#it feels lonely sometimes but anyways | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

adore-gregor · 6 months

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I feel so lucky

#even though i often rant to complain here #i never imagined my life to be this good as it is now 🥹#i have almost everything i ever wished for #i sometimes switch between this and feeling alone like no one gets me 😅#like sometimes i feel like i should be so grateful but also that doesn't mean everything is awesome #often i feel like no one sees my struggles from the people i'm close to #because everyone always thinks things are easy for me like when it comes to university or because i appear so happy #it feels lonely sometimes but anyways #like they don't know the expectations people especially my family have for me even tho they don't say it normally sometimes it comes through #anyways i do have a lot to be grateful #i never had such a good relationship with my parents 🥺 it's not perfect but it feels so much more normal like it should be #and i have so many friends and people i get on at uni and my sports it's amazing 🥹#i never thought that would be me it's like a dream :))) i struggled so much with anxiety #i was so scared to even speak to someone a few years ago 😅#it makes the experience so pleasant i also enjoy uni <3 #(altough i still think of adding something to my major to give me more options but also i think i would like it)#my grades are good no worries of failing classes anymore atm (altough i will still worry 😂)#i even get great grades with minimal effort (though this one is only partly good as it encourages laziness haha)#and i found something i'm passionate about again i love tennis sm 🫶#when i play i'm so happy and it gives me drive to become rly good at it even though it's not like i wanna become pro or sth. haha #it would be too late for that anyway lol tho ofc it'd be great but i just enjoy the challenge and seeing progress it's so rewarding 😁#and tennis with friends >>#i also like football :) and it feels like the void ski jumping left behind is finally getting filled :')#like when gregor retired i kind of lost my love for the sport and yeah it's sad but i'm glad i have sth again 🥹#also the freedom i have i could never have imagined #i could just go on a little trip with friends if i wanted to and i talked about this with a friend and i got so excited abt it 🥺😍😍#to have the possibility to just travel when i want to :))#i earned some money from (mostly summer) jobs these last years and it's great #and i can just get myself whatever i want mostly (i don't want crazy things)#and my family is much better off i guess that doesn't hurt either

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smash-chu · 4 months

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Long distance loneliness

#my art #doodles #smash-chu's art #not having the luxury of being able to just drive and see someone i know and love #having all my human connection come from digital screens when not visiting my family once or twice a year #it makes your heart sink down into a place that is hard to get out of #a place of acceptance that i will just have to live with being lonely #i love my friends #i just wish they weren't so spread out away from me #in a way i was left back here cause i was the only one that didn't move back to their parents #and now i struggle alone being comforted via keeping in touch online #but it can never replace seeing face to face #getting to be right there next to someone #touch starved is a understatement #but for now that is just how it has to be #anyways #my period is frying my brain making every feeling feel more intense so i feel super fucking alone right now #it's fine it'll go back to being numb soon enough #but sometimes you just need to let stuff out

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supemaeve · 4 months

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You really will do anything to hurt me, won't you? So… what are you and William cooking up? Hmm? Maybe you two brought that supervillain to town.

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blindmagdalena · 6 months

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Hey. what do you think homelander does?

obviously he had his work, his filming, his product placements and ads, his photo ops, his charity appearances and otherwise for Vought. I’m talking about outside of work. At 7:42 pm on a random Wednesday in November, what’s he up to? What does he do in his spare time? Does he have any hobbies?

i don’t think he does actually!! I think he may honest to god just wait around for the next role. For anyone to make him useful again.

Homelander is what Vought trained him into being, and that is tragic when he self destructs, but it is arguably even more so if and when he honestly has no idea what to do with himself without them. Like an abandoned toy, he can only do what he’s told. He’s only as good as the person commanding him decides he is.

i do love the tragedy of Homelander sitting inert in his penthouse unsure of what to do with himself in the quiet of a freedom that isn't quite freedom, especially when he was still young and fresh out of the lab.

however—and i've addressed this before—Homelander is a nerd. he has a lot of obscure trivia rattling around in his brain, and i think it's very likely, if not outright canon, that he's actually quite well read. especially regarding history.

