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firelxdykatara · 3 years

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hello!! i just wanted to ask- i wanna do an ouat rewatch bc CAPTAIN SWANN but its pretty long and i honestly dont care for the other characters/how badly the overall writing was handled.. which are your favourite captain swan eps? anything them centered and i think ill just skip around to rewatch their romance as they did invent romance 😭😭 ty in advance <3

they absolutely did invent romance, you are right about that and i love them so much

UHMMMM as far as my favorite CS eps, here’s a roadmap of what I personally consider key eps in their journey (some of this is from memory but I haven’t done a full rewatch in a while so i’m going through the episode list as a refresher)

2x06: Tallahassee--this is a must-watch ep for any CS fan, and I really think this is the episode that sparked the fire that CS would become as a fandom. It has everything--flirtatious banter, all kinds of tension, deliberate parallels drawn between Emma and Killian’s pasts, as well as their first meeting being intercut with her relationship with Neal (which serves, especially in hindsight, to highlight just how sketchy that relationship was, and why she couldn’t bring herself to trust Killian--because the last time she felt this way about anyone, it ended horribly)

2x08 and 2x09: Into the Deep and Queen of Hearts--these episodes cover the race to the portal between Emma&co and Hook/Cora and while they don’t do a ton for CS as a relationship since they’re still enemies at this point, it lays great foundation for their future relationship development. Plus, sexy swordfight, Hook going out of his way to save Aurora’s heart--he may be a pirate, but he has standards ok--and Emma realizing Cora can’t remove her heart without her permission? Poetic Cinema

2x11: The Outsider--more of a Killian-centric episode, it shows a lot of Killian at his worst but it’s necessary for his overall character arc and I genuinely love looking back and seeing just how far he managed to come, to the point of eventually even letting go of his (very understandable) grudge against Rumplestiltskin.

2x12: In the Name of the Brother--am I including this purely for Emma&Hook banter in the hospital, and Killian saying ‘hey beautiful’ when he’s lying on the road because he just got hit by a fucking car? You bet I am. Also, go to youtube and look up ‘ouat season two deleted scene jello’, because it’s beautiful and there was a tremendous outcry in the fandom when we realized it had been cut from the episode lmao (It’s also the episode that made me start shipping Frankenwolf, which I’m still sad never went anywhere, but they had a lot of potential and great chemistry.)

2x22: And Straight On Till Morning--A few of the episodes in between have some fun minor interactions and flashbacks (and I always approve of episodes where Killian gets one up on Rumple, so 2x15 is fun for me if i ignore all the Neal bits) but the finale is where we finally get a glimpse of who Killian could be beyond his need for revenge. He didn’t have to come back, he didn’t have to bring back the bean and help the town--but he did.

Season 3a: there’s a lot of really good stuff here for Hook and Emma that is interwoven between the A plots of other episodes. I think, as far as half-season arcs go, it’s one of the best (and everything after 4a bombed hard, but I digress) But there are a few episodes that stand out if you don’t want to watch the whole season. (I recommend starting with the premier though, it was a really solid season starter overall.)

3x05: Good Form--this is the culmination of David’s poisoned-by-dreamshade arc, and is also Peak Captain Charming Bromance. Hook not only keeping David’s secret, but doing everything he can to help save him??? Poetic cinema. It also provides some crucial Killian backstory, showing how he lost his brother to the very same dreamshade. Plus, the character development--Pan offers Killian a chance to escape the island with Emma if he kills David, and instead, he saves him, refusing the deal and damn the consequences. Also also? The first CS kiss which drove the fandom WILD.

3X06: Ariel--not only to I love OUaT’s take on Ariel, but this episode has the infamous Echo Cave scene, which involves a lot of feelsy confessions and Killian being the one to tell everyone that Neal is alive and helping Emma save him despite his own growing feelings for her.....IT’S JUST A LOT AND I LOVE IT.

3x07: Dark Hallow--oh man, I’d forgotten about this episode, but it has Killian and Neal fighting over Emma, which may sound eye-roll worthy, but Emma is allowed to tear them a new one about it and it’s one of the few times she’s allowed to actually???? put her own feelings first so I have to include it here on spec

3x11 and 3x12: Going Home and New York City Serenade--these mark the end of 3a and start of 3b respectively, and it has some amazing shit like Killian vowing never to forget Emma and Emma smiling as she replies, “Good.” And then she and Henry are in New York with their memories completely altered, but Killian shows up because Storybrooke is back and in jeopardy, and he helps Emma get back to her family and her home and, much later, Emma finds out he sold the Jolly Roger to be able to do it and it’s just. It’s beautiful ok.

3x17: The Jolly Roger--there’s honestly not a whole lot in the back half of season 3 (until the CS movie) but of course anything named for Hook is a must-watch, and this is where we get the iconic line I swear on Emma Swan--which is Killian saying he’s in love with her before he even realizes it. We also find out just what he did to Ariel, and his attempts to make amends are what lead to Zelena being able to curse him, so it’s great from a character perspective as well.

The next four episodes round out the end of the season, and there’s a lot of great stuff in them--Hook refusing to get Emma to kiss him, but Emma feeling like she can’t trust him because he didn’t tell her about the curse to begin with, and then kissing him anyway to save his life regardless of the consequences.... but the only ones that are absolutely necessary are the final two episodes.

They are colloquially termed ‘The Captain Swan Movie’ for a reason, after all.

Killian and Emma essentially have an entire Time Travel adventure all to themselves, where they accidentally ruin her parents first meeting and have to fix it so that she’ll even be born, Emma finally getting into the storybook, the pair of them dancing at a ball, Killian rushing to save Emma only for her to get out of the cell herself, because “The only one who saves me is me.” Killian saying “I would go to the ends of the world for her... or time.” Finally fixing the timeline and making it back to Storybrooke and Killian feeling like he doesn’t deserve a place at the table so he doesn’t go inside, but Emma comes out to him anyway and finds out he gave up the Jolly Roger for her, the true start to their relationship...... IM CRYING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT I’M SORRY.

I personally really enjoyed 4a, the Frozen arc was one of the last good half-season arcs of the show, but a lot of people disliked it so it’s really up to interpretation. I don’t have as many Intense Opinions on this season (except hating almost everything about 4b and the queens of darkness arc), but I will say the episodes with good Killian/CS moments are 4x02 (Emma nearly freezes to death, Killian is desperate to save her, Captain Charming teamwork, my heart hurts), 4x04 (Emma asks Killian out on a real date, he tries to get his real hand back from Gold, things go massively awry and he winds up back under Gold’s thumb), 4x08 (Killian tries to save Emma from Gold’s plans), 4x11 (the 4a finale is just great in general), and then..... it cannot be overstated how much I hate season 4b, but 4x15 is the Killian-centric ep where his past with Ursula is revealed and he makes amends to her in order to get her to leave the QoD alliance and it’s great character stuff for him, and then there’s the season 4 finale.

Both parts are worth watching, if only because Deckhand Coward Hook still being a braver, more heroic man than ‘Hero Rumplestiltskin’ warms the very cockles of my heart, and of course the second part of the finale has him helping Henry to save Emma and it’s beautiful and also Emma watches him die for her and it is angsty as FUCK but gods I love it. Here’s where it gets tricky, though--my recommendation is, turn the episode off right after Emma finds Killian back in the present day of Storybrooke and they reunite.

Just turn off the episode there and skip right ahead to the s6 musical episode (Emma and Killian’s wedding ep) and pretend they got married and none of seasons 5 or 6 ever happened. >.> (Although I will say certain parts of the Underworld arc were incredibly feelsy despite how much I overall hated the season: 5x11 (the 5a finale, Killian as the dark one STILL being a better man than rumple, we love to see it), 5x15 (I am not immune to Brothers Jones feelings ok), 5x20 (emma literally takes a True Love Test trying to find a way to save killian, you don’t get more romantic than that--also Killian telling Emma to promise she won’t put her armor back up just because she lost him again??? my HEART), 5x21 (Hook does what he can from the Underworld anyway and zeus sends him back to Emma, they really just said ‘today I will invent romance’ and then Did That)

And then, yeah, just skip to the wedding. It’s beautiful, I enjoyed the music, personally, though I know musical episodes are hit or miss with most people. And if you turn it off when the last musical number starts (after the wedding ceremony, I believe) you can pretend it was the end of the show! =DDD

.....Oh my god I just rambled for years. I HOPE YOU FIND THIS USEFUL, ANON. I 100% support a CS-centered rewatch, their episodes were consistently some of the best across the entire series, and they are truly one of my favorite romances of all time.

#ouat #captain swan #captain swan episode rec #asked #long post #Anonymous

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serenedash · 3 years

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I started rambling about my experience with kh and then it turned into khux and then it just turned into me rambling about Ryou and my art journey????? enjoy I guess,

it’s very long but there’s art in there :)

It’s funny to think about my kh journey as a whole tbh, I grew up watching my mom play video games, which included kh1 and 2. I wasn’t allowed to play the playstation2 we owned BUT I did have a gameboy so the first game I played was CoM (after my mom finished it ofc,) so I guess you could say I’ve always been passionate about kh “””side games””” lmao but I did fall off of kh very quickly bc again, I wasn’t allowed to play our PS2 and also I Am A Terrible Gamer I’ve Never Finished CoM I’m sorry you all had to find out like this, but then 358/2 came out when I was in middle school and!!! I didn’t care and I didn’t play idk why lol

Anyway, fast forward to high school I’m like 15 and my older sister, who HAS been keeping up with kh, has a wallpaper on her phone of roxas and ventus. And bc I haven’t kept up I say “nice roxas wallpaper” and she says “thanks but it’s roxas and ventus” and I proceeded to get so mad that I was determined to prove to her that her wallpaper was just roxas twice and then I fell down the BBS rabbit hole and suddenly I was reading about vanitas and then I’m reading the fan translations of the BBS novel and I’m crying??? I am sobbing???? and that’s how I actually got into kh for real lol we are vanitas stans before we are people,

It’s so funny how I thought I was some kh super fan, knowing all this stuff that I spent so long reading and rewatching cutscene movies, but I never once, SOMEHOW NEVER ever came across khx. It’s so absurd and bizarre I seriously have no idea how I never once encountered khx prior to khux. I suppose that has to do with the fact I wasn’t involved in the fandom? In early high school I had stepped away from fandoms as a whole and I didn’t have any interest in really posting content or interacting with fans anymore bc of how burnt out I was from a previous fandom,

but khux released! and I was so hype and excited for it! on launch day I was a senior in high school, I had ran around to every “nerd” and weeb I could find in school to ask them to join my party and fun fact about me is I have crippling social anxiety I literally refuse to start conversations irl so holy shit I was OUT HERE doing the MOST

My player just originally had my name (Matt) but everyone in my party had fun names so Ryou was born! High school was one big yugioh phase for me and ryou bakura is one of my favorite characters ever so it was just the logical name choice lol I quickly started creating Ryou, the character, as well. I was also leaving my homestuck phase and that + vanitas obsession made This character design (art circa 2016)

If y’all are familiar with my kh oc’s you might notice that keyblade now belongs to my kid Monty LOL

Anyway that got scrapped quickly for the chip and dale outfit (which is where Ryou’s trademark goggles are from <3) Goggles have been a staple of my character designs for a LONG TIME so like, it had to be done, (that’s a separate ramble about a separate oc tho)

OG Ryou was an interesting guy; he was a young party leader with this overwhelming responsibility on his shoulders bc of his status as a party leader. In his original story, he also struggled heavily with darkness, much like Terra but for Ryou it was more that the darkness was controlling him and not like a source of power like it was for Terra

A big part of early Ryou I kept, however, was the crushing awareness of loss. One of my party members (the strongest one at the time,) had left without saying a word and I was very confused and hurt. This was around the time the ephemera plot was happening so I decided to incorporate it into Ryou’s story; having him experience losing a friend to darkness since it’s so normal for wielders in Daybreak Town to just disappear, and this would unintentionally become a theme for both me and Ryou as khux friends would just randomly disappear.

I was desperate for khux at this point and I decided to watch the fan translations for khx and GOD, god, was I obsessed. I couldn’t stop thinking about the foretellers. And I’m not going off about that here bc I already did that, but I actually started entering fandom again! I did it slowly, I started on tumblr before this blog was made altho it was me sending anons to the few khux related blogs I could have lol a friend convinced me to get twitter where I got involved with the ffxv fandom, which led me to the kh fandom and eventually the khux fandom there which is what REALLY got me going on khux.

I joined discord servers, most of the servers I’m in are khux related, and from there I joined the khux oc rp (shout out to anyone there who might be reading this lol here’s some art from the beginning of the rp,)

It’s SO FUNNY how the RP influenced me so heavily. I hadn’t RP’d in YEARS, I used to have a strict no oc rp policy, but here I was? And the funny part is, I had barely developed Ryou. I had scrapped his original story and all I had was POST WAR Ryou so I literally had to reverse write him; I had only ever written him as a depressed, guilt ridden adult, but it was a fucking blast and I have such fond memories of this rp when it was active,

But anyway, this encouraged me to get more serious about art! I started drawing, writing, cosplaying, and roleplaying when I hadn’t done any of that stuff in a very long time. The first time I ever drew a background was for a deviant art khux competition actually LOL

also! I always think extremely fondly of the drawing I did of Aced in the keyblade war. It was also one of the first backgrounds I ever drew and it felt like my real starting point in the khux fandom. It got a ton of notes on here and someone wrote a tiny fic in a reblog which just made me SO HAPPY like it really felt like people were noticing me :) I was going to draw a matching Ira but!! I just never did!! One day tho, it’s on my art bucket list to redraw this along with Ira,

Aside from my personal growth, khux was great for my social life ngl, I made SO MANY friends online and got to meet a ton of people irl over the years! It’s crazy to think about all the people I now know and talk to? It honestly makes me really emotional. I’ll never forget taking the train into NYC and meeting up with discord friends. Going to conventions and talking with people about the latest khux update? Absolutely insane and those were some GOOD TIMES, if I thanked every khux friend or even just person who made an impact on me then we’d be here for a LONG TIME,

Fun fact, for my Lauriam cosplay all I needed to buy was the wig I just owned his outfit LOL also? Probably retiring that cosplay ngl people treated me like absolute garbage when I wore him and it led to a lot of confidence issues for awhile ngl. That’s probably one of the only memorable negative experiences I have with khux; it was great when khux people recognized me but for kh fans that weren’t in khux? They were FUCKING MEAN??? fuck kh fandom at large, I only care about khux fandom,

This leads me to another huge part of my experience in khux fandom: THEORIES!! I used to write SO MANY and oh my god my brain was so full all the time. It was a huge appeal for me in the fandom; I had been previously writing theory posts in the RWBY fandom and it just migrated over to khux for me lol I had done a ton of theorizing around Lauriam tbh, it was really the only reason I liked his character at all bc initially I did not care about the dandelions, anyone who wasn’t Skuld I was like “please leave Now thanks”

A funny part of khux fandom I never intended to be apart of is the MEMES, I really only started doing memes as stress relief bc college had me so busy all I had time/energy for was these quick little shit post drawings.

The first meme I made, file name “invi despair” LOL we need to get her a girlfriend smh anyway, I think in my senior year of college I did a bunch of rapid fire memes all in one month bc the stress of finals was getting so bad afdgfhdgf as far as I know my impact on this fandom will be my memes bc all I do now is enter a kh/khux server and introduce myself and I go “yeah I draw art. here’s a meme” and everyone goes OH YOU, honestly I am nothing if not a clown

I’ve talked so much idk where I’m going with this. Khux is just a good game even if the gameplay actually kind of really sucks yknow lol but it was the first game I played where I like, REALLY got into the meta and the mechanics. I used to read so much on the mechanics and watch youtube videos on which medals were worth pulling for. I was never a whale or a top player exactly, but I could rank well if I tried lol I’ve made it to the top 100 for solo rankings, my party has made it to top 10, and in pvp I’ve made top 300. I’m not the highest level in my party but FUCK do I know how to manipulate this game LOL

And with all that hard work, the strategies, the theorizing, the content I’ve made-- it’s been my life for 5 years. I’ve logged into khux almost every single day. At the end, I have logged 1820 days in khux out of 1910 days. Kinda crazy. Crazier I’ve never spent money on khux either lol the only “money” gone into it was one time my mom gave me a google play store gift card and I used it on my birthday for a VIP xemnas medal which eventually made it to regular pulls anyway but it was nice and a little treat :)

I’m not a gacha fan, I don’t care for it, so I don’t think I’ll be touching another gacha again. But for kh? This was pretty fucking awesome, even if it sucked a lot sometimes LOL It was worth it for the people I’ve met most of all I think. I would honestly be a completely different person without khux and that’s REALLY insane to think about.

