hunter #I should state that!!! I feel like it's a bit weird to bring it up but like... it's a fun fact imo.

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