it definitely started with his education from Vought, but imo history is something he took an independent interest in. i joke a lot about his penthouse being ugly and looking like the Smithsonian, but it makes total sense to me that it's the kind of thing he would take comfort in. he probably dreamed of visiting museums when he was still living in the lab.

he's also FULL of pop culture references (albeit dated ones) so we know he likely watches/watched a fair amount of tv, especially the news.

while i do agree that Homelander behaves more like a tool or a weapon than a person, he's also determined to be a useful tool. he initiates schemes in s1, he wants input on his image and within the company, he has goals and ideals. he's fighting desperately against the perception that he's no more than a "pretty face" who's just saying his lines ("Woop woop!") even in the early episodes of the first season.

#the short answer is that i think homelander spends a lot of time being extremely lonely and filling that gap with media consumption #and stalking people probably #harrassing maeve and madelyn off hours #bullying his team when their numbers are low #in general he's kind of just a menace #a sad bored and lonely child looking for insects to pull the legs off of because negative attention is still attention #and sometimes it feels good to hurt when you're hurting #i'm rambling now but anyways i love him #homelander #homelander headcanons #darling anon #ask and you shall receive

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silverskye13 · 11 months

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There’s a saying: Character is what you are in the dark. Its meaning is simple. Anyone can be a hero when the world is watching. When the world isn’t, when you could get away with murder or mercy and it wouldn’t matter, when there is no one to point and judge… that matters. That is the measure of your humanity.

Helsknight is sharpening his sword. He has been sharpening his sword, alone in his home, for over an hour. It was already sharp when he started. The edge hasn’t seen enough wear to be anything but. It’s been days since his last bout in the Colosseum. He made a ruthlessness of himself there, in front of hundreds -- thousands of people. He shouldn’t have done that. He remembered the showrunner criticizing him as he fled down the steps into the cells below.

“You could have at least tried to put on a show, Hels!”

He hated when people called him that. Hels. It felt… wrong. The place, hels, was the pit of everything left behind and unwanted. Stuck in some facsimile of the nether, inhabited by the dark unvirtues of a thousand different worlds. The place, hels, wasn’t even important enough to warrant a capital letter. It was a proper noun wasn’t it? A place. Calling it hels made it feel like something lesser, made it feel like a nonplace. Not the World, land. Not a God, deity. Not a living Hels.

He was knighted for a reason.

Knighthood puts a lot of stake by character. Doesn’t matter what kind, really, as long as it follows rules, and Helsknight is good at following rules. Putting order to the universe feels… nice. Like scratching an itch. That’s another good saying: scratching an itch. An itch on the skin is so easy to underestimate. It’s just an itch, until you can’t scratch it. Then it’s agony. Then it’s skin crawling off skin crawling off sinew and bone. An itch can be anything. It can be an allergy, an insect, a mortality. Once his only warning before a respawn in the Colosseum was the itch that told him a hit to the back of his head had gone through his skull instead of skipping off his helm. The itch had been blood running down his neck, before realization and void. Finding order felt like that; the itch from a trickle of blood, felt like scratching the itch and mending the wound.

It’s an interesting exercise in restraint, not scratching an itch. It’s also an exercise in madness, futility, and pain. The itch gets uncomfortable until it hurts. Sometimes it spreads. Your body twitches. You start to convince yourself you’ve never known what it's like to live itchless. You start to feel empathy for people that you’ve never met -- those mystical people with skin diseases or allergic reactions or plant rashes. You start to wonder if pain is really, actually the worst thing you can inflict on someone.

Sometimes, Helsknight itches underneath his skin. That is real madness. An itch so deep even peeling your skin can’t scratch it.

Helsknight takes his sword off the whetstone, holds it up to a lantern to inspect it. The blade is sharp. The netherite is pristine. The enchantments glitter. He tosses it none-too-gently to the floor, listening to the ringing clatter as it tumbles across the floor. One of the tiles chips and goes plinking off like a dropped penny. The netherite stays sharp. It’s a good sword, the kind that feels indestructible. He was told once by a smith that a good netherite sword with the right enchantments can cut through iron like a knife through butter.