#the khux hyperfixation is REAL #but yall knew this about me #there's so much more I could say but it's 2am and this is long enough already #im rambling

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everwitch-magiks · 4 years

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dance with somebody (ch. 15)

start from ch. 1 | back to ch. 14

Whiskey can't quite keep his hands from shaking as he types out the message. He reads through it once, changes a couple of words and then briefly considers adding some sort of emoji. He doesn’t. Instead, he makes himself hit send before he has the time to lose his nerve.

I'll be driving to Boston on Sunday to take care of a couple things, wanna come with? Figured I might as well make a day out of it.

Within a minute, he gets the notification for a reply.

sounds like fun. do I get to choose the music?

Sure. Pick you up around eight?

Whiskey doesn't let himself reread that message until after he's sent it. God, it almost sounds like he’s making plans for a date. No, actually – it sounds exactly like plans for a date. So much for the whole charade of pretending that some mundane errand is his main reason for their outing.

ugh, so early? I'll be requiring a cappuccino, Annie's or bust.

When Miguel lets himself into the passenger seat of the truck Sunday morning, greeting Whiskey with nothing but a yawn and tired smile, Whiskey merely nods towards him as he silently hands him an Annie's take away cup.

"Oh, thank God." Miguel takes a sip, closing his eyes briefly. "Don’t you sleep in, like, ever?"

"Not really," Whiskey admits. He starts the truck and puts it in reverse. "I was at the gym this morning."

"Of course you were," Miguel mutters. "Man, if I was half as serious as you about anything, I'd… Oh."

Whiskey glances towards him. Miguel has opened his eyes again, and for some reason he seems to have zeroed in on Whiskey's hands.

"What?"

"Nothing." Miguel looks away abruptly. "Never mind me. Eyes on the road.”

Whiskey does look back ahead, but raises both eyebrows curiously. Miguel clears his throat lightly. He digs his phone out of his pocket.

“I’m loving the retro chick vibe of this truck, but I’m guessing bluetooth’s out of the question? Is there an aux cord?”

“Retro chic,” Whiskey parrots back, amused enough to let whatever just happened slide. “Yeah, you can plug in right there.”

“It’s all about the aesthetic, man.” Miguel grins, tapping merrily on his phone. “Okay. I’ve got no idea what you usually listen to, but this playlist’s got lots of different genres.”

After the first three songs have all been Panic! At The Disco, Whiskey feels the need to make a couple of chirps on the definition of the word different, but then the next three tracks are Billy Joel and Robyn and Blackpink, respectively. It turns out they’re both big fans of The Script and have actually both seen them live on the No Sound Without Silence tour, albeit not at the exact same concert. Miguel waves his hands in excitement as goes off on various tangents about which songs he loves the most and exactly why, almost spilling coffee all over himself at one point, and there’s more than one moment where Whiskey laments the fact that he really must keep his eyes on the road.

By the time Whiskey hits the turn signal for their exit, he’s almost starting to relax a little. So far, so good.

“Hey, I almost forgot,” Miguel says. “You never said where we’re actually going?”

“Boston,” Whiskey supplies ambiguously.

“Ha, ha. Where in Boston?”

“A presently undisclosed location.” Whiskey glances briefly at Miguel. “It’s a surprise.”

He catches Miguel’s soft smile before he has to look back ahead.

“A surprise, huh?”

“Yeah.” Whiskey tries to keep his tone somewhat neutral. “I wanted to… Yeah.”

“I thought you had stuff to do?”

“I mean, surprising you isn’t not doing stuff,” Whiskey argues, even though he knows that’s only a backwards way of admitting that Miguel’s got it right. “It’s just… Other stuff.”

For the first time all morning, he’s glad he doesn’t need to meet Miguel’s eyes.

“Depends on the surprise, doesn’t it?” Miguel teases. He sounds pleased. “Fine, don’t tell me. I’ll just have to figure it all out, anyway.”

“Get ready to figure out the first part.” Whiskey pulls into a parking lot. “Here we are.”

“There’s a second part? You know, I’m almost starting to think… Oh my God. Pancakes!”

Whiskey grins. Miguel actually sounds pretty excited.

“How did you know that I haven’t had breakfast?” Miguel questions eagerly.

“You rolled out of bed with less than a minute to spare and put on the first thing you saw in your closet,” Whiskey says matter of factly. He turns off the ignition. “You’ve literally told me that’s your normal routine.”

“I mean, kind of.” Miguel smiles playfully. “But hey, at least you still get to enjoy these effortlessly good looks. Not everyone can look this cute without even really trying, you know.”

“Well,” Whiskey says quietly. Finally, he gets to look over and meet Miguel’s eyes properly. “Fair point.”

Miguel bites his lower lip. Suddenly, his gaze is intent on Whiskey.

“Is this… Too public? Or can we, um. Y’know.”

Whiskey throws a quick glance outside the truck. The parking lot is empty, thank God – quickly, he leans over. It’s a brief kiss, over almost before it’s begun, but Whiskey still feels Miguel’s soft lips smile against his own.

“Come on,” Whiskey mumbles. There’s two more steps to his carefully crafted plan, and he intends to see them both through. “Pancakes. On me.”

The menu at iHOP is ridiculous, but not more ridiculous than the smile on Miguel’s face when the waiter presents him with his mountain of blueberry pancakes with maple syrup and bacon. Unsurprisingly, it’s completely adorable.

The drive over to their second destination is brief. They’re still several blocks away when, suddenly, Miguel goes very quiet.

“Almost there,” Whiskey says, in an attempt to fill out the silence. And just like that, he’s nervous all over again. “You, uh. You good?”

“Are you kidding?” Miguel says incredulously – a good kind of incredulous, if his tone is any indication. “I don’t believe you. Is this really where we’re going?”

“I thought you might like it,” Whiskey says carefully. “They’ve got this new exhibit that’s just opened, it’s the Indo-pacific-”

“Coral reef,” Miguel interrupts eagerly. “Yes, I know, I’ve literally got their tweets on alerts. It sounds amazing. And they’ve got this big ocean tank that’s four storys high, you can walk all around it and see every part from a different angle, plus they do absolutely incredible work with their sea turtle rescue program.” He grins widely. “I love the New England Aquarium.”

“Oh. Well, good.” There’s plenty of available parking space, still, since the aquarium has only just opened. Whiskey gets them a spot close to the entrance. “I’ve actually never been.”

“Then you’re in for a treat.” Miguel is already undoing his seatbelt. “Come on! I can’t wait to show you everything.”

When Miguel said everything, he wasn’t kidding. They spend over half an hour at the first exhibit, since Miguel apparently needs to explain in exact detail why the Amazon rainforest is actually one of the most diverse habitats in the world, and then a whole hour goes by as they watch a pair of sea lions swimming and playing with absolutely stunning control and flexibility. By the time they get to the big ocean tank, Whiskey feels like he’s learned more about marine creatures in a couple of hours than he thought he might in his entire life.

It’s surprisingly interesting. And listening to Miguel ramble about it, his eyes shining with unfiltered excitement, is unsurprisingly captivating.

They sit down on a bench on the third floor, where they have a good view of the tank just below the surface. There’s not a lot of other guests around, probably because of the feeding that’s happening over at the tank with the baby sharks. Whiskey glances to his side just as a surprisingly huge sea turtle swims by them at a leisurely pace, watches Miguel’s lips soften into a perfectly gentle, content smile.

If Whiskey could have orchestrated every detail of his ideal moment to proceed with the third and final step of his plan, it would’ve looked a lot like this.

He clears his throat lightly.

Miguel looks over towards him, a little expectantly.

Whiskey hesitates.

God, he must do this. He must. Even if this is where he fucks it all up, his future self deserves to remember this as a moment in his life when he faced all of his fears head on in pursuit of real happiness. He needs to let himself try, to allow himself this one moment of mortifying vulnerability.

“Do you-”

“Can I-”

Whiskey falls silent abruptly. Miguel blinks, looking equally startled.

They both smile.

“You, first,” Miguel says gently.

“Okay.” Whiskey takes a steadying breath. “I was hoping we could talk about, um. About this. About us?”

He makes an awkward gesture between them that’s probably not at all necessary for Miguel to understand his meaning.

“Sure,” Miguel agrees. He’s still smiling, albeit not quite as softly as before, and there’s an undertone of apprehension as he continues. “Based on the past few hours, I’m guessing I’m not actually about to have my heart broken, here?”

“No. I hope not.” God, Whiskey wishes that he could dare to get his hopes up at those words. Of course, he can’t. He already knows perfectly well that Miguel isn’t indifferent to him, per say. That’s not what he’s been so afraid of finding out. “Miguel, I like you so much. I like being with you, just like this, so much. You’re kind of always on my mind, lately, and it’s all really just so… So great. You’re really, really great.”

“Okay,” Miguel says slowly. His tone is all apprehension, now. “I’m sensing a but, here. You’re not looking to date right now, is that it? Or are you just not looking for a boyfriend at all? Or-”

“No,” Whiskey interrupts hurriedly. “Fuck, no, not at all. Miguel, if you wanted to be my boyfriend, I’d be so happy.”

“Oh.” Miguel blinks. “You… Really?”

“Yes.” Whiskey swallows. “I… Yes. Really.”

“Huh.” Slowly, Miguel’s lips curl into another smile. “Wow. That’s... Okay.”

Whiskey allows himself a moment to smile back. God, what he wouldn’t give for things to actually be that simple.

“Okay,” he says, trying to get back on track. “So, the thing is-”

“Ah, I knew it,” Miguel cuts in, almost playfully. “There is a but, isn’t there?”

Whiskey grimaces.

“I mean. Sort of?”

“Right.” Miguel’s smile dims again. “Sorry, sorry. I’m listening.”

“It’s not too bad,” Whiskey says, even though it honestly absolutely is. “I, um. You see.”

Miguel watches him expectantly.

“I guess I don’t want to come on too strong, here, and start talking about our lives several years from now,” Whiskey begins, testing the waters a bit.

Miguel raises his eyebrows slightly, but looks otherwise unruffled. So, like, that’s not a terrible reaction.

Whiskey takes the plunge.

“I just need you to know that I’m not sure if I’ll ever actually come out, publicly. Right now, I honestly don’t think so.”

“Ah,” Miguel says. “You mean… Ah. Okay.”

Whiskey waits. Miguel’s expression is infuriatingly unreadable.

“Good to know,” Miguel finally settles on. “That’s not a deal breaker for me, exactly. I’m just not sure if I’d want to keep something like this from absolutely everyone. I honestly don’t think I could.”

“I couldn’t do that, either,” Whiskey says, surprising himself a little bit. Still, it’s the truth. “I’d want to tell my two best friends.”

“You would?” Miguel asks, almost smiling. “Have I met them?”

“Yes, actually. Tango and Ford.”

“So you’re out, to them?”

“Not yet,” Whiskey admits. “But I’ve been thinking about it, and I… I’d want them to know about us.”

“Okay,” Miguel says. He sounds hopeful. “I’d want my best friend to know, too. I’ve known him all my life, so I trust him completely. And I want to tell my closest family.”

“Okay,” Whiskey agrees. It surprises him a little, that the mere thought doesn’t make him panic. “I don’t mind that.”

“I’ll be very clear that they can’t tell anyone else,” Miguel adds gently. “I’m sure they can handle that.”

“If you trust them, I trust you,” Whiskey reassures him. “Actually, it’s sweet. That you’d want them to know.”

“Of course I would.” Miguel smiles briefly. “Are you, uh. Are you close with your family?”

“Not… Not exactly.” It’s not a question Whiskey was expecting. “They’re very, um. Very traditional. I guess I usually go home for holidays and so on, but we don’t really talk a lot in between. I certainly don’t have plans to come out to them. One of my cousins knows, though. Beth. And actually, she’d kind of murder me if I didn’t tell her about you.”

“Well, we can’t have that.” Miguel tilts his head a little. “Are you out to anyone else?”

“A couple of people,” Whiskey admits. “Dex, our team captain, probably knows the most. He even knows about you. It’s actually his truck that I borrowed, today.”

“Yeah?” Miguel says. He sounds oddly pleased. “That’s cool. Anyone else?”

“This guy that I, um. That I hooked up with a few times last semester.” Whiskey clears his throat awkwardly. “And Bitty, our captain last year, although he found out accidentally. Oh, and you. Although I guess that’s completely obvious.”

“I’d say I’m aware, yeah,” Miguel agrees cheerfully. “You know, I actually ended up googling that former captain guy, Bitty, after the hockey party. His fiance is kind of a really big deal in hockey, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Whiskey agrees. “He’s the first openly gay male NHL hockey player, and a Stanley Cup champion.”

Miguel hums. “There’s really no one else, in the NHL?”

“Not yet, no.” Whiskey takes a breath. “And I’m honestly not too inclined to be the second.”

“Right,” Miguel says. He sounds less startled than Whiskey expected him to. “You know, that thought actually crossed my mind when you first told me about wanting to go pro. Even though you weren’t actually out to me then. I’ve heard some really questionable things about locker rooms in hockey.”

“I’ve heard my fair share of questionable things in those locker rooms.” Whiskey sighs. “It’s part of why I have so much respect for Bitty and Zimmermann. They’re really important to a lot of queer hockey people out there, and they’ve done so much to make things better. If Zimmermann wasn’t the only out player in the league, that would really change things for both of them. But I’m, I just… I want to play hockey. There’s nothing else I care about as much. But that doesn’t mean that I could do what they do, or that I’m prepared to go through everything they’ve overcome. Maybe that makes me selfish, but it’s just how I feel.”

Miguel hums.

“I get that,” he says. There’s a weight to his words that feels significant, somehow. “If I’m honest, I don’t know if I could do that, either. It’s actually a relief, in a way, that you’re not asking me if I’d be prepared to face that alongside you.”

Whiskey turns to look at Miguel properly. He wasn’t expecting that.

“I’ve never thought of it that way,” he admits. “I was too busy worrying that you’d be against the idea of not being completely open about… About us.”

Miguel meets his eyes steadily.

“It’s really okay, Whiskey. I don’t need to kiss you for all the world to see, so long as I know where we stand.”

“Yeah?” Whiskey asks. And for the first time since they’ve sat down, he finds himself smiling. “That’s, uh. That’s really great. Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Miguel says gently. “So. I guess this means it’s my turn, now?”

Whiskey blinks. Right. Miguel had been trying to say something, too.

“Sure, yeah,” he agrees. “Go ahead.”

“Don’t worry, okay? It’s genuinely nothing bad.”

“Alright.”

Miguel takes a breath. Apparently, whatever the not-bad thing is, he’s still nervous to say it. Which isn’t at all alarming.

“So, you know how I’ve been hoping to get a room at the water polo frat?” Miguel begins tentatively. “I’ve kind of changed my mind about that, a little bit. I love my team, but I already see them all the time, and the reason I want to move out of the dorms is so that I can have a space that’s more my own. Somehow, I don't think I'd feel that way with all my idiot teammates around.”

“Good instincts,” Whiskey interjects. “I could tell you stories.”

Miguel smiles.

“I’ve actually found a small apartment just off campus that’s surprisingly affordable. I think it might be because the layout of the kitchen area is, like, so impractical that it’s got to be on purpose, but I could definitely make it work.”

“Well. Sounds like a good option.”

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna take it,” Miguel says carefully. “It’s, um. It’s actually no more than a ten minute walk from your hockey house. And it’d be, you know. Something a little more private.”

“Oh,” Whiskey says. He frowns slightly. “You really don’t have to do that, for me.”

“I’m not only doing it for you,” Miguel reminds him firmly. “Like I said, I want something that’s more my own place. This seems like my best option.”

“Well,” Whiskey says, considering. “If you’re sure. It, uh. It does actually sound really nice. I think I might visit you quite a lot.”

“You’d be more than welcome to,” Miguel says. He grins. “Hey. Can I say something?”

Whiskey blinks.

“You just did, I think?”

“Yeah, well.” Miguel grins a little wider. “See, I don’t want to come on too strong, here, and start talking about our lives several years from now. Sounds familiar?”

“... Oh.” Whiskey feels startled in the best way possible. “I guess?”

“It’s just… If I had a wishlist, eventual cohabitation would probably be somewhere near the top.” Miguel tilts his head a little. “Just thought I’d put that out there.”