Helsknight always has a sharp sword. It’s expected of him. It isn’t a knight’s expectation, not really. Knights do more law keeping in hels than the lawmen, and less dangerously. There’s something to be said about a person in plate armor. No, people just expected Helsknight to have teeth. He couldn’t blame them, when he reacted the way he did on the Colosseum floor. Temperamental people have teeth, get dangerous, and bite. Even people who like him treat him like he’s rabid, only docile and slow right before the lunge. He doubted any of them had ever really seen what a rabid animal is like. Uncanny. Or maybe they had, and that was why they tiptoed like that. Maybe he is uncanny.

Helsknight stands and runs his hands through his hair. He doesn’t like sleeping in this house. It’s too quiet. That’s why he’s awake, sharpening his sword, but it doesn’t feel right staying in the Colosseum cells. Unwelcome. People talk about him, or they don’t. It’s hard to tell. People just kind of… fall silent. Paranoia dictates they’re talking about him. A rabid animal itching in its skin longs to bite and spread the disease. They watch him like he’s about to bite.

He doesn’t know how to smile, put them at ease. It feels weird on his face. Besides, it’s not expected. Helsknight doesn’t smile. When he does, surely it's a bad thing. Helsknight doesn't talk. When he does, he must be angry. Helsknight carries a sharpened sword. If he doesn't, something is wrong. Helsknight is. Hels isn’t.

Helsknight was knighted for a reason. He’s good at following rules.

Helsknight crosses to his lantern and turns out the light. In the dark, he stands alone in an empty room, listening to the world outside, and suddenly very aware of the sword he’s sharped and cast away so carelessly on the floor. He could stand here forever and it wouldn’t matter.

Outside, a group of people laugh uproariously as they walk down the street. It’s night in hels, or a late hour at least. They sound happy. They talk so easily to each other, conversations rolling around hiccups and stutters of joy, rivers running. There truly is still water in hels, nether or not. There’s an itch under Helsknight’s skin.

There’s a saying: Character is what you are in the dark. Its meaning is simple. Anyone can be a hero when the world is watching. When the world isn’t, when you could get away with murder or mercy and it wouldn’t matter, when there is no one to point and judge… that matters. That is the measure of your humanity.

In the dark, Helsknight wonders if he even exists.

#the barking writer #helsknight #character study #loneliness #kind of #i dunno #vent #kind of?#its been a complicated weekend emotion-wise #sometimes you just feel trapped and lonely you know #i spent too much time as a kid being happy for solitude #now people expect me to enjoy it -- and i'm too awkward to prove them wrong #anyway this is somewhat inspired by sleep token #ya'll cant just drop a phrase like 'im a waking hell and the gods grow tired'#and expect me not to get emo about it every time i have 3 seconds to myself

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widowshill · 1 month

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— But it's almost midnight. — Oh, that's the point! At the stroke of twelve, he turns into Dracula. C'mon, Vicki – he won't bite.

pose ref.

#dark shadows 1966 #victoria winters #roger collins #➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure，miss winters.#vamp roger au tbt #➤ roger collins. ┊ I and my ghosts want a drink.#➤ victoria winters. ┊ because she’s lost and lonely. because she looks in shadows.#➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery.#art.#i always feel a little apprehensive about putting r/v things in the general tags bc i know that's not everyone's cup of tea but.#if r/v squicks you out and you don't have me blocked idk why lmakldfgfg. that's what we do here.#well! did you know that the moonflower is a highly poisonous and psychoactive flower that belongs to the nightshade family #and can cause respiratory depression arrhythmias fever delirium hallucinations psychosis and death if taken internally.#and they are night-blooming and pollinated by sphinx moths. much to think about.#scenes from the vamp roger au that i've been plotting with tortie and have only posted like one thing about but. anyway.#should be making violent love to you behind a palm tree etc. but the moonflowers in liz's greenhouse will have to do.#yeah yeah yeah we've all heard about his more famous triangular cousin but what about the real collins vampire huh.#who was here in 1966 draining years off another man's life. who spent ten years in a coffin (augusta) and came back wrong.#who knows nothing but a habitual; driving; consuming thirst.#who feeds on the youth and innocence of his governess – of his sister's hospitality – of the shelter of the collins blood.#who prefers; instead of living; to bury himself in the collins tomb.#who creates not biological sons but makes other men into monsters just like him.#also lou was really hot as a vampire for 0.5 seconds in hods.