“Yeah?” Whiskey manages, a bit unsteadily. “I, uh. I’d definitely be open to having that conversation. At some point.”

“Okay. Cool.” Miguel averts his gaze for a second, looking back at the ocean tank before them. His smile, Whiskey thinks, is perfectly lovely. “So. Do you... Should we head back?”

Whiskey frowns. He’s more than aware of the fact that there’s several exhibits they haven’t even gone anywhere near, yet. Miguel must know that, too.

“Isn’t there stuff left to see?” he wonders, a little unsurely.

“We can come back,” Miguel says quickly. He turns back towards Whiskey, and there’s a look in his eyes that immediately earns him Whiskey’s full attention. “Right now, I’d rather just be somewhere a bit more... Somewhere we can be alone. And my roommate’s actually gone for the weekend, so. I was thinking…”

Oh.

Whiskey gets to his feet.

They don’t waste any time making their way back to the truck. Whiskey starts the ignition, his mind occupied with calculating how long the drive might take. As he puts the truck in reverse and starts backing up, Miguel makes some sort of noise next to him.

Whiskey glances over, surprised to find that Miguel’s expression is… Tense. Or something.

“Never mind me,” Miguel mutters through his teeth. “Just, um. Just drive.”

It reminds Whiskey of what Miguel had said to him that same morning, after he’d gone oddly quiet and… Stared at Whiskey’s hand on the gearshift. Huh.

Whiskey pauses after backing up. He raises both eyebrows in question.

“Oh, fuck you,” Miguel says, his weak tone a definite contrast to his choice of words. “Look, it’s really stupid. You’re gonna think I’m an idiot.”

“I mean, maybe,” Whiskey allows. He still doesn’t keep driving. “Does it help if I promise not to take the piss?”

“Persistent, aren’t we?” Miguel mutters. He sighs. “Ugh. Fine. It’s just… You drive stick.”

Whiskey blinks.

“Is that, like… A whole thing for you?”

“Oh, shut it,” Miguel grumbles. “This is hardly my fault, okay, I really can’t be blamed for being stupidly attracted to you.”

Whiskey probably shouldn’t smile as widely as he does – he literally just promised Miguel that he wouldn’t make fun of him. “Stupidly, huh.”

“Well, yes!” Miguel exclaims. And suddenly, it’s like a pair of proverbial floodgates have opened. "Did you know that every time you open your ridiculously hot mouth in class and something highly intelligent spills out, I die a little bit?”

Whiskey blinks. Fuck. If there’s one thing in this world that he didn’t know, it’s definitely that.

Miguel continues before he has the chance to respond.

“And God, you couldn’t warn a guy before making me watch you dominate that hockey game like you single-handedly invented skating? Believe me, I am sincerely, stupidly into you – you with your ridiculous face, and that brain, and those muscles, Jesus. You are quite literally the whole package and it's honestly so completely infuriating.”

Whiskey swallows. He can’t seem to look away from Miguel, who is actually glaring at him, now, and that shouldn’t be the best thing that’s happened to Whiskey all day. And it kind of isn’t better than their pivotal conversation earlier, if Whiskey thinks about it logically and rationally, which he would absolutely do if Miguel wasn’t looking at him like that.

“Right,” Whiskey finally manages in response. “Gotcha.”

Miguel narrows his eyes.

“Listen,” he says. His voice is low, and raw, and determined. Whiskey’s breath hitches. “You’re going to drive us back to campus, and I’m going to take you up to my room, and, if you'll let me, I’m going to spread you out on my bed and make you feel every deliciously bittersweet moment of frustration that I've suffered on your account. God knows you've deserved it."

“Um.” Whiskey swallows, twice, and then attempts a deep breath. His brain might have short-circuited a little bit. “Is this a good time to mention that you talking like that is kind of really doing it for me?”

“No,” Miguel says evenly, despite the fact that Whiskey can see the clearly pleased smile tugging at his lips. “Just, for God’s sake, Whiskey. Drive. Now.”

Whiskey forces himself to look back ahead. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Miguel follow the movements of his hand as he carefully changes gears.

Boston, Whiskey thinks dizzily, is entirely too far away from Samwell.

(ch. 16)

#check please #omgcheckplease #connor whisk #whiskey #whiskey x oc #OC: miguel #my babies #you guys #look at them #dance with somebody #evie writes #fanfiction

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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Thank you again and still for all the help and support! I really truly can not imagine making it through the past couple days without it, considering I spent most of it awake and in the bathroom puking from the constant migraines that come with your head not being happy about its bones not being in the right place. Stress aggravates them, or at least my awareness of them, and because of how little work there is currently and how expensive being broke and disabled in LA is, let’s just say, there’s been stress, lol.

I’m feeling a bit better today, or at least I’m making myself pretend that and act like that since I’ve got another appointment at that clinic where I get my juicy and tasty IV bags of nutrients pumped into me since I barely even CAN eat, physically, which combined with the lack of sleep and the nausea, like, also not a great combination.

So, I mean it when I say your donations and support have absolutely been invaluable, everything from a couple dollars to an anonymous message, like, its all amazing and appreciated and invaluable. Yeah. I already said that, whoops, anyway, BUT I DIGRESS.

That’s about all of an update I have there, lol, so in other news, I should be around more today since like I said, I’m feeling a bit better and have possibly plateau-ed on this latest pain level. (My super-annoying superpower....ever since I was a kid I’ve been able to adapt to increases in pain like a pro. As in, being able to manage/function despite it. Course, I still feel it, but give me a day or two to adjust to a new norm in how much my body hates me currently, and then I can power through).

So, like I said, I should be around more today, and I’ll probably be random as hell. Like I’ve mentioned before, my blog is where I spew literally everything from inane thoughts to fandom feels, since its like.....my only social outlet these past couple years and the only way I get to interact with people who aren’t doctors. Expect no pattern in topics until I find whatever sticks and keeps me focused on it enough to serve as a distraction from, y’know, the broke body and broke bank account.

SO! Absolutely feel free to hit me up about anything and everything. ESPECIALLY if you’ve made a donation or sent me something. Like, I know some people who have sent money don’t even follow me or know me at all and are just generous spirits who saw my post somewhere, but for any of you who have sent any kind of support just cuz you like, like me and my rambles, lol, totally feel free to drop into my messages even on anon and say what kind of posts or content from me you really engage with and would love to see more of. I can’t make any promises or guarantees, unfortunately, given I didn’t expect or plan on crashing so hard these last couple days, bleh, and just....literally, like, writing more of the kind of stuff or posts people who have helped me stay alive is pretty much the only way I have of kinda giving at least something back, so I mean, I am happy to pounce on anything in that direction.

Again, just can’t make any guarantees given how unpredictable my life is and depending on how many people send requests or prompts or messages, etc, but I don’t delete anything of that nature and I usually get back around to stuff EVENTUALLY. For instance, I’m REALLY hoping to finish up two one-shots today, one that’s focused on Duke, Dick and Cass from that prompt you sent me a couple weeks ago, @zee-gee, and the other uh.....that umm, TW/X-Men fusion you commissioned way longer ago than my pride will allow me to admit in public @camelotpark, lol. And like, those posts you see me making to @russianspacegeckosexparty about the changelings project I talk about a lot, like.....Adam basically just sends me random thoughts and prompts about it all the time, and its like a running thread that’s easy for me to pick back up and sink into whenever I see a new one in my inbox and I’ve got enough spoons at the moment to dig in.

Also have a couple other things I want to respond to today while I have the energy and a destined-to-be-longer-than-it-needs-to-be meta about Dick’s positioning in narratives with various other characters and WHY I think it so usually works out that way, and I’m aiming to keep that more like....musing-esque than rant-errific, but uh, let’s see how that actually goes, lmfao.

Anyway, that’s what I have in mind for today, aside from my going to get my IV buffet at ten and emailing and calling people from listings about rooms to rent, but tbh, I might just end up being even more random and sporadic than usual, if I can’t focus on any of those long enough to stay sufficiently distracted today. (Like, my other annoying superpower as long-time followers have heard before, is my ridiculously fast metabolism. I know, “oh no, I’m so skinny, poor me,” but like....its never been about weight gain or loss for me, its about how fast my body processes various medications, meaning pretty much every painkiller I’ve ever tried is largely useless to me, or at most wears off in a couple hours.....whereas my ADHD meds actually provide me MORE relief from the pain than any of them. Basically, they let me actually focus on something OTHER than pain and not get interrupted/distracted by the occasional pain spike that likes to remind me its there and wants my attention......so I mean, I still feel everything that comes with my head being physically out of whack, but for the hours vyvanse is working for me, coupled with some heavy duty pain meds, I can like.....just sorta....not care about it for awhile. Like, it hasn’t gone away but its more shoved to the back of my mind at least. And all of that, I’m happy to stuff in a closet whenever I can, lol).

And that’s enough rambles for this post, I think. LOLOLOL, as if I have a quota. But yeah. Just wanted to express how much your support has meant and continues to mean, and like.....I’m still here and alive and crossing fingers that I’ll hear about an actual surgery date soon, but in the meanwhile like......I’m kinda stuck in a perpetual Limbo, one that’s largely confined to whatever is in hobbling distance from my bed of the day, and as much as donations help me physically, in remaining able to at least stay that way, just, any and all interactions on here help by keeping me engaged with the world on at least some level, and make it so I have stuff to think or talk about beyond my own situation and how I’m not a super huge fan of that.

(Okay, I shouldn’t say any and ALL interactions are appreciated, since I have my fun little runs of anon hate in my inbox, but I mean, all of the above is why they’re not really a big deal to me and never have been. Its like, dude, my own body has been trying to take me out for the past three years, and you think a few insults from an anonymous stranger are gonna do the trick? LOLOL, please. Tbh, the only real negative effect anon hate has on me is that it makes me a bit more snappish and quick to assume the worst than I’d like, when people @ me in a way that I misread as aggressive or in bad faith. I’m aware that my day-to-day temperment is a lot more irritable and open to fights than I usually like to be, as self-control is kinda a big deal to me, and my situation and stress and other shit kinda keep me constantly operating at a level best described as itchy, and none of that is an excuse for any times I read an interaction wrong and go for the throat. I just mean like.....I’m a very blunt and straight-forward person, and I do appreciate when people take a similar approach to me as it really helps keep those misreads to a minimum. Any time someone wants to engage with me in some way, I promise I am SO much easier to talk to if you just....put it out there, whatever it is. Its the games people play online (and in real life) that just frustrate the hell out of me and...yeah. Again, I’m not saying any of that as an excuse or a request for a free pass any time I fuck up an interaction or cross a line, I’m just saying, if anyone’s held back on interacting with me because they think I might snap at them or mistake it for them trying to start a fight, like......just be direct with me. Honestly, thats just....always gonna be more productive when it comes to me.)

But yeah. So that’s the current state of me and all that jazz. Again, I so appreciate everything everyone’s done to support me, not just these past couple days but over the course of these past three years as well. I notice and remember all of it, and its why even though I rant and complain and am critical about so much in society and fandoms and all that.....I really truly am a believer in the idea that there’s more good in people and the world than bad, and the bad just tends to be louder is all. It was especially loud for me the last couple days, the volume got way jacked up, but the goodwill from you guys has been more than enough to drown it out and give me some reprieve.

Alright, shutting up now. All done. The end.

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peachcitt · 4 years

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for the meta writing asks: 20 and 4? ☺️

okay so thank you so much for asking these questions and wanting to know more about how i write and basically im saying ilysm and also that this got really really long SO if you’d like to hear about the stuff i think about/thought about while writing, click the read more!!

warning for: bone tea spoilers (like. spoilers for the end of the fic) and some mention of religion

20. tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

let’s talk about bt! because god knows there’s a whole lot in there that i could talk about for hours BUT let’s talk specifically about gabriel and lila - our two favorite villains. NOW if you haven’t read bt (you can read it here) and don’t mind being hella spoiled for how it ends, gabriel is the father of adrien, one of the main protagonists, and lila is an ex-lover of marinette, the other main protagonist. throughout the whole story, i made it so that the relationships marinette and adrien have with gabriel and lila remain really complicated.

at the start of bt, we know adrien has cut himself off from his father and hasn’t seen him in years. as the story progresses, adrien and gabriel begin to make the steps of re-establishing a father-son relationship, and it’s something that adrien really does seem to feel good about. and then gabriel tells him that he’s hawkmoth, the guy who’s been killing people. so that’s not great.

for marinette, we’re given the sense that she’s been very isolated for a while, at least in the world of magic. when shit hits the fan, lila comes along, and it’s revealed that the relationship marinette and lila had before bt was a very passionate one that ended very badly. when chat confesses to marinette, we learn that in some ways, marinette still hasn’t recovered from the relationship she had with lila. and it turns out, lila joins up with hawkmoth for the sole reason of ruining marinette in any way she possibly can as revenge for breaking her heart. so that’s also not great.

here’s bits from the final fight scene, aka the scene where both gabriel and lila are defeated:

Within seconds, his body was dropping unceremoniously to the floor, his life buzzing around amongst her teeth, and she was turning around, sparing no glances to the limp form of the man who had killed her friends, killed her other half.

Marinette’s eyes widened. She and Lila both turned their heads to Adrien, pushing himself up from the floor. There was a determined light in his eyes, and Marinette knew. She knew he was going to do it, and he was going to do it right.

“To worlds far and unreturnable-”

Lila also seemed to know.

She turned her head back to Marinette, desperate, unhinged. She raised her arms, the blood and the silver glinting.

“BEGONE!”

it might be a little hard to tell since these are very small snippets, but here’s what i wanted to point out: in this final fight, marinette is the one to defeat gabriel, and adrien is the one to defeat lila. in a sense, marinette and adrien defeated each other’s antagonist.

in the final scene, they felt that they had literally no other choice; adrien was dead, gabriel offered his life, and marinette knew that was the only viable option for adrien to come back. marinette was pinned down, lila had the upper hand, and adrien knew marinette wouldn’t say the words in time to save herself. this was, to me, the ultimate symbol of adrien and marinette’s partnership and relationship; they always had each other’s backs, they were always balancing each other out.

but, i also felt that i was robbing the both of them the chance to feel closure for the abuse they each suffered. despite everything, adrien loved gabriel (his last words before dying were “i love you” directed toward the entire room - not just marinette, not just emilie, but also to gabriel) and marinette loved lila (even when she was inhabiting another body, marinette could still see lila behind it all - her last words to her, and presumably the last words she thought she would ever say were “i loved you; with everything i had, i loved you”)

SO let’s look at two moments from the final chapter:

After a moment, Adrien took a deep breath, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Is he still here?” he asked, and Marinette nodded. Adrien stared down at the grave, eyebrows furrowed. “Go now, Father,” he said softly, almost gently. “Go.”

Gabriel opened his mouth as if to say something in protest, and then he swallowed, glancing at Marinette and Emilie. He bowed his head, and he faded away, out of sight.

“He’s gone,” Adrien whispered. It wasn’t a question.

She rubbed her thumb over the little fix insignia, and she murmured the spell to wipe the hex away under her breath. When she pulled her hand away, the fox was gone, and so were all the traces of Lila’s magic. “It’s done,” she said, and she resolutely placed the book back into its proper place.

“Done?” Adrien asked, and Marinette nodded.

“Yeah. She’s gone.” And it was like a little weight had lifted off of her shoulders.

again, it might be a little hard to tell in these small snippets, but here’s what happened: at gabriel’s funeral, gabriel’s ghost shows up and adrien is the one to send him away for good. at marinette’s bookshop, marinette finds an old hex that lila left on one of the books from a while back, and she is the one to wipe away the hex.

so, through these small final scenes, i tried to give adrien and marinette the opportunity to say goodbye to the people they both loved and hated on their own terms. it was important for me to show that they saved each other without question in the final fight, but it was just as if not more important for me to give them each the space and peace so that they could come to terms with and turn the page on their past traumas.

dkjdkdskdkd that was basically a whole ass essay im sorry gnjfghjf BUT ive been wanting to ramble about that ever since i finished bt so THANK YOU for letting me do that

(ive also been thinking about maybe doing a bt reread before/after i post the special extra chapters where i reread bt and make comments like this about the thoughts i had while writing so let me know if any of y’all would like to see that!!) anyways next question sjffkj

4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

"We are all God's things, all made of the same materials as everything else. There is a piece of Rome here, and there is a piece of here in Rome. The divinity does not lie in the place, but rather in the hands that shaped the place."