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chrollohearttags · 10 months

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watching everybody else live life and feeling as if I’m missing out on it but also liking the stability and safety I have now is….something.

#it’s that time of night #the depression is depressing #idek what I want tbh #cherry chats 🍒#like I’m grateful for my family and all of the friends I have on here #but I wish I had ppl to hang out with #I miss going on solo dates and meeting ppl #I wasn’t all that social before and I’m still shy af but I feel lonely sometimes.#anyways

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songforeddiemunson · 3 months

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Do you ever have those days where you are desperately attempting to finish a fic but the imposter syndrome is hitting so hard you start to wonder if it's even worth the effort? Like, will anyone read it? Will it even be good? Why am I trying so hard... and for what?

It'll pass. But when this hits it's pretty awful.

#I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling this way sometimes #but it feels lonely ya know?#anyway ignore me sorry haha

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firefly-party · 2 years

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🎵~

guys, i wonder... i kinda wanna continue this sketch... but im not sure how. so if you wanna help me out.... i need to pick between full digital color, full traditional coloring (probably watercolor) or digital watercoloring.

i already decided yesterday that i'll make this a jaskel piece at some point, heh. anyway. happy sunday.

taglist @dapandapod @hollowxo @karolincki @happydistraction

lemme know if you wanna be off or on the list ❤

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unstatedmartini · 1 year

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carlos being like you also assumed I didn't have a wife 😉 ajdksh he's a BITCH and I like him so much

#obviously they're gonna work it out but carlos just being like yeah i will Not be sharing any thoughts or feelings thanks anyway!#is a delightfullly consistent charactee trait despite sometimes being so incredibly annoying 😂#i truly deeply doubt tk NEVER mentioned wanting kids or them possibly being dads down the line #but carlos just smiled and nodded along and mentally deferred the conversation to Later because it was too big and scary #anyway he's dumb and i love him! he deserves the world and by god TK's gonna give it to him #911 lone star #spoilers #tarlos

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soldier-poet-king · 9 months

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I need to be weirder. I need to hang out/talk with more intensely weird and deeply genuine people, and more frequently

#franposting #apropos of me being weirder and more terrible and more honest lately #and it feels. good? mentally clearer. more at peace #this isnt some oh small talk is bullshit nonsense #it has a place! we need socisl scripts to be polite and function sometimes!#i am simply saying that i personally have spent far too long being the idea of a person. the mask of one #that i want to start being a real person. my pinocchio ass out here like #people pleasing out of fear needs to stop. you can be unsettling. babe. babe its okay. you can laugh ugly and loud and be strange #and too intense and think too much and say strange things #and the world wont end. you can be a person warts and all #it is so weird. and also lowkey pathetic that i am only realizing this now aged 27 #like. my fear didnt make me more palatable or more loved.#it just made me lonely AND more depressed #i might still be isolated and lonely and offputting. but at least i can laugh at myself in joy in the meanwhile #idk if that makes any sense but it does to me so maybe thats all that matters for this post #ANYWAY everyone who ive been talking w lately #(yall know who u are)#im like. thank u. thank u

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mschismosa · 2 months

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Ive gotten a few comments over the years about how ppl can feel intimacy & warmth in my ship art sometimes and those are my FAVORITE comments. Its truly the highest honor to get a response like that. All these years of yearning so bad I wanna bang my head against the wall is good for something at least. Glad u like the soup ❤️

#txt #chisme #the funny part abt this post is right before this i shoved in my drafts some long winded sentimental thing about how much it means to me ppl #-read those kinds of emotions in my art bc im a lonely sentimental loser who never expresses feelings irl #i feel seen sometimes through drawings in ways idk i can express in person #o no now the sentiment is in the tags #:)#anyway ty im happy u like my art fr fr

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hightowres · 4 months

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why do i feel like there’s some sort of veil between me and the rest of the world