"Construction workers and artists that died hundreds of years ago made Rome," Will said, and Hannibal turned his eyes on him. A tumbling sort of feeling fell upon Will's stomach. "The company down the road made this one."

"Aren't the hands of God's people holy? Aren't the thoughts born from their brains pieces of the clay that He shaped, breathed life into?"

this is from my hannigram fic the dark and the stained glass watchers and there’s a couple of reasons why im proud of this, the first being that i was very drunk when i wrote this fic sfkjhsfkj

literally i got drunk and i was like. hm i think i will write something gay and kind of blasphemous and then i wrote this fic that has a lot of really really good lines in it that i actually genuinely enjoy sober (if you haven’t watched hannibal and are curious about this fic - don’t worry you can read it if you want! it’s an au, so you don’t actually have to know anything about the show to read it)

im also proud of this bit because i have a sort of complicated relationship with religion skfjkfdk i was raised catholic which, as many know, has the ability to do wonders on your psyche in the long run in certain cases, and ive never really felt very connected to church or that strict sort of religion in general. im still not really sure exactly what i believe, to be honest - but i like to believe in the idea of holiness, of divinity. and, in this blasphemous gay hannibal fanfiction i wrote while drunk, i feel like in some ways i was finally able to put words to the things in my head regarding religion and belief in a way that i think is really beautiful. and im lowkey pretty proud of that.

anyway thank you so much for allowing me to ramble on about this stuff i love you and everyone who managed to read through all of this skjfghsfjh y’all are so strong

#anon #ask #my writing #my writing meta #YALL IM SO SORRY I TALKED SO MUCH SJHLHLLDS #I LITERALLY CANNOT BELIEVE MYSELF FJKGHFLKGHS #(but actually i can believe myself i never shut up ddsdkkskdk)#i really just said: let me info dump about bt and also about me getting drunk and writing about how everything's holy #also i know the talk about religion is kind of A Lot and im really sorry about that because i know that's kind of a weird topic to get into #i almost chose a different passage but in the end i decided that this is something that i am actually pretty proud of #and also something that i think is really beautiful #(and you don't have to agree with me!!! that's perfectly valid!!!!!)#also about bt if any of you would like me to do a bt reread where i talk about meta like this please actually let me know #because i kind of want to do it actually #(and i know this is super long so that's probably not looking super appealing BUT #if/when i do the reread i'll make the comments shorter because i won't have to explain so much about the plot/situation ya feel)#so just let me know!!!

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butchlilith · 6 years

Text

writing meme part 1: synchronicity

this is the first round of some commentary i’m giving on stuff i’ve written! if you’d like to send in parts you’d like me to discuss, i would be indescribably thrilled. check out this post if you’re wondering what’s going on or this post if you’ve somehow escaped my bullying everyone into reading this fic. all of these were suggested by the delightful @ladynoblesong to whom i owe my life

under the cut learn all about...

daphne wearing niles’s clothes

mel’s introduction

lilith’s invitation

daphne wearing niles’s clothes

Daphne tucks in her shirt (your shirt, that is, but this conjures up all sorts of images of domesticity more shameful than sex), and grins back at you. Her lipstick has accidentally adorned the collar, and your mind flickers only briefly to Maris before Daphne’s voice draws you back to her. “There we are,” she says, impossibly pleased. Then, slipping suspenders over her shoulders, she walks to your mirror. Immediately, her wide eyes go bright, and she reaches for your arm, pulling you beside her.

“Don’t we look dapper?” she asks.

You know precisely what you look like, what you’re sure to look like to everyone who sees you together, and some part of her must know too, but dapper is hardly it. All the same, Daphne is electrified every time she catches the two of you reflected in a window.

Though it surely says more about you than her, you realize later that no one’s ever been so proud to be seen with you in your life. If this thing were real, you would have to stop seeing her because of it.

For once, you feel relieved that you could never be together.

Not that it was ever anything more than a fantasy; Maris, after all, is all you have ever known, all you could ever want.

sdfghjkl you really picked a scene here. it’s a charming combination of “wish fulfillment” and “therapy session material,” which… is honestly very reflective of this fic. so… yeah. i guess we’ll just start with the parenthetical, because it’s a solid dozen suitcases worth of unpacking to do. borne from my wanting to say “your shirt” to highlight that it is not her own but realizing that this would suggest her tucking in a shirt that is on another person’s body i was like, “let’s get into this.” because i have never let a single thing go ever in my life. & it ended up being something of an important detail imo, that this is the way niles approaches sex and love? i think it’s relatively similar to canon niles but presumably with different cause. in this case the cause would be, you know, living in a culture that does not provide too many models of what it is to love a woman and be in a healthy relationship with one as a woman yourself? so it’s much easier to say, “i’m happy having this non-relationship of a relationship” or “i’m only interested in sex with this woman” or whatever because what else do you have to go by? and that’s also sort of what i’m going for with the last line in this excerpt. so. we’ll move on, then.

i think even for women who don’t have a particular relationship with gender that can sometimes manifest as butchness etc. there’s still something very powerful in being something other than the woman you’re meant to and in seeing models of other women doing the same. i wanted daphne to have a moment like that. also… it’s hot. also hot: lipstick on button-ups. these last two are just objective facts more than analysis but it was what was going through my head at the time of writing.

but niles’s feelings in response to daphne’s excitement. well. that’s a moment and a half right there. i can’t fully remember my thought process—i think i might have thought of the situation while unable to write it down, so it was already a bit diluted once it got to the page. basically, though, it’s just that realization that she has largely (as a lesbian, as a butch woman) felt ignored at best, and that to be in a relationship with the first person who did recognize her and want to be recognized with her as herself would have… some layers to it that are not entirely… the healthiest. so that’s one of my many excuses for why this iteration of niles and daphne cannot get together for another six or seven years: they both needed to grow as people! because this is from niles’s pov we mostly get niles’s end of that but we see as well daphne kind of dealing with stuff as well even if it’s more obscured by niles’s lust/10000 other emotions.

on a lighter note, a fun fact for you: i hate the word dapper! but i thought daphne would use it in this context so i wrote it and i hated it every step of the way. i’m allowed to say this because as a certified stuffy butch i have an unfortunate degree of intimacy with the word.

mel’s introduction

You take the rest of your queries regarding your lingering financial ties to Maris to their sources.

The first, her surgeon, is fastidious and beautiful, and her airy voice informs you of four things as you call to schedule a third appointment with her. First, that she would not have expected a woman like you to have such an affinity for her line of work. Second, that she has never met a pair of friends that exchanged cosmetic procedures in the tens of thousands for the holidays. Third, that she is gay, too. (She does say, “too,” with her laugh floating through your cell phone smooth and half-threatening.) But, fourth, perhaps frightening you the most, she tells you that she wouldn’t mind if you took her to dinner sometime.

“You know,” you say, with a just-there laugh, “I’ve been meaning to ask you that very question.”

Frasier, of course, is aghast at each word of your account, but you have, by the end of it, obtained symphony tickets and a somewhat backhanded compliment on your uncharacteristic boldness. You take the opportunity to comment on his substandard squash performance, then fly out the door before he can return the blow with his usual ineptitude.

God, if he knew he was responsible for the best night you’ve had in years. The moment Mel leaves your car, you long to spend hours recounting what a wonderful night you had had. The strange thing is that you long to tell Daphne, long to tell her that you know, now, what she had meant when she told you that she loved first dates, that Mel is exactly like you, and impossibly beautiful and—

ooohh boy. the first sentence-and-a-half of this are probably among the last i wrote for this fic. i very seldom write things in the order they appear, so i always end up with the task of pasting these scenes together in a way that doesn’t seem entirely ridiculous. i think this is especially obvious with this and the preceding scene, which i wanted to happen in the opposite order before i remembered that, hm, canon does technically exist and i should maybe follow the barest outline of how that proceeds. but it worked out because i was able to pretend like there was an explanation for niles having a divorce lawyer without ever having been married.

but. that aside. i think we all know by this point that i love first dates. i love asking people on first dates and going on first dates and telling my friends about first dates and all of it. and basically i wanted to show that feeling as well as niles’s relationship with daphne as a friendship for both of them, not just daphne.

so on that first item! i wanted to preserve niles’s cowardice, obviously, but because she doesn’t have quite the same relationship with frasier as canon niles, there wasn’t really anyone to say “you realize this is exactly the reason you’re not with daphne now, right?” so i had mel take some (or… all) of the responsibility there, but i didn’t really feel mel was the sort to frame it as a question and certainly not the sort to let personal details about herself into the world without their recipient knowing that she knows even more of them. i mean, she literally doesn’t even present it as something she wants so much as something she knows niles does dfghjkl. and honestly? it’s hot. sorry but i’m right. if you’ve never been asked out by a woman in the form of a statement i need you to know that it is the hottest experience on earth. anyway. i just really don’t care for love stories that center on jealousy or the singularity of love. i’m not saying every good first date is love, but i wanted to show that there was genuine excitement here that could lead to love. i know mel is maybe not the most lovable character in the frasier universe, but i do feel like she truly cared for niles and niles for her.

with regard to the last line, that way daphne cuts off niles is something i do a couple times as well, which i wish i’d maybe explored a little bit more. it’s mostly leading up to daphne’s cutting her off with the kiss as in canon during that balcony scene, but i think it appears afterward as well. it often shows up when niles is overthinking, and, especially as we progress, it’s when daphne doesn’t want to think about what niles is thinking about. this particular line isn’t quite at the peak of that, but it would be a fair interpretation if you wish to believe she (consciously or not) wished to avoid hearing about niles’s infatuation with mel. you might even be able to make an argument for the other cases of interruption being similarly motivated (though this may prove most difficult with the moon dance instance), but my intention was for it to reach its peak toward the end of the pining stage and into the beginning of their relationship, iirc.

honestly, there’s more i could comment on in this scene, but i don’t know that it would be particularly interesting, and i’ve rambled enough, so i’ll leave it here!

lilith’s invitation

Lilith calls you that evening offering any help you need should you feel any sudden fondness for the state of Massachusetts. “And, Daphne,” she says, though you can scarcely remember when they last spoke, “if you’re looking for a rat breeder, there’s an excellent couple just north of the city. I’d be glad to introduce them to you.”

Somehow, the two of you accept both offers immediately.

this is part two of the payoff for the wish-fulfillment tidbit in the niles/frasier banter we get earlier on that reveals lilith is a huge dyke, the first part being when niles and lilith have sex. i just feel like the amount that lilith truly cares for her family is underutilized in the frasier canon and i think that would be amplified in a familial gay solidarity situation. also i just really want them all to be friends! i’ve already said that this was wish fulfillment and i won’t hide from that truth.

wrt why i wanted them to accept these offers, i a) feel that, even though obviously we as gay people have been getting married long before there was actual legal recognition of the fact, all three of these people (albeit in different ways) do value that system and that recognition imo b) am FOREVER bitter that daphne’s interests are just kind of… tossed aside in canon as being too weird or unrefined, when they’re really cool (or just… normal!) things? and because i think i hopefully provided a little more evidence of niles and daphne making efforts toward understanding over placation, i think niles would be in a place to say, “let’s do it!” even if she is… moderately horrified at first. so yeah. this response did kind of become “why i think i’m better than late-season frasier writers” but… yeah. i was just having fun and writing what i would want to see.

#ladynoblesong #yes i DID write a novel about each of these excerpts. i'm sorry but both my major and my job are just... discussing writing all the time #it's what i do #writing meme #tagging this as #asks #because that's pretty much what this is?

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wordsinwinters · 7 years

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Then Again P12 Peter Parker x Reader

Author’s Note:

Hello, everyone!

First: Thank you so much to everyone who’s reblogged this fic, commented on it, and sent me such lovely messages! It means so much more than I can ever say 🌷🌷🌷

Second: I’m almost at 300 followers! Thank you so much to everyone following this blog, whether you’ve been here since Part 1 or only yesterday :) You guys are wonderful and I love you 💞💞💞

Third: Enormous thank you to the absolutely wonderful people who helped me with this chapter! Of course, @fanboyswhereare-you, my incredible baeta who prevented this chapter from collapsing in on itself (and constantly puts up with me); @hi-mishamigos who listened to all of my rambling (which was a lot) and calmed me down; @beardedsteveslut who literally binged this entire series to help me with less than two pages and then gave me tons of pitch-perfect advice while I ran a thousand ideas past her; and @rainyreplays who, I believe is an actual angel, wrote out a full analysis of this fic and then explained how to balance everything I wanted this chapter to say with everything I had built up for the last 40 pages. Thank all of you to the moon and to the sun and back to earth again. You guys are the best. 💛💛💛

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 13, Part 14

Without further ado, a testament to my favorite trope:

Then Again, Part 12:

(Word count: 1,439)

The whole idea of being honest seems like a bad one. I’ve been telling Aunt May and Ned this since they tried to push it on me. The thought of following their advice is uncomfortable enough that I want to resist it - and MJ’s idea - a smidge (minimum).

I’ll just wear one of Y/N’s shirts. She and MJ wear each other’s clothes all the time.

Back in the bathroom, I brush my teeth, pop in my retainers, and open her bag. Under a pair of jeans is a plain black t-shirt. Perfect. I have to yank the collar down to get my head through… and it is definitely tight… but it’s better than nothing.

What has my time in the suit trained me for, if I can’t wear a girl’s shirt?

I look in the mirror. Shit. The collar has turned my hair into a mess and underneath, it’s like I’ve tried on a child’s shirt. This is ridiculous.

As I attempt to maneuver my arm out of the left shoulder sleeve, I tug a bit too forcefully and hear a tear, suddenly losing balance and hitting the wall with the entire right side of my body. Shit. There’s a clear crack in the yellow paint. My head stings. I scramble to my feet and try again.

It takes what feels like ten minutes to get the shirt off without ripping it. I fold it and put it back. Never again.

I turn off the bathroom light and pad through the room as quietly as I can. I open the closet door near the window and reach for the blankets stored on the top shelf. Nothing. I check again with the light of my phone. Nothing at all. I’m going to strangle Ned and MJ tomorrow. What were they thinking? It’s way too cold for this.

I’ll still sleep on the floor, I decide. I’ll use my towel as a blanket… once it’s dry.

My heart is pounding. It’s chilly and the only blanket in the room is attached to Y/N, on the bed.

What would Aunt May say?

For once, I don’t know. I mean, Y/N and I just had a fight that I haven’t had the chance to make right yet. The competition is tomorrow. It’s late and she’s asleep. The situation between us is… stalled.

What’s the logical thing to do?

Get in the bed. Shift some of the blanket over. Get warm while the towel gets dry. Get out of the bed. Sleep on the floor with the towel.

It’s not the best plan, but I like it more than I need to.

Gingerly, I tiptoe to the bed and climb in. I stay as still as possible while I drag a corner of the comforter toward myself. It’s so warm. For the sake of body heat, I inch a smidge closer. I scrunch up part of the blanket to wrinkle a mini wall of fabric between us. That’s as much personal space as I can make, given the size of the bed. I’m so close that even if my senses weren’t hyped up, I’d be able to smell her hair across the pillow. God, I love her shampoo.

Dude, knock it off.

Like I’ve told myself a million times, I need to not make things so weird. At least she can’t hear my thoughts. Thank God.

I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling. Even though I wanted her to be awake when I got back, maybe this is better. There’s so much I have to say tomorrow, this extra time is probably for the best.

I turn my head toward her - or rather, the mountain of blanket with a face. I don’t come up with stupid scenarios about why we’re sleeping beside one another in a hotel bed or any other What If questions my brain is aching to invent. Instead, I go over all the shit she’s gone through this week because of me. I go over everything I need to own up to and everything I need to say to her in the morning. Maybe it’s selfish or pathetic, but I let myself hope that tonight was stupid and wrong and mostly my fault, but not irreparable. I imagine that forgiveness is on the table. That’s it. That’s all I have a right to consider anymore.

Maybe I can’t be with her the way I want to. Not now, maybe not ever. And yeah, it sucks. I mean, since the start, and I’m ready to admit now that it started way before October, it’s been so different with her. It’s almost terrifying. It’s not the same kind of crush I’ve had before, like with Liz or anybody else. I know her, I really know her and I care about her like crazy. And I think about her all the time, too.

But none of this matters. It’s not happening. I can’t be with her like that and it’s obvious now more than ever. The vital part is how I can be with her, and with Ned and MJ, almost every day for the foreseeable future. I can just enjoy her- their presence without any strings. If things only go back to normal, that’s enough. It has to be.