#like i just feel like there’s this weird seperation #ppl all seem to have such full lives and be so connected with friends and stuff #but it feels like i can’t fully join in??#like i have friends and ppl i love and hobbies and whatever like i have a life #but sometimes it feels like i blinked one day and everyone else found their ppl and their super close knit #and i’m just like?? how do i cross this invisible curtain between me and everyone else #like sometimes i meet someone and we get along super well and then we just don’t hang out more #maybe bc i suck at texting ppl back #but i feel like nothing ever deepens #anyway #ignore me #today was a good day #apart from one thing lol #even on here like i love love love my mutuals but i lowkey feel like everyone’s closer with other ppl than with me??#i’m think i’m feeling a bit lonely bc i’ve been so busy lately i haven’t spent much time with anyone #and it feels like i just am missing out a lot #and i’m definitely someone who appreciates having alone time but i do actually like socialising and connecting with ppl #talking to ppl is one of my favourite things ever i think there are so many incredible ppl to find out more about and become friends with #nadiya.txt

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cardboard-queen · 4 months

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i just want one (1) trans girl I can be friends with in my city. why are all the sweetest women across state lines :.)

#transfem #trans #soph rambles #I only know 2 trans gals in this city #one I slept with and am in an awkward situation ship with #the other I’m barely an acquaintance #I’ve had one off meetings with gals like me #I just #I feel so lonely 😭#I just wanna be close to another person like me #I feel so weird and isolated for that exact reason sometimes #like #ok I do have incredibly fulfilling relationships with other trans gals online #well… just one gal tbh (u know who u are <3)#I just want a friend I can hug and touch and gets all the weird eccentricities that come with being trans #anyway #vent #over #thnx for reading if u did <3

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erumai-maadu · 1 year

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you know, i think tenten will also give them good luck charms for protection like how she gave her tsunade-sama one in sd.

she totally would, with her penchant for fortune telling, she’d handcraft three good luck/protection charms and give them to each of them.

I like to think she gives them to each of her team at different times.

Lee gets his first, after Tenten overhears him telling Gai-sensei about how he has almost lost hope in his dream to beat Neji.

“Perhaps just hard work isn’t enough,” he sobs to Gai-sensei as Tenten walks away, her heart heavy. She hands him a little good-luck charm at training the next day, a carved dragon, quietly telling him that he should never lose hope.

Neji may be a genius, but Lee is a genius of hard work, and she will protect his boundless hope until he achieves his dream. Perhaps it comes from a place of selfishness. After all, Tenten is no genius herself, and Lee’s hope is her hope too.

Or maybe it’s not selfishness, but relatability.

Whatever it is, Lee thanks her with a huge hug and many, many tears. Tenten protests loudly, but deep down, her heart swells.

He always keeps it in the hidden pocket of his jumpsuit, and never forgets to take the charm out before washing it. He shows it off with pride to everyone, much to Tenten's chagrin.

Gai-sensei receives his next, after both Tenten and Lee end up in the hospital after the Chunin Exams.

After Tenten is healed, she finds her sensei standing over a sleeping Lee, tears rolling down his face. He immediately puts on an act when Tenten walks in, but she knows what she saw, and it weighs on her.

The next day, when Gai-sensei pops into her physical therapy to check on her and offer some good old Gai-sensei encouragement (motivational shouting), Tenten pulls him aside. She hands him a small charm she’d made the previous night, a little wood turtle carved with the symbol for luck.

“Don’t worry sensei, the people you care about will always be okay!” She smiles brightly at him as she sets the charm in his hand. “It’s for protection—”

Gai-sensei’s thanks is also in the form of many, many tears and shouted declarations of his sweet lotus flower’s kindness and compassion. Tenten’s response, as usual, is loud and embarrassed protests, and a secret smile muffled in Gai-sensei’s broad shoulder as he hugs her tightly.

Gai keeps his charm in the safest pocket of his jounin vest, going as far as to ask Genma to give him a seal to make sure it never breaks or gets damaged. After all, his lotus gave it to him so he could protect her and her teammates, and he would rather die than let her down.