What if she really doesn’t forgive me, though? What if I’ve really crossed the last line this time?

The same heaviness is pressing into my chest like before, a pressure that reminds me of swimming too deep underwater.

I need to remember what Aunt May said. If anybody is willing to give second chances, it’s almost always her. Then again, which chance was I even on tonight? I’ve run through too many to count.

I close my eyes. God, I wish I could turn brain off.

Why didn’t I just talk to her when she came here earlier? It seems impossible that fewer than twelve hours ago she hugged me and I shrugged her off. I can’t believe I actually let myself think of her like I did, as if she would do any of those things or, more importantly, as if any of it was even my business to begin with.

I’m such an idiot. I should’ve -

A twisting sound snaps my eyes open.

Y/N starts moving beside me. She awkwardly shifts positions with slow and mechanical movements until she’s lying on her back, her arm thrown over her eyes.

The red light from the alarm clock allows me to just barely trace the faint outline of her hand a few inches from my face. It reminds me of the first time we met, a memory that would usually make me laugh, and of the fact that handshakes are our main form of physical contact. And that it’s not exactly as if we shake hands all that often.

It suddenly reminds me of all the tiny distances and boundaries that exist within our friendship, the ones that keep us from being as close to each other as we are the Ned and MJ. Just the shadow of her hand reminds me of how badly I wish everything could be different.

None of this matters right now. Let it go.

I breathe out. Try to clear my head. I think of that counting exercise Mr. Stark told me about. One. Two. Three. Four. Four, three, two, one. One. Two. Three. Four. Four, three, two, one.

One thought refuses to stop though. The same one as all week.

Despite everything, Y/N is still the only person I want to be around right now, the only person I actually want to talk to about this stuff, the only person I know would listen and really, really understand it all. But then again, after everything, maybe not… even if I could tell her.

Fear and anxiety churn in my stomach.

For a split-second, I stop thinking and let myself do a stupid thing.

I reach out, slowly, and trace her fingers with my own. I’m about to take her hand in mine, just for a moment, before I think better of it. I draw my hand back to my chest, the sudden absence of her skin making my own fingers itch.

God, why am I constantly so weird around her?

“I’m serious about what I said before,” I whisper, needing to confess one final time tonight. “I’m really, really sorry. Anything you decide is suitable, I’ll do whatever you want if it helps you forgive me. I swear, I never meant to be such a jerk and I’ll never act like that again. Please, just tell me what you want me to do.”

I exhale and push my palms into my eyes. I need to turn my brain off.

But then a warm hand touches my shoulder.

Y/N?

Part 13

Part 13 spoilers (since the next chapter isn’t for another week 😉)

Next Update: November 17

It will be a shorter chapter (only 2 pages), but I have a little guess that you guys may enjoy it anyway :)

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If you want to reblog this fic, but don’t want to reblog whole chapters (I know they’re rather long posts), you can find my short Then Again Masterlist in my bio 😉

As always, I apologize for the typos that are probably everywhere in this chapter.

Tagged: @jriles124 @avzuzu @5-seconds-of-sarcasmm @britdiandra @gotnotfeature @theconscientiouswriter @happysynonym @the-redthread @strangerwesley @i-love-superhero @livluvspiderboy @ohgloryy @nicunt @pxrrished @shugr12110629 @realitykilledtheteen @look-how-far-i-come @beardedsteveslut @abigail-1998 @thehanneloner @lionfart @tmrhollandkay @evanhansenisahufflepuff @tryn25 @slythergirlimagines @twentyjuanpancakes @peterparkerismybeing @littlekay15 @caitlyn-blackwell @hi-mishamigos @anxiousteengeek @twentychemicalpanics @profmmcgonagall @eversweet-imagines @tom-newsie-holland @melonmochi

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

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Episode 2 | “GET ME OUT OF HERE ” - Devon

okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which is uploading where i basically talked about dealing with being a winner/the tomb and having an idol/potentially wanting to go to tribal pre-swap/deliberately choosing the puzzle/how much i love jake so that'll come at some point after this but just KNOW that came first. anyway just wanted to talk MORE because i have more thoughts. last round i was really conscious of needing to micro-manage my threat level and i think im putting in work to do that? im very concious that i cant play the same game as montenegro because im coming into it from a very different perspective/position. However, one thing I can do this season is transfer my prejury game, because i think it still works. What I need to do is to some extent take a backseat, where I'm not actively messaging people first, and keeping game talk kinda limited (but acknowledging it when people talk to me). Like I have the safety cushion of my idol, and my connection to jake/jordan, and to some extent dan and lovelis? like im not gonna be a target (touch wood) and hopefully if i am my men tm going to keep an eye out for me.... hopefully? it also means im not gonna be pushy about votes im gonna hear names and run with it (as long as its not jake/jordan, or lovelis tbh i get real good vibes from him). but yeah id really love the beauty tribe to go to tribal this round ive literally never spoken to a single one of them so i'd love one of that tribe that is a complete unknown quantity to go home DJDKLFSF. but yis so im feeling good taking a backseat but im gonna ejector seat myself forwards at some point, just got to figure out when to push the button

Okay so Bodhi left last night and that was really sad. We had nice conversations but i told him that if the rest of the tribe wanted him out i wasn't going to campaign for him. He ended up making his rounds but at the end of the day, no one felt strongly about keeping him. He speaks so well that it took me a night's rest to get my head straight. Also Trace got an alliance together of himself, myself, Scott and Isaac. Bitch i was SHOOK! I am so glad to be likable enough to be brought into someone else's core. So this kind of perfectly positioned myself and Scott between 2 alliances. I believe we're both more loyal to the one we formed before we found out we were going to tribal, but who knows. I did tell Autumn of the news because i figure if we were to lose again. Whichever of Isaac of Trace remains is going to feel on bottom and blow up that Scott and I were two-timing the DADS. Btw that is the dumbest alliance name I have ever been a part of but whatever. The rat pack has also formed and now him and I are in a good spot. I will say that i am nervous that MISS ALYSSA spoke the comparison into existence, but i really hope we don't continue to flop like Luzon did on Cagayan. But hey! If Denise can go to every tribal council in one season and win, maybe i can too. (PS i pissed myself with my score in winterbells but also F*CK WINTERBELLS, thats all, ty)

Honestly I’m really regretting not participating in this challenge because I feel like our scores are.......not great. I feel like I could have turned out the puzzle and even winterbells. The flag Lovelis made is super cute and i think will fair well bc it’s very clean and neat. It’s not super creative, but it’s definitely well made. I think even if we went to tribal I would be okay though. Liam seems like an easy enough boot for us. No one seems that dazzled by his contributions to the tribe.

i literally am the biggest clown who ever clowned for continuing to overdo it in challenges, if i'm allowed to make it to merge at this point it will literally be a miracle.

So Bodhi left on a unanimous vote yesterday and I'm glad that it worked out as planned! I definitely felt bad lying to him about it all and stuff, but I think it was the best for the tribe going forward. What does suck however is that we lost AGAIN! And it was actually close this time! I'm actually annoyed that we lost this time because I submitted my challenge at 4PM and the reason why we lost was because the last submission was at 8 :/ like... y'all couldn't get it in any earlier? Plus I'm annoyed because I find myself in the swing position between the DADS and The Rat Pack. Personally I don't trust Trace after finding out he tried to play the Rat Pack off as my idea when it was really his all along. To me, it shows that he'd betray me later on down the line. And the only purpose for "The Rat Pack" is so they feel like they're in the majority. So since we lost, I don't mind voting out Trace. Duncan and I called to confirm that we're on the same page. We also found out that Devon is telling us the same things about loyalty and allegiances and I don't like that. He also told Duncan that he would throw immunities and play idols for him if he needed it, and that Duncan was his number 1 ally. But he said the same exact thing to me. So... that has me a little sketch. But I also think that Autumn/Duncan are a close pair, so I may need to stick close to Devon for the long hall. But if Autumn/Duncan think I'm more with them than Devon, I'll take it. I'm supposed to go on call with the Dads soon. Duncan wants to tell them about the rat alliance so that Isaac doesn't use it as motive to get us out. Which i agree that it'd be a good idea as long as devon/autumn stick with us. Duncan and I both feel like Devon might be thrown off since he always likes to be in control, but not actually being in charge. So we'll need to do damage control when that happens. But for now it seems like Trace is going unless things change. If things go how I would want it to, then Trace leaves tomorrow.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JKqH3EQMlugIe-lwHMYMG2qoVZ7dvIzr/view?usp=sharing

Omg!!!!! Another win that makes me so happy . The tribe is all getting along great and I couldnt all for better ppl. I'm hoping soon to get some kind of solid group together. Kendell adam and amiry are ppl I def wanna work with long term at the time. Just gotta see what happens.

youtube

Not much has been happening lately so I might be able to keep this short and not ramble on and on like i usually do (ill still end up writing a novel probably) yippy yay it's day 5 and everything is still all smiles and giggles over here because we've won yet another immunity!! kinda boring tbh but obviously im happy we won immunity because now that buys me one more day and at the end of it that's all i care about. I kinda did want the brauns to go to tribal however instead of the brains because i just really would like my beauties to get a nice foot hold and a lead in the game, i actually enjoy taking to some of these people, and im trying my best to talk to as many people as i can, which anyone who knows me knows isn't the easiest thing for me, i was reading some of my old confessionals from both my past games and the one thing i consistently got dragged for was not being as present with people, which granted i did improve a lot on last time around for sure, but i still got work to do and im realizing that more each day when i have no urge whatsoever to talk to anyone (don't worry, it's not you, it's (crippling depression) me! I understand socializing is part of the game and i do think my social game is my strongest asset but to me i like to think of my social game as a more distinct kind, im more elusive and i like to be that, if you leave them wanting more dahling they'll keep you around, i dont like to show all my cards, and that's a quality that i reflect in both survivor and life, and it has advantages and disadvantages in both but ANYWHO despite all that dare i say i think im still doing *decent* ? I'm making it a priority to reach out at least once a day to *most people (AJ, Augusto, Amir, Austin) are the ones ive probably had some of the best conversations with where it was the most natural and just flowed you know, and still is on day 5, and with kendall ive had some talks with her i do like her but idk i get this vibe she's kinda holding back when talking to me, and ESPECIALLY same with connor? we only had one private conversation and he gave me about a 3 word response, and if you havent guessed by now i like elaboration or at least a lil bit of personality when you talk, no shade just an observation, so that's a small red flag im very much a person who matches energy, one of my go to's in survivor is being open to the possibility of anything, ill always work with anyone who will work with me, and i think thats how everyone should play so hopefully the people ive been talking a lot to feel similar but i guess we'll have to wait until a vote of some sort to see about all that.. I still havent heard any idol talk or even game talk quite frankly so im guessing people are just still keeping the friendly facade up..... or ...... is it me?? am i the one on the outs looking like boo boo the fool or is that just my paranoia getting to me??? im not gonna send myself into a tizzy about getting voted out when we're not even going to tribal i- lemme calm down. If i had to guess I'd say Kendall, Connor, or Amir have the idol probably but sounds like a mystery for another day because im DONE im clocking out for the night until other people wanna wake up and play the game too oop final note: ok but it would be sick and twisted if it turns out they are all playing the game just without me and im the first boot of the tribe

Waking up on this glorious Day 5 with a new perspective. I originally applied to be on the brains tribe and was shook when I got brawn because let’s face it, my arms are akin to overcooked spaghetti noodles. BUT my tribe is so much stronger than the brains. I’m hoping for a big name to go to shake things up. AND I’m not really looking to swap onto a tribe with Trace or Autumn due to our past game history. Love them both dearly, but it’s gonna be a no from me.

okie so! update from me is i think im doing okay. like i think the benefit of no dua lipa cave is you can just build connections with everyone, you aren't voting someone out every round so why not capitalise on that? i'm so afraid of the fact that i'm overdoing it in challenges like i really need to calm. down. but im reassuring myself with the fact that in the first challenge i only was top because i did like... one more thing than others like its not thattt big of a deal? my puzzle time was clownery but hopefully people don't pay attention to it? im getting very anxious about overdoing it in challenges, but my thought process now is like. i need to act like people have an awareness of it, without getting kinda consumed by my anxiety about it? idk im hoping since most of these people don't know me, they wont notice me doing good in the challenge but truly who can be sure also am really just liking my tribe? like jake is ofc a king, i love jordan (who im gonna talk to later, he is the only one i feel like i have to talk to today), i also really like TJ who i was super harsh on at the start for no reason, i get good ally vibes from lovelis, liam m is super sweet even tho he is kinda inactive and dan is so fun (plus he told jake that he speaks to me one of the most so we love that!!). i've been trying to figure out what i even do about a lot of the super old school players that i have no connection/point of reference with? like people like scott, adam, kendall, aj i have truly no basis with? thats whats so scary about a swap, is at this point in the game i know 10/20 people left aka the brawn tribe + duncan/isaac/autumn, and like 10/20 isnt bad... BUT then the other 10 aka the beauty tribe + trace/scott/devon i have literally no connection to which is super scary JAKSDFA. im just real afraid of a swap. just swap me with jordan/jake/autumn/isaac PLEATHE. im just a pile of anxiety this season idk what to do im like frozen because of how scared i am... maybe it'll be all fine

Well, that was a close one. I struggled with that comp all day and I feel like absolute shit that I only got our team that 1 point. To me, it's inexcusable not to have be able to help my tribe as I wanted to contribute and make sure I made my worth known. So now I'm just this paranoid mess that I would have been in trouble had we gone to tribal. It's been hard to talk to some of these people or for most of those who I do talk to, I just don't really know where there head is at. I'm not sure if this is just a really guarded tribe, or if I really should be concerned. So I don't know what to do just yet. And that's not a feeling I like when playing TS.

Not gonna lie, I’m pretty sad that Bodhi left the game like he was so active pre-season so I was expecting him to do his best to go super far and maybe he did? I don’t know, but I did want a chance to actually get to play with him in TS but we keep passing each other by! I hope he is doing good despite how he might feel being the first boot yknow but yeah <3

The way I absolutely flopped with the idol system stuff is all types of funny and sad at the same time like I REALLY thought I did something only for it to be part of the challenge… That being said, Amir did tell me that he has a theory the idol system might be based on numbers which is interesting! I am super thankful he decided to tell me and we went on this long talk about how we are each other’s #1s which is super cute! I really do trust Amir and I do want to go far with him because he’s awesome but that being said, my #1 is me like I promised myself that I’d be selfish this time around just because being the selfless person I am hasn’t gotten me a win but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. We did go over a lot of stuff in terms of tribe dynamics and we both kinda agreed that AJ would be the first boot from the time if we went to tribal, we like our alliance with Kendall/Connor, we both like Adam and we both think Austin is sweet/genuine even if we don’t talk to him tons so yay for that too <3

I am SO trying to sell the fact that me and Kendall are a duo to Kendall which is funny to me idk hjfkds like she did approach me super early on about aligning but I do have the tiniest feeling she did that to mostly everyone but I’m trying to pin us with each other to her so she trusts me more, especially since I do feel as though she is the best connected on the tribe. I even called us Crystal Cox (me bc blazing speed and challenge flop ofc) and Ken(dell) ghfjdksl, I’m doing the most but yeah, I just want Kendall to see me as her #1 in the game on the off chance anything happens yknow?

Austin thinks I’m his #1 which is really sweet? I do like Austin even if it is hard to talk to him sometimes but hey, that happens. He told me that he’s really glad I’m on this tribe (which I have heard from basically everyone especially Adam and Amir which makes me feel cute omg) and that we might need to get a group going soon. I was like…. Tea but I also don’t know how quickly I want to get an alliance including Austin going just because it’s like… do I reveal that Austin and I are close-ish and be seen as a social threat? That just ain’t cute sis! But yeah, Austin told me he also really likes Kendall and Amir and that’s awesome that the two people I feel the closest to are ALSO doing THAT but at the same time, I want to be the one doing THAT the most because I’m greedy (by Ariana Grande) so it’s something to keep in mind!