Neji is the last to receive his charm, after his fight with Naruto in the final round of the Chunin Exams. He sits in the hospital room and tells her about everything, his clan, his uncle apologizing to him, his restored faith in the future.

"I will change my clan," he insists to her. "I will better it, for all of the Hyuuga."

The next morning, through the rubble of a torn-apart and betrayed village, in the wake of the Sandaime Hokage's death, Tenten walks to the Hyuuga compound dressed in her mourning clothes and deposits a small carved phoenix charm in his hand.

"What's this for?" he asks, turning the charm over in his hand and studying it.

"Good fortune, protection." Unlike the rest of Team Gai, Tenten always keeps her stories to herself. For some reason, she finds the words tumbling out of her. "My mother used to make them for me. They were for protection and good luck."

Neji nods. He runs a thumb over the carved bird's wing. "Protecting what?"

"My hopes, my well-being, whatever it was she thought needed to be protected."

Neji finally looks up at her, understanding filtering through his gaze. Tenten turns around, ears burning. "Come on, let's go. They'll kill us if we're late to the funeral."

Neji stows his charm in the pockets of his clothes and jogs after her.

Several years later, when Lee surpasses everyone around him, his taijutsu a shining beacon of his hard work and dedication, he is ever aware of the wooden dragon in his pocket, the way his hope is a reflection of Tenten's. He vows to work harder, to prove to her that she can do it just like him.

He will protect her hope too.

On the battlefield facing down Madara Uchiha, Gai quickly moves the little turtle charm to the pocket over his heart. To protect the village, to protect his precious students, he can do anything.

"Eighth Gate of Death, release!"

As medics work to stabilize Neji in the emergency tents, they find a blood-soaked phoenix charm clutched in his hand.

His full recovery is nothing short of a miracle.

#asks #tenten #neji hyuga #rock lee #maito gai #team gai #erumai writes fic sometimes #can't ever keep a consistent spelling of hyuga/hyuuga huh #yes the charms DO have symbolism behind them hehehehehe #this whole thing lowkey makes no sense but also. thats ok.#it's about the strength that comes from the feeling of someone else caring about u idk #cause each member of team gai knows what its like to be lonely. to lack love.#gai lives with the void in his heart from watching his father die #lee was bullied for his whole life about not being able to do ninjutsu and taijutsu and hes probably an orphan too #neji's clan doesnt give a shit about him except for as death fodder when they need to protect the main branch #tenten... we dont know anything about her but we can sense that her need for approval comes from a lack of love in some capacity #maybe shes an orphan too. i like to think she is #ANYWAY all of this team lacks love in some capacity. so when they get it it's gonna stick with them for sure #honestly i coulda thrown nart in here for orphan solidarity or themes or sumn but. this is about team gai.#they ARE each others family dont u see #im gonna shut up now lol

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scuffedcd · 30 days

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I’m gonna be pathetic real quick,

#I miss her so much #dealing with a one sided crush on one of my closest friends no less has not been easy #we haven’t really hung out this year not bc of the feelings stuff but bc I was tired of always being the one to plan hang outs and outreach #this has always been our dynamic #she’s just not the initiator type #which was fine at first #but for me the more I put into a friendship the more I expect in return #so it was hard not to take it personally when things didn’t change after we talked abt it #anyway she graduated college today #and idk if it just really sunk in that this is very likely the last time we will ever be in proximity to each other #but something abt it just kinda hit me today #a part of me wishes she had reached out #but maybe this is for the best #I feel I shouldn’t have to ask for what I need every single time #the down side is that knowing that doesn’t cancel out the years of friendship #I’ve always had a hard time letting people go #a part of me almost always cares about them for a long time #it’s hard bc my college experience was largely knowing that while I had friends I likely wasn’t their top choice #or part of their larger group #I floated around a lot which was cool sometimes and lonely other times #but if there was any person who I would have expected or I guess even just wanted to put in more of an effort it was her #personal #rambles #vent #it is complicated navigating friend expectations vs crush yearning #but I like to think that I can be rational enough to distinguish between the two #and so not ask for anything that is outside the reasonable expectation for friends #idk man it’s been an emo day overall ig

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