The way I absolutely flopped at that puzzle… this is why I’m a Beauty cause a sis ain’t smart to complete a puzzle and I’m not brawn-y enough to do well in a challenge hgjfdk BUT that being said, Hagthor beat the thots and apiss and I couldn’t be any happier! I do wish Brawn lost over Brain but yknow, you can’t have everything go your way (‘: it’s funny how I slayed the last challenge and flopped this one tho like a bitch really lacks consistency huh ghfjndmks

Ugh fineeeee since I've been called out... by myself. I guess I'll do the bare minimum. So we won immunity!!!! Wooo!!!!!! Low-key though through out the entire process of making the flag, I just kept thinking darn I wish we voted out someone last tribal because drawing 7 people is annoying... watch me get voted out next tribal council lol. That would be quality foreshadowing. Today I have two goals. 1. Figure out what the method of entering the tomb. I intend on getting in contact with Augusto or Connor for that one. Augusto because he is low-key my number one. Connor because I feel if anyone can solve it he probably could. 2. Set up group chat with me, Augusto, and Austin. So Austin can feel a false sense of reassurance and Augusto and I have options. Write more later maybe.

Honestly im feeling kind of trepidatious going forward which is a little wierd, i just dont feel like ive gotten my footing yet in this game. I think like, im in a good spot to be fine on this tribe because of my social game and how I contribute in challenges, but I dont know if I feel good about anything longterm just yet. What really is bothering me is the tomb. Its gonna be round 3 tonight and I haven't made any more progress on getting in than I have night one. I feel like I have a lot of pieces to this puzzle but nothing is fitting together and its bothering me. I'm also a little upset that if we lose, I could see Liam being the target and I can't see my self risking my position to save him if he cant save himself. He has my name on his wiki page its an obvious association to me, and while I think hed be loyal to me, I'm just wondering honestly if him as an ally is worth the target it may bring. Im cautiously moving through the beginning of this game with a lot of unnease and hopefully I find some steady ground soon.

I am annoyed that we are yet again at tribal. I played so fucking hard at winter bells but of course someone on another tribe got like 238593277 billion which threw us back into tribal... So annoying truthfully. But it's alright, I should be able to make it out alive. I want Devon to go home. But I also don't want to let my guard down. This vote is important for a few reasons. The first reason is that our tribe is very close, so I am nervous that lines are going to be drawn in the sand. The second is that, after this vote, we will be down to five, making 3 the majority. We have an alliance of 4, and lord knows that when you are down to 5, whoever feels like 3 and 4 of the alliance are most likely going to try and rope in the 5th person to get rid of each other. So my plan is to make Isaac and Scott BOTH feel as though they are my number 1s so that they actually stick to our alliance of 4 thinking that I will be keeping them both if we lose again. This is the only way that i can see it working, but idk. I feel bad if Devon ends up going because he's a nice guy, but we have to make choices about strengthening our team, and then I have to make a choice about strengthening my place in the game. Hopefully this doesn't come to bite me in the ass.

Things have been going pretty well for my tribe! We won the first immunity challenge and that really seemed to boost tribe morale. Granted, these past couple of days I've been quiet since I'm trying to boost grades that are literally 0s into something manageable before I graduate hehe. I've tried to keep up with people through small conversations, which seems to work better for me at the moment until I get myself together. Adam wants to create an alliance with Augusto and Amir, which I'm totally for. I understand, though, that he doesn't wanna do it immediately since there's really no urgency to? We didn't go to tribal, so why did it matter! That excuse aside, I do hope that us holding our breath to say something doesn't bite us in the ass because these are people I want to work with! I wanna get something going with Kendall as well hopefully, since I adore her! Earlier, I stated that Adam and I (Adam, really) found our way into the tomb and both flopped in the questions. Adam took another stab at it and found out we've been bamboozled! Someone beat us to the punch and has whatever contents were inside the tomb. I'm assuming it was an idol, but who knows what else is in there! It kinda made me lose motivation to keep searching inside but when in Rome? I'll probably end up trying again despite knowing the end result just because I wanna prove I can be a smart cookie as well. I also didn't gloss over this but I'll mention it really quickly, but I'm sad Bodhi went! He was one of the few people I was familiar with on the other tribes so it's unfortunate we aren't going to be able to connect with each other this game. A king has fallen. In lighter and more recents events, my tribe crushed the second immunity challenge. Kendall stunned with her artistry and I'm still gushing over how cute everyone's character was. I kinda like decimated Winterbells, but I've always been good at the game, and Amir did really well in the scavenger hunt. Augusto and Austin did really well in the puzzle also, despite their lack of confidence in offering a strong performance. We appear to be THEE tribe to beat honestly and I'm loving that. I love our tribe! I LOVE OUR TRIBE! It really would be a tragedy if we aren't able to keep up this win streak we're manifesting.

Sorry for not writing this sooner! Been having a bad depressive episode for the last couple days and it makes me unmotivated to write c': I feel like a flop so far in this game, not because I submit shit scores, but because I find it exhausting to connect with some of these people. They're all very nice in their own special ways, but interacting w some is like pulling teeth, and I guarantee they feel the same about me, which I would expect. That being said, I hope we keep winning, cause I don't have the energy to go to tribal right now.

Heading into a second tribal council, there is becoming less and less room to hide. I am struggling to hold my own against the other tribes when it comes to competitions, but thank goodness it's a numbers game. If everything goes accordingly, I am taking a backseat this vote and allowing a 4-2 vote out when it comes to Trace. I appreciated Duncan coming to me with the alliance chat information with him/Scott/Trace/Isaac, but didn't like how Autumn needed to tell me first. Shows that I really can't trust Scott/Duncan after a swap comes up. In regards to Scott, he outright didn't say anything. I like him and all, but it was a slimy move to say the least. He only said something because he HAD to vote out someone in one of his two alliances. This group will be dumb as hell if they let me swap. I'll flip on them as soon as possible and invite anyone into my alliance. The tribe swap is where I made my 'Slithers' game infamous last time, so I'm hoping for a similar output. Don't forget: I swapped with the minority last time in Guyana (shout out to Jess), so I'm not worried about the numbers and how its split. ALL I NEED IS A SWAP OR TWIST. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

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Thank God we won that based on the tiebreaker, but yikes I didn't think my flag would've tanked so hard. Guess I've gotta get better at perfecting my craft huh, but at least we're safe. I feel nervous on this tribe to be honest, because I think I'm the second to bottom on the totem pole after the other Liam, so it isn't reassuring that if we lose twice I'll either be gone, or I could even be gone at our first tribal if he's got a solid alliance going...the only alliance I have right now is with Jordan and I don't really know where I sit with everyone else, but I'm afraid of overplaying... ugh so annoying! I think I just need to force a couple of game related conversations with people to build up some trust, just hope it wouldn't paint a target on my back for trying I guess...

oh gorl, some of these people on my tribe really think im just the clown of the tribe and cant put two and two together, well guess what, IM NOT. So Amir messages me, which nothing out of the ordinary there, ive been talking to him every day so far for the most part like i said we're a little familiar with each other from our pasts, but i was VERY surprised today at what had happened... what had happened was....he starts talking the smallest bit of game with me, basically he just said, "is it me or is everyone really quiet here?" and so i just agreed with him and i said yeah i dont think people are talking game yet which is a little weird, and then i threw the TINEST tea crumpet out there and i said "yeah ive talked to some people so easily like you, but then there's others who.....i cant say the same for" and i was absolutely hinting at connor/kendall just because i havent had the longest convos with them, which no biggie, but THEN about 20 minutes later i get a message from CONNOR of all people saying "hey adam!" ..... obviously im glad to talk to him and im all for getting to know everyone, but my instincts immediately went off and told me it's a little sus....how not even a few minutes ago i was saying how some people never talk to me and then out of no where the one person i was mainly talking about messages me?? Coincidences don't exist in survivor. Now I really have no choice but to think that amir in someway mentioned to connor that i said theres some people i havent talked to at all and that he probably needed to work on that.. which is true, but cmon. i know the tribe brain cell is missing but at least put a little thought into this and message me later tonight or not right after i say it?? I'm not sure if they have any type of past connection and while I definitely do wanna keep building my relationship with Amir, this will definitely make me question him a little bit at least until i see how some votes fall when we eventually go to tribal. Amir also told me he's had the most convos with Augusto, which is funny because thats exactly how both me and aj feel about augusto, which tells me augusto is really playing the game rn, and while thats someone i want to work with, it's also someone i need to be extremely careful with if we're still playing together down the road. plot twist: connor messaging me has absolutely nothing to do with amir and i just made this whole conspiracy for nothing but idk.... it's a conspiracy IM interested in.

***last add on because i forgot to say how the hell im gonna HANDLE this amir/connor situation... im keeping my eyes on it incase theyre in kahoots and also if they think im that dumb then clearly they havent watched me play before, which is great for me but bad for them, you cant trick a trickster try all you want, There's nothing I love more than being underestimated in survivor because it kinda makes it a little easier to play and gives me more options, so sure ill keep up my fake smiles and act like we're all fine and dandy, ill play dumb and wont even act like im onto them but i absolutely am and ill be ready to make my move the second it seems right

Ugh I feel so DIRTY. I feel so GROSS. Poor Devon, truly. I spoke with Autumn and told her about Devon, and she was in without a fight and told me that it should be 5-1. And then Devon came to me and was like... we all good for the vote tonight? And I'm like ................yes? Lol. I'm good, you're probably not. ugh, this is the part of this game that I hate. I want to never lose immunity ever again, let someone else break someone else's heart!

Something about Kendall is so chaotic and terrifying and I can’t put a finger on why.her aligning was her talking to me for the first time in a day saying “let’s align” and created an alliance chat without even asking who else should be in it which leads me to believe her Augusto and Connor already have a trio and I was the 4th. Are all these focking people playing me?? Like i still cant tell if this is a real alliance but i want to believe it is and not a bluff to vote me out. But also like why even do that, the only person on this cast that I trust and have played with, bodhi, has just been voted out. I’m a free agent and I can help that alliance make it far in the game, but they also have lots of relationships on other tribes so like I might not even be that valuable to them. I mentioned to Augusto about the numbers on the blog, hoping to create more trust because I really really love him and want to trust him but I’m still just so damn unsure. if we lose this immunity and I get one bad signal from any of those 3, if they slip up even once, I won’t hesitate to align and gather the minority. But if they are playing me properly, then kudos to them!

I am just happy i have the idol i am going to put it in my ass.

me when the brains tribe only has 5 members left http://prntscr.com/s8y76g

You know what? https://66.media.tumblr.com/b7b4accba586ad321141b6ba80d69044/tumblr_omule3fwZC1w1swfno1_250.gifv I'm mad but I'm not tight because that same alliance that Duncan and I orchestrated is the same alliance that will get us through. So do I enjoy going to tribal? No. And do I enjoy knowing that Trace created an alliance w/ everyone except me and Devon? No. But the Dads will prevail and I trust Scott and the gang. I mean Ducnan is family so as long as we don't go it's fine. But Devon is my baby so absolutely gotta kill for him. That's what keep em close hahaha But no the Trace vote is a dream come true that I only crossed my mind once and STILL got manifested. Like Duncan suggested it and I said you got it because Trace will be the FIRST to rally all the white boys against me in a swap. Cute or not, Trace will kill me I'm convinced. Like something in my spirit told me not to trust Trace and low and behold: Duncan reveals that alliance to me on Day 3. So confirmed, Trace is leaving so that I don't fall to the bottom of the tribe. But it's all good- Isaac listens to Fleetwood Mac and watches Schitt's Creek so he's a good guy. And Scott is literally a cinammon roll who's too busy to snitch or flip. I don't have time to discuss how much I love Duncan or Devon so we're tabling that. Anyway If y'all need me I'll be doing this 4 part immunity challenge that determines whether I make Final 3 in the other org I'm in so try not to need me lmao

okay so... we aren't going to tribal but its still kinda messy on brawn beach. i kinda have felt this energy for a while, but i don't think jake and jordan have enough trust between the two of them for us to be a continual three person alliance. jake is a very reactive, gut-impulse kind of player which is honestly to his benefit since he is super perceptive. however that also means he is quick to be anxious about stuff in the game, which is the same as me and that is why we click. BUT. he thinks something is up with dan/jordan and honestly i see that and feel it. jordan keeps hinting at dan being the one to loop in and i think that does say something about them having some sort of game dynamic. however, jordan is maybe downplaying that relationship which is scary KLAF tbh i still like jordan and wanna work with him, but i do 100% have to keep tabs on him, his social connections could definitely become a problem if he has other priorities over me! so i think i just have to make sure im a continuing priority for him, so i have to find some sort of information to bring to him (maybe when dan proposes the alliance of me/jordan/jake/dan to me ill run to jordan and be like hey did dan suggest this to you how do you feel) to solidify that sort of trust? idk... i want my j-men to stick together and they ARENT. maybe i need to solidify stuff with TJ specifically more, he gives good ally vibes? but ya... its a mess tm

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shima-draws · 7 years

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//SLAMS HANDS DOWN ON TABLE HOW ABOUT TELLING US ABOUT THAT READY PLAYER ONE BE MORE CHILL AU YOU KEEP MENTIONING HUH

//SLAMS HANDS DOWN ON TABLEALLOW ME TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT LOVELY ANON

So for those of you who don’t know the basic plot of Ready Player One, it’s about this virtual world called the OASIS, which was created by this guy named Halliday. In the beginning of the book Halliday passes away and reveals that the will to his multi-billion dollar inheritance is hidden in an Easter Egg inside the OASIS, and gives hints to its whereabouts. It has to be unlocked by three keys and three gates. Groups of egg hunters, shortened to gunters, start to look for the egg to get their hands on the money. The quest for the egg is called the hunt. The evil people after the egg are called the Sixers (in this AU, the Squips). And that’s the gist~

Okay so!! We have Jeremy, who calls himself Ny0 in the OASIS (based off of Keanu Reeves’ character in The Matrix, YES I’m linking this back to how his squip looks like Keanu Reeves lmfao), and his only and best friend Michael, who is known to everyone as Ehm. (So like, how Aech’s name is basically the spelling of the letter H, Ehm is M. Get it?)

This got to be really long so the rest of it is under the cut! c:

So while the original novel focuses on Wade (the protagonist) this AU focuses more on Michael, who takes the place of Aech (Wade’s best friend in the novel). Just wanted to make that clear :3c And this is basically the same exact plot as the novel, with a few minor changes (and a lot more gay. Lol) So yeah this entire thing contains spoilers for the book. So if you’re planning on reading and don’t want to be spoiled, do not continue reading this!!

*Ahem*

Michael is one of the most popular gunters known. He has this chatroom called the Basement, where he has stored thousands of different movies, video games, and comic books relating to the hunt. But despite the fact that he’s almost famous in the OASIS, he still manages to reach out and befriend Jeremy, who is a nobody. They’ve been best friends for five years, and Michael treasures Jeremy more than anyone else. He always stands up for him when other gunters pick on him. They hang out together, playing two-player games and having movie marathons in the Basement. Michael and Jeremy are super close. Practically inseparable. But they’re both solo players, and Michael is of a level far far above Jeremy’s, so Jeremy never really comes with him when he goes to compete in tournaments and stuff. Which is fine! Michael always supports him and offers to give him money for teleportation fees to other planets in the OASIS if he ever needs it.

And then, after Jeremy finds the Copper key and clears the first Gate, Michael is ecstatic! He can’t believe his bff figured out the puzzle after so long, and is so impressed and amazed and proud of him for discovering the secret first. Due to this though, Jeremy becomes world famous, and he might have let all that go to his head. He starts hanging out with the second person to clear the gate, Juli3t (Christine, she named her avatar after Romeo and Juliet since she loves theater) more often, and ditches Michael to go spend time with her instead. Much to Michael’s dismay he and Jeremy start to hang out less, and Jeremy’s obsession with Christine tears them apart. So Michael becomes really bitter, and they get into a fight…and they don’t speak for months after.

Michael misses Jeremy immensely. They used to spend time with each other every day, after school and on the weekends. But he’s still angry at Jeremy for ditching him. He hangs out with other gunters and competes in tons of tournaments while trying to discover the secret to finding the next key…but it isn’t the same. He misses being able to talk to Jeremy about the hunt and their findings, and goofing off. But he’s not going to apologize, because it isn’t his fault.

During this time apart Michael comes to a drastic realization. He’s been in love with Jeremy for a long time, and the reason he feels so bitter about the Juli3t incident is because he was jealous. But now isn’t really the best time to confess his feelings. (Also, he’s pretty sure Jeremy is straight, so.) He just deals with the fact that he’s hopelessly in love with his best friend and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Then, suddenly!! Michael finds out where the Jade Key is. So, in return for Jeremy sort of giving him hints to where the Copper Key was, he sends him a very curt email with a hint about the Jade Key’s whereabouts as payback. “Now we’re even.” (He almost has a breakdown before he sends the email. He hasn’t talked to Jeremy in months and doing this is nerve-wracking. He purposefully tries to sound like an asshole and make it come off that he’s still angry. Well, he is, but he’s more heartbroken that their friendship is in shambles.) Michael finds the Jade Key and gets through the Jade Gate. Soon after, so does Jeremy.

Several weeks later, amongst the chaos of the Squips finding the next gate and key before the gunters do, Jeremy sends him an email this time. He tells him the location of the Crystal Key, and, to Michael’s extreme delight, apologizes for everything he’s done and said, and pleads for forgiveness. (He’s going to hold this over Jeremy’s head forever, but he’s so freaking happy that Jeremy seems to miss him as much as he misses Jeremy.) Also inside Jeremy’s email are details about the forcefield the Squips have up and how he has plans to deactivate it to get to the Crystal Gate.

And then? Michael doesn’t hear from him for a week straight.

Normally he wouldn’t be concerned. But they’ve finally sort of made up, and usually when he sends Jer messages he responds within the same day, normally within the hour. But Jeremy doesn’t answer. And Michael freaks the fuck out. He sends him tons of messages and tries to call him, but he still doesn’t reply. And Michael starts to break. What if the Squips found him in the real world and killed him? They’d tried doing that before, and it almost worked. (They bombed the place where he lived. Luckily he wasn’t home at the time.) What if his best friend and the guy he was in love with was dead??

Jeremy finally logs back in eight days later and Michael literally almost strangles him. After Jeremy explains where he’d been and what he’d been doing, and after they all (the top four gunters of the hunt, being him, Ehm, Juli3t, and Kerm (Rich’s avatar, a shortened name of Kermit since his Squip is apparently Evil Kermit lmfao)) make plans for the ~FINAL BATTLE~, everyone else logs out except for Jer and Michael.

And then they talk.

Jeremy uses this opportunity to apologize in person and say how guilty he is. He also eventually comes to confess that he isn’t in love with Juli3t (Christine) anymore, and that he now has feelings for somebody else. He gives a very vague description of this person and explains how, like he’d done to Michael, had been very awful to this person and had ignored them when he shouldn’t have. He confesses that while he was separated from this person he began to miss them very much. He was so desperate to apologize and reconcile with them, and he thought about them every day. And then he came to realize that he liked them, way more than a friend. (“I think I might love them, actually.”) Michael is happy but also secretly devastated to hear this. He’s glad Jer isn’t gonna obsess over Christine anymore, but of course he’s upset that Jer is now in love with somebody else. Jeremy starts crying and Michael freaks out, and Jer asks him if he really has forgiven him for ditching him. Michael says of course, and Jeremy starts rambling about how happy he is to hear that, and how he’s missed Michael so so so so so much. And then. Michael starts putting the pieces together.

“That person you’re in love with…is it…me?”

And Jeremy flips out and gets super embarrassed, starts saying things like “I’m sorry to spring this on you out of nowhere” and “I know you’re like probably straight and stuff” and “Oh god I just ruined our friendship again I’m so awful I’m so sorry forget I said anything” and Michael is OVERJOYED!! He is so happy to hear that Jer loves him, so much that he kisses him, although it’s definitely not the same as a kiss in the real world lol. Jer is shocked and Michael says he’s been in love with Jeremy since the day they met, it just took him a long time to realize that. Jer is in denial for a while but once he accepts it they start confessing more things to each other, their feelings, their thoughts, everything. Jeremy says he doesn’t care who Michael is in the real world, he’ll love him anyway, and Michael feels the same. They tell each other their real names and, with the upcoming final fight, they’re going to meet in person with the rest of the group and head into the battle together.

So Michael drives his RV for four hours to go pick up Jeremy in a different state. It’s really weird for them meeting in real life outside of the OASIS, because obviously their avatars aren’t accurate descriptions of what they really look like. Michael of course is super self-conscious of what Jeremy thinks of him, while he inwardly freaks at how much cuter Jeremy is in real life. And he tells him so. Jeremy gets super flustered and starts saying how adorable Michael is too, and how he likes his glasses and his hoodie and just everything about him. Moment of self doubt kicks in and Michael’s like “Really? You’re not just saying that?” And Jer’s like UH YEAH dude you’re so cute like? I really want to kiss you and that part slips out and then they both blush like the nerds they are. Michael teasingly tells him “Save that for when I get the egg” and they fall back into their usual routine of bickering and having fun while driving to meet the others.

Once they meet up with Christine and Rich, they go back into the OASIS. They’d been separated for a good twenty minutes before they see each other again and that’s enough for Jeremy to come flying at Michael and tackling him in a hug in the middle of the greatest battle in OASIS history in front of thousands of cameras that are broadcasting them all over the world. Christine tells them to stop flirting since everyone can see but they honestly don’t give a shit lol. Michael’s like this way I can show everyone that Jeremy’s mine now and they can all fuck off lol.

And then!! The final battle happens! Of course Jeremy being the hero ends up being the only one to make it into the Crystal Gate, but the squips are right behind him. While Jeremy’s clearing the final games to make it to the egg, Michael manages to patch himself, Christine and Rich into Jeremy’s headpiece so he can hear them talking directly into his ear. They all cheer for him and give him tips and basically have a really fun time while Jeremy’s clearing these games, and Jer tries really hard not to screw up whenever Michael flirts and says something cute.

Finally Jeremy makes it to the final level and due to the coding Michael, Christine and Jake are kicked off of his audio feed and have to watch while he clears it by himself. Of course he manages to do that just fine, and finds the egg. Jeremy has won the game, cleared the hunt, and is now a multi-billionaire. He promised beforehand that he was going to split the money four-way with the rest of them, so now the others are rich too. Jeremy’s avatar is granted the abilities of a game master, so now he is invincible and can do pretty much anything he wants. He has full control of the OASIS. Michael is so fucking proud of him and feels so privileged to know and be in love with somebody so amazing. Of course the instant Jeremy comes out of the gate to show that hey, he’d actually won and stuff, everyone congratulates him and Michael’s like “I’ll race you to the real world” and logs out. Jeremy’s like OH SHIT gotta go kiss my babe so he logs out too, and the instant he throws off all of his gear Michael bursts into the room, tackles him to the floor, and kisses him. Awww

After it’s all said and done, Michael, Jer, Christine and Rich all move into a mansion and start living together. Michael and Jer are in an official relationship, something that the whole world knows since they’re famous, and their days are filled with laughter and excitement as they explore the unexplored parts of the OASIS. Jeremy turns off his admin privileges so he’s as vulnerable as the rest of them, finding that being all powerful is boring (he can turn this back on whenever he wants to tho, so it does come in handy sometimes). And that’s the end!! They all just hang out in the real world and in the OASIS, going on quests and having pillow fights, and eventually I feel that they’d let more popular gunters into their little group, so this would be Brooke and Chloe and the rest. And it’s a HAPPY ENDING!!

So yeah, that’s the AU in it’s entirety! If you read through it all KUDOS and yeah I really love the book so if you get a chance PLEASE read it it’s phenomenal. Thanks for reading about my silly AU //throws confetti

#Be More Chill #Michael Mell #Jeremy Heere #Boyf riends #BMC #Ready Player One #Ready Player One AU #THERE IT IS IN ALL IT'S ENTIRETY #Y U P #Can I start writing about it and drawing it now that I've shared it with you? Lol #Shima answers questions #Long post #Shima's AUs #Ask #Anon ask

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dangomew · 7 years

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Long time no Tumblr!

OK OK OK I went to World of Darkness Berlin- basically a big convention for all things WoD with amazing LARPs that I took part in- one of which is in there with the BEST LARPs I’ve ever attended. Picture the tradtionally WoD setting? Grim bars, dingy alleys, dodgy clubs. We had ALL OF THAT. We had the RAW area of Berlin to play in. No Storytellers. We were all the STs :) Anyway I could ramble for hours and days on that but the main stuff I wanted to bubble about.

-White Wolf. Want me. To. Send. Them. My. Writing. As in the legit writers and people who work for the company were there and did a panel on writing rpgs and I spoke to them and they WANT TO READ MY STUFF. They were even aware of Sub Terra, the board game I won 2nd in the fiction competition for :) They gave me a signed book and encouraged me and omg it was so wonderful. I nearly cried. They said my fiction sounded really unique and had a very fluid and dynamic style, and that I was probably just a ‘natural’ after I told them a bit of my writing ‘career’ and how I write. That was freaking scary. And even if I get rejected the first time, they keep good people on record in case something comes up that suits the writer, depending what they’re writing and publishing at that time. Anyway. EEP. I have ‘contacts’!

-They also suggested I set up an author facebook page despite not publishing anything really yet. I thought it was egotistic a bit, but I’ll take the plunge. I’m also going to get back on track with Kindred Claws. Maybe make a few changes to the bit I’ve written, like adding scenes to flesh it out more before going onto the next part. Or maybe both. I don’t know. Either was, I’m going to on Facebook as an author that people can ‘like’ and I am PETRIFIED. I don’t know if it would be worse getting like 6 sympathy likes or 60,000 likes :( But, I’ll do it.

-Sitting at the bar and the guy next to me from America says his friend has bought and played OneDice Raptors. And then everyone asked for the title and saved it to their phones ;-; I can’t believe people are out there, reading my stuff and playing a world I helped create. I nearly cried again.

-Same conversation talking about the Friday LARP, a character I had an interaction with said that I was the finest roleplayer he had ever played with. THAT made me cry. I was a very young Malkavian fledgling who was abandoned and alone so was adopted by the anarchs. He was a adamant vampire hater werewolf, at the bar to have fights and cause mayhem. He had mentioned something about being me tainted by the wyrm so of course I asked him about it. Big, wide tearful eyes begging him to tell her about what this thing was and how she could deal with it and why her? He got emotional. He was torn between his hatred and protective instinct. He could tell she was very, very young (probably youngest or second youngest vamp in play) and knew literally nothing. And people were playing with her all night, throwing mental affects at her for fun. He went as far as nearly reaching her for a hug or some comfort, crying he couldn’t tell her because it would upset her so much. The scene was very intense. He eventually ran away yelling ‘fuck it, I can’t she’s a fucking baby leech fuck it fuck it fuck it.’ And apparently had to fight 10 other vampires just to feel like he could return to the bar again. I’m hoping we can continue our roleplay on the forum the game has now moved to thanks to players being ultra keen (with talks of another LARP a year from now!)

-I got more compliments than I’ve ever had in my life. Someone said that I was a ‘cutie’ to a friend whilst they spoke after I had gone. I had... confidence! Everyone was so, so, so lovely. I made so many friends and some very close ones.

-The LARPs themselves were VERY full contact but with excellent consent mechanics. I quickly got used to this. It felt so much more real to actually bite (gently!) into a guy’s wrist whilst he begged me for it and moaned in pleasure. I actually felt like a damn vampire right then. I was pinned against walls with someones face right in mine trying to calm me down. We embraced each other, grinded each other, mounted and got into very physical fights (I didn’t, but watched others). And because of the consent mechanics it was all safe, and I believe everyone was happy. I felt so REAL. So intense. Real world setting, real bars and clubs, real contact, real random members of public we had to make sure didn’t see us break the masdquerade... omg it was fantastic. I’d love to see some consent mechanics brought over to my city’s LARPs and beyond, especially the checking in sign which was quick and simple and was very useful for maintaining players wellbeing in play.

-Leads onto the next feature- The mantra we had. ‘Players are more important than LARPs.’ It was lovely. Anytime a player wanted they could leave. Even in a fight or a run away scene, they could do that and not fear their character would be harmed. A lot of people stay in a scene because they fear their character would suffer concequences or they’d be berated for ‘cheating’ tapping out of a scene. Or they didn’t want to disturb others. The GMs didn’t allow that. You could leave at any time for the sake of your wellbeing and had break spaces to flee to. I didn’t use them, save for grabbing a drink and snack in the nightclub LARP, but many did. They were good. No one fussed. People came out the LARP healthy. So yeah. Players are more important than LARPs.

-Had a damn party in an ex-chemical factory on an industrial site. Have you played VTM:Bloodlines for the PC? You know the club atmosphere in that game? We partied in that basically. In grungy, dim and metallic surroundings. It was freaking amazing.

-Did something special for the afterparty too when we moved on afterwards, but I’m not disclosing it here as I’m still too shy about it. BUT. It was such a confidence boost. Something I thought I’d never ever be able to do, but I did it! Then I ended up back at the hotel at 8am ready for breakfast and sleep.

-Cried on the last night and the way home, as did a lot of people. I was so sad to leave, as in literally heartbroken. I met so many wonderful people who I love to pieces now. And now I want another one. I’m tearing up a little bit now thinking of it all. It’s had an affect on me. A good one. It’s like I’m no longer afraid. I said I feel like a Disney character making that first step into their big adventure. It’s scary and exciting and amazing. I am SO glad I took the plunge and went for it.

-One of the best decisions in my life. Seriously.

#personal #larp #wod berlin #writing #adventure

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maychorian · 7 years

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Weekly Voltron Fic Recs #19

Rules: You can find past rec lists here. This is stuff I like, and I have a huge bias toward Lance, hurt/comfort, and general fluff, in that order. Gen unless otherwise noted. Please comment on the fics if you read and enjoy them!

Welp, this will be the last rec list before Season 2. I feel like a tornado is coming. Time to hide in the cellar and batten down the hatches. We’ll see what survives the storm, including my heart.

happy birthday, hope it's out of this world by brosura Words: 5,866 Author’s Summary: Everyone’s acting very unusual around Hunk today, and he can’t think of a reason why. People keep giving him things, Pidge and Coran are strangely anxious to keep him away from part of the castle, and strangest of all, he hasn’t seen Lance even once. My Comments: This is sweetest thing. Everyone’s gifts to Hunk very lovely and sentimental, and somehow he DOESN’T CATCH ON. This made me grin through the entire thing, and Lance’s gift was the sweetest of all.

An Aftermath of Sorts by wolfsan11 Words: 2,451 Author’s Summary: Shiro forgets sometimes that Allura is a princess in all the ways that no one would wish to be. That she is a princess born into happiness but brought up alongside a war, that she is a princess who had once known her enemy as a favored guest in her kingdom. He forgets sometimes that her strength is hard-won and bitter, and entirely her own.---In the aftermath of the corrupt wormhole, Shiro seeks out Allura. My Comments: This is well-written and sad, and really highlights how strong and protective both of them are. Also, paladin cuddle pile.

Reconnaissance by mumblefox Words: 5,680 Author’s Summary: They'd gotten Sendak off the castle, and everyone should feel safe again. Thing was, they didn't. But they had time, now, to fix what they could, and Pidge had a plan that would help. My Comments: APPARENTLY this is the first of a series and there is going to be MORE? By some of the BEST GEN WRITES in the FANDOM? Holy crap, y’all, we are blessed. This fic is amazing. Climb on board or the train will take off without you.

Trials Before the Dead by birdzilla Words: 3,139 (WIP 1/7) Author’s Summary: When the paladins land on an alien planet looking for refuge, they're instead brought to trial by the natives for the deaths of innocent Galra prisoners. Shiro attempts to take on the burden of guilt for the rest of the paladins and ends up on a spiritual journey through his paladins' trials-by-ordeal, depending on the strength of their bond to carry him through. My Comments: What an absolutely terrific concept, and the writing is super great. I am on tenterhooks for more.

And I Lie Awake And Miss You by Leonawriter Words: 753 Author’s Summary: Lance finds Allura by accident, kept awake by his own fears after the way the day had gone. Lance is just too stubborn and too unwilling to let things lie when she's clearly still upset. Not that he can blame her. My Comments: Short, sweet, and sad. I love platonic Allura and Lance interaction. They both miss their families.

A Moment of Respite by To_Shiki Words: 1,341 Author’s Summary: The other Paladins get Shiro to relax after post-battle exhaustion wears off. My Comments: Yes, good. Let him rest. Everyone takes care of Shiro, and this is really the only way he can let his guard down.

All There (In a Way) by Skalidra Words: 2,410 Author’s Summary: When Shiro wakes, after his crash-landing back on Earth, he's strapped down onto a table, three people hovering over him in full quarantine suits. But he remembers every moment of the year he's been gone, and he's been Champion for far too long to be alright with being restrained, let alone being sedated. My Comments: Shiro with all his memories of struggling for survival in the arena is SAVAGE. This is a darker take on that first encounter back on Earth, but it absolutely makes sense.

Wolves by Utsukushin (UserFromPluto) Words: 2,498 Author’s Summary: Keith’s hands shook, and for a second he allowed himself to give in to weakness, slumping forward so his upper body rested on Red’s dashboard. His eyes slipped closed, and immediately he was assaulted with a brutal wave - flashes of laser blasts and screams, the violent jolting of his lion in combat, tiny droplets of blood flying off his sword… "Keith?" (Keith has a hard time calming down after battles) My Comments: Stressed-out, hyper-vigilant Keith is really well-written and vivid, and the team’s concerted effort to surround him and make him feel safe again is lovely.

No Martyrdom Allowed by IntelligentAirhead Words: 3,442 Author’s Summary: Hunk tries very hard to help their friends. It would go a lot easier if they weren't so self-sacrificial, but considering the extenuating circumstances of an entire galaxy depending on them, it's understandable. That doesn't mean Hunk's going to give up on suggesting healthier coping mechanisms or opening avenues for conversation, though. Especially when Allura is so insistent on putting her grief aside and charging ahead My Comments: Hunk and Allura interaction! How rare and beautiful. I really love this version of Hunk, so rambly and sweet, but stubborn when need be.

Think Before He Cheats by 15Strawberries Words: 1,232 Author’s Summary: Hunk likes country music. Specifically, scorned woman country music. His friends are concerned. My Comments: And this is just adorable. Everyone loves Hunk, as well they should.

No Chill Zone by JamtheDingus Words: 3,070 Author’s Summary: It's Hunk's birthday! Lance and Pidge planned something special, just for their favorite boy.---“Pidge, seatbelt!” Hunk shrieked, narrowly avoiding a collision. She blew a raspberry directly into his ear before she plopped back into her seat, loudly clicking her seatbelt.“I thought you only listened to country music.” Lance says, as if the words physically repulse him.“Don’t make me bring up your song choices, Mister ‘Naruto Opening 7 Is In My Playlist Eight Times In A Row’.” She huffed. My Comments: College AU. This is a fun, funny, and relaxing fic. It’s nice to see these three just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company.

Pride by Eghfeithrean Words: 3,485 Author’s Summary: The lions reflect on their respective Paladins following the events of episode 11, and prepare for what lies in store for them in the future. For the Voltron Season 2 Countdown event. My Comments: Lovely character study of the lions and their paladins.

Can't Take the Sky From Me by isabeau25 Words: 6,586 Author’s Summary: Shiro was just trying to escape the ever expanding Galra Empire. He hadn't planned on picking up any passengers along the way. My Comments: I love everything about this. Cannot possibly recommend it highly enough. LITERAL space dad Shiro is excellent, and all the kids are well-drawn, if heartbreaking. Allura and Coran are a fantastic addition, and there’s a great Firefly vibe to the whole thing that really, really works. And it’s now a series! If I were you, I would subscribe and read every single thing.

Squash by isabeau25 Words: 749 Author’s Summary: Shiro is very sleepy, and his team is full of squash. My Comments: CUUUUUTEEEE! This fic killed me. I have such a thing for sleepy paladins, and also Shiro using endearments for the younger ones. And Coran just accepts it, because humans are weird.

Infection by 5557 Words: 73,271 Author’s Summary: While exploring an alien planet, Lance is nearly killed by a mysterious monster. Now he's convinced that he is infected with an alien sickness. Why doesn't anyone believe him? It must be Keith's fault. This is a horror-comedy (but like, also a romance?), and I drew pictures. My Comments: Here, have some epic Klance hurt/comfort. It’s really well-done.

Raised By Lions by earthstar Words: 9,640 Author’s Summary: The Galaxy Garrison ask Shiro to speak with 11 year old Keith who they believe has dangerous knowledge. As Shiro becomes attached to the kid, he has no idea just exactly what kind of trouble the boy has gotten himself into. My Comments: I LOVE this fic and I really really really want more. Oh, and yeah, it’s almost another literal space dad Shiro. Space big brother, anyway. Because Keith needs to be adopted, like, twenty times.

One Week to Say Goodbye by squirenonny Words: 1,986 (WIP 1/7) Author’s Summary: After King Alfor places Allura in stasis, Coran has one week before Alfor sends Allura and Coran to Arus to await the arrival of a new generation of paladins. One week to think about everything he's going to lose. One week to search for another solution. One week to remember. One week to say goodbye. My Comments: Past one-sided Coran/Alfor. I almost didn’t read this fic, because I didn’t want to be sad. But this author is SO good I couldn’t help it, and now I’m really eager for more.

Hunkaversary by Geoduck Words: 2,168 Author’s Summary: Hunk always gives so much--and it's time to give back. His birthday is coming. My Comments: Another super-cute birthday fic. Hunk deserves all the hugs, and he gets them.

Love and Other Questions by squirenonny for May Words: 10,978 (WIP 2/?) Author’s Summary: One week after news of the Kerberos disaster broke, Pidge receives a new Mark--proof that Matt is still alive. She breaks into the Garrison to find him, only to find herself caught up in the fight for the fate of the universe. Keith keeps his arms covered so he doesn't have to watch Shiro's scars compounding on his skin--but doing so means cutting off contact with his romantic soulmate, who greets him each morning with a new (and terrible) pickup line.Shiro and Matt thought they were the luckiest people alive when they found out they were going to Kerberos together. But Shiro hasn't seen Matt's untidy scrawl on his arm in almost a year, and he has no idea if his soulmate is even still alive. [Canonverse Soulmate AU with romantic and platonic soulmates (and some gray areas in between)] My Comments: Multiple pairings both romantic and platonic. I just love the way this author does relationships, and while I’m not usually a big fan of soulbonds, this idea is really, really intriguing. Very cool concept, well-written and well-characterized. I can’t wait for Hunk and Lance to show up.

Call it Magic by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) Words: 5,856 Author’s Summary: Tuesdays are Hunk's favorite. Or, at least, they're supposed to be. A Hogwarts AU based on this fic by Buttered_onions for Hunk's birthday. My Comments: Really lovely day-in-the-life kind of fic. I love all the relationships and how protective everyone is of Hunk, and the world is well-integrated. Good stuff.

Piece of Goo by genericfanatic Words: 1,207 Author’s Summary: Lance is sad and eats terrible food. My Comments: This is an excellent portrayal of depression and UGH I just want to give Lance a hug.

No Desert For You by Mikiri Words: 5,373 Author’s Summary: They may have won, but what happens after? Keith worries of returning to Earth and the team comforts him as best they can. My Comments: SO sweet and comforting. Wonderful paladin pile, and I love how they just went around the room taking turns telling Keith that he’s been adopted and he’s not going back to the desert alone. Ever.

A Better Life by BlueRoboKitty Words: 2,142 Author’s Summary: “You can have a better life.”She really, really could make it better, couldn’t she? Turn this ship around. And go back. My Comments: Really interesting Nyma character study. Actually made feel bad for her, which is a trick, because I really don’t like her because of the way she treated Lance. (I know, I know, he kind of deserved it, and it was played for laughs, and everything turned out fine. I’m biased. I told you that.)

we sat on the edge of worlds by stelian Words: 4,481 Author’s Summary: As far as rescue missions went, this wasn’t the worst one ever. No one was near death, none of the lions were severely damaged, they were still together, and both were in one piece. Mostly. So what if some weird electromagnetic storm was keeping them from contacting the Castle, a wave sent out by a Galra commander had deactivated Shiro's arm, and Hunk may or may not have more than a slight concussion? At least no one was dying.The hardest part was trying to survive through the night while the temperatures continued to drop. {or; Hunk and Shiro have a bonding moment while trying not to freeze to death} My Comments: Hunk and Shiro interaction is slowly growing to be some of my favorite. And I’m always a sucker for huddling for warmth. Just a good hurt/comfort tale.

the great (drunk & failtastic) galactic bake off by ShirosRedKnight (HalcyonWritings) Words: 2,482 Author’s Summary: “I got it!” Lance pointed triumphantly across the sunk-in couch at Keith, who was eyeing his third glass of jumbu’v juice with a mild frown. “We should do a bake-off!”--A GBBO parody fic because why not. My Comments: This one is hilarious. Poor Shiro. He tried.

Previously Recced Fics That Updated:

Someplace Like Home by squirenonny The Final Act of Mercy by ptw30 Beast You've Made of Me by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) (now complete) Parasite Knight by VelkynKarma Aid by Haurvatat Engine Won't Turn by yet_intrepid (THIS CHAPTER MADE ME SO HAPPY) Planet of Gold by rexlover180 (now complete) Light Up the Dark by BajillionKittens (yay it’s back!) Where No One Goes by earthstar I'm Seeing Stars by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) Bundle in Blankets by KnightNuraStar (now complete) He Sleeps in the Sky of Ice by jadencross

#voltron legendary defender #fic rec #i can't believe how long this is #i'm tired #all this fic reading is seriously interfering with my writing #if there any typos just ignore em cuz i ain't fixing em #weekly voltron fic recs #vldgen

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survivor-switzerland · 7 years

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Tyler’s Jury Statement & Answers

Hi guys!First off, congratulations final 3! You did what 17 others weren't able to do, regardless of whether or not people feel like some of you deserve to be here or not, you did it. And that's all that matters. So congrats! I'm gonna do my best to keep this short but I do have tendencies to ramble... So here we go!

I'll start with you, Ashley Sarah! Ashley, I did enjoy all the conversations and really all the time in the game we spent together, despite you voting me out in the end. I think you're a really cool girl and it was a pleasure getting to know you in this game. If I'm being honest tho, I'm still not exactly sure why else I would give you my vote tonight over those other 2 boys... So I would just like to ask you in your opinion, what makes you more deserving to be the winner of survivor Switzerland than the 2 boys next to you? Also just out of curiosity, where exactly did I stand in the grand spectrum of your game in Switzerland? Was I your #1? #2? Was I always disposable to you? Was I ever a solid alliance member to you? Etc. You get the idea 😄

Ian! You were pretty much my ride or die chick from day 1 and I'm so happy we got this opportunity to bond and play this game together! It was truly a pleasure and congrats on making it to the end once again! My question for you is if in your honest opinion, could you rank everyone who made merge in order from strongest player in the game to weakest player in the game. And maybe just once sentence per person as to why you put them there! Thanks Ian!

Hey Dom! Well I think you know you and I had an interesting run together in the game. I think you're a great kid and I'm glad I got to know more about you through this experience, although I wish I was able to know even MORE about you during the course of the game. Out of the 3 of you here, I'll admit I did find talking to you being the hardest bc I felt like I was almost always the first person to start the conversation as well as being the last person to send a reply back to you. Meaning the conversation would usually end with you not responding and then me having to message you the next day to start talking again. It was a little tiresome at times and to me it became very obvious to me that I was really not that important of a connection to you in the game. Bc if I was there would have been more communication going on. Honestly, usually nick would tell me what you were thinking even before you would haha. But that's okay bc you're allowed to play your cards however you want. It was just obvious to me what those cards were is all!...

So I have two questions for you Dom. The first is I'd like to know, what attributes do you think you have that you think I DON'T have that put you sitting in the F3 and me sitting over here on the jury.

The second is kind of a longer one that I'm just really curious about bc it dates back to before the game even started... So as we all know, this season started with 30 ppl on a ballot and only 20 of us made it in. So of course naturally for those 10 days I know there were people talking, strategizing, socializing, etc. I didn't really partake in that like I know a few others did. But I just wanna know, before this game started what did you or didn't you hear about me before the game began?? Bc there is someone in this community who's name I will NOT mention that had a lot to false/negative things say about me prior to this game. You know, people talk and word gets around. Like I know that this person was trying to get people against me prior to the game (specifically logan). And through that I figured you and Nick were connected to possibly carrying out that act in some way since I know the 3 of you are close. I mentioned this to Nick at ponderosa and he seemed to not know a lot. He did mention he thought that you didn't like me prior to the game bc of some things that were said... But yeah I guess I just really want your take on what you know about this whole situation bc I know lots of things were said. Like from what I know, I know logan was ecstatic to try to vote me out first just based on what things were told to her about me. So I wanna know if you were apart of that and how much of everything I'm mentioned so far is true or not... Sorry I know that was a lot but I just wanted some honest clarity here! Thank you so much and good luck!

Special thanks to Drew, Amanda, and Abbey for allowing me be apart of this experience and putting me on the ballot. I appreciated that consideration so much so thank you again for that and putting on a great season!Bye y'all! Until next time! ✌🏻______________________________________________________________

Ashley Sarah Tyler - that is a good question and the more jury questions I get the more I feel so good about myself. Yeah I may not have won comps or made bold moves but I survived. That's part of the game we are playing. I also didn't turn on people or bad mouth anyone which I think is just disrespectful. As soon as people get voted out that's when the tea gets spilled. Some of the jury is there for that very reason. Attitude is what has caused my vote to change based on a finalists sense of entitlement. No I'm not speaking of Ian or Dom!! I love them both!!! For me putting someone down doesn't lift you up. Sorry I'm rambling myself!!!!

As for you Tyler - I really expected you to be beside me. You spoke to Dom about the ballot strategies and such. During that time I was telling my friends to vote for a specific list of people. I knew that if Dom was in the season he would be my #1. We started on same tribe so I was elated! The first few days I got to know everyone and I found you and Ian. Both of you were so great to talk to!! I felt relaxed and natural to just be myself. I didn't worry about how you would use my words against me cause you felt the same way. You guys were pretty equal for my Dream team. When we were separated it was heartbreaking!!!! Luckily you managed to survive and we were reunited. Looking now I wish I had joined you in allying with Luke and jev etc. we could have grown closer instead of the small distance after merge. At the time I wasn't sure where your loyalties were even tho you rejoined the alliance because you questioned every vote. Please know I love you so much and you were my dream team. Next game we play we will be unstoppable!!! (inlove) Dom Hi Tyler! I don’t plan on getting your vote tonight but here goes. Before I start out this answer, I want to say that I don’t mean this in a mean way at all. This is strictly in the game, nothing personal outside of it. Anyways, this is a really good question.I think one major attribute I had in this game that you didn’t have a lot of is likability. Outside of this game, you’re super nice and really fun to talk to. But I think the likability in this game that I had was able to help me get to where I am right now. People would come to me telling me everything without me having to lift a finger. From this likability, I was able to make connections with people to get myself further in the game. An example of this could be the situation I had with Luke. We were on opposite sides of the game but I was able to turn that around and get Luke to be a number for me, rather than have him scheme against me and try to get me out. (Again, I don’t mean this as a personal attack. This is strictly game.) Okay so the second part of this. I remember when the ballot was released, I spoke to Nick, Luke, and Logan about it. I talked about it for like two seconds with them. Occasionally I spoke to Dom A. (Robbed) Anyways I didn’t really speak to many people. But I know exactly what you’re talking about. I think I know who you’re speaking about as well. I had heard things that made you seem like a villain. I heard that you were an ugly person. I’m glad you asked this question to clear it up. But, I’m not going to go into much more detail on a public platform. We can speak in PMS if you’d like. I just also want you to know that this didn’t affect my game at all. I came into this with an open mind and I was willing to talk to anyone without the stigma attached to them. I have since made changes in my life and I think you’re a wonderful person. Anything that I heard about you previously was taken out of my mind the minute we started talking. I hope this at least helps. If not, please don’t hesitate to message me so we can talk about it! Thanks!

Ian Hey Tyler!!

A little bit of disclaimer, I don’t mean to be condescending here!!

Power Rankings: 1st Tyler – Honestly you had the makings to win this game. You had the connections within the tribe to make yourself fully aware on what was happening.

2nd Brett – With an idol and not becoming a clear target at the start, Brett was set to be a power player.

3rd Zack – With an idol and as the supposed leader of the OG Matterhorn, he had the set up to be a dominating player.

4th Luke – I knew the moment he was cast that Luke was going to be a dangerous player in this game and indeed he was, with that special power of his.

5th Benjamin – He had just come back into the game, and he had the pick of the liter on which side to join.

6th Ashley Sarah – She was never a target and she kept in touch with the rest of the OG MR.

7th Nick – He had connections with some of the people on OG MH.

8th Abel – He was highly associated with the remaining OG MH and he was (surprisingly) active in the tribe chat which made people want to talk to him.

9th Dom – With his limited connections, he wasn’t in a power position at the start of the merge.

10th Jev – I’M SORRY! But it seemed to me that Jev was barely online so I felt like he was only able to do game related stuff in a short amount of time.

#ihopeiseeyounever

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